#idk i kinda call them kills
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So lately I've had this idea where sometimes Killer will kinda just faze (others think they're like hallucinating) and look like Chara or smth..
Eyestrain....ish?
Oh and normal
(no I totally did not forget the target....) (🌟L$ø ¡^^ NøT‽‽ p|🌟y¡nG vv\ Th3 fønt ør 🌟nyth!ng...>-<‽‽)
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Also I named this Chara, Kills
#eyestrain art#eyestrain#cw eyestrain#chara undertale#chara killertale#killertale#killer ut#chara ut#idk i kinda call them kills#kills ut#killstale#the fonts are silly#fonts#oh yeah#getting used to the new logo#Kills is silly to draw#honk mimimi#emrmrmrmrmmrmrm#idk if i should link song that remind me of this art‽‽#‽#sily thingyy#GET π !!!!!!!!
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just girly things: reading batman: dark victory and feeling nauseous every time harvey dent gets mentioned 🌸🥰💕
#i know he’s IN the narrative but he’s still haunting the narrative and i can’t handle it#he’s dethroned riddler as my fave rogue i fear#every time he gets brought up it’s like a knife to the heart#when jim says he misses him….#OUGH#when batman is being super despondent and more distant than usual bc he feels guilty for losing him :(#chasing him in the sewers and saying ‘I LOST YOU’ OUGHHH#when he says he almost trusted him with his secrets and that maybe trusting him would have saved him#every time he calls him a friend……#i literally can’t do this anymore it’s over for me i fear#dc#dc comics#batman#batman: dark victory#harvey dent#two-face#i had to stop watching the long halloween film bc i kinda hated how they characterised harvey and gilda but like#i really want to edit them + bruce and jim help#also i know TLH and DV aren’t the most accurate versions of harvey and his wife#but i’m enjoying them so far#the movie was killing me tho idk if i can make it through both parts lmaooo#the next The Batman needs a good version of harvey dent pleaseee i beg#idk if i have faith in them seeing how much they changed riddler tho :(#fantastic movie but questionable rogues characterisation#also i keep trying to watch the two-part BTAS episode about harvey dent#but every time i turn it on it just makes me sad LMAOOO
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GUYS—
GUYS HELP—
ITS TAKING OVER—
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Anyways—
So I’ve been listening to the Circe Saga in Epic the Musical for a while, I actually got the idea of giving Bloody and Harvest magic out of it, but that wasn’t enough, I had to go further
So now they are the God of Sorcery or something, look I’m just having fun here—
K, so they have an island to themselves, and they have a lot of magic and are cool, and they look after nymphs and stuff, and they turn anyone who tries bothering them into pigs. I think the Ancient Greek setting would change their backstory a bit but not by much, they probably wouldn’t almost die, but y’know, they’ve still had to deal with shitty stuff, which would actually lead to even more motivation on their end to protect those they care for. They have flower tattoos around their legs because I kinda just felt like drawing flowers and I’m pretty sure that that flower in specific represents strength and healing, and it also helps with insomnia I think. As for the scorpion imagery I chose it because of a kinda joke that’s supposed to be in the au where they choose to have a different day as their birthday and Bloody wants to be a Scorpio because scorpions are cool, and I looked up the symbolism and there’s some rebirth and life//death and change stuff which I think fits them (I am actively choosing to ignore the other potential symbolism, please don’t look it up I’m so sorry my boys 😭) And I like to think they’d use shadow and ice magic because of 1) conquer your fears /literal and 2) as a treatment for their overheating problem
I really like this silly variant, they’re cool
Oh and, uh, about ‘There are other ways’, uhm
Yeah that’s how they were gonna deal with that, cool
#the art demons won#silly stuff#epic the musical reference#Greek au?#idk i’m just having fun#sams au#sams bloodmoon#tsams bloodmoon#Quiet Throes in Pooling Oil#thought about them a bit more#I think the overheating would happen because of scars they have that just won’t go away#the scars would be in their thighs and hips and would be from you-know-what#so they’d usually keep the palace at cool temperatures#they 100% intended to kill whomever-is-Odysseus but were kinda cut off by whomever-Odysseus-is going in a tangent about their wife#also they probably have a couple gardens around the island they like to tend to#also also they would not be above killing the ‘pigs’ and feeding them to whomever comes knocking at their doors#oh god is this an au now?#i can’t keep doing this#what should we call them chat?#Circe Bloodmoon? Greek God Bloodmoon?#ugh#it’s too late for this#flowy fabrics are fun
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casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that
oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...
yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?
anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:
like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual
uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think
#i will say idm getting asks like this AT ALL but i do hope that's not like. the only bit of the podcast people are paying attention to#my thing with sepang 2015 takes is that like... when's the last time anyone has said anything genuinely interesting about that event#which yes big words from the feud blogger... but in fairness a lot of the sepang 2015 stuff is from old notes. that's my excuse idc#but that's kinda the thing... i feel like i haven't really had a new original thought about the whole drama for three plus years#u do kinda run out. basically the takes say more about the person saying them than about the actual event at this point#which. yeah. casey's comments on sepang '15 are primarily interesting in what they tell you about how he feels towards valentino#mind u he's actually quite nice about valentino in this one? casey call him let's finally organise that dinner#heretic tag#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#oh casey does go on another spiel against riders who win at all costs. ships that passed in the night of feuds i always say#also he gets the age he enters the premier class at wrong. i held myself back in the last post from pointing this out for tonal reasons#but if people want my podcast hot takes. i do simply have to mention it. just to set the record straight here#'they battle for podium places after 2009' genuinely. twice. like the alien era giveth but a lot of the time it really does just taketh#somewhat ironically casey wins the duel when he's on the shitty ducati and vale wins the duel when he's on the even shittier ducati#whatever that tells you idk#casey was always promising the laguna rematch would've gone differently and I love that conceptually but also we just don't know#he was like next time I WON'T play nice and it's like?? omg what does that look like. casey what were you cooking#for ethical reasons it's probably fine but for character arc reasons it's objectively ass that casey ended up being able to do all his -#- racing in a way he was entirely comfortable with for his second title in 2011. like it's just a complete waste of a year#you have this whole thing building for four years and then 2010 comes along and it's like. well that's enough narrative intrigue now! <3#also casey/jorge are fundamentally too interesting as individuals to have had such an obscenely boring on-track rivalry and yet here we are#it KILLS me because if you rearranged it and made valentino's dogshit ducati years like. 2009 or something#and do a straight title fight between jorge and casey THEN I genuinely think it would've been way more interesting#the problem with valentino is that he is fundamentally the WORST imaginable character you could invent to be casey's foil#literally everything about valentino could have been designed to be a casey-specific nightmare#but unfortunately that also makes him objectively the most interesting rival casey could have gotten#like morally it's on the edge. but narratively? literally could not have gotten a better villain in casey's story#constantly dancing on this faustian line of having to imitate valentino to beat him while trying not to lose yourself... juicy
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Part of me, deep deep down, wonders if we still may have a scene of MK on his knees versus his friends a la 4x07
#like maybe we WON'T. and that's totally fine#I did get ''You were locked in a corner- told to get on your knees and accept your fate! And you didn't!#You came back and chose to stand to meet your end! Together.'' Like at the very least *kisses kneeling/standing motif*#And it's like ''your friends will turn on you- seeing you for the monster you will become!'' like where did that fear come from. Wukong#Wukong & Macaque#And what are we MAYBE getting answers to next season. Wukong V Macaque#I just. *gestures* the chaos shit is so weird. the staff corruption is so weird#''When the chaos makes them who they are'' SO WEIRD#So like. Rn I feel like MK finally gets hey. You really don't have to do it alone! And it's okay it all leads to pain! Good job bestie#Like the option is it all leads to pain or there's nothing. Cool cool#But I do feel like. He needs to be okay with his role specifically? You know? Like the ''it's always my fault!'' aspect of it#''It definitely shouldn't be left up to me'' like. Well. It kinda was#This was YOUR choice#Idk man like. This is just gonna have consequences#like ''I saw my children couldn't survive the chaos'' We have lost the safety net of the cycle#We have lost the 10 kings. We've lost heaven (ish).#MK you quite literally chose your sentimentality for mortal pleasures over a lot. Over guaranteed survival#God part of me is like. U were so willing to kill yourself so you could finally make up for being you I know it#I fucking know it MK#Ur so rayla core#my god#U were like "I can finally make the world better than I found it by fucking killing myself'' like dude. dude no#this is such a weird amalgamation of getting better/worse MK like I love you#character of all time#And earlier in the season being like ''You're a beast. A monster'' and then calling nine a monster like. MK. whatever#was part of LBD's plan literally destroying chaos with the fire (''And everything beyond even that!'') like idk I'm losing it#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk rant#lmk spoilers
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coil ch
edit: tumblr stole half of my tags so i put a bad version of the second half of what i was trying to say in my notes :( sorry
#magic and mystery#m&m coil#this one was actually sweet tho#kinda mad that lockhart's getting any credit at all but what can ya do#i think i would be more destroyed if blaise actually killed him#hhow tf did he actually find the chamber tho???#like what could make you guess there???#i hope that gets answered#cant remember how he found out in the hp books either#think he followed them????? maybe???#but he took too long to have followed them in coil i think.. so idk#but it was an incredibly sweet ending#and i like that we got to see ginny's love for chaos form#if allegory writes another year then that year will be insane#especially w/ percy and pansy now in the gang too ??!!#man the gang is going#and again i predicted since early coil that by the end of coil pansy would join the gang#i believed in her#dad snape is back again and thank god too#obviously the pm is gonna mess w/ their relationship#but yk#him getting his name cleared and not being able to do anything abt it im happy but worried abt him going home#how are they even gonna end the year off??? will snape pomfrey and mcgonagall rlly let him go home#theyre gonna have too right??#also the diary is still in play and im concerned#but for now we have a ch ending on a nice note#ALSO I FINALLY GOT MY BLAISE POV ID BEEN CALLING FOR AWHILE NOW#surprised it took this long and that it didnt address things i thought it would#it was good and it made since for him to be thinking like that in the moment#but i rlly want him to atleast address pansy's arm getting broken eventually
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rebirth is gonna destroy us i just know it
#as a zerith stan knowing aerith dies in zack's timeline is messing me up#like... they cannot meet unless they 'fix' the timelines or whatever#there's a chance the characters are not actually dead in zack's timeline but idk...#so yeah in the original timeline zack is dead of course#but in zack's timeline they are ALL dead. allegedly#so essentially it's like. if zack gets to live the others die instead??#what is zack's timeline gonna be like? i'm so curious and confused and lowkey scared aksjhkahlds#it's too soon to assume things but it doesn't look good for zack 🥴#he only has cloud atm and he's still in a bad condition apparently#he wasn't anywhere in that last scene in the DLC so either zack left him resting somewhere#or something else happened?#idk about y'all but i'm kinda going insane thinking about theories#the more i rewatch the trailer the more i realize how depressing it could potentially be...#also sephiroth might be travelling between the timelines#and i'm thinking... zackseph reunion maybe? 👀#he was also calling genesis but the trailer was from Ever Crisis right?#so what's going awn.......#i've seen ppl saying the tornado which potentially killed the party probably let weiss nero AND genesis out...#out of the deepground i mean#so does that mean zack will have to face the three of them at some point? that happened in HIS timeline#anyway i'm rambling ajskhakjs i HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS
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~ ~ ~
#I hate who I am when I start missing human contact and feeling lonely#I start missing someone who was awful to me simply because they were reliable in talking to me every day and at least sort of my friend#I start craving the connections that you see in media even though I know those types aren’t real#it seems like everyone else has more people and better people and closer people in their lives than me#it seems like everyone has best friends and partners that are closer to them and better for them#and idk it just feels like things are missing from my life#I have a partner but I can’t always talk to them when I need to because they can’t always handle a conversation#I have a best friend but he barely ever answers my calls and things feel distant between us lately#I have other friends but they’re not the kinds that I feel I could turn to for help when I’m lonely like this#I have my parents but neither of them are very good at comfort in these situations#and I just want to cry because I feel so completely by myself and I don’t know what to do anymore#I just want someone to talk to and who will listen to me when I need help and advice and be there for me#I’m starting to really miss the wrong people again even though I know I’m better without them in my life#but at least I could send them anything and get a response fairly soon when I needed to#at least for a while they were very close to me and i think that’s what I really miss most of all#just the closeness of another person since I don’t always feel that with other relationships these days#it’s times like these I wish I’d just killed myself at 16 so I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with this over and over forever#it’s times like these I wanna fade away#if I’m going to be alone anyway then why bother keeping others around at all? why not just break off and go be a hermit somewhere else?#but I can’t do that because I have too many responsibilities that I need to take care of#idk maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with#pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to make it this long in the first place#I mean I’m being facetious cause I’m not overly suicidal and I’m not actually going to do anything#just kinda wish I could in a weird sort of way#like missing the feeling of a blade slicing my skin since I stopped cutting a long time ago#just want more out of my relationships and from myself and from my life and idk how to get any of that#personal
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honestly leave it to wc to use a plotline that usually has me cheering and clapping just have me go “…. alright then”
#in theory barley and violet dissing hoot and jumper is a good concept. they turned on them and tried to kill them#and they continued to torment them. they almost beat their sister to death#violet and barley dont owe them a single thing and im glad they told them to fuck off when they tried crawling back#‘’help us!’’ ‘why? you didnt help us.’’ is a good exchange i gotta stress that#but……. man the backstory and narrative choices in the entire series just kinda drags it down for me#like for one. if bloodclan is so abusive and scourge hated families. shouldnt that mean hoot and jumper are also victims?#actually why can they live together as brothers and no one cares and scourge can have them as his besties#(……. its almost like that rule makes no sense and is just a half assed way to make bloodclan seem eeeeeevil compared to the clans)#and second. wc is so anti redemption man. the only time we really and truly got one was fucking skystar#and even then. it was fucking skystar.#hoot and jumper are eeeeevil child killing kidnapping rogues who are not worth analyzing or considering oughhh#i stg btw this does not mean im defending them or wanted the siblings to instantly forgive them#but given the context of how bloodclan is treated as a whole as ‘’ewwwww those atheist monsters think theyre a CLAN’’#and barleys called a warrior just for this battle. idk it feels off#wc comics lb
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the only reason hydron didnt live is bc if he was part of the brawler's interdimensional found family, that'd involve him getting a character arc on account of actually having a support system and also the fact that zenoheld is dead and they didn't wanna write that so they just killed off hydron. this lives in my brain though.
#he would be part of the found family the brawlers just let anyone in#they were gonna let mylene and shadow join despite the fact that they literally had just tried to kill mira#spectra and gus are part of the brawlers and dan literally calls both of them family#do you think they're not going to look at hydron. with his huge amount of issues. and NOT let him be part of their found family????#i think if hydron lived. i think gus and him would end up like brothers but like acting like actual siblings#keith and mira are too nice to each other#i need gus and hydron to insult each other. then go into an autism echolalia feedback loop. then try to go gaslight someone.#thats based on irl experience with my own younger sibling#we are menaces and gus and hydron would also be menaces to society too#other than that uhhh honestly i think itd be funny if he was friends with julie. i think all subterra brawlers should be friends w julie#by law julie is friends with every subterra brawler. ur a subterra brawler and u think u arent gonna end up friends with her? ur wrong#i kinda wanna see him interact with fabia in some way but idk how. it could be interesting tho.#not hydron related but id love to see ren and gus interact before the events of gundalian invaders.#i think gus would be sus abt him but like not actually care too much bc that's the human's problem not his#i think they could have an interesting conversation about loyalty and shit idk#i dont know toooooo much abt ren my memory is spotty but i just think it would be neat#anyways i was having an autism moment im not sorry this is just self indulgent
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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I personally really want decepticon high command to each get their own little personal redemptions
And by redemptions they just get put on baby sitting duty and having little moments of
“Am I seriously trying to fight literal toddlers right now-”
#I mean I think Starscream and Shockwave at the very least should#I think it would work well with Shockwave where he sees the Terrans as lesser than him but then they do something that proves that wrong#basically just give Shockwave an existential crisis#I think Nightshade would work well with that since they're both science dudes#Soundwave should get an episode with Bee or Optimus or something#I think Soundwave it would be a two way thing where Soundwave calls them out for their mistreatment#and Soundwave realizes that the autobots have changed and just want peace#idk I just want to have more episodes where the decepticons don't have to be evil villains the whole time#which we kinda got with Taurantulas but he also was kinda a little evil cause he tried to kill Dot and Alex
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the worst part about flapjack's death is that luz and hunter's friendship died right along with it lmao
#idk it's just funny. TTT goes so fucking far in order to say that luz and hunter have built a strong bond between them#to the point that luz calls him family#then luz is the only one who refuses to fight possessed hunter#she only gets close to him to hug him and do the 'this is not you!' middle school couple trope on him#not only that but flapjack entrusts his powers for luz when he sees what's become of hunter and THAT is what she CHOOSES to do#you know. flapjack who was caleb's palisman. who was there for the entirety of caleb and evelyn's romance to the point that belos-#-considers him a symbol of caleb's betrayal (his love for evelyn)#this is the same flapjack that looks at phillip trying to harm 'caleb' again and decides to literally put his powers in luz's hands#and ultimately his sacrifice means neither caleb or evelyn have to die again#which is kinda confirmed by the way hunter goes like 'there's a reason you and i are alive and here right now and it's because-#-it's our turn to defeat belos' like i didn't even have to reach for this. hunter says it himself#and this is all great and compelling and makes sense except for the fact that the show just forgets about this on the next two episodes#and so where the first episode establishes that luz and hunter are close friends FTF and WAD are like 'do they even know each other?idk idc#and i get to stare at the camera because OBVIOUSLY if hunter and luz were a couple this wouldn't be a problem to begin with#and flapjack's death loses meaning when it turns out that nothing about evelyn or caleb or the previous confrontations between belos and-#-the other grimwalkers has any bearing in the plot anymore#flapjack gave its life to preserve the love that changed the world back then but because it's just never acknowledged it's like. who cares#someone had to die and we can't kill one of the kids#shrugs#sorry i have so much resentment in my heart#but do not get it twisted. it's HILARIOUS to me that TOH is at its most compelling when the lunter/witteclaw parallels are at its strongest#and then shoots itself in the foot when they realize that they paired off both characters with other people#okay that's all i have to say by now#lunter#is this anything
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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being friends with byan is so weird bc they say they want you to have the balls to be bluntly honest with them, but then the very moment you're honest about something they don't like, they're peacing out, all "lmao ok friendship ended byeeeee"
#honesty is great until you're addressing their insecurities or anything they're currently in denial over#they have a... weird relationship with honesty lmao#they'll be harshly honest about almost anything and not pull a single damn punch#they will tell you easily that their biological mother didn't want them and that they've lived on the street#they'll tell you that they haven't had a foster home last more than 10 months & that one of their foster parents almost killed them#but they won't tell you about the misery these events caused & how its shaped them as a person#and then there's the way they can dish it but can't take it#they'll tell you to your face everything that's wrong with you (in their opinion)#but the moment you do the same back.... lmao fuck you what the hell kinda bullshit#they're so SO sensitive. so much more so than they let on. and they don't tolerate being called on their shit well.#but I think part of that is bc they spent a lot of their life being belittled rather than built up#and they ended up feeling like every time they were abandoned it was bc of their flaws#so if ur pointing them out........ it's only a matter of time before ur leaving too. so they better leave first.#but also they just hate being Seen. they hate when someone can see behind their facade.#if someone else can see ur pain that means it's really there or something :)#idk I have way more thoughts about this than I realized when I started typing and now the tags are gonna be longer than the post oops#might....... have to make a note to get into all this in a more in depth headcanon at some point#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.
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okay the jokes about bi women with jakey ass boyfriends were funny but I'm gonna need everybody to stop before people start getting too comfortable and start getting really biphobic with it
#like the first couple times were funny but like. I do not like the direction this is going. my bestie has straight up got hate comments#for being a bi girl with a bf like people are saying she has it so easy is basically straight etc like😭#not that biphobia (against bi women specifically) didn't exist before this joke blew up recently but some people think it's a lil Too#funny to call bi women with boyfriends basically straight#as if they're like. what? lying about being bi? faking it for attention like what do you think. they're not actually bi bc they're dating#a man. idk just don't like direction this is going#as a person with the opposite problem (people I'm insisting I'm a lesbian) I kinda get it like it obvs doesn't feel great to have people#doubt your sexuality. especially in the context of them making fun of you#ALL THIS BEING SAID this isn't abt my mutuals and friends who I know are normal and not biphobic AND this is not about not making fun#of jakey boyfriends. obviously i think they should all kill themselves.#carmen.txt
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