#idk i just feel like dog water now. always just the most insane pain that nothing I do or become will ever be enough

[sehtoast]

sometimes I want to post stuff I've written while in the feels but I also worry about clogging the blog with irrelevant stuff

I guess I'll rant in the tags but sometimes I try to do therapeutic writing and it helps but s i g h

[sereniv]

its so hard to find the balance of being informed and knowing whats happening, and focusing on my mental stability.

bc on one hand no matter what i do it feels like i cant just block it all out. it feels wrong. and i mean block everything. as in ignoring every post, not reading anything thats going on in palestine. or any other place

to just pretend like its not happening is not something I feel comfortable doing even if it might help mentally. but i dont even think id be able to

i dont need to see the videos or the pictures or read graphic summaries. and that is enough, is to even do the bare minimum

but even the bare minimum feels like too much.

and lately no matter how much i distance myself from it all its already in my head

and sometimes it feels like im off my pills. when i used to have strong delusions of reality being a simulation or of being watched etc

paranoid delusions and shit like that

like when i say i feel like im going insane i literally feel it. it feels familiar. but worse in a lot of ways

like i know what is happening is real but i can barely comprehend it.

i know what i see is real but through a lense its easy for my brain to just be confused at what im seeing. or hearing.

its a simialr feeling to when we read about the holocaust in school and when i saw pictures and read personal accounts.

i knew that it was real, it felt real to a point, but its like it didnt feel real in a way like so shocking that it causes dissociation

and like im doing the most i can do for myself. because theres no ignoring everything bc i already know its happening.

and now i have to manage my psychosis that im keeping at bay. and then ofc on top of that taking care of my grandma and both pets

amongst other things

i havnt felt this bad in a long time.

luckily i have stuff to distract myself but its like

always on in the background of my mind. it feels so claustrophobic like i want to break things

its hard to keep the right mindset and not just blow up at people, or to be 'reactionary'. which, i mean emotions first thoughts second.

its hard to push that down and act appropriately and normally. and to actually be able to think about what im saying

like its so hard to not cry or dream about this stuff. and like weed doesnt even help, and theres no way im going back to drinking

so its like i just have to raw dog the emotions.

idk maybe ill try edibles again, bc the smoking just isnt good for me

i just hope at least my grandma is able to get out of pain bc im getting so stressed im starting to think about adopting my pets out again just to be able to function

having to take misha out every 20 minutes fucking sucks. having to feed them sucks. having to take her out and scoop and to scoop cowboys cat box sucks

and im not getting enough sleep but at the same time somehow getting too much sleep

and then my tablet needing a replacement

and my room is a mess and trying to keep the dishes clean but they pile up every few days

and then just wanting to enjoy something like food and all im eating is gluten and its making me physically ill and in pain and tired

im dehydrated bc i drink at most an 8 oz glass of water a day, but on average a cup

which makes my muscles weak, im having trouble breathing

somehow im keeping it together

luckily im back on my meds

my grandma could die soon when she gets surgery and i really hope that doesnt happen bc i can not handle that rn at all

its just too much

also going to turn 31 this month when it feels like i turned 30 just a handful of months ago

so idk how i feel about that

i just feel physically sick rn. i should be sleeping but my sleep schedule is fucked up so i dont end up sleeping until like noon or 7am

[itsclydebitches]

I adore talking about this with you, it's so cool to be able to agree, everything I've read is just excusing yen lmao.

And with "geralt would rather do and say things Yen wants to avoid pissing her off" LIKE YEAHH I guess I annoyed yen with my answers and she teleported Geralt out of the tower thing, and then threatened to do it again like??? Like he pissed her off so she has fuck all care about him, was over water thank god but like girl??? omg and her refusing to tell the wticher bros what she was planning on doing to Uma, like I get that they would be hesistent but I mean it's cause it's cruel and painful and they have that trauma around that. She just expects everyone to do what she asks when she asks no questions. (Lambert's "I'm not geralt" when he and Yen are kinda arguring, bb red flags)

I just assumed she didn't believe him cause if she did whats her excuse for behaving how she is lmao??? Like you believe he has amnesia and you still blame HIM over the person who maniplated him KAY.

And goodddd that fucking scene when Triss and Yen see Ciri in Kaer Morhen is genuinely the worst, Triss and Yen see their sis/daughter (not gonna get into how weird I find it that Triss considers Ciri her sister and Geralt is Ciris father and she still wants to fuck him, uncomfy) for the first time in forever, she's alive and well and while Triss is hugging Ciri, Yen kisses Geralt and Triss throws a glare at her. I hated that scene so damn much, it's stupid and shouldn't have been there. (aso I get emotions and all but Yen kissing Geralt is so bitchy, idk even full of gratitude and emotion I wouldn't kiss the man who just dumped me lol, especially not in front of a situation like Triss)

I'm still mad about the women, I really wanted to like them fuck meeee

YOU GOT TO THE PART. Oh thank god, anon, I've wanted to talk about this since we started these conversations lol

Okay, let's set the scene, shall we? You arrive to find that, with our playthroughs anyway, your ex has barged into your home. I say "barged in" because although we (Geralt) know that Yen's help is necessary and she'll be tagging along, the other witchers living there are given no prior warning and, according to Vesemir, Yen teleported in without so much as a "Hello." She then immediately starts ordering everyone around like her servants, failing to explain the situation beyond there being a curse that they have to help with. No, this isn't negotiable. She (still being an ex) takes your old room for herself, which just happens to be the biggest in the keep, and proceeds to toss a bed out the window. It's only later that Vesemir recalls that Triss used to use it, so prior to that everyone apparently just accepted that Yen was destroying their stuff for no understandable reason. Classic Yen. You go upstairs to find her cursing a blue streak at her failed experiment and when you try to lighten the mood, she snaps at you. If you're of the opinion that Yen's every order must be obeyed, this is when you're supposed to drop the conversation entirely, because she said to. Except, funnily enough, you'd like to know why she's up here being The Worst Guest Ever and destroying your property. She tries to justify this by saying that destroying a bed is better than how she could be dealing with her anger over Triss. Be grateful and all that. Except, it's not really about Triss, is it? The line is "You shagged my friend. For upwards of a year. I don't know what your witcher's code says on the matter, but ordinary folk would consider it obscene, base, vile." The blame is not on the woman who knowingly manipulated Geralt into having sex with her while he was vulnerable, it's on Geralt himself! He is the "obscene, base, vile" person for... daring to have amnesia? And when you point that out - "Yen... told you already. I lost my memory" - she yells that she's "lost [her] patience" and teleports you into a lake! This is, apparently, how she really wants to deal with her anger. Not by destroying beds, but by attacking you for things outside of your control. And I do consider it an attack. Yen is meant to be insanely powerful, she is leveraging her magic as a weapon here, particularly when Geralt has spent the whole game commenting on how much he hates portals. Yen knows this. Not just because he says so in her presence, but because she frequently reads his mind, something else he's expressed discomfort with. She's not just demonstrating her power (controlling) and sending him away when he makes a point she doesn't want to acknowledge (immature), she chooses the one thing she knows makes Geralt uncomfortable, perhaps even scared. Then when you've swum your way back to shore and returned to, despite all this, begin her list of chores, she makes a dry comment about how next time she just might drop you high enough for the fall to be fatal. With the next time implied to be, you know, the next time you disagree with her. The next time you dare to do anything other than agree with her every belief and jump at her every command.

The fandom interpretation of all this: "Lol Geralt getting yeeted is so funny. And their banter is just 😍"

Me:

You mentioned red flags and yeah like that ENTIRE SCENE is a crimson banner for me. I mean, by all means, love the fictional ships that are super messed up (I often do), but it astounds me how many fans honestly think this is just a cute interaction with absolutely no problems attached. Nothing to question here, folks. I've mentioned before, but last I discussed this in depth the asker wanted to know if I'd been an asshole to Yen and... that's it. That's the perspective. Any disagreement with her, any pushback, anything that's not complete, blind obedience is something she will not permit AND something most fans take as a given. If you're not doing what Yen tells you to, you're automatically the asshole, and if you're the asshole, you automatically deserve any punishment she chooses to dish out.

Comic spoilers coming up if you want to skip, but this is made abundantly clear in "Curse of Crows." Yen and Geralt are at their best in the moment below, enjoying one another's company on a nice day. Yen asks if Geralt wants to swim and he says nah, he'd rather watch her. She appears to like that idea and, indeed, swims naked while Geralt admires from the shore.

Actually cute right? I really liked this moment! They're cuddled up together and exchanging smiles. It's a rare moment of peace where I can believe that they truly care for one another, outside of passionate sex and not wanting the other dead. Finally, something beyond that incredibly low bar.

...except Yen starts flirting with a young man who shows up, invites him to travel with them, all while refusing to explain why she's interested in his company. The sudden third wheel is clearly bothering Geralt, but Yen continues to ignore his questioning. The answer she finally gives later that night?

She did it purely to mess with Geralt! It's his "just desserts" for "refusing to swim with [her]." She is "not one to be refused - I thought you needed reminding" by giving him "a flick on the nose." When I say that Yen treats Geralt like a dog I mean she literally treats him like a dog. He's a servant who must jump at her every command and if he doesn't, he'll punished for disobedience. He might not even know why he's being punished for a long stretch because Yen enjoys making him think she's a normal person capable of accepting that he doesn't feel like swimming right now - insert the Kaer Morhen scene where she wants to go have sex upstairs, but Geralt wants to catch up with the brothers he hasn't seen in an age here - only to reveal that actually she's made their formerly nice outing uncomfortable because he needs to be put in his place. All of which is followed by, "So... willing to join me now?" The message is very clear! Geralt had better get his ass in that tub unless he wants to be punished some more. Whether he wants a bath right now or not is inconsequential.

This is also the run where she scares the women Geralt was with, despite them being separated right now. Why? "I could."

Claims that Geralt is allowed to return to his companions (who he actually waves away) only for him to realize she's cast a spell to burn him with the water. Yen loves pretending she's okay with things only to punish Geralt for them later - sometimes with physical punishments. And what would have happened if the women had actually joined him again? Do witchers weather hot water better than the average courtesan? Who knows, but Yen clearly doesn't care who might get hurt.

Just like her time in Skellige and at Kaer Morhen, she refuses to explain what's going on. She just expects people to obey her, so-called loved ones included. Geralt was to get her cider, and arrive before her bath went cold, not question what they're doing on this dangerous hunt. He's a servant.

And my favorite, petty moment: transforming her awful inn food into a lavish meal without offering to do the same for either Geralt or Ciri.

"But, Clyde, that's just the comics. They're not really canon." Nah, questions of canon aside, this is 100% Yen's characterization. She's prideful. Immature. Beyond controlling. And punishes anyone who dares to tell her "No." Fans are always pointing out that she's meant to be horrible, she could have been a villain in another life, like any of that explains why I'm supposed to root for this relationship or enjoy her existence outside of being a complex character. Yen is interesting, but she's interesting in a "I can't wait to see her get her own just desserts" way. Not "Wooo now I get to watch this story ignore her behavior again to push a True Love narrative."

She punished Geralt frequently during their first meeting, she punishes him whenever they get together, and, I think, she punished him during the reunion with Ciri. Given our playthroughs, do we really think that after breaking up with her and all this fury over Triss - an anger so deep she destroyed the bed and attacked Geralt - she's just overcome with such joy that she forgets they're not together anymore and forgets the anger she's been nurturing for years? Yen doesn't forget. She's staring at Ciri during that moment, right where Triss is currently running towards them, and then after a considering look at Geralt pulls him in for that kiss. That was calculated. She did that to make a claim she no longer had. To punish them both: make Triss uncomfortable by playing at the "perfect" family reunion; make Geralt uncomfortable by kissing him when she knows he doesn't feel the same way. But of course, the popular reading is that she just loves him so much she couldn't help herself. Riiight.

It's just all SO BAD. (Including, as you say, the ickiness of having Triss lusting after Geralt and referring to Ciri as "little sis.") I love a lot of the women in Witcher - Cerys is a fave, Ciri, Saskia, Philippa, Keira, etc. - but the two I'm supposedly meant to fall in love with are just the worst lol.

Basically:

Half the fandom: TEAM TRISS 🤬

The other half: TEAM YEN🤬

Me: TEAM REGIS 😭

[oikaw-ugh]

asdfghjkl. Tysm for letting me send a request, Leia! You are so sweet! ❤ Hmm so about me, I'm an introvert and prefer to stay at home all the time. Apart from watching anime and reading a lot of stuff, I also like to listen to music mostly Japanese songs these days and playing gacha games 😅. Lastly, I have a 5 year old pug who is as lazy as its owner. Idk if this is enough but thank you again ❤

Hello, Ate Nich! And you're very much welcome! I love our convos they make me feel so old (in a good way. Like matured-) HEHEHEHEH I Hope I don't disappoint you with this!

I match you with...

Lev Haiba!

Kuroo's face is an everyday face

Chose Lev mainly because you seem so grounded? And matured? And Lev is SOOOO childish. The possibilities of this dynamics is insane!

We all know how Lev is to everyone, right?

He's soooo extroverted I actually feel Kenma's pain :((

N e ways! I feel like the first time you both see each other is at uni. But don't get me wrong, you're not friends with Lev. You're friends w/ Kuroo. And you're a year younger than the two.

And like, the first time Lev saw you is probably when you greeted Kuroo at the hallways.

Kuroo: Oh. This is Nich. A friend.

The extroverted that he is, he immediately bombarded you with his questions and random stories that you surprisingly listened to.

Lev when he noticed how you're actually listening to him because he got so used with Nekoma team laughing or disregarding him (ehem-Kenma-ehem-Yaku): 🥺🥺🥺

And I feel like the moment you speak your mind? Lev is blown away!

'Cause you seem so wise and Lev is in awe.

It's like he's younger than you thinking-wise.

Lev: Are you...a goddess?

You: No, Lev-san. I'm Nich.

Lev falling for you is like how a child is if in love.

He loves to boast around you, to impress you, and he does 'things' to make him seem 'cool'.

Lev: Nich! I aced the quiz at my last subject this morning!

You: That's great, Lev-san!

Lev: 🥺

Lev: Nich, let me uncap that for you! *Uncaps your water*

You: ᴵ ʷᵃˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵖˡᵃⁿⁿᶦⁿᵍ ᵒⁿ ᵈʳᶦⁿᵏᶦⁿᵍ

He wants to be with you all the time, which is almost impossible because you're both v busy.

Lev: Nich, where are you going?

You: Oh, to the Lib with my friends.

Lev: L-Let me come with you!

You: ???? But you have classes, right?

Lev: 👁️👄👁️

He also loves it when you're so kind to him? The genuine gentleness? What is that???

I SWEAR HE MELTS WITH EVERY LITTLE THING YOU DO

You: Lev-san, it's already lunch time. Have you eaten?

You: Lev-san, that's so funny!

You: Oh, what you said actually makes sense, Lev-san.

You: Thank you, Lev-san.

Lev: ᵂᶦˡˡ ᵘ ᵐᵃʳʳʸ ᵐᵉ

Truth to be told, Lev was oblivious of his affection for you.

All he knows is that he loves talking to you because he loves your mind and he loves how your words lift him up.

Well, that's what he thought.

When Kuroo asked if something is going on between you two, Lev was completely off guard.

Lev: Kuroo-san! I-we-nich-were uh...

You: That's crazy, Kuroo-san. Lev-san is like a brother to me.

Lev: 😳

He hated that.

And that's where it starts. He loves how you ruffle his hair but he hates the words that come along with it.

You: You're so cool, Lev-san.

If it's possible to feel uwu and mad at the same time, then that's what Lev is feeling.

The stupid honorific (san) makes him remember how you only think of him as a brother!!!

At first, he kind of brushed it off. But he's had enough it actually drove him to confessing out of the blue.

You: Oh, Lev-

Lev who just appeared in front of you at the library: Don't call me Lev-san! I'm not your brother. I like you, Nich.

Alexa, play RADWIMPS' Sparkle!

Dating is so chaotic.

Most of the days, you're lazy. But Lev is so extroverted he wants to go out with you ALMOST ALL THE TIME.

Lev at your door: Hello, Nich!

You w/ your bed hair: Lev, it's 7 AM.

Lev: I just taught it'd be nice to go to the theme park with you now...

You: 👁️👄👁️ Lev, it's still 7 AM-

Lev learned it in a hard way that it is, most of the time, impossible to pull you out of your house so he settles with domestic dates.

Nothing fancy, really. Prolly just you two chilling at the room. Like, you reading on the end of the couch while Lev curls himself up at the other end, scanning his phone while his legs playfully push yours and stuff.

You: Lev, stop it.

Lev: c: *kicks you still anyway*

And I can imagine the two of you blasting Japanese songs. Just loud enough for you to hear and low enough that you wouldn't be disturbing the neighbors.

When you watch anime, just imagine the giant laying on the bed and you literally hugging him like a tree.

Like, your head fitting at his chest while you both watch at the screen??? HSJSJSJJS (excuse me i rlly love it i can picture it happening)

And like, he's so LOUUUUUD! He always has something to say in every scene!

He screamed even though the MCs are literally just hugging each other

But when you speak though, he goes silent. Mainly because he loves your voice and also because he lovesyour thoughts.

Lev: THIS IS SO-

You: But for me though...

Lev: *seals lips*

The closest to cuddling is just hugging...

Because the moment you go beyond that, your cutie doggo butts in!

Doggo: i see u i dun approve

Your pug is so cute btw 🥺

Your pug was so intimidated by Lev when they first met, your pug actually tried to protect you even though ur doggo is so lazy!

But Lev was able to get your doggo's approval though when he brought you two to a dog's park.

When you have dates outside, I see you two visiting bookshops? Because you love to read.

And Lev is a simp so he gives in to everything you want.

Like, the look on his face when he sees you light up when you two pass by at a bookstore? He loves it.

Or like, you two are just walking then you kind of pause and stare at a shop, he's like:

Lev: Do you want to go in?

You: Uh, no, I was just-

Lev: Let's go!

You: Wait-

Cinemas and fancy restaurants are a thing. Coffee shops/milk tea shops, too. But I think you two fight when it comes to paying.

Lev insists he pays for you two but you're like.

Nich: Lev, let's split the bill.

Lev: No, Nich. It's okay.

Nich: Lev *glare*

Lev: 😳

Fights...

ABSOLUTELY!

Lev can just be...too much sometimes.

Like, he insists you two go out somewhere, he insist he does this for you and stuff.

"Nich, lemme do that!" "Nich, I'll do it instead." "Nich, it's on me."

And it just not feels good when he tries to be the only one balancing the relationship?

Nich: Lev, I'm here too!

And he thinks that it's offensive and like you don't trust him? Which is not the case!

IT'S MISCOMMUNICATION U 2 >=[[[

You're the more patient one in the relationship so you try to explain it to him?

But with how hardheaded Lev is? Nah. It doesn't reach his ears :((((

But give it a couple of days, or hours. Just let Lev sink the situation in, and he'd eventually understand that he did wrong and all

After his realization, expect him to suddenly pop wherever you are, with this cute look on his face while he brings with him a gift.

Dog food? A book? A cute notebook? Anything.

Lev: Nich, I'm sorry 🥺

And that just melts your heart? You happily accept him and his gift. You just hug him like, for a couple of minutes before you two settle down as you try to explain what he did wrong and THIS TIME, he listens.

HELLO, ATE NICH!!!! I Hope you like this!!! *Fingers crossed* I hope this is close to accuracy 🥺

[x-lulu]

gurl 1-99 I dare you😄

haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95

well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea

4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl

11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so

13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say

17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad

18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?

19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength

21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes

23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming

24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world

36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined

37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know

38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy

39: What time is it? 9:54 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence

41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈

43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe

44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...

52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? with you hehe

57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops

59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no

62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one

64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed

66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other

77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs

80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others

82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....

84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things

85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour

87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha

98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #288

“i never believed the devil was real, but god couldn’t make someone filthy as you”

When was the last time you drove or travelled for over an hour? Where did you go? Around a month back, I rode with Mom and my sister to my mom’s doc appointment. When you get old, are you going to let your hair go gray or dye it instead? Haha, I don’t see my desire to dye my hair wild colors ever fading. What genre was the last book you read? Was it any good? Fantasy. It was very good. Did you ever wear braces on your teeth? Yes. What’s your favorite condiment to have with sausages or hot dogs (or the vegetarian equivalent)? I just have ketchup and mustard. Which fictional character can you relate to the most? Is this a character from film, TV or a book? I dunno, there’s just so many to dig through. I’ve never felt a *strong* connection to any. Do you groom your eyebrows? If so, how? Not really anymore. Do you own any photo albums? Are they dedicated to special occasions or just a random selection of photos? We have old ones stored in a cabinet somewhere. I haven’t looked at them in a long time, but I think they’re loosely bound by time periods. What’s your favorite meal of the day - breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Breakfast, for sure. Who was the last person you texted? How do you know that person? Sara. She’s my best friend. What was the reason behind the last time you shouted or raised your voice? It wasn’t severe at all, but I raised my voice to tell Roman to stop clawing at the carpet. Are you a citizen of more than one country? Would you ever use that advantage to move abroad? No. Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? If so, which one is your favorite? I barely started The Fault in Our Stars, and that’s it. I’m quite sure I would if I actually read them, though. Are you a protective person? UM ONLY JUST SLIGHTLY. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No. There’s been very, very mild ones here, and the one “big” one (which, mind you, was only big enough to make the pool water barely tremble) that’s happened in my lifetime I wasn’t even home for; I was hours away at the zoo. According to Facebook outrage much more recently, my area experienced a teeny-tiny one, but I sure didn’t feel it. Are you a fan of penguins? Omg yes, such darlings. So intelligent, too. I particularly love emperor penguins. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. Are you a good painter? I’ve been told so. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? I’ve never been in this position. When was the last time you met someone for the first time? Ummm I dunno. Maybe Nicole’s ex? Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? No and no. I hate the taste of both. Squishy and just… ew. Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? Being the cheapest, probably McDonald’s? I usually get a double cheeseburger and small or medium fry. Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? Nah. I mean their claws can hurt, but it’s all worth a dog’s love, haha. What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? I pet my cat Roman last. How would you describe your sense of humor? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? Seeing as I don’t even find myself funny, idk how to answer that. I don’t believe I’ve ever offended anyone with a joke. When was the last time you cried - what caused it? It was literally last night when I was really deeply thinking about stuff I’ve been running from. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? You can’t beat the original ruffled kind, imo. Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavors do you like? I love fruit juice, but you’ll never see me even try vegetable juice. I enjoy lots of fruit ones: mango (my favorite), pineapple, strawberry, watermelon, orange, apple… Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? If you mean via a call and not texting, that would be my psychiatrist. I met him during my partial hospitalization. He helped save my life. Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? Jesse McCartney /swoons. Now I’m a l l about Mark Fischbach like jesus fucking Christ lord- Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? It’s closed. What’s your favorite love movie? The Notebook. Afraid of heights? Kinda, yeah. Do you take a vitamin daily? Not daily, no, but I have to take Vitamin D once a week. Wal-Mart, Target, or K-Mart? Wal-Mart. Is K-Mart even still around? Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos; I don’t really like the latter. Are you patient? N O P E, not unless it’s really called for. Which are better black or green olives? I hate olives. Black aren’t as awful, though. Who was your high school crush? Ha, Jason surpassed “crush” by a lighyear. Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No to both, but I’ve had my Facebook hacked. Nothing too bad happened. Do you prefer the company of people or animals? Animals, for sure. I need human company sometimes too, though. When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? A few years ago when Colleen and I were still friends. The water felt fucking incredible, so I swam a lot, and then I just chilled with her, her husband, and their then-infant son under the umbrella. I still got insane sun poisoning, though. What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? 1-2%. Skim is gross and whole is too thick. When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? That witchy photoshoot I mentioned in I think the last survey. Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? Ugh, no. Too much effort and usually not very comfortable. See above answer for the second part. What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? I think the latter would embarrass me more. What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Being alone with only your head for “sound.” And if you’re in solitary, odds are your head isn’t in a good place, so it just makes it worse. How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? Idk, but I know I learned it the “wrong” way first from Dad. It always annoyed Mom because they weren’t tight enough, apparently. Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? For the most part, honestly not really. I love SEEING places decorated, but hate doing it myself. So much effort for sometimes not even a month’s worth of enjoyment. Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-thru? I prefer the drive-thru. Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? Yeah, even if there may be a bit of pain here and there. It feels nice afterwards. Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? YIKES, NO. When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I probably haven’t since I was a baby. How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? Idr, but I know I was waaaay late to the party. I’ve had the same since the start, though. Are you a fan of Reddit? What are some of your favorite subreddits? I’ve never used it. Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? EW EW EW EW NO. They gross me the FUCK out. What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Hmmm… I only know vice-versa, really. I loved peas as a baby, but now it’s a “fuck no” from me, man. Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Bare feet, at least where it makes sense. Are you currently in the second story of a building? No; my house doesn't have a second floor. Who was the last music artist you listened to a song by? Ozzy. Have you ever written or drew something on a dollar bill? No. What was your favorite childhood game to play with your friends? We played lots of things, but I guess "Categories" in the pool probably wins. Basically the person on one end of the pool had to guess somebody on the other side's favorite in a certain topic, and if they guessed it right, you raced the other person to the opposite side. Whoever got there fastest was the next guesser. Where did you get your favorite pet from? My favorite pet of all time, my old dog Teddy, we got as a puppy from a friend of a friend. Her cocker spaniel had a massive litter and adopted the babies out. Have you ever called animal control on anyone? Not me personally, no. I think my mom did when our childhood neighbor's two rottweilers got loose and killed at least one of our kittens of the time; she was livid because it wasn't the first time they got out and attacked our cats, and of course us kids were absolutely devastated. I think they got off with a warning. Do you prefer wearing hoodies to coats? Yeah, especially slightly oversized. Is there anything written on the shirt you are wearing? No, it's just a black tank top. Have you ever been to another continent? No. Do you ever go out of your way to avoid someone? Not really. What was your last voicemail about? I don't even have a voicemail set up, so. Are you currently wearing a belt?I haven't worn belts since high school. How much was gas the last time you looked? I think $1.99. Is there someone who would support you no matter what? My mom, probably. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?I REALLY don't want to think about this one. Do you still get carded when you try and buy things you’re old enough to? I very rarely order one, but I don't really get carded for drinks at restaurants anymore. Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? Not that I know of. Do you kiss on the first date? This would depend on a lot of things. Odds are though, no. When was the last time you slept on something other than a bed? I've got no clue. How do you feel about the last person you shared a kiss with? I love her. Describe your current mood: Hopeless. Confused. Aimless. Exasperated. Just depressed. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I mean, somewhat, but also not really. I don't believe life exists by chance, so whoever/whatever made that decision obviously had some reason - but not for each person in particular, I believe. I highly doubt something/someone thought out extravagant stories for every single thing that lives. I believe we give ourselves a reason. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Absolutely nothing, off the top of my head. What were you doing 10 years ago? I woulda been 14, almost 15... so starting high school. I was in school with actual goals and confidence I'd do great in life, despite my depression being in full swing. Did you ever have a MySpace? Yup... Still remember Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful of Sunshine" was the song on my meerkat-slathered page too, haha. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don't believe in breaks, period. You don't turn love on and off. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes, what’s your content? Yeah, but it's not one that seriously produces content. Its primary purpose is just to like, favorite, and rarely comment on stuff while having recommendations catered to my interests. I used to make GMV/AMV-type things and mostly Meerkat Manor tributes, as well as various MEP parts because BOY could I only accomplish very short videos. I no longer have "professional" video editing software (I'd always pirated it before, anyway...) nor the necessary motivation and patience to make them anymore. Are you a math person? Heeeeeeeell no. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? No to both. When do you think things will be normal again? Who the fuck knows. It'll probably be a couple years, at least. Do you watch anime? If I'm watching television, yeah, I like some animes. Do you like TikTok? Never used it. Do you ever miss Vine? YO Vine was fuckin FUNNY If you're in school, are you doing it on Zoom or in class? I'm not in school, so. But if I was and in-person classes were expected, guess who the fuck isn't going with how serious I am about social distancing. Lives come before education. Would you ever have a pet rat? I've had a handful, but I don't think I will again. Their cages require so much cleaning, and they need more socialization than I'm able to provide. I fucking adore them, though. Favorite memory with your best friend? It's weird, we've "seen" each other for only like, a month's collective time, and I'm not sure of my answer because there's so many. Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? No. Have you ever “dined and dashed”? No, I never could. Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? No. Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don't think so. Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? Fuck no. Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? N/A, but I wouldn't. Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket? No. Have you ever lied during a job interview? Me? Social? People person? Well duh, of course I am. Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? No, that's awful. Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wouldn't want your parents to see? Actually no. Did you ever get fired and tell someone you were laid off? No. Have you ever turned in a school paper that someone else wrote for you? Absolutely not. I liked writing papers anyway and am very serious about creative honesty. Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF’s family? N/A If you were an employer, would you hire someone with your exact work ethic? Well, what's the job? Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. The only thing I ever did to his car was decorate it for his birthday lmao. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't think so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. The guilt otherwise would be unbearable. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? I wouldn't put me past it lately. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? I hate my body so fuckin much that I'll take the first, please. Have you ever used a false ID? Nope. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to admit I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? Oh my god no, I'd have to stop to break the fuck down. Ever lie about you (or your kids') age to get a discount? Ha, I'm sure my parents would sometimes at restaurants when I was young. Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? A LOT. Have you gotten close to anyone recently? Not really. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? No, but I can assure you it probably wasn't nice lmao. Have you ever gotten a D or F on your report card? Not until college. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? No. What are you listening to? "Radio" by Rammstein is on atm. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle? Maybe as a kid. But that might'a been on purpose, lol. Are you scared of spiders? To a degree. Like, I want a few tarantulas but will scream and jump five feet the moment I see a huge spider beside me unexpectantly. I think they are very, very fascinating and important, but I also prefer to give them distance. Unless I have a camera in hand, haha. Do you think that crying is a form of weakness? Absolutely not. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone? Yeah. Last person to call you? Some number from Mississippi??????????? Ever feel like you have been replaced? Oh yes.

[purplesurveys]

1109

What were you like at 17? Infinitely more naïve than I am now. I was going through my first heartbreak, funnily enough caused by the same person who is the reason for my current heartbreak, but that’s a story I’ve shared a million times. Anyway, at 17 I was still in high school so I was definitely more carefree about a lot of things; I wasn’t worrying about the future too much just yet, and I was still set on taking journalism. I was also going through my first family death which allowed me to explore a new side of my emotions.

Tell us about your first kiss. I had been really nervous about it and I felt like I wasn’t ready. But she was very gentle and took her time with me that night, even though I could tell she really wanted to have that kiss. I knew I hadn’t been a good kisser for my first, but she seemed to have good memories of it years later when we revisited the experience.

Tell us about your worst date. I’ve never been on a date with someone I wasn’t seeing.

What’s your biggest flaw? I’m extra sensitive and can’t take even the most playful of jabs without feeling the least bit hurt, unless the dig came from someone I’m extremely comfortable with, like Angela. That makes me the worst person for banter in most cases and it makes me not the most approachable person.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve bought lately? To be honest with you, I only ever buy food lol. I’ve been an employee for three months now and I have yet to buy something that’s meant to be an investment or is meant to last with me. 

Who is your celebrity crush? Can’t really decide between Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet. Love them both.

What is your biggest pet peeve? I don’t appreciate lateness very much, especially if people have no reason to be.

What’s the song you most wish you had written? I don’t really think like this. If anything, I’m grateful there are songwriters out there who can pen songs that perfectly encapsulate my thoughts and feelings.

What do you always take with you when you travel? Phone, laptop, my chargers for each, wallet, and too many clothes because I like having multiple choices on what to wear while I’m traveling.

Do you have any pets? Two dogs.

Have you or someone you know ever drunk dialed? I never have, but I probably know a ton of people who have.

What is the worst break up you have experienced? The most recent one. The person I trusted the most hurt me in more ways than I could ever imagine. She seemed so desperate to get rid of me, and I will never be able to shake off the excruciating pain of feeling unwanted. She made it sound like I put her on a leash when I did nothing but attend to her every need and adjusted in a million ways for her comfort while never asking for anything back. I blamed myself for months, never knowing what exactly I was blaming myself for.

I worked my goooooooddamn hardest to get to where I am today, and I’m not sure she deserves to re-enter my life after the work and fixing I’ve done to be able to forgive and love myself.

Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I don’t think so. The only one I remember was a seatmate on a plane who snored for the entire trip, but it didn’t bother me too much. When was the last time you were rejected by someone? Late 2020.

Has someone way older than you tried to hit on you? Nope.

Have you ever been cheated on? Never. 

Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? No. I went to the same school from kinder to high school, so by freshman year I could’ve gone through the entire campus blindfolded.

Have you ever been interrupted during sex? Yeah many times.

Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? Yeah, I’m the favorite for that kind of content haha. I can get quite silly when drunk.

Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? Nope.

Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? Not exactly, but close. I’ve baked stuff before that ended up tasting like nothing.

What is the worst birthday you have ever had? I don’t think I have one that’s in the running for absolute worst, but my 21st birthday coincided with Easter Sunday so I couldn’t invite anyone to celebrate with me. Gabie’s parents, who aren’t even particularly religious, didn’t allow her to celebrate with me because it was Easter, so that was a blow. Angela saved the day by taking me to dinner and spending the whole evening with me, but by the end of the evening Gabie and I had a lengthy argument and she kept trying to break up with me. It was a miserable end to a mostly miserable birthday.

Have you ever choked on chewing gum? Probably briefly in the past. I don’t have any moments that stuck with me.

Have you ever found anything dirty in a siblings room? No, but I also don’t go looking around through his things. < Same.

Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I’m sure I have. I once made a mess in a high school classmate’s bathroom when I cleaned my hands to get red food coloring off of them. I did want to clean it, but my mom suddenly came to pick me up so I had to leave the sink in such a messy state. Years later and I still feel bad about it, even though I’ve never been close to that girl and I’ve never visited her house since.

When is the last time you got into a fist fight? Idk man, 15 years ago? The only physical fights I’ve gotten into were with my siblings and cousins when we were kids.

Have you ever been spit on by a llama? I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a llama in real life.

Have you ever locked yourself out of your car/house? The house, yes many times. Never out of my car.

Describe how you got one of your scars. My right ring toe got caught in the gears once when I was riding my bike.

Describe how you’ve broken a bone, if you have. Never have. Would hate to feel what it’d be like D:

Have you ever had a near death experience? The time I got shocked when I was 11 probably comes the closest.

When you get cold at home, do you get a sweater/hoodie or get a blanket? I rarely get colds. When I do, I just wait for it to leave; I don’t really do anything to deal with it.

Do you require visual assistance? (i.e.; glasses or contacts) I’ve had glasses since I was 11.

Do you work out? Occasionally.

Describe the last cup you drank from. It was just a clear glass that had water in it.

What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Sushi and sashimi.

Do you like sausage? I’ve never liked sausage tbhhhh. It tastes odd to me.

Ever held a newborn animal? I don’t think. The closest I’ve come to holding a newborn was meeting Cooper when he was two months old and barely looked like a beagle.

Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I haven’t had a birthday cake in a while, but in general I do make wishes when I get the chance to blow out candles.

Have you ever been to Boston? Nope.

Describe your hair at the moment. I showered a few hours ago so it’s still a bit damp, but otherwise it’s nothing special.

What is the last thing you searched for online? I looked for a synonym for a certain word, but I don’t remember what it was.

What are you sitting on? The chair in my room. I actually haven’t sat on it for a couple of months, so it feels pretty refreshing to do so again.

Could you use a massage right now? If I could get rid of how terribly ticklish I am, I would so appreciate a massage right now, yeah.

Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when its hot in your room? Yup and I also get insanely cranky as well. Being hot is one of the worst sensations ever, if not the outright worst.

Do you sleep on your stomach/back/side most often? On my stomach with my arms and legs wrapped around a pillow.

Do make sure you dot your I`s when you write? Yes.

Do you dunk your cookies in milk? No, I just like to eat them on their own.

What did you wear today? I had a tank top and shorts for most of today.

Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Not really, unless I’m diagnosed with a certain condition lol.

Are you afraid of failure? Yeah because I really hate losing or people thinking I’m not capable enough. The older I get and the more experiences I gain, though, the more I’ve been less afraid to commit mistakes. More and more I realize everybody I deal with are people who also make mistakes and are afraid of making mistakes.

Have you been called a bad influence? I’m sure I have.

What about Chinese food? Love it or hate it? I loooove Chinese food, but it’s not one of my top favorites.

How do you feel about getting new neighbors? I honestly have no clue who any of my neighbors are, so I would barely notice if we got new ones.

Why were you last in a hospital? I needed to get blood and urine tests because my fever wasn’t going away and it was time to figure out what was wrong with me.

When is the last time you went to a doctor, and why? We needed him to figure out what I had from the results of the aforementioned medical tests, and for him to prescribe the proper medicine for me to take.

[eldritchsurveys]

911.

5k Survey XXXIV

1751. Do you think that it is okay for a homosexual or a woman to become a priest? >> Of course. I’m sure some sects think they’re justified in barring certain kinds of people from being priests, but I think it’s kind of fucked up to deny someone that kind of religious stature based on nothing but some arbitrary fact of birth or design. 1752. Which would you rather give up forever, religion or sex? >> Why can’t you love god in your bed? said Steve Vai and he was fucking right, god dammit. Give me both at the same time. 1753. What comes to mind when you think of these places: Canada? Moose. UK? Those red double-decker buses. I’ve seen way too many pictures of London and not enough of the rest of the UK. USA? The White House. Australia? The movie The Nightingale. Germany? Beer. Italy? The canals in Venice. 1754. What does your favorite bumper sticker say? >> Oh fuck, I’ve forgotten! I saw one a while ago that just slayed me but I’ve forgotten what it said by now. Unfortunate. 1755. Have you ever taken a shower with another person? >> Yes.

1756. What bath toys do you have, if any? >> I don’t have any bath toys. 1757. Would you rather propose to someone you love or would you rather be proposed to by someone you love? >> Does it matter? 1758. How can you reject someone nicely? >> By being tactfully honest about the fact that you’re not interested in what they’re offering.

1759. What kinds of diary names make you interested enough to check out the diary? >> --- 1760. What do you think are three common passwords people use to secure their diaries? >> --- 1761. Pick an object in the room. Give that object a name. >> I’m cheating and picking a plushie. Its name is Marshmellow and it’s a white dog with pink accents. 1762. What is the quickest way to make you blush? >> --- 1763. Do you usually feel that you deserve it when other people compliment you? >> I don’t always feel like I deserve it, but I try to accept it gracefully anyway. It’s a kind gesture to give a compliment and I'd hate to alienate the giver by denying it. 1764. If you were to start your own business what kind of business do you think it might be? >> I don’t want to do that. 1765. What is one of your pet peeves? >> When I’m taking a walk and have to dodge into the fucking street to avoid lawn sprinklers. 1766. What question do you get asked too frequently? >> I used to get asked constantly if my septum ring hurt. Luckily I haven’t heard that question in a while.

1767. You notice a ring is priced $40.00, but the cashier only charges you $10.00. Do you mention this to the cashier? >> Yeah. Back in the day, I wouldn’t have, because an extra $30 in my pocket would have been beyond lucky. But I don’t have to worry about that so much anymore, so I can indulge the luxury of uprightness. 1768. Could a kiss on the ___ be considered cheating? Cheek?  Lips? Nose? Hand? Ear? Neck? 1769. Would it bother you if your lover occasionally flirted with others? >> Of course not. That person’d better flirt back too, she’s a catch.  1770. How long has it been since you last played truth or dare? >> I don’t play that. 1771. Should people who are living now be obligated to do things that will make the world better for people who will live 100 years from now? >> I don’t know. I mean, we’re struggling trying to make the world better for ourselves, let alone hypothetical people who don’t even exist yet. 1772. Imagine you have a dream in which someone you care for acts mean to you. Is it possible you will still be angry with this person when you wake up? >> I know it’s possible for some people because I’ve heard this kind of story before. It’s not possible for me, I don’t think of the people in my dreams as actual avatars of real-life people. Dream folks are just wearing faces they’ve pulled from my memory. 1773. Have you ever left someone a note with a picture in it? If yes, how do you do it? >> Er, no, I don’t think so. 1774. What do you fear more, death or pain? >> Pain, definitely pain. When I think of the various things I fear about death, they all come down to being afraid of some kind of pain (physical, mental, psychic). 1775. Are the questions still interesting this far into the survey? >> Some of them are, like the previous one. And then there are whole sections that have just annoyed me, lol. 1776. Do you like the cartoon Inspector Gadget? >> I’ve never seen it. 1777. You know how Gadget wears the same outfit all the time, and his closet is full of outfits that are exactly identical to the one he wears? If your closet was full of just one outfit that you had to wear everyday what would it be like? >> Sweatpants (or shorts, in summer) and a band t-shirt. And a hoodie, in chilly weather. 1778. Would you rather time travel to the future or the past? >> No. 1779. Would you rather know how the world began or how it will end? >> I think we’ve learned a lot about how the world began, right? Or at the very least, we have sound theories about it. Now, how the universe began... that’s the kind of shit I’m into. 1780. Would you rather meet your ancient ancestors or your great great great great great great grandchildren? >> --- 1781. Out of these 4 which is most important (1=most, 2= second most, 3 = 3rd most, 4 = least)? Curing diseases such as aids, cancer:  Preserving wildlife areas:  Ending terrorism:  Building colonies in space: 1782. In your opinion should every child be entitled to a good education? >> Sure. I mean, why not, right? 1783. What news item are you tired of hearing about? >> The presidential election. 1784. Speaking of 9/11 the anniversary is coming up. What will you be doing? >> Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything to me, I wasn’t there and neither was anyone I know. 1785. If this were a recipe for you, how would it go? >> --- 1786. Which of the following would YOU be more likely to survive: A fall from a 3 story building Driving a car into the water >> A fall from a 3-storey building. I can’t swim, so I’m definitely not surviving the second one. 1787. What philosophy was manifested in the communist manifesto? >> Was it not Communism? Or is that not a philosophy, per se... hmm. 1788. Who is your exact opposite? >> No one is my exact opposite. That just doesn’t make any sense. 1789. Would you rather have serenity or insanity? >> --- 1790. What do these phrases mean? Moulin Rouge:  Le voyage sur le bateau:  Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir: something about would you like to sleep with me tonight, idk. I just remember it from that one song. 1791. What is the longest distance you have ever walked? >> I have no idea. Miles and miles. 1792. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato believes that beauty truth and justice all basically mean the same thing. What are your feelings about this? >> I don’t understand what Plato was trying to say here, I need the context. 1793. How did you first begin to assert yourself as independent from your parents? >> I mean, that... happens in childhood, right? The development of the self as a separate entity from one’s caregivers? 1794. If you had a magic bracelet, would you use it to gain luck, money, health, creativity or love? >> No. 1795. What would you do if every time you used your magic bracelet something bad would happen to someone else? >> I wouldn’t have used the bracelet in the first place, because all shit like that has some kind of equivalent-exchange side effect. I know my magic devices, okay. 1796. This is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be that she fell in love with him then and there, although she didn’t even see him after the funeral ended. A few days later, the girl killed her own sister. What is her motive for killing her sister? >> Oh, I’ve heard this one before. It’s some kind of crack “test” to see if you’re a psychopath. The supposed “psychopath answer” is that she was hoping that the guy would appear at her sister’s funeral. 1797. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone’s feelings? >> Sure. 1798. What do you think of Franz Ferdinand? >> As far as the band is concerned, I like that Take Me Out song, but I don’t know any of their others. Alas, I don’t know anything about the Archduke except that he was assassinated, so I can’t say I have an opinion on him. 1799. What do you think of the band Modest Mouse? >> I liked Float On, but I don’t know any of their other songs. 1800. What do you think of Morrissey? >> I like Morrissey. Well, his music, anyway.

[szopenhauer]

How was your day?: it wasn’t good.

Would you ever try to count to 5,000 for $5,000?: I’d try

When is the last time you took a picture of yourself?: last days

When did you last take a shower?: I’m going to take a bath soon

What song are you listening to?: The Weeknd - Blinding Lights

Last sentence you said aloud?: not sure what was last

What is the point of scented pens/pencils/erasers? ppl like to smell stuff I guess Do you buy/wear band-aids with cartoon characters on them? they’re usually not sticking well enough  What do you think your reaction would be upon entering the White House? meh, they could spend those money better by helping ppl, nobody needs such a big house - president or not, we’re not in medieval times and guards would have less to do 

Do you buy and wear crazy looking socks? I would like to Would you run down the street wearing a tutu, fishnets, & flippers? topless? for how much tho  Have you ever grown your own sea monkeys or dinosaurs? nope

Did you ever own an Etch-a-Sketch? yes, I loved it so much, I miss it Do/did you ever have glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling? on my wall and furniture, I still have some left Does your house have an attic? it does Have you ever gone white-water rafting? no and don’t want to Does your grandma wear an apron when she cooks? she did How often do you need “me” time? all the time? :x Does it bother you that almost everything is done on computers now? sometimes, a little bit Have you ever gotten stuck in a revolving door? I haven’t What animal do you most resemble while eating? dunno but it reminds me of that yt video - how animals eat their food lmfao Would you play Jumanji, if given the chance? someone already plays it this year

Do you text/call while going to the bathroom?  I might but prefer not to Do you always make sure your cell phone is charged before going somewhere? and powerbank too Did you get Happy Meals just for the toys as a kid? only once, I got Eeyore that I still own Have you ever seen your parents cry?  of course

Do you often shift blame towards others? usually it’s other way around? Do you ever feel like you’re smarter than your boss? I don’t have a job Your very first best friend: Is he/she STILL your best friend? not counting my family - no Have you ever witnessed a crime? minor What’s the coolest personalized license plate you’ve ever seen? I saw a bunch :D Do you write grey or gray? grey, it doesn’t have 50 shades

If you make surveys, how do you decide about its title? I don’t add titles as you can see, that’s stupid

When are you going back to school? never?

What do you do when you tell a really bad joke? my jokes are so bad that they’re good if you know what I mean ;)

Do you like having a huge group of friends or would you rather have few close friends? few close

Do you watch the TV Show Skins? If so, who’s your favorite character? fragments

Can you get a strike at bowling? I never tried bowling but would like to

Do you swallow chewing gum? wtf

Were you into the Beanie Baby craze? nah Would you ever wish to ride a dolphin? nope, I’m not fond of dolphins Do you ever watch the news just for the weather forecast? my parents did and that was dumb, I don’t like/believe in weather forecats If your remote was missing, where is the most likely place you’d find it? in dad’s stuff Ever considered the thought that kangaroos technically have fanny packs? hehe

When was the last time you blew bubbles? not that long time ago from what I remember Did the last doctor’s office you were in have a crappy magazine selection? it did indeed  Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? bakery only The last ball you threw was a… (baseball, basketball, etc.) childish ball for my niece Have you seen how much candidates for president are willing to spend for their campaign? it’s insane  Have you ever caught a friend snooping in your room? I have and that’s why I am afraid of leaving ppl alone in my room  Quick! Name the longest word starting with the letter ‘J’ you can think of: jurisdiction was the first that came to my mind  Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? no longer but not because of e-mail’s existence

Have you ever taken a survey with a friend, listing both answers?: I tagged my friends in the past 

Do you know a guy who has hair longer than yours?: not currently

What color was the last cup you drank out of?: it’s a llama mug (minty color)

If you’re in school, what do you do to fill in time between classes?: there was never enough time for me

Where was the last place you got lost?: mall or park

When was the last time you had cheesecake?: this year

When you last shed tears, was it because of a person?: partially

Other than yours, whose house did you last fall asleep at?: John and P

Have you ever had a significant other whose parents didn’t like you?: looks like it

What’s so unique about your computer?: what’s on it - pictures/memes/documents

What’s one thing you have never done? I didn’t do lots of stuff and don’t want to many of them actually

What is one trend you wish you have been a part of? I’m not into trends in general

Do you enjoy reading fanfictions? About who? Or do you write fanfictions, too? nah

What is something you own that you wish was in your favorite color? it’s not that important

Is there someone from your past that you wish you had dated? used to think that way, no longer

Can you snap with both your hands? If not, which hand can you snap with? both but not every single time

Do you like cosplays? I tried cosplays but it’s not for me and I’m a bit traumatised by it due to experiences from the past, they remind me of someone and not only so I prefer not to follow/look at those related to anime mostly

If you were to participate in one, what/who would you dress up as? I’d dress up as characters I relate to

Do you sometimes answer surveys with “Idk”/“Idr” because you’re too lazy? I just realized that I don’t, wow, I used to do that all the damn time

Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? am not

Have you ever acted like a bitch and used PMS as an excuse? I don’t use PMS nor period as an excuse as it’s actually a stereotype and shouldn’t be an argument besides painful/uncomfy/annoying physical sensations and being unable to do some stuff due to that fact 

Do you know someone who brushes their teeth in the shower all the time? *shrug*

Have you ever tried doing that? Did you like it? Why or why not? tried and it’s not that good

Are you patient when it comes to instructing others? I’m not, sorry...

Do you listen to Panic At The Disco? nah

Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular.: I like many bands/artists that seem not very popular

Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)?: can’t :(

Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to?: we had to give away

You can read minds; Whose mind do you snoop around in first?: hmm...

Do you ever talk to inanimate objects?: stuffed animals, kettle and fridge 

Have you ever tried to fold a piece of paper more than 7 times?: possibly

Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of your’s?: oh my...

Your brother breaks into your house; Do you press charges?: ... ghost?

Would you rather have a huge cat or a tiny dog?: tiny dog <3

Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying?: do I?

Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it?: depends

Should adopted kids be allowed to find their birth parents if they want to?: I guess

You’re writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc.?: sci-fi/fantasy

Will you usually admit it when you’ve made a mistake? would say so

Does your name begin with a B, L, R, or T?: Z

Could you go a day without texting?: but she couldn’t and we don’t want to

Do you have a step-parent?: I don’t

If so, do you get along with them?: -

Do you have any nieces or nephews?: one

Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform?: one of jobs that I had

Who is your 23rd phone contact and how do you know them?: I don’t have this many

If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say?: try me

Where is your dad right now?: sleeping 

Are there any writing utensils close to you? several

Look up, what do you see? ceiling

Do you have a bigger upper or lower lip? lower

Do you have any screen names with spelling errors? luckily not

Open the nearest drawer and tell me what’s inside it: I know it’s empty, don’t have to open it

How many other rooms can you currently see into? my door is closed

Do you need to take the trash out? already done

Do you need to clean out a litter box right now? we don’t have a cat anymore

Are these questions reminding you of things you put off to do this survey? nah

How many days have you been wearing those clothes? 1

Do you like listening to 60’s music? some songs

Can you move your nose? many ways

Can you wiggle your ears? my dad can

How many songs have you downloaded this week? I don’t download songs

Would you rather be a pirate or robot? robot, can’t robot be a pirate tho?

Would you rather be a ghost or a zombie? ghost 

Have you ever considered living in a bomb shelter? I’d be scared to live underground

If I gave you a piano and told you hit middle c, could you? nooo

do you think it’s weird for someone to have never tried soda?   not really

which floor of your house/building are you on now? there’s basement under me and attic above me

would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I would, haven’t yet

what are your thoughts on reincarnation? (have you ever read up about it?) it’s possible

does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? balcony

how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? anxious

do you have an interesting passport? I don’t have a passport

what happens to your old clothes? I donate them, give them to ppl I know, reuse them, sell them etc.

who supports you financially? my parents 

if you wanted to go to the movie cinema, how would you get there? walking then by bus then walk again

have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend or a friend’s sibling? minor

do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) not much, I don’t use it

what’s your favorite spot to read? librocubicularist

did you know that buddha is not considered a god to buddhists? ok

do you save tickets from movies, etc.?   saved some

without looking him up, who was jim morrison? vocalist

do you have a nervous habit? several

would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? nah

[frostygar]

Arrow S7 Ep1 Thoughts

I haven’t watched Arrow in a long time, but watching the recap and uhhh Ricardo Diaz or whatever was the most annoying fucking bitch… the biggest reason I’m watching Arrow is because of the Elseworld’s crossover (since I stopped on the episode for The Flash) and also because the show is ending and I’d hate to not finish it after putting in six seasons so far so let’s fucking goooooooooo

- See, this is the problem I have with many shows. They use the same annoying villain for more than a season and honestly I just want the pain to fucking end. Why do you think they only have villains for a season, and then they defeat them and are never seen again? Because otherwise it gets repetitive and boring. Also low-key forgot that William was Oliver’s son. Oh… that was a nightmare Oliver was having um… well everything still applies.

- Ruelle’s songs are always amazing for badasses I love it and her!

- “Watch it, Arrow” bitch are you really going to try and fight him he’s THE ARROW. You’ve seen him fight. Stop being a little bitch. Also, wouldn’t they have to put Oliver in solitary confinement considering he’s a hero (or at least, a big target for the other inmates)?? And what does that security guard have against Oliver like—

- OMG THAT DUDE… I MADE A SUPERNATURAL FIC WHERE MY OC WAS HIS SISTER AND WENT ON WITH SAM AND DEAN. Brendan Fletcher is such a great actor! Anyways,,, we all know Oliver’s going to refuse helping him because he’s trying to stay alive and out of trouble but it’s in his nature to help people so he’ll definitely end up helping him.

- That guy looks like Mick Rory. Also, okay dumbasses, good luck beating the shit out of T H E  A R R O W 😂😂😂

- How to tell that someone is cosplaying as the Arrow other than Oliver being in jail: they unnecessarily shot this guy in the hand, and then made a spectacle out of him by posing him on the tire of a police car at the precinct.

- Why does Oliver look surprised he has a visitor? YOOOOOOOO DIGGLE!!!! Oliver’s number one since the first episode 🥺🥺🥺

- OLIVER’S EYES WATERING UP MY FUCKING HEART!!! Also, I give him shit sometimes but he’s so fucking strong? Physically, yes, but I mean mentally as well. Any other show would take some insane, nonsensical route to get the main character out of jail but Oliver knows that he has to stay down and out of the spotlight for once and he IS. Incredible.

- FELICITY?! WITH THAT PINK HAIR AND NOSE RING?! Please keep this hacker-esque Felicity! It’s so good and looks so fucking hot—

- This guy just trusting a random barista to know what to do, and around his work. What an idiot lmao but whatever I love hacker!Felicity we rarely see her. Her fake-name is Erin… okay. Interesting.

- Wait… Dinah, someone who literally betrayed them (last I remember, it’s hazy because again it’s been awhile and I remember her plot being kinda boring so I didn’t pay that much attention tbh) and was going off the rails… is now the captain of the precinct?? How? However, she SEEMS okay and was pretty cool from what I just witnessed so maybe I’ll give her another shot.

- RENE MY BABY BOIIIII!!!  He’s teaching self defense to teenagers and his daughter PLEASE I LOVE THIS?!?!? I love his relationship with his daughter (and the idea of them fighting crime together when they’re able to again) but high key wasn’t she very, very young last season or am I tripping?

- “So it’s on us to protect ourselves” EXACTLY WHY RENE/WILD DOG IS TEACHING YOU SELF DEFENSE… Kid, he can’t be Wild Dog right now. I guess for safety or whatever but like damn I get that your parents were robbed the week before but maybe you could, I don’t know, ask Rene as your self defense teacher, to help you?? You don’t NEED Wild Dog…

- Can people stop calling Oliver “Arrow” it’s low-key annoying…

- NOT THUS DUMBASS KID TRYING TO BUY GUNS. BUT YASSS RENE KNOWING HE’D DO SOMETHING STUPID AND COMING TO THE RESCUE NOW I GET TO SEE RENE BEAT THESE GUY’S ASSES

- “The Green Arrow” technically still protecting Rene (despite the real Oliver and Rene’s iffy relationship) we love to see it

- Honestly though I think Oliver and Felicity are kind of cute and have an… okay… relationship but she’s much better suited with like nerdy guys. than guys like Oliver. I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on exactly why I’m not really into Olicity (other than the stans) but I miss her being a hacker and helping out instead of just being Oliver’s wife or whatever

- LAUREL!!! I mean, not the REAL Laurel if I remember correctly, I’m hoping that the Earth-2 (?) Laurel isn’t going to be as annoying and flip-floppy as she was last season.

- “… this New Green Arrow a threat” LIKE OLIVER WAS ONE??? YOU BITCHES DEEMED HIM A VILLAIN FOR THE DUMBEST BULLSHIT BECAUSE OF THE REAL VILLAIN RICARDO DIAZ, BUT NOW THAT THIS GREEN ARROW IS ACTUALLY A THREAT… NOW Y’ALL ARE SCARED?????????? Jesus Christ.

-  It’s been 17 minutes but this feels like an entirely different show. Almost refreshing, if Ricardo Diaz wasn’t the villain (or that the government is against Oliver like idk it’s just not… interesting really)

- YAY AWWWW I MISS CURTIS!!! One of my ultimate faves 🥺🥺

- Well that dude is definitely not Tommy (even though I did hear about him coming back somehow??)

- That poor guy. Is he going to end up becoming a villain or something because Oliver didn’t protect him?

- Rene caring more about his kids having hope than their dumb immunity deal 🥺🥺🥺

- WILLIAM. If anyone hurts him I swear to GOD… I will kill them myself. Also, his bond with Felicity 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- How convenient that the guy’s cell is directly next to Oliver’s. And Oliver’s reaction to seeing the guy all fucked up… the guilt :(

- Yeah, both of you have family but you also are both in jail… maybe wrongly accused I don’t know if that’s true but in jail it’s a game of survival and as sad as it is for Oliver to look out for himself and his future, he’d risk everything for someone he doesn’t even know and he’s done that his whole life and look where he is now…

- YESSSS RENE MY FUCKING MAN!!! Doing what he needs to do for the sake of his kids at the community center!!!

-  Oliver’s fighting naked I’m—

- WILLIAM SHOWING UP IN THE CORNER NOT ONLY SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM—

- “Thank God you monologue” THE WAY I’M SCREAMING!?!??! Also Felicity being allowed to fight back and be badass since Oliver isn’t there to take control we love to see independent women! Iris West could never! Honestly why the fuck does Diaz even CARE. All I remember is that he found out who Oliver was and didn’t like it because oof his own tragedy or something and now he wants to make Oliver pay, but it’s like… POINTLESS. It’s like Hiram Lodge in Riverdale… Diaz is boring.

- That “you’re okay” from Oliver when he saw Felicity aww!

- FELICITY… I GET THAT YOU’RE AFRAID BUT YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE WILLIAM!!!

- How exactly is Felicity going to fight back, though. Like, yeah she knows some moves but her speciality is hacking.

- Dinah is still as annoying BUT she at least makes sense so that’s a plus.

- William’s “you’re leaving me” NOOO 😭😭😭

- YESSSSSS OLIVER GOING OFF!!!! Also not that guard just watching and doing nothing like he doesn’t make any sense. He hates Oliver but lets him fuck up the people that he has to know is doing bad shit like??

- WAIT A FUCKING SEC, ROOY AND WILLIAM?!?!?! OH BITCHHHHHHH

I’M HERE TALKING ABOUT HOW ARROW IS BORING BUT THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD? Maybe it’s because it’s the season 7 premiere and the hype does tend to flutter off throughout the season but holy fuck!!! That was… really good!!

[staying-strong-with-miso]

I credit myself for being a very strong person in many ways, but misophonia has the ability to break me down in a pile of pieces and dust in a matter of seconds. It breaks down my motivation, my sanity, my ability to focus... I'm currently living with my parents and my dad has tourettes or something of the sort and is just NEVER quiet, and I can't take it. I can't sleep without having music to drown out the sounds. Sometimes I just want silence. I can't relax. I feel weak. I'm losing myself.

aw man. I’ve.. been exactly there. people with misophonia are the strongest fucking people I have ever met. no amount of strength and willpower can force misophonia away. you are not at all weak in any way because of this. 

there was a time that I’d sleep in our backyard in a tent just so I could relax. honestly, I recommend it in warm weather. (if you have a backyard+tent). for me silence is unnatainable and I’ve accepted that. white noise is the relaxing safe haven that’s replaced it. 

I put white noise machines around my house and seriously I can’t recommend it enough. it seriously takes the edge off. so does wearing headphones around my neck playing white noise/music.

the most important thing, I think, is starting and maintaining a dialogue with your parents about it. doing your best to keep them in the loop with how your misophonia is affecting you and how they can help.

I’d also recommend counseling if that’s something you can get. it takes a while to find the right one, and it can be very challenging/frustrating, but it is extremely worth it. I really cannot emphasize this one enough. misophonia is a lot to go through. counseling won’t make it hurt less or make it go away, but it will help you cope in serious, considerable ways. 

a new trick I learned, I don’t know it you saw, is putting your face under warm water during an attack. it’s. incredibly helpful. as is screaming into towels. honestly just talking about it is so helpful and important. I just talk to my dog or plants at the end of the day. I don’t care how crazy it feels it’s just incredibly soothing to get some of this chaos and general shit!!! out of my head and into the air. seriously, try it. 

also keeping a journal, and going out by yourself can be helpful. just walking to your nearest quiet patch of grass alone to think in peace is a wonderfully healing thing. it’s quiet and helped me retain a sense of self. idk doing weird things by myself for no reason, specifically in nature, is kind of my m-o. so making sure to do that even when I felt like melting into my mattress for eternity was good for me. is there anything like that for you? anything you used to do with and for yourself alone?

I’m speaking in past tense because I’m not in that place anymore. I have my own separate space from my parents and my presence is no longer required anywhere triggering to my misophonia. (ie school) 

to you, and to all the desperate people in my inbox, here is my message, the one I want you to take to heart:

I went through some fucking hell with my misophonia. shit I don’t want to go into detail about. what I can tell you is that is hurt like hell. I completely and totally lost my sense of self. I was achingly lonely and constantly overwhelmed with frustration and exhaustion. I fell the fuck apart. for years. 

now it’s over. now I’m out. my misophonia is still around. it still hurts like hell when it’s triggered. but that happens once in a blue fucking moon compared to how it was before. I’m healing. I’m repairing. I feel like myself again. and no matter how fucking terrible it was. no matter how fucking awful I felt or how insane I went. I never, ever, not ONCE regretted going forward. I don’t regret those awful years of pain. because where I am now, and where I’m going, is worth all of it threefold. 

never fucking hurt yourself. never hurt other people. accept your disorder. get frustrated, get angry, but NEVER get guilty. it’s not your fault. always keep trudging on. you will not regret it. 

when my mother was pregnant with me, her friend had a vision of my future. he said I would be a warrior. we’re fighting the same battle, you and me. you are a warrior too. you can survive this. you’ve fucking got this. you WILL survive this and it will be more worth it than you could ever know now. it will be okay. keep your head up. I seriously mean this with my whole soul when I say this, I believe in you.

[surveysonfleek]

450.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 18

1701. How will tomorrow be like today? i’ll have the day off :) totally fine with that. 1702. How would you react if a stranger pinched your bottom? i’d call them out. 1703. When was the last time you went on a date? i don’t really know what counts as a date with my boyfriend and i anymore, but we went out for dinner together on tuesday. 1704. Have you ever ridden a horse? yes. 1706. What is almost over? ok i can’t, there’s missing questions again...

1707. What should you be doing that you are putting off? looking for new jobs. 1708. How much would you have to change physically before you would no longer be yourself anymore? if someone couldn’t recognise me from old photos then i’d consider that not being myself anymore. 1709. How much would you have to change mentally before you would no longer be yourself anymore? if the people around me don’t like me for who i am anymore i guess. 1710. Would you rather be famous or notorious? famous. 1711. Would you rather have a necklace that's dripping with diamonds or a blueberry farm? the necklace. i don’t even like blueberries. 1712. Could you take first place in a beauty contest? hell no. 1713. Who is the biggest hypocrite you know and why? no one comes to mind straight away. 1714. Would you consider yourself to be more opinionated or bitchy? opinionated. 1715. How long is it until your next day off? today! 1716. What sound is annoying you right now? there’s been the same bird chirping outside for the past couple of hours. it’s not even a chirp, i think it’s in heat or something. 1717. Imagine you're taking a vacation with 4 people. Who are they? dwayne, irene, ahmad andddd bek. 1718. The five of you travel by plane. Suddenly your plane crashes down over snowy mountains. The pilot and the air crew and all the other passengers die. The only way for you to survive is for one of you to get eaten by the others. Who will it be? omg idk... i’d offer myself i guess. 1719. Anorexia and obesity are two life threatening eating related disorders. Why is it that when it is discovered that someone is an anorexic they are rushed to the hospital, but when someone is obese they are not rushed to the hospital? not sure how to answer that. 1720. Who is your favorite smurf? smurfette. 1721. Why do you do things that you know are bad for you? for some reason they always feel/taste/are better. 1722. How important is testing to education? no idea. i always hated tests. 1723. What food group do you eat the most of (bread and pasta, meats and eggs and fish, fruits and vegetables, milk and cheese, sugar and butter)? between meats and veg i guess. 1724. Who is the most adorable person you know? my baby cousin, victoria. 1725. If you had to spend a half hour locked in a dark closet with someone from school or work that you don't normally hang out with who would you want it to be? haha i have no idea. no one tbh. 1726. How often do you masturbate in a week? i’d say once every 2-3 weeks tbh. 1727. In the USA people work a full third of the year for the government, due to taxes. How do you feel about this? i don’t live in the usa so idc. 1728. Should people be allowed to use cell phones in their cars? nah, i know of people getting into accidents coz they were on their phones. 1729. Have you ever been in the room while a human baby was born? nope. 1730. Have you ever been in the room while an animal baby was born? no. 1731. Did you see the video The Miracle of Life in school? no. 1732. How do you feel about having a baby? not sure. someday! 1733. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? yes. 1734. Who are you waiting for an email/call/note/visit from? my boyfriend. 1735. What are you counting the days until? my birthday lol. 1736. What is the greatest temptation for you? nothing. 1737. How do you resist it? - 1738. Who is your knight in shining armor? haha idk. 1739. If you were walking and someone behind you yelled "HEY YOU!" would you turn around? yeah. 1740. Do loud noises make you tense? they give me a fright i guess. 1741. Has anyone ever told you that your epidermis was showing? nope. 1742. Would you rather work or stay home with the baby? i’d like to stay home with the baby until they’re old enough for daycare. 1743. Would you rather have people agree with you all the time or tell you the honest truth? tell me the honest truth. 1744. Will you/have you gone to your high school reunion? no thanks. 1745. What do you think of your yearbook picture? it’s alright. 1746. Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer? gatherer. 1747. If you ever were to visit Hershey Park, the theme park based on the chocolate candy, would you enjoy going to the spa where you can be treated to a whipped cocoa bath, a milk and honey bath, or simply a chocolate fondue skin wrap? the skin wrap. 1748. If someone asks you to read a poem they wrote, will you really take your time to try and understand what they wrote and tell them what you think or just read it quickly and tell them that its really good? i’d definitely try to understand it. 1749. Do you feel that if a coincidence occurs it means something? not always. 1750. Were you beautiful as a child? i was actually. wtf happened haha. 1751. Do you think that it is okay for a homosexual or a woman to become a priest? i don’t see the problem if they’re devoted to the religion and they never get married. 1752. Which would you rather give up forever, religion or sex? religion. 1753. What comes to mind when you think of these places: Canada? toronto UK? fish and chips USA? hot dogs Australia? sunny weather Germany? bratwurst Italy? pizza 1754. What does your favorite bumper sticker say? i don’t have a fave. 1755. Have you ever taken a shower with another person? yes. 1756. What bath toys do you have, if any? none. 1757. Would you rather propose to someone you love or would you rather be proposed to by someone you love? i’d rather be proposed to. 1758. How can you reject someone nicely? thank them for the offer but tell them you don’t want to or aren’t ready. 1759. What kinds of diary names make you interested enough to check out the diary? - 1760. What do you think are three common passwords people use to secure their diaries? names, nicknames, pet names, birthdays. 1761. Pick an object in the room. Give that object a name. no. 1762. What is the quickest way to make you blush? compliment me lol. 1763. Do you usually feel that you deserve it when other people compliment you? it depends what it’s for. 1764. If you were to start your own business what kind of business do you think it might be? no idea. something in design. 1765. What is one of your pet peeves? when people cough without covering their mouths. 1766. What question do you get asked too frequently? do you still talk to the last person you kissed? 1767. You notice a ring is priced $40.00, but the cashier only charges you $10.00. Do you mention this to the cashier? haha yeah i think i would. 1768. Could a kiss on the ___ be considered cheating? Cheek? no Lips? yes Nose? this is just weird Hand? no Ear? still weird. Neck? assuming it’s passionate, yeah. 1769. Would it bother you if your lover occasionally flirted with others? of course. 1770. How long has it been since you last played truth or dare? absolute years. 1771. Should people who are living now be obligated to do things that will make the world better for people who will live 100 years from now? not obligated but it’s damn logic to preserve as much as we can for future generation. 1772. Imagine you have a dream in which someone you care for acts mean to you. Is it possible you will still be angry with this person when you wake up? haha it’s definitely happened before. i usually brush it off and tell the person. 1773. Have you ever left someone a note with a picture in it? If yes, how do you do it? i don’t think so. 1774. What do you fear more, death or pain? pain. 1775. Are the questions still interesting this far into the survey? somewhat. 1776. Do you like the cartoon Inspector Gadget? never watched it. 1777. You know how Gadget wears the same outfit all the time, and his closet is full of outfits that are exactly identical to the one he wears? If your closet was full of just one outfit that you had to wear everyday what would it be like? i couldn’t just have one outfit. maybe a casual one and one for going out lol. 1778. Would you rather time travel to the future or the past? future. 1779. Would you rather know how the world began or how it will end? how it will end.   1780. Would you rather meet your ancient ancestors or your great great great great great great grandchildren? probably my ancestors. imagine going to the future to meet your greatx6 grandchildren and there’s no one there... 1781. Out of these 4 which is most important (1=most, 2= second most, 3 = 3rd most, 4 = least)? Curing diseases such as aids, cancer: 2 Preserving wildlife areas: 3 Ending terrorism: 1 Building colonies in space: 4 1782. In your opinion should every child be entitled to a good education? definitely. 1783. What news item are you tired of hearing about? fucking politics. 1784. Speaking of 9/11 the anniversary is coming up. What will you be doing? it’s already passed. 1785. If this were a recipe for you, how would it go? 2 cups: 1 cup: 1/2 cup: A pinch of: A dash of: Mix well and bake until: Add: Serve: no thanks 1786. Which of the following would YOU be more likely to survive: A fall from a 3 story building Driving a car into the water <----- this 1787. What philosophy was manifested in the communist manifesto? haha idk. 1788. Who is your exact opposite? no idea. marie comes pretty close though. 1789. Would you rather have serenity or insanity? serenity. 1790. What do these phrases mean? Moulin Rogue: red something Le voyage sur le bateau: idk Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir: do you want to sleep with me tonight 1791. What is the longest distance you have ever walked? 23km in a day while sightseeing in london. that’s a record for me. 1792. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato believes that beauty truth and justice all basically mean the same thing. What are your feelings about this? nah. 1793. How did you first begin to assert yourself as independent from your parents? it was just a slow process of instead of asking permission, i’d just tell them what i was doing instead. 1794. If you had a magic bracelet, would you use it to gain luck, money, health, creativity or love? money. 1795. What would you do if every time you used your magic bracelet something bad would happen to someone else? i just wouldn’t use it as often? 1796. This is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be that she fell in love with him then and there, although she didn't even see him after the funeral ended. A few days later, the girl killed her own sister. What is her motive for killing her sister? she wanted to run into that guy again at her sister’s funeral. 1797. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone’s feelings? yeah i have. 1798. What do you think of Franz Ferdinand? don’t know much about him. 1799. What do you think of the band Modest Mouse? nothing. 1800. What do you think of Morrissey? nothing.

[doubt-is-the-origin-of-wisdom]

This.... is new. I can't make this body... do what i want. And I know Roan is... away as much as they can be. But i feel *awful*. And I think it is theirs... I can always feel what they are but... not like this... not to this degree...

We.. I? Have been worried sbout everything luna said. And the fact that im sure u okayed that. Idk if u okayed the pics. Roan kept staring at them and now i van see them when I shut my eyes.

But... one of the things... right now.. worryed me the most. Was "*Am* i giving up too soon?" And the car that drove by made a sound like a couple notes from hell and you. So thats gonna be the ultimate decision maker ig. Bc they have always meant thise words when they sang that song to you.

I am looking up the lyrics as i write...

"Cause I'd rot in Hell with you

If you'd just ask me to"

Okay so i think the important bits is that it says "with you". Avoiding and pushing me away as much as u can... isnt with me.

And also... if luna is to be believed you are pretty blissed out most of the time so... idek if the In Hell part applies to u rn.

Also... the "Asked me to" bit. I dont think you rlly have? I know you asked us to leave if you hurt us this much. And i dont think... youve ever really done or said any true thing to try to get us to stay. Not since you decided to start cheating on us.

I... realize now that.. we have asked you to stay. And you swore we would have a life together. Since the cheating started. Then kept cheating.

Fuck, this songs one of the ruined ones isnt it?

I.... even if roan changes their mind about love. I am not letting them get so attached that their sorrow will do *this* to *me*.

Im curled up in bed analyzing songs that remind me someone i care about because i cant sleep of move. That is unacceptable.

I dont even like that I'm putting this on this blog... fuck i need to feed this stupid worthless body.

I am better than this. If i weren't attached the the Emotion Intensifier that is Roan, maybe this wouldnt be happening. Heartbreak is just pain like any other.

I wish it were something i could amputate... and i wish it were just felt in the heart. It is everywhere. When chain was awake their *wings* felt like the were burning from the inside. We dont even have wings.

That ratty dog bolted... immediately actually, so i dont know how they are feeling. Roan might, my connection to everything is.. different.

Oh now there is a useable feeling! I feel insane. Not from what i just said, bc i have been staring at the wall for a While after i wrote the word "different".

I still am trapped in Roan's hell, but i can drink that cup of water, that we did get bc we wanted to sing to you today... whatever that song is with the coyotesand rabbits and whatnot... theyhave been learning it becauseyou liked it and they wanted to sing it for you.... water is better than nothing.

Hello, hip pain. Yes we wont be moving go ahead and go numb.

How am i acting like this right now?.....im

Not posting any other... broken version of me.

Oh, worrying about trixter reading this just now gave me an idea.

(Assuming we will be down a partner) if the others survive and whatever, and roan becomes operational again, we obviously will not keep these blogs, because they are private. They are for us, but our "mate" was allowed to see them. But if they make us leave, roan may decide they shouldn't be accessible to trixter, so we will ...

Use notepad. Was? I felt like i had had a clever idea at the beginning of that. And my idea was "use notepad"

Nyquil and melatonin plus major stress and no sleep will do that... to.. me?

Dont like that very much but, okay.

I have been with this fool since rhey can remember. Through ralph. I have never experienced this. I suppose it is because we hated ralph so chain and the ruffians could do their thing. Loving. Is the most....

Fuck i wanna write a poem but i just saw the q where the t was sposed to go. I think if i tried to write it woukd3bs embarrassingly awful.

Im sure if we ever sleep i will be horrifically embarrassed of *this*.

Hopefully we will either sleep or eat before trixter is able to read this so i can come to my senses and delete it.

[thelambsofiscariot]

[ give me the juicy tidbits of serial killer!gradeus' m.o.... what kind of serial killer is he~? usual victims~? a stressor that got him to start killing~? GIVE ME ALL THEM TIDBITS I LOVE CRIMINALS... er well not love. i'm /fascinated/ by serial killers so... ye B) also this is to build a working profile for raskreia /shot ]

ooc: Ohhh boy. Gradeus. I want to give him a last name for the sake of his human AU… Anastos? Gradeus Anastos. Sounds good enough. Man, idk where to start, really, but I’ll start with the basic ideas swirling around in my head and dump them out onto the answer. 

I put it under the cut because yeah… long story. And don’t read if you don’t like murdery things, obviously.

Typical stuff: started young. The whole “torturing and killing animals” thing, except it wasn’t just the typical bird he found lying on the ground, or burning down anthills. His family had multiple dogs and cats, so that was easy access to him. He was just always an angry child. So many things he didn’t like about the world — he got pissed when something went off schedule, when something didn’t go his way, or when his parents tried to get on his case. But Gradeus got smart while he was a kid; he knew that there was no way he was going to jump on his father, a man of almost 6 feet tall, or even his mother. Too big, too strong, too fast for him. He was a wiry little thing… and short. Size has always been a big thing for him. It’s a matter of insecurity, really.

But dogs and cats couldn’t argue or fight back. He never drew blood at first because that’s obvious. The parents are going to see, and he’s going to get his arse kicked because one cut? Fine, but so many collecting over time? Yeah, they’re going to know it’s him, and he’s not going to get himself caught like that. He doesn’t even start, because he’s smart enough to know that if he begins, he probably won’t stop. He sticks to throwing blunt objects at the pets, physically kicking them around, picking them up and throwing them as hard as he can, and dumping their food out for days on end when his mum tells him to feed them. Nothing too far, nothing that they can’t tank. He’s a small boy, after all.

Then he really goes far one day when he’s just pissed off beyond normal. Probably around pre-teens. I figure he’s probably the bully type… goes after kids younger than him., because he doesn’t know how to pick on anyone his own size or bigger. He’s a special kind of a coward, one that knows how to get what he wants. And he doesn’t feel bad about being a coward, either. As long as things end up how he likes them, why should he care about how he goes about doing them?

So like. He’s just pissed off because he can’t get to the kid he’s trying to tear apart. Because the kid has a mouth to tell on him with. He goes home, seeing red, and one of the bigger dogs nip at his hand for food — and oh, how could he have forgotten! Isn’t that convenient that the dogs and the cats can’t tell on him like little human boys do? 

So he spills blood for the first time. Kicks the dog into the backyard and really goes all out. Throws rocks at the poor thing. Steps on it with all his weight. Clubs it until it cries. Because this time is different — this time he’s picked up a knife from the cutting board on the counter on his way out. This time he intends to kill. The dog claws at his face and leaves a huge scar across his skin, and that just pisses him off even more. The damn thing is definitely dead after that, for daring to fight back when it should’ve just cowered and sat it through.

Anyway, his new scar is a good excuse. He can tell his mum that the dog attacked him, and that’s why he had to defend himself. She’ll look past it, because he’s her precious lil boy.

And man, he can’t stop after that. He just keeps thinking about it. There was just something so addicting about stabbing something breathing and alive, and watching the life drain out of it. Seeing it helpless and shivering, slowly bleeding to death and unable to do anything about it… because of him. He has that much power. And isn’t that an amazing thing?

He starts looking into it more. He quickly becomes an avid fan of anatomy, and suddenly crime shows are all that much more interesting. He’d been fairly fascinated with the concept of death beforehand, and was always a violent kid… but now the interest in these subjects has upped tenfold, and teeters on the edge of obsession. He tones it down with the bigger animals that his family come into contact with just as much as he does, and begins going to out seek and capture smaller, more vulnerable animals. Spiders? Good to pull their legs off of and watch them squirm. Frogs? Slimy, ugh, but good enough. Birds? Whenever he can get his hands on them. And the real prizes are the stray kittens and pups that can easily be lured in by the promise of a snack…

But Gradeus has to learn quickly to play the part of the innocent little boy, because his mother of all people is starting to clue in on things. Stupid woman can’t keep her nose out of everything, like she’s supposed to. So he learns to fall into a role: he doesn’t play an entirely pure character, because that sort of back and forth is hard to do. There’s no way he can do a 180, switch from his usual angry self to an angelic personality. That’s just asking for trouble… so coming off as the hot-tempered, but endearingly so, guy with a heart of gold will have to do.

For a while, he plays it safe. He gets that what he’s doing isn’t really… normal. But does he care? Nah. As long as you’re not caught, it’s whatever, right?

He doesn’t know how the notion of murdering a human being starts to grow in his head. But somewhere along the line, the seed must have been planted, because the temptation grows stronger every day. Looking at the kids in his class, visualising it… it doesn’t do enough for him. He desperately wants to have that feeling of being able to plunge a knife through something soft and alive again.

So he starts planning, without knowing when it’s going to happen — just that it will someday, and so he might as well prepare.

His usual victims tend to be girls, but he’s expanding beyond that. He’s really picky about the types of girls he goes after, too — he likes them screaming, but not… pathetic screaming. He’d prefer the kind of girl who kicks and shrieks and really tries to escape, rather than one who’s just begging their way out of a situation. Granted… he’s not against the begging, but if it happens too fast, then there’s really no reward. He always feels most comfortable with the girls. They’re not too tall, they’re not too strong, and they’re a lot softer and more delicate than men are. Most of them can be overpowered easily, even with his stature.

Boys? Now, that’s a problem, because Gradeus might have strength… but there’s a lot higher risk there, because even the dumbest jock can flip him over. He picks boys wiry and thin. Smart is fine — but he’s controlling, hates it when he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. He wants to have the thrill and the adrenaline of the chase and of physically subduing the victim, but he does not ever, ever choose a victim where he is not 100% sure that he will succeed. It drives him insane if he knows he doesn’t have the upper ground, or will have it eventually. He desperately needs it. That’s the enjoyment factor for him, and he’s also just obsessive about having things go his way… he doesn’t necessarily enjoy unpredictability. He wants victims to surprise and to impress him, but there’s a hard limit about how clever someone can be until they go from amusing him to pissing him off.

And honestly? Anything pisses him off. He’ll be fine with one thing one day, and the next he completely goes berserk at that exact same thing. It’s like he’s looking for reasons to get angry… of course, in the real and working world, and at school, he’s not allowed to show that outwardly. He just has to simmer slowly in his anger… but when he has a victim with him long term, there is no telling what is going to set him off. He likes to treat his prey like they’re for his personal use. Clean the kitchen, stand in the corner and stare at the wall for a few hours, do this and that. Whatever he says goes. He’s really all about that control — and if it’s broken, even in the slightest, most unintended ways, he goes insane. Even if you do everything he says, cross the T’s and dot the i’s… there’s going to be something in your body language he doesn’t like. Something that nags him even if you do everything perfectly. His mind is constantly telling him he needs more control, and it’s getting to be an unreasonable amount.

Otherwise… he just enjoys pain. Inflicting it, emotionally and physically. Watching a victim fall apart slowly when they’ve got no access to any typical human luxuries or necessities. People really fall apart quickly and splendidly when they’ve got no food, barely any water, and not even a pot to piss in. Watching them lose their minds is fantastic.

And then there’s just the killing itself. He just likes stabbing things that are alive until they’re, well. Not. And he really prides himself on not being a killer who does the same old boring thing all the time, either. He’ll try it all. He’s gouged out some eyes, and sewn some lips together. Some while the victim’s already dead, and some while they’re… not.

He’s got some principles though. No cannibalism for him. Albert Fish is not a role model of his, thank you very much.

[princeyandanxiety]

The "ask me things" ask - all of them!!! Or if that's too insane, do the first 20 and the last 20 :p

The answers are short bc i was rushing them haha but ill put em under the read more

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

… I would be very, very freaked out. Words would not be said. Only screaming.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I saw him last month. No offense, but he cannot write a decent speech.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depending on the drug, it’d vary from “please just make sure you’re safe” to “oh god how do i convince you that this is a bad idea [panicky pharmacist daughter vibrating]”

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

[counts letters on fingers] yes!

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyep

7. What does your last received text say?

“Ok, see you next week. Thanks. :)”8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Once.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Kindergarten classroom. In my primary school.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

[checks time] uh like an hour ago?

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water or cinnamon orange tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

They’re a lot of work, but they’re ultimately a choice that both people have to make. I’d like to hope that they’re ultimately worth it.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Mostly test results.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

“Oh, hey, we haven’t talked in like 6 years. How’s life?”

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Lmao fuck no.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Pj pants!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Yes. Because I’ll have finished my HSC.

20. Does anyone like you?

Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No. Only an A, a T, and another A.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

[shrugs[

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

There are multiple. Be more specific.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yeah but I’m a fucking wuss haha I’d probs pass out from the pain or something.

25. In the past week have you cried?

I cried like 9  hours ago lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

TOY POODLE!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Who the fuck dries themself in the shower? It’s all watery in there. Foot mats exist for a reason.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

nnnnnnnnnnnnnope

29. Do you think you’re old?

Sometimes i feel a little old, but I know that I’m still pretty damn young

30. Do you like text messaging?

Lmao I prefer it to calling that’s for damn sure. I dont actually text all that much tho. Mostly because the people i’d text have free messenger services anyway. That or the bill for texting them would be pretty fuckin pricey.

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s on the better side of neutral.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Nooooo thanks. I got my ears pieced when I was like 3 and that was enough for me!

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Mildly cold weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yes! He’s been my friend since kindergarten haha

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship because i am a massive romantic (whICH REMINDS ME-)

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Is anyone actually simple? Like really? There are always so many different parts to one person, so many intricacies and contradictions, good and bad, that they might not even think about.

… so im probably a more complicated person haha.

37. What song are you listening to?

Nice2KnoU by All Time Low i love it sooooo muuuuuuch38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time, yeah.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Ooooooh yeah. They probably have the most power to wreck me lmao.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Okay in my defense I didn’t realise I actually liked them until my brain was like “lmao what if you had a crush on this person” and I was like “oh. oh fuck. I actually do have a crush on them” but i think it was a few things. they always make me smile, and they don’t mind that i can be a clingy motherfucker. They’re also funny and super sweet, and they have such an amazing mind and personality. Tbh im not entirely surprised that i fell for them because when i click with someone as well as i initially did with them i tend to develop feelings pretty quickly from there.

41. When did you last receive a text message?5:14 pm

42. What is wrong with you right now?Do you have the time to hear the answer to that?

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Eh. She’s a  teacher.

44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Unfortunately, no, probably not.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?{come back to this}

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My mum

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black. Like my soul.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yes.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah. Myself.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

… yes because he turned out to be a dick.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?See above.

53. Do you like rain?I frikkin’ love it

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Not really. I’d only be really worried if it was unhealthy levels of drinking.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

… Lmao I always tend to admit it eventually, I think. A few times I’ve been like “oh yeah, I used to have a crush on you haha” 56. Do you like to cuddle?

Never… actually… cuddled before...

57. Are you shy?

Eh, it depends. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I tend to get along better with girls than guys tbh but when I was younger I always had a lot of girl cousins and at primary school it was always pretty divided between boys and girls

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Fuck. no.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

… maybe. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I sure as hell hope I can

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Ahhh, the beginning of HSC. I was so young then. So hopeful.

Too bad my soul has been squashed. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

… Bells has just passed out from thinking about this please leave a message after the beep *beeeeep*65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

My friend did really well on an important test and she was super happy about it haha

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

Between 17 and 18.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    I like doing my own nails but tbh I *really* wanna get them done one day.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

How about neither????69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    Nah

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    Who?

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    Android!

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Fuck if I know lmao73. Do you like diet soda?    

Ew no74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Varying shades of purple

75. Are you 16 or older?    Yep!

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    Nope!

77. Do you have a job?    

Double nope!  78. What are your initials?    

Identification.79. Did you ever have braces?    

Got ‘em right now haha80. Are you from the south?    

I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER so technically yeah

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    “How does a worried Hispanic person count to three?Uno, dos, stress.”

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    Lol no I don't even know if he's alive

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

Mum :)84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I did gymnastics in kindergarten!

I hated it.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Probably Moana?86. Do you smoke?   

Nah 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

THONGS M888. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yes.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

My hair is straight than I am most of the time.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    Haha no.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

Pool   92. Have you ever made out in a car?    Nope

93. …Had sex in a car?    Double nope

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    Single!

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    Sleeping like a baby

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  

In person? A few years, now.  

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?   Yes. because i have a samsung galaxy s7 now. My s3 had the picture quality of a potato.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    THREE MORE MONTHS. But no not yet

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    Uh theres one person that i’ve been holding a grudge against for fucking ever but other than that no?

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? … look bayer and bayer would be getting sued if i was pregnant.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    C’mon

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

Nah its winter so im all long shirts and knee socks rn   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? 

Idk maybe