#idfk what im doing im just …yknow

[totallyradicalmucky]

ooooO I’m very curious about your ideas regarding Eon and Strykore’s roles in your AU!!

Read this over and realized how cornball it is but whatever its like. Skylanders and I can do whatever I want

Skylanders Superchargers AU

- Kaos gets kicked out of his own Kastle after Darkness replaces him with his own mother as emperor. Finding out he was only a figurehead for the darkness. (After Pushing the button, reluctantly) Leaving him stranded on an isle in his torn emperor gowns, broken crown and without his mark of darkness. Without any semblance of being able to use magic.

- Kaos is helped by Flynn and housed in his airship, the people fear him. Cali is paranoid, Hugo avoids him. So Kaos keeps to himself, regretting firing Glumshanks even more after finding out that he’s dead. And now that the inevitable destruction of all of Skylands is his fault. Flynn tries to cheer him up, awkwardly. Kaos is put off by these attempts, not eating the enchiladas or even leaving the room for a long while.

- Kaos warms up a bit after some missions, and having to help around the ship. Being socially inept, but more so weirded out that the Mabu trio dont mind him after a while, even acting kindly towards him. He still misses Glumshanks, but feels a bit warmer confiding just a little in the three Mabu. Still giving the cold shoulder to all skylanders though.

- He finds that he’s able to preform magic still, albeit less powerful than before. Kaos becomes more and more determined to regain a status as most powerful Portal Master. Now with the Mabu trio’s help when he reaches a sore point. He still has a tone as if he wants to take over Skylands at the end of all of this, but his words are much different then before. More focused on just getting rid of the darkness, and much more appreciative and even a bit nicer.

- A confrontation with his mother, nearing the end of the journey, he just, hates her unabashedly now. The ‘betrayal’ is praised by Kaossandra once again but Kaos berates her. The woman looking shocked as Kaos fights her, the Skylander tasked to survive all the debris, and find the rift engine. Said rift engine originally used to trap the darkness has a new prisoner now when the fight is over. Eon stares on, watching after giving the skylander one last speech before the final battle begins.

- Kaos, arms torn and magic weakened. Still dares to take on the darkness with only the skylander by his side. Eyes glowing white with unbridled rage, maybe hope, a passion. Eon cant just sit back and watch, like he does every time. And decides to jump in the fight before Kaos gets too injured. Disappearing once again, this moment lets Kaos/The Skylander serve a final blow to the Darkness. “Banishing” him.

- With Eon and the Darkness gone, Kaos slams onto the isle below. The Skylander and Mabu running up to see if he’s even still alive. He is, but there are large black, scars along his arms that trail up to a veiny scar on his back. Almost resembling the mark of darkness.

- Nobody is there to rule, the top sensei and skylander veterans take charge. Kaos soon having enough trust to have a say in things. Glumshanks returns, being less of a servant and more of a friend.

- The search for Eon never stops, though there are people saying they’ve seen him. They never get his appearance right. So they’re assumed to be lying.

- Its found out long after, that the darkness took Eon’s old body, and was able to harness it fully. Becoming Strykore.

- During Kaos’s time helping Skylanders academy. Strykore attempts to overthrow him, being defeated a bit quickly due to not being able to control Eon’s powers over the skylanders and Eon’s old body now finally aging. Without the core of light’s blessing keeping him alive due to the darkness’s grasp on him.

- Eon dies shortly after Strykore is Defeated. The darkness being sealed in the Ultimate Kaos trap, and that being sealed in Moneybone’s dimensional traptanium cage. Not the most optimal or permanent solution, but until a better option provides itself its all they have.

- Kaos and Eon have a short discussion before he passes, Eon telling him how proud he is of Kaos. How he’ll make a great leader, to take care of them all, and himself. Kaos cries, simply letting Eon speak.

- A statue is built in remembrance of Eon. And Kaos is officially the new ruler of Skylands. He’s actually pretty good at it, (Glumshanks is there to help along with the Mabu trio)

____

btw what the heck should we even call this AU I feel like that would be a good idea if I keep posting about it? Any ideas other than like superchargers au lol

[motherforthefamicom]

trying to start working on my ap art summer work (put it off all summer and now theres. 10 days left until school starts apperently) i hateeeee how vague everything is ugh

[waywardsalt]

ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great

[muchmossymess]

hey uh, dont think ive seen anyone point out how shit of a plan Father had? maybe ive misremembered something, but uh, he only had two out of five sacrifices (one he didnt even know the location of!) when the promised day was like literally a year away? dont you think thats leaving it a bit late?

[jaker-shit]

girl with fangs and split tongue and heterochromia please save me

[mosspapi]

For a guy who constantly says 'I wanna kill myself' I sure don't have the fuckin balls to do it huh

[bittwitchy]

I was moving one of my icon packs to an icon page on here and the entire fucking page refreshed when i went to save after uploading 100 or so into it instead of saving when i was clicking save im gonna fucking--

[shamefulzombie]

yknow how you said you want to make art for multiple fandoms at once?

Stupid idea: what about drawing them all together, like.. idfk, interacting or something.

im not saying for you to do this as a request but its just like.. a silly idea. maybe.

i definitely dont do the same when i wanna draw splatoon or homestuck no def not

Good idea, drawing my favs w that

[xanwyn]

animation for THE NEON VOIDD BABYYYY

this post is for @sugarpasteltmnt

‼️‼️MEGA YAPPING AHEAD PLEASE BEWARE‼️‼️

this might end up being really long and rambly and sappy but maybe not who knows.( it was) (and also featuring numerous spelling errors i am way too tired to fix and i am not re reading what i just wrote) SO. yknow how when chap idek..25(?) came out and i was all like “yeah so i made this animation for TNV and ill drop it when the fic ends” in your ask box? so. I FINISHED IT RAHHH. technically it has been finished since i sent that ask but ohhh my goodness did it need polishing. i haven’t animated in 4 years before that and omg it felt so good getting back into it but IDFK SOMETHING IS STILL NOT UP TO MY STANDARDS. i feel like i could have done so much more with it and i deffo wanted to but as soon as i told myself “oh yeah this is basically done” art block literally sucker punched me in the gut out of NOWHERE. I COULD NOT PICK UP MY I PAD. I COULD NOT DRAW. I WOULD STARE AT THE WIP ANIMATION AND BE UPSET BC I DDINT WANNA WORK ON IT AHH. that goes with saying. i kept having this thought in the back of my head “you need to finish it. you have a wip sitting. finish it. go do it. what are you doing are you STARTING ANOTHER PROJECT??? anddd yeah i got super distracted with other stuff and other projects and then i started spending my free time rewatching 2012 turtles and omg this summer has been a mess. i have all the free time in the world and i choose to be the least productive as possible with it even though i have a job that lets me literally sit on my phone and do whatever i want if no one is there. (i’ve brought my switch to work numerous times ☠️) what i was trying to get at is the fact that TNV has inspired a lot of the old me to come back and i lowk missed her. i really missed the point in all those words up there but im here now so whatever. BUT. TNV made me make a tumblr account, i got back in to animation AND digital art in general, got back into longfics that are ongoing, AND it also helped kickstart ideas for writing. i’ve got so many stories now!! you are such an inspirational person pastels i just- every time i read a new chapter of yours it made me wanna go get up and do something. i wanted to create something. because at the end of each chapter, i would think- “woah. a person out there just wrote this. they just sat down one day and committed. i wanna do that” so i did that. just huge thank you and shoutout to you pastel. like damn. idk no words from me here. just a bunch of platonic hugs and kisses and thankyouthankyouthsnkuou for this lovely heart wrenching but also sweet story. i love this fandom (tmnt) so SO much and i think it’s so awesome how interactive you are with your own personal NV fans. crazy how we’re all here because of a bunch of turtles. 

STUFF ABOUT THE ANIMATION:

okay i really like to talk and if you let me, i will run my mouth. this is the internet so im gonna do just that. so more words for you to read 😁. AHEM. so like i stated before in the genuinely scary mess of words up there, i haven’t touched animation in a while, like, 4 years a while. yes i’ve done digital art here and there along the years, i haven’t been doing it nearly as much as i need to to use some programs to their full potential. layers are still confusing, and don’t even get me started on multiply and all that jazz. shading never comes out right on digital for me, i gotta work that one out. so, for this animation, i decided to go with a very rough style. nothing needed to be perfect, i just wanted to live my little life of trying to experiment with a bunch of different things all at once in one short animatic. I wanted to do that little ball bounce thing all animation artists start with (i kinda included that with the key). i also wanted to have a go at lip sync (no hate it was my first time) and also timing the animation with the music. i wanted to see how smoothly i could move a figure in and out of and out of the screen as well, which honestly, i think that part might be my favorite. i think i did a good job, and thats what matters. the animation itself lost a bunch of quality on importing it- no clue how it happened but now the ending is grainy af. ignore that pls lol- but it was sitting in my flipaclip for god, i dont even know, 3 months now? i kept going back and forth on if i wanted to share it or not, so im throwing it to the wolves and i guess whatrver happrns happens and im good with that. yay. im actually rrwlly tired now sooo *leaves this absolute pile of words with a video attached at your feet and stumbles away quickly*

also i’ve genuinely never posted anything so i’m learning how to use tumblr too ☠️

[intertexts]

oh you wanna think about muse and trickster? yeah? it's been a while since I put a heartbreaking nhw post in your inbox <3 I know u love the prime dehumanization loss of bodily autonomy defenders. << im not even remotely trying to keep the acronym the same anymore. I've lost the plot. ANYWAY

briefly mentioned this before but because I loooove the aesthetic so much I think at least one important muse confrontation should happen in the tricksters city, specifically in the amusement park. make it like a fuckign scooby door episode everything is all abandoned and run down but as the wards are walking down a boardwalk or something all the lights flicker on and some distorted fuckign. carnival music starts playing and they find muse sitting in like. the rebar scaffolding or whatever in the ferris wheel. just like grinning chin in hands kicking his feet watching them. this image is so clear in my mind. some creep shit !!!! also its like when they first go to the spirit world to get tide back from.mal and end up in the amusement park. except ashe isn't with them this time

uhhhhhh also thinking about. downtime. when muse isn't out being destructive and causing chaos for funsies. like... does he have a bedroom????? does he eat does he sleep??? idfk !!!! I would assume he has to or else he'd fucking die but !!!! man the trickster is so far gone I don't think he even realizes his puppets are real people anymore. that's a fun little doll for him to play dressup with. literally never going 2 get the image of him braiding muses hair and like. putting makeup on him and dressing him in fancy little outfits out of my mind. making myself ILL. smile! good evening I'm gently placing the knife box in your in. << as I was going to type inbox I accidentally typed out inventory. yknow what I'm keeping it. knife box directly into your inventory. watch out they're RUSTY

GOD. THANKS FOR THE KNIFE BOX MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knife box directly in my inventory!!! u know what this means is that now i can use them :3 <- has been drawing wards stuff abt this for the past two hours ^_^

this is so fucking good though yeahhh.... i love creepy carnival shit so much. he trickster probably Knows it's very over the top and horror movie creepy and just a little absurd. he's so fucking fun 2 think abt since he's literally always doing shit simply because it is funny to him. we can swing a trickster justification for anything probably. i bet he fucking saw traps people!! anyway. ashe isn't with them this time. except..... well. he kind of is. :(

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABT DOWNTIME. FREQUENTLY. i guess. the answer to this is he lives however the trickster&co does. the image of him coming back in his fancy intricate little outfits to some disgusting nasty bloody industrial warehouse where they're posted up & always being this very jarring contrast to the gore and violence is really good. the image of him having a perfect doll bedroom and going through a fancy little routine half the nights when the trickster is in a good mood or feeling it & just. getting thrown on the bed & the door locked to pass out for a couple hours whenever he forgets or is busy is also really good. literally anything we do to muse makes me feel some kind of way man. i also have had the extremely vivid image of the trickster braiding his hair & chatting about all kinds of horrific things excited sleepover style to muse who is just. Visibly Not There in my head for so long. not even like he has to touch him, he could be making him do all these things for himself! he's literally controlling him! he just does it for fun!!!

anyway i think post-muse ashe should get to freak out very badly in a multitude of ways whenever anybody touches his hair. like i think he's touch-adverse in general (& miserable about it because he's also so touchstarved & his brain simply whites out in distress anytime anyone touches him because. literally the only person doing that was the trickster!!!!) but i think specifically his hair being messed with is a bad trigger for him. makes him freeze up n go nonverbal for hours. dakota knows that he's jumpy about touch but he still wants to do something for him & before the everything he loved them playing with his hair (its so long!! wibby & dakota think its so pretty!! virion's the only one who knows how to braid it because of his mom!! ashe melts into a puddle over it every time because nobody's ever done that for him before!) so he goes to just run fingers through it & ashe just. fullbody locks up and goes weird and still and silent & doesn't protest or fight back when dakota shakes his shoulder or smth and his eyes are distant and sort of dark and empty like virion's were most of the time when they first met him... maybe he wants to cut it a little bit just because he hates that it's been covered in The Ooze and he can't do anything with it without thinking about how the trickster would do the same thing but also he hates the idea of getting rid of the one thing abt himself that he really likes & is a little connection with both of his parents because of the trickster also, when he's already taken so much from him. (it does have to get gross and tangled and matted because he refuses to put it back or do anything to it for a while though. maybe virion helps him sort it out & it's slow and painstaking and miserable for both of them and they both feel better at the end of it.)

[fictionfixations]

Book 7 JP spoilers (recent-est i think)

(recently found out how to do keep reading bits.)

i. have been told what happened

you know this groovy with him crying

i know context now

and

oh my god

my. heart. ughUISHfdi rOOOOK.

(m gonna be honest rook was never my favorite and i honestly didnt know how to feel about him. [to be fair i hated sebek at one point but now im like a huge sebek fan so.] but i think when this gets onto EN and i play through it im just gonna be a huge rook fan man.)

like

okay

so i know what happens in the story

(also i love this so much this is now in my mind, rook's actual room pre-nrc [except vil's not in an RSA uniform LMFAO. actually if it was PRE-NRC i dont think either of them would have enrolled at a school yet, unless neige is older than vil, or unless RSA doesnt do the same enrollment ages or whatever like NRC)

ACTUALLY SCRATCH THAT NEIGE IS IN HIS 2ND YEAR???

??????? people notice so much oh my god..

wait....

actually do you think neige joined a school because he saw vil join one?? cause. i think he really idolizes vil. (actually kind of makes me think of cheka idolizing leona)

huh. random thought.

i mean i only know a summary of it (im fine with spoilers ngl and i dont care even if you shove like a fully translated post of the entire chapters and stuff.. i just like seeing story that i dont mind rereading)

but like man. its gonna break me when we're there for that moment. (in EN)

i

dont want to say anything in case there's an EN person here. and i mean if they're spoiling themselves all the more power to them but i also feel like its one of those things that are a LOT more impactful when you encounter it for the first time so im just. not gonna try to learn more about it and wait. (although its like. JP is in Part 8 i think, we're in Part 4??? that seems so far away sob. but also we gotta finish lilia's dream first so...)

im just. sadge. (also idk what vil's dream is but i think we end up seeing it. unless it was actually a render of him from rook's dream, which i wouldnt think is too far off. but also--)

THIS IS APPARENTLY CANON?

I SAW IT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE BUT THEN I RAN INTO IT AGAIN??? and its like. LISTEN. he looks so goofy i cant... epel. i love you. but oh my god (i cant take you seriously im SORRY im DEAD)

also he's still in pomefiore which is cool (he accepted his cuteness! although i dont know how much of a weapon his cuteness would have now..?. you think he snaps out of it cause ppl might laugh at him [and then he beats them up] but he still gets irritated cause what the heck im not cute anymore--- [..wait. i was never cute. what am i on about.] ...i keep overusing the word cute and i know he wouldnt use it himself but i have a very small vocabulary.)

im just.

i dont know how to feel about this ??? (it feels more cursed than hatless rook. i can at least pretend he isnt hatless. but like. epel..)

also vil in rsa /neg /hj (the rsa uniform looks so bland and i like him in darker colors)

okay im gonna be honest i have a dislike against RSA. and thats honestly because im petty and hold grudges.

also i like my villain boys and i just want them to win (..yknow. i really dont think GloMas counts when the RSA boys were actually nice enough to like. ..take hits for them??? and then we were planning on leaving them like LMFAO 'not my problem')

so yeah.

actually wait if rooks dream takes place in VDC how the fuck

WHO IS NRC TRIBE????

CAUSE VIL'S IN RSA WITH NEIGE?? HELLO??? WHAT.

WE'RE NOT WINNING WHAT THE HELL

(unless our role in the dream is to drop a jawdropping performance [idfk do we have diasomnia boys minus lilia(? i honestly dont know how lilia's dream ends and if he joins us) and malleus???)

but listen. if vils the best. and neige is the best.

we're so. not winning..? (i was going to ask if it was gonna be like rook this time voting for NRC and thats how we win. but like. HELL no are we gonna have it be split 50/50 again like that)

anyway i am still very excited and so pumped and oh my god fhsuihe

i find it so funny that at the start of the post i was so crushed like 'oh my god...' cause angst and then here i am doing a complete 180

EDIT: hold on. i didnt think to think about it but now that we know what his room looks like

thats his bed. you can see the neige part. and that thing he's holding onto is like the movie poster (or i assume its a movie poster) with vil and neige

ngl i saw some people linking it up to like the hunter crying on snow white's dress

which. i never saw this movie so like (i dont even want to know what happened but also these movies are OLD. also in like sleeping beauty?? i saw the animated of once upon a dream or something like that and mans just comes up to her out of nowhere. no warning and holds her and sings and im just like brUH if you did that id fucking hit you like WHAT???)

also i just noticed his muscles goddamn.

[stans-kissing]

trans dipford

maybe sexist Ford? sees Dip having to go to the bathroom or something and realizes he's trans?

OKAY ANON THANK YOU FOR THIS GENUINLEY OK BC I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTSS ABOUT THISSSS. okay. this one might be more a ramble than you asked for. im sorry. also disclaimer i am not a diehard ford fan i am So sorry if i mischaracterize him at all im a stan girl ok. ANYWAYS. tw for transphobia n sexism and also noncon but ill put that under the cut. id dint go into this meaning to include that but i got this ask and took of runnning. sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i. really wish. people would talk about ford being sexist more. because THINK ABOUT IT. THE DUDE HAS BEEN GONE FOR 30 YEARS. AND EVEN BEFORE THEN HE WAS A FUCKING CAVE DWELLER. HE MOST DEFINITELY HAS SOME BACKWARDS VIEWS ON WOMEN. LIKE IT JUST MAKES SNESE OK. i think he definitely comes to learn to think of women as equals and gets rid of his various interalized phobias bUT STILL itd be a whooole lot of educating on his part yknow.

like........bro comes from a time where it was acceptable to treat women as stupid and less than and like espeicallt ford ok hes already such a fucking narc and thinks hes smarter than everyone like GGGHHHH DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING. OK. i dont think hes some ;ike fucking nazi trad wifer but like. do you guys understand what i mean ?????!?!!?!?!?! bros gotta have some sort of complex like if he was ever outsmarted by a woman (espeicallt 30s ford) he would probably crash the fuck out. ok. ok anyways. back to the ask now that we have some context out of the wayOKAY YES.

ok so first idea like dip and ford r in the woods or something idfk and dippers complaining about turning back to the house cuz he has to pee and ford’s like dipper my boy just go behind a tree i’ll turn around and hes like. uuhghfhghh fine okay because yknow. not that easy to piss outside when you dont have a dick so hes like nervous but goes for it anyways n he shuffles his pants off and squats behind a tree and idk whatever you get the idea. anyways. ford gets a peek, maybe he notices that dipper wasn't standing, or he noticed that he took his shorts n undies off, idfk you decide chose your own story and he like puts the pieces together like. ioh . huhm. and hes like quiet the rest of their trip andt hinking and. he doesn't want to think of dipper any less, he knows dipper is still his boy but.. theres something about it making him scratch his brain. he doesnt like it, he knows that much, he has a lot of contradicting feelings because on one hand, mason is his smart little boy, but now.. now he's not so sure. can he trust dipper's intelligence? it rubs him the wrong way and he cant help but make a face whenever his eyes scan dipper's body, now noticing all his more feminine traits and kicking himself because how did he not notice before? idk. idk where i was going with hthis i just wanted to write ford deciding he now thought less of dipper okanyways

ok alternative noncon one under the cut

if we;re talking pre-weirdmageddon grooming i have so many thoughts. he;d definitely have a lot of conflicting thoughts about it when he finds out. two ways i want to take this ok woah my brain has so smnay thoughtsogh m god okaotokkatokat FIRST ONE

it was the first time ford had gotten his hands dipper, finally able to feel him up over his clothes, groping him and all that good stuff, dippers all mushy and moan-y and tearyeyed and whimperyyeah on his lap not realizing that he has Not told ford that he's trans. oops , ford goes to cup what he expects to be dip's little boner and , oh. theresum. theres nothing there ? he [pauses and pulls his hand back and leans back to look between them and yeah theres. no boner or anuthing?? dipper whined at the loss of contact and it took his hazy brain a couple seconds to realize what ford was looking at and Oh my god he didn't tell ford. ford's just sitting there you can hear the cogs turn in his brain and he;s like.. mason.. whats going on here... and dip kinda freaks out like oh god oh god uhhh im so sorry i shouldve told you im trans im sorry great uncle ford oh gosh and fords like. hm. his jaw clenches and hes almost- mad? he doesnt know how to feel but yeah hes mad because what? how could dipper not tell him something so.. so.. deceiving? his nostrils flare and he responds to dipper with a grunt and then his hands are back on him, rougher this timeas they paw and grab at him, shucking dipper's clothes off aggressively as the boy starts to panic, \he can tell ford's mad but he doesnt understand why he;s still going through with this if he's mad and he tries to protest, great-uncle ford im sorry, im sorry- we can stop you dont have to- gruunkle ford- stop, please stop stop- but ford doesn't listen, bending dipper over his desk and growling in his ear how he shouldnt have lied to him, how could he trick him like this, good boys are honest boys and if mason even was a boy he;d know that. yeahs erm. he rapes him and dipper is traumatized 4 life Yay!

if this was not what u were looking for anon i Apologize. send me another one if so!

[motherforthefamicom]

every once in a while i get reminded of yttd existing and its just like. damn i know that game.

[kissingrhi]

oh shit bro!!! ok! ahh if you have time and you would like to, would you have anything at all in the realm of hurt/comfort for lalo and/or nacho? ngl im down in the pits and ur writing is like a grilled cheese sandwhich on a cold rainy day, its amazing.

idk, maybe the reader is kind of going through it mentally and hella withdraws from everyone which causes conflict bc ahhh cartel work or something (idk man i dont deal drugs) and so The Boys go and check up on u bc "dude did you die or something?" (bc cartel stuff yknow?) and YOURE like "no i didnt die im just vibing bro but the vibes are tainted and gross" and theyre like "cool lets fix that." yknow? idk man the world is your oyster, i trust you. go nuts. but only if you would like to and have the time, i dont wanna pressure you to do anything homie :,) i hope u have a good day.

by far the cutest ask i have ever been sent. i'm sobbing. ily. and i am a WHORE. for hurt/comfort. you just get me!

cw: this gets kind of heavy at parts! maybe releasing something subconsciously with this man idfk. some of talk of depression, anxiety, stuff of that nature. enjoy!!

you legitimately wanted to disappear. forever.

your brain was constantly scrambled, erratic, and loud. you thought of everything and remembered nothing 99.9% of the time. what you did remember was nothing short of miserable reminders of what got you to where you were. who you were. what you'd done.

the shaking of your desperate hands and shuttered breathing of your lungs were nothing compared to the mind-numbing, seemingly endless spew of unfortunate findings in the barren wasteland that was your brain.

you hadn't come into work in 3 days. it had been 3 days since you'd step foot onto the tiled floor of el michoacáno. 3 days since you'd showered. 3 days since you'd moved, besides the awkward shifting during the freezing cold in the middle of the night, when you attempted to sleep. you were miserable, and the worst part was you couldn't decipher why.

it had also been 3 days since you'd checked your phone. oblivious to the countless amount of mixed calls from some of the only contacts you had: nacho and lalo. when you finally made it to reaching your phone, shoved in the drawer of your nightstand, your eyes widened. you ruined something again.

the texts varied from

L: ¿dónde diablos estás?

N: lalo me está molestando.

to

N: hate to say it, but i miss you

L: come back pls

you felt terrible, throwing your phone back to its place with a groan, hiding under the covers like you could escape the tenderness of missing your coworkers. more specifically, your friends.

all you could try to focus on was the gentle beating of your heart, remembering the time that nacho calmed you down the first time you had a panic attack in front of him after nearly dying. his hands were ice cold against your hot cheeks, pulling the hands that were hopelessly wiping away the streaming tears all the way down to your chest.

"el corazón. no cesará. no te dejaré tampoco."

you can still recall the pattern of his slow heart that you heard while you cried against his chest.

you weren't sure how long it was until you felt a change in the air. minutes, hours, days? time was moving irrationally slow and fast all at once. you were still blankly lying against your bed, buried under your blankets. nacho felt like he was at your wake.

you were zoned out, eyes only focusing when the two men you were worried about had seemingly teleported in front of your bed. instead of dropping a sarcastic, self-deprecating joke (like you usually do), you merely turned to the other side with a dramatic sigh.

a pair of rough fingers jumped in front of your line of vision, snapping rambunctiously.

"hey, hey! what the hell, mi amigo!?" his tone was dripping with comedy. "you have no right to ignore either of us. we've been so good to you."

you knew it was lalo quickly, thanks to the delicious grandiose of his gravely voice.

you finally turned around, hearing your bones crack as you pushed yourself up to lay against your bedpost. nacho and lalo drank in your disheveled state, agitation on their faces quietly fading into a look you knew all too well: concern. you glimpsed down at nacho's hand, rubbing his thumb over something he was obviously nervous about before shoving it in his pocket.

"i-" you started, blood suddenly running cold at the what you thought to be shameful eyes staring right at you. for some reason, a lump that had been building for what felt like years finally exploded in the back of your throat, a quick tear that you attempted to wipe away slipping down your cheek, going to push away nacho's anxious hand that reached for your back.

"what? you what?" lalo's posture had completely changed, eyes softening.

the tears were flowing fearlessly now, your eyes still dim and lifeless. you seemed to be fading away, in real time. it was melancholy.

"i am not-" you swallowed, putting a hand to your heart subconsciously.

"i am not ignoring you guys." you said firmly, staring lalo right in the eyes with your stoic, but unconvincing gaze.

the two exchanged looks at each other, nacho biting the inside of his cheek, lalo scratching the back of his neck. they had no idea what to do. they killed people for a living! even if you three weren't the most fond of each other at times, you obviously cared about each other.

"i'm just adjusting. i've got a lot going on. needed some rest." you explained, pressing your fingers together so hard that when you pulled them apart, the skin eased open slowly.

"haha." you were unconvincing, and unrelenting in how much you swore that everything was just fine.

lalo was already strutting his way into the kitchen, starting on something he knew you'd like: chicken noodle soup. when you went to scold him for barging in your home, he just pressed a gentle kiss on your head, making your eyes widen because that is so unlike him.

while lalo got to work in the kitchen, nacho cautiously sat at the end of your bed. when you went to talk, still tearful and messy, nacho politely put a hand up.

"you don't have to explain yourself all the time, you know?" he asked, genuine curiosity brewing in his deep eyes.

"i mean, especially not to me or him." he nodded towards the kitchen, past your doorway. "do you see how we have spent our lives?" he asked, pressing a tickling finger into your side, grinning ear to ear when you smiled the tiniest bit.

"listen. i know how it feels." he started, eyes searching around the floor to try and put what he wanted to say politely, into terms he knew wouldn't blossom into spouts of dangerous overthinking in your unpleasantly fragile mind. he looked just about as sad as you.

"i know what it feels like to have no one understand." he finally looked up at you, hands gently pressing into your shoulders. his eyes were almost watering. maybe you were hallucinating.

you started to cry more, and his frown grew.

"please, please do not cry." he started.

"estás muy cerca de romperme el corazón." was said under his breath. mumbled like an unforgivable sin at the altar.

while his hands wiped away at your tears, he just silently told you, "we care about you. we all care about each other. we have to."

his touches that were so comfortable against your tense body led you to your bathtub, and before you knew it he was sitting on the edge of your toilet and rubbing body wash against your spine. his grimace grew at your sorrowful, hunched figure.

"please do not cry." was uttered again, like you crying would shatter his world just as much as yours.

as soon as you were dressed in fresh clothes, and your messy hair was neatly pulled away from your face, nacho brought you back to your newly cleaned bed.

you felt like your only lifeline was his warmth surrounding what felt like the arctic that you had embedded yourself in.

lalo invited himself back in, pressing a beautiful tray of chicken noodle soup onto your lap, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders with an airy sense of comedy (he pretended like the job was a massive issue to him, groaning each time he had to move, watching you deeply to see you laugh).

you just stared up at both of them, like you had never experienced this kind of care before.

if you were being honest with yourself, you definitely hadn't.

"well?" lalo started, looking right back at you. "eat." he said, almost in a way that a mother does to their child. he scolded you, but in the way that you know had the purest and most loving intentions.

when you did, you noticed the sharp, grainy pain in your throat was instantly washed away. you couldn't stop. your nutrient-deprived body scarfed down the meal, chugging the glass of water he added on the side.

"thank you guys." was all you said, looking away with a gentle smile on your face.

"are you kidding me? of course!" lalo laughed. "you just need to come coddle me every time i get sick. deal?" he asked, rubbing your head.

after hours of hugs and distracting conversations, the pair decided you were well enough to leave for the night.

"get lots of rest, okay? don't need you to lose any focus at work." lalo pointed a demanding finger at you, chest raised like he was the king of the world. "be safe."

you nodded, your head leaning into your pillow with a grin. nacho situated himself in front of you once more, reaching into his pocket. he made his way out while you read the tiny slip of battered paper.

you noticed a gorgeous blue, dried flower pressed against the right edge. in his messy handwriting you could dechiper:

"el corazón. no cesará. no te dejaré tampoco."

[slycecaik]

sighh fuck it man i deadass dont give a shit what fictional/fantasy stuff you get your rocks off to anymore. if you arent taking advantage of any vulnerable beings in any form irl or in possession of harmful material of such, then its not my business to speak on it.

its been more satisfying realizing the whole proship/kink/etc. discourse is stupid than entertaining the idea of everyone appealling to a crowd that doesnt even believe "good ones" exist. we already get accused of heinous acts simply for being furry or lgbt+. how did we even get to this level of pointing fingers over things we cant prove happens behind the screen? why are we adopting a similar rhetoric the crowds have against us?

i honestly hate that proship/anti even exist as labels; reducing people to a single stigmatized idea is all i see those doing. nobody is as simpleminded as we're led to believe.

i still have my boundaries but im in no place to be a detective or someones psychologist; taking on the burden of constantly trying to prove something without substance just because of my own mind making a connection is a waste of my time and energy. idfk what goes on in their heads or houses and im not obligated to.

im very much in favor of healthy discussion of hot button topics, because avoiding them is a fruitless effort, but the way how i see it handled is just inexcusable and im still in the process of unlearning the tendencies i got in the past. this concept of absolute sexual purity that ppl obsess over to the level of, yknow, actually harmful threats towards those that deviate, doesnt exist and shouldnt be strived for. repression has already been proven to not the solution.

stop rejecting nuance in favor of searching for a target to dunk on. grow up.

[orcelito]

Overthinking and being anxious about what "by the end of the week" means if an orchestra professor says it to you. If I wanted to be safe, it'd be Today. But I've been so busy I haven't managed to start practicing yet and my Damn landlord scheduled a showing for today, so I have to clean.

It'd be easiest if I could just do it tomorrow. But thinking about it more, I'm like... I don't wanna risk stretching my luck, yknow? So maybe I should just. Do it today. Which in terms of time, I've got a good amount of it, but I also can't be playing my violin too late bc im in a damned apartment 😭😭😭 so that's a factor too....

Idfk man. I should just get up and start my day.