#idk i guess it's just because of how rare this kind of friendship is in media

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Hey how romantic can I make this platonic fic without making it romantic. Asking for a friend. 

[firstkanaphans]

This isn't really an ask but more so an observation. I've always wondered why I'm just so attached to FK the way I am despite there being numerous other pairs of bffs, some of them, like FB with over a decade of friendship under their belt. There's JD, PP, TayNew, OffGun, and all these folks post a lot of content of their interactions as well. But I just realised most of them feel like actual guys being friends in a bros-homies kinda way (I wish I phrased that better, but I hope you get the gist).

They're best friends- absolutely. And ig it's those interactions that provides a contrast to how FK are with each other while being best friends themselves. Like the queer platonicity just shines through when you put them against other pairs.

And then you can contrast them against EM as well, who, as much as I hate speculating, is probably actually a thing. FK is so distinct from them too. The difference is quite palpable.

And idk you can always tell when they're attempting fan service, mostly because First for the life of him can't pretend, and when they're actually just lost in the other person but in a 'OMG my bestie is speaking let me admire kind of way'.

If I had to guess, I would say you're probably attached to them for the same reason I am: they're both queer-coded. It's very rare for both members of a BL pair to be queer-coded. Usually you only get one—if that. In fact, it's a phenomenon so ubiquitous in the industry that Lovely Writer even made a joke about how half of a BL pair needs to be gay (but not too gay) to show that the production's not homophobic.

Regardless of what First and Khaotung's sexualities actually are, I feel a kinship with them because I see a lot of my own journey in theirs. We always joke about how the FK fandom is disproportionately comprised of lesbians and I think that's a huge reason why.

I also just don't know of any other pairs that are as co-dependent as they are, and the three that come close—MosBank, DaouOffroad, and EarthMix—are all almost certainly dating. FK are like the physical embodiment of that "More then friends, Less than lovers" shirt GMMTV loves so much. I don't know what in the world they're doing, but boy do I enjoy watching them do it.

[beloveddinostar]

JWCT S2 SPOLERS / my thoughts, review or something like that idk

I love how the season started with the characters joking around. You can really see the strength of their bond and how comfortable they are with each other. Honestly, the dino sound-guessing games are among my favorite moments on the show because it’s just pure goofiness. Moments like these are rare since the show usually focuses more on dinosaur survival, so I found it really special to see them hanging out and just being friends. By the way, Darius winking at Ben after he won was really cool🤭.

Darius was hard for me to describe this season.

I hate how those workers were mean to him on the ship. He’s such a sweetheart😠. He’s always trying his best.

The way Darius tried to comfort that baby dino and his shocked expression when it got snatched away by another was heartbreaking.

He really needs to stop being so selfless, though. Like, the moment when they said, “Won’t that lead them to us?” and Darius replied, “Not us, me,” before taking off with the flashlight to lead the dino away from the others? Stop risking your life!!

I’m going to be honest: one of the scenes that made me scream was when that phone popped up in front of the dino’s face—it gave me goosebumps!

Darius is such a gem; did you see his smile when he saw Zayna hugging the dinosaur? It was such a wholesome moment. I know he likes to see people bonding with dinosaurs instead of hurting them.

I love how intrigued he is by the dinos’ behavior—classic dino nerd! It reminds me of camp days when he would sit down and scribble in his notebook.

I also loved that flashback from Brooklyn when she went to Kenji’s place and they were all FaceTiming, and his Wi-Fi was acting up. I don’t know why, but that felt like such a Darius moment.

I love how he tried to comfort Zayna when she was making decisions. He totally understands how hard it is to be a leader and make tough decisions—he’s been in Zayna’s shoes before. When he tried to reassure her by saying the dinos in that one lab aren’t harmful, I think he remembered that they used to be her age and were terrified too. I loved all the scenes where he was just trying to connect with her.

I felt so bad for Brooklynn; the poor girl has been through so much trauma. My heart broke every time I saw her cry because of her hand. The way they showed her tearing up and her lips quivering made me want to cry too; they did a great job with that.

And her struggle with one hand… :( I know she doesn’t want to draw attention to her missing hand, and I could tell she felt uncomfortable when Ben pointed it out. I believe she hasn’t really accepted it yet.

I felt for her many times in the series, but the fear in her eyes when the dino approached her in Blondie’s apartment was so intense. Why are they making her face her trauma? I felt terrible for her.

Nonetheless, Brooklyn is so badass this season! I loved her riding the motorcycle.

I know she has a lot on her shoulders at such a young age; I just hope she gets the rest she deserves in S3 (with yk who, wink wink).

I’m going to be honest: the handler showing up like that made sense, but I was mad because I was kind of shipping her and Brooklynn.

Another thing I noticed was how plain Brooklynn’s phone was. I thought Brooklyn was all about style! This feels so off.

I’m going to be honest: I turned away during the Kenlynn moments because they felt so forced.

Despite it all, I love her sense of humor—“Notice anything different? It’s the hair! (while missing a hand)”—classic Brooklynn.

Sammy, my heart broke when I saw her watching Zayna and Mama Aminata. I know she misses her family.

I believe that she would make such a good older sister. I loved her interactions with Zayna; the way she talks to her is so soft and patient. I wish to see them more in S3.

Yaz might not show it often, but she really cares deeply for the N6.

I feel like her love language in friendship leans more toward words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time.

I love how Yaz tries to be there for Kenji and encourages him to open up. She’s really observant, not just with Kenji but with Ben in the later episodes as well.

I also love how she finally stops Kenji from doing something stupid that could get him killed. I know Yaz is trying her best to help; she’s so observant and picks up on everything.

But I could feel her stress when everyone was asking her what to do next. Ben was asking for help about Brooklyn but didn’t explain well, and Sammy just came up to her saying, “There’s a dead body!” She was like, “One problem at a time,” and it was perfect. You could feel her stress; she just wanted to make sure everything went well and help everyone.

Ben had a lot to handle this season, and I felt really bad for him. He was going through all sorts of emotions and reactions. His panic attack (or something like that) was so well-written and drawn; the emotional depth was spot on.

I loved the scene where he saw the wallpaper on Brooklyn’s phone; he froze for a split second, and you could see he was getting emotional or reminiscing. It was such a short scene but stuck in my mind.

That text Ben sent Brooklynn was so sassy: “You could’ve sent us a postcard” after finding out she’s alive.

That scene where the flying dinos attacked their boat— I know Ben was stressing!

But Ben seeing Brooklynn for the first time was so ughhh. Like he was speechless, but the moment where he tried to hug her and she stepped back made me feel so bad for him! Like he just wanted to hug his dead but not dead best friend😔.

Kenji was dealing with a tough time of grieving, coping through humor and risking his life. I know he felt like his life had no meaning anymore and he could just take risks because he felt he had nothing to lose.

I love how caring he was for Bumpy Junior; he jumped into the ACTUAL fire or the ocean without hesitation. He truly has a big heart, and everyone has a place in it, no matter their past actions.

Kenji has such an annoying older brother energy. The way he talks to Zayna or rests his hand on Yaz’s head while they were on the boat and he was trying to go to the other side—he’s so annoying sometimes.

Yet, again, Kenji has such a big heart. I loved the way he stressed over Yaz when she was left behind, and I could see the tears in his eyes after he saw and hugged her, relieved that she was alive. I know he couldn’t handle another loss.

I LOVED BENJI THIS SEASON. “My main man Benny”—BENJI is so back, y’all. One of my favorite duos! I loved their jokes and banter. Give me more of them in S3 please.

The Benji angst when Kenji felt betrayed by Ben for keeping Brooklynn’s survival a secret! But him punching the glass behind him is such a stereotypical ‘angry boyfriend letting out his anger’ move.

Yazji hug—I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP! If you had asked me back in JWCC S1, I would never have imagined Yaz and Kenji forming such a close bond, but this season showed them getting even closer. I love their friendship and how Yaz checks up on him.

I would have totally shipped them if Yasammy wasn’t a thing! (Yasammy is number one tho!)

Yasammy, I love you guys so much. You guys have my heart. The way they cuddle and snuggle is just adorable. Yaz hugging Sammy while hiding from the blind Dino—precious! That’s her comfort.

Every moment between Darius and Kenji makes me ugly smile. I love their brotherhood!

The dynamic between Darius and Kenji remains as strong as ever—nothing has really changed between them, even though a lot has happened.

I loved the scene where Kenji’s mood flipped after baby-talking to Bumpy Junior and then immediately snapping at Darius to “shut up.” I’m pretty sure he picked up that baby talk from Brooklynn tho…

I loved Mama Aminata! That scene where she stepped in front of Yaz and Sammy, shielding them from the attacking dino, was amazing. I love her. I love many of her quotes, like, “If we could find a way to coexist, why wouldn’t we?” That line hit hard. “While you’re here with me, you’re all my children.” I LOVE HER!

I loved how Zayna was portrayed. At first, she seemed like that sweet kid who wouldn’t go out of her comfort zone, but then she started trying to get out of it and gain confidence. It was obvious she was doubting herself at the beginning, but as the story goes on, I felt her becoming more confident in her steps. I also loved her bickering with Darius.

That Blondie is such a diva; I know she’s a villain, but damn.

“Someone call a taxi for Baba?” I like that man. He reminds me of Darius.

[wildpeachfarm]

hi, i'm sorry if this is an inappropriate ask to send, but i'm just kinda curious and your blog seems to be a dream team/dnf lightning rod on tumblr.

so speaking as an outsider of this fandom, i find it really interesting that the dnf thing seems to have not really effected Dream and George's friendship significantly (at least negatively). like, idk if you're super aware of one direction, but the shipping ("larry stylinson") in that fandom seems to have been a big catalyst in the end of Harry and Louis's friendship. They pressure and they way their fans were watching their every move made everything uncomfortable and awkward. They aren't the only example, but probably the best. Admittedly, Dream and George were friends prior and Harry and Louis were literally tossed together in competition show.

I guess I'm curious if either Dream or George ever really spoke about it? like esp early on, they must have had conversations about what they were comfortable with, and clearly they are comfortable with a lot considering they way they play it up. idk its wild.

like i'm not saying the answer is 'dnf is real' but damn. i kinda really want to pick dream's brain about the last few years. hes got go have such an interesting perspective.

Hi anon!! Oh yeah I definitely think this is a fair assessment tbh! I don’t know a toooon about one direction but I have heard about shipping kind of ruining the relationships between people in instances like that.

With dream and George it’s a unique case because their FIRST STREAM EVER, they made it clear they want to be regarded as unit and they were the ones to decide their ship name and they made a Minecraft wedding. They WANTED to be paired together and made it pretty clear that it was something that was prevalent in their relationship even before YouTube. Which I think is what makes their situation unique compared to others where the shipping came after the fame (or as a result of it). And also, the fact that I believe there is blatant proof of genuine feelings between the two of them (to put it lightly lol). That has been absent from a lot of these “internet ships” like larry or septiplier, etc.

Now, I do think that the constant fan pressure does influence how dnf has been treated by Dream and George to an extent. In the way that I firmly believe a fully-public romantic relationship between the two of them would not be possible while they are still content creators. I think we all know how poorly relationships can go with the added pressure of the internets opinion and fans prying into their lives as a way to imply the relationship is somehow “bad”. So I do think they are somewhat secretive about things because of that. Especially after the internets reaction to Dream coming out. I think we can all recognize that it would be bad 😭

And you’re right I would also love to hear both of them really talk about things like that because it’s something rarely discussed in-depth by content creators in that situation and instead we only hear small things from way after.

[oliviartist]

mutual appreciation hours

@david-goldrock You are genuinely one of the funniest people I know and your always willing to crack a joke with me your extremely tolerant of me ( weather I’m annoying you or being stupid 😆) but we have a lot of fun together and I am officially adopting you as my little bro wetter you like it or not 

@floralcavern you are the first mutual I have ever had who actually who is willing to talk to me and didn’t just fallow me because I reblog like a madman you are also the first Christian I’ve meet on this app and I’m extremely grateful we’ve meet ( and without you I wouldn’t have met anyone else)

@mikewheelerfan2022 I know we never talk much but we we do it’s always a joy Your so funny and it’s nice to have an amazing friend like you 

@imnotkosmic first off you are the first person who I’ve meet from Australia and you are just so kind you are willing to listen to me rambling and when I suggested you something you actually read it I’m really glad I’ve meet you it’s also amazing to have an artist friend 

@morganas-simp you are just something idk what to say about you your funny smart wise kind just everything I literally have never meet someone else like you and that’s a good thing 

@Randomnumber22 ok first off a persona fan on my blog who would of guess but jk you are so funny and every time we talk it’s a joy weather it’s about the goodiest boi koro chan or the little red beanie boo who’s name I totally remember it’s always so fun to chat and I’m extremely grateful that we meet 

@felurfay we haven’t been mutuals for that long but for the amount of time we have been It’s been a joy you are never short on wisdom and I’m really glad we’ve meet

@shinekocreator you are so kind always sending me pictures of the kittys and telling me about your home country ( yes I know the others do that to but you do it differently idk how but you do ) you are never one to shy away from something you are also wise Beyond your years and if we ever meet irl you are taking me to those restaurants 

@loki-god-of-mischief-13 we rarely talk but you are always willing to stand up for why you believe in ( even if we don’t see eye to eye ) and that is extremely admirable and not every person including myself could say that 

@casavanse once again we barely talk but when we do it’s extremely fun and Although we never interact I’m extremely grateful to call you a friend 

@arunswild we probably interact the least but when we do it’s so much fun and I hope to build a stronger friendship with you in the future 

[skys-archive]

Just a little vent about the "end" of a friendship that's causing me a lot of anxiety. TL;DR: a recently cut ties with someone but he's not really letting go and it feels kind of manipulative. I very clearly do not want to continue this relationship but even now he's saying he will try to talk to me about it again.

There is a guy who I was very close friends with who I have recently (attempted to) cut ties with for a lot of reasons. Mostly because communication is very important to me and he said for him as well, but he never really changed when I brought up that something upset me. So I decided to stop talking to him.

He's in some of the same social groups as me, so he still was interacting with me, though more than necessary which was frustrating.

I blocked him on her because I post more in depth her than anywhere else and honestly I didn't really want him seeing it.

Anyway he texted me tonight and he just, won't let it go. And honestly I would be willing to talk with him but it all just feels so manipulative. Like he's sending messages that are, idk like, "heartfelt" I guess, but they have things in them that are specifically trying to make me feel bad about myself or at least it comes across that way.

"You've already decided to push me away as you do with every relationship that causes you discomfort", "it pains me to see you fill this narrative that me and the worlds against you", "I knew eventually you would stop trying", "You opened up to me or was that all a lie too", "I’m sorry - something I rarely said enough and something I never got from you." (Which to his credit is a raw fucking line. But I did apologize to him a lot.)

And I just really don't appreciate him talking to me like he knows what I'm thinking or what my habits are etc etc.

This has been going on for a while and it's caused me a lot of anxiety for a few months. Even more now because he said that he was going to talk to me in person about it "when he gets the courage". So now I have to constantly wonder when he'll come up to me and trap me in a conversation I've made abundantly clear to him I do not want to continue.

Part of this is exacerbated by psychosis.

My mind is very, very easily influenced. It's scarily easy to get me to believe something. And I'll question it. In this case, did he change and I just didn't notice? Was he trying? But does the intent really matter if the outcome was nothing? I believe him but I know maybe I shouldn't but I also am wondering if maybe I am just making up that he was bad for me. Do I think I was making it up because I'm being gaslit or am I actualy making it up because I have Making Things Up disorder. I don't know.

So all of this is just, very very stressful right now. I can't trust my own brain and he knows it which again makes me suspicious and paranoid.

I want him to just leave it alone but I really don't know how to make him stop. All of this is making me so anxious and paranoid all the time.

[allsortzofcrap]

how come no one ever becomes obsessed with rewriting the role of irene adler and dramatically increasing her presence in holmes' life by making her and holmes develop some sort of deranged initially kind of one sided devoted friendship

my pitch:

following the events of a scandal in bohemia - holmes writes her and attempts to make up for his behavior by offering to do a task or solve a case or get her a gift or whatever but adler is like no thanks i don't need anything ❤️ have a nice life don't care

and because of his deranged and completely obsessional personality that cannot stop trying to complete a task once he starts trying, he would become extremely persistent. exchanging letters back and forth sooooooo polite but like increasing in frustration and desperation subtextually (this is expressed by increased formality and humility to almost comical levels - victorian letters vibes idk how to describe what i'm talking about but u know )

then eventually he would resort to trickery, burglary, and lying for what he imagines is a moral cause (classic).

and then i guess because my adler is also insane behind her responsible vernier - they end up just kind of in what amounts to a stupidly dramatic smart person war a la moriarity except with zero stakes

i'm talking shit like - holmes steals into their home in the middle of the night to deposit some jewled ring aquired as a reward from some case in their safe and when he gets home he realized he's now wearing it

it gets bad - this man has a crime web up with pics of everyone she's ever met, he's smoking the equivalent of 10 packs a day shooting cocaine and watson is like... god this must be serious it's probably the country at stake - i'm so glad holmes is here to selflessly devote himself to the cause 🥹

eventually holmes only wins because he finds some stupid rare brand of cigars that adler has been attempting to acquire through auction houses for some years and now that she has them she can't bare to get rid of them because they are her husbands favorite cigars and she LOVES HIM AND WANTS HIM TO HAVE WHATEVER HE WANTS (i cannot overstate how much her being absolutely besotted with some deeply regular guy who treats her insanely well is important to this character) and so she realizes she actually also has holmes to thank for her marriage (he was their witness) and also this whole thing was kind of a fun way to keep herself entertained between singing engagements

so she and her husband adopt him as a sort of pet/younger brother/son/elderly uncle you care for because he's a little odd

and they have him over for dinner occasionally and he tells them about his cases and when he gets stuck in one of his disguises he shows up at her door in the middle of the night so she can help him remove the fake nose off his face without getting chemically burned because he's too embarrassed to let watson help him because he wants him to always see him as cool and suave and mysterious (watson already knows he isn't and is absolutely in love with him)

[transmalewife]

does anyone have any leftist reading on the subject of tourism to recommend? Specifically about how travel for fun, education, sport, friendship or whatever might work in a communist or anarchist or socialist society. Because like yeah, open borders or no borders whatever, cool. But that usually only gets discussed in the context of permanent immigration

Idk I guess I just find it hard to imagine how it could be organized since where I live the most obvious ways capitalism has made things worse over my lifetime have all happened because of and through the lens of tourism. Rents literally doubling over the last five years, while the standard of living falls because apartments are bought, split into tiny pieces and renovated to accomodate a couple days of living at most. The specific kind of gentrification that is NOT being pushed out by richer people moving in permanently, who might cause more expensive shops and services to replace the affordable ones, but do still need the basic necessities everyone does to live. Instead, all hairdressers, repair shops, clothing stores (especially thrift shops), pharmacies, post offices etc etc close and are replaced by luxury boutiques, clubs and stores whre you can only buy snacks, alcohol and microwave meals. Restaurants and bars hiking up prices because most of their clients come from places with stronger currencies etc etc.

At the same time though I believe travel is a crucial part of a fulfilling life for most if not all people. I believe people have the right to see and appreciate the culture and history of other places and also like... maybe go somewhere warmer and lay on the beach sometimes, even if they prefer to live and work somewhere colder. Or go skiing even if they chose to live somewhere warm and without mountains. Or even just like... vacation in a big city if they live in the countryside and vice versa. Or pop over to another continent to visit an online friend maybe. Although obviously intercontinental travel would have to be hugely limited until and unless we find ways to do it that don't destroy our planet.

At the same time some precautions do have to be taken to protect historical and especially sacred sites. Like, I don't think endless crowds should be allowed to trample through historical buildings and also open borders obviously doesn't mean white tourists get to go camping on Uluru. But on some level I do believe everyone who wants to should get to see Venice at least once in their life. But that's probably not feasible so like... who gets to decide? On what merit? Are historians, artists, journalists privileged? Or should it be a lottery?

Also I think there's a significant amount of tourism that would simply die out if going to that place wasn't a status symbol. Like you cannot convince me that if you spend 2 weeks by the pool in an enclosed luxury resort it makes a difference that it's on Hawaii rather than like... in florida. And then theres places like the Hamptons. What the fuck is the point of the Hamptons, other than bragging rights?

Obviously I know none of this is even remotely the main pressing issue to solve about a potential communist society, but then again, that's why I'm asking for reading materials, because it so rarely gets discussed. I mean I bet Marx wrote about it, which, great, point me to the relevant fragments please and I'll have a look but also this is an issue where a modern perspective would be really important. I don't think Marx, for all his wisdom, really has a solution to "what are the ethics of taking an 8 hour flight to visit a tumblr mutual".

Or maybe this whole thing is me being cynical and this is another place where things would sort of just regulate themselves. Anyway. Send me reading recs and let's very unscientifically try to check if it could work. Do try to be honest, like I've been several times as a kid and I would still go again in a heartbeat.

btw the goal of the poll is to get some kind of percentage that can be compared with the world population and how many tourists venice can support per year, though I obviously know tumblr skews mainly american and european

[skunkes]

wrt last reblog I also saw something recently that resonated with me, adjacent to it.

OP of the video im talking about explained that making friends is hard as an adult, but what if you finally make a friend and after a few hangouts you realize you dont actually like them? She goes on to say that she doesn't want to be friends with people she only Kind Of likes, because she had to do that all through her teenage years (likely at school).

But meeting people you instantly click with and have foundations for a real friendship is rare, so what are you supposed to do? Friend-break-up with someone? That's just rude. But having to maintain friendship with someone you only sort of like is also exhausting...

I made a new, quickly very close friend recently and was talking about dis to them, I talked about how I struggle making friends but after seeing some people's online circles I'm okay with that. Because I don't know how people juggle having so many acquaintances/Not Actual Friends. I could never do that. I want my time to go to myself and others I love and not having to either find excuses for plans I don't actually want to partake in or feel like I have to hang out with acquaintances for "maintenance" or to "reset the required hangout timer."

Hoping that doesnt sound Evil...having to do that with acquaintances is just one of those Life things, its normal but I'd prefer not have to do it more than I have to...ykwim

And how do you tell someone "um well its not that i dont like you but I cant imagine our friendship ever deepening to a point where im super comfortable with you and actively want to spend lots of time with you sooo bye!"

Not every friendship needs to be like that btw, acquaintances are important but one would rather just have more time to spend with the people they DO connect with better.

Also acquaintance doesn't automatically mean bad! I have acquaintances that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with even though we wont ever be Besties, I guess this post was more focused on acquaintances where the feeling is more like. They like you way way way more than you like them...

Idk. Last post reminded me of that. Its hard to make friends and I also dont seek it out because Id rather not have to also forever juggle a sea of pushy acquaintances while searching for the deep connections (which I'm so lucky to have found more often, by chance. Guess I just have to keep waiting around to get lucky.)

Meeting people you can actually connect with DOES take so much energy and time. And its hard to just stop contacting the people you dont click with along the way sometimes. So much energy to maintain the same level of effort and emotional investment across multiple different relationships when I'd rather just be deepening bonds with the people I do have/finding more of those Exact Same Bonds. Idk!

Weird type of lonely. I dont want to be friends with people I only sort of like...

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas! I kinda needed a bit of advice so this is going to be a long rant

So last year there was a new girl at our school. I had just gotten over a crush, someone who I knew wouldn't like me back so I was pretty bored because what else can a queer teen girl do instead of fantasising about other girls. So when I saw her for the first time, she was reading a book. I thought she was new but I wasnt sure so I had to reconfirm. The next period turns out, she ended up in one of my language classes where she had to introduce herself.

Well, long story short (idk if ill survive) my best friend managed to make us sit together in another common class and that was the start of our friendship (i pined after her the WHOLE summer break because i was too shy to talk to her despite being an extrovert). We started texting and stuff So I established that i liked her and told her um one day before my besties birthday (pretty soon im excited) andddddddd guess whatttttttttttt. she rejected me. WEEEE

but one day in September i went to her art exhibition with my mom and our moms got to talking and i was still mad in love despite being rejected but anyway a day after that in school we had a small assembly about the lgbtqia+ community and how its okay to like girls, being in an all girls school so after that she texted me saying that she liked me and i FREAKED because i was so EXCITED welp. um. even tho she liked meeeeeeee we ended up in a situationship because she didnt wanna date and i was confused but didnt wanna force her

now my bestie has a theory which I directly quoted:

I think as a new girl, she wanted to make friends. And her best friend's nice, fine, whatever, but have you noticed that she rarely talks to your girlfriend once she's with her friends? Even your girlfriend must have. The point is, you were nice, kind, friendly. You wanted to be "friends" or so she first thought. It was a good friendship, and then you confessed. Our theory was that she didn't say that she liked you back then was because she didn't. Then you might've accidentally gone and done the thing where you avoid people, especially because you felt that you had ruined everything. So she confessed to not lose you. And then you ended up dating after whyever she didn't want to date was sorted out. She knew that you'd always treat her right and then she tried so it would be like a relationship. Then once you said you loved her, romantically, she knew you were going to be around. And then she eventually stopped trying. I think that she got attached to you at some point in time, and that's when the whole thing with the constant "I miss you"s started. The original basis of the theory was something we had discussed before, not you and me, but yeah, and I just elaborated with whatever information I've learnt today.

anyway most of my close friends disapproved of the relationship because she never reciprocated their efforts to get to know each other because both parties were going to be major parts of my life and never seemed to speak to me when they were around but i was blind and stupid and didnt listen to them and actually ended up ditching people to hangout with wonderful gf who said ok to dating 2 days after my bday

anyway so recently i been feeling like i wanna break up with her? so obv first person i go to is my best friend bc she's is the platonic loml and then she helps and we forget about it. mind you we're mid exams rn and like a few days ago i have had the nagging feeling i wanna breakup with her. bestie. my best friend makes me list out reasons and gets trauma dumped on.

basically I feel like we never have real conversations or communicate properly and it's always just kind of baby talk? even when it's serious, so like. yeah and then sometimes when i'm talking about my interests, she just goes "ew" and doesn't listen? and I help her when she fights with her best friend, but when I fight with mine she just replies "oh" and nothing else.

and the thing is we have very different schedules, but she always expects me to compromise on mine for hers like she stays up and I wake up early but she calls me late at night when i'm sleeping because "she missed me"??? she did this once on the day before a test and she knew that I wanted to get up early to revise. not to mention, she once also called my mom a psycho. yeah, so all of that and the fact that she never gave me gifts for our six month anniversary while I made her several boquets of paper flowers and shit I thought that maybe she didn't think we were doing that but I didn't get anything afterwards either. it's the same with gifts in general. and she doesn't really match my wild side or wants to do cliche coupley things that I want to do and I don't want to force her but I also really want to do them?

anyway i kinda got some shit going on in my life? and i kinda told gf that i may be emotionally unavailable but we'll talk about this after midterms. thing is. i may have told gf i wanna be friends but i dont actually now idk how to do damage control? But in my best friend's opinion it will just make shit more complicated and hurt both our feelings

idk what to do. everyone around me has biased opinions, so, yeah

Hi! <3

Okay, here's the thing. You're listening to everyone's opinion right now but your own. What do YOU want? Whatever you want, like really want, you need to decide that. And then you need to nicely tell your (ex)gf that. Because forcing your feelings for other peoples' benefit will only result in other people being hurt.

If you want to be with this girl, you need to communicate your feelings about her not being available enough. if you want space, you need to tell her that, too.

Either way, decide what YOU want, you know? Stop listening to others <3

naming you paper flower anon

[chiarrara]

Expanding a bit more on the art school AU:

Yea, Yuuji’s hoodies and jackets are a bit on the pricier side, but considering that they’re good quality and that it’s mostly the work of one passionate highschooler it’s worth it. And yea, since I see Inumaki also being a second year in the textile class as well he’d definetly help Yuuji. I feel like he’d have a lot more experience with the machines used in the fashion Industry and would let Yuuji borrow them from time to time. And have him pay in rice balls. (Side note on Toge: he’s more into techwear and street fashion. In this au, he still has pretty limited speech but more in the form of a speech impediment and or selective mutism, so I feel like he’d try to be innovative and make accessories that can help him communicate more efficiently, some kind of jewelry maybe)

I feel like he first started making clothes as gifts for others. The first thing he made was a scarf Nanami still wears.(because guess what he’s his adoptive dad in this au and YES they’re all happy)

A small side story idea I had: Nobara gets an order from an acquaintance’s acquaintance for a custom made detailed desk. Small problem: the customer wants it done is about 5 days. A desk like that would take weeks. Since it’s a really good deal she can’t refuse winds up going kinda insane for a few days, not sleeping, only carving and crafting, probably calling Megumi and Maki(who’s also in woodwork but is studying to be a blacksmith on the side) to help her out on certain portions. She ends up getting paid well and just collapses in her bed for like 2 days afterwards(maki had to come into her room a few times to check if she’s still alive)

The shibuya incident of this universe is probably a big art fair/convention that has everyone on a serious time crunch (they’re fighting for their lives trying to get everything done and doing their best to not collapse at the convention hall)

The Shibuya Incident is an art fair 😭😭😭 I'm obsessed with that sentence. and also, i would like to see it

I love streetwear Yuuji and techwear Inumaki. and also I'd love to see them have more of a friendship, I think that'd be so cute. Inumaki teaching Yuuji how to use the surger and the embroidery machine.

Also, in combo with @mana-jjk 's texting hcs for Toge, what if he had like a face mask with a digital display and he could text into his phone and it would come up on the mask but he would rarely use words and would mostly just display kaomoji (idk anything about techwear lmao)

Nobara: *gets an absolutely impossible task*

also Nobara: yeah fuck it I could do that

I just love how much she believes in herself 🥹 i also love insane nobara. i just love nobara.

ALSO BLACKSMITH MAKI SIGN ME THE FUCK UP

anyway I love every little bit of this. I'm eating it up. feel free to send more. I'm so obsessed. Are they in a rivalry with the Kyoto school, for instance? what does panda do? anything and everything about megumi my most favorite boy...

[zisurru]

hello vomshit anon here i saw some posts and had some incoherent thoughts / so mention of abuse and sexual assault

so i have very little interest in david as a character, and the rushed resolution / forgiveness in totbt probably is just anne rice not gaf, but something abt that is compelling 2 me. like again i doubt ms. rice was thinking this when she wrote it, and i cannot remember much abt the actual events of the book, but wanting to avoid conflict with someone who hurt you, and to i guess act like it didn’t happen because of love you have for them rings true to me

like with armand and marius, of course regardless of anne rice’s feelings, armand was abused, and he was groomed, but i don’t think those things are mutually exclusive with feelings of love, because the upsetting reality is that love can exist even in extremely unethical and unequal circumstances, and that’s what i think is compelling about it to a lot of people. like harm and love and pain do coexist and that is true of the lives of most people who have ever lived.

idk it feels like there’s little room to talk abt this in fandom - like i respect and empathise with anyone being distressed or triggered by literally anything! but the reverse is very rarely offered - like the idea that what is upsetting to you might be meaningful or even comforting to others, and that other people might get that meaning / comfort from the exact same aspects of the work that make you feel bad.

it’s even more sticky here, due to the blurriness of what parts of the work & narrative are just anne rice’s disagreeable personal views.

again armand / marius is popular and of course that is a relationship that can in no way ethically exist irl, but that’s what’s so compelling to me about so many vc relationships - they’re discomforting and unequal, shaped by power and domination, and love and desire also exist there.

the type of abuse depicted it isn't something i have personal experience with, but like i’ve had relationships and friendships with people where there was no time i wasn’t scared of them and resentful, that i didn’t also feel deep affection and love for them

idk i hope this made sense, and i don’t disagree with people talking about how strange and incongruous her writing abt abuse was!

about david, 2 things: i think the later books are written in this more serial style where a lot of conflicts are kind of swept clean at the start of the next book and points of character progression are sort of hasty or happen off-screen. like to me the thoughts about consent that lestat has in blood canticle feel less like a natural progression of his moral system and more like a soft retcon of earlier characterization, because it’s so abrupt and so different from what he’s said and done before.

also i unfortunately think david’s forgiveness of lestat is basically what it says on the tin. the idea that victims of violence are coquettishly inviting their own victimization is a theme that appears often in these books, and it does not feel to me like an exploration of how victims might think about themselves, or about how society might see them. more generally, within rice’s universe there are kind of natural losers and natural winners, weak people and strong people. i read a strong condemnation of louis for his willingness to become a vampire, for example, with the implication that david’s refusal was better, stronger, also implicitly more masculine. i feel similarly about the relationship between marius and armand: i don’t think it was intended to be read as sexually predatory, more a “corruption of innocence” type of predation, and whether it’s ethical for them to have a sexual relationship at his age is not really in question on the page.

but! i can also acknowledge that these scenes are relatable to a lot of people who have experienced abuse, whether it was intended or not. so…i don’t know.

i agree with you that i wish we could discuss these things more thoughtfully. on the other end, people sometimes act like criticism must be the product of kneejerk disgust or an irrational emotional response. like, i’m someone who has been into black metal for 10 years. i promise i’m not clutching my pearls or throwing up or fainting about any of this.

when i took my first literature class in college, the thing my professor said over and over was “what’s the effect?” like, someone would say “x symbolizes y” and he’d redirect us to the actual text and say “but what’s the EFFECT of this passage, sentence, word choice”. having to explain in very sparse and literal terms what was happening on the page instead of talking vaguely about symbolism or vibes. i still feel like it’s a really useful question to ask when looking at writing.

what’s the effect of david’s forgiveness of lestat? what’s the effect of the phrase “the great feminine longing of my mind”? what’s the effect of using the word “rape” to describe an exchange of blood?

[epersonae]

Tagged by my bestie, sometimes beta, always cheerleader @emi--rose. Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. (I'm going to follow her lead and tag one with each fic.)

There’s a flash in Ed’s eyes, jaw working with unexpressed tension. (end up several worlds away) (the missing scenes sequel to for the benefit of all the broken hearts, this chapter is about Ed and Mary.) tagging @knotwerk for the comment today that was TOO LONG FOR AO3, god bless.

It’s one of those rare weeks when they’re not just in the same time zone, not just under the same roof, but under their roof. (for the benefit of all the broken hearts) (my surprisingly long fix-it sequel to the weird and wonderful meta-fiction sort-of-but-not-RPF Water Flowing Underground) tagging @veeagainsttheday for excellent betaing and critical reassurance early on in the project.

Stede loves camping. (BIGFOOT STOLE MY HUSBAND) (idk it's modern AU monsterfucking I GUESS) gotta tag @mxmollusca for this one.

It all started when Stede took Ed to be his plus one at his ex-wife's wedding. (Commit to the Bit) (modern AU where Ed and Stede talk themselves into getting married as a bit; reader I lived this one) tagging @nekosd43 who is not a pirates person, but who was a very good friend to me and Ryn and honestly part of how we originally got to be friends, what with all their excellent taagnus writing.

Thing is, once he gets a break from the routine (wait around, raid, drink, cry, repeat) he doesn't really want to go back. (can't cross the same river twice) (part 3 of "the devil's threeway", a very weird way to get to a reunion fic but I think it works) tagging @chuplayswithfire who kept giving me good ideas for this series.

Later, much later, Stede realizes he can divide his life into two parts, split by that exact moment: when by all rights he should have been dead, gut-stabbed and strung up, and instead the most beautiful man he’d ever seen strolled up to him through fire and smoke and men screaming. (Hungry for love, ready to drown) (me @ me: jfc that's a longass sentence) (Stede POV canon retelling, my very slow love letter to canon. YES the next chapter is on its way, I just finished an editing pass that it very much needed before actual betaing) tagging @red-sky-in-mourning because things they have written or reblogged are DEFINITELY in my project notes.

He has to cut him off. (A secret third thing) (oh look more Stede POV retelling! this time of Water Flowing Underground: I woke up at 3am less than a week after reading WFU with the beginning of this fic.) tagging @gaypiratebrainrot for writing the thing that melted and reformed my brain, and because this fic ended up being the start of a very good friendship.

It turns out there is a second fucking pirate ship trying to board this stupid little Dutch freighter. (Cannonball) (part 2 of devil's threeway, this is the one where Ed gets together with Anne Bonny and Mark Read and also cries a lot) tagging @adreamingofguns, who hasn't written any gay pirates fic, but who has a Special Interests in pirates and contributed to my thoughts about Mark.

It’s not that he prefers the beard, exactly. (nice either way) (the tiny Beard Discourse fic) tagging @blakbonnet for beard discourse reasons.

For Frenchie, that afternoon has the unreal quality of a dream as he sits cross-legged on the deck of The Revenge sewing an addition to Blackbeard’s flag. (what makes me kind) (rest in pieces, this fic) (listen. I had an idea. I had a LOT of ideas. but I kept getting sidetracked. see: everything else on this list. someday? weirder things have happened but idk. if nothing else someday I might just post all the fragments I have written, because some of them I do like very much.) tagging one of my favorite post-S1 longfic writers, @not-nervous-jester. (who has actually finished theirs! two of them!)

[edalynn]

Even if the huntlow shippers are right and every frame where they stand next to each other and every bit of crew art was part of some complex metanarrative hinting at how theyre totally in love and how the crew was being suppressed by disney from overtly developing a m/f couple for some reason. That. Still isnt a good way to write a ship? You straight up cannot build up a good romance only from longing glances or whatever if we never actually see them talking to each other. Especially since hunter and willow are both main characters.

Like even if you take the things theyve said AT each other after the flyer derby episode (which was the last time they actually had a conversation btw) and twist it into flirting i still have to ask...why would they flirt with each other? We havent seen them talk about anything important AT ALL since the first time they met so what kind of bond are they supposed to have with each other? Beyond just friends/teammates? Hell we never even see them just be friends onscreen without their other friends there except for i guess the haircut scene. Even as friends willow and hunter are not each others most important friendships. Id even argue theyre both closer to literally every other member of the hexsquad than each other.

Ppl freak out over flirty scenes or longing glances from other ships because theres actual substance behind the ships. The funny flirting and the frames where they maybe stand next to each other are supposed to enhance an already existing relationship. Where the characters actually talk to each other about important stuff and find comfort in each others company or whatever. If its meant to be a background easter egg or the characters arent important to the story or its just for audience speculation its fine if it doesnt have that. But huntlow shippers think these two major characters will actually start dating and have their romance be an important part of the story. And idk how to tell them that building a relationship out of longing glances with nothing to hold it together is uhhhhhhh bad! It would not be well written! Yes a ship doesnt HAVE to be complicated and yes huntlow doesnt HAVE to be exactly like lumity or raeda but if theres no equivalent scenes for me to get emotionally invested in their potetial romance then like. What are we even doing here! Just because you CAN write a totally shallow ship where they never talk but sometimes look at each other doesnt mean that kind of writing wouldnt suck shit!

Exactly. Even if this was something Dana intended and planned out from the start for these two characters (which if she had, why hasn't their relationship developed more than speaking once or twice on screen for more than a few words?), it's not good writing. It's not a well-written relationship. Just because it's a boy and a girl doesn't mean it's automatically a fulfilling and intriguing relationship, or important to the plot. We genuinely, really haven't seen them have a full, important, or one on one conversation since ASIAS so it fucking baffles me how people are so convinced they're in love and "already canon". Because, yeah, longing glances (from only one party in the ship at that) don't mean fuck all. They can easily be read as embarrassment or admiration or nervousness rather than a crush or inherently romantic. Like. Do they think Willow showing any type of interest in something Hunter is clearly passionate about romance? Because if so she must also be in love with Gus, Luz, Amity, and Vee. And vice versa, anyone that shows interest in Hunter's interest must also be in love with him. Which obviously is ridiculous and doesn't track.

They rarely interact in the latest episode, too. Willow has more development with Amity and Vee than with Hunter, and like you said, is clearly depicted as being much closer friends with Gus, Amity, and Vee with Hunter kind of being slightly outcasted in the friend group (not maliciously or anything, obviously, but it's pretty clear). We obviously have the haircut scene and implications that they've all hung out together in the time that they've been in the human realm, but they're only shown one one one ONCE in the montage of all things. And that scene is entirely happenstance, not a planned or intentional hangout. Willow walks in on him cutting his hair and helps him, they weren't intending to spend time one on one- Willow was just being a good friend and stepping in because she happened to be there. Both Hunter and Willow are closer to every other person in their friend group than each other.

They barely have any interaction, there's hardly any actual canon content for their "relationship", and we only have two episodes left as both characters actively grow closer to their other friends. There's nothing there to get invested in, like you said, other than fan content where the characters' personalities are totally changed. Sorry hunt/lows but your ship is sinking and you're all ankle deep in the water singing and shouting about how canon your ship is as they actively do not even speak to each other.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Okay, now that we've all had our fun, it's time for me to do some trauma dumping (for values of “trauma” that mostly mean “fandom bullshit” and “my dumb feelings or whatever”).  If you love The Goncharov Thing and you don't want to hear anyone bitching about The Goncharov Thing, then godspeed and god bless, this is your exit ramp.

So I hate it, I hate it a lot, and I recognize and accept a thing that when I was younger I wouldn't have been able to recognize or accept, which is that my feelings of anger, resentment, and shame are completely my affair and mine to deal with – or to rephrase, I 100% know that nobody is doing anything wrong or unfair to me, please do not interpret anything I say as a criticism of the fun anyone else is having, I am literally just Journaling For My Wellness, and because maybe other people feel similarly and would find this cathartic to read, idk.

I always feel incredibly awkward being like, Hey Guys Guess What I Was Sad As A Kid!  Because I will probably never be over the feeling that as a person who grew up with two attentive and loving parents in an environment of reasonable financial stability (like, we were occasionally Broke As Shit, but there was always food and secure housing), I had absolutely not earned the right to be sad.  Unfortunately, my Disorder did not get this memo in a timely manner, and I was a weird, fragile, melancholy child who had trouble relating to other humans and only felt truly comfortable while reading books or watching movies, because those things – particularly but not exclusively in the fantasy genre – flipped a switch in my brain that made my regular (Weird, bad, unpleasant) emotions disappear, replaced by the emotions I was absorbing through the story (adventure! enchantment! the power of friendship!)  This was, for obvious reasons, insanely addictive.

Maybe ironically, I actually got a lot better and happier as a teenager.  I mean, I had the Angst or whatever, but at that point in my life I also managed to start getting slightly cool?  My parents made me take acting classes, which they thought would be good for me, and lo and behold, it actually was.  I started being able to talk to people, it turns out that being the weird kid who knows Vampire Facts and has read every fantasy novel ever written is kind of an asset once you manage to locate the Weird Kid D&D Clique, and eventually I was kind of like – legitimately cool, because the early 90s were actually a very dope time to be a Mysteriously Sad Goth Chick who could discourse at nearly unbearable length about Alan Moore.  It was quite a specific swag, but I kind of had it nailed.

But the thing is that I was always very aware that I was fun and interesting because I had learned how to Discourse correctly, with the socially acceptable level of Moderate Goth Enthusiasm.  Regular readers here at the ol' blog will probably note that I tend to alternate being Heartbreakingly Earnest with a certain level of ironic detachment and backhanded apologies for being earnest, and this is because I am still fundamentally a Heartbreakingly Earnest person who cares so, so, so much about dumb fantasy stories but in my experience people actually hate being confronted with that and are either extremely patronizing or irrationally angry when I fuck up and talk about things just a little too much like I give a shit about them.  And I'm still really scared of getting those reactions, because it makes me feel Sad and Insecure and Small, like I remember feeling all the time when I was eight years old.

And fandom.  When I discovered online fandom in my early 20s, it provided such an outlet for me.  It felt like in that space, it was normal and not objectionable to take things just deadly, deadly seriously, to immerse yourself in the exact things I'd always felt pressured to know a lot about (to pass the tests, you know) but feel very little about, when in fact I've rarely felt Very Little about anything in my entire life.  I experienced fandom for a long time as a place where I could actually engage with media the way I did as a kid – where I could really connect with it and absorb the emotional rush from it and deep-dive into what it was saying to me and what I wanted to say back.  I cared so much about Due South and The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I cared so much and nobody told me to stop.  I wrote whatever I wanted, and nobody told me to stop.  It didn't feel embarrassing or Too Much.  The fanfic and the meta I was producing during those years was about my bisexuality and my love triangles and my breakups and my gender, and it was also about Themes and Motifs and the fucking – power of friendship or whatever.  It was about stories that I really, really loved, even when I also (looking at you, Stargate Atlantis) got so angry about how lazy and stupid they could sometimes be with their own set-up and premise.  And I never felt weird about being more or less my actual self in fandom spaces – funny but also sad, romantic but also critical and nitpicky, sometimes kind of a lot and definitely not to everybody's taste, but just like.  A real person that people could get to know and frequently like.

I left fandom for a long time, starting in about 2007, and I did that because it felt like the space was changing.  Livejournal was on the downswing and Tumblr was coming up; I was in my early 30s and everyone else was starting to feel like a 17-year-old Harry Potter fan.  But the real reason is that there was this – I don't know, this cultural shift it felt like, where you had to act cool in fandom.  Fandom!  The literal place where you had always been allowed to go and be deeply uncool!  But now people were starting to enjoy consuming the fanworks, the art and the fiction and the vids, while also acting like they didn't...care much.  About the things I thought we were all coming together to care about.  In place of people who would track down bootlegs of some art film that the guy from that show you liked was in and make eight copies on VHS to mail to all their friends on the other side of the continent, you were getting fans who – had not watched the show at all.  Who didn't feel any desire to.  Or who had consumed the source material, but were totally comfortable just saying fuck canon, so suddenly the amount of weird shared fanon was exploding.  You had the rise of the “fandom is my fandom” people, who were in it for the social elements and the kind of fanfiction trope/voice/aesthetic – you know, the one where now you can read a pro novel and know instantly whether or not the author cut their teeth in fandom.  You started having people say things to you like it's not that deep and your book report is sucking all the fun out of fandom.

It's kind of hard to articulate how shitty all this felt to me at the time.  It made me feel deeply ashamed of thinking too much and trying too hard and caring instead of having fun – “having fun,” because being allowed to be obsessive and intense and weird and kind of needy was fun for me, it was how I had fun, and it really hit some primal soft spot in me to have to start thinking of myself as the Weird Sad Awkward No-Fun One.  It made me feel like when I was a kid and I hated talking to anyone because I never seemed to say what they expected or wanted me to say and I didn't know what they expected or wanted me to say and every interaction was a test I failed.  I didn't want to write anymore, I didn't feel like I knew what to say even to people who had been fandom friends for years.  I remember vividly the first time I knew that my time was kind of up, it was in a conversation with a popular SGA writer, someone who I'd always thought of as a friend and really looked up to.  And I don't remember if I was doing some beta reading for her, or if we were just talking in general about the show, but I kind of picked her up on some point of characterization, like I don't think this is how Sheppard would react to that or whatever, and she said, “Well, the character work is so sloppy and inconsistent on this show, I don't really worry about it too much.  I think of them as more like Pilot Doll and Science Doll, and I can do whatever I want in terms of characterization.”  Which, like – absolutely that is anyone's right as a writer, and she was producing really excellent fiction! But it kind of broke my heart, because I suddenly felt...I don't know, like an idiot?  Like, oh, here I am, like a fucking idiot, poring over my DVDs of this stupid show, trying to make things fit together, trying to understand the characters, trying to draw out the usable pieces and turn them into something that's worth loving the way I wanted to love it, and nobody else is doing that.  Nobody else thinks that's anything but a waste of effort.  And I remember that was the minute I first thought, I don't know if I'll ever feel at home here again.  I didn't log off that exact day and never return, but pretty soon I did log off, more or less completely for ten years.

If you've noticed that none of this has a goddamn thing to do with Goncharov (1973), good eye.  It's not directly related, except that I have this context of intense insecurity around the way that fiction affects me, in that I get really caught up in it and emotionally transformed by it, which feels childish and vulnerable to me and has been a quality that other people have frequently treated as dorky and off-putting if I don't put in the effort to be like Yes I Enjoy TV A Normal Amount.  And it's actually a little bit of a pain point for me that even fandom now low-key acts like it's dorky and off-putting if you let your stupid fan hobby impact your life or your sense of self, and with the combination of those factors, Goncharov posting has really felt like – almost a flex.  Fandom does what fandom does, whether the source is good or bad, if you've seen it or just seen the gifs, if it even exists or not.  Is Goncharov a good movie?  When you saw it, did it move you, did it scare you, did it confuse you, could you not stop thinking about it for days?  Well, those aren't relevant questions, right?  They don't affect the fic, the art, the memes, the Discourse – all that just happens, regardless.  That's the joke.

I get it.  That's the joke.  It's a fake movie so people are responding to the fake experience of having seen it in a way that's indistinguishable from when, say, Good Omens or OFMD took over your dash for a few weeks there.  The source doesn't matter, because fandom is not for or about that Nerd Bullshit where you curate and you saturate and you have a real emotional response that changes who you are as a person.  It's all dress-up dolls now, acting out our favorite tropes on the trending tags, Content for the Content Gods.  The joke is, you're a sucker if any of it was ever real to you.

The Goncharov Thing makes me feel like the butt of the joke, and again, that's not on anybody who does enjoy it, I'm not suggesting that there's an Objective Reality here where Goncharov shitposting is literally bullying or whatever.  I put in all that embarassing personal shit because I wanted it to be clear that I know this is because of my personal shit, because of the specific history I have with this tension between being Sad and being Fun, with feeling incredibly vulnerable around feeling the actual enormous feelings that have always been my lot in life, while my brain is telling me to keep that shit to myself.  Nobody is Goncharov posting in order to call me stupid, but it does make me feel stupid anyway, and it reminds me that I'll never feel like fandom is My Home in an uncomplicated way again, like it's a space that welcomes and rewards my authenticity.  And that's fine, things change and nobody is owed a social space that caters specifically to their needs; I think it's healthier to focus on the fact that I did have that once, and not everybody does.  I will never be ungrateful for the way that being in fandom helped me navigate my 20s, and I am still over here Just Vibing in my very dorky way, simmering gently in my obsession with a very weird tv show about a guy who loves a book in an embarrassing, irrational way that is, after all, a little bit endearing.  I'm not ungrateful to have made it back here, either.

[pinkseas]

(kicks the door down, fire surrounding me like a stage concert) I AM SAID AO3 USER COMMENT YOU WILL NEVER FIND MEEEEE I READ YOUR REPLY TO MINE AND BAWLED you get me you gget me so hard ao3 user anomaly98!!!!!!! (i did say in my comment i dug thru ur tumblr and here i am yet again)

not because i'm a prick not revealing myself thoughg i just have self esteem issues bc of liking qpr xiaolumi. yeah thas righrt i am shy of exposing that i dig this side of the r/s and i don't delve into the romantic one ever. prolly cus i'm an aromantic myself but like YOU KNOW- i just want to pop in to rlly emphasize the fics really do mean a lot to me in words you got it better described. that qpr in general has a different feel to intimacy and it fits them so nicely as people who are?? i guess, lonely but surrounded? (lumine to her friends who doesn't understand her enough, xiao to the adepti in that same matter, and the people of liyue who will never listen back to him), and here's another few disgustingly picky thing i got that your fics have that i tend to do in brainrotting it; most in lumine's pov and having her see through xiao's vulnerability firsthand. gosh that is so rare, you'd think bc he's always portrayed strong boi yaksha to protect the traveler all the time, but not in this perspective. and when yuou have her care for him both in the shower and bed just sends me straight face first into bed squealing crying blood of the consideration of ~~~~this whatever invisible distance~~~~ they have like its on lumine's condition to be aware of; she insists and ask first, and xiao is still allowed to say yes And no- and ~~~~this whatever closeness~~~~ xiao is reluctant to provide and its only to lumine's promptings in their friendship he accepts it, and felt warm enough to reach out if not in a ghostly touch.

very specifically, i love to see them not so in love with each other- i mean they can fall in love anytime (and in my interpretation they're a lot slower than yours in development but still a path to qpr eventually). i see their relationship as,... very fragile, but very grounding. its this small important part of their life they can shed their masks and be vulnerable like your recent fic to find each other's answers and resolve through it together because they're the Only two people of this world to understand (aside aether, aside all ppl xiao lost) that makes their dynamic so meaningful and i hope more ppl can see that side of them. ao3 user anomaly98 this is why YOU GET MEEEEEEEEE

deep breath.

if you do not wish to be found i will not search please know my inbox is always here i will welcome you with open arms <- pretend im saying this like Really Dramatically real somber real like. idk. like the way an ancient narrator begisn the story and reads the prophecy THAT kind of drama thats the vibe

its okay i would simply never assume u were a prick and i 100000% understand the insecurity that comes with enjoying certain aspects of ships and ESPECIALLY insecurity rooted in Being Aromantic and Enjoying Things In An Aromantic Sort Of Way like ive gotten way better its prob the only reason im able to write them how i want now but i ABSOLUTELY have been there i Understand

lonely but surrounded is SUCH a good way to put it. i genuinely do think lumine is close with a LOT of the others, i think she has a lot of trust and care for them, but its not the same. its not the same depth, not the same commitment, you're SO right comparing it to like. idk !!! idk. lumine once had aether who understood everything so easily and xiao had the other yakshas they both had a family, once, they both had people who understood, once, and now no matter who they love and trust in that matter they are alone. and that's something i love so much about the dynamic i envision for them, the fact that they're able to share such a unique loneliness, the fact that in not being understood by anyone around them they're able to understand each other. there's a level of distance and disconnect between them and those around them that doesn't exist with the other. its SO fucking important to me.

xiao is SO often depicted as being either a) very protective, strong, unbreakable etc or b) very vulnerable and fragile and i fairly often see fics of like. one of them protecting the other, almost? or less that but fics where the dynamic is Skewed, where one of them has the Role of protector and the other the Role of protected, where those roles are set in stone. and i think them being on the same wavelength, capable of protecting each other at any point, equally capable of either- that's so fucking important to me. it's not just that one of them is vulnerable, its that they're vulnerable with each other. it's not just that one of them will fight, it's that they'll fight for each other and fight together. it's equal. it's shared. so much between them is shared. their loneliness, their otherness, the unique way they feel about each other, their grief.

"i love to see them not so in love with each other" no bc this FUCKS. in my little brain i imagine it still takes time but i do definitely write it as being faster, and i think i imagine it as faster too? less rushing into it or any sense of need to be closer and more of just clicking so quickly, so easily, that what follows feels natural. "very fragile, but very grounding" is another REALLY good way of putting it your MIND oh my GOD!!!!!

idk just. for me so much of it is the small moments? sometimes when im walking out in the preserve the wind is cool and the air is fresh and the sun is warm and i think oh, this isn't so bad. this is lovely. and that's the kind of vibe i try to go for with them. contentedness over happiness, smaller gestures over grand ones. a quiet kind of love.

okay im losing my entire thought process idk that i had one to begin with admittedly but yknow. time to think about them for 120 billion years and never ever stop i wish iwasnt so tired id try writing more Literally Right Now. might try anyways and channel the sleepy into some sort of rly peaceful early morning/late night scene who knows