#idk I'm just struggling so much right now... uni stress is not helping

[ariowl-arts]

artstyle crisis so bad i've resorted to drawing a silly cartoon rabbit on a daily basis

[kiefbowl]

Everytime I say to myself "im bisexual" i get this sense of deep guilt, and i just feel like crying flor some reason.

I know im not straight and i know im not a lesbian so the only logical conclusion is that I'm bi but i just dont feel like I am? I also dont feel like I'm allowed to have these feelings of struggle because i see people online say women are prtending to be bi for queer points so i feel like I'm overreacting you know.

Everytime I think of myself being in a relationship with a woman i feel a deep sense of shame.

I feel guilty like im a monster you know. I grew up in a homophobic country and only moved out like 3 years ago so i think maybe thats why ? Idk im just lost. I see people online just like being super happy about being lgb and im like why am I struggling? Im not supposed to feel this way. I feel like a fraud.

I was outed, kind of, I mean I wanst even sure i was bi but she told everyone and like my friends started behaving differently towards me and idk I just well first of all why did she tell people?? I didnt even know if i was into women i just wanst sure i wanted to make sense of it first i felt exposed in a way(dont worry my uni was chill so no physical harm or anyhting like thta)

Like that was my thing!! It was my fukcing thing and you don't get to tell people about it . Why did she do that. I know its not a big deal but now like if you ask me if im out i would say no ? Like no one knows im bi here in this new country.

Im rambling.

I have never said the word "im bisexual" out loud like ever

I'm going to give you permission about something you haven't specifically asked for, but in my wisdom I'm going to grant you this permission:

You don't have to know.

It's okay! You've moved, you're young, you're getting away from homophobia and finding new kinds of homophobia...that's too much stress, just stop worrying about it. So you don't know today, who cares? You'll figure it out. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in 50 years.

If it's causing you this amount of stress, and if all the voices of all these people in your head causing you doubt, then you aren't allowing yourself to discover by simply living. You're becoming a police officer in you head, and you're navel gazing as a form of punishment, and let me tell you, even if you were straight as ruler that wouldn't help you find love and fulfillment.

You're sexual orientation is something natural within you. So whatever feels natural, that's the truth of the matter. If you are trying to attack this as a thinking problem that needs solving, you just won't get there. Go out and party, go out and enjoy people's company, go set life goals and focus on them...and one day when you're not thinking about it you will meet someone you can't deny is the most lovely, beautiful person in the whole world and all you want to do is kiss them. And then you'll know.

This is about no one else but you. This is your sexual orientation, this is your life, and you don't need a peanut gallery weighing in. Fire your shitty friends if you have to. If people ask, you can say "I'm figuring it out" or even flat out say "that's none of your f*cking business." Or, if you want to be funny, pretend you have a very selective hearing problem.

Prioritize the things that you know are fulfilling you right now, and all the stuff you don't know yet will come back around in due time. This is true of love as it's true of everything else we obsess about. You don't have to know everything about yourself to be a good person.

Good luck, sis. Have fun smooching cuties, studying seriously, and enjoying the sun.

[folklvpin]

i don't know if i made the right decision but for now it's fine.

i had this conversation about future, being in 20s and uni with mom yesterday where she told me: "you have to make a decision even if you'll wrong, i don't want to see you stuck in confusion of your thoughts and anxiety eating you up and if you'll understand you made the bad choice it's okay, neither me nor your dad will tell you you fail, just take a decision whatever it is"

so i did.

i love my parents <3 they care a lot about me and my sister's future, they always support us and they want us continuing to study at all costs. i appreciate this sm and i'm grateful.

but i feel like i'm wasting their time and money. idk what to in life and they're helping me as parents should do but i can't stop feeling guilty. but that's another story.

anyway. after spending a long day deciding between continuing archaeology or switch to biology *drumroll* i decided to continue archaelogy!!! and in 2nd year i'll discover if i really like it or not and if it ain't for me i'll see what to do.

i'm still confused about uni, obviously i am. i'm only 20 and it's okay not knowing what to do in life, i don't have to know this now. i think i'll know only living so struggling about it is useless, more experiences i'll do more things about me and what i want to be i'll learn. not everyone has the plan of their life, the dream job and the perfect city to live and that's perfectly fine. after school i stressed myself about future but i don't want to do it anymore, i'm exhausted.

maybe next year i'll change uni or maybe not who knows i want to follow the process without too much anxiety and pressure.

what made me decide to continue this uni career? well ...

first of all, i didn't know what to do so better continue what i started than start something over with all this anxiety and confusion.

the city. ok studying archeology wont be the most comfy thing cause i have to take 1H of bus everyday but it's the best for my mental health at the moment, biology uni i want to do is in another region and in my currently conditions i don't know if it's the best thing to do.

talking about mental health, i passed the last 5 years of my life struggling with anxiety and other bad stuff, with the pandemic everything got worse and now i'm here, in my 20s with a lots of things to fix and in september i'm going to see a psichologyst <3

also i have to get driver's licence lmao i postponed it for too long it scares me but i need it so yes, let's face some fears.

i passed all the 2022 stressing about my final exams and future and the 2023 was the same, i experienced uni for the first time and i didn't get much fun honestly, my anxiety intensified, i felt like i lost all my potential and still i don't know what to do so yes, the main goal for this autumn and 2024 will be taking care of me, stop surviving and star living and focus on those fucking 17 exams i have to do. i can do it.

[breathing-inthemoon]

random rant no one asked for

so, basically, yesterday i got this massive urge to do a literature degree. for context, i'm currently majoring in astronomy, i have been for a while, ngl, i'm embarrassed that it's taking me this long, even though i shouldn't be (according to my awesome friends). being an astronomer is my dream. i want to work as one, and i think that's what puts the most pressure on me and why i struggle so much with perfectionism and craving good grades, plus the stem enviroment doesn't help (my upbringing doesn't either). i want to enjoy my life as a student, but i find myself physically unable to do so. for more context, because of the questionable way in which my courses work, i'm only taking finals at the moment. i'm done with all my classes, but i'm not done with the subjects bc of compulsory finals (most uni courses in my country have ways of avoiding taking the final by meeting certain requirements that involve grades and presence in lessons). my point here is that i'm not really going to uni, i only go when i have an exam, which sucks all the joy from seeing my beloved campus. so, the thing is that i actually really enjoy learning. i'm such a nerd and proud of it. and it really pisses me off that i have to be so stressed about it bc of how the system works. this leads to me fantasizing about studying without all that drama. sometimes, i end up reading the material for finals that are not my priority atm, the idea of studying to get a good grade paralyses me. and sometimes that turns into me thinking of doing another degree, completely stress free, just for the sake of it, not giving a fuck about grades, or how long it takes me to finish it.

for the longest time, i wanted to try a math degree after getting my astronomy one, but the thing is, that it is too close to the type of academia i am used to. math also has compulsory finals, plus its still stem and that will not let my brain rest when it comes to expectations, even if i'm doing it for fun, i'd be scared of making a fool of myself during exams.

so yesterday, it hit me: literature. i love reading. i love languages. as i said before, i'm a massive nerd. i think majoring in lit will give me the student life i dream of. i don't plan on doing anything with that degree if i get it. it's just for me. it's the academia equivalent of moving to another city where nobody knows you and start a new life. i would still be doing astronomy, hopefully, that'll be my job. but i'd take courses on the side, maybe one at the time, idk, it'd be chill.

but, there's always a but. right now, i really like the idea.. but i've been here before, with other stuff. other projects i wanted to start and never did or i started and never finished. abandoned hobbies, etc. i like a lot of stuff (see pinned post for reference) but i'm not the most consistent human being. it's not that i lose interest in the things.. it's just, life gets in the way.. especially if it's not a priority. astronomy will always be my priority. and i love it, but it's not the only thing i love.. i just wish i could multitask, but i find again and again that i cannot. i mean, i can barely do one task tbh, but that's a conversation for another day. so basically, rn, i really want to do it, however, i don't have much faith that i will follow through, and that makes me really sad.

[just2bubbly]

you're alive and that's good, how much ever you convince yourself otherwise, being alive is a gift (and im saying this because i have been through the same level shit you are feeling right now)

this seems stupid to hear (and ik this because i have had so many people tell me this when i felt wrecked) but it's true nonetheless, shit happens, you deal with it, and sometimes shit hits the roof and YOU STILL DEAL WITH IT, but what's important to know is that, it get's better, it takes time and you reach a point where you become reckless and do stupid things, but i want you to breathe in and believe that it will get better

idk what grade you are in, but from the rant, i assume it's probably 11/12 and feeling like that is completely fine- as much as yours peer want you to believe that their life is perfect- IT'S NOT!! fuck if anyone out there has a clue what they are doing, it's ok to be clueless and not know about what career you want to pursue, and it's ok to fail sometimes too (and no i'm not on a shit spree, when i was in my 12th, i had sm anxiety and stress and i didn't want to do what i was doing and i procrastinated like hell but i figured it out and it took me over a year to get my shit together, so it's ok to be a mess even when you are convinced that you can't be one)

academic validation is a thing and since you are a district topper, it's going to be hard to come to terms to with the fact that education is difficult, but that's fine, all child prodigies feel like that (im in a uni that i tried fucking hard to get in and i still feel dumb and struggle to get through work, when my past self could have easily managed it, we all have shit days but that doesn't undermine our potential)

im assuming and forgive me if im wrong, all of your wrecks are arising from not having someone that would listen to and maybe not having enough time to yourself with your mom's resignation. you lose a lot of good friends as you grow up, and it's hard, it's so fucking hard and they haunt you for years later but you learn to live with it- perhaps find new people, who are feeling the same emotions as you, or try to reconnect with that old friend, and go for walks (?) in order to have some time to yourself, take SOME time out for yourself, cuz it will help you maintain your sanity, fuck everything, do what you like, keep yourself less stressed and life would start getting easier, all the worries just goes away, trust me.

soooooo (long rant ahead)

i'm alive (idk how even i'm surprised) this whole month has been a train wreck. i've gone from scoring 99 to 78 (the lowest grade i've ever gotten in my life). Not being able to sleep whole nights, either crying or studying. Home's a mess, mom resigned from her job a few days ago and now i can't even have the few hours of solitude i used to have before. I'm so fucking disappointed in myself, lost one of my closest friends even when i tried so fucking hard to keep in touch. Nobody was here to listen, when i listened to them countless times. My adhd's gotten even worse, i'm shouting at every single person who breathes near me. I've gained 4 kgs and many of my clothes have stopped fitting me. Every single day i wonder "Nah man this is it, what worse can happen" and it is happening, every single time. This is the first time since 3rd grade that i haven't gotten even a single academic achievement. Idk what i'm doing in my life, idk which degree to pursue, idk which career i want. I've become a shell of who i once used to be. Everyday I wake up and i see a stranger in the mirror. I don't even look in the mirror anymore. I'm fucking tired of all of this. I just want a break. I don't have time for a break. My Physic's exam is tomorrow and idk if i'll even pass. The ex district topper is now barely passing. I fucking hate who i've become. 14 year old me had so many expectations from present me and i don't know how i'd confront her.

[yioh]

hi yura, im the one who procrastinated by watching (several) movie(s),, the movie was not really good but also not too bad and exactly right for procrastinating,, i had my exam today and i think (or am 99% sure) that i failed, i dont feel too good right now bc i know it's my fault and i'm angry at myself and idk i dont want to think about it too much but even though i dont think i would just drop out of uni bc i just started i really wanna just drop out.

also im just thinking about how i only got in bc i was lucky, my gpa was way too bad for pharmacy and i only got in through the succession procedure (i hope thats the english word) i know i wont drop out bc then i have to search for a job and my anxiety is already too stressed out but i just, idk i feel weird and like i want to cry but also cant. i realized this got kinda negative so im sorry if this was too much, you dont have to answer this, i think i just wanted to write out my thoughts (2/3)

in english bc it is less scarier to me than in the language im fluent in,, sending you lots of love!<3 im really really sorry for all the negativity i just realized that this was not the best way, im regretting writing this now, i hope youre not mad (3/3)

ok first of all . LEMME GIVE U A BIG BIG BIG HUG . i'm 10000000% not mad at all and in fact, im so so so glad u sent this :) because, god i relate so freaking hard i can not express this enough... throughout my exams in school i always performed either terribly or average on math & physics and somehow i got lucky and got a decent grade in my finals (like once) and now that im at uni im struggling so insanely and i can barely finish any of my work by myself and all i can think of is that im too dumb for this and that i should've never been accepted in the first place ...... so bro, from the bottom of my heart i understand u so much . all i want is to drop out and stop studying a course im shit at and hate anyways but im 2 years in and idk what else i would do and its so freaking complicated and fills me with anxiety the more i think abt it and like fkjsksn yeah ... somehow its comforting to know that im not the only person whose struggling.... i hope u feel the same <3

as for advice, why don't you take it one step at a time? maybe tell ur loved ones that ur struggling first, and maybe test how u feel abt ur degree some more, and if u still feel horrible, reach out to someone in ur department maybe? usually they are more than willing to help figure something out to make it easier !! but i also know how hard it is because i haven't got the guts to do it either kdhdlshshkahjfkc ,, if anything, please prioritise ur mental health and don't let everything overwhelm you. its not your fault at all. life is so so long and it's inevitable that you will find ur way, and ur place, u just have to trust the process and go with the flow :) im sure everything will work out in the end, don't worry at all <3 i love u, take care of urself !!

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

[askjennie]

pt1 r/ship help - so I'm nearly 9 months into my relationship, which is the longest for me and I think we've hit a rough spot. idk what to do and I feel so upset right now. recently my bf (21) has had a lot of struggles/setbacks, mental and financial, and his family is support unsupportive and unhelpful. I understand and want to help but I'm just so exhausted and I feel so apart from him sometimes, even when we're together. I think this is obviously taking a toll on him and us.

Continued: pt 2 r/ship help - I know he loves me and appreciates me He does take responsibility for his actions and he really goes out of his way to let me know he loves and cares about me, but his anxiety will come up and make him feel like I don't love him as much as he loves me. But I honestly feel like he loves so much harder because he's scared and because he doesn't love himself enough, and it's hard seeing someone who love like that, but it's also exhausting. pt 3 r/ship help - Sometimes I feel like we're at different places I've finished uni and he still wants to complete high school. I don't know what all of this means for us, all I know is I feel tired and I feel like there's a lot we're not communicating on. I still love him and I want to get through this and give this a shot, I guess I just don't know where to start, how to go about this gently and I really just needed to get this off my chest into words to help me understand this better myself.

Jennie: Sounds like you’re doing a lot of work to keep this relationship going, and you can’t do it all by yourself. If there’s a lot you’re not communicating about, it’s time to start communicating about it, so that you can work on things together. 

You’ve been honest here, so it sounds like you need to be honest with your boyfriend about the same things. “I feel like we’re not communicating enough.” “I’m feeling really exhausted at the moment, all this stress is taking a toll on me.” “I love you and it’s hard to see you in such a rough place.” Start with how you’re feeling, and go from there. It might be a hard conversation to have, but it’s important that you don’t pretend everything’s okay when it isn’t. If there are things you need to talk about, talk about them. 

Is your boyfriend in any kind of treatment for his mental health? If not, it’s probably a good idea to encourage him to do that. His anxiety isn’t just affecting him, it’s affecting you and it’s affecting your relationship. Getting into therapy would a) help him learn the tools he needs to cope with his stressful life situations, therefore making things a bit less stressful for both of you, and b) give him someone to talk to and get support from who isn’t you. Of course it’s important for you to support him, but it’s not healthy for you to be his only source of support. If you’re exhausted and burnt out, he neeeds to find another outlet for his anxiety. 

Finally, make sure that you have outlets too. A trusted friend or family member you can be honest with when you’re struggling, a therapist of your own, a hobby or interest that is separate from your boyfriend that you can pursue to get some alone time, dedicated times in the week when you can focus on doing nice things for yourself and no one else, whatever is helpful for you. You need to support yourself first and foremost, and if this relationship isn’t working for you, you need to figure out what you need in order to make it work for you, and be honest about that. 

[angellesword]

Hey precious, I'm here because tumblr is not allowing me to reblog Jamais vu 😭😭😭😭 but I want to tell you how incredible of a fic it is before I drown in my assignments and forget abt it.🤡🤡After reading that god tier of a fic I'm in awe, I have absolutely no words to express how I'm feeling right now. I just hit blank and I'm lying in my bed looking at the ceiling just to process how good the story was. Just how are you able to write spoiled characters so well? I seriously can't usually stand people who are that spoiled without giving them a whole chunk of mind😂😂 but reading Jamais Vu made me rethink a lot if others also have any kind of backstory to how they acted or are they just like that because they were born with a silver spoon?

I'm genuinely curious as to how you are able to spoiled characters by establishing yes, they are as annoying as the real life spoiled brats but somehow still manage to make them redeemable, like how??? are?? you? able to do that??? I really felt bad for jungkook eventhough he was not necessarily that good but I kind of understand why he acted the way he did. It's really amazing how you always point out the flaws in your characters but still manage to snatch the readers heart just like that. It makes your story so much more real, like how jungkook hurted the oc really bad at first and you didn't even try to mince your words and on OC was really scared of jungkook at first and everything just helped to add on more layers to the story which made me love it even more

Seriously I cant begin to explain how unique your writing and perspectives and your stories is and how much I adore it😍😍.

I'll comeback later to read all your multichapered fics when I actually completed all of my uni works and tell you a detailed review on them (but I am going to have my first average soon so I wouldn't be able to come back anytime soon 😔😔. But I hope you are doing well and please remember to take of yourself and to stay safe

Love you sis

my baby lena, you did it again! you made me cry 🥺 idk, saying this is the best review doesn’t justify how grateful I am.

So...the characters, particularly our brat JK, to be honest I haven’t realized he was THAT spoiled, mainly because I have dealt with MANY people like Jungkook irl. Some are soooo much worse. I think one of the best lessons my father imparted to me is that I should try (but not condone) to understand why people act the way they do. This is why I also try to show the back stories of the antagonists in my fics. (you probably know what I mean if you have read my fics YOUR EYES TELL and SAVE ME.)

I’m really, really, REALLY glad that you think some of my characters are redeemable 😭 I struggle a lot when it comes to this. Sometimes I feel like I need to write them perfectly, especially after all the stress and pain I’ve caused them in the earlier chapters/ beginning of the story. Haha.

Anyway, thank you again for this feedback. Please take care of yourself too! 🥰 don’t forget to take a break. And KICK Med school’s ass! Fighting! 💜 As always, I love you ✨

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey steph. So I'm in nursing school right now and I have incredible anxiety, which I'm on medicine for. Today we were being tested on assessing a "patient" (it was just another student), and the instructor observing me got really rude and made me feel awful. I already struggle in social situations, so having several people watch me made me feel terrified as it was. She critiqued everything I did. I got so upset I went to the bathroom and cried afterward. Idk things are just rough right now..

Hey Nonny *hugs* 

Ughhhh I am so sorry you are struggling having a rough go… I can’t tell you how many times I went and cried in the bathroom when I was in college. 

I’m going to share a story, and I hope it helps you, because when I look back upon it, I always remember it as a turning point in the quality of the work I did for class.

Note that I ALSO AM NOT GOOD AT ALL in social situations, and I am easily swayed by emotions.

So, year one of Graphic design was HARD. I’m talking weeding out the weak / survival of the sleep-deprived hard. This was BEFORE the entire program went digital. I’m talking up ‘til 4am cutting out rubylith and finding the proper Pantone codes and mounting on expensive presentation boards. In graphic design, critiquing is a BIG part of our learning process, because it helps prepare us for the real world and real clients in real life. One of my favourite classes in first year was Layout class, mainly because it was one of the classes I did well in in my first year, and the teacher was fantastic and always talked us through everything, and the projects were fun. I will never forget one of the assignments, we had to do a group “progress critique circle” with a quarter of the class and the instructor. Up until this point, I was cocky and admittedly lazy with the assignments. So imagine my humiliation when I put my progress up on the board and it got EVISCERATED. After the group thing, I excused myself to the bathroom and cried a bit. A day later, I looked at that project, and recalled everything Andrew said to me about what I needed to fix, and rather than be defiant, I decided to scrap the whole project, and start from scratch, AGAIN. I was determined, because I knew I could do SO much better, and the more  I worked on my new direction, the more I looked back at that initial project, shook my head at myself and grew more determined.

A few weeks later, we had a “pre-final” group critique session, where we showed our progress again to Andrew and our group. You know what happened, Lovely? I was commended and praised for my revamp and redesign, and it spawned into a talk about the importance of knowing when you need to scrap a design, let go, and start again, to not always stick to one thing.

So what does this have to do with my point? What I’m trying to say, is that, critiquing HURTS LIKE FUCK, especially when you haven’t built up the immunity to it. But your professor knows you can do better; it’s not personal Lovely, I’m certain of it, especially if it’s just a one time thing. Your professors want you to be the best you can be, and they want you to be able to handle much worse that the real world will be throwing at you. Especially in the medical field, Lovely, your professors want to know that you CAN DO IT before sending you out to the wild, to protect YOU and your patients.

After the critique session, I went and talked to my instructor, and told him how upset I initially was when he critiqued me hard, and he told me that he did it because he knew I had the skill to do better and the real world is worse, and you have to have a thick skin when you’re an artist. Same goes for a medical professional, I think Lovely. You need to be able to build up ways to combat harsh criticisms you will receive once you’re out in the field. I don’t think she meant any ill-will towards you. Sit on the thought for a few days, Lovely, and review in your head the critiques she offered you – you might have a lightbulb moment and will realize that maybe she was on to something. If it bothers you a lot, Lovely, I suggest talking in private with your instructor, perhaps let her know that you were bothered by the critiques and would like to know ways you can cope with it better. Remember, your instructor was once in your shoes – she may be able to help you out, and help you with coping methods.

That all said, Lovely, there is NOTHING wrong with you having a breakdown after a high-stress session. School is overwhelming at the best of times. Take a few hours out each night for yourself to just relax and not think about school. At the end of you, you will look back on everything as a life lesson in disguise, and perhaps maybe even grateful for what your instructor did. 

If you’re not comfortable talking to the instructor, talk to other people in your class, or an on-site counsellor (most colleges and uni’s have counsellors) to help you get through your rough patch – talking to people, letting it all out, works wonders. Don’t hold it all in.

Big hugs to you Nonny, and I hope you have a better day today