#idk i just think it would be nice not to feel ignored and neglected and stuff

[silberpilz]

[lovelookspretty]

not so bad

college!rafe cameron x reader au

— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.

warning(s): nothing much, just rafe and y/n being cuteness, but there is a little bit of a serious talk !! omg rafe being kind ?? this is insane

authors note: this is NOT the end of the series of course. theyre just starting to become friends but obvi theyre gna become lovers with time. am i rushing this ?? idk cs theyve been frenemies since kids n now theyre js officially friends in part 4 like okay u guys move fast. mayb its my fault

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

you knock upon his door, your heartbeat thudding with each pulse as you anxiously wait outside his dorm. rafe had gotten back to you just hours after you sent him the message about the second tutor session, seeming to be just fine with having to spend more time with you after ignoring each other all week.

it just worries you a little about how this is going to go.

the door opens, revealing the blond boy himself. his tongue is pressed against the side of his mouth as he leans out between the crack in the door. his eyes are right on you, and he strands up straight, pulling the door open completely to let you in.

he’s standing there in some forest green crewneck with a white shirt underneath and some pants. in his hand is a small glass container full of what looks like mac and cheese and what you guess are steak bites with a spoon sticking out of it. he eats so much actual food instead of cafeteria food that you know that he’s gonna get his own place after freshman year and invest mostly in his kitchen for some gourmet shit that reminds him of home and some gym preps. that’s just so rafe.

you’re not surprised though that he doesn’t share any of his food with those in the dorm building with you guys, even just to sell them and make money. even though you know a ton of students would pay and kill to get away from the same rotation of food they’re usually served here. ‘cause it’s not like he needs the extra money anyway. his family’s loaded. so that is so not rafe.

there’s also a small smile on his face when he lets you in, but also like there’s just absolutely no thought behind his eyes. he looks stupid. but you think he looks stupid every time you see him.

you hesitantly step inside, still not completely comfortable in his space. or comfortable at all. it almost feels like your first time inside his dorm again, only with more tension than before everything. a month ago, you didn’t even think that was possible.

“so you’re failing english,” you’re the first to say something. you walk over to his desk like last time and carefully set your ipad on its surface.

“english isn’t for everyone.”

“surprised it isn’t for you after that little showdown in class,” you point out, turning to him.

he shuts the door behind him and locks it, then walks to his bed to sit on the edge, facing you. digging into his mac, he nods, “that was fun by the way.”

you raise an eyebrow at him. what is going on? one moment he’s not even paying you any mind but now he’s able to have a normal conversation with you. even say something kind of nice.

but then, you’ve been the same way in the switch from neglect to willingness.

“show me your notes,” you tell him, and he pushes himself off the edge of the bed to stand and walk to you. you watch him as he approaches his desk, controlling his laptop through his track pad.

he navigates through chrome and opens his documents like last time. he pulls up his most recent notes, which are in a folder with the title being the dates of this past week.

“since our first ever session, i started organizing my notes for class for every lecture per week,” he says, stepping away from the laptop to let you take a look at it. you go to sit in his chair to inspect his new notes, noticing the huge difference in how he takes notes now. “these five have been from this week for this class. so . . .”

as he trails off you can hear him eat spoonfuls and spoonfuls of his food, in which you glance back at him at the sounds of. but your focus is still on the notes, to tutor him.

you’re surprised that he’s gone to no notes to notes at all, let alone organized ones with folders, headings, dates, actual information, the whole shabang. has he been doing this for all of his classes too?

“that’s . . . impressive,” you say honestly, looking back at him. “but i don’t get it. if you’ve been writing down the lecture material then why are you almost failing the class?”

he shrugs, finishing his bite before swallowing it down to speak. “english isn’t for everyone,” he repeats himself, and you raise an eyebrow at his words.

you’re a little lost because literally none of this makes sense. “w— wait, so you . . . you take your english notes for about three weeks and whether or not you absorb the material, you boil it down to: at the end of the day you’ll fail because ‘english isn’t for everyone’? rafe.”

“y/n,” he says.

“why are you even in university?” you ask him, and you see his expression falter when he realizes you’re serious. “i mean like actually. we both left the outer banks to attend here but you’re failing your classes whether you do the work for them or not. it seems like you aren’t even trying. what’s the point?”

“you know, college isn't just about classes,” he tells you, and you cock your head in question. “it’s about the whole experience—making connections, networking, discovering yourself. it’s what i wanted to do from the start. plus, there are plenty of other ways to learn besides sitting in a lecture hall.”

you stare at him in silence. that doesn’t answer your question at all. “okay, but you aren’t learning, period. like lectures apparently go in one ear and out the other,” you say, and rafe only smiles as he looks down at his food, picking at it as he makes his way over to the edge of his bed again.

“i mean isn’t the whole point of college to get an education?” you ask him, your tone skeptical. “seems like a waste of time and money if you're not even going to try to pass all your classes.”

he gives you a knowing look when you mention money, but it’s almost like he doesn’t want to talk about about that. or need to. “to each their own, y/n,” he replies cryptically, and his expression is unreadable. “we all have our reasons for being here.”

a part of you understands where he’s coming from completely, yet another part insists that there’s still a way to balance both. you know he’s capable. he just needs some motivation.

“i think . . . you should have no reason to be failing right now, especially because of your improvement from last time,” you tell him honestly. “you should be making the most out of your already-paid-for classes anyway! you’ve written the work, you’ve been able to pass your exams, you said you needed to study last time i was here, you read a book assigned to the class and were able to debate with me on it. you’re fully capable. you just need a little push maybe.”

he grimaces. “are you gonna spend your time here to teach me how to learn?”

“no.” you shake your head at him, “i’m gonna spend my time here to just motivate you. you’ve spent all your time investing a great amount of energy and effort into your other classes. why not this one? thompson doesn’t need me to tutor you; he just wants me to help you in any way that i can.”

rafe is silent as you spin around in his chair to face him fully.

“we can work on our assignment together if you want,” you offer, but your voice comes out in a mumble, unsure if he’ll take it or feel off about the idea. “i haven’t finished it yet. this way, we can be in each others presence here, but not with me teaching you, but us working together at the same level.”

for once you can see in his face that there’s a little glint in his eyes. and he looks . . . hopeful. he nods. and you feel good about this, in some weird way—just working out things between you and him when for years it’s been nothing but tension. it’s almost like a weight off your back to know that you both are okay with each other enough to be friends. or kind of friends. or tolerate each other.

you twist your body and take his laptop into your hands, then stand from the chair to hand rafe his laptop while simultaneously taking his container from him. you set it down on his desk and cover it up for him.

“prepare for the worst few hours of your life,” you tell him as you pull up your class assignment, and you don’t need to look up to see the smile on rafe’s face. you can tell he’s holding back from it but it’s there. and there’s one on yours too.

after just an hour and a half of discussing, writing, deleting, a lot of questions, yelling, and finally completing all of your english work for the week, you get ready to head back to your dorm. it’s definitely late and rafe mentioned that lorenzo should be coming back soon and will wanna go to sleep right away.

with your ipad tucked underneath your armpit you push rafe’s chair in under his desk, then head for the door. rafe has once again offered you more water like before but this time the offer came with snacks from the whole drawer that rafe had organized in his bedspace. that guy has great taste in snacks.

“thanks for helping me out by the way,” rafe mumbles under his breath as he treads behind you, walking you out. you open the door and look back at him, in which his hand finds the door above your head. “you didn’t have to do it a second time but you did. i really, uh . . . i really appreciate it.”

“literally no problem at all,” you say as he pulls out some cash from his back pocket like he prepared it for you. you raise your eyebrows. “no it’s fine. i didn’t even tutor you today. you can keep it.”

“you still took time out of your day and helped me out so unfortunately it does,” he insists, then slaps the money in your palm.

you roll your eyes, stuffing it in your pocket as you turn around to leave.

“hey wait,” he says, reaching out to stop you but pulling away before he could make contact. he’s a little anxious as he goes to scratch his temple, closing one of his eyes as he thinks about it for a second. you stop and wait patiently, curious. “sorry for being so weird the other day,” he starts to say, but you’re already waving your hand to tell him it’s okay.

“rafe really, it’s oka—”

“it’s not,” he cuts you off, and you’re silenced from the look on his face. he looks almost defeated, or rather disappointed in himself. he can’t even look at you like he’s embarrassed of what he’s said and done.

he takes a moment to build the courage to communicate his thoughts, and eventually he knows exactly what to say.

“i was just having a rough day ‘cause i was just overwhelmed,” he says. you furrow your eyebrows, wondering what he means. it seems personal that you step back inside his room and shut the door behind you.

“then when i saw you here with enzo, it didn’t even cross my mind to think that you were actually here for me. since i wasn’t even in the room, i thought ‘why would she just be here?’ . . . it was just a lot of fresh feelings and everything was setting me off, including that. and i’m . . . i’m sorry, it shouldn’t have happened,”

“and i’m sorry for ignoring you for a week too. i thought we were just back to how things have always been, and to be honest, that made me upset too. ‘cause you’re really cool to be around. i guess.”

you frown at him. “i think you’re pretty cool too,” you tell him. “even though you piss me off. it feels kind of nice being able to talk to you like we’re . . .”

“friends,” he finishes for you, and you nod. he’s smiling. “that whole feud just to become friends after two hours of tutoring huh?”

your smile turns into a laugh as you nod. you had the same thought. “maybe it just means that since we became friends so easily, we were meant to become that in the first place instead of whatever we were,” you suggest, and rafe grins at you. your smile fades slowly as you stare up at him, “so friends?”

“whatever,” he says with his grin still, and he goes to shake your hand on it. you chuckle, pulling away from the handshake to push his chest, and you head for the door again. “i’ll see you?” he asks, following you again.

“i’ll see you,” you say as you walk down toward your dorm. when you take out your key, you look to the side and see rafe’s head peeking out from his door. he’s beaming, his smile open with his tongue pressed to the side. “goodnight,” you say, unlocking your door as you head inside.

“goodnight,” you can hear him respond as you shut the door behind you, and you spot aria sleeping in her bed already.

you place your ipad on your desk and approach your dresser to retrieve some new clothes. you plan on heading to the showers really quick to get ready for bed.

as you collect your clothes, towels, and shower caddy, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. you slip out of your room to head for the showers, swiping up on your screen to see what’s going on. it’s a message from rafe.

‘ ik u just left like 15 minutes ago but my friends and i wanna go see this new coffee shop tmw and they play live music. just wanted to know if u would wanna come? ’

before you can reply, he sends another message:

‘ totally fine if not idk what our boundaries are ’

‘ u would like elara and lorenzo. they’re really cool ’

‘ i’ll pay for your coffee ’

you jump at the opportunity to reply back instantly.

‘ i’ll see u there !! ’

@svnsetcrve @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @lalalalala33 @darkcolorexpert @babyflockaaaa @lifeofleasaasa @ilyrafe @mkiverd @wxn-drlst

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere Lucifer who falls for a hell born reader who’s maybe a hell hound who works at the hotel for free as long as she’s helping; hcs please.

I don't watch Helluva Boss but I do have a vague understanding of Hellhounds in this universe so... I'll try my best :) Again I altered the idea a little bit but I hope you still like it.

Edit: The note is outdated as now I do watch Helluva Boss. It's good, ignore past me.

Yandere! Lucifer with Hellhound! Darling

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Unhealthy power dynamic, Manipulation, Degrading behavior (You're called a good girl due to being a Hound, idk if it counts), Possessive/Protective behavior, Delusional behavior, Clingy behavior, Possible kidnapping, Dubious relationship/companionship.

Alright, according to my research, Hellhounds are Hellborn who rank under Imps.

They are bottom of the ladder Demons who are used for labor, pets, or guards of some sort.

Hellborn are unable to be redeemed, as a result they don't typically bother with the Hotel.

However... Here's my idea.

You were originally some sort of nanny or guard for Charlie.

Either Lucifer or Lilith had appointed you, a Hellhound, to care for Charlie when they can't.

This resulted in you staying at the Hotel with Charlie.

The Hotel is a home to you, plus you care for Charlie and help in any way you can.

Lucifer's obsession wouldn't start until he visits the Hotel.

He knows about you, the Hellhound that was taken in because his daughter saw you and got so damn excited.

You had no home, so Charlie's parents allowed you in.

You were so nice with his little girl.

You were an adult female Hellhound who left the Gluttony Ring to find a job in the Pride Ring.

Upon being offered the job of guard and caretaker by Lucifer/Lilith, you take it gratefully.

Since then you'd been caring for Charlie, a loyal servant and guard dog.

The last time Lucifer saw you was when Lilith took Charlie.

Being the ever loyal hound you were, you followed them obediently and left Lucifer alone.

When Lucifer enters the Hotel, he is surprised to be greeted by you.

You're surprised to see him and smell his familiar scent, but you bow and lead him inside.

It... caused Lucifer to smile upon realizing someone does still care.

"There's no need for the bow, girl... we can be casual. Now, how's Charlie? Been treating her well?"

Lucifer wasn't expecting to be so happy when seeing you again.

Maybe it's the depression and the fact his wife left him.

For some reason... he feels a bit attached to you.

Even more so when he sees how loyal you are toward Charlie, often protecting her and receiving pats on your head.

It feels a bit strange for him... but he does think he's falling in love again in some way.

Lucifer probably just yearns for companionship of any kind.

Be that platonic love or romantic love.

You've always been such a big help for him and his family since they took you in.

I mean... you already parent Charlie more than him at times.

Lucifer is noticeably awkward when he tries to reconnect and speak with anyone in the Hotel.

However, he seems to talk fine with you for the most part, often asking about Charlie and how you've been throughout the years, you got your Hellbies shot, right?

Lucifer has trouble understanding his feelings towards you, he may even be a bit delusional.

Yet... he seems rather intent on getting closer to you since he entered the Hotel.

Now, here's where I'm just going to talk little HCs of Lucifer with a Hellhound! Darling.

He definitely would call you a "good girl".

That along with petting you or calling you into his lap.

Lucifer would give you a kiss on the forehead and often just likes holding you to feel your soft fur.

I imagine he's possessive of your attention at times due to feeling neglected by those he loves.

Lucifer may make you rubber duckies as gifts.

He's also asking about you with Charlie since he thinks out of anyone Charlie knows you best.

Definitely thinks you also love him just as much, even if you just see him as a master or some sort more than a partner.

If he's jealous or irritated with something, you calm him down by jumping in his lap and licking his face.

It shocks him for a moment, even if he knows that's just how Hellhounds show affection, but soon it just melts him.

I prefer a dubious pairing in this, but you can see him with a Hellhound darling in either way as you're a guard to Charlie.

He may also be protective since you're such a precious person to him.

With Lucifer... he plans to not make you feel like you're low on Hell's hierarchy.

You're not just a peasant to him.

You're his Hellhound, his good girl who has always been loyal...

Unlike others he's loved....

You aren't a pet to him, although some Hellhounds are often seen that way.

You're someone he sees as family of some kind, you make him and his daughter happy.

You always have...

Which is why he doesn't like the idea of letting you go.

You're loyal to Charlie but respect Lucifer.

Loyal to the point of never leaving the Hotel...

But... what if he ordered you to?

What if he asked Charlie to let him borrow you for company.

He promises you it's okay to part from Charlie for a bit.

He'll return you to the Hotel in due time (He won't).

Lucifer doesn't want to be alone again right now...

You'll be a good girl and listen to your master, yeah?

"The pets feel nice, don't they? There's my loyal girl... missed you so much...! Don't worry about Charlie, she's a big girl now. You've done your part. Just worry about me... alright? Don't need you to go back to the Hotel right now... just need you here with me!"

[mia-maybank]

My predictions for heartbreak high season 3

-A backstory on Ant's homelife and how the map affected it -it feels like they built it up all s1 then s2 Ant was drunk or high 90% of his screentime so it feels like he was substance abusing to escape his family issues? Idk but I'm praying they give us this type of storyline in s3.

-Malakai realising he was infact just running from his problems so he comes back -he needs to address everything properly and finally have some happiness because the poor guy has been dragged through the mud in the previous seasons.

-Miss Obah helping Spider with his mother and Woodsy helping Ant with his homelife -Miss Obah makes it pretty clear she doesn't like Spider and it seems like Woodsy just sees Ant as a class clown so I think it would be interesting for them to both realise they are actually just struggling kids with shitty parents.

-Quinni and Sasha becoming close friends & Sasha redemption arc -with Sasha being vice captain they will be working together a lot, which will be interesting with them being exes. It would also be a good chance for Quinni to help Sasha realise her opinions or the way she goes about expressing her opinions is toxic and help her change for the better.

-Miss Obah talking Spider through a panic attack -because lets be real Spider bottles all his emotions and vulnerability up so it's bound to come crashing down at somepoint, plus it would be a good way to make Miss Obah realise that Spider's just hurt rather than the complete dickhead she thinks he is. It would also probably be the first time Spider has an adult figure look out and care for him and that would be good for him.

-Cash forcing Darren to sit down and communicate properly -because I love Darren but they definitely don't know what healthy communication is and to be endgame (which if they aren't I will personally riot) they both need to sit down and fully figure their shit out.

-Missy and Ant friendship -with Missy dating Spider and Ant being Spider's bestfriend it's kind of a given and she would be a healthy person to give advice to Ant.

-Missy, Spider and Ant having that dynamic where Ant is basically Missy and Spider's child -because Spider already has such a soft spot for him and I can just see them both giving him advice together and looking after him, especially if Ant gets a storyline about his parents being neglectful.

-Lots of Ant and Spider friendship screentime -in the first two seasons they are practically attached at the hip so the writers better keep it that way for my sanity.

-Malakai's reaction to Missy dating Spider as well as Spider apologising to Malakai if (when) he comes back and Malakai being shook by the fact that Spider's actually changed - it would be a good way to show Spider's really trying to change plus I feel like Malakai's reaction to Missy and Spider being together would be so funny.

-A scene where Malakai is hurt because he thinks Amerie just ignored his letter and Amerie is like "what letter?" -the writers have literally set this up by burning the letter and I'm now terrified.

-Dusty coming back to Hartley -they could so easily make up a reason for Dusty to come back and I think it would be interesting to see how he fits back in now Spider is growing to be a better person.

-Ant finding out Harper made the map too and being upset about it since it literally outed him and Spider going full protective best friend mode -the fact that everybody still fully blames Amerie just doesn't sit right with me and with Ant probably being the most affected by the map (considering his Christian parents) and with him falling for Harper he would definitely feel the most betrayed.

-Ant coming out to Spider properly or having a conversation with him about his sexuality -I think the writers just completely forgot that Ant is canonically not straight and it would be nice for it to be acknowledged, even in a small way.

-Cash self harm storyline and the others finding out the meaning of his name -This was set up with the writers revealing the meaning of his name at the end of s2 so it makes sense.

-Spider having less trust in teachers after Voss, leading to Woodsy and Miss Obah finding out Voss slapped Spider -because he literally slapped a child surely the wiriters won't forget about it and just move on??

-Ant breaking down sobbing in Spider's arms or vice versa -they are each others first point of comfort so it makes sense they will lean on eachother throughout their family issues. Plus I could so imagine a scene of Spider just completely breaking down in Ant and Missy's arms because he seriously does just bottle everything up until he explodes.

[sockiestupidity]

Papusa Making-Miguel O'hara x platonic teen reader

Description; Reader is the complete opposite of Miguel and does not easily trust, reader gets caught stress making papusas at ungodly hours by Miguel💀Alternatively:Miguel unexpectedly befriends the newest addition to spider society over food

no spanish bc im a no sabo kid🙈(sorry if he seems too white for y'all)

warnings- lowercase intentional, bad writing/bad grammar, fluff, angst??, implied abuse/neglect, ooc miguel(acts a lot like peter b.???), not proofread, idk what else, let me know if i forgot anything🤷‍♂️ the reader is gn!!! reader is also implied to be nonverbal bc i said so🥰

also the povs slightly change at some points (just ignore it🙏)

first time writing a fanfic pls be nice :))

it was dawning 4:00 am and y/n still had yet to fall asleep, their mind preoccupied with anxiety and paranoia, they took a deep heavy breath, and tried not to close their exhausted eyes. they squeezed their eyelids shut, feeling a headache approaching, and as soon as they did, images of their past events played. they quickly shook their head, trying to get those images out of their mind. as grateful as they were for having a place to stay at hq, they could not help but think about the comforts of their own home. despite the imposing threats of their home, there was almost something cathartic about sleeping on an old bed that was on the verge of falling apart. the young spider's new housing situation felt too safe, too quiet…to… comfortable. as a new spider, they did not know for how long these types of comforts would ve provided without a cost. they almost never slept, as they felt as if they did, these comforts would suddenly gone, as if it was all a sick joke, or a dream

suddenly y/n felt something wet drip down their cheek. "am i crying?" they thought to theirself.

they took another deep breath in, trying not to hyperventilate. in times like these, y/n would usually either bake or cook (only when their parents were not present) or they would just straight up bottle their emotions. y/n sighed as they weighed their options. despite their brains constant paranoia as to what might happen if they get caught baking, they decided to go against their paranoia for once.

as y/n quietly treaded towards the communal kitchen, making sure not to wake anyone up (AN: i imagine that hq house is just a rlly big ahh house so that why theres a communal kitchen). as they looked through the contents available, they remembered that a previous spider had make masa recently, and had leftover masa that desperately needed to be used. y/n also recalled how another spider had previously made pickled vegetables and cabbage and ended up not needing it. this gave the young spider an idea. they swiftly grabbed out the needed ingredients for papusa filling. which included beans, cheese, and loroco. y/n decided to make vegetarian papusas just incase other spiders were interested in eating them. since they basically acknowledged no one in spider society, y/n decided that this could at least be seen as a token appreciation for being taken into the society.

they happily began mixing, almost forgetting the previous events that were plaguing their mind, until a large, menacing figure was seen in their field of vision. y/n suddenly stopped mixing, their hands now trembling with fear, panic clouded their mind, and their eyes began to blur, as they began hyperventilating the figure got closer. in response, y/n decided to continue moving back until they were trapped in a corner of the room.

the figure suddenly came to a halt, y/n looked up to the figure, not being able to recognize the harsh features of the figure.

the figure held a hand up, as soon as the figure did, y/n flinched. the figure suddenly donned what looked like a frown. suddenly, the figure began to speak, "hey, its going to be alright kid, i need you to breathe with me okay?" y/n nodded, still trembling with fear.

the figure began to count with their fingers, "just follow my lead, alright? in for four seconds, hold for seven, and out for eight, alright?" the young spiderlings breathing soon began to calm down after the figure repeated the exercise. soon their vision began to clear, and as soon as it did, they realized that the figure was the stoic man who led the spider society.

he suddenly spoke again, "everything alright?" y/n nodded.

"what are you doing up so late?" he asked the young spider. y/n noted how it looked like he was attempting to soften his features for them.

y/n just simply gestured to the bowl of mix, as well as the pickled vegetables and bag of masa. miguel nodded.

"i have never made papusas before but i have made tamales, could i possibly help you out?" he questioned.

y/n pondered. could they really trust this man? miguel's stature was huge, and could easily take advantage of them. y/n looked down, trying to blink away tears.

miguel attempted a look of sympathy towards the newest spider. he had felt so bad for not monitoring your earth earlier than he decided to. he had seen what had happened after it was far too late. it frustrated him, those events weren't even canon, he could've done something if he had known, there was no need for you to go through that much pain. going through his loss of his daughter made him sympathize with you, not only did you remind him of gabriella, you also reminded him of himself. he felt obligated to take care of you because of your naivete not only that, but he also didn't want to see you go down the same path of destruction he went down.

he took a deep breath in and out, "i understand why you don't trust me, and i respect that alright? but i just want to make it clear that i would never do those things to you. i want you to be able to trust me" he explained to you.

y/n looked back up. he seemed to be trustworthy op enough. after all, he was a grieving father, and seemed as if he had really cared for his daughter.

y/n gestured towards miguel, then to the abandoned products, and then to themself.

"you want me to help you?" he asked, wanting to clarify that he interpreted your gestures right. you nodded in response. he responded with a rare smile.

the two of you got to work, mixing the filling and placing it into the masa. after all the papusas were finally finished with shaping, he finally spoke up.

"maybe next time i can show you how to make tamales, we can even incorporate the banana leaves as well" he suggested.

you pondered his suggestion and nodded with a smile. even though you often did not trust adults, miguel seemed like someone you could trust, and you found it admirable that he was willing to incorporate your culture.

"alright kid, lets cook these" the two of you began to cook the papusas. when the two of you were finally done with cooking the papusas, and cleaning the area, most of spiders in the hq housing were awake, as it was around 6:00 am (AN: realistically papusa making doesn't always take that long but just ignore it for the sake of the story🙏). some of the spiders heading towards the kitchen commented on how good the kitchen smelled.

one of the spiderpeople looked towards you, "did you do this?" they asked. you gestured towards yourself and miguel, miguel simply looked away, "the big bad boss helped you out?" they questioned in shock. the spiderpeople could not believe it. the cold, harsh man had helped you, the timid new kid make food? but it seems that the surprised chatter was soon silenced as people started to eat your papusas.

needless to say that they encouraged you and miguel to cook more often.

AN: if u got this far tysm for reading, i rlly do appreciate it-feel free to leave feed back, or interact in any way🥰 i was inspired to write this bc despite the amount of miguel x hispanic reader works there were, i felt like most of them were targeted towards mexican ppl (or like some of yall forget that other latin countries besides mexico exist) and i wanted to see some rep for salvadorans

[gotham-daydreams]

With the reading that i did for yandere batfam about how unpleasent it is for the reader because the batfam is quick to blame and mentally-terrorize the reader if the reader is being aggresive to their affection or very very much uncooperative (or active-agressive(?) agressive-unccoperative(?) Idk how to put it in words. Is it rejecting their affection(?)) in their return of affection.

I can personally say that heck yes, weaponized the freak out of the guilt but not so aggresive. Be as petty as you can be.

If it was me, i would so much be passive-aggresive and numb myself to their affection. And can worked on minimalism/low-maintenance affection and physical contact to survive/living. In short being introvert. I dont need your love and affection to live. Cutting my relation out of the Wayne mansion? Too bad, so sad for me. I have survived from lesser affection in my childhood from when you neglect me. And with your force affection? Yeah, i have survived less and this will be a breeze.

You forcefully try to hug me? Yeah, i dont like being hugged. Please keep yourself away from me. Its not nice of me to reject your affection? Yeah, cant be helped that i develop dislike of physical affection because of how often you ignored me.

You compliment me? Sure, whatever, thanks i guess. I know i am amazing, lots of people told me. And the awards help to solidify that too.

You forcefully make me join your game-night? *looking at them as if they lost their mind* I dont want to. I cant refuse? Fine, i'll play your game but with the most minimal effort just to make you itty bitty bit happy so that you wont hound me later and after this finish, i can go back to my room to become a hermit.

Forcing me to play my music piece in front of you? Sure, i'll play it. *after i finish playing* Are u happy now? *giving them the most dead-panned look* If you are, let me go back to my room in peace.

Forcing me to bake a cake? Its a bother, i am not in the mood to baking stuff. Still forcing me? Fine! *inhaling deeply as if its the most inconvenience thing in the world* *bake the most simple cake ever* Done! Anything else that you want to bother me with? *giving them the look of being annoyed but wont tell it to their face that they are a nuisance for manners sake*

You want MY help? *sigh exasperatedly* *giving them the most fake smile ever* Sure. I can help you. But are YOU sure you want MY help? Since i am confindence the others can do much better than my useless forgetable self. I mean you can do it without my help for years now, i am sure you can manage. But if you want my help, who am i to refuse, right? *still giving the most fakest brightest smile*

The amount of pettines that can be done is endless. Like not saying it straight to their face. The passive agressive!! Sometime complimenting oneself and have pride on how amazing they are so batfam words have nothing on reader, other time just self depracating themself, being aware of how lesser in some field they are compare to the batfam to guilt them but its not like its not true.

Or like instead of despairing and giving in to batfam or have stockholm syndrome. What about just being adaptive? Making the best of their situation? Sure, this suck and i can not escape. But i am alive and i will make the best of whatever life have thrown me. I survive years of neglect. I WILL survive out of being kidnapped of my life that i build, back to where my house of hatred is. I may not be happy, you probably will make me miserable if i act out of line (i am pretty sure our line is different. I feel pretty justified to act like this but i know you think i act out of line), but i am going to make sure that you wont forget your sin no matter what (i personally think this is a great punishment. Sure i tread carefully on your line, but i wont give in to you.)

Sorry if this is long. I dont even know where i am going with this. Maybe i feel bad for the reader who always seem to never win in the captive and i want them to at least have some small victories without the punishment, i guess. But you can ignore it if you want. Or if this is bothering you.

I get what you mean! And yeah, honestly doing all of that petty stuff, and generally being uncooperative and such is very fair! After all, it's what the Batfam deserves after everything...

To which I have to say that they do something worse than just normally kidnap the reader but that isn't in part 3 (don't want to get anyone's hopes up too high now). Though it does make the Batfam more deserving of such behavior, so, again, acting that way is very fair and honestly? Go off.

The family will have to deal with it, and even if eventually they'll try to 'correct it', they're more smart than they are brutal, in my opinion. They'll let is slide for a while even if it hurts, but eeeeveryone has a breaking point.

Gotta take those small victories while you can and while they count, y'know? Their guilt will be their down fall for a while.

[explorevenus]

hii! I hope you're having a nice day❤️

If you're not comfortable with the topic feel free to just ignore the ask! But I was just wondering... how would yan!Leon handle his darling having an ED?

Like, would he be more understanding if she didn't want to eat because of that and not cause she just wants to piss him off, as he first thought?

I've just been dealing a lot with EDs lately and a little drabble or just hearing your thoughts about it would help a bit :,) sorry for the little vent.

hiii sorry i'm late, i hope ur having a nice day too !!!! idk if this is at all what u were looking for but i hope it answers ur question and also maybe helps ;n; ily i'm sorry you're having a hard time, angel

tw: ed talk under the cut-- take care of urself and don't read if that's triggering for u !

as someone who also struggles with ed behavior i feel this and i wonder about it too. i think he would understand that she isn't doing it to upset him but at the same time he can't stand to see her neglect herself and for that reason he would have very little patience for it.

for one, he can't even wrap his head around how darling could possibly have any insecurities about herself. to leon, darling is scientifically perfect and it's literal blasphemy to think otherwise.

for two, leon doesn't understand ed's in the slightest. that man lives and breathes food and sincerely cannot even fathom why someone would want to starve themselves just to stay small, especially his darling. he really just can't comprehend the why of it, but he tries to.

for three, leon wants for nothing more than his darling to be healthy and happy, and he knows she can't be either of those things if she's obsessing over food and her body image. it gets to a point where he genuinely can't sleep at night if he isn't certain she's been eating at least a little bit and if she's not, he isn't above force feeding, especially if/when she's pregnant. in his eyes, it's for her own good.

in short i think he tries to be as understanding with her as he can manage while a) not understanding at all and b) trying to 'fix her' in some of the worst possible ways

at the end of the day though, as much as he hates to see her insecure about herself, at least it makes her easy to manipulate

[anglerflsh]

Idk if you were asking about American churches specifically (if yes feel free to ignore this, I just like talking about religious differences and giving my opinion), but the churches where I grew up (Southern France) were not as heavily decorated as baroque churches. So I tend to be uncomfortable in very decorated churches, bc I was taught the house of God was supposed to be nice, but still humble. Like you can have stained glass and statues of the saints + Mary and they are pretty tbh but to me heavy decoration is just flaunting and sort of being vain. I hope this makes sense???

it does make a lot of sense, I mean, that's. part of why protestantism exists, because the Catholic churches were way too over the top (along with 98 other things /j)

I completely understand why, coming from a place of a less decorated place, seeing a church be covered in gold plate would be jarring - I think it's a reflection of what you were taught was the way you should think of god (humble and close or personal to the people versus very distant and not-personal)

#I summarise it as The god of protestants (and similar) is an everpresent overbearer and the god of catholics is an absentee neglecter <- taking this out of my own tags because I stand by it

[omegapheromone]

Realizing my sibling bond with my younger brother is finally a healthy, silly one where I WILL call him a pissbaby and he will call me an asshole BUT I bring him souvenirs and offer to go get groceries when he's sick and he drives me around and doesn't mind it, is actually really nice.

He's an alpha, and a few years younger, and used to get all of our tired single (alpha) mother's attention as a kid (I mean, he IS younger, but I was also a kid and didn't understand why I was being emotionally neglected bc mom didn't have enough energy for the both of us) so back when we were both small kids we would get in physical fights all the time. As teens we just ignored each other.

Now that we're both adults and past 20, it's actually become pretty wholesome. Even if we're not in constant contact, we get along well, can joke and just chill in each others company, and the vibes are actually good. It's probably pretty normal for most siblings, so me posting about it might seem weird, but idk. I just, appreciate it, because I know what it's like to not get along at all. I don't take it for granted, I guess? And to me, it's just really nice, like this. It's satisfying in the same way that being there and caring for my 11y old littlest sibling is, knowing they feel comfortable and happy and are able to rely on me if they need to. I like being in the older sibling role especially for my youngest sibling/sister I think, because I know I can fill a role her parents (my bio dad and his wife) can't always reach, and she will likely grow up telling me things she won't tell her parents and seek advice from me bc I'm the "cool and chill older sibling who also likes MCR, FNAF, minecraft, and so on".

Anyway this post is getting very long my point is I love my siblings. Even though my little brother is a pissbaby /j, /aff.

I don't think I will have kids of my own but I hope my brother does, I wanna be the weird but cool uncle. I like taking care of kids as long as they aren't my own, I feel I'm not quite responsible or stable enough for my own ones, but I do like kids even if they're tiring sometimes. Wonderful little humans who are only just discovering the world and need protection and cool role models to look up to.

(It's a little different when I'm in heat, but even then my pup fever is rarely very strong. Mostly I just enjoy being a positive influence in kids lives from the side)

[cyncerity]

I posted 482 times in 2022

360 posts created (75%)

122 posts reblogged (25%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cyncerity

@baka-monarch

@pixiethesizeshifter

@dingbatnix

@oh-i-need-a-name

I tagged 456 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#cyncerity - 345 posts

#mcyt gt - 278 posts

#mcyt g/t - 274 posts

#dad’s troubles au - 92 posts

#not g/t - 67 posts

#tw vore - 57 posts

#cyn art - 51 posts

#cynshitpost - 43 posts

#g/t - 29 posts

#store shifter au - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#don’t forget how much you and this community mean to him even now cause i’m damn sure wherever he is he’s watching all this go down hskslsh

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

this took three days but i’m actually really happy with it? that never happens??

anyway, feel free to send asks for this au, i think by now we know that i’m thinking about it too much, but i hope you like these!

also click for better quality

See the full post

131 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#4

Steddie stranger things borrower au is all I need and want in my depressing life

just for you 💖

The nickname “big boy” just became twice as flirty jokingly mocking

133 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#3

this isn’t my usual content but i could not rest until i drew this

this is kinda a “secret world of arriety” type au (if you’ve ever read “the borrower” or “the littles” book series, think of those) but with stranger things!

idk how much i’ll do with the idea cause stranger things isn’t my main hyperfixation, but i’m in love with this idea

See the full post

156 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#2

This was based off of an instagram meme that i think was made for women over the age of 50, but when vore inspiration strikes, you have to do something.

So, here’s this!! I may make this a series, I may not, but it may depend on if y’all even like this story or not lol

so without further ado, here’s some crimeboys noms >:)

tw: kinda implied mentions of neglect/abuse, swearing, and vore

He had to get away. Tommy couldn’t stay another day in this damn house, he felt like he was suffocating. He had to leave, somehow.

All of his things were already packed. The little he had was stored in various bags he had stolen from the attic when the thought of running away had first occurred to him. When he had first realized that he couldn’t stay in this shithole any longer.

Now to think of where. That had been his main concern. Hotels were too expensive, and god knows he didn’t have any friends who would let him stay with them.

Which left him with one option, though he was dreading it.

A few months ago, a new app had been created. A way to book “unique” temporary living arrangements with giants. It was part of some weird initiative to get humans and giants to get along better, and had fully stapled itself to the claims that some humans who lived with giants made about how being eaten could be “relaxing.”

That’s right, as awful an idea as this seemed to Tommy and almost everyone else, there was now a way to book what could qualify as the worlds weirdest airbnb within giants. Literally. Apparently some giants were completely ok with random humans using their organs as a weekend get away, because there were plenty on the app for Tommy to scroll through. And scroll he did.

He had realized a while ago that this may be the cheapest option, and had gone through the website for hours until he had found someone. Early 20s, no criminal record that he could find with a limited google search, good reviews that he could tell were mostly from humans friends that he had, but the man seemed nice enough. He ignored the paranoia that told him that this man was only cheap because he would lure Tommy to his death. That the moment he and Tommy met, it would be over, and he’d be just another missing and forgotten person. Another victim to a random giant where there’d be no proof of his death and nothing to-

No, he couldn’t afford to think like that. This had to work. And, besides, was it really worth still living if he had to be at this house any longer? As much as he hated himself for thinking it, he’d rather let this stranger be the death of him than spend another second with his abusive shit family.

Tommy had messaged him once or twice and had paid him once already just to settle the deal. He ignored the feeling of dread in his gut every time he even thought about the giant, but he couldn’t help but be nervous. After all, this man would be holding his life in him until he got his shit together enough to at least get a job. He didn’t know how long that would be, but he needed to be practically untraceable. He couldn’t risk his family finding him. He couldn’t risk being taken back home.

He sent one final text to the man about where to meet. He knew it was late, but he had warned him in advance that he was probably gonna get a text in the middle of the night, so he slowly crept out of his window and, seeing that the coast was clear, ran, not looking back.

He would never look back.

…

Tommy had arrived at the meetup spot and had been waiting for 30 minutes and, still, no sign of the giant. Ok, now that he thought about it, maybe this did seem a little suspicious. Supposing the giant was a normal ass man, getting a text saying “meet me in an abandoned Tesco parking lot” was a weird thing to receive at 2:45 in the morning. But, again, Tommy was shooting to be untraceable. He couldn’t risk anyone seeing him or his giant. Could he call this stranger “his giant?” Whatever. Tommy knew his family. He didn’t want other people to get hurt, but he couldn’t do this alone. Even if it was a stranger, he needed help.

Tommy just sat and kept thinking, thoughts spiraling into what he would do if the giant never showed up, if he actually had to do this by himself, when the ground began to shake. Tommy quickly stood up and had to strain his neck looking up to see the giant approach. And, holy shit, this fucker was tall.

Tommy had never met a giant before. Hell, almost no humans had. But from what he knew, they shouldn’t be this tall. He felt his knees begin to shake and his palms sweat as he took in the full size and image of the monster that he had hired to eat him. He had fluffy brown hair, wire rimmed glasses and a yellow sweater with a brown puffer jacket on and, weirdly enough, had a mask covering his mouth. He seemed to be hunched over, looking around for what Tommy could only assume to be him, pulling his red-brown beanie further over his head almost nervously. His eyes frantically scanned the empty lot until he found him, where he quickly made his way over as Tommy stumbled back, falling onto the ground and shaking violently from the cold and fear.

“There you are!!” the giant said, “Tommy, right? I’ve been looking all over for you! What were you thinking making this the meetup spot?!”

Tommy could barely speak. It felt like his head had been stuck in a freezer, his throat frozen and his mind muddled and cloudy, unable to form a response. “I-I..it….i- it was c- close…” he whimpered, stumbling back farther. The giant only then seemed to notice Tommy’s fear as he sighed and knelt down, trying to be more eye level as he spoke quieter. “It’s ok, kid. Fuck, you’re younger than I thought you’d be. You mean it’s close to your house, right?” Tommy nodded hesitantly and Wilbur continued. “Thought so. You probably didn’t want to haul your stuff all the way to the giant side. It’s just…i’m not technically allowed to be here.” Tommy looked up at him, confused, his breath slowing and his panic was subsiding now that the giant wasn’t towering over him and scanning the grounds for him like a fucking predator hunting it’s prey. The giant must’ve noticed his confusion, as he continued. “This isn’t a mutual territory. If i get caught here, i could get in a lot of trouble. I tried texting and calling you to tell you, given that humans don’t know a lot about the laws giants have to follow, but you weren’t responding, so i figured i’d just come and make this quick before the cops notice me.” He said. Ah, so that’s what the surgical mask was for. So the cops couldn’t recognize him. He held out a finger to Tommy, and he tried not to think about how this singular finger was taller than his whole body. “I’m Wilbur, by the way, i don’t think i ever introduced myself.” Tommy shuffled closer and grabbed the tip of the finger in an awkward attempt at a handshake. “I-I’m Tommy.”

“As nice as it is to meet you, you seem really nervous. First time?” Tommy nodded again, miraculously feeling less nervous by the second. Something about this guy, maybe his calming voice or how much more human he was than Tommy assumed he’d be, made Tommy trust him.

Or maybe it was the fact that this was the first time in a long time he had been treated with kindness. His family was barely decent to him, so this was a nice change, if an unexpected one.

“First time meeting a giant, actually.” “No offense, I can kind of tell.” Wilbur said, though there was no judgement in his voice. “Y’know, you don’t have to do this now. We could always resched-“ “No!!” Tommy shouted, interrupting the giant. “No, no, I want to, I have to, I’m out of options, please.” At that, Wilbur began to look concerned. “Tommy what do you mean ‘out of options?’ Are you ok? Do you need help?” “This is my help! Sure, maybe I’m a little bit fucking terrified, but i have nowhere else to go. I- I can’t go back, please, please, Wilby.” Tommy finished, the nickname naturally rolling off his tongue like he had known the giant his whole life. Wilbur looked at him with a vague look of concern and pity before bringing one of his giant fingers closer to Tommy’s face. Tommy didn’t even have time to react before it gently swiped across his cheek, wiping away tears he didn’t even know he had shed. “Ok, ok, i’ll help, it’s alright.” He said, giving Tommy a warm smile (he assumed; his eyes scrunched up a little near the outer edges, which seemed like a good sign he was smiling) that only slightly hid the concern still plastered on his face. And though Tommy still couldn’t see most of the aforementioned face, his eyes portrayed everything Tommy needed. Wilbur wore his heart on his sleeve; he liked that.

Tommy could have sobbed in relief as Wilbur’s words fully sunk in. He was going to get away, and the thought of finally being free was enough to drown out any more fears of what was about to happen. Wilbur then reached behind him and grabbed some of his bags, which looked ridiculously minuscule in his hand, as he brought them up to his mouth before pausing. “Do you want to go down first or do you want me to do to do these? For some people, it can be a bit nerve racking to see me swallow something first.” Tommy thought about it, then shook his head. It’s not like he wanted to see his few meager possessions disappear down the throat of a giant, especially knowing he’d have to join them, but he wasn’t gonna chicken out now. He just needed a few seconds to collect himself, and what Wilbur did with his bags in that time was none of his business.

Wilbur calmly lifted the bags back up, all of them at the same time, and slipped them under his mask. Within a few seconds, Tommy saw a vague outline slip down Wilbur’s throat, bobbing his addam’s apple a bit as they descended to where Tommy would be staying for a short while…maybe he should have gone first.

It all reminded him of a nature documentary he had seen on snakes once; he could see the outline of some poor rodent slowly trail down the snake to its final resting place.

Tommy tried not to think about that last part. After all, he’d be fine. He wasn’t prey, not to Wilbur, anyway. To his family…maybe. Not like they mattered anymore, though.

Tommy felt giddy enough at that thought that he stepped forward towards Wilbur as he watched the man press against his midsection gently, presumably to make sure Tommy’s bags had ended up in the right organ. After that confirmation, Wilbur looked back down, setting his hand palm up next to Tommy. “You ready for this, big man?” Tommy grinned at the nickname, at the way Wilbur treated him. Like a person; an equal. He grinned so hard it almost hurt. “Ready as i’ll ever be.”

Tommy felt himself be lifted and watched as Wilbur used his free hand to lift his mask just enough for Tommy to fit under and into his mouth. Tommy quickly found a perch on his lip and tried to climb in the rest of the way himself before realizing holy shit oh prime good fucking god his teeth were sharp. Wilbur made muffled cry of concern as his hand came back up under Tommy as he stumbled a bit. But, after the initial shock of the teeth being way sharper than he thought, Tommy managed to climb in the rest of the way successfully.

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182 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

the last post did so much better than expected! i’m genuinely really surprised, thanks for all the support on my short little shitty comic hsjsksl

Anyway, here’s pt. 2!!

See the full post

188 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[placeholderparagon]

Things That Make Me Doubt Being A System

1. Having Really Good Communication

I haven’t actually ever heard of a system like us in this respect, when we were little we were incredibly empathetic and between all of the christian teachings of ‘Put others first’ and ‘Treat others like you wan’t to be treated’ and in particular Horton Hears A Whos’ ‘a persons a person no matter how small’ we (knowingly or not) became very good at communication and sharing the body. 

We talked to each other all the time and it was not very often (infact literally I only know one(1) alter whose ever fronted fully alone) that we had less that 2-3 of us near the front when we were younger because we relied on each other and trusted each other more than we trusted ourselves. we wanted people to be nice to us all the time so we tried very hard to be nice to people all the time especially each other. This led to alot of trust and respect and very good open communication (though it did break down almost entirely once we found out we were a system and were working on actively achieving what we used to have without trying)

2. Being Good At ‘Co-Fronting’

I hate this one in particular because I’ve seen so many “Signs They’re Faking The Disorder” with this being on of the main ones. 

We managed to get it to an art of fronting, having up to 20 of us aware of what was going on at once, all giving advice and emotional support. we would have at least one soother, one booster (our name for alters who raise the vibe and give high energy) alters who didn't feel, alters who did feel and would be restrained while feeling for the body so we didn't create an outburst or shutdown entirely by neglecting our feelings. Alters who were aware of every surrounding factor physically, alters who would have lists for everything going on in our friends lives so we wouldn’t overstep any boundaries or be ignorant to their feelings, alters who were  incredibly book smart, and alters who were just there to have fun with the rest of us while we were working destress us so we didn’t have to clock out of the front sooner than we could. 

It took years to perfect it and once we did pretty much everything in life became so much easier, some of us consider this ‘functioning-multiplicity’ though in many ways it was very unhealthy it saved so much pain for us, and at the very least, aside from the horrendous anxiety and depression, it made fronting fun. It became something we looked forward too because it was a way to hang out, it made life less scary to be scared with a friend. Even those of us who were unaware of being a system knew to an extent, even if we didn’t know what we were aware of. It also helped our memory having so many alters around to remember and cover each others blank spots.

3. We Can’t Unmask (or a lot of us at least)

(Hi I switched in cuz we got a little dissociated, idk who i am but i know im not whoever was writing before lol) 

Because of how good many of us are at fronting with others, not only do we now find it near impossible to front alone, we have no clue who we are outside of the headspace,,, like ever. In order to fight the disassociation of having so many of us in the front at once we, instead of fighting it, leaned into it. 

We became comfortable with becoming the hazy, mushy, blur that is uncertainty of being in the front. Not knowing where you end or someone else begins or if you even are who you thought you were. Not knowing where you are but having a vague feeling that some part of you does know and trusting it, leaning into the unknown into the mess into the whatever the fuck it is and finding it safe. 

Now when I’m in the front I’m so terrified of being seen that I lean into whoever’s around me to find the comfort of not knowing, I can’t be hurt if I don’t know what hurts or what there is to attack. I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I’m like in the body unmasked and quite frankly I don’t think I want to know. 

Losing yourself and wrapping yourself in someone else is so much better that being alone and vulnerable

I have a feeling were going to be adding more onto this when others come out and rock up with their own insecurities but for the 2 of us who did write this is probably the biggest things for us

[ruminate88]

Letting yourself rest and take a break ❤️‍🩹

In this bizarre “healing journey” that I never planned for, thought existed or wanted it to be like this but I’ve sorta had to roll with it. Cognitive dissonance and ruminating have tried to hold me hostage within my mind. Keeping me ping-ponging between thoughts of my past and my ex, Andrew. Is he or isn’t he toxic? Was the whole relationship a lie or not? Did he like me at all or was it truly superficial and about my nudes???

There has been moments I feel crazy sad over him, moments where it’s painful and I almost wanna hide in a hole alone somewhere and then moments where I feel absolutely nothing!! Everywhere I read, it says forgiveness is a process and that so is this “healing journey”. That it all takes time and sometimes you have to take a break and direct your focus on other things… Something I’ve struggled to do because I feel this is all taking too long and I feel so guilty for not just magically getting over the past and letting it all go. Ugh

Remember the tortuous and the hair? The rabbit rushed to win the race, while the turtle was slow and steady…. Ultimately, the rabbit ran out of gas faster and the turtle crossed the finish line with flying colors!! Which one do I want to end up being? Yeah, I feel like life is so short and I don’t wanna waste another second questioning Andrew and dissecting him. Tired of feeling like I go in circles from: sad, angry, numb, etc…. I just want it all to end but what if I’m making more progress than I think?

These past couple months my energy level as plummeted and I beat myself up so bad. Stressing about how little work I’m getting done, how I’m letting things pile up and how I’m just wanting to be left alone. Dreading having places to go but yet when I actually get to these places and see family members, it actually perks me up but soon as I come back home, I wanna do nothing …. 😝❤️‍🩹 This past week I told myself “You have to rest if you went to get better.” And I mean it but I can’t put all this pressure on myself because my stomach can’t handle more stress 💀

In taking time to myself, I’ve felt selfish and guilty. I’ve ALWAYS put other’s needs before mine most of my life. I’ve always cared about everyone else but neglected me because it’s painful. I went from taking care of my grandma who had dementia, to raising my bro’s kids (also babysat for a lot of other families over the years) AND during that time I’m texting all these emotionally abusive men who spun their web of lies in text messages to me. Critical of me in every area of my life. Downplaying my mental health and treating me as if I’m just a beautiful shell with no soul or feelings. Talking dirty to me and abusing my nudes.

Then after that, I jump into marriage with a nice guy who wants to provide for me financially and so I’m stuck in the same old pattern. I bend over backwards to take care of my husband… cook for him, clean for him, make sure he’s happy but I’m still ignoring my own needs as putting myself down. My exes put me down so long that I have believed I’m not worth much. I see this all now.

Idk how hard it is going to be to “take a break” but I think it would be healthy if I could write about other things for a while and even be a little selfish. After all, I have to get a tooth pulled soon and I’m not gonna feel like doing much anyway but there’s gonna be so much going on the next few weekends, I’m already beating myself up like “you have to do A, B & C”…. Plus the consistent thoughts of Andrew that have never went away since the day I met him. I almost think my brain is just been trying to make sense of him but it’s exhausting. Either that, or my brain needs closure or there’s something deeper going on I’ve yet to figure out.

I’ve been able to open up a little bit to my mom-in-law and that’s been both helpful and terrifying. I don’t believe she judges me but I was worried she was gonna misunderstand me “ruminating” and think I don’t love her son… 🥴😩 I didn’t have the guts to tell her that I want to fully embrace and trust her son cuz I mean all these years and he seems genuine but the problem is me. Struggling to get over the past and letting go of guilt and self blame. Thinking I have this failed past. In actuality, my past is teaching me and making me stronger but it’s incredibly painful. Who knew it would all suck this much but what if one day I wake up and I’m a better person and have a deeper understanding of life and love? That would be so cool ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

However, nothing changes over night 🤡 One…….. DAY…… At a TIME 💀❤️‍🩹🔥 Don’t quit and keep going. I’m not the only one who has been through this. Some people have it worse than me I’m sure but not to downplay my experience but to toughen up yet 👍🏻 Resting and no longer putting my own needs off. I can’t keep showing up for people if I lose myself because I refused to heal or get better. ❤️‍🩹 😓 so freakin painful but beauty is pain!!!

[goofygargoyle]

I just realized: I got better treatment from ERs that I went into by myself under my own power (without injuries) than by the ER an ambulance had to take me to.

cw: medical neglect, explicit talk of body ... symptoms... stuff... damage? idk words. medical episode.

I had been delirious and dehydrated for days — along with not having eaten or taken any of my meds — and like. Not even an IV? My throat had been raw from vomiting, but sure let's give me fruit juice that hurt to drink in a cup that absolutely isn't made for people with dexterity issues. Ignore the fact that I thought the tip of my tongue might have actually been dead (it healed eventually so I think the numbness was from getting dried out???)

and just. Idk nobody fucking tried to check how well I wasn't to try to ease anything or help. I barely got acid reflux meds when I explicitly asked (since I have pretty severe gerd)

and like. I've gone to an ER one time just out of desperation, because my chronic illness is so untreated and I'd been rejected by so many doctors, and when they saw me they offered like. idr exactly but an IV that would have been like a hangover/malnutrition helper mix. Because they couldn't do anything for my skull but like since I was there and felt like shit maybe that would make me feel less shit? (I turned it down because I actually hate being in hospitals and wanted to just go home)

granted the recent ER visit they were overfull and like constantly forgot I was even there (until I wandered off to find somewhere quieter and darker to curl up, then someone tracked me down and told me I had to stay in the ER area even if it was bright and loud and full and I was being ignored on a gurney in a hallway) and the one where they were nice the ER was literally empty so they had like nothing else to do.

But, fuck, I was still delirious at the time! I was cognizant but very much not out of the delirium fully yet. And someone seriously should have given me a nourishing and rehydrating IV or something.

[animeomegas]

MY FELLOW ANON ARE VIOLATING MY EMOTIONS TODAY 😂 god I’m acc crying. Your writing is amazing. I’m gonna combat the sadness with a wholesome thing of them finding a pup in a bin (or something) a few months after the loss of the first pup (Neji is currently shut down entirely) is like “lol gimme”. Proceeds to take the pup home, put it in his nest scent the lil bean (gender is your choice) and just be like “yeah this mine now”. Any nay sayers are ignored bc it’s still his baby (maybe almost like his pup reincarnated 👀👀) regardless of how baby was obtained. Idk I just think my guy needs some positivity after life kicking the ever loving shit out of him

This is beautiful and you’re right, Neji deserves the world, but I’ll settle with a quiet life and some happiness for my boy!

Okay, so things haven’t been…good with Neji since you had to let your pup die to save him.

It has been two months and still he lays in his nest every day, sometimes crying, sometimes whining, but mostly just staring at nothing. He had incorporated a bunch of baby stuff (blankets, toys etc.) into his nest before he went to the hospital, in order to make his pup feel more at home in the nest when he was supposed to bring them back. You had tried to take them out to stop him having to be confronted with what happened in his safe space, but Neji almost attacked you for doing so, so you let him keep them.

But it’s very concerning when he spends hours at a time just stroking the pup's blankets and staring at nothing.

So, you decide to take Neji on a walk to get him out of the house. It would be his first time leaving the house since the funeral.

You go at night time, because Neji is still refusing any contact with anyone he knows and this way he’s less likely to be confronted when he isn’t ready for it. To make extra sure that you can be alone, you decide to walk around the edge of the woods around one of the quieter training grounds.

Neji doesn’t speak much, but he doesn’t whine or cry either, and the night air brings a little colour to his cheeks, and you’re so happy at the small improvements. It doesn’t matter how long it ends up taking him to feel better, you’ll be here with him the whole way.

…

“I was thinking about cooking something special next week,” you make idle conversation, not expecting Neji to reply. “It’s our anniversary after all, do you have any preference?”

Neji stops walking suddenly. His shoulders are tense.

“Neji?”

He hushes you harshly.

“I can hear…”

Without another word of warning, Neji makes his way a little further into the trees. You follow him, confused and worried.

“Byakugan!” he calls, scanning the area. He gasps as he scans over a nearby bush and immediately he drops to his knees beside it.

“Neji?” you ask, now more than a little concerned. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

You watch as Neji pulls something out of the bush. He turns around with a bundle in his arms.

“It’s a pup,” Neji says, obviously shocked. You can’t blame him, you’re feeling more than a little shocked yourself. What on earth was a pup doing out here? “They’re freezing. Give me your jacket.”

Without hesitance, you quickly slip your jacket of and hand it to Neji who promptly bundles up the pup in it and brings them to his chest. The pup is making small whimpering noises that had been almost impossible to hear over the wind. Neji must have hear them, thank goodness.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Neji coos to the pup. “You’re safe now, I'll take you home and make it better, I promise.”

“We need to get them to the hospital asap," you say, shaking your head. "They must be freezing and they look underweight as well. We’re not mednin, Neji.”

“Our home is closer.”

“Neji…”

“We need to make sure they’re warm,” he argues. “We can bring them home and alert a medic to make a home visit.”

You look at the earnest look on his face and know that he won’t back down, and now isn’t a time for arguments anyway.

“Okay,” you swallow nervously. “We’ll bring them home.”

…

You bring the pup back to your home and before you can protest, Neji brings them into his nest with a mumbled ‘they’ll be warm in there’.

Neji bundles himself and the pup up in the corner of the nest, turning on a little heater beside him, and tucking the pup into his shirt to share body warmth.

“We’ll get you nice and warm, it’s okay, you’re safe, I won’t let anyone harm you,” he whispers while stroking their cheek with a finger. The pup wriggles around, already looking more energetic, and starts mouthing at Neji’s chest.

“Are you hungry?” Neji laughs softly before turning to you. “Go and heat up a bottle for the pup, all the supplies are in the… the nursery.”

You nod dumbly and do as you’re asked, astounded at how much life is in Neji’s eyes. It’s the most life you’ve seen from him in months. But you can’t help but worry. What if Neji gets attached and you can’t keep the pup? Of course, you want nothing more than to keep the baby, it almost seems too good to be true that she literally fell into both your lives at this trying time, but what if it is too good to be true? What if they’re sick? Or their parents are looking for them? Or… something else. Neji doesn’t deserve another heartbreak, and you don’t want to destroy the small amount of progress he’s made in the last month.

But for now, all you can do is heat up the bottle.

…

“Here, it’s a good temperature, I already checked,” you pass Neji the bottle. He checks it again anyway and you can’t help but smile at how overprotective and parental he's being. It's so bittersweet to see him like this.

“Here you go sweetheart, just for you,” Neji smiles, cradling the pup as they latch onto the bottle with fervour. “Shh, shh, shh, slow down, it’s not going anywhere.”

Neji feeds the pup and then burps them, and you pretend you can’t see him smiling when he notices that they are starting to smell like him. You need to know you can keep her before you let him get even more attached.

“I’m going to send a clone for a medic, now.”

The room became tense all at once.

“They’re fine, I’m looking after them,” Neji protests.

“I know, and you’re doing a good job, but we still need a medic, Neji.”

Neji holds the pup more tightly to his chest, tucking an extra blanket around them. He's using the special blanket you had got commissioned for your pup. You can feel your heart break at the sight. He's already attached. Now you just have to hope you can keep them. For his sake.

“I don’t want them to take the pup away like last time,” Neji admits softly. "I can look after them, I won't let anything happen like last time, I promise. They'll be safe, we don't need a medic."

“We need to know their primary and secondary gender, omega, and we need to make sure they aren’t sick after being left in the woods…”

Neji hesitates but nods his consent in the end after you explain that your pup could become ill if left untreated. You don’t tell him that you are also sending a clone to the Hokage. Naruto will be able to grant you and Neji the right to keep the pup, and you hope that as Neji’s friend, he’ll be able to see how much he needs this.

…

You have to move Neji and the pup downstairs to wait for the medic, because Neji would not appreciate someone unknown seeing his nest he made for his pup. He’s not expecting Naruto to show up as well so you go to the door to intercept and prep them both.

“Thank you so much for coming, Naruto, I can’t tell you how much this means to me and Neji,” you say, hugging him as he walks through the door.

“I’m going to do everything I can,” he promises. “If the medic finds signs of long-term neglect, I can take the parental rights away from the biological parents straight away, even if I don't know who they are, and transfer you the rights.”

Your face visibly brightens, but Naruto continues.

“But if the only injuries are from laying in the forest for a few hours, I’ll have to try and find the parents first, because the child may have been taken from them by force, when the pup was otherwise a healthy baby being looked after sufficiently. In that circumstance, I’ll have to take the child back with me and put them in foster care until a three-month window has passed. And if the parents are found…”

“I know,” you sigh. “Let’s just get this done as soon as possible.”

The three of you walk into the living to see Neji cradling the pup tightly against his chest.

“Hey Neji,” Naruto greets softly with a sad smile. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.”

Neji tenses upon seeing Naruto.

“Naruto? Why are you here?” Neji clearly misinterprets the situation, holding the pup even more tightly and turning accusatory eyes against you. “Why did you bring him here?”

“I’m here to determine whether the pup was abandoned or kidnapped to the best of my abilities, once we have that done, we can decide how things are going to happen, okay?”

“How do you decide that?” Neji asks with distrustful eyes.

“The medic will give them a check-up, completely routine, I promise,” Naruto speaks with a soft voice like he’s talking to a cornered animal. Well, you look at Neji for a moment who is coiled as tightly as spring, he’s not far off.

It takes about five minutes for you to convince Neji to let go of the pup and hand them to the mednin, and then the next fifteen minutes involve you holding him in your arms to stop him wrestling the pup back from the mednin.

And then, rather ominously, the mednin pulls Naruto aside to talk.

Neji is shaking in your arms.

“It’s okay, calm down, Neji,” you try to comfort him.

“I can’t-“ Neji chokes, hands fisting in your shirt. “He has our pup, you let them take our pup.”

You don’t bother to correct him on his use of ‘our’, knowing it would only upset him more.

“I know baby, but they need to see that they’re healthy, nothing’s wrong, just breathe.”

Neji doesn’t take your advice.

"Last time they took them-"

"This isn't like last time, omega. Come one, try and settle down a little, that's it."

...

Naruto eventually walks back in, holding the pup securely, the mednin nowhere to be seen.

“So,” Naruto says seriously. And then his face breaks out into a wide grin. “Am I right in thinking you want to adopt?”

You can almost feel your relief in the air. Thanking every power that be for this stroke of luck. Losing this pup could have easily meant losing your mate, and the gravity of the situation all comes crashing down at once. Neji looks as though he is feeling much the same.

“Give me them,” he orders, arms out.

“Her,” Naruto corrects. “The mednin said she’s a female alpha.”

Tears start welling up in Neji’s eyes as he takes her. Their bio pup was a female alpha, too.

“Thank you,” he whispers to no one, holding his new pup as tightly as he dared. “I’ve got you now, you’re safe and sound with me, I won’t let anything hurt you ever again.”

Naruto slips out of the house without a fuss, dropping the mednin’s recommendations for feeding the underweight pup on the coffee table.

...

You and Neji take your new pup upstairs and bundle her back into the nest. Neji lays down with her, stroking her cheek as he watches her sleep.

“You need to get some rest too, omega,” you suggest, running a hand down Neji’s back.

“Guard?” he asks in response.

“Yes," you smile at his protective instincts. "I’ll guard the nest while you sleep, I promise.”

“Okay, alpha…” Neji settles down, still with one hand resting on the pup. “But if I don’t wake up when she cries, wake me… I want to be the one to feed her.”

You laugh gently, “Of course, now get some sleep. I’ll guard you both.”

[granolabird]

Ok thoughts on Arcane Act II, spoilers ahead but I'm angry. I'm angry at Jayce, namely because even though I knew it would happen he's kinda turning into a total asshole. Idk I'm just really passionate about this show I guess- Big rant below I just had to get it out.

It's evident right from Ep.4, we see Jayce entirely neglecting Viktor. Viktor, who has been his partner and was the one who helped him figure this whole thing out, piece this whole thing together and who gets nothing for it. Jayce gets all the fame, and doesn't even bother to name Viktor in his speech. He says we but never says who the other half of we is. He accepts the role as a councilman in front of Viktor without even considering standing up for him and saying he had as much of a role in hextec as I did, he deserves a spot too. He just let's Viktor sit there in silence. When we see Heimerdinger talking to Viktor about his legacy in Ep.6 Viktor realizes he has no legacy. He will not be remembered, because everything he's ever done has been accredited to others. He's put his life into this work and gotten nothing for it, and sure Jayce has done the same but Jayce is a physically-able 'ideal candidate'. He's what the people want to see. Jayce only realizes what he's got when it's gone, when Viktor is dying. Sure he puts all his efforts into trying to find a way to save him but the fact of the matter is he never took the time before. He revelled in the attention and never thought once to try and share the acclaim. 

He asked Viktor once if he wanted to come on stage for the big speech. Viktor declined, clearly feeling uncomfortable, so Jayce went on without him and then made no mention of him. Jayce didn't care until he had to. Knowing what Viktor becomes hurts even more because it shows that he continued to be walked over and ignored. He took drastic measures and fell into 'evil' because nobody realized the potential he always had. He's a tragedy. Even then, he's not entirely evil, just misguided. His philosophy of 'humans are flawed they need to be made better' has some validity, even if it is really fucked up. All he's experienced in his life is the negativity of humanity, so why would he have hope for it? He thought he found someone to trust in Jayce, but Jayce betrayed him. He feels the only person he can trust is his machines, because they're what held him up and gave him hope. And I can't help but think all that wouldn't have happened if Jayce gave him even a glimmer of recognition, let the world see he didn't do all of this alone. Yet here we are, with a sick Viktor who is about to take drastic measures to save himself, and Jayce who is living his best life while his best friend perishes for his work. It's a true to life situation where the world only wants to see the 'nice side' of things, and so we get people like Viktor who are buried because of it. Breaks my heart.

[chokemeanakin]

Sick naps

Anakin Skywalker x Reader whump + fluff

I would like to formally apologize for being a whump whore, it’s all I’m in the mood for lately idk. someone needs to give me the flu so I can stop hyperfixating on it like fckn weirdo. anyway. enjoy.

(oh ya this lil fic was heavily inspired by this photo, I just wanna ram my face into this man’s tiddys so hard. I bet they’re so warm. Sheesh.)

Wc: 1.2k

MASTERLIST

You were sitting next to Anakin as he went over battle plans in a temple room; he was sitting with one ankle crossed over his knee, arms folded over his chest, robe drifting off his shoulders like a prince’s cape. His mouth was set in a little focused pout and his eyebrows were all drawn as he took in the swirling blue projections.

You thought you would just sit next to him for a while and keep him company, but he was taking longer than you expected and you were growing very tired.

He noticed you were slumping onto his shoulder a while ago, blinking slow with exhaustion. You had mentioned before that you were tired, and he liked the soft pressure of your head on his shoulder, so he let you rest there. Before long, the warmth of his shoulder pressing into your cheek and the steady rise and fall of his breathing rocked you fast asleep. He glanced over and saw your eyes closed, mouth slightly parted, and hands limp in your lap.

His face softened. It couldn’t be comfortable how you’re sleeping and he didn’t want your neck to hurt when you woke up. So he carefully maneuvered you onto his lap, hushing your small grumbles as you woke up little bit, realizing what he was doing.

His chest was a whole lot warmer than his shoulder though, and you melted into his body, protected from the chill of the room by his big arms.

He brought the edges of his robe up around you, cocooning you against his chest with your legs straddling his hips. Your hands wound themselves around his waist, hugging him close as you drifted back off to sleep.

Anakin knew it was past the usual time you went to sleep, but he still had some more work to do before he could take you back to your room. So he gently rested his chin on your shoulder and continued going over battle strategies, sacrificing one arm to type in some tweaks to the new starfighter blueprints.

It was nice like this, cuddled up in his arms, his body heat staving off the occasional chills that racked your body. His metal arm absentmindedly smoothed up and down the expanse of your back, softened by his leather glove. The security of his arms around you, his scent, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek had put you in a coma-like slumber.

But soon the cold spread, grew deeper, and it was as if your bones themselves were frozen. Not even the desert boy’s body heat could thaw you out. He noticed your trembling right away, and how you brought your hands up under your chin to conserve heat. They grasped at the material covering his chest, as if urging him even closer.

Against your wishes, he pulled back a few inches to glance at your face. It was no longer peaceful— instead there was a crease between your brows and your mouth was set in a firm pout. Quick, shuttering breaths left your parted lips, and your cheeks were flushed pink.

He brought the hand up that he was using to type, brushing the back of it against your forehead. Warm. His fingers trailed down the side of your face with the softness of a feather, using the pad of his thumb to brush your hair off your cheek and feel the heat of your blush underneath.

Definitely a fever.

How had he not noticed? You were unusually sluggish today, but wrote it off due to the rainy weather. Still, you had barely touched your dinner and complained of being cold long before the sun had set. Now, he felt awful for letting you stay up with him so late when you clearly weren’t feeling well.

Sighing inwardly, Anakin closed and locked the holo-projector. With the low hum of the machinery gone, he could clearly hear the little whimpers leaving your lips every so often. His heart ached at the sound, face morphing into one of concern and deep resentment for his neglectfulness.

Carefully, without waking you this time, he slid one arm under your thighs so that he could lift you up, keeping you secure to his chest with his other arm around your back. Instinctually, your arms wound themselves around his neck. He stood, hand rubbing soothing circles into the space between your shoulder blades as your shivers grew violent with the loss of his robe around you.

“Shhh, it’s alright,” he hushed. “You’ll be in bed soon sweetheart, just hold on.”

With a flick of his wrist, the lights in the room powered off and he strode through the sliding doors, not bothering to check if anyone was roaming the halls this late at night. The walk to his room was brisk, the breeze of him walking sliding past your back, but he got there quick and set you down in a nest of blankets and pillows right away.

You sighed in content and rolled over to bury yourself deeper into his sheets, but he stopped you with a hand to the shoulder.

“Not yet baby, I need to take your temperature.”

He was gone for a moment and back in the next, urging your mouth open with a thumb on your lip, and subsequently your eyes too. You blinked at his adorable frown through bleary vision, holding the metal stick under your tongue before he took it out. His frown deepened at the number.

“Right, well it looks like you won’t be leaving this bed anytime soon.”

You groaned, throwing your head into the nearest pillow.

“S’not that bad,” your muffled voice argued, though your aching body said otherwise. Mostly you just didn’t want him to worry.

He chose to ignore you, instead putting the thermometer away and returning again with some medicine and a glass of water. He helped you sit up and take it, holding your back with his gloved hand and tipping the rim of the cup between your lips with his other. The seriousness on his face as he watched you swallow the pills had you thinking this was life or death, rather than a simple little cold.

“Sleep now,” he urged, tone softened as he tucked your hair behind your ear. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Copy that, General,” you replied sluggishly, already lowering yourself back into the pillows. As an afterthought, you smooshed yourself right up against the leg that was resting on the bed, snaking your arms around his waist in hopes that he would take the hint.

He hesitated for a moment, knowing it would be better to let you rest up on your own while he got his affairs in order for tomorrow. But seeing your sweetly flushed face, hands reaching out for him, fingers grasping the material of his tabards— he couldn’t resist you.

Carefully, he kicked off his boots and swung his other leg over the side of the bed, fitting an arm around your shoulders and moving you onto his chest. With the drugs in your system making you sleepy and Anakin’s protective arms around you, it wasn’t long before you were limp and dreaming.