#idk how ppl use tiktok god bless

[lottieurl]

oh the shorts tab on youtube is horrid

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[musicdork]

jjba social media/tiktok au!! (hcs)

there’s a lot about josuke im so sorry sfjlesfejk,, it started out as just him and then i was like “”,, what about other people?”” other’s are at the very end

it’s pretty fuckin long i,, im so sorry hh,, also my thought process was kinda Everywhere with this so like,, hope you can still enjoy this haha

[ edit ] this’ll be like,,, a masterpost or something for my hcs so this is,, very long,,

- you CANNOT tell me that Josuke isn't the kind of person who'd make thirst traps n him just being confident in his body like!!!

- tiktok josuke would be a blessing for me

- he'd make the thirst traps but in the caption be all embarrassed about it and like???? hOW ADORABLE!!!!

- i also feel like he'd make some gaming jokes,,,

- then ppl see jotaro a couple times and are like 👁️👄👁️💦

- OH MY GOD

- WHAT IF HE GOT OKUYASU N KOICHI TO DO SOME DANCES WITH HIM!!! or just them generally being dorks n they have a whole fanbase

- AND THE GIRLS AND THE GAYS GO BATSHIT LMAO (he's on gay tiktok, period. and like, other niche n weird spaces of tiktok)

- josuke's making a tiktok and it starts off in his room. he points up n text appears, "you guys wanna know how joot and i are related?"

- then he does a basic transition to where he's at jotaro's hotel room, having him and jotaro in frame with an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

- josuke's grinning

- jotaro has no fuckin clue whats going on

- a text appears above them, "say hello to my little nephew"

- i can see josuke doing povs, not the cringey kind but some that would be comforting for others;; who really need it.

- for his username my brain came up with starboy99 but he would definitely have his full name at the top of the screen

- probably part japanese to shorten the amount of characters he has to use (what i should've said is part KANJI n part romanji but hhh)

- i feel like he uses they pronouns too

- i have to think of his bio 👀

- definitely have his pronouns

- maybe a small quote? "just here to have a bizarre adventure! 💫"

- maybe something like that

- DEFINITELY have that he's a minor cause when he didn't have that,,, a lot of adults were simping for him and i feel that would make him Uncomfy

- he's adequate at transitions, but doesn't take too much time to learn them tbh. he's definitely the person to have vloggy type of tiktoks where he just shows a minute of his day

- absolutely would have okuyasu in his tiktoks with them doing dumb shit (like pranking rohan hehe) and them just being DORKS. a lot of ppl would think they're dating or just have a really good bromance

- he got a second of jotaro with his hat off and everyone died that day

- jotaro's in his tiktoks but very rarely

- when he is, people go BATSHIT with the simping

- i can see his following being fairly decent, and him getting decent traction but would also get shadowbanned a couple of times

- he definitely talks about retro games a lot and makes memes centered around them

- i can't say for certain what side(s) of tiktok he's on except for the obvious gay tiktok

- the more wholesome side, definitely activism, some povs, splash in some diversity, maybe japanese tiktok?? im sure that exists

- idk the more obscure sides,,

- he's a casual tiktoker for sure, maybe posting twice a week

- when he's especially bored he might post a couple times in a day, maybe an hour :'))

- i take that back, maybe three times? three times sounds fair

here’s a little break for your eyes lmao, there were a Lot more than i thought holy shit,,

-  JOSEPH (P2!) WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE TIKTOK SJSNS

- rohan makes two tiktoks

- they both blow up (and act like they don’t know nobodayy HAHAHA)

- he has a large following (mainly jap)

- but he barely uses tiktok after that

- i can't see giorno having social media tbh

-  he'd try to predict the algorithm based on the stuff he posts when he first gets the app.

- its mainly just him being a goof with a couple thirst traps thrown in there once he realizes "oh shit, i have simps?"

- caesar is featured once n already has a fanbase under joseph's acc (joseph's not jealous or anything,, nooo,,,,)

- like he's in the mafia,,,

- wait

- or maybe he just takes really good pictures of nature,,, i can see that

- a lot of people ask "where is this dude's parents,,,"

- narancia,, is the one who has tiktok (in bucci gang)

- mista would always (not ALWAYS but very. often.) find ways to be in them/photobomb

- i can see his (narancia’s) fyp being like super wholesome with some dumb memes but also popular music covers

- like rock covers or sumn similar

i deadass thought i had a couple for johnathan and erina too but!! can’t find them so,,

-  so one day he makes a tiktok, inside the turtle lmao

- at first he's like "why are you guys asking where my parents are;;"

- the camera flips to abbacchio and bruno

- "they're right here"

- cue a chuckling giorno and a laughing mista

- they do all the couple tiktoks together,, all the cute ones at least. i can see them doing the more wholesome dances too! they would all around just be the cute couple everyone else aims to be

- also thought i had some part 3 hcs saved?? wtf my saving skills are terrible,,

- polnareff is the one with tiktok. he would go around filming small snippets of stuff that happens with the crusaders (ignoring that,,, tiktok Did Not exist at the time haha)

- jotaro and kakyoin were definitely featured in his tiktoks!! i can see avdol with his arms folded being like “...we have better things to do--”

- but pol is like “but the fans, avdol! think about the content they’ll be missing out on!!”

- he’s hopeless LMAO. but honestly?? he'd make a good vlogger too!! his charisma would definitely be to his advantage

- you bet your ass that oldseph photobombs any chance he gets lmaooo he’s also the guy that a small part of polnareff’s fans simp for. 

- actually, each crusader has their own small fanbase within pol’s tiktok account. i feel the majority would be fans of jotaro and polnareff (it is his acc,,)

- jotaro’s fyp, when he reluctantly gets tiktok, consists of animals,, animal facts, funny animal tiktoks, ocean tiktoks for sure, just a lot of naturey stuff!! but he barely uses it though haha

- kakyoin uses tiktok every now and then! i feel he would prefer instagram more. he mainly posts his artworks, and the occasional retro game case hehe. he does the Dumbest shit on his “close friends” story, it’s great. i feel that’s also where he goes to ramble about whatever’s on his mind

- avdol definitely has a work instagram, only using it for his fortune telling business and trying to network with different tarot readers and fortune tellers. he likes the small community he has,, hehe,,

whoever read all this I'll cry in your arms

[fairycosmos]

okay so this girl popped up on my fyp on (the gay side of) tiktok talking about common experiences lesbians have before knowing they’re lesbians and i watched all her videos on it, and googled the list/document she was talking about and literally 95% resonated with me and i don’t know how to feel about it? i’ve been questioning it for years and now i don’t know what to do with the information i’ve received? i’m thankful for creators like the girl on my fyp, but idk?????? HOW CAN I BE SURE?

honestly i might not be the best person to talk to abt this because it took me 8000 years to figure out i was bi and i still dont really ever say it out loud so take this with a grain of salt BUT ! speaking from my flawed experience, you don’t have to be 1000% certain about anything, in order to identify with a certain label because they can often (definitely not always) be fluid, or your perspective of them can be. it doesn’t have to be set in stone in order for it to be real, especially if you haven’t dated much in the past. and your experiences don’t have to match up completely with another lesbians in order to ‘count’ as lesbian ! but the fact that a lot of what she said resonated with you is a pretty good indicator that you’re not straight (god bless, congrats, luck is on your side) and thats a solid place to start. figuring out what you dont like as opposed to what you do like, and then seeing what terms fits you from there. honestly, smth like this is a journey that is unique to you and there’s no deadline for it, or moment where it has to all make sense. contrary to what gay YA would have you believe. ultimately i think it’s important to remember that you don’t need anyones permission to use a certain label. it’s a personal choice that you get to make on your own terms based on how you feel about women and your own sexuality. there’s no need to justify your existence as a gay woman, or as a wlw. you can identify as gay, and if that ever stops feeling right, you can identify as bi and if that ever stops feeling right, you can identify as straight. and none of it will be genuinely wrong because there’s no way for it to be, it’s just you. i heard a lesbian talking about figuring out what you are once and she said something alone the lines of: try to block out what the world is telling you you should be and focus on what is truly and honestly in your heart. what makes you comfortable. and then just follow that. of course it’s all a lot easier said than done, but i think it’s a wonderful sentiment. the outer world is hetero normative, so we have to get in touch with whats within us without shame. also, i really feel like the older you get and the more you experience love/romance, the clearer it will be in your mind eye. that’s a big issue for me bc i’ve only dated boys so i was like how do i KNOW i like girls/non binary ppl but. what i do know is that the thought of loving one, spending my life with one, sits well in my soul. and that’s really.....the only requirement. but once you’ve actually had that experience, i feel like it’ll seem more definitive to you and you can stop worrying about it as much. not that you should rush into anything, just know that being inexperienced with women is SO common and so is the confusion that comes with it. but it doesn’t make you any less lesbian if thats what you feel inside, if thats simply what you feel you are. anyway mwah im sending you a lot of love. try to let yourself live without too much self scrutiny. if you like girls, you like girls. the rest, as in the clarity, will follow in its own time 🥰💗