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toweroftickles · 3 years ago

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UNCATEGORIZED FILES: Completely Random Ticklish Character Examinations

Exploring the multiverse for ticklish test subjects is surprisingly tedious sometimes. There’s so much data to sift through, tons of organization, and you’re often stuck with the same popular victims.

It’s fun to go after underutilized, unknown, or obscure entities. As of yet these personality profiles cannot properly be sorted within existing folders.

Mary Smith (Mary & The Witch’s Flower)

Most Ticklish Spots: Arches, Belly, Knees

A kind but proud witch student…skillful, protective of own image. Can’t stand being tickled - considers it humiliating and frustrating. Post-release, will immediately curl up into a ball, or cover her stomach with her arms and pout.

Sad-sounding laughter that really lers you know that she hates it. Helplessly begs for it to stop.

Will react with fury, and fight back.

Tickle Talk: Playful teasing with plenty of giggles, if she’s the one who starts it. If enacting revenge, however, she taunts aggressively and angrily to embarrass her playmate as much as possible.

When allowed the use of magic, imaginatively utilizes tickling finger spells, as well as object manipulation and stasis.

Teased about how ticklish she is by her boyfriend Peter. Tickle fights common.

Add. Notes: Comparisons to (her contemporary) Kiki are all but inevitable - not quite as ticklish but much less open to enjoying it. Direct side-by-side comparison may be beneficial for studying the impact of magic on sensitivity.

Razor Lemay (Starlink: Battle for Atlas)

Most Ticklish Spots: Feet, Abs and Belly Button, Upper Ribcage

This no-nonsense metal band pilot is highly resistant - use stronger restraints in future. A violent thrasher. Headbanging skills came in handy when freeing herself.

Never ceased to let me know that I’m a “sick weirdo.” Consider this possibility.

Though toned and muscular, her skin is surprisingly soft. Weak to any kind of tickling.

Most effective tool: backscratchers

Has an airy laugh that is mostly gasps and wheezes; runs out of breath quickly.

Used the phrase “oh my god” more than any other subject studied so far. Offered up nonstop torrent of swearing, violent threats, and begging for mercy.

Jojo McDodd (Horton Hears A Who)

Most Ticklish Spots: Sides, Feet

Hates it. Becomes embarrassed and angry when tickled. Will frustratedly sulk rather than fight back or seek revenge.

Usually groans through teeth but can’t prevent the odd chuckle from slipping out. Skilled at holding his voice in. Press the matter further.

Involuntary reflex - noodly arm flailing if not restrained.

Very responsive to poking and light, fluttery touches.

Often depressed. His mother, Sally O’Malley (who, according to him, is also quite ticklish - investigate) used to tickle him in attempt to cheer him up, but abandoned this years ago upon realizing it bothered him.

When his younger sisters want to pester him, tickling is a go-to option.

Add. Notes: With their long, fuzzy, highly-animated fingers, natural mischievous mirth, and piano-playing aptitude, the Who species has evolved anatomy well-suited for tickling others.

Schell The Spacewitch (Yooka-Laylee)

Most Ticklish Spots: Belly, Armpits

Considers tickling to be her “one true weakness” - doesn’t hate it, but it renders her utterly incapacitated.

Has one of those hearty laughs that carries well over distances.

Feathers are very effective.

Will eagerly return the favor - once used feather tickling as an interrogation method on a fellow spacewitch.

Interplanetary adventures have put her in conflict with various alien plants and monsters, some of which accidentally tickled her with tongues or tentacles or the like - take samples for further lab testing.

Sphinx (Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy)

Most Ticklish Spots: Belly Button, Feet

The adventurous and heroic sort, he’s a little bit cocky….tickling is a good way to make him slightly less so.

A surprisingly effective technique is to tickle his stomach with his own tail. Good results.

He himself occasionally uses his tail this way to flirt with girls.

Not excessively ticklish, but ticklish enough. Will at least squirm and try to pull away.

Doesn’t show much strong emotion…more vaguely weirded out by this than anything else.

Pipirika (Magi: Adventure of Sinbad)

Most Ticklish Spots: Toes/Balls of Feet, Ribs, Inner Thighs

Unusual Ticklish Spots: Inner Elbow

Loud and rough, unrefined. But also very friendly, excitable, and loves to laugh.

Like all Imuchakk people, huge in stature and musculature. Between her large size and insistence on always going barefoot, she’s a tempting target.

If you ask if she’s ticklish, or for permission to tickle her, she’ll gladly say yes and volunteer with a big smile on her face.

That said, she frequently seems to find herself much more ticklish than she remembers.

She likes it but she’s a kicker. Hard to pin down and will not hold still. Tough restraints essential.

Will always seek playful vengeance or start a tickle brawl. Loves to tickle her brother and friends. Often giggles and laughs more than the people she tickles.

Hearty, rumbling belly laugh. Very cute.

Can’t keep a secret; will tell others if you like tickling. (Not out of malice - she thinks it’s hilarious.)

Fire (Adventurers: Masters of Time)

Most Ticklish Spots: Feet, Lower Tummy, Belly Button

Self-described as “a total tickler. You better watch out!”

Her default attack when trying to escape an enemy’s grip is to tickle them. Has done it more than once. It’s canon. So there.

Claims to have used her school’s time travel computer specifically to visit and “play tickle pranks” on famous historical figures. Seemed very excited by the multiversal capabilities of the Tower.

Spunky and playful. Very energetic. Tickle Talk: mean, merciless, and will make fun of her victims for being so ticklish and weak.

Apparently aware that her constantly-exposed belly invites tickling. Will dare others to start a tickle fight with her “because you’ll lose.”

Most vulnerable to rough tickles (especially brushes).

Always laughs wildly and tells her tickler to stop, but seems to enjoy it at less-intense levels.

Add. Notes: I like this girl. She could be very useful.

Saki Amamiya & Airan Jo (Sin & Punishment/Smash Bros.)

Most Ticklish Spots (Saki): Feet, Belly, Lower Ribcage

Most Ticklish Spots (Airan): Toes, Sides

Virtually inseparable couple. Could not tickle one without the other.

A highly skilled gymnast and gunner, Saki will jump out of his skin when tickled. Airan will lash out physically or curl up into a defensive ball.

Saki is the more ticklish of the two. He’s a live wire of sensitivity; a poke can cripple him. Has a high-pitched giggle.

Airan has a low, wailing laugh. Quickly tears up and complains about how much her tummy hurts when tickled.

Airan sometimes tickles Saki awake in the morning and teases him when he squirms.

Both hate being tickled: feel it’s a silly, embarrassing vulnerability.

Neither are particularly touchy/physical and never really tickle each other. Don’t think about it often.

Saki eventually develops Ruffian physiology after an experiment with his blood - effects of this on ticklishness unknown.

Tess Darrett (Pole Position)

Most Ticklish Spots: Arches, Armpits

Unusual Ticklish Spots: Upper Back, Under Chin

Rarely far separated from her stunt rally cars and spy technology. Exceptionally difficult to apprehend.

Resourceful and skilled in combat. Exercise caution.

Once captured by a criminal organization and interrogated with feathers to make her reveal the access codes to her stunt car computer AI, Wheels. Strong willpower - laughed and laughed but refused to talk.

Otherwise is only ever tickled by her younger sister Daisy (who reportedly is also very ticklish, and has also been interrogated to force her older siblings’ hands).

Not usually a tickler. Avoids going after her younger brother, because he’s not ticklish and would definitely get her back.

Typical sibling relationship: her brother used to pin her down and tickle her when they were kids. She hates it.

Add. Notes: If a woman who is deeply entrenched in the seedy underworld has big 70s/80s hair and often wears a jumpsuit, just assume that she’s tough but with a soft side and also very ticklish. (See also: Fujiko Mine, Carmen Boom, April O’Neil.)

Conclusions:

I might indeed be a sick weirdo. This merits further study.

Breaking character…yeah, IDK what the hell this is and I’m assuming none of you care. Just kinda wanted to blow off steam. I like weird characters that nobody else really cares about.

And why the hell do I even write some of my blog entries this way? Deliberately making things “less fun” seems kinda like a bad idea.

#tickle blog #tickling #tickle #tickling community #tickling headcanons #headcanon #tickle fic #tickle headcanon

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breadclubrising · 4 years ago

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Your thoughts on Ibushi feeling mentally weak because of his loss? I feel like he hurts(? If that makes sense like he is not being enough for his idol and that affects his performance in some kind of way, also DT proposing a new partner downplaying Tanahashi's effort and them being pushy in "beg us for the titles! Muahahaha" gives out they want it more than GA since they already decided not to go for a rematch until they win one. In the end just want to hear your thoughts Ibushi's storyline

Ha, Anon. You know not what you ask. I have been working on an essay about this for a while now (aren’t you shocked!), so I’ll excerpt some of it here. And now this is becoming an essay in its own right.

(I made a post about this and...)

---

Aw thanks, Anon. I will try to address all of this. It is very long, and I’m sorry.

---

I’ll start by saying this: Golden Ace made me stop watching wrestling for a while. It hurt that much. Just to put out there how many feelings I have about this.

First things first:

I do not know that I can convey with human language how much I love Hiroshi Tanahashi. My favorite readings of his character give him a tragic edge; to me the shining superstar is not nearly as interesting without his dark side: his need to control, his unwillingness to admit that he is slowing down, his single-minded view of what is Good and Right. His career arc—where he began as an iconoclast who in-kayfabe single-handedly saved NJPW from ruin and saved its wrestlers from the brutality of Inokiism, and has morphed into a well-meaning but narrow-minded patriarch who Knows Best, in part because of his being so beloved for what he achieved, gracelessly pretending he is not getting slower—is heartbreaking and beautiful. He beat the man only to become the man. He sacrificed so much and tries to impose his way on others as a way of justifying his sacrifices. I have... just so much written about Tana’s career arc. It’s one of my favorites ever.

And honestly, I love the story of Ibushi and Tanahashi as a story. It’s heartbreaking and beautifully performed. On an out-of-kayfabe level, I adore both of them and their ability to share of themselves so deeply while still making a story for public consumption.

But in kayfabe, as an Ibustan? Tana and I are gonna have a problem.

(so, so much more below this cut. you have been warned.)

My slacker genius hero

idk if you’ve noticed this, but Ibushi is consistently depicted as kind of weird. And I confess I’m projecting a bit here, but part of being Weird On Main is that you do it because you cannot be not-weird no matter how hard you try. Maybe sometimes you can contain it, but your default state is weird and whatever it is that normal people do, you do not understand it nor are you capable of doing it.

His entire career has been guided by his heart first and ambition second. That’s how he is, he follows his heart. The dearth of fucks he gives about what he should be doing is truly awe-inspiring. And that was probably for his own survival: when you are that fucking talented, what you should be doing is a weight you carry with you at all times. People constantly wondered why he didn’t try to ‘do better’ than DDT. As soon as he got to NJPW, people wondered why he wasn’t bulking up to move up to heavyweight. As soon as he was able to gain enough weight, he was in the G1 (where he promptly got a concussion).

He has always seemed to struggle with the weight of Living Up To His Potential, knowing that talent like his obligated him to answer for it, but also knowing that he doesn’t feel invested in things unless he’s enjoying himself. Career achievements were never much of a motivator for him—he wanted them, of course, but always ran into the wall of having to sacrifice his own happiness or mental health to get them. But like... normal people do that all the time, right? Sacrifice and hate their lives in order to reach some long-wanted goal? And like many Weirds, Kota seemed to spend a long time stuck in the tortuous I SHOULD be able to do this, normal people can do this brainspace.

The best example of this is something that Tanahashi would have admired: at one time, Kota was the first wrestler in a major promotion to have two home promotions. Like literally two full-time jobs as a wrestler; on the full-time roster at both DDT and at NJPW. What kind of wrestler is worth that physical risk and scheduling nightmare? What kind of wrestler is worth sharing as a commodity with one of your competitor promotions? Kota Fucking Ibushi is.

This burned him out quickly—he says, far more emotionally than physically—and he left wrestling altogether for a while, with the official excuse of finally getting surgery on a herniated disc in his neck. He wrestled at WWE for a bit before, shockingly, finding it too constrictive.

Finally, he decided to become a freelancer, which is A Choice when you are one of the most naturally talented people a sport has ever seen. It means you won’t be winning major titles and you won’t get a ton of investment from any one promotion, but it also means you get to control what you do, when you do it, and how much of it you do. Ibushi rejected any career path that would lead to traditionally-defined success, and he did so intentionally, in service of his mental health and ability to love his job.

Because like. He tried to do what a normal person with his level of talent would do, and he couldn’t stand it. It made him hate wrestling and his life. He pushed himself hard and he failed. Not meaning that he did not succeed in terms of his career—he was doing great when he left NJPW, and WWE offered him contract stipulations and money that were unheard of—but meaning his body and mind began failing him. Finally, he’d been forced to accept that the world’s expectations simply did not work for him. And then he had decided to be unashamed of that, and built himself a way of being that fit him, in a culture where obedience is a sign of maturity and poise (you can see it in the word: 大人しい; “quiet, docile, obedient”; literally “like an adult”).

The Ace and the Golden Star

Tanahashi and Ibushi may sort of be coming to a place of understanding now, but they haven’t historically seen each other as equals. Ibushi calls Tana a god, and Tana has always admired Ibushi’s talent, but been disappointed by his work ethic. (Hiroshi “Very Extremely Healthy And Non-Fucked-Up Relationship With Work Ethic” Tanahashi and Kota “Reacts Well To Being Told Not To Do Things” Ibushi.)

When Ibushi came back to NJPW for the G1 in 2017, he was coming back to it on his own terms, as a freelancer. He debuted his finisher Kamigoye (which, in case anyone has never read my blog before, means “go beyond god”) to beat Tanahashi during that same G1.

Ibushi lost his subsequent challenge for Tanahashi’s IWGP Intercontinental Championship, and at the end of the match, he tearfully embraced victorious Tanahashi, who patted his very worthy rival on the head. Ibushi felt humbled, like he hadn’t lived up to his potential. By losing, he felt he’d disappointed Tana.

And maybe Tana didn’t disagree. Tana spent the 2018 G1 (and the theme continued through the latter half of 2018) saying in his backstage comments that Kota Ibushi wasn’t living up to his potential. That he needed to work harder and put his nose to the grindstone to become Great.

Tanahashi genuinely admires Ibushi and is amazed by his talent, so he truly saw it all as coming from a place of love. He’s a big fan! He just wanted to see Ibushi do his best, and Tana has a really strong opinion about what “doing your best” means. In Tana’s mind, Ibushi (who one thousand percent Did Not Ask) needed to get serious and win some titles, needed to commit and work harder, devote more of his time and energy to wrestling, and generally follow exactly the path Tana himself had in order to succeed. And Tana didn’t mind saying so without invitation, and to the press.

Oh, and don’t forget that coincidentally Ibushi was on a tag team with Kenny Omega, whom Tana disliked for reasons he juuuust couldn’t put his finger on. (Later it came out: Kenny’s an immigrant! Ha ha! Great and good! I could do a whole other essay about this storyline. It was REALLY good and they had to abandon it completely.) Ibushi needed to get serious about his life and stop wasting time with that loser (IWGP Heavyweight Champion) Kenny Omega. Kenneth was dragging Ibushi down, said Tana, which—regardless of whether you agree with Tana or not—is uh... probably not an opinion you should just volunteer out loud to the press about someone you purportedly care about.

Tana was offering ‘helpful’ suggestions without realizing that not only was Ibushi happier than he’d ever been, he was happy because he had already tried the things Tana was helpfully suggesting, and had deliberately decided to do the opposite of that, so that he could be happy.

When your entire thing is in my career I do things on my terms, this is who I am and I’m not sorry, and someone is telling you you’re doing your career wrong, it’s gonna sting extra. Because you’re a fucking weirdo, and if you could do things the expected conventional way, you would in a heartbeat. So the thing that you are “doing wrong” is a thing you have fought tooth and nail to do in a way that works for you. If it meant being shamed for it, it didn’t matter, because there was no other way you could have done it.

So, Tana didn’t know it, I don’t think, but his ‘the way you’re managing your career is wrong’, tragically, really meant ‘the way you are is wrong’, when applied to Ibushi.

(And? When you’re doing it wrong and part of what you’re doing right now is being extremely fucking gay? That “get serious about your life” plays into a whole mess of extremely unfortunate tropes about gays. I have no idea if these tropes exist in Japan as well, but western gays are deeply familiar with them. Of course I don’t at all believe Tana meant it that way, but unfortunately, as A Gay, it’s too familiar for me not to hear it there. Feels bad man.)

YOU’RE NOT MY DAD

After all that well-meaning (?) shit talking, Ibushi and Tanahashi faced each other in the 2018 G1 finals. Ibushi lost. Was Tana right about all that untapped potential? Was Ibushi once again humbled because god beat his ass?

Last time Tana beat Ibushi, they hugged, Tanahashi magnanimously recognizing the great effort on Ibushi’s part. This time, he held out his hand for a handshake. They’ve come so far as rivals. Right?

Ibushi looked at it, then held up both hands in front of him, shaking his head and backing away. He said backstage that Kenny would have hit Tanahashi, and Tanahashi clearly wanted a handshake as equals. But, he said, he is not Kenny, nor is he Tanahashi. He does things on his terms.

He didn’t care if it looked disrespectful: Tanahashi’s handshake was a patronizing offer of forgiveness for Ibushi’s failure to live up to Tana’s ideal. Ibushi’s rejection was not disrespect, but demanding respect from someone who had explicitly told him he did not deserve it from them unless he became a different human being than the one he’s fought to be.

Ibushi left with his head high, so defiant in his weirdness that even if God Himself says you need to change who you are to be worthy of my approval and acceptance Ibushi says, actually the way I am is great, thanks, and I will love myself whether you approve or not.

I can’t say how much he means to me, because of that. Him rejecting fucking god telling him to be someone else—someone who did not love himself—was more than I could have ever dreamed I’d get out of wrestling. A man who had found, as I had in my life, that no amount of wanting to be able to do things the way that normal people do them would grant that ability, had then decided to find a way that would work for him, and do that. And so had I, and around the same time (Kota and I are also p much the same age). And then, when defeated, instead of allowing someone to say ‘this is because you did not conform,’ he said ‘I cannot be truly defeated because tomorrow, I will still do things the way that makes me happy and fulfilled.’ I could write so much more but I’ll stop here: it meant everything to me.

I mean... dad?

Fast forward to the 2019 G1. A lot had changed. Ibushi had signed full-time with NJPW, much to Tana’s satisfaction. In the leadup to Wrestle Kingdom that year, Tana had very deliberately and openly used Ibushi as a cudgel against Kenny Omega, saying Omega did not deserve his partner, Ibushi, and did not deserve his home, Japan. He had told Omega, who had dutifully worked his way up the NJPW ranks to become the most beloved gaijin in NJPW’s history, that he should not be the third Musketeer (the big 3 guys in the promotion from each generation; the others of this generation being Naito and Okada). Putting a gaijin in that role is Not Done, and Kenny was already Top Gaijin, which was the highest a gaijin should be allowed to go. Further, Tana believed that Ibushi, a part-time freelancer who was not signed with NJPW, should be the third Musketeer, because he is Japanese and Kenny isn’t.

In kayfabe, Tana had negged Ibushi’s Golden Lover right out of Japan, but NJPW seemed pretty determined to erase the memory of Omega, so Ibushi and Tanahashi were on friendly-ish terms,

“Everything I am begins and ends with Tanahashi,” Ibushi said before the match. Kota won, which almost everyone was expecting, but the real question we all had: how would he treat the Ace once he’d won? Once he embraced him, once he’d pushed him away. Who was Kota Ibushi now, in relation to god? And in relation to the company itself, which Ibushi had recently committed to ‘for the rest of my life’—and which Tanahashi personified? Victorious Ibushi crawled over to Tanahashi and gratefully clasped his hands in fervent appreciation, foreheads together, Tanahashi smiling approvingly, patting his head like ya did good kid. Later backstage, Tana said something like “I sensed a lot of pain in you when we fought, but I can tell you used it to overcome your shortcomings, let go of what was holding you back, and reach your potential.” And at the end of the match, Ibushi had seemed to be in agreement, looking prostrate and humbled, seeking forgiveness for his past sins.

I was saying ‘i-BOO-shi’

Except, like… his “past sins” were: soul-searching and learning what was important to him. Healing physically and emotionally from burnout. Making his way back, on his own terms and no one else’s, to the career he’d had to leave to save himself. Reuniting with a his lost love—not without complication, but undeniably making him happier than he’d been in years, finding the joy in wrestling again, giving himself the emotional energy to invest more and more in his career, but smartly this time, protecting himself. And then telling the Ace of New Japan that he would continue to do things his own way, and no one else’s.

He did all of this against the backdrop of a culture that punishes individualism or makes it a spectacle. He asserted himself nevertheless, because it was either that or a breakdown. And all of those things were what Tanahashi felt he should be apologetic for, what he had wanted Ibushi to excise from his wrestling and his personality in order to Reach His Potential.

And... it worked. Ibushi played by the rules, conformed to expectation, and not only did he win, he was accepted and forgiven for his waywardness. Turns out, Tana was right all along: Ibushi needed to be less himself in order to be truly successful. Not only that, through career success and sacrificing the things that made him happy (because they also made him most himself which, again, was bad), he was finally truly fulfilled.

After an entire career’s worth of refusing for his own sake to do what others expected of him, he finally lived every Weird Person’s wildest fantasy, wherein we sacrifice every strange thing about ourselves that we’ve spent our lives learning to love, in order to Conform, but instead of blowing up in our faces, THIS TIME, FINALLY, it worked, and at long last we found that being Normal truly does bring happiness and success and our parents finally love us. He’s through the looking glass, but he can’t hear us on the Weird side anymore, and doesn’t even remember that there ever were Weirds. And now all the Weirds back home have seen the horrible truth, that changing who you are fundamentally in order to be obedient is… actually the right thing to do, which of course means they were right about us all along. We aren’t good enough just as we are, fundamentally; our parents were justified in withholding unconditional love and everyone else was right to mock us. We throw all our Kurt Vonnegut books into the garbage and we weep.

That was the story.

So at first I kind of half-heartedly tried to convince myself that all of this was that thing where no matter how much sincere emotional work you do, you will never stop secretly craving your parents’ approval; we are practically hard-wired to want it. And then I moved toward seeing the grateful gesture as a sort of forgiveness, a recognition that his pedestal of Tanahashi had finally toppled and shattered. After all, Ibushi is the sort of dude who got all the way down on the ground to bow to both Nagata and Yoshi-Hashi after beating them in G1 matches, and that certainly wasn’t an apology, it was humble gratitude for their work. So maybe this was a true going beyond god—Thank you truly. I don’t need you anymore.

But... it probably wasn’t that, and it was hard to believe my own bullshit. Ibushi is also the sort of dude who, in his first entrance upon his return in 2017, had gotten all the way down on the ground to bow to fans in deep apology for having been gone for two years; ie apologizing for caring for himself. Heh. But uh... maybe this Tana thing was just a heat-of-the-moment thing, like a quasi-kayfabe act of true honesty?

LOLNO! Time for Golden Ace to immediately win the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Championships, thus not only cementing Ibushi’s return to the Well-Behaved fold and certifying Tanahashi as The Guy Who Was Right About You, but also having all of these things be kayfabe events that happened within the span of a little more than two years:

Ibushi gets an emotional gay reunion with his tag team and life partner

Tanahashi uses Ibushi as a weapon against said partner, who is forced to leave the company, vindicating Tana’s opinions about both Ibushi and Omega (I don’t care how much you hate Omega, that is a shitty thing to do even if we only care about Ibushi’s feelings.)

Ibushi and Tanahashi win the tag team belts that the Golden Lovers never even got to challenge for

COOL AND GOOD. LOVE THAT.

That story really hurt. I couldn’t watch them be a team.

Haha unless? This current story really hurts too, honestly. But maybe it’s making the past hurt a little less. MAYBE.

So, Tana has been getting physically stiffer and slower for a while now, and now it’s kinda becoming hard to ignore.

And maybe, hanging out with Tanahashi seemed cool at first but then when Ibushi realized he’d excised every interesting thing about himself in order to conform to what Tana expected of him, it started to wear on him. I’m hoping I can be allowed to have that interpretation.

So Ibushi’s forced to be like ‘hey I need you to step up your game bro,’ which, if Ibushi ever fantasized about turning the rhetorical tables on Tanahashi’s criticism, doesn’t seem to feel nearly as good as he’d hoped it would. It feels bad for both of them.

And Tana seems humbled, because he’s been so embarrassed and stubborn about admitting that maybe, possibly, potentially, he could be slightly perhaps showing signs of failing to be immortal. But maybe he also now sees that his ‘tough love’ criticism of Ibushi didn’t make Ibushi better, ultimately, it just made him care about and value the same stuff Tana does. And oops, now maybe Ibushi has ideas about success that don’t really take into account the limitations Tana has, even if he’s worked very very very hard to try to push through them until he was forced to admit that he needed to find another way. This sounds familiar and I hate it!

Tanahashi is now trying to find his way. And Ibushi, once humbly appreciating Nagata and Yoshi-Hashi after beating them, is now hard-eyed and almost deliberately lacking awareness of others’ need for compassion. Tana got what he wanted—Ibushi in his own image—but now he’d probably be a lot better off with the sparkly-eyed mischief-maker who doesn’t care as much about titles as he cares about loving wrestling.

Of course, Kota very much had his own reasons for doing this too—he felt the pressure to win titles to match his talent at least as much as Tana felt it for him—but it’s still kinda heartbreaking that he became the determined and serious never-getting-too-close-to-anyone company man that Tana envisioned him as, and then it worked. That’s a completely new way of judging his worth as a person, when he’d spent his career before that judging his worth by how happy and fulfilled he was. So when he loses now, he’s even more hard on himself because he’s also letting Tana down, and Tana really believed in him.

But I think he’s also starting to get uncomfortable, because he’s getting dangerously close to re-learning a lesson he has already learned pretty painfully. He’s done all this work and sacrifice only to find that—shockingly— winning and being seen as a Top Guy is still not worth your happiness and mental health.

And it was PRETTY shitty of him to walk away from Tana getting a beatdown! That felt VERY bad. But Tana has been failing to admit that he can’t do the shit he used to do, to his own detriment. IMO that doesn’t justify Ibushi leaving him to deal with shit on his own but also, I kinda don’t blame him if he feels resentful of Tana for asking him to be a different person in order to fit within Tana’s vision of him, all while Tana refuses to admit that he himself does not fit the vision he has for himself, which is ultimately making it harder to do the thing Ibushi now feels more driven to do than ever—partially because of Tana’s influence—which is win. WHEW.

FEELS BAD.

But! Hey! Then Tana did exactly what Ibushi asked and like cut a little fat and got more serious about his hair and tan. And then he got a pin on Dangerous Tekkers and now he deserves a title shot. And he’s like ‘Ibushi in Soviet Russia god stans u’ and Ibushi is like “excellent sir, ready 2 only care about my personal success!” So now they’re friends again? And they’re even, because a person not accepting that they have to conform to others’ expectations, and a person not accepting that they are aging like every human being does, are totally morally equivalent? And all that nuanced storytelling was totally in my head?

Yay?

So where is this going?

Bro idk. I’m so deflated by this storyline it’s hard to think of a scenario that would make me stop being devastated by potentially having THE major reason wrestling means so much to me (Kota Ibushi’s weirdness and perpetual defiance of expectation, for the sake of fiercely and unwaveringly committing to himself and the belief that he deserves to be valued for who he is, his hard-fought path that he carved for himself when he saw that he couldn’t do stuff the way he was Supposed To, succeeding because he is unapologetically honoring that in a world that demands conformity and obedience and punishes deviation; PLUS GAY, which makes everything even more poignant I’M TOTALLY FINE) permanently written out of existence.

If Kota learned that forcing yourself to be normal 1. totally works, 2. brings instant success, and 3. was the right thing to do all along because the way you were was stupid and foolish and the fact that you ever thought you should be accepted, let alone allowed to feel okay about yourself, let alone happy, when you can’t even do the most basic human functions correctly, just goes to highlight how deeply alien and unacceptable you are, fundamentally, as a person LIKE I SAID I’M FINE IT’S FINE, then I should probably stop caring about wrestling and get to figuring how to live a 9-5 existence and how not to care about things to a degree that makes other people laugh at me and not use ten-dollar words and stop making men feel nervous because I’m way smarter than they are, and also i guess have a dog and find a monogamous husband whom will get me pregnant with some kids, and I’ll go to bed at a reasonable hour! Because! If Kota can do it and be successful then goddammit I can too.

I’m fine.

But idk. It’s hard to imagine why they’d do this little rift storyline and have nothing come of it except Golden Ace are better bros than ever before. I don’t even know what I want. Right now it feels like this arc is about Tana’s development, and Kota is kinda a supporting character.

Maybe it felt valuable to in-kayfabe acknowledge the fact that Tana sometimes looks like his knees and hips don’t bend, but ultimately show that the Ace has still got it! And also Kota Ibushi is a selfish asshole who talks down to his elders. I mean, a stern but fair leader? I mean a driven, tough-love champion?

Maybe Tana will fail in the title match despite his cosmetic improvements, because he has still fundamentally failed to earnestly engage with his limitations.

Maybe he really has accepted and learned to work with a new reality and now he’s on fire.

I think the only way to make this feel satisfying would be to turn it into a long-term rivalry of some flavor, where Tana had the Ace Wars with Okada, now he can have a God War with Ibushi. When Tana can no longer be NJPW’s heart and soul, I don’t think anyone can fill those shoes. But he has already in many ways passed on the soul of NJPW to Okada which was cemented with the Ace Wars, so maybe this is how he’ll eventually (hopefully a while from now) pass on the heart of NJPW to Ibushi; make Ibushi earn it the same way Okada had to unequivocally prove he was worthy of Ace, including to Tanahashi himself.

I could see a rivalry where they go their separate ways but are grateful for having learned some things together. They truly both feel like equals now, and they support each other living their best lives. This would be a rivalry where they constantly push each other to be better; Ibushi figuring out a way to be true to himself and still win, and Tanahashi figuring out how to have a glorious, once-in-a-century late career and gaining new vitality as he throws off the weight of pretending he’s still in his prime.

RACHEL ARE WE GETTING A HEEL TURN OR NO

ORRRR I guess one of them could turn heel, because they’re both the shiniest babyfaces and that would rule. While they both know how to heel when needed and take up the mantle gleefully, neither has had a proper heel run really.

In normal times I’d say ‘but I don’t really think it’s likely that either of them will turn heel’, but these are not normal times. I truly don’t know what to think or expect. Bullet Club is missing its heavy hitters and may be for a while (can it be Yujiro’s time to shine at last??), which is why EVIL and Dick Togo are there now. In a way I could see a heel Tanahashi take advantage of that power vacuum and it would be incredibly badd ass.

I could see Tanahashi resenting Ibushi and getting real mean about it, doing that thing where someone provokes Ibushi until they go too far and get rekt. Like going back and using all that ‘i’m your father and i disapprove’ bullshit he did. Ibushi wins the HW title, Tana challenges and loses bc he makes the same old ‘but i’m actually 27 years old still’ miscalculations that have been a problem for Golden Ace. But he gets his groove back and eventually beats Ibushi for the HW title, and gets a later-career run he deserves (i lov u tana).

But... it actually would NOT rule at all to see Ibushi turn heel.

Which is a major shame, because you have no idea how on board I am, in theory, with him donning the black and gold, dyeing his hair back to black, being sadistic all of the time, thinking up tag team moves for him and ZSJ, getting evil smiles of approval from The King, and somehow becoming good at not only talking but saying mean things, which he never ever does even when people are mean to him. In a just world, I could be very down with Suzuki-gun Ibushi.

But we do not live in a just world, we live on Earth in the system Sol in the year 2020 AD. If Ibushi did a heel turn now, it would most likely be in further service of the narrative that his desire for independence and happiness was selfish and bad, his individualism and unapologetic strangeness were embarrassing, and Tana was right to tell him to stop being gay and start destroying his body more. Because a dude that disrespects his elders and role models is Not A Good Dude. Because rebellious people whose biggest act of rebellion is loving themselves when everything around them tells them they shouldn’t are Wrong, Actually.

So as much as in theory I’d love to see him in Suzuki-gun, in practice I would probably never be able to watch wrestling again because it validated the worst fears I have about how I move through the world. If Kota Ibushi is Wrong for being weird then perhaps truly nothing is salvageable for me about this horror show of a planet. (Also, practically speaking, the Bullet Club being down so many folks might mean that the other true heel faction is less likely to get new members.)

Like, in-kayfabe, yeah, this story already feels like a betrayal. But also out of kayfabe, if it turned out that the Lesson was ‘if you conform you will be successful and loved’? And Kota took part in that story? I know it sounds extremely well-adjusted of me to say, but I’d feel a little like he betrayed me; showing me it was okay to be weird so convincingly and then going ‘actually I always hated being weird, I don’t regret giving up everything I thought I loved about myself, in order to be normal. which means not only is it possible to overcome being the off-putting freak you are, but you are failing at doing it every single day.’ Or—perhaps even worse—the story I thought I saw, that made me feel seen (like, actually), was never there to begin with. Which... would mean that the story I saw was actually just what actually happened in real life to a person I admire so much, who has brought me so much joy. I don’t think I could take any of those outcomes and still enjoy wrestling.

That’s totally a normal thing to feel, right?

Epilogue in which ya girl has been exposed to too many harmful chemicals recently

In order to soothe my faltering ability to find joy in wrestling, I shall note a very cracky theory, which is The Middle Path:

Ibushi’s a strange dude, and he plays by his own rules. He does not like factions; he’s in Hontai more or less by default... but NJPW’s resident Island of Misfit Toys faction is down one heavyweight, and was already very small.

Perhaps Ibushi and Tanahashi will agree to disagree about whether you should be weird and happy or drill your body into a fine pulp until you die, and their rivalry will take a more official form when Ibushi’s arc comes full circle: where he once graciously tried to accept his old friend back into the fold so many years ago, his old friend is now well and truly the Shuyaku, and welcomes him, fist raised, to the loving arms of the Weirds. Milano Collection AT weeps because he can now stan more fervently. La Estrella Dorada Ingobernable has, after all, always been the very definition of ungovernable. (This seems unlikely because of Ibushi’s gr9 rivalries with SANADA and Naito, but in a world where EVIL joined Bullet Club, do we really know what’s real anymore?)

---------

WHEW! Anon, if somehow there is anything you feel I did not address sufficiently, please let me know. Otherwise, as always, thank you for giving me an opportunity to write about something that interests me, and I am sorry for who I am as a person.

#kota ibushi #hiroshi tanahashi #njpw #well you asked #and i didn't even get into tana's history with nakamura and the ibushi and nakamura parallels and tana's attempts to be Aloof aaaaaaa #i have long been wanting to write a book or something about the little constellation of tanahashi - nakamura - ibushi #featuring kenny omega with important appearances by okada - shibata - naito #this is 5.5k words #why do you guys put up with me honestly #who am i even writing for?#(me. always me.)#it's true about the harmful chemicals #hahahahaha acab #the lowkey anti-immigrant storyline they were doing w/ tana and kenny was SO good but they had to stop bc kenny was leaving #immigrants: we do not complete the job #anyway i love you tell me if you guys read or liked this

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miastideclock · 5 years ago

Text

Seventeen(VocalUnit) Accidentally Confessing To You

Hi hi! I just found your blog and absolutely love your writing :,) I guess it was perfect timing too since you’re accepting requests! I was wondering if you could (and it’s totally fine if not!!) do a reaction for SVT’s Vocal Unit (any 3 members is fine!) where you overhear them “confess” their crush on you to another member? I’m such a sucker for it 😩 I hope you have a great day!!! ❤️

Y/N will be a different person in each of the pieces, and maybe you'll see why, idk. The POV's are a little scattered, but you get it. I guess you gotta read all of it for it to make sense, in a way??

word count: 2706 summary: you overheard them confessing their feelings for you

Woozi (Lee Jihoon)

It had been a long day, and you found yourself struggling to keep your eyes open as the meeting you had to attend was coming to and end. You would usually just drag yourself home to your single dorm after a day like this, order some take-out, and watch reruns of your favorite shows. But you still had one task left on your to-do-list. Luckily, it was actually something you looked forward to. You were meeting Jihoon in his studio to go over the last song on your album that he helped produce. There was a few details he wasn't too happy with, so a but of tweaking was necessary.

"And unless there are any questions, you're free to leave." The head of the meeting spoke, no one raising their hand to ask. You jumped out of your seat and made your way down the hallway to the wardrobes where you had your things.

It was kind of an important meeting so you had decided to wear a pair of fancy dress pants, but as soon as you did you remembered why you never wore them. They were the most uncomfortable pants on the planet. Luckily, you always kept a change of clothes in your bag, so you pulled out a pair of leggings and a shirt you had stolen from one of the boys when you had been to their dorm. As you were bestfriends with the boys of SEVENTEEN, it wasn't a problem.

You slipped on your sneakers and slung your bag over your shoulder, and you were on your way. Jihoon's studio was on the other side of the building, meaning you had to pass through the cafeteria. You bumped into Seokmin and Mingyu and stopped to chat.

"Hey, girl! What's up?" Seokmin asked as you stopped by the table they were sitting at. You greeted them and told them your destination. "You should probably bring by some coffee to cheer him up, him and Wonwoo have been struggling with a track since last night, and I don't think either of them have slept since." Mingyu suggested, and you nodded, thanking him for the tip. You chatted some more before you realized you had to get going, to not make Jihoon wait too long.

You grabbed a coffee cup-holder and poured two cups, one for each of them. You then continued to the studio. You didn't care to knock and just entered, like you always did. You quietly closed the door behind you in case they were in the middle of a session, but stopped when you hear your name being mentioned in conversation.

Jihoon's studio was built so it was a square, but the entrance was its own little room added almost. You stood there and listened as they spoke. They were sitting by the mixing table, so they couldn't see you, and you couldn't see them.

"I don't know, dude. She makes me feel all giddy inside, and it's weird. She- she just.. Y/N, she is just so great." The voice of Jihoon was in distress about this, and you felt your jaw drop. If this was what you thought it was-

"Bro, you sound like you're falling pretty hard for this one." Wonwoo added in his deep vocals, a low chuckle coming from him. "Head over heels." Jihoon added. You couldn't contain yourself anymore and stepped out from behind the wall. They were sitting with their backs to you, but they could still see your reflection in the glass that separated the booth from the studio-area.

"You're what?" You asked in disbelief.

DK (Lee Seokmin)

"Mingyu! Wanna join me in the cafeteria and get some food?" Seokmin asked as they packed their bags. They had just been at a costume fitting from their next stage-presence. Mingyu quickly agreed and zipped up his bag as well as throwing a hoodie over his bare torso. They walked the few floors down and sat down at a table, a few people sitting nearby, but nothing too bad. Everyone in the building knew to respect each other as most of them were fellow idols.

They picked up their food and got to talking, mostly about their latest comeback, and their thoughts on their own effort. Suddenly Seokmin spotted his own shirt wandering through the cafeteria and instantly recognized the female. "Hey girl! What's up?" He asked the girl passing through. She was an idol in the same company, so they had been friends for quite some time.

"I'm on my way to see Jihoon. I just got out of this horrible meeting, it was dragging on forever! I saw Seungcheol though, that was fun." She spoke, dropping down in a squat and resting her head on the edge of the table.

"You should probably bring by some coffee to cheer him up, him and Wonwoo have been struggling with a track since last night, and I don't think either of them have slept since." Mingyu pointed out, Seokmin nodding along. They spoke for a while longer before she had to leave.

"So she is seeing Jihoon, huh? I wonder when he is going to confess his undying love for her." Seokmin chuckled as he moved a noodle across his plate. Mingyu took a bite of his food before nodding, raising a napkin to his face.

"Speaking of confessing, when are you going to confess to Y/N?" He asked, catching Seokmin off guard. He had been into you since the day you first met. He had been captivated by your whole essence, so much that the very same day he had forgotten both the lyrics to the song they were recording, and the choreography.

"I'm never going to tell her, okay? She had no benefit of knowing that I am hopelessly in love with her. It will only make things weird between us." Little did Seokmin know that you were the person sitting right behind him. You had put your hood up as you were hiding from one of your managers, intentionally not greeting the two boys as they walked past you earlier, cause you managers knew you would probably be seen with one of the boys.

"You're what?" Mingyu spoke, he knew Seokmin had feelings for you, but he never knew they were so strong to the point where he would say he was in love with you. You had tried to ignore them, but the way you heart pounded against the cage of your chest left you no choice. You turned around so you were facing Mingyu's back, Seokmin looking down at his food.

"You're what?" You breathed, but it being loud enough to where Seokmin looked up faster than lightning, locking eyes with you.

Jeonghan (Yoon Junghan)

You had never been this tired, maybe ever. You sat on the floor of the SEVENTEEN dorm, your head falling every now and then, but then shooting right back up as you fell asleep. You had been in the studio with Wonwoo and Jihoon all night, and now you were hanging out with Jeonghan in their dorm, something he had invited you to the day prior, you never anticipating you would be this tired.

"Are you okay?" Jeonghan asked as he looked over at you. You had been doing what you always did when you hung out, listening to music and talking smack. He did notice you had been quite out of it today, but he decided not to comment on it, not until now that is.

"I was up all night with at the studio." You confessed, Jeonghans face instantly melting into one of understanding. He asked if you wanted to take a nap, to which you said no- you wanted to be awake with him.

"You weirdo, we can hang out when you wake up, okay? Now lay down." He instructed. You eventually nodded and laid down on their beyond comfortable couch. You were positioned so you were facing the back-rest of the couch, not wanting people to look at you while you slept. After a few seconds, you felt a soft and warm blanket being placed over you and tucked in at your sides. You smiled at the gesture, your eyes still closed. Not long after, you drifted off to sleep.

Jeonghan laid down on the floor next to the couch and scrolled through his phone. He laid like that for about an hour before the door slammed open, and then shut. "Hey, Jeongh-" Seungcheol started, but he was soon cut off by the mentioned as he hushed him. Jeonghan then violently pointed to your sleeping body. Seungcheol quietly apologized and looked over at you, seeing your breathing was still steady and deep, he assumed it didn't wake you. Jeonghan did the same, you had been pretty tired after all, so you would probably be able to sleep through a storm.

"What's up?" Jeonghan asked as he and Seungcheol sat down on the middle of the floor, so they weren't right next to you anymore. "Hansol sent me this absolute treasure-chest of a video." He chuckled, handing Jeonghan an earbud and they then watched the video. In summary, it was Joshua sitting in a car, talking on the phone in a panicked manner, while Seungkwan sat in the backseat freaking out about something incomprehensible.

They chuckled, and then sparked a conversation, it starting when Jeonghan found himself looking at your sleeping self. You looked so peaceful and small.

"Still whipped for her?" Seungcheol asked, Jeonghan not moving his eyes as he answered. "Crazy about her. I'm genuinely infatuated with her whole self, I don't know what to do, man." He confessed. He had been in love with you for the past few months, and he had no idea what to do. He tried to make it go away, but he couldn't. You were his best friend, and seeing you, hanging out with you, talking with you every single day, didn't help whatsoever.

Jeonghan finally turned to Seungcheol who was looking at him. "Is it just a crush, you think?" He asked. A valid question, but Jeonghan shook his head no. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her." He spoke softly, Seungcheols eyebrows almost jumping off his face as he raised them. "You what?"

A new voice soon spoke, one that made the two boys flip their head towards the source. You. "You're in love with me?" You asked.

Seungkwan (Boo Seungkwan)

The car ride was calm. Seungkwan, Hansol and Joshua had been out and getting some things for the dorm, one of their managers being ever so kind and offering to drive them. Seungkwan had been texting his bandmate Soonyoung, going back and forth about some weird thing they had both experienced on stage.

hosh: Right?! I ate shit falling off the stage where we performed last week!!

kwan: I did too, exactly same place as you, but why tf didn't anyone else fall? we all walked there at one point, did we not???

hosh: i have no idea, but i'm lucky Y/N was there to ice my elbow after, she is such a sweetheart.

kwan: tell me about it.. i'm this close to injuring myself on purpose so she can take care of me..

Seungkwan looked out the window for a second after responding. Just the mention of your name made his stomach explode in butterflies, and he had no idea how he time and time again kept so calm when he was actually around you.

hosh: yeah, i had forgotten about your little crush, sorry- how's that going by the way?

kwan: i think it's more than a little crush bro..

Seungkwan didn't like to admit it, not to himself, nor anyone else, but he was moonstruck when it came to you. He just couldn't get enough. It was something about the way you spoke to him, or to anyone in general. How you were so kind and respectful, and the way you carried yourself, and how you looked at him- he could go on for days.

hosh: what do you mean?

Seungkwan let his fingers float over the keyboard of his phone before he quickly typed the sentence he up until now had refused to admit to himself.

kwan: i'm in love with Y/N

Just saying it to his good friend via text was hard to do. You were out of his league and he knew it, that's why he didn't bother doing anything with it- it wasn't like his feelings would be reciprocated.

hosh: code RED

hosh: fucken coDE BLACK

hosh: CODE SHIT

Seungkwan was confused as the messages from Soonyoung came pouring in. He re-read his own message, and that's when he saw it.

Read by hosh, Y/N

His eyes then flew up to the top of his screen.

groupchat

hosh + 1 more

Soonyoung's picture had been at the front, so he hadn't realized he had sent it in the groupchat with you three.

You on the other hand was sitting on the floor of the dorm kitchen, your hand clasped over your mouth as it had dropped open. Seungkwan was in love with you, and he had accidentally told you via text in a groupchat.

Y/N: you're in love with me?

Joshua (Hong Jisoo)

"Seungkwan, calm down! What's going on?" Hansol spoke as soon as it looked like Seungkwan was having a seizure in the backseat. He was freaking out over some text he sent. After a few minutes Joshua and Hansol gave up on calming him down, so Hansol just whipped out his phone to record him.

"I accidentally told her I like her!" Was the first thing Seungkwan said that could be understood as actual words. Hansol then stopped the recording, typing away on his phone, but while still talking to Joshua.

"Speaking of telling a girl you like them; ever going to tell Y/N you're in love with her?" Hansol asked. Joshua's breath hitched as his friend spoke. Was never an acceptable answer? He almost told you last month, but as he was about to spit out the words, your manager had come into the room. After that he swore off ever telling you- even though you were his dream girl. You were funny, and charming, kind and respectful, and you had a way of carrying yourself that he just couldn't fathom was real.

"As much as I want to, and boy do I want to- I'm never gonna tell her. She is so out of my league, and we both know that. She is so wow, and I'm so.. well, not that." Joshua spoke all while Seungkwan was still freaking out, and Hansol finished up typing. He sent the video before he looked up at his friend who had just dished his feelings out on a platter for him to enjoy.

Joshua felt his phone go off in a notification, pulling it out of his coat to see what it was, he felt his heart drop.

PHONE CALL

Y/N

6:37

You had been on the call for almost seven minutes. You sat on the chair of your dorm kitchen, having spoken to a fellow idol for a while before you decided to call you best friend and ask him about something you were discussing that you knew Joshua would know the answer to.

Before you knew it, you heard Seungkwan scream about some gibberish in the background, the audio a bit messed up. After Joshua dropped his phone in some salt-water a few weeks ago, it had been messing up every now and then- sometimes it would just accept the incoming call without notifying. You were about to hang up and try again when you heard your name.

"..; ever going to tell Y/N you're in love with her?" The familiar voice of Hansol spoke, catching you off guard. He was in love with you? Joshua was in love with you.

After a few more minutes, it seemed he finally realized his phone was active, cause after some scratching of the audio and a gasp, you heard Joshua's voice clearly.

"Y/N?" He spoke softly.

"You're in love with me?"

Hope you like it! Feel free to request more x

-bentley

#seventeen #seventeen reactions #seventeen requests #seventeen scenarios #seventeen vocal unit #jeonghan #woozi #dk #joshua #seungkwan #kpop

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writinglionqueen · 4 years ago

Note

Explain what the dni interact would do to your photos i dont understand? Sorry :[

Basically it’s just a warning.

I get a lot of weirdos who I don’t follow that like my selfies and only my selfies when I’m a little more than my own pictures. And I like when my friends like them, especially blogs I do know who interact with me on a constant basis and not blogs that seem creepy to me and only like my selfies.

And that kinda thing irritates me for a lot of reasons. Nothing personal but I typically block those kinds of blogs because it’s....irksome.

Idk just a personal preference.

It won’t do anything but it’s just a warning. It’s also not a serious thing. It was only a half joke. But it’s half not because if a woman posts her selfies on here, typically straight men think it’s an invitation to be a perv about them. I’m not all about that. That’s why some put dni on their selfies and specify to who. (It means do not interact btw)

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neirawrites · 4 years ago

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I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In 2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it.

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him. He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17? is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat; take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

#twilight #stephanie meyer #the midnight sun #edward cullen #bella swan #long post

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the-lesbian-label · 6 years ago

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Hi! I was wondering if I could get some advice - I have a huuuuge crush on a girl at work who’s leaving and I don’t know much about her. I really wanna ask her out or get to know her after she goes - how do I do this without looking like a total weirdo? Im very shy and don’t even know if she’s gay even though her best friend has told me confidentially that she thinks my crush might like girls. Pls help! Love ur blog so much thanks in advance xx

I’m really sorry my reply is so late! Ummmm shit idk, I think you should actually just somehow summon the courage to say something like ‘it’s your last day/week at work, we should celebrate’ and ask her if she wants to get coffee or a drink. Or you could just bring her in a coffee to work or something and make a gesture that shows you care and have some kind of interest in her, without it being too much and too forward that you’re completely exposed haha. It could also just be a totally nice, non-gay thing to do and you’re just a really nice person haha. But you really can just ask her if she wants to get a drink or something to eat after work kinda casually. Especially if you guys talk during work, it won’t seem weird. Try to make conversation with her as much as you can during the day and just ask her questions about her life and take an interest in what she says. I know it’s very daunting to just ask someone to do something and I would be horrible at it, but 9/10 most people are flattered, and happy to be invited to do something and appreciate it. You can’t really go wrong. People don’t directly make plans or reach out enough anymore and she would probably appreciate it and it’s kinda awkward to be like ‘no I don’t want to’ so it’s unlikely she would be rude or shut you down, especially if you’re friendly with each other. If she does say no, you can at least know you tried. Anyway, sorry this is late and probably unhelpful but Goodluck! I’m sure you are lovely and she would be lucky to spend time with you, don’t overthink it or doubt yourself. Smile at her a lot, ask questions, be kind, you can fake confidence because she probably can’t tell the difference. She won’t think you’re a weirdo, people appreciate effort and she’ll probably be flattered you want to spend time with her. Plus, the fact her best friend said that is a good sign! Really good sign! Maybe even a hint of a nudge. Anyway, I hope she’s still around and you guys get to hangout 💕

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sanguinesprout · 6 years ago

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It’s icy and foggy out, but it won’t stop me (updates and other thoughts)

Ah hah... I kinda remembered and then forgot/put off writing this post a couple times over, but it’s fine ‘cause I’m doing it now. The past month or so was a tiny bit exciting and quite a bit disappointing lol.

Health-wise it’s been pretty same-y, not so good but not the worst, but..! I am making an effort to go to the drs to try sort out more of my long time physical health worries, because health is important and time is of the essence! I hope things go well, I’ve already researched the heck out of what I finally think it could be, but would like the confirmation and advice. Putting off checking on things just lets the problem get worse, it’s best to try resolve it or at least know more about it and gain some peace of mind. Look after yourself, you only have one body and good health is of vital importance!

Oh ack! I just remembered though, my favourite, super nice doctor left before christmas. I was sad to see them go but I hope they are able to have a well deserved rest and I wish them all the best. I feel kind of regretful that I didn’t thank them even more than I did, but it was just so sudden, I was kinda taken aback and blanked. Anyways, I’ll always be super grateful for their help, it really meant a lot to me that they were so genuinely kind and helpful to me and everyone else. If only there were more people as awesome them (esp. drs, which is such a rarity). I’m going to see one of the new drs, who knows, maybe they’ll be nice too (anyone and everyone is better than the one I had a few years back ugh lol)

Onto the job related stuff where the smol excite happened. I was invited for an interview in the retail place I wanted. It was my third time applying to them and my third interview ever, but unfortunately it was third time UNlucky. I think I only got the opportunity for interview because of my sis(she works there already) but I’m still really happy that I had the chance to experience it at least and I did try my very best this time, which I am really proud of and she was too :’)

When I met the other candidates, I initiated conversation and was super nice, inquisitive and complimentary (maybe a bit too much orz it’s such a cringey habit). The people were all super nice and everything but hearing their work credentials and feeling their confidence really made me feel how lacking I am. Like I kind of knew I didn’t really have much of a chance but this just solidified it lol. Despite this I still really tried my best with conversing with candidates, doing the practical and the interview (which was slightly more laid back and friendly than the previous ones, thank goodness).

I think overall I had all the right kind of enthusiasm but was just lacking in general work experience. I’m not mad that I didn’t make it, because it’s only logical they’d want people with more experience, besides other candidates didn’t get through either hah. I know there were parts that I made small slip ups, and parts where I sounded really derpy and naive, and for a long while later I kept mulling on them but before that I had such a boost of mood, because I tried really hard and that is such a big achievement in itself for me ^^ Next time I’ll try even harder! I can do it! Everyone can do it!

I haven’t really done much art or productive things lately, but I did start doing the online survey/study type things and have made some nice pocket money (as well as some from selling random unwanted things) ^^ Something is better than nothing, I’m actually surprised that they really work and the pay out is slightly more than I expected. Though I still view small amounts of money as a lot when really they aren’t at all and I spent quite a bit of money lately on unnecessary but nice things, but I’ll try harder to resist and save better from now on. It’s imperative especially in the situation of my family and living space :<

I haven’t been talking or interacting with anyone online or irl besides my family and that’s no good. I’m falling back so deeply into the comforts of avoidance, but it...idk I just feel like such a bother, such an unlikeable weirdo, it just makes it so hard to try, but I do want to. I feel really guilty for always looking and admiring people’s content without reciprocating more than a like and sometimes not even that, but I’m just so scared and ashamed of everything I say and do...

C’mon me, you did better than this previously! Don’t let all these stupid thoughts convince you that you aren’t worthy to be heard or connect with others! Conversation, comments and other interaction is appreciated and desired, don’t feel like you are a bother. Think of things from another’s point of view. Don’t worry about what others may think, especially in a negative light as it is probably not anything remotely like that either. Just go for it! Build back your confidence, fight the avoidance, make people smile!

Posting my own content has also been forever pushed back too, the first step is always the hardest, why can’t I just will myself to take it..? I don’t want my life to continue to be controlled by fear and self-loathing and sabotaging and everything other negative possible. I need to try harder to change and to remember not to be so hard on myself. Fears can be beaten, the irrational thoughts can be rationalised, self esteem can improve and good habits can replace the bad. Baby steps as always but never stopping, I want to get to a place where I can truly do the things I want to and feel good about myself. Don’t give up! Keep going!

I need to reinforce all the good stuff, even just re-read my own writing but tbh I kind of avoid visiting my own blog, because even though I’m starting to write out my feelings and things a bit more truthfully, I still feel so much shame. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, this too is a great achievement, nothing is ever perfect or has to be, just keep trying your best!

I prove myself wrong all the time, I just don’t take notice of it all. I have many things to be proud of everyday even if they seem so small and insignificant to me or other people. I wrote this post when I thought I wouldn’t be able for the nth time. I even did it without the soothing music I normally use, hah!

I guess I’ll stop here while I still have my mood patched up. There’s some stuff I planned to do today and I’ll do that but also keep in mind the things I’ve been pushing back. It’s never too late, better late than never!

Pats on the back for everyone and their achievements, no matter the size!

Have a cosy and productive, self-loving month! :D

#avpd #depression #social anxiety #mental health #self-motivation #physical health #thoughts #feelings #nothing ventured nothing gained #it's never too late #better late than never #don't be so hard on yourself #challenge the negative #be proud of who you are and what you can achieve #look after yourself and your loved ones #believe in yourself #you can do it!

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