#ideas are flowing through me as i type this i am very excited

[moonymercutio]

Currently reading the "True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys" comics as I got my hands on them at the bookstore (finally!!!) and GOSH the amount of inspiration I'm getting is crazy. The thing that makes the Killjoys and just Danger Days in general so cool/amazing is the fact that its so universal. Anyone can pick up a lasergun (metaphorically) and fight for what they believe in. Anyone can turn on the radio and listen to the world burning around them then laugh and turn the dial and hear their favorite song playing. Anyone can mourn and love and party and anger. As a LGBTQ+ teenager in America, with friends who are queer, poc, disabled, children of immigrants, and so many other things that are constantly being attacked and debated, there's something comforting (??) in knowing that change can happen, and that I can do something to help enact it, even if it's just donating $5 to a GoFundMe or hopping on a weekend train to the city and taking part in peaceful protests and rallies for the things I believe in.

in short... I am scared. But it's amazing how art can comfort, isn't it?

[plague-of-insomnia]

Six Sentence Sunday: Another Sych Ch 8 Snippet

Sadly my progress is not nearly as fast as I would like so I haven’t been able to make too much headway on the next chapter. but I have been thinking a lot about it and managed a couple snippets the other day…

It’s short but hope you’ll look forward to when I am finally able to update this again…. I really can’t wait myself (lol i wanna read the new chapter too 😂😭)

But everything basically leads to Sebastian getting very close to dying, and this scene is basically Tanaka not wanting to accept this.

~#~

Even when Sebastian had been hospitalized in ICU, Tanaka couldn’t remember him being connected to so many tubes and wires and machines. But back then he hadn’t known one from the other, and sadly, now he could identify each type of pump by sight. Even from a distance, he had an idea what each IV bag held as their contents slowly dripped.

The room was too silent except for the air flowing through the tubing of the bipap that kept Sebastian breathing, the occasional blip of one of the monitors as his vitals shifted, and Agni’s tall form as he worked. They rarely spoke. It felt too much like how people behaved at a funeral: somber and silent, and he hated it.

Sebastian was dying.

The child he loved with every cell in his body was steps from death and all Tanaka could do was help Agni care for him and hold his hand. And pray. And beg him not to give up.

Not yet.

He pulled Sebastian’s limp hand to his lips and kissed the clammy skin. This wasn’t like previous hospital stays or even fever crises. Sebastian was so weak it was like his life was a candle at risk of being snuffed out any moment.

“Please,” Tanaka whispered in Japanese.

You can read chapters 1-7 of Synchronize on AO3!

If you’re excited for this story to continue let me know… because I’ve been tempted to finish it and keep it to myself, honestly…

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Jake and Sunghoon Dynamic Reading

Alright, time to get into another dynamic I like. They are pretty similar in energy, and I just love their interactions together. I see them as true besties, but let's see what the cards and their energies have to share for the moment. Interesting cards here.

Overall energy: So, we start with Jupiter energy, lovely energy to have in a dynamic. These two seem to really like to explore new territory and try new things. To expand and grow on a personal and spiritual level. I already feel their energies are quite similar, like they are quite one in the same, but have their differences of course. They seem to blend well together.

Now, we got the Gemini card, along with this Jupiter card, there is a lot of curiosity these two have in each other, but also about life. I can see them asking each other a lot of questions about things. Now, with this Ace of Swords, once again, curiosity pops up, lots of ideas about things. I feel they communicate their ideas to one another a lot. I do see with this card there being a lot of fall through and plans being deterred with these two. like they make a lot of plans, but it never goes full through. It reminds of that live or show they did where Sunghoon mentioned that Jake lacks fall through and cancels plans a lot, so I can see it in the energy here that it could be a thing.

Jake's energy: So, he starts with the Exorcist, I can see this card as him canceling things last minute to be honest lol But this card mostly indicates someone who can easily cut negativity out. He doesn't seem like a negative person. He may also help or show Sunghoon to do the same as well. I can also see this as him not wanting to reveal himself to much as well.

Going along with the Page of Swords he has. This energy is about someone who is a bit timid and shy. He isn't the type to share too much about himself when it comes to this bond. Why am I getting a fear of rejection with this card, interesting. But I can also see this card as he is someone who is curious about Sunghoon and may want to learn more about him, but may not know how to go about that.

Now, with the student, once again, he is very curious, this willingness to want to learn and study Sunghoon in some sense, like he may want to emulate him in some ways, this is interesting, getting things I wouldn't expect. There are things about Sunghoon he wants to learn from.

Now, with this 2 of Swords, he seems conflicted when it comes to this dynamic, not understanding why. I feel a bit of uncertainty of who he is as well. Now, with the Tower card, this could be about him interrupting plans, and the lack of fall through. He could be chaotic and unpredictable when it comes to this dynamic.

The Knight of Wands gives me that vibe, he is spontaneous, he can be fun to be around when he is, it is like he comes and goes. He can be pretty playful and fun when he is with Sunghoon. There is excitement when he is with Sunghoon. I can see them having lots of fun and laughs together. But this energy is very scattered and all over the place, why did I get lacks accountability. He seems to just go on instinct and doesn't always think things through, which blends into his dynamic with Sunghoon.

Now, to his guidance. He got the Sandpiper spirit card. This urges him to be more playful. Now, he is quite playful, but he can be timid and shy. This urges him to open up a bit more and have more fun in this dynamic and to not worry how he appears. To be himself more. And just go with the flow. Also, to maybe be open to open invitations more. I feel he turns invitations down a lot.

Sunghoon's energy: With the Page of Wands, I see Sunghoon being a bit more carefree and playful. The person that just goes with the flow. He seems more at ease and himself around Jake. He is carefree spirit that goes along with what Jake does. I love how there are so many Pages and Knights, not a lot of Queen's and Kings, which means kind of not a lot maturity in this bond lol Nothing wrong with that. Just something I realized about the spread.

Now, with the Page of Cups, Sunghoon seems more emotional, which shocker here, but I mostly see it as he just goes with the flow, doesn't stress too much about things in the dynamic. It is like he adores Jake regardless of his faults or downsides. He doesn't care. He sees the good in Jake and sees him as a good friend. I do feel he sees his downsides, because he is stressing, he has that but wants to share he doesn't care he has downsides. We all do. I feel like Jake may stress about it, but he is like saying, dude don't worry about that. He likes him the way he is. This is cute.

With the Death and Rebirth card. Sunghoon is all about change and evolution. This showed in the Jupiter energy. He doesn't stay stuck on things for too long. He seems to move on from things pretty quickly. This goes along with their dynamic. He doesn't dwell on things for too long. Now, with the Page of Pentacles, this shows he is a detailed person, very studious, so he kind of studies Jake as well, but I see it as him observing him, so he can understand him better. Jake isn't good with words, so to understand him he needs to observe his actions.

Now, with the Monk card, Sunghoon is about his personal growth and journey. I do keep seeing spirituality in his energy. He doesn't really give me he is a spiritual person, but I see it in his energy. He is about growth on a personal level, and he may learn this with his dynamic with Jake. He may teach Jake as well how to evolve. Now, with this Ken card, this card gives me someone who wants to be a model figure for others. Someone who doesn't really like to show weakness, vulnerability or flaws, so he may struggle to do that with Jake. He wants to appear perfect, which is interesting, because he wants Jake to not care about his flaws, but he does. He's got to practice what he preaches. But that is how humans work. We don't mind the flaws of those we care about but can't accept our own flaws.

To his guidance, he got Buffalo spirit, like Jungwon in his dynamic. I get a similar vibe here, he should work on sharing more of himself in this bond. He has a lot to offer and the relationship can flourish more if he reveals those things. Good things will come if he opens himself up more to this bond. But there could be a fear of showing those parts of himself.

Wow, really loved this dynamic, very easy to do, very little struggle here. They have a lovely bond. Another favorite of mine. Glad I did these two. I really like to get to HeeJake (another Jake bond I like) as well, but got to the other request, but will get to that one after those, it is on my list.

[coralhoneyrose]

📚 🔮 ?

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Oh man, there’s a whole bunch of them as a matter of fact! I made a list for an anonymous ask a while back that you can find here, but there have been some other excellent chrobin fics I have found or re-discovered since then, so here’s a few additions:

Our Last First Meeting

Elevation

Flushed

Mate in Four

Went looking for a creation myth; ended up with a pair of cracked lips

Day of the Dead

As It Should Be

Guilt and Forgiveness 

Heavy is the Head 

Mental math

The Best Dad Ever

Firefly

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

I do have some, actually! Most of this has probably been said before, but here’s some stuff that has helped me:

Take a break. Like a real break where you’re not even trying to write or plan for your writing and set a minimum length for the break ahead of time. If you find yourself wanting to write during the break anyway, don't. Better to make yourself take the time away and give yourself a chance to miss it; also, you don't want to teach your brain that the breaks are conditional it needs to be a real period with absolutely zero expectations of producing anything.  

When you come back to writing afterwards, don’t bite off more than you can chew. Start with small goals like “I will write for 10 minutes and if I am not enjoying it at the end, then I will honor my feelings and stop”. If you have a hard time with accountability, try telling a friend you will start at a certain time and having them message you once the time is up to ask if you were able to follow through and how it went. 

Fresh air!! If it’s feasible, preferably somewhere with trees or a body of water. Could be good to go alone as well, or with someone who won’t expect you to talk the whole time. Making time to let your thoughts wander and to daydream is important for replenishing creative reserves.

Try a hand at drawer fic. Write something really different from what you’ve been working on with no intention to ever publish it or necessarily show it to anyone. Just let yourself focus on the actual creation process without all the pressures

Talk with friends about some of the things you love / that get you excited about whatever thing you’re trying to write (may work better with fic than original work but could probably be made to work in either case)

Put on really good music when you sit down to write. I recommend something instrumental personally, since my brain has a hard time making words if I am listening to someone else’s, but that sort of thing is different for everyone.

Read books with prose you find inspiring and take notes (can just be on your phone) on the writing techniques the author uses that you like or specific word choices and phrasing you find interesting. Next time you sit down to write, revisit it to get some ideas flowing

This last one is kinda specific and may only be applicable to certain types of writer’s block and burn out, but I was in a bit of a writing slump not long ago and reading this blog post was very reassuring to me. To generalize it a little more, maybe try looking into other writing communities or listening to other writers share their experiences with the same thing. One of the scary things about writer’s block / burn out is that when you’re in it, it can feel like it will never end. Hearing from other people who have been in the same position as you can be really reassuring <3

[noemitenshi]

Forgive me if this sounds rude it's not intended to, but are you ever going to finish any of your Troy fics? It seems like every time one starts to actually go somewhere you drop it and start a new one. 😟

i've cycled through a ton of emotions after getting that ask, from 'fair enough' to being hesitant/less excited about continuing writing…

Here's the thing. Writing, though a ton of fun, is also a ton of work. Maybe not for everyone, but I take on average about two hours for about 500 words (from first draft to edited publishable version - plotting not included). You can do the math yourself on how long it does take to get a story to the finishing line… Now add to that the ebb and flow of motivation and inspiration. My (and my coauthors) brains are wired in such a way that new things do give us quite a motivational boost (and also.. they make it difficult to get back to older things). We don't even post most story ideas we have! (you get maybe about 10%) But whenever a story really speaks to us/we can't stop thinking about it… well. We gotta write it. It's a surefire way to get it out of our system - and honestly, I am always excited to share a new version. I'd actually love to be able to share every version. Alas both my coauthor and I do have IRL responsibilities (and not too few…) which dramatically cuts into our writing time. And going from story idea to something publishable, even if it is just a summary type post takes quite some time… Then there's not only which story our brains are focusing on/we're excited about writing, there's also low effort and high effort stories and they need, as their names suggest, different amount of work put in. Sometimes, even though we'd like to continue EYK for example (I'd say this is our highest effort story), all we can do is something easy like 'Second Chances' (or 'you're the sin…') and so that is what gets continued. In the end it does mean we get some writing done (instead of not doing any writing) so we've been very happy with this system. Because whenever we do get writing done (esp. a chapter finished) we get a motivational boost too. I mean, listen. We know how every story ends. We know most of the beats we want to hit. The extra effort put in to get a story publishable is for the readers. And I know I'm repeating myself, but it is a lot of effort that gets into it. I routinely get discouraged because most stories are relatively slow in progression and I'd just love to be at a different point in time already. With our big ones (eyk and atm) we haven't even reached the midpoint yet! Yet we keep soldiering on (and no, we haven't dropped any story so far! (I mean, personally, I probably won't ever get to continue 'Kept', sadly. even though I also do know most of what happens there. But I'm also very open to discussing stories with readers, give a plot point or two away ;) )) Which brings me to my last point. A great way to make sure a story you like gets continued (not only speaking about my coauthor and I, just in general), is letting the author know. Know that you enjoy it, maybe even what you enjoy. And yes, I may have added things because a reader let me know what they like (this is by no means a guarantee! But a reader's excitement may feed into the authors (and vice versa)). I also have finished a chapter once that had been sitting around on my harddrive half-done for months, just because someone told me what they loved about the story and what they were curious about seeing, moving forward. Now this may sound like I'm begging for engagement but honestly. I will continue writing regardless. Because it is fun, even with all the hurdles I described. This is more me telling you what means you have in terms of steering authors. Because you do. May be more or less pronounced, depending on the individual author, but there's always a measure of it. Fanfiction isn't supposed to be a one-way street. It's a team sport.

Now about your actual question (which I may have already touched upon but I want to reiterate the point). I (we) plan on finishing all Troy-stories (except 'kept'. or well, maybe once we're done with every other story, i may come back to it. i still love ana and troy a lot. But guess I love troy with lee and ri more). They're all very dear to us, we love every iteration, every universe, and we also love to share them with others! And even though my first part of the answer may sound stern, I wanted you to know that I also got excited about recieving the ask - specifically about being let known that someone cares about our stories. Makes us both feel less like we're shouting into the void. Fanfiction is community, so I hope I haven't scared you off. Your question just tapped into something that's been on my mind for the past few weeks - maybe also because writing time has been even less than normal and so I took the opportunity to lay it all out. I (we) would still love it if you reached out again though.

[bobwess]

endverse ama

we gonna get any sam or lucifer content?

and favorite characters you're roped in?

favorite part to write?

hardest part to write?

you looking at a rough word count or is it still growing?

will we get to see cas's 'fall' from cas's perspective or dean's perspective or both?

a continuation, is there a set POV or does it bounce?

you have a scene you're particularly excited for us to read?

and most importantly...will there be gretuatus descriptions of the thigh holster?

There be spoilers for my endverse fic ahead. 

we gonna get any sam or lucifer content?

Very little. Really just a bit in the courtyard at the end, but the story will be pretty much exclusively following Cas & Dean (but with plenty of content of the other founders of Chitaqua and a few more)

and favorite characters you're roped in?

Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, and Jo co-found Chitaqua with Cas/Dean! In the end there are 8 main people running Chitaqua. There are a few other main supporting characters too. One big surprise that I won’t give away but I’m excited about. 

favorite part to write?

Dialogue. The spread of characters I am using have a really good and natural conversational flow that I feel comes easy to me. I’ve been loving writing all the dialogue between basically any of the main characters. 

hardest part to write?

The timeline. The story takes place over 6 years in most likely 18 chapters, so I need to make sure there is enough context to orient what is happening and what has happened since the last chapter, but make sure we’re not bogged down and slogging through a mountain of exposition each chapter. I want it to come in organically like an episode would where you get the context slowly and then build, but it’s a bitch to dial in on.  There are also clusters of chapters. The time between chapter 1 and 2 is like 8 months, but chapters 3, 4, and 5 take place in the same week.

you looking at a rough word count or is it still growing? Definitely growing, but it’ll be well up there. The chapters are really long because they’re each essentially a complete long episode plot type deal. 

will we get to see cas's 'fall' from cas's perspective or dean's perspective or both?

The most dramatic bits will be from Dean’s perspective because you’ll see Cas is not quite at coherent thought given what’s happening. But otherwise back and forth. It’ll be something the fallout from is quite lengthy. 

a continuation, is there a set POV or does it bounce?

Bounces between the two, much like Only Human does. So probably slightly more time spent from Dean’s perspective than Cas if prior writing is any indication.

you have a scene you're particularly excited for us to read?

I’m most excited for the introduction of that surprise character. I think the first few scenes with them will be good. I also really like the scene where they first float the idea of Chitaqua at all. 

and most importantly...will there be gratuitous descriptions of the thigh holster?

Oh for sure. I’ve written the first day Dean puts it on.

[thelastspeecher]

Having a really terrible time rn so I'm here to distract myself with thinking about your stormchaser au because my job training today had us do 3 separate "severe weather" information and response trainings.

Anyways I've been thinking a lot about the implications and consequences of a head injury severe enough to give amnesia and I think this was a plot point and not supposed to be like something backed up by giving Ford medically accurate symptoms and disabilities but that's what happens when you're a disabled gravity falls fan in the medical field.

So a severe traumatic brain injury on that level is gonna have some things that are what you'd expect (vision changes, delayed reactions and confusion, issues with decision making and starting tasks and all that fun executive function stuff long term as well...) but also a common symptom, especially if there's damage to the right hemisphere in general, is impulsiveness as well as personality and mood changes just being a thing.

And I imagine for a while after he wakes up and is treated and even after he's released from the hospital and staying with Jack that's really tough - because I imagine at checkups they're gonna ask repeatedly if there's been any significant changes to his mood, functioning, abilities, and "Bill" and Jack have no clue at all. They have no idea who he was and if it's different.

So when Stan and Ford reunite I imagine it's a relief in you can tell me who I was kind of way but also hard bc Stan definitely sees that Ford's changed. Significantly. But is it because of time? Is it because of new influences? Is it because he didn't know who he was so he became someone different? Or is it a fucking symptom?

I got ahead of myself this ask was supposed to be about imagine "Bill" and Jack going to the grocery store soon after Bill gets out of the hospital and is convinced yes he actually should stay with Jack for the time being and they have a grocery list but Ford/Bill is putting pretty much everything in the cart because he's having a really hard time with impulse control and 20 bananas is not excessive we could need them what if I wake up feeling like eating 20 bananas and Jacks like. This man's a mess. Compels me though

Aaaaaaaaaa Anon I loved getting this monster beast of an ask, esp because I myself have also been Going Through It this week.

What you were saying about the personality change and the doctors asking if "Bill's" personality changed after the accident and neither Jack nor "Bill" knowing how to answer it, that's something that I've actually addressed in a different AU. Because I am a hoarder of AUs and I have one where STAN lost his memory in an accident and that's something that was brought up in stuff I wrote for it because I am a Scientist and I do my Research.

Anyways

Idk if I've addressed the personality change thing much in Storm Chasers AU (which, btw very glad that my little AU is on your mind, it makes me happy people are thinking about and enjoying my stuff), but I have set that up! At least in my head. The biggest thing: "Bill" is remarkably chill. Like, he's just an easygoing kinda go with the flow type of guy for the most part. He's very sweet and gentle and just sort of accepts things and takes life slowly. The taking life slowly is partially due to, as you pointed out, some function being lost from the traumatic brain injury, but it's also partially due to said TBI causing a personality change.

Some aspects of the Original Ford do pop up every now and then. He still gets all Researcher Excited about things, particularly the weird and magical things of Gravity Falls. But he has a different perspective than canon Ford. He treats the magical creatures with more respect and viewing them almost as peers. Once he's calmed down from his initial reaction of "omg omg OMG!" Even with his respect for them, many of the magical creatures don't really like Ford, just bc he goes overboard excited with them so much.

Another thing that sticks around, sorta burned into Ford's DNA at this point, is his, ah, "difficult" relationship with his father. When "Bill" and Jack adopt their first son (the Shapeshifter, whom they name Forrest), "Bill" is constantly fretting about whether he'll be a good father or not. He's paranoid and scared and confused and Jack has never seen this side of him. Jack eventually gets "Bill" to calm down by promising that he'll help keep "Bill" in line and let him know if he does anything wrong. And then he says that he won't need to step in at all bc he knows his partner.

(And then a few times Filbrick's parenting shows up and Jack does need to step in.)

Uhhhhhh I got sidetracked just like you lol.

I agree "Bill" has some impulse control issues. Arguably, canon Ford has those already (as does Stan, in some ways, worse than Ford), and those just get dialed up to eleven for "Bill". "Bill" constantly trying to throw things into the shopping cart is just a sign of what is to come. Luckily, Jack has the patient of a saint. Jack also finds "Bill" incredibly attractive, which definitely helps with his tolerance for the odd behaviors lol.

[driftward]

(@gunbun) dreamtime: Tiona and Zoissette

I AM VERY LATE BUT I AM HERE

THIS IS HILARIOUS BECAUSE I AM VERY LATE IN ANSWERING GLAD YOU ARE HERE

~*~

Tiona Eryut was writing rapidly on a chalkboard, talking a malm a minute, and Zoissette found herself barely able to keep up, taking notes as the woman shared her genius.

“And that’s how you should have built the nuoliths for supplying aether to your Demi-Ozma! A few changes here, an adjustment there, the addition of a proper aetheroconverter, and you could’ve increased its containment capacity like wow,” said the Viera. “Still wouldn’t have been enough to get your ass safely back on our side of reality by itself, but might’ve bought you a few more minutes to drag yourself out of the trouble you got into.”

Zoissette blinked.

“Where have we met?” she asked.

“Old Sharlayan, engineering symposium. Remember? You gave a talk on the gloriole containment assembly.”

“…oh, right, and you gave the talk on advances to the Ragnarok propulsion system!” said Zoissette, feeling a surge of excitement. “Oh, wow!” She considered for a few moments. “And then we went to that party afterwards with the Aetherology department.”

“Yeah we did. You were an incredible lightweight, for someone your size.”

“…and you suplexed me through a table,” said Zoissette, frowning lightly as she tapped a finger to her lips.

“Yeah sorry about that. I was trying to grab the guy who’d been trying to tell me that I was wrong about my own papers for the entire conference. Bluh bluh bluh well if you read the works of Eryut. That’s me, you idiot. I’m Eryut! Argh! I hated him just so much.”

“How’d you grab me instead?”

“You were being pretty friendly and tried to intervene. I think you were trying to be cuddly before that but it wasn’t really working out for you. I mean, I was flattered, obviously, and don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you’re my type.”

“… oh, no.”

“Oh yeah. Don’t blame you though. I mean, look at me.”

“I am so, so sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it! You were actually really respectful. Just, you know, very friendly, if you catch my drift.”

Tiona looked around as the walls dissolved into dust. The two stood on the floor of the lecture hall, which itself appeared to be floating on a multicolored tapestry, banded with colors that flowed around and through each other but did not mix. The sky around them was black, with what appeared to be tiny misshapen crystals floating by, leaving stardust in their wakes.

Tiona ducked into a squat at the edge of the platform, and stuck her hand in the flowing colors, before looking back up at Zoissette. “That whole experiment was a really terrible idea, by the way.”

Zoissette looked around, wide-eyed. “…where are we?”

“Dunno. Oh, wow. Are those memories I can see drifting by in those little crystals? Hah hah oh wow you’re kind of tripping the rift here, aren’t you? Do you know G’raha? Or maybe this is more of a Flow like situation. Say, aren’t you chummy with, uh, Y’shtola? Oh no wait this is totally one of those dreamscape things.”

Zoissette felt her face warm and turned to look away, and came face to face with Tiona being five inches from her nose.

“Well?”

Zoissette stumbled backwards, and Tiona caught her. She bounced a bit as she began to run, turning to try and keep an eye on Tiona, and ran directly into Tiona.

Tiona quickly turned her around and sat her down before she could get further, and sat down next to her.

“Whoa girl! What’re you running away from?”

“Nothing!” said Zoissette. “Nobody!”

Tiona’s eyes narrowed, her Viera nose twitching as she fixed Zoissette with a penetrating gaze.

“Bet I know why you’re really here. And it’s not to learn about engineering.”

“I… have no idea why I am here,” said Zoissette, pushing herself away from Tiona and spinning as she stood up, taking a step back to get away from the Viera. She turned, and bounced into a desk, Tiona lounging on top of it.

Zoissette swore that the Viera was now, somehow, wearing less.

“Let me guess. Avoiding your feelings, are you?”

Zoissette stumbled back away from the desk, and tripped over Tiona, falling on the floor.

“I do not know what you are talking about!” Zoissette blubbered. She squirmed to look, and Tiona was somehow wearing even less.

Tiona stretched languidly from where she was lounging on the floor, seeming to show off her reach as she did so, her motion fluid and confident. She then tucked her arms behind her head, propping her arm up.

“Yeah. We talked about it some at the conference. Or rather, I probably got high and said too much, but you know me.”

“…I really do not.”

“Nah, you know enough. You want my confidence and cool demeanor, I can tell. Maybe so you can talk to a girl.”

“We spoke for maybe five minutes,” said Zoissette desperately. She did not remember, but maybe it was that. Maybe more. Maybe less.

Maybe they were good friends? Her memory was playing tricks on her out here. Everything seemed real, nothing seemed real, and everything felt very important and emotional and she hated it.

Tiona rolled over on to her side, and propped up her head on a hand, looking Zoissette up and down. Zoissette crossed her arms across her chest and looked away, suddenly feeling very naked before the Viera’s piercing glare.

“I’m everything you’re not. Brash, outspoken, confident, delightfully attractive and not afraid of it, and dating an Archon.”

“…you are?” asked Zoissette. She was fair certain she did not actually know that last part.

“Hell yeah maybe I am. Or maybe I’m not. You don’t know. But look around, part of you thinks you do. And so you’re out here, dreaming of the better you, while whizzing around and thinking entirely too hard.”

Tiona sat up, and dangle her feet over the edge of where the floor ended, dipping her toes into the color stream.

“We. Barely. Talked,” protested Zoissette.

“Yeah, but you got forever to think about things, dont’cha?” said Tiona.

Zoissette found herself curled up in herself.

“…I should have bought you a drink or something, Tiona,” she murmured to herself.

Tiona tilted her head and smiled, and Zoissette sighed, and stood up, and went to the edge of the platform to look out at the so-called dreamscape. Now that she was more aware of it, she was willing herself to wake up and walk away from this.

“Took me a while to admit my feelings too,” admitted Tiona, coming up behind her. “Hey, wow, you can see a lot from here, can’t you?”

Zoissette just frowned, and felt a hand in the small of her back.

“Heyo! Leap of faith,” said Tiona, and she shoved.

Zoissette fell into the river of colour, and tumbled, head over heels, her vision flooded with rainbow, and woke up with a start.

[riizebabie444]

Hi! Hope you are doing well!!! I lovee your game idea!!! It's so appealing to my delusional ass.hahaha 😍 i mean Being Delulu is the solulu right?!

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

So here's the list of everything :

Intials : T.Z

Top three : ♡ Cancer sun

♡ Sagittarius Moon

♡ Scorpio Ascendant

Venus : ♡ Cancer Venus

Celebrity Crush : Louis Partridge. ⚘

For you : the relationship between you and your celebrity crush son heungmin is going to be very lighthearted. The kind of relationship where you guys are walking down the road at night and he pats your head while smiling. Alot of laughter & fun!!! Like you guys are friends. The kind of friendship where you tease eachother and do lots of adventures together i suppose?? You know strolling around town, trying out street food and going through vintage shops. Very lighthearted. An energy of youth. It's a very positive and full of platonic warmth. [ side note : i swear to god this is such a cute relationship you have with your celebrity crush ahahaha i am melting!!! Such a fun one!!!]

Thankkk you soo much for hosting this game!!! I am so excited for this. I mean you know i love being delusional from time to time so yes 😆!!! I hope you liked what i channeled for you too. Let me know what you think!!!

Yours truly

💌

the cards flew out for this reading so i'm going ahead and saying this relationship would be very easy going and free flowing, lots of good communication. first off, there may be some baggage that needs to be let go. i'm seeing one or both of you having things from the past lingering in your lives that will make the other person uncomfortable to be around. it could be an ex or a problematic friend (i'm getting a pick me best friend, you know, the type who's always flirting with your partner) but it also could just be a bad habit. whatever this is, you would work hard to let go of it and cut it out of your life completely. but it's not just doing it because you want to be in a relationship together and the relationship wouldn't happen otherwise but rather, you both teach each other that these things should be done for your own good. so there's lots of learning and personal development which would build up the layers of this connection. and i think that after all the hard work, both of you would simply want to relax and sigh in relief that you are finally good enough for each other. if the journey is hard in the beginning, it will be much more gentle further down the path and that is what i see. i definitely see old school romantic vibes, like writing poems about each other or writing love letters, he'd be very manly but still in touch with his softer side. perhaps he would work hard to be seen as more manly by you, it's cute. and overall i'm sensing so much balance, you both helped each other align to your true selves and you treat each other like equals, like king and queen.

thank you so much for participating in the game and thank you also for your patience. i really appreciate the exchange reading, it was super cute! honestly walking around and eating so much street food with someone is my dream, and doing all sorts of other things together is so heartwarming. i love the friendly vibes, thank you so much! please don't forget to leave feedback!

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Jung Wooyoung Perspective Reading

Okay, now going to start with doing the members of Ateez. I wasn't sure to go with him or San, but I felt his would be less intense, so rather start with him. The song I got for him is Float by Janelle Monae. I can interpret this is he is someone who rises above obstacles or doesn't allow others to bring him down or keep him down for too long. Now, I liked his energy from my Ateez readings, so I was interested to see what he will share here. As I am not familiar with any member here, so I am excited to start on the group's members one on one. I am being pulled towards the archetype decks first, so here we go.

I am already getting very flirty energy here with him. He has a balance of feminine and masculine energy here. He can be a pursuer, charming his way into your life, but he also has a magnetic pull that brings others towards him. He kind of knows how to use his attractiveness to his benefit. He seems to have a way of getting someone to love him, be it using his charms to do so, or his ability to be in touch with his divine feminine energy to get others to bend to his will. The Goddess card in this deck just reminds me of the 9 of Pentacles, which I feel represents him well. Someone confident and abundant with an independence to him. He just stands in his power and glory. It isn't dominant or aggressive at all. He kind of just enjoys to do his own thing. There is a spirit in him that tries to do new things or has innovative ways of getting things done. He can think of a lot of new creative ideas. With these cards I can say he has a very creative mind. I am not sure he uses it in the arts or with their music, but he has a lot of fun new ideas roaming in his head. I feel he has the ability to create something different and innovative. I am looking at this Prince card, and I hear he has the power of seduction, so okay. I can see this boy getting anyone to do what he wants. He has that pull and energy.

Alright, so these set of cards give me a different vibe. I say he is good judge of character and makes very good decisions. He may like to look things over and make an analysis before going towards something. He is the type that weighs all his options. He looks at the good and bad. There is a sense of clarity he has when it comes to his decision. I got the message from this hunter card, seek and you shall find, not sure what that means, but guessing it means whatever he pursues he finds a solution to what he seeks. I can see him on the prowl, someone always searching for something. He is the type that always wants something new out of his life. He is also very curious to learn about things in life. He is a Sag, so I am now seeing that Sag energy here. He seems to make fun out of life. He could be a bit of jokester and trickster. He may like to make others laugh and have fun. It is like his joy to make others laugh and lift others spirits up. It is like the world can be depressing and stressful, so he tries to make a laugh of it and try to bring as much joy as possible to his life and others. I can see him not taking things too seriously or tries to most of the time. The Float song in the beginning is making more sense here.

He is a person who just goes with the flow. He tries his best not to fight against anything. He doesn't see the purpose. He sets an intention and trust the process will come through. I can say he is someone who is transparent, pretty easy to see through. He kind of shows all his cards. I just see him not caring how others see him, it is like this is me take it or leave it. If you like me, great, if not, cool. He is a courageous and brave person. He is willing to try new things. He may even like a bit of a challenge. There is a strength and boldness he has. I see him being very confident in himself and his abilities. I don't see it as cocky. The healthy amount of confidence one needs to succeed in life. He always seems to look to self-growth and improvement, always trying to better himself. I don't see him as the type to stay stuck in bad patterns and stay stuck in the past too much. He lives and learns. That Alanis song is coming up too. I say he trust his instincts a lot. He may have strong intuition and follows it very well. He may be careful about trusting a situation or people too blindly though, but I see him being a good judge of character, so that may not be a problem for him.

I feel he has the talent and skills to create something really great. Although he is confident in himself in some respects, not sure he is when it comes to creating something. It is like he may not seem like he has the potential, but it is there. He may need to go into the depths of himself, which may be a bit uncomfortable for him to bring out that creative power he has. It is like he has the magical touch to create wonderful things. All the cards here have pink. I am not sure why I am noticing that, but the details always seem important to me when I read, so this could indicate this is showing me he is a soft and loving person. He needs to play around with his ideas and try new things. If he isn't already. I would urge him to let his creative ideas loose. It may be hard, because companies do stunt these idols creativity, so not sure he is stunted, or he is just not comfortable sharing his creative side. I am not sure if he is the type to enjoy the journey, rather than focusing on the results, or this is guiding him to do so, like to not rush for results and enjoy the process of creating something. Maybe he stops himself, because the process is too long. From this energy it seems he has a lot of creative energy that should be used. I am not sure if it is music, fashion (not sure why I am getting this), or accessories who knows, but create something, if he doesn't already.

Once again, I am getting there is more he wants to do with his career. I see him having lots of ideas and prospects of what he wants to do. Not sure he can do all that he wants to do. I feel like this idol industry can limit what he can actually do, like he could start so many different business ventures if he could. There is an aspect of him that is very good at grounding himself and keeping peace within himself. He could meditate. Although, he can be loud and frantic. There is a calmness to him at his core. I feel he has a strong core sense of self, which was the opposite of what I got for the Jimin's reading. Once again, he is some who is very decisive and knows what is right for him and which opportunities to take. He in a sense seeks balance and fairness. I am getting a lot of cards that he has this innate ability to attract the things he wants; not sure he can do it subconsciously or he is aware of this ability. But as I mention, he has a magnetic pull to gravitate the people and things he wants out of life, so maybe whatever he wants to do and explore could happen with this energy. He has strong capabilities of building wealth, how he does it, I don't know, but he's got that factor.

Not to my Tarot, the first card he gets is the 4 of Cups, this doesn't surprise me, he seems a bit bored with what he is giving. I can see him being someone who is a bit distant and closed off from others. I just think he likes to keep his deep sh** to himself. He doesn't like diving too deep into himself. He is more about making something out of life, than doing the deep work. I can see him being someone who meditates and contemplates about things as well. I say, he might do some deep work, but he won't let others into that. He keeps to himself. Now he got the Wheel of Fortune, once again another card that shows he is a lucky person in life, someone who can build wealth and make money. He is someone who wants to progress and move up the latter, so to speak. I do sense there is a missed opportunity he may have had that he is disappointed about. I am not sure if he was blocked from it, or he just didn't take the offer. Now with the 4 of pentacles, yeah, he is greedy and stingy, not going to lie. He can be a bit selfish at times. There is a strong sense of self-control this boy has. He values his career and money a lot and won't let anyone or anything ruin it. He is also very good with money and knows how to save as well.

So, I would say he is a more practical and passionate person but does lack emotional depth. I just see him preferring to live life than wallow in despair. His energy is similar to Sunghoon to be honest, same vibe. But I find his energy a bit more optimistic and upbeat. I don't see a lot of Air energy as well, so he isn't the type that is in his head stressing a lot. I can see why people would think he is one dimensional, but he has a balance of practicality and passionate energy that doesn't make him that way. He can be lively on stage/on-camera, but behind the scenes he is more businesslike and serious. I find his energy fascinating and had fun with this one. I like his energy, probably up there with Beomgyu's so far.

[hansolen]

I just finished reading your Dazai fanfic, and it was SO good. I love your writing style—it was detailed, yet the organization was strung together very well. Do you have any tips on writing or anything you like to keep in mind when you write figuratively?

I like doing creative writng, and I would love to hear back from you!

firstly anon thank you sm for your sweet words 😭😭🫶 it means the world to me that you think this way about my writing <3

but honestly speaking i don’t think i’m qualified enough to give you any solid advice when it comes to writing fics :( since i myself am a new writer — the dazai fic being my third one ever, so i don’t really have any solid process down yet

but i think i can answer what all i keep in mind as i write !! though it might be a little messy, i hope it helps in some way 🫶

→ when it comes to the details, i myself am not a very detail oriented person and miss many things due to not being aware of my surroundings irl (i try to give the excuse of being a ‘big picture person’ but honestly i’m just way too in my head in general lol) so when i write, i go based off comparisons — they really help when it comes to describing details !! focus on similarities, as well as the feelings that they bring out in an abstract form.

in this situation ‘they’ being the main thing you’re describing whether it’s a person, feeling, thing, action, etc. but never force it, try to keep it as natural as it comes (to you).

→ regarding the whole ‘bringing ideas together’ — for me, when i write fics it’s usually to ‘let out’ the thoughts that are plaguing me. so it’s generally an intuitive process. i don’t really plan my works — i’ve tried and it didn’t work out well

since my usual storyboard process when planning any fic would just go like : they meet; have realisations; hold onto each other with such tenderness — it could kill a man; merge souls; the end.

so instead i choose to write snippets as they go. i have a rough feeling of what i want to display — a motif or an idea that i’d like to highlight in my work, and go around binding together the blurbs that i write with those motifs in mind. again, that’s just my method consisting of what seems to be working well for me, as of now.

when writing snippets, i just like to write the parts that i’m excited about writing/are plaguing me at that point of time. eventually it gets to a point where i’m able to see something coherent. that’s when i bring them all together (and really dread the process cause i’m made to read it all again and again — to understand if it’s flowing well or not lol.. i think that’s definitely a downside to this method)

one thing that i’ve learnt through my limited experience is that you need to write for it to get better. but that’s not to say you need to sit and open your docs and type x words every week (though do that if you think it’ll help), instead it’s more like you need to be comfortable with your writing ‘not being up to par’ with what you want it to be in your head.

↑ personally i struggle with this the most !! at times i have such delicious ideas swirling in my head and when i sit to type it all out, i end up getting disappointed with how i’m unable to do it justice.. but you really gotta sit with that feeling in all forms of art 💔 the only positive way to look at it is that it improves with time.

but that brings me to my most important point → sometimes it’s best to step away from a wip for a bit when you’re seriously not happy with it. i began writing my dazai fic in the first week of december and had inspiration for like 2 days straight and then boom — radio silence for a Whole Month and more.

but that actually helped me! i had an idea that i liked — but couldn’t display it accurately which caused me to hate it all together. but walking out from it and then eventually coming back to it when i really felt like it, helped me feel satisfied with what i ended up writing :]

i think at the end it really depends on what you prefer, as in: do you like to write a little everyday or do you prefer writing whenever inspiration strikes. do you like to make plot points for your whole story beforehand or go based on the vibes alone — or a mix of it! all methods are good as long as they work for you! experiment and listen to yourself. choose what you feel more at ease with — rest will flow :)

honestly i’m ngl i was suprised you found the fic to be organised (and very happy) cuz i was actually afraid that it would come off as too messy and all over the place. it really was till the last moment that i suddenly understood how to connect it all in the end, it was like a revelation lolol anyway hope you have a good week ahead !! 🫶 sorry if this was too long ^^

[avrablake]

Very Important Questions from Sleepy

@sleepyowlwrites tagged me to answer these questions

1. What is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

I write much better when I'm at home and there aren't too many distractions. I've tried taking my laptop places so I can write while I'm out, or waiting, or on vacation, and I find it had to stay focused. I usually don't accomplish very much.

2. What is your favorite genre to write?

I've only ever written fantasy and sci-fi. Of the two, fantasy probably comes more naturally to me, mostly because I read a lot more fantasy than I do pure sci-fi. Most of the sci-fi I read is more sci-fi adjacent, or sci-fi flavored. Which is kind of how I would describe my own book.

I really love stories that blend the two.

3. Do you prefer to write on paper or digitally?

Typing 100%.

Which was not always the case. When I was younger I struggled to write digitally and found the ideas flowed a lot easier on paper. But now I have a wrist injury and can't write by hand very much.

4. It’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea, what do you do?

Usually if I have ideas in the middle of the night it is because I'm in the trows of insomnia, in which case I will open up my laptop and see if I can make the ideas coherent.

Otherwise, I'm unlikely to wake up enough to recognize that I should do anything with the thought. I just have to hope for the best in the morning.

5. Who is your favorite person to write about?

Anyone who is sad or going Through It.

I don't write about real people, so I assume the question refers to characters. I like the characters that have some kind of inner struggle they are working through.

6. Do you like making your own characters or do you write about real people?

Characters all the way. If I wanted to interact with real people, I would. I much prefer to interact with the made up people in my head.

7. Have you ever written a book or story with more than 15 chapter or 100K words?

Beyond the Darkness is 34 chapters and almost 132k words.

8. How often do you get ideas?

Alot. I keep a note on my phone for story ideas and ideas that belong in my current wips. I don't usually start new wips though.

9. Do you ever get an idea that you really like but can’t seem to ever finish?

I haven't spent a lot of time on my merpeople wip. Mostly it's because I've been so focused on Beyond the Darkness and it's universe. It's also a really daunting wip that will require a lot of research and a lot of worldbuilding, both things I am less excited to do. So it may be the wip I never finish, which is too bad because I really like the idea.

10. What is your least favorite plot?

It's less about specific plots and more about execution for me. I don't like "dark" stories where everyone dies or is just an awful human being, and everyone claims the story is better or deeper because it's more "realistic". Like what? I know lots of human beings and for the most part people are trying their best to be decent. I don't like stories that portray humanity as The Worst. Maybe some people are, but I think most people aren't, and I prefer worlds that make me believe they don't have to be.

Thank you for the questions Sleepy Mother Dearest!

[kendrarichardsdesign]

November 21 2024 - Brand Analysis

This is a short brand analysis I did to keep me locked in and able to understand the brand better before creating it. I kept it very quick and informal. Also, it is crazy that I'm already almost at 6h of work

(writing in first person from now on) (thinking about myself is very hard)

SWOT ANALYSIS

Strength: I am good at making sure design serves a purpose and is functional/logical. I’m definitely not the best at that right now but I always find myself focusing on making things make sense rather than be pretty. For example, in print production I rewrote every chapter submitted by my classmates which left me with significantly less time for the graphics. My reasoning was there’s no point in making a book if the words don’t make sense. I think skill wise I am also pretty diverse. I would feel comfortable if a project involved almost anything which increases the possibilities for the work I create.

Weaknesses: Because my skills at the moment are very broad, I don’t have a specific focus area. I don’t excel at anything in particular which is okay because that will change as I pratice and grow, just harder to market and brand. I find it hard to initiate conversations and am usually perceived as quiet which can be seen as a weakness and usually is by clients and employers. I have trouble verbalizing complex ideas which can hinder client work. 

Opportunities: The subject area that has excited me most is branding and marketing, which frustrates me because I have previously claimed I hated it.

Threats: AI maybe, hopefully not. If the type of design is not seen as necessary by the employer it can be overlooked, or replaced by ai, or canva.

Capabilities:

I am capable of adapting well and thinking about bigger-picture projects involving different disciplines or multi-page projects. Nothing I’ve made so far has been exceptional but it is capable and works sufficiently. Learning new things is a basic skill to have but I think I am relatively good and happy to do it. This relates to my problem of having a broad skill base and not a deep skill base. While in school it works very well, but I worry that when I am a working designer I will be in a niche job that I don’t have extensive experience in.

Core Values:

I value accessibility, sustainability, functionality, sensory based design, and integrity. 

Current Awareness and Sentiment:

I didn’t want to go up to people and ask them what they honestly think about my work so I asked Brayten, he said: He knows me and keeps up with my work. He is very aware and was sassy when I asked him because obviously he has positive sentiment. Positive sentiment towards all my work, he appreciates the quality and consistency. Consistency in craftsmanship - all work in different mediums have a flow and consistency that shows me in them. Part of that comes through in quality, thoughtfulness, and craftsmanship. The other part comes through in content. 

Lily says: agree. Cool dawg. Yuh. Can get it done. Happy. Gets shit done. Period. (I know this is biased but it’s kind of hard to do this for a personal brand about yourself)

Focus Areas:

I am interested in a wide range of subjects and disciplines and It’s been difficult to decide what to focus on. I love doing everything but it feels impossible to keep doing everything forever. I want to focus in graphic design and am currently making the transition to focus on it more mentally. I have been attracted to editorial design previously but I enjoy doing all of the things it feels hard to narrow myself down to a section of graphic design. It’s ideal to have a narrow/niche brand, but it feels restrictive and really stresses me out. I think I will use the approach of narrowing down into a niche as a designer based on my values? I should think more on this.

Position Analysis: 

Compared to peers I’ve been able to meet in person, I think I am relatively more type A and have been described as very “anal” about things. Brayten says: relatively high quality, highly flexible and able to work for different clientel and adapt to different styles. During my work term the areas I really excelled at weren’t super related to my design work. I had a great memory and was good at organizing. I also “designed” a new system for tracking member onboarding in my type b supervisor’s phone/computer. Sometimes the supervisor of the other student came to me to design something because I was faster/more efficient. The time efficiency benefits me more when doing quicker projects and making them of higher quality rather than making longer projects of higher quality. This will be fixed as I work on it. Generally, I find my work to be of high quality aesthetically but often lacks a stronger meaning or message. This appears in design and fine art. 

Direct and Indirect Competition:

My direct competition would be other designers relatively early in their careers. Indirect competition would be AI generation, Canva, People that aren’t hired as designers but are able to fill the tasks needed with popular tools like AI and Canva. 

Product Brief:

The product I provide is high-quality and time-efficient graphic design work for employers and clients. I value quality and won’t give an employer/client something half-assed. 

Competitive Advantage:

The WFIM for potential clients/employers would be that they can trust that I will provide high-quality work on time, always. My personality and broadness of skills allow me to work well in teams as well. (so hard to think about comparison stuff)

Utility and Emotional Connection:

The utility to employers/clients that I provide is literally designing something. Other aspects can make me more likely to be hired, but they are hiring me because they need something designed, either as a one-time thing or longer term. This could be creating something new (awesome) or improving a previous design. Emotionally, I think there is a sense of pride in a business/product/endeavor that designers can provide. Being able to see your business proposal come to life and exist must be awesome. Designers generally help increase public perception of brands.

Unique Selling Proposition (USP):

I am unique because I am awesome (thinking about myself so hard). My USP would probably be something along the lines of well rounded, competent, etc. which is a bad USP because that really does feel like the bare minimum. Writing this gives me an identity crisis because I’m like “there’s nothing unique about me gah” when this project is done I must be so sure of myself.

Features and Benefits:

Feature: Well rounded skillset

Benefit: Larger scope of disciplines of what projects can include 

Feature: Designs get completed on time (another bare minimum one)

Benefit: Allows things like books, posters, etc. to be distributed when announced and not have to push back release dates. 

Feature: Young person (for now) who is in-the-know

Benefit: Helps brings new ideas and relate to a younger audience. It’s hard to adapt to tech, social media, and political correctness when it changes so quickly, luckily I know so many things and can now use a computer.

Place/Distribution:

I am planning on relocating to a larger city center after graduation. My messaging and touch points need to be able to be accessed online like in an online portfolio. The style guide would maybe fit with the brand better to be a physical product but due to the nature of the work and I may be working remotely, it makes more sense to have an online version. Possibly two versions? If I had more time or more motivation I would create digital portfolio, digital style guide, and physical postfolio/style guide.

Target Market Analysis

Business owners, creative directors, senior designers, and upper management would be the people hiring and people looking to hire someone freelance to design for smaller businesses.

Motivations and Goals:

When hiring, the TM looks for designers who can produce high-quality work on time. They value the ability to adapt and design in different visual styles. They are motivated to hire skilled graphic designers and retain them.

Buyer Behaviour:

When buying, the consumer would have a high level of involvement before purchasing (hiring). They would do rounds of interviewing and ensure that applicants are would be a good fit for the business.

Brand Story:

(idk if this is a brand story but maybe some inspo) I have always been interested in design but did not necessarily realize it was a career path. I would talk to my mom a lot about what I liked about t-shirt designs, cups I saw at Indigo, and app icons among other things. I only started considering a creative career in grade 11. My only real reasoning was that art was the only thing that I was very passionate about and I don’t think I would be fulfilled if I did anything else. I spent the last couple of years of high school focusing on art and looking at different schools/career options. I had never done graphic design at that point, but I knew I wanted to do that as a career rather than fine art. It felt like starting over to get a bachelors of design and I wasn’t interested in pure fine art. Convientlty, my local college had an art and design program that I decided to enroll in. While at school it was a massive learning experience to learn about design. At that point I really couldn’t use a computer too well and learned programs at the same time as design fundamentals. I really struggled at first with it but once I got in my groove and adjusted to the heavy increase of workload compared to high school I loved it. I continued to learn and try to improve to the point where I am today. (these are my initial thoughts I would want to change the working if it were to be in the “about me” part of the website.

Brand Personality:

The tone is calm and natural. The text reads neutral to positive.

[binary5tar1117]

I hit a point on my smut fic where it isn't flowing anymore. But I'm far enough along I'm confident at some point I'll tell myself to just finish it and when I go back and reread it I'll be able to get into it enough to wrap it up

So I decided to move on to another idea I had. Which is like a dnd inspired fae au. Actually mostly inspired by a court of fae and flowers the dimension20 season. It's still the best season I've watched so far. It's more like half dnd fae half bidgerton.

Ive basically been living in this fic all weekend, like it's keeping me up at night but I almost don't care because I'm that into it. It keeps flowing really nicely without much planning and in a way that feels like a real story and not... just people fucking. Which dont get me wrong is fun. But a real story makes me feel like a better writer which is more satisfying.

I almost never finish these types of fics though so.... no one get excited.

Details and spoilers for a moral dilemma I have created for myself in the fic below the cut. I don't know how to warn exactly but minor tw "playing hard to get" mentality and the ickyness that can come from that.

I also had a really angsty thought last night that I think works really well but I don't know how to resolve it in a satisfying way. Or at least in a way I feel readers will find satisfying. Because there's a pretty clear red line crossed, people feel terrible and talk and forgive each other. Even though it's fantasy I think the situation is really realistic. But it's also a situation that the internet at least has little forgiveness for.

Wooyoung is a powerful sort of like demi God level fae. His "domain" is charm and attraction and he sort recharges his magic through physical touch. Not just sex but ya know that works too (though not actually any better than cuddling.)

San ends up making a warlock pact with him to save his sister. Wooyoung is very upfront about how his magic works and does not at all demand or expect sex or any sort of touching from San. But eventually they get to the point where they are comfortable enough for Wooyoung to be more clingy and flirty. And though another thing that happens, Wooyoung realizes San is very much attracted to him and pursues him. San as good as says he's just playing hard to get. Wooyoung really does nothing wrong.

But San is resisting more from emotional complications. I mean mortal and fae, patron and warlock plus Yeosang... it's complicated. Wooyoung maybe kinda gets this but it's never spelled out.

Anyway Wooyoung kinda corners San and with some magic sex pollen type shenannigans, San gets pushed past his comfort level. They don't have sex, it's just basically a really intense make out session.

But San in his kinda worked up state, accuses Wooyoung of assuming San was playing hard to get when he really wanted none of it. Saying hes been pushing him too much all along. Which is true again in an emotional sense but not in the physical.

But Wooyoung takes it in the physical sense which San intends at the moment. And he is understandably upset and apologetic. He tries very hard to recognize that his magic, the thing that makes him him, has the ability to make people very uncomfortable. He tries so very, very hard to be considerate and /good/ about it. (He's a good boy, the bestest alright?) And to find out he hurt/upset someone he cares about, even after trying so hard to be careful... it's understandably distressing for him.

When Yeosang hears about this, he tear's San a new one because he knows exactly what's going on. Two of the three idiots in love make up... mostly because San has some words for Yeosang during that convo too, so there's still that aspect.... and the story continues.

The problem is, while I think that it's obvious San was more in the wrong, people can be weird about that sort of fuzzy-ish consent. I shouldn't care but I do. I'll be so sad if people hate Wooyoung for it.

I am also struggling with how Wooyoung will ever be able to trust San again if he pulls this. It's such an important core belief type thing for him that having it disrespected and turned against him... there's really no way for San to make it up to him, right? Wooyoung just has to choose to forgive and trust him again. Which I don't think is bad necessarily. People fuck up, even this bad, and it's okay to forgive sometimes. But that's another thing the internet is pretty iffy on. One mistake on this level is tantamount to murder and unforgiveable. Which again I shouldn't care. I'm usually good at not caring, but I kinda do in this case.

And then I question... is it too ooc to have San do that? Which is maybe why i care about readers opinions so much.. because I'm unsure. I dunno I think I'll just have to get there and write it and see how it plays out.

[moosetracksdilemma]

One of my favorite things is when people text and you can see their personality in it. People are like gifts that keep revealing new and exciting things and I just love it. I love how even when you can't be with someone or hear their voice, they follow distinct patterns of thought, and express themselves in that way.

I have one friend who texts almost exactly how she talks down to the "t" and it feels like she's right there even when she can't physically be there. I can practically hear her tone of voice and see her smile through how she texts. Its incredible. She types her excitement out with extra letters (ex. Aaaa yess!) and keeps a very casual flow of conversation. She uses emojis that I can't see fitting anyone else but somehow they just make more sense because she's the one using them.

I have another friend who's very direct and chill and I love the way that carries across with his messages. I love how when texts he uses big words and they flow so smoothly. He doesn't even have to try- I've heard him lace those same words into our regular conversations. I love how even our conversations about idiotic things have a purpose and how seriously he takes dumb ideas. I love how he "reacts" to my messages (iPhone thing) because somehow it just clicks with how I'd imagine him actually reacting in person. He never sends words in all caps but if he does (it's usually only one word) I get excited because that means something good happened.

I love how different people communicate different feelings in words. Some people cheat and use emojis but it fits them. But ultimately I love how they choose to express themselves through words or emojis or little keyboard faces. I love how much you can see about someone just by how they type. I love being able to interact with people over text and still be able to experience bits of who they are.

I am wildly in love with the people who text in paragraphs and the people who spam individual thoughts and ideas. I dont mind your venting or multiple messages of what you may think is nonsense. I think your stupid memes are beautiful. I think the gifs you send when you dont have words are amazing. How you talk is beautiful, no matter how broken or polished. I crave connection. I want to see who you are in what you do and how you talk.

And as someone who adapts the way I text to match the other person's style, it makes me wonder what they think. What parts of me are hidden that someone else might love about me? It makes me wonder how many people have a hard time texting just because they don't know how to express themselves or read the other person's "text language".

[silentwhispersinthevoid]

so here I am again, writing to practise. writing to get used to writing again, without any plan, without any intention. no outcome. just the feeling sense of fingers on keyboards, going with the flow

I need that, I need to remember how that feels, just the joy of typing without any destinatin

I lost that, I think through academic writing, certainly the master's thesis, where you basically do write like that: fix a point where you want to go and then write towards it. a theory, or proving a point, or whatever.

and I can do that, sure. I'll also be in pain the entire time, soul pain, because this is so opposite to how the soul expresses

that was the big huge realisation the other day. I've spent so much time thinking about it that I don't want to reshash the whole thing again.

still want to make a video about this. or do I? or is it more that I feel I should, so that I have something to post on instagram? something authentic, for people to get drawn to?

I don't know.

and to be honest, I'd rather not, either.

I'm really tired of all this thinking planning plotting efforting

I would love for the mind to let go

or the ego, the I-construct to be able to let go

like, really let go, really go with the feeling, go with the flow

it feels so so different to what I always thought it would

to what the "I" always thought it would

it is different, so different. beautiful. and so soft, so effortless! like, the is nothing fixed in there, everything in flow, nothing sharp, it's all soft soft soft, no pain, it's so beautiful

at this point I can't even say that I want this. because the I cannot want this. the I doesn't understand how this can be, how this can function

consciousness does. self does. look, I - self in this case - can SEE IT! can FEEL IT!. IT'S RIGHT THERE SO EASY WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO HARD ON YOURESELF???

that is the mosts heartbreaking, painful thing to realise. all this suffering, the pain, the struggles, the constant spinning around in circles trying to chase my own tail - it's only funny in cute cat videos - all of that is something that I AM DOING TO MYSELF

and sure, sure, I didn't decide to do that to myself (or maybe I did?). it's all old patterns of thought and behaviour, learnt in school and from parents and grandparents and teachers and friends and society. how a human being has to function.

and it's all so much bullshit.

seriously. it is.

and I can see that, know that, FEEL that.

still I get in my own way, run the old patterns, the old behaviourisms.

because I need to function. the machine has to fit into the system.

I'm not a machine, though. I don't have to fit into anything (not even my clothes if I don't want to!).

but of course, if I don't have to fit ... then who am I? what am I? how am I??

and there is something in me - the soul - that is really excited about these questions, about the idea of having the slate wiped clean and EXPLORING all of these things. if I am not a machine in the system - who am I? who is this I? what is this I? how does it act, how does it express?

how does being work? how does being in this world work? how does navigating this system without being trapped into it work?

ACK, soul, why are you getting so excited about this, don't you know that this is BLOODY TERRIFYING?????

I know, soul doesn't care about that, soul isn't here for safety, for security. soul is here to have an exploration. an experience. that's what soul is getting excited for.

and I get it! part of the self is really excited, too, very curious about all the options!

and yet, part of me is looking at all of this - and sees the ground unravel beneath her feet, sees EVERYTHING unravel, free-fall into the void

I believe this is what people call death of the ego

and sometimes enlightenment

I don't feel very enlightened.

mostly, I feel terrified

because it's there. it's coming. the void is coing closer

and

yes

okay

to flow from presence is amazing

but there has to be that final step first

death

of the ego

an ending

deep breath

I'm not ready to jump yet