#idc if you would want him as your friend/boyfriend irl or not but the show can whack some people in the face with how much nick wants this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sukirichi · 3 years ago

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[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ]

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan

from track 007.

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ]

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series ( broken records )#tw: toxic

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sukirichi · 4 years ago

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omg i read this last night but had to take time in leaving my thoughts cuz i was legit head in hands "wtf moment" like dude...idk maybe its cuz i feel for the reader in so many ways like bro SCREW PEOPLE LIKE THIS ISTG iwaizumi deserves a straight solid punch in his pretty face, im disgusted by him AND his friends and its even worse cuz people like this exist irl like 😐😐😐 but see one of the things i love most about this is that the harassment wasnt sugarcoated and its just straight up PAIN like YES show them how its really like and im so so annoyed like im actually BOTHERED i've never felt so protective over a reader before ahdlelwla but on the side note, akaashi's reaction was so understandable and perfect. i like how it isnt the usual "no but i love her so imma just ignore that" because i think thats a little ooc for akaashi and you portrayed him so well when he distanced himself for a little bit. i do think that akaashi is someone who would be serious about this and holy shit my heart actually CLENCHED when his texts grew cols and the reader is left confused im so HURT it felt so real and i gotta take a moment and be like "dude calm down dont cry this is fiction" but idc this HURT me and i WILL scream about it. but even more so when the reader sorta relapsed to her old ways and GUH I JUST HATE PEOPLE WHO ARENT EVEN CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS AND TO THINK THEY WERE SPREADING HER PHOTOS AROUND LIKE THAT? ARE YOU GUYS EVEN HUMAN? I WOULD HAVE HONESTLY CHOKED SOMEONE IF ANYONE DID THAT TO ME and brooo can we take a moment to admire how reader is so strong...like shes actually handling this as greatly as she could like shes been hurt before but shes so brave for loving again even after the horrible experience and when she said "it was ONE guy keiji" you bet i was biting my lip so i dont cry out loud, i want them to be together so bad and i was so scared he'd really push her away and i was like KEIJI JUST LET HER EXPLAIN OR I WILL SHAVE MY HEAD AND BE A FEMALE TANAKA 💀💀💀 but im so so glad he listened and when he said "i'll only care about who you are when youre with me, i'll always see the best in you no mattee what others say, i can defend you and i can promise you that as your boyfriend," and im just... im just gone at this point maam, literally had to put my phone down and let the fact hit me that i will never get an akaashi keiji but thats okay, hes alive in my heart and its just? the character development is so so beautiful??? I WANT TO CRY ADKSLALA thank you so much for sharing this with us, another great work of yours aaaaaa 😭😭😭😭 anyways this is me @ her ex and his friends

pov: you’re broken and he’s fixing you.

↳ akaashi keiji/reader

(this is a spin-off to pov: he’s a player and you’re his favorite game. please click here if you haven’t read.)

description. after a strange encounter led your boyfriend to find out about your tainted past, he develops a mistrust and questions whether you’re still his ideal girl at all.

genre. angst, hurt/comfort, college au

cw. mentions of nudity and videotaping, profanity, slut-shaming (not from akaashi he’s gucci), usage of alcohol/intoxication, reference to drugs

notes. iwaizumi akaashi whores, i come bearing with another gift! this oneshot is set prior to the drabble, enjoyyy!

masterlist

For the past two months, it was safe to say that Akaashi was in love.

As cheesy as it sounded, he never expected that the feeling of love at first sight was actually real and that you were the living proof of it. There was just something about you that made him feel warm. It wasn’t just because you were physically gorgeous—he also liked how expressive your eyes were or how your smile could brighten his day. He was addicted to the look on your face whenever you were happy and just about contented.

He remembered the day he met you and how he asked you for directions, not knowing that you were crying at 6AM while walking around the campus. He thought you were adorable with just the way you had a pout on your lips when you first looked at him, but he also felt bad that you seemed so broken.

It wasn’t like you discussed your whole history with him—you just told him that the reason you were pathetically crying that day was because someone broke your heart and that you’ve decided to finally let that person go. You didn’t really go into detail about what happened nor did you tell him about the person behind your tears. You simply wanted to ‘move on and forget the guy’ were the words Keiji remembered you said.

So when he gave you an offer for a friendly coffee date, he was glad that you did agree to him. And he was even more glad that, what was once a casual date, now turned into something more tangible. A relationship, if you call it.

Akaashi helped you get through your pain until the love you’ve had for the past guy had now shifted to him. It was sweet, he realized, to have you by his side when he pulled all-nighters at the cafe procrastinating his weekly papers. In return, he would visit you at your dorm with your favorite snacks when you were too busy to meet with him for a date. It was simple give-and-take, but something he sincerely valued. Akaashi didn’t have a lot of experience when it came to dating and he certainly was still testing the waters with you. However, despite that, he was his happiest when he was with you.

You craved for love and affection and Keiji was willing to give you all and more.

He was happy to do simple things like calling you at night when he didn’t get to see you during the day or bringing you breakfast before your morning classes and walk with you to your class.

Today, it was him that had an early morning class and he was already rushing into it.

“Slow down, Keiji,” you told him, squeezing his hand.

He drew in a long breath as you two passed through a group of college students who all seemed to be rushing to their own classes, too. The whole campus just seemed busier than usual.

“Professor Daley’s pretty strict,” he explained, eyes searching through the rows of identical doors to find the lecture hall. Well, other than the strict professor himself, Akaashi also cared about his studies and he didn’t want to miss the important parts of today’s lecture or else he’d have a lot to catch up on again.

You cocked your head at him in curiosity. “What, is he like gonna give you guys shotgun recitations or something?”

“Not really, he’ll just embarrass you in front of the class,” he answered with a grin, stopping outside of the auditorium for his History class. “Hey, I gotta go. See you later?”

“Okay.” You offered a smile before sweetly kissing his cheek. “Catch you later.”

The lecture hall was almost full when he came inside so he had no other choice but to sit at the back along with the other students who barely gave a damn about going to class at all.

Keiji usually didn’t mind them, but the reason why he didn’t like sitting at the far back was because it was always the spot for hungover dudes who obviously went to parties the night prior or the slackers who liked to just borrow some notes and call it a day.

He ended up sitting next to an Asian guy who had a blond undercut and a white guy with bronze hair—both of which were sitting comfortably with one leg propped on the chair in front of them. Akaashi assumed they were jocks, but they could also probably be frat boys.

“Man, I’m never gonna drink Hennessy again,” he heard the blond guy whine to his friend. “I feel like throwing up.”

Yup. Frat boys.

Keiji decided to focus on Professor Daley’s lecture as he took out his iPad, searching through the notes that he wrote from last time. From what he remembered, the last lecture was about Asian-American Assimilation.

“Iwa’s fucking wasted last night,” the brown-haired guy brought up, followed by a cackle from the blond.

“Dude lost his mind. I told him I can just get him a new bitch, but he told me to fuck off. He still wants her so bad, man.”

The two guys shared loud sniggers much to Keiji’s annoyance.

He sent them a look of warning, only to let them know that someone was actually bothered by their unnecessarily loud chattering, but the blond guy strangely recognized him.

“Yo...” The blond guy’s eyes widened as he nudged his friend who gestured towards Akaashi. “You’re the guy that’s dating Y/N, right?”

Firstly, how did he know? And who the hell was this guy, anyway?

“Yeah,” Keiji answered curtly, uninterested with the conversation. “And you are?”

There was a huge grin on the blond guy’s face—it was the kind of grin that particularly looked like he was impressed. “Nice to meet you, bro. The name’s Yuuji Terushima,” the guy greeted, offering a hand out for a fistbump. “And this is my friend, Cole.”

All Akaashi gave them was a brief nod of acknowledgment because it was clearly not the best time to make new friends, however the Yuuji guy was so damn persistent in talking to him throughout the class.

“So, how long have you two been together?” Yuuji asked, seemingly entertained for some reason.

Technically, almost 2 months but jesus, why was this guy so interested with his girlfriend?

“That’s none of your business,” he dryly responded with a nonchalant face.

The Yuuji guy was quick to snort along with the other guy beside him named Cole. They looked like absolute tools and Keiji didn’t want to entertain them further.

“Chill,” Yuuji eased, raising his arms in surrender. “I’m just surprised that you’re dating her despite... you know.”

Despite what?

Akaashi looked at them in confusion. It was obvious that those two guys knew something he didn’t and his mind was telling him to know what it was but his heart was telling him he shouldn’t bother.

The most annoying thing was how these two guys were entertained for a reason he was yet to know about. What was so funny about dating you?

So for now, he let his mind win. “What do you mean?”

With his obliviousness, Yuuji and Cole looked genuinely shocked and amused at the same time. It was starting to piss Keiji off because he was looking like such a fool for not having any clue.

“Dude.” Yuuji leaned forward in intrigue before he spoke in a hushed voice, “She’s like one of the biggest sluts in the campus.”

His first reaction was to ball his hands into a fist, all while grabbing the guy’s collar for referring to you in such a way, but Yuuji was defensive about it.

“No, I’m not messing with you. Dude, see this,” he convinced as if he was the most innocent man in this planet. “Just wait a minute...”

Yuuji took out his phone and went through whatever the hell he was going through. Akaashi was surely about to punch the jackass if only they weren’t in class.

“Here, look.” Yuuji extended his arm and held his phone up, revealing a naked picture of you that you took in front of a mirror. The guy swiped his phone to show more of your nudes from different shots and angles, and there was even a quick video of you doing it with another guy.

What the actual fuck.

“These aren’t mine, by the way,” Yuuji clarified as if that helped at all, “But like, almost all sane guys in the frat house have a copy of these. We’ve all seen your girl, bro.”

Akaashi didn’t know how to react.

He simply stiffened while his chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. He couldn’t believe what he just saw and he had no idea what to feel from it. It was so fucked up how his girlfriend and her body were all over other guys’ phones for their own pleasure. He couldn’t hide the anger that was building inside of him, but he was also disgusted at how he never knew all of this prior to dating you.

Keiji hasn’t even touched you, even a little bit, because he respected you and he believed that you weren’t the type of girl who slept around. He wasn’t the type of guy, either. Heck, he’d only been to a party once and it wasn’t really his scene.

And yet you...

You actually hid this from him. He could understand that you’d feel ashamed, but god fucking dammit, these guys were feasting on your body and calling you names—how could you still walk around without shame?

He was speechless.

“That’s fine, dude.” Yuuji gave him a pat on the back like he needed his consolation. “You know what you should do? You should fuck her like the whore she is and then dip.”

He huffed a breath filled with rage. “I think it’s fucked up that you’re spreading her nudes like a total dick.”

“Dude, not my fault your so-called girlfriend’s a whore,” Yuuji retorted which ultimately led Keiji to grab him by the shirt in fury.

“Mr. Terushima and Mr. Akaashi, what is going on back there?”

He didn’t really want to look away as he sent this blond guy a death stare because, frankly, at the rate of Keiji’s anger, Yuuji would get his face absolutely ruined if he tried to speak ill about you again.

He was going feral.

He couldn’t stomach the thought of his girlfriend, a girl he liked with all his heart, being labeled as the campus slut.

Suddenly, his whole outlook towards you had exponentially changed and he could no longer see you the same way again.

“What time is it?” you inquired to a very hungover Erica who had her head rested on the table while you two spent the past hour at the cafe.

She briefly checked her phone and answered, “It’s half past four in the afternoon, why?”

Nothing important. You were just wondering why Keiji hasn’t contacted you all day. Weird, because he only had two classes today and they were both during the morning. Usually at this time, he would have already been free.

You decided to slip in another text because you already missed him. He was probably really busy right now.

You: Hi, love. I’m here at the cafe with Erica while waiting for you. See me when you’re free :)

“Ugh,” Erica groaned, rubbing her temples. “My head hurts.”

You looked up from your phone after waiting for your boyfriend’s reply but there wasn’t any.

“How was the party last night?” you inquired in an effort to make some conversation.

Erica then propped her elbows on the table and lifted her head up. She just looked extremely hungover and you could easily tell with her smudged mascara. “It was alright,” she answered. “Not as fun without you, though.”

You hadn’t really been to parties as of late and it was the effect of being in a healthy relationship with your boyfriend. It was almost unreal how you managed to find a guy that respected and treated you like a real woman. Although your heart hasn’t fully healed, you were very grateful for Keiji’s efforts of sticking with you through thick and thin, completely putting every piece of you back together.

He was definitely someone worth pursuing, not jerks like Iwaizumi who did nothing but to play with your feelings.

Speaking of, you haven’t seen that guy around because you were purposely avoiding him. You knew which times he would be out and about in the campus so you often stayed at the dorms during those times.

Still, you were curious at how he was doing recently and it wasn’t wrong to ask, right?

“Was Hajime in there?” You cleared your throat, pretending to sound casual.

Erica could see through you though, which was why she sneered. “He’s crazy. I never see him drink that much alcohol.”

You silently wished he had alcohol poisoning but you chose to be the better person. “Sucks to be him.”

“True,” she agreed without hesitation. “Also, don’t you see it? I think Keiji kinda looks like Iwa. Just take off his glasses and turn him into a fuckboy.”

You scrunched your nose. “No, thank you. My Keiji is fine as is.”

As if on cue, you received a text message from the said guy.

Keiji: Can’t come

His reply was short and direct, not his usual sweet long ones. Akaashi was never a dry texter so this was a little odd to see.

You: Are you okay, my love? Do you want me to visit you?

You really hoped he was okay because you were starting to worry.

Keiji: Don’t bother. I’ll just see you tomorrow.

“What’s with the face?” Erica asked after noticing your downcast eyes.

You let out a sigh. “He looks busy right now. I don’t know, I’m worried.”

She watched your expression for a moment before speaking again, “Leave him be. He’s probably got tons of papers to write.”

“I guess he is...”

You didn’t get to see your boyfriend yesterday and even today, just like he said. You texted him this morning if he wanted to go eat lunch together but his only response was “I’m good.”

You could feel that something was wrong and you definitely had to confront him about it.

The coldness in his responses reminded you of the way Iwaizumi treated you before and it was leaving you hurt and paranoid. You didn’t know what you did wrong but you couldn’t just let Akaashi ignore you all day.

You were scared that you’ve given him a reason to walk away from you.

Despite the cold weather, you decided to wait outside the residence hall he was staying at in hopes of talking to him in person. You insisted to him that you weren’t going to leave until he sees you and that it didn’t matter how long you were going to wait if he was claiming to be ‘busy’. He obviously wasn’t, because no matter how busy he was, Keiji Akaashi always made time for you.

That was one of the many things you loved about him. He told you before that every second you spent with him was always valuable and important, which was why he was placing a lot of effort everytime you two spend time together.

“It’s nine in the evening,” you heard his voice as you looked up to see him approaching you with a frown. “Just go back to your dorm. We can talk tomorrow.”

You waited for 2 hours outside, just to see him, and this was what you get.

What was worse was how didn’t return any eye-contact with you.

“Keiji, what’s going on?” you spoke quietly, hurt evident from your tone. “Did I do something wrong?”

He simply lifted his shoulder in a half shrug, never looking at your eyes from behind his glasses. “No, I’m just busy.”

‘Busy’ always seemed to be a guy’s favorite excuse and you hated it. You hated how they think they could easily shrug off anything by saying they were busy even when they weren’t.

“There’s something wrong,” you insisted, holding onto his arm as an attempt to get him to look at you. “Tell me.”

He contemplated it when he finally did look at you, but the way he gazed at your face made it seem like he was almost disgusted. For what reason?

If you were being true to yourself, you knew that there was only one reason, however you refused to consider that it was exactly what you had in mind.

And yet, he did confirm your thoughts when he claimed, “I know what happened before and how you’re...”

You watched him trail off his words, unable to continue because it was visible to the naked eye that he was about to say something hurtful.

“What?” you egged on, feeling a growing ache in your chest. “What am I, Keiji?”

You knew where this conversation was going and you despised every minute that went into it.

His eyes momentarily found yours. “You know what you are.”

The way those words slipped off his mouth made you want to laugh and cry the pain off your heart. It didn’t help that your eyes already pooled of tears and you were trying your hardest not to succumb to your weak feelings.

“Tell me exactly what I am,” you commanded with a broken voice.

Keiji blew out his cheeks and looked at you blankly. “You know it’s fine to sleep around and all, but I just didn’t think you were that type of girl.”

In short, he wanted to call you a whore. He wanted to label you as one, albeit indirectly.

You had no idea how he found out and how much he knew but you were sure that he’d heard enough to make him act reluctant towards you.

You didn’t even have to hide how you were tremendously hurt at the fact that he chose to see you differently instead of clearing it up with you,

“I only slept with one guy.” Tears fell from your eyes. “One guy, Keiji. I did it because I loved him and he took me for granted. He made a complete fool out of me.”

He avoided your gaze in silence as he listened and he was clearly reconsidering his outlook towards you, but he just seemed so detached.

It hurt. It fucking hurt.

“Do you know how painful it is?” you asked, continuing your monologue while you were wrecking inside. “Every time I gave myself to him, it was all just a bet with his friends. Do you know how hurtful it is how I’m being played around like I didn’t have any feelings? I only ever gave myself to that one guy, but he made the whole world think that I’m nothing but a slut. That’s what you wanted to say, right? That I’m a slut and you’re embarrassed to be with me?”

With a slight shake of his head, he remained quiet while standing in a safe distance between you and him.

“Keiji.” You wept, wiping your eyes as you poured your heart out to him. “For the first time in my life, I felt that someone genuinely cared about me as a person and I can’t ever be thankful enough that I met you. You saved me from misery when I thought I was completely irredeemable for having the wrong choices in life. I thought I never would’ve known what being in relationship feels like and, fuck... I know it’s too early to say, but I love you, and I do mean it. My past isn’t something I can change and I most definitely can’t change how people see me, but you, all I care about is you. I don’t want us to change.”

Those words came straight from your heart and it was painful that you had to tell it to him at this specific instance. You were at a completely vulnerable state in front of him and you were hoping that he could at least look at you to see how sincere you were.

But he still refused to see your eyes and give you the comfort you wanted.

“I-I don’t know,” he hesitated. “I’m sorry. I need some space to think about all of this.”

“Don’t do this, please,” you begged, tightening your grip on his arm but he shrugged your hands off him and looked at you apologetically.

Each step back he took was piercing you straight to your soul. “I’m sorry. Let’s talk some time soon.”

And with that, he left you alone with a sore heart and a broken pride, once again reminding you that no guy in this world could ever learn to love you the way you want them to.

Being rejected by Akaashi hurt a hundred times worse than Iwaizumi because with Iwa, you could blame it on his fuckboy personality and say that you deserve better. But with Keiji, someone who was naturally kind and loving, you felt like you lost something so precious.

You spent the past few days crying in your room, refusing to take care of yourself, or attend some of your classes because you just felt broken yet again. Your roommate even became worried about you at one point and offered if she could do anything to help you out.

Her offer was very much appreciated, but there was nothing you could really do unless you travel through time and rewrite your past. It was crazy to think how your actions could greatly affect your future.

You absolutely detested the fact that Hajime could walk around the campus unharmed while you were being viewed as his resident whore for simply giving yourself to him.

Life was unfair, truly.

Now you lost the chance of being with the most perfect guy you’ve ever met, all because you were wronged by this other guy in the past.

“Cheer up.” Erica rubbed your back, walking with you to your next class. “How long has it been since you and Keiji last talked?”

“‘Bout a week,” you whispered with lethargic emotions. “Is this considered a break up? Because I’m gonna lose my mind if it is—”

“I don’t think it is,” she quickly reassured. “Look, maybe he just really needs some time. I mean, he probably was really surprised.”

Who wouldn’t be? Imagine your girlfriend being talked about everywhere you go and they weren’t exactly rumors that sounded pleasing to the ears.

However, you were allowed to miss him, too. You missed him so much that you couldn’t think straight because all you had in mind was the thought of him.

Erica gave you a look of sympathy. “I’m sure he’ll talk to you soon.”

“Hey, hey. Look who’s here.”

You looked up to see Yuuji, Zach, and Cole (aka Iwaizumi’s bastard friends) circling around you and Erica in front of the Arts building. The smiles on their faces made them appear like total douches and you wanted to sucker-punch each of them in their stupid faces.

“Lay off, ugly,” Erica seethed towards Yuuji.

The blond guy, however, was focused on you. “Hey, Iwa wants you back.”

Zach snorted followed by a snide remark from Cole. “Just let him fuck you already. He’s outta his mind.”

You stood in fury as you looked at the three, but it was Erica who decided to defend you.

“Leave her alone, assholes.” Pushing each of them by the chest while they remained unfazed and even more entertained. “She has a boyfriend.”

Strangely, Yuuji let out a cackle after hearing it. “Oh, right. Akaashi, was it? I think he enjoyed seeing your sex tape,” the guy scornfully mocked.

You stood paralyzed with your heart in your mouth.

Was this the reason why Keiji no longer wanted to do anything with you?

You thought he just heard rumors, not actual ‘evidences’ of you doing the act and now you understood why he was acting that way.

Before you knew it, you already threw a hard slap across Yuuji’s face, shaking in anger and frustration. The guy was shocked but he also found it cruelly entertaining. Him and his friends all found your life amusing because you were just a game to them.

“You guys have such loud mouths,” you snarled with your balled fists. “Your dicks aren’t even big enough to satisfy girls!”

You yelled it out of anger that the passerby who heard it seemed to have found it funny.

But you weren’t done yet, you had to say one more thing:

“Tell Iwa he can go fuck himself in hell.”

It was sickening and all the more frustrating how your reputation ruined your chances of being treated fairly.

You were seen as a promiscuous person—someone who would fuck anyone on her way and only cared about going to parties or getting banged by these fuckboys all day and night. You didn’t expect that it would turn out like this because when you first had your casual relationship with Iwaizumi, you two were very lowkey and only hooked up on the low.

Shit spread like wildfire and now everyone has seen you naked and it was probably why no one could ever respect you.

Only Keiji ever did, and now you lost him.

What was the point, really, to still act like you were going to have your desired relationship?

If your image was far tainted to be saved, might as well just stick by it and act exactly what they think of you.

Besides, with Akaashi giving up on you, you no longer believed that there was any other guy that could fix you the way he almost did.

Yes, you were back to square one. You were back to being the girl who spent her Friday nights in frat basements. You were back to the old you that could never be erased no matter how much you tried.

You didn’t even receive a single text or call from Akaashi despite reaching out to him and it gave you the sole realization that it was over. He already ghosted you.

Funny, you painfully laughed as you drank from your red cup while mindlessly dancing to the loud music. Your mind was in that party, but your heart wanted to stay with Keiji.

“You didn’t have to come here, you know.” Erica tried to snatch the red cup from your hand but you were quick to dodge her. “Come on, you’re drunk already.”

You smiled, even with pain in your eyes, at the feeling of being constantly hurt and mistreated.

“So, what...” you slurred, eyes following the dancing lights. You wondered if Keiji missed you at all.

“Y/N,” Erica pleaded, looking absolutely hopeless at trying to stop you from drinking. Since you were playing stubborn, she exhaled in exasperation and left. “I’ll be back, just stay here.”

You didn’t respond. You simply continued swaying your body freely as Right Thurr played on the background.

It was so quick, just as you expected, until you felt someone sneaking their arms around your waist.

However, it was the familiar wood sage and sea salt scent that caught you off guard.

“You’re back,” Iwaizumi breathed on your ear with his hands on your hips, clearly wasted. “I knew you’d always come back.”

You scoffed, turning around to push him away. “Fuck off.”

There was a stupid grin present on his face. “This is where you belong, baby,” he said, pulling you back to his chest. “This is your world.”

You swallowed the bile forming on your throat and refused to believe his words. This was no longer the world you wanted. You wanted to be in Keiji’s arms. You wanted to spend the night sitting next to him at a cafe while he pulled all-nighters to write his articles. You wanted to talk about things that you two liked, his favorite movies, his favorite artists, and everything else.

You wanted to be with him, not here, with the person that ruined your life.

“You’re mine,” Iwaizumi claimed as if he was reminding you of this very fact. “You’ll always be mine.”

“You make me sick,” you scowled at him. “I’m never going back to a bitch boy like you.”

Even from the faint light, you could see that Iwaizumi’s eyes were bloodshot and his pupils were dilated. He wasn’t just drunk, he was high.

Whether it was from weed or some other shit, he was certainly not going to remember this night when he wakes up the next morning.

“Why you playin’ hard to get?” he sneered, biting his lip in amusement. “You’re just gonna end up whoring yourself to me, anyway.”

His words stung and they sure crumpled your heart into pieces, even when he was under the influence of drugs, it was no excuse. Hard to believe that you were once in love with this guy, but now all you wanted to do was to spit on his face.

“Get off me, you fucking dick.” You pushed him off again before slapping his cheek harder than you did with Terushima. “You’re toxic as hell. I don’t ever wanna see your face!”

And before he could even reach for you again, your feet already carried you away from the basement.

You hastily walked away, squeezing through the sweaty bodies that littered the whole damn place, and ended up colliding against a lean figure.

“Keiji...”

He was looking at you with wide eyes that were full of worry and concern. “Hey, Erica called me and said you were drunk and I got worried—”

It was possibly the alcohol along with your already broken heart that made you tear up at the sight of this man in front of you.

You thought you’d already seen the last of him and that he no longer wanted to do anything with you but here he was, worried sick about you. The fact that he came after you in the middle of the night just to make sure you were okay absolutely crushed your feeble heart.

“Keiji,” you sobbed into his chest, hugging him tight and never letting go.

His breathing was deep but steady. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, I wasn’t thinking straight.” When he pulled away, he cupped your face and wiped your tears. “Let’s get you home for now?”

You were still weeping when you came to your dorm that night, not because of the pain, but because you were overwhelmingly happy that Akaashi went back to you.

It was a bit embarrassing for him to see you like this—drunk, brokenhearted, and dressed like a ‘hooker’ as Iwaizumi described it. However, unlike before, Akaashi didn’t seem to be bothered anymore. In fact, he was doing all efforts to take care of your drunken self instead of judging you for it.

“Arms up,” he softly ordered, pulling the tight dress off your body leaving you in your underwear on. Even with the amount of skin he could see from you, he respected you enough not to touch you in places and take advantage while you were drunk. “Wear this.”

He slipped an oversized hoodie over your head that you realized belonged to him. It was cozy to wear and you felt comfortable laying in your bed despite your dizziness from the alcohol. Keiji later sat beside you and rubbed your back to soothe you.

“Feel better?” he asked, moving a hand to caress your cheek.

You nodded, feeling another rush of tears. Yes, you were a fucking crybaby because he was so sweet and you never experienced this from anyone before.

Usually, your Friday nights would end up in bed doing fuck-knows-what with Iwaizumi. The guy barely cared about you other than to fulfill his needs.

But right now, with your caring boyfriend by your side, you realized that this was possible. That your nights could end up being absolutely wholesome even when only the two of you were at your dorm and no one else could interrupt.

This was because Keiji was a real man, not a fuckboy.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again, holding your hand in his. “I was a jerk to you and I’ll never forgive myself for it. It just got into my head how those guys spoke about you and I let my anger and pride win me over instead of talking things with you. I was stupid, but then I realized it wasn’t your fault,” he paused, meeting your shiny eyes. “You simply fell in love for that guy who didn’t respect you enough but I.... I’m here now. I’ll care for you and treat you like you deserve.”

You rubbed your damp eyes against the back of your hand. “I-I thought you hated me.”

“Never,” he immediately corrected. “I’d never hate on you. I don’t care what the others think—they can all say what they wanna say, but they can’t change my mind because I care about you. I want you happy, I want you smiling—all this because I love you and I can never give up on you over trivial things. You’re worth more than that.”

Your chest tightened, but only because it felt full. This man right here, came to you at your lowest point in life, and he was trying his best to fix you.

“Listen,” he lifted your chin up so you could look at his honest eyes. “From now on, I don’t care about your past or who you’ve been with or what you’ve done. I’ll only care about who you are when you’re with me. Just us. I’ll defend you from anyone and I’ll always see the best in you no matter what the others say. They don’t know you as much as I do. This is something I can promise you as your boyfriend.”

You scooted closer to hug him tight, grateful for the love he was giving you and for the happiness he brought you. They said it was rare to find your true love in college where almost everyone were just casually looking around for hookups.

Well, it was rare indeed, but you were part of the minority who hit jackpot when it came to finding the right guy would treat you the way you deserved.

“I love you, Keiji.” You pulled away and pressed your forehead against his.

“I love you,” he replied before placing his warm lips above yours.

You’ve had prior experiences, probably way more than he did, but this kiss was truly something else. It was your first kiss as a couple and it was sweet, gentle, and full of love.

A few months ago, you would have never thought that Keiji Akaashi would be the remedy to your broken heart, but now you were lucky to be sharing this intimate moment with him.

Your life was no longer just a game, but a book that he’d write on with fond memories and joyful experiences, because it was what you deserved and what he wanted to give.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

general taglist: @x-cloudyyyy @iwazubean @elianetsantana @cottonheadedninnymugggins @centvry @kageyamakock @sunnsettee @littlenymphia700 @tsukkisfatsimp @cuddlesslut @mysteriousparker @asdfghjkl7things @oikawashand @02hhsailor @anejuuuuoy @minswags-posts @chemnerdkuroo @misssugarless @deeznutss @tanakax123 @oikawa-bubs @lust4keiji

#brooo that was gooood #suki:recs

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theaterboyinwonderland · 6 years ago

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U make me answer 25 q I make u answer 1-50 :^)

Hey! Fuck you you hoe :D Tumblr mobile wouldnt let me.copy paste so i wrote this shit in a google doc admire how.much energy i put into this. You fuck 1) counter couch or top of the dryer? Easy couch its comfy and easy to sit on. Plus diff postions are easier2) Your last sexual encounter? Good or bad and why? Depends, do u count phone sex? If so ugh…? A week ago? irl probs like...4 or 5 months ago. For real sex like 2 or 3 years. Phone sex was good! My mans hot. Irl dude was also goo! Hes a pretty close friend ive hooked up with b4 and probs will later but eh. And for real sex god he sucked. Last longer bro3)Fictional person you think would be good in bed? Lust from FMA.4)Something that never fails to make you horny? A guy biting my neck and saying “like that baby/love/ect” my neck is SUPER sensitive and a homie love a good pet name5)Where is one place youd never have sex? A hospice 6)The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when? I was with the dude from 2 and we were both WASTED. He like wanted me.to blow him so naturally i did but he thrusted into me without telling me. Now heres the thing i got a gag reflex but i can control it kinda well. Drunk me however cant and if a long phallic thing goes down outta nowhere i also cant. Anyway so i puked on him. Needless to say we didnt finish that night. 7) Weirdest thing to ever turn you on? When i was a kid id get horny hearing the sex sounds from fable. Which after replaying them are SOOO bad8)What is the best way to sexually bind someone?Im a sub bottom dude dont fuvking ask me. Probs get them to love you?9)Fastest way to make you horny? Pin me to a bed force eye contact and then kiss/bite me neck/throat. Dirty talk also helps.10Top or bottom? Bottom 11)We were about to have sex but then…. I probs said im tired 12)Is one orgasm enough ? Are multiple necessary? SEE…depends..i fucking HATE over stim. I legit banned jd from doing it to me. THAT BEING SAID. If irs an ALL NIGHT thing and i only.cum.once (probs at the end edging fuck) im gonna be a mess. 13)Something you've hidden in your room that you dont want anyone to find? The body14)Weirdest nickname a SO has ever called you? Ugh...idk ive never gotten more than babe till i started dating jd and his are nice like baby/my prince/my everything. I use cringy ones like darling sweetie honey. Ughh t help one guy see if he liked she/her pronouns i called him princess. He later decided he like he/him so i just called him my prince15)Two things u like about oral? Taste, hearing a guy get more horny and start that low whimper/moan when they're close.16) weirdest sexual act someone has ever preformed or tried to perform on you? All of my so and shit are basic af. Bondage and a collar are the furthest anyone has asked me. Though a random asked if i was cool with water sports.17)Have u ever tasted yourself? Ive tasted my cum and it was….okay? Ive never sucked myself a bitcg aint flexable.18)Is it ever okay to not use a condom? Ive…never…..used….one...haha….19)Who was the sexiest teacher u ever had? I never had one but FUCK there one this one just outta college history teacher (who apt had a big dick) and like DAMN he was fine.20)A food you would like to use during a sexual experience? I dont really wanna do food stuff? Its to messy and like...a waste of food? 21)How big is to big? 10+22)One sexual thing you would never do? IF YOUR FEET EVEN COME CLOSE TO FUCKING TOUCHING ME.23)biggest turn on? Wasn't this a q already? On a guy in gen i love singers. Abs and blonde hair dont hurt. Also being taller than me.24)Three spots that drive u insane? Neck hips collar bone25)Worst possible time to get horny? At work sense i work with old people (hey cas coulda stopped here you furry pope fucker)26)Do u like it when yoursexual partner moans? HELL FUCKING YEAH I DO! Im super audio based and i lovethat. I also have a praise kink so like moans are basically praise27)Worst sexual idea you ever had? What if i was straight?28)How much fapping is to much fapping? Ugh...HMMM...if you do it more than 3 times EVERY day maybe stop 29)Best sexual compliment youve ever had? So at the party me and the friend were at there wa:. Him. My ex. And another fuck buddy of.mine. a q came up about who gives rhe best head and whos the best kisser AND ALL OF THEM SAID ME. I was like “i am a damn good kisser “ and my ex said “fuck ya he is”30)Bald, landing strip, jumanji? Do whatever idc. Hairs hair.31)Is it good sex if you dontnut? No. Im impatient and needy.32) If they *love me* we fucking33)Fav part of your body? My eyes! I think they're nice. Other than that i hate myself lmao34)Fav forplay activities. Idk never done much. Pinned make out sound like a blast with grinding35)Love or sex? Love. Id rather have someone who really cares about me over a good fuck.36)What do u wear to bed? Underwear. Im not a pj or commando kinda guy37)First time u masturbated? Ugh….i must been like 11? It was b4 like i ever knew what it was and b4 i could cum. 38)Do u have any nude/masturbating pics/ videos of yourself? My boyfriend lives in another country, what do u think?39)Have you ever/when was the last time u had sex outside. Ive never had SEX but ive blown a couple.dudes in either a park or a park bathroom. One time.in a casino parking lot40)Have/wouldu have sex in public. See 39? Full blown sex PROBS NAH but bjs probs 41)Have/would u have a 3some?Ive had one! The ex and the fuck buddy while me and the ex were together. We never fucked but we all blew each other. Slash im down for a polyam resltionship if my partner is so id always be down. Slash slash me and jd are horny as fuck and have talked about having threesomes b4 so ye42)What is 1 random object you've used to masturbate? Ugh…? I humped my bed b4? Idfk?43)Have/would u ever masturbate at work/school. Ive blown several guys at school. So yeah id jo there. Work ive debated but thats cause SOMEONE os a fucking tease. 44)Have/would u ever have sex on a plane. No45)What is one song youd like.to have sex to? Dead girl walking.46)What is something nonsexual that makes you horny ? Hey fuck u i said this one47)Most attractive celeb? Thomas sanders or tom holland. now THATD be a threesome. Please no one show thomas this.48)Do u watch gay/lesbian poor? Why/why not? HMM I FUCKING WONDER49) If a child was born on the occasion of the last time u had sex, how old would that child be? 2 or 3 years old. God i need to get fucked. Soon50)Has anyone ever posted nude pics of.you online? No and if they do I'll murder the prick.Thanks for the qs cas i stg the next time u post an over 50 ask im.making u do them all :’) love you bb 💛 that was more fun than i thought itd be

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ihateeveryoneincludingmyself · 4 years ago

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i don’t think anyone I know irl has my tumblr so I’m just gonna vent here.

so in May I met this girl on tinder, and we hit it off super fast and we talked nonstop it was honestly pretty overwhelming because I didn’t remember what it was like to have someone into me. she was trying to move very quickly and I’m very emotionally unavailable so I didn’t want to get into a relationship with her.

we remained friends. super good friends. she even considered me her best friend which I didn’t even know she felt that strongly until we started to fight. thought I was just some dude she talked to when she wasn’t hanging out with her irl friends.

our first fight happened when I realized how deeply she’s into the awful college student drinking partying culture. to be clear because this is something she doesn’t fucking understand, I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF. okay so here’s why I’m extra sensitive about this topic. my parents were alcoholics. also did heroin n shit but yeah I wasn’t allowed to live with them. and every time I see someone fucking wasted, it reminds me of them. i remember my grandpa taking me to restaurants to visit my parents and by the time we finished eating they were drunk. couldn’t even talk to them as a little kid. I lost my childhood due to alcoholism. i know this girl is just a college student partying blah blah blah but it can lead to worse and like.... seriously who the fuck wants to talk to someone who can’t even produce sentences? when you’re that intoxicated it’s simply not healthy even if I didn’t have trauma related to alcohol I would probably still be concerned. anyways, I progressively got more angry with her. i said a lot of things I shouldn’t have . i tore her apart in response to my anger. i hate myself for the way I treated her, but GUESS WHAT? she still doesn’t listen to me. still regularly getting wasted and it fucjing pisses me off because she goes around telling people that I don’t let her DRINK. LIKE SHES MISSING THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!! IM GOING TO COPY AND PASTE EXACTLY WHAT I SAID BEFORE I GOT INTO DETAIL ABOUT THIS: I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF.

anyways, now as I said she still fucking gets wasted all the time,BUT SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME. but she posts about it on her Instagram story (which I’m blocked from seeing but.... I have my ways🤷🏻), she talks to other people JUST NOT ME. THAT WASNT MY FUCKING INTENTION WITH MY SERIES OF INTERVENTIONS. I WANTED HER TO BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH ALCOHOL? AND THEN SHE CAN ENJOY A DRINK AND STILL TALK LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING. GOD IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY TO KNOW THAT SHES STILL BEING WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A GLORIFIED ALCOHOLIC, BUT SHE JUST DOESNT DRUNK TEXT ME ANYMORE.

ooh then another fight.... I was venting to an NOW EX FRIEND FUCK THAT BITCH SHE BOILS MY BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT HER of mine ..... AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER GOD I FUCKING HATE HER FOR WHAT SHE DID.... DECIDED TO SNITCH ON ME AND MESSAGE THE GIRL AND TELL HER THAT I WAS VENTING. AND SHE MISINTERPRETED AS ME “TALKING SHIT” WHEN I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT. SOME PPL SAID “SHES TOXIC” I ALWAYS FUCKING DEFENDED HER BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WE WERE FIGHTING I STILL ADORED HER. so yeah that put even more tension on our friendship. AND I DROPPED THE SNITCH GIRL RIGHT AWAY, I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGIVE HER BECAUSE MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THE GIRL COULDVE BEEN SAVED IF IT WASNT FOR HER. FUCK HER. I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH AND NOW THEYRE FRIENDS AND COMMENT ON EACHOTHERS POSTS AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH.

anyways, like I mentioned I said a lot of terrible things to her. i was really fucking angry and I said some terrible things which I deeply regret and I tried apologizing and making it up but now already our friendship was messed up.

also, she eventually ended up getting a boyfriend and like, if I said I wasn’t a little jealous I’d be lying but I was the one who rejected her in the first place so 😳😳it’s whatever. but she told her boyfriend everything about me and this guy now hates my guts LOL . ever since she started dating the guy she talked to me less and less.

and during a short period of time when we weren’t fighting I introduced her to a friend of mine and now they talk a lot and she likes him more so YES IM FUCKING JEALOUS AND I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

but this friend of mine she started talking to leads me to my breaking point. so you know she’s been distant because apparently every time we talk it’s a fight but I’m like BUT WHY?? and this next fight will show exactly how ITS NOT ALL MY FAULT, SHES TO FUCKING BLAME AS WELL!!

so she’s been ignoring me for a couple days after a PETTY FIGHT THAT I FELT WAS LITERALLY NOTHING JUST A SILLY LITTLE FIGHT THAT IDC ABOUT. basically she got mad because I was bullying that friend of mine about his league of legends stats 🤣 literally a fucking video game that she doesn’t like and she’s mad at me for TEASING MY FRIEND.

so I got kinda sad.... like why is she ignoring me??

she eventually responded after I sent her a looong paragraph with some identifying info so I’m not gonna show it. BUT HERES WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE ISNT GONNA TALK TO ME WHILE SHES GETTING DRUNK !!

okay the next screenshot has more identifying details so I’m not gonna share but basically she LIED TO ME SAYING SHE HAD NO SERVICE FOR 3 WHOLE DAYS BLAH BLAH BLAH WHILE I COULD GET PROOF THAT SHE WAS TEXTING MY FRIEND LIKE EVERY CHANCE SHE GOT . HE TOLD ME THEY STILL TALKED AND SHE WAS PURPOSELY IGNORING ME BC IM TOO STRESSFUL FOR WHATEVER. BUT SHE FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT

so basically, here’s how it’s not just my fault . yes, getting angry is my fault I could be a little less harsh. im working on it. BUT THIS GIRL HAS BEEN IGNORING ME FOR DAYS AND THEN LIES TO ME?? COME ON ISNT THAT A VALID REASON TO BE UPSET

anyways this is the last thing I sent her before deactivating my Instagram (I have her number too but we rarely talk on there). but the fact that she said we aren’t friends anymore.... broke my fucking heart. I broke down in tears. I had to stop myself from hurting myself or saying something dumb. so I ended it there.

i tried to hard to fix what we once had. yes, I’m at fault for being a dick and not being able to control my anger. but she’s at some fault for giving me valid reasons to be upset. i tried to hard to fix our friendship. but the more I try the more angry I get. she isn’t going to listen to me. she doesn’t even care about me anymore. it’s over.

ive been pretty suicidal lately. a few months ago I started cutting myself again after years and I hate myself for it. i pushed everybody away. she was the last person I regularly talked to. maybe now I can take a break from the fighting, try to get to a better place mentally, and try to get back in touch with some of my other friends, or make new friends.

idk I’m still very upset but this long ass vent that no one is gonna read helped a lot. this all happened over a few months and today was where I ended it. time to start a new chapter I guess

#vent #i have no friends #im a terrible person

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chibieoushelvetica · 7 years ago

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85 Truths Tag

I was tagged by @kpopcinnamonswirlroll

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 10 people

Last:

1. Drink - Water

2. Phone call - My mum

3. Text Message - My b0yfriend

4. Song you listened to - I Need Somebody by Day6

5. Time you cried - Last night...

Ever:

6. Dated someone twice - Yes

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Yes

8. Been cheated on - Yes

9. Lost someone special - Yes

10. Been depressed - Everyday of my life

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - Nope

Favorite colors:

12. Black

13. Pink

14. Pastels

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - Yes

16. Fallen out of love - Yes

17. Laughed until you cried - Yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you - Yes

19. Met someone who changed you - Well I haven’t met him, but one day I will!

20. Found out who your true friends are - Kinda...

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - T0o many 0f th3m

General:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - All of them.

23. Do you have any pets - 5; My dog Min Suga and my cats (Joonie, Shownu, Goudettama, and Zico)

24. Do you want to change your name - Yes. I w@nt to change it to Jisol.

25. What did you do for your last birthday - I don’t even remeber... I doubt I did anything.

26. What time did you wake up today - 6:30

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Crying

28. What is something you can’t wait for - the sweet release of death I can’t wait to graduate.

(Would just like to point out there is not a 29)

30. What are you listening to right now - Mrs. Potato Head by Melanie Martinez

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I don’t think I have

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - everytime I say i’m happy about something someone always has to say that they aren’t or they wish they had it or some stupid shit. Also, a “friend” of mine likes to rp kpop scenarios and as stupid as this sounds she says she ships me with say Joshua (Jisoo), but they always like her instead or have to like her first or some shit and it makes me hate myself more than before because even in a fictional world i still don’t have anyone that loves me...

33. Most visited website - twitter or tumblr

34. Hair color - @uburn

35. Long or short hair - I like all hair on anyone, on me it has to be long.

36. Do you have a crush on someone - Well, yea... My boyfriend and Joshua and Jihoon and Monster Woo

37. What do you like about yourself - yes.

38. Want any piercings? - yes, i kinda want a lip piercing

39. Blood type - i dunno

40. Nicknames - T, Jenlo, HansDaddy,

41. Relationship status - Taken

42. Zodiac - Aries

43. Pronouns - idc... i prefer to just exist.

44. Fave tv shows - I don’t watch TV often...

45. Tattoos - ! W@NT A M!LL!ON

46. Right or left-handed - right

47. Ever had surgery - no

48. Piercings - both ears and my septum

49. Sport - football (soccer)

50. Vacation - i don’t vacation i go to concerts

51. Trainers - no i don’t pokemon much anymore

52. Eating - banana chips and peanutbutter... i’m on the BMI diet

53. Drinking - water

54. I’m about to watch - the new NCTmentary

55. Waiting for - the end of the day

56. Want - Jonghyun back, to be happy, to get meet and greets for GOT7

57. Get married - one day... and I want it to be mag1cal

58. Career - therapist

Which is better:

59. Hugs or kisses - why not both?

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - taller

62. Older or younger - older usually, but shit happens

63. Nice arms or stomach - usually if you ahve nice arms you are decently fit all over, but i also really like abs...

64. Hookup or relationship - i wanna hookup one day... its on my bucketlist, but i don’t ever have hookups. i date because i genuinely feel as though i could sp3nd the rest of my life with that pers0n

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger - nope

67. Drank hard liquor - y e s

68. Lost glasses - all the time

69. Turned someone down - yea

70. Sex on the first date - no

71. Broken someone’s heart - maybe?

72. Had your heart broken - a b s o l u t e l y

73. Been arrested - almost (i was with s3npai and pr!nc

74. Cried when someone died - yea... sometimes i still cry

75. Fallen for a friend - yea...

Do you believe in:

76. Yourself - kinda...

77. Miracles - yes.

78. Love at first sight - absolutely

79. Santa Claus - sometimes i like the concept...

80. Kiss on a first date - if it is a good first date

81. Angels - idk

Other:

82. Best friend’s name - It’s Daddy

83. Eye color - Black

84. Fave movie - She’s All That

85. Fave actor - Lee Minho and Paul Rudd

~~t

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grunge-optimistic · 5 years ago

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i feel like and i know that this is the only place where i can tell you guys all of my thoughts so uhm right now as i’m typing this it’s 11:58pm, 24/06/19, monday.

i am crying right now... uhm it’s cause i miss my bf . and i’m way too attached to him and i jus love him way too much... and he says he loves me more but, i think right now he now realises that i’m not kidding when i told him that i love him more...

so ever since i was little @least on my birthday- every year or close to my bday i’d be told the story of how i’m a mistake and i hurt my grandma when she was born .:: now the thing is... that i didn’t do that to her obviously - i was being born / but then obviously she gotta tell me like every single year around my bday... and just remind me on how i’m a mistake ... ye.

then another thing, my (used to be) best friend (now jus friend) was in class with me and another friend ... my friend, he was tryna get to know my bf right, so then my friend said “oh i wanna meet him” and then he said “oh you wanna steal him too” and she said “no” in a jokingly way, smiled with teeth heaps, and didn’t look @me whilst smiling or anything ... man i really thought telling her .... wouldn’t be a mistake but i guess... idk she can’t be trusted.

so i told my bf that, he said “i love you, i don’t want her” and he even decided to not talk to her but ... he has :/

and i don’t wanna look jealous .... i don’t wanna be jealous but she’s done this to other guys as well.... and idk i don’t wanna lose him... i can’t.

and then another thing.... cause i’m stupid and vulnerable.... i told him that i’m sad when his gone- and it’s true but... that’s cause i don’t wanna live okay - like i wanna reaaaally kms and all - like anytime i passed out @sunday, i was happy cause i was closer to dying / like i don’t wanna live anymore; it’s tiring okay, i’m tired i really am, i jus wanna overdose ... and i think about overdosing every single day.

see i’d tell him about me wanting to die but, when i said that he got sad and i already make him sad @least once everyday (because we texting // he and i aren’t sad when together tho), so i can’t make him really sad or feel sorry for me even more... it’s honestly degrading when your telling somebody all this and they either feel sorry and don’t do anything or.... they just simply don’t care and it’s like : i eXpEcTeD yOu tO sAy sOmEthiNg... i tHouGht yOu cARed thAt’S wHy i cAMe tO yOu! .... but then you jus type ‘oh okay’ whilst tears rolling down your face- it’s like .... i really thought we were like this from both sides but i guess it’s only from your side like i would care sfm if you were to tell me all of this and i’d make sure you were okay, i’d even stay up with you and make sure i’m asleep knowing that your okay, and i want someone to be like that for me-/ i need that for me, i truely feel like i don’t got anybody and man, that feels like the loneliest place in the world.... the entire of last week at school man, i was seriously tryna keep a smile, it worked everytime i’d talk but i didn’t wanna talk @all,

it’s funny cause my friend asked me & told me “your happy all the time, i’ve never seen you not smiling, see even now, when there’s sharpie all over your hands ... your still smiling even when you may be mad.... how?” and then she asked “are you always happy?” and i said “yeah” ... man when i said that, i didn’t know it’d take so much effort to just say a simple ‘yes’, i felt like if i said something else other than yes, i would’ve been ready to break down, right there and then, i already was breaking down in my mind so i’d jus be doing whatever was going on in my head...

anyways, see uhm, whenever my bf is sad, i stay up, or i keep talking to him, i make sure that his alright at least, or feeling better.... but then when he asks me what i’m feeling ... i’ve realised that he don’t want the dark thoughts i get constantly every single day, he wants the light, thoughts - that his dealt with or something ..., but the truth is that none of my thoughts are like that, if they were they’d be easily solvable and i would be happy... but it’s not.... and you know i think in my head ‘what if i don’t tell him what’s going on, i jus act like everything’s fine, jus not tell him what’s going on, how i’m feeling, cause he wouldn’t be able to tell by text’ but then, when i msg him, i get vulnerable, especially when i’m sad or wanna kms, so it shows through, cause usually i text more than two-ish words by text (depending on the context) but i keep the convo going ya know.... so uhm, when i’m sad i somehow jus end up typing ‘ye’ and then nothing else.... and with annnybody else .... i could be crying my eyes out but i’ll give a response as if nothing’s wrong and i’m jus the good ol’ me.. and i wanna do that for him but sh*t, i get vulnerable and it’s soOo fucking stupid..,. like why even ... i just want a good fucking relationship and my mind is like : be honest about this even tho he’ll probably want distance after this thing (whatever it is) but still say it, like cause whY tHe fUcK nOt?! ....

and you know how stupid it is when i really wanna kms and overdose every single day, no joke... i really do want to, and it’s like ‘well... i want to be happy.... can somebody help me?’ but then i remember that whenever somebody asks you if your fine, they don’t want the whole story or sappy story, they just want you to say ‘yeah, i’m fine’ then they’ll move on with the convo or there day... whilst your there, breaking ... and it’s sad but i can’t tell any of this to him, well i have, and ..., rn his at the snow, no wifi, only data so he turns it off when he don’t need it and on when he does, so..., when i told him about the me not being happy without him and all, and explained it .... hE fuCkiNg tUrNEd hiS dAtA ofF!!! like how fucking .... jus why, and he knows that i’m sad and all, i thought he cared man, i really did, like to the point where i care for him; which is ‘no matter what’ but fUcKiNg hELL tHiS fuCKiNg hUrT(s) like wHy ... and he knows how i don’t got people that care for me, he knows my friends and families don’t care, man if they cared, they wouldn’t be like this... i wouldn’t be like this. fUck, this hurts. so fucking much.

see i want him to be happy, so i refrain from telling him anything... but eventually like the friend stealing bf thing, that happened @thursday but instead i told him @monday cause i didn’t want to make him sad or something .,, but it was on my mind.,,, and fuck, man i thought i could tell him anything, like i can but i know i’d be expecting something salty or jus blunt or ... an idc response .,, like whY ... i tOLd yOu thiS cAuSe i thOugHt yOu’D cArE, i nEeD yOu, aLOtT, fUcK my tHouGhtS aRe fUcKinG kiLLiNg mE- and you know what’s worse.,.. is that i’m there for anyone, even my bf, well, especially for my bf.,,, and, nobody seems to wanna be there for me, they ask, but they don’t wanna know, they just want a generic response .... and when i ask, i really wanna know, can somebody please .... caRE? i need someone .... i really do. fuck, it actually hurts, living i just need to sleep forever or something i can’t .,,,

he told me that i can’t rely on him for being happy and then when i ain’t with him i’m sad, and it’s like dOnT yOu thiNk i fUcKiNg kNoW tHat aLreaDy, for weeks / always i’ve been telling him i’m clingy, just recently i said “i think i’m too attached to you” and i said that irl, but when i did, i felt like.... i could’ve broken down right there and then, i just was trying to hold it in, and i had a voice crack when i said it to him.... but i kept it all in, he said i wasn’t ... i couldn’t say much about it or else i would’ve actually broken down... for real/ like i was about to.... so i lied and tried to make the convo go & said “okay”.... to whatever he said- but man, the reason i rely on him for happiness is cause i don’t wanna fucking live okay, i got nothing to live for and that’s sad i know okay, but school is now fucked up, my friends - i don’t trust, and home well- i feel like i always got to watch my back or else i’d die or something... i should actually do that, then i can die .... but see ... i don’t even make myself happy okay, i disappoint myself, when i look in the mirror... so i don’t fucking wanna live for myself. but i’m scared of dying and i’m tired of living .... j just wanna end it, all of it, but then there’s him and then i wanna be a person that saves lives in the future like if i died rn, who’d save those people? they may die— ...

so every single night i’ve either cried or rarely but happy (very rare), but most nights i’ve cried.

i just... want someone to be there for me, like i’d be there for them... but i don’t got anyone like that.,, not even my own boyfriend/bestfriend.

i wish i could tell him all this at once, tell him what i’m thinking ... tell him why the fuck i’m always sad or why i rely on him for happiness but man, i have kinda told him why, and he judged me for it in a bad or salty way.... if i tell him the whole thing well, uh- jus nah.,,,

also after he turned his (fucking) data off, i said if he wanted distance or not to talk or whatever for a while then ye, cause i’m clingy and way too attached...

well there it is, it’s 12:42am, 25/06/19, tuesday, and i am kind of all talked out, this was very theriputic and thanks tumblr for letting me for ranting and having the only place to say everything for what i’m truly thinking- word for word....

— good bye, 25/06/2019, tuesday 12:45am.

#sad #boyfriend #crush #depression #liking someone #kms #dying #fuck #i hate life #kill me #anxiety #hate life #nobody cares #help #please help me

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sukirichi · 4 years ago

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