#idk a song came on my playlist while I was reading and now I feel really upset about something stupid | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

firefly--bright · 11 days ago

Text

sound//waves

jean kirstein x fem!reader, modern a.u.

summary ; each sound has its own shape, something tangible for you to feel. jean's shapes are weightless but important, and you find the importance of your own shapes through him. warnings ; reader being self-conscious of her voice :') idk what the trope is here. pining idiots who don't realise they're both in the same boat, also brief alcohol consumption a/n ; hehe,,, this fic was a pretty long time coming i think? but its for @/samepictureofjeankirsteverday on instagrams celebration for hitting 1k days!! so congratulations!! its also inspired by her own fic, quietude on ao3 :) pls give it a read its SO CUTE and i loved it sm <333 congratulations again :33 ALSO i have never done karaoke before so im sorry for any,,, errors. i genuinely dont know how they work and ive watched only like 2 animes with a very vague karaoke scene </3 just pretend that every inaccuracy is For The Plot taglist ; @holding-infinity-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody , @hopeless-anti-romantic-again , @jeanscremebrulee , @berrijam , @happxme , @cherrypieyourface , @imgayandshesanime , @moonmalice , @kivernova , @potaho3frog , @xakilicious , @katestrophes , @gojo-ana , @ppushable, @candleohappiness , @zombiefiedskeivy

masterlist is in pinned post ✿ enter my taglist ✿ requests for headcanons are open! ✿ playlist to listen to while reading! (it has a couple karaoke songs wink wink) ✿

right tile art credits ; @ppushable on tumblr!

you'd always been conscious of how loud your voice could get.

a little annoying, you thought, because whenever you got excited about something, your voice would jump through octaves, creating an exponential curve on a graph. when you were with friends who knew how to make you laugh, your throat would make a weird sound - stuck between a guffaw and a choke of self-conscious laughter - if it was particularly funny. and your voice was always stuck between the contrasting spaces of either being too loud or too quiet, never really being able to gauge what was required when.

you'd rather listen than talk. your voice would work around the right people, your mouth having a mind of its own, spilling contents you didn't agree to, but you'd regret the sound of it later. secrets would lie, open, barren, self-aware, in a disgusting pile of weird decibels on your table, in the space between you and whoever had to bear witness to it. you always cringed at the sound of your own voice after hearing it back in video, wherever it was captured.

you grew up quiet, never growing used to using your voice until you were a late teenager. not knowing the importance of words until they were said, until after the reactions were met.

and then you met jean. loud, boisterous laughter filled the room as he shouted the rules of the game, clearly drunk, at a party you couldn't remember the importance of, and you were next to your equally as loud and agreeing friend who shouted cheers and another one, her other half, she had loudly exclaimed, her twin, really, and you could hear the resemblance in the way they both chanted a cheer of “jean! jean! jean! jean!” continuously as the guy wearing a button-up shirt that was now soaked with wine with a bottle of the liquid held a considerable height away from him, drinking with twitching lips and shut eyes. He stopped with a spluttering cough, unashamed still, a large, cocky grin plastered over his lips - plump and red with the tint of the wine. Then he let out a loud whoop and you wondered how he didnt feel the guilt of being loud weighing down on him. Maybe it was the alcohol, you assumed, taking a cautious, controlled sip of your own. Sasha and connie soon joined him, and along with their arm came yours, linked in between sasha’s tight grip.

Introductions were made, voices inclining louder to be heard over the music. “Sash told us about you,” jean shouted, a surprisingly inviting smile on his intimidating face, and you joked around, “yeah shes in love with me!” jean all but nodded with an approving smile, and the rest of the evening by pounding music that you could feel your heartbeat on, and you don't hear jean’s presence until about two weeks after it all.

He was quiet then. Suddenly his face went back to being intimidating, and his voice was heard through a groan the first time you heard it after the boisterous party. “Marc, can you please-”

Marco continues about his day, and then you add on with your unfamiliar voice shrinking under the sounds of the cafeteria that was quickly filling in with tangible shapes of voices. The rest of them have to lean in a little closer to you to listen, and your voice shakes against your chest at the bearable effort just to talk about your mundane and frankly low-grade joke about stagnant coffee that you couldnt even remember after you said it, but somehow made them laugh.

“Oh hey!” marco spoke from beside him after he spotted your head approaching them from a distance, his voice a happy, upbeat version of it’s usual quiet and important self. You waved to them with a smile, not uttering a word until you were at their table. With sasha beside you, you let her do the talking at first. Consonants loud, slight country accent clear as the day above you, she spoke about the “boooorrriinnggg” lecture she just had to attend, her back slumping against the seat. Your face rested consciously on your palm, an unintentional look shared between you and jean that said mostly nothing but quiet and secret amusement. His eyes were pretty, speaking a thousand, weighted words against his lids, all of which were heard clearly by you. Hes a stranger, really, nothing more than a name and a scruffy but pretty face, but that didnt stop the bounds of familiarity working their way through the shared space between you. Marco snorts from beside him, and pushes his remaining fries to the brunette. Sasha hums approvingly, comforting, the waves travelling to you safely. Undisturbed, just how youd prefer them to be, and her voice floats above your body, letting it settle there, with you looking at it’s gentle remnants.

“Ackerman’s classes are always a terror-shock,” jean spoke, now, directly to you, eyes on yours, and you had to stop yourself from being consumed by the tidal waves of sound - his voice, low, warm, joking, natural as if your presence was just enough for him to find comfort in.

You laugh along with him and your voice - a hungry animal of itself - involuntarily, becomes more itself than you’ve ever found it to be. Which is a shock, but then sasha rests her head on your shoulder, asking you, “when’s your next class?” her voice vibrating on your shoulder, travelling through your bones. Your voice - the hungry animal - or whatever it gently became, replies with a, “in a couple minutes.”

“What block?” jean asks, and marco checks his phone for his own calendar.

You hum even if you don't have to think, “block-b. Just a bit of a walk.”

“I have class the same way. I can walk you,” he says, casually, picking his back up from the ground beside him, his knee knocking into yours for a moment. He doesn't apologize. You get up next, picking up the remnants of the trash left on your table and follow him.

His voice is a constant after that. Surprisingly, his voice becomes something you reach out to, the tendrils of waves asking you to stay a bit longer, to shed your coat, to give him your bag to hold. Gentle commands that all but fuel your hungry voice, lungs soaking into whatever has become of his laughter mixed with yours.

“Karaoke night!” sasha shouts, entering the apartment with no remorse of her voice being louder than the howling dogs at night. You exchange a natural, knowing glance with jean who stands next to you in the kitchen, handing you a spoon. Connie follows her in, and his presence is just as loud, the shape being a little sharp against your palm, just enough to remind you that this is your friend. His bag flops against the table and he groans with each joint that moves in him.

“Im going to sing the best songs-” he starts, but jean is quick to cut his voice off, as usual, “-you’re going to sing CPR by Cuppcake you crazy bastard, im going to hit you-” “im not going to sing that! I have taste and dignity and-” “-you have a will to make us suffer.” jean states, and the two of them go back and forth while you hand marco’s cup to him in the living room. “Thanks,” he says, whispered among the background, his lips pursed with an attempt of hiding his laughter.

You smile back at him, but your laugh isnt hidden. You turn around, hands on your hips, exclaiming, “okay! Karaoke night in three hours. Then we go to mitras’ and eat something good.”

Sasha agreed with a mouthful of food and a muffled voice, and you reeled from the fact that you could project your own voice into the apartment with such force. You’ve always been loud, and your mouth always ended up working by itself, spilling contents you didn't agree to be spilt, and you grew quiet again with the consciousness of it all. You never knew how to strike the right balance between quiet and loud.

But then you met jean, who was looking at you, his mouth drawn between half smirk and half amusement, brows raised only slightly, enough to keep you questioning.

“What?” you asked him. Cornered him, really, and your voice was meant to be sharp but ended up being soft around it’s edges, a happy smile accompanying it, and jean’s smirk widened, just by a bit. He shrugged. “Nuffin,” he said, voice half-hidden and half-proud under the food he was chewing.

Chips. Barbeque, the ones you bought especially for him, the one sasha was hoarding. You narrowed your eyes at him in faux suspicion, but let it go only a bit after, turning your back to him as his voice travels to you without hinderance. “Sash, stop eating th3e damn-” “i’ll do whatever i want to!” she says, turning her back on him as well, facing the marble countertop of the kitchen with jean’s - now her - bag of chips, crinkling under her fingers as she dug through them, feeding one to you.

Karaoke was set. Three hours timing, as you said - a little too loud, unconscious of it being that way - and your shoes squeak over the floor. There had been a significant wait, but connie’s rambling had done you good. “For once,” jean said, voice barely heard over the sound of all the other occupied rooms, “he’s useful.” “that’s not what you said last night.” connie says, but his voice is octaves higher than jean’s and impossible to ignore. You open the door to the room with a smile, and marco groans. “Guys, keep it in your pants for one night.” “im not the one-!” jean starts, but sasha clamps his mouth shut with her hand. “If you're not going to sing, i don't want to hear your stupid, neighing voice complaining,” she said, a murderous tilt in the sound, something you didn't want to mess with.

Sasha in a bad mood wasn't sasha at all - a learned fact that had been taught very unfortunately to you - and you tried your best to get her moods up with whatever means necessary, hopping next to the big screen and detangling the wire of the microphone as marco scrolled through the song options, humming under his breath. A round of lemon sodas was immediately ordered, and jean left a seat for you in the corner of the couch facing the screen, an unsaid determination to get you to sit closer to him. Connie slung his arm around marco’s shoulders and, like the demon on the former’s shoulder, guided him to choose Copacabana by barry manillow.

“Wanna duet, beautiful?” he asked you, hand flat open for you to hand him the mic. You raised your brows with a smile, “you cant handle me, springer.” even if in reality, it was you who couldnt handle him, his voice ten times louder and unashamed than yours, something you admired.

“sash! Connie’s challenging you!” you say instead, smile poisoning your sentence, making it irregular. “hey! I never said-” he starts, but sasha bounces off her seat to your voice, hugging your arm, taking up the challenge and squinting at connie with vitriol. “You're on, baldie.”

Connie’s not a competitive person. He’d never cared about grades, about being first in class, about races, in board games - it was all just that to him. A game, something to have fun about; an admirable trait if went unpaired with the rest of his jokes. But he liked doing things out of spite - a revenge that flowed so deep that he had to do something drastic.

Even before the music turned on, before their cue, they'd started their serenading, making marco wince with an adoring smile as he grabbed sasha’s outstretched, inviting hand.

You made your way back to jean, as you always found yourself doing, licking your lips against the cold of the AC blasting in the room, the floors shaking under the weight of your beating heart to the thumps of the song, rhythmic and out of tune. Marco sang well, you knew this, but his voice got lost under the competitiveness of sasha and connie, shouting over each other and clambering over the lyrics as they ran away from the screen, still getting the words wrong.

You laugh, sitting down, stealing a chip from the bowl jean held in his lap as he flipped through the book of remarks strangers before you had written in the same room, their handwritings messy and intoxicated with the extensive - and expensive - cocktail menu, hearts littered under the praises of their time.

“I wonder if they added it,” you said, almost shouting as he leaned in as well, head ducking near your mouth to hold your words in his heart. Impossibly close, his cologne masking the smell of the leathery couch and the stinge of cold air, and he lifts his head, a curious glint in his eye only enhanced by the rotating, artificial, lights that played their colours on the wall along with the trapped soundwaves. “Wanna check?” his lips upturned into a smirk, a pink light bouncing off his hair, then green, then a blue, the same colours in the same order projecting onto you and the adoring afflictions of his voice were not lost on you.

Jean chuckled, the sound hiding under the unbearable symphonies, pointing his finger at one of the notes. “Someone wrote-” you had to lean in close to hear him, afraid that you wouldn't catch the waves woven so delicately and carefully for you, that you'd miss them, somehow, “-that they are sad that… oh shit, thats connie.” the note, scrawled with a blue ballpoint pen, complained about how there was a lack of the sonic movie soundtrack on the machine. You laughed, your shoulders shaking under the now weightless time, a physical proof of your smile. Jean held it in his heart, woven carefully, as if it would slip away somehow.

Something to do. Together, like a secret, because really, how else would he say it if not like this? Like the shape carved itself just for you, smooth and soft. How else would he say something unimportant so close to you, his hand encircling your shoulders, arm resting on the back of the couch, voice the only thing you hear even if the loudness of the setting is all too present and all too distracting. Because that’s what this was, even with the distracting and present and loudness of the setting, he asks you, and his words form their own shape and fall into your lap, a gentle, warm question with round edges, easy to hold in your open palms that eagerly closed over it to not let it go.

Your heart beats to the thumps of the song. Your teeth ache with the sweetness of his voice as you nod with the same glint in your eye, and the unsaid but well-heard command is enough to get him standing up and walking to the machine, checking and flipping over the songs that offered themselves, his white shirt tinted against the moody lighting, the old bracelet you made him hanging over his wrist with a poorly tied knot that somehow withstood the test of time and weather and temperatures of his warm body. His hand scratched the back of his neck, and the present song was almost coming to an end, not that you were paying attention to it, but it was hard to not remind yourself of the moment you were in when the moment included him, the same ground he stood on being the same ground your feet rested on, the same room his voice held and clung onto also being the same room your own voice was in, floating to his, something you found it doing a little too often.

Your name was spoken on the microphone, brightly, with a wide smile, something you hadn't been used to until you met sasha. Your eyes met hers, crinkled at the ends with a smile wider than her heart, as she pointed at you, “your turn! jean-boy, choose something!” met with another shared and important - because all of them were important - glance with jean, eyebrows raised, affection rippling over his features, and you relented, hopping up to the microphone as she handed it to you.

“Oh, but when i asked you to, you didn't sing? I see how it is," Connie said, teasing smile on his lips. Marco shook his head with a smile as you shrugged. “You dont pay the rent,” you said simply, and the opening to cant take my eyes off of you by frankie vallie clung to your clothes, spreading a wide and knowing smile over your face, glancing at jean again. Again.

Sasha watches. Seeing it play out - not rehearsed, a little clunky, your shoes creaking under your weight as you hop to the beat, looking at jean who, in turn, looks at you, and sasha watches. Your voice hums out the tune before you sing it, before the lyrics start rolling in, impatience staining your tongue because of excitement, and she watches. Connie gulps down his drink from the corner of the room and tries getting up, but marco pushes him back down with a gentle and forceful hand, “dont,” his voice says, lost again, and connie doesnt ask why. Sasha hands her microphone to jean, clunky and unrehearsed, and he takes it without reluctance because he could never refuse being near you.

Your shoulders shake without effort or thinking, and the usual hesitance that comes to jean so easily, like habit, almost disappears, finding solace in god knows where but he’s just glad its not there right now, with you. Brilliant smile, voice usually small and a little uneasy now grows with the swell of the song and he cant help but not sing. His voice is nothing but background and really, all he’s doing is humming into the mic just as you were moments before, and he sees everything. Your voice makes it hard not to notice you, stark against the background of the four walled-room, head bopping to the beat. It's hard not to notice when something so tangible and breathing and beautiful is in front of him, singing, smiling towards him, looking at him like you do with your eyes all shiny and almost sparkling under the shitty lights, he thinks, how can someone make a karaoke room feel like a shrine?

He's not poetic. He knows this - out of the two of you, you find more of the metaphors, the small but noteworthy variables with the phrases and words - but he’d turn into a poet just to make one of the songs you like to sing so much. Humming under your breath, kept there until future and important use while making coffee, lost lyrics that you couldn't remember building up at the back of your throat as your hand flew across the your computer’s keyboard but even then he’d choose your inexperienced and unpracticed voice over a well made concert.

Your lips shine with the light, and he forgets how to breathe. His mic floats somewhere near his mouth, he’s sure of that much, but everything else is lost to him. Your voice becomes his guide, wavering a little at the higher pitches, careful of the lyrics. You mess up once, laugh it off, shrugging your shoulders, and your smile is etched onto the speakers, making their way across the room and into his ears and, god, he can feel it. The beat doesn't matter to him, his heart finds the way of your voice and beats to it. As soft, as careful, unhesitant and unrestrained until the three minutes and twenty-four seconds of the song are over. And all he did was blink.

You turn, handing the mic back to sasha, connie’s standing applause met with a wide, unbashful grin and a little bow, faux pride in your posture.

Jean all but follows your footsteps only a little ways from sasha, as she chooses another song of her liking, and his eyes are on you, adjusting the sleeve of your shirt that had folded up. You look at him, lips moving under his gaze, sound travelling and only a little delayed because jean thinks about your lips for too long. “You have a good voice,” you remark, smiling, and he blinks. Thank god the place is only dimly lit because his face feels red, heart pumping dangerously close to his chest.

“Yeah?” he asks, as if he needs confirmation. Really, he just wants to hear your voice again.

You hum. He leans in to hear it as if it's something more important. It is, to him, every molecule that's disturbed by your voice to reach to his ear is something that he needs to be accounted for. He’ll make a home there, he thinks, where your voice lives in between the atoms, the shape it makes mid-air, just for him to hear.

“HORSEBOY THIS ONES FOR YOU,” connie shouts in the already loud speaker, making jean wince, connie pointing his finger between jean’s brows, a scowl on the latter’s features. The starting notes of “my heart will go on” start playing, and jean groans, head tilting upwards, catching the way you laugh softly, and turning to you incredulously.

“Y’know your bald head is shining like a disco ball right now?” he says in retaliation to the now belting-his-heart-out connie, his hand making a fist over his heart, eyes screwed shut, pinch between his eyebrows, knees bending at an almost-painful angle that will most surely make them hurt later, with marco doing the background vocals, eyes closed, and… was that a tear?

“Jesus, and then? what did he say?” sasha’s voice loudly asked, uncaring for any sleeping neighbours that would surely be jolted awake by her, coercing you to tell her more about the terrible group project you had just gotten out of last week. “He said he’d just give the work to someone who owed him a favour.” you said with mild but mostly dissipated annoyance.

Marco winced from in front of you, legs crossing two steps at a time. Jean scowled, turning his face to yours from where he climbed beside marco, “what the fuck?” to which you could only shrug with pursed lips. Sasha’s arm was around your shoulders, her fingers tracing comfortable shapes on the cup of your shoulder.

“Wait, who owed him a favour?” connie asked from behind you, two steps under yours. You spared him a glance and shrugged again, “no idea. And then, of course, he told me, last minute, that they couldn't do it and he didn't have the skills,” you put air quotations around the last word, clearing your throat for dramatic effect, “to complete it himself.”

“What the fuck does that even mean-” “what a fucking dick,” “god, im so sorry,” jeans voice was the first one you heard, followed by sasha’s, and then marco’s. “I wish we could still guillotine people.” connie spoke up just after you crossed the last step, marco’s shoes squeaking to a halt before your door. You fished your keys out of your pocket, opening the door to its jingle.

“Guillotines are for rich people, dumbass,” jean said, rolling his shoulders back as if the sentence itself burdened him.

“of course you’d say that, you french fuck.” connie spoke, wiggling out of his coat the second he stepped through your door. Sasha went headfirst for the couch, collapsing into the cushions without any plan to remove her own coat. Her soft snores soon filled the apartment - a trait both her and jean shared. The two could fall asleep anywhere and anytime, state of their body be damned. Jean had told you, after a long nap, his voice a low hum, that he had insomnia as a kid. He didn't know how he grew out of it, but it ended up with him on the opposite side of the sleep spectrum - unable to wake up unless shaken very violently. He asked you to slap him awake once, and when you hesitated, connie stepped in with a loud smack to jean’s cheek.

Marco stretched out his arms while walking to sasha’s room. “Im taking her bed.” he says, a tired yawn stretching out at the end of his sentence. Connie groans, “where will i sleep?” he asks, looking at you with a smirk, “if only a beautiful girl with a pretty voice tells me i can use her room…oh, if only,” he sighs, placing the back of his hand on his forehead.

“Yeah. if only, you bitchless moron.” jean says, and you shake your head with a smile.

“Do you think women are bitches, jean?” connie asks, the hand on his forehead finding itself on his chest, gasping. sasha ‘s snores break through his sentence.

“No! I.. i love women. I mean, im not like, im not… like a slut or anything, but-” “sounds like something a slut would say. Fuckboy.” “I respect women!”

“Ladies, ladies. Stop fighting over me.” you say, walking towards your room without sparing either of them a glance, expecting jean to follow you. “Cuddle with marco, con, I know you want to.”

Connie groans, again, a little too dramatically to be taken seriously in the first place. There’s no malice hidden in his voice, none of the usual complains you would've found, “fine. If you say so. See, jean? This is how you respect women.”

“Youre only saying that because she’s pretty.” jean says. You try not to let it get in your head as you enter your room, your door creaking open. “Night, marco!” you whisper-yell across the hall, even though sasha’s eyes wouldn't open even a peek with any amount of sound. “Goodnight!” he whisper-yells back from across the hall, only a couple steps away from the door of your room.

Jean and connie’s voices are still arguing about something, but you're too tired to make their words out, all of it becoming gibberish. You clear your throat - a sound that’s enough to get them to stop. “Goodnight.”

“Hey, wait-” jean speaks, and connie snickers from behind him.

Your room is silent, save from the irregular sounds of the cars passing downstairs, gravel under their rubbery tires. Everythings been said and done; teeth brushed, face washed, pillows fluffed (by jean’s persistence). You collapsed onto bed, leaving enough room for jean to squish into, the sound of ruffling blankets and the plush, squishy pillow under your ear. He lays on his back for a moment, before facing his body towards you, the deliberate motion creating squeaks of spring from the mattress. Everything has its own sound. Jean’s hands tuck under his head, and you resist the urge to laugh at his position. He sees right through you.

“Whats so funny?” he asks, whispers, really. You're not sure why. Maybe it's the overwhelming silence, the inability of breaking the warmth that crosses across both of your bodies, sharing the same blanket.

“You look funny tucked in like that,” you say, imitating his hushed voice. Maybe it is too important, you think, to talk about things that are funny in the moment for no reason but to keep your heart steady against the faraway but present sound of his - just one of those sounds that didn't need to be heard to know it was there for you.

His sigh turns into a laugh. You're both laughing at nothing, soft puffs of air, carbon dioxide overlapping carbon dioxide. Sounds are science, right? This felt a lot like poetry. Maybe they all merge together, and Jean speaks up before you can think more about it, “do you think Connie is spooning Marco right now?”

You laugh a little more. “Are you jealous?” “that we’re not…cuddling?” he asks, a little unsure, but with a small smile anyway. He's hesitating. You know him enough to know the way his voice - though soft and pliable right now, gaseous against your palms, shape unreadable - sounds when he's unsure. You shrug. “Are you?” you don't know if the whispering is making you bolder or if you're just tired. You’ve always been a little conscious of your voice, a little too in your head about needing to be soft, uncaring if your sentence goes unheard. It doesn't matter as long as youre peaceful, as long as your voice doesn't disrupt disrupt disrupt.

His cheeks go a little red. It's how you know you’ve got him. Your smile turns softer, a little more understanding. “I…okay,” he says. You're both not sure what he means by it, but you can't help but marking it as important, just as everything he’s said to you.

“Your voice is…really pretty, by the way.” jean states, eyes not meeting yours. His lips form a thin line after saying it, as if he’d been wanting to keep it a secret, as if the fact that it somehow got out was a fault. You don't have much to say to that, though, so the sentence lays there, between the space of the pillows, between the blankets. It’s weighed, careful but untamed, and it lingers there for a moment, soft and pliable and unconscious.

“I mean… like everytime i hear your voice its… its nice. Not just when you're singing. I like that too.” he rambles, voice still a hush, words still soft and pliable - putty-like, shapeless but you catch them and you don't let them go, let them seep into your skin and against your bones and into your bloodstream. “When you pick up the phone, or when you're humming something. I know it's… i know you think it's not meant to be heard. But I hear you. And i… I like hearing you.” he says. He likes hearing you. He likes hearing you. The words don't have shape. They wave over you, not tidal, not forceful, but like the same warmth of the blanket that rests over your shoulders, crinkled at the edges, a little worn out as if he’s been saying it to himself before giving it to you.

God, and youve always been conscious of your voice. So when you speak next, its a surprise to you when its not the same whisper he was speaking in, instead only a bit higher than it, enough to contain only bits of your voice, the carvings on the roof of your mouth and the back of your throat and behind your teeth have no use hiding, now, because your voice projects forward just enough. Just enough because he thinks your voice is pretty.

“I… i like yours.” you say. Your eyes slip a little shut, and you feel more than hear him shift towards you, his arm crossing over your waist. “Its beautiful. Peaceful. Even when you're…insulting eren.” you sigh into his chest. His breathing holds you just as his arms, and his warm chest stutters a bit as if he’s taking a deep breath, something that tickles the parts of your hair that are near his nose. Every sound has its feeling, every sound creates waves and its on you to make them twice more meaningful as they are despite the words they hold, and even as jean gives you wordless reactions to your senseless but meaningful words, they're all accounted for. They're all just as important, just as held as everything else he’s said because its him.

“Thank you. For speaking to me. For letting me hear you.” you say with finality, no room for argument. As if he’d argue you. His lips press to the top of your head, unmoving. His palm covers your ear, making the soft sounds of his breathing muffled, but his thumb traces shapes of his sound against your ear.

It tickles a little, but you hear the movement clearly.

Sound waves, importance given to them. By you and by him.

✿

#jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein x reader #aot #jean kirstein x you #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #jean kirschtein #marco bodt #connie springer #sasha braus #modern au #attack on titan modern au #shingeki no kyojin modern au

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rafeyscurtainbangs · 6 days ago

Note

experiencing writers block and would love some ideas!!

Hi bb!! Happy NYE!

Oh nooo writer’s block is the worst!!! I’m so sorry.

Yes! I have a few different things that I do personally.

1 - and honestly I think this one is the easiest… There are a ton of readers on here that have some really, really good fic ideas. I’m sure you’ve already made a post but putting something out there can get you a few different ideas and maybe one will excite you.

2 - reading some stories from other fandoms that interest you in your free time. I feel like it opens up a different part of my brain. Idk. This helps me for some reason.

3 - browsing TikTok or watching a new show and basing a story off a scene. I had never written cowboy!rafe before so I was a little nervous. I remembered this TikTok edit that I loved and I watched that as inspo and leaned into that for a the “vibe” of that scene and it got me really excited overall.

4 - choosing one of your favorite pairings, going on Pinterest, and finding a prompt. Once you do that, you can kind of think of how that couple would act in that given situation and the see if you can think of a storyline based off of that.

For example: College!Hockey Rafe x Reader

Writing prompt: Family relationships

For Rafe, it’s obviously poor. Maybe the readers is a sweetheart and she catches Rafe after the game leaving by himself while everyone else talks to their friends and family. What would happen after that?

5 - rewriting scenes is also fun. Exchanging him for a lead character in a move or a TV show that you really like. For example, I am going to do a one shot where Rafe plays the Salesman in Squid Games. Then taking one of those scenes and taking a few of the elements to change it into a one shot.

7 - music. This is also a pretty easy one. If you go on Spotify you can search for Rafecore playlists or, just find some of your favorite songs. Listen to the lyrics and see if any of them inspire you whether it be a storyline or a vibe. If you go onto Google you can even do a deep dive on the lyrics and the meaning behind it and this to yourself what your pairing would do in that given situation. Obviously giving credit to the artist of course but I feel like readers really like when you base your work off music because a lot of the time they are framiliar with the song themselves and they can pick up on the nuances or if you slip a lyric in there.

8 - Piggy backing off a story that really inspired you or you enjoyed. I’m doing this right now with my PopStar!Reader and Bodyguard!Rafe. How would they act on NYE? What situation could I put them in? I just thought about what was going on tonight -> New Years Rockin’ Eve. What drama could happen there? -> Maybe she could be performing with a past client of his. What drama would that cause?

9 - Lastly, writing the reader into scenes within the show itself. What is a scene that you think the Pate’s could have expanded? What do you wish they would have done differently? What would Rafe have acted like if the reader was there? What would it have been like if Rafe came home to the reader after that night?

I hope that helps!

#yapping 🪡#chatting writing ✏️#rafesdollette 💕#asks answered 💌

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neteyamyawne · 2 years ago

Note

human miles quaritch where you're a scientist bit you're both in love? miles accidentally shoots you while aiming for the helicopter and after feels regret but when he finally gets to see you in the final fight, you end up passing out. happy ending? i haven't read your rules yet so if this goes past it I'm so sorry 🫶

A/n : This does NOT have a happy ending, it's all angst, okay? I will make a part two of this, which will have a happy ending, i promise. Please read my rules before requesting 💚

Traitor ✦♡

Pairing : Quaritch x fem!reader

Summary : request

Song : avatar 1 playlist

Parts : pt1 pt2

Plunge 🗡️

❈ Warning : a lot of angst, threatening, killing, passing out, war, mention of a loved one dying, description of being shot in the head (mild), cursing, a little toxic but sweet? Hurt no comfort, sad ending, established relationship lmk if more.

❈ Word count : 7.8k not proof read

❈ Note : idk what got into me writing this, there's a little surprise in the end 🤭

"word" - dialogue **word** - flashbacks

❈ Glossary : tsawke - sun (child name), ma'evi - my child, zize - hellfire wasp (pa'li name) lmk if more.

You stared through the microscope, noting down everything you could as fast as you can, writing the last sentence you leaned back and stretched your body in your chair, groaning as a few pops were heard from your back.

The sound of it a bit too loud in the empty lab, the only light seen was on your desk and the hallway, you glanced at the digital clock on the wall, your eyes widened as you stared at it 4:23 am, "dammit" you huffed, swiveling around in your chair, getting up, your stomach rumbling for food, when was the last time you had a meal? And ofcourse you had to miss dinner as well, you looked around your desk to see if any snacks were left, with nothing found you searched Grace's desk next, opening a drawer you knew she kept her chewy granola bars but the only thing you got in return was a sticky note at the bottom with a "i told you not to take my bars! - G.A" written on it, you sighed, you had to be hungry at the oddest hours! but no cafeteria in this sector opened until it was 8am in the morning, so you were only left with one choice.

Making your way silently to the military sector as all the soldiers wake up way before anyone, so their cafeterias opened earlier as well, the only thing left now was to go in ask or beg the cooks for something and come back just as silently. Tip toeing your way inside the cafeteria hallway, sneaking inside, thankfully there was no one present in the room, walking over to the counter you knocked on the glass showcases, a round faced stout woman peeked from behind the kitchen doors, her eyes widened clearly not expecting a scientist at these hours, she made her way to the counter, her sweet motherly accent calming you down as she asked "what do you want, dear?" You looked at her sheepishly, face burning in embarrassment " umm, maybe do you have any extra leftover breakfast? I'm sorry i stayed up all night, with no food whatsoever, i didn't had breakfast either, so i was hoping i get some here, you know they don't open so early- now I'm just rambling, I'm sorry-" but her chuckle cut you off, she leaned over to pat your cheek "it's okay my dear, sit down on one of the tables, I'll bring you something to eat, these brutes eats too much already" you laughed at that, saying your thanks you sat down the table nearest to the counter.

She came back with a big plate full of eggs, sausages, pancakes and what not, you were baffled, they barely had any fresh fruit back at your sector and this is what the military sector is getting? Damn you Parker, your thought traveled wild as you gobbled down the breakfast, you were so engrossed in eating that you didn't see Quaritch coming in, taking another bite as your mouth was already stuffed with the previous one, you jumped in surprise when he sat down next to you without a warning "Miles, you idiot, god you scared me" letting out a sigh , putting down your fork, he just laughed "i thought you nerdies never came in our area" you glared at him, picking up the glass of juice the sweet chef gave you, gulping it down "how many times have i told you? Don't call us that!" He slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close, you rolled your eyes at him "don't you science guys hate us too much to be here?" You got up, taking the leftover pancake with you, not giving him an answer back, by the time you got to the door, he was catching up your side, putting the last piece of the pancake in your mouth and swallowing it but before you could see what was happening, quaritch back you up, caging you again the metal wall, capturing your lips with his, all your struggles falling away, melting in his arms, pulling back for air "come down here too sometimes sweetheart, i don't bite you know" he nuzzled his face in your neck, you look down the corridor, to see if anyone saw what just happened, relieved you looked at him in the eye "i thought you wanted this to be a secret?" He threw his head back "I don't mind them watching now" you shook your head "ohh shut up you moron" a blush heating your face "you know, you look pretty when you blush, doll" you speed walked out of his arms, hiding your now red face from any onlookers, aiming straight for your quarters, his laugh ringing in your wake.

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It's been quite a while since this became a thing, you and him, no one knew though, except for grace, of course she knew, you didn't know how but she knew and didn't leave one chance to reprimand you about it, you tried to ignore her but she just wouldn't leave you alone about it, it's been weeks since the new recruit Jake Sully was being called by quaritch, it was getting on Grace's nerve you can see it as clear as daylight, she did not want any scientist meandering with the "knuckleheads" and you being entangled with miles while Jake running of to him every minute he got made it worse, , so you did what you had to.

"You can't ask me that, we're here for a mission!" He huffed out, you pinched the bridge of your nose "A mission for what miles‽ We are invading their home, not the other way around, and no more visits by Jake, this is it!" He looked taken aback, you were done discussing this, you knew if you didn't end this now, grace would take drastic measures "what do you mean?" He started nonchalantly, talking as if he didn't know anything "Don't play dumb on me, Quaritch, i know what your plan is, i know exactly what you told Jake, please just don't, this is not the way" you pleaded with him, making him understand the situation , he knew, you using his last name was serious but he stood his ground even taking a step forward, a hand clasping on your forearm, a stern look on his face, jaw clenched tight, a vein in his forehead pulsing, in a slow voice he drawled out "those blue monkeys out there are worth Nothing and the sooner you understand the better" he seethed, this time it were you who was taken by surprise, his unexpected anger making you take a step back in fear as he walked out of the room without glancing back at you.

The moment you got back to the lab, grace knew something was wrong, terribly wrong, your face told her everything she needed to know, within seconds she was by your side, you knew he was up to something, something that involved in harming the omaticaya, and Jake was helping him but to what extent you didn't know. Grace had enough though, immediately her plans on moving to site 26 were brought into action, Jake was surprised but he had no say in it, Grace was the incharge and her word was final. Soon enough you were shifted to the site, you were shaken up, the way he said it, you couldn't help but feel something bad was storming up.

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You sat by your desk head perched on your hand, staring down at the papers in front of you, Trudy was in a chair beside you snoring away with a bag of chips sliding down her torso, looking at the little clock on your desk, the hands denoting 6am but no sleep aided you, your mind flooded with possibilities of what could go wrong, sighing you got up making your way to the small counter to make some eggs for everyone, time ticked by and one by one everyone got up, Jake being late, he rushed to his link but you pulled him back by his chair, handing him the plate while he whined "c'mon y/n, I'm already late-" but you didn't let him speak any further as you punched the red button on his link panel, he groaned while you spoke "No breakfast, no avatar" he rolled his eyes scarfing down everything hurriedly like there was something exciting waiting for him.

You got into your avatar with grace after a while, it was good to be back with them, grace and you both loved to be with them, it's like you belonged more with them then your own species, you picked up tsawke, one of the clan children, he cuddled close to your neck, as you talked with everyone about the day. Your routine was interrupted when a commotion stirred in the common ground, walking over, you saw eytukan, mo'at and tsu'tey gathering in the center, the hushed whispers catching on, your face morphed into shock– the RDA has attacked the tree of souls– tsu'tey's yells notified nothing but a call for war then to your horror you saw Jake and neytiri walk inn, hand in hand, grace came to stand beside you, tsu'tey propelled forward, shoving Jake back, neytiri got in between hissing at him, holding him away from Jake but what tsu'tey said next left you speechless "you mated with this woman?!" You slapped a hand on your mouth as grace mumbled "ohh shit".

Mo'at walked forward "is this true?" Her voice stoic, but neytiri held her head high as she said "we have mated before eywa, it has been done" tsu'tey's face fell as he turned back, Jake argued "brother please, do not attack the sky people, many omaticaya will die-" but you did not listen till the end as tsu'tey drew his knife and pounced onto Jake "you are not my Brother!" You screamed holding tsawke closer, Jake stood up after deflecting his attacks "I'm not your enemy, your enemy is up there, I can talk to them-" tsu'tey had not mind to let him talk "no more talking!!" Cutting Jake on his arm, neytiri yelled at them to stop but none of them did. Jake kneed him in the stomach and punched him in the jaw, making tsu'tey fall on the ground, he got up wiping his jaw as Jake spoke "I am omaticaya, I have the right to speak, Lu aylì'u ngaru. Ayngaru nìwotx.(I have something to say, to all of you) the words are stones in my heart–" you looked at grace as she fell to the floor, putting down tsawke, you ran towards her, her name falling out of your mouth, you looked at Jake horrified as it clicked what was happening but before you could say anything, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your na'vi body thudded to the ground.

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You gasped as your link was broken abruptly, opening the case, quickly getting up as you saw quaritch punch Jake, grabbing his arm as you spun him around "are you out of your mind?! Miles, listen to me, you can't do this! Please" he grabbed your arm pulling you with him as he ordered the soldiers around him "wheel that meat out of here, close this up and move" you struggled against his grip but he didn't let you go, just as you got to the door, he glared at you "I told you, the sooner you understand the better, I don't want to hurt you, y/n but you chose not to listen me, I will not say this again, stay by my side, I'll keep you safe" he grabbed the oxygen masks, putting it on your face, but tears pricked your eyes, breaking the airlock, you walked out into the air of pandora.

Jake, grace and norm were escorted out, Trudy stood near her chopper with an unreadable expression while quaritch kept you behind him, you felt guilt rile up your veins seeing them being treated so differently than you were, settling on the rotor craft beside quaritch, he held you by your waist while his other hand clutched his gun, tears ran down your face, you knew something like this would happen, doubt gripped your heart, how could you fall for a man like him? How did you even let this happen? Questions swirling around your mind, sobs broke out of you but you didn't expect him to pull you close and kiss your hair "this is not your fault, doll, I know you love those tree huggers but they are not your allies, we are, and I need you to understand that" he mumbled against your hair, but nothing his said could comfort you, it only added to your anger still you stayed quite, the whole flight was silent, only your sniffs were heard, as brown flew you back to hell's gate.

You stood beside grace, playing with a bracelet nervously that the man in front you, who threatened you and your team, gifted it for your birthday, you all watched Jake destroying the bulldozer camera in the footage, quaritch paused the video tape just when Jake was about to hit the final blow to the equipment, "you let me down son" you cringed at that, quaritch walked towards your group as he leaned down to Jake "so what you- you find yourself a local tale and you just completely forget what team you're playing for?" Jake glared daggers at him, Grace rolled her eyes, talking to Parker in a demanding voice "Parker, there is still time to salvage this situation-" but miles turned to her yelling "shut your pie hole" but Grace didn't back down "or WHAT? Ranger Rick, you gonna shoot me?" "I can do that" you shoved him back "Miles!" Grace turned to you scowling "you need to muzzle your dog" you sighed and Parker shoved in between "yeah can we take this down a couple of notches please?" You walked towards quaritch pulling him back but Jake wasn't even trying to be on your side, by now you didn't even know who he was playing for or evening playing at all! "You say you wanna keep your people alive? You start by listening to her."

You took a deep breath inn before starting, staring at quaritch to make to make him realize just this once "those trees were sacred to the omaticaya people, in a way you can't imagine-" but Parker had a mind to cut off everyone who was speaking in his vicinity "uhh you know what? You throw a stick in the air around here and it's gonna land on some sacred- fern! For Christ sake" he was getting on your nerves, ticking you of like a time bomb "I'm not talking about some kind of pagan voodoo here, I'm talking about something real, something measurable in the biology of the forest" his face clearly showed he had no interest in what you were talking "which is what exactly?" He folded his arms, giving you a smirk, you took another breath to deal with his bullshit and to form words that we're understandable for him "what we think we know, is that there's some kind of electrochemical communication between the roots of the trees, like the synapses between the neurons, Each tree has 10 to the fourth connections to the trees around it and there are 10 to the twelfth trees on Pandora" you waved your hand down to show the enormity of the situation "which is a lot I'm guessing" Parker looked at you with zero understanding about what you just said, you stepped forward "it's more connections then the human brain, get it? It's a network, a global network and the Na'vi can access it" your voice was soft, desperately trying to make him understand, grace spoke up "they can upload and download data, memories at sites like the one you just destroyed!" He just looked at you and her with a dumbfounded expression "what the hell have you people been smoking out there?" He said laughing at your faces ``they're just goddamn trees!" Still laughing as if it was a joke "you need to wake up Parker" grace walked forward, "no you need to wake up-" she cut him off "the wealth of this world isn't in the ground, it's all around us! The Na'vi know that and they're fighting to defend it, if you want to share this world with them, you need to understand them" your head snapped back at quaritch when he spoke from beside you, tapping something on the glass tab "i think we understand them just finee thanks to Jake here" turning you head to look at Jake, he didn't meet your eyes looking away.

quaritch pulled you by your wrist towards the holographic table "hey doc, come take a look" the holographic image of Jake's log popping up, he explained how there was no way of bribing the omaticayans out, you looked at Jake with pure shock as his video explained his detail movements, quaritch still held you beside him making you watch it, grace squeezed Jake's shoulder as he hung his head down, miles pulled you behind him as he spoke "so, since a deal can't be made i guess things get real simple, Jake thanks, I'm getting all emotional i might give you a big wet kiss" he turned bringing you with him, you jogged beside him trying your best to keep up with him "miles please, this is wrong, you can't do this" you said trying to loosen his hold on your wrist "this is it y/n, look at me, we are here to take, not to make friends with those blue monkeys" you look up at him, tears stained your cheeks "we can't take what is not ours, miles" he pulled you in for a hug kissing your forehead "that's what we're here for, doll, to prove it wrong"

Parker sat in his chair playing with piece of unobtainium, quaritch by your side as he spoke "I'll do it with minimal casualties to the indigenous, I'll drive 'em out with gas first, it'll be humane, more or less" Parker leaned back in his chair, you grab quaritch's arm, shocked at what they were discussing, you gasped with Parker's next word "all right, let's pull the trigger"

A soldier was standing besides you while you stood near the large windows overlooking the warships getting ready to attack the home tree, you tried to stop them but none of them were ready to listen to you, quaritch gave the final order of you not linking with your avatar till he says so, a guard by your side till he comes back, now standing besides Parker, the guns and missiles making you sick to the stomach, grace, norm and Jake were taken back to the labs, but a commotion behind you whisked your attention, "Dr, Augustine, you cannot be up here-" she shoved him "Back off- Parker, wait stop, these are people you're about to-" the soldier grabbed her arm again but she wrenched her arm out of his grip "i said Back off!" You got in between them as you saw Jake rolling in, Parker just rolled his eyes at her "no no no no, those are fly bitten savages who live in a tree, Alright? Look around, I don't know about you but I can see a lot of trees, they can move!" Grace let out an exaggerated sigh "there are families in there, there are children, babies! Are you going to kill children?" Jake butted in "you don't want that kind of blood on your hands, believe me, let me try and talk them out, they trust me" you saw the inkling of a hope, to make their statements more strong you hopped in "please Parker, just let them try, just once, let Jake talk them out, please" he looked over at you and the others finally speaking after saying nothing for a while "fine but you are to stay here y/n, i don't need more trouble than i already have" you nodded, this was better than nothing.

You ushered Jake and grace back to the lab, yelling at others to get the links ready "calibrate the links fast, they are going in right now" you walked to Grace's panel with her, Parker and his goons trailing you "calibrating three and four" grace opened her link getting in she said "run sequence", you prepared her link from her panel "initiating, thirty seconds" you saw Parker going back to Jake's link as you heard him say "you've got one hour, unless you want your girlfriend in there when the ax comes down, evacuate them" with that he closed the link door, you walked over to Grace's side, closing the metal cover over her, you looked at her with pleading eyes "get them out please" she nodded and you closed her link as well, with that you stumbled beside her link on the chair, praying to any deity listening for everything to go as planned and letting the waiting game begin.

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Everyone watched on the monitor, the people had tied Jake and grace up, it was from the view of the dragon so you knew it was quaritch giving the orders, the first round of the tear gass was thrown in, they started open fire but the arrow did nothing but scratched the ship, you chewed on you nail, watching as the diplomacy had failed, there was no way out, just when you thought he'd fire another round of tear gas, incendiaries were blasted right into the root of the home tree, you clasped a hand on your mouth as the missiles exploded on it, the natives ran out, many must have died in an instant, though there was no sound you could see the hell he was raining down on them, Jake and Grace's avatars were still tied to the post, the ship turned around changing the view but staying there, getting into lines they fired again with even bigger missiles, the explosions bright as they hit the spiral columns, the rain of fire stopped as they waited and you saw with bated breath, the columns splintered breaking down, the tree leaning on on a side, falling down rapidly, every scientist beside you was in tears as a sob fell out from your lips as the tree thudded to the ground, it was done, the once tall mighty structure has fallen, humans got away with their ways yet again, you fell to the floor, knees giving out, shock ringing through your body and your mind going numb, norm picked you up but it was over, you had lost, again.

You were still standing with everyone as you watched the destruction on the screen, Parker twisted his head back at zdinarsk "pull the plug" you looked at him in horror as she walked towards the links, you ran to Jake's panel "you can't do this, it's dangerous, BACK OFF" they screamed at you to calm down but one of them shoved you away binding your wrists together as he slammed his hand onto the red button, you screamed at them to stop, norm punched one of them but it was of not use as he was held down my the other, Grace's link being cut of as well, tears streamed down your eyes as they opened Jake's pod, he was immovable, blank expression covering his face, zdinarsk held you back as you fought her grip, yelling at her to let go, both of them were taken out of the pods, Jake was hauled over one of their shoulders, grace struggled in their grips as she screamed at them "YOU MURDERERS!" You were now strapped to the railing near the main desk, pulling at the orange band as it wouldn't budge, you fell down to your knees, yelling at them to stop but it was done, as all four of you were held down on the floor, hands bound with guns pointed at your heads.

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You sat with Jake, grace and norm in the detention cell, even when quaritch tried to keep you out, Parker just wasn't having it, you looked up from where you buried your head in your knees "I'm sorry, guys, i-" but Jake was quick to stop you "no, it was my fault, not yours, you tried to help us but I couldn't convince them" You shook your head about to reply back but the sound of footsteps stopped you, looking out of the cell door when scratching of wheels were heard, Trudy walked in wheeling a cart in front of her, stopping in front of the guard, she laughed out "personally, I don't feel like these tree hugging traitors deserve steak" he got up, leaning down on the cart as he exclaimed "they get steak? That's bullshit, let me see" Trudy laughs and then puts her gun to the back of the Lock Up Trooper's head as he bent down, she orders him to the ground, slamming the gun on his vagus nerves, knocking him out cold, she called out to max and he ran in next, opening the door, "quick, quick we don't have much time" Trudy hugged you once before following the others.

Speed running towards the helipads and runways, you grab a mask on the way, getting to the airlocks, everyone wears their masks, opening the attachment door, we all run out, Jake stops behind and you skid to a halt as well "max, I need a man on the inside, I trust you for this" max nods ushering us to go as he runs inside, we bolt towards trudy's chopper, norm took down the coverings while trudy's ignited the engines, now we had less time than before, you helped norm to bring up Jake's chair, climbing up as you looked back at the base to see quaritch slamming a door open without a mask while he rained down bullets on you all, the rotor craft turned exposing you towards him, with his bullets firing down, you felt a pain in your abdomen, the impact making you fall onto the metal floor, a hand covering the wound, Jake and norm celebrated your escape while you looked down at your body "son of a bitch" you groaned, Jake's eyes snapped at your figure, he helped you up screaming at norm "get the trauma kit!" Grace pulled you up too, you yelped as the adrenaline from before wore off and the pain began to spread, norm and grace held you down as Jake worked on your wound, bandaging it as tightly as possible, till you landed safely near the site.

Trudy manuverd as quickly as she could through the fog and vortex towards site 26, getting to it, you were hauled inside the lab settling you on one of the link pods as a makeshift bed, while Jake got into his link, grace sat by your side, you felt the place tilt, letting everyone know that your were airborne now, she ran a hand through your hair, resting it on your cheek, her eyes shone with unshed tears, you smiled up at her "don't worry, grace, I'm not going down this easily" you both chuckled but your face twisted in pain as the slight pressure of your laughter made searing pain spike through the wound, sweat beaded your forehead and body, time went by, your body getting weaker and weaker, the blood seeping out of the bandages, she patched you up again, taking a syringe out of the kit, filling it up with a liquid you had no interest in knowing, puncturing the skin near your forearm, you let out a hiss wincing at the pain, she threw away the syringe, you gripped the side of the link below you as the whole of the lab swayed while it was being lowered to the ground, you were near the tree of souls now, the thud of it sounded a lot louder, you closed your eyes just resting them for a bit, getting as comfortable as you can with a bullet in your stomach.

Your mind hazed over, the blood loss was making your brain feel heavy and light at the same time, seconds bleed into minutes and minutes turned into hours, the night sky twinkled in the layer of stars, you smiled softly at the bioluminescent forest outside, ohh how you loved the feeling of the breeze blowing through your hair, your avatar body so in sync with the nature that it felt odd to be in your human body, grace was seated beside you as you stared outside. You closed your eyes, the exhaustion lulling you to sleep.

Jake walked to the lab in his avatar form, knocking on the window to get Grace's attention, she got up, grabbing her mask going outside in an instant as he told her everything he had in his plan, soon enough you were stripped of your clothes only the bandages holding on the wound were left, grace covered your body with the vines and Jake carried you all the while you were passed out cold, you began to wake up as you felt yourself being moved, the sight in front of you making you gasp but it came out as a soft inhale, Jake looked down at you smiling as he said "look where we are y/n" you breathed into your mask "i need to take some samples" Jake chuckled softly, bringing you to the base as he laid you down, neytiri fixing you legs as norm and grace fixed your avatar, your eyes fell closed as you felt the cool grass below you, sighing into the mask, you felt small fibers sticking onto your body, voices drowning out when you felt a cool sensation behind your neck.

You opened your eyes but a bright light made you close them back, looking around it was light and dark at the same time, you felt like you were flying and swimming at the same time too, it was quite and loud, but your attention was focused when a voice rang out "you are here before your time, my child" the sound not female nor male, you gasped in realization "Eywa" it came out less than a whisper, the light shining brighter, you watched in awe, no face or body was seen but the sound so angelic it almost hypnotized you, "yes, ma'evi, you have more to live, more to see, it is not your time to be with me, you have life within you to live for, i will call you back when the time is right, go back ma'tiyawn" each syllable was said and spaced perfectly, silver lined your eyes but something tugged you in the center of your torso, the tug came back from inside, before you could utter a word you were pulled back.

You gasped, opening your eyes for the second time, your vision clearer than before, you looked at Jake when he came in your line of sight, you voice light as feather "i saw her, Jake, i was with her, i was with eywa, jake" your eyes were blown, everyone circled you and grace pulled you in for a hug, tears of pure joy ran down your face, your return now celebrated throughout the crowd, you smiled at grace, neytiri sat by your side, you placed a palm on her cheek as she smiled back at you, how long has it been since you've seen her smile so bright, Jake got up going to tsu'tey as. He spoke and tsu'tey translated for him, the clan cheered as Jake got to the end of his speach, the sun rise anew, sunlight cascading down the trees, norm took Jake's place, pulling me in his arms he whispered "i thought we lost you" you smiled, patting his back, Jake glanced at you one more time before taking neytiri's hand and made his way to his toruk, you gasped in shock, when did he ride a toruk? But your question was unanswered as the clan moved to their own ikrans while you, mo'at, grace and norm sat near the tree, mo'at took of her shoulder wrap, around you and now you were suddenly aware of how naked you were, pulling the ends of the fabric around you, getting up but you stopped in your tracks as you saw your human body, walking up to is, as you stared at your human face, flicking back the hair from your face, finally letting go of your old self you turned around not looking back, you walked forward into your new life, a new beginning.

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Jake traveled through most of the forest clans, gathering them together to fight back against the humans, you sat with grace, twisting the knife in your hand, the knife that quaritch gave you to protect yourself, more like gave your human self but still gave it to you, the memory flooding back as you stared at the sharp blade-

** You got back from a collection trip but nearly dying from it at well, you didn't expect to run into the natives, they attacked your group, no arrows were shot but you were severely hit by them and taken to the hospital wing immediately with Max accompanying you as he was hit to but not that bad, you were admitted for quite a while and quaritch almost took out a march against the Na'vi to kill the ones who hurt you, weeks after that when you were in your quarters with him, he helped you sit up and you looked at him confused but he got up going to his jacket that was hung on the hook near your door, pulling out the knife out of its pocket, he walked back sitting down besides you, removing the cover from it, setting it aside, he brought the hilt of the blade to your palm, making you grip it tightly, he angled the tip of it to the base of his neck, and your eyes widened "miles what ar-" but he shushed you, talking as he gripped your hand tighter against his throat "plunge and twist" he breathed out, showing you how it's done with the actions over his skin, your hands shook but you listened intently, nodding as you understood "keep this knife with you, always, now you know how to use it too" you laughed at that but nodded, slipping back the cover on, he took the blade from your hand and slided it up your ankle, the elastic on the cover snug on your calf, he pats the blade before giving you a smile and tackling you down on your bed, smothering your neck with kisses and tickling your face with the slight scruff on his jaw as you squealed in laughter at that, pushing him off you but he put his whole body weight on you, trapping you beneath him before he broke hell loose on you as he tickled your sides till tears were falling down your face**

Eyeing then small knife in your hand, grace looked at you, she was in her human form, her avatar resting near the makeshift beds for the once who were injured, Jake was now with norm and Trudy talking to max about what quaritch's next step would be but even after all this something in your heart longed for him, you knew he'd kill any of your closed ones without a thought but he saved you in your darkest times, he brought you back up from your lowest points, he loved you when no one else saw your sorrows, how could you forget someone who did so much for so easily?

** You sat in your bed, looking at the pictures of your old life back on earth, how things have changed, a tear fell down on the picture of your brother who was killed on the way back to home on the bus, the gang ransacking your whole town, hijacked the bus, taking the kids hostages, your brother being killed as a warning for others to obey, they shot him multiple times in the head before throwing him out of the bus and driving away, the police found and brought him to you while in their chase to capture them but it didn't matter, your brother, your only family after your parents passing away was dead, he was just 9, after his death was when you took the decision to join the Pandora project you've been delaying to answer back, Dr. Grace Augustine requested your presence as her collaborator, but you said no because of your Little brother, if it weren't for you, he wouldn't have anyone to call his, so you stayed but after that, you took the opportunity, thinking maybe if the work took your time you wouldn't think of him but every second he plagued your mind, you muffled your cries but they only got louder, the knock on your door stilled you for a moment before quaritch entered, his face forming a frown at your state, he got in bed with you, picking you up with ease pulling you to his chest, settling you in his lap, whispering sweet nothings as you let your heart out to him, your brother and how you missed him, your parents, your guilt, everything and he listened to every word, kissing your forehead by the end of your rant, his shirt was soaked in your tears but he didn't say word, flattening your hair down, he kissed your temple, leaning both of you down on your bed, keeping all the photos aside, you snuggled into his chest, balling your fists with t-shirt holding on tight as you dozed on in his arms, he held you till your uneven breaths paced out, rubbing your back, he spoke no words except to sooth you, both of you drifted into a deep slumber with you safe in his arms**

Strapping the knife back on your calf, saying your byes to grace, you went back to call norm to teach you how to ride the pa'li, the war was in a few days and you wanted to pay your respect back for bringing you back to life, you won't go down without a fight anyways, he taught you better than that.

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The day of the war came, you were with norm with the ground team, Jake, tsu'tey and neytiri lead the sky team, the plan was set, as soon as the enter the field the flux vortex would disable their radars and we had an advantage on that, whirring of the ships were heard, your group hiding till you hear Jake's orders, soon enough thumps of being something heavy being dropped were heard and Jake's voice filtered through our comms to attack as they were airborne too.

You were dressed and painted in the traditional warrior clothings, a bow strapped to your back, gun cradled in your arms as you raged forward with a yell, the humans in the amp suits open firing, you didn't hold back, galloping zize towards them you shot down the front line, their bullets piercing many of your soldiers but casualties and death will be counted later, you saw norm being knocked down from his pa'li, but he got back up, firing down with all his might, you saw a Na'vi firing his bow from the ground, giving him a hand, he got behind you, shooting down as many humans he could and so did you, but too many of your group were shot down, norm spoke into his speaker "Jake, we are being hammered, we have to retrieve" he immediately responded "fall back, keep a cloce cut" you turned your pa'li back but something exploded near your ground, surprising your mount as zize kicked back, falling out of line, the warrior behind you quickly hopped down retreting back, but zize field through the trees, bringing you closer to the eastern ground team, where the war raged even more, you reigned zize to stop as you looked over the field, the bodies scattered on the ground but your break was brought to an end when an amp suit firing at you, missing barely.

The bullets from the suit wheezing past you, your breaths laboured as you forced your direhorse to gallop as fast as he could, trying to outrun the machine but it caught up even faster, in the moment of outruning him you didn't see the amp suit that stood in front, he fired directly into zize, the hits on his body felt by you too, you sceamed as you were thrown off of him, the amp suits retrieving thinking you were dead as well but you crawled towards your pa'li, his head lying on the ground as he whimpered in his last moment, you kneeled beside him, stroking his head while you mumbled a quite prayer to eywa for his safe arrival at her doorsteps, you got quickly when you heard more loud footsteps, hiding behind a tree, peeking out your saw the new batch of amp suits that dropped down, very few Na'vi faught beside you, you heard neytiri speak as she was in a similar situation, Jake demanded to fall back, but you stopped listening halfway, you looked down at your gun, clicking it in place, holding it tight ready to fire , the group behind you firing down anything in sight, the humans with them burning down everything with the fire guns, you were about to step aside to shoot out when you heard neytiri yell into your comms "eywa has heard you, EYWA HAS HEARD YOU!" you fell back behind the tree, confused but it was cleared when you saw the hammerheads charging towards you, a scream erupted from your throat, arm coming up to sheild your face but none of them attacked you, they went straight for the enemies, you laughed at there demise, walking out of your hiding place, you got back on killing the remaining ones.

You stopped in a clearing, bodies littered the ground, your breaths uneven, you stumbled upon a body, reaching out as you grabbed a nearby tree, pressing onto your comms as you spoke "tsu'tey? Can you hear me? Trudy?" You puffed out a exhale, heart dropping second by second, no answers came back, too engrossed in your thoughts you didn't see the ikran landing right in front of you, your scream high pitched as you fell back, the beasts took a step forward bowing its head down, the beautiful colors of navy blue and yellow swirling together on its body with strips of black, you bowed your head down too, seemingly knowing what plans it had with you, you smiled as you took the opportunity.

You had no experience flying an ikran but here you were, flying above the war field, your bare feet slipped from the notches but you held on rightly the beast helping you stay on as well, you soared through the air, bringing down any ship you could, you circled around the area near the tree of souls, your eyes widened when you saw the dragon ship crashed into the soil, you decided to check on Jake near the lab, to see if everything was alright as no amount of you yelling into your speakers could get their attention.

Flying right towards site 26, you descended a little further away from the area, quickly dismounting your ikran, you made your way towards the place but stopped as you saw Jake slam a huge blade like piece into the amp suit glass cover, but as soon as you saw who drove the suit you heart fell to the floor in seconds, quaritch skipped back, opening the glass cover fully, pulling on a mask, you looked the lab, the windows broken, surely Jake was suffering inside his link, out of nowhere neytiri dropped down in front of me as she shot her arrow right into his chest, his grip of Jake slacked, letting him go, with another precise aim the second arrow hit right in the center of his chest, she ran forward as you were glued to the spot staring at the scene, not moving until you saw him move again this time reaching for his discarded knife to make a final blow before he could rest.

Your were quicker than him, running towards him with a sceam as you jumped pulling out the knife from your calf and down at the base of his neck with a plunge and sickening twist, his suit crashing down while you were still on top, your hands still gripped the hilt of the knife, he looked down at the blade he gave to you now sticking out from the same place he taught you about, a smile formed on his face, he brought a shaking hand to your face, wiping the tears away from your cheek with his thumb as he spoke in a small voice "plunge and twist, i knew i taught you well" with that his hand fell away from your cheek, now you're hand cupping his face as your tears dripped down on his skin, a cry ripping out from your throat, wailing as you gather him in your arms but no success, your cries now muffled in his shoulder, unbeknownst to you, inside the lab similar state could be seen with an opposite outcome from your demise, as Jake caressed neytiri's cheek still in his human body, her hand coming up to hold his while you're wails never reaching their ears.

You leaned your head against his, sniffling before you spoke one last time even if he couldn't hear you now "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please wake up, i can't do this without you" but his eyes never opened, nor did his lips moved to tell you it was okay and he was there for you, his hands stayed by his sides and never engulfed you in his hug, the warmth of it you could never feel again, your eyes trailed one last time over him, as you said your last goodbye to the father of your child "i wish i could have told you sooner but you would've been a father my dear, but now you rest, until we meet again, my love" you kissed both of his eyelids, jumping of the suit, leaving the knife behind embedded in his chest, you walked towards the lab to check on Jake and neytiri, leaving your past behind you, making your way to your new family, ending the war for the good.

A/n : I will explain the last bit in the next part, they will have a happy ending in the next oneee i promise 😭😭

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @ducks118, @itscheybaby, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli, @im-in-a-pansexual-panik, @theycallmesia, @elijangwifey, @erosthefae, @murderbirbdany, @killua2dot0, @ilovechickenwings, @kylobensgirl, @darling-imobsessed, @majathepapaya, @sweetirilly, @reinap06, @neteyamforlife, @thatgirljas13, @totesnothere04, @arminsgfloll.

Special Tag : @samistars

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joesalw · 9 months ago

Note

TW- swearing (for anyone uncomfortable with it)

hi so uh. sort of an ex swiftie here? Idk but I need to rant (??) and I feel like you’re the best person for it…

so essentially when I was in middle school ALL of my friends were swifties, and so I thought I’d become cool by liking ts! So I sorta forced myself to listen to her music for those three years and eventually I became kinda fond of it?? Idk I think it’s because I associated those songs with particular fandoms or smth

but anyways now, I’m almost 18 and those swiftie friends have become the most god awful and ykw?? I feel like it all went downhill after she broke up with Joe, because then MH came in and then tk…

and now those songs with resonated with me while I was in middle school make me wanna puke! I’ve unliked almost all her songs, I’ve removed her songs from playlists and I skip her songs whenever it plays

and I’m really pissed because SHE is the reason I’ve had to lock away some of those relatively good memories. Because now all those songs do is make me realise what kind of bullshit people I know online

sorry I really don’t fucking know what’s the point of this rant, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Don't say sorry y'all. I really love reading your ex swiftie rants more than anything

#anti taylor swift #ex swiftie rants #ex swifties

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ambrossart · 9 months ago

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I was listening to the Paper Men playlist while doing a of UNI assignment, and I came to a specific song that seemed VERY familiar to me 👁️👁️, to my surprise, it was a song from LITTLE NIGHTMARES 2, AND OMG I LOVE LITTLE NIGHTMARES, IT'S MY FAVORITE VIDEO GAME AAAHHHH!!!😭💖

Now, my mind keeps imagining Evelyn at some VERY tense moment, whether she's afraid of something that is inevitably going to happen or Idk, maybe she is also facing some hallucination of her greatest fear because of Pennywise.

It's just my mind imagining things while listening to music, lol ;c

I want to finish my homework quickly to continue reading, I get anxious why I haven't finished reading yet, I feel like I'm missing something really good about the story (I also want to avoid spoilers for the chapters, but I think i've already seen two 😭)

I LOVE LITTLE NIGHTMARES! The visuals, the music… It’s my favorite video game series, so I had to include at least song.

I associate it with Patrick myself, but that song fits any creepy scene honestly.

And omg I’m SO SORRY about the spoilers. This blog isn’t a safe place if you want to avoid spoilers, but I should probably try to be more careful in the future 😅

#answered asks #thanks for the ask!#paper men #ambrossart

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igbylicious · 1 month ago

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My capacity to read has once again exceeded my energy for writing/communicating so I am here to apologize for the super late replies T_T I've even read the new fic and the spoiler for the wooyunsan/reader and I am so sending a long ass asks for them too just you wait.

can I just say that I love it when you pepper in those hc in asks and stuff. reader teasing woosan with butchered video game names is gonna live in my mind rent free from now on I just know it. I bet she tries a bunch but makes note when one really gets a reaction out of the boys just to use it when they least expect it.

DUDE YESSS she was called kombusha girl for SO LONG it took me ages to realize that she moved past that and like has her name as her handle. Like I only registered her name when I saw her with trixie XD

bless your mind!! I always love the choices you make. I wish I had you writing my life cause my writers are losing the plot over here ໒꒰ྀི × ˕ ×｡꒱ྀི১

I have a feeling your fondness for doms with different vibes is gonna really shine with the wooyunsan/reader part and I cannot wait!

choosing self indulgence was so the right call because I love nothing more than getting those peeks into the guys minds. I would read the whole fic in their pov again like some less sadistic midnight sun moment iykyk

Oh yeah saved and reread already! you cannot understand the impact that fic has had on my brain fr.

Oh as I am writing this with music in the bg a random question came to me! Do you have like a writing playlist? I feel like this fic could get it's own playlist too! Oh man dope lover by dpr ian would so be in it! AND NO PLAN BY HOZIER! aaaaand I just worked myself up into making a whichever way playlist rip

oh man i totally feel you on the energy to read vs the energy to communicate ^^;; no worries, pls take care of yourself! ♡ obv i love love love your asks but your well-being comes waaaayyyyy before that ♡

(but i do really super appreciate that you take the time to send an ask later („ಡωಡ„)♡ i feel like a lot of fandom worries that there is this limited window of opportunity after a writer drops a fic or an update, but there really is no such thing as a ‘late’ comment! so thankyou for not letting that hold you back ♡♡♡)

(like; every once in a blue moon i get a comment on an old fic from 2016 and it still makes my day w/out fail lol)

ahhh i’m happy you enjoy my rambling abt hc’s hehe (≧◡≦)♡ and omg yessss you are so right, she absoLUTELY experiments! and maybe the worst part for Woosan is that she NEVER pulls this shit w/ anyone else lol; she’ll go out of her way to ask Seonghwa abt his animal crossing village while Woosan are in earshot and she never fucks up the name <3 but then San gets into ac for a while bc he thinks the villagers are cute and she’ll be like “ohhh are you playing critter meeting??? (♡°▽°♡)” she’s very lucky they adore her lol or she’d be tossed out on the streets <3

asdkjsdkjfd i really only know her from the reaction image lol, a while back i actually needed the meme for smth but i couldn’t find it bc i didn’t know the right keywords to search for xD

ahhhhh i’m sorry to hear that your life-writers have lost the plot :( i hope they get their shit together and things get easier soon ♡♡♡

‘like some less sadistic midnight sun moment iykyk’ tbh idk 〒▽〒 but i get the gist of what you’re saying lol!

ohh no i don’t have a playlist specifically for writing; my attention-span always needs to be wrangled on a day-to-day basis lol so i switch between a lot of different things ^^;;

DPR IAN I LOVE HIM AHHHHH i am honoured to have one of his songs associated w/ my fic asdjksdjkdsjk <333 and no plan!! nooooo but i’m asdkjsdjksd at how you could apply some of the lyrics to the trio’s approach to their relationship ‘why would you make out of words a cage for your own bird?’ PLEASE!!!! <3

A WHIWAY PLAYLIST????? omg obv don’t push yourself to do anything you don’t have energy for but i am flailing at the fact you’re even just thinking abt it asdkjdsjksdjksd

#igby’s inbox #theoreticallymad #whiway #saw the other ask too; gonna answer it once i can! ♡#i also gotta be mindful of my communication energy atm asdjdsjksdjk #take care!!! ♡♡♡

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tenpintsof-sundrop · 1 year ago

Note

Favorite writing song/artist/album of this year and a fic you didn’t expect to write this year from the list you reblogged?

End Of The Year Fanfic Asks (send me some???)

oooh yay!!! thank you for sending me some (even if I am a bit late answering them)

13. Favourite writing song/artist/album of this year?

So - I am going to assume that this means music that you enjoyed listening to while writing or music that inspired your fics?

I don't usually listen to music while writing fics, because I like to clear my head of all distractions during the actual writing process. But usually while I am thinking of ideas or getting in the mood to write a specific fic, then I will definitely curate songs for it. Or sometimes, if I am just listening to a random playlist, then a song that comes on will give me an idea for a fic and inspire me.

And like 80% of my fics are titled after songs, so I love using song lyrics as inspiration and using song motifs and imagery when writing fics.

This year, the album The Jaws of Life by Pierce The Veil was literally top notch for me.

I also really loved So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy, but surprisingly - The Jaws of Life inspired way more fics for me. It came out in February of 2023 and actually - while I did have the middle school emo phase and the emo trinity has always been sacred to me, I didn't start listening to Pierce The Veil actively until I was in my 20s. Which is fucking wild.

But upon hearing the single from this album, Emergency Contact, I fucking fell in love with it - and it was one of the main inspirations for this Jason Todd fic, which I think is one of the greatest fics I have ever written. And the sequel is going to be titled The Jaws of Life - which is another song off the album and I am so excited about how both song titles suit the fics so well.

And there is several other fics I have named after songs off this album (I could have easily named a fic after each song off the album cause I love it so much, but I was trying to use restraint) - Shared Trauma (Gar Logan x Reader), and Damn The Man, Save The Empire (Vanessa Shelly x Reader). And because I was listening to more Pierce The Veil in general, this fic got its title - King For A Day.

I highly, highly recommend the album if you are looking for some fanfic inspiration - or just something good to listen to.

14. A fic you didn't expect to write:

Okay so - this could have a few different answers. Because I absolutely was not expecting to randomly get back into Harry Potter, have another hardcore fixation with it, and end up writing fics for it in the year 2023.

But something I absolutely did not expect - to be writing Spencer Reid fanfiction. Writing the Lessons For A Genius oneshot (and it's follow up, especially so quickly) - I was shocked with myself, because I thought that the first CM fic I ever wrote would be my last.

Idk how many of the people reading this were following me in 2021, but I wrote and posted my first ever Criminal Minds fanfic back then - and mentally, as an artist, it was one of the wildest fanfiction experiences I have ever had.

Burn The Witch - my feelings about it are almost indescribable.

I often have these fics that I call 'mutated oneshots'. Fics that started out as a oneshot, that were always intended to be a oneshot (around 20k) that end up having these mutations and growths - some scenes need more shading in, the emotional arcs of the characters need more time to be fully informed, and while in my head, it is still fully a oneshot, it's now at 40k and I know nobody is going to read that in one sitting in a digestable way. So I have to break it up into parts and I hate doing that because it was never intended to be a series.

It's more like a movie that is getting commercial breaks when you put it on TV (and I think of a writing a series like an episode style TV show).

Some examples of these mutated oneshots are - You Shook Me All Night Long (intended to be one short part, ended up as four parts with a bonus blurb series). No Place Like Home is a huge one - meant to be a oneshot, then in my head it turned into a three shot - ended up as seven fucking parts and currently it's the longest thing I have written, sitting at 90k. I'm Still Standing is another good example.

And it gets even worse, because when I split things up into parts, I'm like "I can add a bit more to this chapter, because maybe I want the mood of the chapter to be a certain way, or I wanna frame the ending of the chapter a certain way so the audience is left with something cool" - and then that adds on like 5k more in a hot minute.

So - how does this affect my feelings about Burn The Witch and Criminal Minds fanfics overall?

Burn The Witch was supposed to be a short, smutty oneshot. That is it. But in the finished version, the sex scene and the smutty themes fall so far into the background - because this turned into an emotional casefic. This fic got so far away from me, and I drove myself insane while writing it, because I wanted to 'hold back', but then I couldn't. And I thought the dark and gory elements were some of the best things I have ever written - but it was received as a flop when I first posted it.

And when I posted it on Tumblr, the chapter with the smut scene in it was the one that always consistently got the most likes - even though it's a chapter in the middle of the story. So I could tell that even though I slaved over making the whole fic consistently very good, as a whole, well-rounded story, a lot of people were only reading one chapter in the middle of it for smut, and that's it. And that made me really upset.

(Like if you want a oneshot for smut, just go find one. It made me regret even labelling it as 'the smut chapter'.)

And just the pure mental and emotional exhaustion I went through to get such little return from the readers - I vowed that I was probably never going to write a Criminal Minds fic ever again.

And I have so many ideas for a sequel to Burn The Witch, but I think if I actually try plotting it all out and writing it and make it how I envision it - it will put me in a mental asylum, because it will end up being like 100k and I don't know if I can write it how I envision it being. Or if I will go crazy in the process.

So generally, I have such a love/hate relationship with writing Criminal Minds fanfics. I think they're fun and I think they can turn out so good, but the readers can be so picky and demanding in that fandom specifically. So I often like to steer clear unless a particular idea is just haunting me. Which is why I am surprised that I ended up writing more for CM this year.

#anonymous #sundrop answers #about me #music #pierce the veil #jason todd x reader #vanessa shelly x reader #spencer reid x reader #ask game

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pelideswhore · 2 years ago

Text

the horror and the wild (and achilles)

basically i’m trying to explain why the songs that are in my iliad playlist are there at all and ofc i’m starting with none other than achilles. I’m gonna do this line-by-line so you can listen as you read but i won’t be doing repeated lines. enjoy <3

also, yes, i am aware that the song is written about an abusive relationship between father and child, and i love listening it to it in that sense (yes i’m traumatized) but in this context it’s obvs different. my ability to make everything about achilles is a gift that keeps on giving. if you don’t want this song to have different meaning than what it’s actually about, just stop reading.

You were raised by wolves and voices, every night I hear them howling deep beneath your bed —

The ‘you’ in this line is Achilles, who knew from a very young age that he was destined for greatness. He based his entire personality around the fact, hence the having been ‘raised’ by voices. The ‘wolves’ also remind me of the fact that he a) spent many years in a cave with Charon and b) had many father figures. I mean it. Count them.

They said it all comes down to (you) —

This ties in with the previous line. Achilles really was told that the fate of the war and hence the entirety of Greece depends on him, when he was literally a child. That’s way too much responsibility for a five-year-old if you were looking for parenting tips.

You’re the daughter of silent watching stones, you watch the stars hurl all their fundaments in wonderment at you and yours, forever asking more —

I mostly connect the female part of the song to Thetis. Firstly, I feel like this segment already makes her feel like an ethereal, divine being (although Madeleine’s voice does that well enough ngl), at the same time it also describes her character very well. The fact that the stars ‘hurl all their fundaments’ reminds me of Book (idk what book it is), where Zeus fulfills Thetis’ wish on Achilles’ behalf, no questions asked. I also feel like some people forget that Zeus literally wanted to marry her, she was that gorgeous, so ya.

You are the space that’s in between every page, every chord and every screen. You are the driftwood and the rift, the words I promise I don’t mean —

I don’t know what this means. Love it tho.

We’re drunk, but drinking; sunk, but sinking —

I love this line so much, you have no idea. It brings up the idea that while they all know that they are fated to die and it is guaranteed, there’s still living it in real time. They’re eating, laughing, speaking, with the knowledge that tomorrow they won’t be able to. They’re dead men walking. Also, on a less existential note, it reminds me of the fact that they’ve doomed themselves by starting the war and yet they continue it. They’ve dug themselves a hole and instead of hopping out, they dig deeper.

They thought us blind, we were just blinking —

Patroclus and Achilles now: Their decision to put the war on hold, a momentary action, is the blinking, in relation to “blindness” which would’ve been leaving. The ‘they’ who thought them blind could really be Agamemnon, who underestimates and insults Achilles with the little party he sends to him. Or it could be Hector and the Trojans who believed they were safe … and then Achilles came back.

All the stones and kings of old will hear us screaming at the cold —

The stones are a perfectrepresentation of the Trojan wall and the kings, well, that’s the current Trojan royal family but also all that have passed. They will hear Achilles screaming at the cold, which could be the sea or Patroclus’ corpse if you want to take it literally. When he hears the news of Patroclus’ death, his screams do in fact reach Troy.

Remember me, I ask. Remember me, I sing —

Yeah. Remembrance for Achilles is obviously a big thing, so I’m not going to go super deep here, however the switch from ‘ask’ to ‘sing’ is really nice, considering we’re taking about an epic that was sung in remembrance of Achilles. The first word of the Iliad is literally ‘sing’.

Give me back my heart you wingless (thing) —

This could very much be about the fight for Patroclus’ corpse, but Achilles didn’t even know that was happening at the time, so instead I just make it about Achilles wanting Patroclus to be alive again. He does in fact refer to him as “his soul’s far dearer part”.

Think of all the horrors that I promised you I’d bring —

To me, this sounds like Achilles referring to threats he made to Hector about killing him and bringing destruction to his people. While the threats were empty at the time, now, after Patroclus has died, he takes them very seriously.

I promise you, they’ll sing of every time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child —

In the song, this is the same person as in the lines before and after, considering it’s a song about a father and his son, but to me, this line is about the fact that Achilles wants the affection Patroclus showed him to be remembered. He doesn’t want the love they had to go forgotten. This is 100% caused by the fact that in my writing, Patroclus and Achilles’ hair is a huge thing you might want to look out for if you read it lols. OH also, the fact that he cuts it after Patroclus dies is like a “if you can’t touch it, no one can” moment.

Witness me, old man, I am the wild —

Back to the Trojans. ‘Old man’ here obviously means father but we’ll just ignore that and apply it to Priam, specifically to the scene where he comes to Achilles’ tent and asks for Hector’s corpse back.

You are the son of every dressing up box —

Honestly, I have no idea what this means. It definitely does remind me of Achilles hiding in a costume among the princesses in Skyros, but that doesn’t hold all too much significance. Dressing up is also usually a kids’ game which reminds you that he’s really just a kid pretending to be someone he’s not.

And I am time itself, I slow to let you play. I steal the hours and turn the nights into (day) —

Instead of giving the female voice just to Thetis, I could classify it as divine interference as a whole. This line specifically is giving me Athena vibes, though she is not time itself. The way she refers to what would be battling in this context as ‘playing’ shows how superior she is and how much she looks down upon even her favoured soldiers. It also reiterates for the millionth time that these soldiers are really just children. The fact that Athena has to ‘let’ him or allow him to play illustrates that Achilles is dependent on divine interference to win his battles, but specifically the duel with Hector.

Day by day, oh lord, three things I pray, that I might understand as best I can how bold I was, could be, will be - still am, by god, still am —

Here we get to the self-reflection where Achilles realizes that he was never as great as he thought he’d be, and that he had failed his people by not using that greatness to its full potential. The ‘will be’ and ‘still am’ parts are just him hyping himself up to take revenge on Hector, reminding himself that he does have the strength to do it.

Fret not, dear heart, let not them hear the mutterings of all your fears, the fluttering of all your wings —

I don’t know how deep I can go into this beyond what it literally means. He simply can’t let on that he’s scared. I guess the wings do represent his inner demons, but it’s also kind of funny when you think of him being Podarkes aka. having “winged feet”.

Welcome to the storm, I am thunder —

In the storm that is the war, Achilles is the thunder, the loud thing everyone fears. It’s quite interesting to consider that in reality, thunder is safe. The danger is the lighting. In my mind, Achilles considers Patroclus to be the lightning, which makes sense when you remember that after his death Achilles admits that he is not the best of all Greeks, but Patroclus. This leaves Achilles to be the thunder, the echo of what truly mattered.

Welcome to my table, bring your hunger —

This is similar to the line before. It’s his table, his war. Hector is the one that has to come prepared, ready to fight, but also ready to be served, ready to die.

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