#idk how to change my style to something else tho.......how does one do that

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

randomly deciding i need to change my artstyle cause if i dont do something fresh with my art soon im going to explode also woe jackie jamie kissies be upon ye

[zecoritheweirdone]

hey guys,, who wants to see this new dsmp au i've thought up of instead of working on my other countless, already existing aus.

still trying to come up with a proper name for it,,, right now the working title is shattered reflections...? buuuut i'm not too content with that yet.

the basic plot is, via ~wacky shenanigans~,, ranboo, tommy, and tubbo,, all from different universes,, end up getting misplaced together in the multiverse or something like that, and now have to hop from dimension to dimension, trying to find their way back to their respective homes(and maybe they'll find that the real home was the friends they made along the way).

still need to iron out a few kinks(how did this start, how do they travel, how does it end, etc etc),, but like. it's been rotting in my brain ever since the idea first came to my head, so i figured i might as well share it here? in case anyone else's interested,, dkdnsksms.

ranboo's from a magical girl-like au!!! why? mostly because i thought the idea was fun,, ekenkssjks. tried my best to emulate an anime style into the design, 'm hoping it came across? i've been imagining, if this au were animated like spiderverse,, they'd look a lot like how peni parker was animated,, dkdmskdm. you'll never guess what his magical girl form is themed on /lh.

tommy, as you can prolly tell, is from a royalty au! youngest prince of the antarctic empire,,, design is slightly based on some fanart i saw on reddit, by someone called em0kii, i believe? i say slightly because i only thought to search up "antarctic empire fanart" for inspo after i was done with the lineart,, and by that time it was too late for me to change it to something that better fit the cold environment the kingdom's based on(and by too late i mostly mean i was lazy),,, dkdjskj. still, though, i'm pretty happy with it!

and then there's tubbo! he's from a post-apocalyptic au B]. not one with zombies,, but... idk, maybe something exploded? haven't thought too hard about the cause, but just know that his world is in a not good shape. i'm sure it's fine tho. my main thoughts when drawing him were to make him less colorful and saturated than the other two,, since his universe is a bit darker than theirs,,,, and to make him look a little intimidating(big coat, goggles, scarf, lots of sharp edges, plaid). after all, if you're a 5' something teen in the apocalypse, living all on your own– you wanna try and make yourself look as big as possible to try and ward off as many threats as you can. and if that doesn't work, you can always just hit 'em with a bat.

bonus doodle under the cut:

tfw you wake up in the middle of a forest, with no memory of getting there, with two weirdly dressed strangers right there beside you. like. what the fuck.

[pathofreason]

huge slash random as hell to do esque list.

feel free to ignore or tell me how you keep yourself in check ex. diary, notion, etc. liking this so i can save it lol + i think i'll pin it too

make new emails ; come up with email handles. need emails for:

instagram, spotify, letterboxd, discord, pinterest, fragnatica, last.fm

tumblr

games (hsr, gi, etc)

college (will keep using the same one, listed for visualization) *

sort of professional ish sounding email *

? github , etc *

notion ??? i'm scared of having personal data stolen even tho i would assume it happens all the time but this is why i always have a handful of diff emails for diff things so mostly none are linked and i'm unsure if i should have the notion one separate from the rest etc.

* possibly the same one as the one for college? maybe make a new one? github should be same as the pro one but i have no github acc yet unfortch. etc. college one is mostly just getting emails forwarded there, etc

will think of more things for the email section later. if there even is more to think about

think of good usernames a la "pathofreason" that can stick for a while and aren't cringe/won't need to be changed after 3 months. same goes for the emails

make a FUCKING notion account dear god. i have obsidian but it does not feed my aesthetics hungry brain at all

not nearly as important as anything else in this post and almost done already but need to really stabilize it - - - lists of favourites: films / writers / directors / musicians / philosophers / fashion designers / songs / albums. will add more if i remember

MAKE LIST OF GROCERIES I WOULD BUY WEEKLY.

DAILY ROUTINE INCLUDING:

10k steps minimum

waking up between 5:30 and 9:00 + at most 10:00 on days off, 11:00 to 12:00 if feeling unwell or hungover

going to bed between 22:00 and 00:30

at least 70% healthy food. if unhealthy then eat insanely little and balance

water consistently no specific goal in ml

stretching for mobility

light workouts at least 30min while doing something else (watching youtube, cooking etc)

study minimum 1h

write in diary/journal when i do start - and i should start asap

hand cream at night

shower - no hair

TAKE GOD DAMN VITAMINS ETC

brush teeth morning and night

WEEKLY (ish) ROUTINE INCLUDING:

read book(s). no weekly page goal

watch one film per week

listen to the only two podcasts i enjoy will not list them here

wash hair twice a week (wednesday and weekend?)

exfoliate once a week or every second week if no energy

thursday casino after classes for free €10 "ladies night" on machines DO NOT STAY LATE

WHEN GOING OUT:

gloves

scarf

lipstick/gloss/eyeshadow

sunglasses

€100 MONTHLY BUDGET COVER:

extra for groceries if needed - estimate weekly €15 monthly €65

bus ticket if needed - €15

hygiene necessities - estimate monthly €20

if i don't use it up for these then i can spend it on whatever i want. most notable and common options coffee, makeup, clothes

ORGANISE:

spotify (playlists)

lists on letterboxd (decide favourite films finally)

closet - do i even have a style? get rid of cringe shit from years ago. get in touch with what i have and if i need more or replacements or declutter etc

book collection

phone. the entire thing

CLEAN AND ORGANISE MY ROOM AND APARTMENT

START REPLACING WHAT IS LEFT OF SHITTY FOOTWEAR AND COATS/JACKETS/ETC

NEED TO BUY:

socks that don't suck ass

small pouch for my makeup that isn't ugly looking

l'occitane hand cream

lip balm(s)

coffee capsules for machine

pajamas

WANT TO BUY:

mac lipstick in diva

dior single eyeshadow in beige mitzah

chanel eyeshadow quad - haven't decided which one

those perfect €165 red boots (thin heels unfortunately) i found but don't remember the brand

NEED TO FIND:

good coats in general

good snow boots

good sunscreen - it's almost winter rn so not necessity for rn but very important

WANT TO TRY:

"skincare" - idk if i'm being gaslit by social media tho i'm 20yo idk if this chemical shit even matters other than sunscreen ofc

WANT TO FIND:

real fur ushanka

(real duh) leather gloves

chanel lipstick i actually like

nail lacquer that isn't in an ugly looking bottle : clear, red, beige. etc

MIDTERMS START ON THE 19TH GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND FUCKING STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ALSO WORKOUT TO GET FUCKING SKINNIER DAMN!!!!! AND GET ORGANISED!!!!

[plasmasimagination]

Greetings ! I saw your match up event and I don't know if you're still up to it but I'll give it a shot anyways !

Fandom : Honkai Star Rail

Characters I don't want to be paired up with : Blade, Sampo (sorry boys)

Ahem, I'm an ISFP who's rising sign is Scorpio, moon sign is Aries and solar sign is cancer.

I absolutely adore writing, reading and exploring outside, urbex is the best thing I've ever known in my entire life. I'm also trilingual ! I just like languages so I'm studying them, probably to travel later although I might just change and get a bachlors degree in psychology just so I can help people. I also love swimming, favorite sport ngl. I forgot to mention, my pronouns are she/her and I'm bisexual though I lean a little more towards women (bless them).

In terms of personality I'd say I'm pretty shy and quiet with strangers but once I know them I'm a goofy dumbass and seem pretty extroverted because I become rather chatty. People have mentioned how intimidating I look, I'm about 5'8 and fairly fit with broad shoulders. So some have approached me out of curiosity and because I look mysterious (their words not mine). Though I'm a big teddy bear, my love language is physical touch and quality time after all.

Aside from my height I have middle length wavy (mb fluffy too ig) brown hair and brown eyes. I wear glasses or else I can't see crap. My clothing style is rather tomboyish, I prefer brown and beige colours and wear pretty simple things (tho I make them stylish).

Some details about myself are that I really like a good challenge and annoying the heck out of someone, some say I seem a little sadistic with my teasing lmao. Despite being chatty I'm rather laid back and quiet.

Have a good day btw ! I hope it was enough.

HELLO THERE SWEETHEART YAYAYA, so you didn't mention which gender you want to be paired up with so i just decided to give you uh...both? Bisexual problems frfr anyyyywaaays, matchup go!

.

.

.

March 7th!

Okay okay I know you might be asking why and stuff, so first off, who are you to question my way? (/J) and second here's why!

I always like to pair up introverts and extroverts together so they can balance each other out

And you two would fit so well, like-

Intimidating girlfriend that looks like she could beat your ass, and cute smol girlfriend protected

IDK I JUST FIND IT ADORABLE

You might say that you see her more as a friend but I think you two would start off as friends and then turn into something more

Also two chatty cuties would be a blast to be with one another, like I like to imagine march would enjoy chatting with you even if it's just random ranting about insignificant stuff and then be excited to hear your opinion on the insignificant stuff😭

Welt!

Calm collected and reserved

A complete opposite of march yet still a fit for you

This time two introverts together, who enjoy each others company

He prefers to listen to you talk rather than talking himself, but he does enjoy making small comments or chuckling at your stories

Very interested in your writing hobby

Will ask you to show him the newest thing you wrote, he gives constructive criticism but also praises, a tiny bit ;)

Your annoying won't work in him because he will just see it as your personality (ouch) and will sit there with a small smile on his face

Also enjoys different languages and will be fairly impressed by your knowledge, sometimes will ask a thing or two about a certain thing he's unsure of

Doesn't mind your displays of affection, quality time and acts of service are his so he's completely content and happy with spending time with you

About physical contact, he's rather not the one to initiate it, but if you do it first he'll have no trouble ab it

[gibbearish]

Hey, I found ur trans quiz thing on uquiz, I think I'm in the right place. Anyway, I'm basically positive that I'm trans, but I don't know if I should come out. If I do, my mom and brother will be disgusted by me, (both Christians) and I'm pretty sure I'd get the same result from my best friend. My real name is Roman, but I put Charlie for my username bc I want to be Charlotte instead. I don't want to bottle up my feelings, but I'm sure they would all judge me. What do you suggest I do? Thx for listening.

hey there! yep you reached the right place:3

this is always a tough one, i was in a pretty similar situation when i was in high school. i know a lot of people will say like "you never know until you try, the people who love you might surprise you!" but personally ive always found that to be somewhat shallow advice. you know the people in your life better than randos ever will, so above anything else i would say to go with your gut here. if it tells you that coming out now wouldnt be safe, then unfortunately i think it probably would be in your best interests to just keep your head down until youre able to set up a life and support system outside of them, so that if things do break bad it doesn't fuck you over.

that being said, that doesn't mean you have to bottle it all up either, nor does that mean all hope is lost for having a relationship with those people afterwards.

first, try to seek out others like you in your life right now. im not sure how old you are but most of the people who've reached out from the quiz have been high schoolers so i'm going off that assumption, if you are in high school i would see if your school has a GSA you could join, or if that wouldnt be a possibility bc ur parents wouldnt let you go then you could try reaching out to the teacher that runs it to see if they have any advice or could help you connect with other queer kids outside of the club. if you can't do that then you may still be able to connect, i know the stereotypes abt people "looking gay" are shit but there are also legitimately queer style choices that people make on purpose because they want to look queer (myself included), and while openly saying "hey you look gay lets be friends" would suck, ill let you on on the secret code to tell queer strangers you recognize their vibes: "omg i love your hair". and obviously randos can give that compliment too but im being 100% serious when i say that if that comment comes from Another Queer and is said in the "im gay too please notice me" way, it hits different, idk how to explain lmao. or "i like your pins" if they have pride stuff. really it's just you pointing out the Thing that made you go "you seem like me," and then complimenting it to show the other person youre cool with that stuff. and obv follow the other persons vibes, if theyre just like "oh thanks" and then turn back around then just move on w ur day, but if theyre like "omg i love your hair too!" then *hacker voice* youre in

anyways on to the second part which is all hope is not lost:

you may not be able to come out to these people now, BUT you may be able to start laying the groundwork to do it further down the line. i'm not saying start religious/political arguments, obv do whatever you need to stay safe, but you can start just. nudging them in the right direction. like say your parents are ranting about something right on the line of anger abt queerness, like a guy wearing eyeliner or w/e, you could drop a noncommital "eh i think it looks cool but i get it" or "i mean its kinda just facepaint when you think abt it tho right?" or another example i cant think of right now to just kind of. push the needle a little bit. and with this kind of thing it's very important you dont go into it expecting immediate change, like. this is you planting the seeds so that in six months when theyre trying to fall asleep theyll be like "....huh. i guess it kinda is just like facepaint, so. why is facepaint ok for men but makeup isnt" yknow? so if you go into it with that being the expectation, the things you say hopefully wont register as confrontational or disagreeing, but just as like. the noncommital hand wiggle gesture. it can take a long time for ideas to take root in people so it makes convos much easier when you remind yourself not to expect immediate change

now obviously your mileage may vary, if you think even that would be too dangerous then absolutely feel free to disregard and just do your best not to let the things they say get to you. and either way remember that you WILL have your own life away from them someday where you get to be yourself, and it is never ever too late to start transition. no matter how long you have to stay with them to set up your own life, it is out there, and one day you will get to a point where whether they cut you off or not, it doesn't matter. you'll get to choose your own clothes, religion, hair style, makeup, house decorations, food, schedule, the world will be your oyster. so when it gets hard, hold on to that. i believe in u 💕

[mithliya]

sorry i have a kinda weird ask… (i’m 19 for reference) is age regression just thumb sucking and baby talk? or can you regress to like 6-7years old? i’m like stressing out haha because i have a lot of different ‘habits’ that make me feel better that are typically found in children. like i hug my knees when i’m upset, or hide in small spaces, or i dress kind of younger… not like a baby, but similar to how i did when i was like a 6 year old. (example sweatshirts with more kid friendly patterns, jeans with stars or flowers sewn into them, bows in my hair, the really short choppy bangs that lots of kids have, and just looking at pictures of me when i was a kid i have the exact same style now and dress basically the same) idk it’s nothing sexual or like little little- no diapers or little skirts or anything. but just small things common with kids. like i pack my lunches in those sectioned off lunch boxes made for elementary schoolers and they usually have just carrots grapes pb&j- or like juice boxes or cutting my food into squares or stars orusing a cookie cutter to shape it cute. idk this feels hard to explain but i basically just adopt a lot of habits or routines that i had back when i was like 6-7ish and i didn’t even really realize that i was doing it until about a week ago and i just feel so uncomfortable and i don’t know if i’m age regressing. does this sound like age regression? or do you think i’m just weird? i definitely did have a very traumatizing childhood and so i don’t know if it’s a response to that or if that’s just how i am.. i don’t use baby talk per say.. i sometimes kind of talk like how a kid would.. but just in my mannerisms not in the actual way it sounds. i also like to have a lot of ‘cute’ stuff - like stuffed animals or cat patterned or flower patterned or heart patterned sheets.. or coloring books but ones made for kids. stuff like that. i act normal around people, i’m very shy so i don’t really talk to anyone that i don’t already know, and my only friends are people i’ve known for years so they just already know how i am.. but still. but i don’t like act like i’m a baby.. or even a toddler …. i kind of pout sometimes but not on purpose. or like all the time if i’m upset i do something i did when i was a little kid. like i’ll play a video game i loved as a kid… or i’ll make myself a snack that i loved as a kid../ or just do something that i did when i was little to calm me down. like i don’t know there’s more but it’s hard to explain all of it. basically i don’t act like how a modern kid would (someone born in like 2016) like.. i just act almost exactly like how i did when **i** was a kid. idk if that changes anything… anyways sorry for rambling. i feel embarrassed saying this bc i know it’s weird for an adult, even a young one, to act like that.. i’m not like a perv or anything it’s not sexual. i’ve said that already but idk when ppl see age aggression a lot of the time they associate it with a sexual thing.. idk sorry i’m bad at explaining stuff. anyways does this sound like age regression or am i just weird?

if someone's age regression involved them acting like a kid from a different time than them then id jsut think they were weird or that its something else, i think its pretty normal for ur age regression to be more like.. as if ur still a child.

honestly tho from this alone, i dont know. i would think maybe youre childish but not necessarily age regressing. in my experience, when i age regress, i usually talk differently. like a dumb child or something. i also become extremely sensitive, prone to bawling, scared if someone yells or raises their voice, more childlike mannerisms. its not a constant thing for me at all, i noticed it only happens when im vulnerable in some way. if im afraid or stressed, for example. i wouldnt say ive got a childish diet or wear kids clothing, but also i dont age regress anywhere near as much as i used to as a teenager and i think it has become less and less prominent the older i got. i also dont think i get childish interests in those times either, but honestly the things i liked as a kid werent that childish anyways and i enjoy a lot of it today ? i also have a lot of plushies which when living alone i would hug them to sleep and sometimes i pout and the like but i feel like thats normal hfdhfdhs. its nothing sexual for me either and i think in general age regression is more like, a trauma thing rather than a sexual thing. the people who have made it sexual or a lifestyle thing need to be seriously evaluated esp the men that get off on that (actually the men who get off on that should die, but anyways.)

also i think doing things that u have loved since childhood isnt age regression, i feel like thats a pretty logical self-soothing tactic? i also often will go to things that are comforting to me and such things are often positive things from my childhood

[the-nameless-wacky-inventor]

💘🌻🎈📡☯️🪄(I had such a hard time choose XD) for the fanfic ask!

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Like all of my old works but specifically Shooting at Myself and the Mad Ducktor Thingie. I haven't read them in a while but Ik they need a good looking at. XD They're still my top DT fics tho, so I assume it's not as bad as I'm thinking. XD

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

I don't know if I've ever purposefully given up on a fic or wanted to give up on writing altogether. Usually with fics it's just a sudden realization that I haven't touched my WIP in like three months, and as for wanting to quite writing altogether it's just like.... what else am I supposed to do with my day then?? XD

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Oh I have no idea... succinct, maybe? Unless I don't want it to be, then I can go on forever about something. XD I'd say it's pretty fixed. XD Ik there's a few fics where the writing feels a little different somehow (Can't You Tell feels like that for some reason), but it's pretty much the same.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

Idk! Ig I've never thought about what the fandom specifically gets out of it, it's more like what do I get out of it by the validation I get when people like it sslkjfsldkjd XD

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

It lets people share their ideas!! The whole reason I got an ao3 and tumblr was specifically so I could have input in the fandom and be able to show y'all the stuff I'd written. I'd been writing a lot before I got one, and finally I just decided I wanted to show it to everyone. XD I usually try to leave small encouraging comments on things when I have time, and I've found that reblogs are a very fun way to interact as well. Watch me tag an artist's post with ten keysmashes and then make a friend 'cause they appreciated that. XD

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

Usually for bigger fics it's just take a break. XD I love writing, but oftentimes finishing a giant one (Welcome to the Madhouse comes to mind first, actually- that was 50k words I wrote in a month) I'll let myself not feel bad if it's taken me a week or so to get back to writing. Looking back through my posting dates, I finished Where's My Mind in September and only have one other fic (that was like 2k words) that I put out that month. Which is pretty slow for me.

[mcrmadness]

Tagged by @theydoctor, thanks!!! ^^

1. Were you named after anyone?

Well, my first name comes from somewhere in the family tree, and the middle name apparently was picked by my dad from an Italian or French opera cos he's a nerd. I haven't changed my name but if I did, I would never name myself after someone else. I want my name to feel like me and not like a random copy of someone else. (This doesn't mean I'd have this opinion on anyone who did name themself after someone else, I personally just don't want to have namesakes nor be associated with people who are my namesakes.)

2. When was the last time you cried?

Does onions count? If so, then 30 minutes ago when I was cooking those on a pan.

3. Do you use sarcasm?

YES. Altho, I often find it difficult to tell my jokes apart from my sarcasm because my humour in general is very dry and dark, and so is my sarcasm. And I often make jokes that sound sarcastic so I really don't know of which one it really is. But have to say that I often am careful with whom I show the sarcastic side because not everyone gets my humour, and I easily manage to make people offended because they don't realize I was just using dry humour.

4. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their aesthetics? Like, the colour scheme and style. I focus on that more than I focus on anything else, solely because I am so visual person I can't help it but notice the visuals as the first thing, especially if I like those visuals (aka the colour scheme).

5. What's your eye colour?

Blue-grey. On a good day you can see random green dots here and there but usually only when it's very bright as the dots are normally hidden behind the irises.

6. Scary movie or happy ending?

Hmmm... I don't like scary movies, so of these two I have to say: happy endings. Otherwise I don't need my movies to always end happily as I also enjoy very bizarre, anti-cliché endings that leave the viewer with more questions than answers. Such as Christopher Nolan's movies which often have a happy, yet "wtf???" type eding.

7. Any special talents?

Maybe cooking and baking? And taking care of plants. Like, I have some natural talent for cooking and baking, as well as a secret green thumb, and it pisses me off so much because NONE OF THESE is a passion of mine! I don't even know wtf I'm doing with my plants but apparently something right since they've still alive and I even got one of them to make flowers and my mom has had its parent plant for decades and it has never made flowers. All I did was just water it so idk what was that. So idk if this is a special talent but it sure is a weird talent. (And other is probably my brain's ability to absorb and memorise information about die ärzte...)

8. Any pets?

Currently I don't have any pets but I love cats (and animals in general) more than anything and want to have cats in the future. Pets are not allowed in my flat, but my parents have 3 so at least my life is not fully cat-free and I might go crazy if it was.

9. What sports do you play/ have played?

None, I hate sports so much it's insane. The only sports I've been even mildly interested in is horse sports, and mainly the harness racing/trotting as I'm actually a horse groom by my profession and specialized in that. Also horseback riding was my hobby when I was a teenager but I quit after I fell for the first time ever (after 6 months) and broke my arm.

10. How tall are you?

156cm, if you don't speak metrics, unfortunately you have to google it if you really find my height that interesting.

11. What was your favourite subject in school?

I used to like arts, but the art education was really bad in junior high. But since I've always loved visual arts (and I'm so annoyed that it is NOT my special talent, fml :DDD), I was usually in my element there anyway. I also liked biology, and I guess Finnish even tho the subject is known as "mother tongue (and literature)" here in Finland. I also really loved the IT lessons as that's what sparked my interest towards video editing when I was 14 or 15. (Windows Movie Maker!!!)

12. Dream job?

My dream job would be to be able to study all kinds of things without ever having to settle down for just one career path. I have so many different interests that I could never combine them all into one, but I also wouldn't want to make my life be all about just one, but I also have no energy for having 5 jobs at the same time. But if money didn't exist and I was more creative what comes to original content, I'd definitely be a comic book artist! From my existing profession I'm a horse groom, and currently I'm studying media and visual expression and I'm very interested in video editing, maybe making music videos, even. But that's just me in this very moment. I'm also interested in everything from linguistics and languages to horse colour genetics.

Not tagging anyone, but feel free to tag yourself if you are reading this and want to answer these questions.

[jeongjaebae]

fic summary 2k22

ayeee so it's that time of year again!! i know i haven't posted much in 2022 (like... just a handful of fics oops) but i still hit a decent word count and made significant progress on long fic wips!

so yeahhh here's my 2022 fic summary which is... basically a chance to introduce my wips LOL

Total word count written: 89,033

Total word count published: 33,243

Fandoms written: tbz and svt

1. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or what you predicted?

a bit less!! it's about half as much as i wrote last year (which was a whooping 150k word count LMAO), but this range is already more than the average for me in any given year so it's not too bad. in terms of what i POSTED though... i have no excuse for that 😅 most of my word count is from wips/ideas so i didn't have any finished content to post

2. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

last january i definitely didn't know i would write for svt!! i kind of had a feeling that deobiblr was already dying at the time, and that's around when i started watching going seventeen to get into them... but yeah didn't know i'd slip so deep into the carat life (blaming you, kim mingyu 😒)

3. What’s your own favourite story of the year?

it's a time loop au wip that i've written about 19k so far!! where our mc is stuck in a loop trying to change their fate of unrequited love by meeting [boy group member] first before his current gf does. so mc tries to alter events and change the course of fate all while trying to figure out a way to leave the loop

4. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

uhHHhhH the time loop au i suppose is a risk in itself... bc like... plotting it has been a complete pain when you're trying to consider multiple reruns of the same timeline. every detail has to be in the right place so that when the mc's actions change, we can directly see how that affects the events in the timeline

also writing domestic fluff like i did in best boy... can't say i enjoyed it but it was a good challenge!!

5. Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?

post the damn hyunjae e2l already 💀 (takes one to know one)

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year:

the time loop au ahahaha but if we're talking posted fic then the whole truth!! it has a bit of everything: decent flow and sentence structures, some important themes, tiny bit of humour, and gotta love f2l ju

My most popular story of this year:

the whole truth!! i reread this kind of recently and think it really is my best in terms of flow and sentence structure. also i really haven't posted anything else so.... yeah 😶

Most fun story to write:

hmm besides my two biggest wips i'd say it's this jogging au i wrote back in april!! where mc gets roped into a jogging date with [cute dating app boy] despite hating all kinds of exercise. it's definitely the typical jeongjaebae style of humour, secondhand embarrassment, and fluff. very fun to write and has me laughing every time i reread it LMAO

Story with the single sexiest moment:

probably the whole truth, the scene where they're making out in juyeon's room LMAO. srry i have no other contributions this year. BUT!!! my e2l wip has the full and extended scene from want so that's something to look forward to 👀

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

best boy. maybe it's not terrible but idk i haven't touched it since writing it bc i hate it 🤡 domestic fluff is... not my cup of tea. i suppose it was a good writing challenge tho. maaaaybe i'll write it one day but... needs a bit more practice

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

hmm maybe 1 plus 1? writing it made me obsessed with the (og) guy in it and he shot way up my bias list. and like. i'm still in that phase rn LOL

Hardest story to write:

oh boy it's deffs the time loop au. still stuck on the plot tbh? there's just so much planning and then... the thought of it reaching 50k or something... makes me tired OTL. it's exciting to think about but at the same time, there are way too many details i still have to write. it's a bit of a struggle

Biggest surprise:

surprise surprise who knew i would be writing for svt?!? and the one piece of angst that i wrote: all that we are

Most unintentionally telling story:

let's go with the whole truth. i loved some of the concepts and moral lessons in there, like how we're not made to be someone else's object of desire. why should we exist to be beautiful to others? and the other part about how love is deeper than what an app can tell us.

Favourite opening lines:

ehh nothing i particularly like but here we go

[better than the movies]

the most relatable sentence

If your life was a movie, at this moment, you’d be that introvert at a party.

[jogging date wip]

ahh.... relatable once again. the opening here sets the tone perfectly

"Yeah, of course. A jogging date sounds perfect." That was the moment you knew you fucked up.

Favourite closing lines:

nothing will beat this is how we fall but here are some that i like

[takes one to know one]

this actually isn't at the veryyy end of my wip rn but will probably change it and make it the actual ending later bc it's so fitting!! potential spoiler i guess but not really bc we all knew what was coming right?

When he pulls back and you see the fondness in his eyes, you realize that maybe the two of you aren't so different. He may have been an asshole, but you'd pretty much been one too. You were insanely competitive but only so that you could match up to his level. And even though it took a while for you to understand your feelings for him, now you know that he's felt the same way all along. Indeed, the two of you are more similar than you think. But then again, it takes one to know one.

[the whole truth]

they went through so much and this wrapped it up nicely. the silence especially is a powerful symbol here

When Juyeon takes the final step and crosses into your range this time, the silence is something you’ve never been happier to hear.

Favourite lines from anywhere:

[the whole truth]

important life lessons 101. if someone doesn't like you that's their problem not yours LOL. why should it be your job to be likeable?

"It’s not embarrassing to not be loved back. Painful, yes, but not something to be ashamed of. You weren’t put on this world just to become someone else’s object of desire, okay?"

[time loop au wip]

not quite closing lines but could kind of be similar to that

The two of you don't talk about, but it's all too evident anyway. It's evident when you lean into him as the night gets colder, head against the crook of his shoulder, and then in the way he shifts so that his lips meet yours. It's evident in the way he kisses you, with the sweetest of a first kiss, the bitterness of a last kiss, and the constancy of making the same choice in every loop, every timeline, every lifetime.

Scenes from anywhere you would have choose to have illustrated:

for the sake of referencing posted fics, i would say the ending of redo where they're on the bench under the mistletoe!

(in terms of wips: time loop au where y/n and [redacted] are watching fireworks from homecoming week!!)

New year’s resolutions:

finish and post that damn hyunjae e2l already OTL. and like... probably finish the time loop au if possible

Word Count Totals

Total finished, posted fic: 33,243

Longest posted fic:  the whole truth ~14.2k

Longest wip: hyunjae e2l is sitting at 25k still... and time loop au at 19k... 🥲

Total number of words written: 89,033

[appreciatingtokrev]

i suppose it is normal then and the duration must be a factor too regarding the sadness. have you seen the film called loving vincent then? it's an biography of his life and it's animated in paint to reflect his art style.

i think it's mainly ios users that play it on their phones? but again, still need load of memory. does your laptop heat up when you play for a long time? my phone did despite being an iphone. i know nothing about hi3rd, i really thought GI was their first game lol. as students, we all have those moments lol.

i hope you get your meds soon then because that will probably help a lot, which style of studying do you prefer? where i live only marine biology is rare and that's a huge con :( but the sea sick might change over time. medicine is 5 years here, how long will it be for you? i dk what forensic medicine entails lmao. i'm sure you will be able to figure it out then.

i know stray kids belong to JYP and that's about it and that's cool but her playlist is probably longer lol.

oh, they are silver, my bad there is too many characters in TR that wear earrings ;-; what do you think of silver as a colour? apart from fanfic/cosplay, have you ever tried making anime edits? i started making youtube anime shorts yesterday and i like it where i do upload them online.

the power of self belief is everything! good luck but i think the quality of the wig probably make a difference? so might need to research beforehand so you can pick a good base.

yes, six months left to the big reveal ^^ no worries and oversided hoodies are cool.

oh, loving vincent! i’ve heard of it, but haven’t watched it (yet?), no. it kinda sounds like something i’d enjoy though.

personally i only know three people who play genshin on their phone, but two of them are samsung users lol. my old laptop would heat up like crazy (i mean... it’s like 8 or 9 years old at this point) but with my current laptop i hardly have any issues regarding that. that said i’ve still got to play on low graphics settings because it just lags a ton otherwise, but i hardly mind that. (tho i haven’t been able to play genshin in weeks bc it keeps crashing for some reason :( i’m waiting it out & hoping an update of my laptop will fix it but who knows. i might get a ps5 for christmas though so i’ll at least be able to play it on there ig? and maybe sooner on a phone bc i definitely need a new one even sooner.)

ah, my meds. i’ve got a prescription now, but they’re out of sale until at the very least january :') i really like studying with classmates/friends bc i hardly have the motivation to study alone tbh but if there’s at least someone else i do. i’ve p much got a study bestie tho and for most subjects we study together :D

well where i live i’m pretty sure you can’t study marine biology since there is no ocean lmao. so i might just study biology & then move somewhere for the specifics? idk. but i’ve got lots of time to figure it out still lol yep, hopefully it’ll get better,, medicine is 5 years here too! forensic medicine is p much examining dead (human) bodies, either bc they died in the hospital/in an accident (so for science) or because they died an unnatural death (criminology). tho the forensic medicine field entails more than just forensic pathology (doing autopsies), e.g. you could be working at a lab doing dna testing.

ngl i hardly know anything abt the few kpop bands i listen to, i just enjoy their music lol. but yeah i’m sure she knows more.

no no i get it, there truly are a lot,, i like silver as a color, especially in jewlery! tbh i prefer it over gold in most contexts.

ohh edits,, no, i haven’t done anything apart from cosplay attempts, making merch, writing fic & doing art for fandom so far lol. i don’t use tiktok & hardly use youtube for fandom stuff though (i usually listen to asmr or hour long explanation vids on yt, not much more adhkgdfjf) but if i do come across edits somehow, i’m always excited :D imo they’re very fun, but i don’t have the right apps or space on my phone for them to make any.

very true! yep, i’ll definitely do some research to try and find a rather cheap but still rather good quality wig,, bc it very much does make a difference.

only four more months.. 👀

[muertawrites]

@c3m21: what are your thoughts on vampire eddie? this picture has me weak😭

i actually haven't thought too much about him? but now that you bring it up...

i do like the idea of him coming back from the upside down as... something else.

like maybe he fused with the hive mind somehow

and maybe it gives him this unsatisfiable hunger for flesh. blood. he's a halfway creature between one of vecna's monsters and a human.

and when he finds his way back to you he's a wreck because he doesn't know what's wrong with him or how to control his urges and you smell so good he just wants to consume you.

definitely becomes a clumsy, goofy goth. like richmond from the it crowd.

sleeps most of the day to avoid the sunlight. it hurts his eyes. when he does go out during daylight, he has to wear sunglasses everywhere.

eats chunks of raw meat straight from the pack. like you've woken up in the middle of the night to find him sitting in front of the fridge, eating pieces of raw stewing beef like they're chips.

you have to teach him how to live comfortably with your cat (rip mews) which he's totally guilty about because like. that cat is also his baby. and he hates the thoughts that run through his head every time he's close to it. but he ends up bonding, finding his humanity again, and local pets are no longer in danger of becoming his next meal. (your cat is happy too. he missed is dad.)

likes to hunt in the woods twilight style. will come home drenched in dirt and blood with a wild look in his eye. it's kinda hot.

nothing curbs his thirst for human blood, though. that's what he craves more than anything.

he's afraid to ask you for help because he's afraid of hurting you. he doesn't know if he'll be able to control himself once he sinks his teeth in. but you hate to see him suffer, so you convince him.

"just a little bit from my wrist. we'll start small, and you'll only take small amounts every once in a while. like giving blood."

his first taste of you is divine

after he's done drinking directly from your vein, he laps at the open wound, moaning breathily because fuck you taste good.

once you're comfortable, he starts testing different areas of your body to drink from. your neck and your thighs are his favorites.

loves to feed during sex. he'll pull away from sucking on your neck with blood dribbling down his chin, fangs fully extended, and lick his lips with this malicious grin and fuck you until you're sore.

weirdly enough the change lowered his sex drive? pipes like a god tho

and no he doesn't eat you out on your period. that's fucking gross. those of y'all with vajooches have seen how nasty a period is and that shit is disgusting. eddie respects that boundary. he's a perv but not THAT much.

before he halfway died he used to be really loud, but now he moves around really quietly, almost silent. he likes to sneak up behind you and spook you. always apologizes with a hug and a lil smooch <3

can perch in very precarious places. he likes to sit on top of your kitchen cabinets and just. chill. when you can't find him that's usually where he is.

goes as a vampire every year for halloween. people always compliment his teeth and ask how he got them to look so real.

since he started feeding on you, he doesn't crave for other people anymore. the romantic in him likes to believe it's because you're his person, and he loves you.

he will not tell you this. he thinks he'll sound stupid saying it out loud.

... idk maybe vampire eddie is really sexy??

[kitty-meowskers]

genshin men's taste in music~ characters: Albedo, Ayato, Dainsleif, Childe, Diluc, Gorou, Itto, Kaeya, Kazuha, Thoma, Venti, Xiao, Xingqiu, Zhongli

Research man He'd probably be into songs with meaningful lyrics, the music itself wouldn't matter too much to him as long as the words sung were meaningful Whenever he found such a song he'd probably try to decipher the lyrics and research it or somethin

Boba fanboy Probably into pop but I don't see him really being into music. Maybe while he works to keep him motivated?

Extreme god hater Pls introduce him to music. He's been missing out on so much. But when he does find out what it is he'd probably like music rich songs (like Eleanor Rigby by Cody Fry or Throne by Rival) . Violins would be his fav instrument.

Child(e) Most definitely into energizing music that gets you pumped up- Unlike Albedo, he cares more about the music than the lyrics, he couldn't care less. Also he probably listens to Cupid's Chokehold :) If you hung out with him he'd probably blast his music and wouldn't care whether you liked it or not. Deal with it

Batman Jazz or any oldies. I see him liking Queen n stuff. He'd also like songs with strong (rich??) singing, idk how to explain it. And even though he'd hate to admit it he probably listens to music he enjoyed with Kaeya when they were younger (and maybe cry to it idk) Probably listens to music when he's alone to relax in the evenings.

Doggy Claims he doesn't have time for it and he doesn't care. But if you were friends (or more~) he wouldn't mind listening to it with you.

Arataki numero uno itto Rock. Rock all the way. All star his his fav song 100%. In his opinion, anyone who doesn't like rock is w e a k (i dont make the rules). Also if you put on your songs and it isn't to his liking after a while he'd probably tell you that its too lame or something (not in a mean way tho) and change it-

Elsa Cpr or Never gonna give you up. No in-betweens. I see him listening to music whenever he has time to and especially while he's drunk and alone. If you ever asked for music he'd probably show you the 'cpr' side of his playlist. Unless you're really close and he trusts you fully. Then you'd probably have a playlist together :D

Kazoo boi Like Albedo he enjoys music with a deep meaning, but he values the music as well. Prefers slow and soft music and most definitely listens to cigarettes after sex. Also like Kaeya he holds his music close to him. Probably listens to music while watching the waves aboard the Alcor while writing poems n haikus

Malewife I see him liking pop. The kind that's happy and warm if you know what I mean (pop is a really broad genre help). He probably doesn't pay attention to the artist but has a lot of JAWNY in there (ooh girl dont ya stop). I see him dancing with a broom Cinderela style while listening to music. Why don't you go over and take that brooms place :)

24/7 Drunk god His own music. Everyone else's is pathetic. Unless you guys are close, then he would probably teach you to play any instrument of your choice and praise you for how well you're doing (even if its complete trash :P) ALSO also he most definitely write songs for you :))

emo 'I do not waste my time on mortal entertainment such as music' (listens to emo music btw)

Guhua Geek Vocaloid or nightcore. I dont know why ok but i just see it. Maybe he does it while reading?? Maybe writing??? I honestly have no clue but one things for sure. He'd make sure you never found out because it embarrasses him as much as his handwriting does.

Broke mora god Classical music. The piano is probably his favorite instrument. Also he would probably give an entire speech about the beauty of all those pieces (enjoy) he wouldn't stop until uhhhh you told him to (ask politely or suffer the wrath of the rock). Probably goes to orchestra concerts and if you agreed you would take you along.

[queerkuro]

trans arankita? 🥺👉👈

OF COURSE I CAN TALK ABOUT TRANS ARANKITA THAT'S WHAT STARTED THIS!!!!!!!

send me and bex characters to trans

listen. yall. i've said it so many times but arankita makes me so fucking feral i can go on and on about them i feel like this is gonna get so long too yall are giving me the best reasons to ramble

i know you asked for arankita, but i'll do them separate and together like i did for the others!

so aran!

i fucking love aran and he is so transable. you can really just trans him. he's perfect. i love him. transmasc aran? perfect. transfem aran? perfect. enby aran? perfect.

recently i've been really loving nonbinary aran, but i'm gonna talk in general first. i think he thought a lot about his transition. he did research and tried shit out on his own before he told anyone. not to get too serious, but i am in my psychology research brain today. i do think that he does really have to think about the intersections of being black in general, being black in japan, and being a black trans person. he has to be careful about how he goes about his transition, but i think he has a really good support system, and his family is really supportive of him.

i think transmasc aran gets top surgery as soon as he can, but i've been thinking about afab enby (and/or genderfluid!) aran who doesn't get top surgery but will bind. basically my thoughts on that for aran is they use they/he/she pronouns, but only for other trans people. cis people are lucky to even perceive them so cis people can only use they/them. trans people are also more than welcome to use gendered language with him, because he knows that they know she isn't part of the binary. i also love thinking about aran switching between fem/masc/gnc presenting, or mixing it all up!

i also like to think that aran likes to try different styles with their hair, and will try different styles of braids or other protective styles to see how they can express gender that way, you know?

also, sidenote, the twins (also trans) are so fucking in love with aran, and they think she's SO gender

and speaking of being so gender - kita!

kita is up there with akaashi on being very gender for me. idk what it is about him but he's just...gender.

(one of the very first hq fics i read was about enby kita, and i still think about it a lot)

i tend to lean towards enby kita, but transmasc/transfem kita is amazing too. i loooooove the conversations me and bex have about fem kita

i think kita has to be told by other trans people that cis people don't think about gender like that, and he's just kinda like "oh" and then is trans lmao

no matter which way kita is trans, i don't think they have much dysphoria, but i do think afab kita gets super dysphoric about their period (not projecting at all idk what you're talking about) but it's partly because of trans shit but also because of autism (no i will not be taking criticisms, kita is autistic it's canon...i can also tell yall my autism hcs...)

transfem kita is so fun to write! i think about her a lot. i think she so fun. i think because she works on the farm, she doesn't usually wear revealing clothes, and because of that, no one really sees the changes to her body from hrt (and top surgery lmao) so when she finally wears like shorts and a tank top or something she kills literally everyone that sees her

honestly tho, i love love love any trans kita, but they/them nonbinary kita just really hits for me. i don't have anything else to say about it lmao

moving onto arankita

the reason this whole think started is because i was rambling to @thegaycodedvolleyballhimbos about nonbinary lesbians arankita

i think aran was like "i'm nonbinary" and kita was like oh sick gender and now is also nonbinary lmao. also they are lesbians.

so we were talking about afab aran (they/he/she) and amab kita (she/they) and they're both on hrt but opposite ways

...that's pretty much it. they're nonbinary. they're lesbians. they're in love!

but i do have a hilarious fic idea that i really want to write that i desperately want to share! basically it's transmasc kita, but he's stealth. except he doesn't know he's stealth. he doesn't really think about the fact that no one ever sees him change or anything, and he's just a guy so like. there's nothing to talk about? but then he and aran are making out and getting handsy and aran feels his binder/bra and is confused. so kita tells him he can take it off and aran is like what. and after some confusion kita is like aran. you know what a bra is. and aran is like but???? why are you wearing it?????? and kita is like i'm trans. literally everyone knows this. you know that aran. but aran very much did not know that

anyway this is so fucking long i could keep going about arankita but like my previous responses about this, i will stop here lmao

@emosuna

(reminder while we're here that trans is an umbrella term, nonbinary is under the trans umbrella, and nonbinary is also an umbrella term that covers identities like genderfluid, genderqueer, bigender, etc.)

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

jamie+zoe "i missed him every day of my life" gay

so far both tegan and zoe had their moment of "who i became after my travels shaped who i was / i tried to what the doctor would od". really feels like it's continuing the theme started in s1 of newwho and that has been developed every season since (+ in spin offs)

not much else to say cause i never connected to the second era emotionally tbh sdlkfj

six+peri

SIX AND PERI FINALLY GETTING THE CLOTHING THEY DESERVE

bro nicola is so good wtf. give this woman an spin-off

"your story is far from over"? OH "for both of us" this is so tru metatextually. no doctor's story is ever over. six and peri are still having new adventures every year in eu and fic. and they'll contineu to have them forever. these character's story really aren't ever over. (oh how i wish newbie fans understood this when they start to get too dramatic over regeneration)

"some i would rather forget" yeah… very metatextual for six lol

man i really need to listen to their big finish. they've dev'd their performance so much.

cant wait to see what idiot's lantern sketch troupe does with this lol

clyde + jo

clyde and jo is such a deep cut…. god honestly how can fans have the time to get all frisky about the "series 1" naming thing when THIS is literally happening at the same time. when the whoniverse announcement is happening at the same time. when FINALLY you don't have to scourage long-hidden dailymotion account to watch the classic stories with 144p quality. this fandom really misses the forest for the trees (misses the STORY for silly branding stuff)

they are so chaotic i love them

i love that this continues the SJA thoughtline of sarah jane really managing to build her own legacy, her own world, her own family after the doctor. it's so heartwarming.

"by the way, i heard, and im sorry" "thank you" THIS IS SUCH A DEEP CUT

"good… she's good…" rani/clyde shippers everywhere DISTRAUGHT

(sooo these companions that went on to "fight climate change" (jo grant, tegan, rani, ryan)… do we think they went to X.R.? Earth First? J.S.O?…formed an ecosocialist party? lol "fighting for the environment" can mean a lot of things) -RANI/CLYDE SHIPPERS EVERYWHERE R E J O I C

(cries again)

steven + viki

ngl i do love that between all the over-archiving "where are they now"s you have vicki like "i planted olives". icon.

"i got my little sister back" doNt ta Lk T oM E

"can you imagine the doctor wearing something like this?"

hm have to agree with others saying this could have focused more on steven. when i think of "unresolved angst" in doctor who steven is defo up there at the top lol

im also not sure im too into the idea of him becoming a king post-show. then again, havent kept up with his eu so idk it might be a thing. i thought it was more of a diplomatic position?

idk idk. the vicki stuff WAS good but i think this is the only one in this series that's a bit weaker for me ( im super glad it exists tho)

ace + seven

ace's rainbow pin…………………………………………

"last time i saw you, you were a hologram" continuity !!!!!! cry me a river anti-chibnalls lolol

man i really need to read their books!! 7 era really is something else with all the like… poetic, cosmic-philosophy dialogue style.

"i needed someone to blame" damn…good line. says a lot about how seven is to blame for A Lot but Ace had to learn to separate things and not make it All about him. Really good character stuff.

ngl some of this dialogue could really work with thasmin SKLDJ like, make it less paternal and more romantic of course... but the template is there… i really love how ace and yaz have come to be kind of mirrored / connected in the eu tbh (and likewise how 13 and 7 have come to be foils. but more comparative foils than how previously 7 and 5 were antagonistic foils) (i hope this is all ground that is explored some day in the eu. would love to see something like Cold Fusion but with 7/13)

"it was london ONTARIO"

"it was your destiny you set in motion" obsessed with this dialogue

"the best it yet to come" sTop maKing me CRy

"we made a great time" "we were wicked" TOT

...i guess for me this is one will have to be pete mctighe's redemption for kerblam lol

me dropping all my rl obligations to scream about the blorbos for two hours

[peppertaemint]

So I’m kind of mad because I’m a new BTS fan (I rather not identify as Army cos I just don’t think I fit that mentality) and I’m beginning to feel like I missed their best years?? Not only music-wise but personality-wise as well. Does anyone else feel this way? I look at Vlives and interviews from the past and yes they were probably heavily monitored even then but there was also some degree of spontaneity and their individual personalities really shone through. Now I feel like it’s the same repetitive lines from a script every time they are interviewed and even their behavior in vlives (whenever they could be bothered to do one) seems faker and more robotic. Sometimes they manage to show sparks of their old selves but very rarely nowadays. The only person who still comes across as genuine to me in his interactions with fans is jungkook on his intagram stories, and I bet they’re going to stop those too soon enough. Taehyung also tries, bIess his heart, but there still seems to be something lacking. Jimin is my bias but even I can admit that all we see from him of late (the rare times we even see him) is a carefully crafted idol persona. Even when they claim to be “acting so natural! Wow army we’re not acting like celebrities at all!!” It comes across planned and scripted. I feel so sad and robbed. Maybe it’s the price of their increased popularity and scrutiny, maybe it’s unfair of me to want more, but it honestly sucks. Makes it even worse that they seem to be completely out of inspiration (except when making music for other ppl. I see you Suga) and are focused mostly on charting and awards as opposed to art.And they will likely never know how short they are selling themselves because Army will literally empty their bank accounts for a turd with the BTS logo stamped on it. Hybe will never change their strategy if they keep getting validated financially, the boys will never consider re-evaluating or improving their art if ARMY pukes glitter and rainbows at everything they put out regardless of how bad. I have a tiny glimmer of hope because I have seen more fans openly expressing their dissatisfaction about this upcoming comeback than I ever did before, so maybe there will be just enough of a dip in the sales to cause HYBE to step up their game. A more rational part of me knows however that the sales are going to be through the roof and things are only going to get worse for BTS artistically.

Hi Anon,

I can relate to how you're feeling. When I started paying attention to them, there was this brief period where things felt really buzzy and exciting. The Vlives were spontaneous and funny, their fashion was A+ and Dynamite was this one off that no one expected would become their dominant style. When BE came out, even tho I didn't like the music (except maybe Stay which idk is still kind ehn), the entire thing of it felt like a step in the right direction. I looked back at the editorial shoots that Tae organized the other day, and they are really good. Probably the last time they looked that good. 👁👄👁

BH doesn't seem to be a place where individuality creativity and personality is allowed to flourish, warts and all. I add in that last bit because at some other kpop labels, we see a lot more imperfection and individuality. People trying things and reflecting on it, success or failure. You also see more genuine interactions between artists. Men working with women, people having disagreements or arguments then resolving them. People trolling one another, lol. With BH brands, because I do sense this with TXT too, unfortunately, things feel neutered to a degree. Though watching TXT be bratty en masse is rather something LOL. The company culture is different at BH/Hybe, and it does feel like even BTS are still tip-toeing. They're in their 9th year now. In SHINee's 7th year (I hope I'm mathing right, lol), they signed a contract that gave them huge freedom and last approval above the board. Jonghyun and the others had been writing songs for a while, but with ODD etc, things became that much more artistic and "shinee". For whatever reason, I still don't see this happening with BTS. Instead, things are becoming well... whatever Butter, PTD and collabs are. Top 40 Billboard pop.

[dontworrysunflower]

Merry Fucking Christmas | h.s.

a/n: i’m baaaaccckk!! lol idk it took me a while to finish this and i was gonna have it finished before christmas but then i was exposed to covid so i was little paranoid but anyway (i’m good tho). merry christmas and happy holidays!! i know this years been hard but hopefully we can make it a little better :)

warnings: drinking, angst?? idk not proof read word vomit, some language too

word count: 3.1k

also thank you @watchmegetobsessed !!

feedback/reblogs appreciated

You knew the holidays this year were going to be difficult. You procrastinated on getting gifts for your friends. Your work seemed to pile up on your desk since you got your promotion. You weren’t able to fly back home, and you still had some thanksgiving weight you weren’t able to put off.

Oh yeah, another thing. Harry was still with his girlfriend.

You met Katy, Harry’s girlfriend, at his birthday party in February. She was the epitome of ‘his type’. She had bleach blonde extensions and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. She was tall and really, really loud.

Since then, she’s all he ever talked about when they weren’t together, but when they were in the same room, boy did you want to gag.

You thought they would last maybe three to four months, you were so sure, you bet with some of your other friends.

Needless to say, you lost quite a lot of money.

You tried not to let it bother you, really. But it was so hard when Harry is the literal sweetest person you’ve met, had the voice of an angel and wasn’t bad to look at.

You felt you were the closest with Harry when you moved to London. He made you feel welcome in your little friends group. There was a little flirting game between the two of you that you didn’t even notice until one of your friends brought it up.

“Oh c’mon, it’s so obvious you like each other.” Margot slurred, her second glass clinking against the table as she finished every drop.

“What?” You asked, baffled. Your eyes were wide and your face started to heat up. “He doesn’t like me.”

“But you like him?” Ava, a friend from work, smirked at you.

You stumbled on your words, wiping at the condensation on your glass.

But since he was in a relationship now, you felt almost icky around him. You felt so uncomfortable around him that you did whatever you could to not be in the same room as him.

You were ready for the holidays, you thought. It would give you a break from constantly thinking about him being so busy with your family back in your hometown.

You should’ve known London weather wouldn’t be in your favor. It rained constantly everyday and the fog seemed to get closer to the ground every other day. The weather was getting so bad that you started working from home, the roads too wet and icy to drive on. So honestly, you weren’t that surprised when airports closed due to the weather, meaning you had to spend Christmas in London.

With Harry.

The day after flights were cancelled Harry texted on your group chat saying he could host a dinner and party on Christmas eve and everyone was invited. You watched texts from your other friends flood in, some excited vulgar words were thrown in there as well.

You never responded. Not only because you still felt weird around him for having this massive crush on him, but because things haven’t really been the same between you two.

You can’t remember the last time you had a full on conversation with him before you had to excuse yourself because you couldn’t take the ache in your chest when you were around him, and he wasn’t yours. You can’t remember the last joke he ever told you or when you went out for lunch or drinks when it was only the two of you. You were sure he noticed how weird you were around him, but never said anything, so you let it be.

As the day neared, your mind would change on whether you were going or not. You didn’t want to seem bitchy and cold on what was supposed to be the happiest and cheerful day of the year, so you thought you would go. You thought of every reason you shouldn’t go that had nothing to do with Harry, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him cozy up with his very serious girlfriend.

But there would be alcohol, so you decided to go.

•••

Hey (y/n)! Think you come over early and help me set up for tomorrow? H xx

You stared at the text for what seemed like hours, but it was only a couple seconds. Before you could even register what your fingers were doing, you tied up a quick message and hit send before you could stop yourself.

Of course!! See you tomorrow!

You hated yourself for the rest of the day. Why would you do this to yourself? You could barely be in the same room as him and some other friends. How would you survive being alone before the party started?

•••

The butterflies in your stomach have not been able to settle since you woke up Christmas Eve morning. Just the thought of seeing him made you nervous. You almost didn’t get out of bed that morning. But you pat yourself on the back when your feet finally hit your wooden flooring and moved on with your day.

Your shoulders hung low beside you as the time to meet up grew closer, the sun lowering behind you, Christmas lights and inflatable decorations coming to life as stars dotted the sky.

You sighed heavily as you styled your hair and naturally did your makeup.

You slid on your silky, tight dress and grabbed your coat and quickly made your way to your car to get away from the bitter cold.

You rubbed your hands together, blowing into them to regain some feeling before turning the key into the ignition, quickly turning the heater on, Mariah Carey blasting through your speakers.

You were about to pull out of your driveway, mumbling along to Mariah’s notes when you realized you forgot the gifts.

•••

Your shoulders were hunched up as you knocked on the white door, your foot tapping against the brick stairs of Harry’s house as you waited for him to open it in the freezing cold.

You could hear shuffling from the other side and watched the doorknob wiggle, Harry having trouble with his lock since June and still hasn’t had anyone fix it.

The door swings open to reveal Harry in his glory, brown corduroy pants and an ugly Christmas sweater under an apron that’s tied around his slender waist that you’ve always been jealous of.

“Hey, sorry, come on in.” Harry said to you before moving out of the way, a bowl nestled between his side and his arm.

You mumbled a quiet thank you before stepping in, your cheeks reddening at the warmth enveloping you as you walked through the foyer of his home.

“Mm,” he hummed as he remembered something. He puts down the bowl he had on his white kitchen counter and waddles over to you, a small curve on his lips as he wrapped his arms around you. “Merry Christmas, love.”

You hate that nickname. But you don’t. You hate the butterflies that flutter in your stomach when he says that word. You hate the goosebumps it causes you and the hairs sticking up on your neck when he says the one thing you feel too harshly for him. And you hate how much he doesn’t feel it back.

“Merry Christmas, Harry.” You mumbled into his neck, his cologne flooding your senses bringing you comfort.

He doesn’t let go of you yet, but he backs up just a little to see you. “You look gorgeous, (y/n).”

The air gets stuck in your lungs and you almost forgot how to formulate words. You hoped Harry thought the pigment on your cheeks would be from the cold because it totally was. Before it was obvious how his words affected you, you stuttered out a few words. “Thank you, you look nice too.”

He chuckled at you, the breath passing his lips hitting your neck, a tingle passing through your spine. “You don’t have to lie, darling.” He squeezed you one last time before letting you go, your body instantly becoming colder as he backed away.

There's a low hum of Christmas music playing in his surround sound system, a tall tree tucked in a corner between his burning fireplace and window looking out onto the street.

You turn your attention back to Harry as he speaks up again, his famous dimples puncturing his cheeks. “Thanks fo’ comin’ early to help me out.”

You rolled your coat off your shoulders and hung by the door, walking up to him as he moved around the kitchen. “Oh yeah, it’s no problem. Not like I had anything else to do.”

He gave you a small sympathetic smile before throwing a tray full of greens into the oven. “I’m sorry you couldn’t go see your family.”

You shrug as you run your finger on the edge of his marble counter. “It’s alright, nothing I can do much anyway.” You perk up when you remember what you’re doing here so early in the first place. “Guess that’s why I’m here, no? What can I help you with?” Your heels click as you move around the counter closer to him.

“Nope.” His lips puckered as he pushed you back to where you were standing. “Just stand there and talk to me. Wine?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you blindly nod, watching him uncork a bottle of Moscato. Your favorite.

He hands you a glass of the sparkling wine before turning back around to the dishes, prepping food of all kinds for everyone and most importantly; eggnog.

“But, you said you needed my help.”

He chuckled nervously, his cheeks reddening. From your comment or from the wine? You weren’t going to get your hopes up. “I just need some company before the party. Just stand there and look pretty.”

You try your hardest ignore the blush on your cheeks. You twirl the wine glass from the neck, watching the liquid swirl around in the depths of the glass. “What about Katy?”

He sighs deeply, opening the oven to check on the food. “We’ve been kind of fighting lately.”

You did your best to stop the grin from forming on your lips, hoping he did notice your sudden burst at the new information. They are still together, so you can’t act on anything. “I’m sorry. Can I ask what’s going on?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know really. Anything and everything. Every little thing I do annoys her and anything she does annoys me. It just wasn’t the same.”

“Is she coming?” You ask before you can think about it.

He shrugs again, shoulders hanging more than usual. “I don’t think so. She said she was staying home since she can‘t fly back to her family either.”

A silence hangs between the two of you when neither of you said anything, not really sure of what needs to be said next.

“I don’t think I feel the same way for her as I did in the beginning.” Harry mumbled, arms crossed over his chest as his hip leaning against the counter, his usually bright eyes a little darker, a little sadder.

You walk up to him and lay your hand on his shoulder, giving him a small smile. “It’s not my business but, if you really feel that way, you shouldn’t lead her on, it’ll only hurt both of you.”

Harry looks down at the floor as he nods. “Thanks, love.”

There’s a wave of silence between you again as he raises his head to look at you. You almost felt small under his gaze. Something about his crystal green eyes always made you nervous. You were scared he could see what you were really thinking.

And you also swear his eyes fell to your lips.

•••

The dinner party was in full swing now, people’s laughter bleeding in with the loud Christmas music playing around the house. Some people were dancing in front of the fireplace, drinks being refilled every once in a while.

You were standing by the counter with your friends, Margot and Ava, chatting and drinking your eggnog instead of the wine you had before the party started. You had completely forgotten about the wonderful man hosting this party, the conversation you had earlier with him slipping your mind as the drink in your hand lowered to the bottom of the glass, intoxicating your thoughts.

Even though you offered to help, Harry didn’t let you help with the rest of dinner before everyone came over, so now the food still wasn’t ready as people flooded in. You heard him say something about potatoes and that was as much as you knew of the food preparation and when you would be able to eat.

The music is lowered a bit and then a clicking sound was heard, everyone turning their heads towards Harry, who clinked a fork against his glass. “Dinner is ready!”

Everyone cheered and started making their way towards the dining room. Most people had already filtered towards the next room when a knock on the front door was heard.

You turned your head as Harry twisted the knob. You were sure Harry's face mimicked yours when you saw who was standing at the doorway.

There stood Katy, hair newly bleached and a little overdressed.

She wasted no time in wrapping her arms around him, her plump lips repeatedly marking his face with the bright lipstick.

“Oh god,” you waltzed over towards Ava, who was pouring herself a new glass of eggnog. “pass me the eggnog, I can’t stand this sober.” You pushed her over slightly and grabbed the handle of the ladle she was using, filling up your cup almost to the brim.

Ava looked at you in curiosity at your sudden change, carefully looking over at the lovely couple still by the door. “Wait, I thought you told me they were fighting.” She whispered beside you, eyes widening as she watched you gulp down some of the eggnog you just served yourself to give yourself some more.

“Guess fucking not.” You were much less sober now, on the brink of tipsy and drunk. Your words slurred, eyelids heavy, vision blurry. “Let’s go fucking eat.” You dragged Ava by the wrist towards the commotion in the dining room, almost, but not quite forgetting about the couple behind you.

•••

You’ve had four glasses of eggnog. Or was it five? But now, you stand in front of the bowl, pouring some into your glass again, making it six.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” You hear his sultry voice behind you, his tone a little sassy and annoyed, but you didn’t care.

“What are you gonna do about it?” You slurred, turning around to face him. His pink lips were turned down in a frown, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration, his buff arms that were constricted in his sweater cross in front of his chest. “Gonna go kiss your girlfriend some more?” You stumbled on your feet, your drink almost spilling over the rim.

“What does that have to do with anything?” His face changed from annoyance to confusion. His thumb twisting the ring on his other finger nervously.

You open your mouth to retaliate, but even in this drunk state you knew not to say anything. You chug the creamy drink, keeping eye contact with him, watching his face change again. You didn’t care.

He obviously didn’t care either.

You sighed dramatically as you finished the drink. “Merry fucking Christmas.”

•••

You had sobered up quite a bit after your little encounter with Harry, mainly because there was no eggnog left.

You realized it was for the better though, so you made your way back into the kitchen, doing your best to not stumble or bump against anything as you grabbed an empty cup to fill with water.

“I am really sorry.” You knew his voice anywhere. But it wasn’t his usual chirpy, charming voice he had that always soothed you, it sounded more sad and somber.

“On Christmas? Out of any day you chose today?” Katy sniffled, voice wobbly and hurt.

“I know but, you know we can’t go on any longer, we’ll just hurt each other more.”

“I think I'm going to head out.”

You don’t hear Harry say anything back, but the sound of the door clicking open catches your attention and you almost turn around to watch.

“I just have one question.” Katy said weakly.

You walked away before you could hear anything else.

•••

Even though you were still a little upset at Harry (For what? You weren’t sure anymore), you stayed behind as everyone left to help him clean up before you head home.

You were putting things back in his refrigerator when you heard the front door close, the light chatter and drunken goodbyes silenced by the wooden door.

You kept your back towards the door, suddenly nervous of the words that would be spoken between the two of you.

“(y/n), can we talk?” Harry’s voice was low and sultry, your knees almost gave out.

“I should um-I should get going. It’s late.” You hurry around him to grab your things and for the door, but he holds your wrist.

“Please?” He sounded desperate, and for the first time in what felt like days you looked up into his emerald eyes. There was that desperate look in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down into a frown.

You sigh and nod slowly.

He lets go of your wrist and stuffed his hands in his back pockets, his pink cheeks either from the cold or from nervousness.

“I’m sorry.” He said suddenly. “I didn’t mean to get mad and I know I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Is that it?

You weren’t going to lie, you thought he would profess his love to you or something.

“I um- I also,” he swallows and takes your hand, his rings cold to the touch. “I broke up with Katy.”

Your mouth opened for words to come out but nothing ever left your lips.

“Do you want to know the real reason why Katy and I were fighting?”

You’re still speechless, scared of the answer, even though you have an idea of what he'll say.

“I’ve always liked you, (y/n).” His shoulders rise in a deep breath. “I guess, I don’t know, I thought if I started seeing someone else it would it easier but, not being with you this past year has been hell and I know I haven’t made it any easier with being with Katy but—”

Your lips crash on his, your arms wrapping his neck, your fingers immediately tangling in his brown locks.

He stumbles back in shock but grabs at your hips, bringing you closer to his chest.

His pink lips press against yours, the corners slowly turning up into a smile, breaking your kiss.

“Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

•••

Taglist:

@samaratheweirdo @sarcasticallywitty15

(Let me know if you would like to be added or taken off taglist.)