#idk how well this is worded but im sick i napped i woke up mad at the world.

[wolvierinez]

i kind of feel like dick grayson is in a very weird place rn just from what ive seen when ive dared venture outside of my circles

like.

hes sexualised a lot, something i can trace back to devins run on him that sexualised him and his romani identity (which she introduced and then stopped wanting to research after a few issues) and how it's still prevalent in fandom spaces for people to characterise dick as some kind of hot blooded "gypsy" to objectify. and sometimes people are obvious about what stereotypes about us they're reducing us down to but sometimes its a lot more covert until it hits you in the face and you realise this person is racist and doesn't view your people as anything other than something "exotic" to fantasise about while ignoring us and our struggles irl.

but in those same spaces there are people saying he's white/gadjo/not romani at all, Actually, and his sexualisation Totally isn't linked to ideas introduced by a very racist writer. that No One is sexualising him because of his heritage and its purely because of his ass or something, or because he's good looking and implying that some of it just might be linked to racism is wrong and bad. that he's "bad romani rep" because writers refuse to give us anything Substantial about his heritage or DC doesnt hire romani editors or writers or sensitivity readers to make sure they're doing things okay. i dont even necessarily think he's bad rep like ive seen some people say i just think he needs an actual arc or a substory addressing how hes disconnected from his heritage but is working to find out more or something.

but it's just kind of. frustrating to exist in this fandom as a romani nightwing fan because there are some people who think he's also good rep! great rep that you aren't allowed allowed criticise At All when we're literally getting crumbs. "beautiful romani smile" .

i just think dc should do more in a respectful manner and fans should stop stereotyping him as some kind of seducer because its weird and as someone who's read comics the only place i can tell where you could possibly get that from is devins run or fanfics written by people who don't read comics and reduce the characters down into famously incorrect tropes.

CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO SAY THIS BUT I DONT WANT PROSHIPPERS INTERACTING WITH THIS POST.

[prompt-master]

What Asshole Invented Allergies?

@cup-of-blue: Random fic prompt idea thing cuz the allergies are striking at half past 10 in the evening: Michael is having the allergies and doing the suffering, and he’s chill with it, it’s just an annoyance. Until he runs out of tissues and freaks out cuz he can barely breathe now cuz too much snot help

@orderly-opaline: Ok, I know this is dumb but think about it. As a follow up to the fic where Michael has hayfever, what if Michael went to school and was ACTUALLY CRYING. Jeremy just assumed that he had allergies so he went on like normal. And Michaels just like, wait does he not see that im crying?? Does he not care about me??? I know its dumb but like, IDK man I just like the idea?

Not dumb at all lovely! Hope you two don’t mind i combined your fics! Let’s mcfucking torture some kiddos

Michael woke up that morning already knowing he was in for a miserable day. His alarm felt louder than usual, each ring banging down doors against his sensitive ears. When Michael turned it off and went to take a deep breath he found that one of his nostrils was blocked and he could barely breath through the other. Great, nothing like being a mouth breather. Michael had a pretty bad case of hayfever last Friday and figured the weekend would be plenty of time to rest. But judging by the itching on his nose had to stop to scratch every five seconds and the dripping of his nose he had to keep inhaling he’d say he might be even worse off. Fuck spring, honestly.

Michael was so miserable in fact that he didn’t have time to take allergy medicine seeing as how he slugishly moved around the house. That’s how he ended up shoving a bunch of tissue packets into his pockets and driving to school. In the parking lot Michael had to stop to blow agressivly into a tissue, groaning at how it didn’t clear his sinuses at all. He leaned back against the headrest of his car and stared into the mirror. He looked like shit. His hair was all down from a lack of gel, he ran his fingers through the locks only to have them flop back down. His nose was bright red, he stopped to scratch at it again and miserably sniffle. Briefly he looked away from his exhausted and miserable expression to glance up at the school entrance. Students were starting to pile in and talk to each other, and Michael wasn’t so sure he wanted to be seen. He felt a tickle of his nose and mentally groaned, he already knew what was happening before he began to take in two shaky breaths.

“Ah..ah, achuu! Ah….achuu!! Ugnh…” Michael groaned and furiously wiped the back of his sleeve against his nose, getting out of the car as he saw Jeremy’s bus pull in.

Jeremy walked down as Michael locked his car, and almost instantly spotted the red hoodie. When Michael turned the tall ass was looking down at him with that cute nervous lopsided smile. “Hey Michael- woah dude you look like shit”

Michael sighed, his back slouching more than usual. He let out a long exaggerated sniff in a last attempt to breath normally, “wow, thanks.”

Jeremy laughed and patted Michael’s shoulder. His hand seemed to hesitate. It was a small subtle detail, but both of them noticed. Jeremy instantly felt compelled to say ‘no homo’. But instead he said, “so what’s wrong?”

“Still allergies.”

“Still? Spring is not your season, Michael Mell”

“Yeah no shit- ah…achuu!” Michael buried his face into his sleeve, stumbling towards the entrance.

Jeremy held the door open for him, neither of them mentioned how it was usually the other way around, “bless you”

Michael sniffled, pulling out a tissue and blowing his nose, he cringed at how stuffy his voice sounded “thanks..”

First period Michael realized just how ineffective blowing his nose was when he was this badly stuffed. His breathing was loud and obnoxious, each inhale rattling as his nose struggled to make room for air to actually pass through. He felt himself blush as people turned to stare at him, the room was quiet and all you could hear was Michael breathing and sneezing. It was even worse when a test was passed out. He sniffled over and over again, his irritated nose kept dripping and every time he blew it loudly over the trash can it felt like he had an endless supply of snot. To make matters worse whenever he got up to blow his nose it felt like a giant spot like was on his, showing every annoyed teen in the room who to be mad at. It was an endless cycle of sneezing misery. Whenever he’d sit down after blowing his nose he’d have all of a minute before he couldn’t breath quietly again.

And Rich, oh god Rich. Rich had the lovely honor of being Michael’s only friend in the class. He decided to sit next to him because, you know that’s what friends do. And for the first time since they’d become friends he was starting to regret it. Rich liked to think that he was a fairly patient person, but that was a load of shit and right now Michael’s constant sniffling was really testing him. He tried to focus on a question about Israel, but Michael let out an especially loud sniffle, followed by a miserable grunt. Rich slammed his pencil down in annoyance and glared to his side, but his expression instantly softened when he saw the state Michael was in.

Michael lifted his head at the sound, albeit a bit delayed, and his teary red eyes stared at Rich. Instead of talking he gave a sniffle and a raised eyebrow. Rich frowned, his eyes glanced around the room for a moment before deeming it safe. He wrote a little note down on the edge of his test then kicked Michael from under his desk.

'U good?’

Michael sighed through his mouth, mostly because he couldn’t through his nose. He gave Rich a small nod, pushing his glasses up and going back to his test.

It didn’t go unnoticed how Rich mumbled “yeah well you look like shit” under his breath.

Michael had never felt more embarrassed in his life. Every class he disrupted and annoyed people. During third period he was told to walk in the fucking hallway. At one point he had sneezed so badly that snot shot right out in the middle of talking to a lab partner. He had to cover his nose for a tissue but she was clearly grossed out. He liked to think he wasn’t much of an annoyed guy, that he could handle these situations well. But he felt so miserably and all the sniffling hurt his head and his nose was itching and man he just wanted a nap. He reached into his pocket, and oh no. Only one tissue left. Fuck his life, seriously.

He made his way to the usual lunch table all too grateful when he saw Jeremy wasn’t there. He sat down, mentally willing the squad to not show up. But low and behold, that only worked on Jeremy.

Rich slammed his backpack down next to Michael and scanned his face. Michael grew uncomfortable under his intense gaze, and curled up under it. He tried to ignore it, but Rich was relentless, as if he planned to stare until Michael said hi.

And then Michael sneezed, three times. He groaned and used up his last tissues, knowing fully well he was fucked now. He could probably ask a teacher for some but let’s be honest he’d rather die then have unneeded social interaction.

“You look even shitter than earlier.” Rich so elegantly pointed out.

Michael turned to face Rich, giving him a grunt as a reply. He scratched at his nose yet again, “allergies”

“Dude. Go to the fucking nurse. Christ.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re a fucking mess.”

“Who’s a mess bro?” Jake’s voice came from behind Rich, “if you’re talking about Stephanie then I agree, did you see what she twee-”

Jake stopped when looked over Rich to see Michael. Michael hated the instant look of concern that Jake, it almost made him wish he sat at a different table.

“Hey, Michael, bro, you alright? You look kinda-”

“It’s just allergies. Seriously guys can’t I just- achuu! Can’t I just chill out and eat my lunch?”

Rich propped his head up on his elbow, still watching over Michael, “Not if you get snot all over the table.”

“Oh my gosh Michael! Your face is so red and so are your eyes! Are you ok?” It was a lot harder for Michael to be annoyed when Christine came over, her face instantly became worried. She searched through her purse on hopes to have some zertec on her or something.

But still, all the worried faces on him were overwhelming and embarrassing.

Brooke and Chloe were walking over with their lunch trays. At first it seemed like they wouldn’t notice until Chloe made eye contact with him, cutting Brooke off mid-sentence.

“Woah. What bus ran you over?”

“Michael! You look so sick maybe you should go to the nurse…” Brooke pouted her bottom lip out, something she only did in worry.

“Guys seriously I’m- achuu! Achuu!!” Michael rubbed his nose off on his sleeve, groaning as his nose felt blocked enough to be painful.

There was a chorus of bless yous, and Christine’s hand rubbed his back soothingly. Michael sighed and lowered his head, face burning in embarrassment at all the sudden attention. He sniffled again.

“You should blow your nose, Mikey.” Brooke’s gentle voice spoke up, her hand touching his gentle.

He just shook his head, he hated the way his ears seemed to echo strangely at noise. Maybe not echo…maybe throb is the right word? Like a throb of fuzz that pounded against his ear at noise, obnoxious and nearly indescribable. His skin felt as though it were crawling and he felt everything from Brooke’s hand to her ring to the loose string inside his hoodie. Michael sighed and leaned his head down on the table.

“Just leave me here to die.”

They all exchanged worried looks, and Michael couldn’t ignore the more subtle hovering they did over the remainder of lunch.

Later on it was the end of the day and Michael had never regretted skipping out on his medicine more. He thought he was going to die. He was supposed to meet up with Jeremy at his locker but all he could think about was how there was too much going on at once and how fucking miserable he felt. He had no more tissues so his nose kept dripping grossly and he had no choice but to rub it off on his sleeve and breath through his mouth. That alone sent his mind into a uncomfortable spiral. It bothered him every time he went to naturally breath only to find he couldn’t, he hated the restraint. He could hear the students buzzing in the halls and every bump of his shoulder. Hell, he could feel when someone just came close to him. It was all too much against the fuzzy pounding and the itching and the headache and the sore stomach and just everything. He felt lost in the hallway, like he was going down a mile long hell chain. When he felt the tears running down his face from something other than allergies he knew that he needed Jeremy, and he needed him now.

Jeremy shut his locker and looked up when he heard a weak sniffle next to him. He frowned when he saw tears running down Michael’s face, Rich wasn’t kidding he did look worse. There was snot dripping down his face that he was too miserable to even feel or be annoyed. Jeremy got off of his knee and stood up tall, his backpack slung over his shoulder as he took in Michael’s shaking form.

“God Michael, we should get you home. Gimmie your keys, I’ll drive.”

He put a hand on Michael’s back breifly, not noticing the subtle flinch, and guided him to his car. Michael balled fists into his eyes and tried to stop the wave of tears, he felt so uncomfortable in his own skin and just wanted to sleep for a year and wake up healthy. But now his mind was on another thing. Did Jeremy not see him crying? No he was looking right at him. He didn’t ask if he was ok though. Does…does he not care anymore? Maybe the SQUIP is blocking Michael’s tears from his vision. Or maybe he just didn’t care anymore. Michael felt even more overwhelmed, more tears falling down into his sweatshirt sleeve.

It wasn’t until Jeremy was all set up to drive that he noticed something else was wrong. Usually Michael would recline his chair as much as possible and try to sleep for the 15 minuetes they had to drive. But Michael sat there curled up with his face in his sleeve, only moving to wipe furiously. His shoulders were shaking and it filled Jeremy with this…urge to protect and comfort. God, poor Michael. And those tears wouldn’t stop. Was Michael actually crying? Jeremy frowned and turned the A.C. up, knowing having cold air on his face helped Michael calm down. The boy lifted his head up at the gust of wind, sniffled, and just silently stood facing it with tears rolling down his chin evenly.

“Michael…?” Jeremy finally dared to ask, “What’s wrong..?”

Michael let out a shaky exhale, adjusting the fan to hit him more directly, “I just…feel so awful, Jeremy…” the broken tone in his voice broke Jeremy’s heart too.

Jeremy turned the key into the ignition, “I know pal. But me and you are gonna hang out at your house and we’re gonna eat a shit ton and you’re gonna feel so much better, that sound good?”

Michael nodded, his face going red to his ears when he asked, “can I have sick cuddles too?”

“You can have sick cuddles too.”

Michael finally relaxed and reclined into his chair, relishing the steady feeling of the car as he shut his burning eyes. He picked his dry lips, feeling Jeremy start to back out of the parking lot. Jeremy tried to give Michael his space, especially now that he was starting to actually relax, but he couldn’t help but focus on the way Michael still heavily took breathes through his mouth.

“Michael?”

“Mm..?”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah…I guess.”

“Why are you breathing like that?”

Michael sniffled and tried to test the waters, but nope, still can’t breath, “my nose is so blocked dude…”

“Oh geez… I think I shoved like Wendy’s napkins in your glovebox.”

Michael reached for the pile of napkins, they’d rub harshly against his nose but god he needed to breathe. “You’re a mcfucking life saver”

After about 5 harsh noseblows, his nose giving a strange crinkingly feeling as it slowly opened up, Michael found for the first in he was able to fall asleep in less than the 15 minutes.

[yungxyari]

3am thoughts....

I wanna write how I feel because its eating me up inside and when I try to express myself I get stuck First is first I messed up I wasn’t in the wrong from the beginning my birthday was great and for once I was absolutely happy not a care in the world first time in a long time. With happiness came a funny feeling for me those are never ever good when I say never I mean never bowling didn’t sound so right not after he expressed how tired he was something was off. Tuesday night is a night I’m done reliving I kinda just wished it never happened but since it did my next step is literally acting like it didn’t. Just to let it go After that night I shouldve blocked him but I didn’t I fucking didn’t block him I wanted to talk I wanted to work shit out when you love someone unconditionally shit like this tends to happen.. you just kinda sorta feel sick to your stomach giving up And this is the part where everyone gives in their opinion Why care about him if he doesn’t care about you his actions should show how he feels They probably are right but when you get to know someone you get to know them. And him I knew better then I know myself. Moving on I flipped my anxiety sucks I can’t control it it basically controls me and thats me upmost scariest feeling I have ever felt. I loose all sense of everything and im really going to try to get medication for that it fucking sucks and it basically dragged me to where I’m at the moment. Friday was hard after asking for nothing but the truth he wanted to still protect me and he lied I left work looking for nothing I shouldve went home I shouldve showered I shouldve laid down and once again BLOCKED HIM but I didn’t once again I let the anxiety the anger get the better of me. I really don’t have a valid explanation for any of my actions I swear I don’t and I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish by showing up at publix making a scene for what to drive him away even more. That isn’t the point he tried to check on me but it was already to late I was less then 500 feet from him with my heart beating almost out my chest not knowing my next move.. publix happened shit I’m not proud of another reason to apologize to C since his thing is he wants me to take responsibility.. he did me wrong asf me out of everyone he knows how I am and how I was with him and he took advantage of me of my heart and of my love and he abused it. Here everyone goes saying how can you feel that way at such a young age but me and the kid shared everything it was more of a friendship with the amount of unconditional love I believed we was throwing around… where do I continue Friday was Friday I ended up at my cousins party Lord help me that was a movie hen ciroc and beer pong how did I wake up the next day ask the devil because I don’t know I called him that night very mad at each other he answered on the first ring and I noticed I call he answers first ring second no more after that night. We talked for 21 minutes if I remember right the conversation I can’t tell you what was said but my drunken thoughts and sober words said anything and everything you can imagine. He was a dear the him I knew but better but caring but loving but supprortive things I havent seen in a while it felt good I felt good the call ended when G called me back in and 2 more shots later a bathroom converstaion occurred s/o to my girl A the first person to tell me something that makes sense not the default message I was getting from everyone because fuck him you deserve better really gets played tf out !!!!! that was over the party continued blasé blase “I’m finally in bed” text became a “good morning its work time “ text nothing too deep happened Saturday just the usual mix of emotions and feeling “I wish you were here right now” that broke my heart to pieces was the least of my worries. Saturday wasn’t bad and Sunday either I got an “I miss you” which made me feel great because fuckkkk finally I can confirm he feels the same Side note saturday I asked to b his first kiss of the year might not count for anything but it was important to me Sunday is where it began to fall not going into detail the day was good afternoon was good 7-9 was good I was out at first ignoring him but the kid just has a damn way of hoping back into my system. Spoke about fucking donuts which I was going to get delivered to him we left it at he’s taking a nap and that was it Till I got the feeling The feeling that fucks me over and shuts the reasonable part of my brain off. After this the outcome I lost my best friend I lost my keys I lost my self respect I lost my faith and hope and gained a charge Sunday Night was an eye opener well I thought it was Monday I woke up different it was good then sucked then sucked again it was great and at the end sucked even more at the end of this I stressed my mom out more then she is  and lost his trust and everything Tuesday nothing really to say and Wednesday which is today but it isn’t considering its 3 am was a lot.

It went a little of both good and bad. More bad then good ofc “your picture is on my mirror but I’m going to have to take it off soon” As young as I may b I know, I know the feeling you get when you just know and I just know its kid having someone say they saw a future with u even at 17 maybe not now Mayb in 5 years maybe in 55 but that means a lot I lost him but I didn’t. And thats all ill say about it it ended sad and I could hear in his voice I’m not the only one hurting he just sucks at even showing this emotion do u love me….the reply was given basically then I love you it hasn’t sounded that way in never and click. The little details are out but this is basically what I can think of now it was about 30 minutes it was a lot.. The Instagram pictures are gone. And d is posted. I’m not even sure if giving an opinion on this is ok but b basically It feels empty I deleted the February picture and kept it moving… I started this at 2:58 am and its 3:40 and I’m still sitting here with a million and one things on my mind. School is in 4 days and I still need a week tomorrow I’m asking my mom I really need it. I need anxiety help and I need weight help just the month of December I lost 4 pounds shit is real its no longer a joke

Idk if I want help or I wanna give up, cutting ur self is super middle school, and pills are a game… tonight I’m feeling like I’m tired I’m tired of it all I don’t wanna deal with anything going on anymore and I say this with my eyes getting teary eyed I’m fucking tired honest to the god I don’t even know if belive In I’m fucking tired I wanna die I’m making my moms life harder and she already has her own shit I’m not happy I’m not motivated ion wanna do this shit anymore I’m fucking tired still havent blocked him yo sitting here thinking of what to do. Will writing it then reading it make it better?? Pills an option but the what ifs still sit. If I try it and nothing happens I’m forcing myself to keep it pushing but if anything at all happens then it was the right thing I’m sad I’m not alone but it feels like it I gotta work on things so many damn things I mean here goes nothing I think I got 2 benadryls Advil and other shit ill see what I pull out the bag for the record it was nobody fault but mine I’m just fucking tired drained and ready to give up I love u all so much always checking making sure I’m staright. I gone make this future happen if I don’t make this happen. And I dont know how u end this.. goodnight xo 54 minutes of pure feellings and my head is still going on at it.

update I woke up the next morning with a huge headache and disappointed