#idk he just makes me sad and angry idk this thing he texted me abt yesterday is mainly abt him too and i don’t think it really matters if I | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starz4valen · 1 year ago

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queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer community #in need of advice #queer advice #aroace #aromantic #asexual #bisexual #questioning #help. me.#utterly confused 💥

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daz4i · 1 year ago

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IDK if you still want asks but here's a challenge for you: pick a fandom you see on your dash that you're not a part of and say what you know about it through osmosis (and maybe add in your own speculation if you're up to it)

oooooo challenge accepted >:)

one fandom i see on my dash a lot and I'm very interested in getting into (as soon as i muster up the energy to start a new show lmao) is trigun! i may be wrong abt a lot of things but here's what i know:

so there are a few characters i know exist?? vash ofc, wolfwood (bigolas dickolas?), knives, and i think meryl?? these are all the names i got

vash doesn't kill? and he has a special gun to avoid it that only just really hurts or maims but nothing more?

oh also it's a space western

knives is vash's brother and he's insane in the head and evil and but like ppl love him for that

wolfwood carries a giant cross on his back all the time

vash has angel imagery to him? esp during a scene that has to do with knives or smth? they can change the world with divine energy or smth like that

lots of christian metaphors basically.

more of a visual thing I've seen but bc they're in the desert vash constantly has mild sunburn on his face and it's adorable ngl

there's? stuff with technology? like in that knives scene i saw i think he hooked vash to some machine and then vash had all these marks on him like circuits?? don't know what's up with that but like it's a sci fi so it makes sense

people think vash meryl and wolfwood are a good polyship iirc. or generally ship vash with those two. i actually don't know much abt meryl I'm sorry :(

i mostly based this off stampede which is a remake of the 1998 show that's an adaptation of a manga and it's made in cgi and looks really cool. this is smth I've actually been told in asks so that might be cheating 😳

the original anime had a banger soundtrack i love the op

oh also smth abt how the original vash is more. angry? and has more grit to him. while the one in stampede is softer and more sad than angry (also he constantly looks like a kicked puppy, love that)

oh bonus smth i learned through a youtube video actually: the original anime flopped hard in japan but really succeeded in the west and esp in america (which. isn't surprising hehe) and this probably helped stampede come to fruition today

i think that's all i know! i did skip a lot of text posts abt it to avoid spoilers but like through gifs or shorter posts i read out of curiosity this is what i got 🤔

trigun fans what do you think did i get it right (if i didn't you can tell me but no spoilers pls 👀)

i don't have any speculations tbh. other than I'll probably love wolfwood. and maybe knives too

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mylifeisruined69420 · 28 days ago

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Hm hclw au where everybody is a pirate 👍 very long text beware its a bit messy but its rlly cool i think

idk i just thought itd fit tbh and also Armes conceptual magic? spell? skill? is the santa maria so why not starting off strong constant would like steal ethan (Ethan is very angry) and keep him on his ship up for the sole purpose of protecting him

and then a kraken pulls up to his ship (its called the tongue of judas named after his jinn cuz thats too cool of a name to pass up)

and hes like nvm its not safe with me so he just casually returns Ethan to the Santa Maria 2.0 (will explain) and everybody (Armes, Master Swordsman, Choco Bibi maybe they merge with Grass roots too so Drip Soup and Tempest and Cocomori too) is like ??? (Ok editing this nvm I want grass roots to be seperate from Zara but they are tight asf) and then he insists on staying and something happens idk what so now hes just chilling with gang i think constants betrayal in this au when he was a little green dude he like picks up a cursed sword and it was ultra powerful and all but then wuh oh sword evil and then ship sinks and constant gets pulled outta there by giga and everybody else needs to get around ig anyway back to like main timeline nathan realise constant hasnt returned and then this dude is like where my mf dog go and hes really pissed so he sets out to find him but then he like gets caught up in a storm and he gets cooked so now hes a scary burnt Nathan. A scary burnt evil nathan and now hes extra pissed so idk he will do evil things ig here very sad backstory nathan han died again like in og and pyo just takes over his identity and gets really mad at the world he obviously still has the 13th squad I think the Giga empire they got a fuck ton of treasures and all they always hog everything and they sink any boat they come across I think Yopi land would be kinda chill tourist place they have this little island and its like one of the main trading areas or whatever idk people do lots of business there elixir plant elders? I genuinely dont gaf abt them so no Zara Guild has a massive fucking boat and obviously its the Santa Maria and for Nightmare I think it should just be a bunch of weird sea creatures maybe like sirens or mermaids or monsters maybe all of them Zero and No Name are like sirens ig but ultra powerful ones or something and then Roy Han is like the greatest pirate in history of the world and he hid his treasure so the whole Han family is after it

Dark would be with Heart Heater, Rim, Chota, Fengxiao and the weird yellow cat girl and theyre after Roy Hans treasure or atleast helping Dark out (I might change this idk I mean I might change a lot cuz Im just making shit up as I go) Sora would be tight with the Dragon Of Evil and they would have a quest to taste all the foods in the world and Ik I said Idgaf about the elixir plant elders well Stone is there with the Dragon Of Light and Stone just wanna be the best and obviously he should have an awesome fight with Sora I think the Dragon Of Light would just hand Stone some insane treasures cuz Stone a noob that cant do nothing himself

Anyway thats all I hv also wish I had more drawings and I will 👍 but anyway yeah Ill see if I can come up with more

Ill make some drip for everybody tomorrow when Im bored in classes

#Hclw #Hardcore Leveling Warrior #Ft. Amazing visuals (Only 3)#Mlir69420

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years ago

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Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

#whomst #ultimate note #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle #dmemebj

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sword-brainrot · 4 years ago

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Oh, um! May I request a matchup? I know these can be draining to do so feel free to skip me if you want!!

So, um hi! Im a 19 yo translation student! Everyone uses she/her when talking to me, but you can use whatever you like, I dont mind pronouns! Im really shy and kinda anxious when talking to people, but I'm completely see-through ;; cant tell a lie to save my life haha Im super curious abt practically anything and I love to learn new things! When I have to get work done, I make sure it looks shiny and perfect! (even tough I procastinate on it until there's almost no time left,,,,) I prefer indoors because loud sounds make me somewhat panicky??;;;; and in my free time I play games, learn useless stuff and sleep... y'know, the usual ^^;

As for what I'd like in a parter.... I want someone who cares about me ;; I know it may be a bit too much but I guess I can dream right? :') As for myself,,,, idk id be a completely mess ;; Im good at listening I think! but when it comes to affection Im at a loss and I just get embarrassed,,,, I blush at everything and when Im put in a spot I try to laugh it off ;;

Um, also... Im sure you already noticed but I have some self issues so you may want to take this into consideration???? maybe???? Im sorry I had to bring this up;;; i tought it could help you get a better picture of myself haha???? uuu;; (um also i apologize for this huge wall of text, i know its all over the place.... dont know how to organize it;;;;)

Oh, and I don't care about sword types nor I have a preference! I love all the slashy boys equally ♡

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it 💖💖

Oh I would never skip your request! If I ever get drained, I would take a small break. I wanna do your requests dear! Feel free to request as much as you want, I have a blast whenever I can write and make someone smile because of it. Don't worry about bothering me or anything, seeing requests always makes me smile and excited to write 💖🌺

I Match You With...

🌸 Ishikirimaru 🌸

♡ Ishikirimaru is a very calm and friendly guy, he would understand very well how scary social interaction can be for some people. He would never push you too far and make sure he knows your limits. He would offer you to have tea with him or help him clean just so you both can bond together and let you know what he does want to be around you. He doesn't mind if you don't talk much because you are shy! Ishikirimaru doesn't talk too much in general but doesn't mind starting the conversation and having a short discussion about things that may interest you or your thoughts on things.

♡ Don't worry about ever making him angry or annoyed, it is very hard to do that. He is very easy going and cares a lot about other people. The only way he would ever get actually angry at you is if you say something insensitive about how people's lives in war don't matter or something along those lines. He was a sword kept in a temple that often got prayed to for healing the warriors who came back from battle with deadly wounds. That is the only thing that would actually get under his skin. He cares a lot about the people around him and even the people he doesn't know, he prays for all of their well beings. Even yours. He cares about you a lot as well and will tell you often that you matter to everyone. He is aware that you would never say something to upset him on purpose. As long as the two of you talk it out and apologize to each other, he will forget it even happened. He wouldn't let one slip of the tongue to ruin the relationship.

♡ He tries hard to make sure he never upsets anyone and thinks over his words carefully, but even he makes mistakes and words don't come out how they planned. He will make the most effort to apologize and make sure his words didn't hurt you badly. If they did, he would spend hours on end talking it out and making sure you know that he would never mean anything that would hurt you. He cares about you a lot and your smile is his favorite.

♡ Ishikirimaru might be a little pushy when you talk badly about yourself. He loves everything about you and it hurts him when you think you are lesser than everyone. He will often try to stop you before you go too far with talking down upon yourself and give you plenty of compliments, even if they embarrass you. He wants you to know that you are deserving of love and that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. You have your own talents and people cherish you for being you. They want you in their life because you are you.

♡ "Aruji, I haven't been human long but I understand that being human is a complicated task. The mind can be a cruel one and the deadliest thing to our souls. My words may not mean much but please trust me when I say that you like you for you. You will see things you do not like about yourself because you are stuck with yourself constantly so you will pick up things that others will not. We are all hard on ourselves. Life is even worse on us. So take a deep breath and let yourself receive a little kindness. You deserve it. You give out so much to everyone so you need to know that it is okay to love things about yourself and be proud of who you are. You will make mistakes and not everyone will be your friend but that is okay, because you are human and you have your own life. Surround yourself with people that will love and appreciate you for who you are now. I love and appreciate you for who you are, aruji. So.. Don't be so hard on yourself, alright? It hurts my fragile heart when I see you beat yourself up for small mistakes. It's okay to stumble at times, just get up again... okay? I'll lend you my hand as well."

♡ As you can tell, Ishikirimaru is a very good listener. His whole life as a sword was to listen to those of the pained and give guidance. Even if he couldn't exactly do that in his sword form, he can do that now! He will listen to everything you have to say. Don't be shy to ramble to him. He will give you a happy smile as he listens. Tell him about the things that make you happy, what make you angry, what makes you laugh, and what makes you sad. Ishikirimaru will be right by your side, offering tea and a shoulder if you need it. You aren't alone and he will make sure you know that you don't have to face these thoughts alone.

♡ Just as how you are see through and can't lie, Ishikirimaru has a similar issue. He has a very hard time ever lying and chooses to never lie. The only time he will lie is if it is to protect others. He will often put himself in the painful position in missions so others don't have to face the hardship. He tries to not do it often because he knows that people care about him and he doesn't have to face things alone, but he would rather not see anyone sad if he can help it!

♡ He finds your embarrassed face the cutest thing in the world. Don't be scared to tell him to stop if the compliments become too much for you to handle! He will laugh it off and apologize for going too far with his comments. As stated above, he doesn't lie. So just know that every compliment he gives you is a very sincere comment that he means with his whole heart. Ishikirimaru doesn't need much affection, as long as you show that you simply care about him, he is happy. He would like to hold your hand from time to time but otherwise, he wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wish to do. Go at your own pace in the relationship, he won't rush you!

♡ Ishikirimaru will tell you anything you wish to learn! He might not have a library of knowledge of the past due to being stuck in a shrine for most of his life but he had also studied and learned about the history he came from. If you take an interest in his prayers and religion, he would gladly tell you all the tales he is aware of and teach you the cleansing sermon he often does to give positive spiritual energy. It is something that brings him peace of mind and makes him happy to talk about, so if you are willing to learn about what makes him who he is today and what makes him happy, he would be overjoyed to share all his knowledge to you.

♡ He understands very well the appeal of getting work done to the best of your ability and making it look the best you can. He wouldn't label himself a perfectionist but he does want to do the best he can. Often with cleaning. You will often see him stuck in a room all day because he wants to make sure it is spotless before he comes out and continues work else where. Though... by the time he is done... It is dinner time. Perhaps the two of you could work together and get work done to the point you are both happy with it.

♡ Ishikirimaru is also someone who happens to stay inside for the most part. The only time he goes outside would be to enjoy tea in the sun or if he has to work the field/horse keeping. Ishikirimaru is a very soft spoken and gentle man so you don't have to worry about him every raising his voice and scaring you. If there is ever a loud noise, whether it is other swords or a storm outside, he will gently hold your hand and try to calm you down. He will assure you that it's okay to not like loud noises but he will make sure that nothing hurts you. He will even try to lead you away to somewhere that may be a little more quiet. Giving you a distraction to get your mind off the noise. He wants nothing more than you to feel comfortable and safe.

♡ Depending on the game, he may want to play with you! He tends to like card games even though he is very easy to read and often loses. He tends to laugh about it after when he realizes that he was accidentally showing his hand every time he set down his cards to get a sip of tea. If it's video games, he would prefer to just watch you play and talk to you while you enjoy the game. He isn't the biggest fan but still enjoys to watch! Ishikirimaru is a pretty good teacher! So if you wish to study with him, he would be flattered that you wished to study with him out of everyone. He is very understanding that some material is hard to memorize out of no where. He would just softly correct you and tell you to work on it a little more. He rewards you with sweets every time you do really well on any test he gives you to test how much you remember.

♡ Ishikirimaru would be the most understanding and gentle partner. He wants nothing more than you being comfortable and happy. He would work hard on you slowly forgiving yourself when you make a mistake and love yourself a little more. He would never give up on you and be there if you ever needed.

#Matchups #Touken Ranbu #Touken Danshi #Tourabu #Touken Ranbu Headcanons #Touken Ranbu Imagines #Touken Ranbu x Reader #TKRB #TKRB Headcanons #TKRB Imagines #TKRB x Reader #Ishikirimaru #Ishikirimaru x Reader

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cozycornerwritings · 4 years ago

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hi!! for the match up thing i’m indian-american, 5’6”-5’8” naturally rapunzel-length, wavy hair (brownish), glasses, brown eyes, corner dimples, aquarius, i’m an ambivert, i love video games, editing, reading, writing, sleeping lol, and i’m not good at drawing but i like doodles and coloring. i love k-pop (casual listener) and some non-kpop songs & i love watching a lot of anime & reading BL 🕴🏻 & manga. i get closed off in groups because i get anxious and i get negative thoughts and how i’m probably not even wanted there bc of bad experiences. in public i can get suuuper anxious because i’m rlly sheltered bc of my parents and i get all shaky. same like in public w/o my parents like i get shaky and an anxiety / panic attack and want to cry. ive never experienced things bc of my family like ‘normal’ stuff like the beach, traveling, ice skating, movie theaters and stuff. i hate it and i dont have the best relationship with my family they can be really toxic sometimes and the whole anxiety thing and that makes me feel really depressive and su*cidal sometimes for a while. i love physical affection and being shown that or told words affirmation. but irl i get awkward and shy w physical affection bc ive never experienced it and idk how to do it. im good thru text, irl i can keep a convo going. thru calls i get shy and nervous, especially if it’s the opposite gender. my face gets red easily like i blush a lot and it’s not hard to make me flustered lol. when i get like that or don’t know how to respond i just giggle bc idk what to do or say. if im sad and going thru it i make jokes to cover it up and laugh it off, one time someone just asked ‘are you ok’ after i did and my voice cracked ‘no not really’ and i started crying 😃 i keep stuff to myself (unless i trust that person to tell them stuff nd open up to them) i do have trust issues and i’ve never rlly had friends irl my parents are strict and never let me go out. online i dont rly have much friends either. im rlly observant, and like descriptive / detailed as u can tell 😭 kinda sucks thoo because a lot of people don’t read what i say bc they said they cant b bothered n it’s too long but i just get rlly engrossed into things & dont half-ass stuff and just wanna explain everything properly 😭 i can be sassy and give attitude, and i can be mean. BUT i never do that to someone unless they did me dirty. i dont like arguing. that side of me can be shown thru arguments but only again like if the other person is doing the same and is being mean and disrespectful to me first. i do have a lot of patience and endure things until it’s become like a problem? i make sure to communicate. i never ignore people, i’m not petty unless i have a good reason if they did something to me. i’m really funny i swear 😭 and i can be emotional / sensitive depending on what it is but i know when someone is joking but i know when things are taken too far and i have boundaries. i take caution when meeting people bc trust issues so i’m not that clingy unless i 100% like can count on them and comfortable with them trust them etc. i like teasing friends but just for fun and won’t take it far and make them upset or anything. if i ever hurt someone which i make sure not to i feel super bad and apologize a lot and make sure to never do it again. i try to keep my cool to refrain keeping myself from getting mad but the times i have gotten mad are reasonable and it has to be something super upsetting for me, i dont get mad w/o reason though and i start to angry-cry and yell but i try not to say anything that ill regret and make sure to think of what im saying. i love memes, idk how to describe my humor tho 😭, i’m diligent and considerate! i try to show i care thru actions and words of affirmation and quality time etc. i make sure to remember important stuff someone tells me abt themselves. i have a really good memory i don’t forget things that easily. i care for others a lot and im trying to take care of myself more now too but it can be hard. i’m not a liar i can be really blunt and honest. SORRY ITS LONG 😭

I match you with..

Lemillion!

I’m a firm believer that understanding opposites can bring out the best in each other. Mirio helps you come out of your shell. He loves to stroke your hair, and sometimes playfully pulls it. He is your partner and your best friend, so doing thinks like Pictionary or playing games today are a common occurrence. Joking and cuddling turns into a must for the two of you and you discover how much you love your head pet. His dependable personality provides a safe place for you, and you get the chance to trust in someone fully.

He appreciates how you are careful to watch how you act when you are upset, but loves how full of emotion you are. Seeing you cry breaks him on the inside and he just wants to scoop you up into hugs. Knowing that you have that big goof there helps you with your social anxiety. If someone is talking too much to you and he sees you getting overwhelmed, he will skillfully direct conversation away from you. Mirio gets very protective of you around your family. He constantly holds your hand and you two have established a safe word in case you want to leave. Mirio is more than happy to scoop you into his arms and run away with you. He is so emotionally intelligent and sensitive with you that you feel so safe and secure. If you could use one word to describe him it would be ‘home’. For the first time in a long time you begin to realize what family is, it’s mirio.

Knowing that you haven’t tried many things, you two make an effort to try new experiences together. He often flirts with you, despite the fact you two are together. He brings out the more sexual side of you. You compliment him and flatter him. He loves how much you appreciate him. You two take care of each other and your time is full of laughs.

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sxyurii · 5 years ago

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Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love

Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby

This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂

HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP

Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?

1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.

2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.

3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.

4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.

5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.

6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.

7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.

8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.

I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖

#breakup #long post

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dcmhnallach · 6 years ago

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demiboy — ever hear people say APOLLO AMORETTO looks a lot like NICK ROBINSON? I think THEY/HE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The GRAPHIC DESIGN major is a JUNIOR that is from LIVINGSTONE, VT. They can be ADROIT, but they can also be INDELICATE. I think APOLLO might be A TIER 2 SHEPHERD. They are living in KIERAN. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

ok so i lied and this is after midnight. sue me. his background is a lil inspired by logan from veronica mars so like, sue me 2x. dnjkfmgh but !! give this a LIKE so i can come MESSAGE U FOR PLOTS !!!

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GRIEF

a e s t h e t i c s

fingers across keyboards and piano keys, m&m’s scattered, vintage gaming consoles and tangled wires, worn vans and broken skateboards, banging of drums and splintering drumsticks, deep rhythms beating with your heart, the hum of a hefty computer and the buzz of a monitor, green text against black screens, unruly hair unkempt, flannels filling closets, bloody baseball bats, posters lining up and down walls, loud punk music shaking the walls, glares and whispers, the suffocation that comes with loneliness, pills rattling in their bottles, unmade beds.

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): cas, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: livingstone, vt !

sexuality: bi bi bi bi bisexual

stats

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and downright explosive at worst

cristian, a native italian actor whose career began before he could walk, and camilla, the daughter of two italian immigrants with big dreams in a small town, met on the set of a coffee shop. their love story began quickly, dating within only a few months of knowing each other and engaged before the year was up

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in livingstone, vermont, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

was raised primarily by his mother and grandparents! his father was often off shooting movies, leaving camilla to take on the role of stay-at-home mom despite her own dreams of making it big as an actress

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy – i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his … lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got…worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

it became more apparent that cristian was not meant for the family life, his anger quick and his fists quicker, stinging words and venomous glares. a control freak who couldn’t handle camilla being independent.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their beach-side mini mansion – it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and…pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole … gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of livingstone. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

cristian was convicted and sent to prison almost a whole year after it occurred. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father as a witness.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

could not tell you why he stayed in livingstone, but he did. almost dropped out of college a good few times ( he isn’t passionate about graphic design, it’s more of him wasting time than anything else ) and spends most of his time raiding on WoW or competitively playing overwatch :/

speaking of college ! apollo was kieran’s roommate and like ... a close friend of his. the death hit him pretty hard b/c of his past.

lives in kieran but lately has been switching between his dorm and his childhood home - it’s technically his dad’s but he hasn’t been to his mom’s apartment in years. the mansion has become run-down and pretty grody, a sore sight that pisses off the neighbors.

he does identify as demiboy but he cares abt his identity like ... so little ...

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like … skating … vaping … gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi ™ that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like … he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-built computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like … who wouldn’t ? also … cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play are multiplayer games so !!

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like … some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band is essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he’s a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly ( he still does who are we kidding )

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like … he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

he’s pretty much a loner, minus his bandmates -- having a reputation like his really ... puts off others. wasn’t the friendliest person in high school either, which doesn’t help. kieran and him were kindred souls.

to be honest, he’s really selfish. thinks about himself first and foremost, considers it to be a method of surviving in a fuck-shit town with fuck-shit people. wouldn’t hesitate to toss people to the side if it were to ever come down to it. he’s not a faithful pal.

he’s ruthless, impulsive, does whatever he pleases because he assumes that everybody’s already got their opinion of him due to his father. hard to stop him when he’s on a rampage.

seething with rage on the inside. :/

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking…pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what was apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now. give that dog an emotional support animal certification and boom.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants ( and other medications, but y’know. that’s just how it is ) b/c like … y’know … the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like … hook ups aren’t really an option for him 99% of the time.

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication.

he’s … sort of an asshole. like … he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi … a man and his dog … who also carries like five knives on him.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

bandmates !! i’d envision that there’s four or five members including him. two electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard ( that me -_- ) , anybody singing ... maybe a triangle player ! or a cowbell ! i dunno ! endless possibilities.

fans of the band mayb ?? try to seduce him so they can party w/ them after a show n apollo’s just like :/ nah ( or yah ! )

people he clashes with hardcore !! people who are one n the same.

uuhh ... big slut for enemies ! ppl he refuses to get along with or they’ve been on bad terms previously for whatever reason. :-)

alternately, people he’s trying really hard to get along with but it’s not working b/c he’s a shithead.

maybe an actual good, close friend or two !! y’know. so he’s not completely alone.

people he’s fucked over previously by ditching them / being unreliable / messy / etc.

besides close friends, someone who’s soft towards him or vice versa. because as much as i love angst, i love the uwu too.

ex-flings, ex-fwbs, ex-hookups, etc. etc. ex-gfs/bfs. especially from high school.

people he’s known all his life ! childhood friends, childhood enemies, old rivals, etc.

people who like ... stayed away from him / distanced themselves after his dad’s arrest. :/

okay but like ... imagine, okay , some sort of high school romance where he used to sneak into their room / sneak them out, n then they’d like. go wild out. y’know like, parents Hate him.

ppl who end up on one of his benders / night time adventures / whatever chaotic shit w/ him.

a hook-up gone bad could b fun !

gaming pals. gaming enemies.

skater buds ! vaping buds ! stoner buds ! apollo owns like three juuls.

someone he’s good friends with ( maybe ?? potentially developing Feelings at the same time ) but apollo fucks up their friendship / possible Something because that’s just what he Does.

somebody who thought tht like ... his childhood home was just Abandoned and Empty so they started breaking in to like. get high or fuck or whatever and apollo just walks in one day like ... what are u doing.

someone who caught him dealing juul pods to middle schoolers and was like ... what are u doing. idiot.

idiot reckless buddy pals !! wreck shit together !! burn couches !! chaos !

literally i’ll take anything sdjnfkmgh

#livingintro #this is an hr late oops !#death tw #murder tw #domestic violence tw #grief tw #mental illness tw

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ilygsd · 6 years ago

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as you can see in my reblogs i just had an imginary fight and imaginary abandobment with jo. he basically said he found it unattractive that im so easy to charm and idk.... that i go home to guys i dont even like for attention or smth (i DONT...... maybe i do..... I JUST HAVE A HARD TIME DIFFERING ROMANCE ABD FRIENDSHIP I DONT LIKE THEM WERE JUST FRIENDS AND I CANT JUST SAY NO) and basically all i could hear was

he hates you he hates you he hates you he thinks youre disgusting abd worthless and ugly and weird and pathetic and childish and horrible

AND WE JUST HAD A FIGHT!!!! i tried so hard yesterday not to panic-text him for reassurance after our fight...... it probably wasnt a fight....... only a fight for me...... BUT I DIDNT!!! EVEN THO I HAD LIKE 26161 PANIC ATTACKS AND REALLY WANTED HIS PRAISE FOR GOING TO CLASS I STILL DIDNT............. until the evening...... i couldnt resist but ask him for a hug (through text). he wonders why and i tell him i just needed his comfort.... as if i wasnt THIS fucking close to die every 20 minute but i know he’d find that unattractive so i just stfu

AND THEN THAT RAT SAYS ”yeah but if u do this u will have to look for comfort somewhere else” and i just want to DIEEEEEEE

i explode. i really didnt need to hear that. all i wanted was his love and now hes telling me he doesnt want me anymore but finds me needy and unattractive and all my feelings just OUT!!!!

i bEG HIM NOT TO CONTINUE I BEG HIM PLEASE DONT SAY THIS NOT TONIGHT I WANT TO DIE PLS SAY IT TOMORROW PLS I JUST WANT U TO HOLD ME

he calls me

and his ugly aspd ass goes ”sigh.... what is happening now” ”stop with that manipulative empathy shit, youre just trying to make me empathise but i literally dont”

and then he low key last out on me BECAUSE I CAN HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE that

him: ”i need to fucking sleep but now i cant because of you typing shit that you want to die” (basically)

me: ”im sorry”

him: ”dont say youre sorry stop apologizing this is my choice i choose to talk to you instead of sleeping”

me: ??????

me: ”arenr u telling me this bc u want me to feel bad and apologize?”

him: ”no i dont care abt your apologies words dont mean anything to me im just telling u to understand that your actions have consequences”

HES SUCH AN ASSSSS!!! THIS WAS LITERALLY THE SAME THING LAST TIME I NEEDED HIS COMFORT HE JUST THINKS IM AN ANNOYING UGLY WHORE HE JUST FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME OR SMTH IDK WHAT THE FUCK

......

him: ”i cant be with someone who just goes over to random dudes they dont even know for attention”

me: ”i-i dont do that.... i only want your attention youre the only one who matters”

him: ”i know u say that but your ACTIONS says otherwise”

me: ”but i dont even like them theyre just my friends”

him: ”you met them on tinder, you have met them like one time and you go home to them to watch a movie, thats not friends, friends take a coffee and then maybe go home to each other after theyve known each other”

me: ”but ive told them im not interested”

him: ”IT DOESNT MATTER. thats not how it works. you cant just do risky dumb shit bc of anxiety. what if something would happen to you, that wouldn’t make you happy and ghat wouldnt make me happy”

AND I JUST WANT TO CLARIFY THAT WHILE THIS MAY SEEM LIKE HE SOMEHOW CARES ABOUT ME WHAT HE SAYS IS THAT IM A BOTHER AND IT BOTHERS HIM....... LIKE HE GETS ANGRY AND ANNOYED AT ME WHEN IM SAD AND ANXIOUS BC HE DOESNT WANT ME TO BE SAD AND ANXIOUS........ WOW THAT MAKDS SO MICH SENSE RIGHT??? NO IT DOESNT BECAUSE HE DOESNT RELLY CARE ABT MEEEEE, HE JUST WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO SUFFER FROM MY UNHAPPY CONSEQUENCES GOD IM SO HURT WHY CANT HE JUST LOVE ME

and then we came to the conclusion that i just feel unloved and unworthy of love and like im a horrible person and hes like

him: ”you cant use other people. dont chase my love or affirmation. im not judging or shaming you for going home to these guys im just telling you im not attracted to it. if you want my comfort you know what to do”

me: ”i want your comfort, i will-”

him: ”you dont have to tell me. ACTIONS”

him: ”and dont do this for me or because of me. do this because YOU want to”

me:

me: ”but i dont know what i want”

him: ”then maybe you should think about that”

me: *starting to panic*

me: ”y-yeah sure”

OK SO I GUESS ILL HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I LOVE MYSELF AND THAT IM CHABGING FOR MYSELF BC ITS UNATTRACTIVE AND NEEDY TO DO IT FOR HIM BUT I WANT HIM IM READY TO CHANGE MYSELF FOR HIM BUT FUUUUUCK HES SMART HE WILL FIGURE OUT HE KNOWS I HAVE NO PERSOBALITY LIKE

me: ”i literally adopt other peoples interests”

him: ”yeah that doesnt surprise me”

him: ”youre not your own person...”

blah blah i dont remember what more we said

ugh

FUCK MEEEEE I MAY NOT HAVE A BIG PERSONALITY BUT I DO HAVE SOME INTERESTS THAT DOESNV CHANGE I DONT CHANGE MYSELF CONPLETELY

HE ALSO TOLD ME I NEED TO STOP APOLOGIZE FOR UNNECESSARY THINGS

what the fuck am i gonna do? am i just gonna pretend to understand and change for myself? i wont be able to do this for myself, i WILL DO IT FOR HIM SO HE WONT LEAVE ME BUT HE WILL LEAVE ME ANYWAYS BC HE WILL KNOW ITS FAKE AND THAT I ONLY ADAPT MY PERSONALITH TO HIM FUCK

oh i mean I GUESS when i re-read our texts maybe i SHOULDNT have read it in such a threatening aggressive tone but i cant help it, he literally said ”im not dumping you rn” OK SO WHEN ARE YOU?????????????

god its so embarrassing i knew he was my fp even though i didnt want to admit it but i didnt know it was this strong............ ive tried sO HARD NOT TO BE DEPENDANT ON HIM

#diary #jo #bpd #aspd

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galimatios · 5 years ago

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sci fi ya au musings from twitter thread mostly nts

maybe i do want to write YA science fiction ya with gay and all my favorite self indulgent tropes and also plugsuits

I HATE MYSELF I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SCENES IN MY HEAD . ITS BEEN TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THESE CHARACTERS ARE YET tjinking about those rooms in that one ep of black mirror where youcan program jt tk show whatever you want on the walls. maybe projection of virtual reality vs reality as a major motif. simulations and distance... long distance relationships during a war in space action too... have to think about an enemy but maybe we rag on capitalism a littlle maybe some conglomerate is fighting a proxy war using aliens vs the govt the protags are in the military for theme.. war sucks bye but also theres dynamics i want

UM I CAN PUT BIG MECHA INNNNNNNN YEAHHHH anyway i want 2 loyal dog dynamics to juxtapose w eachother + platonic soulmate type protag duo, best friends , one girl one boy, theyre both equally important, some SHIT happens and theyre forced on different sides at some point one loyal dog is treated well, like an equal, will follow x to the end of the world the other is Not treated well. i want to explicitly make that relationship abusive so i can point at it in the text itself and have other loyal dog be like , that's not love. abandoned loyal dog gets adopted by main duo, ends up in a relationship w one of them (whichever one makes it gay), im ship girl with side character who inspires tf out of her, sort of like. theyre competitive and the side character is light years more skilled but girl wants the challenge, wants the chase, is fueled by the prospect of catching up so "wait for me" LAYS DOWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE NAMES OR DESIGNS OR ANYTHING BUT IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO THESE CONNECTIONS mc pair: one techy soft boy nerd who just wants to protect his family so thats why he agreed to help develop/operate tech bc he thinks this is how he can help headstrong pilot ace girl who has no one but wants to prove herself and make a name for herself so she'll be remembered she wants to win glory for herself and comes off as super confident but actually she's just. asuka evangelion except she doesnt crash and burn so bad bc she has the boy who sees thru it, you dont have to try so hard probably happens after a fight where she's reckless hes not one to get mad but this time he's pissed bc she was exceptionally close to dying, yells at her, why do you keep trying so hard to die kinda snaps her back to reality he wants her to rely on him more bc that's what hes here for anyway loyal dog defects from enemy + meets this pair after other loyal dog suggests he joins the crew, tech boy is kind to Everyone but loyal dog FORMERLY AN ASSASSIN ???????? TYPE?? SNIPER?? develops baby crush girl sips her drink :3c

I HAVE TO THINK MORE ABOUT THEM BC OH NO THEYRE CUTE but girl is chasing after some nb femme prodigy who she's rivals with and admires for more than just her skill theyre both emotionally constipated idiots tho so its like. (hand touch) thats enough for 100 years there is. so much tension. and prodigy seems so perfect on the outside but is actually in some kind of super strict fucked up program bc of her skill, and she hated it and is suffering ace pilot is the one to barge in headstrong and fuck everything up and get her out of there girl believes prodigy is amazing. really. incredible. a part of her feels like she'll never catch up . but even so watching prodigy walk into the unknown unflinchingly resolute ... it's both sad in a way bc she's being left behind but also she wouldnt have it any other way bc she thinks forward is the only way prodigy should be facing. its what inspires her. that strength ... h they definitely settle down together in the future tho bc i need ththattt

"when this is all over" said the prodigy, "come find me" this is so self indulgent anyway plotwise once both the govt and the enemy r revealed to be equally bad the main cast defect to a revolutionary group. they will Not win within the span of the novel but theyll have a small victory, very les mis one day more flavored, and even if they did not win they stood for something they believed in, did something to try and tell the truth... also i need more of a cast so i can kill characters off nice now all i have to do is fill all this in with world building and action and stuff and ill have a novel so many sci fi things have done the 2 pilot mind sync emotional thing right so if i do the same thing no one knows if i took it from one franchise or another i need to twist it around a little but i may have ideas haha i can. totally make this a part of my fucking huge sci-fi au really wanna call main girl lane and main boy khemrin . .. i cant unsee the girl as rey flavored so shes ending up w red hair and irish, but boy is SEAsian with a huge family, loyal dog who defects is african, prodigy is asian, other loyal dog feels south american prodigy... astrid is her real name but she may have a codename fsr? idk why i feel it. icarus? assassin defector... something that starts with an o or a d other loyal dog... i need to think but i also need to figure out the personalities of their respective pairs inserts minh as evil one. done. maybe mephis adjacent character for the... no mephis doesnt care abt anyone BUT hed be a great side character OH god what if au jonah and ambrose oh boy. FUCK jonahs probably there for some special task bc hes. attuned to some shit idk

I GUESS IM GONNA DEVELOP AMBROSE MORE ive only written him as a young adult but as a teen hes angry and rebellious and got drafted, ended up being a simple foot soldier but he meets jonah and a lot changes jonah's there on top secret bullshit, same program as astrid definitely has some shit to do With Experiments. astrid has enhanced eyesight/coordination on top of being an ace combat pilot, i think jonah might be able to open up warp gates or limited pocket space mephis is evil scientist who doesnt care abt casualties

I'm thinking about unnamed pilot lesbians and i am. enamored immediately holy shit god they're both so goal oriented and focused but once the fighting is finally over they finally allow themselves to embrace the intensity of their emotions for eachother and i am fucking perishing they were essentially raised as child soldiers so it's this clumsy process of trying to figure things out for the first time, this kind of innocent but intense and blooming love between two hardened soldiers, the years of war coming away when they're together for the first time actually fuck i did name them but i'm still not sure about ace pilot girl? i want to name her lane or something monosyllable, maybe i'll revamp raine and make her this oc instead... either way i'm just. ugh. UGH. FUCK. holy shit they love eachother so much

I"M GETTING REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THE PRODIGY (ASTRID) DYING IN THE LINE OF DUTY or well at least goes missing, presumed dead but raine just... doesn't believe it. astrid can't die. she's too amazing. there's no way fucking. huge disbelief. she refuses? raine going on a near suicidal self-appointed mission against commander's orders to rescue her, khemrin tries to hold her back but he can't, she' fucking gone speeding off on one of the fastest scouting ships she can hijack raine finding her alive but barely conscious in a damaged cockpit floating in space for who knows how long, raine unable to open the hatch and get to her but anchors her ship to hers, NOT EFFECTIVE BUT HER ONLY REAL CHOICE w/o compromising the air seal. makes the journey back astrid barely makes it to the space equivalent of a truck stop (unaffiliated) and raine calls for backup in panic and tries her best to tend to astrid's wounds an feed her and she's fucking PANICKING but trying so hard to keep it together astrid wakes up and raine's crying i don't have anything specific its just really soft and raine never Does this god when they meet again after the war, raine running her fingers over the scar left from astrid's helmet shattering h raine in a tux and astrid dressed like a princess and raine kissing her shoe sorry im gay bye

#notes

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chikotos · 8 years ago

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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patchworkstudies · 8 years ago

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what music do you listen to?

well, shit. the short answer is, a lot of it. mostly gay artists . of the top of my head, the ones i like/listen to most are

lgbt / queer artists

PWR BTTM: the loves of my life. hella gay music, usually angry or sad. coming out w a new album soon (aaaaaaaaaaa) and were going to be my first concert but then i had a term paper due the next day and my dad found out and wouldn’t let me go. but srsly, they’re incredible. and they write abt gender stuff and gay stuff and hating bigots. lov them. if i had to choose a few favorite songs, their most recent, answer my text is so fucking good, and c u around has.... a lot of personal meaning to me (lol s/o to the quad, miss y’all)

k.d. lang: i mean, what can i even say??? actual butch lesbian icon. her stuff is older, i personally love her album hymns of the 49th parallel for writing. if you don’t look up anybody else on this list, please at least give her cover of hallelujah a listen (and maybe check out the live versions and the remastered version.) it honestly changed my life.

Tegan and Sara: i mean, they are the iconic lesbian duo, at least in the kinds of groups i associate with. and no, they’re not dating or married, they’re sisters. as far as i know, they’re both gay. anyways, they’re well known for the song closer, my favorites are probably boyfriend, which is explicitly gay and about not knowing where you stand with a girl and how to define your relationship, BWU, which is about loving somebody and not needing the things that people think of as defining a relationship (marriage, rings, etc.) to know that you love each other, and that being okay. also, it’s explicitly gay. but really, all of their stuff is gold.

Matt Fishel: isn’t super well-known, but he writes really good songs that are just super relatable and gay, and either happy and upbeat or angry and sad. he’s also covered a lot of songs, i think. my faves of his are radio-friendly pop song and boy meets boy.

Troye Sivan: haven’t listened to his stuff in a while, but his music is so good and he’s the king of aesthetically pleasing gay music videos. his song heaven is about being gay, and also makes me cry every time. the acoustic version of youth is highkey one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever heard, and you should really just listen to the whole album blue neighborhood.

and somehow i almost managed to forget Hayley Kiyoko: who is my actual queen, and also the queen of aesthetically pleasing gay music videos. she just came out with a new song, sleepover, and i’m pretty sure i got 378% gayer after watching that video, and also died. a lot. careful, it’s a bit explicit. maybe don’t watch in public. holy shit, all of her music is so good. she’s best known for girls like girls. but other fucking incredible songs of hers include cliff’s edge, pretty girl (my personal favorite. im so gay and this song is so relatable), ease my mind, and honestly everything else she’s ever sung.

idk why this is taking me so long lol um other lgbt songs i wld die for include all i want is to be your girl by holly miranda, i didn’t just kiss her by jen foster, only a girl by gia, don’t do boys by elektra, and.. heck i’m just gonna make a playlist, check out my playmoss for more.

ok i need to stop going into so much depth otherwise im never gonna finish this. other stuff i listen to includes

Cider Sky: light, happy, electronic-ish music about being in love. kinda reminds me of owl city. their album/ep (who knows which??) king is really good.

Against Me!: used to be anarcho-folk, now it’s angry rock abt being trans. i love laura jane grace with my entire heart. i don’t even like modern rock, and i still fall in love with their new stuff every time i hear it. i was a teenage anarchist, baby i’m an anarchist, and the untitled track from their acoustic ep are more my type, though. also, if y’all were wondering about my political views.. lol, have fun with this, i guess. capitalism is a bucketload of crap.

the Fun Home soundtrack: okay, i know, not a specific artist, but as a baby dyke, ring of keys is easily the most relatable song i’ve ever heard. it’s about being a kid and seeing a butch lesbian for the first time, and.. wow. just wow. also, changing my major is gay and beautiful and relatable and, knowing me, if i don’t hum it after having sex with a girl for the first time, something probably went wrong, bc that’s been an inside joke with my friends for ages now.

Splendor and Misery by clipping: okay, this really isn’t my type of music. i don’t know how to describe it. self-described as “an Afrofuturist, dystopian concept album that follows the sole survivor of a slave uprising on an interstellar cargo ship, and the onboard computer that falls in love with him,” it was recommended to me by a very good friend, and it’s one of the only things that can break me out of a dissociative episode.

and more, including stuff by mindy gledhill, the yuri on ice soundtrack, and lots of misc. stuff, but i’m too lazy to write the rest of it out. oh, and lullatone. they have really good stuff for studying.

#wow #that was long #kaz here #studyblr sleepover #anon #ask

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thepolyesterprince-blog · 8 years ago

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REPOST, DON’T REBLOG !

IM GONNA SET THIS IN MY MODERN CANON ADAPTION (so modern radio verse) AND I JUST WANNA SAY, BC I KNOW IT’S NOT ON HERE AS A QUESTION

HERB IS A REDDIT TROLL

HE’S TROLLIN’ THE TROLLS THAT TROLL TROLLS ON REDDIT

J U S T S A Y I N ‘

SOCIAL MEDIA .

TWITTER NAME : PROBABLY @bigherb BC HES TERRIBLE (that’s probably taken and he’d just do a keyboard smash on the numbers to make it unique while threatening the life of whoever has it) NUMBER OF FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER : .... PROBABLY UNDER 50 LOL WHAT DO THEY POST ABOUT ?: REALLY AWFUL THINGS. like. it’s probably all just complaining tbh ??? all problematic views and complaining about how sensitive kids are these day and blah blah and PROBABLY REALLY NOT OKAY POLITICS TBH but if you dig far enough down in there you’ll find O N E tweet that’s @ lucille’s twitter that he posted on their aniversary that just says mth silly like “i love you lots gorgeous” or smth and WHY AM I GOIN OFF ABT THIS STOP ME FACEBOOK NAME : Herbert Ruggles Tarlek the Second (BECAUSE LIKE I SAID HE’S TERRIBLE) NUMBER OF FACEBOOK FRIENDS : HE’S PROBABLY ADDED EVERY CLIENT HE’S EVER HAD SO LIKE.. . OVER 1K PROBABLY also he won’t actually just add hot girls bc he feels a lil bad abt it and he’s not sure why so instead he accepts the ones from those like, bots with almost topless girls as the profile pic HE KNOWS THEY’RE NOT REAL BUT THAT’S THE POINT, IT’S JUST FOR LOOKS............................ WHAT DO THEY POST ABOUT ?: basically the same as his twitter but worse, ALSO HE’S SUCH A DAD ON FACEBOOK, i would hate his FB page if i saw it, just saying, but redeemable qualitues include content regarding his children (CUTE LIL VIDEOS OF BUNNY & HERB THE THIRD STAB ME) INSTAGRAM NAME : U KNOW WHAT I BET HE ALSO MAKES THIS ONE @BIGHERB BUT HIS KEYBOARD SLAM FROM TWITTER IS T A K E N AND HES SOO MAD ABT IT he probably send whoever has that one hate mail for weeks NUMBER OF INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS: LIKE MAYBE 40 SMTH??? WHAT KIND OF PICTURES DO THEY UPLOAD ?: HIS INSTA IS A TERRIBLE PLACE MADE TO MAKE HIM LOOK COOL which uncludes picures of him in front of expensive cars he does not own that are cropped just so you cant tell it’s on a lot and just generally AN ARRANGED LIFESTYLE LOL and also his face is in 89% of the pictures bc he’s vain and a prick SNAPCHAT : tarlekchats TYPE OF PICTURES THEY UPLOAD ON MY STORY : his snapchat is probably just for his friends, like all his other social media he;s TRYINNA BE AWESOME AND COOL AND DRAW ATTN TO HIMSELF SMH but his snapchat is just given to ppl he deems friends and its like, personal stuff thats actually real, like lil videos of the kids or pictures documenting his day with mildly funny (if sometimes problematic) captions that are usually v salty (but u can sorta tell hes kinda kidding) TYPE OF PICTURES THEY UPLOAD DIRECTLY AT PEOPLE : i don’t imagine he does this often but he probably will send something to his closest friends sometimes, probably pictures of like, something really ugly and the caption is just “it’s you” OR on the rare occasion of genuiness he’ll just send something to someone if it reminded him of them

MOBILE .

TYPE OF PHONE THEY OWN : ITS ABSOLUTELY AN IPHONE, ITS THE NEWEST ONE, HE THINKS OWNING AN IPHONE MAKES HIM COOL AND BETTER THAN ANYONE WITHOUT AN IPHONE AND HALF HIS REDDIT TROLL BATTLES ARE AGAINST THOSE “ANDROID FANBOYS” AND PROVING WHY HE’S BETTER FOR HAVING AN IPHONE IM GONNA KILL HIM, 5 LATEST PEOPLE THAT CALLED HIM : a client, lucille, a client, mr. carlson, andy WHO WERE THEIR LAST 5 MISSED CALLS FROM : THEY’RE ALL FROM LES AND THERE MIGHT BE ONE FROM HIS DAD that he couldnt bring himself to answer bc even though he felt he SHOULD want to he didnt bc he wasnt in the mood to convince himself they have a healthy relationship bc it was like rly late bc his dads inconsiderate of timezones ?? IM GONNA SHUT UP ABT THAT NOW CUZ IT MADE ME SAD LOL LATEST TEXT AND WHO FROM : "Can I see you in my office in five? I’m calling a meeting!” - Mr. Carlson LATEST PICTURE THEY TEXTED : PROBABLY A PICTURE OF LIKE, A THING IN A STORE TO LUCILLE LIKE “is this the thing you want me to buy” BC HES C L U E L E S S and he hates grocery shopping LATEST VIDEO THEY TEXTED : I RLY DONT KNOW TBH OML i dont even think he knows u can do that HES LUCKY TO TEXT PICTURES TYPE OF PICTURES ON THEIR PHONES : MOSTLY PROBABLY THE KIDS AND LUCILE AND LIKE..... JENNIFER LOL. but he almost nver takes pictures w his phone tbh TYPE OF VIDEOS ON THEIR PHONE : HE NEVER RLY TAKES VIDEOS OML if he did it would like be of him grilling smth bc he thinks hes Cool ANYTHING ON THEIR PHONE THEY DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE : PROBABLY, there’s candy crush and he makes fun of ppl who play it but he’s secretly addicted AND NO ONE CAN KNOW also there’s probably at least one inappropriate photo that was for lucille JUST SAYIN 5 MOST USED APPS : reddit, browser, CANDY CRUSH (and/or angry birds tbh), A MIRROR APP, twitter WHO THEY CALL MOST OFTEN : ITS PROBABLY LUCILLE, ASIDE FROM VARIOUS CLIENTS WHO THEY TEXT MOST OFTEN : ANDY OR BAILEY not bc he wants to but bc they’re the most Hip of his friends and they text him (and everyone else) a lot LATEST VOICE MESSAGE AND WHO IT’S FROM : “Herb, I know you’re hiding from Mr. Carlson, but it won’t work. I know where you are, and I want you at my desk now.” -Jennifer WEBSITES THEY VISIT MOST OFTEN : REDDIT, youtube, and ??? maybe a cheat site for candy crush LOL BACKGROUND PICTURE ON THEIR PHONE : ITS PROBABLY A SERIES OF BROADWAY ACTRESSES, NOT BC THEY’RE HOT BUT BC HE’S A FAN OF THEIRS, BUT IT ALSO SERVES AS LOOK MY LOCKSCREEN IS WOMEN THAT ARENT MY WIFE” orrrrr ITS A PICTURE OF BUNNY

TAGGED BY : @piper-aileen-lenox (THANK YOUUU MY DEAR OML)

TAGGING : @innocentmanwithabounty @iwillmakemystandhere @themostpowerfuleditor @annastrxng @detectiverickitubbs @deu5exmach1na IDK EVERYONE I KNOW WAS TAGGED LOL but IF U WERENT FEEL FREE TO SAY I DID AND DO IT

#this took me ages lol but it was worth it #headcanons #;; ᴛᴀɢs { 'you're the only one who appreciates me around here' }#;; ᴏᴏᴄ { 'what is that supposed to mean?' }#;; ᴠᴇʀsᴇ ~ more ads less music {ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴ ʀᴀᴅɪᴏ}#i wanted to reply to ur starter but this took like an hour and im out of time lol oops

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kyandice · 8 years ago

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14/02

It’s Valentine’s Day and before today i was in Malaysia for a few days and I could only think about the things i could buy for Bryan. Lmao I bought a bag of snacks and chocolates and I was extremely excited before giving it to Bryan. So yay when I got into his room and stuff he started eating those cheese sticks anyways I love their cheese. I forgot what brand that was but I swear that brand has the best cheese in the world. So Bryan also almost finished the box of cheese dips with me he wanted to save like a box for his sister, but well he told me that his sister didn’t like the cheese soooo boohoohoo maybe small kids have slightly different taste buds. So while I was in Malaysia I went to this store and well it was filled with anime stuff and idk kpop stuff. There was like a lot Pokémon stuff to so i decided to fill the Valentine’s Day bag that I’m giving Bryan filled with Pokémon stuff. I really forgot how much I spent on that shop but I bought a Pikachu plush 20-25cm I thinkkkkk I don’t rmbbb maybe smaller lolll. And I also got like a few tiny legendary Pokémon figures they aren’t like real legit figures but i thought it would be kinda cuteee. So I kinda made a box and put it in so it wouldn’t look that awkward scattered around in the bag. There was also this fake Lego Pokémon thing and I decided to buy it for him because it looked kinda cute I don’t think he kinda fixed it buttt :

So we had decided to Skype each other. Well apparently it’s 15/02 but like I haven’t slept so it’s counted as 14/02. And yea. Around 12am Bryan asked me to do something that I just didn’t want to do so he became angry and I became angry. And then Bryan suddenly cut and ended the call on me so I got angry and I told him that other guys wouldn’t treat me like that. I mean I don’t get angry fast, but when I do I go all destructive I’ll get insensitive to other people’s feelings and I will do anything just to make that person feel down. Also when I get angry, I don’t get angry easily and instead I’ll get angry because it was a built up thing or something. So after he cut the call with me i got angry and then I texted him saying like insensitive stuff to him.

But then after I said all those angry stuff to him he said I broke his heart and he said he was the worst boyfriend ever and I started breaking down and started crying. So I realized I was angry and I didn’t mean everything I said but then when it tried to call him again he didn’t pick up. I guess I’m a bitch when I’m angry tbh I don’t deserve anyone. i become mean and I’m a pure asshole when I’m angry I just want to put people down to feel better about myself I’m such a coward

Edit: this Lego Pokémon thing would prolly be his first Lego toy after like yearssss

15/02

So I woke up worried and like legit I woke up with my heart thumping real fast cuz I was really worried about Bryan because of ystd night. So apparently I woke up late and by the time I reached Macpherson Mrt, Bryan was already there and then I started tearing up a little cuz I thought he was still upset with me. and well guess what he had a paper bag on his hands and he passed it to me and he said Happy late valentine’s day. Then I started crying.

Like I would always make sure he tells me when he’s back from home so I wouldn’t be so worried about him. And well he told me he was back home, but like actually he lied to me and he went all the way just to shop shoes for my Valentine’s day gift. First of all, I was so touched and like cuz he said that ystd night on skype was a prank and then I felt so bad for saying all the bad stuff to him. so I became like fuckingg guilty and i cried more.

(p.s. we promised each other not to get each other gifts for Valentine’s day cuz it was exam period and I didn’t want him or me to spend time for each other choosing our gifts rather than studying. but like since I was in msia, I might as well buy for Bryan stuff since I wasn’t even studying so like, might as well. but Bryan bought it when he could spend that time studyingggg.)

Anyways I appreciate that a lot and omg I was extremelyy happy and surprised also when he gave it to me. Like, I didn’t even expect ittt. I didn’t even expect any gift since like we also made a compromise not to give each other gifts but oh wellll

So when we reached the sch library, I could finally see what Bryan bought for me. and to tbvvvvvh the first thing I was looking for was a card, and I was kinda disappointed that there wasn’t a card inside the bag. but when I opened the shoe box there was a card so I immediately brightened up :DDD and like I read the card at the same spot without putting it down like thrice before looking at the shoes. anyways the shoes are like damn nice. okay, i slept with the shoes I’m not even kidding I’m like so in love with my shoes I love black andd pastel pink so much it’s like two of my most favourite colours and it also has my name engraved on in istg the shoes are like so beautiful I cant stop looking at it even after I went back home. BUT THE SHOES ARE FUCKING $100+ LIEK WTF DUUUUDEEEE. FUCK HE CANT SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON ME AGAIN. FUCK I FEEL DAMN BAD SIAAAAAA

well after that, since it was still earlyy (arnd 9am?) we decide to just get out of sch library to like go his house againnn. Well we met Cindy on our way to the Mrt and what happened afterward was even funnier. Apparently when we came back we decided to join Cindy and the rest to study at the library, Cindy asked what we did while we were out we said we ate lunch but I forgot what Bryan said but he lied to Cindy, but cuz Cindy saw us outside the mrt she caught Bryan lying and lmao I legit facepalmed cuz hahahah we’re sorta exposed.

so yeaaa we studied in the library with Cindy and I was studying math while Bryan was studying OC. he asked me a few questions about OC I tried to recall but then a few seconds later I had my hand flicked away again by Bryan.

like okay I’m happy he’s being straightforward with his feelings with me. like if he’s annoyed he’ll show it. AND I really like and appreciate that but sometimes he goes too harsh and I’m like urghhdskjhfldsajhfsdf

Anyways Cindy and the rest decided to eat dinner and like I thought Bryan was still angry with me so I didn’t join them cuz like I want Bryan to enjoy his meal but oh well. instead of studying while they were eating I took out Bteh’s old phone and went on tinder I had 7 other Bryan matches anyway lmao. I also shopped online and there’s alot of things I want to buy after all my exams are over. and omggggg I want this softball keychain its damn cuteeee it’s like only $2+ with shipping blahblah but yaaaaaassss I wna get ittttt. But right, after that it was like 6:30pm and I have to go home cuz “curfew”. (my parents never mentioned anything like curfew but everytime i step home after7:30 pm I will be like scolded and tadaaaaa urghsdfnbsdf;kjf;kdf)

16/02

I finally got my contact lensees. yayyyy I can finally wear them to training and I wouldn’t feel as insecure again. people also say that I look uglier without contacts on sooooooo,sighhhh. and sometimes Bryan would joke about me being ugly without contacts and that’s when I get insecure the most. also like at times, he would tell me about how he finds a certain girl pretty on ig and ill get insecure and jealous shit like wtf but yeah. but like, I appreciate he’s being honest too but I do get like sad and insecure when he talk abt how pretty other girls are. like Angeline okay omg I hate it the most when he talks abt fantasizing Angeline I hate that shit. like normally ill just be sad. but like Angeline, I get triggered whenever he talks abt her. but like again I appreciate and like his honesty, he tells me stuff but I also can’t help but feel insecure and sad tbh idk what I want lmao. maybe girls are confusing after all.

17/02

Bryan started watching pewdiepie play undertale. he was kinda scared too but like I guess undertale is not as scary as five nights of Freddie’s but it tends to scare a person emotionally soooooo lol okay. I’ve asked Bryan to watch Flowey’s boss fight but he didn’t want to cuz he kinda didn’t want spoilers and like wanted to watch it in order. but oh well, in the end, he spent his money on undertale and he didn’t play the game apparently cuz he didn’t found it fun as he watched all the spoilers and now finding it boring with. I asked him to play geno but he also didn’t want to screw to game up. he wanted to start with pacific/neutral but he found it boring so sighhhhh.

19/02

it was grading today I was vvvv nervousss. it is like legit my grading in 10years. And apparently now is non contact???? contact used to be allowed in sparring for gradings welllll. so I was huhhhh no head kick huhhh and also went like waitttt no contact???? Kim mdm heard me and she like snapped at me saying: yes laa u so long never grading meh? (well I wanted to talk back and said like welll it has been 10years since my last grading, but hahahaha no balls) no beef with kim mdm shes nice, im okay with her but I think she was triggered during that grading day. There was this girl, like I don’t personally know her (ig name aka beaticecwl??????) but she asked kim mdm smthing and idk what kim mdm snapped back but I saw this Beatrice mouthing wtf as she looked away lmaoo. still no beef with her tho I’m totally alright with her.

And then for grading, I made this mistake for my red belt pattern I screwed up like wtf omg I didn’t put my feet close tgt and that Indian judge/referee ( lmao idk what to call him) pointed out my mistake and I was like shittttttt.

after that, i had to sparr with this another girl and then sparr with RAPHAELLLL?????? I was like wtf what this fucking Indian guy doing. even it is like a non contact thing its like wtfff still unfairrr. also after i was done with the whole thing, everyone told me like that indian guy kept looking at me. so much so that he missed joseph doing some fancy kick, i forgot what kick he did but lmao that Indian guy, fking black face, like this means two ways but hahahaha ok.

After grading i just went to bishan library to study with him. it was like a vvv nice library okay next time i wna study with Bryan there.

20/02

exams are tmr and I know no matter how much I study now, I still will fail lmaoooo sighhhhh. But anyways Bryan and I ended upp shopping at bishan and welppppp we bought lego characters tgttt yayyy. the lego store was like closing down so it had sales .and omg lego characs are fucking cute I cannot I want more of them but what is money :’)

Edit: so our first lego charcater we got tgt was supergirl and superman heheheeeee

21/02

The first thing I woke up was to remember that it was Justin’s birthday. although like we don’t even talk anymore and I also can’t ignore the fact that Justin hates me,but I still rmb the days when he was a vvvvv good friend of mine and I guess i really appreciated him sooo :’) i wished him hbdae and like well, he didn’t even want a convo with me he just replied: errr okay thanks. oh wellll.

well so im officially done with math exam, i didnt do well i guess, but i couldnt say i did bad either,i did mehhhh, maybe a fail or a boderline pass. idk lmao i hope i pass for math :)))

Also today I saw Xavier in nyp at first I was kinda excited seeing an old classmate so i rushed in and called his name and said hi before even thinking. well i wasat least expecting a fake smile and a hi, but instead he just turned around, saw me, and went like, “oh, ewwww?”. and then at that moment Bryan was also there and i feel so bad like idc if I’m exaggerating but like I felt ugly immediately like wtf Xavier is a piece of shit i wish that he would die lmao. he’s a fucked up fuckboy like wtf he dumped his ex for another girl in poly Xavier should die. so anyways after he said likee “ewwww” I’ve never felt so ugly in my life before like tbh i want to cover my face and just dig a hole and cry in the toilet. im like insecure and the way he Xavier replied me; I just wanted to kill him. i got fucking angry while im feeling also fucking lousy about myself. I wanted to like run to xavier and smack his girlfriend although she did nothing then punch the hell out of xavier. but lmao i have no balls and I rmbered that xavier is some muay thai champion somewhere lmao idc and he has a lot of yaknoooowww friends so i shouldn’t like mess with him and stuff. but at my end ,i was like near to my tears and fuck ive never hated Xavier this much before like what did I seriously do to Xavier back in sec sch.

like back in sec sch, at a point of time when all the boys were making fun of me and stuff I was a little disappointed and upset that Geralyn was still talking and having fun with those boys. like esp Xavier and Christopher. like tbvvvvh i just stopped hanging out with them for awhile cuz like everyone found christopher cute and goodlooking, and chrisopther was making fun of me and stuff.

okay, I’ve never talked about this before and I really don’t want to but I guess I should like just say it. so it was Christopher who started making fun of me. I never knew why but I guess because I dated his brother K and well. maybe they both salty so they want to make my life a living hell. and at first, everyone else was okay with me. and Christopher, being a goodlooking guy, he became popular and well more guy wanted to like click and hang out with him. so to gain more attention Christopher decided to make fun of me more so he can bring me down and make himself look better. and also dianwei, he never had any friends so he had to also make fun of me so he could click with Christopher. I seriously don’t blame them, like they did this to survive school LMAO I BLAME THEM THEY CAN JUST DIE LMAO UNTIL NOW I HOLD GRUDGES. I WAS LITERALLY BULLIED LOL I DONT WANT TO SAY ‘BULLY’ CUZ LIKE FUCK IM SO ANGRY TYPING THIS RN. but yea after the end of sec 4 I just finally asked jashap and euan like: why do the guys in class hate me so much, what did I ever do to them and why are they just so mean to me. Then jashap and euan said like: “ is not I say one ah, the rest of the guys said that they don’t like you cuz you think you cute, but I think it’s a bullshit excuse la. you sometimes think you cute but I think Geralyn worse ley. I only think you cocky in sports but that’s all right cuz you’re really good and I understand if you get a little cocky.” and I srsly think it’s a bullshit excuse also.

I just feel insecure la. like if this wouldn’t happen in sec sch I wouldn’t be so insecure I will be like fucking confident, ill know my worth welllll i know I’m just decent looking i mean like seriously i dont wna tell myself otherwise but i tend to tell myself that im ugly and stuff. nvm i dont even understand myself rn. anyways even when Dianwei, xavier and christopher were making fun of me geralyn,wuli and emilyn always seemed to have fun with those boys and they always hangout and im always felt left out. cuz if i try to like join them christopher ,D and X will always like: eh, can ask her go away. fuck them even after i go away they W,G&E will still talk with the boys and im like nvm.

And then everytime i try to tell geralyn how i feel, like: eh geralyn im sad and blahblahblah, then she would like brush it off and reply things like: its okay laaa. and ill be like (in my brain: WHAT DO U MEAN ITS OKAY LOLLL) Ookay i cant blame gerlayn. Shes pretty, everyone wants to hangout with her, be her friend. all the guys wants to talk with her and stuff. so i cant really blame her when she has to choose sides like me or the guys. and i know geralyn is a nice girl and she wont just give up on one side. She will like try to make continue being friends with both side. and i think this would one day bring Geralyn to her downfall. Like for geralyn, she must stop being so nice and seriously choose a side she thinks benefit her. she cannot choose 2 conflicting sides and make freinds with both like its really difficult to to see each other fight while youre friends with both. even if history were to repeat again, i would want geralyn to pick a side. even she would stop being friends with me i rather have it that way then she try to be friends with 2 conflicting side. i would understand geralyn if she didnt pick me and i wouldnt blame her, really.

23/2

Today is Tammy’s bdae and shes also a vvv good friend. well we dont talk much anymore. but we used to click with each other since she was into horoscopes, anime and welllllll same stuff as meeee???

well bryan and i also decided to study today at bishan library and instead we went shopping again like omg istg we have the worst self control ever. we decided to just watch the SAO movie, the ordinal scale one. Anyways we went to that lego shop on sale again before the movie started and i bought batgirl and batman, bryan bought batman, joker & a box of nexo knights lego set. lmao istg bryan is still like a cute little kid. you should see his face when he fixes legos its just so cute lmaoooo. right now i just want to collect alot of lego characters omgggg welpppppp

after i went home,i tried studying for cep but lmao, i was alr in like holiday mood and like even if i studied it wouldn't srsly help la.

Anyways about the sao movie it was nice like i had feels but much of it was like confusing and lmao idk but yeah it was nice but lol kirito jesus-kun againnn. I wanted to watch sao with Tammy’ for her bdae but like fuck i damn lazy and tbvh i dont want to spend time with people who are no longer close to me. like i see no reason to like hangout with them. its awkward even after yall talk out of 'how’s life been’ and its just awkward so mehhhh. like if it’s yile or wuli or geralyn, its okay and it wouldnt be as awkward. i mean, i think im awkward to like almost everyone like, i cant keep the conversation going i have nothing to say and most of the times i dont initiate the conversation and it feels like i didnt put in the effort to like talk to them but sigh oh weeeeellllsss.

(but i really studied because bryan motivated me but like i accidentaly slept at 2am. siannnn faail laaaaa

lmao repeat sem alrrrr sighurghslfdkjhfdsakf)

anyways my father is like listening to some chinese songs now like i dont understand the lyrics but the song is like so nice and touching i feel like crying

24/2

Today is like cep exam and duh i wasnt even alittle bit ready. so lmao i just did 3 conversion questions and i decided that im done with the paper. i cant even confirm that my conversions will be crrt but i was ready to fail this anyways sighhhh. i left the exam hall after an hour and went to the toilet and poo-ed. and while poo-ing i had a message from Wuli that she wanted to meet me. so yay, we met up and she passed me some care pakage thing (the pakaging was like srsly cute) so after that i walked home tgt with wuli then i walked back to the mrt to meet Bryan. And wtf it was raining heavily fuckkkkk and i couldnt go back home to take my umbrealla cuz my fking maid was at home urghas;fh;dsaf. well so i met up with Bteh to study (apparently to study) but we went to dhoby to weeb it out. Bryan got me that sonic charcater gacha from one punch man and omg its so cute. I love bteh so much like hes the sweetest thing ever (wheres that crying emoji)

anyways, i had my whatsapp updated,REGRETSSSSSS. wa is like more laggy now on my stupid xiaomi phone with all the whatsapp story and shit wtf. why everyone copy snapchat fucking lame siaaaaa.

and peeepoooo :(((((, when i went back homeeee, i realised one of my sawamura’s feet missing and im like sooo soooo soooooo saddd fuckkkk. i wna find blue tack or clay soon to make his feet.

25/02

its a saturday and wellll my 18th bdae isnt the best but it isnt one of the worst either. The best bdae would still be like 2 years ago which was my last softball game at Nationals back in sec 4 :DDD

lmao then tzewan told me that vincent made fun of me during lecture and well i cant believe he did that but oh weellll not everyone can be trusted. so much for trusting him and being such a good friend. i dont wna brag, but he fucking wouldnt get tgt with his ex if it wasnt for my help lmao what a bitch. i also realised that zane, vincent esp aloy didnt quite like a girl hanging out with them, so well i get left out everytime too. yaknow, after this, i feel that history might be repeating itself. first in sec sch, now in poly. isit like really my fault? like seriously, where did i went wrong. i mean i never had the same problem with girls before. but i didnt really quite like hanging out with girls soooo. its either im a loner arnd sch or i hang out with guys and end up having problems like this. so i told bryan like abt the whole thing abt vincent and then he got angry because he wanted me like to make a police report of him giving me sexual harassment HAHA out of revenge( vincent asked for sex like twice ). but lmao i no balls so bryan got angry. Bryan’s kinda cute when he get’s angry

only sometimes tho. actually last sem i was extremely motivated not to fail anything cuz i rlly dont want to like remodule and get seperated from jeffrey and vincent but oh well. now i dont mind remoduling cuz V,A and Z doesnt mean anything to me now.

and just when i thought i was gg to have a bad bdae, because of fucking vincent, well apparently i have other friends that would cheer me up. Bryan tried cheering me up, and i enjoyed the meal with my family too.

but tkd ppl made everything bttr like most of them wished me hbdae and yayyyyy it made me happpy soo :DDDD ck also sent a pm and like thats damn cute of ck to do soooo.

but like,im kinda salty and i envy how everyone bought regine a stuff toy and like celebrated and bought her a small cake like okayyyyyyy. LIKE I DONT GET IT IM CLOSER THAN YALL THEN REGINE IS TO YALL WTFFFFFFF. okayyy nvmmmmm

welllll i told my father i want to start learn how to crochet (so i also can make bryan stuff) he let me spent like alot items in daiso to buy yarns and stuff yayyyyyy.

26/27 of feb

I sneaked out of my house to see bryan. he ubered to aljunied’s mcd and he actually bought a star wars lego set and some rabbit woman from the batman lego movie. Well, we went to some void deck and he started fixing the lego thingy again. idk but he looks fucking cute when he does that?????

but okayyyy after that we ubered back to tpy and I waited for bryan to go back and shower until 5am. so like we didnt sleep the whole night and i feIt kinda guilty cuz it was like bryan’s exam and he was tired af. so after Bryan’s OC exam we went shopping and we went to like more lego shops and bought more lego characters :DDDDDDD like omg all i want to do now is to like collect lego characters :DDDDD and like we had to feel each packet for batman. i found harley quinn and yayyy. I also felt for a few batmans and yayyy i got someee. and andddd my junior said that she had all the harley quinns and she wanted to give it to me so yayyyyyyyy

28/02

so today is my last paper, it’s fucking ipc and lmaoooo im not ready for it. okay so i left the exam hall after an hour lmao its a sure fail i dont even know how to do anything.

BUT YAY exams are over and I can finally haveee funnnnn. So we went to like tpy’s the singpost thingy. Bryan was like gna collect smthing and I thought he was gg to get the phone cover that he bought. well turns out the parcel was for me its like something he bought for my bdae :DDDDD and like we went to pastamania to eat. fuckkkk i was like vvvvvv excited to open the thinggg. the pakaging felt like that it might be a mug. well, i gget to open the pakaging before eating andddddddddddd IM LIKE SO HAPPY Bryan got me a Toriel figure frm Undertale like fuck it’s so cute istg. I didn’t like really expect anything for my bdaeee presyy????? like I thought he gave me the sonic gacha alrrrrr. but tbh im afraid he spent quite alot money on me so urghksdhlkhfkdsf. AND I FOUND OUT THE SHOES COST HIM $200+ NOT $100+ FUCKKKK BRYAN WHY

So since we wanted discounts on the lego stuff we buy frm the lego store, we went to watch the batman lego movieee. so like if u show your ticket, you can become a member and you’ll have like 10???20??% off for like discounttt???? but yeahhhh Bryan got a membership and yayyyy. The movie was vvv funny and cute like omg I like Joker the most he’s damn cute????

fuck i bet this thingy is gna have alot of typo error i didnt even check the 3rd time but whatev i wanted to post it for a vvv long time but ok idc anymo :D

dont ask me why im spamming here with lego gifs they are fking cute okaiiiiii

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