#idk i could be wrong and might change my mind as i learn more but

[bamfkeeper]

Kurt teaching you German numbers, his methods are very encouraging. 18+ under cut. MDNI.

This crossed my mind, and I think it's super hot. But maybe it's just meee idk 😖 It's all for fun anyway. I have trouble retaining information so I figured Kurt would come up with something to help you remember if you have the same issue. <3

Warnings: More dominant Kurt bc I wanna see more this side of him, it's not too crazy. Afab reader, sex toys, praise, orgasm denial, slight overstimulation, oral (reader giving), he uses his tail~ Not edited, please ignore grammar mistakes!

WC: 1.8k

You didn't speak German, when you met Kurt you vowed you'd try to learn. You asked him to help you from time to time, and he gladly did. He always praised you for words you got write, and gently corrected you or helped you when you got something wrong or simply couldn't remember. But even if you missed a day, you forgot everything. It was frustrating for you, how you couldn't retain something so simple. Kurt knew how you felt, so he thought he might change up the lessons to make them a bit more...interactive.

"We will start off easy, liebling." he hummed and sat in front of you, looking down at you on the floor. You were trembling and looking up with anticipation, biting your lip, squirming slightly on the vibe he had on your cunt. "Numbers. One through ten, ja?" he turned the vibe on a low setting, enough to jerk you up slightly, but not enough for you to reach your peak.

"Okay..." you rasped, crawling to be more sat between his legs. He chuckled and watched you fondle his growing bulge in his underwear. "Naughty liebchen..." he cooed, "Wait."

With a reluctant whine, you stopped and looked up at him again. Your cheeks were much hotter from the situation, he hadn't ever been this way before, but you weren't complaining.

"One." he said calmly, his tail curled up at the end as he watched you.

"Eins." you replied softly, your legs trembling. You could feel your core dampening, your clit throbbed against the dull vibration from the vibe. He grinned down at you, nodding. "Good. That's correct..." a press on the remote made the vibrator increase a notch, which in turn made you feel more pleasure.

"And what's two?" he asked, slowly pulling himself free, his cock slowly hardening as his hand stroked it. Your eyes were glued to his pretty cock, the tip beading already and you wanted to taste him.

"Zwei," you said back, hoping he'd let you suck him now. He saw your wants, but he didn't give in just yet. You were only on two after all, you needed to remember more than that first.

"Ah, good...three." he continued, hitting the next button to increase the vibrations. The second setting felt good, but not enough for you. You wanted more, and he saw your hips squirming. He smiled at you, he was unbelievably hot right now, it wasn't fair.

"Three." he whispered, "Make it to five and I'll let you cum." he promised, his hand steadily stroking himself. The promise of your climax made you feel more motivated, you were pretty confident so far. "Drei," your answer came out with a slight whine, and the vibe increased again, the third setting beginning to make a louder hum and your legs shook more.

"Das ist gut...you are doing so good." he whispered, "How about four and five? Can you remember four and five?" he asked, his hand moving a little faster on his cock. You bit your lip, spreading your legs slightly as you practically made a pool under you with how much you were leaking. "Ah...a-ah...v-vier...and....fünf..." you moaned loudly as he hit the button twice and the vibrations increased two notches.

He hummed and his tail tapped your back, urging you to scoot closer. "You did well, how about I let you reach your first orgasm? You remembered one through five, you deserve it don't you?" he reached down and cupped your face, his cock almost touching your lips but not close enough.

"Y-yes...." you whined, his finger pushed into your mouth gently and he tsked, so you corrected yourself. "Ja..." a bit muffled with his finger but...he got the gist. He nodded, his tail trailed your spine and moved between your legs. His spade cupped your pussy, feeling how wet you were and his eyes glistened.

"What a naughty girl. You are so turned on by this, hm? I had no idea this is what would get you to remember. I suppose we shall do this anytime you need a German lesson, won't we?" he pulled his thumb out of your mouth and held your chin, pulling you closer to his cock. It throbbed slightly, the head dripping sticky precum for you.

"Do you like when I am like this? You probably didn't expect it from me...but I assure you liebling...I can be however you want me to be." Kurt hummed and rubbed his cock on your lips. "Not yet..." he teased, his tail gently pressing your soaked entrance. "Tell me one through five again, sweetheart."

You were dizzy, you never thought Kurt could act like this, but hell, you weren't going to tell him to stop. You shifted, your back arching slightly, trying to get more of him to poke into you, but he anticipated this and withdrew his tail. "Kurt," you whined, pouting before reciting the numbers in German.

"Was that so hard?" he questioned, a playing smirk on his lips as his tail pushed back against you. Between his tail toying with you and the vibe, you weren't far from your orgasm. He worked you for a bit, until he felt you push your face into his thigh, moaning loudly as you felt your orgasm hit you. Your entire body shook with the shocks of it, the vibe was right on your swelling clit and it felt so intense that you swear the vibrations went straight to your toes.

"Ah...that's it...let yourself go, liebe...you're so good." he praised and groaned to himself, seeing you reach your peak almost got him to his own, his hand stroking himself hastily. When your orgasm was over, you whined and panted from the intense sensation still humming on your clit. He chuckled seeing your blissed out face, though slightly wincing from the overstimulation. "You are so beautiful...you feel so wet on my tail, liebe...can you get to ten?"

"A-aah...nngh, Kurt..." you whimpered, "S-s'too much..." you panted and held his legs. He shook his head and smiled, "Get to ten...then I'll give you a break."

He continued the slow count to ten, when he got to eight, you couldn't remember what it was. "Nngh...I-I don't remember..." you whined, your second orgasm right there....so, so close! You were right on the edge and about to teeter off when he cut the vibe's power. Your throat caught a strangled cry and you looked up at him. Your eyes held betrayal and he laughed softly.

"You know our deal, schatz...each number you get correct increases the power...for one you get wrong, you cannot come." he said calmly, explaining it in a teasing manner. His head tilted slightly, his hair curling at the ends and falling over his forehead. "Let's try again...from one."

You groaned and pouted, your forehead pressing against his leg. "Fine..." you muttered, feeling a little stubborn but obliging. One look up at him and your resolve melted away. You leaned up and kissed his tip before he could say anything in response. "Eins, zwei, drei." You said quickly, "Vier, fünf, sechs." your tongue dashed out and licked over his tip, tasting him. Your tongue took its time, slowly rolling over his head and pressing against the slit to get more of his precum.

"Sieben..." you trailed off and thought about what eight was, you had forgotten before. "Er..." you frowned, your brow furrowing in thought. His cock head came into view, you kissed the tip and suckled. "Oh! Acht!" you said proudly, making Kurt smile widely.

"Ja! Ja, das war gut!" he laughed and held the remote up a bit, turning the vibe back on. The vibrations weren't as strong as they were but they were slowly building back up. "Now what about nine and ten...?"

You moaned loudly, your already sensitive clit being stimulated raw like this made you more ready to cum a second time. The intensity of right before your climax overwhelmed you and the sensation continued. You felt like you were balancing on the rope right before free falling to pleasure, the vibrations just needed to be slightly more powerful...

"N-Neun...." you rasped, hot breath hitting his hard dick and he had to hold everything back, maintaining his composure so you completed the exercise. "A...and...zehn!" you weren't sure on that last one, but spat it out anyway.

Kurt was relieved too, he needed more from you just as you needed more from him. "Ja, good, you got them!" he turned the vibe up and he cradled the back of your head, pulling you to his cock and pushing past your lips. He bobbed your head and he groaned, "Ja...so gut...I know you've wanted this." he grunted out of a clenched jaw, his tail continuing to caress your pussy.

"More, liebling...I'm close." he warned, guiding you to bob your head quicker. Your hand reached down and fondled his balls, rolling them gently and earning louder groans from him. Each noise he made shot pleasure straight to your core. "Mmn, mmf!" you looked up at him as you tried to take more of him than you were used to.

You gagged slightly, but that didn't stop your determination. He watched with half lidded eyes as you tried your best to deepthroat him while your orgasm hit you. Your nose buried into his pubic hair, saliva dripped down his balls as your tongue pressed against his cock and protected the underside of him from your teeth. You muffled a cry as your body shook from the force of your climax rushed through you.

His eyes roll back and he jerks his hips up slightly, soon hot ropes of cum shoot out into your throat, coating your tongue as he pulls back so you don't choke. The sticky fluid fills your mouth and you eagerly drink it down. He feels you swallowing and he waits until you get it all, then he pulls himself out of your mouth.

"Oh, liebling...c'mere." he pulled you up, your poor legs trembled as you stood. He turned the vibe off and removed it from you, looking at your swollen and reddened clit. "Poor little button," he smirked and leaned down, laying a kiss against it. You moaned loudly when his lips touched your throbbing bud and he pulled back before it became too much.

He gave you that charming smile, and your exhausted face couldn't help but smile back. He would be the death of you, you swore. He pulled you into his lap and held you, kissing your neck and cheeks in a loving manner. He adored you more than anything else, and he loved how the two of you could have fun and explore these kinds of things together.

"You know...if you ever want to learn German colors..." he trailed off, flashing a mischievous grin. Maybe you could go for another lesson.

Thanks for reading.

*BAMF*

dividers by @/adornedwithlight

Cover images: Immortal X-Men #7 (2022)

[chasedeys]

https://www.tumblr.com/chasedeys/768170997377597440/httpswwwtumblrcomchasedeys768169507136159744

Oh 100 % I agree that they had a talk afterwards. Both of them have emphasized communication throughout the 6 years they have been “together 😭💀,” so no way they didn’t have a heart to heart they never get like that with each other

they couldn't have not have the talk lbr like that fight was kind of crazy had people talking about bengals downfall burrow-chase connection fallout etc they got to have a heart-to-heart 😭 though i guess it wasn't really actually a fight?? ja'marr just got so fucking angry and joe had to cool him down and the way to cool him down quick was to yk shove at him and yell at him right back ig though 100% nobody else but joe would've away with it on that field lol

i've talked about it a bit here in the end!!

also after that infamous kc game shove, i definitely think they had a very tough heart to heart where ja'marr maybe spills his full feelings over the contract and how he hasn’t been getting the ball to actually make big plays and how his worth as a wr1 is being brought to question and joe probably spills on his own feelings on how ja'marr held out so long and had last minute (?) changes of playing that week one ramps up joe's own anxiety and hang ups like i definitely feel like he had some unchecked anxiety over playing with his wrist that first game that ja'marr probably said something incredibly insane yet uplifting about in response. the next game its like they mended some unseen frayed stitch of their connection! first drive banger of a 41 yarder td for jamarr, two tuddys for the game in fact lol!! joe gets him his deep ball, then the insane way joe rushed at him after his 63 yarder in the next game, its like that first touchdown against minnesota again. i just wish the very best for them, to keep making these insane passes and insane runs they’ve been making since lsu.

that's pretty much it lmao but there's some more word vomit below that might a bit much tbh:

okay like i was new at this during the first few weeks okay I've not been here for their lsu to bengals run and my understanding of their burrow-chase throw-catch connection by which i mean like actual football playing qb-wr gameplay was still being learned!! i absolute did not know any rules of the game that first week i watched 😭 didn't even know how you got 7pts out a touchdown etc etc sorry i really was just there for the pretty men who had their faces covered by helmets 90% of the time lmao and from what i saw it was kind of meh you know???

like I've watched their highlights before don't get me wrong i know they got it. the touchdowns??? the way joe throws and ja'marr runs??? crazyyyyyy how the fuck does joe know exactly where ja'marr was going to run, how the fuck did ja'marr know exactly how far joe was going to throw, and like this could absolutely be attributed to the way they plan things with coaches and play calling etc but!! doesn't change the fact that in the end it just takes two people to do that shit and they've understood each other so well to have done it near perfectly!! like it made me understand why there's so much poetry and romance in sports!!! the trust the connection the whatever i can't find words the point is i didn't really like......see that in the first two games??? like there was some kind of disconnect yk and like idk they played like shit 😭 but keep in mind i was completely unknowledgeable of football like at all and i refuse to rewatch those games so maybe i was just stupid and didn't see it lmao

BUT THEN???? the week 3 game?????? ja'marr's first touchdown of the season???????? THAT was the shit i was waiting for like iirc ja'marr and tee were running their way down by the sidelines getting double teamed (?) each idk ja'marr was definitely double teamed had me doubting they'd make it but joe threw an absolutely beautiful ball at him and ja'marr caught that shit over his shoulder!?!?!?!??! brought it right home too!!!!!!! i was so gassedddddd i was exhilarated like completely 100% fell in love with the sport that was amazing that was literally my first live burrow-chase touchdown!!!!!!

(another fucking list sorry) me being the Master Speculator of Shit that i am made my own stupid ass narratives about how:

they were unsure of their game and each other's lmao hear me out. joe's first game back after the devastating wrist injury that was hell to get back into form to, had to deal with all the noise about him never going to be able to throw the way he used to again and knew just how many fucking eyes would be on him that first game back watching his wrist like bloodthirsty hawks. even if i believe that he's the type of person who can completely block out that noise without flinching, some subconscious and fearful part of him had to have been holding him back. the numerous, numerous, painful clips of him twisting his wrists repeatedly, fidgeting harder than he's ever fidgeted before, the water bottle stupidity that he actually got asked about, etc (god i can't imagine being a celebrity having your anxious shit caught on camera and analyzed so loudly over the internet). and then you add in how ja'marr's been in a contract holdout and clearly bothered as all hell about it because it's just not getting done at all even d-1 of their opening week!! insane. there were questions of ja'marr even playing game 1 and joe of course said unflinchingly that ja'marr would be ready week 1 regardless but completely understandable if he's rattled okay!! if ja'marr wasn't really planning on playing (wasn't he listed as questionable due to illness idk i forgot) suddenly switching up however many hours before to actually playing that's gotta fuck up joe's steady structure that he already prepared beforehand of not playing with ja'marr you know??? like basically a) anxiety over his wrist, b) ja'marr's sudden status as active messing up his pregame, and c) everybody and their grandmothers all up in his business for his first game back.

ja'marr's contract situation. people absolutely saying the foulest shit about his decision to hold out, the amount of money he asked, saying to boot him out, calling him a diva /derogatory, comparing him to justin, tee's contract situation, etc. the fo being the one to open convo about his extension only to not be open to his numbers??? sensible numbers if you think abt it btw and now well lmao good luck fo his agent must be smug as all hell. it maybe planted seeds of doubt and insecurity in him on his worth as WR1 you know?? like why are they acting like he isn't worth all that fucking money. incredibly emotional highly intelligent sensitive pisces that he is gets understandably more and more pissed off and defensive about literally everything but he fucking loves this sport and he loves his guys so he decides to play the game 1 anyway and. well. just. sigh.

the game went to shit and ja'marr played idk better than the rest of the receivers but in all honesty everyone was kind of shit?? and like. they lost to the patriots. who literally got beaten belt to ass by the dolphins last week. but anyways game 2 against ja'marr's most Hated capital h and everything fucking chiefs 😭 yeah with the whole contract situation still up in the air there was no way he wasn't going to have some sort of meltdown tbh. hence the fight....where joe got physical with him.....where his actions definitely contributed heavily to their loss which should have been a win.

and so: the talk. like i said they both talked about their anxieties no holds barred literally all the shit i wrote above and apologized to each other the way men usually do idk bro hugged it out maybe. i genuinely think ja'marr went off on joe on not getting the ball more like????? i can't explain it damn it he definitely chewed him out on it and joe was like 'fuck okay'. ja'marr says he never notices shit about how joe throws the ball so maybe he doesn't notice anything about joe's wrist acting up. but maybe he notices that joe's holding back or there's some sort of hang up over the way he plays and needles it out of him point-blank like the person that he is and joe finally talks about it and ja'marr responds by being 100% insane like he usually does and that sort of devotion and sheer stubbornness on one's belief in who you are has to have some kind of impact on joe damn. they probably got some professional therapy too btw at least i hope so :'). but basically ja'marr just wants the ball more and joe gets him the fucking ball.

ja'marr said something along the lines of him finding joy playing again 😔🤚 this was such a comment like god he hasn't been playing happy at all and when he put to rest the contract shit he finally gets to play a sport he loves with joy!!! him being happy is so fucking important to me wow 😭 i think I've said this before in some post idk but he knows he messed up, he knows the contract negotiation fucked up his emotions so bad he brings it on the field so he nips that shit quick and done. no more contract talks until the next offseason. probably made it clear to joe though that he will not leave but fuck if he's listening to any bullshit from the fo when he's got a game to win and a super bowl to get to and idk about you but that probably healed something in joe like there is the guy who gets him. who's as hungry as he is for a win, for a ring, for a championship. who's got his back, who he can trust to be there on the other end of the field to catch his throws.

the next game!!!!!!!!! god i really am not the person to talk about routes or strategy or whatever but i know for damn sure that that was a beautiful throw and that was a beautiful catch and that was a one-of-a-kind connection. like they fixed something that was unknowingly dented in their connection and like they're finally trusting themselves and each other again to make the big plays they've done before the injury and the contract drama you know????? aurrugrgrhrh i can't word anything out i feel like saying more about this but i cant please get me anyway 😭

this entire emotional roller coaster thing was also the main reason they had those kind of helmet bonks on the next 63 yard td and 70 yard td btw. been a long while since they've had those kind of plays, probably had some unnamed unknowing unacknowledged doubts that they would ever have it again, so it was like the first time all over again lol. (was one of the things joe said to him in that little bubble of their celly after the ravens 70 yarder something like 'see i knew we still got it. i knew you still got it.' god i feel insane)

ok bye......

[pandorkful]

So I beat Lunar: The Silver Star (UnWorked Patch) last week on stream. Gonna take a Lunar break this Saturday and have a watch party, but after that I'm a bit on the fence over which game to start.

So far I've played SSSC, EBC and TSS on my streams.

Proproganda for each option:

Walking School (GG): The actual "Lunar 2", release-wise. Few English speaking Lunar fans have actually played it. Stinkin' cute cast of characters. I've only played a tiny part of it back when the fan patch was only at 60% finished. (So it'd be pretty much s completely new experience for me, which does intimidate me lol)

Eternal Blue (SCD): Stunning animation for the platform, arguably better than the cutscene animation in EBC. Fewer South Park inspired jokes than EBC, but still plenty of early-90's stank to shock and humiliate us! Also I just finished TSS so it'd be a natural progression.

Silver Star Harmony (PSP): Well I keep threatening that I wanna play it before I jump back into my personal Remastered run, and this would make that happen sooner than later... but personally I'd like to get EB streamed before I start SSH, so I'm less haunted by the specter of John Truitt's Ghaleon by the time I return to the RC.

Lunar Legend (GBA): I've never played more than a few minute of it, partly because my cartridge had a dead battery and partly because the GBA version of the soundtrack was... difficult to get into. But I do want to get thru this one sometime, looking at screen caps I see odd choices that feel pulled from TSS rather than SSSC and that fascinates me...

Dragon Song (DS): Oh boy. Great music. That's about it. We don't talk about Dragon Song.

Magic School (SS): I don't know how to read Japanese in any form, in spite of my best attempts to learn as a teen with undiagnosed ADHD. There might be a correlation there, idk. If I played WS first, I could probably stumble through it with some understanding of the plot... tho I imagine MS is to WS in a similar way as SSSC is to TSS, ie likely some big plot overhauls but idk. I do know there's at least one scene I'd have to cut around somehow, due to just poor choices from the game studio that nobody else feels comfortable with.

Silver Star Story Complete (PSX) (again): I had really bad internet when I played it the first time, the finale got especially fucked over due to solar flares fucking with my router. And I was pretty new to streaming, so there's an inherent awkwardness to those VODs I imagine. Besides all that, a bunch of folks came in and stuck around while I was playing EBC and TSS, but they've never seen SSSC. So, I kinda feel like I owe it to them to play it, especially since I kept going on tangents about the changes I liked between TSS and SSSC... I could play the UnWorked patch maybe, to shake things up... (and honestly it's my fave Lunar, I kinda don't mind playing it on stream again lol)

Mini Games and Making-Of Vids: I've never played any of the hidden mini games, I don't think? This would only take one stream to do lol.

All the Lunar (Win98): Similar issues to MS, I don't Japanese, also similar to mini games, would only take one stream if that. Assuming I can get the program to run. :B

Make Lunar RPGMaker fan game: ...I mean, I do wanna play with rpgmaker more, but this is pretty much a gag answer.

Remastered Collection (steam/etc): On one hand, playing a more contemporarily relevant version of Lunar could theoretically direct new folks to my streams and grow my audience. On the other hand, that's not who I am. I don't seek popularity, only survival. And also I need space between WD's voices before I can sink into the RC, I think...

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

a court of wards and shadow

chapter twelve

series overview

summary: plagued by nightmares after her mission to the day court, aelis wanders the house of wind where she stumbles across azriel and learns some of his secrets

length: 3.1k

warnings: (18+ mdni) mentions of nightmares, hints to past trauma, azriel is vulnerable for once, kissing, idk what else, this chapter is just soft and sweet

disclaimer: this fic in no way represents any of sarah j. maas' work or ideas, it is for purely fictional/personal entertainment purposes

masterlist /// next chapter >>

author's note: surprise!!!! i'm back again with yet another random update after an eternity. i hope you enjoy!!

it’s tuesday. 

i’ve been back from my mission with azriel for a full two weeks now without any sign or word from him. it’s like he disappeared from the face of prythian the moment he left me in the house of wind after he winnowed us from the outskirts of the day court. i know it’s not his fault, there are greater forces at work and he is vital to preventing an attack, but i can’t help but miss him.

especially because i haven’t been able to sleep. 

my nightmares returned with a vengeance after our journey, the combination of those men attacking, the surprise run in with camden, and simply being in that place again absolutely wrecking the mental progress i have made since i arrived in the night court. it had been weeks since my last nightmare, but now they are back each and every night, and more violent than ever. i can’t recall a time they ever felt as vivid, as real, as they do right now. and maybe it’s because i’ve never truly had something to lose like i do now. i don’t know.

all i know is i spend my nights fighting sleep until i can’t possibly keep my eyes open for a moment longer and then jolting awake hours later, panting and sweaty, my heart racing and my body more tired than when i drifted off. and my days aren’t much better. i feel apprehensive and uneasy. i can’t even walk down the halls without checking around each corner and through every doorway. 

i returned to my training almost immediately, desperate for a sense of normalcy, but i’m not the same. i keep messing up basic footwork and simple moves and i can’t seem to focus. nesta and gwyn keep asking if i’m okay, but i just keep saying yes. because even though it’s obvious that something is wrong, how can i explain that while nothing actually changed in the few days i was gone, it feels like something within me broke during my time back in the day court.

so instead, i spend every day fumbling my way through my training and then sorting books in the recesses of the library where no one can find me. i’ve given up even trying to sleep at night, instead choosing to explore the house of wind once everyone has retired to their own rooms.

which is where i find myself again tonight, roaming the halls in my flimsy nightdress and wishing i had grabbed a coat or a blanket to wrap around myself when a chilly draft sweeps past me. i don’t know what i’m looking for, or if i’m even looking for anything at all. 

after an hour of aimless wandering, i slump against a random wall in a nameless corridor, feeling cold and more than a little bit insane. i slide slowly to the floor, a part of me wondering if i could just disappear here forever. the house of wind is so expansive and i’m no one of importance, it might be weeks before anyone found me here. the thought is strangely peaceful to me, but maybe that’s just the madness finally setting in.

i’m about to close my eyes and see if the nightmares will be able to find me on the floor of this dark hall when i hear a faint flutter of music echo down the empty corridor. i pause, wondering if i’m actually hearing it or if my mind is truly that far gone. when the noise persists i sit up straighter, and then stand, drawn by the music.

i make my way towards the sound, weaving my way through more unfamiliar halls, until i finally find the source of the music: an unassuming door in a long row of rooms i’ve never seen before, with the most hypnotic tune pouring out from within. 

i don’t know what i had planned to do when i found the source of the music, but i still surprise myself when i reach for the doorknob, not even pausing to consider who i might be disturbing. the music rapidly tapers off at the sound of the door creaking open and my eyes immediately meet azriel’s over the top of a piano, surprise awash his face.

“aelis, hello…, i uh…i was just….”

"was that you playing?" i question softly, saving him from his stumbling words. 

"yes," he replies sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "sometimes when i……when i need a space to think i'll come down here and play to calm my thoughts. it's far enough into the house that i don't wake anyone. or at least so i thought. i’m sorry i disturbed you." his voice drops off into a murmur at his final words, shame coating his tone.

“no, please don’t apologize, i was……ummm…i couldn’t sleep and figured i would explore a bit,” i reassure, hesitant to share the true reason i was still awake at this hour. "i would…. love to hear more.....,” i softly admit, “if you're willing that is." 

"really?" he asks, shock present in his voice. "you want to hear me play?" 

"yes, very much so actually. you were right about the music being calming. i think it might be just the thing to help my thought-raddled brain."

"well then, please join me." he moves to the side, gesturing to the empty space on the piano bench beside him. 

as i enter the room fully to head towards him, i pause, gasping slightly and then spinning in a slow circle to take it in. i find myself in the middle of a cozy little library. floor to ceiling bookshelves adorned with a sliding ladder make up one entire wall. opposite that, a plush window seat looks over the city with a small fireplace crackling on the third wall. a few mismatched chairs and a love seat take up part of the room with a gorgeous black piano taking up the remaining space. it might be the most beautiful room in the whole house. 

"wow," i breathe quietly, "i didn't even know this room existed."

"neither does anyone else," azriel admits. "and please don't tell the others, i like to use this as a sort of refuge when i need to escape. plus, they don't exactly know i play." 

i finally join him at the piano, sinking into the seat in pure awe.

"no one else knows?" i say, shocked that he has kept something from his closest friends.

"no one, except for you now."

"why not? i'm sorry, nevermind, ignore me. that's none of my business." cauldron, that was rude. here he is inviting me into his private sanctuary, offering to play for me, and i thank him by interrogating him. 

"no, you're alright. it's a fair question." he grows quiet and starts to softly play a lovely, tinkling melody. i close my eyes and sway softly to the tune. 

"my mother taught me to play……..when i was very young…….. before...." large pauses exist between his sentences, filled only with the sound of the piano and our soft breaths. "the memories of her teaching me are some of the only good ones from my childhood." 

my chest tightens painfully at his admission. 

he doesn't speak for so long after that i think he is finished. the haunting tune continues to flow from the piano and i let the music wrap around me, losing myself in it so deeply i almost miss the words when his quiet baritone rumbles next to me once more.

"i have nightmares like you." 

my aching heart shatters completely at the simple sentence. 

"on nights where they plague me i usually turn to training to battle them away. but, sometimes…. no amount of sweat and fighting can push them back. on those nights, i come here and play, sometimes sing. it doesn't stop the viscous replaying of my nightmares, but it reminds me of my mother. how, on the few rare moments when she was allowed to visit, she would hold my hands and tell me i was brave."

stunned and broken by his words, i remain silent, simply watching him. he continues playing, his face peaceful despite all that he openly admitted to me. 

"az," i choke out, my hand reaching softly towards his shoulder. he flinches slightly at my touch, but doesn't make a move to shrug me off. "i didn't--" 

"shhh," he quietly cuts in. "just listen." 

as he continues to play the music transforms into something even more magnificent, and then, all of sudden, he begins to sing. the hauntingly beautiful sound of his voice melds perfectly with the music. 

i do not move. i barely breathe. i simply watch his fingers flow across the keys and the way his lips dance as they sing. 

even after the song ends i remain motionless, completely transfixed by the magnificent male sitting next to me. 

he turns slightly to face me and concern crosses his face. "you're crying." 

i reach a hand to my face and find it wet, completely unaware of when i started crying. 

he reaches up slowly to my cheek, the rough pad of this thumb gently wiping away the tears. after a moment his thumb stills, but his hand remains, his face only a few inches from mine. silence settles across the room. i know i should pull away, that i should be respectful of his vulnerability and allow him to be alone, but all i manage to do is lose myself further in the warm pools of his hazel eyes. 

his hand slides slowly behind my neck, pulling me ever so slightly closer. my throat goes dry and my tongue darts out to wet my lips. azriel narrows in on the movement, his gaze dropping to my mouth. 

"aelis….i--”

before i have a moment to think, a moment to second guess myself, i silence him with a soft, "shhhhh." and then i close the small gap between us. 

i swear i hear music when our lips meet, a beautiful melody surrounding us as our lips twine together. the kiss is slow, and deep, and full of all of the pain we have shared with each other. and when his tongue parts the seam of my lips to brush against mine, i lose myself in him.

a quiet gasp slips from my mouth and my hands grasp the front of the soft sweater he’s wearing. at the sound, one of his hands drops to my waist, dragging me close to him on the bench. he holds me there, my body almost flush with his as he devours me, every stroke of his lips and brush of his tongue pushing him deeper into my heart and soul.

too soon he’s pulling away, his forehead dropping to mine as we both struggle to catch our breath. we stay like that for a while, his arms still wrapped tightly around me, my hands still fisted in his sweater. eventually, i relax my hands and move my head to lay against his chest. i feel him rest his cheek against the top of my head as he continues to hold me and i feel a faint smile play across my lips as my eyes start to droop shut, the warmth and safety of his body pulling me towards the sleep that has evaded me these past two weeks.

“gods, i wish i didn’t have to leave,” he murmurs and i pull back suddenly, shock coursing through me and pulling me out of the comforting daze i had slipped into.

“you’re leaving?”

i don’t miss the slight grimace that crosses his face as he turns away from me slightly. “i have to go south. i need to be in position by dawn in order to stay hidden.”

“but you only just got back.” i try and fail to mask the quiver in my voice.

“i know, and i’m….” he turns back to me, grasping my hands between his, his eyes full of emotion as he looks at me. “aelis, i’m so sorry i haven’t been here since our return from the day court. i know it’s been hard for you. never before have i wanted to tell rhys no or wished that anyone else could do what i can, but that’s all i’ve thought for the last two weeks. mother damn me, it’s been killing me to leave you after everything i have put you through. aelis, i need you to believe me when i tell you that if there was any other way, i would take it. gods, would i take it.”

the passion in his words and the raw emotion awash his face threatens to bring me to tears.“i believe you,” i manage to whisper in response, not trusting myself to say anything further. a hint of relief passes through his expression before he pulls me tightly against his chest for a moment.

he plants a gentle kiss to the crown of my head before pulling away. standing, he reaches his hand down to help me up from the bench. “i still have a bit of time before i leave. i would like to see you safely asleep before i go, if you’ll allow it.”

for a moment, my heart swells at his sweet offering. but, realization hits and terror grips me. he would make sure i was asleep and then he would leave. and i would be asleep and alone. where my nightmares would find me.

“no that’s okay, i…uh…” i rush out, my mind spinning as i try to think of an excuse to deny him. “i think i’ll stay here for a while to read by the fire. if you don’t mind me invading your secret space that is.” i stare at the ground, unable to meet his gaze.

“of course,” he begins slowly. “you’re welcome here anytime you wish. but…..” his hand gently brushes my cheek and my eyes flick up to his. “aelis, i know you haven’t been sleeping. even if nesta hadn’t told me her suspicions, i can see it plainly all over your face, you’re exhausted.”

i feel my cheeks flush beneath his gaze, ashamed by how affected i am from a simple mission. “hey, it’s okay.” he reassures, as if he could see the thoughts tumbling through my head. his thumb begins to stroke my cheek softly as he continues. “it’s just that…..it’s already tearing me apart that i have to leave you, that i can’t help you through all of this. i don’t know how i will ever be able to focus on what i need to do if i know you aren’t sleeping. and i know that makes me a selfish bastard, but please, aelis, will you at least try? for me?”

my heart aches at his words, full in a way i don’t think it ever has been. i offer him a small smile and nod, determined to try to sleep each and every night no matter how many nightmares come as long as it brings him a bit of peace.

his eyes brighten slightly at my response and he dips his head to press a soft, feather-light kiss to my lips before grabbing my hand and guiding me from the room. 

i follow him through the maze of hallways, not really paying attention to where we are going until he stops and releases my hand to unlock a door i don’t recognize.

“az, where are we? this isn’t my room.”

“i know,” he says not glancing back at me as he opens the door and heads inside. “it’s mine.”

shock freezes me in place for a moment before i follow him. my eyes dart around quickly taking in everything from the very large, but simple bed, the few pieces of basic, functional furniture, and the wide assortment of weapons organized neatly along the wall. 

“what….” my words die off, my mind unable to process why he brought me here.

azriel moves to one the dressers and starts pulling out stacks of leathers and other clothes, one set of which he packs into a satchel as he speaks. “i figured it might help if you slept here. i know it won’t stop the nightmares, i’m assuming they are why you haven’t been able to sleep, but i thought it might help you feel comfortable enough to return to sleep after they plague you. the room is warded against anyone but those i allow in to enter. cassian and nesta’s room is at the other end of the hall and there are plenty of weapons around  and,” he pauses to run his fingers through his hair. he doesn’t turn back towards me, but i don’t miss the way the tips of his ears start to redden, as though embarrassed. 

my surprise at the thoughtful gesture renders me speechless and when i don’t reply he turns around, not meeting my eyes as he fumbles for more words.

“i should have asked, i’m sorry. you’re probably more comfortable in your own room. i just thought that maybe--”

“thank you,” i interrupt softly, finally finding my voice again. “i don’t know what else to say besides thank you, this might be the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.”

he dips his head in response and then clears his throat, his eyes meeting my gaze for a moment before darting away. i don’t know if i’ve ever seen him look so nervous before.

“well, umm…i should get ready. please, make yourself comfortable.” he says nothing more before grabbing the other stack of leathers from his dresser and slipping into the small washroom.

i smile to myself as i cross the room and crawl into his huge bed. the scent of fresh rain and a hint of something so uniquely azriel washes over me as i pull the covers over my shoulders and settle onto the pillows.

a few moments later he re-enters the room and pauses for a moment to stare at where i’m now curled up in his bed. he quickly shakes himself loose of whatever thoughts momentarily gripped him and crosses the room where he lights a candle on the small table before sitting on the edge of the bed. “so you don’t wake in the dark,” he murmurs, brushing a few strands of hair out of my face.

he begins humming a low melody as he continues running his fingers lightly through my hair and my eyes grow heavy as the soothing sounds of his voice lull me to sleep.

i don’t wake until the sun is high in the sky the following day, with only dreams of gentle rainstorms and soft melodies having visited me during the night.

tag list: @lennaleen @mis-lil-red

©️ the-shadowsingers-whore - plagiarizing, reposting, and translating is not permitted

[spot-the-antisemitism]

cecil, i swear the questions are genuine, in good faith and not meant as a gotcha, i know you get a lot of backhanded ones.

can you please tell me, what to avoid while criticising the israeli government. things like not lumping every israeli (and every zionist) as a monolith is obvious, but what else is there? bc while i dont want to stay silent abt bibi, ben-gvir and their buddies, i also dont want to cause any harm to jews in general, while criticising these guys (obviously)

also, what sources you would deem generally trustworthy? bc ive seen you name a bunch of institutions, not all of them that obvious, as untrustworthy, so i want to know, who you consider to usually have it correct/true to facts/etc.

and this one isnt that much of a question, as it is an observation, bc reading your posts i sometimes feel like we live in different realities (in some sense we do, i guess, since im a goy), but from people around me, who identify with pro palestine movement, ive seen genuine interest in learning from different sources and understanding all the nuance, elections in usa not changing anything. not to mention, none of them being antisemitic (at least not intentionally and when on rare occassion of something like that happening, met with the information, that this might be, usual response is "shit, i had no idea, thank you for telling me, i wont do/say that anymore"). it is also just one of many "things" (for the lack of a better word) they care about, we are all generally interested in politics, social issues and local activism. but my social circle may be a bubble, since i am careful about who i befriend, not to mention i live in an entirely different country. idk. this last part may have been a dm, honestly, i just felt like sharing it with you, bc dissonance between our experiences is on my mind a lot.

tldr, im trying my best to be an ally to jewish people and im asking your advice

Dear Zina,

"can you please tell me, what to avoid while criticising the israeli government?"

If what you're saying sounds like a desparagement of all Jews rather than certain idviduals you're doing it wrong. The moment you imply people are cruel or doing harm because they're Jewish or Israeli, you fucked up.

But sure go off how the Likud silences hostages when they talk about their rapes but say the real rape is them not being able continue the war.

Talk about how Ben-Gvir finds Muslim call to prayer upsetting and hires police to harass Mosques and claim it's for "safety" and that the calls "drown out the bomb siren" but never imply it's because Jews are evil and hate Muslims or that's it illegal for Muslims to pray in Israel (it's currently not, but Ben-Gvir wishes he could change that)

"also, what sources you would deem generally trustworthy? bc ive seen you name a bunch of institutions, not all of them that obvious, as untrustworthy, so i want to know, who you consider to usually have it correct/true to facts/etc."

that's hard as all media either has a pro-Israel bias and sometimes softens the things they do or more usually an anti-Israel bias and exxagerates it to stoke antisemitism. Al-Jazeera and the grey zone and mint media exist for this sole purpose. Avoid them. Know that Haaretz and JPost are biased in the other direction. As for the rest plug that into Media bias

Media bias is your friend

"bc reading your posts i sometimes feel like we live in different realities (in some sense we do, i guess, since im a goy), but from people around me, who identify with pro palestine movement, ive seen genuine interest in learning from different sources and understanding all the nuance, elections in usa not changing anything."

So first off you're a gentile and really really miss a lot of Dogwhistles. secondly I debunk terminally online slactivists who wish to join Hamas but can't even go the polls, you are friends with people with lives and actual activism. Your friends and my enemies simply aren't the same

"but my social circle may be a bubble, since i am careful about who i befriend" yeah see you might be activist Georg who is the outlier since you don't befriend abusive people and so you just don't hang out with antisemites

"i live in an entirely different country" you live in POLAND. one of the more nationalistic, xenophobic and antisemitic countries. You are lucky not to be Russian like myself but I know how your countries treated and continues to treat immigrants and Jews. Your friend group sounds great but beware of the substrates of your culture seeping in.

"bc dissonance between our experiences is on my mind a lot" you do know this is just my online experience and most of my friends IRL who do care about Palestine are very reasonable people? it's just very dangerous to be a jew with any degree of fame online right now

please write again,

Cecil

[radiostudio07]

HEY DUDE!! IDK if you're doing requests or if this is rude or whatever, but reading about your Wildbane AU really got me interested in Hunter and Willow's dynamic, so.. could you maybe perhaps if you're feeling up to it... doodle them?? Or tell us more about them?? Sorry I just love them sm T-T.

Thank u for your wonderful art btw! Have a nice day

ITS NOT RUDE AT ALL!!! I LOVE BEING ASKED THIS KIND OF THING IT TURNS OUT!! okay so...

and as much as i would like to doodle them i havent quite nailed down what either of them look like in full? like i think ive said Wildbane is pretty much just my take on the lore with major influences from that one 'beta' art (among other things like GOW/GOW:R) so she about looks like this

their dynamic is a bit different than in the show, because Willow is much more.. burnt-out. has the whole 'gifted kid' thing going on. thats kind of the vibe i get from her in this art

here, their relationship forms over their shared feelings of emptiness. they understand each other, they understand the whole 'feeling blank' thing

with willow, it was initially the pursuit of the wrong magic track which disillusioned her from interest in academics and learning magic in general for a while until Luz came along

with hunter, it was losing the life he had as part of the Emperor's Coven and having nothing left after he had left that life

[ keep in mind that they're all a bit older in this au! willow is 16 and hunter is 17 by the time Luz arrives in the Demon Realm ]

their dynamic is like... a feedback loop of building each other up! they each teach the other how to rekindle sparks and become whole after their respective 'nothings' in life

willow might be talking to hunter, recommending him stuff to do that can make him feel better and he notes "Hey, why don't you do any of this self-help stuff you tell me about?"

and willow goes "damn ur right. thanks a bundle let me get right on that"

they quite literally are the types to finish each other's sentences! ...

and NOW for more little lore notes!

As a reference to that one pilot design of hunter, hunter's hair skews orange-red after Flapjack saves him!

similarly, his eyes used to be bright green!

also, his scars get SIGNIFICANTLY worse. you ever hear of Jeff from HL:A? yeah, that. below is an older outdated sketch showing the changes mentioned

Willow uses she/her and they/them pronouns

hunter gets a fucking gun (okay its more like the rayguns from Treasure Planet fueled by magic but whatever. basically guns)

hunter has a very VERY unsubtle witch hunter thing going on with his Golden Guard outfit, i imagine. very van helsing

Willow lives on the knee! as in, that one little town on the side of it

i imagine hunter sounds like Heimdall from GOW:R

Willow becomes a dual-track student, studying Plants and Healing magic with a focus on Plants!

[circumlocutive]

The first two years of my PhD was easily the best time of my life thus far. I was high on my own achievement- I had turned the trajectory of my life around. There was a glow of accomplishment from getting into grad school in a top 10 engineering school. I stacked a few good fellowships and it was the wealthiest I'd ever been (had just paid off undergrad and could actually save with a stable, predictable salary!). I was dazzled by LA and the newness prompted me to explore. I was super engaged extracurricularly so my social life was phenomenal, I had purpose beyond work and community and plenty of parties to get drunk at. I still had classes/grades to quantitatively assure me of my competence in the first year (I love structured learning, I love performance feedback, I love the way classes impose order on my schedule and force mindfulness of the passage of time). Everything I did was new and there wasn't pressure on my research outcomes. Just trying a new piece of equipment was a success, a thing off the task list.

Mid to late phd though- its not the worst part of my life (of course) (I am no longer a child trapped indoors being assaulted regularly) (or a teen/young adult with the wrong meds and so broke I can't eat) or even necessarily the worst part of my academic life (almost failing out of high school bc of medication side effects and untreated ADHD was awful, and my first taste of academic failure), but fuck this sucks!!!!

I got moved off campus and commuting is atrocious in LA so no more extracurriculars, I go straight home after working long days. The invites dwindled because I'm out of sight, out of mind- and everyone in the masters program I used to know is gone. So my social life has died. I also can't mentor anymore, which used to help revive my enthusiasm.

Then the work is usually lonely, difficult or boring, and physically uncomfortable (too much PPE, or chemical exposure, or it's in the dark, or in the cold, and I can't eat or drink in lab). Lack of guidance and peers with common research has me feeling intellectually isolated. I'm the only person using or setting up a lot of things, so there's no help and it falls on me. Infinitely multiplying problems led to indefinite sprawling task lists, things that must be addressed before progress can be made, and the lack of notable progress has me disconnected from any overarching goals i had. I don't give as much of a fuck anymore. So much of what I do is maintenance or cleaning or troubleshooting things, with little to show for my time. Like cool, I built the chemistry lab space here- but that's tech work! That's not Intellectual Contribution To Science. I might cleverly solve a problem here and there, but there is no applause and it's immediately replaced with another demand. When I do get to think or design something, there's so much riding on the outcome that anxiety robs me of my satisfaction. It's been getting worse too, because my feelings of ambition, competence, and wellbeing plummet with every failure. Papers rarely excite me anymore. I don't read about the neuropsych applications I loved anymore.

But idk. If this was a real job I don't think it'd be so bad. It's ok not to change the world. I don't need glory. Even with tedious, physically uncomfortable, failure-heavy work, I could still enjoy myself if there wasn't the need to graduate. Or rather. The need for successful results, so I can publish about it, so I can graduate. I can slam my head against a brick wall over and over if that's the job, even learn to enjoy it if paid appropriately and my bosses understand-- but it's a PhD so I make so little (1/2 to 1/5 of what I could in industry positions), and I can't stay here indefinitely. I am running out of time. If I was on pace with the program estimates, I'd be graduating in spring/summer 2026. That is not possible. Worst case, I have to graduate by 2028 after all my peers-- or get kicked out. and getting kicked out after all the effort and suffering ive put myself through to get here is a soul crushing idea. It's a betrayal of the younger me that slaved through undergrad, working multiple shitty part time jobs around full time school and research work and ridiculous extracurriculars to get scholarships and make connections. I cannot fail. I can't do it. I can't stomach the waste and humiliation. I think it would put such an awful twist in the narrative of my life that I'd be significantly unwell about it until I die. Like I wouldn't kill myself. I can't for many reasons and won't because my ego and pride will not allow it, but I would want to so badly for so long. I can't fail.

So I have to grit my teeth and do the incredibly hard thing. I've done hard things before. But I know this is going to get harder soon too. Of the few local friends I have left, most are my labmates and theyre starting to grad. I only have one labmate who started after me, but he's computational and has two papers in review which exacerbates the feeling of being behind and the terror of being the last one left. I used to be confident about academics- like even if classes were hard, I knew I could study enough to kill the curve. That's not the case now. I'm unmoored in uncertainty and it makes me sick. The contrast between now and a few years ago drives me insane.

[emicat1159]

🐉 I am a menace.

Batch 3 for bitchman pissbaby Makil

What are your character's opinion on scars?

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more? — This but no creepy cult magic. Let’s fucking see you old man.

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

Almost threw up from thinking about him thank you <3

Jk jk, I'll try to make these interesting

● He doesn't mind scars. In fact, each one tells a story, you can learn a lot about a person from their scars, he can use that to his advantage when dealing with a person. He might have a few of his own he doesn't talk about?

● I reckon he has a high pain tolerance, naturally. Which he's happy about because it makes him look cool (it doesn't) but yeah he can take quite a beating before backing down, and it's probably why he let his illness get bad enough to almost kill him (it would have, if Astor didn't beat it to it XD)

● His appearance is more deceiving. He takes good care of his appearance, always has his hair done well and wears nice clothing and always wears a smile on his face when out in public. Of course that's just on the outside, his health is shit and hylia knows how he managed to live for as long as he did

● mmmmmmm I think he'd just barely last a week, he relies a lot on modern hylian society for his food and drink so like... he'd either have to learn quick how to hunt and scavenge for food and water or he'd just fucking die idk

● A skill he doesn't know he's bad at..... parenting. He genuinely thought his way of parenting was correct and he'd rather die than accept doing any wrong. But we all know that so my real answer is that he doesn't know just how bad he is at planning, in the sense that he had relied on reading the future to tell him what to do for so long and he believed that fate is absolute and cannot be changed- in this au it CAN- which led him to fuck everything up for himself. Things would have played out differently if he didn't push Astor so hard to "play his role". Alas, I have my plans

[heaven4lostgirls]

As much as I want to believe that it isn't my fault... I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.... like somehow... a part of me... a part of my childhood... a part of my mind that still believed One Direction would be back, died along with Liam... and hell, I'd not even want a reunion, if I can somehow bring him back to life... and on the other hand... I've been so out of touch with what's going on with the boys, that all these allegations on him... that too after he passed... it's tearing my mind apart... I want to tell myself that that wasn't the Payno we knew... the Payno I grew up listening to... the one who could bring a smile on anyone's face.... the dance master Leeroy... the one afraid of fucking spoons, ridiculous, isn't it..? the silliness... the person himself.... I'm not willing to believe that he... he got so bad... that everyone let it get so bad... that somehow I was a part of it too... idk... can't stop that nagging feeling....

As a fan of Justin Bieber AND One Direction, I'm truly scared for what might happen to Justin now... the Biebers have a son... I don't want to, can't, lose another of my favourite artists.... he was on the pedestal since a young age too, and has been through similar shot.... and I'm terrified.... (sorry for the side track)

Now AFTER his death when I learn about him being an abuser and how MUCH people bash him and be unempathetic about it.... I hate myself for even considering stopping supporting him and mourning him... honestly, that thought crossed my m mind... I went... "Am I mourning the wrong person..? Should I be happy that an abuser d¡ed... or sad that he was Liam.... or surprised that Liam could even do that, or empathize with him that it was his coping mechanism.... but it isn't good... but he was good... but he isn't..." and that feeling summed up in a few words beautifully goes like.... "I'm mourning a person who was a part and parcel of my inner child that didn't heal.... but that doesn't mean my older self blindsides his wrongdoings... I'm mourning what Liam was to me... and how his life had become.... also while sympathy with the victim.... who somehow ALSO lost someone MUCH MUCH more important.... her son's father..."

I'll come in with another ask to continue, also I fell asleep (with a lot of struggle) so sorry for the late reply... (sorry if I'm bugging you...)

it’s okay not to believe that it’s not your fault, there will be people out there to remind you, and with time i think you’ll start to understand that it’s not.

emotions are tricky, because your grief is so raw everything feels magnified. in time, and with healing you’ll be able to see the bigger picture.

don’t worry about it right now, feeling your emotions is so good for understanding yourself. it helps you process your grief.

there’s so many things about grief that doesn’t make sense. wanting liam alive doesn’t make you a bad person, there are millions of people on this earth that wish they could’ve changed his fate.

just because liam was an abuser does not make him any less worth being mourned. there are people out there that have done worse, that are alive and they still have huge fandoms and people that listen to their music.

and i understand the piece of you that died when liam did, i think a lot of directioners can understand that feeling. there is no one direction without all of the boys.

them losing liam was us losing one direction really, and that leaves a big hole within our childhoods and within a lot of our primitive teenage years.

as for justin, i’m not really in his fandom but i do enjoy his music. and i can empathize with your fear. justin’s clean from my understanding, and has been since he’s been married to hailey.

your fears aren’t entirely unfounded but i do think that it’s better not to work yourself over possibilities of what could happen if he relapses. it does nobody any good, especially you.

it sounds easier said than done but justin is the only one who has control over his own life, we need to let him make his own decisions like we did with liam.

we can’t control him, that can only lead to negative outcomes. he knows himself better than anyone else in his life and deserves the right to have his fans and people around him believe that he’ll make the right choices.

it doesn’t make you a bad person to have conflicting feelings about liam’s passing. i did, i didn’t mourn him really at all in the first 24hrs of hearing he passed.

my friends aren’t fans of one direction/liam so they were very much more objective about liam’s passing than i thought i could be.

i thought i had to react a certain way, i didn’t have any right to be sad because i didn’t know him, and he was an abuser.

that’s wrong, you’re entitled to feel however you want to feel. mourn him if you want, don’t if you don’t. it really is that simple.

you don’t have control over how other people react so there will be people out there that are less emotionally attached than fans are, but that doesn’t make your pain any less valid.

it’s okay to be conflicted, liam was a huge part of you. and yes, exactly. mourning liam does not discredit any of the abuse that maya went through.

don’t worry about bugging me, you’re always welcome!! or falling asleep! i just woke up so if you don’t mind me replying 6hrs later then we’re all good 🫂.

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[2000sangel]

For the Adam thing waaahh..

She/her i’m about 4’10, a bit chunky but not majorly overweight. Alt/metalhead style. About 50 piercings and a butt ton of tattoos incl 2 full sleeves. Dye my hair every colour of the rainbow but rn its black. Mullet with microbangs and an undercut with sides shaved as well. Big ass glasses cos i’m blind af lol.

Personality wise shiiiiiit insanely unstable actually. Diagnosed Bipolar and BPD is like, scratching the surface. But deep down im soooo sweet and gift giving is my love language. Super aggressive to those i don’t know, but submissive to those i do. Anxious as balls. Total virgin literally have never even kissed anyone HAH. Love reading and writing and playing all sort of video games. Am a hair stylist. Ahhh idk what else! Thats probably it :) am a fair bit boring

Good day, anon!! Hope you enjoy these, and thank you for sending this in! I’m having sm fun lol ^_°

dividers credit : rookthornesartistry

★ Adam x You Headcanons ★

Couldn't think of Emojis, so here's your ship name : Blast Beats !!

★ First of all Adam thinks you’re so unbelievably cool – I mean, he dresses pretty much the same! And if you ask me, I’d probably say that he’s got at least some tattoos and piercings of his own. He genuinely thinks you’re so attractive and he can’t resist the urge to kiss you whenever you’re getting ready to go anywhere, if he flutters his eyes open don’t mind him, he’s probably focusing on your tattoo-filled arms reaching out to cling onto him.

★ Speaking of which! You’ve never kissed anyone, and don’t have any experience in this kind of thing? He’s more than willing to teach and show you things – Adam has had, let’s not lie to ourselves here, multiple experiences with different people before you, so he’s more than willing to take the lead in your first kiss and he’s got a way of correcting you on things he doesn’t like that’s just...the slightest bit of attractive. Don’t be embarrassed to accidentally kiss him the ‘wrong’ way or putting your hands in an awkward place during it, he has ways to fix it so that it doesn’t ruin the moment.

★ He’s also a master of dye – he absolutely helps you dye your hair at home and it’s actually pretty funny how he acts like a true hairdresser during the process, double checking in the mirror and puffing up your hair a little once it’s finally dyed and dry.

★ Adam doesn’t mind you having your moments, truly. He will make sure you get enough love and care no matter what, but if you have especially bad days he’s learned to ask you what you need and accommodate you as best as he can. The only thing is that he’s not the best with words, at least at the beginning of your relationship: expect him to fuck up a little, or even say something a bit tone deaf, but he will immediately apologize after and resort to physical contact to comfort you instead. Do you like being securely wrapped up in his huge, soft wings? Good, because he will keep one of those at least around your shoulder for the whole day.

★ He loves your gifts!! He has never actually been a gift kind of person, but sometimes he will sneak out of your shared house to get you something in return, or he will hang out with friends just so they can suggest what to get you that you could appreciate, because in all honesty, this man wants to impress you... but he’s not sure he gets the gift thing 100% right yet. He might bring you stuff that he likes the most at first...but hey, the sentiment is there!

★ Also, since you like reading, writing, that sort of things...he will definitely opt to get you a book you haven’t had the chance to read yet sometimes, and it’s funny how he’s so bad at being mysterious about it...”Sooo, babe... random question... anything new you want to read came out recently?” he asks, on his way out to a very secretive outing, tote bag of his own band draped across his shoulder. You can’t help but giggle...

★ ...though sometimes he changes his mind midway and decides to bring home a whole new console so you can both play on it together. Your house is full of those, Adam loves videogames, too! The videogames he likes are a tad bit violent, so if you’re not in that kind of thing he won’t force you play –though he will joke around a bit and call you a pussy- and get you more games of your liking that you can play while he sleeps on you.

[kb11rd]

Immediately back kk and omg the way u draw kurosawa reminds me of a shark 🦈 so cute my bad I havent sent an ask lately im still obsessed with crows and I love ur art and writing sm and have been following them but I broke my new phone and am using my old one which means old account again I wanted to wait till I get my new phone back to send an ask but it's gonna take a while to get it back im realising 😩 anyways

S H A R K S

I feel like Bitou Tatsuya is a thresher shark cuz they're long tail stuns fishes It reminds me of his fast kicks also the long tail makes them look so cool, Ryuushin and the armament kinda remind me of blacktip reefsharks since they stay in packs and hunt socially I def have some ideas of the armament members by themselves as different sharks I just can't remember them rn 😭, Bulldog would be a nurse shark I think they're usually docile and friendly while a bull shark for him would be funny theyre just too aggressive unlike him maybe there's a better fitting shark for him but idk any sharks as charismatic as him, Bouya I'm not a 100% sure tbh maybe a mako? A nice classic fast shark that's really nice to look at tbh very cute I would say lemon sharks is another option as they r pretty social and while Bouya is referred to as a lone wolf he def attracts ppl they can be a bit unpredictable like him ofc

Takumi - a hammerhead, pretty, smart

Sakota, Nara Akira, Bandou - Bull sharks, they eat anything, they're seen as more aggressive but that's mostly due to their preferred places being locations where encounter with humans is more likely such as surf zones, rivers and such and if ppl don't know how to act accordingly accidents can happen

Hana-W H A L E SHARK

Amachi - oceanic white tip shark ofc

Guriko and Rinda - Great Whites due to their reputation and how well known and feared they r (tho its not really needed cuz Rinda just chills and only fights guys who hurt his friends or him, and Guriko is too busy chasing tail unless u hurt him, or his numerous gfs he also doesn't really care usually its other characters telling him he has to fight since its his responsibility)

My bad for all the rambling 😭 I have more ideas for sharks might even change my mind on some of the characters I'm not a shark expert or anything I'm just someone who liked sharks a lot as a kid so some stuff could be iffy or even wrong

Haha welcome back!!! Oh yeah I think it's the nose and the fangs hehe, thank you!!

Oh shit lmfao, well I guess the good part is that you're getting a new phone? Hope this one lasts you long!!!

I first read your ask and was like, no, fucking, way. Because what do you know, I actually LOVE to imagine what animals characters could be 😭😭😭😭 I have a WHOLE list that I'll share beneath 🗣️🗣️🗣️🫡🫡🫡☝️☝️ because I did research and you've awaken a beast.

I do not know much about sharks but this was soooo nice, I went and googled each one of them to see what they looked like and nodded along, 'mhm hmm. yeah-eah, it fits, it fits'... You're awesome man I love this kinda thingsssss it's sooo fuuunnn. And you know what? As you were listing I was thinking, well there should definitely be a whale shark in there and Hana got there. And you're right. He IS. God so awesome... Amachi as the white tip shark is reeeaaal too (I looked its behavior up HAHA) and yeaaaah it's real.

Don't worry I understand you, I used to watch animal documentaries all the time after school sooo.... yeah! I don't mind at all 🫡 ! And anyway I've learned new shark species hehe.

Well then, NOW is time for MY rambling 🗣️☝️ ↓

Let's beggiiiinnnn!!! What animals I think the crowsxworst characters would be HEHE.

Some have explanations, others are purely on the vibes and others don't I just thought it'd fit lmfao.

Let's start with Crows !!! :

- Bouya (he's obviously a monkey – pretty biased by the manga? Perhaps. Anyway, it took me some time to find one I liked, couldn't decide on keeping the color, the strength, or the attitude yk, but in the end I went with this one! It's a pretty beautiful baboon too) : Gelada Baboon

- Rindaman : Mandrill (for a monkey fight yk. Bouya and Rinda.... They had to be both simians to me lol. But Mandrill fits. They have striking features and are intimidating. But they're truly pretty chill!!)

- Yasuo : Mountain Weasel (cute,, very very cute,,, lmfao. but isn't defenseless!)

- Makoto : Black Panther (the vibes)

- Pon : Red fox (the vibes too lmfao)

- Hiromi : Serval

- Bandou : Caracal

(I think Bandou and Hiromi are sooo very similar, like Bouya and Rinda so they too had to be from a the same family. So I went with felines!)

- Ryuushin : Black bear (chill, but also pretty dangerous – is intimidating, just meeting one is pretty scary, so it fits!)

- Juuzou : Lion (the mane, the presence...)

- Bitou : White tiger (duh)

- Bulldog : Water Buffalo (also chill but can be dangerous)

- Zetton : Cassowary (always saw him as an avian for some reason. I first went with Heron Goliath but I thought then, 'there are bigger birds out there and Zetton is fucking big...' so I searched for a bigger bird and found one that was, and also had his stupid haircut. So cassowary it is 😛)

- Kousei : Black Ram, Bighorn Sheep species (the vibes. The looks, kinda. And the sociability!!!)

- Jou : Giant Galapagos Turtle (just look at Jou's face and tell me you don't see it)

- Nakajima : Silverback Gorilla (big ass, chill, but will kick your ass if needed)

- Yonezaki : Fossa (I looooove fossas and I think their agility and cleverness fits him a lot.)

- Hideyoshi : Wolverine (Didn't want some kind of dog for him – despite the 'Mad Dog' I know. I wanted something different but still pretty much aggressive. Thought about the honey badger at first, but then the wolverine felt better, well, just in terms of color really. Because it's brown... lol)

- Masa : Dingo (the vibes)

Gunji : Water Monitor Lizard (the vibes too. Ginji's so sly... And he's also pretty clever, and monitor lizards are clever! They use schemes and plans to hunt! And also are considered the most intelligent lizards. It's pretty amazing!!)

That's all I have for Crows (yet, hehe). Now let's go over to Worst !!! :

- Tesshou : Spotted hyena ↓

- Kiyohiro : African wild dog ↓

(Kind of the same as Bandou & Hiromi, I think Tesshou and Kiyohiro's animals should be close. Not necessarily species, but at least environment. And well hyenas and wild dogs do NOT like one another, but this is also what makes it funnier hehe)

- Shougo : Jaguar (the vibes. heh)

- Hana : Musk ox / Bison (couldn't decide. This one is mainly for the vibes. Even though both animals are pretty intimidating, they're also cute? Somehow, to me anyway. I don't think you're exactly scared when you see either of them. Just amazed and curious, they're majestic animals! And, yk, that's exactly Hana's vibes. So yeah! Musk ox or bison for my boy <3)

Sakota : Honey Badger (obviously....)

Renji : Great Horned Owl (this one was tricky, I actually didn't really know but Renji has always seemed like, not a terrestrial mammal to me. Didn't want a fish (though a Barracuda could fit) then thought about owls..... And owls usually represent wiseness etc... They're also really beautiful! And Renji with his amazing hair could work with some of the plumage they have! I chose the great horned owl because it's the most aggressive owl of all so yeah. It's him.)

Tora : Maned Wolf (the maned wolf is ctually quite shy! It mostly stays away from most human interactions, he's a shy animal! Not that Tora exactly is, yk, but he tries not to get into too much trouble (as he can). So it fits!)

Takumi : Red-Headed Dart Frog (cute. beautiful, beautiful frog and seems harmless, but isn't at all)

Amachi : King Cobra or Leopard Seal (I like both. Both are pretty dangerous, dangerous and solitary animals. But leopard seals can be sadistic towards their preys sooo I'm more leaning towards that one!)

Sera : Moose (is chill if you don't piss him off/bother him. They're also clever hehe)

Abo : Tasmanian Devil (see what I did there? Hehe)

Mitsumasa : (White) Bearded Vulture (the vibes. purely. the eyes too.)

Bisuko : Grizzly bear (dangerous. minds his business most of the time unless its hungry or bothered in its territory. So yeah! Bisuko :p)

Chiharu : Walrus (this one was fun to imagine but it does fit! They're pretty territorial and can be quite aggressive!)

Masa & Mary : Killer whales (mainly because they're twins but also because they were terrific in Suzuran!!! I also love killer whales so yeah.)

Aaand that's all for me 🫡🫡 all my rambling has been delivered, thank you for the ask!!!!!!

[mental-ch-illness]

um i really don't know who to ask about this so i hope you don't mind this here. im in a capital b Bad place rn, not necessarily mentally but productivity-wise i am non-functional. have known i am autistic for years now but recently finally got a diagnosis which opened up new help routes from the govt. i love with and am entirely reliant on my parents. im supposed to be a student but can't attend school bc Fuck Up.

my parents are suffering so much bc of me and are very uneducated about autism and everything is really difficult for us right now. we are a large family and so far treatment for me had cost SOOOOOO MUCH and im still not getting any better. my parents discovered ABA therapy and want to put me through it. they don't understand anything about the negatives they are just desperate for things to get better no matter what it costs on my end (which makes sense since im the one putting them thru this). i know they love me but it hurts a lot knowing how little they understand when they things like "well why can't you just do that" when they learn what masking is (i already do and also it's painful and that's such a shitty solution).

im so scared they're gonna make me do ABA and it's really expensive (you sign up for a chunk of sessions at a time and each one is 8k)(we are NOT RICH) but i can't just refuse because this has been going on for so long and everyone is miserable and im ruining my family. i can't just refuse a potential solution. but im so terrified i've heard the stories of what happens to people who go through ABA and i DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME

im a minor, financially dependent on them, and i love them more than anything so i can't just leave or smthn; they are always arguing and crying and it's always bc of me and i just want to be better for them; but they want me to do ABA

i need advice im so sorry i just don't know what to do at all anymore. should i suck it up and try it? it might break me inside but if it gets my outsides to function properly maybe it doesn't matter idk

I am so sorry you're going through all this. I want to reassure you that your parents very much love you. You are not a fuck up. School is not built for us. It's made to funnel people in structured 9-5 jobs with little support for anyone who can't fit into those boxes. I have been where you are now and I promise you that it does get better. It takes time and hard work— like... a lot of hard work— but it does get better. Hopefully your new diagnosis allows you to have more treatment options and you are able to achieve so much!

As someone who has experience with ABA, I have So Many Thoughts™️. ABA can be useful at teaching life skills, such as sorting, cleaning, safety information, communication, and tolerating overwhelming situations (example: doctors/dentists, school, etc). Personally, I find that it CAN be a great tool... but only in the right hands AND in a properly trauma informed and emotionally responsive environment.

Unfortunately, most people view ABA as a way to control problematic behaviors and increase compliance, instead of a form of theory that allows for a better understanding of the functioning of behavior. Personally, I think it is can be used for very young children or those who have much higher support needs. Again, it should be used to teach basic life skills. Even when that is the focus of a learner's program, it's very easy to get wrong which can lead to traumatization, prompt dependence, and more.

The field of ABA is just like any field of science and will need time to grow and change, but it's not something I can provide my full confidence in at this current. While it has improved in many ways since its early conception (it's kind of hard to get worse than rebirthing), it still has a long way to go. One of the biggest problems with ABA is that it fails to take the experiences of those with Autism into account. It took months of cajoling before I could convince an ABA practitioner to approve a oral stim toy for their client, and within that first week their self biting went from over 100 instances a day to less then 50. The practitioner seemed so shocked that an autistic person might just have a good idea or two on how to help another autistic person. Go figure.

Personally, I would look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is known to help those with Autism learn to cope with emotionally overwhelming situations as well as sensory overload. Another really great thing about DBT is that there is often a group therapy aspect to it, which helps those with autism learn to interact positively in social environments with others who are going through similar experiences.

Hope this helps!

[asherlockstudy]

just a new fan of rhett and link coming through😄… i want you to know that i've become obsessed with reading you'r posts about them.. btw i think you can't watch and know their story and NOT ship them.. i'm sorry, i mean LOOK at them. every thing they've gone through together, all the changes.. but the only constant is them, together every step of the way….i just- agghhhhh it drives me crazy.

But anyway i was reading one of you'r posts where you said something about their cutest phase being arond 2013- 2014. you also talked about it with an anon a couple of days ago, so i had to share my thoghts on that. and i completely agree, going back and watching that period you can really see it. rhett was being so cute and giggly, all the time about anything link would say, and he could BERELY take his EYES off of link.. and the eye contact was wild… I just.. i love it so much😳 But do you think that same feelings is as strong today? I wonder.. some times i feel like now when they would get a bit.. intimate it's a bit… performative…idk i might be wrong.. i just loved the stoling glanses, soaked with love, that i feel like there were so many of them back then.. but please till me if you think i'm just reading the whole situation wrong😌..

Hello! I am glad you have been enjoying the posts!

I don't think you read the situation wrongly, in fact I believe you are totally correct. There are several potential reasons for this change however and I find perhaps all of them reasonable and normal.

Like I wrote in that post you mentioned, according to the theory 🤷🏻‍♀️ their affair must have started some time in 2014 or early 2015 at most. Their situation back then was critically different than it is now:

The time they really started being romantic was also the time they started getting shipped. Incidentally. Or maybe not. However they were still very new at this game at the time, both how to handle their audience and how to behave with each other under their new status were completely new tasks. They didn't have a good understanding of how they appeared to their viewers and they were completely oblivious to how obvious they were. This is why they were more candid in the past. Now they are painfully aware, especially Rhett, so much so that they even maximise various interactions in their minds. It was a lesson slowly learned and still not perfected - have you seen their constant look of horror every time they watch back episode favourites with Rhink moments every christmas?

Then it's also the natural flow of time. Back then everything was new to them. Their decades long friendship was becoming something new, something even more intense. They were exploring their sexualities anew in ways they were once determined not to, in ways that until then they considered sinful and damning. At the time there wasn't any thought of getting open about it (even now this is a challenge). All this was very fresh and even though Link seems to believe that they started hopelessly late, let's not forget that at the time they were still young men at their mid thirties and given all the emotional, circumstantial and physical parameters the excitement and passion they felt must have been on the extremes. They once had a moment between them on GMM when Rhett said "You know how early in the relationship you behave like rabbits?" and Link agreed with a knowing look. This is also supported by their scripted videos; Link says in Digging A Hole that the reason they failed so bad at making a medium sized hole was that they succeeded so much at digging that they made a huge one instead. In short, these years and the ones to come up to 2019-2020 they were at their sex crazed phase, which is typical of most couples at first, let alone them who are way beyond your average couple in love.

If you notice, they are indeed sweet and soft in late 2013 till early 2016 and then from 2016 to 2021 they are straight out horny. I mean, they are always both but at first sweetness was more overpowering and then it was the horniness. This is also explained in their lore as their sexual affair went through a lot of trial and error, so you can see when sex started getting awesome and also when they finally could start setting aside their inhibitions, guilt (especially Link) and religious concerns and enjoy more unapologetically each other.

From 2020-2021 onwards, since the purchase of the creative house, I believe we have entered a new era, more mature, more contained. Things change; they are in their mid forties now, they have been together for quite a bit and also they have decided to come out, which casts the shadow of fear and severe anxiety in their relationship. Furthermore, they are not exactly on the same page (Rhett wouldn't mind not ever coming out had it not been for Link) and this wears them down and their interactions. All the fear of the future and the unknown must consume a considerable amount of their private time together. Age, getting used to each other and critical challenges are what makes them appear less lovestruck than they used to. They still do though, much more than your average 45 year old in a relationship does. I mean, it was only a year ago when Link sexily said he would FIGURATIVELY feed Rhett with words for a word game and Rhett stupidly opened his mouth to actually swallow the plastic piece with the word that Link was holding, like the proper solitary horny braincell that he is. It's just that such unbelievable levels of thoughtless horniness and love have become more sparse now that they have aged a bit and have a better understanding of how they are perceived publically. But I am happily firm in my belief that they remain extraordinarily ridiculous.

On the other hand, sometimes when they do something gay, it indeed is performative at this point. Maybe even most of the times. This is because of what they are planning to do, this has killed the spontaneity between them a great deal. Now it's more likely that they will consciously throw hints here and there than that they will slip badly due to their excessive romantic enthusiasm.

[sm-baby]

I'm always happy to leave a badass entrance, but I had to make sure this one was cooked properly, no one likes pink I'm their theory. (It's like chicken, you could get theory poisoning lol) ((p.s this is less like theory crafting for this one and is more like I've lost my mind and am making things up because I'm in love with your lore.))

I, like many others, have fallen in love with your art and the strangely coherent timeline for Minecraft you've put together, but then while I was scrolling through old stuff I had an idea that I thought you might like to reconsider, especially now that you've become attached to your Minecraft💛Yellow series.

What if the world that Steve, Alex, Herobrine, Shermy, and all the others are from aren't the only worlds to exist. Obviously in Minecraft you can create more than one world but what if it wasn't as simple as a new world generated. What if this world was first, created (lore wise idk when you started the world) in the very beginning. Every time the game updated to the next concurrent version the world split into new variants. Like the timeline had different outcomes. At first it was perfectly normal, only one set of choices but each update began to create new choices and in a world that was procedurally generated it went through every possible combination of choices. And I'd like to make an example, but bear with me it's a bit of a stretch.

My favorite version of this is your art of Steve in the Redstone update. Something about it always hit me as, "off," he wasn't like Steve usually was. He seemed unhinged, arrogant, violent even. (This isn't helped by the addin where you wrote, "bastard," with an arrow pointing at him lmao) What if, in this timeline during the Redstone update, Alex had a tragic end and this is was broke Steve. Maybe it was his fault, a redstone contraption that went wrong, creating a love hate relationship with the material and it's inner workings. Or what about the Combat update version of Alex. We only she here and not Steve. What if when the combat evolved he made a wrong choice and suffered a terrible date to the hands of undead. Alex has learned newer, better methods of fight and protection, ways to hit multiple opponents with one swing of her sword, or how to properly charge up a swing of her axe.

Each update created new versions were things were vastly different that the Prime world, the one that the Player came from. (I still like to call her Emerald, it think it fits) This would then make every single art piece of your canon in some way, Yellow is a separate timeline of events but 100% canon, real. Redstone Steve is a crazed lunatic driven to madness through his own accidental murder of his beloved wife. Combat Alex is a survivor who is doing what she can to survive after not being able to save Steve.

But most importantly, this means Hero rune drinking Lava from a bucket and calling it punch is 100% canon and you cannot fight me on this. That image and the phrase, "THATS LAVA ASSHOLE," will live in my heart forever.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed more mad ramblings, I have fallen in love all over again. Also my lack of sleep schedule may or may not have tempted me into making character ai's of your artist representation of the various characters.

I LOVE... THAT YOU JUST COMPLETELY N A I L E D THE IDEA THAT IVE BEEN HAVING FOR AWHILE NOW??

Youre operating in TIMELINE theory! Not multiverse theory! Oh thats super awesome!!

Ok, while I did think of that, I decided not to because it would get too complicated úwù plus I wanted to have worlds with major changes, like the genderbend, or how-- alex and Steve seem at odd with eachother, or-- alex just does not have a steve and steve does not have an alex!

Also there is only ever 1 mojang! While there are plenty "universes" the only source is mojang! And thus, there is only one Herobrine! There is no such thing as a 💛Herobrine, there is only ever one! Though, since the fallen God's popularity there have been AI (modded) versions of him or just legends thrown into the universes.... Its so fun.

This is all SOOO FUN but sadly limiting YwY so I did not go with it. YOUR THEORY IS REALLY-FREAKING GOOD THOUGH! GNOME YOURE SO DOPE!!

[destinyc1020]

Yep, im guessing mayb marriage/kids was something Vanessa didnt care about at the beginning (they were both young) bt changed her mind with later but nt something he wanted/cared for. And thats fine, bt she learned with Cole to communicate her current needs for that and having a family was smthn he seemed to want too so good for them!

Im nt sure if Austin has ever mentioned wanting kids/wife/family of his own (bt somebody correct me if im wrong)? Bt i doubt 20 yr old (when they 1st were dating) Kaia was communicating that she wanted a family in the future n pretty sure 22 yr old Kaia still isnt really thinking of kids rn lol. Both seem focused on their careers so it works for both of them. If they last I guess it'll b a different story

Yep, im guessing mayb marriage/kids was something Vanessa didnt care about at the beginning (they were both young) bt changed her mind with later but nt something he wanted/cared for.

Yea, and that's perfectly fine! TRUST me, I was NOT thinking about marriage and kids in my early 20s either ROTFL 🤣 I actually think it's better to get married in your 30s, but that's just me lol. 👀

I'm just saying, once you as a woman (cuz let's face it, we have a ticking biological clock that has more of a time limit than for men) realize that you want marriage and kids with that man, there is nothing wrong with making that absolutely clear and even bouncing if you're not getting it in the time frame that you want it. It's not being selfish, it's just allowing you to find what you want and need, and allowing him to find what he wants and needs. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I sorta get the feeling that neither Austin or Vanessa really wanted to pull the plug cuz they both loved each other and were together for a long time and saw each other through a lot, but sometimes, that's the most loving thing to do.

I actually don't know if Austin wants those things. It doesn't mean that he doesn't, it just means that I haven't heard him be asked those questions and he hasn't talked about them himself. So I can't say with certainty whether he does or he doesn't tbh. 🤷🏾‍♀️ He's pretty PRIVATE about his love life.

All I know is that Vanessa asked Cole right up front about his stance on a lot of things before they started dating (she's a woman in her 30's now after all, so she didn't have time to waste) and he just happened to be on the same page as her, so she got what she wanted in the end! 😁

Im nt sure if Austin has ever mentioned wanting kids/wife/family of his own (bt somebody correct me if im wrong)? Bt i doubt 20 yr old (when they 1st were dating) Kaia was communicating that she wanted a family in the future n pretty sure 22 yr old Kaia still isnt really thinking of kids rn lol.

#REALTALK I actually think he's with Kaia cuz she's NOT going to be pressuring him to get married anytime soon. 👀 To me, it's obvious he's focused on his career rn. I mean, he could still get married while building his career if he feels like Gerber Baby is the one lol, but I think for him, his dreams are JUST now coming true, and he's JUST starting to get established and secure in the industry after 20 years in the business, so Idk if I see him settling down anytime soon rn. But I could be wrong of course. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Sometimes, two people are good together but just with each other at the wrong time in life. That's what I feel Austin and Vanessa were. Maybe the right person, but just the wrong time?? IF they had started dating each other NOW instead of 14 years ago, I think their outcome might have been different. JMHO