#and he is still mixed i am fairly fucking certain

[bisexualgerardway]

bandom hates black ppl so much y’all won’t even let nonmixed ones in the door 😭 are we allowed to talk about it yet or

[alice-after-dark]

Vox as an Abuse Victim

So here is that massive Vox post I promised, a day late for...reasons. I swear I have been working on this post for days, even before that StaticMoth discourse influx in my inbox.

After making my post about Vox and Angel and reading @deeply-unserious-fellow's post about a similar topic, I thought it might be finally time to make this post. Most people who have seen my content know how I typically portray StaticMoth. I have mixed feelings about Valentino at the best of times and outright dislike him at the worst. But frankly this post isn't actually about him (well, mostly). It's about Vox and why I am really hoping that Viv keeps the angle of Vox being an abuse victim.

TW for domestic abuse, physical violence, implied sexual abuse, abusive relationships, gaslighting/victim-blaming, and other canon-typical triggers. Contain abusive StaticMoth.

Honestly? The primary reason I hope she keeps it is because it would make him an even more complex character and bring attention to a criminally underrepresented group: abuse victims who are also bad people.

As pointed out in the post I tagged above, the world has become obsessed with this idea of a "palatable" victim, the poor suffering cinnamon roll. An abuse victim is expected to look like a victim. You're supposed to instantly feel sorry for them and want to protect them...but that's not so easy when the victim is someone who also hurts people, is it? It's not so easy to pretend they didn't do bad things too...but they are still a victim. That does not change just because they are a bad person. And thus it becomes complicated and interesting. Because it's not so easy to root for the victim when they're also victimizing others, especially when those others are people we care about...like Angel Dust. At the bare minimum, Vox is doing nothing to stop Valentino from abusing Angel or any of his other employees. Having Vox be a victim of the same abuse that Angel Dust suffers (at the hands of the same abuser no less) and yet also being someone who enables Angel's abuse creates a very complicated situation.

In a most media, the discovery of a mean/bad person being abused is frequently portrayed in a "well, they were abused so you can't be mad at them anymore" kind of light. Like "see? They're just an asshole because they were being abused! Now that we know, they're suddenly a good person!" Except that's not how it works. Someone can be a bad person and also be a victim. And even if them being an asshole was the result of their abuse, those behaviors and the consequences of those behaviors don't just vanish. They still hurt people and frankly I would riot if it came out that Vox was being abused by Valentino and then everyone in the show just up and forgave him for being an asshole. Like...no? He would still need to make up for his own shit and actually work towards being a better person. I like this character because he's an unapologetic asshole. If making him a victim takes that away, then that would be such a missed opportunity.

In fact, one thing I find interesting is that I definitely believe that Vox would have no problem admitting to being a bad person, but would rather fight an exorcist alone than admit to being a victim. His ego won't allow for it. He would probably laugh in your face and call you delusional while literally having a broken screen. Because he can't admit it, even to himself. He would see it as a sign of weakness and that's not acceptable to him (side note that being a victim does not make you weak, that's just what Vox's toxic mindset tells him). While I am fairly certain that he would have moved on from most 1950s mindsets since he is all about the future and progress and moving forward, toxic masculinity is still very much a thing today and I can definitely see him embodying it in some aspects, like needing to appear strong and in control at all times (and Hell's power hierarchy definitely encourages this mindset, so...). Fuck, even now in fucking 2024, men still have a hard time being taken seriously as the victims of abuse. Unless of course you fit a certain mold.

Angel Dust is the perfect example of this. He is a palatable male victim. He's effeminate, he's funny, he's friendly, he's caring, and we actively see him miserable in his suffering. Despite being in Hell just like the rest of them and having been a former mafia member and clearly able to stand on his own two feet it combat, his victimhood is constantly on display and the audience wants to protect and save him. On the opposite end, Vox is shown in a position of power that is constantly reinforced. He's an Overlord, he's manipulative, he's cruel, he's greedy, and he enables abusive behavior from others. He is not a palatable victim, which is why it's perfect.

Now let's get into what I believe is the actual evidence that this dynamic could still be present.

Something I see people commonly say is that Vox being abused by Valentino doesn't make sense because why wouldn't Vox just fight back? He could just shock Valentino into next Tuesday? And to these people I kindly say fuck you. Because while physical strength can be a factor in abuse, it is very rarely the thing that keeps the victim from leaving. Abuse, even when physical, is heavily psychological. It's like telling a victim "well, why didn't you just leave?" It's not that easy. Abusers tend to target those with low self-esteem and it's made pretty clear that Vox is a very insecure person (I feel the need to point out that having an ego and having high self-esteem are not the same thing, in fact having a big ego is typically a side effect of very low self-esteem). It's entirely possible that Vox makes the conscious decision not to fight back because he's afraid of what will happen if he does. He's afraid Valentino will leave. We know Valentino is just as mentally and emotionally abusive to those around him as he is physically abusive and we have actively witnessed him playing into Vox's insecurities and mentally messing with him (specifically in the events leading up to "Stayed Gone").

So let's talk about the scene leading up to "Stayed Gone," because I also see Vox's behavior towards Valentino here used as justification for why it's not possible for Valentino to be abusing Vox. Full disclosure, I myself in the past have even thought that it demonstrated them being mutually abusive towards each other, but have since changed my opinion after reading more takes and doing further analysis. Having rewatched this scene many times now, I have some observations.

There's a small moment that always caught my attention when I watched this scene because I wasn't sure what it meant, but looking at it in the context of this post, I think I can see a possibility. When Vox goes to see Valentino, he approaches the doors and they are opened for him by Valentino's servants. Vox pauses in the doorway, glances at them, then continues on inside.

What was the point of this moment? It seems out of place. Surely Vox has gone to Valentino's room before? Surely this door opening thing isn't new? And looking at Vox's face here, he looks...concerned? Like...they might hear what goes on inside? And he maintains that expression even as he enters the room, like he doesn't like that those two are out there and might hear them.

It also makes the entire situation feel so routine. Like Valentino is upset and these girls just expect Vox to show up and take care of it. And the scenes prior to this also sets it up as a normal occurrence. Vox rearranges his entire schedule to deal with Valentino, like he absolutely expects this situation could take up the rest of his day. And Valentino clearly doesn't listen to Velvette in this regard as she had to call Vox to come deal with Valentino despite him wrecking her department. Her comment even further establishes this as normal when she tells Vox that Valentino is "up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down." And when Vox arrives? "FUCKING FINALLY!" All of this sets up a standard situation: when Valentino is upset, it is Vox's job to calm him down and make him feel better. Valentino is a full grown adult and yet he has made it someone else's problem to manage his emotions.

Then of course we have the classic moment of Valentino literally throwing his glass at Vox only seconds after Vox has arrived. And this has to have been a conscious decision, because right before that, he throws his first glass on the ground before demanding another. So if he wanted to just break something, he didn't need to throw it at Vox, but he did. And I definitely don't think he cared if Vox got out of the way or not. But how easily Vox moves aside tells us that he fully expected to have things thrown at him and was ready for it. Now, I do believe that Valentino would throw shit at literally anyone when he is mad, but the key here is that Vox, his supposed friend, on-and-off lover, and business partner, is not exempt from this behavior. He even breaks Vox's phone when he realizes Vox is not paying attention to him. He has no qualms breaking Vox's property just to soothe his rage (I would also like to point out that he fucking obliterated that thing; just how hard did he fucking throw it?!).

Something in this scene that did initially throw me as I was writing this is that Vox doesn't seem particularly afraid of Valentino. Not the way we see Angel is when Valentino gets angry. We also see him actively get angry with Valentino, get in his face, and manipulate him. In the past, I believed this behavior from Vox to have established their relationship as mutually abusive. However, after reading yet another post from @deeply-unserious-fellow, I realized that everything Vox does here is only in direct response to Valentino's tantrum.

So let's go through some things here. When Vox initially tries to tell Valentino he can't go to the hotel, Valentino straight up ignores him. Does not respond to Vox's words, completely carries on like he didn't even speak. From this point on, Vox takes an entirely different approach to the situation. He manipulates Valentino into thinking that not shooting up the hotel is his idea and even offers further appeasement in the form of shooting his own employees as a method to satisfy Valentino's temper. I admit to initially viewing this as Vox being abusive, but frankly, when your options are being manipulative or letting your business partner go shoot up a hotel that houses the literal Princess of Hell, yeah, I'd take the manipulation route. Because, as I pointed out above, Vox cannot actually control Valentino. He tries to give him an order and is completely ignored. And even when he does successfully manipulate him, he still has to appease him in some capacity.

Now, there's also something here that is often played for shits and giggles, but I'm taking it 100% seriously right now. Many people point out that Vox's screen gets brighter when he gets in Valentino's face. Valentino is a moth demon and after Vox does this, he seems to be dazed for a moment, enough for Vox to rapidly switch back into manipulator mode and does his thing. It seems to have snapped Valentino out of his rage and I literally can't help but think that Vox has learned this as a defense mechanism. Valentino can't see very well, so it's very likely Vox's hypnotism doesn't work on him, so Vox had to find other ways of manipulating him and calming him down when he's in one of his rages.

Something I also want to point out is that it is made very clear through a single solitary moment that Valentino is in no way afraid of Vox. When he tells Vox about Alastor, Vox screams in his face, manhandles him, and Valentino just...pushes him off and saunters away, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. He doesn't even look upset or concerned when Vox grabs him. He just...laughs it off...like he knows Vox won't actually hurt him. Because I genuinely think Vox won't. Later in the episode, we hear Valentino's voicemails to Angel Dust and how he's emotionally manipulating him, telling him he can't really get better. I wouldn't be surprised to find that he's given Vox a similar treatment, especially considering that it's obvious Valentino knew what kind of reaction he would get out of Vox by bringing up Alastor. And sure, he brushes it off with a kink joke, but in all seriousness, why did Valentino keep Alastor's return from Vox? We know Angel has been at the hotel for a little while and Alastor has been involved with it as of a week prior to the beginning of season 1, so why suddenly bring it up? It's almost like he was specifically holding onto this information, waiting for the perfect time to use it that would be the most beneficial to him.

There's also another little scene that always caught my attention. It's when Valentino is getting pissed about the shadow construct that Angel Dust is flirting with.

Valentino starts getting pissy again, demands Vox's attention, gets annoyed when he doesn't get it, then immediately switches to mocking and confident when Vox starts bitching about Alastor. Like...he's so fucking proud of himself for getting Vox all worked up over Alastor. Like it's some kind of game for him. Riling Vox up and messing with his emotions is fun for Valentino. Alastor dredges up some real shit for Vox and Valentino exploits it. And from here on, he just keeps egging him on. Now, I'm pretty sure "Stayed Gone" would have happened with or without Valentino, but the point here is that he is definitely playing with Vox's emotions here.

As for the not being afraid aspect, again, Valentino hasn't actually threatened him with something that truly scares him. I don't think he's afraid of what Valentino could physically do to him. It's more likely to make him mad than anything else, even if he doesn't fight back (he'll probably go take out his anger on someone else). The thing about Vox is that we see that he does not like to appear weak in any capacity and I think this extends well into his own psyche. If he admits, even to himself, that he's a victim...to him, that's admitting weakness and he just can't do that. So Valentino's not abusing him, they just had a fight. He didn't hit back because he's in control of himself and he knows he could totally toast Valentino. It's Vox's own fault for pushing his buttons when he knew Valentino was mad. It wasn't rape cause he never said "no".

TLDR: Vox can be both an asshole and an abuse victim and it would be a really interesting aspect to his character as long as the show does it right and doesn't scrap his assholeness to make him a more palatable victim. Show him being a victim and also victimizing others. Show him not wanting to accept that he has been abused. LET PEOPLE BE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH FEELING SORRY FOR HIM.

(that's all for now, I have literally been working on this post for days and I'm exhausted)

[gilsart]

I just KNOW that Frederick the Great is tweaking in his coffin right now with the victory of the rotten orange.

It's jover for all of us in politics 💀, we need a hero (historical political figure from Prussia who happens to be gay)

Oh no we do NOT need a comeback no thank you nuh huh not agreeing with this he better stay dead 🚩🚩🚩

All jokes aside!

I think we need to talk about this statement you made. I'm european, that means I'm not directly affected by Tr*mp's election, but I will be in the near future considering most politicians in my country love to lick fascist boots (not surprised, they're fascists themselves). This is a premise to say that we are collectively sinking deep in a pile of shit, but that I'm also used to fascist ideology comfortably sitting in Parliament chairs as I am used to anachronistic statements, so here's my two cents about what you just said.

I admit I have no idea if by "tweaking" you mean tweaking with joy or tweaking in horror, I've seen the verb being used in both contexts and English isn't my first language, but this doesn't matter. Whatever you meant, I wouldn't make a statement like this one to talk about the current situation, if I were you. Now, I know you were probably joking and that's fine, but I still feel like it is my responsibility to answer back to you with what I think about this, especially with what is happening right now: we need to stop thinking about historical figures with our 21st century mindset, ESPECIALLY when it comes to political matters like, for example, segregated and oppressed communities' basic human rights.

Especially when talking about queer historical figures such as Frederick, considering the time he was born, lived and died, he wouldn't even know what the word "gay" means. He wouldn't use the word "homosexual", he wouldn't know how to label himself, he wouldn't think like we do because we're talking about an 18th century rich white man. And he probably wouldn't align with any feminist ideology, as wouldn't most (if not every, but I'm not educated enough to speak on behalf of historical feminism) male figures from his time period. When thinking about it, being considerate enough towards oppressed communities as to, for example, not use certain slurs is a fairly new thing. The words used to describe a gay man back then would be considered extremely offensive right now – not to mention being a lesbian was equated with being mentally ill.

To mix historical figures and modern day society is anachronistic and aside from not leading us anywhere it can be extremely dangerous. What you said was innocent, I think, so I'm not accusing you of anything, and while anachronism can sometimes be funny (like, for example, a meme or a drawing) when dragged into modern society's ideology, it becomes a double-edged sword. Especially when it comes to Frederick. Idolizing him lead to some very bad stuff. N*zis glorified him as a hero and a great German leader prefiguring H*tler. Joseph G*ebbels commissioned artists to render fanciful images of Frederick, Bismarck, and H*itler together to create a sense of historical continuum amongst them and legitimise the Regime by doing so. To this day there are people who proudly call themselves "Prussian nationalists" which in the year of our lord 2024 is rather pathetic (wake up, Prussia doesn't exist anymore, guys) and deeply concerning. These people have reached out to me in the past and I ever so quickly blocked them.

When it comes to a drawing, something silly, something done lightheartedly, it is one thing. When people (not just me, people) draw modern AUs with historical figures just to have fun, with nothing problematic attached to it, that's just what it is: a drawing. But when it comes to politics let's remember that these people are dead, have been dead, and better stay dead and the fuck out of Parliament seats, politicians' mouths, and human rights movements because most of the time they wouldn't even know what the hell we're on about. And that is okay. They have done their time on Earth and we can study them, like them, make content revolving around them like I do along with many other people, but what we cannot do is use them to say they'd stand by us and agree with us because that takes us nowhere.

I'd like to end this by saying I'm not attacking you, and if you feel like I am or would like to talk about this further feel free to DM me. This is just a general message to everyone to not come to me with anachronistic takes, be they voluntary or involuntary, because I'm way too used to them not to start being really annoying.

[see-arcane]

So I've heard quite a bit about Richard "Em Dash" Marsh and his book The Beetle, but I've been quite curious: What elements about it are compelling? I refuse to read the book itself (made that mistake with... other gothic-based media (Damn you, Moore), so I was curious about your thoughts on it?

I think it's just the sheer amount of wasted opportunity for metaphor left laying around. Like, I know everyone likes to call it "Dracula but so much shittier," but I've always seen more resemblance to Kafka's "The Metamorphosis," and not just for the insect element.

The two characters we're introduced to as (mistaken) protagonist and antagonist are Robert Holt and the Beetle. Holt is a clerk who lost his job, applied everywhere after, followed all the rules he was taught to trust in, certain that society would naturally play as fairly with him...only to find himself homeless and starved and refused entrance even to a shelter because it was too full. He watches on in mingled surprise and envy as a fellow vagrant blithely breaks a window and waits to be arrested, thrown in jail for the sake of shelter from the rain.

Robert Holt does not throw a brick with him. Robert Holt is too shackled by his ingrained sense of If I Follow the Rules, If I am a Good Citizen, I Will be Helped.

He isn't. He walks away into the rain, still starving, still scraped off the edge of society, shooed like vermin. He reaches the Beetle's home with its window ajar. He slinks in.

And then is immediately preyed on by the Beetle, his free will suddenly ripped away, ordered to strip and walk and talk and die and live and rob and generally be violated on every mental and external level. He is literally so low as to be overpowered and stepped on by an insect.

But Holt isn't immune to his own (read: Marsh's) callousness. He refers to the Beetle, who is an Egyptian visitor here for revenge reasons, in some fairly ugly terms. How much we can shrug off as being a fear/disgust response versus being Conditioned to Other Anyone Not Anglo-Saxon Enough is up in the air in-universe.

The frustration here is that between this opening and the future cast members' rancid treatment of Holt, who tries to help and warn them, and of the Beetle, met with disdain simply for being a foreigner in England before one chitinous move can be made, there could have been SO MUCH to play with in terms of...

Human beings reduced to pests not worth dignity or care because they are Poor, they are Homeless, they are the Lowest Rung of Society, they are Foreign, they are Dirty and Different from What's White Right

The examination of in-fighting of 'verminous' people. Figurative insects living underfoot in supposedly civilized countries, now preying on and demeaning each other rather than extending the empathy they were never shown by polite*** society

Spotlighting the brutality and villainous aspects of our group of well-to-do "heroes", the main cast being mixed up in building genocidal weapons and plotting asylum stays for romantic rivals and hypocrisy and so many layers of bigotry it makes your eyes ache

A better version of the story in which the aforementioned genocidal weapon, a killer gas to be used on South America for some fucking reason, becomes the focus of the story--bonus points for the accidental 'bug spray' comparison to be made--with the potential of the Beetle and Holt switching tracks from singular vengeance and/or the desperate thwarting of this fruition; knowing that the existence of such a thing would be a prelude to 'dealing with the vermin problem' on a terrifying scale. Perhaps by making use of a new kind of 'shelter.' The insects become the heroes, the polished creme of England now turned to fertilizer.

...a better version that might have Holt ending the story with his own metamorphosis, but as a Gregor Samsa with actual strength and will of his own, and acceptance waiting for him on the other side of the change.

But no.

Richard Dickard Marsh couldn't be bothered to reach beyond squeezing out a Sydney Atherton-shaped turd onto the typewriter and calling it done.

It's so, so, SO goddamn infuriating as a storyteller to find the seeds for something that would have been amazing and groundbreaking, especially for its time period, only to see the whole thing salted and burned until all that's left is racist caricatures, a trashfire of a plot, and the most eye-watering syntax ever put to paper.

[vaspider]

Genuine question. I am fairly confident that i understand the point you were making about the use of the phrase (among a couple others) cuntboy to be unconsionable. I think it was much the same as the fairly standard dont be an ass, call people the terminology they want used for them and do not call them things they do not use for themselves, mixed with the very lengthy transphobic and fetishistic uses the terminology has history with. But, i am terrible at context and, i am not certain that i havent missed anything else. Is that understanding correct? If not, would it be unkind if i were to ask you to elaborate? Or not, i am very familiar with complicated relationships with gender and identifying terminology and how fucking exhausting talking about this stuff ad nauseum can get, so a no is perfectly adequite for telling me off.

Inserting tags here because there isnt really a good equivalent inside asks.

#i respect you massively and find you well a well educated and eloquent resource for living knowledge on these topics.

#autistic context problems yay

#actually autistic

Nope, that's pretty much it.

The uses of terms like 'cuntboy' and 'zippertits' that we're talking about are coming out of the hands of the same people who are talking about how trans men should be raped and made pregnant to force them to detransition. That clearly is ... really fucked up. Those words are not meant as a means of establishing a shared outsider status, which is how queers use slurs positively with each other. Nope. They're clearly meant to make those transmascs/trans men feel like shit and they're continuing after people have asked for it to fucking stop.

If a random trans dude gets off on his lover calling him zippertits or cuntboy or if it's a thing that he and his friends call each other -- much the same way that a lot of queers call each other faggot and dyke in a way that is consented to by both parties -- or if a random trans dude gets off on forced detransition play in his sex life because of the taboo of it or whatever, that's fine. That's something that person consented to being called, and probably actively asked to be called or to have done to them.

The key concept here is consent, and that's what's clearly missing when someone is being harassed. Indeed, that's what makes the behavior harassment. The words matter less than the fact that this clearly isn't consented to and the people subjected to this behavior have said 'hey, fucking stop it.' Someone could be calling transmascs ham sandwich and it would still be harassment if the people in question said 'hey stop it' and it continued.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Valid Critique

For all I am still hugely excited about having Silent Hill 2 (and frustrated beyond all reason at some of the bullshit going on around it, which I will go into momentarily), I'm a little less mopey and a little more accepting, if grudgingly, of my various limits. I pushed too hard the last few weeks and I need an actual rest, so today was largely about putting together some homemade instant hot chocolate mix (because 'tis the season for the warm drinks to come out) and playing Wildermyth.

Part of those limits is the bloody flu vaccine. My left arm still hurts, mostly around the injection site, and while I'm feeling a bit better after way more sleep than I suppose most people tend to need, I'm still a little wrecked. I mean, don't get me wrong - if the vaccine hits me this hard, it's just as well to get it because a bad case of flu would probably be a nightmare. Just ... you know. Same old "everything bad is intensified and I hate it" complaint. So after measuring and sifting and cleaning various powders off my countertops, a game with relatively simple gameplay and still a reasonable amount of story was pretty much just the thing.

As to Silent Hill 2, obviously I still want to keep playing it, and I will, once I feel a little better. I don't know how long that'll take, but it will still be there. I think part of my grumpiness about it is wanting to in some way stick it to some of the aforementioned bullshit surrounding it. The neckbeards are one thing - even if "vandalising the entire Wikipedia page with false review scores and incel rants" just makes me roll my eyes so hard they're in danger of falling out of my head. Like, they're pretty clearly taking a leaf out of the current Republican Party handbook - if the facts don't match up with their beliefs? Lie your ass off. They're just getting louder and angrier lately because of how obvious it is becoming that they are no longer the majority, and honestly never were. While corporations are never going to be anybody's friends, they do at least acknowledge that half of the people doing the bitching about how "woke" gaming has become either had no intention of buying the game in the first place or will buy it regardless of how "woke" it is, and thus actually being inclusive will get them more money in the long run. The neckbeards tried a certain amount of lying with statistics in the form of, "Look at this huge percentage of people who don't really care about that DEI shit!" but the wording they're using makes it pretty clear that that huge percentage of people may not be desperate for it, but certainly aren't against it either - not the way the neckbeard assholes are. Most of us can put up with a game that doesn't go out of its way to be inclusive because we've been doing so for decades - we're used to the eye candy and the carbon-copy YAGWD protagonist, anyway. The thing is, most of us also understand that it's not "shoehorning in minorities where they don't belong" because ... y'know, people who aren't Yet Another Grizzled White Dude do actually exist, and seeing them shouldn't be the end of the fucking world.

Then there's the Guardian review. Now, I mostly trust the Guardian on reviews ... but I admit that a lot of those are for lesser-known indie titles. Whoever wrote the review for the Silent Hill 2 remake seemed to have been going out of his way to look at nothing more but the surface level of the game. Honestly, it's not that the reviewer didn't like the game that bothered me; it's that the review itself was apparently just an excuse to shit on a game from a great height and get paid for it. My old Theatre Studies teacher would have looked over his review and not only given it a failing grade, but read it out to the entire class as an example of what not to do. It was fairly clear that as someone who had heard all the hype but was "too young to play it at the time", that he had very different expectations of what "an excellent video game" looks like. If he'd talked at all about his expectations instead of "I don't care about Angela; I've got enough to do looking for my two-dimensional maybe-dead wife and for some reason doing busywork like gluing together records", or if he'd explained why he felt those elements didn't work, I'd respect it, even if I didn't agree. But for fuck's sake, if you're going to critique something, critique it; don't just lob a few insults at it and call it a day. Especially not when you're getting paid for it. You want to just insult a game you didn't like? That's your right, but go do it on Steam or Metacritic like everyone else.

I mean, is it wrong that the main reason I get upset about this type of behaviour isn't out of protectiveness of a game / book / franchise / even person I admire and more out of wanting a better debate partner than this? Like, I will hear you out all day if you give me some kind of explanation; I will be grateful for the new perspective, even if I don't agree, and then we can at least have a discussion about how our respective viewpoints affect our enjoyment of the ... whatever it is we're discussing. But just insulting it leaves no room for discussion--

Whiiiiiiiich is why they do it. It's harder to challenge a definitive but subjective-as-fuck statement. They don't want a debate; they want to be right. Well, fine. I like being right too. But things you like aren't things to be 'right' or 'wrong' about, and if I'm going to feel obliged to justify my enjoyment of something, I want a decent debate with a rational human being, not a kid on the playground using offensive language as an everything-proof shield against an opinion that wouldn't even really hurt them if they were as firm in their opinion as they make themselves out to be but which they can't even listen to for some reason.

Gods, some people's egos are weird.

[invisiblegarters]

Only Friends Ranking - Ep 4

Genuinely had to sit and think on this for a bit and watch certain parts of the ep again (oh what a burden) and ponder my own reactions a little. I fucking love this show.

But I want to add a little disclaimer, since I guess it's needed: these opinions are subjective. I'm not objectively sitting here ranking the messiness I'm subjectively ranking how much the messiness (or lack thereof, for now) entertains me personally. It's not a statement of fact over which character is the "villain" or the "good guy" because frankly, I don't think we have any of either (maybe in their own heads, but not in the show itself).

Okay. That out of the way let's do this.

Character Rankings (Fave to Least Fave atm)

Sand. Yep he's back on top, it felt weird to demote him last week but he was much less boring this ep. I think I'm starting to get a better read on him, which I didn't have before, and I'm enjoying what I see. While I would like him to be much more guarded against Ray in particular, I think he's just too forthright. Not just with other people but also with himself. And I wonder how much of that stems from his situation. Back before ep 1 First said that Sand doesn't have time, he is patient, he has to do a lot of things just to make ends meet, and I think that extends to his personal life as well. He knows Ray's a bad idea and he also knows he's gonna walk right into it, and I am tentatively hopeful that this is what will make him come out okayish in the end. Because at the end of the day he still isn't gonna have time for bullshit, either other people's or his own. I feel like Ray's gonna fuck that up a bit (or a lot) for a while, but in the end he'll reset to form, probably a little more jaded but altogether still fairly whole. I think that's about all we can ask for him.

I hope that the ex shows up for real. Flashbacks are fun but I want a little bit of mess and it seems clear to me that Sand still has unresolved feelings there, maybe Top too. I am also more sure than ever that he has some serious anger issues and I think we might get to see the Return of the Bat, and I for one am so very here for it. He still seems the most put together out of all of them which is a little disappointing, but again, I do wonder how much of that is because he doesn't have the time to give into the hot mess he really is. I'm very very curious to see how his relationships with both Nick and Ray affect that moving forward, because it seems like regardless of what went down with Top and the ex that better be Mix or I will revolt, he tends to keep himself fairly restrained, and those two are so openly messy and so very unrestrained that you can practically feel the car crash coming (hopefully not in the literal sense).

Also people need to stop calling him a green flag like yesterday. He is not. He's just better at compartmentalizing, give him two episodes I feel it in my bones he's gonna turn out to be a messy messy bitch.

Mew. Never let it be said that I can't admit that I was wrong. I still think that Mew is manipulative but I no longer believe that he is specifically keeping Ray on the line. Ray is keeping himself on the line, every time Mew tries to yank him off he just bites in harder. Which means it's really gonna sting in so many different ways when Mew eventually decides fuck it and does what Ray's been begging him for for two years, because I'm not sure the feeling will be there then either. But I still expect it - frankly the real surprise for me would be if Mew and Ray end the show without fucking. And while I guess it's still possible that they did sleep together two years ago in the current timeline Mew has put a firm "no" down - at least for now. And I have to respect him for it.

Kinda wish he'd stop talking Sand up to Ray though. For one, the more he pushes Sand at him the less likely Ray will actually develop organic feelings for him. For two, he needs to back away from Ray's love life wholesale until Ray no longer wants him to be intimately involved in it. It's just smarter, although I can understand why Mew might think differently.

Then again if he wants to keep noticing how lovely Sand is (he is Mew, good taste no notes) he can go right on, because I wasn't kidding when I said I was shipping this. Maybe instead of Ray Mew should have Sand be his ill-advised hookup after things with Top blow up. I for one would not say nay.

I genuinely thought I'd be annoyed if Mew were not some sort of mastermind, but I'm not. At all. That said, I still don't think he's half as innocent as the show wants us to believe. And I still feel like he's playing with Top. Oh, Top is playing back, a little, but there's something about the way he looks sometimes and the things he says ("I don't want to hide anything from you / I need you to be honest with me") that makes me feel like he's still got more going on than we're seeing. Also he has to know that Top's not gonna stop doing drugs if he sexes him up. There was something about that whole interaction that struck me as weird. I can't put my finger on it right now but it's one of the things that I am going to be chewing on in the days to come, I can already tell.

Ray. This one was a surprise, and I want to be clear. I do not like this guy, and yes, a lot of that stems from the fact that he's set up to hurt my fave, but also he's a wrecking ball in human form and the worst thing about him is that he is an aimless one. Boston is a wrecking ball too but he's pointing himself in one direction; Ray just swings wildly in every direction because he himself is aimless, he doesn't know who he is or what he wants and that is dangerous, especially when you add in his substance abuse and his struggles with depression (look I don't like armchair psychoanalyzing but yeah, depression is what I am going to call it). He feels worthless and hopeless, he hates himself, and the problem with that is that no one else will ever be enough. He will turn his hatred against anyone who cares for him because he hates himself so much that he truly does not understand how anyone else could like him, and the self-hate turns into a weird derision for anyone who tries to see past the shell.

Mew is only exempt from this, I think, because he doesn't want Ray in the way Ray so desperately wants to be wanted. He loves him, he cares for him and tries to build him up, but he is not in love, he can and will step away if Ray is becoming too much, he will set boundaries and stick to them. So Ray's ire can't fall on him because he's reinforcing all the things Ray thinks about himself: that he's a burden, that he's too much, that he drives people away, that he's so unlovable even his own mother couldn't love him.

Sand, however. Sand is gonna fall right into the trap that Ray is laying for him, and oh boy is Ray gonna make him pay for it.

I was surprised by how much he seems to have held on to all the mean things Sand's called him, though. Not that he held on to them as further proof of who he is but that it was Sand specifically that was calling him those things. That was interesting and unexpected.

I do not think that Ray genuinely cares about either Mew or Sand as people at this juncture, but I also don't think that it's on purpose. He's a drowning man grasping at any and everyone within reach who is treading water, and he can't look past his own panic at not being able to get enough air to understand or care if he's dragging others down with him.

So yes. I do not like him but I find him utterly fascinating and Khaotung is killing it. That bathtub scene was amazing and painful (and yes I'm still feeling smug for calling it, mostly because I made a bet with my friend and now they owe me fic. Man do I love profiting off of being right. It's like Christmas AND my birthday) and finally made me understand why he clings to Mew so hard, and why he will keep clinging in spite of everything that happened this ep, in spite of having someone else who wants to care for him the way Mew won't, in spite of probably trying to think of something (or someone) else.

But the sad, sad truth that Ray will have to face (maybe not in this show but eventually, as a character) is that it's no one else's job to fulfill him, and they can't anyway. He's gotta learn to love himself before he can really love anyone else, or let them love him. I can't get over the idea that at some point he's gonna have to break his own heart to figure that out.

Nick. He gets this spot just for the way he smiled at Top like "bitch I know Boston's the worst, do you really think I'm not?" I knew he wasn't gonna go to Mew with the sex recording though because he wants Boston and breaking Top and Mew up at this point is counterproductive to his goals. Still think that he should blackmail Boston into a real relationship though. Opportunity wasted. Also he's making me very wary of wanting to take my phone into IT if I ever break it, lol. Because you know Boston didn't give him his passcode.

I'm also curious why he went for Top because he has to know it was Boston pushing things this whole time.

Boston. He went from winning last ep to being kind of pathetic this ep. The elevator scene in particular. I was embarrassed for him. Don't tell me that he really thought that Top would just give up and start fucking him on the regular after one night? Come on. Top's pettier than that, my dude. He's gonna make you feel like a pathetic loser for it as well as renew his efforts with Mew just to prove that he can do everyone one better.

I have to admit I am curious what makes him pull the "I want to try settling into something" thing with Nick next ep. Does he suspect that Nick knows more than he's saying? Does Top outright tell him he does?

I am also looking forward to him or NIck causing some havoc with Ray and Sand. One of them is gonna spill the RayMew beans, right? Boston would do it out of pure nastiness, but Nick I think values Sand as a friend and would do it as a warning. Or maybe he's like Boston and will hold onto it for when Sand pisses him off...

Top. Frankly unless we find out that Boston has further evidence of Ray and Mew actually fucking or at least showed him some sort of manipulated vid, I think he's a complete dumbass. You don't get to police who the guy you're with now kissed before he even knew you existed (or did he? 👀👀👀). Literally the only reason I was on his side was that if they fucked it was less about the fucking and more about the deliberate dishonesty, but let's be real, even that is a little sketch. Especially when you yourself don't know how many people you've slept with.

However I also kind of want to be weirdly charitable and say that maybe it has less to do with being pettily annoyed that Mew *dared* to have some sort of non-platonic contact with someone else before him and more being blindsided by how much the idea of Mew playing with him hurt. Whether that's because players hate being played or because he has genuine feeling for Mew I'm on the fence about.

But I still think Boston showed him sex. Because he was very insistent about that point. Whether it was RayMew sex or something else I do believe there was something. And I wanted to look at that scene again to see what Mew's face does when he replies but youtube at this point youtube told me to go f myself so no dice.

Also I think we all called the addiction problems. Dude's a mess. And he's not going to stop being a mess for sex.

Relationships (most to least fave atm)

This time I'm not just going to include romantic relationships because finally we're seeing some real meat out of the other interactions.

BostonNIck. Genuinely I think these two of the best chance of actually working out right now, very much in a "they deserve each other" way. Neither one of them knows what boundaries are and they're both obsessive af. If they turn that on each other they're doing society a favor, lol.

SandTop. You know what I would love? If Top was actually into Sand and deliberately lured his ex away to make him available. Of course that's not where we're going but that's why fanfiction exists. But weirdly I do think that Sand hates Top more than Top hates him - maybe he feels remorse for stealing his ex. Maybe they were friendly before he did that. I don't know. I do know that I want them to make out about it and I will never stop. You hear me? I will. Never. Stop.

SandNick. These two are gonna be fun. You can just tell by the way that Sand didn't even bat an eye when Nick was like hey listen to this audio recording I got when I bugged my FWB's car.

TopMew. Both still playing games. The balance of power between these two fascinates me because it seems to switch back and forth at will. I still feel like neither of them is *really* feeling much but I wonder if and when that will change.

MewRay. It's the only thing I can't make myself ship, but I thought that their whole dynamic was super interesting this ep. I can understand Mew trying to build Ray up, especially as he seems to be the only one who is privy to how deep Ray's issues go, and I can also understand Ray latching on to him hard because of that. When he kissed Mew while Mew was trying to sleep I recoiled from my screen so hard it physically hurt, lol. I do not know if that was the intention but it's what happened. Ideally I'd love it if they came out of this mess stronger friends but not sleeping together or paired romantically, but I don't have the highest hopes for it.

SandRay. I'm gonna be frank. Ray doesn't need a boyfriend. He needs a therapist and possibly a stint in rehab. Sand's gonna bash himself on this one like a bird against glass and it's gonna hurt him a lot. They're gonna flare hot and bright and burn to ash, but maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to emerge from the ashes as friends. It isn't lost on me that they do genuinely seem to get on even when they're not preluding to sex. For me this really depends on how fast it falls apart. If they've split by ep 9 I can really see a friendship emerging from this, but if not...nope.

Franky this one worries me. Because Ray latches on and it would be very easy for him to become far too dependent on Sand far too fast, and that's the last thing that either of them needs. Whether they fall in love or not (and I still think Sand will and Ray probably will not) is immaterial. If Sand (because for better or worse it's gonna have to be Sand) doesn't catch on fast enough to what Ray's doing with him it's gonna spell trouble, even without any interference from an outside party or even counting in Ray's continued feelings for Mew.

Sand clearly wants to be with Ray as equals, whether their relationship remains just friends or something else. And Ray is incapable of fulfilling that wish as he is.

SandMew. New ship alert! They should make out. The only reason it gets lowest billing is that it's a pipe dream comprised of one line from Mew and the fact that they both would be very good at communicating their needs with each other, at least from what we've seen thus far.

[squalodinoappreciationsquad]

For the OTP meme, may I have all of them XD Just kidding. I've managed to narrow it down to 3, 4 (this could go both ways and I'd love your thoughts.) 48 and 51 if you want to pick from any of those! 57 is also hilarious. I can just visualize what could happen with those two shopping together.

Oh, that is A LOT of interesting questions! Let's see what I can pull out!

3. Do they wear the other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

They do, but not on purpose, so to say. There was that one time where they both were VERY late to their respective occupation and it happened that Squalo arrived in front of the Varia with Dino's coat and he had to do the walk of shame towards the coat hangers, whilst Dino had to explain a very distressed Tsuna why he was wearing Squalo's coat and he had to basically be like "oh haha silly me!"

Or that other time where they got nearly caught together by Reborn and they had to dress up REAL FAST and stuff got mixed up. Like the t-shirts. Squalo "I only wear plain basic t-shirts" Superbi had to live with the fact that he was wearing Dino "if it's not printed possibly in metal music fashion it's not worth wearing" Cavallone's t-shirt.

There are plenty of occasions like that, HOWEVER, there was one single time where they switched clothes on purpose and it was to exact petty revenge against Reborn, who has the habit of just being everywhere at all times, especially the most inconvenient ones.

Not the most comfortable thing, Dino is used to baggy clothes, whilst Squalo wears a lot of tight-fitting clothes. I will let you imagine how it went, about as smooth as a cactus.

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?

It kind of depends? For both of them the concept of "protection" is such a broad one and it can mean different things. TBF Squalo has "protected" Dino a lot from bullies, mean people in general, people who meant harm. I am fairly sure Squalo acted as the scapegoat whenever Xanxus meant harm to Dino.

Or Dino has "protected" Squalo from like things going wrong - am I maybe thinking Dino crying and begging the CEDEF to let him save3 Squalo from certain death after the Rain battle? Maybe so. Look, there was no reason for Dino to save Squalo and I am still thinking that the "it's gonna be trouble for the Vongola" excuse was a bullshit one so.

There is a lot of "unsaid" and a lot of "shown", these two idiots are a mess. They can't communicate ever, but they do understand each other very well and that is probably why it's "protection" in a lot of ways. If that makes sense

48. Who’s the better driver?

Surprisingly Dino. Squalo has a lot of "road rage", full insults and middle fingers and several fines on his name. Look, the man is STRESSED and the fact that he has to harness the entirety of the Varia is not helping!

Dino, on the other hand, was taught by Romario how to drive properly, and Romario is the most patient person in the universe. He taught Dino how to deal diplomatically with the assholes. Dino is a role model citizen on the streets.

57. Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

Look. Listen.

We are talking about Dino "I like shiny things" Cavallone and Squalo "I am gonna get a good grade in grocery shopping which is both possible and normal to achieve" Superbi.

Squalo has a list and "Dino, if you fucking add that cereals box I am going to kill you!", whilst Dino is "but I am gonna eat cereals!"

S: Since fucking WHEN?? Last time you FORGOT and we had to THROW THE WHOLE BOX AWAY!

D: But THIS TIME IT'S GONNA BE DIFFERENT!

Listen, Squalo and Dino to me and my neurodivergent heart are the Autism to ADHD communication, no one wants to go with them to do any grocery shopping.

Squalo will present an entire spreadsheet with exact times of leaving, arrival, a dtailed list, what snacks they are gonna get afterwards and at what time, whilst Dino will show up two minutes before leaving with a "oh, are we leaving? Are we going somewhere?"

It's a mess.

[touchbased]

it takes her a moment to come back down to reality, slumping against the railing, still quivering slightly from the aftershocks. she's fairly certain she came again when his grip tightened and his cum flooded her (and god, is it obscene, the way she can feel it drip down and onto her thighs, their juices mixing and drying against her skin). she's afraid what will happen if she talks, if she pulls her jeans back up and gently pushes him off her. will she walk out of his apartment, never to see him again? the thought makes her a little sad, a little insecure, so she's okay to remain where she is until he moves her. wasn't lying when she said she'll do whatever he wants if he made her cum. and boy, did he making her fucking cum. she lets out a soft laugh, and suddenly she can't stop laughing, both from shock and contentment. "d'ya do that with all your widows? or am i just special?" tone is borderline drowsy, her bones feeling like goo.

as she began to unravel, benji held her tighter. let all of her weight be held up by his hands, gripping harder around her neck as he continued to pump his cock into her tightening cunt. he swears under his breath, finally throwing his head back as a small indication that he's not going to be able to hold off for much longer. her pussy is squeezing around him, practically milking him as he's thrusting into her through her orgasm. and just as her name slips out, as she begs for his cum, he doesn't hold back anymore. he lets out a deep moan, snapping his hips into her, each thrust shooting load after load deep into her, forehead falling onto her shoulder as his movements slow and his cock slips out of her, catching his breath. "holy fucking shit." was all he could say, grip on her neck loosening, leaning over and catching himself on the railing as well.

[upsidedowngrass]

on that topic actually, heres some fun details abt my one character design interpretations!!! not gonna go into full detail on my interpretations of object biology bc then id get off topic :)

(ALSO. i hc that while the waiting room heals injuries, it still acts as if the injury healed! so if it wouldve scarred, it scars, if it wouldve caused permanent dmg after healing, that still occurs, etc)

Liam:

limbs are VERY kangaroo like, but with many hints of cat like structure

digitigrade when walking, but will usually stand the same a plantigrade would since it takes less energy for the leg shape. he cannot walk the way a normal plantigrade would

after getting back home, he stands with digitigrade footing more than plantigrade bc. stress

he walks like bipedal digitigrade, but the walking cycle i specifically lean to is emus! (since kangaroos walk using their tail and liam Doesnt have that)

he CAN jump like a kangaroo though. if its funny

he also tends to sit like a kangaroo and it is EXTREMELY silly

shoulder can move more than a humans can, but its restricted to the side pockets

his limbs are around average length and a bit wide!

not gonna go into complete detail for reasons mentioned earlier, but while his torsos(?) (aka his object!) fabric has a set 'max length', his limbs have longer 'fabric' (same material. its BASICALLY fur or hair? idk man objects arent normal animals)

his limbs' fur DOES stand when he is angry/scared/similarly agitated

his top handle is basically like a fucked up antenna type thing. as a result, it moves in conjunction w his expressions the same way many animals' do

his hanging straps are something of a somewhat vestigial structure, but they CAN move a little. not much, though

teeth are a bit more cat like than kangaroo. like theyre a mix of the two but more slightly more cat like, because i am not drawing him w kangaroo teeth im sorry

hands have retractable claws a la cats! the claws themselves are the same material as his zippers :)

paw pads are the same light green as the top of his front pouch!

has dew claws!

after ep 13, his left hands claws are basically impossible to retract

after ep 6, he has scars on his left leg from where it was broken

he has a lightning scar on his left arm, and the fabric around the shoulder has burn damage. once the fur grows back in this is a bit harder to see, but its easiest to see on the hand, where the paw pads were burnt

he has a few smaller scars here in there from his Adventures in ep 14. there are two easier to see ones around his pouch, and a fairly small one near the top of his object

after ep 18, he has scars on his right leg from where it was broken. there are more on this leg, as the leg was crushed rather than snapped

there is more damage to his right leg in general. the left was able to be healed after he died, albiet the damage was still done, but his right leg is more prone to pain and weakness

after getting home he uses a cane!

the fabric under his eyes is a little discolored :( his face area also has some desaturated fabric akin to grey hairs. he has some gray hairs on his arms too but theres more sparse (same way as like... irl hair and fur generally discolors near the head first)

Bryce:

fairly human like bone structure/limb positioning(?)! plantigrade and bipedal so

shoulders can move a good bit similar to liam, but the shoulders are inherently attached to his label, and theres a certain radius they cant exceed. its probably roughly 5-6 inches if i had to give an estimate?

his limbs have web/fin things from the inside of middle upper arm and middle lower arm, and the back of his knees. they are the same color as his label (YES i miscolored them in that one post. whoops)

he contains a lot of air, making him buoyant. he also has organs. no you cant see them

crocodile teeth kinda, but a little shorter!

arms have(?) scutes . i dont know how to describe this and looking it up isnt helping, but think like. crocodilian limbs basically!!! in terms of texture at least. its also somewhat dimilar to his caps texture!

crocodile claws :) these are made of the same type and color plastic as his cap, but without the ridges

no paw pads for bryce!

(debating if his hands n feet r webbed? thats subject to change)

his limbs are just slightly transparent! but not as much as, say, amelias. still very reflective, though!

long and thin arms, also!

after ep 13 his right arm has a lightning scar. his label is burnt near the shoulder. the plastic near the label is slightly 'melted,' sort of?

has some scattered scars from episode 14 as well! a noteable one of these is his impalement scar

Amelia:

arguably has one of the weirder limb structures?

her arms have a general standard human like structure but with kinda paw like hands

her legs are cat legs, but the front legs rather than the more typical back legs

kind of has fur, but its kinda quill like! like sonic..

her fur can also stand, but her fur doesnt get particularly long so its not that noticable

cat teeth :)

ironically her claws are NOT retractable. they r simply out at all times!

her claws are also almost the same texture as her arms, but much darker

DOES have paw pads!

has dewclaws, but only rly has 2 toes i guess?

mirroring this, her hands have 4 fingers, but her pinkies are MUCH smaller than the rest

her limbs are VERY transparent! but get darker farther down the limb. VERY reflective!

has visible wax in her upper arms (all four!)

leg arms are about average length, and arm arms are a bit longer! both are slightly thin but wider at the end. her limbs are fairly flexible!

sits weird bc shes got 4 arms basically, but basically imagine half of a cat sitting for her legs

her ARM arms' shoulders can move a good bit, but only as high as her wax goes, as they are attached there. width wise they can probably slide around 4 inches in either direction?

after ep 1 she has multiple cracks, as well as a missing chip at her top. the cracks look like when glass is re-glued together!

after she gets home, her wax is a little sun damaged!

Charlotte:

limbs are very reminiscent of big cats!

her arms are standard arms and her legs are lion/tiger/whatever-like back legs

has lion like teeth! her fangs overhang a little bc she does not have a lion muzzle

her arms are attached at the crust and are confined to the crust. her shoulders can slide up probably arouuuund 6-7 inches maybe?

her arms are about average length and width, but she has thr power of Being Buff

she has freckles :) and these extend to her limbs, as well!

fur is very reminiscent of a big cat on her limbs, with fur longer than amelias but shorter than liams! it can also stand similar to those two

has light fur on her hands and feet, like when cats have little mittens!

lacks claws entirely, and also lacks dew claws

but she DOES have paw pads! they are coarse like a dogs' paw pads rather than smooth like a cat's, however

after ep 16, she has a scar that goes from the top of her left eye, to somewhat above her right leg. its darker than the inside of her objects color, but lighter than her crust

after getting back home, her right arm is amputated and the top right of her head/object is removed (which includes her eye, but i dont know what verb to use when her head is bread?)

Taylor:

ok hers are like. some Amalgamation of pangolin and horse?? idk man

on the top of all her limbs, shr has rectangular scale like things? like pangolins have but less layered. they are made of glossy kinda paper, and are much thicker than her objects paper, kinda like when u stack a bunch of sheets of paper

her limbs are fairly long! but their width is JUST slightly thinner than standard. like a wider version of bryces legs basically?

her arms attach at... some point on her object? they cant slide TOO high, maybe just about 4-5 inches up or down, but i will admit im a bot stumped wrt the left and right movement. never ask me about that again (unless u have a solution. im just Stuck bc she can UNROLL? and her limbs will b at her side)

has ungulate legs

instead of hooves its like... two big claw things?

she has similar structures for fingers on her hands, but they are more articulated! 4 on each hand :)

these claws are made of paper, but thr glossy kind seen on the front pages of magazines? think of when you fold paper into a cone and thats basically what you have here, but a bit more layered

behind her knee(???) is kind of a spike of one of these? i dont know what thats called and dont know what words to use to search that and find out

she doesnt have paw pads per se, but she has like. smth akin to the scale things earlier? but its much thinner and more flexible, on her palms

her hands are also fairly flat on her arm, kinda like an elephant?? i dont know how to describe taylor im sorry

her arms themselves are more similar to the texture of loose paper!

pretty normal human like teeth i guess?

no fur!

Charlie:

bug like in nature :)

limbs are like grub limbs basically! but a bit more human like in terms of bone structure

his fingers are kind of stem like?

no paw pads

has mandibles

DOES have scars from being crushed, but theyre fairly subtle. like ... many long thin lines

[vyeoh]

this is your chance: wax poetic about an Empires or DSMP character of your choice to a fan who is new to both. Explain why I should love them. I need guidance in this new and meme-populated land.

okok this is a lot of pressure haha. Spoilers for EmpiresSMP and DreamSMP below, obviously. I wrote a lot so prepare yourself, anon

I watch a lot of empires POVs but the ones I most anticipate every week are Scott and Sausage.

c!Scott (I'll call him Smajor for the sake of simplicity) starts off the series chilling, not really getting involved with the rest of the server, and staying aggressively neutral. After all, he's an elf. He has lived far longer than most of the other rulers already, and will most likely outlive them for many years. So, the best thing is to stick to his mountains and not get invested in the dealings of mortal affairs, maybe sometimes causing problems on purpose and dipping because what's life without a little spice right.

But then, this demon comes to the server, Xornoth. He's going around causing havoc and wants to send the world into an eternal winter, but he doesn't bother the kingdom of Rivendell much so Smajor stays tentatively cautious but ultimately unbothered. But then, the puzzle pieces start falling together. The first thing that the audience noticed was was Xornoth sounded like Smajor, but we mostly thought that this was just due to cc!Scott voicing both of them and there was nothing more to it. However, then, the people the demon starts possessing start chanting in elvish. The demon hates mortals, and the elves are conveniently one of the two confirmed not fully mortal races in Empires.

This culminates when Smajor stumbles across a cave that contains the backstory of the patron god of Rivendell, Aeor. Basically, there's two opposing forces, Aeor and Exor, and both have a champion. In a previous life, those champions were two brothers, where Aeor eventually prevailed and banished Exor. In this life though, the champions are - you guessed it - Smajor, and the demon Xornoth.

So now Smajor is like. Well fuck. It's my literal god-given destiny to be responsible for defeating this demon who is technically my brother, and if I fail the server gets plunged into an eternal winter. And I have no fucking clue what is happening because I've just been here on this mountain actively trying to stay out of the issues outside my kingdom. We watch him panic and teeter on the verge of spiraling for an entire episode, and when the followers of Xornoth go to the End to kill the dragon, releasing Xornoth's full powers, he fails to stop him. Smajor is a character who was used to being the smart one, the prepared one, the one who has the least deaths on the server. But he's also a character who runs away from his problems and ignores them. Before and during the dragon fight, we hear the desperation in his voice, as he's thrown into a situation he is wholly unprepared for, and it's bigger than him going to the Cod Empire to kill their king, or assisting in other people's plans to kill the codfather. He can't run from this. cc!Scott plays this scene so well as well, as I've said before, one of the best parts of Scott's acting is how he's never super dramatic, but he's so effective in the little things like inflection to make you feel, viscerally, the panic and dread.

So after the dragon fight, Smajor realizes, I can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed. So he gets allies. We watch him, someone who has so strongly been an isolationist, learn the benefits of allies and watch him learn to trust others and watch him learn how to get that trust in return.

My favorite thing about Smajor's characterization is that he's an incompetent protagonist, but not in the way of the "plucky young adventurer". He's capable skill-wise, and fairly jaded and very pessimistic. However, his issue is that up until recently, he did not care about the rest of the server at all, and by the time he learned to, it was way too late.

Also, in 3rd Life, cc!Scott and cc!Jimmy were canonically married and they reference it sometimes in Empires. Like, Scott goes over to the Cod Empire every so often both in and out of character to kill and/or flirt with Jimmy, the ruler of the Cod Empire, which may develop as a secondary plot into the future who knows. So ty Scott for giving the gays what they want o7

Now onto Sausage: his is a story of Icarus, his hubris and ambition being his downfall. He's one of the two followers of Xornoth, who promised him endless power in exchange for his servitude. He started the series being eccentric, but not outright unhinged, but slowly gets more and more extreme as the series progresses, as he gets brought more and more to Xornoth's side.

One of the best parts of Sausage's character, in my opinion, is how his gradual corruption affects the people around him. Initially, he got into a conflict with the Cod Empire and was allied with two other people in the Witherrose alliance. They were allies, but also close friends. The fandom liked to joke that the three had sibling energy, and I'm pretty sure the ccs played to that even more lol.

It was painful to watch the other two members, Gem and fWhip, watch Sausage get corrupted right in front of them, and see them desperately clinging on to this old idea of Sausage in their head because if they faced the truth, it would mean that their friend was gone. Eventually, they do finally cut him out of the alliance, leading him to fully commit to the side of the demon. Sausage felt very clearly betrayed by this, and declared the remaining two Witherrose alliance members to be enemies.

He gets more and more possessed, and we even see the other Empires, his enemies even, slowly realize that something is very wrong with the ruler of Mythland. He starts doing more and more evil things, like killing people more, making sacrifices to the demon, and eventually helping to kill the dragon to free Xornoth. So things are good for Sausage, for a bit. He won, and is more powerful than ever. Then he finds out: he's going to die. Xornoth's possession is slowly killing his soul, and eventually, his body going to be fully taken over and he himself is going to be trapped in the spirit realm. So how do you react to this? Over the next few episodes, we watch Sausage struggle between "the demon is literally killing me" and "the demon has given me so much, and I love it", all while Xornoth takes over more and more of him. We hear him exclaim that "don't worry!! I'm still about 15% there!" while trying to downplay every time Xornoth completely takes over his body. We watch him willingly oppose anyone who is trying to end the thing that is killing him.

My favorite thing about Sausage is that he is undoubtedly evil and proud of it, but he's also undoubtedly human. If you like to watch evil characters go absolutely feral, he's the guy for you. He makes the deal with Xornoth in the beginning, knowing and fully embracing the evilness of the demon, but at the same time he knows what he's doing is detrimental to both himself and everyone around him, but he's gotten in way too deep at this point, and to be fair the demon has held up its end fo the bargain, right?

Also, I would be damned if I don't talk about cc!Sausage's editing. Every one of his videos is like a movie. The way he does camera angles and uses music is so skillful- every lore scene feels like something out of a high fantasy action saga (think: LotR). Every big lore event I always wait in anticipation for Sausage's ep because his editing truly takes lore to another level.

I'm just generally very excited to see where this series goes. Empires is such a good mix of talented builders and good lore. Part of the reason why the series is so immersive for me, beyond any other lore smp, is that they have the settings to back it up. There is a certain charm to the DreamSMP's objectively terrible builds (with a few exceptions) but in Empires, the settings help sell the plot so much.

Another part of why I love EmpiresSMP is how much the ccs are involved with the fan community. I'm sure you've seen the memes about Scott being on tumblr, and Sausage regularly goes through the EmpiresSMP fanart tag on Twitter and likes art, even ones not related to Mythland. Most of the ccs, in fact, have brought up tumblr content on stream at some point or another. Like, several ccs have said that they read tumblr lore theories and hcs and stuff and sometimes take inspiration from them. Fun fact: Rivendell's church was inspired by my pinned drawing; confirmed by Scott Smajor himself. It's just such a good cycle of ccs and fans being excited about each other.

As for DreamSMP, I'm gonna be honest here, the only person I really am invested in in Technoblade. I started watching when he joined the server, and he's the only person whose lore I keep up to date with.

Techno's fun to watch because he's like the Deadpool of DreamSMP. Virtually unkillable, very skilled and scary, but consistently cracks jokes and breaks the 4th wall during plot. His POV is just fun. Like, he does wild plans and gives speeches and some of the stuff that happens to him should be called deus ex machine if it wasn't for the fact that Technoblade is the one who's doing it, and all the stuff is grounded in the fact that cc!Techno is just that good at the game.

However, the fact that he rarely takes anything seriously makes the few times Techno is 100% serious so much more impactful. His whole character has a basis in being perceived as inhuman and being treated as such, and therefore in return trying to hide his humanity. So, when he shows that humanity, whether that's fear, anger, or genuine love for his friends, it really makes you go "oh shit."

Techno's often said not to have character development, but I'd argue that while he remains steadfast in his moral code, he develops leaps and bounds as a person. Like, at the beginning, he's brought onto the server to help Wilbur and Tommy overthrow a government; them knowing he's 1) an anarchist and 2) very very powerful. His character was more of a plot device at that point and was treated as such in the canon. Wilbur and Tommy straight-up lie to him about their plans to establish another government after they overthrow the current one, while he was led on to believe that they were abolishing all governments in the area. But he isn't a plot device. He's a person, as much as he only shows the terrifying, blood god side of himself.

After the establishment of New Lmanburg (the new government its a long story), his friend Phil joins. And for the first time, we see him be fully human with someone and we see someone treat him like a human. Like, we saw glimpses before, with Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, but Phil is the first person we noticeably see he trusts 100%. Then Doomsday happens, and Techno essentially retires to the tundra. During this time, we see Techno learn to be more human, first with Ranboo, then Niki when he establishes the Syndicate. In fact, the two of them, along with Phil, canonically throw him a birthday party, which is a far cry from his treatment in Pogtopia.

Techno's development is one of a god learning to be human, and I just think he <3

[keorami]

So you know when you wanna write a funny situation but you realise that you have to come up with said funny situation? Yeah... I forgot that my sense of humor is atrocious, but at least I tried...? I couldn't focus on one long story so I decided to write several short ones instead! Hope you enjoy!

"I have the feeling you're not enjoying this sleepover very much."

Dream did not, in fact, enjoy this 'sleepover', because not only did it remind him that his only way out of this hell was stuck in here with him, but said way out had been nothing but insufferable since he got here.

"Is this about the bell-"

"You could have gotten us out of here."

Oh yeah, said way out also wasted their one chance at escaping on a fucking bell. Dream hadn't felt such anger in... he doesn't remember actually. He didn't get to feel angry often in here.

"Listen, it was a very important matter-"

He stopped listening at that point. It was the same tirade every time about clout and viewership and whatever that he honestly could care less about. Staring at and counting the cracks in the obsidian seems like a very interesting activity.

"Hey, are you listening?"

1... 2... 3...

"Dude."

4... 5... 6...

"How long are you gonna ignore me?"

7... 8- wait, didn't he count that one already?

"Look at me at least."

No, he doesn't think he will. Because then the bell will be within view, and Dream knows that if he wasn't so pathetically weak, either the bell or Techno would have been thrown into the lava by now. But he is, so he'll throw the next best thing: his body. And fuck whatever the pig might have to say about it.

"Dreeeeeam-"

"WHAT."

He whipped his head so fast his neck hurt a little. He was fully prepared to... well now he doesn't remember, because of all faces he expected Techno to make...

The fuckboy face wasn't one of them.

"Nooo don't be angry, you're so sexy haha."

Oh God, he just died and went to limbo didn't he?

He wasn't sure when exactly he collapsed on the floor, gasping for air in a mix of wheezes and coughing, but Techno was now hovering over him in panic.

"Dream please don't die, I don't want the last thing you ever saw to have been that face-"

Oh, if there was one thing he would make sure not to forget, it would have been that face.

~~~~~

"Man, I'm starving. When do we get food in here again?"

"Um, I don't know really. I guess whenever Sam is in the mood?"

"What."

"Yeah."

Sam hasn't dropped food a single time since he was locked in here. Well, add 'food' to the basic human rights Dream isn't getting. They're really treating this like a bucket list aren't they?

"It's... You'll get used to it."

Dream gives him some potatoes from his inventory, to Techno's absolute delight. At least Sam has great taste, he'll give him that. But...

"...They're raw."

"Well, obviously."

Listen. He loves potatoes. He'd say he loves them to death, if he could die. No matter how you cook them, they turn out delicious. But raw? He'd only eat them raw if it was a life-or-death situation AND he somehow had no source of heat at his disposal, and the likelihood of that situation happening is practically zero. So yeah, he doesn't like to eat them raw.

"And that's all you get?"

"If you can't eat it-"

Ah, those famous words. Now, he's fairly certain that Dream didn't mean it as a challenge, but at this point Techno is just too competitive to see it any other way. Look, you don't get to his level by being passive, okay? So it's perfectly reasonable.

What wasn't reasonable was the taste of this potato because what in the Blood God's name is this.

"What the hell is this."

"...A potato?"

"No, this is a fucking travesty."

And what a sight it was, the Technoblade swearing and ranting about potatoes, of all things. Dream could only last until "mossy cobblestone tastes better than this dry ass, stinky ass garbage" before he lost it. You gotta give him credit for lasting this long at least. Technoblade was too busy ranting to care either way.

~~~~~

This can't be happening.

"Dream."

"What."

He tries to sound neutral, but Techno can hear the snicker in his voice.

"You don't have to do this."

Surely he can reconsider-

"On the contrary, it has to be done."

Dream places a single card on the pile, which happens to be his last one. A Wild Draw 4, to rub salt into the wound. Techno decides that ending on that card should be illegal.

"Remember the deal. No bell for the rest of the day."

"NOOOOOOO!"

Unfortunately, that had been the condition he had to agree to in order to get Dream to play. Because apparently he was "ringing it all the fucking time and it was driving me crazy". There's that, and the threat that Dream would jump in the lava again if he refused. So clearly he had a choice in the matter.

He knew that there was a chance he could lose... but he had deemed it low enough to ignore it. How could he not expect the resident chessmaster of the SMP to utterly trounce him in UNO? He was a fool, and now he has to think about how to make up for the lost clout and money.

At least, judging from the quiet snickers, someone finds his misery funny. He finds consolation in knowing that he may have lost the battle but he won the war. In a way.

~~~~~

"So I almost got mauled to death but that was how I met Steve."

Dream stares at him the way Phil does when he does something particularly outlandish and he fails to see why.

"Can I ask a question."

"Sure."

"Why would the first thing you do upon running into a starving polar bear be hugging it?"

Of course he would question it, because obviously Techno's superior intellect is confusing to the common mind. He just really likes animals, okay? Steve's fur looked so soft and fluffy he just had to touch it, he almost got his face torn off and Phil never let him live that down. But he'll sooner accept governments than let Dream know that. He doesn't want to embarrass himself too much.

"See Dream, I live by a simple philosophy."

"Long live anarchy?"

"No. Well yes, but not just that."

Dramatic silence.

"Any animal is huggable if you aren't a coward."

Dream chokes on his potato, the only one he had eaten today, and Techno worries for a second before he realises that Dream is actually laughing.

"Tech- what-" His body is shaking. "-what is wrong with you??"

"It all started when I was born-"

~~~~~

And it's enough to send Dream rolling on the ground. It wasn't even that funny, but he supposes that prison does a number on you, and Dream's sense of humor was already terrible to begin with.

...Okay, now he had to make sure that the teletubby didn't laugh himself to death.

At the end of the day- at least Techno assumes it's the end of the day, he doesn't know how trustworthy his internal clock is anymore- the two inmates of Pandora's Vault are about ready to fall asleep, but Techno has one last thing to do before that.

"Dream, come here for a minute."

Said man gives him such a wary look that he almost feels insulted.

"...Why?"

"I won't bite, ya know."

"That's... debatable."

Bruh.

"Just get over here."

And Dream complies without any further complaints. Techno hopes he didn't sound too harsh, but his cellmate wasn't shivering uncontrollably, so he thinks he's in the clear.

"What?"

Techno lays his cape down on the very uncomfortable obsidian floor. Seriously, laying down for an hour is enough to make his joints ache. 0/10 would not recommend. How did Dream- right, he doesn't have a choice.

"What are you doing?"

"Making this prison less of a living hell. Come lay down."

"...I'm fine."

Why are you being so difficult, Techno wants to ask, even though he can guess the answer. When was the last time anyone did something remotely nice for him without any catch? Especially in here?

"Stop being difficult and sleep with me already."

Silence.

"...Pft."

"You know what I meant."

In his defense, everyone has their moments, and his usually don't happen that often.

"Stop being so difficult and-"

"Just... get over here. My cape is really soft."

"Is that why you wear it all the time?"

"...Among other things."

But mostly because it was really soft.

Dream still seemed apprehensive about the whole thing, and while usually Techno would have respected his wishes and left him be... the sight of his rival curling up in a corner of the cell, obviously trying to not aggravate his injuries as he did, was saddening even to him. Prime, he's really not good at this... but Dream probably definitely needs it.

So he pulls his roommate into a side hug, which is honestly the best he can manage without ruining his image. It's awkward, Dream is way too stiff, and maybe now would be the time to say something before embarrassment kills either or both of them. Something reassuring, comforting to help Dream relax in his presence for example.

"This is gonna be the best sleepover you've ever had."

...But the day he stops relying on humor for any kind of social interaction is the day it'll either stop working or get him killed.

"...This is so stupid."

And today was not that day.

Dream lets out a laugh, shaky but genuine, and relaxes. Techno sees that as a win. Since he's stuck here for a while, might as well make his favorite teletubby's life in here more bearable.

And it's finally over! It only took me... *looks at calendar* ...time is an illusion. Idk if I'm really happy with this, but on the bright side, it's... done? Now I really wanna continue that endersmile fanfic as I got some ideas, hopefully it won't take as long? God I am a writing disaster

Also if you saw any mistakes... no you didn't :)

[dasha-through-the-snow]

The early 10s. The rise and fall.

So, personal bias? 2010-2013 were some of the best years of my life. But that just means I remember all that happened back then all too clearly.

So Putin does his big loophole abuse and is now set to become Prez for the third time. To be fair, for the fourth time - Dmitry Medvedev was little more than a figurehead who played as a liberal.

There were mixed reactions to that.

For a good chunk of Russians, Putin saved them from the chaos of the 90s. Who cared that it was largely because of Gaidar's reforms and high oil prices? Who cared that civil liberties were eroded every month? We had FOOD and IPHONES and could HAVE A VACATION IN GODDAMN TURKEY, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

And yet there was a growing number of people, especially young people, who realized how fucked up it all was. Putin was set on becoming a forever leader, making a mockery out of democracy. This would not stand!

And thus we come to the Bolotnaya protests. This is, without a doubt, THE most important thing that the Russian opposition ever did. Bolotnaya was a giant-ass watershed moment. And it also was a failure.

In late 2011, people started gathering on the streets, demanding free and fair elections. They were dispersed, but that just made them angrier. New protests were organized almost every week, coordinated via Facebook and Livejournal (remember that mammoth?). And this is where Navalny comes in.

By that time he ditched his nationalist image and shifted into being a second Nemtsov. A milquetoast political who's against Putin, against corruption, against evil. He even coined a phrase "United Russia is a party of cheats and theives", with UR being the main political party in Russia. He made rousing speeches that are very eery to watch, looking back at them. He masterfully worked the crowd. And what a crowd it was! Absolute record numbers, tens, if not hundreds of thousand of people!

But the protests were never violent. Just angry shouting, singing and walking. And then came election day. And Putin won. He made the numbers seem bigger, but I am fairly certain that even if the count was fair, he would still become a president. Putin enjoyed a lot of support in Russia and the opposition, however angry, was still a rather small force.

Still, the protests continued up through the summer of 2012, when they slowly fizzled out. There were two reasons for that - a heavy police crackdown, including several prison sentences. And the failure of the Opposition Coordination Council.

This is where a second big figure of the new Russian opposition comes in.

Maxim Katz was a professional poker player and had a huge stiffy for urban development shit. The guy wanted nothing more than to plan tram routes and build park benches and wakable cities. Which the Moscow government really lagged behind on. So he joined the opposition partially because of that, partially because, well, he hated Putin. This is where his organization skills started to shine.

The OCC was also joined by Navalny and our old friends Kasparov and Nemtsov. Who were also active during the Bolotnaya protests, mind you.

Khodorkovsky was still in jail.

And herein lied the biggest problem of the whole organization. All this politicians had only one thing in common. They hated Putin. Their actual goals and political leanings were radically different. And they fucking hated each other. Maybe not as much as Putin, but...

Suffice to say, they couldn't agree on a common plan or what to do next.

Katz was the first one to leave the OCC. Very soon the organization collapsed. And that was the one and only time the Russian opposition had any kind of a united front.

A big rant about the Russian opposition

Well, you said you wanted it, so here it is.

Be warned: this will be long, rambly and unfocused. But I will try to split it into several parts.

Where it all began. The 90s.

Following the collapse of the USSR, Russian opposition was left in a weird state. Big Soviet-era opposition figures like Yeltsin now held all the power, yet, at the same time, the government was full of ex-Soviet party members. See, ol' Boris didn't want to do a lustration. I don't have his exact motivations, but, if I was put at a gunpoint and forced to guess, it was because Russia, even without all the states that left was a BIGHUGE country and needed people who knew how it all worked. And all of them happened to be party apparatchicks.

Yeltsin also left the KGB eseentially untouched. This is not well-known, but KGB were actually supportive of the fall of the USSR. Now, late-Gorby KGB is not the same as KGB during Stalin or even Khruschev. They were de-fanged and forced under too much supervision. Which they didn't like. So they were allowed to change their name, had some reshuffling and re-emerged as FSB. Ostensibly, just there to fight crime and protect the state, no disappearing people allowed anymore.

This is important to understand as we go forward.

90s were, overall, a time of terrible, terrible poverty and unimaginably, unprecedented freedom in Russia. If you knew what to do and was willing to do it, you could become a millionaire overnight. If you didn't have a particuarly marketable set of skills or was just unwilling to adapt, you'd be on the brink of starvation. And that's me not even touching the organized and disorganized crime which was absolutely rampant.

Then there was the privatization. Essentially, Yegor Gaidar, the prime minister during Yeltsin's first term decided that the best course of action was to take this lumbering 70-yo communist system and crash it head-first into capitalism. It was even called "shock therapy".

Now, in hindisght, we can say that his policies very much saved Russia and lead to economic prosperity later on. But man, shit was HARD for regular people. Especially hordes of state workers.

His most infamous project, however, was the privatization. Essentially, since EVERYTHING in USSR was state-owned and we were moving towards a capitalist system, someone needed to become the owner of all this state property. Privatize it, so to say. Of course, regular people could privatize their cars and apartments, which most everyone did. But the big bucks were in all the factories and natural resource mines. And this was done in the most ass-backwards way possible. People with connections got to bid on very lucrative property in the dead of the night with only one announcement in the local newspaper nobody read. Shit like that.

Everyone disliked that.

This is how Russia became saddled with it's giant oligarchy class.

I promise all of this is relevant.

Another really important thing happened in the 90s: the 1996 election. Yeltsin wanted a second term and he REALLY didn't want commies, his main opposition, to win. So he played dirty. Unlike what many later said, he didn't outright steal the elections. He did, however, do everything in his power as a prez to ensure a victory.

Everyone disliked that. Which is how we got Putin.

But 90s also saw the rise of several important opposition figures. And there really was actual freedom of speech and very little crackdown on opposition and protests. It still happened, don't get me wrong, but it was so minor compared to what's happening today, that it's barely worth mentioning. Anyway, back to opposition figures.

I will note three main one. Boris Nemtsov was the biggest - he was a favorite of Yeltsin's, was even a Deputy Prime Minister at one point and was considered as Yeltsin's heir at the same point. Things didn't work out. But he was the big face of liberals and democrats of the era. A guy who's "against everything bad and for everything good".

Then there was Mikhail Khodorkovsky. An oligarch and a philantropist, he was genuinely interested in the future of Russia and making it a big important country on the world stage through education and commerce.

Lastly, Gennady Kasparov. Yeah, the chess guy who lost to a computer. He wasn't really political in the 90s, but I still consider him part of the "old guard".

Part 2 in a reblog, because this is getting unreadable.

[marjansmarwani]

that’s alright, my heart is okay

2.8k || ao3

The Reyes come to dinner, Owen shows up late (with the limes), and TK has some words with his father. But most of all: Carlos has a victory, and TK and Carlos share some moments. -------- A 2x11 coda

-------------

Yes this coda took me forever to write, but here it is: the dinner scene I wish we had gotten to see. 

--------------

It was the third muttered curse that brought TK into the kitchen. The first two had caused him to look up from where he was setting the table, but the third slightly louder and forceful “fuck” from his usually even-tempered boyfriend grabbed his notice. 

“Anything I can help with?” he asked as he stepped into the kitchen area, surveying the scene to locate the subject of Carlos’s ire. 

“No,” Carlos responded, voice weary and full of frustration. “I just can’t get this damn sauce to thicken.” 

“Maybe add more cornstarch?” TK suggested. “What?” he said defensively when his boyfriend tossed him a surprised look, “I pay attention! How could I not,” he added, stepping closer and placing his hands lightly on Carlos’s hips as he closed the distance, pressing himself against the other mans’ back, “watching you in the kitchen might just be one of my favorite pastimes. It’s really something to behold.” 

He was rewarded by the sensation of Carlos’s body shedding some of its tension at his touch and a slight shiver as TK’s words brushed across the exposed skin of his neck. He pressed a light kiss on the side of his neck and watched as he took a deep breath. 

“You’re right, that should help. Could you grab it for me?” 

TK pulled himself away from Carlos to cross to the cupboard with the backing ingredients. He grabbed the box of cornstarch and headed back to Carlos, stopping short and holding the box just out of his reach. “Only if you relax,” he said and Carlos raised an eyebrow. 

“Is this a negotiation?” 

“Yes,” TK confirmed. “I hate seeing you so tense. They’re your parents, Carlos. They love you and that’s not going to change, no matter how runny the sauce is.” 

“I know that,” he admitted, looking back down at the pan simmering on the stove. “I just want everything to be perfect. It’s their first time officially meeting you, and I want them to love you as much as I do.” 

“I hope not,” TK quipped, “that could get awkward.” When Carlos didn’t return his grin, he sobered. “I get why you’re nervous,” he admitted, “I’m nervous too. But stressing over the food or swearing at your stove isn’t going to change that. All we can do is relax and be ourselves because that’s who we want them to see. Us, just like we always are. We make a pretty good team, remember?” 

Carlos turned down the burner and stepped closer, wrapping a hand around the arm holding the cornstarch and pulling it down so he could step closer to TK, “We do,” he asked with a soft smile, “don’t we?” 

“Always have and always will,” TK confirmed. “Besides, if we can handle my parents, we can handle anything.” 

Carlos chuckled and leaned forward, stealing a kiss before he stepped away again, holding the cornstarch. “There is that,” he agreed. 

---------

Carlos is surprised by how normal it all is. 

From the moment his parents arrive, they fall into a rhythm. His mother apologizes for messing up TK’s name that one time, his dad gives him shit about it. TK jumps in, tossing him a teasing smile and then they’re all smiling. There is the brief crisis of the limes but TK swoops in, saving him from his own anxiety as he so often does. From there though, things go smoothly. He watches, a fond smile on his lips as TK patiently answers all his mother’s questions about growing up in NYC only to turn the tables and get her going about stories of his own childhood. He fakes a scowl when his boyfriend grins at him after a particularly embarrassing story, but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s pretty sure it’s impossible to feel anything but complete bliss at this moment: watching his parents banter and laugh with the man he loves in the home that they share. It felt so surreal, but also so right. 

After a few more stories though, he felt the need to stand up for himself: “Mami,” he protested in a tone just short of a whine as his mother finished telling TK of the time he had run through the family bbq naked at the ripe age of 2. “Really?” 

“It’s cute!” she defended, and he shot a look at TK when he snickered. 

“Oh c’mon Carlos,” he retorted, grinning at him, “it’s not like you haven’t heard all the embarrassing stories from both my parents already. It’s only fair that I get some from your childhood as well.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes, but he had to concede the point. Both Owen and Gwyn had been more than willing to share stories from TK’s youth during their time spent at the Strand house - there had even been pictures involved. But the mention of TK’s parents brought something else to mind. 

“Did your dad say where he was on his way from?” he asked lightly, not wanting to cause any undue worry, “it’s been a while.”

Too long for the two mile distance between the two homes, he added to himself. 

Though he didn’t verbalize his concern he could see TK coming to the same conclusion as he frowned and glanced at the clock on his phone. He bit at his lip before he rose from the table, phone in hand. “I’m going to call him real quick,” he said, “excuse me.” 

He stepped away and Carlos tracked him with his eyes, well aware of the panic TK was trying to hide. TK placed the call and Carlos pulled his eyes back to his parents who were both watching him. 

“¿Todo bien, mijo?” his mother asked softly. 

“Sí,” he responded quickly but when his dad raised a skeptical eyebrow he sighed, “Owen had surgery a few days ago, and TK’s worried. He’s not exactly known for taking it easy and TK is concerned he’s going to push himself too hard.” 

“What kind of surgery?” his father asked. 

“To remove the last of a tumor from his lung,” Carlos responded absently, his gaze turning back to TK who was lowering the phone from his ear with an anxious look. He got up from the table, crossing over to where TK stood in the living room. 

“Hey,” he asked gently, “what’s going on?” 

“He didn’t answer,” TK told him, looking at him with fearful eyes. “Carlos, what if…”

“No,” Carlos said firmly, “don’t go there, Ty.” 

“I can’t help it. What if he tried to do too much and put too much strain on his lungs? What if…”

“Try calling him again,” Carlos urged, “maybe he just didn’t hear his phone the first time. If he doesn’t pick up, we’ll figure something out.” 

TK took a deep breath and nodded, tapping at his phone again and lifting it back up to his ear. Carlos watched anxiously as it rang, heart sinking when the voicemail picked up again. TK met his eyes and Carlos hated that they were so full of fear. 

“Okay,” he said evenly, “we can go over there, just to make sure everything’s okay.” 

“But your parents…” 

“Will understand,” Carlos said firmly. “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure everything’s fine. It’s probably just a simple mix up.” 

Before TK could respond the phone in his hand began to vibrate. He barely gave the screen a glance before he answered it, speaking quickly into the phone, “Dad? Are you okay?” 

“Of course I am, sorry I missed your calls. I just got tied up while running errands, I’m on my way now. I’ll see you all in a few minutes.” 

TK hung up the phone and looked at Carlos, who gave him a smile, “See,” he tried, “he’s fine.”

“Is he though?” 

“What,” Carlos asked, “you think he’s lying?” 

“You don’t?” 

Carlo had to concede that it all did sound fairly suspicious, but there was no point in dwelling on it now. “He’s on his way here and we can figure it out then,” he said instead. “It’s going to be fine.”

TK took another deep breath, chasing away the last remnants of panic before he nodded, squeezing Carlos’s hand. 

“You’re right,” he agreed, “and we should really get back to your parents, we’re being rude.” 

Before Carlos could so much as protest, TK was crossing the room and sliding back into his seat at the table, a wide and bright grin plastered on his face; masking the anxiety Carlos knew was still roiling through him. He followed suit and the easy conversation flowed between them - TK as it’s eager facilitator - until there was a knock on their front door a few minutes later, as promised. 

Carlos watched as TK crossed to the front door, opening it to reveal his father, holding a bag of limes triumphantly. 

“I hope this means Margaritas,” he said jovially, his bravado never wavering under TK’s analytical gaze. He offered no explanation for his prolonged absence and after a moment, TK seemed to accept the inevitable as he stepped aside to let his dad in. 

He gave no indication that he was anything less than perfectly content as he facilitated the introductions, but when Carlos caught his eyes out of the gaze of the others he shook his head and Carlos understood: he wasn’t letting it go, but he would wait. He was almost certain his boyfriend had zero intention on letting his father leave their home tonight without answers. 

So he followed suit, squeezing TK’s arm in silent support as they passed in the kitchen; following along as he made conversation. Despite the tension it was still an enjoyable night and Carlos was still marveling at how easy this all felt. It felt as if it should have always been. This was further reinforced as his mother insisted on joining him in the kitchen to put the final touches on dinner. 

As they stood side by side, transferring the food from the pans to platters she leaned into his space, placing a hand on his wrist and squeezing it gently. “I like him Carlitos,” she whispered, eyes on the group at the table, TK laughing at something Gabriel had said. Carlos followed her gaze and could help but smile wider when TK met his eyes. 

“I like him too, Mami,” he agreed, “an awful lot.” 

She smiled at him, eyes moist as he patted his wrist again, “I’m so happy for you, mijo. All I’ve ever wanted for you was to find someone to love you as much as you love them.”

Carlos turned to his mom, meeting her eyes for a moment and seeing the moisture in them. He gave her a smile and set down the dish he was holding, placing a hand on top of the one resting on his wrist. 

“Me too,” he agreed, “and I did.” 

---------

Eventually, they parted ways for the evening. 

The Reyes left first: Andrea with a kiss for both the boys and Gabriel with a hug for his son and a handshake for TK. Carlos saw them to a door and with a wave in Owen’s direction, they were gone. 

Carlos shut the door behind them and silence fell over the living area as TK looked to his father. He tried for a smile, but TK didn’t return it. 

“Are you going to tell me what you were really doing? What actually happened?” he asked instead, and Owen froze. TK could feel Carlos coming up behind him, silently offering support but he didn’t pull his gaze from his Dad’s face. The silence stretched on and eventually, TK shook his head. 

“Thanks for bringing the limes, I guess,” he muttered, turning away. 

“TK…” 

“What, Dad?” TK asked, his tone exhausted. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s going on? Are you finally going to listen? Because if not, I don’t think there is anything more to say.” 

He turned and walked to the door, feeling both Carlos’s and his dad’s eyes on him the entire way. He opened it and turned back, eyes seeking his father once more.

“I think you should leave, dad.” 

“Son,” Owen began again, walking towards him. 

“You’ve made it painfully clear that what I think isn’t important. I just want you to be safe, to do what is best for you but it’s like talking to a brick wall!” he exclaimed, causing Owen to freeze and Carlos to step closer. He closed his eyes and took a breath - yelling wasn’t going to help anyone. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself,” he said instead. “But I want to help you, dad. I just want you to be safe.”

“This is about something bigger than you or me, TK,” Owen said instead and TK had to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes. 

“It always is, isn’t?” 

He watched as his dad’s expression faltered. Then he shook his head and walked towards the door, pausing next to TK. He glanced at him and for a moment looked like he had something to say. TK waited but a moment later Owen shook his head and stepped out their front door into the night. He took one step down the path before pausing and turning back. 

“I’ll call you tomorrow” he said, and TK wasn’t sure if it was more a promise or a question.  

“I guess that depends on what you have to say.” 

With that TK shut the door, pressing his forehead against it and closing his eyes. He stayed like that for several moments, until he felt the warm weight of hands on his shoulders, rubbing soothing patterns against his skin. 

He opened his eyes and turned so he was facing Carlos, who was studying him with concern. 

“I’m okay,” he told him softly. “He’s just…” 

“Frustrating? Stubborn?” Carlos offered. 

“Infuriating,” TK concluded with a groan and a shake of his head. 

Carlos hummed sympathetically, “But he’s also your dad, and I know how much you love him and care about him.” 

“I do,” TK agreed, “which makes this even more frustrating.” 

They were quiet again as they each considered the implications of the last few minutes before TK flopped forward with a groan, burying his face in Carlos’s chest. “I’m sorry he ruined dinner with your parents,” he muttered into the material of his boyfriend’s sweater. “I know how important this was to you.” 

Carlos laughed lightly and wrapped his arms around TK, “He didn’t ruin anything.” 

TK pulled his face from Carlos’s chest to give him a dubious look and Carlos continued, “Yeah, maybe he could do with a second impression,” he conceded, “but he didn’t ruin anything. They came and we all had dinner together. My parents and the man I love all ate dinner together in our dining room, and it was fine. Better than fine actually: they really like you.” 

“You think so?” TK asked, unable to keep the uncertainty from his voice. 

“I know so,” Carlos confirmed. He grinned at TK for a moment before his expression shifted and he reached out a hand to caress TK’s face.

“I never thought I’d be able to have this,” he admitted. “For so long I figured it was either my family or whoever I decided to date, never both. But,” he added, a smile spreading across his face, “someone very smart told me that nothing ever stays the same. Turns out, they were right.” 

“This person was very smart, you say?” TK asked, a grin breaking through the cloud of emotions. 

“And handsome,” Carlos added. “and kind and a terrible cook, but I won’t hold that against him.” 

“I think their cooking skills have likely improved,” TK quipped, playing along. “But you better be careful Reyes, they sound like they might just be a keeper.”

“They are,” Carlos agreed, “and I intend to, for as long as they want.” 

“I can’t speak for this mystery man,” TK replied, “but I think the answer to that might be the same. I don’t think he has any desire to go anywhere else either. I think you might be stuck with him for a long time.” 

“That’s good,” Carlos agreed, leaning forward to press a soft and gentle kiss to TK’s lips, “because my parents kind of like him; I think my mom would be upset with me if I let him slip away.”

“Well, we can’t have that.” 

Carlos hummed, pulling back just enough to see TK’s face; to memorize this moment of all of his childhood fears being proven wrong. It had happened in small bits each, a little at a time, but this moment — a kiss shared in their living room after dinner with his parents — seemed to be the culmination. He never wanted to forget it. “No,” he agreed, a smile on his face as he ran a thumb over TK’s cheek, “we can’t.” 

[dragonsareourfuture]

3AM Cookies — Obey Me! Oneshot

I wrote this late at night when I wanted to get back into writing more. Good news -- it worked! Bad news -- this is a bit incomprehensible and has no plot. But it was fun to write, so I hope it’s at least a little fun to read!

Satan’s tired eyes fixed onto the digital clock. He puffed out his cheeks and blew the air out in an exasperated sigh.

3:00 AM, as the clock spelled out to him in big, blocky letters. He shouldn’t be surprised that he had stayed up so late, nose buried in a book. But this had become a regular occurrence lately and, if his aching joints had anything to say about it, he was allowed to be a tad annoyed at himself however foolish it might seem.

Satan heaved his stiff body out of bed, narrowly avoiding books and scrolls strewn about the room in organized messes. Yes, he knew where everything was and no, he was not going to change his system. It worked fine. Plus, every time Lucifer recommended to him that he become more organized that only made the blonde demon want to knock over one of the towering stacks to show the eldest who’s boss.

With a few little stretches of his legs and arms, Satan made his way out of his dimly lit bedroom. The hallways were just as shrouded in shadow due to everyone being in their respective bedrooms at such a late hour. Y’know, as they should have been.

But when Satan trudged down a few flights of stairs in order to get to the kitchen, hoping to fetch a nice, refreshing glass of water and head to bed straight after, he noticed a warm light flickering against the wall adjacent to the kitchen. Someone had beat him there.

Fairly certain it was not a burglar or murderer, the blonde shrugged and rounded the corner. He blinked as his eyes, which had only been exposed to a room and hallway amassed in shadows previously, adjusted to the fire he found roaring in the fireplace.

“Aye, it’s Satan! Hey, you don’t happen to have any chocolate chips on you, do you? Ahaha...” a familiar voice greeted him. Once his eyes did manage to adjust and he took in the sight of the two people in the room, Satan wasn’t surprised that food was missing from the vicinity. “We started making chocolate chip cookies and just now realized there aren’t any chocolate chips...”

Satan gave you a smile, head twitching towards Beelzebub, who’s mouth was too busy licking the batter from a wooden spoon to greet his brother verbally. “You decide to make food with this one in the room and are still surprised when it suddenly goes missing? I though you knew better.”

You let out a string of delirious giggles. “Yeah, you thought.”

“Will we not be able to finish the cookies then? Can I eat the batter?” Beel asked, to which you held the bowl you were mixing closer to your chest like a baby.

“Uh uh,” you shook your head, “We’ll find something to put in here. Oh OH what if we put raisins in and give them to Mammon tomorrow? It’s a perfect prank. It does no harm, it’s not even bad, it’s just mildly disappointing! Whatcha think?”

You looked around the room for approval.

“I’m still confused,” Satan said, rubbing his temple as the light from the fire started to make his head ache. “Why are you making cookies at 3am?”

“I was hungry and I ran into Beel here. The fuck else were we gonna do?” By now you had dragged a stool over to the pantry, hopping on top to reach the higher shelves that required even Beel to use his wings in order to reach. You pulled down the raisins and headed back to your batter.

Beel nodded. Okay then.

“...alright.” Satan crossed the room to finally just get his water and go to bed.

After completing his one task, the blonde headed towards the kitchen door with a wave goodbye.

“Wait!” You called. Satan stopped to acknowledge you with an eyebrow raised. “How do I bake here? Like...is there an oven or something? Because all I see is a giant open fire with a cauldron in it.”

“I’m going to bed.”

“Satan, PLEASE!”

[emilyoftheshadows]

Deja Vu

Hi everyone! This is the second part of Deja Vu and while I will say its not as angsty as part 1, it is definitely far from resolved. I hope you guys enjoy!! I linked part 1 down below for those who haven't read it yet :)

Part 1

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********

Aelin heaved for air as she rounded the corner of the street towards her apartment. Glancing at her watch, she noticed the time and coerced her body into a brisk jog to finish her afternoon run. Arobynn had clearly stated that she was needed in the office at 1:00 pm sharp. For what, who knew but him.

The man was utter filth and Aelin was completely aware of every leering gaze he threw her way. The way he shifted towards her whenever she walked into a room, the gleam of some sort of promise lingering in his gray eyes. Yet, Aelin could not give 2 fucks. She was becoming his prodigy, and she embraced the infinite work he piled on her month after month. While her title was still Hamel Hotel’s Brand Manager, she practically ran the company itself now. If she was being quite honest with herself, she hated her job most days and thought about quitting at least 3 times a week.

But every time she felt like pulling her hair out from the stress of dealing with incompetent colleagues and a boss who eye fucked her every second of every day, Aelin reminded herself that the alternative was way worse.

It had been almost a year since she ended it with Rowan, but it felt more like a lifetime. Only 6 months ago she had been crippled by heartbreak and rage, blinded by her own emotions and unable to see a future for herself. Unable to even think beyond the next hour, completely focused on her breathing. How she only had to breathe through the waterfall of tears cascading down her face, for one more minute. And then another, and another, until she could sit up and wipe away the fog wrapped around her brain.

But now, her heart was encased in an iron-clad box with no key. Because as she had laid across her floor all those months ago, sniveling snot like she was 5 years old, Aelin had had an epiphany. Not just pertaining to Rowan, but to romance in general. All the ice-cream dates and movie marathons, sunset picnics and belting songs in the car, have all been done before. Nothing about her and Rowan was special. All the great romantic tropes were being used by everyone else on this godforsaken planet at any given time.

Once Aelin let this new reality sink in, she had decided to never let herself become so undone by a man who couldn't give her an original love story. No one would ever have the power to crush her heart into pieces except herself, and Aelin would be damned if she let the same person in twice. With her new promise, Aelin had thrown herself into her work, filling her days so full that there was no time to think. No time to reminiscence or let her regrets see the light of day. She woke up early and ended late, passing out every night from pure exhaustion. Her tactics were less than stellar, but Aelin never thought of her green-eyed bird boy anymore, and that was all she needed.

She trudged up the stairs of her apartment, practically slamming her body into the door from lack of energy and not enough water. Entering the living room, Aelin threw her clothes off haphazardly, naked by the time she got to the shower. After a quick rinse, she flew back to her room to paint makeup on her face and find a suitable outfit.

It was standard for the women in the office to dress to Arobynn’s tastes, meaning fairly low necklines and silhouette framing outfits. The thought was disgusting, but Aelin wasn’t below using her looks to earn a place higher than Brand Manager. As much as she hated to admit it, if Aelin kept working to the bone, she truly believed Arobynn would give her the raise she so wanted. The raise she deserved for fucks sakes. With a glance in the mirror and a nod of approval to her reflection, Aelin was ready to go into battle once again.

----

Arobynn was ecstatic for his own standards, smiling with genuine excitement as she entered his office. Rifthold had a stunning downtown area, filled with sky-high buildings and classic architecture mixed with modern features, the Hamel Hotel in town being at its center.

Arobynn’s office was extravagant to a point of gaudiness, revolting Aelin every time she stepped inside. He glanced at her chest as she sat down, pleased with her choice of blouse today if the smirk on his face was any indication. The seat sank with her as she settled into the plush surface, settling her legs in a crossed position, ever the professional businesswoman.

“Darling, I see that we were running a bit late today, but that’s no matter now.” Aelin glanced down at herself, trying to find the source of such a comment. As her eyes dragged up her own body, Aelin saw the mistake that gave her away. Her blouse buttons were askew, the buttons incorrectly aligned creating an odd, sagging neckline. Well, no wonder he was staring at her chest earlier, the black bra peeking through the gaps in her shirt. Fidgeting with her shirt as she noticed the mistake, Aelin dropped her hands and quickly resigned to fix it later. Of course Arobynn would notice the tiny, careless mistake in her appearance. But with his mind on other matters, Arobynn was already moving on barely noticing her squirming.

“I have exciting news for us, Aelin. The kind that could put Hamel Hotels in the spotlight.” With a quick turn of his laptop, he presented her with the picture of a young man, about her own age. He was pale, but not alarmingly so. His hair was tousled and dark, the pieces framing a boyish looking face. The smile on his face seemed innocent enough until you looked into those sapphire eyes, a hint of trouble managing to show itself. In a short summary, the man was gorgeous.

“This boy right here is Dorian Havilliard, a nobody from some town called Rifthold down south. Apparently, he has made quite a name for himself on the online writing world, becoming internet famous for erotic writing, among other genres.” With that word, erotic, Aelin could’ve sworn his eyes darkened ever so slightly while glancing her way. Brushing away the wave of nausea assaulting her senses, Aelin focused back into reality.

“ He looks charming enough sir, but what use is he to Hamel Hotels?”

“Havilliard is making his debut into the publishing world this weekend at a lower level author’s convention in Terrasen at one of our Hamel Hotel properties. If we can introduce ourselves and graciously offer him Hamel Hotel’s finest amenities, I am convinced that we can get him to host all of his future events with our hotel. Dorian is young, naïve, and will be flattered by our offers. I will make sure of it.” Arobynn was unbecoming, his hands erratically gesturing back and forth between the computer and Aelin. His gray eyes were crazed, the prospect of such business and money to the Hotel’s as enticing as a woman at night.

“That’s a brilliant idea Mr. Hamel. I can leave as soon as you would like, and I assure you I can get the job done.” Only the best of her saccharine smiles was painted on Aelin’s face. She presented nothing less to the man who controlled her future. Besides, it would be nice to get out of Rifthold for once. The city was gorgeous, but a change in scenery from the hustle of downtown sounded relaxing. Yes, Terrasen with its rolling hills and sunny atmosphere would be welcome.

“As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm Ms. Galathynius, this matter is too important for you to handle alone. This evening, we will be taking my private plane to Terrasen so I can assist you in the convincing of Mr. Havilliard. Our suite is being readied as we speak. The driver will pick you up at your apartment around 5:30.” With a wave of his hand, Arobynn dismissed her from the room, already focused on his laptop once more.

With a short “yes, sir” in response, Aelin made to leave the office. But as she opened the doors to exit, Arobynn stopped her short.

“And Miss Galathynius, remember we are trying to persuade this young man to work with us in the future. Dress accordingly.” Aelin turned back around quickly, hiding the surprise on her face. Arobynn had always displayed questionable morals, but he was becoming bolder in his comments. In his admiration too.

It was only later when she was packing her clothes that she realized his wording. Our suite is being readied. Not his. Aelin’s stomach roiled with anxiety at having to spend the night so close to the monster that was her boss.

But as her hands shook with the effort to continue folding her clothes, and her throat dried up to where she couldn’t find the ability to swallow her nerves, Aelin reached down to that empty pit within herself. The same wave of calm that had encased her 6 months ago protected her now, and she continued to sort her items into the luggage in front of her.

The driver came at 5:30 on the dot. She boarded the plane, and listened to Arobynn ramble about his genius and plans for the next day. They landed in Terrasen, surrounded by luscious green landscapes and rays of the golden hour shining around them.

Yet, Aelin felt nothing.

-------

Rowan was one edge, constantly glancing at the dark haired young man sitting next to him. Dorian Havilliard was a genius with pen and paper, that much was certain. Even Rowan had enjoyed the young authors short stories, the smut not completely welcome but admittedly well written.

The man himself was a completely different story. Although he was only 2 years below Rowans 24, Dorian was a fucking wildcard. They had only been at the hotel for 30 minutes and he had already gotten himself lost in the booze and women down near the bar.

Rowan had seen the young man’s nerves, how his hands shook when Maeve detailed his debut with The Cadre as his publishing team and the speech he would have to give earlier that week. Maeve was an intimidating woman and if Rowan had been in his spot when he first started with The Cadre, he would be pissing himself too.

Despite this level of understanding, Dorian’s antics were still unacceptable. All eyes were on him this weekend, the word spreading that he would be attending the convention thanks to a leak. Whether that leak came from The Cadre themselves was neither her nor there. Dorian’s books will fly off the shelves, but they needed people invested in him first. And that meant PR. A shit ton of PR to be more specific. And what better way to do it when the countries authors were all gathered in one convention hall for the weekend.

The whole team came out to Terrasen, all of them concerned for how they were going to corral Dorian for the whole event. Maeve joined as well, ready to micromanage The Cadre and network the hell out of these authors. And because Maeve came, that meant Lyria followed.

Rowan and Lyria had fallen into a comfortable relationship. After all that pain a year ago, Rowan felt okay to date now. Lyria’s company wasn’t unwelcome and the situationship had slowly evolved into a relationship. There wasn’t any passion or burning love for one another, at least on Rowan’s side, but their companionship was a nice presence in his life.

Although he would never acknowledge it, Rowan was scared to love with his entire soul like he had with Aelin. The more he opened his heart, the more opportunity there was for someone to come and crush it to pieces. If he had to experience that misery again, Rowan would never recover. He barely had last time, and he still wasn’t back to who he used to be. Back to how happy he used to be.

Shaking away his thoughts Rowan turned to Dorian, only to find an empty chair next to him. That tricky bastard. With a shove of his seat, Rowan reached into his pocket unlocking his phone. He texted a quick help to The Cadre and a separate message to Lyria, asking them to start the manhunt.

Rowan scanned every face in the bar, unsuccessful in his search. Walking towards the lobby, Rowan almost shoved an elderly woman to the ground in his rush. As he turned to help the lady steady herself, Rowan apologized profusely for his mistake. The woman waved him away carelessly, hobbling towards a man who he assumed was her husband.

Straightening himself once again, Rowan started walking with determination only to be stopped dead in his tracks. Because only feet away from was Aelin Galathynius.

She hadn’t noticed him yet, and Rowan took the time to admire her appearance. Her hair was clasped behind her head, golden pieces falling to the sides of her face. Her outfit was business professional, but more revealing than most outfits he had seen so far with a low cut blouse and slimming black pencil skirt with matching black heels. As he made his way up her body, the sight of her ocean blue eyes took his breath away once again. Rowan didn’t think he would ever grow used to Aelin’s brilliant presence, attracting glances from men and women alike.

But as he looked closer at her, those beautiful eyes didn’t have the same fire they did a year ago. In fact, there was no emotion at all shown on her features. Nothing at all. Out of every moment of heartbreak and sorrow she had caused him, the sight of her utterly devoid of feeling was the most painful thing Rowan had ever experienced.

After eons, Aelin finally turned his way. As she made eye contact with him, Rowan finally saw something flicker in her eyes. Surprise. They continued to look at one another, stuck in a world of their own making. Rowan couldn’t find it in his heart to break their connection, damn the consequences. And as they stood frozen in a fantasy, for the first time in a year, Rowan truly smiled.

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