#idk I had a very Big emotional and spiritual reaction the first time I touched a tumor in a medical setting maybe I’m projecting a bit

[bilaudad]

thinking about this on my most recent rewatch

(gif source: ferndaphnia)

It can be kinda easy to get exasperated with Aziraphale sometimes for how much he’s struggling with what seem to us like really obvious moral non-dilemmas. How slowly and arduously he comes to the conclusion that Elspeth and other resurrectionists are meeting a need that polite society’s nonsensical arbitrary rules don’t yet have an answer for.

But this shot, this scene, just underlines to me how genuine and earnest his struggle is. He’s not being squeamish about graverobbing, like it offends his delicate sensibilities. He’s slowly unlearning some bullshit, and he comes by it honestly and is doing his best. He’s just learned that the contents of the glass jar in his hands are a tumor that was surgically removed from a 7 year old boy, who did not survive the ordeal. Look at his body language, look at his face (so much sorrow between those mutton chops!). If he were just squeamish, he would, idk, push the jar away from him, set it down, grimace. Not cradle it closer to his chest, as if it were the 7 year old boy he wishes he could comfort, as sadness and understanding washes over him.

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[to-be--naked]

Michael Agras

Things that worry or annoy me with Michael

Reasons I am Breaking Up with Michael

Things regarding Michael Agras...

His jokes are kind of tedious, and there is no wit

I’m being codependent. It's putting me in unrelenting crisis.

He doesn't hype me up enough

I feel like if I got too unstable, he would leave

He gets defensive and angry a lot

He takes me for granted

He makes me feel unimportant

He has shit ass communication skills

I’m having mass jealousy issues

He won’t talk things out in a fight. Today yelling at me that he “isn’t fucking negotiating shit” with me. Bc he promised me three days, and I settled for anyway this weekend and Friday that works on his whim. 01.28.21... // he seems to be taking into consideration my feelings and needs more, and changing/adapting. It's not a huge difference, but the fact he immediately started doing it, like I didn't have to ask twice, is really promising. He listened. I was heard 02.08.2021

He makes me feel like I ask for too much

He just leaves a convo, and doesn’t say what he is doing or when he will be back. Then gets annoyed when im wtf is going on?

He straight up said, “I dont know how to handle your emotions”. 01.28.2021 // idk if im getting better about expressing myself, or he is reacting differently, but its a little better? 02.08.2021

He apparently doesn’t learn from mistakes. Apparently I am saying the same stuff Alyssa and his parents say. Like, uhhh, maybe YOU are the problem? 01.28.2021

He masterbates to porn

He doesn't appreciate good music

Im worried that either A) our relationship won’t work as I can’t explore my whole self B) I won’t explore my whole self bc of our relationship.

He can be kind of ignorant

He isn’t as intelligent as most the men I get serious serious with

When I make reaction sounds to things while I’m on the phone with him, he doesn’t inquire about them. Feels like he isn’t interested in me

He isn’t deep

We have nothing to talk about a lot of the time

vvv HUGE PROBLEM vvv

He doesn’t see me as the gender that I am

He holds me back from exploring that part of myself bc im always seen as female, and stereotypical feminine characteristics and behaviors are rewarded with attention and praise.

He is straight

Not in touch with his feelings

No strong pull to help others

Not spiritual or religious

No STRONG pull to be a father.

I dont feel passion. I feel desire, but no passion.

I am not in love with him

He is not in love with me

He isnt over Alyssa 01.26.2021

Im not over rick 01.25.2021

Uhm, he just “read” my okcupid profile, and didnt say a word about it. That profile lays out black and white who I am and who i want to be. ALL of my goals and ambitions. Every media thats had a significantg impact on me. Nothing??!!

He will never understand the hurt i have gone through or the pain I carry with me daily

He isn’t good at communicating certain things and it triggers my BPD

Its not a big deal, but he really isnt hairy enough for my taste

He doesn’t understand existential angst

He doesn’t understand spiritual angst

He can’t articulate his emotions

He doesnt understand how hard life inherently is for me.

He doesnt share ALL of the same humor (important ones too)

I hold back saying things in fear he will want to leave me

From what I’ve seen, im going to have to always say sorry first

He isn't romantic, and im a hopeless romantic

nbd, but he likes really stupid humor. god, when i wanted to watch Frasier, he said that show was “too smart” for him. How can you not love frasier. Well, i guess by not understanding it

He isn’t very reassuring. He used to be tho

His gender is sooooo boring and one-deminsional 

he will say stuff like “i dont have to x” and then get madd when i say ok, then dont do x...

he just told me that he looks at porn while we are on the phone together

He doesnt show any interest in learning about my past. I have a complex history, and its important the person i am with can recognize how that has effected me. “i had an hour long seizure” oh, okay. “they took away my psych meds when i was in jail” *head nod and continues to play video games “my dad used to beat me” im sorry. WHAT THE FUCK

I dont feel seen.

I feel like we are on different wavelengths.

he says the fucking n word. not cool dude! he doesnt even have any black friends!

he has no interest in learning about my disorders and how they effect me

He never seems interested in things that I say

there are a lot of questions that i dont ask bc i dont want to know the answer

he doesnt reassure me enough

two different ideras on non mono and poly

ive started apologizing a lot and feeling like a bother

he gets quiet during fights and it triggers me

I know he doesn’t use they/them when talking about me to others

Things I <3 about michael

He is encouraging

He respects my feelings

He is patient with me.

He is goofy

He buys me things

Potentially neurotypical babies (but DO I want that? id be the odd one out)

💕💕💕 He is a good daddy 💕💕💕 (not really anymore tho feb 4, 2021)

He pushes me to be better

his teeth are both cute and well taken care of

He is healthy

he is tall 

His life is well-balanced

I think he may be someone capable of change.

He has a stable career

[armazeilor]

¬ romance headcanons.

name : Horia nickname : the last time this question came up I went for Lightning Boi and I seriously can’t think of anything funnier gender : male ♂ romantic orientation : ¿ nobody knows ? preferred pet names : to be honest, pet names aren’t really his thing. If there’s any shortened version of the person’s name, he’d prefer to go for that. relationship status : single and technically not allowed to mingle. favorite canon ship : now, I know I haven’t talked about this character’s origins at all, but I’ve actually had this muse for, like...at least 3 years. In the original story that he was a part of, there used to be this dryad/forest nymph character played by a good friend of mine, and she had crazy chemistry with Horia...so they pretty much became our OTP. She was this playful, kinda mysterious girl with little antlers on her head that pranced around his forests barefooted...and yeah, long story short, what we plotted was basically about how he ends up falling for her super hard, and once he realises that, he immediately tries to cut off contact (because losing his power is probably his greatest fear). A lot of angst ensues, as expected. Eheheh- favorite non-canon ship : ahh, I’ve got a few cute little ships in my head, but not really a favourite...? I guess we’ll see... opinion on true love : he does believe in true love, but probably not in the way most people see it. It’s more of a platonic type of love, specifically of the parent-child/mentor-mentee kind. The thing is, he truly cares about his master, and would seriously be willing to give his life for him. That’s about the only love he knows, but their bond is strong enough for him to have no doubts about it being ‘true’. opinion on love at first sight : not a thing. I mean, his first reaction upon seeing anyone new is mostly just ‘get outta my forest’, so...no chance, lol. how ‘romantic’ are they? : surprisingly enough, I could definitely see him being quite romantic. Like, he’s bad at expressing his emotions verbally, but he’d be pretty great at showing affection through his actions. Stuff like him revealing his protective & attentive side, sharing food that he would normally want to keep for himself, going out of his way to make someone their very-own-personal-herb-mix for some kind of special tea...basically a lot of generosity. His insensitive brashness becomes a lot more toned down, though he can get pretty possessive, too... ideal physical traits : he doesn’t really think about this kinda stuff, tbh. If he likes someone, he just does, though he might have a thing for super long hair with a lot of healthy shine. Oh, and big, expressive eyes, no matter which colour. ideal personality traits : honesty, spontaneity, humour, playfulness...and maybe a dash of daredevil tendencies. He also tends to be fascinated by those who can leave him wondering, mostly because he catches himself thinking about them more often. unattractive physical traits: aside from things everyone dislikes such as uncleanliness/bad hygiene, I’d say that he’d be put off by people taller than himself. It makes him feel weird - being over 180cm, he’s kinda used to always being the one gazing down.  ideal date : something like going out during late spring to pick raspberries and stuff...laying in the soft grass on a mountain slope, forests at his back and a great valley stretching out before him. The view, the breeze, the gentle warmth of a setting sun...he could spend the whole night just stargazing. do they have a type? : one thing I noticed is that romantically, he pairs well with the ‘cute’ and sort of light-hearted types; not as much with the super serious or authoritative people, though. average relationship length : idk man preferred non-sexual intimacy : he’d be such a cuddler, omg. What do you expect from someone as touch-starved as a recluse? He only thinks he doesn’t need that stuff because he’s never experienced any of it, but to lay down with someone and just nap would feel like heaven. Watch him lose his cool when someone starts getting real close... commitment level : once he’s invested, it’s 100%...but it’s really hard to get past the stage where he freaks out about catching feelings and his attitude does a total one-eighty. It’s like going from hot to cold in the blink of an eye, and he’s got a lot of spiritual and emotional issues to deal with before he can open up again. opinion on public affection : cute! But nothing raunchy, and it’s only nice when he’s involved, lol. Strangers being all over each other would make him roll his eyes.

Tagged by: @noctispostmortem [ thank you!!! ♡ ] Tagging: @aestuavis, @fleetingechos, @trndly, @romanianwarrior, and you!

[opendoorlorien]

What are your thoughts on Camilla?

Camilla is, without much doubt, the most controversial and infamous character in all of Fates, mostly because of her design lol. It’s clear that the creator’s intention for her was to make her the ultimate FE waifu fetish character. I mean she’s got it all, doesn’t she? Big boobs, long hair, curvaceous figure, goth aesthetic, extreme devotion to the MC (you), a cool battle class with axes and magic,  softcore familial implications for…… those kinds of people. As far as appealing to the consumer’s fetishes is concerned, she is the perfect storm. And because of this she garners quite lot of love and hate from both sides. And maybe it’s because of my natural impulse to want to stick up for something that gets hate on a lot, but…….. I love Camilla LOL.

This isn’t ALWAYS the case but generally when I see a character getting hate on a lot, it makes me want to defend them or like them (that impulse kicks in for Faye as well, who has a few of the characteristics that Camilla does). But of course this isn’t the only reason why I like Camilla. I just… do. And I have since she was first revealed.

And I actually like Camilla a lot more than her spiritual predecessor Tharja for a few reasons. One being Camilla is actually a good mom, and her devotion for MU makes sense considering she sees you as family, while Tharja just came off as a creepy child abusing stalker. lolbye.

Character wise, well, much like the other royal sisters on both sides, Camilla gets hardcore side lined and disregarded generally in favor of development for the male characters. And this is honestly a shame because I see Camilla as a character with a lot of interesting potential that is never really attempted to be reached. Especially in Birthright (since all the royal fam members got their most shocking or interesting development in their opposite route. Like Xander gets his good end in Conquest but his most memorable character stuff is in Birthright. The same is true with Leo, and Ryoma and Takumi in Conquest (while they didnt do much of anything in BR)).

And the same can also be said for Camilla in Birthright, where the worst possible thing that could happen to her, happens to her. She loses Corrin (and the rest of her family (sans Leo)).

I actually would have liked to know more about Camilla’s past, even in just supports you know. (When in reality it’s only very vaguely touched on in a few unsatisfying ways. We just know the incredibly vague and unhelpful “it wasn’t gud lol” yeah but like HOW) I kind of want to know more about why she’s so obsessive and what her life was like before the game started (sure the implications are there but I kind of want it to be actually talked about so when you say stuff about her past it’s more than just REACHING). 

Because we know so little about where she’s coming from, when any sort of character development or arc is attempted with her in BR it falls kinda flat. Now of course this isn’t the only reason why her “character arc” doesn’t work out. The other one being, of course, bad writing. Now I think all of us know by now that the reason why Fates ultimately fell apart in the end was because the creators bit off WAYYYY more than they could chew. I think they thought a three route game sounded much better on paper than it did when they were actually making the thing (at least we got good gameplay). When you play Fates, the corner cutting littered throughout all three routes in varying measures is APPARENT. And character development for our female characters is one of those instances.

Now, this is japan. When the question is posed “hey we dont have enough time to give all eight of these characters decent arcs and development” and you can only give it to either the brothers or the sisters, the sisters unfortunately are going to get the short end of the stick here. Camilla and Elise are only a few steps above Hinoka and Sakura in terms of story involvement or their own personal character arcs. They don’t have a lot, but there’s something at least. (Or at least where you compared it to Hinoka and Sakura who got, like, NOTHING).

Camilla’s arc in Birthright is hardly anything to talk about. It had interesting potential if you think about it a bit, but the second it tries to take a step it just falls flat on its face. Camilla’s initial reaction to Corrin defecting to Hoshido makes sense. Because if you think about it a little bit, the Nohr family’s situation in Birthright is kind of really tragic. The Nohr family have become used to Corrin being a part of their family after all of these years. The Hoshifam lost Corrin YEARS ago, and while the wound of that loss is still there of course, when you see them in game in Conquest you can tell that they’re still holding it together. They’ve spent years feeling that loss, coping with it, and moving on from it. Sure they still want Corrin to be part of their family, but if Corrin is gone again its not going to destroy them (Takumi is kind of an exception, and it was more than just the loss of Corrin which sent him off the deep end). The Nohr family is a bit of a different case here because Corrin has become a kind of linchpin for them. Keeping in mind Nohr is a shitplace with a shitking who abuses his children and such, we know full well Xander and the others have not had much of a good time growing up. I think their one small light in that darkness WAS Corrin for them. And in Birthright when that light disappears it makes their family fall apart. Elise even says so, and we get to see the full effects of it when running in to each Nohr family member in turn.

NOW ABOUT CAMILLA, of course, since she’s so obsessed with Corrin, she’s going to be feeling this loss hard too. So her acting a little crazy, looney and malicious in Birthright is uh… to be expected. Chapter 13 in BR is kind of a good chapter for her actually. I don’t mind her craziness, and having her attempt to slaughter you all makes for an interesting battle set up if anything. The main problem with this chapter I have is how it ends. Because it ends kind of well. After you beat Camilla, Corrin tries to talk to her and explain Garon tried to kill you in Hoshido and has set all this shit up. And uh Camilla seems for a moment like she’s willing to listen to you. And we get the impression she WOULD have maybe listened to you and maybe even become your ally in some way if Leo and Ryoma hadn’t shown up.

Which is why Camilla’s utter refusal to listen to you or Elise in her return in chapter 23 is just eye rolling to me. I know she’s regressed further into her crazy, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense for her to do that when she seemed totally willing to listen and compromise with me at the end of chapter 13. Just reeks of bad writing for a character they didnt have the time or effort to devote any work into. Because of this (and her throwing meteors in my face) chapter 23 just ends up being really eye rolling and annoying to me, and I don’t feel much of anything when Camilla just passes out at the end of the fight to remain subsequently sidelined and uninvolved in what’s going on for the rest of the route. 

Also in the BR ending she seems a bit too okay with everything that happened. She’s like “ohoho congrats on the coronation lolol corrin u are so happi with ur hoshido fambil lol” and everything BUT YO. YOU KNOW SHE IS NOT OK. SHE JUST LOST LIKE HER ENTIRE GD FAMILY. YOU KNOW SHE’S GOING TO GO HOME AND KERMIT. SHE’S NOT OKAY

I’ve also seen a few people bring up the hypothetical of Camilla becoming Queen of Nohr at the end of BR instead of Leo. This is a nice idea in theory, but considering Camilla’s character, it just doesnt hold any water to me. Don’t get me wrong, I get the appeal, but Camilla never wanted to be involved in royal affairs and the like in the first place. In fact I get the impression she only stayed in Nohr with the others bc she loved her family so much. She just doesn’t have the makings of a queen in her. She’s a maternal figure. (Besides Leo is the perfect set up for king of nohr after Xander)

SO while any character arc or development she had was kind of swept aside, I actually do like what character she has. I like her air of maturity, her maternal side, her capable big sister vibes, and YA I even like her sadistic, cold blooded ruthless side (I kind of have a thing for female yanderes somehow LOL). Honestly I hope she kills me. TBH, I welcome it.

She’s really fun to read about in her supports tbh, how she seems professional and in control of almost every situation and never really loses hold of her emotions or composure. I just really like the way she is. Which I guess is why all of her fetish stuff doesnt bother me at all. I hardly even notice it. 

NOW ABOUT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN.k I put off talking about this till the end bc its the thing you ALWAYS hear people saying about Camilla, that she has a stupid, unpractical and fetishy design. AND YOU KNOW WHAT. YA SHE DOES. BUT YOU ALSO KNOW WHAT. IT DOESNT BOTHER ME IN THE SLIGHTEST. 

I know there are some people who have a lot of strong opinions on Camilla’s design, and will use that as a sole reason to completely disregard and knock down everything about her. Personally, I think those people are taking things a bit too seriously. Like, its FAN SERVICE. As far as I’m concerned, not all fan service is bad. Having some titties out every now and then doesnt make the character a trashy 1 dimensional piece of shit. Like I’d be more bothered if almost every girl in this game had the titties out. But they dont so if some titties are out??? I dont mind TBH. Sometimes some titties need to be out.

I think the reason why this doesnt bother me is because it’s kind of what she’s going for? Yes I know she’s a fictional character who doesnt have autonomy and was designed with the ‘male gaze’ in mind and w/e. But she is just another in the “seductress” FE archetype. Much like Aversa in Awakening or Sonia in FE7, she’s designed to look and be a temptress. The only difference here is that Camilla isn’t entirely a villain. But her design doesnt bother me I suppose because it fits her personality and the archetype (while for example Effie’s god awful god forsaken boob plate and Nyx showing an unsettling amount of skin bother me more bc??? what business do they have looking like that? Effie is a heman who only cares about Elise and getting stronger for Elise. What is with the boob plate? Nyx is anti social and hates people? Wouldn’t she want to cover herself in a huge cloak or something???) 

but as far as Camilla is concerned, I DONT MIND THE TITTIES OUT. ID ONT MIND THE BOOB STRAP, I DONT MIND THE THONG AND OPEN THIGHS. I DONT MIND ANY OF IT. IN FACT, I LOVE IT. I THINK HER DESIGN IS GREAT AND I THINK SHE LOOKS GREAT. THAT’S ALL. THAT’S IT.

If anything, the only problems I do have is that weird… leg curtain… thing??? hanging off her hips??? Like it just makes me wonder how she’s supposed to sit on a wyvern with that in the way (some people bring up her wearing no pants is stupid when she’s riding a wyvern, but idk dudes maybe she has a padded saddle you dont know) and her weird knee pad things. They look really weird on her legs I’m not sure wtf is going on there. ALSO. Her armor proportions are kind of weird and it makes it hard to judge her proportions and stature. Her design if anything is kind of a bit cluttered and busy, though at the same time I wouldn’t really call her over designed, just she probably couldnt hurt to lose a few weird accessories.

But on the flip side I really love her hair design and horns are my aesthetic so I think her tiara looks really cool!!

All in all, I do love Camilla. I theoretically like Elise more, but tbh I fucking love the Nohr family in their entirety and I would die for each one of them 100x over so they may hate her all they want but I will ALWAYS LOVE MY BIG SIS.  

[starseedsrise]

Will Kundalini Awaken If You Consume Animals?

Will it stunt the access to higher consciousness, dimensions, and ascension process?

Here I have compiled very interesting and insightful perspectives:

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• We know that Native American tribes have and most indigenous tribe are paleo based. The natives which I’ve heard from my historical backtracking, always give gratitude and honor for the life they consume but I think it was mainly in times of scarcity. As you may remember in school or researched, before take over by Columbus there was an incredible abundance of cattle which were all slaughtered even for fun by the Columbus crew :(

Jason Lamonte: honor and love, thank the spirit of anything you consume or inhale for allowing you to take in its energy to heal yourself with, so you may better aid in healing others with the same energy. Any “toxins” or “poisons” even radiation can be transmuted through spirit alchemy. Free the soul of the animal you consume if you do eat meat, make an affirmation prior and bless the animal for giving its life, and make a pact that it’s spirit and soul is liberated from the lower planes upon your consumption of it. :) Do as thou wilt

Noah Gambescia: Vegetarianism/veganism isnt a prerequisite for ascension, growth or enlightenment. It does help the process but isnt an absolute prerequisite That being said its encouraged to stop or reduce red meat and pork, the least damaging meats are chicken and fish

Stanislav Daganov: Noah, what’s the big difference between mammals and birds?

Noah Gambescia: I had a hard time believing it at first but I’ve been told more than once by higher dimensional beings that small birds and fish dont actually have souls. Like they have a consciousness, naturally, but not an individual self-aware fractal of God source that has its own identity and memories of past lives. For instance a chicken or salmon will not reincarnate after death, they are extensions of nature, living beings but not avatars inhabited by a soul and higher self.

Mammals however have souls, so pork and cows and such. As far as small birds and fish are concerned, no individual souls, theyre essentially biological robots

So while its better to eat no meat altogether, at least with chicken and seafood youre not eating a fellow soul which is essentially spiritual cannibalism. Beware of GMO poultry and seafood

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• I have felt like this as well, This is what it seems to be like with pidgeons and fishbin my current resonating perception. But idk.

Dån Trîfan: I had my experience 2 weeks after quitting meat for the first time. I’m sure it had a lot to do with it. Haven’t touched flesh since.

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Gabriel Grey: I’ve tried to give up meat but it makes me really weak/sick feeling after awhile. I still consume poultry/fish, and have drastically cut back on red meats and pork. I never noticed a difference in spirituality/kundalini based off of my diet, but everybody works alittle differently

• We must take into account always, the biochemical individual metabolic types we have, ethnic primal pattern dieting (see Paul Chek’s data) we may need to cycle on having meat sometimes.

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Clayton Masterson: Eating animals with highly developed emotional systems will indeed slow down spiritual progress. Fish and eggs seem to be fine, but make sure the eggs are cage free, and free range if possible.

Well as there is no way to measure spirit period, I would say no, there is no really objective criteria, but it has been my personal experience and that of many others which seems to verify it. From my experience it has to do with the suffering of the animal that one takes on into ones own spirit when consuming most animal flesh.

I would say that this does not apply to traditional hunting and gathering people as they live in harmony with their ecology, and they are part of a single unit.

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Mark Amaru Pinkham: A vegetarian diet has been promoted by the ancients because it is the most “sattvic” and readily assists transformation. Such a diet assists the seeker from becoming too rajasic - too worldly and aggressive - and it also moves and awakens energy, including the Kundalini. However, many Enlightened Ones have reached their goal with a diet that includes meat. If you live in a northern, cold climate, consuming meat might become essential to stay warm and healthy. But such a diet will not prevent Kundalini awakening or the process of alchemical transformation.

• Sattvic diet is meant to include food and eating habit that is “pure, essential, natural, vital, energy-containing, clean, conscious, true, honest, wise”.[2][3]

Sattvic diet is a regimen that places emphasis on seasonal foods, fruits, dairy products, nuts, seeds, oils, ripe vegetables, legumes, whole grains, and non-meat based proteins.[4] Some Sattvic diet suggestions, such as its relative emphasis on dairy products, is controversial.[5]

Sattvic diet is sometimes referred to as yogic diet in modern literature. In ancient and medieval era Yoga literature, the concept discussed is Mitahara, which literally means “moderation in eating”.[4][6] (Wikipedia)

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• Yes, I believe it is all about balance. Awakenings, enlightened ones (lol) have reached their goals via balance. Adaptation, being truly in tune, not identified with the lower attachments to satisfy pleasure, not emanating from an imbalance such as emotional eating. Love this info on the Ayurvedic perspective. I also live in a colder climate perhaps meat is a staple right now for maintenance in this environment. The Eskimo’s thrive off tons of meat and animal fats. (My own consumption is relatively small when it comes to meats. As a bodybuilder I typically get my protein source from eggs and whey proteins, hydrolized/isolates. A bodybuilding diet style will help anyone become refined and tuned into what their body really needs and when it needs it. Moreover, sungazing + sleeping on the Earth will tune on faster :)

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Here are awesome words from internationally renowned expert in corrective & high performance exercise kinesiology, holistic Health coach Paul Chek:

I became a vegetarian for the second time a few years ago when my soul guided me to remove all fish, meat, and eggs from my diet. I was guided to eat that way for exactly one year to the day.

This process helped me:

1. Deeply clean myself 2. Develop greater intuitive clarity 3. Evolve in my practices as a shaman 4. Practice what I preach, let go of any dogma, and trust that my soul only knows Love and Truth. 5. Study the effects of a vegetarian diet on my body and mind, and how that diet affected workouts like heavy weight training and rock lifting. I learned so much about myself:

I had to eat a significantly increased amount of beans and legumes. My body also wanted a lot of nuts that previously gave me intolerance reactions. I noticed that when I was a vegetarian, I could eat many things that I couldn’t eat while also eating meat.

I found it MUCH harder to keep muscle mass on. Hard workouts took a noticeably longer time for me to recover from (remember, this is me, and shouldn’t be misread to indicate that all vegetarians will have this response). The harder I trained, the more careful I had to be to get plant foods with high protein and fat content in them or I could watch myself disappearing!

My sex drive diminished significantly, particularly in the last several months of the one-year stint.

6. Cultivate a greater empathy and compassion for others. My feeling nature seemed to be more feminine in general.

The Macrobiotic Diet I have studied the printed works of Annemarie Colbin, author of Food and Healing, The Book Of Whole Meals and others. I have also studied the works of Michio Kushi, on of the pioneers of macrobiotic dieting in the US. Both of them have excellent information to offer that I’ve included as part of my basic HLC training after exploring them in my own life. This way of eating would be more akin to what Bill Wolcott refers to as a carb type.

After I was most recently a vegetarian, my soul guided me to add eggs and fish to my diet. At this time, I followed the macrobiotic approach as a general theme for six months. Then my soul directed me back to eating meats that worked well for me on an as needed basis.

I found that my recovery from exercise, and my general capacity to handle stress improved. By now, my body really needed the extra nutrients available on a macrobiotic approach that were hard to get with a strict vegetarian approach. Again, this is my individual experience and not a suggestion that everyone will respond this way. That said, my observations about myself fit the pattern I see in my patients.

Metabolic Typing Paul eating according to his Metabolic Type.I studied Bill Wolcott’s version of metabolic typing (MT) for several years on my own and in my clinical practice. I also studied many other MT pioneers’ work to explore the differences, and there are a number of them.

In the Wolcott system, I tested out to be a strong protein type, with sympathetic dominance. I ate that way for a long time, but found that I started to have symptoms of excessive protein in my diet, such as aching in my joints, decreased digestive ability, slowing of bowel transit and retention times, craving sweets, etc.

I had to move to eating more as a mixed type to balance.

Then I found that even that was too much flesh food on some days, and I began eating as a carb type. My body seemed to want/need something from each of the MT diet types at different times of the day, week, or month depending on internal and external environmental factors.

So where does that leave me?

No Rules and Inner Guidance or “Flex-a-tarian” Dieting In synthesis, my whole approach boils down to meeting your individual needs.

This requires that you have access to your instincts, intellect, imagination, and intuition. If you don’t, you’re more likely to follow diet dogmas and end up needing the help of a Chek HLC Practitioner – someone with adequate experience and an open-minded approach to help you balance and heal.

What is Flex-a-tarian Dieting? 1. Genetic Individuality

Each person has genetic individuality. Your genetic needs are greatly influenced by your parents’ genes. Your genetic origins can range from desert dwelling people where there is often little big game to eat and high plant consumption is the norm, to Eskimos who eat 90% of their diet as flesh and fat. Each of us can fall anywhere on that scale.

You may have one parent that does well on very little meat, and another whose roots are Scandinavian where long winters and a frozen ground meant meat was essential for survival and therefore programmed into their genes. And any individual may emulate one parent more strongly in their dietary needs, or express any variation within the range of their ancestry.

2. Stress Factors

Stress of any physical, emotional or mental nature can significantly change an individual’s dietary needs. If your dietary pattern is too fixed, you can eat yourself deeper into a potential illness/disease state. If you are in touch with your instincts and not stuck in a diet dogma, you’ll adapt naturally to dietary changes.

If you take most any vegetarian into a gym, start loading them and increasing the rate of protein destruction, they are very likely to crave meat because meat is a high protein/fat source that supports most people’s genetic needs easily. Weston A. Price showed clearly in his book, Nutrition and Physical Degeneration that there were no “healthy vegetarian tribes to be found in the world”. Whenever he found one that seemed pretty healthy, there were healthier meat eating tribes nearby.

In his excellent book, Metabolic Man: Ten Thousand Years from Eden (The Long Search for a Personal Nutrition From our Forest Origins to the Supermarkets of Today) Charles Heizer Wharton offers an analysis of the efficiency of gatherers vs. hunters for meeting their needs. He shows that hunting for meat is more efficient and therefore, more likely to support life.

3. Individualized Eating

We all have an obligation to ourselves, to each other, and to the planet.

If we aren’t wise enough to teach our younger generations about life, how it works, and what we must do to support Mother Nature so she can continue to support us in our own growth and development, then our problems are sure to escalate.

After 30 years of committed study in the profession of Holistic Health, I’ve come to the conclusion that eating with the conscious intention of feeding your body what legitimate organic plant and/or flesh foods it needs is what it takes to be healthy.

Only healthy people can make healthy decisions as a general rule. Only healthy people are open minded enough to keep themselves healthy and not participate in dogmas that may sound good, but really just suppress our natural instincts and don’t actually create health.

FOR ME, it all boils down to this.

If I am to be part of the healing process, to be sensitive to what is needed by both humanity and by Mother Nature, and feel safe that I can trust my instincts, I must be healthy.

If I am to have enough life-force energy to actively create my dreams and share my wisdom with those that may benefit from it, I can’t afford to save a chicken or a cow if it means that my own health will suffer.

If I continue to be a vegetarian when my body tells me to do otherwise, how long will it be before I don’t have the energy to even ring the bell of animal abuse, recycling, water consciousness, or food awareness? While I’m saving a few chickens and cows, I risk diminished health and vitality, and therefore available energy to be the change.

I love all life in nature. I love all animals.

I also love myself enough to know that nature designed each and all to participate in a natural balancing act called “Life”.

Eat to Balance Your Body-Mind So there it is.

I have no diet dogma.

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My foundational principle is to learn to feel what your body needs and feed it wisely.

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This is exactly what I teach in my book How To Eat, Move and Be Healthy! my ebook The Last 4 Doctors You’ll Ever Need, as well as my Primal Pattern Eating audio program.

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Eating as a vegan, vegetarian, meat eater, or “flex-a-tarian” are all legitimate approaches to balancing the human body-mind. No one approach should be worshiped. No one approach should be seen as better or worse than the other unless it is evaluated against your overall level of well-being, or lack thereof. If we are to leave the world a little better for our children than it was when we got here, it is high time that we all stop reading magazines, books on diet dogma, and listening to people selling snake oil, get-slim-quick pills on TV and start cultivating a loving, open-minded relationship with ourselves.

With that objective managed, we will naturally find that our relationships and our contributions to the world reflect our level of sound health in sound actions for the betterment of all.

I hope this helps you to navigate your way to a healthy diet for you. I welcome your questions, comments and experiences, so please share them in the comments section below.

Love and chi, Paul Chek

(http://chekinstitute.com/blog/what-diet-is-right-for-you/)

Bottom line: All about balance. Water/blood is our transporter conductor of life force. Lymphatic system The harmonic resonance creates geometry at the cellular level which is order. Opposite of chaos/dis-ease Maintaining proper ph and balanced alkaline levels have been said to heal all sorts of disease. Alkaline foods are electric/life force. A toaster is electric too but it sends static instead of life force due to it drawing it’s source from DC/direct current.