#idk i know many cases like this irl and i think that their dynamics would also be like this

[evignonita]

uhghhg buzz grunt..... 😢..

[cokoweee]

OH wow! Two updates in 24 hours! Okay I really wanted to dig into this, because there were so many things on just the writing and dialogue and I LOVE it!

These two panels were fun, because there is something soft in Kendra’s face. Nostalgia, affection…also the wet beads of water coming off her hair, since she climbed out of the bath….but I’ll continue this rant later…

This is interesting….We have seen Donnie borderline catatonic so this could be Draxum’s latent parental instincts not wanting to push Donnie just yet. (Or worried that Kendra might be a trigger?)

Though funny that this was what pushed Casey to reach out….I included a snippet from Replica…but…lol both you and Kat having Casey very particular about her male family members helping her out, is understandable

Heh…that’s rich, considering you are gonna have your own lizard children Kendra…not that you know that, I guess… Still this feels like a “tempting fate” line/foreshadowing. Mostly, because Casey insisted that the father is human. (I think?) But likely a jab at how Kendra calls her “Beast” all the time.

Ohhh…what is this trinket?! <_<

This is the face of someone who is either gonna pretend to be a toy or a child if Kendra gets pulled over XD

Okay this brings me back to my thoughts after the first image…Kendra likely had been thinking about stuff since her initial talk while fixing Yuichi’s arm the first time. However the “event” and Raph’s chat with her possibly had her start really mulling over it. We know Kendra has been struggling with her identity in the way of not belonging. She accepted she was an outcast…and possibly still considers herself an outcast. However with everything she has been doing: the training, modifying the jetpack, upgrading Yuichi’s arm…it certainly is setting this precedence. If Kendra doesn’t fit in this group’s mold by default, she is gonna make some changes so she does.

The past Kendra would never adjust to accommodate others. She is unapologetically herself. So why is she going through the trouble to make little changes…why does she want to properly ask Donnie if she can stay with him? Because when you love someone, you accommodate them. And not in the way, that you should change yourself for someone. However if there are traits that are holding you back, and it benefits you both in the long run, sometimes little changes are necessary. Kendra is changing, because she wants this. She may not know how her dynamic will change, but she wants it to get better.

And…I forget how I planned to wrap this up, but…. It is an organic way to bring happily ever after that much closer, and in a way that doesn’t compromise Kendra’s identity. Again, your writing and dialogue are amazing, and the way you pair it with your drawings makes some great storytelling.

Oof writing is such a struggle but considering I do hours of acting out dialogue both irl and in my head certainly do help. NOW TO ANSWER SOME OF THESE LIL SNIPPETS U SEPERATED but under a cut cause this is a bit long lol

Draxum is a weird dude to write for me but for me he’s another that lost almost his whole fam. He doesn’t wanna risk losing the last one that’s there even if they aren’t how they once were.

CASEY NOT WANTING DRAXUM ALL UP IN HER 🍰 IS A REAL! ITS LIKE UR GRANDPA/DAD/UNCLE SAYING THEYLL DO IT FOR YOU

That lil TrInkEt will be helpful later :D (I think. Please I haven’t fully thought this plan through)

You point out that she never would accommodate for someone else and yuh you’re right. Bitch would make others accommodate to her. This tho

“Because when you love someone, you accommodate them”

Idk how to word this, it’s pretty difficult to conjure up in my head words for this. For her it’s. She can’t see those feelings. Define them. It’s a case of extra caring without knowing why and it’s irritating. Like a fly u can’t kill. Or a butterfly. Pretty and you don’t want it to leave but also don’t want that big bitch flying all up in your face

[doberbutts]

I think the terms TMA/TME work best when they're used as rules of thumb, rather than expected to function as strict categories. They're often helpful, but occasionally they can become obfuscatory, and there are edge cases where they can't be neatly applied. In those cases, they should be set aside, but with an understanding that they will be brought back into conversations when helpful.

To give a personal perspective - I'm a trans masc individual who has, upon occasion, experienced misdirected transmisogyny. I was on T for 5 years, then came off it (partly due to health problems, partly due to starting to identify as nonbinary rather than as a man) and began presenting in a more feminine manner, and people would regularly mistake me for a trans woman.

When people thought I was a trans woman, I did notice an increase in hostility, harassment and unwelcome advances from strangers. Groups of men would shout at me in the street, mothers would glare at me and physically pull their children further away from me if I came near. I also started getting catcalled and couldn't enjoy a night out in a club without being groped. I'd experienced some of these things as a trans man and as a girl, but probably never at such a high frequency or so intensely.

I definitely think I got a taste of transmisogyny and people do still assume I'm trans fem from time to time. But I still wouldn't describe myself as TMA. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but if it feels relevant in the context of a conversation, I will say I'm TME. Because I think the terms are about overarching dynamics, rather than whether or not an individual has ever faced a single instance of transmisogyny.

For me, there was always a sense of distance between myself and any negative experience, that came from knowing they'd misread my AGAB - "that lad just called me a chick with a dick! How funny! I'd be so lucky!" / "You're harassing me for using the female showers at the gym when I am literally menstruating. Are you going to stop being a creep, or do I have to show you my bloody tampon?" There's a degree to which I can sidestep or disavow their idea of me in a manner trans women can't.

I also don't know what it's like to deal with many other elements of transmisogyny, or deal with it as an overarching narrative in one's life rather than a freak episode.

I think it's fair to say I have at times been a grey area and I could use my experiences to argue against the validity of TME/TMA, but I don't want to do that. I don't like it when the terms are just used as a way to say AFAB/AMAB while being perceived as less problematic. But I think it is helpful to have little shorthand reminders about specific power dynamics that do have an impact in our communities. I have absolutely seen transmisogyny play out in queer spaces, both online and IRL, and I think it's worth having vocabulary that emphatically reminds people to check themselves and to not assume they don't have internalised bias against trans women just because they're trans masc.

Trans women are a boogeyman in popular culture and the collective unconscious in a way trans men never have been (at least, not to anything like the same extent). Trans women face an intensity of monstering that I think most people won't understand unless they spend a lot of time sharing space with and listening to trans women. The rapid adoption of TMA/TME feels like an attempt to fast-track that understanding en masse. Maybe it's a bit clumsy, but I do think it's having an impact and important conversations are happening. I don't know if the terms will stick or fall out of use. Having been in the trans community for over a decade and seeing how our vocabularies evolve, I'm inclined to think they'll stick around for a few years and then largely disappear. But I feel that while trans women are finding them useful, we need to be respectful of that fact.

Idk sorry to rant in your askbox, I wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to ignore lol

I'm going to be a bit blunt here: in the span of time I've been off tumblr to, you know, sleep... I've gotten 20 different asks trying to convince me to like the usage of tma/tme and also several transphobic asks about my top surgery. The transphobic ones I blocked and deleted because I'm literally 3 weeks out and will not be dissuaded. But I'm simply not willing to continue arguing a point I've made very clear that I don't love the usage of this particular theory the way it's currently being used.

You can like it for yourself. I have said this over and over again. I do not like it for me, and do not think it is accurate for my life or my experiences or the reality that is what I have to go through on a regular basis. True to everything else that I've posted, I don't really care what you call yourself. If you want to call yourself TME and you believe that framework works for your experience, more power to you. Just don't label me that, because I don't think it works for mine.

Trans women are absolutely a boogeyman in a way that trans men often aren't. That is, unfortunately, one of the ways that hypervisibility is such a curse. Everyone knows what a trans woman is, and a good majority of those people also think the only good one's a dead one. That's bad. That's transmisogyny, and we should ally with trans women to help fix this problem.

Also unfortunately, as trans men become more and more visible to the world, instead of facing mass erasure and dying in silence or escaping to live in stealth, trans men are also beginning to become a boogeyman as well. Now we are a social contagion, a craze, with rapid onset gender dysphoria, mutilating ourselves and ruining our precious bodies, carving out our wombs, simultaneously debasing ourselves and also becoming predators lurking to snatch daughters up and forcefeed them our ideology, betraying women by becoming a mockery of men. What's worse, we tend to politically close ranks with trans women and cis women alike so it's harder for transphobic lawmakers to divide and conquer as they're used to with cis men, so instead they have to demonize us to prevent any further allyship.

That's the conversation trans mascs are trying to have.

Genuinely, I do agree that trans women face an othering that most people do not grasp without understanding transmisogyny theory, which is why I think everyone should have at least a basic understanding of it. But I also think that's true of many other demographics, and that if we want to get out of the pit that bigoted society put us in, we've got to work together to do so. It was, after all, the combined efforts of Marsha P Johnson AND Storme de Laverie that brought us out in the open. And among me friend group, we have people from all different races and backgrounds and genders and more locking arms to ensure the safety of each other, wanting to understand and know each other, lifting each other up.

[muckmagister]

can you explain your tierlist please. i'm genuinely curious

i don't knowwww it's mostly vibes based tbh

i wasn't really ranking them according to who i thought was "A tier" or "C tier" i just ranked them in reference to each other

i did replay the game after making the list just in case and it's like. first of all, the music still slaps i'd forgotten about that, but also it's so short there really isn't actually much characterisation unfortunately

and that's the main issue i have with any of the girls lower than an A tier, they just aren't as interesting to me as the rest. except beel. i never liked beel all that much. didn't really gel with her design from the start idk. cerberus is down there too cause honestly i don't have much to say about her, all the girls have their own gimmicks of sorts to help them stand out and for cerberus her's is being a hyperactive dog girl who controls three bodies with one mind, which is cool! but it's not much of a personality trait, so she ends up being one of the plainer ones imo, even if she's wonderful

anyway starting from the top, justice being there was inevitable, of course she is. but lucy's always been my fav though, she has one of my favourite designs, she's used to getting everything she wants but also she never gets a damn thing she wants, she's sadistic in a much more subtle way than pandemonica that i enjoy a lot more. in the context of the game i think she and the helltaker suit each other the best, they both love pancakes and they're both constantly stuck cleaning up after everyone else's bullshit, i mean they have matching "satan" aprons in the epilogue for chri- hm. and in examtaker when she says subject 67 reminds her of a man she knew long ago. ough, she clearly cares about him toooooo it's very sweet. tbh it definitely helps that i can chuck everything i already know about lucifer into her character and make it infinitely more complex than it would have been, which is great, i love a sympathetic lucifer. she's cute and sweet and evil and blatantly toying with you, hell yeah

i almost put judgement at the top too, but i ended up keeping that to just my fav. and justice. anyway i'd be hard-pressed not to say this was my favourite design, i mean her whole part of the game was awesome. she clearly doesn't get many compliments which is a shame, when you do compliment her i just think it's really cute:3 oh and those chains. whew. i mean what. uhh, the substance abuse sisters! they have a fantastic dynamic together, in that they have an awful dynamic but it's very entertaining. malina is great, someone to play videogames and ttrpgs with ofc. and zdrada is hilarious, the bitchy demon just waiting for someone to tell her off~ fjdkjdks then she's on her best behaviour when pandemonica's around lmao. also that comic where she wears glasses and gets so flustered over being called adorable the ensuing conflict lasted days. which is adorable

now azazel and loremaster are just fun characters, i enjoy that she exists but idk, she's also just a little bit.. one note, to me. but i guess you can say that about any of them. nevertheless i can't ignore her narrative contributions, but if she didn't have that loremaster future side of her she'd probably be down with cerberus. however for modeus i'm reconsidering her tier, like if i put judgement up a tier i'd put modeus up a tier too y'know? she has what's probably my third favourite design, the sweater is a fun departure from the more standard dress-ware most of the others are in, and all the hearts floating around her head are cool too ^^ personality wise the choice for her to not know about romance and end up thinking it's the kinkiest thing ever is inspired, and the comics she's in are all great

>tfw you're reminded porn doesn't happen irl

if it weren't for the comics fleshing her out a bit more though i'd definitely leave her where she is

pandemonica is a bit of a shame to me cause having those two personalities feels like it should be fun and interesting, but both personalities end up feeling kinda void of actual personality. she spends most of the game in sleepy mode which means she's just tired, doing her job, which'd mute anyone's personality tbf. like it makes sense how as the custodian of hell as well as the first demon you meet that she just kinda lets you know what's up and tries to keep things in order, but that doesn't make it feel any less plain. when you do get her coffee though her sadistic mode is just so intense it feels like there's still nothing else there. with lucy there was that manipulation and playfulness but here it's just *threatens harm*, it's like instead of two personalities she's just got two personality traits, and you only get 1 at a time. in the comics there's more of her sadistic mode but it still doesn't add much, like there's that bit with zdrada which is funny but it's way more of a zdrada moment, for pandemonica it's just threatening someone the same way she always does. i know she has that third nice and sweet personality when she gets proper good coffee, which is funny and adds some needed depth to her character but we only hear about that once and never actually see it, i get why though, a secret niceys personality for her is funny to imagine but actually showing it off betrays the purpose of her character

oki so that's about it i thinks, hopefully you can kinda tell why i clumped them together in their tiers the way i did, i don't know why i wrote so much i hadn't thought about these characters in like over a year at least before you asked :||

[hyewka]

There really has been no dom beomgyu smuts lately as a switch myself I’m a little sad haha but I also find it really funny but I don’t think there’s a lot of sub beomgyu smuts just because people think beomgyu is submissive because honestly I just think the whole of txt are switches and I think dynamics also really depend on what kind of partner you have as well so I wouldn’t say someone is dominant or someone is submissive. I think reading femdom smuts is just a lot more fun to read and probably to write because I feel like normal ones can get quite repetitive and it feels more exhilarating and powerful even if you aren’t actually a dom irl it’s nice to see women being more dominant with men because in real a lot of guys have quite a fragile masculinity with it. Also txt tumblr is quite small compared to other kpop writing communities I’ve seen, there isn’t actually that many consistent blogs on here and so actual smuts on any txt members have actually been quite sparse. I’d say sub beomgyu became a thing because of the blueprint blogs that kickstarted it such as wildernessuntothemselves I had never really seen submissive beomgyu until they came around and other blogs such as you and fairyofshampgyu inspired others to write sub beomgyu because those blogs were the only really ones consistent and kickstarting this. Haha I don’t know why this is so long but hopefully it is somewhat coherent!

Definitely agree with the femdom writing being fun-- like, you don't need to be a dom in real life to enjoy writing it and that is the case for me 😅 This is a little bit of a contradiction to your earlier statement but I genuinely do not believe I have one percentage of dominant energy, completely submissive over the years with my relationships (but I'm starting to doubt it just a little bit after getting into femdom content so....idk 😂). Yes, yes about the women being more powerful kind of serving as an exhilarating experience even when just writing it-- is it a little embarrassing to admit that most of my smut are incredibly self indulgent? Lol I seriously just cannot with meeting so many men who have fragile masculinity, working with them, talking with them-- it just bleeds through every interaction it's aggravating! Writing it as a fantasy of putting someone "in their place", definitely like a reliever after having to put up with it practically every day of my life.

Point made with TXT tumblr being small! Did a quick comparison to other 4th gen boy groups and it's a little odd how significant the difference is at times? 😂 Yet the smut tag has more people posting under (maybe that changed over the past few months and fluff is what people are leaning more towards?) even though there's definitely a sparse number of consistent blogs (which would naturally equate to less variety in content).

Ha! I was on here earlier than I started posting like most people are on tumblr, and I'd have to say that your observation skills are so good because lol yes, @wildernessuntothemselves (heh sorry for tagging you mort but i just might want you to see this 😂) was definitely a blog I first got introduced to with sub!beomgyu like, just hardcore, straight up whiny boy and a powerful woman (lover = loser fic...ah, very delicious).

There were definitely some fics here and there, but kick starting it, I'd want to give that credit to her! After a bit, @fairyofshampgyu came out with their fuck you series, and I'd say both are sort of the blueprint of the recent rising in seeing beomgyu as a very strong sub. Before this, you'd see one of those MTL posts and almost always Beomgyu is categorized as a hardcore dom, and now I almost get shocked seeing Beomgyu being considered more of a sub than Hueningkai and Soobin (who were often seen as softer doms or just sub men in general).

I wasn't even meaning to turn this blog into a sort of sub!beomgyu cult of fics, like...at all so I find it funny that I'm jumbled together with a more experienced writer like Nia 😂 But yeah, some really good points. It's just funny how a few months ago I was desperately looking for anything sub!beomgyu related (to the point i created this blog in hopes of receiving sub beomgyu requests), just a tinge because everything under the smut tag was hardcore dom, I wouldn't have imagined the tables would turn so quickly especially considering male subs aren't particularly that popular comparative to their counterparts.

I do feel for people who are sub leaning, content is sparse with txt in general-- and for people to get even simply blocked for requesting a dominant beomgyu? A... little insane 😅? I even remember this sort of thing being brought up around three months ago, someone talking about how they see Beomgyu as a complete dom and do not understand that appeal of the recent surge of sub Beomgyu-- perception is different, and I do wish for you and others to get more dominant Beomgyu fics, everyone deserves a little treat 😭

[dcjokerhs]

8 shows to get to know you

i was tagged by @arrysa-clair so... thank u huney /p ^w^

Katekyo Hitman Reborn: 🎵HELLO MY LUVELY HELLO MY HUNEY, HELLO MY RAGTIME GALLLL!!🎵 This wasn't the first fandom I wrote fanfic for, but I just,,,, YES!! 100%!! YES!! Because this shounen I Binged because of 1 CardFight! Vanguard/KHR crossover and THEN I WAS INVESTED, and now I am The Biggest Simp... It was also the fandom where I had to admit that I'm a filthy filthy multishipper so... OOPS, GUESS I CAN NEVER UNDO THAT!!!

Bagpuss: 🎵Bagpuss, oh Bagpuss, soggy-old-cat puss, wake up and see this thing that I bring, wake up, be bright! Be golden and light! Bagpuss, oh hear what I sing.🎵 THIS SHOW!!! THIS SHOW IS MY LOVE, MY BLOOD, AND NOW ONE OF THE LEAST-KNOWN SHOWS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S BLIMMIN GREAT (apart from one episode that suddenly comes to mind because HHHH IT WAS MADE IN THE SIXTIES AND THE OBJECT WAS A PAIR OF BOWING MEN) But think, like, Toys coming to life to check out this neat little thing their owner's brought, using songs, stories and poems to tell what the thing *really* is, working together to fix or clean the object, then moving it into the window "So anyone who had lost [the object] Would see it, and know it was found" AND THAT ENTIRE SHOW!! I LIVE FOR!!! If I need to sew, or if I'm sick, or even if I just don't want to watch much and snk into a pile of plushies, I can pop this show on, and listen to a soggy old pink and white cat, a raggedy old bookend, a toad with a banjo, a music box of mice and a well-loved doll explain why a small cushion is really the seat of the boney king of nowhere's throne. I Am Soft.

Thunderbirds/Thunderbirds Are Go: THIS SHOW, THIS SHOW I WROTE FANFICTION FOR BEFORE I EVEN KNEW WHAT FANFIC WAS!! I still even have the cute li'l notebook it was written in, now sans cover, IT IS UPSTAIRS IN A BOX AND I WAS SO YOUNG my handwriting was a full 2cm/0.8inch TALL, SO EACH PAGE WAS BASICALLY 5-7 LINES OF WIGGLY TEXT, because of course the paper doesn't have lines, and MY WRITING WAS SO CUTE AND SIMPLISTIC I WANT TO SQUEEZE YOUNGER-ME'S CHEEKS!! And then younger me made it have a crossover with Lazytown, because I was a sucker... AND NOW WE HAVE T.B.A.G, AND CHCGHCG I WAS ECSTATIC, my dad and brother less so, BUT I LOVE IT, and now I am back on my thunderbirds bs. /lol

Tantei Gakuen Q/Detective Class Q: I adore both the anime and the live action for this one. They may have slightly different stories, but they're still both quite powerful, and very fun, but also able to talk about some topics in ways that make me tilt my head a little, like the idea of an area cut off from the outside world, finding peace within the smaller things, or, from the live action, how far one person can go in search of freedom, and how that can then be framed by others during the uncovery of that story. Also! The cases!!! They can seem so complex, yet, then the answer will turn out so simple, and I absolutely adore that! ^w^

Gravity Falls: IDK what it is, but the idea of some kids just having fun, finding something, then having fun solving the issue, or going hrough an experience, and then supporting each other on the other side, getting the support of their chaotic family.... HHHHHHHH /pos. I am Very Soft. Also, fxghxfcghcfgh, Bill and Dipper's Entire Dynamic brings me life. Jesu Maria.... AND THEN I REMEMBER THEY'RE 12!! THEY CAN'T EVEN OWN A BANK ACCOUNT YET, SOMEONE GET THESE KIDS THERAPY OH MY GOODNESS!! bUT!!! SOOS!! YEEEEEE!! idk ok NEXT ONE!

School Babysitters: I may not be able to handle children irl, but the stories between the kids, the way the students handle caring for the kids, THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE CENTRAL DUO!!! HAS MADE ME CRY!! SO MANY TIMES!!! ARARARARARARARARA!!! I LOVE THEM!!! HHHHH!!

SCOOBY DOO! WHERE ARE YOU?/SCOOBY DOO, MYSTERY INCORPERATED!: My first crush was Daphne. I didn't realise it was a crush, I was just like "yeah, the others are pretty cool... But Daphneee..." And Nowadays I go "oh dearheart, Oh Sweetie" BECAUSE, HAHA, SHE IS STILL A FICTIONAL CRUSH, THIS WOMAN IS A COMPETENT QUEEN, tho some shows they make her a little mean, AND THAT'S WHY SB:WAY AND SB:MI ARE MY FAVOURITES, because Daphne is Adorable-- OMG I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE baby version of scoobydoo, oh my goodness that was adorable, though THE FACT THEY DECIDED THAT THE YOUNG VERSIONS WERE JUST WHO THE CHARACTERS ARE FROM BIRTH WHEN CGJHCHJCGJCGHJ YOU CAN'T TELL ME VELMA WASN'T THE CHEEKIEST BABY! YUHUXFH\OEW7SZDUFIYFWZPS9OUFZHRXDC8ZOSEYRHFNRICKUJFZBXED!!!!!

And last, but ne'er least: CUTE HIGH EARTH DEFENSE CLUB LOVE/BINAN KOUKOU CHIKYUU BOUEI-BU LOVE! That Show!!!!! THIS SHOW!!!! AAAA!!! Think, like, Genderbent Magigirl anime, but, again, Genderbent, and it's so cute, and funny, and yet it SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW, DESPITE BEING THE LIGHTEST THING SINCE FREE!, I AM a total mess mum plz come and pick me up i will cry from CUTENESS ISTG!!!

Gods, picking out stuff was so hard, but so fun, because I had to say "No" to Dream SMP, I had to turn down shows like the Katrielle Layton Anme because I ONLY GOT TO WATCH THAT ONCE, AND I AM SO SALTY 'CAUSE THAT WAS SO CUTE!! But then, hhhhh!!! /vpos /lovinglyfrustrated. Other shows skipped are Ouran High School Host Club, Free!, How to Keep a Mummy, Merlin, Dr Who, M.I.High, Good Omens (Good God do I love Good Omens), Love Stage!! aaand Marginal Prince.

Anyway!! Tagging!! I have no clue!! UUUUUUUUUHHHHH

@captaindragonsgold @snailraffle @slytherinroyaltyblogs @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @silverdrip

^w^ Have Fun! ^w^

[johnmalevolent]

heyyyyy, gintama for the fandom asks?

iris did you know that i love you

The first character I first fell in love with: Gintoki. i've loved him even before i watched gintama (that blorbo in law situation) it was of course partly sharing a friend's enthusiasm but also his design. now that i know his whole character it just makes me fall even more... and these are why:

his dead fish eye. his lack of energy. his sweet tooth. the one arm sticking out of his yukata bcs he thinks it's cool (he insists its just so he could grab his wooden sword faster). the way he rarely refuses to help people even if he acts annoyed about it.

he's kind of like reigen in many ways (28 year old freelancer - albeit questionable job - and bad older brother figures for some middle schoolers)

he's a gag character but sometimes he also acts as a straight man. i think he believes himself to be the sanest person when compared to his childhood friends (which. honestly doesn't say much). also im weak for characters voiced by mr Sugita

oh yeah have i mentioned his design. of course his main outfit is really cool but i love the ones we sometimes see him in. like his winter clothes, the ryokan uniform, shiroyasha, white blood king, that one time he switched job to a truck driver, his host suit, enmi... so many. he also crossdressed several times and slayed the look. despite wanting to have him in my bed someday im actually not that crazy over shirtless gintoki (except for his pink strawberry boxer shorts). the rule is the more layers of fabric he puts on, the more in love i am

and of course his *checks notes* wonderful personality

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: tbh Takasugi.. he's Gintoki's childhood friend but after what happened 10 years ago their relationship seems mostly hateful on the outside, but they actually treasure the other very much as a friend. when he first appeared he was introduced as an antagonist, probably the main one for the whole series, and it was kinda meh because at that point i was watching gintama for the comedy. but after watching the flashback of their time together it hurts just thinking about them. I've rewatched this one scene of them from the Gintama final movie and i cried every single time. if you're okay w major spoilers the clip should be in my "#jiwa perak" tag under a read more

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: see this is hard cos im not really deep in the fandom buuuut if i have to choose its shinpachi... its not that i dont like him, I just care for him the least...... he's good when paired with other characters (with gintoki & kagura or with his sister) but when he's by himself he's not that interesting. and i get it he's supposed to not be interesting. it's a whole joke that shinpachi is the most boring character. idk sorry shinpachi i hope they give you some new trait in the ginpachi spin-off

The character I love that everyone else hates: sorry idk who is the hated character in the fandom 😭

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: Kintoki, maybe? he was a robot created per Shinpachi & Kagura's request because their current boss (Gintoki), who was nowhere to be found (probably drinking), is very irresponsible. so Kintoki is the polar opposite of Gintoki, created to be perfect in the ways gintoki couldn't. i used to really love him because of his charisma (took a bunch of screenshots & collected fanart of him) but after his arc ended i kinda forgot about him lmao. im chill about him now

The character I would totally smooch: gintoki. in case that wasn't clear

The character I’d want to be like: i want that katsura non-binary look and then my life would be complete. i dont want his brain tho

The character I’d slap: sakamoto. i love him but he's so annoying <3 i wld kill him irl

A pairing that I love: hijikata/gintoki!! i think they have a nice dynamic. unlike gintoki, hijikata is a very strict person. everytime they meet they always fight, but they understand each other and do well when fighting together. both of them insists they're not friends but when gintoki left town hijikata said "I'm gonna look for him." how do you expect me to not go insane.

ginsachi is also up there, and tbh if gintoki said he'd marry me after our first meeting I'd react like sacchan did. sacchan is a creep but i support girls wrong etc. it's a shame they dont really have many episodes together after that except when it's another harem episode :/

A pairing that I despise: GINTOKI/KYUUBEI. im glad there isnt actually many fancontent of them but my god do i despise it. i hate that kyuubei has sooo much potential as a non-binary character but became a part of gintoki's harem. like. i cannot see in kyuubei the same character that appeared in their debut arc. i know them starting to embrace their feminine side is an important trait but at this point it feels like they're turned into a girl just because. i know it sounds like im just talking about kyuubei im just really pissed lmao. it also doesnt make any sense to me how they would even have feelings for gintoki :(

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOO per your post abt tiktok I had no idea that was a thing but I’ve never seen any acc that would be you come up as a suggested account (I rarely get them anyways but when I do it’s usually like some acquaintance of sorts) so from my end youre safe o7

PLEASSEEEE “is it home wrecking if the homes already wrecked” GOODBYE

Niko having to put up with aikus shenanigans is so funny he’s taking one for the team

REAL miraverse reo>>> peregrine getting revamped into “reo is friendless” LOL

UAHAHAHA NO DW YOURE GOOD!! I have not once seen an acc that resembles anything close to what I would imagine to be you (??) no Miras or any accounts with names similar to Mira either I just see the original tiktok and whoever posted it like usual YOURE SAFE but AWEESJHS IM HONORED LMAO but there’s definitely nothing immediate that shows indicating you sent it or anything so I think you should be all good!! Even after looking through all the links you’ve shown in our convo too I’ve never had anything pop up and I doom scroll there soooo Also lowk I can’t remember how many you’ve linked outside of our convo but tbh idk how many people are reading through like the 100k words worth of convo we have so for the TikTok’s you’ve shown me you’re also probably fine

LMAOO I think I need to go recalibrate my fyp and get some yona on there omg

OAEU TIME LETS GOOOO but FR im sure inspo will strike for the req soon! Maybe you’ll get ideas while you’re writing oaeu LOL

LMAOOOO FRR THEYRE SO FUNNY I think its esp funny to think abt bc bllk is canonically live-streamed so imagine in their free time egos like “ok so bc that money grabbing tanuki needs more money yall gotta be streamers and gamers now get on YouTube”

NO FRRR I LAUGHED SO HARD I was trying to figure out wtf that was in zantetsus aura the fucking bullet train has me crying Nagi looking gorgeous and I always appreciate those villainous Karasu panels!!

- Karasu anon

OKAY YAYYY it’s only happened a couple of times for me with people on tumblr like once an anon sent a vid to me and i got the “___ shared a video with you” so i guess they might have seen me?? and just earlier i sent a video to one of my mutuals in an ask and i got a notification saying “___ viewed the video you sent” so they also might have seen my acct which ugh but at least it’s only two people 😰

LMAOO karasu is just helping natural processes along he’s not actually doing anything problematic 😩 the relationship already sucked it’s not like he’s being a bad person (not that aiku cares he’s just excited to pass along his wisdom because nobody but niko even listens to him and niko has 0 interest in getting girls so he’s alone on that front until karasu comes up to him) okay i think the aiku and niko dynamic in the oaeu might kind of be like miraverse tabiori?? like goofy siblings/slight father son vibes…i think it’s what makes the most sense for them HAHAH

half of the high school era in peregrine is just reo being like pleaseee be my friend pleaseeee like in the next chapter which i haven’t finished yet it’s revealed that reo is straight up trying to buy reader’s friendship LMAOAOA he does eventually win her over obviously but it’s not via monetary means 😭 but fr ironically (considering how she doesn’t want to be close to reo because her parents want her to marry him) reo is like the longest consistent relationship reader has in her entire life FJSKDJSH they’re like lowkey also soulmates…the funniest thing is if reader’s parents hadn’t pushed her to marry him to the point that she despised the idea they actually might’ve gotten together 😓 self sabotage on the l/n parents’ part at its finest

HELP OKAY GOOD my irl name is not actually mira but it’s uncommon enough that i wanted to come up w a pseudonym for online in case anyone i know irl found this acct…it’s pretty similar to mira so if it had come up you def would’ve been like “oh yeah this is her” JDFJSJ so that’s good 🙂‍↕️ and OFCCC i’ve become insta friends w a couple of my mutuals from tumblr once i’ve known them for a while 🤩 my rule is if we’ve been talking for enough that i feel like we would be friends irl you can get the irl socials HAHA…also very true…i think outside of our convos i posted that snuffy edit once?? and then the aforementioned tt that i sent to my mutual but otherwise yeah i don’t link too many if it’s not just between us

HAHA if you ever need shinah edits let me know i probably have every single one saved i will happily send my favs (i also have some of the other characters but shinah def has the most because…well it’s SHINAH)

i’ve been like lying on my couch all day doing nothing so no writing done unfortunately but trust i will be back at it and something should be out reasonably soon!! whether it’s a req or oaeu i cannot say but something for sure 🤩

LMAOO the bllkers (except reo because he’s rich 🤑) have to pick up side gigs in order to fund the project…barou starts a cleaning service…yuki and chigiri get into modeling…nagi becomes a streamer but people only follow because he’s hot so he has to do insane fan service in every stream…hiori starts a reaction video youtube channel and gets rin to guest star and they go mega viral because rin consistently says out of pocket bs plus they’re both pretty (rin accidentally gets sae cancelled for a week by saying smth crazy before revealing he’s related to sae)…otoya convinces karasu to become a scammer/find sugar mommies with him…it would be insane LMAOAOAO

I WAS SO CONFUSED AT FIRST AND THEN I WAS LIKE OMFG IT’S A TRAIN!! ig it fits w his backstory where he learned he was fast because he always missed the train???? LMAOAO honestly he’s such an unreal character i love him 😭 and yesss epinagi nagi is always STUNNING but they rlly put the focus on karasu and kiyora this time around like kiyora looked ADORABLE this chapter and karasu looks like a genuine villain but in a fine way 🤩 i can’t help but admit that idgaf abt himizu though like i kinda find him weird (the whole tongue thing is just. uh??? interesting??) and i’m worried abt what he’s foreshadowing w chigiri 😰

[sems-diarie]

something ab the way marsha likes cassie but hates maddy feels racially motivated 😑 also the way nate views maddy and cassie differently feels racially motivated as well. like he sees cas as this amazing dream girl but sees maddy who is a woc as the problem and that she’s crazy as if he hasn’t pushed her to that point. i feel like they made maddy the whole “spicy latina” stereotype whereas in nates dream cas is the all american, traditional housewife. now idk whether this was done purposely bc i honestly don’t think sam levinson is that smart to make the storyline out to be that way w how much he’s fucked up some of the characters this season💀 (*cough* kat *cough*) . and how he treats the black characters like mckay and rue at times feels tone deaf so i’m not really sure he understands how these dynamics can come into play as a white man. but this definitely does happen irl where white men see and use woc as like an adventure or escapade but will ultimately settle down w a white woman in the end. and their families, in this case marsha, encourage them to be w the white woman as well .

when i tell you i felt this bar for bar. it has to be intentional but i truly don’t know if sam levinson is… not experienced enough—but i don’t know if he has the expertise it would take to draw those parallels between maddy and cassie. especially considering what happened with mckay’s trauma, and how they made that all about cassie, as well (then just fucking removing him off the whole fucking show) but if it’s not intentional then that would be too fucking ironic because the narrative surrounding women of color—

actually, no. it might not be sam, but the writers of euphoria are definitely doing this intentionally. cassie isn’t just trying to take nathan away from maddy—look at cassie’s new look in the episode preview. she’s trying to become maddy. how many white girls do we know that imitate woc to seem more excitable or appealing to the white man 😭

like hello? ofc marsha doesn’t like maddy. marsha is a white woman from the suburbs who probably felt in competition with girls like maddy because woc are treated as fetishes rather than actual human beings 😭 either that or she was the kind of white girl who’s never been exposed to minorities (because she’s never had to be) and is uncomfortable with that.

someone also brought it to my attention that she could just be a closeted racist. which actually makes me sick 2 think ab 😭 she had me giggling in this last episode ☹️ now i gotta take my laughs back

[cowboyjen68]

"A history of sleeping with or dating men does not mean someone is straight or bi." - i really have to disagree with this ESPECIALLY now in 2020. There's a case to be made for previous generations I suppose but imo anyone born after idk like 1985 (and in a western country) I really don't think this explanation holds up in an era of tolerance, acceptance, and laws changing in our favour.

I think you are wrong. Laws don’t change religion, family dynamics, cultural traditions, or attitudes. Lesbians are still very much raised surrounded by straight being the “healthy default”. What is celebrated as normal is to find a  “nice man” and get married and have kids. This is still very much the societal expectation. It is not really the fault of society, statistically, most people will be straight. The whole “find a nice man” crap is bullshit for any sexual orientation but yet, it is still held up as the ideal.  

You can’t just pick a random year “idk like 1985″ as the year that “TADA. it is great to be gay!”. It does not work that way.  Young gay men are still called “f%^gots” by their peers. Young lesbians are still sexualized and demeaned for liking women. Butches are told they are predators or “manly”. Young femmes are told they are “too pretty to be lesbians”.   I raised many kids and still have one in school. She takes crap every day for “dressing like a boy” or “wanting to be a man”.. she is not trans nor sees herself as GNC.. she just likes boys clothes and short hair. (guilty by default I guess).  

I am active with an LGBT youth and adult support center and in lesbian mentor circles and on line, and trust me, what you think about “things changing in our favour” is wrong. Dead wrong. If you are lucky enough to have zero backlash for your orientation or presentation or maybe you are just THAT strong to avoid that bullshit seeping into your brain, kudos to you and congratulations on privileges few of us have.  

I have raised foster kids who were kicked from middle class homes for being gay or being to “girly for a boy”. It is disgusting but reality. 

I lived in a time when it was dangerous to be out. (or could be) and many of my friends lived when it was down right illegal to be same sex attracted.  I can tell you.. laws do not change attitudes nor stop families (and random strangers) from letting us know they think our natural attraction is wrong or perverted. Many kids, internet access or no, are isolated from real life Lesbian role models. I get Facebook and Tumblr messages, and now some on Tiktok, telling me they know no older butches IRL or any lesbians of any age.  I can tell you, as someone that looked my entire childhood to see older women like me, that missing piece can cause us to mistrust our own feelings and act in opposition to what we really need to be happy. 

So call it Comp Het or call it societal influences or call it “trying to fit it” or call it internalized homophobia, but dating, having sex with, marrying men is something many young lesbians do because they mistrust the feelings they have since they have no life model to go by. Or possibly, they are well aware of their same sex attraction but have been told it is “not real” or a “Phase” or “girl crushes are normal.. it will go away” or perhaps they fear loss of safety, home, family and security and they hope ( or try to believe) that if they try hard enough, they can learn to be happy in a heterosexual role. 

I would urge you to have some sympathy, to look at the lives of others not in your bubble or echo chamber and see that not everyone has an easy path to discover or live their true passionate best lesbian life. I wish they did, and I am doing my part to  be visible and out to help those who need to see their future in a real life lesbian. 

[lizzybeth1986]

Hi! I was reading your Hana essay and in one section you implied that you disliked that people considered some Choices LIs to be player-sexual; can you elaborate on why you dislike that term? I myself thought that LIs in gender-choice books and gender customizable LIs were player-sexual unless explicitly bi (like Emma) because of the way that PB tends to write romances as straight and avoid discussing queerness, but hey, maybe I could be wrong or I'm missing some important nuances. Enlighten me?

(To learn more about the term "mechanical bisexuality", I highly recommend this fantastic video essay by verilybitchie. In the context of this post, the anon's ask stemmed from an essay on Hana I wrote titled "Protagonist Centered Sexuality")

That's an interesting question, and perhaps if someone is new to the fandom itself (not necessarily you anon - since idk how long you've been around - but newcomers who use "playersexual" to indicate the dynamics of a game that often uses the "mechanical bisexuality" model) the pushback to the term itself might sound baffling. While "playersexual" itself may be considered harmless as a term (esp since the mechanical bisexuality model itself places the burden of generating any discussion on sexuality in-game, on the player), the history of how it's been used in fandom is a thorny, bitter one.

Your framing of it in the ask acknowledges that the root of it all is PB wanting "to avoid discussions of queerness", and I think that's as good a start as any. There is a distinct discomfort in discussing queerness and a strong leaning towards straightness in the way PB plans and writes these characters, especially their favourite ones. They do seem to make more of an effort sometimes for an audience that is uncomfortable with queer relationships or expressions of love, while still making a song and dance out of their "inclusiveness and diversity". What does that result in? LGBTQ+ players often letting go of the game in frustration. Who may get attracted to such content? Players who may feel emboldened to put their discomfort with gay/bi/pan/ace/queer characters and relationships on blast. And there have been plenty of the latter in this fandom's history.

This was especially obvious with very popular male LIs. For instance, even the suggestion that someone considered Jake or Damien bisexual would elicit a strong reaction, and the term "playersexual" was often a front for taking offense at the character being called bi at all.

We would also see this term bandied about even before you could find canonical evidence of their bisexuality. For instance, try to remember when Emma was established as bi? More than halfway through the third book of HSS. Even Damien, whose ex mentioned partners rather than girlfriend/boyfriend and who fanboy-ed over Matt Rodriguez every bit as much as his sisters did ("who do you think suggested the tent?") got these indications much later on, and until then players who were aware that the story was still ongoing and that they didn't know much about the characters yet, would still insist on using "playersexual" to describe the character's sexuality, and continue to do so even after these hints of their sexuality (as in the case of Damien) were given. We may agree or disagree on this, but a lot of the "playersexual" takes I did read at the time reeked of biphobia and a distinct discomfort at the possibility of a favourite LI being bi.

Allow me to briefly pivot to irl for a bit. Bisexual life experiences can come in many ways and forms. Some have an open history of relationships with both/all sexes, some have a history relationships with just one but are aware of their attraction to other sexes - and their bisexuality is just as valid. Unfortunately, if someone of the latter category has more of a history of relationships with the opposite sex and identifies as bi, they tend to face bi erasure as well - they are often disbelieved, scoffed at, accused of lying - their identity constantly questioned. I am a bisexual woman who often faced that kind of erasure, from straight and gay people alike, and it is quite an alienating experience. So of course that history, too, is going to colour the way I view these discourses - and a lot of the playersexual discourse in the past has read as desparate attempts to erase even the possibility of a character being bi, to me.

PB also has strengthened it's leanings towards mechanical bisexuality in recent years. For instance, coding the gender of an LI's ex/other partners to the gender customizable MC (the person Dallas loved in BSC, or Sora and the person Ethan and Tobias fought over in OH) wasn't this intense earlier, and it leads to a situation where the characters involved can only be viewed as queer IF the player makes those choices. And while we can never be sure whether this is directly related to the playersexual discourse, we cannot deny that PB often pays silent attention to arguments here and elsewhere, and they often make decisions based on what they think will make their core audience comfortable.

Sadly, it really is a case of PB pandering to the audience that's not comfortable with discussions of queerness while still trying to get money and clout from queer players, and that can lead to an environment where "playersexual" can become shorthand for "I'm biphobic".

[lisbonsteresa]

HEY! ND anon again just dropping into say YOU ARE TOO KIND and curious to know NOT ONLY your hopes/wishes/theories for season 4 are?? How do you want Ace to find out about the curse?? Will we actually have a real life confession/kiss (bc they’ve done a dreamscape, an alternate reality, another line life, a whisper box idk what else they could do to not make Nace happen in real time) what do you think will be the main plot this season? Drew Crew future thoughts? Road back? Those bodies? (1/)

ND anon! hello!! (and omg thank you 🥰)

oh god, i've just been sitting here trying to formulate all my s4 thoughts...there's so many possibilities (so let me add a read more in case this gets long)

Regarding the curse, I think the best thing is we're going into s4 already knowing that Ace knows something's up. He knows Nancy too well to take her 'rejection' at face value, and he cares too much about her to not try and figure out what's going on himself. Now how exactly he gets from 'something's wrong' to 'oh a curse'...I'm not sure. (mainly because I don't know if anyone would actually get to curse without nancy telling them, and with the terms of the curse being so vague I'm willing to bet that Nancy will be playing things as close to the vest as possible at least until she potentially reaches her breaking point and just can't keep it in anymore, which like....poor girl is long overdue for a breakdown)

All of that being said, I can very easily see Ace working on finding a solution to the curse at the same time Nancy is, but both of their investigations faltering because Ace has help but no information and Nancy has information but can't risk asking for help. In my head, Bess is the one who bridges the gap - she's ideally suited with her new job at the historical society to be the person they could both go to for help, and being 1. someone who loves her friends dearly and 2. a meddler at heart, I can see her doing something to bring everything (and everyone) together. and again in my head this something involves the truth serum because like why else have that be such a big part of her ending sting but i digress

In terms of a confession/kiss, I mean....they have to give us something real this time. (they just have to) Like you said, they've literally done every other kind of fake out I can think of (unless they want to pull some kind of memory loss/time loop kind of thing, which they have done before but not with nace specifically but also let's not give them ideas) and they know how popular nace is as a ship - as much as they seem to enjoy yanking our chain with them, I'm all but convinced that next season will at least end with them happy/de-cursed/having at least one irl kiss.

I think the main plot (at least based on what we know so far) is probably going to come down to the bodies and the crew. The curse is obviously a big thing for nace, and that will almost definitely snowball to include/impact everyone else too, but if that becomes a main focus I think it'd be during the latter part of the season. (actually i could see the bodies being the focus for the first half and then the curse, or vice versa, and whichever is the focus for the back half of the season being revealed to be part of something bigger because the writers do have a very good track record for that kind of thing). I'm excited to see where things go with the bodies because as much as I enjoyed a lot about s3, I am very excited at the thought of a more 'back to basics' season, where the main focus is on the mystery of it all and the supernatural elements add to that mystery. That, and/or finding out how much they impact the mystery as the season goes on (a la Lucy in s1). And I would love to see the crew and their dynamic be a major focus this season. They've always been such a tight group and they've always been so...around each other (murder suspects together, cursed together, all working in the same place) but where s3 left off they're all fairly split off from each other. I'm honestly really grateful that it wasn't a result of a big fight/breakup - although obviously that's a factor - even with how fanson and nace ended up in s3, it's clear that the crew and their friendships still matter to them all. But even putting aside romantic turmoil, they're growing up and finding their way in the world and Horseshoe Bay. They've set up the crew to, for lack of better wording, be tentpoles for the town and with that and their new positions/pursuits there's new responsibilities and things to worry about. Things next season won't be as simple as 'close the Claw for inventory while we chase down a ghost' - there's a lot more moving parts, and once you add the romantic dynamics back in things get even more complicated. We have word-of-god confirmation that the crew definitely will be coming back together - and as they're the people in HB most uniquely qualified to deal with the supernatural threats that won't leave their town alone thank goodness for that - but I'm so so interested to see how they come back together, and how they each develop as individuals. I love these characters and I'm very excited to see them continue to grow, together and apart.

[hklnvgl]

Hi! I have a totally random question lol. I've seen a few people compare Pynch to Wolfstar (and Adam and Ronan to Lupin and Sirius as people too). What I don't get it folks saying that Wolfstar was a 'better' (stronger? more interesting? idk) ship than Pynch. I mean..? I don't see it, personally. What am I missing here?

👋 hi! i’m gonna begin this (i’m guessing it’s gonna get long—i’ve actually filled two pages of handwritten notes to try and make sense of my many opinions about this) with a disclaimer: my approach to shipping is very different when it comes to pynch and other fandoms. normally, i’m not actually a very active shipper—when i read fics for other fandoms i normally look for plot and feelings and, because most of the time there’s shipping involved, i usually don’t mind if a ship is there and might actually enjoy it but it’s not something i tend to go out of my way to search for. i just don’t usually ship fictional couples romantically! it’s all the same for me if they’re canon or not (though if they’re canon they will have more canon scenes together so that might help me to eventually ship them? idk i’m just the least romantic person you can find out there 🤣)

so that’s why i haven’t read a lot of wolfstar fics (i think maybe 2 or 3 where the focus was on their relationship? i remember a quite lovely texting au) and even less meta—when i read hp fics i will look for explorations of harry’s abuse, which is what gives me feelings, and in those wolfstar is usually there bc they adopt harry or something like that.

that said, and having therefore canon!wolfstar in mind (perhaps the similarities are stronger in fanon, i just don’t know enough to say!), i really don’t see why people would compare them either (apart from the fact that they’re popular mlm ships?) and i do have to agree with you that pynch is a more interesting ship (for me!)

and, yes, i can see there are a few traits remus and adam might share if you squint, but imo once you start really thinking about it they’re two very different characters! they’re both said to be poor on text, but in adam’s case that comes from the family he was born into and if i remember correctly remus’ dad was middle class (i can’t remember exactly but i think he worked for the ministry?) and remus was poor only because he couldn’t hold a job due to him being a werewolf. idk if people’s comparisons go further and they see cabeswater as a parallel to the werewolf thing? but if that’s the case adam made that choice himself and he embraced it eventually and it’s actually crucial for the resoultion of the series’ plot! remus being a werewolf was great for book 3′s plot twists and for shunning him out of society and little else. personality-wise i guess they’re both smart? i do think remus is more the type to give up after a while but 🤷‍♀️ (oh is it bc if wolfstar were canon it’d be implied that remus is bisexual bc of tonks??)

now when people compare ronan and sirius they only look at the surface which makes me super mad! they say they’re the same just bc they’re brash? and wear leather? and were born in rich families?? but sirius was abused as a child and left his family bc he was the odd one out (which in the lynch family would actually be more accurate to say declan is??) and ronan’s trauma comes from a wildly different place! arguably niall (and aurora? apparently from that little snippet of mister impossible i haven’t read yet) were also abusive to him but definitely not in sirius’ way? (that’s actually closer to adam’s family’s brand of abuse!)

i’ve also seen people say the gangsey’s dynamic is the same as the marauders’! and i’m sorry but i really think that’s not true! for starters we only see the marauders as a whole in flashbacks! and not even then bc lily was not part of the group yet (i guess people compare her to blue bc they’re the only girls??) imo the marauders (or what we see of them) do not inspire healthy friendship feelings! james is the leader and a big asshole and only sees sirius as his equal—he is very happy with peter’s (apparent) worship and i guess they all were super happy to believe remus was the traitor bc they didn’t trust him enough (a werewolf will always be a werewolf) and everyone completely oversaw peter (which i guess is why he did what he did but he’s too plain of a character to have had believable motivations when he turned to voldemort) and he was considered second-class among the group. also that scene with snape in book 5, where we see them all together, is not the gangsey’s dynamic at all??

anyway. back to wolfstar/pynch. the only canon moments in which they give me similar vibes are, for wolfstar, in book 5 when harry firecalls grimauld place from umbridge’s office (i think it was that moment) and we kind of can guess sirius and remus are spending time together at the house and have this caramaderie going (that i guess could be interpreted as shippy) and, for pynch, back in trb when ronan is driving adam to the trailer park for the last time and he says: “man, you don’t have to go back in there” (and i remember thinking in my first read something long the lines of “aw, they are friends after all!).

so. because adam and ronan are part of the main cast of their series they are more flashed out as character (i’ll always think sirius and remus did have potential but everything was too tangled in the plot and, besides, hp is harry’s story!) and i actually do care more about what happens to them as individual characters! but i also ship them! their relationship and their dynamic simply appeals more to my personal tastes! i believe they are perfect for each other and i could read a thousand alternative first meetings and soulmate aus with them as protagonists and i’d never get bored.

as of wolfstar, well, as i said i don’t mind if i go into a fic and they’re a couple in there (they’re cute, sure!), and they’re great friends and obviously care for each other, but we do see too little of them together and how they would counter their respective differences for me to say they’re a perfect couple (they might have been in a different universe and i’m sure there are plenty of fics out there that explore that, which i personally have not read simply bc i lack the motivation to do so).

tl;dr: i like adam and ronan more as separate characters and i just love the dynamic they have in canon, which is why i enjoy reading/writing about them as a ship. imo, wolfstar had potential but hp was not about them and if people say they ship them i nod as i do when a friend tells me irl they’re seeing someone new and i hope they make each other happy.

perhaps someone who’s more deeply in the wolfstar fandom can add a different view to this?

[ceasarslegion]

Submitting instead of asking because I cannot express any idea in less than like 500 words lol

So I had been following WayneRadioTV for a while but had only ever seen one of his streams (chimps for charity) and nothing else.. Then one day I get yet another notification he's streaming and on a whim I go, "Sure, let's see what this dude is doing." And that turned out to be the very first hlvrai stream! [Insert meme of spongebob pointing at himself on TV, but it's me pointing at myself in the chat of the HLVRAI streams]  Having no knowledge of any of his similar previous streams or about any of his friends made it an incredibly weird/hilarious/surreal/surprising experience. I think part of the reason I got so into it was because of how blindsided I was by it.

Ironic or serious?

I was absolutely non-ironically hooked by the end of the first stream.

Twitch or Youtube?

Made sure to catch every stream from then on, and then watched the youtube videos when they came out as well. I tuned into the commentary too.

How passionate?

I was extremely obsessed with it for... I dunno, a few months, at least. I'm very passionate in general about the way long-form improv can coalesce into a unique and interesting story, and HLVRAI is no different. It's still my main fandom (or tied for it, at least?) but the super-fun, super-obsessed days are behind me.

Make/engage in fan content?

I drew some and wrote bits and pieces of fic here and there, but I didn't publish anything outside of my small discord until something like a year after the first stream. It's been... a steady but very slow output from me, as is usually the case with any fandom I'm in. I looked at a lot of art and fic for a good few months in the beginning, but mostly stopped eventually because the fandom was/is so horrendous that it wasn't worth putting up with it for the content. :') (Now 95% of the hlvrai content i consume is made by people in my private little discord)

Following content creators?

I followed Wayne on Twitch already, as I mentioned. I didn't know of anyone else in the crew beforehand (although their meme presence was certainly felt far and wide). I followed Gir, Holly, Baaulp, Scorpy, and Log afterward for quite a while, but I don't follow any of them anymore, including Wayne. I still follow Wayne on Tumblr though.

Favorite characters/moments?

My favorite character was always Tommy. Second favorite is probably Bubby. I really love Darnold but I don't think about him much since he has so little screentime. I actually found Benry to be a little annoying and tedious at first. He was definitely the character I was the least interested in. When I saw the emerging popularity of Benry/Gordon, I knew it was only a matter of time before I was Mere-Exposure-Effect'ed into liking him... And I was right, haha. I have to admit I love that sort of ship dynamic.

As for moments.. Gah, There are so many I love that just aren't on the top of my head right now. >_< Benry's monologue at the end is a classic, of course. Also the part with Coomer quietly saying, "None of this is real, is it?" And I love the parts where they're just sitting in a circle and talking.

One of the big reasons I looked forward to the streams was definitely because I wanted to see what would happen with the characters / I just wanted to see more of them in general.

Know anyone IRL?

I introduced my IRL friend to it, and she thought it was hilarious, but she didn't get into it in a fandom sense. Everything else has been online. (And mostly in small private discords.)

Other Stuff

Idk if any of the following would be relevant to the paper at all, but I don't feel like I've completely told My HLVRAI Story without it.

1) I got suuuper into half life through hlvrai. I had actually already played the HL series before, years ago, and it didn't really leave much of an effect on me. But for some reason I LOVE it now. Maybe it's because hlvrai made me think more deeply about the HL universe?

2) Cannot possibly stress enough how negative my experience of the fandom was. At this point I don't actually like seeing most content or even talk of HLVRAI from people I don't already know, because I have this pavlovian response of getting upset. I'm honestly very surprised I'm still into hlvrai with how thoroughly and irreversibly I've managed to connect it to bad experiences in my mind. -_- (That's kind of just what fandom in general is like these days, though... At least in my experience.)

Well... This ended up being way longer than I thought it was going to be, and that's saying something. No hard feelings if you don't wanna post it because of that, or because of the negative bits. ^^;;

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[jackrrabbit]

ask answering/updates

first of all, thank you 💘 second of all...

ok ok ok don’t get too excited, but I finally got the juice to start working on the next part of Fanatic 🖤 most of you guys will be like ‘who cares’ but i know some of you have been waiting for this for a while! it’s been what, 2 months?? hope I’m not jinxing myself by saying this *knocks on wood* also not to hype myself too much but it’s kinda bomb 😳 maybe this is just my sick bias but I’ve really been wanting to write about...aftermath iykwim haha. reader all scared & shy & trying to avoid him but yk he’s not going to leave her alone :P

I also figured out the ending to it will come back!! it wouldn’t be shiggy if it didn’t get dangerous 😈 also gonna be nice to write some eyes-rolling-back-in-the-head fuckery so our favorite handsy creep can finally get his dick wet with his beloved little nursey <3

here are some other vague ideas, some based on requests, some not. as always no promises!!

BNHA—pillage & plunder with fantasy AU warlord Bakugo (and his gang of ruffians?? hmm...)

BNHA—Overhaul makes you work off your daddy’s gambling debts the extra hard way uwu...also I have SO many ideas for Overhaul 😷 after I finish iwcb my next multi-part fic will probably be with him

BNHA—various things with reader as an aspiring villain set in the same universe as Caught in the Act: reader getting quarantined with shiggy & dabi...dabi getting mad at you after you keep fucking up...incel shiggy jacking it to his adorable protégée without her knowledge (a galaxy brain request from a very good buddy!!!!)

BNHA—ABO with alpha Hawks and omega reader in an elevator...and uh-oh, it’s stuck! and you’re going into heat! oh no, whatever will you do??

Haikyuu—you get stuck in a hole in a wall, good thing your dutiful boyfriend Kuroo is there to help you out ;)

Haikyuu—gangbang with Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kuroo...a challenge bc I’ve never written a gangbang before!! will have to do some research 🧐

Haikyuu—your bf Atsumu does mean things when he’s jealous, like putting his hands up your skirt in public

KNY—Kokushibou decides to keep a shrine maiden as his cute little human pet 💜 actually already wrote pt. 1 but I’ll wait to post til I’m done with Fanatic

AxK—just some no good very bad yandere content with Dr. Midori...neglect play stuff...sensory deprivation stuff...icky icky

Gintama—something with Kamui. does this count as monsterfucking? very very rough...idk what exactly? some form of dastardly acts

thanks for the concern friends 💕💕 I’ve been preoccupied by things happening irl for the past few weeks, trying to educate myself, going to protests, etc.

also in case anyone else is confused, my stance is and always has been that Black lives matter and all cops are bastards. I’m not sure my porn blog is the right place to talk about this at length but if you’re a bootlicker, please smash that unfollow button and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. if you don’t already have a decently functioning moral compass you should not get anywhere near my writing...fr

learn more and get involved

omg thank you & yes yes a million times yes!!! hope you don’t mind commitment issues and student loan debt 💝👯‍♀️

the line between not hawksfucker and hawksfucker is very thin and very blurry, beware.....lol and thank you!!

the video you recommended...like damn!!! that’s exactly the vibe I feel like fratty Hawks x reader from be a little bad would be like if they had a happy ending eventually (start at 1:39)!!!!! “I didn’t make you do this” “I’m not accusing you of anything” it’s that exact dynamic. imo Hawks might be a little less willing to make things official and reader would prob have a hard time being straightforward enough to ask tho...hmmm

I did get several requests for a part 2! I’m thinking it over atm. I will say tho that most of my reqs have very slow turnaround so if I write it, it might be a while

ooh I love getting recommendations! here’s what I like:

fanfic: I read stuff like what I write (smut, kink, yandere, villains). at some point I’m going to make a long post of fic recs of my own! I also read fluff and character x character ship fic so interests are pretty broad

TV: humor, crime shows like Bones, Criminal Minds, Psych, that kind of thing. nothing too dark or complicated, nothing that requires too much investment. same goes for anime

movies: pretty much everything! lately I’m really into Howl’s Moving Castle and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

books: literary fiction. can I say I’m into dark academia if the only dark academia I’ve read is The Secret History? favorite books I’ve read semi-recently are TSH, All the Light We Cannot See, The Poisonwood Bible, and Discipline & Punish. currently reading Foucault’s History of Sexuality

music: idk man...all kinds of stuff. I listen based on vibe more than genre. all my spotify playlists are named things like “sunday” and “the power” and “[sparkle emoji]”. my artists on repeat are Hozier, The Weeknd, Kendrick, M.I.A., The Neighborhood (F I’m a basic bitch) but I’ll try anything once

jfc these two asks have given me so much hope 🥰😭💗 you know what? sooner or later I’m going to post Kamui x reader smut and it’s going to get 3 notes from the three of us liking it and that’s okay because I’ve thirsted over this man too long and too hard to go my entire life without reading over-indulgent reader-insert porn of him. yes the villain kink jumped out but DAMN!!! the man has ‘h*rny scumbag who lets his instincts rule him’ baked into both his DNA and his psyche, and I’m so here for it 😌

if you don’t know who Kamui is, do me a favor and watch gintama. yes there are like 400 episodes but it’s worth it. I will convert more bitches to the gintama thirst train if it costs me my life. Kamui was made to star in disrespectful breeding kink smut and this is a hill I will die on.

??? sure, if you can point me toward part 2 ????? lmao

I’m guessing you meant to ask for a pt 2 instead of pt 3? in which case, thanks for asking!! but tbh...for some reason I have a really hard time imagining what a pt 2 would look like, maybe because I wrote it 100% from Overhaul’s POV so it’s hard for me to define the reader’s feelings. I’m not saying it’ll never happen but 🤷‍♀️

HOWEVER if it’s Overhaul content in general you’re craving, you’re in luck!!! he’s a favorite of mine. legit he ticks so many of my boxes—villain kink? check. medical/scientist kink? check. yakuza kink? honey I’m weak. I’ll definitely be writing more for him in the future!

oh no! I checked it on my computer & on mobile and all of the links are working for me? are the links still broken for you guys?

anyway, here are the rules, here’s the short version of the request rules, and here is part 1 and part 2 of it will come back.

thank you to everyone who has sent kind words, everyone who replies to my writing, and everyone who posts thirst in the tags!!! I read that shit!!!! and it makes me fucking cry, I love you all

one more thing: several people have requested continuations to Sleepless, Sidekick, and Fanatic. on one hand, I’m so flattered that you guys want more!!! on the other hand, I actually already answered asks about pt. 2′s for those particular fics. before you request a continuation of anything, it’s probably a good idea to look up the name of the fic as a tag on my blog so you can check and see if anyone else had the same question 💖💖💖