#idk but I’m so hot and my makeup is melting and I’ve been outside since 10 am

[cashweasel]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME I’M GOING TO SEE YUNGBLUD IN 2 HRS<3

[liberolove]

Testing the Waters (pt. 2)

Summary: youve finally graduated high school and now youre moving on to college. youve decided to go to sendai university. its summer and youve become curious about checking out the dating pool in miyagi, so you download a dating app. you figure you might as well have fun before delving too deep into your studies

Part: [part two] out of ???

Pairings: nishinoya x reader / kuroo x reader / oikawa x reader / kiyoko x reader

A/N: theres tons of ships here, just me living out my hoe phase lmao please dont judge me. let me know what yall think

Genre: fluff, smut, crack

Warnings: flirting, college shinanigans

It’s been three days since the last time you saw Yuu. Gosh, even saying his name to yourself gave you goosebumps. You two have been texting non stop and honestly, it felt so refreshing. You were a pretty bad texter but he knew how to keep the conversation going. 

One of his favorite things to do was play 21 questions with you. He wasn’t like those fuckboys who would use this opportunity to ask you if you were a virgin or what your favorite position was. Yuu was different. He came up with the craziest scenarios and judged you on the way you answered. One time he asked you how you would escape a 300 lb lion that just broke out of the zoo you were visiting. You honestly had no idea how to respond but eventually you replied, 

“I’d make sure to run with a crowd and ‘accidentally’ trip a slow runner so that the lion could get distracted and probably (most likely) attack them. This would buy me some time to get the hell out there.”

This response caught Noya off guard but he loved the way you thought. You continued to come up with barbaric schemes to survive all the scenarios he would throw at you. He kept you guessing and that was what you liked so much about him. He was wild and so were you.

You were getting a little impatient over your next date so you took a deep breath and eventually asked him.

Y/N: Heeey, Yuu. I was wondering when you’d like to go out again. I’d really like to go out with you again.

Nishinoya Yuu: hey cutie! I’ve been wanting to see you again but I haven’t had any days off from work lately.. (; ･`д･´) IM DYING!! I just wanna see yoouuuuu

Y: Aw man.. :( That sucks. When do you think you’ll get your next day off?

N: idk tbh but hopefully it’s soon!!

Y: no worries, just let me know.

N: will do!!

Well, that was that. Now you wondered what you should do to pass the time. You were bored again and needed something to do. “Oh wait. I should check the app. I haven’t checked since I messaged Yuu on there. Maybe I have more matches.”

You opened up the app and you had 10 notifications. You had gotten some likes on the selfie you posted and several people viewed your profile. You checked who looked at your profile, and it was mostly ugly, older, men. “Gross,” you thought to yourself. Besides this, you noticed some new messages. 

You opened up the first message. 

“Hey sexy! Wanna come see me play? Click my link https://…..”

“Damn bots. So annoying.” You deleted the message. Next message:

“DTF?”

“I mean like yeah, but you could’ve been less forward in your message. What a turn off..” You had one last notification left. Maybe it wouldn’t be a let down.

“Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? 'Cause you are F-I-Ne.”

To be honest, this pick up line did make you giggle a little. You checked out the profile of the mysterious stranger who sent it and you were surprised that it was a bulked up biker. And damn, was he hot as hell. 

His hair stood up in an organized, weird bed head kind of way. It made him look like a rooster. Rather than smile in his photos, he smirked. And his eyes looked like he could undress you solely with his gaze. He looked like your typical bad boy, but that didn’t make sense. Why would he use a chemistry pick up line?

This made you become even more interested, so you replied back with another cheesy pick up line.

Y/N: I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

Kuroo Tetsuro: Hey, kitten. I thought you’d never reply. You had me waiting.

Y: umm??? calling me kitten already?

K: What’s wrong? Are you flustered already? We haven’t even met up yet.

Y: woah there cowboy! hold your horses

K: I’m not a cowboy, but I’ll gladly have you ride me instead.

Y: skskskks i cant even-

K: Sorry. Too much?

Y: YES TOO MUCH

K: Alright. Let me start over. Ahh, a fellow chemist, I presume?

Y: yeaaah, kind of. I have a love/hate relationship with chemistry.

K: Is that so? Maybe I can help with that.

Y: oh really? how so?

K: I am a chemistry major after all. I go to Sendai. Do you go to school?

Y: uhhh i’m going to start there in the fall. I still haven’t decided what to major in, just yet.

K: Maybe you’ll end up being a chemistry major like me and I can give you private one on one lessons? 

Y: I highly doubt that, but nice try. 

K: Have you gotten a tour of the campus yet? Or are you waiting for freshman orientation?

Y: nah, I haven’t seen all of it yet. 

K: Would you like to?

Y: um sure! When are you free for my private tour? (:

K: How about tomorrow in the morning? Maybe around 9am? I can pick you up too if you’d like.

Y: Sounds good and no thanks. I’m not riding on that motorcycle! Looks scary :(

K: Don’t worry, kitten. I’ll drive safely and make sure nothing happens to you.

Y: there you go again.

K: Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. No, but really. I don’t mind picking you up. Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?

Y: nope

K: Then, let’s change that. Send me your address tomorrow morning. And get some rest.

Y: alrighty it’s a plan then!

K: No. It’s a date.

Y: sksksk omg

After that conversation, all you could think about was how the hell did you get into this mess? Motorcycles are dangerous, yet this rooster convinced you so easily to take a ride with him.. 

It was an understatement to say that you were nervous for tomorrow.

You set an alarm for 7 am the next day and went to bed.

Your alarm woke you up and you immediately remembered why you were awake so early. You rushed into the shower and once you were out, you spent 30 minutes deciding on what to wear. You opted for some black, ripped skinny jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. 

At 8am on the dot, your phone’s notification bell went off. It was Kuroo.

“What’s your address, baby?”

You sent him the details and continued getting ready. You put on some light makeup and brushed your hair. You checked the time, and it was already 8:55 am. Then, your phone went off again.

“I’m outside.”

Your heart almost beat out of your chest. You grabbed your purse and put on some chapstick. You know, just in case..

You locked up your apartment and walked down the stairs. You were greeted by the biggest shit eating grin on the sexiest man you’d ever seen. You never went for the bad boys but college is a time for experimenting. 

“Hey, Y/N. You ready to ride? I brought an extra helmet for you.”

“Hi, Kuroo. And yeah, I guess,” your voice shook as you replied. You were really nervous but you tried to hide it.

“Don’t worry, baby. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll keep you safe.”

His words made you melt and you had just met him. The way he cooed at you and looked your way made you blush. You felt your cheeks get hotter by the second.

“Alright. Hop on and hold on to my waist. Hold on tight or else you’re gonna fly away when I take off. Okay?”

“..okay..” you managed to mutter. You were shaking but you put on the helmet he gave you and lifted up your leg to sit on the metal machine. You slowly hugged Kuroo from behind and held on as tight as you could. Your head was smashed right up against his large, broad back.

“Ready?” he asked.

“..yeah,” you squeaked.

Before you finished saying this, he had taken off like the devil was chasing him. If this was his meaning of safe driving, you didn’t want to find out his meaning of reckless driving.

The ride to Sendai University only took about 5 minutes, when realistically it would take 20 minutes by bus. You arrived and Kuroo teased, “are you going to let go, kitty?”

You hadn’t realized you were still gripping onto him for dear life. You released him from your hold and your hands still tingled from the amount of force you applied to his shirt. “Sorry!”

“No worries. Hey, look! I brought you here alive. Aren’t you glad?” he cackled. 

His laugh sounded like a dying hyena but it did sound a little cute at the same time. “Yeah. Thank goodness. Your driving is insane, dude.”

He showed you all over campus, from the administrative buildings to the gymnasium, to the fields. Sendai was a pretty big campus, and it made you glad that you had a personal guide to show you all the different buildings. 

After your little tour was over, he asked, “wanna grab a bite to eat? I’ll be a gentleman and pay for you too.”

Of course, you couldn’t say no to food. Much less, FREE FOOD! You nodded and got ready to ride the devil’s machinery again.

He took you to a nearby sushi bar. “Order whatever you’d like, princess. Today, I want to spoil you rotten.”

You melted at his words and also at the variety of rolls on the menu. You didn’t ask him if he really meant that you could order anything. You just kind of went for it. You ordered everything from shrimp tempura, to octopus, to eel. Sushi was your favorite and being told that you could order everything was a dream come true.

“Damn, girl! I had no idea you had such a huge appetite!  I didn’t know you’d take me seriously on my offer. You’re gonna run my pockets dry.”

You blushed and looked away. “Sorry, Kuroo. I really couldn’t help myself. I love sushi so much.”

“I’m just teasing you, baby. You deserve to be treated like this everyday.”

You had no idea how to respond so you just kept stuffing your face with sushi.

After you finally had your fill, it was time to go home. It was getting late. Kuroo took you home and you were definitely more relaxed this time on the bike. 

“I hope you had a great time today, kitty. And I hope I met your standards.”

“Yes, I did! Thank you so much, Kuroo! This was honestly so much fun. Thanks for everything.”

“Of course. Nothing but the best for you. I just need one little favor from you, baby.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Can I get a kiss from your soft lips? I know you want to. I saw the way you kept staring at me, today.”

“Oh.. uhh.. Y-yea-yeah. Sure, of course.. Yeah,” you stammered. 

You looked at him with soft, shy eyes and before you knew it, he leaned in quickly and kissed you on the lips. Your eyes were wide open in surprise but as he deepened the kiss, your eyes slowly shut.

The kiss felt like electricity coursing through your body. You didn’t know what it was, but this man definitely already had you wrapped around his long, slender finger. 

As soon as you realized his hold on you, he backed off, and left you wanting more. He was such a tease.

“I can’t just let you have everything today, kitten. I need you wanting more.”

You didn’t know what to respond so you looked down at the ground shyly. 

“I’ll message you later, y/n. Don’t make me wait too long, again.”

You waved and muttered, “Thank you, Kuroo.”

He revved up his bike and was gone in seconds.

You remained in a daze as you walked back up to your apartment. Once you got inside, you plopped down on your couch and released a long sigh. “Who knew that college was going to be so exciting..”

[link to kuroo pic i found]

[hiraethjjk]

(1/?) oh, there you are

this is part one of a smol fic i’m writing right now.. usually i write my fics in norwegian, but i tried my best doing it in english. sooo

theme: reader x jungkook, college, fuckboy bts, kinda sexual?? idk word count: 4.7k

summary: despite all the warnings you heard about him, despite you tried to resist him - chemistry had other plans for you.

part one //

“y/n.” rosé sang as she slowly opened the door to your room.

“nooo.” you groaned as you pulled the covers over your head, trying to block out her singing voice.

she jumped on the bed next to you laughing, and putting her arm around your body while still under the covers. “y/n”  she sang as she still was laughing.

you just groaned in response.

“come on, you have to go to the party tonight. it’s gonna be sooo much fun.” she begged, while you were still hiding under the covers.

you peaked up from the covers, looking down at rosé with her puppy eyes and pouted lip. “come on rosé. you know my sleeping schedule is totally fucked up right now. i’m so tired, i just wanna sleep the rest of the day.”

“that’s your master plan? you know, you are gonna sleep rest of the day, and stay awake all night. then you are gonna go to class, and then get back home, and sleep all day. and repeat the next week.” you knew there was some truth to it. “if you go to this party, you’ll stay awake all evening, and then we can go home by 2 am. you’ll fall asleep immediately when you get home, and you’ll be on your way to fixing your stupid sleeping schedule.”

you didn’t answer because it was a genius plan. your sleeping schedule had been a pain in the ass ever since uni started again a week ago. you had tried everything to fix it but it always ended up with you falling asleep way too early and just making the situation worse. and besides, it was rumored that this party was going to be huge. you really didn’t want to miss it.

“so, am i making any sense?” rosé said as she looked at you with eyes filled with hope.

“i mean, you are.” you gave her a small smile. rosé’s eyes widened, and soon she was cheering loudly.

she wrapped her arms around your body and hugged you like a koala. “oh my god this is gonna be so much fun!!!”

you chuckled at her reaction. it made you happy seeing how happy she got.

“jimin is making punch so we can have a small pre-party before we leave.” rosé said as she pulled away. she stood up from the bed, and put the lights on.

“rosé, not so fast!” you said as you hid your face in your hands, trying to slowly adjust to the bright light.

“you need to start fixing yourself. yeri and i are almost finished, you need to hurry.” she said, and when you finally managed to get up from your covers and sit up straight, she gave you the room.

you looked at yourself in the mirror, and you looked like a mess. You stripped yourself naked, wrapped the towel around your body and made your way to the bathroom. you took a quick shower, and mentally thanked yourself that you shaved your legs the night before when you had woken up, and had time to kill before school started. you used to the good shampoo and conditioner that you only saved for special times, like now. you were happy that rosé managed to convince you to go, because even though your eyelids were still a bit heavy you had already missed out too much because of your dumb sleeping schedule. first weeks of uni where always filled with parties that were too good to miss, and you had already missed a bunch of them.

you finished showering, and you quickly retrived back to your room. you towel dried your hair and dried your body, before putting on matching black underwear (you never know). you put on a black longsleeve that was cropped, with a pair of black wide legged trousers. It was simple and casual, but still cool. you quickly did your makeup routine, with a simple bronzed eyeshadow look with defined brows. you were impressed with yourself by the end of it, and satisfied with finished look. You just finished with spraying some of your favorite perfume on you.

you walked out of your room, and down the stairs to the rest of your housestand were sitting. you lived together with rosé, yeri and jimin. you knew jimin and yeri from before, and you agreed early on to look for a house together. you then found an advertisement posted by rosé, who was looking for three new roommates in this huuuge house. the three of you decided it was worth a shot, after looking at pictures of this beautiful house that was surprisingly not that expensive if you split the rent equally. and it resulted in rosé melting into the group perfectly. like it was meant to be.

“there she is!” yeri cheered as you walked into the kitchen. they were all sitting around the kitchen island as jimin poured everyone a glass of the punch he had just made. you were by nature sceptical of everything jimin made that had alcohol in it, but you were broke as fuck at the moment, and you took whatever alcohol you could get your hands on.

“oh you look really nice.” jimin complimented as you sat next to him, and him fixing you a drink.

“thanks.” you replied, and then suddenly music started playing from the speakers. you looked at yeri grinning who was sitting with her phone, probably the one putting on music by the sound of what was playing.

the pre-party was really fun, like always. if you, yeri and Jimin were ever moving away you would take rosé with you. she was a part of the group now, and all four of you were just like meant to be together. this was like the happiest group home ever, you could never be angry. you four balanced each other perfectly. you had jimin and rosé who was balls of sunshines, while you and yeri were a little on the opposite side, balancing the group just right.

the four of you decided to walk to the party, as it wasn’t far away. you locked your elbow with jimin’s as yeri and rosé walked in front of you two. you were not that drunk, but drunk enough that whatever Jimin said made you giggle and you tagged along whenever rosé started singing.

“who is hosting this party exactly?” you asked jimin as you started hearing the music blast.

“min yoongi and jung hoseok.” he answered. “jung hoseok is from a really rich family so he has this big house that is perfect for hosting huge parties, and he never lets down on that front.”

you chuckled. “i don’t mind.” min yoongi was in your political history class two years ago, so you knew him at least a little.

“me neither.” jimin answered as you arrived to the source of the music. “looks like we’re here.”

you looked up to the house, and man it was huge. the house was filled with people. people were standing outside smoking cigarettes with a red cup in their hands. another couple was making out right next to the stairs. this is promising.

you four walked up the stairs and went inside, and it was like any other party. at first the four of you hanged together at the couch, but one by one you all scattered to the wind. rosé probably seeing her crush chanyeol, yeri just going downstairs to the stoners, and jimin finding himself a hot girl to fuck.

when you realized you were alone, and that you were sobering up, you managed to bully your way through people and made your way into the kitchen. there you saw a red cup standing unused on the bench. you grabbed it before anyone could, and now, you just had to find you some booze.

suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder. “y/n!” a familiar voice shouted. you snapped your head towards the source of the voice, and saw taehyung standing there.

you grinned as you saw the black haired young man. “hey taehyung.” you said as you pulled him into a hug.

“i’m so happy to see you here. haven’t seen you in any parties since the semester started.”

you shrugged. “i’ve been having some sleeping trouble, haven’t just felt like it.”

“aftermath from being home all summer?” he chuckled.

“something like that.” you replied. “you got any booze?” you asked, changing the subject. you had seen vodka bottles lying around, but being a responsible adult you wanted to avoid those, just in case.

“yeah, me and my buddy brought some.” he said, and motioned you to follow him. you followed taehyung down the hall and up the stairs, and you couldn’t comprehend how huge this house was. yoongi was lucky he had a rich friend.

you arrived upstairs, and there was another living room filled with people. the room was lit up with red light that was taped up against the roof around the room.

taehyung sat down on the couch, and made room for you too. he had a bag under the table, and brought up an absolut vodka bottle unopened.

you grinned at him. “that’s perfect tae.” you grabbed the bottle out of his hands, ripped of the plastic, and poured vodka into your red plastic cup. he offered some red bull, which you gladly accepted.

taehyung was your classmate, and kind of like your study buddy. you were both doing a bachelor degree in science, and you had been good friends since both of you started last year. “so, how’s life?” taehyung asked as he put down his bottle back in the bag.

“the same. what about you?” you asked, and he shrugged his shoulders.

“the same. by the way did your friend yeri come?”

you giggled. “please just admit you have a crush on her.”

“i don’t! or… i just find her very beautiful.” he admitted. taehyung has had this thing for yeri since he met her once at your place, but he was too shy to hit on her.

“i don’t get it. you’re such a playboy and you can’t even talk to her without blushing like a school girl!” you teased him. every party taehyung went to he managed to get some pussy, but he was terrified to talk to yeri.

“but like, yeri is so… she’s such a proper girl!”

“you know she’s downstairs getting high with rest of the stoners, right?” you chuckled at him using the word proper to describe yeri. “but yeah, i understand. she’s blunt and honest, and can be a little intimidating if you don’t know her.”

“yeah, see?” he sighed like he felt defeated.

“she’s a tough nut to crack, but she’s worth it. i can give you her snapchat, so you can add her later?”

he nodded. “okay. or maybe if i get enough liquid courage i can maybe try and talk to her later.”

“yeah, just be yourself. she hates it when people try to be something they are obviously not. and she’s studying bio engineering, so you have something in common.” you said as he took a big sip of his drink.

xxxxxxxx

time went, and you had probably sat with taehyung for over an hour just talking about everything between heaven and earth. you were getting pretty drunk, and you had already drank half the vodka bottle.

“you know what taehyung?” you asked him as you put your hand on his shoulder.

“hmm?”

“i think you should go and talk to yeri. right now.” you smiled.

“no i’m not drunk en-”

“if you are too drunk then she’s just going to think you are loser. go now.” you said, and he looked at you as he squinted his eyes.

he stayed silent. he was probably debating in his head wether it’d be a good idea or not to do so. “come on taehyung. you’re a catch. she’s missing out if she thinks otherwise.”

those few words seemed to boost him. “fine.” he said as he stood up. “fine i’ll do it,”

“yes!” you cheered as you raised your hands in the air, but you realized you hit something behind you.

you turned around and saw a boy standing right behind you. “you mind?” he said as he looked down at you.

“jungkook!”‌ taehyung said as he grabbed this boy into a half embrace. after the embrace he looked down back at you. “wish me luck.”

“you got this.” you smiled at him, before he went past the boy and walked away.

you looked back at jungkook. “so, you mind jumping in?”

“oh, of course.” you said as you jumped to taehyung’s previous spot. you looked back at jungkook. he was wearing a black t-shirt that fit his upper body perfectly, exposing a lot of small tattoos on both of his arms. he had nice black hair, that was parted in the middle of his forhead. it looked like every strand of hair was carefully placed, just so it looked perfect. which it did.

he turned his head to you. “like what you see?”

you swallowed at his words, surprised at how direct he was. you just gave him a small smile, took a quick sip of your drink. “meh, not yet.”

he smirked at you as his arm went to the black bag that taehyung had brought, and grabbed the absolut vodka that you had been drinking from like your life depended on it. “what, who drank half my bottle?”

you internally panicked. taehyung that rat, you mentally wished for yeri to decline him now. “uhm…..” you managed to get out of your mouth, and his head snapped at you. “well, i guess i did, but it was taehyung who offered it to me. he said it was his.”

he shook his head. “typical taehyung. sees a pretty girl and he does everything to get them to bed.” he said as he started pouring himself a drink.

you scoffed. “taehyung and i are just friends, he was only trying to be nice.” you say as you defend your idiot friend. “although i wish he didn’t steal vodka from his friend.”

he smiled a little. “it’s fine. i’ll just steal some from him next time.” he turned his body so he was facing you now. “how do you know taehyung by the way?”

“he’s my classmate.” you replied. “you?”

“aaah, so you study science. i actually live with the guy.”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “weird he never mentioned it to me. we’ve been close friends for over a year now.”

he shrugged his shoulders. “he probably wanted to keep you all to himself.”

you laughed at his answer. “yeah yeah, as if.” you shook your head at the answer, getting a little embarrased too. “what do you study then?”

he took a large sip from his drink before he answered. “well, i’m studying arts.”

his answer surprised you. “wow, wouldn’t have guessed.” you answered. “but that’s really cool. do you have job in mind that you’d like to do?”

he breathed out. “i mean, its tough getting a job as an artist. i don’t know. maybe i’ll go into teaching, or maybe i’ll just start tattooing. who knows.” he said as he rubbed his face with one of his hands, before he propped his elbow and rested his head on it as he kept looking at you.

“i was actually considering taking a bachleor degree within arts too, but i don’t know, don’t know what i would do with it.” you said as you leaned back against the sofa.

his eyes widened at your answer. “no way, you draw, paint or?”

you took another sip from your drink. “i draw, and i guess you draw too because of the tattooing plans?”

“meh, i draw mostly but i do enjoy paiting as well.” he said. “what are your plans with that science bachleor of yours?” he asked.

“i don’t know yet. but i do know that i want a job that’s well paid. maybe i’ll finish off with a master of biomedicine.”

he shook his head. “oh come on, money isn’t everything.”

you raised your eyebrows. “i know it isn’t. but when you grow up poor you kind of don’t want your future family to go through the same thing.” usually, you wouldn’t talk about your childhood to a complete stranger, but you were too drunk to care.

he nodded. “no, i get that too.”

“i did actually take arts history, political history and author study classes two years ago, but i’ve always had an interest in science too so.”

you noticed his eyes eyeing you up and down, and you couldn’t help yourself but to smirk. “like what you see?” you asked, referring to the question he earlier asked.

“i don’t know yet, maybe i have to see more to decide that.” he smirked as he sat closer to you.

you laughed at his action, and he couldn’t help but to smile when he heard you laugh. “maybe, if you’re lucky.” you chuckled, cheeks getting red. you mentally thanked yourself that you were wearing the best cover foundation ever.

jungkook wasn’t actually going to the party, he just went so taehyung would stop nagging at him. but after talking to you he didn’t regret it one bit. although he had a long history of picking up girls, fucking them, and ghosting them, he felt like you were different. like, if he actually did get to take you home, take off your clothes and fuck you senseless he wouldn’t mind, but that wasn’t his first priority right now. he just enjoyed talking to you.

“but like, i don’t think i would be tough enough to study arts like you.” you said, changing the subject back to what you were talking about earlier.

he furrowed his eyebrows. “how so?”

“like that’s one of the reasons why i didn’t study it. you just have to be so open about your art. share it with everyone and background for it. don’t you get anxiety when you have to do that?” you ask.

“i just make shit up. i know you are supposed to share, but i don’t. and not all art i make has some deep shit background to it, but if it does, i just say some stupid made up shit. i could paint an angel for an example, but i don’t tell the rest of my class it represents my dead grandmother. i just smile and say it represents my bright bright personality.” he said, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his answer.

you realized what he had told you, and you put your hand over your mouth. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to laugh-”

“don’t be, it’s comical as hell.” he smiled. “but yeah, i don’t owe anyone anything. if i wanna share i share, but i don’t like the rule that you have to share. because i fucking don’t.” he replied flatly,

you smiled. “i like that.”

“you afraid you have to unveil all of your deep dark secrets?”

“it would’ve been awkward to say at least.” you said, taking another sip. “and when i look at other people’s pieces i don’t always like hearing the background for it, because everyone interprets things differently. you kind of make up your own meaning of it, you know?” you said looking directly into his eyes.

“i know what you mean.” he said, and then he took a quick look at his watch. “do you have class tomorrow?”

“chemistry at 9 am.” you said, checking your phone to look at the clock. it was 1:03 am. “for four fucking hours.”

“you must really hate yourself if you voluntary go to a party the night before a four hour chemistry lecture.”

you tucked your hair behind your ear. “yeah, just a part of my destructive behavior. it was actually more of a tactic, to get a more normal sleeping schedule.”

“why, what’s wrong with it?”

“just sometimes i have a tendency to sleep too much for a period of time and it just ruins my whole structure of the day. normally i would wake up now, and just wait for class to start.”

“and what do you do eight hours before class starts? stare at the ceiling?”

“basically.”

“why don’t you hang out with someone?”

you chuckled as you rolled your eyes. “yeah because normal people are awake all night.”

“next time you can call me.” he smirked.

“well it looks like my sleeping schedule will be normal by tomorrow, but i’ll remember it for next time.” you replied as you looked into his eyes, and he did the same. “so when i call you next time, you have no right to be pissed if i wake you up. you said so yourself.”

he chuckled before his mouth turned into a smirk. he moved even closer to you, cutting the small space between the two of you. his finger went under your chin to lift it up to his level, and his lips moved even closer to you. “pissed is the last thing i’ll be." he whispered. he was so close you could feel his breathing, and all you wanted to do was to close that small space between your lips. you were so nervous, you were sure your whole body was trembling. his hand moved from your chin to your cheek, before he closed that small space between your lips.

kissing jungkook wasn’t like any other drunk kisses you had experienced. it was slow, it wasn’t rushed like it usually was. his lips were so soft, gentle. his other hand went to your waist, pulling you even closer to him as if that was possible. as he did that you swung your leg over his lap, so you were straddling him. “eager are we?”

you took a quick look around you, and luckily there weren’t a lot of people left upstairs. “shut up.” you said, and you put both of your hands on each side of his face before you kissed him again. your lips melted perfectly into his. you felt like his lips were custom made just to fit yours perfectly. hadn’t it been for the vodka streaming in your blood you would never be this intimate with someone publicly, but it was something with jungkook that made you forget all of your principles and values.

everytime his skin was against yours you felt it, only a thousand times more intense. when he put his hand back on your bare waist, only that was enough to make you mad with lust. as you made out more you could feel his bulge against your core, and all you wanted to was to take jungkook with you home.

your kiss was interrupted with your phone buzzing like crazy. as you pulled away you looked down at jungkook who was out of breathe. you really didn’t want it to stop, but when you grabbed your phone and saw that the caller-id was rosé, you know you had to answer it. “i’m sorry.” you said quickly to jungkook before you climb off him, and answer the phone. “yes?!” you said, sounding a little too annoyed.

you immediately recognized what was happening on the other side of the line. “can you please come to the bathroom downstairs?” you heard her crying.

“yeah of course.” you said, immediately forgetting about her cockblocking you. “i’m on my way.” you hung up on the phone. you gave jungkook an apologetic look, before taking your red cup, downing it, and leaving to go and help rosé.

rosé crying at parties wasn’t anything new to you. and you were definitely not the caregiver person when drunk, but considering it was rosé, you felt obligated too. there were only three people in this world you would take care of when drunk, and that was jimin, rosé and yeri.

you arrived outside the bathroom door at the same time as jimin, meaning she had called both of you. jimin knocked carefully at the door, “rosé?” he called out softly.

you heard a click voice, and as he opened the door, it showed rosé with her face down in the toilet, puking her guts out.

“amazing.” you muttered to jimin as both of you kneeled next to her, and jimin gathered all of her hair and put it in the hair tie you handed him.

rosé turned her head against you when she finally stopped puking. her eyes were filled with tears. “i made a fool of myself in front of chanyeol.” she cried out. “i started puking right outside where i was standing having a conversation with him. he looked disgusted with me!” she said as she made her ugly cry face.

“oooh.” you said as patted her back, and she started puking even more. you looked at jimin, and it looked like he didn’t know wether he wanted to laugh or cry.

after a while when rosé finally stopped puking, jimin lifted her up bridal style from the bathroom floor. “i swear to god if you puke on me i’ll throw you in the river.” he said quietly as both of you began moving out of the bathroom. you checked your clock and it was about 3 am. there weren’t a lot of people left, probably because it was a tuesday.

“y/n, would you mind getting my bag by the speakers in the living room?” jimin said to you as you followed him out the door.

“yeah sure.” you answered, and then you turned around and made your way to the living room. you quickly recognized jimin’s bag laying untouched right next to the huge speakers. you picked it up, but quickly let go of it as you felt two hands wrap around your waist.

“that was mean, leaving me like that.” you recognized jungkook’s voice whispering in your ear. your body melted right into his chest, and you could again feel his bulge against your ass.

“sorry, it was an emergency.” you said as one of your hands went up to his neck.

you turned around in his embrace, and held yourself steady by placing your hands on his shoulders. you now regretted that one drink you took before going downstairs and helping rosé. his hands crept from your waist down your back, getting dangerously low. “you know, we can always go back to my dorm…” he smirked.

honestly at this point there was nothing more you wanted. you wanted to go back with him home and bounce on his dick for the rest of the night, but you knew better. you would have to wake up in five hours by now, and you knew you would hate yourself if you woke up at jungkook’s.

you sighed in defeat, you couldn’t go. “i’m sorry. right now there is nothing more i want than to go home with you, but you know, four hour chem lecture in six hours.” you said.

you pulled away from his embrace, and picked up jimin’s bag and slung it over your shoulder. “see you around i guess.”

he looked rather defeated. “sure, i guess.”

you walked past him and out the door. you started jogging when you could see jimin standing not too far ahead with rosé, who looked like she was puking in a bush.

you reached them quickly, and you couldn’t hold in your laugh after rosé collapsed into the hard pavement, and jimin had to lift her up again. “did she puke on you?” you asked jimin.

“luckily no, not this time.” the three of you walked towards your dorm. all you could think about was jungkook. you really wish you were walking towards his dorm now with him, and not alone home. maybe you would meet him this weekend at wendy’s?

you all three arrived home without rosé puking again. jimin lifted her into her bedroom as you fixed her a bucket with a plastic bag (in case she puked again), a couple of pain killers and a plastic bottle of water on her nightstand.

you went to your bedroom. you took all of your clothes, before you grabbed make up wipes and removed your make up. you couldn’t help but til smile when you thought of tonight. jungkook was one of the first boys you had ever met were everything just felt right. the conversation was easy, you actually had common interests, and he was hot as hell. and he seemed interested in you.

you laid down on your bed, and it didn’t take long until your heavy eyelids took over and you fell asleep.

[freddiesaysalright]

Beautiful Mess Part 10

A Brian May x Reader Fic

Summary: Reader works in a bookshop. She meets Brian May and they have an instant connection. It seems to be a fairy tale romance. But, things are seldom what they seem.

Word Count: 3k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @mrs-jack-murphy​, @not-john-watsons-blog​, @simmisblog​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @thosequeenboys​, @lv7867​, @maymacca​, @rethought​, @brianslittlepet​, @jinxy93​, @stephydearestxo​, @mrcleanisthicc​, @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​, @readinghorn​, @lookuptotheskiesandsee​, @reedusteinrambles​, @borhapqueen92​, @1204-moonchild​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: So, I’ve had a couple people ask how many parts there are going to be to this story, and I think there is going to be one more part and MAYBE an epilogue. Idk, I didn’t plan this story as well as my last one so it depends on how the next part goes. Anyway enjoy this update!

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9

Part 10 here we go!!!

Things were appearing to fall into place. You and Brian were going strong as a couple. The window was being installed in the shop. You were on good terms with the Kimballs. The prosecution of the man who had held you up was going well because he decided to plead guilty to all of the charges. The evidence against him was overwhelming, and you and Brian could easily identify him, having spent so much time in close quarters.

You were happy about all of that. Truly, you were. But the fact that Richard was dying clouded a lot of your joy. It hung over you day and night. You began to regret agreeing to be with him at the end of his life because you weren’t sure you could stand back and let him go. Then again, that wasn’t really up to you.

You dwelled on this as you got ready for the New Year’s party. Your makeup and hair were already done. You had on a tight black dress and some matching heels. You were putting in your earrings when Brian entered the bathroom.

“You ready to - oh, wow,” he sighed as he took you in.

He looked handsome in his suit. You’d gotten it for him as a late Christmas gift. He complained that suit jackets rarely fit the length of his arms, so you got him something tailored just for him.

You smirked. “You like it?”

“You look incredible,” he told you, coming up behind you and wrapping his long arms around your waist. He kissed your neck. “Good enough to eat.”

You closed your eyes to his warmth and hummed with contentment.

“And maybe I will before the night’s over,” he said huskily into your ear.

“So naughty, baby,” you replied with a giggle.

“Can’t help it, when you look this good,” he returned. 

He pressed his lips to your shoulder. You sighed.

“Brian, don’t,” you said halfheartedly. “If we start now, we’ll never make it to the party on time.”

His lips trailed back up to your neck.

“Then we’ll be late,” he murmured. 

“We can’t, baby, we - oh, Brian,” you moaned lightly when his tongue circled a sensitive spot by your ear, and your stomach turned with fresh desire.

“Just a quickie,” he suggested, holding you tighter against him.

“As much as I want to,” you laughed. “We can’t. We’ll just have to wait until we get home.”

He chuckled. “Very well then. You’ve always been worth the wait.”

You beamed at him, turning in his arms to face him. You stood on your toes to kiss his cheek sweetly. 

“You are so good to me,” you praised.

His shy smile made your heart melt and nearly reconsider your firm stance.

“Come on, dove,” he said. “Charlie sent a car for us.”

Your mouth dropped. “And you were really trying for a quickie?”

He laughed. “Yeah. But can you blame me?”

He gestured toward the mirror again. You did look really hot.

“Okay, I suppose that’s fair.”

Giggling together, you went to the front door. Brian helped you into your coat and then you climbed into the backseat. The chauffeur held the door open for you, and then closed it once you were both in before returning to the driver’s seat.

You looked on the streets of London as the car sped past. The lights and the people struck you suddenly as very beautiful. You were becoming a lot more sentimental about things lately. Just the way the city looked on this lovely winter night made something in your heart stir. You looked over at Brian and took his hand.

“I’m so happy to be sharing all of this with you,” you said.

His brow wrinkled as he looked at you. “All of what?”

“Just...life,” you said. “Everything.”

He smiled at you again and you scooted closer to him. He kissed the top of your head.

“As scary as that night was,” he said, and you didn’t have to ask him which night he was referring to. “I’m sort of glad it happened.”

“Yeah?” you wondered.

“If it made you realize you wanted to be with me, I think it was worth it,” he said.

“Brian, you got shot,” you reminded him.

“I know,” he said with a light laugh. “But my arm healed. That pain passed. And now we have forever.”

“You really think I’m worth all that?” you questioned.

“All that and more,” he assured you. 

You smiled and relaxed against him. The city disappeared behind you as you headed out to the Kimballs’ home. It was remote, since it was such a large building. In fact, it was more of a mansion than a house. You remembered as a child wondering why Richard’s house was so big, when you and your family had something small. Well, small by comparison. But as time went on, and when you eventually moved into the Kimball house, it became normal to you.

Brian, on the other hand, was astounded.

“My God!” he cried. “That’s massive!”

“Yeah, Charlie really wanted to show off,” you replied with a shrug. “It is a bit much for just the three of them, but y’know, rich people will always be rich people.”

“Well, I’m not exactly a pauper, but holy shit,” Brian said.

The chauffeur pulled up to the front door, behind a whole line of cars, letting guests out to make their way up to the door. Brian helped you of the car and then together you climbed the large stone steps. The door was propped open, but the cold bothered no one. The party was packed with bodies, and a fire crackled in the fireplace of each room.

Someone took your jackets for you and then you made your way through the crowd, looking for any sign of Richard or Charlie or Susan. You found them in the second sitting room, with some more of their closest friends.

“Y/N, darling!” Susan cried, getting to her feet to come and embrace you.

“Mama!” you replied, inhaling deeply.

Her perfume had been the same all your life. It had a warm, vanilla scent, and it always made you feel at home. It lingered everywhere she went.

“How are you?” she asked, pulling back to look at you. “Richard told me about the ghastly business at the shop, and I’m so sorry you went through all that. You’re recovering alright?”

“I am, Mama, please don’t fuss,” you replied. “Have you met Brian?”

You reached back and took his arm, pulling him closer. Susan hugged him.

“And of course you were the one who got really hurt,” she said. “How’s the arm?”

“Perfect,” he told her. “Thank you, Mrs. Kimball.”

“You may call me Susan, Brian dear, don’t be silly,” she said with a welcoming smile. “We’re so happy for you and Y/N.”

She looked at you once more.

“All we ever want is for you to be happy, darling,” she said gently, cupping your cheek with her hand. “I do hope you can forgive us for being so blind.”

“All is forgiven,” you said. “You acceptance of all of this means more than you know.”

She beamed and then ushered you into the room to greet Charlie and Richard. Charlie shook hands with Brian and Richard kissed your cheek.

“How are you?” you asked, looking him once over.

“Relax, Y/N, I’m not going to collapse or anything,” he returned. “Do try and enjoy yourself. It’s a party.”

“But you -”

You were cut off when Brian approached and greeted Richard. Charlie took that opportunity to squeeze you in his arms. You laughed as he let go, and you saw he had already had a lot to drink. His cheeks were rosy and his breath smelled of whiskey.

“Papa, you seem to be enjoying yourself,” you giggled.

“It’s a new year, darling girl, which means tons of new opportunities,” he returned. 

He pinched your cheek and wandered off, greeting another guest. You were a bit shocked by his positive outlook. This was also the year he would lose his son. Didn’t anybody remember that? 

You started mingling, introducing Brian to other guests, many of whom were thrilled to meet him. Brian got along great with them, answering their questions about life as a rock star and discussing music of all kinds.

“And what has Queen got planned for the new year?” asked a business colleague of Charlie’s.

“Great stuff,” Brian replied. “The album’s coming out next month, so we’ll be on tour in March.”

“Where will you be touring?” the man’s wife asked.

“We’re starting the US, actually…”

Brian continued to talk, but you could hardly hear. He never told you he was going on tour so soon. That was when you would be heading to Switzerland. You had sort of been counting on Brian coming with you because to see Richard go alone...you weren’t sure you could handle something like that. Now, you and Brian were going to be separated. Disappointment disguised as anger made you turn your eyes sharply on your boyfriend.

“When were you planning on telling me this?” you asked, cutting across him.

“Sometime this week, I suppose,” he said, his eyes questioning you already. “What’s the matter?”

You looked away. “Nothing. I need some air.”

You swept away, leaving Brian confused, and headed toward the balcony. You stepped outside and wrapped your arms around yourself against the chill. Only one other person was out there, braving the cold. Richard.

“Hey,” he said. “You alright?”

He had just lit a cigarette and held it between his fingers. You reached out and took it from him, bringing it toward your lips. His eyes searched your face.

“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he said.

“I don’t,” you snapped, and took a drag.

He chuckled, retrieving another out of his pack and lighting it. You shivered, so Richard wrapped his scarf around your shoulders. You nodded your thanks. You were about to ask what he was doing out here, when you heard your name. You both turned to see Brian jogging out onto the balcony.

“What the hell was that about?” Brian demanded as he approached.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Richard said, and slipped away.

Your eyes followed him to the door. He put out his cigarette, but tucked it into his pocket to smoke again later. Brian ignored Richard entirely, eyes fixed on you.

Guilt started to creep up your spine. You felt you had been unfair. Brian had every intention of telling you he was going on tour, it just happened to come out at this party. But, that wasn’t what  you were really upset about. 

“Care to explain yourself?” Brian asked.

“I’m sorry,” you said shortly. “It was just unexpected, that’s all.”

“What was?” he pressed. “That we’re going on tour? How do - Y/N, are you smoking?”

“No,” you said hurriedly and flicked the cigarette away.

“What’s going on?” Brian said, his tone surprisingly gentle.

“You’re going away,” you said quietly. 

For a moment, you wondered if he’d heard you since he didn’t answer. You met his eyes again.

“And I’m really going to miss you,” you admitted. 

His body relaxed as he stepped toward you. His expression softened. 

“That’s not all, is it?”

You took a deep breath.

“I don’t understand how everyone can act like nothing’s wrong!” you blurted out. “This year isn’t something to celebrate! He’s going to...he’s going to die!”

You choked on the last word as a tear slipped down your cheek. Brian folded you into his arms and you held back another sob.

“And now, we’re going to be apart,” you whimpered. “It’s not permanent, I know. But it doesn’t make that any easier. Especially since it’s when I’m going to need you most.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t even realize you wanted me there.”

A beat passed and you sniffled before burying your face in his chest.

“I think it’s better this way,” he went on. “I think you and Richard will need that time for just the two of you.”

“I can’t do it, Brian,” you whispered. “I can’t watch him die.”

“You’ve got to,” he returned. “You can be strong for him. I know you can.”

You shook your head.

“D’you want to go home?” he offered.

“I can’t, not without them asking questions,” you said. “I just don’t feel much like celebrating.”

“Well, there’s a lot to be thankful for, dove,” he said. “You and I are both alive. We’re together. Your family is incredibly happy for us. That counts for something.”

“Of course it does,” you replied. “But I can’t think about anything other than Richard.”

Just then, you heard the crowd inside begin counting down.

“I know this year is going to be difficult,” Brian said. “But there’s going to be so much of it that’s amazing, I promise.”

You looked into his eyes. 

“We’re going to have our first full year together,” he said. “You can come and see us on tour. We’ll find a house together. You’re going to have a whole new business to take care of. Richard’s passing isn’t going to be easy, but you can’t let it make you forget all the wonderful things coming as well.”

You nodded, snuggling closer to him.

“Five…four...three…two...” the gathering chanted.

Brian’s eyes reflected everything that was magnificent about your life.

“Now, forget everything I just said and kiss me,” he told you with a grin.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” the crowd inside shouted.

Auld Lang Syne sounded over the speakers as Brian’s lips claimed yours. For this moment, as one year died and another began, you could forget your sorrow. Brian was a wonderful, shining light in your life. You felt that as long as you had him, you had something worth being joyful for.

“Happy New Year,” you said with a small smile as you parted.

“Happy New Year, dove,” he returned.

***5 Months Later***

Brian was exhausted. Tour was only halfway over. You were still in Switzerland. He missed you so terribly that he ached, but there was nothing to be done. Richard was reaching the end of his life, but he had not gone yet.

This night, Brian was so grateful to see the bed of his hotel room. He had to avoid after parties and the like because temptation lurked around every corner. Not that he really thought he would be unfaithful to you, but it embarrassed him to have to turn away the women that approached him, and he didn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings.

As he flopped into the squishy pillows and closed his eyes, he groaned as he waited for sleep to overtake him. He needed a shower, but he couldn’t be bothered. All he wanted was to sleep.

But it didn’t come.

With a groan, he got up and decided to go ahead and shower. Perhaps getting the grime and sweat off would help him be more comfortable going to bed. The shower was hot, and as the water ran down his skin, he spied the scar on his arm from the night he was shot. Naturally, he next thoughts were of you.

The parting was dreadful for you both. You went with him to the airport, and you were a tad weepy as you said goodbye, but both of you held it together. The image of your watery eyes as he kissed you once more was burned into his mind. He hated to see you so upset.

He called you almost every day. You always asked how the show went the night before, and he usually had a great story of something that went wrong or something incredible Freddie did during the show. You told him a bit about Richard, but as the weeks wore on, you became more reluctant to talk about it. Brian understood.

As he lathered some shampoo into his curls, he recalled your last night together. It was really something special. Your lovemaking was slow and passionate. Desperate to feel every inch of each other and commit it all to memory before being apart. It made his throat a little dry to think of the way you had sounded as he had worshiped your body.

Fuck, he missed you.

He rinsed off, grabbed a towel, and dried himself as well as he could. He fished around in his suitcase for a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. As he slipped them on and crawled into bed, he tried to imagine you were there with him. Your soft curves pressed into him. The smell of your hair sinking into the pillows. The sound of your breath evening out.

Even that did not make sleep come.

He considered calling you, but it was much too late for that. It was about six in the morning where you were, and he didn’t want to disturb any rest he hoped you were getting. The last time he’d spoken to you, you sounded tired beyond belief. Emotionally fatigued.

Sleep continued to elude him, so Brian turned on the television. Nothing particularly interesting was on, so he quickly switched it back off and picked up the book you loaned him. It was a favorite of yours. Emma by Jane Austen. Brian had never read it before. He had read Pride and Prejudice as well as Sense and Sensibility in his school days, but when he went to university, he hardly read any novels. It was all scientific theses and papers. It had been years probably since he’d read a work of fiction.

As his eyes scanned the page, he noticed a place you had underlined. It read “Without music, life would be a blank to me.” In the margin, you had written “Brian.” His heart warmed at the sight. You thought of him even when wrapped up in a book. He was hit with such a wave of affection for you, he once again considered calling you just to tell you how sweet you were.

Just then, the phone rang. His heart broke. Something in his gut told him it was you, and there was no way it was good news at this hour.

He picked up the receiver. 

“Hello?”

“He’s gone!” you wailed on the other end. “Oh, God, Brian, he’s gone!”

A lump formed in his throat at the sound of your voice.

“I’m so sorry, dove,” he said. 

“He’s gone…”

[aquarianlights]

1-50, bitch. 💕

Oh. . . . .oh no. . . I asked for this, didn’t I? WELP. HERE WE GO!

[I had a LOT of fun with everything that I got to put pictures and gifs into. Especially the aesthetic one. Holy wow. I’d love to see if anyone else has similar aesthetics to me???]

Putting this under a read more because the length of this is gonna be ridiculous.

1. Have you met your soul mate?

Yes. I’m responding to her right now in this ask. (: I’ve also met my two platonic soul mates, as well.

2. Favorite color when you were younger, and now?

I would like to say clear and cerulean were tied, but no one ever thinks of clear as a colour so. . .doin’ a frustrate. Now, it would be clear and electric ocean blue. Like the one colour in my hair that I will never be able to replicate.

That one. Electric ocean blue.

3. Do you wear eye-shadow? What color?

I do. VERY rarely, but I do. Normally, it’s blue or some form of cool colour. Sometimes I do a blue and purple ombre fade. But, uh, recently I’ve been doing warm colours and it looks very, uh. . .strange. I’ve been going for a more subtle look so that it’s not as noticeable when I *do* wear makeup. I’ve been trying to get as close to skin tone as possible while still making it a little darker to distinctly be eye shadow. I’ve been wearing this, uh. . .kind of burnt orange, sort of red eye shadow, I guess you could say? It doesn’t look *bad* on me, but I’m not a huge fan of it, either. I’m just trying to look more professional lately and that means toning it down on the make-up on the rare occasion I do wear any. I am enjoying getting in touch with my professional side and developing him since he doesn’t really exist, but it’s been difficult. Thankfully, there’s quite a few seminars in my vet tech school about professionalism. I’m sure there will be more in pre-med.

4. Are you in love right now?

I am, indeed. I’m answering this ask from her. :) I’ve been in love with her for quite some time, I’d say.

5. In your opinion, is love at first sight real?

I would have to say probably not. Lust at first sight is real. Love? Nahhhhh, I’m not sure I’m a believer. Haha. I feel like I fell in love with Tiffy at first sight. . .but I didn’t even actually “see” her, since we met online. I have never fell in love at first sight. I have thought I have, but I was wrong. I did fall in love with Tiffy not but shortly after meeting her. But she was really the only one, tbh.

6. Are you an optimist, realist, opportunist, or pessimist?

I am a pragmatist. I’d have to say, out of these, a realist. I would like to be an opportunist, though. I do not think I am, but it’s possible that I am. Not entirely sure, though. I need to be to get through med school and I need to be until I get well established in my career path. Hmm, how does one condition oneself to be an opportunist? I guess it helps that I am not a pessimist or an optimist already. I am a scientist through and through so I only listen to the facts. I only relay the facts. I only see the facts. I only believe in the facts. Looking at it positively or negatively doesn’t do anyone any good. Things are just as they are and that’s that. No use being positive or negative about it. So I suppose it helps to be a pragmatist when you want to condition yourself to be an opportunist, yeah?

7. First kiss details? (If you haven’t been kissed, reply how and if you would like to be.)

I feel like I have told this one before! I’m gonna get the details differently this time, though, because specifics are always missing from my mind as the memory ages and this was a LONG fucking time ago.

I don’t know which one counts as my first real one. The one in, like, kindergarten where a boy and I kissed because of a grass eating tournament and a playground thing? [Don’t ask. Lol.]

Or the one in 5th grade. I’m pretty sure everyone would say the one in 5th grade. It involved me, my friend, a boy and his friend. We all excused ourselves to go to the bathroom one by one which was no easy feat in a private catholic school. We met up at the designated spot in one of the back side hallways out of the ways of the camera. We had our two friends with us because we wanted to have them as witnesses that we would be the first ones in our class to kiss. But we were super nervous for some reason. And they ended up pushing us together. And we basically just pecked lips and that was that. . .LMAO. We were all super giddy after that. We then had to all sneak back to the classroom one by one at weird intervals to make it look normal. I’m sure the teacher knew something was up, but back then, we felt like the sneakiest kids alive and we thought we hadn’t gotten caught with anything. Pffft.

8. Do you own stickers, an stationary?

Oh my god, DO I?! HAHAHA. THESE ARE ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS I COLLECT! My door was COVERED from top to bottom in stickers growing up and it was my prized possession because it was my sticker collection. I put every sticker I had on that door. So when we moved. . .I had my parents take the fucking door with us. . .It’s literally outside of my old room in the basement at my parents house. The entire fucking door with all those stickers on it. HAHA. Know what I miss? Bowling alley stickers. UGH. The ONE AND ONLY THING my father used to do with me as a kid was bring me to the bowling alley and I would ALWAYS get stickers. And those bowling alley french fries were my favourite things on the entire planet and I haven’t had them since I was a kid and I would literally fucking kill a man to taste those again. . .but the bowling alley that I was in when I was a little kid back in the 90′s where I got all those stickers and got the most amazing french fries in the entire world burned down before we moved. :/ And yes I also collect stationary. I have a ridiculous amount of stationary. Hah.

9. What’s your aesthetic?

I have way too many aesthetics. Yeesh. . .Uhhhhhh. . .lessee.

Okay, I’m gonna stop, but DEAR GOD THAT WAS THE MOST FUN I HAVE EVER HAD ANSWERING A QUESTION AND I HONEST-TO-GOD THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE ANNOYING!

Also, that last picture. . .I saved it to my computer from someone. I don’t know the credit to the photographer. If someone can find the credit, tell me and I will add it in. It’s from one of the autumn blogs I follow. But that photograph evoked so much emotion in me and I have *never* had to stop and stare at a photograph for so long. That photograph would be something I would like to buy and hang as an original print in my house. That is something I could not help but save because it is my *EXACT*.... Idk how to explain. Every single thing about that picture evokes pure happiness in me. That time of day when the sun is going down and lighting is bathing you in that little bit of warm orange Halloween themed glow as it starts to get freezing at night. . .you can literally see how nice and cool and crisp the air is and how absolutely perfect the weather is. . .how the leaves are falling and crunchy. . .It’s perfect because it’s not in a forest so you’re not trapped in nature, but there are trees everywhere and there is that nice brick layout. . .what looks like shops or a campus of some sort. . .benches, a place to sit with your love [Tiffy, oh my GOD]...those street lamps are very literally perfect. . .the shade is wonderful. . .I cannot even begin to explain the emotion of happiness this evokes. I cannot explain it in any other word. Joy does not fit. Euphoria does not fit. It’s literally “Happiness”. That is what this picture is. “Happiness”. Bring me into that picture and I would feel full and gleeful and warm and filled to the brim with energy and contentedness and I would be able to forget all of my worries and all of my stress would melt away and all of my responsibilities would either fall to the wayside or just not seem so daunting or urgent anymore. . .time would slow down. . .my body would feel lighter and healthier. . .my mind would be clearer. . .That is basically what I need to be happy.

10. Do you wear dresses, and skirts?

No, I do not. I used to enjoy wearing them and I still like the idea of wearing them, but now every time I put one on, it feels horribly dysphoric and hurts me. I’m sure when I fully transition, I will feel a lot more comfortable wearing both.

11. What is your hair like?

Uhhh. . .blonde with white streaks in it now (just bleached it today and put white toner in the bleach). It’s incredibly soft and fluffy. Obviously more brittle than someone who has never used product on their hair ever, but for someone who has been bleaching their hair every few months and dyeing their hair practically every month since they were 13 (and are now 26)? My hair is stupid soft and fluffy. Imagine a soft, fluffy cat. . .just. . .a giant furry ball of cat. . .Pet that. . .you have my hair. And, also yes, that is an invitation to pet me. I absolutely love being pet.

12. Does time go by fast or slow to you?

Usually slow.

13. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?

On the rare occasion that I go to sleep at all, I end up sleeping around 2-4am. And honestly anywhere from 6am-10am is a fair time for me to wake up, but that’s gonna have to stop coz classes are starting in 2 DAYS GAH!!!! And my first class starts at 11am, which means I gotta be up and ready by 10, at least, on my first few weeks! GAH.

14. Favorite sweet food?

Is this even a question??? Chocolate, of course! Every kind of chocolate! I’m not too fond of white chocolate, which is ironic, because white chocolate used to be my favourite kind growing up. Now dark chocolate is my favourite and I used to absolutely hate dark chocolate growing up.

15. Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa?

Tea! Specifically, green tea! I love citrus infused green tea, but I’ll take any sort of green tea. :)

16. Space, Ocean, City, or Forest?

[Answered.]

17. Favorite game as a child?

I, uh. . .well, Pokemon Stadium was one. Then there was, uh. . .Trivial Pursuit was my favourite board game. And then my friends and I played a really fucking weird game when we were really young. We had a bunch of McDonald’s plastic toys (like. . the food and drinks) and we had a pool at my house with a jacuzzi that had a waterfall. One of us would stay up in the jacuzzi and hold ourselves up with our arms over the waterfall (which was hard to do because we were so young and so short) and then the others of us would get on one of those floaty mat things and we would go through the “drive thru” and “order” and it would be like.... adulting and we’d pay with plastic money. LMAO. And then there was uh. . .being dogs. There is that mush stuff from Oliver & Company, yeah? This stuff?

Well, it just looked SO GODDAMN DELICIOUS when he ate it all the fucking time that we decided to make our own. We made ours out of yogurt and put chocolate chips in it. It was SO fucking good!!! And we would put yourselves in a cage and put our yogurt with chocolate chips in a bowl and eat it like that.

And then there was the game when I had two trampolines but one trampoline was falling apart and had half of it undone because the springs were broken. We asked my parents to keep it up. We were still little here, too. We pulled the trampolines together with a small gap between them and we would pretend to be lions from The Lion King and The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride and we would have to jump back and forth on all fours while chasing each other. SURPRISINGLY. . .no one ever got hurt. Idk how the fuck we managed that. I guess we were all pretty adept at trampolines since we were on them literally every single day.

There was also the bike riding game where we pretended we were secret agents chasing down a bad guy. One of us would play the bad guy and the others would play the FBI agents.

There were a LOT. . .lmao. I wish I could remember the one that my next door neighbour and I used to play where we would go through all the really jungle-esque parts of the yard and explore and act like we were tour guides or something. I don’t remember what that one was about, but it involved climbing trees and I cannot tell you how many times I have had the wind knocked out of me from falling out of the super tall tree in the front yard of the house I grew up in. Getting the wind knocked out of you is the worst fucking feeling in the entire world. I wonder if that’s what bronchospasms feel like. I wonder if getting the wind knocked out of you *IS* a bronchospasm. Yikes.

18. Comfort book?

1984 by George OrwellDivergent by Veronica RothThe Monument 14 series by Emmy LaybourneCarve The Mark by Veronica RothThe Quarantine series by Lex Thomasand finally, my all-time favourite and my #1 go-to:Blind Evil by Eric Praschan 😍😍😍😍😍😻😻😻😻😻

19. Princess, Fairy, Mermaid, or Unicorn?

[Answered.]

20. Do you fall in love easily?

Not particularly, no. I fall in lust easily. Not in a sexual way. . .but in a romantic lust way. Like a “Damn, I wish I could just date that girl for fun for a very short while or bring her home with me and cuddle and watch movies all night and talk until the sun comes up and kiss each other a few times and get to know each other and trace each other’s collar bones and gaze into each other’s eyes and talk about super deep stuff and then kiss deeply and passionately in the morning and watch the sunrise together and go out for a romantic breakfast together . .and then just never see each other again after it’s over.” A romantic one-night stand basically. That’s what I’m in the market for. Lol. Except. . .everyone wants sexual one-night stands. Ugh. Lol.

21. Favorite word?

Echo.

22. Describe your life in 3 words.

Chaotic, Impulsive, Passionate.

23. Do you dance? Slow dance?

Slow dance? God, no. Do I dance? I have taken so many dance lessons, it’s ridiculous. Tap dance, Irish step dance, jazz, ballet. . .I want to take modern precision dance classes, but I can’t overwork myself until a PT clears me. And I’m also at that inbetween stage where I’m not fat enough to join an overweight dance class so I get rejected from those and I’m not skinny enough to join a normal dance class, so I get rejected from those, too. So I don’t have any classes I can go to. :|

24. Do you wear fake nails, or paint your nails?

Both, actually! My nails are painted right now, but it’s coming off. Took me absolutely forever to paint them. Gosh. I love wearing fakes, too, but they never fucking stay on unless I get them done at a salon, which I have only done twice in my life. And, frankly, I fucking LOVE getting manicures!! I LOVE getting acrylics! I LOVE getting long, sparkly, glittery, rounded claws! I mean, for fucks sake, did you see my last mani??? Fuck, lemme find it. It was GORGEOUS.

UH YESSSS! Not to mention, whenever I get a mani and have gel acrylics on, I don’t rip my fucking nails down past where my finger tip is so that it starts gushing blood like I normally do. And I don’t start ripping off hang nails left and right or picking at the skin between the nail and the finger on the side and intentionally ripping bits of flesh off and making myself bleed and ripping my finger raw. It’s awful and it hurts SOOOOO much and it’s terribly embarrassing to start randomly gushing blood in public and have to find something to try to make it stop as quickly as you can. Lol.

25. Has anyone ever confessed to you?

If you haven’t had at least ONE (1) PERSON CONFESS TO YOU BY NOW, I’m gonna assume you’re a fucking 5 year old. Like jesus christ. How is this even a question. Haha. Everyone has people that confess to them. Easily. Every. One. There is not a soul on tumblr that can honestly say “no” to this question. Not a single person. My number? I stopped counting years ago because it was getting ridiculously high both online and irl. Couldn’t do it anymore. I have no idea how many people have confessed by now, tbh.

26. Do you lie?

The second a cop puts his lights on behind me, I go right into acting mode. I will lie to *ANY* authority figure, but cops are the one special party that get singled out for me to lie to no matter what situation we are in. Fucking pricks. If you know me, then you know I have a problem with being too honest, though. Like, *wayyyyy* too honest. Honest to a horrible fault. So for me to lie to people is *extremely hard*. But I do it to authority figures because they deserve it. Especially cops. If I am genuinely at fault and the thing I did was bad and another person or animal would suffer at my expense if I were to not be honest, then I will just be my normal self. But if it’s ANY other situation with an authority figure, the fake, lying Killian will come out to play.

27. What makes you smile?

A lot of things. Tiffy makes me smile, Echo makes me smile nonstop, dogs make me smile, very specific comedy shoes make me smile, friends make me smile, people who show they care about me genuinely make me smile, getting hit on makes me smile, being invited places makes me smile, getting to go out and do things makes me smile, getting an A on a test makes me smile, getting good achievements that I’m proud of make me smile, being in the middle of the ocean makes me smile, WINTER makes me smile, cold weather makes me smile, Christmas makes me smile, the atmosphere of Fall around Halloween makes me smile, having BIG get togethers with a ton of mutual friends makes me smile, going on road trips with people makes me smile, movie dates with friends makes me smile, having people treat me as if I were legitimately their sibling by blood makes me smile, foxes make me smile, animals in general make me smile. . .I could go on for quite a while.

28. Have you ever cried in a book or movie?

[Answered.]

29. When and who was your first crush?

I honestly have absolutely no idea and no point of reference to even attempt to think back on it to really try to figure it out. I have no idea what period of my life my first crush came about. . .I have no idea how old I was. . .I have no idea if I recognized them as a crush or not. . .So many questions that I can’t answer, honestly. I haven’t a clue. Don’t get me wrong, I’d really like to know because now I’m curious, but I have absolutely no recollection of most of my crushes, nevertheless my very first one. I’m 26. I’m old. You can’t expect me to remember that far back, yeah? Lolololol.

30. Marriage or kids?

OH DEAR GOD PLEASE NOOOOOOOO. I WOULD RATHER BE EATEN ALIVE BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

I mean, marriage. . .the only person I’d ever consider marriage to would be you, Tiffy. That’s it. I see marriage as a trap and a lifelong ball and chain that I don’t EVER want to be caught in. I want to be married to my career in medicine. Any kind of marriage (or relationship) I would have in life would hold me back from my studies. I don’t think I’m really going to be getting romantically involved with anyone else because of how much that will interfere with my career, which is my priority in life. Hell, I’m not even going to be having any more pets after Echo is gone because it would be animal abuse for me, as a trauma surgeon or any kind of surgeon or even as an ER doctor, to live with friends/roommates and own a dog and never be there to take care of it. That’s cruelty to animals. Neglect that is bad enough to be abuse. And since I would only be in the market for adopting spitz dogs, they all need to be hyper-active and need constant affection and constant love or they will end up so stressed that they will chew through your fucking wall. They say pomeranians are good apartment dogs, well, uh. . .yeah, they’re great, but only if you’re there to give them enough attention and take them on walks and let the out to roam all the time and keep them entertained. Like any spitz dog.

As for kids? BRUHHHHHHHH. GOD NO I WOULD RATHER BE FUCKING IMPALED IN BOTH EYES THAN BE FORCED TO HAVE KIDS (which is the *ONLY* way I would ever own any). I would be the absolute worst father imaginable and as a boy who grew up in a neglectful and emotionally/mentally/verbally/physically abusive household, I would NEVER want to put that on any kid. I wouldn’t be purposefully abusive, but I sure as hell would be purposefully neglectful. I can *GUESS* that I would probably end up being accidentally verbally and mentally/emotionally abusive, as well, since I am an Aquarius and because I was raised with the values of not showing any sort of emotion ever. I speak in a monotone and I rarely show any emotion in my expressions and I try not to put any emotion in my verbal inflections. That’s not exactly great for a kid. And since I would absolutely hate and despise the thing every time I saw it, I probably WOULD have some negative inflection in my voice and they would probably pick up on the fact I only put emotion into my voice when talking to them. And that it’s all negative when I talk to them. I would brush off their problems as minor and act like their existence didn’t matter to me and I would treat them like the burden they would be.

Because kids would legitimately put my life on hold. And, I’m not sorry at all when I say FUCK THAT. I love my life and I love living for me and my friends and my dog. I love getting to live my life MOSTLY for me and I love being able to put myself first whenever I want (other than the fact that my dog comes first no matter what, but that is something I quite love doing because he is my fluffy baby and he is my #1 bae and he is my priority of all priorities) and I quite enjoy being able to take “me” days and being able to travel and move whenever I want. I enjoy having my finances be MY OWN and not having to waste them on some fucking moocher. And, frankly, to have the responsibility of having to financially support a human being for 18 years and probably more than that nowadays is VERY unappealing and makes me panic because, hell, if I struggle to provide for myself and usually only have a year or so inbetween those years of struggling where it’s okay for me financially. . .how the FUCK am I expected to buy MORE things??? All these bitches in my age group are having kids and they make either as much or LESS than me. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! The answer to “When is the right time to have a baby?” is “When you KNOW with absolute certainty that you can fucking afford it, you morons.” It’s one thing if a mother accidentally gets knocked up and is blocked from aborting it for some reason (not by religion or whatever, coz that’s just irresponsible and immature, but like. . .by the law, by health reasons, by personal safety reasons, by financial reasons, etc. . .), then alright, I see why you’re having a kid at my age when you most definitely cannot afford the thing. But as for the rest of them? Fuck these irresponsible bitches. Good god.

Not to mention, I am 200% against breeders and spawning in general, because it’s just not environmentally friendly at all. And I hate breeders with a passion because there’s absolutely no reason to bring children into a world that is riddled by an overpopulation issue when there’s PLENTY of children in literal NEED of homes EVERYWHERE. It fucking kills me to see people breeding and spawning. Absolutely fucking kills me with how selfish people can be.

I also just wish the entirety of the human race would die out, so it’d also be nice if everyone could just uh. . .go infertile or something, but y’know. . .that’s wishful thinking that will probably never happen. Lol.

But dear god if I ever am forced into having kids, I seriously feel very sorry for the kid and it would be in the kids best interest for me to give it up the second it’s alive. I’mma pass that thing off to the nearest orphanage and make sure that someone who WANTS it and who can actually provide for it and actually love it gets it instead of me who would make its life hell and be a horrible father. I would want the thing to have a good life. I want all kids to have good lives. We need them to grow up into good people. They’re our future. Not to mention, human beings in general just deserve to have good lives, kids included. But uh. . .I know my own personal limits, I know my own personal faults, I know my own personal prejudices and biases. I would never knowingly harm another with them by forcing someone to live at the expense of my faults and my limits and my prejudices and biases. Never. I’m a very self-aware person and I’ll be damned if I don’t use that to everyone’s advantage. People who are not self-aware really piss me off because it’s like my god you’re HOW old and you still haven’t learned how to, y’know, read yourself? Grow the fuck up. Jesus christ. But. . .I mean. . .anyways. . .

Dear GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. KILL ME BEFORE YOU MAKE ME DO EITHER OF THESE THINGS. JUST PUT ME DOWN, GODDAMNIT.

31. Are you superstitious?

[Answered.]

32. Who’s your 3 am thought?

Usually it is Tiffy. If it is someone else, then Tiffy is always included. Also, Echo is always included, too. And sometimes my mom. I know this is supposed to be sexual or romantic or something and have some sort of implied “wink wink” meaning, but it doesn’t for me. Nothing ever does. It’s all straight, pragmatic, scientific fact for me. This is, too. It’s just the way it is. Usually always Tiffy and Echo, sometimes exes, sometimes people I’m missing, sometimes my mom. . .recently my grandparents a lot because, y’know, they are dying. Idk.

33. Do you like candy? What’s your favorite candy?

[Answered.]

34. Favorite holiday?

Christmas!!! Hands down! If anyone is reading this and is surprised by this answer or just didn’t know this, then WOW you have never actually met me and you JUST followed me and came upon my blog for the very first time, didn’t’cha? HAHA. YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW PASSIONATE I AM ABOUT CHRISTMAS. DO YOU ALL KNOW HOW MANY YEAR ROUND CHRISTMAS BLOGS I FOLLOW JUST SO I CAN KEEP MY SEASONAL DEPRESSION AT BAY DURING THE SUMMER AND FORCE MYSELF TO THINK OF MY HAPPIEST SEASON WHERE I JUST LITERALLY CANNOT BE UNHAPPY: WINTER AND THE HOLIDAY OF CHRISTMAS! You watch, now. You’ll start to notice that I post Christmas things and winter things year round.

35. Favorite season?

Just kinda answered that, uh. . .if you didn’t catch that, it’s hands down WINTER!

36. Cat or dog person?

Dog. I enjoy cats and a lot of people who meet me for the first time see my tattoos which are ALL cat based except for my wrist tattoo and think I’m a cat person and would never be a dog person, but uh. . . HAHA. SURPRISE! DO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW DOG-OBSESSED I HAVE BEEN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE!? PFFFT. I really don’t know why all of my tattoos have been cat-based so far. I know why my half sleeve is rainbow leopard print. . .but everything else could have been done with foxes, which are my favourite animals, or pomeranians or dogs in general or anything else. But, no, they all ended up being cats. Fucking weird lmao. Especially since I am SO hyper-obsessed with dogs.

37. Are you quiet or loud?

Both, it just depends on what I’m talking about and/or what I’m doing, honestly. I guess I would say I’m generally more quiet than loud, but I definitely do have my loud moments. When I’m talking about things I’m passionate about or when I’m laughing, I’m generally being very loud. I don’t seem to know how to laugh quietly anymore which is odd because in the past, my entire life, I have done nothing but be quiet as a mouse in order to avoid being yelled at and hit and beat and locked up by my parents. NOW. . .I am loud as fuck when I laugh and I can’t seem to tone it down. It’s awful. Lol. And uh. . .when someone tries to talk over me or when someone tries to cut me off or when people are ignoring me. . .I tend to talk REALLY LOUDLY. Like, I will not stand for being ignored and not listened to. I just won’t. I will FORCE myself to be the center of attention, even if I am in a large group. Does not fucking matter how loud and rambunctious I need to get. It’s harder now that I have physical issues now. . .with fibro and ehlers danlos. I don’t have the relentless, stubborn energy I used to have. . .but,. . .I try. I try very hard to act like my normal self and force myself into being the center of attention when people are ignoring me to make sure everyone knows they cannot ignore me even though I just don’t have enough energy anymore. But overall? I’d say I’m quiet. I’m someone who I can be walking and you won’t even hear me come up behind you or enter a room. When I’m at home, I tend to be quiet and monotone. That’s generally where I am most comfortable. Raising my voice for no reason is just. . .uh. . .??? I don’t see a logical point in straining my vocal cords for no reason. Haha.

38. Favorite time period? (80′s, 60′s, etc.)

[Answered.]

39. Favorite fashion fad that went away?

[Answered.]

40. The best dream/ worst nightmare you’ve ever had?

Honestly, I cannot remember either one.

My worst nightmares always involve Echo dying. I know that much. Because that’s literally the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I don’t know what my best dreams involve. Uh. . .no clue.

41. Worst fear as a kid? 

Getting an F, being fearful of what is *in* the dark (not being scared of the dark itself like most people, but being scared of what lurks in the dark), spiders, my mom dying, being disowned, and the paranormal are the things I remember being the most prominent.

44. Do you flirt?

Absolutely! But only to people I find attractive and mentally stimulating.

45. What’s your style?

I love being more casual professional than anything, but I don’t really have the money to get the style I want. Nor do I live in the climate where I can layer. Fuck the LA heat. My winter fashion game is so on point, but literally FUCK everything about summer, but the fashion is the absolute worst. Like, you may as well just not wear anything since wearing even a loose piece of fabric over your body will result in you dying of heat stroke. Oh, you may as well rip all of your skin off, too. Coz that will give you heat stroke, too. But, er, casual professional is my preferred style. I also like professional, too. Can I afford either? Absolutely not. What do I normally wear? Just generally fashionable things that lean a little more towards punk, unfortunately. I definitely hate it and my style is holding me back. Well. . .my finances are holding me back more than anything. I don’t have the finances to get the style that will help me succeed in life, so I’m stuck looking like a little fucking KID. It’s awful. I hate being poor so goddamn much. Sigh. Always have, always will.

46. Do you blush?

[Answered.]

47. Do you feel everything, nothing, or you don’t know what to feel?

I have borderline personality disorder. People with borderline personality disorder almost never experience the latter two because they’re always busy experiencing everything. . .but never at once. We experience one solid thing with such extreme passion that it’s just. . . Idk how to explain. People with BPD are at 100% all the time. There is never a 0% down time or a 50/50 time, like people with bipolar get. It is always 100% this or 100% that, so on and so forth. Our mood swings don’t consist of hot and cold. They consist of boiling and boiling. . .just boiling two different liquids, basically. Nothing we experience is without passion. And nothing we experience is at less than 100% or coinciding with any other emotion. If we are happy, then we are euphoric. If we are sad, then we are suicidal. If we are angry, we get borderline homicidal. But none of those are ever experienced at the same time, ya feel? So the answer to this question is a tough one for people with borderline because we actually don’t fall under any of those three categories. We experience a passionate one single thing and then have severe mood swings to a passionate form of something else that could be similar or totally opposite. You just never know. WE never know. Having borderline is a fucking curse and that’s only the bare basics of it. Borderline is basically having the most extreme form of passion you could ever have. And, like they say, too much of anything isn’t good for you. Our passion is so intensely felt that it basically destroys our lives because having BPD also means that you are insatiably impulsive and that any impulsive and intrusive thought you get, you usually act on. And those impulses always coincide with the current passion thing we are feeling. And, no, there’s *never* a time where we are *not* feeling a passionate thing. It’s always 100 to 100. Never 50/50 or 0. That passion and impulsivity is the most destructive thing ever. And it gets seen as a great thing by the naked eye. I can’t tell you how many people who get to know me first say “Oh my god, I wish I were like you...You’re so spontaneous and carefree and you are just overflowing with passion for life. I would do anything to have those traits!” They don’t have any idea that, in normal people, those are great things. In borderline people, those are destructive traits that you can never turn off and are more exaggerated than most people’s traits and those traits tend to be the two main things that very literally destroy our lives and the lives of those involved in our lives. . .ripping our lives to shreds piece by piece.

48. Are you a crier? Do you smile?

Both, yes. To a horribly passionate extent. I’m either bawling and pulling my hair out and on the verge of dying. . .or I’m laughing so loudly that I will end up seal laughing.

49. First love?

I wish I remembered, but I do not. If we are talking people. If not, then I fell in love with animals, veterinary medicine, and writing/drawing before I fell in love with anything else in life. Those were my first passions in life and what I wanted to do with my life when I became an adult.

50. Last love?

I guess that award would have to go to Tiffy since I love her right now and she is the *only* one that I am in love with right now. If we aren’t talking about people, then it would be Echo and human medicine. My passions lie there and think they will end there for the rest of my life until I die, too.

Oh my god. I think I did it. . .Did I do it?? It’s literally been over 2 days that I’ve had this tab open working on this off and on between other things. 

I DID IT!! FUCKING RIGHT! I ANSWERED ALL 50 QUESTIONS! GO, KILLIAN, GO! :D GOOD JOB, SELF!

Yeesh, that took a while. I really enjoyed doing this, though. That was fun!

...never begging for more questions on a questionnaire as long as that when Tiffy is around. I guess you could say Killian learned his lesson. . .

I love you, though. Thank you for this!! This made me smile. And was a lot of fun to fill out. I’m SO DONE NOW THOUGH YEET