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hqcult · 4 years ago

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EYELINER ## suna rintarou

trying to apply his eyeliner would've been easy if only rintarou can keep his hands to himself.

. tw smut, dom suna, established relationship, fingering, oral f receiving, edging, dirty talk, slight exhibitionism, mind break, unprotected sex, pwp . wc 4k

"ugh, he's gonna do it again." you mutter, eyeing suna's hand as it skims around your vanity desk for his favorite brand of eyeliner. for some reason everybody naturally finds themself drawn to suna rintarou, even if he was always so stoic and detached.

you hate how girls would flock around him in parties as they stare at his kohl-lined eyes or at the painted black nail polish whenever you disappear to get a drink, knowing full well what kind of thoughts are running in their heads because you, for sure, thought of him the same way. alright. we get it. your boyfriend can be a hot mofo if he wants to be and his idgaf attitude just adds to the whole appeal.

we get it.

because you love him more than the stars in the galaxy combined, sometimes you can't help but feel jealous when people get too close to him. you really didn't want to be that type of girlfriend but sometimes you just like the assurance that he's all yours and nothing's wrong about that, right? plus, suna seems to exceptionally love when he gets you jealous and feral. he may always pretend otherwise but he loves staking his claim on you just as much as you liked being claimed by him.

"are you done yet?" you say, staring at him from your bedroom door frame.

atsumu was throwing a party tonight and you were all dressed up and ready to go, just patiently waiting for your boyfriend.

suna replies a beat later, not bothering to meet your eyes. "just a minute."

you just want his attention all on you. you don't even want to go to this stupid party and see all these people shamelessly flirting with him even if you were right there by his side. you just want to have some alone time with suna rintarou.

and you may or may not have just come up with an idea to make that happen.

"where's the eyeliner? the one i always use?"

"it's not there? i know i left it there. wait, let me look."

you straighten up, walking towards him in your red leather mini skirt that can make any man's eyes sliver down to your ass.

suna is sitting on your swivel chair, leaning back in a man spread as he clicks his tongue impatiently. he looks good even in a plain shirt and a pair of ripped jeans, his athletic and tall build enough to make any outfit look good.

"are you sure it's not in the drawers?"

"yes, i already checked."

you pout, making a show of muttering "i swore i threw it in here," under your breath as you maneuver around his spread legs to stand in between them, bending forward as you rummage around where he's already looked twice.

you know he's staring at your ass. suna was never lowkey with how much he loves you in this leather mini-skirt. it's a miracle he hasn't landed a rough spank yet after getting a face full view of your ass.

"wait a minute, maybe it rolled under my vanity."

so you get down on your knees, making sure your butt grazes the front of his jeans and just like you predicted, suna was half-hard already.

it was truly such a stroke to your ego but you focus on the task at hand.

you arched your ass up as you bend down to look for the little tube of eyeliner, slightly shaking it side to side as you "struggle" to get the eyeliner out from underneath the table.

when your hands feel the cylindrical plastic, you retreat, sitting up straight again and proudly showing your boyfriend the eyeliner in your hands.

you made sure your eyes were as huge and innocent as they look, kneeling in between his legs, shins tucked in and hands in your lap like a good girl.

"i found it!"

you could've sworn you've seen his left eye twitch as he stared you down. you've been with him long enough to notice that look in his eyes. what are you playing at, huh?

you wait for him to speak but you can see all the gears turning in his head as he continues to stare at you.

you wait anxiously for what he's going to do next. maybe he'll make you suck him off, or he'll throw you on the bed, or spank your ass because you were clearly teasing him—

"why don't you put my eyeliner on for me?"

you stand up, opening the tube in as he shuts his eyes. you try not to let your disappointment show too much. fine. maybe you can just have a quickie later while drunk in one of the rooms in the frat house.

"why are you standing? come sit on my lap while you're doing it."

you were too busy removing the excess product off the brush to notice his eyes had taken a dark turn, contradicting the gentleness of his warm hands as it snakes around the back of your bare thighs pulling you closer.

"no, i'll mess this—"

"i said sit."

delicious shivers create goosebumps on your skin.

you know that tone. he only uses it when he's horny and he wants to bend you over. so maybe your game plan did work after all, yet you're staring at him dumbfounded with the eyeliner brush in midair.

"come sit. i won't repeat myself." he leans back against the chair, manspreading as he waits for you.

you scramble to straddle his strong thighs, muscles a manifestation of his hard work and dedication to volleyball. it was great to see him in action on the court but you'd rather he flexed those muscles when you ride his thighs.

you cup his face, getting all up in his personal space to apply the eyeliner.

you've long grown out of the honeymoon phase but why is your heart beating so damn fast right now?

your hands were shaking, perspiration was building up in your forehead, and you were holding your breath.

"are you nervous?"

"shut up, rin. 'm not."

when the brush first touches the lid of his eyes, a nimble finger traces the expanse of your whole slit over your panties.

you pull the brush away, hissing in surprise.

"rintarou—!"

"what?"

his sharp tone isn't what shut you up, it was the hand cupping your sex. the heel of his wrist slowly grazing against your sensitive clit. you drew a sharp breath. he smirks.

"go on. continue, doll."

you want to hate the teasing lilt in his voice but you know deep down you love it.

you held your breath, diving in once again to the task at hand whilst trying to ready yourself from his ministrations.

your hand slightly shakes as you start in the middle of his waterline, slowly tracing the bottom part of his eyes before making a small wing at the end.

you've seen him apply his own eyeliner so much you have this down to an art form. everything would've been easy if only he kept his hands to himself. you try to ignore the digit still feathering over your slit or the hand wrapping around you to bunch your skirt up around the waist.

for someone whose eyes are closed he's doing a damn good job navigating. but maybe that's how he shows you're his. he knows your body like the back of his hand, he knows what makes you tick, what makes you pant, what makes you moan in ecstasy.

"i can never resist when you dress up all pretty for me. you know that, right, doll?"

applying the eyeliner to his waterline had been fairly easy. the lash line, on the other hand, proved difficult. especially when suna's upgraded from tracing your pussy lips to dangerously toying with the elastics of your panties, slipping his finger under before stretching it to slap your skin.

as you try to connect the upper part of the eyeliner to the small wing you made from his waterline, you hissed.

"why don’t you pull them down?"

he chuckles at your impatience and you slightly pull the brush away as he finally shoves the fabric down. you gasp when the cold hits your wet cunt. the scent of your essence unmistakable and you know suna's holding back from teasing.

"as you wish, baby."

as suna grows bolder, the more your hands shook as you worked on his other eye.

just as the tip of the brush touched his left eye's waterline, he pushed two fingers inside of you, dragging them against your walls in a lazy manner that was so distinctly him. he curls his fingers when he fucks it in before dragging them against your walls when he pulls it out, slightly scissoring you. he uses his other hand to draw figure 8’s against your clit.

you swallow, trying your best to keep your hand still as a surgeon but you see the jagged little curves where your jolts of pleasure were too strong.

you never should've provoked him to shove your underthings down, at least then you wouldn't have to suffer through his fingers. they were just so long, so thick, and so experienced when it comes to pleasuring you that you can never touch yourself anymore without craving suna's own fingers instead.

you bit your lip, the hand that was cupping his jaw tightening as you try to fix the little mistakes here and there, hoping suna won't see them when he inspects your work in the mirror. it doesn't matter that he purposely set you up to fail. there'll be consequences if he isn't satisfied with what you did. may god have mercy on your horny little soul if rintarou thinks you were a bad girl.

"you just hate losing, don't you?" you hiss, jolting when you feel him slap your cunt. your knees nearly buckled and you almost fell off the chair if not for his sturdy hand on the small of your back.

"what are you talking about? i'm just fingering my girl like a winner."

just as you started outlining his left lash line, suna shoves a 3rd finger into your sopping cunt. loud squelching noises fill the room as your walls pulsate around his thick digits. the metal rings he wore brushing against your pussy lips as he fucks you knuckle-deep with three fingers. involuntarily, your own hips started moving to match his pace, shamelessly thrusting up everytime he shoves his fingers in.

he knows you so well. he doesn't even need to look at your face, he can feel you out by the noises you make. so good. so good. his fingers feel so good. fuck. fuck. fuck.

until he pulls them out of your sopping pussy.

"rin," you whine, folding into his shoulder as you struggle to balance your kneeling self on the chair. you blindly reach down for his hand, urging him to put his fingers back in. "rin, please don't stop. please please please—”

"i told you to put my eyeliner, not fuck yourself on my fingers," he leans back on the chair, eyes still shut close while licking his digits clean.

your lips press into a thin line, eyes dilated as a whine starts to threaten to pass your lips. you're sick of whatever game this is, you just want him to fuck you silly already! but as if sensing your thoughts, suna clicks his tongue and speaks. "hurry it up. we have a party to get to."

without his fingers to plug your cunny, your slick runs down the insides of your thighs. it's slow descent against your skin making goosebumps run up your arms, shivering as the cold hits your bare cunt.

suna must've known your anguish, he could feel his jeans getting soaked but he didn't care and you wish to punch that smug smirk off his pretty face.

your fingers stilled when you cupped his cheeks and leaned in to start applying a thin stroke of eyeliner to his water line. with a simple flick of the wrist you ended it with a little wing, just like how your boyfriend likes it. now, you just have to do his lash line and—

you let out an audible gasp when his fingers started feeling around your thighs, having an inkling idea of what he's tryna look for. true to what you expected, he traces the line of your dripping slick up your inner thighs until his fingers graze your nether lips, successfully collecting your essence.

you stare entranced when suna brings them up to his lips, eyebrows furrowed and almost moaning aloud because of your taste. the fact that his eyes are closed made you want him even more. his fingers pop out of his mouth, but you get the feeling it wasn't enough. he wants more. suna wants you under his mercy. he wants to taste and ruin you until you're fucked out and lying in a pretty mess on the bed sheets.

"so fucking sweet, my baby. you're this desperate for me? for my fingers?"

you snapped. you threw the makeup elsewhere in the room (though not before screwing it shut) before diving down to kiss him on the lips. all lust-filled and rough as you both channel the desires you have for each other. maybe suna was at his tipping point too, noting that he doesn't even bother to push you away.

with his strong arms he picks you up and you wrap your legs around his torso, never breaking the kiss before literally throwing you down on the bed, knocking the air out your lungs.

"rin!"

"whoops."

he's kneeling before the bed, the sheets ruffling when he pulls you to the edge by your calves, hot breath against your sex making you squirm.

"my pretty thing," the kitten lick against your pussy drove you crazy, desperately bucking your hips up and suna chuckles condescendingly. "but such a bad fuckin' girl, aren't ya?"

you yelp when he slaps the side of your thigh.

"who said you could kiss me?"

he pinches your clit hard as he enters your line of sight. suna has never seen you this pretty and desperate for him before. sweat making your skin glow, lips raw from your biting, eyes conveying your every lust-filled thought about him. the sight of you so riled up makes his dick ache and he wants so badly to fuck you already but bad girls don't get what they want just yet. you have to earn it.

"i asked you a question. who the fuck told you that you could fucking kiss me?" the acid in his voice contrasts the gentle way he caresses the spot on your thigh where he had hit you.

"no one."

you sob in pleasure when his hot tongue licks a stripe up your pussy before suckling on your clit. once. twice. sucking particularly hard on the third. before running his tongue swiftly over the bundle of nerves and kitten licking his way down your pussy lips. your thighs were shaking so hard he had to pin them down. he knows it's a sign that you're close, not that he's surprised, he's been stimulating your body for minutes now it was amazing you haven't cummed yet.

but then he stops.

a thread of your slick dribbling down his chin as those cat eyes of his stare you down. he watches, enchanted by how your chest rises and falls. another sweet release he snatched away from you.

"i thought so. what does that make you?"

amazing how he manages to sound so normal, conversational even while he's literally edging you like there's no tomorrow. what do you expect? it's his favorite punishment. he gets to see you sob and beg for him like there's nothing in your mind but his cock and he loves it so much. loves seeing you bend and break for him to please.

you sniffle, arm coming up to hide the frustrated tears in your eyes. "been… been a bad girl."

a hand slaps your thighs, brutal. eyes on rintarou when answering his questions. your eyes shoot up.

"and who's bad girl have you been?"

"yours."

this time he reaches forward to tweak your pebbled nipples. the sudden cold of the pads of his fingers making you gasp and spasm. your boyfriend straddles you and you shiver at the head of his glistening cock leaving trails on top of your thighs. but he doesn't make another move. when you sneakily try wiggling your hips for your sex to graze his dick, he slapped your thigh without holding back. you doubt it won't start leaving a handprint. you wait with bated breath when he grabs hold of his cock, the head angry and dripping, the only proof of his also growing desire for you.

when he directs the head for it to graze your nether lips, you almost cried another fresh batch of tears. his hand quickly brushes up to wipe it away, though not before feeling his dick twitch. you know how much he loves seeing you cry from the overwhelming pleasure he can give you.

"last time i checked, my name isn't yours. didn't i tell you to answer in full sentences when i'm fucki—"

"suna! suna rintarou! i've been sun-suna rintarou's bad girl!"

suna ducks to mark your neck and torso. he feels the goosebumps forming on your body. the heat enveloping the two of you as you both quickly shed any remaining pieces of clothing. he kisses you. sloppy. nothing but teeth clashing and tongues fighting for dominance as he cradles your face with his big hands, feeling the mushroom head of his cock grazing your thighs.

usually he'd appreciate you not cutting him off mid-sentence but he too has reached his own limits and right now all he can think about is drilling you to the mattress. "rin, please!" you sob, arms wrapping around his neck as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck.

"shh. yes, doll. i hear ya."

you were dripping wet enough that all it took is one deep thrust for him to bottom-out. usually you're quite hesitant when rintarou's rawing you but at this point right now, you doubt fucking with a condom would've felt this good. no thin plastic whatsoever that's separating you from him. when he starts to move, you both moan in ecstasy. the bed creaking under the weight of you both as he pistons his dick inside. "you feel so good, doll. so fucking wet and tight. look how wet you are. dripping for my cock, huh? this all for me? answer me!"

you hardly register his voice, the pleasure you've been craving since minutes ago now being crashed down upon you. it's overwhelming and you don't want it any other way.

"yes," you pant. the tears still leaking from your eyes as you claw at his biceps. "yes. all-all for you, r-rin! just for you!"

he stubbornly keeps hitting the spot that'll make you keen and whine, suna forcing your hips down and sitting up with his palms at the sides of your head. he wants to see you come undone, he'd love to grab his phone and make this memory permanent but he doubts his camera can capture the real deal. your moans and pleas reaching his ears, spurring him on, the beautiful way your back arches of the mattress, the way you physically shook in pleasure and you screamed and worshipped his name.

"rin! oh my god, rin! fuck. 'm close," your voice breaks, hiccuping from the onslaught of tears you can't hold back as blinding pleasure grips you in a tight vice.

suna comes down to snake his arms around you, pulling you infinitely closer as one of his hands supports your lower back, manually moving your hips to match his frantic thrusts. "why you crying? bad girls should be tough, right? aren't—shit—aren't you a bad girl? hmm? bad girls like you shouldn't be crying."

you shake your head, looking pretty and desperate as you meet his eyes. "no, i'm not a bad—"

"yes. you are," you groan, his thrusts particularly hard to shut you up and make a point. "you're a very, very bad girl. you don't listen to me at all. bad girls don't even deserve to cum."

"no! no! rin, please!" you say, a blubbering mess as you bury your forehead into his neck, licking and suckling at his skin to get in his good side. "i'll be good. i promise! please, let me cum. rin! please, i'll be good. i'll be good! only your good—ah."

"you fucking bet you're my good girl," he hissed, biting your shoulder before moaning, pitched and wanton as it threatens to snap the stretched cord inside of you. but not yet. you can't. not unless he says so. "it's me that's making you feel this good. this is my pussy. my plaything. repeat what i said—doll! repeat what i said."

you cried, screaming in frustration as his cock stills inside of you and you know he won't move until you oblige. "this is…" you hiccup. "rin-rintarou's pu-pussy. i'm rintarou's play-plaything."

"what was that?" he asks, hips starting to rut against you again in full force. the headboard violently hitting the walls. when your hands scramble to cling onto something, you accidentally shove something off the bed but you couldn't care less. "louder, doll. i want the whole fucking neighborhood to hear you."

"this is rintarou's pussy. i'm rintarou's plaything." you say in your normal speaking voice, albeit shaky and almost incomprehensible as he holds you firm against him, his cock embedding it's shape and size into your sopping walls.

"louder!"

he hoists you up into a sitting position, his hips fucking up towards you and you only realize he did it when you see the window situated meters behind you two. curtains-drawn, open for the night breeze to billow in. he wasn't kidding. suna rintarou wants the neighbors to hear how good you're getting rawed. he wasn't kidding. he was not kidding.

"go on," he whispers, breathy and teasing. "you'll do it. you're a good girl for me arentcha?"

fuck. "this is rintarou's pussy! i'm rintarou's plaything!"

he licks a stripe up your neck, hands coming around your neck as he whispers into your ear the words you've been dying to hear. "cum, baby."

and your orgasm surges through your whole body in violent jolts, thick ropes of cum squirting out your pussy as you distantly hear him groaning, your walls tightening and sucking him in with every aggressive thrust. rintarou quickly finishes after you, teeth embedding themselves into your shoulder as he groans. you knew bruises will form and you're going to be sore as a bitch but you don't fucking care.

"rin, i love you." you say, grabbing a hold of his face as you stare deep into his eyes. and you don't understand why there's doubt clouding in your head when he takes a beat later to answer, when really, he just can't help the sudden wave of emotions festering in his stomach as he meets the gravity of your gaze. the love and devotion in your eyes as he can only hope that he could translate his emotions through his eyes, too.

he smiles, leaning in to give you a kiss. it's sweet and gentle, completely unlike the one he gave you a few minutes ago when in the throes of pleasure. no. you feel every bit of his love for you in this one kiss and you don't know why you ever doubted yourself, doubted him. you've been together for so long and you're it for him.

"i love you, too."

but leave it to your darling rintarou to ruin the moment.

"but you'll never apply my eyeliner ever again."

. a/n » this was so self-indulgent im sorry lmao

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myatuesday · 4 years ago

Text

I hate that when we're coming to our dude w an issue (aka bitching)

All they hear is "blah blah blah" bitching Charlie Brown teacher voice.

Instead of listening to what the fuck it is we're saying.

I put the shit it writing. I guess he doesn't really read it? Cause he's still like

"Idk wtf you want. All you do is bitch."

Smh.

Sigh.

ISTG.

Or can't separate the praise from the pain

Wtf do you think it means when I say,

"Idgaf if you give me $1,000,000

I want you to stop talking to that bitch."

Did I stutter?

It means EXACTLY what the fuck I JUST mothafuckin said.

Idgaf if you give me $1,000,000

I want you to stop talking to that bitch.

PERIODT.

What about that is confusing?

Or hard to decipher?

Well I'm buying you flowers, I'm taking you to dinner, I'm trying to be nicer to you...

Are you still fucking w that hoe?

Ok then.

Ummm.

Then thanks for that

But

STOP FUCKING WITH THAT HOE

They don't cancel eachother out.

The fuck.

Oldest trick in the book.

Like I'm fucking stupid?

"Well you didn't tell me outright what you wanted. I asked and asked"

Motherfucker.

Not only have I been saying it, and yes, BITCHING about it for 3 goddamn years. I have indeed said it outright.

You wanna play dumb. To keep PLAYING ME.

Time. And time. And time. Again.

Do you need a billboard?

We've talked about it 1000x

You've seen it in writing countless times.

You read my goddamn Tumblr. Hello. Hi.

It's not a fucking mystery.

Period. Hello.

I'm not new.

Now I've gone so far as to offer this dude the

Girlfriend Experience (at his expense, of course)

Because he's made it

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR

Through his actions or lack thereof

That's what he's after.

He doesn't want a fn gf.

He wants a hoe he can fuck and go out w sometimes.

No strings attached.

Ok. Well let me just give you my cashapp and that can be arranged.

The Fuck.

But all this inbtwn BULLSHIT.

Is wearing on me.

Fucking pick one.

But COME CORRECT with it

Whichever way we're going.

I'm OVER this fucking playing dumb, playing games

"But but but..." BULLSHIT

Then gets an attitude w ME

And says he's sick of being the bad guy.

Well, NEWFLASH

Then... RADICAL IDEA

Stop being the fucking bad guy

You ARE the bad guy.

That's why you feel like it.

That's why you're treated like it.

You goddamn cheated.

(Still are, pretty much. Possibly even more than I know)

You live a double fucking life

You throw $ at me to shut me up

(Or you were. You kinda stopped... sooo... idk wtf is up w that. Give it all to somebody else? Smh)

BE A GOOD GUY

Stop lying

Stop cheating

Stop being fucking shady

And stop lying means to EVERYONE; yourself, me, her, your family, your friends, your followers, everyone.

If you just wanna hoe, say that

Stop claiming to me - and me alone - that we're in a real relationship

When you, me, and everyone else on this earth knows we're not.

He claims to finally get it this time (really?!)

But refuses to talk about it

Or do anything about it today

(We've just been discussing it for weeks.

Years.

Ya know. Whatever. Nbd.)

Fine.

But... I'm so sick of this shit

And nothing pisses me off more than this

Cop out playing dumb shit

Mixed w him having the audacity to get an attitude w me

For constantly bringing up his constant fuckboy bullshit

You know when I'll stop bitching?

When you stop giving me shit to bitch about!

DUH.

That's how that works.

YOU ARE THE BAD GUY.

You don't stop being the bad guy

Until you actually stop being the bad guy.

I've given you 1000 chances

Feel free to actually be a decent boyfriend

Or just honest about your real intentions

(Either one)

Any fucking day now.

But until then

Yeah. I'm pissed.

Duh.

And you are the fucking bad guy. Duh.

Buying me flowers like I'm a fucking mistress doesn't absolve you of that.

Yeah I like the flowers.

I don't like the fact you're using them as a detraction to kick the can down the road of just dealing w our actual issues. Or just... being a real boyfriend.

Basic ass shit.

Bare minimum ass shit.

Dudes who beat their wives buy them shit too.

It doesn't make them any less bad

It's a fucking bandaid

And one that does NOT cover up

Nor heal a goddamn fucking thing.

I am ready to be healed.

No more goddamn fucking bandaids.

Fuck you.

FIX THIS or FUCK OFF.

He keeps saying he will

But he never does

And, for whatever reason, rather than just

Calling it what this actually is then

And setting up an agreement and compromise

We can both live with

We're both just

Going through the motions of this bullshit

Pretty fucking miserable

I can't make him be honest

I can't make him give me what I deserve

(Namely, respect.)

I'll give him a fucking day.

Then... we apparently have to talk about this all over again.

Cause I'm : this close: to breaking up w him. Again.

Which he fucking knows.

So... what the actual fuck.

I have before.

He thinks I won't again?

Over this exact same shit.

It's fucking ridiculous.

I told him I'm looking into couples therapy (and I am. Cause this obviously isn't working. We need a place for clear, ideally honest communication. And ACCOUNTABILITY FFS.)

But he didn't say shit about it.

He was too busy being a jackass.

And I get if he feels like he's doing xyz

And all I can do is bitch about 123

But

I'm like... unless 123 are fixed

Xyz doesn't really matter.

Smh.

That's the part we can't seem to get on the same page about.

Which in fairness is frustrating when Iitererally gave him the option.

Fine. Give me xyz. You can keep 123 then.

Just... can't do that and call it a relationship.

He doesn't address that option either.

Smh.

I've done all I know to do other than

Roll over (what he wants me to do)

Or walk away (which is what's coming next. If he can't get his shit together)

But if we can stop fighting long enough...

I think couples therapy could help.

Cause that's the fucked up part

I do think he cares about me

Maybe even love me, on some level

He definitely needs me. No doubt about that.

He just... is letting Amy and his ego

(And I guess in some ways immaturity)

Fuck it all up.

I see potential.

And believe there are real feelings there

That's why it's so hard to give up

(Probably for him too)

But I CAN'T go on like this.

I hate it.

I hate the "relationship". I hate him for putting me through this shit. I hate myself for allowing this shit to go on.

It's absolutely untenable for my emotions, my well being, my fucking psyche, everything.

It's shattering. And soul crushing.

And I keep staying... hoping he'll make it better

Cause he keeps saying he will

And every time he let's me down

I'm just... that much further

From myself, from healing from all this

And the cycles of resentment and anger

It just spins and spins

Sigh

It doesn't seem like either of us actually want to leave

We just have to actually get it right this time

But... after 3 years of everything that boy put me through

Flowers and hugs and manicures ain't gonna cure it.

Especially not when the snake is still in the fucking mix. Smh.

Like... ugh. It's not rocket science

Why this isn't working

Or wtf my problem is

WHO else in their right fucking minds would deal w this shit?

Fucking nobody.

Sigh.

Then people wonder why the fuck I stay

Including my therapist

Sigh

I guess... hope.

I guess because the good is good.

It's a good I can't find anywhere else.

The bad is just... so fucking detrimental.

It's hard.

I've lost no matter what

Is the thing.

Staying.

Trying again

If he'll actually (keep) trying

And actually fully come correct this time

Is the only chance to heal from all this

Is how I feel, I guess.

I walk away.

Then what?

I'm totally damaged still

And... just likely gonna just jump off a fucking cliff

Seriously.

This relationship has destroyed me.

He's at least attempting to... sigh

Idk. He's making an attempt.

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