#idk I have a few theories but none of them rlly make sense

[darlingod]

I don't why the faeries bully Jude and Taryn when you know that they are the daughters of a bloodthirsty recap general? Not any general by the way, but general of the high king! (of course, we all know how that ended)

That's like bullying a martial artist's kid, you know you're gonna get your butt whooped.

And what was Valerian smoking to think it was okay to sneak into THE CHIEF GENERAL'S HOUSEHOLD to attack his daughter? That's so dumb. Am I going to sneak into a cop's house and get away unscathed?

Who raised that dummy? And how he know which was Jude's balcony? 🤔

Literallyyy the folk were too bold with that shit like how many people do Jude and Taryn have to threaten/kill to make the fuckers back off ???

And right?? Valerian was just bound to die at any moment with his clearly nonexistent brain cells. Even Cardan is like “only a fool would break into the generals house” so,, he said what he said he cannot tell a lie

Also the balcony comment, IKR?? I was just thinking about this, how did Valerian know which room? Lmfao like how did he even know in general that window led to her room?

[order-of-river-phoenix]

Okay so... I know everyone else is just as torn up about the results of the 2 yr time jump at the end (and let’s be real, we’d all have been happier if they left it at Monse saying bye from the car) BUT I have a theory. This group, as dysfunctional as they are, has a thing for elaborate schemes. Bare with me. This will take a minute to explain.

A few things didn’t sit right with me/stuck out to me, so hear me out:

-Monse still has the picture on her nightstand. Sure it’s not in “prime viewing area,” but it’s there. That’s gotta mean something, you know? Also, she has a photo of her and her siblings, so that means she’s probably been back home in that span of time (obviously) so I don’t think she’s completely avoided the guys (and Jasmine)

-Jamal suddenly got his ears pierced and playing, of all things, football? Okay. It’s not like he spent THE WHOLE FIRST SEASON trying to escape football. And he seems comfortable. Like he’s adapted to this group of ppl, like he’s figured out how to act around them in a way that doesn’t set ppl off from him. He shows almost none of the nervous energy that makes up his character.

-Ruby’s whole look had me suspicious. He looks like Jason Genao not Ruby Martinez. His hair isn’t fixed, he looks tired as hell, and he’s wearing a... Misfits shirt? How did he go from clean cut, button-ups to lowkey e-boy? Did he suddenly download Pinterest/Tiktok and feel the need to switch up his look?

-Jasmine herself didn’t stick out to me too much. She seems normal, and I have to say, I was happy to see her and Ruby looking comfortable together. BUT what I did notice was when Ruby and Jamal make that split second eye contact, both of their faces completely change, and Jasmine, who is clearly looking at Ruby, doesn’t even notice. She is #1 at spotting when Ruby isn’t feeling right or when he’s off. If something was up, she’d have had something to say or at least make some kind of movement to see what made his expression change so quickly.

-and Cesar. I know they were trying to set that whole thing up when he started getting super bitter at Oscar, but really? He wouldn’t betray his real family that way. He’s all about loyalty, and even after all of the tension that came up there towards the end, there’s no way he would become a fully-fledged Santo unless it meant he was keeping someone safe. I know he started getting cool w the Santos when that one guy sided with him, but after everything they’ve put him and his family (Oscar, Ray, the core4) through, it just doesn’t make sense.

-I love Oscar’s bit. I LOVE IT. He deserves to have a normal life where he gives and receives love, and I’m happy. However, we still don’t know where he is now. I’m sure we’re supposed to assume it’s his own house somewhere away from Freeridge, but idk something seems... off.

MY THEORY:

The time jump is only so we don’t start questioning why everything keeps happening so close together. We’ve had 3 seasons of back-to-back conflicts. Yeah, the seasons span across a significant amount of time, but like with other shows, it gets boring and unrealistic to believe that all of these Big Problems would happen to the same ppl year after year.

In that 2 year gap, something else has happened, and the crew has to go separate ways. or APPEAR to have split apart. I have no idea what or why, but I have a feeling this is all on purpose.

THAT LOOK that Ruby and Jamal shared didn’t rlly look like a “that’s my best friend I haven’t talked to in a long time and now we aren’t friends anymore” look, ya feel? It could have just as easily been a “I know we aren’t supposed to associate in public but I need to speak” look or something similar. They both looked worried, not sad. Ruby’s expression seemed almost anxious. AND AGAIN, Jasmine didn’t make any move to see what made Ruby’s expression change so quickly.

I could easily see the Santos being an asset to whatever they have going down, so Cesar getting in their good graces can make sense, but not just that he became a hardened gang member like that clip was meant to make us believe. Similarly to how I said Oscar wouldn’t have joined if he didn’t think it was the right thing to do, Oscar wouldn’t let him for the same reason. He expressed a couple times that he considers himself Cesar’s father, and y’all rlly think he’d have allowed Cesar to put himself in that situation if he didn’t think Cesar would be safe coming out of it? Why would the writers emphasize on how Oscar wants a life outside of gangs and feels such a paternal responsibility over Cesar if it all ends with Cesar joining the gang Oscar so wanted to leave?

Things just don’t add up. Please let me know if you have any critiques of my theory. I just finished it a few hours ago, and it’s all I’ve been able to think about.

[neo-ally-spl]

One-Punch Man

I read this pretty early on (when it was being translated + the webcomic) and I've talked about his elsewhere but now I want to put my theories here too!

I'm just going to list every one of my speculations first and then explain my thoughts. Also the sentences in italics was my original opinions, just in case that's not clear. Or usually I will say, "I wonder", "here I wrote down", "I had said", etc.

Mar. 2018:

"Scary thought but the manga might not be very long?.". So I don't exactly remember why I thought this but there is a substantial amount of webtoon contnet to cover so I don't think it will end before say 250 chapters. Interesting that I thought this.

"Monster king Orochi is just like Saitama and he could be the most formidable opponent. Or he's just another one hit kill and there's a better opponent in the future." - so he literally was just the latter. I had thought three years ago that maybe he was actually Blast and that's why he couldn't be contacted. But the outcome is so much better. Honestly for a villain he was pretty cool, the only thing about this manga that is sometimes boring is that you know that none of the characters will die. Nobody loses powers either. EDIT: haha I had to make an amendment here. In chapter 143 a hero loses an arm and it seems as if Tanktop Master was crushed. Like- I was wrong lol. Also Darkshine loses his hands not too long after..soo whoops.

The next thing that I posted on twitter said, "what if Blast was manipulated and made into Lord Orochi". And then I had an accompanying image where Psykos confirms that Orochi was once a human being and was "gruesomely perfected". - he is definitely not Blast that's for sure. Blast's introduction was pretty cool. I was shocked for a few hours, it was good. But yeah I don't know who Orochi once was, but that's not true lol.

Oh about my first bullet point, I found another tweet while looking through my twitter and I had said that I thought this was the last arc because it seemed to be the major conflict, but ever since my re-read of the webcomic I think that's no longer true. Not 100% sure though.

The last thing that I said in March, was "what if the final boss is God himself"? This manga is a satire on heroes as it is, but that would be wild and funny as hell. I don't feel like it will happen but idk. Would be cool and totally on par with the insanity of the series lol

April 2018: I guess around this time was when I was able to read the Elder Centipede chapter. Because I mentioned that Blast "fought with it two years ago." At this point I was still running with the idea that Blast died or something else happened. Maybe he was frustrated with the fact that no one else could match up to him. Which now since his reveal in the manga is just not true, he's fighting somthing that's messing space, time and gravity itself.

I think I was just really excited imagining that Blast was greedy or something lol

I also wondered if his "disappearance" was just a big plot hole. Because how was the Hero Association able to know that Blast doesn't want to come into work? Like who was he talking too???

Also the fact that Child Emporer and Metal Knight have outside communications. (Which now we learned was because C.E was his assistant). Made me wonder who was speical enough to get into contact with Blast, it wasn't Tatsumaki because she would have been all haughty about it. lol

June 2018:

Psykos kidnapped a child or maybe a human. I still really wanted to know who Orochi was 😂

I also wondered if someone was looking for him, like they were close friends or if he had a wife and she'll never be able to know what happened. 😟 I don't know what chapter it was but there was a scene where there was a shadow talking to another human. Idk I would've liked that information. :/

March 2021:

This is where I did a big re-read of the series (webcomic and manga). At this point I had been waiting a long time for updates so I forgot a lot of important key details. Like Tatsumaki and Gyoro both say "bald guy" meaning that she heard about this mysterious person (Saitama) and kept that to herself.

Around this time is when I stopped having big speculations and it was more questioning about future chapter events. And then I was just very excited about each new chapter and it mostly turns into reactions.

Before chapter 135 I wondered just how important Fubuki was going to be. I thought it was really interesting that she can sense other life forms, and maybe that her powers were evolving. I still don't know how important she is.

I literally lost my shit at chapter 135 LOL. Like in my notes all I put down was, blast face, BLAST FAEC!!1! And then I also really enjoyed the development between Sweet Mask and Zombieman in this chapter.

Ch. 138 notes: What the- I've got no words. Ya'll need to experience reading this chapter. It has the coolest lore I've seen from this manga yet. Like they connected to another dimension. Can you tell that I was really excited at this point? lol

Ch. 139: *screaming* and that's it, that's the notes lol jk. Here I wrote down about the group worshipping something far underground, like if that is the next enemy? Or is it the dissolution of the H.A from the webcomic?

Ch. 142: Tatsumaki caring about information about Blast was really sweet to see. But if I didn't read the webcomic I wouldn't understand why he means so much to her. I hope ONE and Murata have her backstory in the manga as well. I literally spoke too soon about this because two chapters later we get that information. :O || Sweet Mask got such a bad injury that it makes me believe that he died. Not sure tbh. Something that happens differently in the webcomic is that it's revealed that he was a mysterious being. Like he has the ability to alter himself. He gets harassed by everyone (mostly the public) because they didn't expect him to be an ugly monster. And this kickstarts the public not rlly trusting heroes. And a lot of other shit happens.

Also about Ch. 142 I wondered why Watchdog man wasn't there. Was his city safe? Also I liked the fact that we actually get dialogue from Pig God.

Ch. 143: I don't like Drive Knight anymore lol. It seems like Genos could've actually died for real this time. And lastly Fubuki is a queen. She's turning out to be a really good character.

Ch. 144: It seems like a death flag sprung up for Tatsumaki. Also I kind of understand her thinking because to tatsumaki, blast was the only one that could/would save her. It's not a curse but more like a deep scar on her heart. ;-;!! I wouldn't trust others if that happened to me either. || When I seen the council of swordmasters I thought that they would betray the heroes, lol. || And finally in my notes, I said that it seems like TTM is down for the count too.

Ch. 145: I went back to re-read it and I just noticed in one panel, Pig God says that in the prophecy he needs to save up is power? Is he OP too?! I guess he'll be the savior maybe, that is if Saitama doesn't show up anytime soon. I'm starting to really like Pig God's character a lot too now.

Ch. 146: Ooh! Looks like the spotlight is on Darkshine now. I hope he continues to be a hero because in the webcomic he completely loses his confidence. It's really nice to see. I had some really bad foreshadowing, all I'm going to say is rip darkshine. He didn't die but oof. I also said that it was nice to see that the S-Class could actually hold their own. It wasn't looking promising there for a while.

Ch. 147: oh saitama is on the cover will he finally show up? He in fact didn't. 😔 also I liked the interaction between Atomic Samurai and Bang, he said that it was his job as the master to right his wrongs. I like that he's no longer looking down on him because of Garou. Like how could you expect someone to just be able to make a decision right away and deal with their own student? Like he obviously was important to Bang. That's such a hard thing to do. || Also about Garou he gets a new form 👀

Ch. 148: before I read the chapter, I wrote down that I had different expectations. Because in the webcomic Saitama comes out and supports Garou, he isn't okay with him being killed. Also around this fight is when Sweet Mask gets "revived" and is in monster form. Saitama is the only one that doesn't have a major issue with him. In the webcomic Saitama wasn't missing from the fight but he also wasn't playing a major part yet. || Anyways so the chapter ends with bang appearing to start the fight.

Ch. 149: I felt really bittersweet reading this chapter because the council was wiped out. It would've been cool to understand why there were so few of them left. The lore about the two swords was really cool though. So many events within the last ten chapters veered off from the original plot in the webcomic. I have no way to know what to expect, but I'm not complaining, I like going into these chapters newly experiencing them.

From here on out this is all new observations. Like today i just re-read 150. I would've had a reaction to 151 but it's not out, in fact I feel like I've been waiting a long time for that to release, the last time I checked was early july...

Ch. 150: Poor Darkshine. Also Metal Bat comes back!! I missed his character :o || Haha King is still being caught up in misunderstandings, i can't wait to laugh my ass off in the next chapter. because I know it'll be funny between sprm and king.

[sugawaras]

Banana Fish, Kimetsu no Yaiba, Haikyuu ofc so do what you want or all c:

tyyy!! id love to do all 3 haha 

banana fish:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation 

fav characters: eiji, ash, singleast fav characters: golzine fav relationship: asheijifav moment: hmm i love the scene in the beginning where eiji pole vaults over the wall to get ash help like that was so badass, and also that scene in the museum where ash totally goes beast mode against some guys golzine sent after him (also a super badass scene haha) headcanons/theories: my fav hc is that a certain character (*no spoilers*) lives and him and eiji move to japan and live happily ever after with a dog and a bunch of adopted kids :’)unpopular opinion: idk if this counts but when I was reading the manga epilogue I was getting very romancey vibes from sing and eiji? and I kinda like the idea of them getting together after everything that happened, esp bc I think itd be hard for anyone except for sing to understand what eiji went through :( asheiji forever ofc but in the canon universe I can kinda see sing/eiji in the futurehow’d you find it: I think I just heard about it being an airing summer anime and it sounded p interesting so I decided to watch it! and the name definitely caught my intention LOLrandom thoughts: it was really good!! the ending definitely wrecked my soul and I was like shocked for days sdfhhdfsh but besides that, theres a lot of good action, character development, etc.! theres also a TON of trigger warnings that could apply tho (ex. sexual abuse, violence) but overall I rlly enjoyed it!! 

(haikyuu and kny are under the read more!)

haikyuu:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation 

fav characters: hinata, suga, tendou to name a few, but honestly every character is a fave!!least fav characters: none?? I didn't really like washijou in the anime (including the ball boy arc) but hes gone through so much development in the manga I have no choice but to stan shhfsdfav relationship: kagehina!fav moment: omg theres so many, but to name a few: when hinata and kageyama finally get their new quick right at the training camp, yamaguchi’s serves in the 2nd seijou match, tsukki’s block against ushijima, nishinoya’s foot save against datekou, and the list goes on and on sfhdhfsdheadcanons/theories: I love the idea that haikyuu will end (well I hate the idea of it ending BUT) with kagehina at the 2020 Olympics on the japan national team playing together again, and some random kid sees hinata on the tv and the kid gets inspired to play vball bc of him just like how hinata started :’) ALSO manga spoilers but I saw this theory that udai tenma is like furudate’s self-insert and that that’s how he actually looks irl (which makes sense bc furudate based hq off his own hs vball experience AND tenma ends up becoming a mangaka soo...hmmm...)unpopular opinion: idk if I have any tbh! but (manga spoilers again) when the timeskip happened I saw a lot of ppl were really upset about it, and I was kinda sad we didn't get to see them as 3rd years, but I was actually so excited for the beach arc?? like holy crap it was such a plot twist and im so happy furudate took this direction, bc I honestly do think itd be kinda repetitive to see them go through second and third year and having to introduce tons of new characters would be a bit much :( how’d you find it: I had just finished watching yoi and I was like “ok im not gonna become obsessed w anime buuuut maybe ill just try another sports anime” and then i saw haikyuu and I was like “why not lol” and that was when I first started watching it!random thoughts: haikyuu is honestly my all-time fave!!! like it literally inspired me to start playing vball and hinata is such a great protagonist and its literally a work of art and actually super accurate and realistic gameplay (mostly, the quick attack is kinda out there BUT STILL) and yeah this show is just so dear to my heart :’))

kny:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation (honestly I feel like almost anyone could get into kny)  

fav characters: inosuke, tanjirou, kanrojileast fav characters: muzan but even he;s rlly complex and fav relationship: shinazugawa/Tomioka and kanroji/iguro! (also zenitsu/tanjirou/inosuke/nezuko are squad goals haha)                                          fav moment: literally any fight scene fshfhsf, like theyre all so well animated and the demon backstories are so sad omg                                      headcanons/theories: sabito was tomioka's first love and the one that got away :’( but he ends up falling in love w shinazugawa and they help each other through the grief of losing their loved ones                                              unpopular opinion: none in particular!

how’d you find it: id heard a ton of good reviews about it, but I put off watching it mainly bc of school and whatnot, but then winter break came and I had a ton of free time and I ended up bingewatching it lmao random thoughts: ok kny gives me serious hxh chimera arc vibes?? i mean personally i would consider it a lot less tragic but the demon backstories are kinda like the ants and the invincible nature of muzan vs. meruem, and also tanjirou willing to die for nezuko being similar to killua and gon ...much to think about ssfshhf

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind