#idk how to tag things for ppl to actually see it honestly im just a little guy

[moonstandardtime]

i want to put link in isat. im sure hed do fine. the heros spirit endures

[oyasleepy]

new ocs hot off da presses

& some little guys of them too!

[soupdwelling]

hi !! ok so i got this rb on my post with a screenshot of mariah’s tweet abt jon matteson signing the mariah ethan petition and i figured i respond to it cause ive seen other people saying similar things.

firstly, i didn’t create the actual petition, idk if this person thought i did but i thought i’d just make that clear. the person who created it did use my art and they tagged me so that’s how i originally found out abt it.

anyway, i basically agree with everything said here, i don’t expect mariah to take over the role, i dont WANT mariah to take over the role, i love joey ethan and when i drew mariah ethan my only intention was to create a fun little hc that could stay within the fandom. and that’s still my intention, i love seeing art of her and ppl talking about her but i don’t want mariah to actually take joeys role.

however. i realize that a lot of stuff ive said probably comes across like i do want her to replace the role which is mostly why im making this post bc i don’t. want people to think that. and i am sorry if anything i said or did was disrespectful, i did not mean to but i can see how the petition situation definitely was and i apologize.

specifically with the post this rb is on, i was honestly a little weirded out by the petition as well, i talked about it with some friends and we kind of came to a general consensus that it was kind of toeing the line of disrespectful but overall that it wasn’t a huge deal. and when jon apparently signed it and mariah tweeted about it i figured the actors didn’t mind too much either, so i made that post just being like “wow the actual actors are engaging with our silly bits again.” that’s all i meant to convey with that post, i figured the petition was just a bit that would last a day or two and then everything would go back to normal. which is pretty much what happened i think

Anyway. this is so long sorry but my main points are that my intention with mariah ethan is just a silly little hc and im sorry for being disrespectful and making it seem like i was trying to genuinely switch the casting.

and basically like. directed at the general public, don’t actually try to pressure starkid or mariah into doing anything! we can have joey ethan and also have our mariah ethan hc and love them both!

[coridallasmultipass]

brocal for the ship bingo?

The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)

Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.

Read More to save ppl's dashboards:

I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore

((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))

Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.

Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.

EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:

"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"

Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))

They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.

Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]

I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.

Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?

Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)

They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.

'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i

To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.

So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)

Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]

Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who

Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.

Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))

Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.

The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]

Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?

Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.

Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.

Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.

[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]

Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.

One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.

[sethdomain]

want my shipping takes that ill still probably get hanged for??? here we go. theyre basically all "everyone chill out" ...it seems like most people are just submitting ships theyd get cancelled for, not takes on shipping. ill do that after in case i completely misread what you were asking for

if ccbeeduo didnt want to get shipped they shouldnt have made their characters get married and have a son and fall in love. natural byproduct, really shouldve expected it. i still think ppl should have chilled fr but like, they both had plenty of examples of what fans were like, they shouldve taken that into account before making those character decisions.

cdapduo discourse was absolutely batshit insane and everyone who posted with a banner saying either "slime is quackity's son and if you ship them you're weird DNI" OR "they keep flirting, if you call slime quackity's son you're weird DNI" pissed me off. how about no one's weird because actually its a roleplay with lots of different perspectives and you can do whatever you want forever . obvs i understood people who were like "i believe this thing, dont fucking yell at me for it" but it sucks that people had to make banners for that fr.

in the same vein, the discourse with emeraldduo. though that one i dont/didnt see as much, i did still see those same banners. even as a family sbi fan, i never saw someone shipping emduo and thought "yeah let me go yell at them and tell them not to interact with me because i personally think theyre family-coded." the devotion is ambiguous but powerful.

Heat Waves was the funniest fic ive ever read because idgaf about either of those guys so it was just like 20 chapters of some guy crying and jacking off and then getting rejected.

i think rarepairs are based as fuck and mischaracterizing guys to fit your ship is fine do whatever you want forever!!!!!!!! people complained to hell and back about fanfics tagging characters and ships and them being ooc . WHO GIVE A FUCK THEY WROTE THAT SHIT FOR FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!! ALSO MANGOBALL'S MONSTER/CHEATER CHEATER WAS A MASTERPIECE

karlnapity was not perfect polyamory i see people glossing over the fact that when they first talked about polyamory quackity started attacking and biting when karl and sapnap kissed and thats fucking FUNNY i want to see more of THAT.

sorry for writing so much i have a lot of opinions

JESUS ANON, honestly idgaf bro i take any spicy opinion as long as its not going straight to 'i love pedophilia/incest' territory that my only rule man

For beeduo, idk if u mean the cc ship or the c ship cause honest to god i was a huge inniter back then and dont follow their stuff closelt that much, but im just gonna assume u mean the rpf cc shipping. Honestly, I don't really agree with ur take, its a bit victim blamey, both ranboo and tubbo were like young and in their naivety expect their fans to uphold their boundary to just not ship them in a rpf way and i think you should've respected their wishes man. You sometimes gotta be reminded that dsmp was just them guys having fun and if they want to rp as a husband then whatev man :p

I agree bruh, i think people were just sscared of a little doomed faggot in action

phil and techno doesn't even act like father/son in the dsmp canon anyway, they act like old bestie

imma be fr idgaf abt heatwaves but that sound awesome

sometime the back of my mind say that, but the evil demon that wants everything to be perfect take over anon.. its hard... I need to get mad at people...

no cucking is allowed in karlnapity... #lame

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[qwesty-030]

hello ASP fandom

I’ve been lingering on the ASP tag for a while bc I wanted to find ppl that like the book as much as i do. I’ve seen all the beautiful fanart and whatnot. and I wanna thank yall bc I’ve been inspired to make my own post ✨! I too shall contribute to the ASP fandom too bc tumblr is the only place i can find an active asp fandom🧍

thank you and have a nice day

—

so uhm these are my designs for Finny and Gene. I drew these back when I started reading A Separate Peace in my high-school sophomore year. They’re pretty old drawings. At the time, I only drew these just to have some faces to put a name on (to help me visualize easier idk)

Well fast forward, my class finished reading ASP and I have been an ASP addict ever since.

okay im going to word vomit now

okay erm thought process of these designs:

Finny-

i tried to make him as book accurate at possible but ngl i actually i thought he was a red head before i looked up what he actually looked like. I genuinely wouldve believed he was a red head if i didnt looked it up (yes im referring to the ppl propagating redhead finny)

i gave him very sharp features and a somewhat messy hairstyle to symbolize his wild nature but also neat enough to get him by in school.

His shirt usually untucked or hastily put on. Most times he has his coat off or unbuttoned

he has some freckles and moles too YAY

Gene-

made him the most basic looking guy with the most basic features: black hair and brown eyes (okay ik his hair looks blue and u can barely see his brown eyed but i was limiting myself on colors GSSSYSHDHHSHA )

ofc i HAD to make him the complete opposite of Finny. His features are more squarish and rounder. because he always does random 90° angles out of nowhere

his hair is more neat and put together compared to Finny’s. It’s very structured to be square shaped. i like to think he uses a little bit of gel but it’s not a tight slickback. he lets his hair go loose bc he wants to follow Finny’s footsteps and be wild and free too 🤩🤩 yet he can’t help but follow the standard of having a neat slick hair and ofc follow school dresscode 🤷‍♀️

his fit is also more put together. he always makes sure his tie is neat and his coat is buttoned up most times

i gave him a mole :)

this was a fun one to make cuz he literally never describes himself in the book💀💀 i find that really interesting tho. perhaps it was on purpose so readers can relate to Gene more by emotion and not feel distanced by physical features

(yea i obviously put in a lot more thought into Gene’s design than Finny’s)

(i still love them both tho)

FUN FACTS YES THERE’S MORE:

honestly thought Finny was a latino and/or hispanic cuz of his tan skin. (im well aware white ppl can look tan and not be a hispanic but also hispanics and latinx could also look pale white i was lowkey a little ignorant back then 💀.) idk maybe he could have some hispanic blood 🤷‍♀️

do not mind the messiness and low quality, i did this in the dead of night on a note-taking app called Notability

that last note may sound absolutely unrelated BUT WAIT! I actually have a whole stock of ASP Notability doodles! More to come!! maybe…

if i feel like it…….

we’ll see

their hairstyles and clothing are based on actual 1940s styles :D it’s my favorite thing about their design especially their hair. it was fun researching and incorporating historical trends

the chair Gene is sitting on is supposed to be the Early American chair from Finny’s house! I did not put any effort into the chair whatsoever 😀

although i gave Finny short hair, I’ve come to see how good long hair Finny is

Yup that’s all for now. Thank you all who stopped by. It’s so nice meeting u guys!!

[haemosexuality]

i went insane rambling on the tags of this post about princess bubblegum and ran out of space so i copy pasted it here so i could finish writing. under read more bc idk

tbf i dont think i would say pb is like... Good. well actually. wait. im gonna go on a rant.

i think it depends on how we classify ''good''. what makes someone a good person? what makes someone evil? thoughts or actions‚ past or present‚ etc. i honestly dont think i can firmly say bubblegum is either good or evil. shes one of the few truly morally grey characters ive seen. like

no matter what you think makes someone good or bad she has most certainly been bad in every single way. and also good in every single way. hm.

. she is not a naturally empathetic person. thats not to say she doesnt care about people‚ she does‚ and sometimes those feelings influence her actions a Lot even if she doesnt realize it. but also‚ even when it comes to those she cares about‚ emotional empathy is a struggle. shes the definition of thoughts over feelings 100% scientific brain facts and logic. she is Very egoistical‚ she likes being in control and having power over people (not bc shes power hungry per se but bc thats the best way to keep control over others. shes Logical. and if she has control than nothing can go wrong)‚ she likes not being questioned and she did and still does often disregard other peoples rights and privacy to get what she wants and to be on top/have control over them. she does care‚ about a bunch of different things in a bunch of different ways‚ but caring about someone/multiple ppl and naturally feeling empathy are different things. she needs to make an effort to take other peoples feelings into consideration‚ and while not feeling empathy and etc obviously has absolutely NOTHING to do with morality‚ the thing about pb is that most of the time she does not make that effort‚ and actively does things that hurt other people for her own gain‚ or for Science™ or the Kingdom™. she doesn't care ab how other people feel or their privacy and she does like government crimes and mass murders and a surveillance state about it. she cares deeply about her people for example‚ but not really them as individuals‚ shown when she likes fucking kills them or put cameras on their bodies etc. shes more worried about them surviving than their autonomy. she cares about finn‚ but specially at the beginning she treats him more as an asset than anything‚ and does shit like implant a gps on him without him knowing. and while shes Always liked control and been all logical alpha brain and shit‚ and struggled with sympathy‚ she used to care a lot lot more. or better, she used to Allow herself to care and to love and to feel‚ she build herself a family because she felt lonely and she loved marceline deeply. but like the post and the show said she kept being hurt and she needed to protect an entire kingdom alone‚ which meant repressing all that to fucking hell and back. so she slowly just build up and let her ''no sympathy no feelings only Facts And Science'' side rule until she forgot anything else

and thats how we meet bubblegum in the show: manipulative and head of a dictatorship and with no one she truly cared about close to her, doing awful awful things and not taking time to remember about others. what are morals. being just so very fucked up

like

your thoughts and brain and whatever do not make you evil. your actions do. but her actions are terrible and she does the things she does bc sympathy and caring do not come naturally for her, but being waaay to super mega smart and wanting control Do and she has hardened and isolated herself enough that she has no one to like, pull her out of that. keep her in check. remind her to make an effort to consider other people.

in the show, we see her begin to try and be good again. by letting other people in, by letting herself feel, letting herself be a Person outside of being a Princess and a Ruler and a Scientist, she begins to make that effort again. and bc shes like a war criminal that comes not only in the form of apologizing for those who are or were close to her and she was awful too, but also destroying the surveillance system and stop spying on people. she tries to begin having good actions. she realizes what she had been doing, and feels guilty about it (for... probably the first time honestly. she was very indifferent about it before. everything she did was the most logical thing to do, after all.) i say shes still firmly morally grey tho bc while shes no longer like Evil, she still. goes back to spying on people and etc. shes still Like That, just toned down. all that show that while shes getting Better shes still not good, and probably will never be, because thats just how she is. crazy scientist manipulative pink candy princess. shes the best

she was also never truly evil tho bc even at her worse her actions were not to cause harm! Most Of The Time! and when they were to cause harm it wasnt just bc she was idk a sadist or something, it was with a goal (usually the neutral goal of Science or the good goal of protecting her people) in mind! Theyre still not excusable tho bc they did cause harm! a lot! to a bunch of different people! and like she does care a lot she loves marceline she loves finn she loves netty and she loved shoko but she just doesnt KNOW how to love people and all of those feelings are like behind a brick wall in her brain so she just tries to science everything out and it doesnt always work. like ARGH such a good character. such a good morally grey character. i ❤ bubblegum. i love watching the show and flinching at all the terrible shit she does and being like jesus christ bubblegum what the fuck

anyways here are more good pb analysis

xxxxx

i want to keep ADDING THINGS but this is huge so im just gonna reblog a bunch of posts ab her now goodbye

[defensivelee]

ok... i just blocked anon at this point but heres what they said bc apparently i didn't read what i wrote myself(?!)

i would just leave it at that, but honestly? i do wanna address some things here not bc i feel the need to defend myself to anon, but bc i wanna make it clear to you ppl WHY all this stuff was written.... like im not gonna sugarcoat it, i DO enjoy writing this bc hi. huge whump lover here. making pretty people suffer is my favorite thing. but it's also so important to say that this is FICTION (this is historical rpf which is kinda funny but still, none of this actually happened). there is no real abuse going on so there is no need for any of this performative bullshit. anon is just wasting time bc it goes without saying but i would never ever condone or do this shit irl. idk how it works for other ppl but for me fiction does not affect reality, the only way it does is that it makes me happy precisely because i can do whatever i want and nobody gets hurt. and these mfs dont care, they're dead im sure they have better things to do. anyway i just wanna say:

all the details anon is giving me abt my story makes it sound like they read the whole story, both Dona Dona and the main chapters. that's almost 100k words. when they could have clicked off at any time. when the tags are so clearly right there. like... you did this for what 😭

i assume the gang rape anon is talking about is in the Tenth Hot Spring when Bentinck serviced a bunch of dudes to seal a deal for William. i would find it kind of difficult to describe it as that... but tbh, yeah, it would have been incredibly hard for him to say no. in any case, so sorry to tell you this anon but there are no perfect victims in this AU! he never sees it as rape because he thinks he deserves it, and because he does enjoy it at times. his whole image as an Ally under an Overlifer kind of relies on that. and while i'll tag it properly, i'm not going to sanitize or sugarcoat it as it's a huge part of his character arc. he doesn't think he's allowed to say no or have boundaries, so he won't! in this society i think it would be hard to find a "perfect victim." Bentinck doesn't cry about this because he thinks he's fulfilling his purpose.

Bentinck being described as a shotacon..... im so sorry that was so fucking funny to me LMFAO

i wouldn't say he enjoyed kissing William's father as a boy, he just thinks he did. obv we don't get to see much of it in Dona Dona bc it's from William's POV. but even then, as an adult, he stills sees it as an honor. AGAIN, part of his whole arc of how he views himself, the religion, and his role in it. that event is kind of the starting point of that, it was put there for a reason and not bc i actually think kids can consent/enjoy assault! in my experience, they can think they did. here again, the perfect victim narrative does not always reflect reality.

you're right, kids can't initiate that! like i said in my disclaimer, it's a result of grooming and how they've been raised. they think they are, but it's just making them easier to abuse. i never once believed they could consent.

im not a rapist period full stop. just not

yeah i romanticize abusive relationships. in FICTION. they're fun to write. jamesborough is a delightful ship and the succubus au has been so fun to work on. real life abusers can choke and i would encourage anyone in a relationship like the ones i write about to seek help immediately.

Anne called Marly a slut bc SHE is victim blaming. EVERYONE victim blames Marly in this story. it's part of HIS arc. i would not blame any victim of this sort of shit irl. and even then, in this universe "slut" doesn't have such a negative connotation as in our world. yes, it is still victim blaming, but how can you read the story and still have it completely fly by your head like that

im aromantic, which i dont know how you wouldnt have just picked up from idk... SCROLLING THRU MY BLOG LIKE ANON SO CLEARLY DID?? LOOKING AT MY ICON?? so no need to pray for those hypothetical partners, it's never happening.

[petrichoraline]

hey petri! how are you doing? i feel like i don't see you around here that much anymore! hope everything is going alright ❤️ is there any show you're currently watching or any new music you've discovered? xx

🥹 that's one of the sweetest messages honestly

I appreciate you noticing, I appreciate you reaching out, basically I want to give you a big hug and a smooch on the forehead 😚

I am doing well <3 but im easily irritated and moody so when something ruffles my feathers it might take a bit till I get back into a good mood and for some reason I've just been feeling progressively lonelier and more annoyed coming on here. I dread catching up on posts I have decided I have to make (tho nobody actually cares about them (im not being petty, im literally talking about things ppl don't care about like catching up on tag games and stuff hahah)) and also don't really feel motivated to work on any others. when I work on smth and it doesn't get recognition I feel demotivated and that's been the case with most of my last posts that took quite a bit of effort. I want to give a good answer to a trope question in my inbox and the other asks in there but I just. don't have it in me rn

basically in some ways i function not unlike a child and so im figuratively on the other end of the playground picking at grout and moping 🤣

also I haven't really been watching any asian dramas, ive mostly been binging taskmaster 🤔 last thing I watched was probably cherry magic and I still have to catch up on an episode :] so there's not much to post about, you know <3

as for my irl I've been emotional as well and I open the app with the intention to maybe vent but idk, it feels bad when I do that and more often than not it remains unnoticed, its kinda like I just went to a central city street and took my clothes off and everyone gave me dirty looks lmao

new music.. I've been interested in dpr ian lately though I haven't really acted on that. and he's featuring in a song that drops tomorrow so maybe you could check that out ☺️

also I listened to That Summer by SHAUN yesterday and it's lovely

thank you for sending me such a sweet and thoughtful message💓💝🥹💞💗💕💓💗💝 i vented a bit but you did ask how I was doing and im not exactly the type to just say "it's all good" 😅 it still is good though! so please don't worry 💕 sending you kisses

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

ok its been literally 15 minutes since the finale ended and im getting off the TOH tag.

I am SO DISAPPOINTED in a certain side of this fandom.

it took less than FIFTEEN MINUTES to see enough "lollllll lumity went canon and huntlow didn't, get WRECKED YOU STINKY STRAIGHTS LOL BURY UR GAYS UNO REVERSE LMAOOOOO HOW DOES IT FEEL NASTY ICKY BAD STRAIGHT SHIPPERS" posts to make me actually consider whether I'd rather the show have had a sad ending.

not bc of huntlow, i ship it but never put any hope or weight on it going canon. I'm not "anti-lumity" or whateverthefuck, I don't really think about ships that much in 99.9% of fandoms.

...yall are just extremely fucking

IMMATURE.

I'm queer. I understand how much pain we've dealt with even SOLELY in terms of media rep. I even understand the glee at the concept of "straightbaiting" actually being a thing that happened here.

I also understand the EXTREMELY JUSTIFIED concern and anger around some parts of the fandom seeming to abandon the BIPOC WLW main character/main ship in favor of the Sad Greasy White Boy Of The Week And His White Straight Girlfriend.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why so many "fans" are taking this EXTREMELY POSITIVE, LITERALLY GROUNDBREAKING and immediately turning it against their fellow fans. All this amazing rep, characterization, EVERYTHING and you still find a way to be cruel to your fellow fans.

this isn't a contest.

Lumity is canon.

Huntlow is not.

Huntlow was not a focus of the finale.

I can guarantee you that after that finale, NOBODY was thinking about Huntlow until yall started being fucking mean about it.

YOU brought up the thing you claimed to want the fandom to stop focusing on, for the SINGULAR PURPOSE of enacting some sort of "revenge" on shippers that you projected a whoooole lot of Racism, Homophobia, and Evil onto, despite:

Bi Hunter, Transmasc Hunter, Transfemme Willow, and T4T Huntlow all being EXTREMELY popular hcs/themes in and out of shipping context

A fair chunk of the fandom seeing Willow as BIPOC/East Asian -coded

ALL of the masc presenting queers w parental and/or religious trauma who have spoken out about how seen they feel bc of Hunter

I'm not saying Hunter was a perfect character. He definitely wasn't the main character, or even close.

I'm saying that yall have demonized this part of the fandom SO MUCH that after THAT FINALE.

*THAT. FINALE.*

your FIRST INSTINCT was to ATTACK THEM

over the SHIP (I REPEAT MYSELF) THAT YOU SAID YOU WANTED PPL TO STOP TALKING ABOUT.

I was having a really fun, good, genuine amazing time freaking my shit over Titan!Luz, and Lumity, and Raeda, and King and The Collector and TITAN LUZ!!!!!

yknow. all the stuff the finale was actually about.

and now I'm thinking mainly of huntlow (or at least the discourse around it), angry, and extremely sad that my experience of this finale has been ruined

and that this fandom is the latest to fall into the trap of "blame other fans for actual systemic oppression, regardless of whether or not they are actually upholding it."

I don't know how to get it through your heads that a heavily T4T-headcanoned, likely biracial-coded ship that is CANONICALLY a healing narrative for trauma survivors

is not fucking reylo.

this Evil In Fandom you're angry at 1000% exists but it sure as fuck isn't here.

unless there's a Secret Second Huntlow Fandom That Is Evil And Racist And Hates Lumity that idk abt, this is just a group of sad queer kids sitting next to your own group of sad queer kids

and despite me seeing ZERO ACTUAL HUNTLOW COMMENTS ABOUT THE FINALE * AT ALL *

you, whatever side of the fandom is doing this (I honestly don't know who is making these posts) aren't proving, winning, fixing or righting anything

you're going over to another side of the fandom whose ship didnt go canon

and with ZERO PROVOKATION

you're making them feel like shit for it.

why???

WHY??????

yall "won". you won as much as you can possibly win here. everybody loves the finale. nobody is giving anything but overwhelming love, happy tears, joy and awe to "your" win.

but you still felt the need to make sure someone, somewhere, knew that they "lost".

sry im just so angry at this rn. i was having so much fun. what the fuck is this kind of behavior supposed to prove?

also btw to be clear this is NOT DIRECTED AT ALL OR MOST LUMITY SHIPPERS, LUZ STANS, ETC. ITS NOT EVEN DIRECTED AT "HUNTLOW-ANTIS" EXCEPT THE *SPECIFIC PEOPLE* WHO CHOSE TO USE THE FINALE TO BASH ON OTHERS.

AS FOR THOSE SPECIFIC PEOPLE:

YOU SUCK!!!!!! Thanks for ruining this fantastic experience for me by being a piece of shit on main over some "shipper" crap im not even in.

[cntarella]

Tagged by @domokunrainbowkinz haven't actually done one of these in a while.

Rules: in a text post, list ten books that have stayed with you in some way. Don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard — they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux — Read this when I was 7 and it became my entire personality for 20+ years, I don't know who I'd be without this book because it so profoundly shaped my aesthetic and literary taste.

Paradise Lost by John Milton — I'm just saying that if I were one of those pretty penitent Catholic school girls who first got to see the installation of la genie du mal, I too would've wanted to fuck the devil. Paradise Lost has the same effect on me.

Trouble the Saints by Alaya Dawn Johnson — To me, such, such an underrated author and book. I know it won the World Fantasy Award but I think people should be talking about this book more!!!! putting aside the incredible setting (1940s new york mafia assassin with superpowers handed down from the trauma of their ancestors), ADJ is a superb writer who manages to gut you and gut you and gut you scene after scene. The ending of this book has one of the most scream-worthy letters I've seen since Amberlough and Persuasion (WHEN WE RETURN TO THE WHEEL OF LIFE YOU AND I, WE WILL FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN SEVEN LIFETIMES AND SEVEN LIFETIMES MORE. im literally taking a knife and eviserating myself rn thinking about it)

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman — cheating, cause this is a series but i'll allow it cause it is a series of all time. Also one of the few authors I've found to ever create a non-annoying animal companion to go with you on a quest. Lyra and Pantalaimon, you will forever be famous.

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov — love of my life fire of my loins my sweet beloved who is constantly misrepresented on here, the illiteracy website. I wish I could take back everyone's reading experience of this until we've had a discussion about authorial intent. Aside from that, Nabokov is one of my favorite writers of all time; his word choice is inspired and decadent, and one of the more digestible Russians to grace my bookshelf lmao (sorry doestoevsky and tolstoy, i love you but sometimes...)

Pictures of the Floating World by Amy Lowell — A hiss of gold/ Blooming out of darkness,/ Rockets exploded,/ And died in a soft dripping of colored stars. J U S T how do words how do poetry. i love you amy lowell lesbian icon i want to eat all of your poems up in one bite

The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wollheben — one of the few nonfictions I recommend to everyone. I think we could all benefit a little more from learning about trees, and especially trees not just as part of the ecosystem but as individuals who form a community. This book really opened my eyes to how connected every single living thing is in this world, and how everything speaks to each other :))) trees i love you trees i'd die for you

The Doloriad by Missouri Williams — Now here is a fucked up book. I wish all the incest girlies of tumblr would read this and talk to me about it. I haven't been able to stop thinking abt this book since I read it, and Missouri Williams' writing is honestly top-tier, super slippery and well crafted

Prince's Gambit by CS Pacat — enjoyed this whole series but this middle book is simply top tier, which is honestly amazing cause second books generally tend to be the worst. I want to dissect Pacat's brain to figure out how they manage to make the pay off that delicious. Laurent my original little meow meow you've done nothing wrong in your life

Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente — i know the tumblrinas have gotten this one out of their system in like, 2015-2017, but i think we should talk about this more!!!!! who is doing it like Valente.

Idk who to tag, but feel free to do this if you would so like and tag me in it. I love hearing about ppl's formative books.

[enochianghost]

@dragonwithafez tagged me in a self-rec tag game, so i guess i gotta show off my own art here now

Rules: Share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.). Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made.

we might be stretching the definition of "fanworks" here just a heads up

Something you absolutely adore

i still absolutely love how this picture of my two ocs turned out. i just think it looks nice. my boys look so happy <3 (they're from Turning to Savagery which I'm about to rec later on this post lol)

Something that was challenging to create

can my entire pokemon blog count? I drew literally every single pokemon, using the pokedex as a guide. this was honestly so tiring and i hated it a lot the time, but also im so happy i did it. it really forced me to practice drawing a lot of things i otherwise never would've even tried, and it also just got me into the habit of making art all the time, so during hiatuses i end up working on my own stuff a lot more. plus i really love getting the occasional note from someone excited to see that someone finally draw fanart of their favorite niche pokemon :)

i can't believe i've really drawn over a thousand pokemon at this point. what a weird accomplishment lol

Something that makes you laugh (or smile, if that fits more comfortably)

this picture of chip the beanie baby. it makes me smile because i love my irl chip beanie baby so much <3 also i've gotten some comments on it saying how much they love chip too and it makes me so happy! my precious boy deserves all the love in the world

Something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.)

uh...idk...the fact that out of all the pokemon, starmie's post was the one to get the most notes on my pokemon blog?? why do y'all like starmie so much

Something you want other people to see

please go read my warriorcats fanfic Turning to Savagery. I worked really hard on it. also i want more ppl to know who my blorbos are

okay, as always when i tag ppl, you can just ignore me if you don't wanna do this. i won't be offended i pinky promise. also you can do this anyway and say i tagged you. if you're reading this rn congrats you're officially tagged by me. show me your art, i demand it

@bougonia @henriediosa @nothing-is-relevent-but-it-is @ashestosparks @enderblogs-23

and last plug, but if you like my art and actually wanna keep up with it, i suggest following me on deviantart. or instagram i guess but i post less often on there. or just @pokemon-every-day if all you care about is my pokemon fanart. okay im done goodbye i love you

[jaeyunverse]

hi !! i hope ur doing okay :) i heard ab the plagiarism thing and im so sorry u had to go through that :/

i js had a quick question if it's okay w u ??

im not rlly like. new to tumblr or anything 😅 but i recently decided to start posting fics & its rlly discouraging to see 0 interaction w anything i post :( i know that the likes to rbs ratio is on whack recently but no one even bothers to like my posts and its kinda.. demotivating tbvh :(( i've checked and i know all my fics r showing up in the tags so i rlly dont know what the issue is !!

do u have any tips on how to get more traction for ur fics ?

tysm in advance for answering this and i hope u hv a great day !! 💖

hello hello!! i’m doing as well as i can be with the horrible academic load sitting on my shoulders LMAOAOAO :’) yeahh it was very unfortunate but i’m just glad they took the post down 🥲

nooo i’m so sorry to hear that omfg :( i think the enhablr community in general has a problem with feedback. smaus and headcanons/reactions do very well whereas longer written works don’t get as much traction 😕 honestly, though, recently i’m seeing smaus flopping too and i think it’s bc there’s just SO MANY popping up every single day and often it’s the same ideas being recycled over and over again 😭 i’m on both nctblr and enhablr and the feedback is definitely more on the former 🤧 it’s disheartening to see the motivation go down on this side of the kpop community especially since there r so many talented people here ☹️

aaaa i’m not entirely sure how to help u since u said ur fics r showing up in the tags but still not getting traction 💔 have u joined any networks? u’ll get ur fics reblogged that way and even make more friends who’ll hype u up!! getting noticed also depends on luck to an extent. try checking ur blog’s activity to see when ur followers r most active and post at those times so that maximum people see ur content on the dash without having to scroll much!! also self reblog for those who are in a different timezone from urs so they don’t miss out on ur fics 💗 make sure to use the tags with the most following first too!! i’ve heard people say first five tags don’t matter but what’s the harm in believing that they do LOL i p sure the most followed tags are enhypen imagines and enhypen scenarios (along with enhypen smut bc ppl r horny but idk if ur a minor or not 👁️👄👁️) OH AND LAST THING!! maybe try posting teasers for longer works (or even smaus) so that word spreads and you get a bigger audience when you release the actual content!

idk if any of these tips might actually help you but this is what i have picked up during the past two years i’ve been on tumblr 💗 i would like to reiterate that traction depends on luck as well so not all ur fics will do well but please don’t be disheartened! it takes time to be discovered and if u keep creating consistently and heartily, i’m sure u’ll get everything u deserve and more :D

[alwastakenofc]

RANT INCOMING.

WOWIE ZOWIE it’s a good thing that tumblr keeps u logged in for FOREVER bc i would NOT have remembered that this was my username LMFAOOOO.

anyways !!! i’m just here to rant now to see if it’ll still help me like it used to. just scrolled thru all my personal tagged posts and MAN was i going thru it from 2013-2016 LOL. im glad life is better now. different, but better. me and that guy that i posted abt a lot and would rant abt how he was hanging with that girl all the time broke up in 2016 THANK GOD, that was a sick and toxic and abusive relationship that went way longer than it needed to. i moved back home with my parents and got a few years with both of them before they passed away from different circumstances (fuck alcoholism and fuck cancer). now i live with my roomie/friend and she evicted the other roomie we had that was Toxic As Fuck and a literal Man Child so WAHOO! it’s been nice.

i’m going back to college this year i think, and im both so excited and also Terrified to finish. i only have 1-2 semesters left and then i gotta go get an actual CAREER.

being famous never took off, as expected LMFAO. i don’t stream to get popular anymore, it’s just a genuine hobby i enjoy that gives me an excuse to keep playing video games and having fun. but i don’t mind not having a genuine job off of it anymore; probably should’ve attempted streaming when i was posting abt it so much a decade ago, Honestly Probably Would have taken off a bit more and actually had a chance to make money off it BUT alas, i was too lazy and worried abt public perceptions lmfao

i still have that worry abt public perception especially since i now identify as non-binary (she/they). i wish to be perceived as an amorphous blob that moseys through life, ya know? i only keep the “she/her” pronouns bc a) i’m not fully out to Everyone, and b) i just know some ppl are more used to it and i Do Not mind. i would honestly probably say i don’t prefer ANY pronouns, call me he/she/they i just do Not care, but finding ppl that would reference me as “he” while being respectful just is daunting to think abt and i do not care enough, just call me whatever. but don’t perceive me as a woman exclusively ya know LOL. i don’t identify as a woman or man, i have more feminine days and more masculine days but calling myself a woman sincerely just feels … icky and weird LOL idk like i said. AMORPHOUS BLOB SQUAD, RISE! idk how else to explain it LMAO

also discovered asexuality is a thing like 6-7 years ago which has been LIFE CHANGING !! being told you are broken by ur partner for years, being made to feel like something is Wrong with you because you don’t get why everyone is All About Sex and why tf everyone actually Enjoys Sex…. MANNNNN when i discovered asexuality i don’t think ive ever had a moment in my life where i just said “oh my GOD. it’s ME. i GET MYSELF NOW.” (until i fully understood and embraced being nb about 2 years later lmao). idk i just feel so much more confident in myself and it’s great.

hmmmm what else… i guess i had a stint of struggling with alcohol and weed, but have managed to cut it back. currently on week 2 of no smoking, gonna go a couple more weeks then maybe i’ll buy a pen and edibles. NO MORE DABS! wax just Annihilated my tolerance and not even smoking 3 full joints or eating 250mg of edibles could get me high. it was BAD. but that’s what happens when u do Multiple dabs a day, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for 5+ years !! sooooooo that’s a thing too now. i try to Only drink on weekends now (and only 2 weekends per month, instead of Every weekend, is the new goal) and know i can’t trust myself to buy alcohol on a weekday and hold it to the weekend, which honestly Go Me for that self reflection and understanding that my brain doesn’t have the ability to Not drink alcohol/do shots if it’s in my fridge lol. well, not yet at least. maybe in a couple months i’ll be able to put some vodka in my fridge on a tuesday and be able to keep it there til the weekend without touching it, but for now i still don’t fully trust myself.

BUT! i’m trying to be healthy! i did get a treadmill and jump rope and even tho ive been neglecting jumping rope (maybe i will today idk maybe not LOL) i do still try to walk on my treadmill at least every other day!! i did a mile walk today and i was So Sweaty lol it’s crazy how outta shape i am but im hoping that cutting down on weed and alcohol helps with that too overall. i miss having abs. i miss not being flabby. i have awful body dysmorphia already bc of my boobs and getting bigger has made Them bigger too and it just makes me feel Horrified when i see myself in the mirror. or see my stomach, or double chin, or jiggly arms, or WHATEVER. i just need to be healthy again UGH. anyways.

MANNNNNNNNN i’m so scared of college LOL. i’m not double majoring anymore (also not even in art college anymore HELLO lmao, i dropped out of art school and got my associates degree from community college then transferred to a university where i was originally double majoring in International Relations and Japanese)! i just am gonna drop my Japanese major down to a minor so i still at least know Some Japanese. and ill study on my own post graduation (I HOPE!!!!!) and get better. i took a 2 year break when my mom died and its just so Daunting to think of going back LOL

i really, really… REALLY need to get better with procrastination and laziness and being at a standstill/comfortable. like, i KNOW there’s more to life but i just. UGH. idk. it’s so Hard after everything that’s happened these last few years. if i didn’t lose my dad in 2018 then my mom in 2022 i think it would be a lot better. HELL, if i didn’t lose my mom to cancer in 2022 things would be SOOOOOO different!! i would’ve probably graduated with my double major and had a kickass job and my mom would’ve seen me walk the stage UGHHHHHHHH ill never forget how i lit said “you prolly won’t see me get married but you gotta stick around to watch me walk the stage” and she said “WHERE ELSE WOULD I GO????” and IDK I JUST WISH I NEVER JINXED IT UGHHHHH. i have a lot of unaddressed trauma from both my parents’ deaths that im sure therapy would definitely help with but FOR NOW, i just gotta get thru college and see wtf is waiting for me on the other side.

ALLLLLRIGHT well this went on a LOT longer than i expected and …… idk if it helped??? idk if i feel any better after typing it all out but MEHHHHHHH. it’s nice to just throw it all out into the ether and not have a ton of questions or assumptions or embarrassment or shame come from feeling like im taking up space. i think that’s been the biggest thing ive struggled with since my mom died; i can’t even post my random thoughts on twitter anymore bc the anxiety of “well who even cares, who would even care about you saying anything, why would you even post at all? what’s the point?” just gets SO damn overwhelming. ive become a COMPLETE recluse and i haven’t done ANYTHING like this rant in at Least half a decade LOL. so. idk.

typing this all out therapeutic in a way but again, i just feel kinda anxious at the same time and idk if it’s really helped me out overall. bc why does anyone care? what’s the point?… but also WHY do i feel like People Need To Care ?!?! why can’t i just go back to my old mindset where i did not give a single fuck about what i posted bc i just liked throwing my thoughts out for everyone to read?!?! idk. maybe tumblr is gonna be the bridge to help me get better with voicing random mundane thoughts that don’t matter in the long run LOL. bc WHY is that so scary to me, man….

ANYWAYS i’m done okay. wowie. what a rant. PHEW.

hope u enjoyed reading about my last 6-7 years 😎

[rachdam]

https://www.tumblr.com/rachdam/748285087964151808/hot-take-but-main-tags-are-for-everyone-whether-u

no no dw its normal to react like that when youre upset!

agree its frustrating that not everyone wants to tag properly. look i dont talk about any sensitive topics on tumblr or twt but on ao3 im very careful to put all the tags that apply especially when it can be triggering. ive already come across unpleasant surprises cuz of people who hadnt tagged their fics correctly, i know what its like to come across something u dont want to see and its awful

unfortunately though other than reminding them to properly tag their posts or blocking them, idk how to fix this issue & its very frustrating. and EVEN twts word limit shouldnt be an excuse cuz u just need to add a simple #proship and youre done no need to put out a whole sentence lol! anyway yes agree that tumblr is infinitely better than twt for tag space

no need for forgiving either tbh, of course u were upset at the time and it showed in your writing, but the point you emphasize is very important! people should learn how to properly tag their stuff both for people who are looking for that specifically or those who want to avoid it

ngl its nice to talk to someone whos antiship aligned (from what i can tell lol) and have a civil conversation for once. have a nice day!! ✨

Yeah honestly it's bad on both ends I don't think ppl should have to be exposed to content that could potentially trigger them blegh. Even antis will put horrific things and then crosstag just to be rude which is. Super fucked up. I wish people could be Normal and Nice to one another and take other's feelings into consideration but it's the internet so. No peace here ig 🙄

I appreciate you (as well as several other proshippers) being so kind despite how upset I came across, it gives me a lot of hope that hey!!! Some people actually DO care!! 😭💖 If the other proship spaces are gonna be kind Off then at least the Tumblr ones are gonna put in the effort to be kind 💪🏻 I absolutely have to give credit where it's due

I hope you (and everyone else!!) have a super nice day!!!