#idk i feel like i need increase my confidence

[lazymcfail]

so ive decided to embrace my looks and am signing up with a modeling agency. i also signed up to take improv classes.

[sublux]

i'm so mad i don't have private insurance through an employer so i could get any kind of therapy or medication or anything. tags are a rambling rant

[multiplydifficult]

On my last placement my supervisor didn't send me the filled-in assessment form (was only sent to my tutor), and i only realised it a couple months ago when we started talking about professional development / registration requirements, so got my tutor to send me a copy.

I only just now got to reading it, and apparently one of my competencies, "working proactively & respectfully with others" my supervisor only just passed me. They never mentioned this in either of our assessment sessions nor any fieldwork sessions, but apparently my colleagues reported "a few minor indiscretions around professional practice" and my supervisor recommends i "reflect on my attitudes toward being assessed and how this influences the way you speak to others and the words you choose to use" and "reflect on how you could use an alternative approach when asking a colleague to do something differently."

Supervisor opted not to tell me at the time because they thought it was minor, but combined with "the events that occurred within the final report" (our discussion? What "events"?) he considered them to be a real issue.

I fully have no clue to which this is referring. It would really have enabled me to reflect upon these if supervisor had told us any of this earlier, if i had a goddamn single clue to what i said with which colleague. How am i supposed to reflect upon my words if i don't know to which words supervisor is referring??

[purplesannnieee]

Hi! Mine if I request? Can you do Reader who lost a bet and had to dress up as a dog? She has a cute and but flimsy maid outfit with the doggy ears and tail. I want this to be NSFW if you can, or you can make it where Jin likes it and he ends up demanding her to do a bunch of chores in his room. I choose a dog maid for her because dogs are known to be loyal and listens easily to their masters/owners.

Good luck with college though! I’m sure you’ll do great ❤️

Wolf Girl and Black Prince

18+, DO NOT INTERACT MINORS

A/n: yk what's crazy? the fact that someone I'm friends with literally is doing art of Jin with a dog leash, so I'm so on board with writing this 😭 (ALSO THANK YOU, I'LL BE NEEDING IT :D), also, if ya'll get the title reference, ifykyk ;), as it turns out, I think I just struggle with writing smut (considering that this is my first time writing one), 2.3k words, I gave up on why tumblr is formatting the images weird

summary: who the fuck told you this was going to be a good idea? it didn't help the fact that jin called you a servant. and yet, you had way too much confidence into making a bet with him, where if he didn't had to intervene in the next mission, he would no longer call you a servant. unfortunately, you lost, leading you to being a dog maid, while the tension between you and jin has rather...increased higher than usual warnings: this isn't in order, despite of the title, I promise you this isn't toxic (aka no angst!!), erm, a bit of bdsm? jin's a kinky mfer, i'm not going to make jin command reader to bark lol (it's funny tho), that mf's the type to do orgasm deny, and then fucking make you cum multiple times, creampie (please make sure to wrap it and use contraception :D, safe sex ya'll), idk why, he seems like the spanking type, that shithead degrades you, he'll call you names like, "my queen" (how romantic while you get fucked), aftercare king, I feel like this is going to be a bit messy, OH, mf's definitely a pussy sucker, mf's so fucking rough, oh yeah, that mf has a dick piercing too (it's canon), jin asks reader to light his cigarette in a rather intimate way (ifykyk), reverse prince albert(?) and standard ampallang(?), your writer was in fact sleepy asf when she asked this to her friend when asking what type of piercings Jin has 😭, I'm gonna be silly and let's just say Jin's revoking reader's v card, ig in this vers, reader's mc, but with ✨personality✨, SIZE KINK

Stupid fucking Jin. If you weren't walking around eggshells by now, you sure fucking failed at it. The two of you had recently made a bet, that if you were to succeed in your current mission without any intervention from him, then he would no longer call you a servant. Compared to if he did intervene, he would win, and you would have to do whatever he asked for a week without the intervention of Tohma. God, you were way too naive, as you were close to finishing, before fucking Jin intervened. While you did catch the anomaly…, that motherfucker gave you a smirk for only you to see, before walking away. What made it worse was that Tohma wouldn't be able to help you at all; so really, you were screwed.

Before you knew it, you were at your room for a moment, before hearing it rang. Picking it up, you groaned at the name, realizing that Jin was calling you. Not wanting to make a fuss about it, you sighed, before answering. "Good, you answered," he said, as you swore you could see him smirking, even despite not being in the same room. "In five minutes, meet me in my room, and make sure to knock five times," he added, before hanging up. You moved your phone away, baffled, before flopping onto your pillow, screaming into it. What the genuine fuck? You sighed, as you frowned, before walking out of your room and going to Jin's room. Arriving there, you knocked on the door five times, before hearing him say "Come in."

"You're fucking early," he gruffed from the same fucking couch he normally laid on. You could smell the hint of that rich classy ass cigarette he smoked on a basis. "Well, might as well get this over," you said, looking at his figure. You watched his arm move, and before you knew it, you could see him throw something at you, gasping, as you had to move forward to grab it. Looking at it, you noticed that it was a box, perhaps with something in there. "You have a minute to change into it," Jin said, as your eye twitched, being more annoyed. "You've got to be--," "Bianerus." Seriously? What the fuck Jin? "Change, now."

Almost immediately, your body reacted, as you started to take off your uniform. You frowned, as you would've preferred having your uniform on. Regardless, after leaving you to just your garments, you opened the box, only to turn red. It was…a fucking maid outfit? And dog ears too? Normally, you would've yelled at Jin, however, because he had to use his stigma, instead-- you changed into the rather flimsy maid uniform, along with putting the dog ear headband on. This almost reminded you of that anonymous dress you were sent (though you were sure it was Jin who sent it). The measurements were too accurate, granted, the uniform was a bit tighter around your curves.

"Wake me up when the paperwork's been organized," Jin said (practically ordered) before returning to sleep. You couldn't help but want to curse him out. However, instead, you looked towards the amount of paperwork, as you frowned, before sighing. You truly were going to regret this. What made it worse was that you probably wouldn't get any new missions, so this was a bad situation for you. You couldn't help but groan, as you started organizing the papers. You truly wondered how Tohma managed to deal with him sometimes. And yet, regardless, you continued.

Well, despite being mostly done with it. You were tired, way more than you would've preferred. "Fuck me," you muttered to yourself, at this point, annoyed. And well, despite how pissed off you were in the situation you were currently dealing with, part of you did care about Jin. Even with whatever potential weird fetish of his, sure, you might've complained a few times, but you were willing for him. Just him only. Unfortunately for you, while you were in deep thinking, you hadn't noticed Jin wake up and walk behind you, before hugging you.

"Jin!?" You became surprised, as you could feel his body being…surprisingly a bit warm compared to the dorms. However, that didn't help the fact that your face became flustered. Slowly, you could feel his hand tangle with your hand. While you weren't sure of what to make of this, this was rather--

"Bianerus." Jin used his stigma, as your body jolted against his. What did he want now? "Do you really want me to fuck you?" He whispered in your ear, his mouth close to yours. You couldn't help but shiver, your pussy clenching against nothing, before you said it. "Yes." Okay yeah no, you really were fucked. The two of you stood for a few minutes before you could feel him suddenly pick you up, as you were now carried again. Just like the last mission, he was holding you like his bride out of all things.

"W-Wait!" You yelled, flustered, and before you knew it, you were placed on the bed, before hearing another command of his. "On your knees," he said, without using his stigma. And yet, you still listened to him, getting on your knees and elbows, before he hummed. You could hear his steps farther away from you, as he seemed to grab something. Before long, you gasped, as you were immediately flipped onto your back, as Jin tied your wrists with one of your ties. You couldn't help but stay quiet, unsure what he would do now. You watched Jin disappear for a moment, before feeling your legs split apart. "What are you doing--," "Shut up," Jin said, as before you knew it, you gasped, as you could feel something warm and wet on your underwear. Before you could say anything, you let out a moan, as you could feel Jin sucking through your underwear, as his hands gripped your thighs tightly.

You tried to close your legs, as a mix of embarrassment and pleasure rose. However, Jin was firm with you keeping them open. "Don't you dare," he muttered between his laps, as you could feel your pussy clenching over nothing. "Jin….! You fucker…!" You whined, your hands writhed against the tie. He stopped momentarily, only to look up at you, smirking. "That's what I intend on doing," he teased, before moving your underwear onto the side. "I'm going to make you fucking beg me to fuck you until you cry," he said, before letting out a chuckle, noticing how you were reacting. "Such a pretty cunt…" Jin mumbled to himself, as he gave it a kiss, before lapping it. You couldn't help but moan, as you wanted to move, yet you knew if you did, he would probably command you to stop doing so.

You were too embarrassed to moan, the pleasure that coursed your body was too much. Your legs still trembled regardless, as you bit down your lip, though not enough to leave any blood. And yet, Jin stopped momentarily, as he moved up, holding your hand with his. "My room's fuckin' soundproof, so stop holding those pretty moans of yours back. Be loud as you can, my queen," he said, before looking at the uniform (that he totally forgot he told you to put on), his hands instantly ripping it. "I'll make sure to find a tailor later...," he muttered, though too quiet for you to catch what he said.

You couldn't help but cry out in pleasure as Jin ended up going back to sucking on your pussy. "Fuck fuck fuck— please...!" You let out a whine, throwing your head back against the pillow (funny enough, your headband fell off), as you desperately moved your body closer to his face. And yet, Jin suddenly stopped when you were getting close to your high, as you panted. "Why the fuck did you—," "Now I have to punish you," Jin let out a tsk, as he pulled your body toward his, while he sat up. To your realization, he placed you on his lap, your ass out. Goddamnit.

"Count," he said, and before you knew it, you gasped, as he slapped your ass. "One," you muttered, before receiving another. "Louder," he muttered, slapping it again before he gave you another chance. "Fuck—ONE!" You yelled as Jin smoothed over your lower cheeks, before slapping it again. "TWO!" You screamed as he continued until he reached ten. By then, your ass was red, your eyes tearing up, and yet, you enjoyed it? "So fuckin' wet..., are you into being spanked?" Jin teased, as two of his fingers spread your folds, as you were too stimulated to try and close your legs. "Jin...," you whined, as he hummed. "Wanna get fucked, please...!" That was probably the last thing you consciously remembered before you overdid yourself.

Next thing you knew, your back was back on the bed, as your binded wrists were above your head. You watched as Jin pulled his necktie off, stripping the rest of whatever clothes he had on the top off. His hands trailed down to the edge of his pants, unzipping them, as you noticed how hard he already was from his boxers. You could feel yourself clenching again, as he smirked at you. "Seems like my dear queen can't take her eyes off me," he teased, his hands slowly taking off his boxers, his cock sprung to his stomach. The only thought to yourself was, 'Oh my God, that's a big fucking dick with piercings!'

Of course, you were too focused on Jin's cock to notice your legs being moved onto his shoulders, only for the sudden surge of embarrassment to rise. "Wait! Please...be gentle?" You asked, though while you weren't planning on telling him, he would become your first. Jin looked at you for a moment, before he started rubbing the tip of his cock against your folds. "Only because you asked," he agreed, as the both of you could hear the lewd sounds your wet folds and his tip were making. "As long as you keep your eyes on me," he said, as he didn't give you a chance to respond, slowly thrusting his cock in, splitting you whole.

Your body tensed, trying to comprehend the fact that you were being penetrated right now. While you didn't feel much pain, you felt rather...stuffed. "Ya, tryin' to keep me inside of you forever...?" Jin groaned as he could feel your gummy walls clinging to his cock. "It's...not my fuckin' fault you're so big!" You whined, your hands desperate to at least hold on to something. You could feel how warm his hands were, as they caressed your body, before undoing the tie, your hands being free. Your hands immediately grasped his, as they intertwined. Thankfully, despite Jin struggling, he was patiently waiting for you. It took a few minutes, as while you hadn't noticed, he was only partially inside of you, and while he did want to ruin you; Jin would never forgive himself if you ever got hurt.

A few minutes passed by, as you slowly adjusted to his size. Jin did his best to stay still for your own sake, only to let out a groan, feeling yourself moving slowly. "Jin~!" You let out a whine, as his gaze softened. "Kiss me, please?" Without a second to waste, his lips immediately pressed against yours, as he gently bit your lip, asking your permission. You let your mouth open, granting him access to it, his tongue exploring yours. You could still taste a hint of your own juices, as you let out a moan. The way he was kissing you was surprisingly sweet, and definitely hungry (not like he wasn't sucking your pussy like a starved man just a few minutes ago).

Slowly, Jin started to thrust into you, experimenting with where your sweet spots were. Granted, the position you were in definitely helped him. Your moans sounded so sweet to him, he almost wanted to keep you like this for a while. But for now? He would make you a pretty mess— all for him. "Fuck! Jin…please…!" How your wanton moans sounded like music, and Jin would be the only one who would be able to listen to such beautiful sounds. It felt better, as you were feeling so good, and he knew you were feeling perhaps more pleasure than he was having now.

"Fuck it," Jin muttered to himself, as you were too dumbed to understand what he said. All you knew was that he slowly pulled out until the only thing that was in was the tip, before thrusting sharply. You let out a gasp, as Jin soon enough started to thrust at a fastened pace, your walls clenching from the sudden movement, and your hand's grip tightened around his hands. Before you knew it, you could feel a knot forming, as you broke the kiss, panting. "Fuck fuck fuck— I feel something weird…!" You whined as Jin chuckled. "Go on, cum my pretty slut," he groaned, as before you knew it, you felt yourself climaxing, your body trembling from orgasming.

The thing was? Jin quite wasn't done. "Don't hold it back, my queen," he said, slowing down a bit to let you recover before fastening his pace again. You let out a mix of moans and whines, as Jin's cock began hitting your cervix; which led to you orgasming more. Before you knew it, Jin's pace became irrational, as he was trying to thrust as possible as he could. "Fuck— gonna cum in ya and let you have my kids," he groaned, as you teared up from how overstimulated you were. It didn't take long before you came one last time, as Jin filled you up; you felt so warm and full, as Jin let go of your legs, before hugging you. "I love you," he muttered, as you simply hummed in response, before kissing him back. "Love ya too," you muttered, before poking him. "I'm never going to wear whatever the fuck that was that you told me to put on though." After that, Jin did not accept any advice about you from Tohma.

[absgay]

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ “I don’t see no point in blaming you, If I were you I’d do me too.” ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

word counts: 1,2K.

“Something about me, got you hooked on my body. Take you over and under and twisted up like origami.”

warnings: 18+ minors dni, grammar, f*buddy!abby, college!abby, some angst, jealousy, toxic? idk, smut.

next part here: hart to get.

Abby sighed peacefully as she watched you search for your clothes with satisfaction. It shouldn’t have happened, not again. But it’s always been complicated, you couldn’t resist her. “It won’t happen, ever again…” you said. “We were supposed to talk.”

Abby chuckled and sat down against the headboard, all sweaty and breathless. “You don’t have to leave right away.” She looked outrageously good, standing by the bed and putting on some boxers. “We’ve already had this conversation two weeks ago.”

“It’s different this time.” you responded, eyes bright and cheeks still flushed. “I’m trying to move— Listen, I’m seeing someone who’s really nice to me and I won’t let anyone ruin it.” Abby scoffed, unconvinced. “It’s over.”

“Sure…” Abby mumbled, approaching you. “You should’ve thought about that thirty minutes ago.” you sighed. “Come on— Don’t you think it’s cute how we always end up having sex, it’s almost an addiction.”

And there it was: Abby Anderson’s damn cocky smirk. You hated it as much as you secretly loved it. The blond seemed too amused, increasing your annoyance as you looked away, searching for something else to focus on rather than the woman’s abs.

“It’s over, Abby.” you repeated quietly. “I mean it.” You sounded unsure, tormented by your own words as you looked back at her beautiful face. “We can’t see each other anymore, we shouldn’t—” Abby’s eyes narrowed, hands reaching to grab yours. “Please— Don’t.”

Abby frowned as you pulled away. “Who is it?” You could feel the woman’s sudden irritation and frustration growing towards you as she waited, arms crossed. “Tell me!”

“It’s none of your business.” Abby nodded, threateningly. “We’re not together, you’ve made it clear, many times. I don’t owe you shit.” you trembled as she stared at you silently.

She chuckled. “You’re gonna have to explain to your little girlfriend how you ended up with a brand new hickey.” you glanced at the sensitive bruise in the mirror and rolled your eyes. “Don’t even start, because I don’t recall you complaining about it earlier today. In fact, you were begging me to fuck you—”

“Seriously? You’re insufferable!” you groaned embarrassedly and headed straight to the exit. You had one weakness: her. Obviously, Abby knew about it and never missed an opportunity to remind it to you.

She reacted immediately, right hand leaning on the wooden door as you tried to open it, slamming it shut. She moved it down to your wrist, spinning you around to look at you with concern.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked quietly. “Oh— Don't you remember what happened to you, the last time you tried to run away from me? At this party, in the bathroom?” Abby radiated so much confidence, insolence and charm. She didn’t even know how much it affected you, thank god. “Shit— You came so hard on my fingers, you couldn’t even walk properly afterwards…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” you responded, flustered and annoyed, glancing at the woman’s mouth. Of course you remembered, the suffocating heat and the obscenities still fresh in your mind. “Jesus— Fuck you.” you murmured, craving the blond’s touch again. She looked too good, too sinful to be true.

Abby smiled. “Beg me.” She wanted to give in as much as you. It was consuming, almost unbearable. You stared at each other with need, too stubborn to let the other one win. “Do you really think anyone else could fuck you this good?” You felt weak and vulnerable as you stumbled back into the door like an idiot. “Tell me.” Abby leaned forward, trapping you against it. “Come on— Answer me.” she murmured near your ear.

“I—” you swallowed hard, throat dry. “We hooked up.” you admitted timidly. The blond frowned and snorted, confused. “I hooked up with her…”

“You did not—” Abby huffed, teeth clenched. The blond’s eyes hardened and narrowed into slits as she stared at you with disappointment. How could anyone else see such a vulnerable side of you? You belonged to her. “You fucked someone else!” she shouted, stomach twisted in jealousy.

“Come on— Are we really gonna pretend you haven’t been messing around with anyone else behind my back ever since we started to hook up?” you asked. “When we first met, you had a different woman in your bed every single—”

“Tell me.” Abby demanded. “How was it? Did you enjoy it?” The bitterness and the undeniable tension turned you on. Usually, you were the jealous and possessive one. You’ve had to sit and watch Abby flirt with an enormous amount of women for the past months, it’s the blond’s turn now. “Let me guess, it didn’t feel as good as it does with me? So— That’s why you decided to come here tonight, because no one understands your body better than I do.”

You chuckled at the woman’s assumptions, in denial. It wasn’t bad but not great either, the real problem was that you had thought about Abby the entire time. She was right, it was an addiction. She lived in your mind rent free, constantly obstructing your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. It pissed you off.

“It drives you nuts, doesn’t it?” Abby huffed and smirked, she enjoyed your audacity way too much. “I mean— Think about it, I had sex with someone else, someone else touched me.” Abby remained silent, delighted as she pictured herself spanking the attitude out of you. “Someone else made me scream, made me theirs—”

Abby hummed as you moaned pathetically, the blond’s hand wrapped tightly around your throat. She loved how miserable you looked in this exact moment, only for her. “Watch your mouth…” Abby warned as she pulled it closer to hers. “Or I’ll shut it down myself.”

“Like she did.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have said that, maybe you went too far, on purpose. As soon as the words left your mouth, something switched inside Abby. The conversation turned into a heated argument which led to an animalistic make out session: skin flushed and bruised, curses and obscene ideas shared as she pressed you against the sheets once again. Abby held the headboard with one hand and slammed into you hard and fast, the blond’s messy braid falling to the side.

“Shit— Abby.” you moaned between choked breaths, Abby’s hand moving to your thigh and holding it tight as you wrapped your legs around the woman’s waist.

“Look at you— So beautiful and all spread out for me.” she said and slowed down. “This is exactly what you wanted, isn’t it?” And then, she almost lost control as you whined with pleading eyes, wanting more. “Holy shit— You’re gonna be a good girl and let me ruin this pussy all night, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” you moaned in pure bliss. “Please— Abby.”

Jesus Christ, Abby was gone. She wanted to eat you alive, she had never felt so attracted to someone before: you looked like an angel with the nastiest mind ever and she loved it so much. You screamed and wrapped your arms around her broad shoulders as she slammed deeper and deeper into you. You pulled the woman’s warm chest against yours, your swollen lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss.

Shit, it definitely wasn’t over between you two.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

[honeytonedhottie]

Hi honey 🍯🍯🍯

How can I turn my life around ? I em tired of being lonely I had toxic friends for years who ruined my selfesteem. Idk how 2 improve my life when I see all those ppl insta I feel worse im so sad lost I got attached to fake friends which made things worse for me i lack selflove too I was too desperate in past it was embarassing I want rise above all these things im tired of always being made fun of or getting bullied or being alone or having bad grades or nothing to do im so tired and done wth everything

How do I change ? How to turn life around? Idk where 2 bein w I have no hope left if things will ever improve 😕

hey anonie 🥹🫶🏽 im sorry to hear that ur feeling this way and it can be overwhelming but you can do it and things WILL improve.

take things one step at a time - dont go from 0 -> 100 cuz thats not sustainable. go 0 -> 10. make sure to be patient with urself and get better in SOME way at least 1% everyday. 1% is better then nothing.

keep hope - nothing is forever and things will get better and i hope that comforts u because when u feel like ur at rock bottom the only way things can go is up and you'll be better for it. think about everything that u can accomplish and how happy you'll be when u turn ur life around. use that to keep hope.

self love is everything - do whatever u need to, to increase self love and self concept/confidence. say ur affirmations because u are worthy of being loved by urself and by others regardless of how ur toxic friends have treated u. build back ur self esteem. i recommend mirror work.

acknowledge it - start journalling. i recommend shadow work so that then u can deal with that trauma from ur friends and being bullied. its not healthy to start a self improvement journey without dealing with those demons first.

on the bright side you've already cut ties with those toxic people which frees u and now u have space to truly flourish. you can DO IT anonie 🫶🏽💗

[catboybiologist]

March 2024 documentation and transition journal

Just got my levels results back, meaning that the doc is fully updated for March:

This is possibly one of the most exciting and interesting months of HRT since starting, because I've experimented around a lot with injection doses, so let's talk about that! I'm also slapping a couple of old pics in here for reference, so I'll slap some selfie tags on this.

So, lots of interesting HRT stuff. At my last levels check, I was on 4mg injectable EV a week. And… my E actually went down, even though that’s an effectively higher dose than my previous regimen (6mg sublingual/day). Because of this, I talked with my provider, and essentially she told me to fuck around. I probably was way looser with it than she wanted me to be, but she told me to go to 8mg/week maximum, and try and settle on 6mg/week minimum. So….. here’s what I did.

1 week of 8mg.

2 weeks at 7mg.

2 weeks 6mg, during which my levels were checked at mid.

I… can’t really advocate for this. Basically, my logic was that I wanted to see what it felt like to max things out, but have my actual levels check reflect what I’m like at 6mg to know if increasing or maximizing the dose beyond that is necessary at all. Ultimately, I’ve concluded that 8mg feels too high- I start getting a bit of headache and nausea at peak. 7mg feels very comfortable. 6mg, I felt fucking miserable at trough. When I was on 4mg/week, I used a couple of sublingual pills to try and get through that, but I tried to see if I could stop doing that. It went okay for the higher doses, but on 6mg… ugh. Felt like complete shit. I’ll def be using a couple this week to get through that, probably just 4-6mg sublingual on wed/thurs to make sure I’m feeling okay.

Oh. Also. I ditched Spironolactone, against the advice of my provider. 

I was getting really, REALLY irritated by the diuretic effects, so I quit it when I tried to 8mg dose just to see what would happen. I figured that 8mg would be more than enough to suppress T on its own (likely true), and so I thought it would be the best time to try that. And… when I stopped spiro, a depressive haze that had been in my head lifted very quickly. I thought it was just depression based on a rough past couple of months, and that’s probably true, but it also felt physical. The diuretic effects have also stopped, and I genuinely can’t imagine going back on spiro.

I’ve heard a lot of theoretical stuff about spiro potentially being able to inhibit growth and development. It's possibly a growth hormone inhibitor, but should be a more potent antiandrogen than anyone else. It’s…. Really hard to say whether spiro actually inhibits growth. As with a lot of transfemme physical developments, there’s never been a comprehensive, conclusive study on it, which is why its relegated to miscellaneous anecdotes that everyone will swear one way or the other on. I’ll have some opinions on this later.

So what improvement to my levels did I get out of all of this?

Well…. Good, but nothing radical. My midcycle estrogen is 159 pg/mL, which is about my target for trough. It’s a good step up from the 4mg dose, but I’m probably going to increase to 7mg/week- that felt fine to me, and I’m pretty confident that that’ll be the dose that nails it. I’m pretty deadset on going forward with that, I would just need a levels check to verify we’re all good there. (Side note, I’m a bit frustrated that my body literally seems allergic to just… stuff. Idk if I have an overactive liver or what, but my T crashed super easily, adderall consistently lasts shorter than it should, and my E is really struggling to go up.)

And did this result in any physical improvement? 

I actually think that this last month has been the single fastest month of physical development I’ve ever had. Here’s some things I’ve noticed:

My breasts have become much larger and more developed in relation to my chest, with a much better shape. Comparison pictures to even just the end of January show a wild difference (sorry, not posting that publicly). To be fair, though, I’m still pretty clearly in tanner 2, and I maybe want to wait for just a bit more development before I start progesterone. 

Waist measurement is still going down, and hip measurement is still holding steady. This means that, in effect, my hips are getting wider.

And this is one of the most exciting ones- my upper body seems like its getting smaller. I’m floored by this. My underbust is less, my chest looks noticeably less barrel-y, and my ribcage kind of “flows” into my waist better. I wrote a bit about this on reddit just now, but I think I know what’s happening here. Not only is fat burning from the sides of my chest as it builds on the front of my chest, I actually think my costal cartilage might be getting “tighter”, effectively pulling my ribs a bit closer in to my sternum

I have…. No way to confirm the hunches of that last one, other than the images I can show. So for educational purposes (and y’know. Making the funny women in my phone type funny syllables) Here’s a quick timeline where I think you can see the “barrellness” of my chest decreasing:

From left to right, we have September (0-1mo), December (3-4mo), March (6-7mo)

Don't worry, my shoulders are just as wide and athletic dyke-y.

Am I delusional? Is this anything? Maybe. Pictures are hard to make consistent with changes this small. But I do feel like its noticeable, and it seems like women’s cut shirts and tanks have fit me in a way that’s a lot more consistent with a cis woman’s body. Again, there’s also nsfw images, and I think they show a lot of progress, and I think I can pretty definitively say that this has been the single month with the most physical changes since, well, my first month back in September. 

Why did this happen? Well, I’m working with a sample size of one here, and multiple variables have changed at the same time. There’s really three things that could be happening: increased injection dosage, ditching spiro, or the general come and go of physical changes. It’s impossible to completely know what’s going on because of this, unfortunately- I’d need way more data. That said…. This is the first new “wave” of development I’ve had since I started, and my actual blood levels didn’t increase that much. I really, really don’t want to conclude anything, but I’m kinda thinking that spiro had something to do with it. It has broad effects on physiology which aren’t entirely characterized, that could easily theoretically be inhibiting generic growth and development. That said, I think starting with a strong antiandrogen is basically necessary for HRT. It’s extremely difficult to get E levels up without robustly inhibiting T first. Obviously don’t take this as medical advice, or even a scientific opinion. This is nothing more than a hunch.

Idk. I’m happy. I feel like I finally am starting to break through the progress stall I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated with. And I think getting the proper injection dose actually worked to break through it. I’m feeling a lot better with my transition in general too. I won’t elaborate much here, but I’ve been coming out to a lot more people, and its been tentatively going about as well as I could ask. We’ll see what the future holds, but I’m excited about it.

[witchspeka]

I dont think Mob is naive as much as he's socially unaware, like the reason why he trusts Reigen so blindly is a bit more complex than just him being naive

Cause Mob reached out to Reigen because he was desperate to find someone like him, someone who understood his psychic specific issues, someone that could truly know what he's feeling and going through and give him guidance and support

Post incident Mob's thinking process was something along the lines of my powers hurt people -> my powers are bad -> my powers (my emotions, my instincts, myself) cannot be trusted

So he lost all confidence and trust in his own actions, resigning to being as passive as possible to avoid any further damage to anyone else, thus he started doubting his own perception of reality too

He's a kid already struggling with being ostracised for being socially inept, who just got traumatised and all of his insecurity increased by the tenfold, he doesn't know how to process what he's going through. He needs help.

And here comes Reigen, seemingly reliable, a responsible adult in a child's eyes, someone who claims he can understand him

Even tho Reigen doesnt. But it doesn't matter, because Mob finds comfort in his words and takes them to heart

Even if Reigen doesn't fully get it, even if he doesn't see the bigger picture, even if his advice isn't always the best

Eventually, Mob grows up, realises Reigen isn't as honest as he seemed through his 11 year old perspective, but like most things, he refuses to acknowledge it on a deeper level

Mob knows, but never tells Reigen, never thinks about what all those lies mean to him (ofc until he forces himself to face those doubts regarding Reigen, to properly acknowledge both of their flaws and accept them as they are, I should scream into the void about Confession Arc more God)

Due to his lack of trust in himself, Mob has relied on Reigen for years now to shape his moral compass, his thoughts, his decisions

Because well, Reigen lies, sure, but he isnt a bad person. When he hurts Mob, it isn't intentional or with ill intent, he still wants the best for him, what's the issue?

Except that it stunts Mob's growth. He doesn't develop as a person, doesn't have goals or wishes or ambitions, can't make choices on his own, he doesn't even let himself acknowledge his own emotions, he refuses to let himself exist

But Mob realises in time that he wants more than that, he wants to become better and be independent and feel again

Still, he puts the acknowledgement of the lies on hold for as long as he can, unwilling to question the way things are

This can make him feel a little naive, he constantly relies on Reigen and trusts his decisions and raises questions rarely until separation arc when he finally puts his foot down

And I do think that moment is the most resounding proof we have that Mob knows and allows himself to be used by Reigen, not wanting to shake the status quo, until he gets fed up

I mentioned the social ineptitude at the beggining but idk if I should even elaborate on that, you've watched the show, you know what I mean

He's blunt and can't read social cues or tonality that well and can't speak in front of crowds and is overall pretty awkward and I do think some people conflate that with naivety

Mob is still a child, he doesnt fully understand how the world works at the ripe age of 14 years old, but some folks take that as him being inherently naive/innocent/whatever which I don't find true

[sugudoe]

matchmake me bestie 😭

-I work with behavioral needs children, mainly in schools, dealing with tantrums from pre-school to grade school, from small tantrums to full blown, classroom destroying meltdowns (I love it)

-I love horror movies, animals, naps, audiobooks, and video games

-I am confident and I do *not* accept nonsense when people come at me or mine

-I have #anxiety

-I like to cook, I’m okay at it

-uh, idk what else to say. I am a person who is trying to survive in this world that is constantly trying to make it harder to survive 😭

hii bestie!! i was so anxious to make yours, and you are so cool, mwahh! also, you reminded me so much of my reader from “when i kissed the teacher” so i got inspired by it. 🤍 ps: sorry for only one pairing, i’ll be doing this from time to time unless i get confused on pairings — i have other works to post and the matchmakings are for fun, hope u guys understand.

✶ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢��𝐠: nanami kento

One can only take much before crumbling down. You left the Jujutsu world behind, locking away your cursed technique, devotion the attention you gave to curses and evil leaders to something more bright and better — Nanami Kento envied you, but he was also the one who was proud the most.

The male thought of you with high regards, good memories of an old life, sighing contempt coming back from a difficult mission, thanking the universe that you weren’t there. In this world of lives in danger and deep wounds, your presence was being required in a school, with crying babies and ripped shirts from tiny fists.

He missed you, could never not miss you, your lack of presence was sensed by every creature in the world — your CT was the ability to manipulate emotions, but it could affect you as well. Sometimes, you would go numb for days, and the high ups would dig themselves into you to achieve terrible missions anyone would deny. Nanami was the one to put his fist down, to get you away during those moments.

It was also his care and warm presence that brought your true self back.

You missed him as well, like sunflowers without the sun to kiss their faces, you missed his constant warm. It was a normal situation to find yourself with his number on dial, but never pressing the buttons, not knowing that on Tokyo, hours away from you, his actions were the same. Like a tangled red thread, you move and he moves the same way.

One day, one folds. You call him, happiness increasing in your aura when he says “Hello, angel.” with that sweet voice, you know he is smiling as large as you.

It’s months of cellphone calls, everyday updating each other of your lives. You tell him of your lovely and difficult students, who remind you a lot of Gojo. He tells you of the new students you haven’t met yet, nor do you ever will, both of you think.

Your voices is what keeps the other happy for the day, the last thing before falling to sleep.

One day, Nanami calls you before the designed time, before a mission, in Shibuya. He tells you he feels weird, maybe scared, but he refuses for you to come, even when you beg. Kento says he will call later, and that he loves you.

It feels like a goodbye, but the granted love of the universe falls for the two of you — he survives, and he does not want this life anymore. So with a quick goodbye to those he cares the most, Nanami moves to your city, in a coastal area, little house by the sea. Going to sleep with his arms around you and waves crashing in the distance, life finally becomes peaceful.

Nanami opens a little bakery, he often stops by your classes to drop some of his most tasteful breads and grant them to your students as well, they all love him very much. The two of you adopt a canine and feline companion, naming them after your friends from high school. They always cuddle at your feet on your large couch, while the two of you are watching movies, specially scary movies. Nanami loves to have you flinched from a jumpscare and crawling into lis lap.

Life with Nanami is very much simple, there is no need to control emotions or repress them, when you are daily showered with devotion and love and can reciprocate without feeling the dread that comes next. The world is not so hard to survive anymore, and when the anxiety can get too much, and thoughts spiral shaping into hurricanes, his arms can carry you back home, to the safety of his heart.

──── ✎ ° ⋆ FUN FACTS.

◛ ₊· Nanami does not disagree that you are a good cooker, but he much rather be the one making your meals, as a way of showing love and letting you rest.

◛ ₊· He loves to listen to audiobooks with you as well, while you both are on a road trip to the mountains or other beaches, you listen to it together. But, if asked, he would much rather hear your voice reading to him.

◛ ₊· Nanami loves how good and caring you are with the children, your patience as well. Anytime he catches you with your students or hears you’re talking about them, he doesn’t contain his smile. Secretly, he can’t wait to have some of your own.

[gingerjolover]

omggg well since u asked for holiday requests: soft!gf and julien ice skating together?? and one of them (dealer’s choice) is super nervous / has never done it before but the other’s a natural. maybe the boys and muna are there, maybe they aren’t, up to u. love ur work mama g 🫶🏽

okay wait soft!gf gives me lowkey figure skater vibes... maybe figure skater!gf oop

like gf lived a whole life before they became soft!gf and met jb and got into a relationship

(i physically cannot create another universe rn because i am so backed up, but we can keep this in the back of our minds, yes?)

okay i would like to think that jb would actually be pretty good on skates but it would be getting her on the ice thats hard

like if soft!gf actively still skates, julien is watching her rehearse or going to competitions or maybe watching her teach classes in awe of how she moves

but julien is SO resistant to getting onto the ice, like seeing how graceful soft!gf is, julien just doesn't believe that she could be the same way??

but let's say that julien and soft!gf are in NYC or soft!gf's hometown, maybe at the rink they grew up skating in (whether soft!gf was a figure skater or just ice skated with friends for fun)

and soft!gf is BEGGING julien to come skate, even just for a little

def goes as far to rent out the rink or hit some people up and be like "can we just have an hour, my girlfriend is super nervous"

and soft!gf is a treasure and loved so dearly...so clearly, they get the rink to themselves

getting julien in the car to go to the rink? check

getting julien in the proper clothing and skates? check

getting julien on the ice? girl... bffr

it takes SO much bribing and bartering, i mean soft!gf owes julien like 5 massages, a warm bath, 2 hours of braiding her hair, and special cookies that she doesn't make often because they're time consuming before julien agrees

and julien is giving bambi

holding onto the wall, slipping and sliding

it takes most of the hour? two hours? that they have the rink for jules to just acclimate to the ice

eventually soft!gf convinces jb to hold on to the walker thingy (yall know what im talking about?) or the big traffic cone and skaet around the ice

and right before they need to clear out, julien lets soft!gf take her hands, skating backwards as they pull julien around the ice, teaching her how to brake and glide

julien doesn't fall once and is encouraged by the many kisses and butt grabs that soft!gf graces her with

ice skating!julien comes back into play when they return to LA

i feel like soft!gf was talking to kelli or katie about ice skating and they were like wait lets go ice skating

so munagenius all decides to go to a rink

and everyone is nervous, except katie and soft!gf, i feel like phoebe would be nervous but still just like step onto the ice

and julien has increased confidence but is still terrified

mainly because she hasn't fallen yet

but she lets soft!gf genuinely teaches all of them, Katie assisting because of their rollerskating knowledge

and all of munagenius are ice skating like grandmas, the best playlist you've ever heard bumping through the speakers

and i feel like julien would get tired quick, like would go off the ice and sit, a cup of coffee between her hands as she watches soft!gf try and help jo and lucy skate in zig zags

eventually munagenius watches katie and soft!gf's choreography you know how when you were a kid and you made dances with your cousin and performed them? thats the vibe

and it's to a song thats just so out there, maybe its like fucking hardy or something idk

or silk chiffon teehee

[birdmitosis]

alright kit one voice of the paranoid pretty please with cherry on top 🥺

[ask game here]

(Thank you for re-sending this ask, IDK why Tumblr hated my last attempt so much-- 🥺💕)

HELL YEAH MY #1 BLORBINA!!!!!

First impression

Haha, okay, that vocal delivery is great and I love that paranoia of the "what if He hears us?" followed by "shit!" Paranoid characters can be really hit-or-miss, though, and this particular shtick could get old really fast; I hope it doesn't.

Impression now

My favorite darling who I love and adore, my most beloved of current blorbos, the reason my STP hyperfixation is so so strong, bird of my heart 💖

Favorite moment

This is such a hard call! I'm especially torn between two moments: Of course the initial "Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves." is amazing and holds a special place in my heart because it's the moment I knew I absolutely adored her. But also, despite loving absolutely everything about both the Wraith and the Moment of Clarity and the transitions into both of them… "Oh right, yeah, fuck this guy. Don't trust Him." all by itself makes me love freeing the Nightmare in her Chapter II just as much. (Not that there aren't other great lines in that path, like the delivery of "I thought you needed me to run the autonomic nervous system?" which is just hysterical to me! But that line… It just won me over even more.)

As an honorable mention, let me pour one out for the cut Paranoid moment in Apotheosis:

I carry this moment, and Paranoid's thoughts about listening to others' lies having value, in my heart forever. It's just such an interesting touch and I'm incredibly sad it's gone!

Idea for a story

I have so many unbaked, half-formed idea snippets and NO details to go with them:

Paranoid running into trouble when her overpreening habits leave her without the ability to fly in a key situation, when she'd been able to (with increasing difficulty) up to that point since getting out of the Construct.

The world outside the Construct being some post- or mid-apocalypse survival horror situation and somehow Paranoid's body winds up warping in ways that remind her unpleasantly of Nightmare, primarily a bunch of eyes beginning to open up all over her body, especially her wings.

Either post-Construct or a mundane AU, bird-people or human or just human-looking, where Paranoid figures out she's trans (and slowly gains in confidence) due to drag.

Something that explores the idea of the beta voices actually turning into some of the current voices (Doubting becoming Skeptic, Flinching becoming Cheated, Meek becoming Paranoid, and Obsessed becoming either Stubborn or both Hunted and Stubborn -- and Smitten splitting off from the beta's Hero too actually!). I actually do really like the idea of the beta voices being their own individual people out there somewhere, but Paranoid reverting to Meek for a while under some circumstance could be fun to play with! And only Hero, Broken, Cold, and Contrarian would even possibly remember Meek…

Unpopular opinion

Paranoid really is not helpless and I think some people forget that sometimes! She's also got wonky morals. I'd argue that the voices you can get in other voices' Chapter IIIs often says something about them; while getting Paranoid in Apotheosis is more her going "That's Enough" and getting Skeptic in both Eye of the Needle and Den is kind of the same, the way Cold and Opportunist both show up in Wraith-from-Nightmare feels more… simpatico with how Paranoid operates? Paranoid can be fucking ruthless and also seize any opportunity she spots, especially if she doesn't trust a person (and the only people she trusts are the Long Quiet and the other voices).

She is also totally willing to abandon or murder a woman and the only one she seems to feel at all bad about at any point to any degree is the Wounded Wild. She's also also super dedicated to coming out unharmed and surviving, but she will do things like advise slitting our own throat when she thinks it's a good idea, and she is prone to panic but also remarkably self-aware about it and knows her own paranoid tendencies aren't always good, and both of those things can be easy to forget but I love them!

Finally, I want to note that people sometimes seem to forget that she doesn't actually get along as badly with Opportunist as you'd think she might! Maybe it's because when you get Opportunist in Wraith, it's specifically via doing exactly what Paranoid is advising (or would advise) you to do in that situation. Cheated and even Hero are more snippy with and disparaging of Opportunist -- even Smitten is to some degree -- and Paranoid is more snippy with Hero and Broken, and Skeptic is the one who seems most disparaging of her. The dynamics being different from what you might think fascinates me, really, and I'm curious about how both new and old dynamics might end up looking in the Pristine Cut.

Favorite relationship

I MEAN…

Much like last time, romantically speaking I love her dynamic with Cold. But platonically, I'm fascinated by her dynamics with Broken, Opportunist, and the Narrator, love her dynamic with Hero, and would be interested to see more (or any) of her dynamic with Hunted, Skeptic, and/or Smitten in the Pristine Cut.

Among the vessels, I also think she'd have interesting dynamics with Damsel, Prisoner, Spectre, Stranger, and Thorn, and would actually love to see more of her dynamic with Nightmare, Wild, and Wraith. (Looking forward to those new Chapter IIIs, too, and I'm very curious about the expanded Apotheosis chapter!)

Favorite headcanon

Well, hands down my favorite headcanon is transfem Paranoid!

But I am also super attached to her having major difficulties with getting her own body: She overpreens to the point of not being able to fly, she has all sorts of trouble sleeping (nightmares, night terrors, insomnia, even sleepwalking), and worst of all she has a harder time trusting the others to the same extent that she used to, at least at first. They're still parsing as us but they're also parsing as other and it fucks with her a bit. She also can panic due to not being able to protect the others or sense the pain/injury/illness/etc. of the others the way she'd have been able to if they still shared a body...

Like, overall she does like having her own body, it's quieter and she has more control over herself, but there's a lot that's difficult about it for her too.

[roguelov]

Ok so. Consider. We all love experienced confident sexy dream. But imagine young dream. Virgin Dream. Humanity just arrived and they're starting to hoe about and have fantasies. Imagine dreams first time. Imagine soft naive lovestruck dream being inexperienced but SO enthusiastic with his s/o.

Even better by the power of plot his present day s/o gets to meet young dream and is just like 🥺😏 soft baby, horny baby. Imagine how vocal he'd be, no restraint whatsoever.

ANON IM SO SORRY I DIDNT SEE THIS SOONER HOLY SHIT BUT IM SO HAPPY TO SEE IT NOW

Like him letting you take the reins and constantly asking if he likes it only for him to respond with a nod and a whine 😩 maybe you get to experience young Dream because of a curse placed on him, maybe a bet with Desire, or maybe a younger version of himself has always been locked away in the Dreaming and you stumble upon him (idk just spit balling)

But either way can you imagine he would react when he finds out your his current s/o and he soon he can’t help himself

You smirked as Dream, such a young naive Dream, eyed you up and down. His hunger and curiosity were so apparent. And can’t help, but feel a little proud. Maybe even peacock a bit. It was usually you who got flustered, you who was inexperienced, you who was under his wondrous touch.

Sitting side by side, you leaned towards him, placing a hand on his thigh. “Do you need something, my sweet prince?”

Prince, indeed. He wasn’t your dark, mysterious king you typically knew.

Dream flinched under your touch, and swiftly glanced away. The tips of his ears become unusually pink. “I - I am fine.”

Your fingers reached up, trailing along his jaw. You turned his head so he faced you directly. “Tell me what you want. I am a feeling I know, but you have to tell me.”

His eyes instantly pooled into the familiar black of the night sky. Sand and stars swirled around in tune with his heavy breathing. Being young age, his control on his powers waned. “I … I am unsure of what I want,” he answered quietly.

Your thumb brushed over his pale pink lips. “Is that so? Do you truly have no idea, or are you too afraid to speak it?”

His breath hitched. The air in the room was slowly increasing in temperature. “I … I want you … all of you.”

You leaned in brushing your lips of his. “Good boy, now let me take care of you.”

[paperstorm]

I am surprised that so many people think Mateo is gonna be the new Lieutenant. I mean a lot of people say it more jokingly but there is also many who are serious. For me - and watch me be catastrophically wrong because it's still Lone Star we're talking about and logic is out of the window most of the time - it's not even an option that it's gonna be Mateo. Mainly because he literally said last episode that he doesn't want to do it but also I feel like they have been so lacking in developing this character in the past few seasons that I really would have a hard time taking him seriously in an authority position. And yes Paul and Marjan definitely have their flaws but at least to me they execute the confidence and authority that is needed in that position.

Idk we'll see but I just keep thinking like .. how is this whole competition thing going to have a happy ending if one of them "wins"? Like are either of them capable, at this point, of losing gracefully and then taking orders from the other? Of having their best friend, who they have been competing against with increasing levels of bitterness, suddenly be their boss? Or would that just build so much tension and resentment that it would be untenable and create a completely awful vibe at the firehouse. I feel like it has to be someone who isn't Paul or Marjan because of that, and I don't think it's going to be Judd because as Owen (rightly, imo) said to Wyatt, that wouldn't be fair to the people who stepped up to cover for his absence to just have him swoop back in without having to earn it. My guess for now is Mateo, both because he impressed everyone last week by saving that guy in the car but also because in his lack of vying for the position he's showing that he's putting what's best for the 126 above his own ego, which neither Paul or Marjan are doing right now.

[dreamingcrystalfly]

eons ago, xiao had known the feeling of "home". with xiao as the remaining yaksha -- the final guardian of liyue -- he has learned to live life in solitude, removing himself from the mortal world. === in which xiao finds comfort in your embrace, his first taste of "home" in centuries.

☆ xiao/gn!reader

☆ slight angst with comfort (xiao needs a damn hug man)

also, i have an ao3 now under the same name <3

part 2 coming at some point idk 🌟

eons ago, xiao had known the feeling of “home”.

surrounded by familiar faces of his adeptal colleagues, his friends, his 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, this is all the yaksha had needed to know peace. sure, the responsibilities of being morax’s adeptal servant weren’t without its challenges. the toll it had taken on not just his, but all of the yaksha’s bodies and spirits were intense. it was a heavy weight they had shared together, strengthening their bonds and selves.

but this was eons ago.

as has been told, calamitous war and conflict tore through teyvat sparing none. despite their inhuman resolve, the yakshas fell to their karmic debt, leaving only xiao as the final guardian of liyue.

in his time, xiao has learned to live his life alone. it’s not as if this was a foreign endeavor for him, as all yakshas knew of the effects their debts had on mortals. that is, the 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 effects. xiao had never been much present in any mortal’s life, removing himself from the people to focus on his role.

xiao has always been a protector of liyue, and that he shall remain.

it has been several lifetimes since xiao has known the feeling of home by the time you meet him.

your first impressions of him aren’t by any means awful, but he is expectedly distant and closed-off. he simply asks what is needed of him, and once he deems it fit, he leaves with the same departing words:

“if something troubles you again, call out my name.”

you’ve never abused this offer, figuring the duties of an adeptus must be demanding. however, traveling at the frequency you do and wandering throughout liyue, you find yourself in more than a few difficult situations.

xiao has, without fail, always come to your side when you summon him. the rate at which you see eachother has increased a fair share, and whenever you stop to rest at wangshu inn, you’re more often than not in his company.

verr goldet has commented on his liking towards you on more than one occasion.

“you seem to have earned xiao’s favor, it’s not often i see him in a good enough mood to spend “down time” with any of the people. you should consider it an honor!”

in these quiet moments you two share during your rests, xiao finds himself drawn closer to your company. more and more he begins to let go of tension in his body when by your side, silently listening to the stories you tell him of your adventures. he writes it off as his duty, merely ensuring your safety.

but what protection could you possibly need, standing safely at the balcony of the inn? soft yellow lighting illuminating the side of your face as you face him to converse while he stares solemnly out into the marsh.

he finds solace in your presence, comfort in your voice, and a sense of peace he hasn’t known since the fall of the yakshas.

neither of you mention it at first, but slowly you begin to close both the emotional and physical distances between yourselves. he allows you to confide in him about personal troubles, challenges, and even more trivial matters you come across during your adventures. he maintains a rather serious composure, and were it anyone else you’d fear of bothering them with your conversations. but knowing it’s xiao by your side, you know he would quickly shut down a conversation were it truly a waste of his time.

n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ i̶n̶v̶o̶l̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ y̶o̶u̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ p̶o̶s̶s̶i̶b̶l̶y̶ b̶e̶ a̶ w̶a̶s̶t̶e̶ o̶f̶ h̶i̶s̶ t̶i̶m̶e̶?̶ y̶o̶u̶ f̶e̶e̶l̶ w̶a̶r̶m̶ a̶t̶ t̶h̶e̶ t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶.

the physical contact between you two begins as accidental. grazing your fingers against his as you walk, or perhaps your knees touching as you sit side by side on the rooftop of wangshu inn.

when you notice he stops trying to readjust his body as these “accidents” continue to happen, it’s almost rewarding. there’s a faint warmth that grows in your chest as you continue to see him (and although he doesn’t realise at first, xiao feels that same warmth in himself).

the first time you try to truly initiate contact, xiao looks like he’s near ready to explode. he pulls away swiftly, but there are no hints of disgust in his expression. in fact, he seems surprised.

his eyes meet your own for a fleeting moment, and in that brief seconds there’s something unfamiliar in his gaze. vulnerability, perhaps? is he embarrassed? you’re not quite sure, but before you have a chance to properly analyze further, he looks away and covers his mouth, faking a cough.

“i’m sorry…” his voice comes out gruff, wavering slightly, “i’m… unused to such gestures.”

“don’t apologize, i should be sorry,” you reassure him, “i shouldn’t have assumed you were ok with this.”

he looks back at you and feels a slight twinge of pain at your guilty expression.

“no… you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m just…” xiao can’t keep eye contact with you, now staring into the fields.

“i haven’t.. had anything like this in a very long time. i’ve grown sensitive to such affections.”

you reach out slowly, giving him time to pull away if he wishes, and place a gentle hand over his. he tenses for a moment but doesn't pull away, allowing you to intertwine your fingers together.

“xiao?”

he still doesn’t look your way, and your anxieties flood your mind. is he not ok with this? should i leave? i’ve made things awkward, he doesn’t want to be rude…

he says something under his breath. you ask him to repeat himself.

“…don’t leave.”

you tense your grip on his hand slightly, gently rubbing your thumb over the side of his hand.

on the rooftop of the wangshu inn, the world is now limited to you and xiao. the night sky illuminates his body next to yours, and you see him begin to tremble slightly.

you figure if you’re this far, and he doesn’t want you to leave, then the next course of action can’t be 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 dangerous, right?

you let go of his hand, quickly positioning yourself behind him. your arms snake underneath his and wrap around his waist, hugging tightly.

you lay your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. you feel his heartbeat against your chest quicken, and his breathing becomes shallower. despite this, his growing warmth signals to you that he doesn’t want you to pull away.

you feel him shake in your grasp, and judging by the way his breathing develops he might be crying. you won’t cause him any further embarrassment that he is d̶e̶f̶i̶n̶i̶t̶e̶l̶y̶ probably feeling, and keep your eyes closed.

he places a hand on top of yours gathered at his chest and silently grieves the warmth that had been lost to him for so long, that same warmth that you had brought to him once more.

he allows himself this one moment to be selfish. standing up and bringing you with him, he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you impossibly close.

xiao’s heart clenches as he holds you close, realizing that for the first time in centuries, he feels at peace. xiao is in your presence, and for the first time in eons, he’s home.

xiao is home with you.

you pull away slightly to look up at him, and see tear streaks staining his cheeks. lifting a hand to his face, you gently wipe them away. xiao leans into your touch, sighing contently.

holding your gaze, he silently asks for your permission to stay like this. you give a small nod, and that is all the confirmation xiao needs.

his head leans down slightly to rest on your shoulder, completely enveloping you in himself.

you feel his heartbeat slow and his breathing even out. the warmth in your chest threatens to overflow, and you squeeze him tighter, wishing you could give him everything he deserves and more. here on the rooftop of wangshu inn, with xiao in your arms, you know you have found your home as well.

[pjharvey]

my 17 yr old friend is dating her 30 year old family friend and everyone she knows is ok with it. is there anything someone could have said to you while you were seeing the crusty 34 year old that could have helped? I've just been like 'hmm, historically this is a bad idea' but i don't know what else to say because i don't want to come off as judgemental yk.

oh my god that’s even worse than my situation bc at least i wasn’t a minor :( it’s also a different situation for me bc i’m a lesbian, if someone had said “you don’t seem that attracted to him” or asked me point blank “what exactly do you see in him?” (nonjudgmentally though!) that would have helped, maybe the latter would work for you. usually when ppl tried to imply i was being groomed or that there was a power dynamic it sounded to me like they were being sexist and patronizing, and it made me even more firm about my choice to be with him. the fact that everyone she knows is fine with it could mean you have more success since she isn’t already on the defense, especially if you frame it in a way that Isn’t based on the power imbalance and doesn’t imply that she can’t make her own decisions. like if you can think of another reason she might rather be with someone her own age that doesn’t frame her as a victim that might be worth trying.

tbh if you want to use my experience as an idk cautionary tale i have no problem with that 😭 but unfortunately it’s very hard to tell someone in Any abusive situation, including grooming, to just leave. at the very least you can be vague, and say you’re always there for her if she needs it, and if she ever feels unsafe or in danger she can always talk to you. if her parents don’t know about the relationship you can promise confidentiality about anything she tells you. for teenagers, it can be literally lifesaving to have an adult to confide in who isn’t a parent, as they might be afraid of increased strictness/control over their lives, or just don’t want them to worry about them. if her parents DO know about the relationship it’s a bit more difficult, and also bizarre lol, i can’t imagine how anyone would be ok with that happening to their kid. it’s a shitty situation though and i’m sorry and i hope she gets out of it safe.

[midnight-moth-musings]

Unspoken Part 2

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Mactavish Reader

Part 1

---

After that night in the kitchen, it seemed that Simon was avoiding me like the plague. Any time I would walk into a room, he'd immediately leave. At first I was hurt, hurt that one night of vulnerability led to him completely closing himself off. But now? Now I was angry. A week passes by of Simon completely ignoring me and I've decided that I want answers.

My confidence immediately fades the moment I rap my knuckles against his door late one night. My breath hitches as I hear muffled footsteps approach the door. The door swings open to reveal him in the same attire from that night last week. His eyes narrow and I can almost hear my heart thumping loudly as he looks me up and down.

"What?" I try to hide the disappointment in my eyes at his unexpected coldness.

"I wanted to talk." I gulp as he opens the door wider for me to walk in. As I walk past his hulking form I try not to focus on the way his body doesn't move to accommodate me and the feeling of it brushing against me as I walk inside. I ignore the pink blush spreading across my cheeks and try to focus on what brought me here instead. What was it again? Frustration, anger? Yeah, that was it.

I spin on my heels to look at him, feeling my chest tighten. "What is it with you lately? You act like you're going to kiss me one night, then you ignore me?"

"Y/N--" He takes a step toward me.

"I'm sick of this back and forth between us. If you don't want me, fine, but I'd at least like to know." I huff angrily, not even noticing him getting closer. He lets out a chuckle, only increasing my anger. "Seriously? You think this is--" He cuts me off immediately by the action of removing his balaclava. My eyes widen as they register the pink scars across his skin, only slightly lighter than the color of his full lips. "Simon." I mutter softly.

"Shut up." He grumbles out, grabbing my jaw with his rough hands and pulling me in for a hard kiss. The feeling of his lips against mine causes my whole body to melt in his hold. I place my hands on his bare chest, leaning in closer as he continues to kiss me. As we both pull away for air, I notice the small smile forming its way onto his lips. He moves his hands from my jaw to my waist, pulling me closer against his body. "I didn't mean to hurt you, love." He murmurs, kissing my forehead softly. "I was worried I'd misread things."

I shake my head with a small laugh. "You, worried? After all the times you've caught me staring at you? I was worried you didn't want me." His brown eyes look down at me as his brows furrow.

"Not want you? Love, I've always wanted you. But you're Johnny's little sister. Fuck, if he found out..."

My breath catches at his admission. "He doesn't need to know." I reply suddenly. "It's none of his business."

Simon looks back down at me and nods. "Suppose you're right. Besides, now that I have you, I'm not letting go." I giggle as he pulls me in for another kiss, entangling his hands with the ends of my hair. We stumble back, falling into his bed, but he doesn't stop kissing me for even a second.

---

Thinking about doing a smutty part 3, but idk

-P