#idk i seen we’re posting our fucking thoughts. i have fucking thoughts .

[bisexualgerardway]

bandom hates black ppl so much y’all won’t even let nonmixed ones in the door 😭 are we allowed to talk about it yet or

[badaziraphaletakes]

So I’ve seen autistics saying they want to k*ll themselves because the show is cut short 💔 and alltistics responding that they need to go to therapy, they’re immature, etc.

To those autistic people, I’ll be talking about this in another post.

To the alltistic people responding that way - please fuck all the way off. If you’re not one of us, you’re not invited to the discussion about how Autistic people should behave.

However, that's moot anyway, because when Autistic people are being shitty, it is NOT because of their autism (we talked about this in the aforementioned previous post). Autism does not make people bigoted. (Neither does any other disability, for the record.)

Second of all, NEVER just tell a stranger “you need to go to therapy” like that. Especially an Autistic person. Here’s why.

First of all, many autistic people can’t access therapy.

In the UK there’s a massive waiting list for therapy because the NHS is underfunded. The situation is similar in Canada and I would imagine in many other countries as well.

In the U.S., many, probably most, Autistic people don’t have health insurance, because 86% of Autistic COLLEGE GRADUATES are unemployed (I can only assume the numbers are similar in other countries) and famously, in America no job 🟰 no health insurance, because, idk, ✨ Freedom ✨ or some bullshit like that.

And even if we do get to therapy, most therapists are not autism-informed and may easily end up traumatizing us further. (This has happened to me.)

We are vulnerable. Many of us are stuck living at home with family forever for the reasons listed above. Which SUCKS, because our families are much more likely to ab*se us than their alltistic kids.

Many of us never find a romantic partner. And even if we do, again, we are much more likely to be ab*sed by our partners than alltistic people are.

It’s also exhausting for us to go out because of sensory overwhelm and the fear that people will take advantage of our diminished ability to judge people’s intentions (and because Black and Native Autistic people risk being murdered if they show signs of being Autistic in public), and when we do go out, it’s hard for us to make friends because people are so prejudiced against us. We sweat blood trying to exert ourselves to make friends with alltistics, and 99% of the time they refuse to meet us halfway.

In short, the situation ain’t pretty. (And if we’re multiply marginalized, as many of us are, it gets so, so much worse.) For every N*il G*iman, there are thousands of us who are told we should feel lucky to get a job being paid 50c an hour (oh, yeah, that’s right - I forgot to mention, in the U.S. it’s legal to pay us below minimum wage).

***Not to mention the fact that literally every single Autistic person has experienced trauma means that it’s virtually impossible to separate out what’s actually autism and what’s just a trauma response. Look how similarly autism, as defined by the DSM-V, and C-PTSD present. Difficulty regulating emotions. Avoidance of certain situations. Difficulties in sustaining relationships. Stomach issues. Sleep problems. Heightened risk of su*cide.***

That’s a HUGE part of the reason we get so "overly" invested in our special interests. For many of us, they're literally all we have.

The joy that comes through special interests when they're going well - that part is unique to us (and it's beautiful). It's an autism perk. Idk why. I guess God or somebody thought it was time someone did something nice for us for a change.

But the despair that comes through losing them - that's not the fault of autism, it's the fault of the ableist society we live in.

If you were, through no fault at your own, stuck at home with no job, no healthcare, no prospects, few friends, and nothing to look forward to, then you, my alltistic friend, would melt down just as hard as we do if your favorite show got cancelled. It would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Those Autistic people freaking out over the Great Good Omens Mutilation of 2024 aren’t really "suicidal over a tv show".

The reason we carry around so much despair is because we are slowly being crushed to death by systemic ableism, not because our brains are "too obsessive" or some ableist bullshit like that.

So, alltistics, please stop psychoanalyzing us - your latest autism hot take is dead wrong, like they always are. And above all, for the love of God, PLEASE stop demanding that we do the labor to "fix" our "emotional issues" when those issues are the result of a problem that you fuckers created.

[babyspacekwid]

Astrology Observations and Advice ✨ (TW talks of ED)

From a non professional astrologer who has no idea wtf she’s posting half the time 💕

Chiron 4th house in Capricorn, Your dad may be very hard on you, like a perfectionist dad. Could have also been abusive. Could be the type to comment on your shortcomings. Remember that you are enough as it is, don’t be so hard on yourself, treat yourself as you would a friend. With compassion and kindness. Its okay to make mistakes in life. It’s common to have daddy issues with this placement, so try not to let that affect your love life, this is a personal placement of mine😜 rlly into toxic men, but they ain’t good for me, so let us be aware of that. Don’t take life too seriously, do the serious shit without being too serious about it. Idk if that makes sense but for example, let’s say u got a math test, do the math test seriously, like study and shit but don’t let the stress of it consume you because it rlly ain’t that serious.

Aries moon, especially men y’all’s temper is unregulated af. Ive seen y’all snap at stuff that energy shouldn’t be wasted on, y’all are one of the most emotionally reactive signs I have ever met. Like a ticking time bomb. This moon sign might have experienced a mother figure that was harsh and emotionally neglectful. Very hard on you, wasn’t that nurturing when raising you. The type of mom to tell you to get up and wipe the dust off when you fall and scrape your knee as a kid. y’all gotta delve into those emotions in a healthier manner. Therapy and journaling could be very beneficial. Go to one of those rage rooms where ppl break shit, I feel like y’all would go all out. There’s definitely some pent up anger. This goes for Scorpio moons too, y’all is more internal though, got some deep dark thoughts and intense internal feelings that could easily overwhelm which is why downtime is needed.

Speaking of some Scorpio moons I have met, don’t let your trust issues fuck things up. This a hard placement, y’all feel things so deeply, but just cause one person backstabbed you don’t mean everyone will. Open up to people, trial and error and you’ll find that person. Obviously set boundaries and don’t just trauma dump on everyone you meet, but don’t build an invisible wall as soon as you meet someone. Not everyone is out to get you.

(TW) Taurus risings I’ve met have dealt with some type of eating disorder. Could have had family members or people comment on their weight as a child or just got rlly influenced by the negative parts of social media. Every taurus rising I’ve met has dealt with body issues, y’all are actually so beautiful though, and I’m sorry you don’t hear it often,no matter the size. You guys are also so photogenic, like maybe I’m just the type of person that sees human beings as cute in general but istg y’all could be making the ugliest of faces and I’d still think it’s charming 😭 my best advice would be to stop comparing yourselves, and to learn unconditional love towards your body at every stage it’s at. We’re gonna be 60 and wrinkly anyways, might as well enjoy what it can do for you now!

I have this friend who’s a Capricorn sun and moon, and as a Gemini sun and moon myself I feel so similar to her in like every aspect. Idk if it’s because we’re both born on a new moon, but anyways, this girl needs to learn to open up😭 like hun I wanna be your shoulder to cry on, don’t get me wrong she will vent, and spill the tea, but when the waterworks come out she’d rather isolate. I’m just like naurrrrrr, come back. I might not be comfortable with tears and shit but il awkwardly pat your back and listen to you. Either way y’all don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, you aren’t a burden and you can’t deal with it yourself. Stop trynna convince yourself that you can. Humans are social creatures and our primal instinct is to receive and give love. M

ANYWHOOOO y’all I rlly ain’t that knowledgeable about this shit, I’m rlly going off my friend’s placements (and mine). I am studying astrology tho so maybe one day 🤠 but I got the memory of a goldfish so it might take a while, I appreciate everyone who’s been liking my posts though THANK YOU💕💕💕💕

[catofoldstones]

The thing about arya fans' argument that arya comes before sansa in the line of succession because robb disinherited her because of her forced marriage is the underlying misogyny and victim blaming of it, and their assumption that grrm thinks the same. We don't have jon [you know the actual person robb chose over sansa, and i think its time we start talking that the will specifically was about sansa and jon and that shit means something narratively] asserting that winterfell belongs to sansa despite everything and him not falling to the bait of stannis calling her a lannister, to just assume that according to grrm what robb did was OK. If people actually think grrm wants to show robb was right and girls truly are not important and thus his disinheritance of his sister's rights will be upheld, then they need their heads checked. Its not like he showed us that jaehaerys's sexism was what led to death of the dragons and downfall of targaryens even though grrm considers him a good ruler. Ultimately, catelyn will be validated when brienne saves either sansa or arya with oathkeeper and sansa will become lady of winterfell/qitn DESPITE robb's will. He [and arya fans] can suck it.

Hi soulmate anon,

Before we start, I have to let you know that one our previous posts was screenshotted and circulated in the arya stans circles because “we’re spreading our agenda on a neutral public platform” or something along those lines. Idk if you’ve seen that or not but I had to let you know before we go off kicking another hornet’s nest lol.

Anyway, that out of the way, to the Arya stans who are so hellbent upon removing Sansa from the Stark succession, Robb declared Jon as his heir, pushing Sansa further down the line (not disinheriting her jesus fuck) because through her Tyrion may lay claim to Winterfell, landing it in the hands of the Lannisters, exactly what Robb and Cat are trying to prevent. Robb didn’t “disinherit” Arya because he thought she was dead. Hope that helps.

WAIT!

the will being specifically about Jon and Sansa and that we need to start thinking about that narratively

SCREAM

Okay, I have now moved on (I have not). Though please feel free to talk about this more, I wanna know more. Guess I’ll now have to add jonsa tag to this answer hehe :P

I mean Robb did come from a place of “authority over the female members of his family” here with the will and that’s exactly the kind of thing we have to side eye. Taking it at face value and uncritically thinking about it is not a fair way to engage with the text I feel. You’re right when Jon himself reiterates Sansa’s claim over Winterfell, we are supposed to think twice whether Robb’s action was equitable or not. Stannis calls Sansa “Lady Lannister” to coax Jon into staking a claim over Winterfell so that Stannis gets a good reason to march to Winterfell and attack the Boltons (which he will anyway, but Jon’s, a member of the Stark family, support would mean political backing and reason). If we fall in the trap that Stannis thinks Sansa is now a Lannister, and therefore she is now a Lannister with no claim to Winterfell, then we’ve lost the plot and are coming from the same misogynistic hypocrisy (he wants Shireen on the throne if he dies but calls Sansa a Lannister, how does that work old man?) that destroys Westeros (your Jaehaerys example). And are no different from a crusty medieval era middle aged man btw.

It’s so fucking funny when the readers start emulating the same sexism that the author wants them to critique, and then start calling themselves feminists because they’re supporting a woman’s rights! Which woman’s rights besties? Because the one that clearly has them, you’re actively against her staking her claim. Wait till they read the books with their eyes open and realise that Arya comes at the end of the heirs to winterfell list, despite Sansa getting “disinherited” lmao. And I love Robb, he’s just a boy trying to do his best, but he truly made mistakes, especially with not listening to Catelyn. We also cannot deny the undercurrent of misogyny and chauvinism that Robb demonstrated with the will. Re Sansa’s rights and Jon’s decision to be with the Nights Watch. I will patiently wait for Catelyn to be validated and Sansa to be the Lady/QiTN not only because that subverts reader’s expectations and Westerosi patriarchal standards but because I want to see Sansa antis have a grand old meltdown.

[soinlovewith]

I kinda get this feeling we’re getting completely ignored by Netflix.

Not only that they won’t respond in any way to mentions or anything related to our thoughts about this show but they also act like Dead Boy Detectives never existed in the first place!

For example Jayden mentioned Netflix one time in his story on instagram where he reminds us to keep streaming & sharing Dbd and Netflix could have shared it in their story. Idk if that would’ve helped but even if it wouldn’t. They’re completely ignoring everything about dead boy detectives 😞

There is no post, just big fat nothing. But other shows ..

It’s frustrating and it makes me SO sad. It feels like they don’t give a fuck, if it’s not a skyrocketing -and established show like Bridgerton where everyone seems to be head over heels for.

I want my love for dead boy detectives to be appreciated by Netflix. I want to feel seen. I want them to know: Hey, DBDA seems to be a great show because there is this fandom going wild about this show and writing deep conversations and realizing how important this series could be to someone and how important it is to someone that the show (Story) gets completed and the Characters overcome trauma and heal. Some People NEED TO SEE THAT. And not all shows are good at portraying and handling these things, and that’s why it is so urgent that dbda wont be cancelled and gets renewed.

Why do shows and stories have to skyrocket in the first 2 months to have the right to exist and be told and completed?

(Some) shows are so much more than just numbers because of the important topics they explore and represent. It’s not just about numbers.. it’s about education, representation, etc. depending on the topic and how the show handles it, shows could also save someone’s life and could contribute to a more accepting and welcoming world.

If this show gets cancelled I will be deeply hurt by Netflix.

[op-smash-or-pass]

Welcome to One Piece smash or pass

This is based off of @fe-smashorpass except with One Piece characters here are the guidelines:

-Each day we will have 2 characters be chosen for smash or pass. The polls will last for a week.

-Obviously I am skipping: Animals, Children, characters that look like children, and dwarfs(Any character that is over the age of 18 after the timeskip we will use those designs)

-You guys can send me asks! Honestly I don’t know how quick I’ll respond to them but go ahead! It can be about anything (yes including headcannons + ships)

We also have a popularity poll going on! Here

Some important tags: #OP smash or pass (where you can find all the current and previous polls)

#Inbox trick or treating- the trick or treat event that went on

#Rosi’s holiday exchange- Holiday event going on now

Below are some FAQ’s that might pop up:

Q: how are you keeping track of the characters? How will you prevent from repeats?

A: I spent four hours making a spreadsheet and tried to weed out all the characters we can’t post here. If a character I missed pops up and I post it I’ll take it down and post a new one.

Q: What else are you a fan of?

A: I’m really into Coral island as of late. Fire emblem has always had a special place in my heart. I also have been playing a ton of Identity V as of late. (I’m a college student so I can really only watch anime)

Q: Are you gonna make a spreadsheet of the most smashable characters?

A: Yes! I have a friend who is willing to do it! Plus at the end I have something else planned :]

Q: Are we allowed to request characters?

No, I’m going in alphabetical order, but if I miss someone please let me know! Though if you want people to smash or pass your One Piece OC’s I can do that!

Q: What characters are we including?

A: As long as they fit in our categories and have a photo of them, they are welcome in this. So yes we have some movie characters but not a lot.

I have decided Momonosuke will not be in this poll because he has the mindset of a child

Q: Why are you doing this?

A: I’m jobless, bored, and hyper fixating hard. Also I thought it would be fun. Plus I wanna get a consensus on characters

Q: Do you have an age limit on this blog?

A: Not really, though if you are a minor and try to argue about this being NSFW then…unfollow idc it’s just a silly poll

Q: The series is still running what about future chapters with characters?

A: I’ll add them to the end of the list and we’ll circle back to them once my main list is done.

Q: How many characters are in this poll?

A: 1000+ most are male there’s only about 250 women in this poll. And yes I checked EVERY big mom child

Q: How are we incorporating Zoan devil fruits in this?

A: As long as they have a human form we will be using them. But the lab made zoan fruits were gonna go with how they look

Cheetah for legs: ❌ Ox for stomach: ✅

Q: Why are people smashing XYZ?

A: Idfk it’s Tumblr man, have you seen the bitches these people are into??

Q: I have a friend who you blocked why did you do that?

A: They probably shipped Coralaw, DoffyCora, or some other illegal ass ship, we’re a pornbot, or straight up being racist. Just don’t be fucking weird man and I won’t block you. I love shipping but if your shipping something illegal I’m gonna block you.

Q: Why is Corazon the profile photo?

A: I think he’s hot + idk heart theme kinda fits. And he has some good alts so I can do Halloween and spring themes

Info about OP:

Hello! You can call me Deer/Rafiel (Raffy) /Michael/ or Rosinante!!

I am trans masc and use He/they/it/thing pronouns! Though just He/they is fine too!

I am in my first year of college majoring in creative writing leaning towards video game scrips with a minor in digital art.

This account is run by a DID system and the fictive host Rosinante. Though please do not ask questions about our system due to privacy reasons.

I’m still catching up on the One Piece manga (caught up on the anime), so I apologize if I don’t know the manga characters

Dni:

-Homophobes/transphobes

-Proshippers (fancy way of saying illegal ships)

-Racists

- People telling me how to run my blog

-Coralaw shippers

-Trump supporters

[decks-writing-blog]

Whatever the Fuck Benrey Is: Chapter Ten: I Hate That You're Right

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

~

‘We’re heading back now. See you in a few hours,’ Gordon’s text read when Benrey returned to his phone post indulging in a hot shower. It was dated twenty minutes ago so that ‘few hours’ still stood as a long time. But at least when he did finally get here, Benrey would have someone to play games with again.

‘k’ Benrey sent back. He’d behaved, despite largely being bored for this long, he could last a little longer. With nothing else to do for now though, he settled in for more solo gaming.

Over the next hour or so, he exchanged a couple more texts with Gordon, nothing substantial, just idle chit-chat. Not too long after that conversation petered out, Tommy texted him with, ‘Mr. Freeman fell asleep in backseat. I’m a bit worried after yesterday. This morning he said he slept the whole night through after falling asleep at the table so he shouldn’t be tired anymore, right? Dr. Coomer says its probably fine but IDK. Humans don’t normally sleep this much, do they?’

Gordon had lied; he’d been on the phone with Benrey most of last night again, claiming his nap had been enough sleep so he wanted Benrey to play the rest of Wind Waker ‘with’ him. The call had ended because he needed to head to breakfast before heading out. If he was lying about having slept to Tommy though then perhaps he’d been lying to Benrey too. Staying up all night wasn’t a non-issue. Maybe the napping made up for it but then why was he lying about it to Tommy? Benrey had no way of knowing so… ‘idk’

‘Yeah. I guess you wouldn’t know either. Maybe it’s the car making him sleepy because he fell asleep during our 1st ride too.’ After staying up most of the prior night too. Something was up for sure.

How important could sleep be even for fragile humans though? Gordon was an idiot sometimes, sure, but he wouldn’t willingly do something dangerous. The sleeping all night thing was probably just because humans liked the sun and didn’t want to fall asleep randomly in the middle of the day like Gordon kept doing. The sun was nice after all so Benrey understood. ‘prbly its fine’

From there their conversation drifted to other things before also petering out. Having a good conversation over text message was a bit hard and Benrey quickly grew too antsy to sit still for it. This was the longest he’d been away from Black Mesa ever and the call to wander the town more couldn’t be ignored now that it was really starting to sink in that this might be a permanent life change. Being in a similar boat, Bubby might want to go on a walk with him. They could bond over being lab experiments seeing the world for the first time. And so, leaving his phone on charge, he grabbed his camera and headed off to find Bubby.

***

The first thing Gordon did upon returning to the hotel was take a long shower. During which, he did his best not to worry about where Benrey had got off to. A text from Bubby had revealed that the two of them had gone off on a walk that had taken them further than they’d intended and were on their way back. Nothing to worry about, it made sense in fact, but… what were they doing on that walk?

Such thoughts were just Gordon being anxious though. Less than good sleep the past few nights made his anxiety spike. As far as he knew Benrey had behaved since it had been made clear to him what he had to gain for doing so, there was no reason for him to stop now.

Despite having mostly soothed his worries, he was hit with a rush of relief upon stepping out of the bathroom and finding Benrey sitting in one of the chairs, waiting for him. He’d shifted back to a less human look; his skin a light gray-purple, his hair dark purple, and his eyes an even more piercing yellow than last Gordon had seen them as such.

“Yo, play with me, you said you would.” He gestured with the Game Cube controller in his hand to the TV screen which already had the Melee character select menu open. His voice sounded odd in person after how long they’d talked on the phone for, almost as if it belonged to a different person. His phone friend that had kept him sane the past few nights couldn’t possibly be the same Benrey that had once tormented him.

Shaking off that odd feeling, Gordon walked over to sit in the chair next to him, picking up the other controller laid down on its armrest. “Good to see you again too.” That was entirely true because somehow his ‘phone friend’ and Benrey were indeed the same person. Probably for Benrey it had all been just more games and him being bored; he didn’t care about keeping Gordon sane, he just wanted something to do as well as the PS3 promised for good behavior. But that was fine, Gordon had never had much in the way of friends so he’d take whatever he could get because he’d really needed it the few few nights and still needed it now.

~

They played Melee and then Mario Kart for longer than was probably wise. In Gordon’s defense, Benrey insisted on playing just a little be longer each time he brought up that they should probably quit soon and Gordon hadn’t had the willpower to deny him when he wanted to keep playing too. Eventually though, partly due to his need to get something to eat, he did break away to go out for food.

By unspoken, unquestioned agreement that only hit Gordon as odd once in the car, Benrey went with him. Sitting down for a late lunch with him should’ve felt odd too but instead it felt completely normal even though he didn’t eat anything despite Gordon’s offer to get him something. Instead he sat across from Gordon, making idle conversation even as he played more on the Game Boy.

Afterwards came finding a storage facility with enough room for all the Black Mesa stuff they currently had packed into all the cars they’d brought over plus whatever else might be salvaged before they found a good temporary lab. Dr. Coomer and Tommy were still off with the rest of the scientists who’d returned to Tuefort. A quick text conversation with them ensured they’d continued to be kept busy for a while longer, allowing Gordon to not have to worry about dropping Benrey off back at the hotel before starting the search.

Tuefort being a small town made it easy to find a decent looking place that sold storage units. Because it wasn’t his money and in case the lab took a while to find and set up, Gordon went ahead and rented the biggest storage shed available. With Benrey’s help – who surprisingly didn’t complain too much upon being asked for assistance – he unloaded everything in the car he’d borrowed. It then took another trip to grab the rest of it from the other vehicles and store that too.

Once that was done, he was basically free for the rest of the day. Not that there was a whole lot of the day left. But it wasn’t so late that the library would be closed for another hour or two probably. So, still trying not to let his exhaustion show too much, he headed that way next. If he was lucky, he could do some good research today and then in the next couple days settle on a suitable place to live, allowing them to move out of the hotel rather quickly. Probably it wasn’t going to be that fast or easy but the sooner he started looking, presumably the sooner they’d be out too.

Speaking of moving into a more permanent place though, the assumption was that Benrey would be moving in with him. At the time of making that assumption it had felt like a somewhat unfortunate necessity, now it didn’t seem so bad. In fact, it would be rather enjoyable; constant company and someone to play games with. But well with his opinion of Benrey going up… “Do you want to live with me?” he asked as he pulled the car to a stop in the library’s mostly barren parking lot. It was rude not to ask him what he wanted, right? They were friends now and thus his thoughts on where he wanted to live mattered.

Benrey looked up from his game. “Uh… I don’t really got anywhere else to go.”

“Yeah but… well, I was talking about it with the others the morning Bubby left to head back here. I floated the idea that we find a place big enough for us all to live together, share the rent and all that. Tommy declined though ‘cause he prefers living alone with just Sunkist and Bubby said he wants to try living alone too. So we all kinda decided to just get our own places but uh… you weren’t there of course and it was already kinda assumed you’d stay roommates with me but… do you want that?”

“The other option is Coomer, right? Uh… nah, he’s not as much of a gamer as you.”

“The other, other option is you get your own place too.” Gordon still didn’t like the idea of Benrey going off into the world on his own without anyone nearby to even attempt to keep a leash on him but… it felt wrong to not bring it up as an option. He’d lived in the lab his whole life, not having his own space except for the gamer pad but presumably that was just a single room. He deserved a chance at more. “You can’t right now ‘cause you don’t have a job but you could start looking for one. And then once you find one and are able to, you could move out on your own.” That would hopefully delay it long enough for Benrey to be more set in being good and thus it would be less of an issue.

Benrey was silent for a few seconds as he stared out the front window. “So I could uh… have my own like, house? All mine, no one else’s?”

“Yes. Obviously getting you a job is easier said than done since you don’t have like a social security number or whatever. But we could figure something, I’m sure.” People forged those kinds of things all the time, didn’t they? “Just something to start thinking about and maybe working towards if you want it. For now though, you are stuck with me so c’mon, let’s go do some research and stuff.” He opened his door, allowing him to slide out.

After pocketing the Game Boy, Benrey followed suit, falling in step with him as they started for the library entrance. “How’s the library gonna help us find a place to live?”

“They got computers we can borrow to do research on.”

“We could’ve just used the hotel manager’s again. They leave pretty early, I think.”

“Nope. I can’t walk through walls so I’m not risking setting off an alarm by breaking in. But uh, you ever been in a library before?”

“In games, yeah. They seemed boring in real life.” Figures he’d both think that and that that would be the case.

“Nah, they’re cool. I’ll get you a library card while we’re here so you can use a computer and maybe check stuff out if you want to.”

“Hmm… okay.”

***

True to Gordon’s word, the library was cooler than it had seemed in theory. The books were indeed boring but there were so many of them, more than Benrey had ever seen in a single room before, they wrapped back around to be interesting to look at and run his fingers over as he walked along the aisles. In addition to them there were also movies and music CD’s available to check out. No video games but according to Gordon that might happen one day. The computers didn’t have any games installed on it but it was free to use with nothing but a library card which was pretty cool.

In all, it was enough to keep Benrey entertained while Gordon did his research. Occasionally he quietly called Benrey over or just texted him to get him to look at and give his thoughts on this or that apartment or house listing. Benrey didn’t have much of an opinion on most of it but Gordon considering his input to be important was novel enough he tried his best to provide some anyway.

Despite the newness of his environment and Gordon’s occasional desire for his opinion, his thoughts kept circling back around to having his own place. Never had he considered the idea before Gordon offered it. Not just a small room in an out of the way part of Black Mesa but a whole living set up, multiple rooms, possibly even a whole building, that was his and only his to do with as he pleased. He could set the temperature as high as he wanted, decorate in whatever way was fun, leave things as much a mess or as clean as he felt like at any given time. On the other hand though… living alone sounded like it might get lonely with the whole ‘alone’ part of that phrase. It was certainly an idea to chew on.

Eventually, around the time the novelty had mostly worn off, it was time to leave because the library was closing. “We can drive around and look at places tomorrow if you like,” Gordon said as they walked out back towards the car.

“Uh, sure.” And perhaps while doing so Benrey would pay attention and try to figure out what kinds of things one was supposed to watch for when looking to buy or rent their own place.

It was starting to get dark by the time they returned to the hotel. Despite that they hung out for a bit with the rest of the Science Team in the dining area for dinner and then a few hours more just to hang out. Upon returning to their room, Benrey had expected Gordon to go to sleep; he’d been yawning a lot, acting rather tired and he’d told the others he was off to bed. As soon as they were alone in their room though… “Wanna play some more Melee?”

Benrey didn’t bother with a verbal response. Instead he went over to pop the game into the console before turning it and the TV on while Gordon pulled the chairs back over. Why they’d even bothered to put the chairs back by the window was beyond Benrey. Who would want to sit idly by the window when there was a TV with a console connected to it?

As they played though, it became more and more obvious that perhaps Gordon should’ve gone to bed after all. Benrey was of course playing one handed, making it fair enough that he could rightfully tease Gordon for losing but also so he’d be challenged still. The latter wasn’t happening anymore. Gordon had been openly frustrated by the losses and the teasing which was fun but that emotional energy started petering out after a couple hours, leaving him boring to play with. Beating him was too easy and he didn’t seem to care, not even when Benrey called him a noob.

So as nice as it was to finally have someone willing to play games with him for a long stretch of time again… “Should probably give up and go to sleep now, huh?”

“Nah, nah, I’m… good for another round or two. Or maybe we could switch to Mario Kart or uh… Mario Party might be fun.”

Benrey, having nabbed Player 1 this time, backed out to the main menu. “You’re tired, it’s making you more stupid than normal.”

Proof of that was Gordon’s failure to look annoyed at being called stupid. “I’m fine. It’s only… uh…” he turned to check on the clock on the nightstand, “it’s not even midnight yet. I can stay up a bit longer.” … He was planning on staying up all night again? Really? Well, time to call him out on his lie then, huh?

Benrey stood and turned off the console and TV. He then walked over to stand in front of Gordon, letting him be the one looking down at him for once. He extended a hand for the controller still in Gordon’s hand. “You had a nightmare one night and then uh… the next night you asked me to help keep you up all night and then you did the same last night too, right?” Basically anyway, he’d called like halfway through it but had ended up staying awake for the rest of it.

Gordon looked at him in silence for a few second before sighing and handing over the controller. “Yeah, sounds about right.”

“Mm-hmm.” Benrey unplugged the controller from the console as he started loosely wrapping its cord around its middle. “And now you wanna stay up a third night in a row.”

“Uh… not the whole night maybe, just a few more hours.”

“But you said on the first night that missing one night wasn’t a problem but otherwise you need to sleep every night.” Benrey had paid attention because Gordon was his pet and he wanted to be a good pet owner.

“Yeah… I guess I did say that. But um… I’ve been napping and that makes up for it?” His voice rose a the end of it, making it a question, not a statement. Benrey wasn’t always good at picking up on those kinds of nuances but Gordon was often bad at not showing his emotions in some form on his face, in his words, or in his body language, making him easier to read than most people. It’s part of why Benrey liked him.

Benrey put the now neatly wrapped controller in its spot next to the Game Cube and unplugged the other one to start wrapping that one too. Wrapping the cord too tightly would be bad for it so he was careful to make it loose. “You lied to Tommy too. Said that uh… you slept all night last night when you didn’t. If napping made up for it, you wouldn’t’ve lied, right?” There wouldn’t have been a need to.

Gordon seemed to shrink under Benrey’s gaze. “Tommy told you I said that, huh?”

“Yep. Said he was worried ‘cause you fell asleep in the car after supposedly sleeping all afternoon and night.” Done wrapping the second controller now too. Which left him nothing to do with his hands as he turned back to Gordon so he just crossed them over his chest instead. “You’re a dirty lil’ liar, huh? Naughty boi.”

With a grimace, Gordon stood. “Look, I know I should sleep. It’s bad not to, I know that.But… well… I know I’m less likely to have a nightmare now that I’m finally out of that hellhole again. But I can almost guarantee I don’t have one, or at least don’t have a particularly vivid one,if I just stay up until I’m so exhausted I pass out. I promise that’s it’s… well, actually that is really fucking bad now that I’ve said it out loud but I just…” He trialed off with a groan as he rubbed his hand over his face. “I hate that you’re right.”

“Ha ha. I’m always right.”

“No, no you’re not. But you are right about this. So I guess I gotta go to bed. Do you think that we could…” He stopped as he looked away. Benrey waited for him to continue but after more than a minute of him just staring off into space, it became clear he wasn’t going to.

“We could what?”

Gordon flinched before he finally looked back up at Benrey. “Sorry I’m… real fucking tired. I’ll get ready for bed now. Thanks for… thanks.” He shambled over to the closet to pull out his pajamas before heading into the bathroom.

Benrey stared after him for a couple seconds before pulling out his phone. His first instinct was to text Tommy because Tommy knew lots of things about all sorts of stuff. But Tommy wasn’t human and didn’t need to sleep – though he did so every night anyway because he liked to, he was weird like that. Bubby also wouldn’t be a good person to ask when it came to matters related to humans sleeping because even though he was human, he was genetically engineered and thus likely his needs in that area probably weren’t the same as the average human’s. Leaving Coomer as the best person to ask. Presumably he’d once been a normal human before all the cybernetic upgrades, cloning, and whatever else they’d done to him had made him whatever he is now.

‘can humans die if they dont sleep enuf?’ Surely not, that was ridiculous, but Gordon had just implied that it was bad for him to skip sleep and ‘really fucking bad’ if he did so long enough to pass out. The question was how bad? He’d already proven himself not to be trusted when asked about such things though so Benrey had to go elsewhere.

Before Benrey could even finish lowering his phone, it pinged; Coomer’s reply. ‘Yes. Prolonged periods of sleep deprivation can lead to death in most animals, including humans.’

‘really?????’ Coomer had to be messing him, right? How could humans possibly be that weak?

‘Yes, really. Getting a proper night’s rest is essential for one’s health and well being. Most commonly sleep deprivation related deaths are the cause of impaired brain function leading to an accident. Such as a car, or other motorized vehicle, crash. In extreme cases, lack of sleep can lead to organ damage that eventually results in death.’

How was Benrey supposed to keep Gordon alive when something as dumb as not sleeping could kill him? Especially when his dumbass was over here trying to not sleep for multiple nights in a row. What the fuck was wrong with him? … His nightmares must be real bad, huh? Could the nightmares kill him too?

Before he could finish typing out that question to Coomer, Gordon returned. “Do you think you could uh… If you’re planning on hanging out here, if I start acting like I’m having a nightmare, could you wake me up? If you wanna go off and… I don’t know, play on the hotel manager’s computer some more instead, that’s fine too and stuff just…” He trailed off again.

Benrey put his phone away. He’d ask Coomer for more info later. “I’ll wake you.” Even though apparently if he did so too often Gordon could die. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to.

“Thanks. Good night.”

“’Night.”

Gordon shambled over and flopped onto the bed. This time he did remember to take his glasses off beforehand. He forgot to turn off the light though so Benrey did it for him, casting the room into darkness.

With a sigh he turned one of the chairs to face the bed before gathering up the Game Boy bag and sitting down in it. With a little bit of fucking around with the way his eyes worked he should be able to make himself see well enough in the dark to make the Game Boy’s lack of a properly lit screen a non-issue. So between that and texting Coomer for more information about humans’ required sleeping habits, he should have plenty to do to keep himself occupied while he watched over Gordon as he slept.

~

Next Chapter

[krash-and-co]

hey krash, i wanted to reach out and say that i'm so sorry that you got such a hurtful reaction from one of the l&co servers for speaking up about something that genuinely needed to be addressed. i won't badmouth anyone in particular but this is not the first time this fandom has dogpiled someone over a misunderstanding, and when it happened to me i had severe anxiety over it for about a week even after it was resolved, and eventually left because of it. it left a pretty bad taste in my mouth for the fandom in general, so i mostly just stick to my small group of mutuals now lol. i wish this fandom truly was different from other fandoms, but this kind of thing is unfortunately inevitable once something reaches a certain level of popularity. but that certainly doesn't make it okay, and you didn't do anything to deserve the reaction you got. i hope you can feel peace about it soon, and i'm sorry again that it happened at all. 🫂

(please don't feel pressured to answer this if you'd rather the matter be left alone, i totally understand. i just wanted to send you an ask because i didn't know if you're comfortable with dms.)

hi im so sorry i forgot to answer!!! thank you so much this means so much to me. 💙💙💙 i read this for the first time when i was feeling pretty attacked and it really cheered me up <3

hmm other people have been telling me about how they got attacked in this fandom too. and maybe this shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. but it's something fans never talk about and claim doesn’t exist, so i thought it didn’t. i was horribly fooled lol. as, uh, i am about to rant about; do you mind? u don’t have to read it, i won’t be offended, but halfway thru answering this ask it turned into a rant i wanted to release into the world lol, so sorry about that 😭😭😭

very important disclaimer!!! this is NOT about everyone. ABSOLUTELY NOT. most of you are absolutely amazing people, and i assure you if ur worried this is about you, it’s prob not lol

ANYWAYS!!!

im kind of feeling i was betrayed?? ig? i rlly believed everyone was so kind, and look what i know now. it genuinely seems like people are gaslighting themselves. how else do they only see our ‘harm?’ yeah, our fandom is known for being passionate, but saying we’re known for kindness is starting to make me sick. maybe we were, i know a lot of us still are, but throwing that out there in the middle of your hypocritical hate post seems like justification for the shit things people have been saying. you can say no wrong so long as you’re here. only people who don’t agree with you. so yeah, fuck krash and ljc and anyone else who doesn't agree!!! that totally shows how kind you are and how much you loved the fandom before we messed it up. nobodys visibly mad, cuz we're too scared to say shit!!!

i’ve seen too many examples of the contrary from the “victims,” wailing about how cruel we are the second they disagree with someone. (in a highly hypocritical manner, at that.) “everyone was so happy before this!” no, they weren’t, that’s why i brought it up. “stop bringing hate to this fandom! now let me fucking berate you!” do you even hear yourself? “nobody even cared before, we were all content!” we weren’t all content, we were just silent. it sometimes looks the same.

someone even declared they were leaving the fandom because ‘one person wanted to stop show saving efforts entirely because it traumatized them, and this is no longer a safe place.’ like, what? where did you even get that? for one, there were at least two of us posting together, and that’s just barely knowing anything about what’s happening. thats not even touching on how one of us (idk who the op of that post was talking about, it’s a 50/50 lol) made the fandom an unsafe place for our personal gain. what?

hella kind. hella safe on their part.

another said they saw only old fans agreeing about this so it’s just us being pissed about change. it’s us hating the show. me and ljc being upset about not being the only “big blogs” any more. our fandom is only for the elite, etc. fuck us. yet ljc is getting blackmailed. we’re getting hate replies. friends that try and help get attacked. misinformation spread. how did that even happen? we never once tried to hurt anyone; thank you to those who understand.

but to some, WE’RE the ones in the wrong.

do they SEE themselves? how hypocritical all of this is? or are their heads that far up in the ass of their petition and beloved fake idea of this fandom that they care about more than all of us?

now, this is where i add another “not everyone” message. not everyone is like this, this is not me saying i hate the petition or people who support it. hell, i signed the petition. twice. and once more from my mothers email.

i don’t regret the i love you posts i made, because i still do love this fandom, i am still absolutely here for the rest of yall. but DAMN if we weren’t hiding something under happy Save The Show, I Love Locknation! messages. perfectly smiling faces until they bite. i was surprised to see how many people did.

as if our previous problems weren’t enough, now it turned into this lol. no, that’s a lie, it didn’t. it already was, and i HATE THAT.

ig im kinda spoiled, i never really experienced hate like this from this fandom before. but now i know it happened BEFORE too, and that just pisses me off. it hurts coming from a group who says they love us. genuinely wacko (not the fun kind) behavior :[

i know this isn’t everyone’s experience, but it is mine, and enough others to make me wanna say this. and this is ofc me and @lucy-j-carlyle 's brand of hate, not yours. but it does happen and the constant chant that IT DOESN'T IT DOESNT IT DOESN'T isn't helping anyone. and now I know.

idk what im even saying anymore lol, sorry for ranting. what i mean to say is, thank you, and i wish things were better. and i love you kind people. im happy it’s most of you.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

it’s the final countdown (last rehearsal before concert)

retrieved my violin and folder from the arts basement because i was not about to haul my laptop and thermodynamics notebook across campus to get to the theater (which, funnily, is nowhere near the arts building) and found myself in conversation with the principal trombone of wind ensemble (whom i’ve interacted with not infrequently) as we mutually briefed each other on the general mood in our respective camps given the circumstances (joint concert)

summary: orchestra thinks they’re cooked, but are probably not; wind ensemble thinks they’re cooked, and probably are

the interaction taught me that people actually find tita conductor scary, which like. okay, yeah, i’ve been frightened by her before, but that was because of the trauma, not because of her. sure she can be firm enough that her ratemyprofessor rating is a 3.3 and she gets reviews claiming she doesn’t extend basic respect even up to last month, but tita conductor is at her core a deeply sentimental, kind, and whimsical woman and it’s very hard to be scared of someone like that—her tendency to stare at you with her big brown eyes aside. if anything my fear lies in disappointing her

okay sidenote because i looked her up on ratemyprofessor for that single bit. what the fuck are these people on. i may be biased because of the whole post-trauma thing or the whole i know stuff about her past because she told me thing or the whole accidentally becoming one of her special little helpers thing but like i’ve literally never seen her be anything but patient and kind to anyone even when it was totally undeserved (and i count in this too btw)? like idk if it’s just because my music director trauma was that bad that everything is frolicking through the daisies in comparison but hello? if someone is firm about getting the sound they want without taking fucking pot shots at you in the process i don’t think it makes them a cunt at all. might leave a review just to balance it out because wtf is going on here. anyways you didn’t choose to read the rehearsalpost for this. tangent over

got to the theater with my co-principal in tow (also was in the locker room), unpacked, and got settled on stage. we are so back in business baby

the professor who normally helps hold down the back stands emailed me on sunday night informing me he wouldn’t be able to play in the fall concert because he was just too stressed. i assumed he had also informed tita conductor so i didn’t tell her and just emailed back wishing him well.

while taking attendance tita conductor looked at my section, squinted at the back stands to figure out why there were empty seats there, and said, her tone a little lost, “who—who’s—um,” and looked a little desperately around before asking, “em?” and looking at me, to which i said in my gentlest tone, “dr. [surname] won’t be joining us for the fall concert” thinking i was just reminding her, to which she physically startled and said “well i didn’t know about that”

we are taking the two dvořák movements we’re playing out of order so we end our set on the first movement. which is so funny but tita conductor wanted the photo finish and the third movement does end kind of anticlimactically. this program is so goofy honestly

it was my co-principal’s first time playing anything in the theater and the first time we got cut off she made a face and said “it’s so dry in here” welcome to our world lmao

the brass misheard what rehearsal marker tita conductor was starting on (supposed to be G) and tita conductor waved us all to stop and called louder to the back “G! G as in gosh almighty! G!”

holy fuck the britten was actually good? unfortunately we have the goofy ass keyboard which i feel betrayed about because i thought we were getting a celesta. damn it. but other than that the movements actually sounded pretty good??? which i was shocked by

the goofy midcentury christmas opera suite has an opening that sounded hellish the first time we read it this quarter but actually sounds pretty melodic now

tita conductor turned to the firsts and asked them, “can you sing this melody by heart?” to which littlebrothercore concertmaster looked cherubically up at her and began singing his part. tita conductor hastily cut him off, saying, “i mean, i’m just asking if you can. if you do it in the shower or whatnot. i’d really suggest that you do” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

viola friend, ate dean, my co-principal, and i all lost it

however, tita conductor wasn’t quite done there; she turned to us and asked the outside stands to move with her so as not to obscure an interesting harmony by saying “let’s have eye contact there”. girl i already know at least you and i are having enough eye contact. more times than necessary i might add

amazingly enough tita conductor actually ended rehearsal five minutes early, saying “um, i think i’m gonna do something unprecedented in the history of my tenure at [university], which is: i think we’re done” girl help 😭

coming up: first concert of graduate school tomorrow. let’s fucking get it lads

[vintage-bentley]

thanks for such a thurough reply ive loved ur page for a reallyyyy long time!!! also yes frankly ive found some m/m authors who i know wont pull that stuff bc they write long form and have already established early on that its actually gay so like idk people say im a fake lesbian for mostly reading m/m but its not even smut so like not to delve into gold star discourse but does yaoi fluff really take away the gold star lmfao

You’re welcome, and thank you! 💖💖

I’ve fallen out of reading fanfiction, mostly because I’ve been burned by it too many times. Even the authors I figured I could trust to not be sexist or homophobic would have some stupid line snuck in that feels like a way to say “don’t worry, everyone, I’m a follower of genderism!”. But I’m always happy for ladies who’ve managed to find things that work for them!

I think it’s really stupid to assume that a lesbian is actually straight or bi because she enjoys M/M content. I find that lesbians are held under such scrutiny with every single thing we do, in a way that gay men are not. For example, if a gay man stans Lady Gaga, nobody assumes that he’s actually bi/straight and is attracted to her. But if a lesbian stans some male celebrity or character, it’s assumed that she wants to fuck him. Which is very insulting to women, this idea that we’d only pay attention to a celeb/character if we want to fuck them. Because it implies that we’re not capable of just enjoying somebody’s artistry, or the complexity of a character the same way men are.

Personally, I’m not watching or reading things just to be horny? Okay, I’ll admit to sometimes rewatching First Kill just so I can thirst over Elinor lol, but that’s not the only reason I watch it. I genuinely love the show, the hot evil woman is just a bonus. There’s so much more to experiencing a work than just being attracted to the people/characters in it. And again, I think it’s incredibly offensive when people imply that women aren’t capable of experiencing that full range of emotions and thoughts—that our interest must start and end at sexual attraction.

And all of this applies to fanfiction. I’m just focusing on the person aspect because like I said, I haven’t read fanfiction in a long while.

Now, are there women in fandom who call themselves lesbians but clearly aren’t? Absolutely, and they drive me crazy. But it’s not just because they’re reading M/M fan fiction. It’s because they’re posting about how much they want to fuck some guy because “he’s my one exception!”. In that case, I’d hope we can all agree that that is not a lesbian. Or on the slightly less obnoxious side, they’re talking about male celebs/characters in a way that clearly shows they’re coming from a place of sexual attraction (I’ve actually seen this in particular more from self-proclaimed “asexual” women than self-proclaimed “lesbians”. They claim they’re some form of “aspec”, then start raving about a man the same way a straight or bi woman would. Nothing wrong with that, but be honest with yourselves ffs).

But if you’re just reading M/M fan fiction because you’re invested in male characters and want to see them happy? That has nothing to do with sexuality. And anyone who claims it does needs to reassess why they believe that women are so shallow that we can’t enjoy anything that we aren’t horny over.

[my-castles-crumbling]

I have no idea what happened.

Hi Cassssss, it’s mixed signals anon

Soooo, we went on the date yesterday evening. She passed her drivers test a few months ago and owns a car (rich people…) and she drove me to this fancy looking place. 

(She parks like up the road and walking down to look at it, at first it seems like a super fancy club) 

And look i’m usually a book and warm jumper person but I made an effort with this outfit to be look like- a social person or something. 

EXCEPT THEN she walks me through the club to the back where she has a reservation for a table like ALL evening for US! (Rich girls- she legit knows the owner apparently) 

And then she goes, “I’ve missed you recently”. (we’ve had mocks and also a bit of friendship drama so it has been a while since we hung out). 

And she looks so lovely and earnest.

I realise like ten min in that she’s not drinking. Which isn’t like her. And she tells me that she wants me to be able to relax and feel comfortable so she’s staying sober and is gonna drive us home.

(We usually go out with our two other friends, and one of them doesn’t drink so he often drives us home in her car- idk how I thought we’d be getting home but- I never claimed  to be smart around her)

Anyway, we have the best night. I genuinely love spending time with her. 

We danced at the club bit (less than platonic dancing may I add) and chatted all night.

And I AM NOT KIDDING.

Are you ready cause ur not. 

She walks me outta the club to the car, opens the door for me and then she kisses my cheek! And then blushes (I have literally never once seen her blush).

AND THEN, she drives me home… 

And in the drive I pull out my phone and for the first time that day and I check insta, I don’t love the app but one of my friends went out today and i knew she’d have posted so I wanted to likes her pics and stuff. 

BUT YOU ARE NOT READY

Her ex bf (the girl i’m with) has posted a pic of the two of them captioned “back together”.

WHAT THE FUCK

So I say to her, as we’re nearing my house, “We talked all night and you didn’t bring up that your back together with *you know who*, didn’t you both cheat on each other?”

I tried to sound chill like I wasn’t jealous but also mad cause that’s not a smart decision no matter what. 

She like freezes a little and goes quiet and then goes “Yeah I guess. He’s alright. I’ve been thinking about my dating history recently.” At this point she’s pulled over beside my house and she turns like half her body to face me and asks “Do you think I shouldn’t date him?” NOT LIKE “oh do you hate him” IT WAS LIKE “Do you think I should be single”

And okay i’m kind of annoyed now tbh…

She flirted with me all evening. EVEN I could see that!!! And she didn’t seem to care about her ex at all, she seemed to care about my reaction.

It all felt like a game I didn’t mean to play? 

So I turned to her and said, “I think you need to figure out what you want.”

And left and went to my house.

oh SHIT

yeah, I was not ready for that.

You were so right and so badass to set that boundary because she DOES need to figure out what she wants. And I think you need to keep that boundary until she figures it out. You don't deserve to be messed with like that, and I'm so proud of you for realizing that. <3

You. Deserve. Better.

Keep me updated!

[icansoiwill]

Heart of Stone Chapter 2: Two New Friends

~Summary: It’s a new day. Joel couldn’t ignore the feeling. He knows her from somewhere. He just can’t figure out where. Tess is hurt and it leads them to need (y/n)’s help. When they try to find the guy, they meet another friend. 

~Pairing: Joel Miller x f!Reader

~Words: 1.5k

~Warnings: Mention of sex, some similarities to the show that I thought would fit (I do not own the copyright), cursing (if that bothers you), idk what else...

~A/N: I feel like idk what I’m doing lol, I hope you like though! 

Previous Chapters: Chapter One

Next Chapter: Chapter Three

Joel stood in the the entry way of the bedroom. His hands on his hips looking down at the floor. He kept shaking his head, like some past memory of her would arise out of know where and appear in the forefront of his brain.

“Where the heck have I seen her before?” Joel question out loud. He knows her from somewhere. It was like this energy he couldn’t shake. He remembered how her eyes looked inviting. Like a place that felt like home. Like Texas. Like Tommy. Like Sarah…. He thought about they way her hair looked messy but still put together. Like she had just got it done or something. It was beautiful. It was hard not to see the beauty in her. He wanted to think about he all day long.However, it felt unfair to Tess to think about (y/n). Tess was everything he needed in a post outbreak partner. She was resourceful, smart, and gave him some of the best sex since the outbreak. Tess always felt like more than that to him, though. They has been together for a while. He trusted Tess with his whole being. Nobody else could get that from him. Suddenly Joel’s thoughts were interrupted when he began to hear the door knob rattle. He moved swiftly to sit at the round table in the kitchen. Sitting at the specific spot that had a gun strapped under it.

“Damnit” He heard Tess say as she struggled with getting the door open. He took his hand off the gun and got up from his seat. Joel instantly walked over to help open the door and was met by a bruised and beaten face.

“What happened?” Joel gruffly asked.

“Nothing, just a couple of Robert’s dumb teens roughed me up. It’s nothing to worry about” Tess stated.

“Tess, if they did this…” Joel starts. He seats Tess at the table and then turns to grab a cloth and some rubbing alcohol from the cabinet.

“Joel, don’t worry about it.” Tess tells him. Joel sits in a chair facing her and dabs a little of the alcohol on the cloth. He brings it up to meet Tess’ face and she inhales sharply. “We have bigger problems. Robert sold all of our pills and sold the battery he promised us”

“What do you mean? We don’t have a battery anymore?”

“No” Tess tells him blatantly.

“Where is he? Robert needs to hear from me.” Joel spat out angrily as he pulled the cloth away from her face to make eye contact with her.

“Joel, focus. Look, I don’t know where he is, but we can find out. Quietly. I don’t need you causing a scene and running him off”

“Fine. We’re gonna need help when we find him though.”

“I agree, I'll get (y/n) to help.” Tess told Joel. With that Joel got his and Tess’ things ready to go questioning. Luckily they didn’t have to go far.

Joel stood at the corner of a wall as he watched Tess talk to the sketchy guy. The guy looked at Joel, who looked at him without hesitation, and then back at Tess. Joel could see her slip a few ration cards towards him. This made him upset. But he needed to keep his guard up for her. He needed to keep watch. Joel gets interpreted quite suddenly…

“Hey man,” some guy comes up to Joel, “you look like your feeling a little lost…”

Before the guy could even finish, Joel says “if you tell me to look for the light, I’ll break your fucking jaw”

Before he knew it Tess was walking back over to him.

“I had to give up a few rations, but nothing we can’t handle. I have Robert’s locations. Let’s go find (y/n)”

Tess knew where (y/n) would be. She led them to the food pantry. Tess told him that she eats here all the time. Joel found it odd that you ate most of your meals at the food pantry considering that it wasn’t that good. Once she spotted you, she made her way over there on her own.

Joel watched Tess talk to you with the same hard expressions that he had earlier. He saw you look over at him from where Tess was. You instantly looked back at Tess. Joel couldn’t hear the conversations going on, but from the looks of it you had agreed to help with whatever they needed. Both Tess and you got up from the table you were sitting at and made your way over to him.

“Guess what Groucho, we’re working together!” You said with a bit too much enthusiasm, or may be sarcasm, as you smacked his arm. Joel couldn’t tell which it was. But It defiantly made his heart jump when you touched him.

“Oh great, I can’t wait” Joel replied unemotionally. He made his way next to Tess as you two walked by. Joel wanted to keep a distance between you two, something was happening that he didn’t know what to do with.

“We’ll head back to our place now to get the rest of our shit together” Tess told (y/n). “Meet us in an hour at the southwest maintenance entrance to the subways. They’re just past our block. Make sure you have a weapon.”

“Sounds good, see you guys in an hour” She tells Tess.

Joel and Tess quickly make it back to the apartment. They grab the last few things they needed before going to hunt down Robert. Joel grabbed his backpack and a gun, meeting Tess at the door. As they walk out of the apartment and headed towards the maintenance doors Joel can’t help but think of the way you looked yesterday. When your eyes met his, you hair perfectly fell with your face. Little strings of hair falling out from the place where it was tucked behind your ear. It was just long enough to frame your face perfectly.

“Hey are you listening to me?” Tess said.

“Huh?” Joel replied being snapped out of his memory of you.

“I asked if you brought your bolt cutters.” Tess repeated.

“Of course I did. It’s not my first rodeo.”

As they both came up to the street, Joel saw you. Flannel, black tank top, and worn jeans. You were walking towards them rummaging though a worn dark green backpack hanging over your shoulder. Eventually you zipped up the backpack and picked up your pace to meet Joel and Tess at the door.

“You got a flashlight right?” Tess asked (y/n).

“Of course, it’s not my first rodeo” (y/n) replied.

Joel smirked slightly at the comment. He pulled the bolt cutters out of his bag and cut the dead bolt on the doors.

“Grab your flashlights” Tess said to them.

They followed Tess through the doors and continued until they got the spot.

“Here” Tess said as she pointed her flashlight toward the wall, highlighting the symbols that lied upon it.

“We’ll go through this door. Then up a latter and at the top there’s a door that will lead to a hallway. Then we’ll be in the place we need to.”

Tess again took the lead. Joel motioned for (y/n) to go first. Through the door was a small space, not much existed here. Other than the few switch boards and machines, it was pretty much just the latter. Tess began going up, then (y/n). Joel followed in suit.

“How far up we going?” Joel Questioned.

“No far” Tess replied.

“Well it looked like they reframed the whole structure of this latter” Joel stated, “They probably did this in the 80’s. At that time they were all cutting down apartment sizes to sell condos.”

“Oh well, this has been ‘Construction Corner’ with Joel Miller everyone. Please stay tuned as we’ll have questions with the man himself” (y/n) spoke in a television tone. Joel gave an annoyed blank look she couldn’t see.

Tess struggled with the door when they got to it. There was an unusual heaviness. Joel moved in and pushed his way through almost falling over what was keeping it closed.

“Careful.” (Y/n) whispered harshly. Joel held up a hand to let her know he was okay.

“What the fuck happened here?” Tess said as she looked at the body keeping the door closed.

“That piece of rat shit” Joel said, “He tried to sell that damn battery again.”

Joel crouched in front of Robert’s slumped body, “And the bitch snorted them before we could get it back” saying as he flicked his nose.

A ruckus came from down the hall. Joel pulled out his gun. He signal for the both of you to do the same. He took point this time, making his way down the hall towards the noise.  He made his way close to the right side of the wall. Once he got to the corner he took a slight peak to see a woman struggling to help another women up. He lifted his gun higher now, making his way closer as quietly as possible. Then suddenly a door opens.

“Haaaaa” screams a girl coming from the door. Joel throws he against the wall. (Y/n) could see the subtle shock in his eyes when he realized the girl couldn’t of been older than sixteen.

“Joel?” A women questioned

“Marlene?” Joel said.

[carletes]

I can't help but feel like all of this defense of Bianca is purely due to ableism that F1 fans themselves have but don't realize.

The amount of times I've seen people try to pull the "I can't be racist because I have black/brown friends/relatives" card and still have to face consequences, yet she uses her autistic brother as a prop to claim she can't be ableist and people are suddenly like "omg best apology ever, we support our queen."

No. I am autistic. I've gotten bullied for it for much of my life. I don't appreciate seeing Bianca continuing that bullying by encouraging the use of autism as an insult, and I especially don't like her using someone who is autistic to try to cover up her behavior. People need accountability if they're going to learn, and so far her version of "taking accountability" has just been "I'm just a girl, just a kid, only 18, I didn't know better" which luckily she deleted, and then using her autistic brother to try to gain PR brownie points after insulting people with autism.

And I KNOW F1 is full of ableism, not just on twitter but on here too. Hell, I was ranting to a F1 friend maybe a month ago about a post someone made on here about how they didn't like Lando solely because they thought he was neurodivergent but he was too privileged to have to mask his neurodivergent behavior and I just? Girl what in the fucking ableism. Do people realize how exhausting "masking neurodivergent behavior" is? And that post had about a dozen notes - not of people calling it out, but of people agreeing with it. Lance gets the majority of it, but I've also seen people use autism to insult Logan too. He isn't in F1 anymore, but I saw it all the time with Latifi too. Like fucking stop chalking up disliking people to "omg i don't like them because they exhibit behaviors that i associate with autism," that's fucking gross and insulting!!!

Idk I'm tired of reading how I'm anti-women or anti-POC for not immediately accepting her apology and jumping right back in to supporting her. She needs to do a LOT of self-reflecting and attitude changing, as do motorsport fans in general given a lot of responses to this situation. Ableism isn't cool, cute, funny, etc. (Also looking at the fans who repost that RocketPoweredMohawk YouTuber's clips in the tags on Tumblr too. The guy's biggest punchline is "HAHAHAHA lance autistic" yet F1 fans worship the ground he walks on and treats him like peak comedy. Please, find an actual sense of humor that doesn't involve making people with disabilities the punchline of your jokes). It's getting old. It's not funny or quirky or edgy. It's exhausting to constantly run into reminders that most of these people I'm interacting with in my online spaces would never accept me and would probably just bully me if I ever came across them in real life. 🙃

Thank you for saying all of this. I genuinely didn’t even know this was a line of ~commentary (ew) on Lance or Logan. It’s absolutely disgusting. I feel like we’re only just getting to a point where people even understand autism (and let’s be clear…they still don’t lol not really) but shit like this is so gross and only forces autistic people even further into the margins of society. I’m really sorry the fandom is like this. You deserve to take up as much space as you need, and the rest of us need to hold ableists accountable.

[quillinhand]

I’ve seen you post about both the marauders and snape, so I’m assuming you’re a fan of both? Me too!

I sometimes get bummed out at the extent fellow marauders fans go to to exclude our prickly Slytherin. But at the same time I’d much rather those fans who really hate him to just ignore him than stir up hate so…Idk.

My question was: What are your thoughts on the Slytherin skittles? On one hand, it’s kinda laughable to me that these are the Slytherins we’re gonna incorporate into our fandom, while we steadfastly ignore the 5th or 6th most mentioned character in the series. But on the other hand, maybe it opens up the door to the gradual acceptance of Severus… ? if not for his canon character, at least for his fans to feel less unwelcome? Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I’d love to one day post about Snape without worrying that everyone is going to unfollow or block me

Hi!

I'm Snape fan forever and yes, I am currently having a marauder's era obsession phase-honestly I used to look down upon the marauders fandom because of how much their headcanons disregarded the main canon and how much they change the characterizations to the point of incomprehensibility(remus, im looking at you). But I do feel- and have always felt- that the marauders era was ripe with potential, and Tumblr has reawakened that particular obsession.

I get you so much- it's really very upsetting to have people who share some of your interests and shit on your others. do hope that you have friends in the marauders fandom who don't accept snape slander(and if not- i'm always here!!!!). and i understand the wish to have them ignore him altogether- though it does feel a little isolating at times. though not lately for me- thanks to my lovely marauder fan moots :) :).

the slytherin skittles- hmmmm. Let me make a very humble confession. before this ask, i wasn't entirely sure on who they were. im educated now, and honestly i prefer to have the usual marauders era cast be different ages- it just seems very unlikely that this huge cast all went to school together. like i know wizarding britain is small, but excuse me. what the fuck.

that being said, i have come to be fond of the fandom versions of these characters- the rosier twins, barty my bloody beloved, dorcas, regulus black(is that all????) and i do like the idea of them being a group and shit. it's just, them being a group and shit in school just. doesn't match up with my version of the characters, ya know? still, there is wonderful fanfic and fanart out there for them, so. i aint complaining.

but I do feel like them being glorified to such a degree while Snape is right there kind of weird. I mean, absolutely, I don't expect Snape love from the marauders fandom and I don't need it, but sometimes it's kinda confusing how much Snape is passed over in all these fics. Just- I can imagine Snape being an amazing addition to all these fics and imagines, and it does sometimes feel like all the Slytherin characters are just palatable pieces of Snape, which is a bit off putting. still, i am fond of these characters to a degree, so this is less of a complaint and more of something that just confuses me.

maybe. maybe this could be the path to less Snape hate but HONESTLY I'm not holding my breath. Like I said before, I'm not looking for Snape love and content in this fandom, and though I do feel he would be an amazing addition to it, I'm not terribly sad that he isn't a part of it. I'd rather he be ignored than hated, and when he is hated, I'd rather ignore it than focus on it- for my mental health at the very least.

And on the topic of it making the opinion of Snapedom and Snape content less severe- i can see it happening and not happening. I think there will always be people who will dislike Snape and wonder why anybody will like him in the marauders fandom, and as long as they are outspoken, it's going to be a while since we see change. But I can definitely see it going there and am optimistic myself.

and finally, one last not-so-humble word of advice- if you have mutuals or followers who you think will block or unfollow you because of Snape(a FICTIONAL CHARACTER) maybe they are people you don't need. Your blog is your space, and as much as it needs to be a safe space for others, it needs to be a safe space for you too. Post about Snape all you want anon; post about any of your interests- and the people worth thinking about and respecting will stay regardless.

[insomniamamma]

Ok, some thoughts on episode one of The Last of Us under the cut:

I’m going to preface this by saying i know next to nothing about the game. I’ve seen gifs of it here, but that’s where my knowledge ends. Once Pedro’s casting was announced I decided that I was not going to watch any playthroughs. I wanted to go in with fresh eyes as much as possible. OK. Disclamer done. Here are some thoughts I had in no particular order.

I loved that they showed outbreak day through Sarah’s eyes. She’s just going to school and doing ordinary things. There’s hints around the edges that something is happening, but nothing direct, and I thought this served to crank the tension up to eleven. Sarah is our window into this world, and I love that we only know what she knows.

Also, the sweetness of the relationship between Joel and Sarah and Tommy. They only give us a little but it’s enough to see how much these three care about each other. I love Tommy mooching leftovers out of Joel’s fridge. That’s such a baby brother thing to do.

I love that the focus stays narrow as things inevitably go to shit. The world is coming apart and we see it happening through the windows of Joel’s truck while they’re trying to get out of town.

Even when they abandon the truck the camera is right on Joel and Sarah. IDK I was white knuckled through the first 30 minutes.

As soon as that FEDRA lady started promising that little kid all the toys he wanted to play with I was just like oh no.

The QZ. Yikes.

OK. I’m just gonna take a minute to scream about Pedro Pascal. The difference between how Joel carries himself pre and post breakout is so fucking stark.  I’ve seen several gifsets that show pre and post breakout Joel side by side and the difference in body language is incredible. Pedro can do so much with so little. There’s no need to explain Joel’s grief and withdrawal, it’s etched into every movement and facial expression. The shot of him cradling the dead child the same way he held Sarah and throwing him onto the fire, the absolute lack of emotion. Holy fucking shit. Pedro needs to get all the awards for this show and we’re only one ep in.

Ellie. I’ve had Ellie for one episode and if anything happens to her I will kill everyone in the room and then myself. Seriously though. I love this scrappy little girl. What’s the Troubled Bird meme about being 5oz’s of whoop-ass? She is twenty pounds of murder in a ten pound bag and I love her for it. I’m sorry, but when she pops out of that door and tries to stab Joel and he just launches her into the wall? I’ve got to imagine that his first thought was what the actual fuck?

I love her ok? I love her foul mouth, and snark and the fact that she’s the willing to fuck with Joel after knowing him for tens of minutes. I can’t wait to see these two bounce off each other some more.

And Tess. As I said before I know nothing about the games. But I’ll tell you right now that I love this lady. I have a feeling this is going to hurt me later on though. I love the relationship between her and Joel, there’s no I love you type histrionics, it’s all implied.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll probably post more nonsense as it occurs to me.

[doulayogimama]

This is a post of random thoughts.🙃

- I can’t believe we leave to Europe in 11 days. Booking our London hotel really made it real 😭 We are in London for 18 hours on a stopover so we are getting an airport hotel and we will have an early lunch before going back to our gate!

- I need to book our Amsterdam hotel…

- We also need to decide where the heck we’re going after Amsterdam. Copenhagen, even though my brother can’t meet us anymore? Or just go somewhere warmer? Thinking to fly straight to Lisbon after AMS to avoid the cold. 🤷🏽‍♀️

- Kevin and his dad for… ever have pretty much detested each other. Or at least K’s dad detested him (my FIL had a tough childhood and has v little emotional intelligence) and K was just confused and sad about it since he could remember. For the last 2 years, their relationship has just continued to get better and better. It’s like my FIL has seen what an amazing, hands on dad his son is, and he respects it so much / feels relieved to see that he didn’t fuck up TOO badly as a parent (idk just my hunch). Since S was born it’s just been so different. They had a come to Jesus convo like 2 years ago and they just… get along now. It’s still so weird just because I truly thought hell would freeze over first 😂

Grandkids really can bridge gaps.