#idk i have many emotions okay but when i tell you writing time travel steve is not as harrowing an experience as getting into max’s head

[flowercrowngods]

it was honestly a little hard writing post-s4 max and not make it the most fucked up depressing thing, not get lost in the trauma and absolute grief she has to work through. to write a story that doesn’t lean into her sheer desperation to stay alive and the heaviness that comes with having the most basest of survival instincts triggered with such helplessness. it was a little hard taking that beautiful wonderful amazing artwork that shines with banter and joy and hope, and not absolutely ruin it with a rightful exploration of angst. so i’m really grateful that y’all see this fic not as me glossing over max’s trauma in favour of silly banter, i’m grateful that y’all see the heartbreak in all those lines and still watch as the hope shines through. a hope that is tentative, a hope that is laced with guilt for feeling hope in the first place. it’s not mere acceptance of this new post-traumatic state of being, and it’s not a crippling display of absolute fucking trauma and angst.

idk i’m just grateful that y’all see this fic for what it wants to be 🤍

[an-everything-blog]

It’s Always Been You

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: Smut, some angst if you squint

Summary: After the fight in Civil War, you and Tony are trying to hide from the government from breaking the law so you resort to multiple motels and an old run-down truck. Tony has underlying feelings for you and you cannot stop yourself from falling in love with him.

Word Count: 3.9K

Author’s Note: I’m back! Again... But seriously, ever since the first trailer of End Game came out I’ve been getting major Tony vibes idk why. I have always loved him, but now since I know he’s about to be done I just need to write about him. Although I haven’t seen End Game yet, I know I’m bout to die when I see it so I made this to prepare myself. Hope you guys enjoy! Please let me know what you think!!

-

The car ride was silent, save for the soft rumbling from the old run-down truck Tony somehow managed to attain. The truck being much different than what the two of you were used to. You both had to settle for the dated Ford to go unnoticed by the government. After the intense battle between the Avengers, you and Tony were left in Siberia on that cold concrete, broken, bloody and empty.

You had never intended things to end up how they did. You didn’t want to pick a side because you loved both Steve and Tony. But when worst came to worst and they started throwing punches, you couldn’t just stand there whilst they beat Tony almost to death. You had an extensive history with Tony. He was the one who had believed in you when no one else did. Originally you had intended to stop the three after Tony found out about his parents, but it just got so out of hand. Bucky had banged you up pretty good. Your face covered in your own blood, a few ribs probably broken and your elbow was throbbing wildly. You managed to do about the same amount of damage to him though. You could tell he didn’t want to and you didn’t want to either as you were crying and yelling “please stop” as you were fighting. You understood he was just trying to protect himself. You wish it hadn’t have to be this way.

After Steve had dragged Bucky away, Tony frantically looked around for you. Once he spotted you lying on the floor motionless, he panicked and managed to claw his way over to you while yelling your name.

“(Y/n), wake up!” Tony’s metal clad fingers grasped your head turning you toward him. You lazily opened your eyes and smiled up at him. You couldn’t help it. He was like a breath of fresh air every time you saw him. Even with the cuts and bruises all over his face he still looked beautiful.

“Hey there Boss-man.” You said gently, seeming like you just woke from a nap.

“God, (Y/n) you alright?” He exclaimed too loud. He couldn’t help himself. He cared about you way more than you would ever know. And now you’re hurt and it’s all his fault. He did this to you.

“Of course I am. I always am. You look awful though.” You giggled. He gave a soft puff of breath as he shook his head.

“Let’s get you out of here.” He mumbled while softly pulling you up.

-

Two weeks pass and you’ve been to an abundance of motels resting and traveling. Never staying in the same place for too long. Many people believe you both to be dead. The government is still looking though. You and Tony technically broke the law, so you’ve been running since. Now you and Tony have been on the road for two days. He hasn’t said more than a sentence to you since that day in Siberia. Usually just one word answers. He suddenly became stern with his brows furrowed constantly, instead of his usual cocky smirk. You can tell that he’s sad through his eyes. He tries to seem intense, but it makes you sad to see him like this. You hope it’s not because of something you did during the fight, but you always reassure yourself that it’s from the recent events with the Avengers. You wish you could make him smile again like past times, you just don’t know how to get through to him yet.

-

You're back in Siberia, watching Steve and Bucky hit Tony repeatedly. You try to move but can’t. Something is tying you down, but can’t see what. All you can see is the blood coming from Tony’s mouth as Steve hits him across the face again. You scream at them to stop, but it seems they just hit him harder. Your throat begins to burn and you feel yourself crying. From a distance you hear Tony grunting with every punch and kick and your stomach turns. You pull against your restraints harder, but to no avail. You feel so useless and guilty for not being able to help Tony. Suddenly Tony makes solid eye contact with you and you can tell he’s hurting badly. He calmly tells you that it will be okay before another swift kick was put in his side and you scream. You’re so unbelievably frustrated and distraught and you can’t watch anymore as Tony falls to the ground. You are sobbing Tony’s name.

Tony awakes to his name. He jumps up and looks around realizing where he is. He looks over and sees you grunting and turning in your separate bed of the motel room. You had tried on many occasions to get a single bed just to save you both money, but he refused, not wanting to get close to you in fear he will somehow hurt you again.

“Tony!” You sobbed his name and his heart clenches. He doesn’t know what you’re dreaming about, but he hopes you aren’t scared of him. He wants to comfort you so badly and make the pain go away. He convinces himself that he doesn’t deserve you. He’s the one that got you into this mess.

A heart wrenching scream is what broke his trance of watching you and he decided he couldn’t take it anymore. He sped to your side and sat on the bed. He grabbed ahold of your arm and he called your name, his voice thick and strained. He was getting pretty emotional seeing you like this.

You gasped awake quickly realizing it was just a night terror. You opened your eyes wide looking all around the room before you realized Tony was speaking to you. You looked right into his eyes and saw how worried he seemed. You instantly got a flashback to your nightmare of him looking at you, telling you it’s okay. This made you burst into tears as you reached for him. For a second Tony froze not knowing how he should react. Then throwing caution out the window he wrapped his arms around you tightly, giving you the comfort you needed.

“Shhh it’s okay, Honey.” He whispered running the tips of his fingers down your arm.

“They just k-kept hitting you no matter how many times I told them to stop. They wouldn’t stop Tony.” You hiccuped, tears still streaming down your face. Though Tony was relieved that you weren’t scared of him, it also hurt him to know that you were having these dreams about him.

“I’m alright, I’m just fine and so are you. We’re okay Dear.” Tony reassured confidently. Your skin was so soft it made Tony warm. At this time he took the time to look at you closely. He’s never really gotten this close to you. Not as intimately as this. He noticed your eyelashes blinking rapidly to try and stop the tears. It seemed time went in slow motion watching them bat gracefully against your soft looking cheeks. He had only now noticed how bright your eyes got in color when they were filled with tears. He never expected someone to look so beautiful whilst in so much pain. It tore his heart two separate ways. Looking further down to your lips he was mesmerized. He was so close to you now, he noticed they were dark probably from them being bitten on, yet they looked soft like butter. He had the strongest urge to press his lips to yours. He knew it was wrong, but he just couldn’t help the thoughts racing through his head.

Just as you went to thank him for helping you, he gently grazed his lips on yours. You took a slight intake of breath before you urgently pressed your lips firmly to his. He let out a surprised grunt before kissing back with just as much urgency. Your shaky hand traveled lightly from his messy locks of hair down slowly to rest at his chest right in the center where his ARC reactor would’ve been. This subtle action made Tony shutter lightly. He was right, your lips were just as soft as he imagined. In his eyes you were so perfect and so unbelievably smart. He was definitely the farthest thing from perfect. He’s the one that got you hurt. He’s the one that gave you this trauma.

Suddenly all at once he realized what he was doing and pulled away abruptly. Confused you opened your eyes and looked up at Tony. He looked so frightened. It was the kinda look he gave Steve as he drove his shield into Tonys ARC reactor.

“Tony? What is it? What’s wrong?” You questioned eyes wide and worried.

“I uh- I need to go get supplies... For the morning.” He explained as if in a daze, moving as far away from you as he could. You glanced at the clock that read 4:22 AM. You shook your head confused.

“Tony what are you talking about? We can just go on our way out...” You said your cheeks getting warm with the realization of what you two just did.

“I’ll be back.” He stated with no further explanation.

“Tony!-“ He shut the door before you could say another word to him.

Maybe he didn't mean to kiss you. You immediately thought. What if he was just trying to make you feel better and he didn’t like you like that? Your stomach twisted uncomfortably at that thought. You tried calling him on his cheap cell phone, but of course he didn’t answer. You worried your bottom lip, the feel of Tony still there. You ended up falling asleep waiting for him to get back. Hoping he would come back.

-

“One room with two beds please.” Tony asked the receptionist at the front desk of the motel. It had been about a month that’s past since that night, and things came to an abrupt stop between you two. You had tried to apologize to him the next morning when he finally came back, but he quickly shut it down just telling you to forget about it. You didn’t forget though. It’s all you thought about. You couldn’t recall a time where you felt safer, happier than in his arms that night. Ever since then it’s been silent between you two. Just traveling and sleeping.

There was one time you were pretending to sleep in the truck and you felt his thumb graze your cheek as he sighed. Immediately it gave you goosebumps and your heart clenched. You didn’t know what it meant because you had began to think that he hated you. He refused to speak to you or even smile at you anymore. It made you sad at times because you wanted nothing more than to be close with him. You think of times before the fight when you would grab him his favorite breakfast after he had been working all night. He would always have a surprised look on his face as you brought the box of Randy’s Donuts with a black coffee into his work space. He would always ask you to stay to share the donuts with him and of course you would because it’s Tony and you can never say no to him.

“I’m sorry Sir, we only have one room left and it’s a single bed.” The lady apologized. Your body began to buzz at the thought of sharing a bed with Tony.

“You don’t have any other rooms?” He sighed in frustration.

“We are very busy this time of year.” The receptionist explained. Tony stood there for a few moments before turning to leave.

“We’re going to the next one.” Tony stated to you. You grunted in frustration.

“That’s not for another 50 miles!” You tried to reason with him, but he just shrugged his shoulders. You groaned as tears started to form in your eyes. Were you really that revolting? You just wanted to sleep in a bed, your back hurt from sitting in that damn truck all the time.

“I am exhausted, and I know you are too. Anthony, please.” You whispered the last part while holding on to his arm gently. He sighed while weighing out his options. He knew you were tired of this. He just wishes he could gave you a better life than what it is right now. The way you whispered his name had him sighing for a whole different reason. You were too beautiful for your own good.

“Alright. Just for tonight.” He concluded, stepping away from you to get the key.

-

“What are you doing?” You questioned Tony as he grabbed a pillow and the extra blankets.

“I’m sleeping on the floor. No biggie.” Tony said unfolding the blanket.

“Tony, no. Are we not adults? You’re sleeping in the bed, come on it’s only for a few hours. You’ll thank me when your back isn’t hurting tomorrow.” You say patting the bed. He sighed and grabbed the pillow off the floor.

As you both got settled under the covers you shivered at the warmth radiating from Tony from the other side of the queen sized bed.

“Goodnight Boss-man.” You sighed sadly at the nickname that you used to call him all the time. He turned away from you and just as you closed your eyes thinking he wouldn’t respond to you like always, he said:

“Goodnight, Dear.”

-

Your eyes snapped open from a dream you had. You had dreamt of the night about a month ago with Tony’s softened lips grazing over yours. It was urgent and gentle at the same time. The kind of kiss that you don’t want to stop. The next thing you knew he was leaving you again and you guess it scared you so much that you woke up. You took a few deep breaths and looked to your left to make sure he was still there with the help of the bathroom light that was left on.

Tony must’ve moved in his sleep because he is now facing you with his arm delicately draped over his stomach. Your chest burned as you looked at his peaceful expression. His facial hair has long since gotten a little unkept. He still tries to trim it like it was, but it’s not the same. You think he looks better like this. Gives him a bit more humanity in some way. He’s close enough that you can feel his soft breaths dance across your skin. You study the way his lips are curved into a resting line and you almost touch them with your fingers to see if they’re still as soft as you remember. You wish you could stay like this forever just so you could study him without him wanting to leave you.

You want to touch him so badly. Before today, you haven’t had actual human contact in weeks. You were becoming touch-starved from the man that you loved. His hair flicked out in random places and you couldn’t help but run your fingers gently through his fluffy locks. Tony stirred a bit and you focused on his expression. You found the faintest hint of a smile and you exhaled smiling as well.

You decided that you didn’t care anymore. You subtly moved closer to Tony and gently placed your head on his shoulder. You were close enough to hear his heart beat through his old t-shirt. His warmth gave you instant calmness and the rhythm of his heartbeat gave you peace.

-

Tony slowly blinked awake from the morning sunlight peeking through the window. As he opened his eyes further he noticed a warm weight on his shoulder.

“Hey Boss-man.” You were looking up at him, studying him.

“(Y/n), what are you doing?” Tony asked confused. He didn't know why you would even want to be touching him right now. He figured you wouldn't want anything to do with him.

“Anthony, you’re beautiful. I hope you know that.” You state softly, but honestly. Tony scanned your whole face quickly to check for any lie, but found none. His chest burned as he made eye-contact.

“(Y/n)-“ Tony tried to say, but you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. He immediately molded to your form with just as much urgency. His hand ran through your hair onto the back of your head to pull you up to him. You quickly threw a leg over him and sat on his lap without breaking contact. Your hands were traveling everywhere. From his hair down to his chest. The kiss was wet, soft, and passionate all at once. All of these pent up emotions were spilling out of the both of you and you began to subtly roll your hips against his. He was just so amazing in every way not to mention so handsome. This action did not go unnoticed by Tony.

“(Y/n)..” Tony breathed after gently pulling away. You wouldn’t let him continue.

“Tony please. Please let me in. I want this so badly. I want you. Please just let me have you. Please Tony.” You pleaded desperately. You couldn’t have him reject you. Not again. You don’t think your heart can take it. Tony looked at you and almost looked sad for a moment before he gave a small smile and nodded.

“Okay. It’s okay Honey. I’ll take care of you now. I’ve got you.” He spoke quietly while looking at you intently. You nodded as your eyes began to water from finally getting what you wanted. You pressed your lips back to his as he gripped the bottom of your shirt and swiftly took it off. Immediately his eyes were drawn to your bare breasts. He gave them each a peck before circling your nipples. You sighed in content as you reached for his shirt as well. Looking at the scar from Tony’s ARC reactor you decided to gently place a kiss right in the center. He looked up to the ceiling and gave a small moan. Your core burned as you reached for his pants. You felt his length through his sleeping pants and he shuttered at the light touch. You could tell Tony was touch-starved as well. After his pants fell to the floor you began to pump him slowly as he quickly discarded your shorts.

His chest was pressed to yours as he flipped you both on the bed. He began to study your face as his hand traced down your body to your most sensitive area. You gasped as he ran a single finger through your slick.

“So wet for me Angel.” He whispered bringing his hand up to show you before placing it in his mouth, groaning.

“So, so good.” He breathed, his fingers going back down for more. He circled your clit slowly at first before progressively getting faster. You were moaning and whimpering like a mess and Tony loved it.

“Tony, please.” You whined.

“What is it Honey? What do you need? You need my fingers? Is that it?” Tony was whispering in your ear and you were nodding and moaning against him. He chuckled before adding a single finger as his thumb was still playing with your clit. Soon he had three fingers in and you were nearing your release. You began to buck against his fingers as you started to moan his name.

“That’s it Angel, cum all over my fingers. Go ahead.” Tony encouraged. Your core began to spasm and squeeze over his fingers. It took everything in him not to blow his load right then watching you. As you began to calm down from your orgasm, you saw Tony sucking on his fingers. It made you moan watching him.

“Tony. Please fuck me. Please.” You whined. Tony smirked for the first time in a long time. It was pleasing to see.

“Alright Dear. You want my cock?” He questioned while running the warm head of his length through your pussy lips. You moaned and nodded quickly.

Tony slowly pushed in and you whimpered. He was so much bigger than you imagined. It felt so good to be stretched like this. Tony gave his own moan as he bottomed out. You felt heavenly and he was trying his best to calm himself. After a few moments he pulled out and pushed in slowly.

“Fuck (Y/n), you feel amazing.” He chuckled breathlessly. You smiled and squeezed your core bringing a grunt out of Tony. You two started out a slow but firm pace. His chest was grazing yours and you’ve never felt more close to Tony. You could feel your wetness on Tony’s stomach as he began to fuck you faster. You were mewling Tony’s name as you dug your heels into Tony’s ass to get him to go in deeper. The sound of your wetness each time Tony pumped into you had your core on fire. 

“Taking me so well. Taking my cock so good.” He groaned hitting deep in your core. Your orgasm was building rapidly as he continued pumping into you quickly and you couldn’t get enough.

“Tony, shit. I’m getting close.” You moan pulling at his hair. He immediately brought his hand down to your clit and began massaging you.

“Go on. Cum on me all over again. Cum hard. You can do it Angel. That’s it. There we go.” Tony was moaning as he felt you clenching over his dick. You felt yourself gushing and spasming all at once and you couldn’t remember the last time you came that hard. You were whining from your second orgasm and you could tell Tony was just about to his.

“Please cum in me Anthony. I want your cum.” You whispered sensually. His hips stuttered as he moaned.

“Jesus (Y/n).” He grunted pushing in one more time before filling you up with his seed. You moaned at the warmth seeping out of you as Tony slowly came to a stop. Tony gave you one last gentle kiss before pulling out and going to grab a small towel.

“Tony, I need you to know something.” You say after he settled back into bed. He looked at you almost scared. He didn’t want you to say that was a one time thing. That would break him.

“Look, I don’t know if you dislike me or hate me or what's going on with you because you haven’t spoken to me in over a month, but I love you Tony. I’m in love with you. It’s always been you. Even if you don't love me, I can't help but be in love with you. You're so much more than you think you are.” You finished quietly. His eyebrows were raised in shock, then squinted in confusion and your stomach was doing summersaults because you had no idea how he would react.

“(Y/n)... I could never hate you. I was the reason you got so badly hurt in Siberia. You got hurt and that was on me. I couldn’t forgive myself. I don't deserve someone a brilliant and beautiful as you.” Tony explained looking away. You grunted distastefully.

“Tony, that was not your fault. I chose to defend you because I care deeply about you and I wasn’t about to watch as you all beat the shit out of each other. I will always be on your side.” You say grasping his hand. he looked down at you in the bed and leaned down to kiss you.

“I love you too (Y/n). Always have.” Tony said breaking the kiss. You grinned up at him and he grinned back and this time, it reached his eyes and it made your heart flutter.

So yeah, maybe the world is shit right now and the avengers are broken and the government is searching for all of you, but you and Tony have each other and that’s all you can ask for.

[autumnrory]

okay ik like everything’s been said about steve’s ending in endgame and i’ve made a million little posts but i’ve been meaning to write my own essay bc i’m MAD (if u liked it for him then like i’m sure u don’t wanna read so u can scroll on past) and there’s a lot of other stuff i didn’t like/that didn’t make sense about the movie but this post is about steve anyway let’s go

so from what i can tell there is not even a consensus among people who liked the ending whether it’s the same timeline or an alternate timeline but let’s talk about the possibilities here and what they mean, at least based on my understanding

option 1: same timeline

this means one of two things. either steve was actually peggy’s husband all along OR by going back and marrying her, that erases her husband and children entirely.

so if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means that?? old steve has been walking around this entire time and nobody knew about it? this means that in 2016 sharon carter was like “you know what would be fun? kissing my great uncle when he’s young and hot” which WOW i thought it was icky before just bc she was PEGGY’S niece? marvel might have just made that worse. and hey, i’ll be fair, i’m sure in the very little time they likely took to think about this ending, they definitely weren’t thinking about sharon, considering they hardly thought about her when she was actually appearing in the movies. if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means she was lying in the smithsonian footage, which hey, i don’t doubt her ability to lie, but the whole ass video is floating around out there and i’m just not sure you can fake that kind of emotion. when they ask her about her being the last person to talk to steve? that is a person talking about losing someone they cared for six years ago. it just contradicts so much of catws and other parts of the mcu (and the idea that people have that this was the plan the entire time? yeah fucking right the writers do not plan like that if they did there wouldn’t be so many fucking inconsistencies in this universe. i’m willing to bet they couldn’t name peggy’s husband in catws bc they were planning agent carter and thought there would be an explicit confirmation of who it was) and anyway, even if steve was her husband all along, there’s no way either steve or peggy could have KNOWN that she didn’t have a future being erased. so would either of them have really WANTED to take that chance?

the other option is of course that peggy moved on from steve, fell in love with somebody else, got married, had children, grandchildren, etc. if that’s the case, that means steve just changed her entire storyline. and who knows what marrying steve could have changed. it just........okay, agent carter was the first thing in the mcu i watched before i even knew shit about captain america (literally when they showed flashbacks i was like *maria hill voice* who’s this guy) but while we don’t know with any certainty that daniel sousa was the guy she ended up married to, i would have to guess steve went back to BEFORE she and daniel got together, meaning that like the entirety of agent carter is probably erased. her whole INCREDIBLE journey. i’ve read a million things the last week so if someone can let me know who the fuck said this, please do, but anyway someone said peggy’s story really begins when steve goes into the ice and it’s SO TRUE. “i have lived a life. my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” LET THEM KEEP THE LIVES THEY WERE MEANT TO LIVE. and anyway, i just think there’s no way, going back and changing who she marries wouldn’t also alter SO MUCH of what she did, and therefore our timeline.

either way, this option goes against everything about steve. i don’t care if he IS tired of fighting, there’s still no way he would sit quietly and not try to prevent things from happening. assassinations, hydra infiltrating shield, his BEST FRIEND being tortured and brainwashed for seventy years.

steve: if i see a situation pointed south, i can’t ignore it. sometimes i wish i could. tony: no you don’t. steve: no i don’t.

again, i’ll be fair, several years have passed since steve said that, but i just don’t buy the idea that he’s gonna sit back quietly, when his character through the whole mcu has been about fighting for what’s right 

option 2: alternate timeline

i’ve seen some people say it’s because of the bracelets they used that would have allowed steve to jump back into our timeline when he’s old and be in the right place at the right time but like..........what’s the point. he ditched his friends and lived through seventy years without them so am i expected to believe that this steve (i don’t know him) even really cares about handing off the shield to sam (which, i did want, just in the form of our steve retiring and living his own life in the PRESENT) idk that last scene was just so much so fast and i was so mad watching it unfold i could hardly stand it so whatever

so okay say steve goes back to peggy and creates an alternate timeline by doing so, maybe in this timeline he rescues bucky and prevents a bunch of other things from happening

........but wasn’t the point of returning the stones to when and where they got them (which, of course we know the only reason steve was doing this alone was to get to this ending, but it’s ridiculous considering they had a whole team going to all different places in the movie WHATEVER) to PREVENT the creation of an alternate timeline? that’s why the ancient one was hesitant about giving bruce the time stone because it would create a branch or whatever IT MAKES NO SENSE.

this theory at least doesn’t necessarily screw over peggy since...our peggy would still exist and the steve and peggy we saw at the end of the movie would be in an alternate timeline

but it does go against the time travel rules as i understand them and it still fucks up steve’s characterization

whatever

everything’s fucked anyway

if they ever address it, whatever the mcu logic is, all these possibilities have flaws/leave plot holes because they really hardly gave any thought to their characters OR their time travel logic bc they wanted to force this ending

seriously all the peggy references throughout the movie like?? ofc he’s still gonna have that compass and i guess still carry it around since he’s been on the run and hasn’t a permanent place and therefore no safe place to keep it but....he looks at her picture before they go after thanos? it would make more sense if he looked at a picture on his phone of like him, bucky and sam or something. he’s at that group meeting five years later and talks about the loss of his chance with peggy which was u know like a decade ago for him (and i know i don’t like people saying ‘oh just get over it’ i don’t mean it like that i just mean like.......he was willing to move on in cacw - with her NIECE but whatever - and suddenly it’s like he’s never ever been over her and calling her the love of his life) instead of talking about the loss of bucky and sam, two of his best friends? wanda? t’challa? maria? nick? even the way he dresses is very reminiscent of the first avengers when he’s JUST woken up, but he gets away from that throughout the cap movies and gets more used to modern life. endgame does everything to force the idea that he’s still completely uncomfortable in this time. as if what? twelve years in the twenty-first century would mean going back to the 1940s makes you just as much a man out of time.

AND PEGGY. my god, i’ve loved peggy’s story though the mcu and look what this fucking movie did. peggy doesn’t even have fucking lines. we don’t even hear her talk when he stares longingly and dramatically at her through a window (it really reminded me of that jess/rory scene in the gilmore girls revival and hey that was a pairing i thought SHOULD have ended up together, but should not have had all that pining very similarly like ten years later it’s just weird the disappointments i feel in both of these things are so similar but that’s beside the point). we don’t get to see them have a conversation when he goes back to her. tony talked to howard and thor talked to frigga and we didn’t see steve talk to peggy. if she’s supposed to be The Love Of His Life (does marvel know if she could have another love of her life then so could he but whatever) and is suddenly his reason for everything or whatever they’re trying to play at, shouldn’t we get more than a longing look (not even a mutual one, like all the ones we got in catfa) and the dance? peggy carter is AMAZING and she doesn’t even really get a say. they reduced her to the object of steve’s affection and nothing more and it’s HORRIBLE.

frigga said “you’re not my thor” and i think peggy, be it 40s peggy or 70s peggy, would recognize that this is not her steve. look at everything he’s been through the last decade. he’s been through so much and yes, his relationship with peggy was a missed chance, but....the steve of now is not the steve that she lost. and i think no matter how much she might have wanted it to be whenever he came back to her, she would have known that and she would have sent him back home where he belongs, with his new family, in the present.

peggy was the one who said in catws “the world has changed and none of us can go back. all we can do is our best and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.” steve’s whole story since waking up has been about moving on and making peace with the fact that he lost his chance at the life he could have had after the war (much as i hate aou, it does touch on that fact, he says someone who wanted family and stability or w/e isn’t who came out of the ice and he says at the end of the movie “i’m home” THIS IS HIS HOME MARVEL HERE AND NOW). the fact that the trailer used peggy’s quote about moving forward and then fucking went against the whole ass point.......wild

and i hate to say this i really do.........but not in a satisfying way, just in an it-would-make-sense way. i didn’t want any characters to die, i think after seeing characters suffer so much they deserve a happy ending (so don’t tell me i don’t want steve to be happy because i do i’ve been yelling about how he needs to rest since cacw). but. BUT. it would have made more sense if he died, if he sacrificed himself, because that was a thing he constantly did throughout the mcu, just ya know, he always survived it. going down in the plane in catfa, on the helicarrier in catws, in sokovia in aou, and so on

and lemme tell you, steve dying? that was my Big Fear for this movie, i didn’t want to believe they would go there (i never expected they would go there with tony AND NAT god i’m mad about her too but that’s not what this post is about) but i was prepared for the possibility. when i first saw the theory floating around about him going back in time to be peggy, i didn’t think it was feasible (and it’s not! truly! it makes no sense!) and i didn’t think they would do something as complicated as messing with time like that (boy was i wrong) so i wrote it off. but i think.......what happened feels worse, because character death in movies like these can p much always be fixed you know? even if canon doesn’t, fic can keep everything canon gives us and still be like ‘oh they’re not actually dead because ____’ and this....this can’t be changed. fic has to change the ending. that last five minutes. five minutes fucked up ten years of characterization. anyway.

so here’s what i was thinking about? while not exactly the same because it was ya know parents they lost, thor had a conversation with frigga, tony had a conversation with howard. imagine if it had been steve on the mission to get the soul stone. and okay as a clintasha stan (fuck you aou) i LOVED that scene until nat’s death, i loved them fighting each other to be the one to go. but if it had been steve and maybe still nat too, he could have had his own blast from the past like thor and tony did with the red skull because idt he ever even found out it was the red skull in the soul world (is that what it’s called i forget), bc iirc clint just said something about a red guy. anyway it could have made for some nice catfa parallels with steve and red skull and if he WAS with nat it could have made for a nice aou parallel when they stay to get all the citizens out of there (”where else am i gonna get a view like this?” bc both my babies are willing to sacrifice themselves to save the world). but imagine when the relationship between steve and natasha has also been such a big part of the mcu, the two of them learning to trust each other and protect each other, and save each other, imagine both of them disagreeing over who should be the one to die, maybe not in the same way as clint and nat, not with physically trying to keep the other down, but...fighting about it nonetheless. imagine natasha watching him fall, imagine her returning without him.

of course this would’ve made me mad too because that would’ve meant not just that steve died, but that he died without getting to see bucky and sam again. but at least it would’ve MADE NARRATIVE SENSE and not fucked up his character, because it’s exactly the kind of thing he would do. anyway, it didn’t even have to be this idea of mine, it didn’t even have to be death at all, i just think...it would have made more sense than chasing after this fantasy of a life that he realized (and seemed to accept) he couldn’t have years ago.

now. what i’ve been screaming for the last week. to put it simply: STEVE WOULD NEVER. steve wouldn’t take peggy’s past away from her. steve wouldn’t leave bucky and sam and his other friends behind after all the hell they’ve been through, after half the population just woke up five years in the future, something he's experienced on a much larger scale. steve could have still given up being captain america. could have said, hey i still wanna do good but i don’t wanna fight aliens and shit anymore and i wanna have a chance to actually live my life. he could have given the shield to sam (okay ik the shield was destroyed at that point but u know what i mean) and that could have been the perfect ending for him, to get his happiness with who and what he still has, to truly make peace with what he’s lost.

and i can’t say all this without getting into bitter stucky territory. the entire fucking captain america trilogy has revolved around steve’s relationship to bucky. protecting bucky, saving him, believing in him when no one else will. he went on that mission in catfa based on the hope that bucky was alive, he lost him when he fell from that train. when steve found out bucky was alive, he gave up fighting him HE DROPPED HIS SHIELD he was willing to die on that helicarrier trying to save bucky, trying to get him to remember. with sam’s help they spent two years trying to find bucky and okay i’m not gonna get into why cacw bugged me that’s not this post but he STILL was trying to keep bucky safe, still believing in bucky, just....everything it’s too much to even put into words what the two of them mean to each other, what they do for each other.

bucky and steve haven’t really had a chance to be back in each other’s lives since cacw. bucky went back into cryo and sure we can assume steve’s visited him since he woke up but steve’s been on the run with sam and nat like........they’ve had very little time together. and steve just lived another five years without bucky AND sam and ditched them immediately? for someone he had a relationship with ten years ago? for someone he obviously was not meant for BECAUSE they DIDN’T end up together because he went down in that plane and she moved on and i’m just!!!

and anyway is bucky really like okay? like i saw that vid where the fan asked about the movie properly ending their story and they totally bullshitted an answer about them being able to be separate or whatever but like they’ve hardly been able to be TOGETHER, they’ve been pulled apart over and over. and like, yes bucky has his life in wakanda and he has sam but we haven’t really seen much of those relationships so we don’t actually know how much that means! steve is the only person who can understand even somewhat what bucky’s been through (obvs other mcu characters know what it’s like to have their minds fucked with whereas steve doesn’t know what that part’s like, but bucky hasn’t interacted with those characters unfortunately) so ya know at least in terms of adjusting to a whole new life after your old one was ripped away, steve’s all he’s got. ofc now other people will get a sense of that, but still. in terms of history, shared life experience, steve and bucky are all each other have.

all bucky and steve share in this movie is an exchange that literally already happened in catfa but in reverse. they couldn’t even give us an original MOMENT. and bucky apparently knew what steve was gonna do which just makes it WORSE, like he just had to accept it and let steve go, let steve be someone else. if they wanted to end steve’s arc properly, it would’ve been about bucky because THAT’S what steve’s whole fucking story has been about, and the writers and directors who literally made steve’s arc that way fucking ignored that bc they’re homophobic (and misogynistic) goodbyeeeee like u cannot deny that tearing bucky and steve apart permanently isn’t a slap in the face to stucky shippers, they’ve been giving less and less since catws when they realized how obviously romantic their story is. it’s just fucking cruel (don’t get me started on using the song from right before steve and bucky’s first interaction in catws for the dance as soon as it started playing i wanted to SCREAM ik it’s possible they didn’t know it was an association with stucky buuuuuut with social media ppl very easily know what the fandom is saying so. who knows it just fucking sucked) to put an end to the stevebucky relationship when they haven’t had a real chance to be together, even as just friends, since catws, and it’s especially cruel to end their relationship THIS WAY

anyway this ending (JUST A FEW MINUTES REALLY) just does a disservice to steve AND peggy AND bucky and their stories and i’m just so disappointed and angry on their behalf. if anyone wants to talk about it to me FEEL FREE as long as you’re not a dick bc i obvs love to commiserate with the fandom over this MESS

[hellsbells91]

Avengers: Endgame, a day later

What an absolute ride. My brain hurts though. It’s a lot to unpack and this post/review/scrutinisation turned into a bit of a mini-essay.

Spoilers are all below the cut and they are detailed spoilers for the whole film, just to warn everyone:

An emotional rollercoaster that despite us knowing that time travel would be involved still had its moments that kept me guessing as to what could happen, or how it could happen. I still felt the joy and intrigue during the ‘time-heist’ and a moment of piercing dread when Thanos picked up the fully-loaded infinity gauntlet for the second time. 

I also loved how Endgame took the time to be immensely fun. Of course it had bleak moments, depressing moments, angry moments, but damn did it make me laugh. Korg, Frigga, OG Hulk, Loki... their presence, however short-lived or ultimately unfulfilling, was like a soothing balm for the soul and reminded us why we fell in love with these guys the first time around. How much charisma and charm can Tom Hiddleston fit into about a minute of screen time of Loki, also without speaking for most of it? A lot. He is on form as always and I’m glad for it.

Infinity War was of a much darker tone, I feel, and I very much enjoy the parts of Endgame that made me feel like we were in the original Avengers again (I mean aside from the actual time travel portions), recapturing some of that joy and excitement and most importantly hope that was a constant comforting presence in the first title.

The emotional beats with Clint and his family, Scott and Cassie and Tony and Morgan (and Howard) also in particular gave the film much needed time to breathe after Infinity War’s ‘GO GO GO crank everything to 11!’ pace, and were for me at least among the most heartfelt moments. 

I actually don’t have too much to say about Thor and Bruce, honestly. They were entertaining, I liked them, it was a bit of a shame we didn’t get more of Hulk and that Thor was made to be the butt of a joke for most of the film, but they both got pretty satisfying conclusions at least. I hope Thor shaves and gets a haircut though, I’m not digging the Volstagg look on him.

One sticking point for me was that Thor doesn’t even say Loki’s name once, not even to joke about him in the past or even glance at him in his cell on Asgard and this did slightly annoy me throughout the film, but I’m not overly torn up about it. Maybe they didn’t want to overdo the fact that in most of his films, Thor is grieving for Loki one way or another - we get it, he misses his brother. In the overall very long list of ways in which Loki’s character has gotten shafted in the MCU, this is one of the lesser things. 

At least Thor got to say goodbye to Frigga this time, and I couldn’t help but also be lifted (just as Thor was) by her words, As I mentioned before, this was one of those times during the film that I got to be filled with hope.

The supporting cast were also great, and I’m kinda happy that they didn’t give Captain Marvel a bigger role, along with a decent excuse for her not being there most of the time. I was worried that being a new character with an upcoming franchise, she would be made to outshine the others in Endgame and they didn’t do that. Keeping most of the focus on the original six made Endgame more of a satisfying conclusion to their stories, with just hints of what will happen now for everyone else. Point to Marvel. 

Onto fatalities:

So let’s start with the big one, Tony Stark. Iron Man was the first MCU film I watched and he’s been my favourite character (aside Loki) throughout the series. The world is a slightly duller place without him, but whilst it was undeniably upsetting and many tears were shed in the cinema and now while I’m writing this, it didn’t have the sour taste that Loki’s demise left me with. 

Because if you’re going to have to go, you might as well save the entire universe in the process.

As we passed over all the characters standing at Tony’s funeral, I was sad, but not enraged. I was struck with this sense of ‘none of them would be here without Tony’ and it left me feeling just bittersweet about the whole thing. And after a few minutes when Happy asks Morgan if she’s okay and she says she is, I know that the characters, and myself, and everyone else will be too. 

Of course we will be. 

What a wonderful, hopeful ending.

I was pretty satisfied with Natasha’s end also, to be honest. I didn’t always love her presence in past films, but I can appreciate that her story in the MCU has been all about trying to do what she thinks is right, even if it sometimes means going against allies. Her sacrifice is an act of love, and hope. It’s not done out of guilt, she’s not trying to make up for past mistakes, it’s not framed as punishment - she’s just doing what she can to ensure that everyone else, especially Clint, has the chance to carry on - just like Tony does. So, like Tony, I’m more bittersweet about it than angry. 

Loki on the other hand died brutally and needlessly - that whole opening scene in Infinity War caused so much controversy on how odd, cryptic, out of character and poorly edited it was that a lot of people straight up assumed that there just had to be more going on, there’s no way such accomplished filmmakers could be so sloppy! But like the other inconsistencies in Infinity War, Endgame offers no answers other than yep, the filmmakers really are that sloppy. 

So with the major deaths out of the way, onto some bad stuff. This film is excellent to watch don’t get me wrong, just don’t start thinking about the time travel implications for more than 5 minutes. Because whilst the film takes the time to establish its own (confusing) set of rules for time travel, it then proceeds to play pretty fast and loose with those same rules. 

Yes I’m going to complain about the timey-wimey stuff. 

It’s a shame that the film that takes such care in adding in so many references to the past films, would take such liberties in other areas. I joked with my friend that i’d need a diagram to work it out so that it makes sense, and that has not changed so if anyone here can explain it, please let me know because I’m not a scientist, time travel or sci-fi expert and I can’t wrap my head around it.

By the logic that Gamora is alive in the 2023 present and her death has been effectively erased, so must Loki’s, Heimdal’s and the other Asgardians’ deaths be erased. Gamora cannot simultaneously be sacrificed for the soul stone but not exist in the timeline that led her there. Despite the film telling us the past can’t be changed, it seems that past versions of characters can change their own future, but then also have that alternate future have no bearing on the original timeline.

Using that logic Natasha and Tony could simply be brought in from an earlier time. No one ever need die again because they can just be brought forward from the past without consequence to the current timeline. Maybe this will come up in the future again, maybe we’ll learn that taking people out of their timelines has severe personal consequences as they start to remember multiple lives and states of being, a bit like Nebula, which would then give a solid enough reason as to why people shouldn’t just be brought back and could inform the plot of Gamora’s new existence in GOTG3, along with Loki’s TV series next year. 

It still wouldn’t explain how Steve manages to pull this off without any consequences to himself and the fact that he lives in parallel to another Steve Rogers, but it would be something I guess? Even so, by going back to what appears to be the 40s/50s and staying there, Steve has also changed Peggy’s timeline (that’s one of those rules broken), and it would be a bit too dark for Marvel to link up Peggy’s eventual alzheimer’s with the fact that she has effectively led two separate lives, one with Steve and one with her husband and children - unless they’re gonna tell us that Peggy left her husband to be with Steve?? And are you telling me that Steve would sit back and not tell Peggy about HYDRA? Or help to free Bucky sooner? 

Also Steve must have re-infected Jane with the Aether. Nice one Steve. And this putting the stones back where they came from would have also meant having to avoid the time-heist troupe, lest they see Steve again and figure out they must have won.

Idk I’m thinking about this too much.

The Thanos who is killed at the end of Endgame (... ha) is the Thanos from 2014. He leaves his original timeline and doesn’t return (unlike the Infinity stones) so how is any of what he did between 2014 and 2018 possible? Is the film trying to tell me that Thanos can jump from 2014 to 2023 and be killed but somehow also exist up until he is killed by Thor one month after the snap in 2018?

The film tells us the past can’t be changed when clearly it can. Or is it that the past can be changed but it won’t affect the present? 

BUT HOW? 

Have multiple timelines been created or not? It’s suggested that by returning the stones, the new timeline that was created by removing them in the first place would no longer exist, reverting everything back to how it was. In Loki’s case, as much as it pains me to say it, as soon as Tony and Steve go back to 1970 for the Tesseract, the alternate timeline Loki made by taking it in 2012 would be essentially overwritten, reverting everything back to how it was before.

There’s a whole lot of maybe’s and what if’s circling around and I hate padding this post with ‘lol idk what’s going on’ but I went into Endgame expecting some answers but ended up just getting more questions.

Apparently the upcoming TV shows have close ties to Endgame, and how cool would it be to see a Loki series in which his 2012 tesseract-wielding-self grapples with knowledge of his own future and plans accordingly until he catches up to the present day?? Watching as this powerful agent of chaos takes a steaming dump on time itself by refusing to stay dead or be erased from existence. 

Something tells me though *cough*Marvel’s track record with Loki*cough* that this route will not be taken. 

GOTG3 will at least, hopefully, help towards sorting out this time travel mess.

So, ultimately, is Avengers: Endgame a satisfying conclusion to the series? Kinda. Just don’t try to sort out the timelines. There’s more to come yet for a good while, and maybe (there’s that maybe again) we’ll still get the answers we seek.

....

Bonus: I’m reaching higher than the moon here but until told otherwise, the ‘clink clink’ noise at the end is totally Loki getting his handcuffs removed.

[star-blossom]

nct song ask

okay but firts of all, i’m doing thsi just because @renjunlonjin challanged me to do ALL the nct songs ask and, as THE demon i accepted it :) (i think ill regret it soon but.. let’s see)

asks : 

0 mile: what is your favourite number and why?

my favorite number is 10, i don’t have a why actually, i just like the number ten :v

angel: what are 3 things you find really beautiful?

the ocean; roses (are my favorite flowers); @nanasboi;

another world: which fictional world would you like to like to live in?

narnia

around: what people do you like being in company of?

answered here

baby don’t like it: what are your pet peeves?

i have some but what irritates me the most are: people walking slow in front of me.. omg like CAN YOU WALK PLEASE ??????????? and it’s even worse when they are so many that block the other ways to pass them ??? # turists

baby don’t stop: your guilty pleasure?

ithink i don’t have one.. i don’t really know what to answer here because i don0t have one.. i think.. 

back 2 u: have you ever had your heart broken?

yes, a lot actually.. i fall in love too fast and too deeply so it’s very easy to break my heart. i’m such a emotional bitch and i creat a lot of feelings for someone easily (something i hate about me) and... a lot of people broke my heart before.. 

black on black: favourite outfit?

answered here

boss: who is the person you respect the most and why?

my mom. i love her so much even i don’t show it that much actually.. we fight a lot but i love her.. ofc i do it’s my mom..  why? she’s such a warrior and i don’t want to talk about it here but i have to say she passed through a lot and i’m so glad that she’s alive today.. 

cherry bomb: when was the last time you felt sexy?

i think it was last week when my class was photographying for a school project and i was one of the models. i felt sexy but insecure at the same time, as always.. (i have always to feel insecure about something wow)

chewing gum: what is your favourite candy?

UUUUUUH i don’t have a favorite candy buuuuut, my favorite ice cream flavor is mint and chocolate aaaa it’s so good~ 

cure: what songs do you listen to in order to relax?

2U - JK cover beautiful - Crush i love you boy - suzy if i could i would feeling nothing - blackbear it’s you - henry nothing like us - JK cover paper hearts - JK cover  spring day - elise english cover stay - blackpink try Again - d.ear ft. jaehyun i do - jenyer summer rain - gfriend lucid dream - monogram timeless - nct u the truth untold - bts ft. steve aoki

omg they are a lot i know but, if you listen to some of them, tell me~ 

dream in a dream: what’s the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

AHAHHAHAAH funny fact: i don’t remeber my dreams. only if they are nightmares and as a nightmare, it’s not strange or funny :) i’m sorry.. 

dunk shot: your favourite sportsperson?

HELLO CRISTIANO RONALDO EXISTS uwu

fire truck: your biggest fear?

my biggest fear is to lost veryone who i love the most, my family and my friends.. not only in a “death” siatuation but lost them even in life you know? idk i would react to it.. 

go: if you could go to any place in the world, which place would that be?

i really want to travel to japan. i think japan is a beautiful country and i really ant to know that awesome country better. who knows, onw day!

but if you’re talking in another way, maybe i’ll go to meet my jungwoo baby uwu pleaseeeee

good thing: what are your talents?

do i have any? maybe photography? well since photography is something i’m learning and not a talend i born with, i don’t really know. i don’t consider myself a talented person tbh, i don’t have nothing special

heartbreaker: what has made you cry recently?

KIM JUNGWOO YOU CAN ASK ALO, LIKE I LITERALLY SENT AN AUDIO TO HIM CRYING BECAUSE OF JUNGWOO AHQAHAHAAH WHAT A SOFTIE I KNOW

joy: what makes you happy?

music, photography, dance, my friends, the ocean, animals, men’s perfume, chocolate, roses, my utt bias... 

la la love: what’s the longest crush you’ve ever had?

was my first crush: 4 years :) wow a lot i know, and guess who got her heart broke (hint: me)

lemonade love: is there a thing you did during your childhood that you still do and if so, what is it?

play random songs and creat my own choreography, yes i do that a lot or just when i have time, as you can see, i love to dance a lot!

limitless: if you had to choose one person to spend an indefinite time on a deserted island with, who would it be?

uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh jaehyun.. idk why but i feel like he’s a good person for this 

mad city: where do you feel most like yourself?

when i’m alone. reallu i’m totally myself when i’m alone, dancing or listening to music! i love being alone 

my first and last: what was the first kpop song you heard and what was the last one you listened to?

first - monster by bigbang last - see you later by blackpink

my page: do you write a diary?

no :) i used to do it but i don’t do it anymore because i don’t have time to have one

neo got my back: have you ever had a near-death experience?

no, but tbh, i would like to experience one

once again: if you could go back in time, what moment would you go back to?

to the day my dog died.. i just wanted to say goodbye to her.. (uhh guess who’s crying...)

paradise: what is your dream vacation?

answered on “go”

radio romance: what do you think about long distance relationships? would you be comfortable being in one?

answered here

running 2 u: what’s the longest you’ve ever run?

i don’t know because i really dislike to run ahaisha 

spring blossom: what’s your favourite flower and why?

roses; they are so pretty and their smell.. nobody never gave me flowers even on my birthday or something but i really like them, they are so romantic.. OMG I LOVE ROSES

summer 127: your favourite memory from a vacation?

i don’t have. fun fact: i never traveled out of portugal :v

sun & moon: are you a night owl or a morning lark?

totally a night owl, it’s now 1am and IM DOING THIS 

switch: if you could be somebody of the opposite sex for one day, who would you be?

answered here

taste the feeling: what is your favourite beverage?

COCA-COLA AAAAAAAA

the 7th sense: if you could be talented in one thing, what would it be?

answered here

timeless: do you have a favourite piece of art and if so, what is it?

well, timeless is considered a piece of art? if so, it’s it :)

touch: are you a cuddly person or not?

YES I AM A LOT OMG I LOVE CUDDLING PLEASE I WANT TO DO IT RN AAAAAA :((

trigger the fever: have you been obsessed by something recently?

not really

try again: what’s the last thing you messed up badly?

not preparing the material to do my internship correctly, omg what a shame

vision: where do you see yourself in 10 years?

working in something related to photography

wake up: at what time do you usually wake up?

it depends.. during school days: 7 - 9 am  weekends: 1 - 2pm... :) 

walk you home: what songs remind you of home?

answered here

we young: what is one film from your childhood that you never get tired of?

ALL BARBIE FILMS AHHAHAAHAH I JUST LOVE THEM TOO MUCH SPECIALLY  THE PRINCESS AND THE POUPER

whiplash: what is the most painful thing you’ve experienced?

answered here

without you: what are three things you cannot go without?

my phone my headphones my keys  :v

yestoday: did you make new year’s resolutions last year and if yes, have you achieved them?

answered here

young & free: what is your earliest childhood memory?

i don’t really like to remember my childhood.. and even talk about it, i’m sorry

---

HEEEEEEE I DID IT @renjunlonjin !!!!! WHAT WILL I GAIN WITH THIS???

[howlingbarnes]

Yuanfen - Part 7

Characters - Bucky x Reader, OFC (Tesla @bovaria)

Word Count - 1909

Warnings - None

A/N - Idk dude. New charater, YAY! I'm not prepared to write the next part is2g. Please dont hesitant to tell me what you think! This is an AU. 缘分 (Yuanfen) is a Chinese word that has no direct English translation and (roughly) means “A relationship that is brought together by a force such as destiny or fate.“

Yuanfen Masterlist

You walked out the room with Bucky on your heels, pulling the door closed just fast enough for him to stop. Doing the only thing you could think of, you held the handle tightly with all your bodyweight shifted in the opposite direction. Though you were putting everything that you had into the action, the doorknob still turned within your grasp. With struggled groans, you continued to lean away as Bucky pulled the door open. Your feet slid across the wooden flooring until you were inside the room, right in front of the one person you didn’t want to see.

“Did you just try to lock me,” he paused, a smirk tugging at his lips as you straightened your stance, “in my own room?”

You didn’t have anything to say. You gave him a solid glare before turning to stomp off, feeling fingers wrap around your elbow. Bucky had you against the wall within seconds, caging you in with his arms planted on either side of your head. He was leaned in so close that you could smell the toothpaste he’d used just a half hour earlier.

A stray piece of Bucky’s hair fell into his face, waving in the space between your foreheads, the stubble on his jawline danced as his eyes bore into you and there was clearly an internal war going on inside of him. He was studying you as if he wanted to memorize each detail your face had to offer. You pressed into the wall as if it would give way and let you pass through like a ghost but it didn’t budge. Your chest swirled with a mixture of emotions, all of which lead you to the conclusion that Bucky was breaking through the walls you’d put up without even speaking.

“Let me get to know you,” it wasn’t a question but it wasn’t quite a demand either. “I’m sorry. I was wrong to misjudge and get upset like that. Please just, give me a chance to know you.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Your voice was wispy and low, the air stolen from your lungs as you tried to speak. Your tone betraying your mind and resolve.

“Baby girl, if you didn’t want to,” he leaned closer, ghosting his lips just over yours and you couldn’t stop your eyes from fluttering closed, “you wouldn’t want to kiss me so bad. Put on some real clothes, let me make it up to you.”

“These are real clothes,” you argued, gesturing at Steve’s outfit that was far too loose on your frame. You wanted to give Bucky a hard time in every way that you could. Some would call you petty and you would say they’re right.

“Doll,” Bucky whined, allowing his head to lull back as his eyes drifted shut.

“Okay, fine,” you rolled your eyes, feeling a bit giddy on the inside as you watched his expression.

Padding into the living room, you could feel Bucky’s eyes burning into your back as you walked. Doing your best to ignore him, you picked through the bags that were delivered after your little shopping trip the day before. Grabbing your hoodie, you brushed your thumb over the soft fabric. You weren’t sure why you’d held onto it for so long, it was loose and stained and as much as you wanted to chalk it up to being sentimental, the truth was that you hated every aspect of high school that wasn’t writing or music so the reality was - it was comfortable and familiar. Against your better judgement, you dropped the hoodie back into the bag and looked for something new to wear. After a long deliberation, you’d finally managed to piece together an outfit that you were happy with.

“You look,” he paused, a chuckle climbing up his throat as he tried to find words, “so damn cute.”

Though his words were relaxed and the complement wasn’t at all devious, you couldn’t keep your eyes on Bucky. The blush creeping across his cheeks was deceiving his cool nature as he stood and pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. A silence hummed throughout the room for a moment before you realized that you should turn your brain back on and say something.

“Thank you,” your voice came out so small that you wondered when you’d suddenly became a teenager again, “are you ready?”

“Always,” with a wink, the confident Bucky Barnes that you’ve come to know was back, tucking away shy Bucky, “I want to stop somewhere first though so, do you want to come with me or wait here?”

You were determined to find out as much about him as you possibly could and that meant spending as much time as you could with him. He didn’t tell you where he needed to go and your curiosity was piqued, “I’ll go with you.”

“Wait here,” Bucky looked back at you as he slid a key into the lock of an old, seemingly empty building, “I just need to grab something.”

“I am not standing out here alone,” you tilted your head, holding back from stomping your foot like a child. You felt like a spy on a mission; faking your reactions to gather more information. Bucky seemed taken by surprise at first, but didn’t let you ruffle his feathers with your ferocity.

“Alright,” he smiled, pushing the door open, “ladies first, third floor.”

Feeling all your resolve melt away, you hesitantly stepped over the threshold. The inside was a bit dusty and obviously hadn’t been renovated in years. There was a deafening silence throughout, signalling that no one was inhabiting the space. A shiver crawled up your back as you took in your eerily isolated surroundings.

“If this is where you plan to kill me, just know that I won’t go down without a fight,” you half shouted, keeping your eyes forward as you climb the last couple steps to the third floor.

You froze in the space, briefly forgetting that Bucky was behind you until you felt his breath hot on the shell of your ear. “Noted,” he answered with a laugh before moving around you and walking deeper into the open room.

The space was completely unique to the rest of the building; large windows lined the walls letting in the soft morning sunlight, wooden flooring made your footsteps echo throughout and there was a white backdrop on the other end of the spacious room. It was all sleek, modern, and far less creepy than what you’d experienced downstairs. Bucky was in his own world, gathering together pieces of equipment from various shelves with furrowed brows. The focus etched onto his face was frankly adorable and it took everything in you to tear your eyes away from him. Each movement so fluid and effortless that you could tell that he spent much of his time in this place.

“What is this?” You couldn’t filter your thoughts as you moved toward the backdrop and massive light before you.

“It’s my studio,” there was a curious tone in Bucky’s voice as if he were confused about what you were asking, “I’m a photographer, doll.”

Things were starting to make sense. Bucky traveled a ton and didn’t seem to have a normal nine-to-five job, and he didn’t own many suits or fancy clothing. His personality was spontaneous and unlike those of many that were your age. He was an artist, but clearly not a starving one. You wondered what kind of adventures he’d gone on just to get a single photo. Thinking back to all of the foreign items littering his apartment, you tried to imagine the pictures he’d taken in each one of those places. With all the wonder came a tinge of guilt. Just as Bucky had passed judgement on you earlier that morning, you’d passed judgement on him, thinking he was some kind of drug dealer or criminal. You weren’t as innocent in all of this as you appeared to be.

“One more stop and then we’re off,” Bucky informed you as he cautiously locked the front door of the building once more.

The sidewalks were crowded with people rushing to their destinations. Some of them even pushing between you and Bucky to get where they were going. After the third time, Bucky wrapped his arm around you, resting his hand firmly on your waist as you continued on. Warmth lingered from his body, dancing with the scent of his bodywash and cologne. You felt like your senses were being attacked in the best kind of way and the more you gave into these thoughts, the closer you pressed into his side before your arm found its way around his waist in return. You weren’t concerned about the fact that you looked like a couple, or that from that point forward, this was officially considered a date. A date. For the first time in years, you allowed yourself to be on a date,

“Bucky!” A beautiful woman with long brown hair offered a wide smile as you walked into a small restaurant. Bucky’s arm slipped from your body just in time to circle around her shoulders.

“Tes,” he smiled, her name floating from his lips effortlessly just before he pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head.

“It’s good to see you punk,” her voice painted with an accent as she spoke. She slapped Bucky’s shoulder before gesturing to you with a smile, “keep this one. She hasn’t even talked yet but I know I like her, I can feel it.”

To anyone else, this would’ve sounded bizarre but you instantly understood what she meant. There was a warmth surrounding her, and her smile was contagious. You hadn’t even been properly introduced yet you felt like you were her friend.

“Tesla, this is Y/N,” Bucky’s arm landed heavy on your shoulders, “Y/N, this is my best friend, Tesla.”

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Within seconds, you were wrapped in a tight hug and though she was small, you could tell that Tesla loved fiercely, “no dejar de hablar de ti.”

“Tes,” Bucky warned, giving her a stern look as he drawled out her name that quickly faltered when she shrugged and started for the counter.

It wasn’t long before Tesla placed a large picnic basket on the counter and pushed it toward Bucky. He picked it up and pressed a kiss to her cheek before thanking her, and just as you were about to walk out the door, she called out to you.

“Take care of this one, okay?”

Bucky rolled his eyes before interlacing his fingers with yours, pulling you out of the restaurant before Tesla had the chance to say anything else. It was clear to you that she was basically Bucky’s version of Steve; the mom friend that looked out for him when he needed it.

“Central Park?” You questioned Bucky with knitted brows, turning to read over his happy expression, “a little touristy for someone so well travelled.”

“You've never seen Central Park with me,” Bucky answered with an unwavering confidence, “even the places you know can be seen in a different light with the right person.”

“How do you know you're the right person?”

“I'm just hoping that I am, doll,” his voice was soft as he lifted your hand, brushing his lips against your knuckles as his icy blue eyes pierced through you, “give me a shot.”

Tags are CLOSED

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[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Born Again, Part 2

Last time I covered the first three issues of Frank Miller and David Mazzucchelli’s “Born Again.” Now it’s time for the second half of the story, which...honestly is kind of a mess. Oh well!

When last we left our hero, he had suffered a complete mental and physical collapse after losing his home, savings, girlfriend, and legal license due to Fisk’s maneuverings. He would have died were it not for the timely intervention of a mysterious nun, who brought him back to her church and nursed him back to health.

Meanwhile, Karen, still fleeing Fisk’s assassins, hooks up with a guy traveling to New York and trades him sexual favors for transportation and coke. Matt’s AWOL, what with his house blowing up and all, but she gets in touch with Foggy:

FOGGY COULDN’T KEEP MATT SAFE BUT HE’S SURE AS HELL GONNA KEEP KAREN SAFE. <3 <3 <3

Meanwhile, Matt slowly recuperates under the nuns’ care:

Matt connects Maggie with the mysterious nun who visited him as a child and realizes that she’s his mother. Though there’s never a scene where she’s like “Okay I lied I’m your mom,” after this it’s basically just out in the open between them (though she doesn’t appear very frequently).

Also, Matt with a full beard is [fire emoji] [fire emoji] [fire emoji]

Matt has work to do, so he puts his filthy garbage-bed clothes back on and checks in on his supporting cast. Ben has killed his story revealing that Matt was framed out of fear, but he eventually decides he needs to publish it. However, as soon as he attempts to, Nurse Lois tries to kill Doris:

Yes, that’s Matt’s arm coming in to knock Lois out in the bottom panel - he’s been following Ben. He hides in another room while Ben gets Doris down and then realizes he’s been saved - and Ben’s savvy, so he knows right away by whom.

Meanwhile, some of Fisk’s heavies have been trying to get Melvin Potter to make a replica Daredevil suit as part of a convoluted plot to draw Matt out of hiding. Melvin’s not sure what to do, so he calls Ben:

Ben’s even more terrified to talk now, of course.

Matt visits Melvin and tells him to make the suit - he’ll make sure no one gets hurt. (Like 10 people wind up dying. Great job, Matt.)

And here’s where everything converges: Karen’s ex-“boyfriend” tracks her to Foggy’s apartment to get her back. Meanwhile, Fisk has broken a violently insane criminal (again, this story isn’t the greatest with mental illness) out of an asylum and furnished him with a Daredevil suit. The idea is for him to brutally murder Foggy and thus discredit Daredevil as well as Matt, while simultaneously taking away one of Matt’s few remaining connections.

One thing I appreciate about the way Mazzucchelli draws Karen in this - and it’s ridiculous that I have to note this, but it’s comics - is that she’s never sexualized. She’s a porn actress and sort of an unofficial prostitute, but she’s never drawn to look “sexy.” She looks ill and malnourished and terrified all the time, because she is. Too many artists would have taken this as an opportunity to put her in fishnets; Mazz draws her like she’s dying.

(That’s Wesley driving the car in the bottom panel, btw. I think he might die in this scene? Almost everyone dies.)

Anyway, Foggy calls the cops, but Karen, desperate to save him, hits him over the head with a lamp to knock him out and goes downstairs to meet Paulo. They’re attacked by Fisk’s hitmen, who have been told to kill anyone who emerges from the building. The cops who’ve arrived on the scene fire back, as does Paulo, and the fake Daredevil starts for Foggy’s apartment.

And then Matt, who’s been following Wesley and the fake Daredevil since they picked up the suit at Melvin’s, steps in:

Matt has a hell of a memory for smells, apparently.

Anyway, the hitmen and the cops and Paulo all take each other out, going down in a hail of bullets, and Matt and Karen race into each other’s arms:

What a gorgeous page! What a beautiful catharsis! It’s not at all marred by the fact that Matt should honestly be totally baffled by Karen’s sudden presence there. Seriously, it works so well emotionally even though it doesn’t quite work logically.

And, well...the story should end there, honestly, but we have two more issues to go, and here’s where it kind of falls apart. Matt’s relatively okay again, so is Karen, they’re reunited, the threats are gone...we should be done, right? But we’re not.

We start with another beautiful splash page in bed, but this one’s very different:

Karen’s confession and Matt’s forgiveness happen off-panel, described in the narration boxes here, and Matt’s response is basically “Eh, no worries,” which...like. I love Karen. I love Matt and Karen together. But she sold his deepest secret for a fix and left him disbarred and homeless. He nearly died! She and Foggy and Ben and Doris nearly died! Glori and Maggie will nearly die! Dozens of other people have died and will die before this story is over! It’s lovely that Matt forgives her but considering the grudge he bears for Foggy after all of this for...undisclosed crimes??? it’s a little pat.

Also pat: Matt appears to basically hug Karen through withdrawal. I appreciate how raw and painful the art makes it look, and how steady and loving he is, but here’s where the timeline gets slippery, and makes you wonder about the earlier timeline. How long was Matt out of it? How long did it take Karen to drive from an undisclosed location in the enormous country of Mexico to New York City? How long does her recovery take? Part of what makes the first three issues of the story work so well is that they’re so rapid-fire and claustrophic, with both time and space compressed to tiny ranges. You give it too much room to breathe and the reader starts going “Wait. It’s not over? How much more is left?”

Anyway, Foggy, bless his soul, is still trying to clear Matt’s name, and so is Ben:

This always reminds me of that meme where Person A is complaining loudly about Person B while dropping dozens of photos of them. Seriously, though, why do you have those glossy Harrison Ford-looking 8 x 10s of Matt in your briefcase, Foggy?

Honestly Foggy’s emotional reaction here doesn’t make a ton of sense, when you look at the events: 1. Matt’s apartment gets blown up while Matt is in serious legal and financial trouble. 2. Matt disappears for...weeks? Months? Unclear. 3. Karen shows up with a drug addiction and an abusive boyfriend. 4. Karen knocks Foggy out. 5. Foggy wakes up to find Karen gone and like eight people dead in the street outside his house, including said abusive boyfriend. CONCLUSION: Work on Matt’s appeal? FOGGY. WHAT.

“Matt’s always been kind of high strung.” brb dying

Ben thinks Glori’s got what it takes to work for the Bugle, so he takes her with him to talk to Nurse Lois, now in jail for her attempt on Doris’s life. However, one of the other reporters is a plant by Fisk, there to kill her before she can testify against Fisk:

Lois is killed, but Ben saves Glori. They’re both pretty shaken up by it, but they’ve got some damning evidence now.

Meanwhile, Matt is working as a short order cook at a Hell’s Kitchen diner.

Yes, really:

HILARIOUS but also, how much time has passed here? This is too much downtime, it doesn’t work.

Fisk, enraged by Matt’s continued ability to evade him and stay off the grid, plays his final card: he calls in “Nuke,” a deranged super soldier whose violent killing moods are triggered by red pills. (This is who Simpson from Jessica Jones is based on, btw.) Nuke, convinced he’s back in Vietnam, starts shooting up Hell’s Kitchen:

Matt changes to Daredevil and just barely manages to take Nuke down, but then the Avengers show up:

This is great art, but you see what I mean? Now this is a story about the toll Vietnam took on young American men? (I mean, Miller’s a baby boomer, everything he writes is a little bit about that, but still.) There’s a super soldier blowing up the Kitchen? The Avengers are here? TOO MUCH, FRANK. I get that what’s happening here is that Fisk loses his temper and allows his perfect, subtle trap to fall apart as he attempts to swat a fly with a sledgehammer, but narratively it just feels like an excellent four-issue arc with a weird two-issue coda that shares none of the same themes.

That’s Glori in Steve’s arms, btw. She and Karen are both injured (but fine) and taken to Maggie’s church where their boyfriends can fuss over them:

This really isn’t a significant page but I couldn’t bring myself to cut Matt’s little smile there as Foggy rushes past him (presumably while “The Way We Were” plays in his mind - actually, he looks downright Redfordian there). IDK why Matt’s like “Alas, Foggy and I are No More” - it’s another emotional note that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Meanwhile, Steve decides to investigate this whole Nuke thing and discovers that he was an attempt to replicate Captain America, of course. Again, see what I mean? Why is Steve a point of view character, suddenly? Why is this about a military conspiracy? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLAUSTROPHIC GRITTY NOIR?

Nuke breaks out and attacks Hell’s Kitchen again. The military deploys soldiers to stop him this time, and despite Steve and Matt trying to subdue Nuke non-fatally, one of the soldiers shoots him. Matt desperately tries to get Nuke to medical help before he dies so that he can testify:

No dice. Nuke dies...but his body is still evidence, so Matt takes it to someone who can do something about it:

The religious themes are mostly gone by now, but note that Nuke is in an inverted version of Matt’s pose from the beginning of #4. Matt was miraculously alive, though, while Nuke...well.

With this, plus Glori’s photos from Rikers and from Nuke’s attack on Hell’s Kitchen, Fisk’s empire starts to crumble:

He doesn’t go to jail, but his veneer of respectability is gone, and he becomes the most famous criminal in America. As appearances are very important to Fisk, he’s furious. His only consolation is that Matt must be equally miserable.

...Or is he?

Aw, they’re in love. There are still many threads left untied, mostly having to do with how Matt and Karen are unemployed and squatting in a Hell’s Kitchen tenement, but look how happy they are! Let’s call this a happy ending. Daredevil doesn’t get very many of them.

And that, my friends, is Born Again. Next up: Ann Nocenti and Typhoid Mary!