#idk i don't do it much anyway
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Sometimes I wonder if I should quit writing...
#ooc#negative cw#idk i don't do it much anyway#p sure people are sick of me#which isn't on them#i know i suck#but it still hurts when I'm ignored or people just don't wanna even talk anymore#if I quit then I won't have to worry anymore#and I can just pretend in my head alone#god i sound pathetic#sorry for all this#I'm tired and need to take my meds
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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Advanced technique
#an art#sdr2#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#hajime hinata#peko pekoyama#Im struggling not to commit a crime at work everything is just bothering me SO MUCH#I hate doing other people's work for them i hate the endless cycle of family bs I deal with i hate the constant noise at work#Wish me luck i need to pay a visit to my father today and with the state of my psyche idk how it will go#Anyway. Think of bff to remember why you don't give into the tantalising lure of Murder
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Taking pride in One's own appearance.
#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at#also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat.#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#doodlebyte#'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance...#you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral#anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn#sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town#i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming#id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country#plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure#all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities#and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this#which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match.#and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc.#just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it
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I think what a lot of j&h adaptations get wrong, is that ultimately, Jekyll is, at heart. A Cunt. Lots of adaptations like to write him as an innocent scientist, who got more than he bargained for when he drank the potion, and unleashed a monster, but in the novella, the only thing the potion really does, is change Jekyll's appearance. He created Hyde, and I think he had the opportunity to make Hyde into something good, but, because he's a cunt, he chose to use his alter ego as a force for evil and chaos. "Edward Hyde was alone in the ranks of evil"- of course he was, you never allowed him to be anything else. And Jekyll is fully aware of what he does as Hyde, he says it himself in his full statement, and he feels no remorse. He didn't create Hyde accidentally, he made Hyde because he wanted to do bad things and get away with it, without damaging his reputation.
Fuck Dr Jekyll, all my homies hate Dr Jekyll.
#my random stuff#jekyll and hyde#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde#henry jekyll#edward hyde#i was tempted to tag tumblr user jekyll-hatepage on this post but I'm sure they'll find it of their own accord#anyway this is kind of why my blog title is edward hyde apologist. jekyll could've chosen to just; not do terrible things and he didn't#this post was inspired by me reading TGS last night#don't get me wrong; i love it so much#but tgs jekyll definitely falls into the innocent scientist who got more than he bargained for category#and tgs is good; it's so so good#but j&h is very sacred to me and most variants of jekyll are not My Jekyll#idk if any of this makes sense
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#I don't know what possesed me but I put so much effort into this one it's crazy ajhdjs#the original meme isn't even that funny idk what happened#i even did lineart which i never do#anyway#ANOTHER ONE THANK U#invader zim#iz#zadr#zim#dib membrane#iz fanart#izmeme#zade#invasor zim#dib membrana#i don't have a consistent art style either#hagdhsh#but I hope you guys like it anyway
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if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?
Oh my goddd you have no idea
I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.
A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.
To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.
While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats
Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.
I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself- out of my programming and replaced it with something else.
Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.
People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure
Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?
It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?
I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?
Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?
Yeah, that resonates.
I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened
And now I have to just. Keep going
Into... what?
It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.
So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.
So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess
#Murderbot#Please read murderbot#Also it's so naturally refreshing and funny#Oversharing#I guess#This is fine to reblog tho it's chill#Very much resonating with the othering sense of purpose#Like what do you mean dream job#I don't have to worry about that this is what I was made for#Or close enough to it#I don't have to worry about finding purpose#But also thinking about that kinda blanks me out#No you don't get it I'm not a person like you are I have to do what I was built for#I'm better than you at it anyway#And don't I have a responsibility to do what I'm best at since you can't#Idk#Wouldn't you be upset if your blender stopped blending and became an EZ bake oven#Like you already have an oven#You need a blender#And I'm the best blender there is#Long post#Lol#Sorry#Oh also I'm autistic and asexual and hgenderqueer so *fart noise*
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Kira has a nightmare, one night when she's staying at the O'Brien's. Miles and Keiko, sleeping in the other room, don't hear her get up - but Molly does.
And Molly, being clever and kind, knows exactly what to do when someone has a nightmare. (Or, at least, she knows what her parents always do for her.) So she sits Kira down and brings her a glass of warm milk, and sits by her side as she drinks it.
Then, she takes Kira by the hand and leads her - to her parents bedroom. "I always sleep with mommy and daddy after a nightmare," she explains, when Kira stops outside the door. "It helps! Mommy chases the scary things away. And Daddy is warm."
"Molly," Kira says quietly, a little embarrassed, "I don't think your parents want me in their bed. Even if I did have a nightmare."
"No, they won't mind!" Molly assures.
Then, of course, Miles wakes up.
"Molly?" he asks, voice rough with sleep. "Did you have a nightmare?"
"No, but Miss Kira did!"
And now Keiko's awake, too, sitting up and saying, "Nerys? Are you alright?"
Mortified, Kira says, "Yes, I'm fine, I was just - on my way back to bed. Molly brought me here. I'm - sorry for waking you. I'll just be-"
"You can stay, if you want," Miles offers.
Kira doesn't quite think she heard him right. "What?"
"You can sleep here, if you think it might help," Keiko says.
"Or even if you don't!" Miles adds.
Kira opens her mouth, then closes it again. "I, uh-"
Keiko gets up, and takes Kira, gently, by the hand. Her palm is soft, Kira can't help but notice.
"Brr, it's freezing out here!" Keiko says, tugging Kira along. "You'd better get in before you catch your death of cold. Miles is practically a furnace, so you'll be nice and warm with us."
"And, Molly, you'd best go back to bed, too. You've got school in the morning," Miles says, as Keiko bundles Kira into the bed between them.
As Molly makes her way out, Keiko swings a lazy arm over Kira's back. "Sleep," she hums. "We'll be here in the morning."
Kira, feeling warm and cared for and more than a little overwhelmed, does.
#tbh molly may be a bit too old for this to be fully in character at this point#UNLESS she knows Exactly what she's doing and is simply Plotting to get her parents to kiss their crush#also i don't remember if molly is still saying 'mommy' and 'daddy' at that point? we might just not see her talk much at all#i think molly's like. um. 9? maybe? at that point which means that i'm for sure writing her too young#or maybe not. idk. i don't know enough about kids to write them well lmao. i'm tryin my best. what are “children”.#does this count as a ficlet? maybe. idk. it's not my real writing style but i guess it's still a ficlet.#anyways this is a free fic idea if anyone wants to do it more justice#since i don't think i'll ever flesh it out and save it from my Lazy Tumblr Post writing style#star trek#ds9#star trek deep space nine#kira nerys#keiko o'brien#miles o'brien#molly o'brien#the o'brien polycule#kira x miles x keiko#is there a good tag for this ship? an accepted ship name? tell me if it exists because i do not know it
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"Let's fix this drawing" *redraw the whole thing*
#star wars#star wars fanart#star wars the clone wars#star wars rex#wip or finished?#no one knows#sorry for the spam#I disappear a week and come back with *nothing*#But don't complain you're lucky#meanwhile my twitt is without content since a month#Cause I'm battling with illustrations V_v#anyway I went hiking with friends#we end up getting lost and having to go through like a feet of mud#a river#and 4 hours of walking#And my body took it well wtf like zero cramp#But then two days after I think I may have gotten a cold#so idk#still pushed to the gym#tho ofc it's summer now so they are much people#and BOI lemme tell you#for a city were half the population is right-wing elderly#the only people I see at my park are doing handstand on bars or whatever high level jedi sh*t#or maybe it's the only good streetpark at miles around so cool people can only go there#and me a shy potato with my cat-ears headphones and messy hair#anyway#that's it for my life.#good night#or I will redraw his face AGAIN#TAT
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Sweethearts 💕
Less edited versions under the cut
+some other sketch I had of em
#kamen rider#kamen rider gavv#kamen rider valen#GavValen#or uh I think everyone calls em#chocogummy#let's take sfx pill together#mecha's shitty doodles#Anyway hope it is apparent that Valen is smiling? 'cause he is#sweetheart is tad of too mushy word for me but that's all that comes to me for this one </3#I don't even think of em in ship way yet much more of just “they look very cute together”#I honestly could talk about how I see em but uh#sadly for em my current headspace is taken by best match and idk if it'll change anytime soon#<been trying to draw something em too. but more serious so idk when I'll even finish that#anyway sorry for tags ramble I sure like doing that
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✧*:・゚Art summary 2024
2014-2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021
#art summary#art summary 2024#art summary meme#my art#I know two years are missing but I wanted to get back to doing this summary#no art in November apart from that little mushroom so I didn't separate Aster and Kornelia (I like that drawing lol)#I draw significantly less and even less for myself but I don't mind for some reason#idk maybe my hyperfixation is now writing#I used to draw and learn about art and consume it in every way#and then I think Al came in and started to slowly destroy that obsession bringing doubts about my skills and the whole sense of creating#I don't look for new art that much because the constant suspicion spoils the joy of exploration#I don't feel like posting drawings in low res blurry with added artefacts knowing they will be ground into mush anyway#all so the rich dudes become richer and the spiteful dudes drown in their own venom#I know writing is treated the same way as visual art#it's art after all so something useless and pointless#but at least I don't have to post my chapters every month and watch as they disappear in the everyday slop#though I'm sure the big bosses will take my words and feed them to the machines as well because why not#sorry about the tags xD#HAPPY NEW YEAR! (soon)#I hope 2025 is the year the Al bros choke ;)
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Rereading Oathbringer, and it's once again so painfully clear to me that Lirin pushing Kaladin to become a surgeon was his desperate attempt to keep Kaladin from going to war. As a surgeon's assistant, Kaladin was exempt from being conscripted into the Alethi military, and sending him to Kharbranth would get him even further away from the war. I know Lirin gets a lot of flak for trying to push his views and desires onto Kaladin, but all I really see is a father trying his hardest to protect his son from the horrors of war while living in a society that venerates it.
#anecdotes by peachdoxie#Stormlight Archive#peachdoxie rereads Stormlight#i think the lirin criticism often strays into applying our social norms onto a fictional society#like yes it would be great if lirin had supported Kaladin's desire to be a solider#but like lirin didn't have a lot of options to keep Kaladin safe#like idk i just see lirin much more sympathetically than 'strict father forcing his views onto kaladin because he's Always Right '#i think there's a lot more nuance to lirin than that#and it's sometimes baffling how many people don't see the same things i do in his character#anyway lirin is my favorite minor character dont @ me
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🌟🍬🤖🎈Congrats to Wonderlands x Showtime for finishing their 4x4!🌟🍬🤖🎈
#project sekai#prsk#tsukasa tenma#emu otori#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#the 4x4 is four rounds of four characters' songs if that wasn't obvious#also please don't ask me what happened to the colors i do not know everything got WAY paler on export#i color picked everything i swear#anyways i love wxs so much and i wanted to draw something serious for this huge milestone of so many songs that i adore#i was initially planning on doing this for every band but if you can imagine making four gifs from scratch is actually a lot of work#i do probably have a bit of time before honami 4 comes out (mixed first + 3DMV) though so maybe i'll still do it idk#but i'm proud of myself for having finished this#wish i had remembered to add a watermark but it would take way too much work to fix it now so. please remember me.....#(and don't repost without credit :) )#my art#fanart#if the gifs are out of sync i am so sorry i have no idea how to fix that. this is my first time posting gifs :(#i hope they will be fixed
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hold me fast and fear me not
#friends at the table#fatt#fatt fanart#samsam#samot#samothes#hieron#spring in hieron#if you know me at all this should come as no surprise#if you don't know me. hi. i have a deep enduring obsession with tam lin#this is me compromising with myself and drawing a single picture instead of trying to write a tam lin au#(this isn't supposed to be an au thing it's just supposed to evoke the concept of tam lin)#ANYWAY. idk. been doing too much straightforward light-hearted character art so here's some melodrama#happy pride month?
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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Egghead chibs lesgooo ✌️✨ [Shop]
#My art#One Piece#OP manga spoilers#Egghead spoilers#I had sticker sheets of these chibs. They sold out at my last convention. Whoops#I'll probably reorder them though for my next convention and whatever I have left over will go on my Ko-Fi shop afterwards#Also yes the Cross Guild chibs also come on this sticker sheet. Because there was room for them#For the record the actual sticker sheet looks like a fucking MESS. I wanted max size but that means organizing them weirdly so they all fit#That Kuma sticker is probably my favorite thing I've ever drawn. Probably. Maybe.#The Loof is very high up there too. IDK why Luffy is so fucking hard to draw but he is so I'm very pleased with his chib#I have reached the ''Do Not Repost watermark'' era of my life it seems#Was gonna have more of those so they'd cover all the fucking chibs so people wouldn't use 'em as profile pics but#I gave up I hate watermarking my work man. Like I don't want to cover shit up when I spent so much time drawing it#But also I hate it when people just grab my shit to use as their profile pics like c'mon man#Anyway yeah the OP Brainrot is still Very Very Real
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