#idc at this point we're too deep

[ianthoni]

All I can think about is how much Anthony is painting in blues lately and how his latest painting looks so much like the shapes and lines you see looking in someone’s eyes. Maybe I’m just delusional but he’s so obsessed with his mans I love it

Well you come to the correct type of delulu to say this cause i did in fact talk about this before.

To be honest with you from the beginning Anthony's art was always red/blue heavy. Which we and them associate with each other. And some other colors obv. And he always did eyes that looked so much like blue eyes. I'm gonna quote what i wrote before.

"Anthony's paintings always connected to Ian imo. But most obvious ones are the ones he make a connection with eyes and planets/galaxies/sun. Eclipse is one of them and the most obvious one clearly but i also wanna point out his eye drawings. Cause there's a lot. The first one is a blueish eyes with ice cube in it which i think can he mean ice blue, or the sparkle of the eye ( beauty of abstract) with yellow sparkles that almost looks like a sun shining, i can say it cause if you look at the next painting it is obviously a blue eye but also looking just like the sun, giving a double look to it with the rays. The shape looking very similar to the first one. This next one looks more like a galaxy yes but you cant ignore it also looks like a part of a blue iris that has the galaxy in it, again double meaning. The fourth one looks like two planets looking at the horizon there's a sun in the painting we associate that with Ian already but not only that that two planet looking orbs also look like a blue eye and a brown eye just like their eyes. Looking at the sun and the heart. Now this last one looks like a galaxy looks like milky way but again also it looks like a blue iris with a big pupil. Another double meaning with eyes and planets.

What's making all this relevant is the way he literally write it in the painting. He said "i see the universe in your eyes" he is looking at Ian's eyes and see the universe, the planets, the sun. And i think that is beautiful.

Also if you still didnt notice why his blue eyes paintings are related to Ian. He LOVES Ian's blue eyes. He thinks they're "out of this world" again a sign that he compares his eyes to the universe and galaxies."

And from my other painting analysis post you can find the full version here.

"Now the EYES. Anthony and his obsession with blue eyes. This is definitely coming from looong before (i.e all his past gfs being blue eyed) but you know who's the first blue eye he met? Yeah you guessed it right. Ian. It doesn't even have to be love, but i think ian's eyes were always a safe place to him, something warm and remind him of home and make him feel happy cause Ian makes him happy. And he always complimented ian's eyes, how they're beautiful and whenever Ian wears blue he always mentions it, he even said "your eyes are out of this word" in Jared Leto live stream. So he loves the blue eyes of a special person. And if you noticed before he loves drawing them too, either just blue pupils or full blue eyes but there's a couple of them. I'm specifically sharing this one cause he put a secret message in this. "I see the universe in your eyes" he shared lots of stuff about the universe and destiny and love. And talked about him and Ian meeting again was the universe's job/ destiny. So i think he is associating Ian with the destiny/universe/galaxies stuff. NOW what's MORE interesting is Ian shared that story 7 hours after Anthony shared his painting... Interesting right. Oh btw Anthony always share his painting steps but he didnt share the i see the universe in your eyes. Like its a secret message just for one person to get it. And that person got it and sent his own message back."

[arolesbianism]

Alright boys pack it up no more rain world posting new oni dlc is coming out in less than a week

[gor3-hound]

addicted to hurting

ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader

cw: 18+ content, hate sex, one bed trope(love it idc), p in v, mean leon, huddle for warmth n that, fingering, p in v, creampie, degradation ig, one use of good girl

a/n: request for @princesspalac :) sorry it took so long, um... my brain didn't want to work for this. guys don't question the title i hate naming fics... this one especially but it's from drugs by eden

word count: 1.6k words

It was an undisputed fact that you and Leon did not get on well. Everyone knew it - the both of you made it very clear with your constant bickering.

But you were also both very competent agents, and that often meant you got assigned to missions together. It was usually fine, you both had enough professionalism to suck it up and get on with it, but he really seemed to want to wear your patience thin this time around.

It had been snowing heavily, and the chopper wouldn't be able to get to the extraction point. You'd been told that you should try and find shelter for the night, and when the snowstorm cleared up tomorrow, you'd both get evacuated. You had secured all the mission objectives and found an abandoned cabin to hole up in for the night, but the cold air nipped at your skin and made it impossible for you to relax.

You complain a little about having to stay here, shivering slightly as you settle on a worn down chair, the wood looking like it's halfway to rotting. You're surprised it hasn't given up under your weight at this point.

Eventually, Leon snaps.

“Jesus Christ. Do you ever shut the hell up?” He grumbles, running a hand through his hair, his brows pulled together in frustration. You scoff at him, your arms wrapped around your waist to keep you warm.

“It's fucking cold, and your attitude has been pissing me off all day. Apologies if I'm not a ray of sunshine.” You bite back, trying to ignore the chill settling deep in your bones.

He just glares at you before moving away, checking the perimeter and securing any entrances to the cabin. You take the opportunity to explore the other rooms, your heart sinking when you realise one very important detail.

There's only one bed.

Great. Fucking amazing. As if this day couldn't get any worse. You hear footsteps approaching, and you can sense the moment Leon realises the same thing by his sharp intake of breath.

“No. Absolutely not.” He says quickly, crossing his arms as he leans against the doorway of the bedroom.

You dislike this just as much as he does, but it's probably a blessing in disguise. The both of you were too proud to admit it, but you'd likely freeze to death if you didn't huddle for warmth. The sun had only just set, and it was already this cold. You didn't want to imagine what it'd be like later.

“We're going to need to share it.” You say simply, approaching the bed and lying down facing away from Leon, staring at the wall as you wait for him to do the same.

“Well?” You say after a moment, noticing he hadn't come any closer. He hadn't moved from his spot, just staring distasteful at the empty spot in the bed. “Are you going to join me? Or did you drag your ass through herds of infected just to freeze to death?”

That gets a scowl from him. He kicks off his boots before approaching, settling on the edge of the bed and doing his best to keep his distance from you.

“You're going to need to come closer, or we're both going to be out of commission.” You say through gritted teeth, already frustrated with his attitude.

He lets out a soft grunt, but he shifts closer. He's practically spooning you, now, but you can feel the cold radiating from him. Neither of you had the chance to warm up yet, and you can't help but shift slightly in the bed, trying to get your blood circulating so you can warm up.

“Can you stop your squirming?” He hisses, his hand clamping down on your hip to still your movements. He seems so much closer now, his warm breath brushing the skin on the back of your neck and giving you goosebumps.

“I was just trying to get warm.”

“Then come here.” With that, he tugs you into his body, wrapping his arms tight around you. His nose presses against the crook of your neck, and you feel your heart racing. You feel warmer, sure, but you can't ignore the feeling of his muscles tensing as he holds you.

You don't mean to keep moving, but there's something uncomfortable about Leon of all people holding you so close. You try to put some distance between the two of you while staying close enough to feel his body heat.

“For fuck-” He lets out a deep breath from his nose, and then he's gripping you tighter, pulling you back against him. “Didn't I tell you to stop moving?”

You open your mouth to speak, but it's quickly stopped by a palm pressing firmly against the lower half of your face. “No. I'm so sick of your shit. All you've done is bitch the entire mission about being cold, and now I'm trying to help, you're being a fucking brat about it.”

His fingers push past your lips. He frowns slightly as you keep your jaw clenched, so he reaches his other hand around to squeeze the sides of your cheeks, prying your teeth apart so he can shove his fingers into your mouth.

“Ah, that's better. Get them nice ‘n wet for me. You gonna let me fuck that attitude out of you, huh?” You whine around his fingers, but you're already soaking your panties, nodding before you even realise what you're agreeing to.

He reaches down to free you from your pants, tugging them as far down as he can be bothered before he's yanking his fingers from your mouth and shoving two of them inside of you without any warning. He likes the way your face twists up at the burn, a grin spreading across his face.

The way he fingers you is almost clinical. He's not doing this for your pleasure - he just lazily scissors his fingers open until he deems that you're stretched enough for his cock. He doesn't bother undressing, just pulls his dick out after he unzips his cargos, pulling your hips up so you're face down, ass up.

“Fuck… surprised you're this tight… thought everyone in the office would've stuck their dicks in you by now.” He grunts as he bottoms out, immediately setting a brutal pace, his hips smacking your ass with every thrust.

“Fuck you, Kennedy.” You hiss, glaring at him over your shoulder. That look is hardly intimidating when he's pounding you into the mattress, and his hips stutter slightly as he barks out a laugh.

“I think you're mistaken, princess. See, I'm fucking you.” With that, he grabs the back of your head, pressing your face into the pillow to shut you up.

“God, that's better. Just take it, that's it. Good fucking slut.” He groans, his balls smacking your clit as he fucks into you with more vigour, low moans spilling from his lips as he uses you to chase his own pleasure.

He growls as he feels your pussy flutter around his cock, pulling out suddenly before yanking your head up by your hair. Your eyes water as your scalp stings, making you whimper softly.

“Ah-ah.” He tuts softly, his cock kicking against his stomach. He hates to admit it, but your cunt is one of the best he's had, and he's already close to cumming. “Not so fast. You gonna say please? I'll let you cum if you ask nicely.”

“You're such an… an asshole.” You say through gritted teeth, your chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as you press your palms on the mattress, trying to alleviate some of the pressure on your scalp from him tugging at your hair.

“That's not very nice, is it? Wanna try that again?” He asks you, his tone mockingly sweet. Makes you want to smack that stupid grin of his face. You don't get the chance, ‘cause he pulls even harder on your hair, your neck craning back painfully.

“Fuck… fuck, okay. Please, let me cum.” You whine, squeezing your eyes shut. He presses your face back into the pillow, pushing down on it as he lines himself back up with your drippy hole, resuming his rough pace from before.

“Good girl. Look at you, capable of following orders. All it took was a little dick.” He coos, angling his hips so he's bumping against your sweet spot every time he pushes his hips forward, groaning at the way it makes you tighten around him.

You cum around his cock, your moans muffled as he keeps fucking into you. He clenches his jaw as your walls spasm with your orgasm, drawing his own out of him seconds later. He buries himself as deep as he can get, his tip knocking your cervix and he cums, heat filling you up and coating your insides.

He pulls out once his dick stops twitching, tucking himself back in his pants and zipping them up. He can hear the rustling of sheets as you pull your pants up, but he's staring at the ceiling. He's sweating, hair sticking to his forehead. At least it helped warm him up.

He can feel your gaze on him, and he frowns, tilting his head to the side to look at you. He raises a brow, his gaze flicking over your face. You really are too hot to be as annoying as you are.

“What? I'm not gonna cuddle you. It's warm now. Go to bed.” He glances at you one last time before turning his back to you, lying on his side and closing his eyes.

He's out like a light in a minute flat.

[ezwezz]

lost in your eyes

h.yj x f!reader

genre: fluff!! summary: you and yunjin find yourselves lost in the countryside, so you make the obvious decision to start a livestream. words: 1.1k

yunjin x yn!! my cuties omg hi where are you guys?? they look like a couple lol

the viewers instantly surged in numbers and countless comments came pouring in. most were excited greetings and some were doting on the pair on screen, a few begging for couple poses to screenshot.

"hey everyone!"

"hi guys! thank you for joining us."

you and yunjin stood side-by-side, waving at the camera, which yunjin held as you nestled your chin on her shoulder.

"just to clarify, we aren't lost...we just can't seem to find our members anywhere."

the camera flipped around to reveal the open countryside. fields upon fields of...nothingness.

help where tf are they??? plz r they stranded idk whether to laugh or phone emergency services

"as you can see...there is no sign of civilisation. this may possibly be our 'rural survival' era." you announced, the camera flipping back to you and yunjin.

"but don't worry guys, we're safe, we just need to retrace our steps."

"i could've sworn they came this way..." you glanced around one more time as if your members were hiding somewhere in the barren landscape.

"i know... but i'm starting to think they may have gone down the other path."

"it all looks the same, this feels like the backrooms."

"i know right, we're too city girl for this." you nodded in agreement before hooking an arm beneath yunjin's and starting your trek back down the path.

the woman began replying to comments as you walked comfortably together.

"they're telling us to hold hands." she stated after a moment, a goofy smile on her face.

"guys…we're literally stuck in the middle of nowhere and that's how you're feeling?" you feigned offence but happily complied, gently taking yunjin's hand and intertwining your fingers, lifting it up to show the viewers, who were going wild in the comments.

you two were often affectionate with each other, seemingly having instant chemistry, which the fans quickly picked up on. it didn't take long for you and yunjin to become the most shipped pair in the group, but you didn't mind- you thought it was quite sweet actually, and you could definitely think of worse things to be circulating. not to mention the fact that you'd had a small crush on yunjin for a while now and clearly weren't subtle about it, judging by the copious amounts of dating rumours between you two, but you could usually play it off.

yunjin's opinions on the matter were kind of a mystery to you. she'd never explicitly addressed the shipping, but seemed to entertain the idea, often initiating affection or playfully flirting with you...for the fans, you dejectedly assumed.

you felt yunjin squeeze your hand and glanced up to see a soft smile adorning her features. you reciprocated the affection by squeezing back, the wordless action lighting a welcome warmth in your chest. the sun had begun to melt, plunging you into a golden hue that captured yunjin's eyes, causing them to gleam like sparkling pools of honey. the sight almost took your breath away and you gulped, wary of sinking too deep.

the way they look at each other, i can't absbjsbfh love love love pretty yunjin x yn is canon idc the way they're lost rn....IN EACH OTHER'S EYES

the last comment made you chuckle, and you saw yunjin's face light up on the screen when she read it as well.

"we probably look like an old couple right now. all we need is a dog." she stated with a laugh, causing you to smile shyly.

"or a cat."

"but cats don't like to go on country walks."

"neither do i. we're an old couple trying to be youthful and active while our grumpy cat chills at home, in the city." yunjin giggled loudly, squeezing your hand once again.

"yes that's perfect. let's make it happen." your eyes widened and you were met with her mischievous smirk.

damn you yunjin.

are the dating rumours even rumours at this point we're witnessing y/n's gay panic, live plz yunjin is such a flirt

"we should probably find our way back to civilisation first." you stated, hoping the inevitable blush in your cheeks wasn't too noticeable.

"that's true...maybe instead of going on live we should've called chaewon...?"

"wait why didn't we think of that first? your stupidness is rubbing off on me yunjin." you reached for the phone in your coat pocket, only to find many...many missed calls from your members. yunjin nervously chuckled beside you, also witnessing the horror.

"this is definitely because of your stupidness. why was your phone on 'do not disturb'?" she exclaimed.

"i was trying to experience nature properly!"

when the cottage-core liftestyle backfires because you're literally an idol

"okay everyone, you're about to witness y/n being torn to shreds by chaewon-unnie. prepare to be entertained."

you shot yunjin a dark glare before calling chaewon, the hollow ringing sending cold waves of fear through your body.

"y/n! where the hell are you?? why weren't you answering?! are you seriously on live right now!?"

"uh hi chae..." you glanced to yunjin for help but she simply shrugged angling the camera to show your panicked face instead. "we just got a bit sidetracked..."

"sidetracked??? you went missing and decided to do a livestream! i'm literally going to start developing grey hairs because of you two."

"i'm sorry chae, we're on our way back now...i think."

"you think?! please don't tell me you need a search team to go after you..."

"a search team?? wait... omg i think i see some cars."

yunjin swivelled her head in the same direction as you then gasped, physically jumping for joy.

"yunjin and y/n have navigated the perilous journey and return unscathed." she addressed the viewers as if she were a sports commentator.

you were literally walking for 5 minutes yay! power couple these two are perfect for each other poor chaewon LMAO

"oh thank god." chaewon sighed. "we're waiting by the car. remind me to get you guys those backpack leashes next time." and with that, she hung up.

you and yunjin took one look at each other before bursting into laughter.

"alright guys, sorry this was brief but hopefully you found it entertaining." you told the viewers.

"if you don't see us shitposting on twitter later, assume that foul play is involved by the hands of chaewon-unnie." yunjin added.

"mhm... okay, goodbye everyone! pray for us!" you and yunjin gave the camera a final enthusiastic wave before ending the live.

"that was fun." she stated before rejoining your hands. the action catching you off-guard since the live had ended, but you certainly weren't complaining.

"i reckon we should get lost together more often." you replied.

"in each other's eyes." yunjin wiggled her eyebrows, referring to the earlier comment causing you both to giggle.

"i have no objections."

"hm..." yunjin squeezed your hand, leaning slightly further into you. you squeezed back and relished in the closeness. "can we call our grumpy cat chaewon?" she mused after a moment.

"oh absolutely."

your eyes met once again, this time exchanging an unspoken feeling of adoration.

[not-your-bro]

Tell me rfn the kind of video games climbing class stays up until 3am grinding and getting way too invested in

OOH. this is an interesting question bc i think they have fairly different taste in video games.

chris is into games with deep mechanics, so he gravitates to rpgs, including turn-based. likes strategy games, too. as a example of his taste, chris loves pokemon, but he plays it in a way i do not personally understand, in that he's crafting the most optimal team and also not naming his pokemon. all that said, he isn't opposed to turning his brain off with fps games when he just wants to relax. in all games, he is a chronic cutscene skipper (a trait that makes josh grind his teeth). if he picks up an in-game document that he deems too long, he's like "i ain't reading all that. i'm happy for u tho. or sorry that happened."

josh plays fewer games and has narrower taste. obviously, he's into horror in all forms, from AAA down to the smallest of indie titles (tho he prefers indie). i think he wouldn't have pegged himself as a fighting game guy, but he checked out mortal kombat bc of the fatalities and got really into it. he'd be into hideo kojima games. if i can include post-2014 games bc we're just having fun here, this would include death stranding (which chris would not understand the appeal of). josh would also love the weird, wide world of elden ring, in particular how it's stripped of things like quest logs. he would really enjoy making his own physical notes (which, again, would feel like homework to chris).

now, here's what they learned they can't play together.

moody, atmospheric horror that relies more on suspense or dread than fear. josh would love silent hill games (the good ones lmao), but chris would find them unenjoyable to play and narratively confusing & boring. warning for silent hill 2 spoilers here, but i made a joke in a fic about chris getting, like, too deep into sh2 before going, "oh. did this guy do something to his wife?" and i stand by that. i think he's just like whatttt is going on and when will this be over.

competitive games that rely too heavily on luck. obvious examples are mario party & mario kart games. josh gets too fucking moody when he feels he loses unfairly, and it brings the (mario) party down. and every time he suggests them, he's like "i seriously won't care, like it's not a big deal." but it is a big deal. in his heart. if he loses fair and square, he's fine, but he hates feeling robbed by bad luck.

...and here's what they do play together.

freaky asf horror games. like, the kinds of games with moments that are gonna have "streamers react to..." compilations on youtube. ideally, chris is playing and josh is watching, bc josh loves to watch chris react to games like this, especially if he himself has played them before. nothing more enjoyable than sitting next to chris, knowing what horrors await him but not saying anything. josh has a ps4 with p.t. (which he will never, ever delete) and he delighted in making chris play that. he also made chris play doki doki literature club, under the guise of "giving him a well-deserved break from horror." good one, josh.

chris's rpgs are long as hell and he gets very into them, so when he's particularly sucked in but josh still wants to hang, josh is like ok just bring your console over and play here, idc. now, josh knows chris is a cutscene skipper, so josh spends the entire time peppering chris with questions. what's happened so far? what's going on right now? who's this guy - what's his deal? at some point, they start making shit up, spitballing what they think is going on based on context clues, but also throwing in their own wild ideas just to make each other laugh. (after chris finishes the game, they read a plot summary to see how close they were.)

i think chris is a kingdom hearts fan, but again, not the way i'm a kingdom hearts fan. he thinks they're fun as fuck to play, but he has NO clue what's going on. in fact, playing kingdom hearts as a kid is probably what triggered his aversion to cutscenes. he was like that shit goes on FOREVER, and for WHAT? i'm enamored with the idea of chris foisting kingdom hearts on josh - like, "try it, bro, it's really fun. but just skip the cutscenes they're super long and confusing." and josh is like "now, now, christopher. a lot of work went into these cutscenes. we can't just skip them. that would be disrespectful." so josh lets them roll - initially as a bit, but then they both get invested, and next thing you know they're barreling through all 983094 games together.

resident evil 4. periodt. it has stuff that appeals to them both: horror/gore for josh, more action-oriented gameplay for chris, plus short cutscenes they can both find enjoyment in, because they're either freaky or funny or both. they would lament (as did i) that re5 and re6 have co-op but are so much worse, but they'd still play them once. and they'd both love the modern remakes + new re games. josh's favorite of those would be re7, and chris's would be re2 remake.

[sweetmariihs2]

I MADE A 🎊FEAST OF FOOLS🎊 INSPIRED PLAYLIST!!

Lmao I don't get nothing to do this. But I think it's fun and I love to share the crazy stuff I make.

I don't know what happened to me, I just decided that I wanted to make an "ambient" playlist inspired by the scene of the Festival Of Fools (tm) in The Hunchback Of Notre Dame. I think it happened when I was practicing my habit of searching for similatiries between my hyperfocuses and the songs I like, and it had enough potential to make a playlist about it. And since Spotify doesn't allows me to add little notes to each one of songs in the playlist, I'M GONNA MAKE THIS HERE ON TUMBLR, BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT

I would also like to point out that the songs are put in order of the events during the whole scene. From the moment Quasimodo arrives at the festival, the party and parade itself, Esmeralda's dance, Quasimodo's humiliation, Esmeralda's "justice" discourse and running from Frollo's guards. Yes I have songs for each one of this events in order that match the lyrics and sometimes even the instrumentals :)

These parts are like, "divided in sections". Idk how to explain it to you, but I do this often, it's like "part 1 of the playlist, followed by the part two, then part three..." it's like dividing the playlist in acts yk

And I thought it was better if I came here to explain each one of the songs instead of just waiting for someone to find the playlist somewhere and discover by themselves

So let me explain the reason why each one of these songs were added in that playlist, specifically (yes i'm autistic how did you found out)

First section of the playlist - Start of the Feast Of Fools!!🎊🎉

That's where I put the "start" of the festival. The court of miracles is included because let's be honest Clopin eats it up every time, and this song has such a strong Topsy Turvy vibe too.

Feast Of Fools - When Quasimodo arrived.

Topsy Turvy- The start of the festival itself.

Court Of Miracles - Because it makes sense, our party goes on

Second section of the playlist - The festival!

I was really excited to talk about this one, Cure For Me it's so Feast Of Fools/Clopin coded idc

Cure For Me - It's a song about self acceptance, being proud of who you are - despite having hateful people out there, it's not your fault, their hearts are bitter, yours shouldn't get too (which really reminds me of the whole topic of the movie, Quasimodo, Esmeralda...) That's the meaning! Now, the visuals and instrumentals just give those jester vibes. I feel like a clown in the best way possible. You should totally search for the visuals, like the music video or just the photoshoot! Aurora (the singer) dresses and dances like a jester, along with misterious masked figures. It just feels like a party in Venice. As you can see, there's two versions of Cure For Me; the first one is the studio one, the second one is acoustic. I decided to add the acoustic because it's inspired by brazillian's bossa nova, it has a choir of people singing, played by real instrumentals, it just sounds more like... someone singing in the streets. I like both versions!

I've Got A Dream - THAT'S SO COURT OF MIRACLES CODED I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY IT JUST IS. All those dangerous people reunited and threatening the protagonists of death while singing an upbeat song and showing that deep down they're not so bad just makes perfect sense. (Lmao we're really finding a lot of similarities between HOND and Tangled aren't we?)

Kingdom Dance + Kingdom Celebration - I don't even need to explain but I will for the minority of people who don't get this one. It's the song that plays in Rapunzel's village during a festival, they dance and have fun, and the second song is a similar song that plays at the end of the movie. It was also made by Disney, which makes it better.

Third section of the playlist - The party continues!! They're for immersion lmao

These are a bunch of circus/medieval festival songs I choose to add a bit more of "realism". I didn't just added them randomly, I searched for medieval songs, medieval festival songs, circus music, VINTAGE CIRCUS MUSIC WITHOUT MAKING IT HORROR AND SCARY (it's rare but happens every time lmao), and even inside those playlist, not all of them made up to get here.

I made this part just in case you wanna pretend you're inside the festival bc I know how it feels to enjoy daydreaming and being delulu, I know I know

Fourth section of the playlist - Esmeralda's dance!

Actually not all of these songs are part of the Esmeralda's dance section. I know *the crowd starts to boo

I just feel like they're not really part of the last section. So I'm gonna explain why did I put them in the playlist:

Some Type Of Skin: Aurora often sings about being a sensitive person and wishing the world was kinder, this song is not different. I can't explain exactly why this song reminds me of HOND, there's something in the quotes "however much it feels to bleed, it's only temporary", "we're good people and we both deserve peace" and the happy instrumental that just makes me want to dance and wish for a better world with her. To be honest, it kinda reminds me of Esmeralda! But Idk. It's a bit unrelated, I just wanted an excuse to add this to a HOND playlist. Let's pretend it's just part of the festival.

Giving In To The Love - Once again, this song is about hoping for a better world. BUT, IN THIS CASE, the context and lyrics are a bit different. I already spoke about this in other post I made, but the main topic of this album is how radical religious people sometimes harm more than they help. That post is great, the songs are amazing and they fit so well in the context of HOND, BUT, I'm just focusing on this playlist this time. This song I'm talking about has quotes like "I'm tired of the rules and your corrections... (self-explanatory) I want to live my life, be all of it's pages... (try things, love without being considered sinning, stuff like that) And underline that I am not an angel... (I'm not 100% pure, I'm a human) 'Cause if I'm not pure, I guess that I'm too much! I never know how to keep in, keep in touch... (self-explanatory) If I'll be somebody, I'll never let my skin decide it for me; I never had the world so why change for it? [...] ...Giving Into The Love." The music video is Aurora in a garden with statues that sometimes portray hateful and painful moments, like someone separating a gay couple, for example. At the end of the song the statues come alive and learn that loving, talking, making friends is better than being hateful. They all then go to take a swim in the lake. Yay! That was also a song I just wanted to fit in here. Let's pretend it's also part of the festival, it won't hurt a single fly

NOW THE TIME WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR:

Rythm Of The Tambourine - That's an extra song added in the Hunchback Of Notre Dame musical. The people involved wrote these songs inspired by the ones in the movie, they added new original tracks AND OFFICIAL DELETED DISNEY HOND SONGS to the musical. That's an original track, and it's an extended version of Esmeralda's dance during the song Topsy Turvy, she sings here, and it lasts more. There's like Quasi's, Frollo's and Phoebus' reactions to Esmeralda's dance. It's a musical after all, so... and it's really good!

Artemis - It's one of Aurora's songs again! I never quite understood the meaning of this song though. The song is about the goddess Artemis, and it has a sexy and somehow dangerous and threatening tone to it. She sings in a low tone about decisions someone can make about the goddess (I believe so), since I can't explain you the lyrics, it will be better if I just show it to you.

I just feel like this song is the personification of "fire Esmeralda" to Frollo. I can't explain why. The instrumentals remind me of Venice, there's an accordion in the middle of the song, which somehow still sounds sexy and misterious. If you'll hear to the song, you will know what I mean.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE GRAND FINALE AKA THE BEST PART OF THE PLAYLIST IS FROM HER TO THE END?

FIFTH SECTION OF THE PLAYLIST - QUASIMODO'S HUMILIATION

*eating my own hand* if you know these songs (c'mon guys you're on tumblr) you know that's already great and we're not even in the best part yet (It WILL GET BETTER THAN THAT)

Pity Party: If you're not familiar with Melanie's songs, which is hard to believe if you're someone who grew up in the internet, this song is part of an album called Cry Baby. This album tells us the story of a little girl called Cry Baby, she was bullied and abused throughout her whole life, sometimes based on the singer’s life, and it was a big comfort for this huge outcast group we know on the internet (including myself), often criticizing society in her lyrics. This song specifically is about Cry Baby's birthday, but no one showed up for the party. She organizes the party perfectly and wait for her "friends" to arrive, but they don't which makes her question why, wondering if they're just making a cruel joke, and wondering that maybe if she had took different decisions in the decoration they would have shown up, but at the end she notices that it's because people just don't like her, and this drives her to madness, basically. She sings "It's my part and I'l cry if I want to", while proceeds to cry and destroy the decorations and toys she had scattered around, who she pretended were her friends, but then noticed that they're just... not real people and that she's alone. Reminds you of someone?

When Quasimodo was choosen as the "king of fools", people choose him because he had "the ugliest face in Paris". It was something good, because he was being treated as a king, but it was also bad because it wasn't for good reasons... people were just mocking him. (Lyrics)"Maybe it's a cruel joke on me, whatever, whatever" yes it is a cruel joke. The parallel between them is that they're being delusional and telling themselves that "those people aren't really mean, are they? They like me. It's just that *excuse*". But after sometime they notice that they're just convincing themselves of that, and well, yes... people don't like them indeed. In a day that was supposed to be a party, the best day ever for them. "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to [...] I'm laughing, I'm crying, it feels like I'm dying"

The Contortionist: Melanie again! This song is more about an abusive relationship. Her abuser twists her like she's a contortionist, and that's not being pleasurable to her. The person claims that they love her, in one second they're loving her, in the other their pushing her, pulling her, grabbing her, and twisting her like a contortionists. It vaguely reminds me of that terrible scene, so I added it here.

Show And Tell: YOU'RE NOT MENTALLY READY FOR THIS ONE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO START HELP. THIS ONE IS SO IN CHARACTER THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT INTO WORDS. Do you remember when I mentioned that Melanie had that "Cry Baby" album about a girl with the same name? That girl went to school now and the album is called "K-12"... it's also a story. In this song, the protagonist did something that broke the principal's rules (he's supposed to be interpreted as a political leader or authority figure, this whole album is a metaphor for society) and the principal, an ugly bastard old guy, decided to punish her for that. Inside the context of the album, which is really surrealistic btw, she's turned into a ventriloquist doll to be waved around in front of the whole class (the society, people). In the music video, she's a little doll being controlled by the teacher to dance while all the students watch, laugh and shout, as if her suffering was entertainment to them. The principal knows that, and he doesn't care, because "she deserves this treatment" (she didn't do anything). At the end of the music video she's thrown by te teacher at the public, and they destroy and hurt her, because it is with her suffering that they entertain themselves with, until she's a broken porcelain doll.

The whole song and music video is a metaphor about how the artists are treated nowadays. The methaphor behind being a ventriloquist doll is how people control you to sell you to people, and the people are the students. They watch you close, have fun with your suffering, and they don't care about your boundaries. REMINDS YOU OF SOMETHING? HUH? SOMEONE? SOMEONE OUT THERE?? (lmao I thought this would be funny)

The ropes pulling her around, making her "dance" for them while she's clearly unhappy with everything. All of these lyrics. Shut up I'm not okay

Cry Baby: It's the opening song of the album "Cry Baby". Talks about her character, she's crying in front of everyone and they're laughing at her for it, calling her a cry baby, while they don't know and don't give a damn about her kind and soft heart. You get why this matches Quasimodo don't you

Mr Potato Head: Another one of Melanie's songs. This one is not exactly related to the huniliation scene but it fits Quasi's character and I just wanted to add. This song talks about beauty standards, how people are modifiying themselves in an obsessive search for beauty, without realizing that they are erasing their own identity. She says ironically "No one will love you if you're unattractive [...] will a pretty face make it better?"

THIS LAST SONG. OHHHH I HAVE A POST ABOUT IT. YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT. PLEASE DO IT. THIS ONE IS ABSURD.

You Keep Me Crawling: That's part of that one Aurora's album about the harm that religion causes sometimes, and this song, You Keep Me Crawling, can be interpreted in two ways: as an abusive relationship, or as someone's experience in christianity. In the first verses, the lyrical self is trying to understand why the "abuser" treats them that way, why do this person makes them feel less, at the same time somehow excusing what this person is doing to them.... "maybe if I forgave you more, or that, I wouldn't be treated that way... maybe you never meant to do that? To make me suffer? That wasn't your intention, right?" and they start to question "but why do I feel less when I'm around you? Why do I feel smaller? Maybe it's because I need to serve someone..." and in the chorus the singer just repeats in a pleading, beautiful and yet deeply saddened way "So you keep me crawling on my knees, Lord you keep me crawling on my knees..."

In the next verse, though, she starts to wonder if that if she act a certain way, this abuser will understand, "If I keep confessing (religious hints) maybe if I'll believe that you never meant for love to hurt for me, maybe you'll feel a bit of sympathy..." and then she starts to noticed that, maybe, this situation can't be fixed... this person can't be fixed... and it reminds me of the scene where Frollo tries to stab Quasimodo, and Quasi finds out that the evils in the world that Frollo spoke about so often were just him. The person that was manipulating and abusing him was Frollo. And in that part of the song Aurora starts to notice that it's the abuser's fault and not hers, "why do I make you feel stronger? Why do you keep hunting like an animal? Maybe it's because you need to own someone..." and she keeps on singing "lord you keep me crawling on my knees", but this time, in a more desperate and heartbreaking way. Her emotions are stronger here. And the song ends with "maybe if I stop believing you will see that giving into love should never hurt for me... giving into love should set me free..." which is clearly a reference to the song I mentioned "Giving Into The Love". "Loving shouldn't hurt, so what you do to me it's not love, it's abuse". It reminds me of Quasimodo and Esmeralda, both in their own ways.

Last section of the playlist - "Justice!"

EHEHEHEHEHEHH THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR *rubs my hands in a villainous way lol*

The Principal - This song is part of the "K-12" album that I mentioned. You remember when I told you that this album was about a school that was a methaphor for society? The principal was made inspired by a real political figure the singer doesn't support, and this song is about the character itself, and his role inside the story. The protagonist, who's singing the song, absolutely hates him, and she's the only one who was brave enough to tell him what she thinks of him in his face, without fear of punishment. All the other students are silenced by him, they're all afraid of saying out loud what they feel in fear of punishment, but she's not. In the song, she grabs a phone and says to him everything she thinks of him. "sneaky, greedy, money-seeking, always peeping, fucking creepy, got it on the down low, so you think you're always sneaky - what If I had told your mother... her son was a cruel mother fucker?"

And she proceedes to sing about his behavior, how he forces people to stay silent and follow him, when everybody thinks the same as her, but they're too afraid to say it out loud. "I've tried to make you listen, but you won't, it's your way, right? Killing kids all day and night [...] you're shooting at the angels while claiming your the good guy" it's like he's hurting the purest beings (angels) while he's claiming himself as the right one there. It's a song about protest, really, you should check it out.

A Soul With No King - Another one of Aurora's songs that has confusing lyrics! The instrumentals really do remind us of a medieval dance, most specifically a witch one, and I'm sure she did this on purpose. The lyrics, though, have some quotes that remind me of Esmeralda, but it's hard to explain exactly. It looks like Aurora is opposing against someone somehow. She starts somehow menacingly with "I know you know me... and you always will... like a man with no wisdom, and a soul with no king." She later continues "I know you fear me" and repeats "nothing will ever change, no gain, no shame; call out my name when you need me again" (we know very well that Frollo hates and loves Esmeralda at the same time, he wants her, and he's afraid of her somehow. But when he wants her and "needs her", he "calls out her name", you know what I mean? Hypocrisy). "If you know who I am, why don't you call my name?", (Are you afraid huh? Are you're afraid of calling my name?)

There are two quotes in this song that particularly catch my attention: "you speak of the devil like he's not your friend, when the world starts to burn give water to men" (you say you hate the devil but you're no better, and the part about the world burning is very ambiguous, but it reminds me of Frollo's actions) and my favorite one: "But if this is what you want, why speak of right and wrong? You still go in for the kill..."

This girl would be white men's nightmare if she was alive during medieval times (just like Esmeralda is Frollo's nightmare probably). You should DEFINITELY check this one too because it's not only the lyrics, but also the instrumentals, they both fit very well with HOND.

The Devil Is Human - OHHHH I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. IT'S 1 AM I'M TIRED I WANT TO SLEEP ARRGGGGH. In this song, Aurora pretends that she's talking to God, but she's actually calling out bad christians for the absurds they force people to swallow. Not only bad christians but also some... well... outdated social norms that are in the bible and they're also harmful to today's society. This one sounds like Esmeralda is talking directly to Frollo too. I want to sleep so I'll stop here but it's really worthy of your time. And I also spoke about this song in that other post I mentioned here, is that the third time I talk about this? I don't know, it's just a good post

Churchyard - This song talks about hate. Someone (a man) is saying hateful words towards the lyric self, saying that she belongs in a churchyard, she should be dead- and that she can walk away but she won't go very far. The lyric self, then, tells us this information very calmly, and sings about knowing that this person is bitter, blinded by the hate in his heart, and she hopes, truly, that one day he'll notice what he's doing and regret his actions. It's a really good song. And that's how we finish the playlist (and the festival), during Esmeralda's persecution.

I made this playlist for funsies!! I make relations to my hyperfocuses and songs all the time, and I want to share, I NEED TO. Now you guys can hear to the playlist and pretend you're in the Feast Of Fools with me lmao

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday, January 25th, 2024!

12:49pm my brain feels so burnt out, it's difficult not to just return to bad habits. My body is tired and stress is wrecking my physical being. My back hurts, legs hurt, neck tension and headaches. Owch

Need to find better things to focus my little energy on. Things that feed me, I am very empty, like there's a hole at the bottom of me where everything leaks out. Old is bad, new is better. I want to stop going back to old, bad, tired situations. Nothing in the past changes. New is good.

Lots of just being in my own head, I want to get back to reality. I think that will help me not feel so floaty.

1:22pm omg I just realized my bad bitch playlist is public on Spotify and 6 ppl saved it?? Omg who are you guys and can we be friends what that just blew my mind and made my day how?? What?? I love it

3:24pm Reactive abuse is so real. I have to remember that I am NOT to blame for this shit. I actually didn't DO ANYTHING TO HIM WTF fuck him, he hasn't changed and only serves to prove me right and as a reminder again and again. I feel like he has moments where he'll admit this, or agree with me, but I think it's just breadcrumbing. Yeah so one day he says it's not my fault at all then the next day yeah it is kinda my fault like which one is it 😑 Rip but I know what I'm dealing with. The only reason I'm sad is bc the situation is so fucked up, it's more like grieving than actually being sad sad. It's just like damn wtf. I know I can pullllll when I want to though haha the issue is I just don't want to right now 🤭😁

I think I do need to get help for my depression/ anxiety though bc I don't want it to snowball into something so much harder to come back from. At least I'm aware of the issue, it's just deep rooted in me atm.

9:56pm Sat next to two of my bff's at the TB Lightening game tonight! Learned that there's 3 periods in hockey (I thought there was four) and the fights are REAL not like fake wrestling but the refs just stand there for too long and let them duke it out lmao?? I love my friends :)

Being happy lately results in me literally crying it's like feeling pure joy with no "waiting for the shoe to drop" :) I think I'm crying bc of relief? Grieving the fact that I was not happy for so long so I'm crying? Crying bc for example I've missed out on the past two years of these bc I didn't want to buy 2 tickets and for whatever reason.... It wouldn't work out or he would just be so embarrassing to me... Then it's going alone and ppl asking why he's not there?? It has been too much anxiety >> benefits in the past, but not anymore ❤️ I'm changing for the better. I miss the old me so much, but I know I'll love the new me even more.

Also yeah whatever technically some things were probably my "fault" bc of my anxiety...... But a partner who actually takes time to know you would be able to identify that or at least question the possibility that anxiety is a factor in decision making. But his actions/ emotional abuse >>>> way more impactful than just my social anxiety (plus I literally had the social anxiety for good reason if I can't take you anywhere without you smelling like weed and texting other girls while we're out).... Yeah I'm not fucking crazy, but I do need self-help. The intrusive thoughts are a lot still. They'll dull with time, even if it takes years I have a good feeling they will become submerged and buried under all the good memories I'll make. It's honestly already starting to happen if you ask me. I'm so ready for my birthday, what a new chapter I love it ❤️

11:45pm Went ahead and deleted the emails. He did not respond to me today so it's all moot point. He's abusive and idc if he doesn't know now and idc if he never figures it out. He's one out of 8 billion people on this planet and he needs to stay in the past. His loss I'm literally awesome af future doctor baddie and he's fucking retarded scrub bum byeeeee. Good way to end the evening ❤️

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

A, D, F, I, J, K, Q, and S for Robin

VALENTINE’S DAY ALPHABET  idc that it isn't the holiday these are cute af

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Robin shows Danny his affections in all sorts of ways, but he's very big on quality time, and he's often around him even they aren't doing a specific activity together. He's a big traditional romantic, flowers, gifts, hand holding, writing poems, giving him morning noon and night kisses. He's ridiculously in love, and he'll show it in droves.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

You'd think with his previously upscale lifestyle he'd be super big into fancy dinners and extravagant outings but these are far from his favorite. One of his favorite things to do with Danny, especially in modern verse, is a walk at nighttime where they can go to a nearby park to sit on the swings and talk, maybe have a beer or two. Danny can push him high and steal his shoe only to watch Robin fall off and scramble after him, throwing his other shoe at his head while screaming and laughing at him to "GIVE IT BACK". They can giggle and hide when the cops inevitably show up because they were too loud, maybe making out on the bench. Simple joys.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

VERY...VERY DEPENDENT ON WHEN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!! Robin tends to get moonstruck with people he's crushing on, and he tries too hard to impress them--and this definitely happened with Danny. Somehow, thankfully, this was taken as endearing. The farther along they've dated the more Robin has been able to loosen up and relax, NOW he's very passionate and is able to be quite suave when he needs to be.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Robin has alot of internal strife in ALL verses when it comes to love as an emotion (Bel ringing his scrawny neck) that he is able to feel and accept. He tends to view the emotion as something that brings pain, it leaves people open, a target on their head--and it makes people do stupid shit. They'll play the fool in order to keep their loved ones safe, to keep them happy, and when that love rips apart, what is left? ....I think Danny said it first, but once Robin did say it--he's never stopped. He won't deny how he feels anymore, it isn't worth the internal argument that he knows he's wrong about anyway.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Similarly to Haru, it depends. Robin is really romantically possessive, not to an unhealthy point, but he'll make it a point that if someone is flirting with Danny, he will hold his hand and go "Oh, right, isn't MY BOYFRIEND so handsome? I'm so LUCKY." He'll kiss him right then and there, leave a lil hickey for later, all of it!!!

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not? 

Gonna be honest here, Robin canonically has never kissed anyone and died a virgin (laugh at him). SO, he didn't kiss anyone before Danny. I imagine their first few kisses were pretty stiff since Robin had no idea what the fuck he was doing. But after some time he finally got the hang of it and I like to think that now he can make Danny melt with the way he kisses him.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Wahhh how dare you!!!!! Robin knows he's in deep and is practically at Danny's mercy, the floor has fallen out under his feet and he's really trusting him to be caught. That being said, he isn't going to just...shock Danny with it? He knows he's nervous about the idea and would bring it up on occassion to garner a feel for it, but ultimately Robin would take that initiative and ask.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He did not, he was too busy studying, working or grieving to really fall for anyone or have any crushes. It's implied he might have had a little crush in academia but in canon nothing came of it.

[bullshit-bulltrue]

*cracks knuckles* i have bruises on my hands™️ so i'm writing most of it in a non-paragraph format if that makes sense?? and yeah here we go:

*walks to lunch with lanie* so we're headed to the mess hall and it's hotter than balls outside especially since i'm wearing long sleeve and pants but idc bc i wasn't sweating so it wasn't that bad and out of nowhere delaney comes and starts tryna talk to me but i can't hear bc earbuds. since i'm listening to music i can barely hear her and idc enough abt her to take 'em out and since i can't fucking hear i don't pay attention to me stumbling bc i thought i stepped on my laces but it turns out the fucking ginger shit tried tripping me. and then here we go bc too many words not enough knuckle juice to type a lot:

*ryder appears*

me: oh hey

delaney: you're just gonna let him trip you?

me, turned to ryder: you tried tripping me? ugh you ginger

*ryder, laughing*

*ignores him and actually starts listening to delaney*

*ryder actually trips me and i drop my water bottle*

he sees me give the most deathy death glare known to man and tries to gun it, but i chase him + hit him with my water bottle. said water bottle now has battle scars. rip. (just a lil chip in it, I'm being dramatic lol)

delaney: ryder! you're just gonna let her hit you?!

ryder + me at the same time: we're even

ryder: well i only tripped her once and she hit me like- multiple times

me: but you snuck up on me sooo we're even

*he nods*

*walks into mess hall and sits with him while lanie gets in line for food*

ryder: ben's not here today

me: yeah i know

ryder: he- you have his number?

me: no but-

ryder: *doesn't believe me when i said no and is still smirking bc ig remembering information abt friends is sus or smth whatever*

ryder: do you *want* his number?

me: no. as i was saying, i knew he wasn't gonna show up because i didn't see him outside the doors, or at breakfast. and typically he waves at me when he passes me in the hallway.

me: and even if i did want his number, my parents would flip lol

ryder: why?

me: because he's a guy

me: they're homophobic

ryder: so? say he's gay

ryder: FR??? well say he's a girl

me: and what would i put for his contact name? britney?? *laughing*

ryder, after thinking for a solid minute: benadryl!

*both laughing*

me: well what if my mom asks me to point out "benadryl" at school one day?

ryder: i'll grow my hair!

*both laughing even harder*

and then after a while jaylen, and this rocker guy sit down with us

and jaylen asks me to rate the rocker

me and lanie exchanged our pinterests !!

like dude

then

anddddd then

outta NOWHERE

BAM

carrot to the face.

it was some random kid. so ofc I throw it back and say "hey!"

not even a minute later this lady kicks me and ryder out of our seats to sit by ourselves but then me and lanie were like um no and ended up sitting near each other again and look through my fav pinterest board of mine <3

but that lady seriously tried to say "no! she needs to be by herself! that was tOtAlLy UnExuSable. ugh kids" like it's not that deep and if you cant stand children that much you shouldve picked a different career path

there were more details but eh

@dizzeners tagging u bc i saw the comment u left <3

okay at like 10pm someone remind me to tell u abt the whole lunch ordeal

[wonwoonlight]

my way to you | jeon wonwoo / chapter 9

➝ Wonwoo x fem!Reader

➝ rich!AU // heir & heiress!AU // best friends to lovers // idiots to lovers lol // fluff // a lil drama bc why not // somewhat angsty // clicheeeee <3

➝ series warning: OC is Dense with a capital D, so many cliches but idc, implied sexual activities (but no actual smut scenes), eventual suggestive scenes, theyre both idiots, food, insecurity and self doubts, somewhat toxic parents, someone fainted like once, not always proofread am sorry ;-; that’s probably it? tell me if there’s more!

➝ A/N: aaand we're about 4 chapters away from the end already. it's obvious smth is gonna happen after that little incident right? as always, enjoy and dont hesitate to share your thoughts with me <3

series masterlist

It’s almost a week later when you find yourself frowning at your phone once again and you’re this close to throwing it across the room because of one certain Jeon Wonwoo.

lunch today?

Wonwooo: I’ve got an appointment today, sorry.

Wonwooo: What about dinner?

you always have appointments these days >:(

Wonwooo: Promise I’ll come to your place for dinner, okay?

Wonwooo: Anything you’re craving for?

It’s still bothering you, to be honest, the way you found Wonwoo and Jennie hunched together at the event a few days ago. You had just returned from the balcony, feelings finally sorted out if only a little, and it didn’t take you long to find Wonwoo even though it’s a pretty big ballroom.

You had initially thought he was by himself, but then you saw Jennie over his towering figure, the two standing too close than you’re comfortable with. You cringe at the thought. The sentence itself is weird, because why would you feel something–anything, really, just because they’re standing a little too close to each other?

But it keeps on replaying in your mind, the intense stare Wonwoo was giving her, the way Jennie looked at you like you’re interrupting something, and the forced smile Wonwoo gave you when you asked about him and Jennie.

You can’t really explain it, but there’s something immensely unpleasant the more you think about that night. It bothers you that Wonwoo, someone who originally doesn’t talk a lot, is reluctant to tell you about whatever it was between him and Jennie.

It’s really none of your business, and you’ve never been this affected with Wonwoo’s reluctance to talk about something–he’s reluctant to talk about a lot of things, to be honest, and the reason why you match together well is because you never prod unless it’s really necessary and you understand his silence more than anyone does–but this? This is just really bothering you to the point where you keep on thinking about it.

You shake your head before you get too deep in your thoughts and instead reach for your phone to call your cousin for lunch. Shua doesn’t take long to answer, and he tells you he’ll be coming with food instead because he doesn’t really feel like eating out.

You're starting to regret calling him though.

“Okay, stop it,” you pout at your cousin, in which Shua just cocks an amused eyebrow at in return. It’s been about half an hour since he’s arrived, lunch already set on the table though you can barely eat because Shua’s been giving you that knowing look when he knows you’re bothered.

It’s really just his way to show you he notices and he’d listen if you want to talk about it.

“You can ask,” you roll your eyes when he still doesn’t say anything.

“What’s bothering our Yoon princess, hm?”

You glare at the nickname, at the way his eyes are twinkling with playfulness, though your heart warms at the concerned tone.

Shua has always been your pillar, and even though you mostly rely on your bestfriend now, Shua has always been the constant it in your life. He tries to understand you even when he doesn’t, tries to listen even though it doesn’t make sense, comforts you even when it’s your fault because he knows you can’t be left alone during those times.

He’s like the sibling you never had. And perhaps it also helps that you’re still blood related to him because it means your parents don’t blink an eye over your close relationship with the guy. Quite the contrary, they ask him to take care of you, to stop you from doing anything too reckless.

He wishes they’re telling him that purely out of the goodness in their heart, but it pains him to know that, mostly, they ask him to take that caring role because they simply don’t have the time to do it themselves.

At least they care enough to have the decency to ask him that.

“It’s just…” you sigh tiredly, playing with your chopsticks. You're not actually sure if you want to talk about it just yet, but it infuriates you so much that you feel like you’d burst if you don’t talk about it now that Shua has finally asked. “It’s… weird, Josh.”

He tenses a little at the name–you rarely call him that unless you’re really troubled. He reaches out to take your hand in his, and then asks if you’re sure you want to talk about it now, that he’ll be okay if you’re not ready to open up yet. But you squeeze his hand and shake your head, telling him you’d rather talk about it now than have more time to overthink later.

“I… umm…” you always struggle talking about your feelings and you think it doesn’t help that you have people like Wonwoo who’s attuned to them even when you don’t talk about it. You’re truly grateful, but it makes things harder when you have to face Shua, Jeonghan, or Chaeyoung who need you to spell things out–hence why you usually just choose not to talk altogether.

Shua moves to sit beside you instead, and holds your hand a little tighter in encouragement.

“You know how Wonwoo has been hanging out with Jennie?”

Shua blinks at your words, not expecting them at all. But he hums and tells you to continue, wondering if Jeonghan’s right when he says you might be harboring romantic feelings towards your best friend without knowing.

“Well, umm… It… bothers me.” You try your best to put your feelings into words, to convey whatever it is that’s been bothering you since that night or perhaps even before that. “I’m… sure you’re aware that I’ve always been… protective when it comes to Wonwoo.”

“You can say possessive, it’s fine,” he jokes to lighten up the mood, glad when he feels you relaxing before throwing a glare his way and admitting that you are possessive of him at times.

“But it’s just weird. I feel like he’s spending a lot of time with her these days and it bothers me in ways that I don’t understand.” You frown, unaware of Shua’s knowing glance.

“Are you afraid she’ll take him away from you?” His tone is calm and soothing, and you know Shua will drop the question if you tell him you’re not looking for answers.

But you are, and you honestly don’t know who else to run to if not Shua when it comes to this. Jeonghan isn’t exactly fluent when it comes to feeling either, and Chaeyoung doesn’t actually know much about Wonwoo and there’d be too much layer for you to explain if you come to her instead.

You ponder his words for a while, trying to see if that’s really the problem. “I… don’t know? It’s, like, I know she can’t take him away from me. He’s my best friend and I’m his, Wonwoo doesn’t replace people close to him that way. But there’s just… I’m so unsettled, Josh. It doesn’t sit well with me to see them that close.”

“Okay, so what do you think triggers all of this?”

“At the… charity dinner, I left for a bit to the balcony after meeting my parents.” You take a deep breath, the frown never leaving your face. “And… I saw Wonwoo so I approached him. I thought he was alone, but when I got closer I saw Jennie and they’re just… they’re so close? Ugh, this sounds stupid out loud. Like he’s pretty much hovering over her. And I know they've been friends since they were kids and everything, but… I don’t know. He’s been spending an awfully lot of time with her and it… bothers me.”

You go silent for a few seconds, putting your words together before you continue.

“And also… Wonwoo has been trying to get me to talk to her? He’s been inviting me to hang out with her a lot? Wonwoo never does that before, and I don’t know where it’s coming from, but it annoys me so much that I told him outright that I have no plans in getting closer to her in any near future.”

“Does the situation bother you or does it bother you because it’s her?”

You open your mouth to answer, but nothing comes out and you bite your lip as his question rings in your mind. Shua lets you be, but when a few minutes pass and you still don’t say anything, he decides it’s time he asks about it again after so long.

“Do you… not like Jennie?”

“What? No!” you answer quickly, though it’s obvious even to you why people would think that. “I don’t… dislike her, I promise.”

When you ask Shua for lunch today, you didn’t expect you’d be talking about this. You’ve never talked about Jennie to anyone, because you never think it’s a big enough problem to discuss and you don’t even see her that much anyway. But you know people have been wondering even though no one has ever explicitly asked except for Shua a few years ago.

Maybe it’s time to finally let someone know about it too.

“It’s just… it’s nothing, really. And I’m not saying it because I’m downplaying the whole thing. But… Remember when we were first introduced to her? I was six and we were at the playground.” You smiled at the memory, remembering small Wonwoo being cornered by some older kids on the playground. “Jinyoung actually came because Jennie had just arrived from somewhere, so Auntie had him take her to the playground so she could join us. But, well, like you said, I’ve always been possessive when it comes to Wonwoo. So when I was introduced to her and was told that she’s his friend, I could only register her as a threat. Wonwoo was… my only friend and… I don’t know, I guess I was afraid she’d take my only friend away.”

You’re looking down as you say the whole thing, because you don’t actually want to see Shua’s reaction, afraid that he’d find it stupid even though you know Shua isn’t that kind of person.

Shua doesn’t find it ridiculous though. He’s the one who saw firsthand how lonely you were as a kid, and as much as he tried coddling you like an older brother, you also needed a friend that you could be kids together with. He’d like to think the reason why you initially got attached to Wonwoo was because of that.

Wonwoo was your first friend, one that approached you and asked if you wanted to hold his hand because you looked afraid during a small garden party your parents had brought you to. You don’t even remember what party it was, but you’d never forget Wonwoo’s words and the way he reached out his hand to you.

Knowing this, Shua is fully aware about how much you treasure Wonwoo--as a friend or whatever it is you hold him in your life--and it wasn’t surprising to find out that your six years old self went as far as registering another six years old as a threat.

“But Jennie went away after a couple of years,” you continue, fidgeting in your seat. He places a comforting hand on your knee and reminds you that it’s fine, that he’s listening and you can take your time. “And… Naturally, my thoughts get more complicated as we get older and, before I knew it, it’s just awkward to be near her and I never know what to talk about when she’s… there. But… also… umm…”

You hesitate more than earlier, Shua notices, but he patiently waits for you to arrange your thoughts and reminds you that it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. But you shake your head and nervously admit that you dowant to talk about it, that it’s actually something you’ve always wanted to talk about but haven’t found the time to nor any reason to.

“I… envy her a lot, you know?” you say at last, and it hurts him that you sound sad when the words are out of your mouth. “We’re the same, basically. The only child next in line to take over the family business though I’m not going to do it. But I know her family doesn’t pressure her to immediately work at the company, doesn’t push her to get married, even lets her pursue her own passion even though it’s because she promises she'll still take care of the company.”

Your words end in a hanging note, and as much as Shua wants to cut you off and comfort you immediately, he knows you’re not done. And when you finally tell him what you’ve been feeling deep down about the girl, he can bite down on his lip to stop his tears and squeezes your fingers tighter.

“Her parents value her as a person.” Your voice is small and you don’t dare to look at Shua because you know he’s sensitive to this kind of thing. You can only imagine his eyes tearing up and if you see him crying, then you’re sure you’d be crying too, so you fix your gaze on the ground as you, too, tighten your hand in his. “They value her as a daughter. And it’s quite something to see someone around me being treated that way when I…”

Shua’s quick to pull you into his embrace, and even though you’re not crying, the way you’re gripping his shirt to calm yourself down pains him more than he thought it would. He thinks it might even be better if you’re crying, but you’re not and it just feels like you’re trying to hold yourself together for his sake.

He keeps you in his embrace for quite some time, and you feel his lips on your forehead before he eventually pulls away and squeezes your arms. It’s a gesture that he always does since you’re a kid, one that tells you everything will be okay and he will be there until they’re okay.

As much as he’s expected a part of what you said about Wonwoo, he has never imagined the reason why you act distant towards Jennie boils down to this. To the fact that her parents treat her as a daughter while yours simply see you as a way to keep their wealth and glory—or at least that’s how it feels to you.

It hasn’t always been that bad between you and your parents. But it's true that it gets worse as the years pass by because you know to act up now even if just to annoy them, because you know they don’t care anyway, because there are times when you’d rather anger them than do exactly what they ask you to do when you’re just mentally exhausted.

While you admit sometimes you might be making things bigger than they actually are, that’s just how you honestly feel about your parents. Perhaps you’re also making them more villainous than necessary, but it’s most likely the product of being treated as an object for practically your whole life by your own parents.

You’ve always thought you owe Wonwoo and Shua for the humanity and affections they managed to instill within you when you were kids. You truly believe you’d just be another rich brat had it not been for them dutifully standing on your sides growing up.

“You know I love you, right?” His gentle voice takes you out of your mind, and you give him a small smile as you nod, shyly whispering the words back to him because you’ve never been one to be vocal about this kind of stuff. “I can’t speak about how you feel about your parents, but how they treat you doesn’t define who you are, okay? You’re more than whatever they made you think you are, and you’re probably tired of hearing this, but they know no better. And I’m not taking their side, but you know that’s probably how they’re treated too as children–and I can’t do much about them, but I’m here to remind you that we can not be like them. You’re not going to turn out like they are and I want you to know that I’m glad you’re the way you are; that I–we– wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

“How can you say that without cringing?” you chuckle to hide your sniffle.

He pats your cheek once and tells you to drink and, for a moment, you think that’s it about the talk. You still don’t get why you’re bothered about Wonwoo and Jennie, but another weight you’ve been harboring within you feels lighter even if a little and that’s enough.

But Shua isn’t seemingly done, because he clears his throat and you turn to him in question, asking if there’s anything wrong.

“About Wonwoo…” he starts hesitantly, as if unsure he can say it. “Do you think you might be… interested in him… romantically?”

Shua panics when you violently choke at his words, and when you’re finally settled back, you look at him like he’s grown a second head that he actually feels like he did something wrong that offended you.

“Joshua Hong, it’s Wonwoo.” is the only thing you say before you turn to your food and refuse to listen to any sort of explanations he’s trying to spew. He says something about how you’ve never been bothered with their relationship before because you never really had to see them together for this long but now that you do–

“Shut up,” you tell him before he can say more, and you hate that he actually hits home with his words. “I didn’t open up for you to say nonsense.”

He opens his mouth once more, but you glare at him before he can say anything, which shuts him up effectively. Shua seems to understand that you’re done talking about this, so he sighs and returns to his meal, entertaining you anyway when you ask about Jeonghan.

Shua doesn’t need to know how you’re barely able to sleep that night because of his words.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

➝ A/N: you have no idea how much i suddenly wanted to change the schedule into three updates a week but i have to Hold Back myself

taglist: @hoe4wonwoo@dnylwoo@yslshua@twogyuu@najaemin138@blueixnie@boowanie@pwettytae@itsveronicaxxx@aphrodyteeth@leechanniee@jeoonghann@sdoulc@kyeomjjigae@ru-lin@listxn@yngreid@vynnz@lilactangerine@justasoftstan@amymoonl@02psh@lovelywoo@pusangmamon@yoontaedotin@soonchanshua@fanfic24@nothingbutadeadesceane@nollixtrml@sweetheart-gs@rjsmochii

[organic-guacamole]

HSMTMTS SEASON 3 EPISODE 5 REACTION

this is a good episode.

oo Kourtney's hair is pretty but how did she straiten all that so perfectly im- IN ONE NIGHT. jealousy jealousy.

i hate this show.

deep lake camp I'm crying

I hate the trope(?) of one side of a couple being clueless that the other is mad at them and is just so lost when they randomly, publicly, call them out in a passive aggressive way. please stop and communicate.

theres the bleep of the season! hsmtmts did it again

Maddox's face when Carlos swears though, I think I love her.

Carlos my beloved. this episode is gonna be a trash fire and I'm here👏 for👏 it👏

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Gina why are you going after Val??? what??? it makes no sense and it's embarrassing please just open your mouth for EJ. (ignore how that sounds please)

EJ AND RICKY SLAPPING EACH OTHER. NO FURTHER COMMENTS.

"EJ you've stolen the woman Ricky loves" well. Carlos is either diabolical or a lot more oblivious than we think.

why does Carlos keep assuming everyone is straight 🤨🤨🤨🤨

this is my favourite episode idc that we're only 8 minutes in.

I love Kourtney fr. never gonna stop saying that.

I'm sorry I forgot to type for like 5 minutes cuz I got so caught up laughing. Kourtney and Carlos' slap scene has me rolling

sorry guys I will now be deleting my blogs because I can never be funnier than EJ walking out in THAT costume.

throwback when I had to do what Gina's doing with Ricky in what do you know about love for a skit except I don't have a boyfriend and the guy I did it with was uh.... I'm gonna stop there. point of the story, DOING THAT IS SO FUN

80% of their song was done backstage though so like, no one saw....

my eyes rolled BACK in my head.

the timing Gina omg.

sorry but Maddox is 15? I mean- hm.

no Jet what the heck why would you out her.

"I need to sit down"

"I need to lie down"

thanks ricky

ELTON JOHN CASWELL OMG THE FANFICS WERE RIGHT. (fun fact: I got so surprised at this line I flew backwards and whacked my head on the corner of the bed and saw spots for a second. so uh, anyone wanna buy me a helmet to wear for the next episode?)

I love the bro followed by Ricky blabbing about his problems. iconic duo.

the way I understand where everyone is coming from but I'm still upset by it all.

like Gina, he just explained that he's fighting not to leave, and he doesn't wanna stress you out as much as he is stressed. also, Gina can be upset, yes, but the going on about EJ's name too like, no one knew?? so why'd she storm off at that part...

um. I thought Channing left...

omgomgimgim jet solo song???

love how the piano is always prepared for a sad introspective ballad at any given time.

wow

is the young Maddox like the actress's little sister or something???? because the resemblance is incredible

EJ. you better be calling a delivery man to bring something for Gina, or her mom to bring her for some reason (I think that would be weird, actually, but it seems like something Elton John 'bought a plane ticket for Gina in s1 just for the show' Caswell would do) because if you're leaving or doing something equally stupid I will lose all respect for you. (lies, I am in fact an EJ apologist)

[gunmetal-ring]

11x11 stream of consciousness

Eugene and fake Stephanie wake up in the same bed and she snooped! Already untrustworthy tch cmon eugene

He gave her a key aw and he told her he loves her. But also like... how has he not asked for them to sing their favorite song together and found out that she doesn't know it? Also is this the first time they're saying i love you like when he's giving her a key lol that's jumping milestones

They really made princess less crazy and I don't like it. Give me the mentally unstable wild card back

Lol for a second I thought the fading ice cream imagery was gonna be a flashback and I was like what the fuck we're getting flashbacks for the one person that it makes sense to fast forward for?!

Uh bro idc how much you want to talk to her but like buzzing the doorbell constantly then slipping into the apartment building then banging on the door are red flags like this is some straight up creepy boundary-less behavior

Lol with the moving shadows at first I thought she was having sex w someone else. And I bet she's packing bc she is actually falling in love and is like. This is too much!! Just like I predicted...

Connie is running up against The Propaganda... plot point alert (as if we didn't already know lol bc apparently she blew up Pamela Milton's spot like 15 years ago)

Side note I watch all media w subtitles and it's INFURIATING when subtitles are like "conversing in ASL" and write it OVER the actual ASL translation. Like I'm AWARE they aren't speaking English I need to know what the translation is

Oo... Connie and Mercer... I bet they're gonna end up working together

Rosita is such a babe

So is Carol like. What. A. Babe. I bet Lance is gonna fall hard and Zeke/Princess/Negan is gonna be like lol good luck

"I read your file" Carol's gonna sneak in and read her and everyone else's file I bet

Opium... #yikes there's gonna be some kind of trouble with addiction and/or black market dealing or something I bet

Lol I love the sisterly "genius idea smartass"

Ew Eugene take a shower. Also FINALLY we see a little bit of Real Princess "I didn't make lasagne but people have to let you in if you're carrying food." Good to know Eugene is officially the crazy one. Ps interrogating suspects while piss drunk isn't exactly great recon bro. Also the guy looks like a Russian mobster.

Alright so there's a conspiracy in place. I still maintain that she ACTUALLY fell in love with Eugene and was like "I gotta gtfo" so maybe when they were like "time to go" She was like "good bc I'm in too deep!"

Is this the first time someone actually called it an apocalypse? Goddamn this is really is some Amazon-type quota shit FUCK late stage capitalism

I guess the 2 rogue stormtroopers are... trying to escape or something? Are they some of the "thousands" the rebel stormtrooper talked about?

Omg... real Stephanie is Mercers sister... THATS why he agrees to overthrow Pamela milton!!! For his sisters true love!!!!!! Little does she know that Eugene loves her imposter...

Sorry for objectifying him but watching mercer walk away in his little pumpkin butt plates is rly funny lol

I am glad that princess and Eugene are buddies bc they're like the 2 social outcasts overcoming their social dysfunction to become part of a Found Family trope

The REAL princess we know and love wouldn't hesitate for a second before breaking into an apartment!!!!! Little cat be damned!!!!

I'm surprised at how quickly Lance believed Carol. I also wonder if Carol is lying bc we didn't see her talking to anyone. Of course that could just as easily be bc tptb need to cut out every single scene that doesn't directly contribute to the plot. "Mother pussbucket" what a stupid cuss. Just say like "asshole" or "piece of shit" or something

Uh oh... the mobster returns... but he's got an arsenal!! Ugh old lady is a snitch boooo but mercer is gonna go easy on them bc he loves princess

Oohoohoo!!! Rebel stormtrooper has been disappeared!! Mercer is losing trust from Pamela Milton!!! Maybe he WONT go easy on princess and Eugene bc he needs to regain his authority. Oh its Lance nvm. Nice that he's trying to do them a solid legally but he's definitely part of the conspiracy

Lmaooooooooo princess!!! But like how big is commonwealth that Stephanie can move away and Eugene will never see her again? It's not like she's moving across the country right? Idk.

Actually wait maybe rebel stormtrooper was being guarded by other rebel stormtroopers and they made their escape. Hm. Guess we'll find out soon enough. As in 60 or 70 episodes from now

"Moving here temporarily" FINALLY we get some fucking insight as to why people moved here jfc. Oo... the list...

Did that woman just... not see Eugene standing there... he's got an enormous hat on. Also this is the ugliest building. Lol Eugene w spray AHHH!!! REAL STEPHANIE!!!! AND LANCE!!!! we been knew tho

Eugene... did... suspect... Lance... we saw a whole scene... Oh wait nvm this is not what he meant. Damn aw this is heartbreaking poor Eugene. Just wants to find love. But also this was so obvious lol but aw I feel bad. Omfg wait Eugene's book was a memoir?! Or a diary or something?! For some reason that's hilarious. Uhhh... eugene... you rly think they're gonna let you go? Lol Lance just played the reverse uno card. I feel like they should have just had her dump him and not pull this whole disappearing act. Oh but maybe they tried to make her and she wouldn't and that's why they forced her to leave

"Choose to stay" Nah I don't buy it they're not gonna be able to leave unless they break out. But like pls don't tell me that stephanie manipulating Eugene is the impetus for team family to upend the commonwealth... that's like such a lame reason sorry eugene... "hates Iron maiden, loves the book" salt. In. The. Wound. And now he's burning the missing posters he pissed all over. Gross. Aaaaand real stephanie appears!!

Overall a pretty decent episode. I'm kind of glad Daryl wasn't in it bc it allowed a lot more space for Carol and Connie and Eugene altho tbh I'm rly only glad Eugene's storyline is progressing bc I'm pretty uninterested in his storyline. But now this thread can be tied into Connie's and further lead us to the general "Don't trust the commonwealth" thing

I wonder if when Carol finds out about what Eugene and Connie are uncovering, if she'll use it and use her relationship with Lance to get info or or whatever? Or if she'll be like. Let's not do anything yet (bc then zeke can't get his surgery) and then there's gonna be some rift about it. Ugh I bet more conflict w Daryl. OR will Daryl be like "I just want her to be happy even if that means saving her ex's life" and he goes along with her plan? And that's also a rift in team family? Omg and is that how he chooses Carol over Connie?! OMG AND IS THAT THE IMPETUS FOR HIM REVEALING HIS FEELINGS? AND CAROL SAYING "WHY ARE YOU GOING AGAINST THE WOMAN YOU LOVE THIS ISNT THE WAY TO HER HEART" AND HES LIKE "STOP!! ITS NOT LIKE THAT!!" AND SHES LIKE "THEN WHY?!" AND HES LIKE "ARE YOU RLY THIS BLIND ITS BC I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY EVEN IF IT MEANS SAVING YOUR DYING EX" AND THEN CAROL IS LIKE "...?!" AND THEN ITS THE END OF 11B!!!!!!!!

[khaleesiofalicante]

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

TAVVY

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!

[kingcervix]

On um. dying. and the act of not doing it

aka Tumblr is my personal diary. This is just a ramble (A LONG RAMBLE. this post is massive) about my mental health and stuff. U can read or u can not read it idc, but reblogs r off. I'm writing this here just for me to have it somewhere since I've done posts like these before and since things have changed I'm making an update

Okay welcome to the land beyond the readmore. We're deep into July, so it's been, roughly seven to eight ish months that I've been on a full streak of attempting to "get better" from being suicidal. I tried getting better last summer but I reached a very extreme low point in the following fall and well. Things were really fucking bad, to say the least. So in January I knew I had to change my shit entirely, no half assing it like I've been doing. No pain no fucking gain etc etc.

So where am I now. Well, I'm better. I am and I can say that with complete fucking confidence. I'm not perfect, obviously, and there's always gonna be shit to work on but my progress with this has been really really good. It's been slow going, and my progress feels like it's moving at an imperceptible pace with how I don't really notice it. But every so often I will look back, and I'm always much farther along then I was before, which is amazing.

I don't want to die anymore. And that's where I started, because obviously it was the most prevalent issue. And now I can say that I wholeheartedly do not wish to die in any way, which is. something that was unimaginable to me last year. For the last few years actually. For the last four years, to be wildly specific.

And with all that time in mind, you may be a little confused. "Four years of suicidal ideation and with just a few little months suddenly you're all better?" Not really. If I hadn't made an effort last summer, I'd be way worse off. I was building a foundation to get better before, and yeah a lot of it broke into nothingness but not all of it. And every time I felt like life was maybe just a little bit worth living, it was pushing me through to the other side.

Anyways. so I don't want to die. That was my start. Just the start. After reaching a relatively neutral place with myself (not wanting to kill or hurt myself, and recognizing that I am alive and will continue to be alive), I had to fix my fucking life so my budding progress wouldn't all just instantly go down the drain the next time I had a bad day

So. I went outside a bit more, opened the windows a bit more. I acknowledged my bad habits that fed into my depression and tried to work against them. I let myself just be for a bit, to recover and take time to just fucking stop working. Passively allowing myself the space to heal further, which by god I fucking needed.

I worked through some stuff, got better coping mechanisms, tried to lay a stronger foundation for continuing to be okay. It didn't all stick, and I wasn't suddenly magically cured, and I'm still not, but it was something tangible. It was me making an effort to do things that weren't just in the interest of hurting myself or perpetuating the depressive spirals. Working on better responses to shit like stress. The works.

I did all that, and hell I'm still doing that because it's not some one and done shit, it's stuff I gotta be aware of every time I have a bad day/week, stuff that's just part of life now. Beyond that, I tried to take up some hobbies, I tried to go outside a little bit. Some of it worked, lots of it I still struggle with keeping up on it, but it is something.

After a bit of starting to do better, I went through something that really tested the strengths of my work, and I had a moment of realization during all that bullshit that suicide wouldn't solve shit, nor did I even want to do it. At the time I was dealing with too much to really acknowledge that, but looking back, that was a massive step, the first big struggle I had faced since trying to get better and I hadn't even seen suicide as an option.

Once everyone had taken time to recover from that nightmare, I kept working on getting better. I definitely fell into a bit of a depressive state for about a week at some point, but that's all it ended up being, just some time feeling out of sorts. I didn't once want to hurt or kill myself during that time, and I felt like myself again afterwards.

Anyways, I think the biggest litmus test of how well I have been doing is the fact that I actually envision a future for myself. Even though I had been suicidal and depressed, I hadn't stopped working on and towards things, so it's not like I had nothing to my name, but I hadn't realized it when I was trapped in my own head. At my lowest points, I promised myself that I would never live past a certain age. Now, I can genuinely see myself living on, actually growing old someday. Realizing that I have a future was actually the shock that sent me to make this post. For four years I hadn't been able to see beyond the days I had been stuck in. Now I see that there is so much more out there, and I have so much more life left to live.

For the first time in far too long, I have genuine hope and faith in the world around me.

And now we're at the end of the post. It took me an hour to write all this down, but while writing this I remembered how my old blog is still up somewhere, with my old vents about my suffocating despair, and thinking about it, I want to tell my past self that there is a future out there for us. That for all the seemingly never ending pain, there is love and life out there.

This fall will be another test of strength, and truthfully everyday is a test, and I have so much more work to do just in this realm of conscientiously choosing to make my life better (and I have so much more work to do in other areas) but for now. I have my progress, and I can appreciate it.

[doubleddenden]

I'm just gonna list what I think gen 8 needs or can improve on based on shit from the past or just my own perspective

Timed battles. Maybe as an option, but I do dig the idea behind the stationary battles in Let's Go. Maybe 5 seconds to pick a move? 5 minutes to finish a fight? I dig it.

Speaking of stationary fights, I feel like people would have less issue with Let's Go if perhaps they just made all wild battles normal, then the capture mechanic remains the same as Go but you can manually activate it at any point or kill your target. I can get behind that. Whatever status it has before capture mode has a modifier that works in your favor, and maybe you have a limited time to catch it?

Overworld encounters do need to stay. It certainly would make encountering that one 5% rare pokemon a bit easier, imo.

I was never really a fan of following pokemon but I can dig riding them or having smaller ones on your shoulder.

Skippable cutscenes

Skippable tutorials

Keep pokeride or whatever let's go has

Add a function to attract certain pokemon/increase the odds of them appearing via the cry function in a pokedex

Improved ability capsules that just let you swap to hidden abilities too. Idc if its expensive I'll handle that.

A nature modifier: maybe a specific npc that can modify temperament? I know is that I spent a whole lot of points teaching my Charizard Thunder Punch only to learn he had an attack hindering nature.

Early shiny charm? Idk man I have no interest in completing the pokedex, it's too much effort. Just let me win it at a battle facility or post game.

Regional variants but for non kantonians

Honestly an entire dex without kanto might be a breath of fresh air coming off the heels of X and Y, SM/USUM and Let's Go. Either that or no natural kanto variations.

Super customization that let's you adjust height, weight, face, have anime hair or even facial hair, color wheels for hair and eyes, like it doesn't have to be dark souls deep but at this point I want the choice to look older. Also like way more clothing choices. Long coats? Boots? I'd love an eyepatch too. And of course fingerless gloves. Throw in gymleader's clothes or clothes belonging to past trainers, all with their own color wheels too.

Age ambiguous characters or characters hinted to be older again

An improved Battle Royale. Way improved. Keep the old way as a mode I guess? But either way redirect an attack at a fainted target at a target on the field, even at random. My version would make it an all out brawl until only one remains.the other players can leave at that point.

Difficulty mode. Easy, normal, or hard. Simple stuff. Lower levels or hike them up, I dont like nuzlockes so it should be standard for a hard mode available from the get go at this point, a mode you can change at will via options

Personally I'd like the ability to customize our pokemon a bit, if not just see the item I equip it with. If we're talking full on, maybe scar makeup or spiked or curled fur. Maybe anime shades for squirtle and the like.

Maybe not necessarily open world but a branching path? City 1 allows you to go to city 2 a, 2 b, and those let you go to 3 a, 3 b, 3 c, so on and so forth until you just decide what towns you haven't been to yet. There's potential for the story to change slightly or remain the same but have different gym orders or even a different gym challenge altogether.

Either something new or integrate totems with gyms too. Maybe as a story check point? Like yay you beat the first three gyms, time to go fight totem Machoke or something before you fight gym four and five, totem, six seven, totem, eight, victory road, totem, elite 4

Keep the interesting characters and keep them dorky, but maybe make it more about the player this time around

I dont give two shits what Nintendo says about your rivals needing to be friendly, I want a douchebag rival I enjoy destroying and ruining his dreams that can give me a challenge, or at least a strong rival with a personality like Hugh that's more of the respectful rivalry rather than HAHA YOU BEAT ME AGAIN BUDDY.

You can give us a nice rival too in conjunction with the douchebag, just make sure they aren't pushovers and can actually fight.

This shouldn't need to be said, but 100+ new pokemon without reliance on past pokemon. Add a few that can evolve if you want, but the total new pokemon should be at least 150+ to make up for lack of new ones the last two gens. No, variations or megas do not count towards this number but they are welcome.

Chance to change music on the fly or in battles.

The bad guys are just dicks from the get go that get worse as you progress. Make me want to stop them instead of join them.

Please. Please a special item to evolve pokemon that need to be traded. I have no nearby friends and certainly none with switches, let alone anyone in public to trade with. It can be expensive.

Keep the throwing poses but let's take it further with customizable expressions.

Keep the champion defense system but add an option into just fight some of these guys outside the e4.

Pokepelago. Keep

Refresh. Keep

Bring back PSS

Integrate a multiplayer online experience where you'll find random trainers in the field, but don't allow more than ten to an area to prevent over crowding.

Co op in lgpe sounds cute as is but improve it further by also allowing co op with another player and their team. Increase battle difficulty if so, of course.

Integrate the bean system but replace it with berries. Smack the tree to collect a bunch.

Quest markers

Keep and expand side quests

Battle frontier that you actually explore. Think of emerald but better. Imagine maybe region sized or smaller if you wish.

More post game episodes, these are tight af

Make the ui faster. Think of the transition from slow 4th to fast 5th gen. Yes please.

HGSS style safari AND XY friend Safari.

Ways to get the other starters in the wild maybe?

Purchasable mega stones at reasonable prices

Give us another lady professor I've had it with hot heartthrob dudes

That's about all I got for now

[darkgeminisworld]

So I'm ten days late, buuuut happy 6 months anniversary of finalizing the end of a toxic friendship to myself! Looking back the signs were always there, but I was like deathly afraid of ending one of the few friendships I had so I ignored them, plus they weren't huge signs with obvious red flags, just more and more nagging if I really didn't have time to meet, or being late literally every single time and then turning around to tell me that I'm the one who's always late and he just went "if he's always late, why should I put in the effort?" when it was literally the exact other way around (to be clear, I don't care that he was always late, but he 1) denied always being late, 2) said I was the one who was always late, when really in the beginning I was always early (I've adhd and only 2 modes, "way too early" and "whoops, too late") and 3) said he only stopped trying to be on time bc I was always late). But then covid hit. And he started out cautious and reasonable, but then did a 180 and started saying the usual bs, like "it's not that serious", "they're taking our rights away over some mild disease", "well, some ppl are just gonna d1e, but idc".

And then, bc I thought that after hours of painstakingly trying to make him see that he was wrong it would be smooth sailing again, he turned out to be one of the cisallohet white dudes who earned the little ™ bc wow. Calling himself non-racist while regurgitating the rethoric of tr*mp, calling himself an ally to queer ppl but saying we're being "too much" and that we're not discriminated against, and being blatantly ableist. But of course, when I called him out on his bigoted bullshit (and I was very diplomatic and polite about it, making sure to put lots of "you might not know" "I'm sure you meant no ill" and similar stuff to sugarcoat it), I was the bad guy. And I'm a white person myself, so I don't want to know how he'd react otherwise. (I'm not gonna go into detail about all the racist crap, but I started really noticing it when he defended pigs during the blm protests). The queermisic stuff can be divided in 2 groups. One, he didn't know all about my identity, only that I'm into guys. And he still told me that I'm not discriminated against bc I "don't look gay", which I tried to unpack but he didn't understand, as well as the fact that 2 ppl of the same gender can get married (since 2017 btw). And then there's the rest, like saying we're just being "too much", that he doesn't like how we're headcanoning characters as queer, and gods forbid it's a character he personally likes, like Link. From legend of Zelda. Who is, afaik, supposed to be kinda ambiguous, gender-wise? Then there was his use of ableist language, which he didn't correct or even start to work on even after several call-outs from me.

Also we had this thing going for a little while where we were bored and decided to text back and forth with what were supposed to be self-inserts into our favorite fandoms, like the Eragon books, the PJO-verse, Star Wars. So the first point I'm going for is that my characters were all nonbinary and used they/them pronouns (English isn't our first language, but one "option" is to just use the English pronouns anyway, and I hadn't really looked very deep into German neopronouns or generally german nonbinary pronouns). And when he wasn't using "she/her", he purposefully only used "they", even in places it would've been "their" or "them". Oh, and one of his characters... did not care about consent.

Then there's the whole business with s*a and her ableist af movie, and A$, and ableism in Peta ads as well as the antivaxx bullshitters, and his stance on colonization, and how he didn't care about all the bigotry of this tiktoker who has "vegan" and "teacher" in her name, if you know her or have heard of her you know who in talking about.

He would also never apologize after a fight, acting as if it'd been 100 % my fault. And once I was fed up with that, he went manipulative and said that apparently I wasn't interested in keeping that friendship intact. Now, I've gone through years of bullying and like I said, I didn't have many friends. Still don't. But I couldn't stand the idea of losing one, even one as bad as him. So that worked to get me to apologize for a few times. Then one day, after an argument that exploded massively, he said something along the lines of "I guess this friendship will end here, then" but instead of giving in to his manipulation once again I went "yeah, guess it does". Let me tell you, he did not like this. Background info, he had one of my books and I one of his. So I asked to have my book back and he said he would burn it (he didn't, in the end. I got it back. But I don't doubt that he would've burned it). That's still not all, bc then I said fine, I would burn his book as well then. Eye for an eye, isn't it? That's when he actually threatened me. I'll skip to the next day here, bc he decided he'd miscalculated and said he hadn't meant it and wanted to have another shot at saving the friendship. He still had my book, so I didn't immediately tell to f*ck off and instead said I'd have to think about it. We exchanged the books, and after that I told him no, I did not want to try to repair the friendship bc it was draining me and just generally bad and unhealthy for me. He then proceeded to ask again, and again, and a third time. I told him to just stop and that it's over, to which he replied with the "advice" that I should get out of my bubble and live in the real world, not in my "distorted reality" (I forgot, did I mention his attempts at gaslighting me? Not very successful bc I know about kinda stuff (plus he wasn't that good), but still.). Then, on the 13th of April, I sent what still is the last message in our chat, where I made it clear, once again, that I don't want anything to do with him anymore, and it finally stuck (also bc it was a super song message where I highlighted the reasons and was considerably less than polite, though after all his crap, I think I was way nicer than I should've been, but I didn't want to get too agitated bc I'd finally gotten out of that toxic friendship.

I think these are kinda chronological (obviously with an overlap), but I'm incredibly bad at remembering events chronologically, I guess bc of my adhd? So... if you want, let me know at which point you'd have burned that bridge? Bc looking back, I'd have burned it quite a bit sooner.

Tl;dr 6 months and 10 days ago I finalized the end of a toxic friendship, dude was racist (but got super offended when called out), queermisic (never a word against gay ppl, but lgbtq+ ppl were getting "too much" and he definitely didn't respect anything outside the gender binary), ableist, defended pigs, was manipulative and tried to gaslight me.