#id still only get 7 hours of sleep. so with dinner. showering. getting ready for bed. thats at least two hours lost.

[fox-guardian]

I'm so fucked

[crackheadgeminibby]

better for you

pairing: chris evans x female!black!reader

warnings: age gap, angst, language

word count: 2.7k

a/n: this lowkey sucks and is very poorly edited, i’m sorry but on the plus side, i surpassed 400 followers yesterday!! so thank you to those 400+ people🤍🤍

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape of form or reposted on any other platform

not my picture

You didn’t consider yourself a jealous person. Much less a jealous girlfriend. Not at all. Never had and you thought you never would.

You had practically raised yourself as your parents had always been more preoccupied with their jobs. You loved your parents, you really did, but when your high school counselor told you that you could graduate high school a year and a half early, you took the opportunity to start college immediately and move out of your parents’ house. This drastic change when you were so young made you become extremely independent. Which is why your relationship with Chris worked almost perfectly. You valued your independence, as he did his, and you respected his independence, as he did yours.

As a corporate lawyer that had multiple firms around the country, you traveled a lot, needing to meet with clients. Chris, as an actor, also traveled a lot.

You both trusted the other without a doubt at the beginning of the relationship despite that Chris was, at first, a little wary of being with someone as young as you. As a 24-year-old, he thought that you should be living your life, partying, sleeping with whomever you wanted without being tied down, but you had explained to him that despite your age, those were not the things that you wanted.

You and Chris were truly made for each other, knowing the other more than they knew themselves. You would even dare to call yourselves soulmates.

Which is why you could not fathom why you were in your current situation.

You had left early in the day for California, where you were overseeing the opening and start-up of your newest firm. Chris, on the other hand, had left 3 days ago to go on some trip his publicist had arranged for him. You hadn’t bothered asking what it was about, assuming that it was about ASP. Plus, you didn’t mind it: he had to do what he had to do.

But now, you couldn’t believe yourself.

You were sitting on your hotel bed, in a white and fluffy robe, fresh out of the shower. Your computer was open in front of you, the TV was blaring the news and you had your phone in your hand. It was almost 11pm but you had been doing this for at least 3 hours. All three electronics were talking about the same thing: Are Chris Evans and Lily James dating??

It was a bit your fault that people gave themselves the right to assume things like that, to be honest, since you had been the one to pressure Chris about keeping your relationship secret. You knew that people would talk and judge you for your 15-year age gap. You, personally, didn’t care and neither did Chris but his career was dependent on his public image and you didn’t want to hold him back, especially not at a pivotal moment in his life like right now.

So, you had agreed on telling your families and your very close friends and Chris had convinced you to let him tell his publicist, Megan. God, she fucking hated you. When Chris arranged for you guys to meet, she had called you “a walking, breathing PR disaster”. You had laughed it off calling her funny, but you knew that she was 100% serious. You really shouldn’t have been surprised that she would do something so fucked up at some point.

A bunch of different news outlets were pumping out new stories every 30 minutes, each article a little more detailed than the previous. It was all over the Internet and it seemed to be the only thing that people cared about today.

Considering the 8-hour difference between London and San Francisco, you hadn’t been able to talk to Chris at all since you got to your hotel. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to talk to him. He hadn’t even tried to talk to you. Why was he avoiding you and acting like he had something to hide?

You’re reading the latest Daily Mail article on your computer about how Chris and Lily apparently got to his hotel in the same car when you hear your phone ring on the nightstand. You don’t even bother looking at the caller ID as you reach for your phone, eyes still glued to your computer and answer,

“Hello?”

You hear a loud exhale on the other end of the phone before you hear Chris’ tired voice, “Baby, hi.”

You tense up slightly before asking, trying to seem nonchalant, “What’s up?”

“Have you watched the news today?”

You bite your lip, thinking, before replying, lying through your teeth, “No, why? What’s going on?”

Chris sighs again before answering, “Nothing, it’s fine. How was your day?”

You roll your eyes. Was he seriously not going to say anything?

“Fine, but it’s really late and I have to get up early tomorrow so good night.”

You hang up the phone before Chris can answer anything. You throw the phone at the end of your bed, frustrated beyond belief.

You continue to read the Daily Mail article as you hear a message coming in. You don’t bother to get up to pick up your phone as you see the message appear on your computer screen a couple of seconds later.

chris💙, 11:01pm:

Good night baby girl. Good luck tomorrow🤍

You groan loudly at his message. Even when he had pissed you the fuck off, his words still brought butterflies to your stomach.

You disregard his message and finish reading the article. You roll your eyes as you close your computer and get up to put it on the hotel desk. As you’re walking back to bed, you take your phone from the end of the bed and put it on its charger, ready to go to bed.

You’re not sure how you manage to fall asleep that night as your mind swirls with unending thoughts.

When your alarm wakes you up at 6am the next day, you feel groggy, having slept very badly last night. Which was to be expected.

You get up and change while eating a protein bar before heading to the hotel gym: you needed to do something to get your energy up. Once you finish your workout, you head back to your room to get ready for the day.

When you get out of the shower, you open your computer and, having left the Daily Mail website open last night, you see a new article posted 2 minutes ago: Chris Evans and Lily James seen on a date in a London park.You groan loudly, closing your computer as you hear that your cell phone is receiving multiple texts.

You reach for your phone on the hotel desk and your eyes widen as you see your lock screen.

5 missed calls

12 messages

You open your Phone app seeing one call from Chris, two from your best friend, one from your brother and one from your mom.

You open the Messages app as a new message from your brother comes in.

will, 7:31am:

When did you break up with your boyfriend? And why didn’t you tell me?

you, 7:32am:

i didn’t

yet

will, 7:32am:

You know i’m gonna fucking murder him right?

You smile fondly at your brother’s concern, chuckling softly as you type your reply.

you, 7:33am:

as you should(:

You open the rest of your messages, mostly asking the same thing. You didn’t feel like talking about it anymore so, you ignore them until you get to your conversation with Chris.

chris💙, 5:22am:

Hey, I’m sure you’ve seen the articles by now.

I’m so sorry

Call me when you can, please. I really need to talk to you.

You bite your lip as you think about what to answer. You didn’t have the energy to deal with this right before your firm’s opening. Shaking your head, you lock your phone, putting it back on the desk, getting dressed.

As you get back to your hotel room, exhausted from your day, you hear your phone signal an incoming text for the millionth time today.

You sigh loudly: you knew it was Chris texting you again. You had been ignoring his texts all day because you didn’t want to get in a bad mood while you were opening the firm.

You put your purse and work bag on the floor, unlocking your phone. You open the conversation with Chris, scrolling through his messages.

chris💙, 6:15pm:

I’m leaving a bit earlier than I planned, I should be home tomorrow morning.

Are you back in Boston or are you gonna stay in LA?

You sigh, feeling guilty that you had been ignoring his texts all day. You start typing a reply, your finger hovering over the send button for a couple of seconds before clicking on it.

you, 6:17pm:

i’m still in san francisco i’m leaving tomorrow morning

As soon as your message goes through, you see the three dots pop up in the conversation.

chris💙, 6:17pm:

Oh my God, hi. Are you okay?

Can I call you?

You chew on your bottom lip: you really didn’t think he was going to answer that fast.

you, 6:18pm:

i’m about to take a shower then i’m gonna go to bed i’m really tired sorry

chris💙, 6:18pm:

Okay, I’m sorry

Good night

You groan loudly. You really didn’t know why you felt so guilty: he was the one running around with another woman. As you think about this, you realize that you didn’t really know who she was.

You shake your head at yourself as you pull up Google on your phone and look for her. You don’t even realize it but, 20 minutes later, you were now at the oldest post on her Instagram.

You curse at yourself, dropping your phone on your bed, and head to the shower.

You stay under the hot stream of the shower for at least an hour before you finally get out, toweling off.

You order some room service for dinner, settling down in front of a random show playing on the TV. After pushing your food around for half an hour, you sigh loudly, put the tray on the hotel desk and get under the covers before finally falling asleep.

You had not slept very well so you had been in a rush to leave the hotel and catch your flight to LAX in the morning. You were exhausted and hungry when you got to your shared LA home with Chris but there was no food in sight, considering that neither of you had been here in a couple of months.

As it was not too late in the day, you decide to take a nap and order some food after.

When you wake up a few hours later, the sun has already completely set and the house is pitch black. You rub the sleep out of your eyes and take your phone before heading to the living room to order some food.

As you enter the kitchen and are about to head to the living room, you hear a deep voice, “Hey, you’re up.”

Taken by surprise, you throw your phone in the direction of the sound and scream, “Holy shit!”

“Ow… What the fuck?”

You’re breathing heavily, clutching your chest as you turn on the kitchen lights, brightness illuminating the area as you see Chris holding the side of his head.

“Jesus Christ, Chris! You almost gave me a fucking heart attack!”

Chris rubs at his head as he looks towards you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Your heartbeat starts to slow down as you roll your eyes.

“What are you even doing here?”

Chris frowns and replies, “Well, you never told me where you were going to be but when I got back to Boston and you weren’t there, I assumed you were coming here.”

You groan silently, crossing your arms over your chest and raising your eyebrows,

“So, London seemed to be very fun.”

Chris shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling, before making eye contact with you, “I didn’t know that’s what the trip was about.”

You chuckle humorlessly, “Really, Chris? Since when do you go on trips, not knowing what they’re about?”

Chris exhales loudly, taking a couple of steps towards you, “I promise that I didn’t know. Megan planned everything and just sent me the info.”

You snort loudly, rolling your eyes. Chris frowns before asking, “What?”

“Megan, Chris? Really? She fucking hates me, of course she would pull a stunt like this.”

Chris frowns again, shaking his head, “What are you talking about? She doesn’t hate you.”

You laugh, this time, actually finding this funny, “Chris, she literally called me a walking disaster.”

Chris struggles to find an answer to that: he knew that Megan used this exact kind of formulation so he couldn’t deny it.

“And you know what? It’s fine. Maybe you really should be dating her instead of me.”

Chris’ face contorts in a mix of hurt and anger, “Why the fuck would you say something like that?”

“Because it’s true, Chris. She’s better for you. She’s actually your age, not a fucking child compared to you. She can give you the things you want from life that I can’t. Maybe it’s better that way.”

“What way?”

You shrug your shoulders, looking at your feet, mumbling, “If we weren’t together.”

Chris scoffs, “You literally have to be kidding me.”

Chris takes large steps, making his way towards you and takes your chin in his hand, forcing you to look at him.

“Y/N, I’ve told you before and I will tell you again. I do not give a shit about your age. And I thought you didn’t either. So, what’s the problem here?”

You bite your bottom lip nervously, “Because what if what Megan said is true? I mean… If people find out that we’re dating, the shit talking would never stop. I can’t do that to you.”

Chris sighs, enveloping you in a hug.

“Baby, it doesn’t matter. None of it matters if we’re not together.”

He lets you go, stroking your cheek, “You’re it for me. There is no one better for me than you. And no one is going to take that away from us. Not you. Not Megan. And certainly not my fans. If they love me as much as they say they do, then they’ll respect you.”

You chuckle slightly, “Chris, I don’t know what kind of fantasy you live in, but in real life, that’s not how things go.”

“Okay, but who cares? There’s two people in this relationship, you and me. Not you, me, Megan and my fans.”

You scoff, mumbling, “Yeah, tell Megan that.”

“I will. The same goes for her. I didn’t know she actually meant those things about you and I’ll tell her that she needs to knock that shit off.”

You sigh, nodding slightly, “Okay.”

“And, baby, I’m sorry.”

You furrow your brows, trying to understand, “I never should have agreed to Megan’s little plan thing. But, most importantly, I should have told you as soon as I knew. It’s just that I kinda owed Lily a favor and she needed this. But it doesn’t erase the fact that I should have been honest with you and I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

You sigh, “I know, it’s okay. I knew this kind of thing could happen when I decided to be with you, and I overreacted a bit so I’m sorry too. I knew it wasn’t true and I should have asked you about it instead of ignoring you. I just… couldn’t let go of the fact that maybe you should be with her.”

Chris shakes his head, “I shouldn’t. And I never will be.”

Chris laughs a bit before continuing, “Sorry, but you’ll have to try harder to get rid of me.”

You laugh loudly, throwing your head back. Looking back at Chris, you smile warmly before hugging him,

“I love you, Chris. Like, a lot.”

Chris chuckles, squeezing you tighter, “I love you too.”

[thefallennightmare]

Vows [2/2]

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: Angst, mention of death/suicide, alcoholism, and some swearing.

Summary: Could a weekend away be just what Sebastian and Y/N need or could it finally push them away for good? 

A/N: Here’s the long awaited second part! I’m not too sure how to feel about it but here it is! 

My heels clicked against the tiled floor of the hotel as I approached the check in desk, giving the lady behind it a small smile. 

“Hi. Reservation under Mr. Stan?”

Nails typed away on the computer and my heart dropped when I saw a look of slight fear appear on her face. “I’m sorry. Do you have a relation to Mr. Stan?”

“Yes, he’s my husband.” 

The word felt so foreign on my lips, not uttering it for months. 

“Can I see some ID please?” The lady hesitated. 

I cursed under my breath while reaching for my ID but groaned when I noticed it was missing. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I-uh-seemed to have forgotten it.” 

Running a hand through my hair, I tried to think of ways to prove who I was but suddenly, felt a presence behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I tried to stop the increase in heart beat as a small smile peaked through his beard. 

“She’s with me.” 

“Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Stan. How many key cards would you two like?” The lady questioned, her attitude changing once she realized that I was in fact with Seb. 

“Um, there should be two rooms under that reservation?” Sebastian informed her. 

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, sir. I see a reservation for our honeymoon suite.” 

I scoffed while looking towards Sebastian. “Honeymoon?!”

“Yes, ma’am. It comes with a king bed, Jacuzzi tub, and fireplace.” 

“You planned this, didn’t you? A way to torture me?” I seethed.

Sebastian raised his hands up, saying that his assistant made the reservation for him. 

“Can we book another room?” We both asked at the same time.

She shook her head once more. “I’m sorry, Mr. Stan. We’re all booked up. But if you don’t mind me asking, why do you two need separate rooms? You’re married.” 

I wasn't too comfortable with the flirtatious eyes she was sending Seb’s way. I snatched up the key card before pulling him along, muttering a quick thank you to the lady. 

“I cannot believe you booked the honeymoon suite,” I exasperated while we waited for the elevator. 

“I cannot believe you were jealous of Susan,” Seb chuckled. 

My eyes squinted in confusion and he nodded towards the front desk. 

“Oh.” 

We fell in silence as we rode the elevator up to the 6th floor where our honeymoon suite awaited us. I felt my anxiety start to take over when the thought of Sebastian and I sharing a bed clouded my mind. 

We haven’t shared a bed in so long that I forgot how he was a human heater in the way his arms would wrap around me, engulfing me. Or the way sometimes in the night, his lips would brush against my forehead in a soft kiss. 

“Y/N?” 

“Hm?” I snapped from my thoughts and looked at Seb. 

He was standing outside our room with the door open. “You coming?” 

I nodded and followed him inside. If the situation was under different circumstances, I would have been floored with the room that he booked. 

The king bed was in the middle of the room covered with those pillows that you just knew felt like sleeping on a cloud. The balcony doors were opened, a soft California breeze flowing throughout the room. The smell of the ocean filled my senses and I made a mental note to take a walk on the beach later tonight. 

I took a quick peak in the bathroom and nearly gasped at the sight. The shower was double the size of the one in our brownstone, the tub could fit three people and was in front of a window that faced the ocean. 

“Okay, this room is amazing!” I gawked back to Seb. “Are you sure your assistant didn’t do this on purpose?” 

“I promise,” Seb smiled while crossing his heart. “She made this reservation so long ago she probably thought that we would appreciate this.” 

I mirrored my own smile and started going through my suitcases. “So the rehearsal dinner is at six right?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah. Tim said we don’t have to go but we’re invited. Free food and booze.”

My nose scrunched up. “I think I’ll pass on the booze.” 

For the next little while, we both unpacked our stuff deciding not to say a word. Things were still awkward between us and honestly, I wasn’t sure what to say. I could ask him how he’s been but was afraid of finding out the answer. 

“No fucking way.” 

Seb cursed while coming out of the bathroom, phone in hand. “Guess what?” 

I shrugged my shoulders. “What?” 

“Tim called off the wedding.” 

My mouth fell agape, surprised that our best friends had called off the wedding. We were friends with them for years, both traveling and spending time together when Seb and I were first married. Tim and Brianna would always say that they hoped they would be half as happy as Seb and I were. 

“What happened?” I sat on the edge of the bed. 

Seb ran a hand over his face and hesitated for a moment before answering. “He caught her in bed with someone else.” 

“Oh Tim,” I muttered, knowing the pain he was going through.  “What do we do now?”

Seb’s mouth opened to speak but a soft knock on the door interrupted his thought. I marveled in the way his back muscles tensed as he opened the door. Susan stood on the other side of the door and I couldn’t help the jealousy that ran through me when her eyes lit up when she noticed Sebastian opened the door. 

“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Stan, but I wanted to let you know that your and Mrs. Stan’s dinner reservations for 7 pm are all set.” Her voice was professional but I could tell it was bitter to come off her lips. 

“I’m sorry,” I interrupted while standing next to Sebastian. “Dinner reservations?” 

Susan nodded. “Yes ma’am. These reservations were made when the hotel reservation was booked. It’s a private table right on the beach.” 

Bless Seb’s assistant's heart. She probably thought that she was doing this romantic thing for us at the time. 

“Can we cancel?” Sebastian asked. “Our friends called off their wedding so we’re probably going to head back home.” 

Susan shook her head. “I’m sorry Mr. Stan. Since it’s within two hours of your reservation you will have to pay a fee for canceling.” 

Seb ran a hand through his hair before nodding a thanks to Susan and shut the door. 

“What do you say? Dinner before we head home?” Seb suggested. 

“I don’t know, Sebastian. Isn’t this whole thing awkward and weird for you?” I played with my fingers while sitting on the edge of the bed again. 

He leaned against the dresser in the room that was directly in front of me and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s only weird if we make it.” 

“We’re getting divorced and you want us to have dinner like we’re still a couple?” I tried to make sense of this whole situation. 

“As friends,” he stated. “We used to be best friends before we got married, why can’t we go back to that?” 

“What would Alessandra think?” I wondered. 

“I’ll give you sometime to get ready and I’ll meet you on the beach at seven, okay?” Seb said, completely ignoring my question. 

Before I could protest even more, he left the room leaving me alone to my thoughts. 

How could we go to this romantic dinner and pretend that everything is normal when it wasn't? Sebastian made it clear months ago that he didn’t love me anymore and it took all this time to get used to it and understand that he and I would never be where we used to be. 

I fought with my inner self wondering if I had enough time to find a plane ride back home before Seb even noticed I was late to this dinner. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket and the text message on the screen made the decision final. 

Please do this with me. It will be our final dinner together before we say goodbye-Seb

My toes brushed through the sand as I made my way down towards the ocean side where I could see a table with candles surrounding it. My skirt blew in the wind and the sun setting warmed my bare arms as I opted in wearing my gold silk halter top that I knew Sebastian liked at one point. 

I halted when I noticed that even though I was a few moments later, Seb wasn’t here yet. Doubt clouded my mind, wondering if he decided against this whole thing and he had gone home. 

“Y/N.” 

Turning at the soft voice, I could help the small smile that played at my lips. 

Sebastian stood in front of me, dressed in a blue suit, and my heart soared at that vision. He knew how much I loved the way he looked in this baby blue suit. 

He pulled out my chair for me and after giving him a small smile of thanks, we were sitting across from one another. 

“I hope you don't mind but I already told the chef what we wanted,” Seb said sheepishly.

I shook my head. “No, not at all. You were always good at knowing what I liked.”

Someone had come up to the table, ready to pour some wine into my glass and before I could speak up, Seb was already pulling away the glass. “Could we actually get some water?”

The young man nodded before placing two cups of water in front of us and quietly walked away. 

“You can have a glass of wine, Seb. It’s fine,” I informed him. 

“I’m perfectly fine with the water. How is sobriety going?” 

“Really good,” I admitted with a small smile. “I haven't had a drink since the night of my brother's funeral. It’s been hard sometimes but I found a way to deal with the urge.”

“How?” Seb questioned. 

“I actually started keeping a journal. It has some poems and my thoughts of how I’m feeling. It’s kind of stupid,” I muttered. 

Sebastian immediately shook his head. “No it’s not, Y/N. Whatever helps you with the urge to drink is not stupid.” 

We fell into silence after that, our food being placed in front of us, and we ate quietly. The sound of the waves meshing together with the sound of our forks scraping along the plates. 

“You know,” Seb spoke softly, “I never asked how your family is doing. After everything.” 

I could tell he didn’t want to utter the words ‘brothers death’ so I nodded. “They’re doing okay. My dad took it really hard. You should have seen him at the funeral, Seb. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.”

“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there,” Sebastian apologized. 

A shaky breath fell from my lips. “I’ve tried too hard not to blame myself for not being there for him. Maybe if I tried to talk to him more, to figure out what was wrong with him. All he needed was someone to talk to, to listen to him, but we weren’t there; I wasn’t there.” 

Seb’s hand reached across the table and gently grabbed mine. “None of this is your fault, Y/N. Your brother was dealing with so many demons.”

I shook my head. “But I could have been there for him more. I was so wrapped up in our divorce and dealing with being alone that I didn’t even think of reaching out to my family because I was afraid of what they would say.” 

Hastily wiping a tear away with my free hand, my sad eyes looked at our tangled fingers and Sebastian hesitated before pulling away. 

Just the small touch of our hands together brought so much warmth. I had no idea how much I missed his touch until I felt it again. 

The sun was setting even lower and the golden rays brushed softly across his features, showering him in such a glow that made me want to climb into him, crashing our lips together. 

“I promised your mom I wouldn’t tell you this but she called me a few weeks ago,” Seb admitted. 

“She did?” My eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

He nodded. “She was wondering how you were doing and made me promise to look after you.” 

“Sorry, I haven’t told her about us. She still thinks we’re married.” 

“I promised her that I would make sure you were safe and happy. I wouldn’t let those same demons that your brother dealt with bring you down.” 

I let out a soft sob and averted my gaze from Sebastian, not wanting him to see how broken I actually was. 

It had been months since my brother's death and getting the divorce papers. No matter how hard I tried to bury away those memories and feelings of heartbreak, it still chipped away at my heart. I wasn’t happy anymore, the bright light behind my eyes was long gone. 

Sebastian was off with his girlfriend, happier than he ever was with me. He was living in the home we had built together, metaphorically, and I was the last thing on his mind.

I refused to show him that every night I cry myself to sleep, longing for the feeling of his arms around me, helping me deal with everything. I needed him so much but I couldn’t have him. He wasn’t mine anymore and it was so hard to accept. 

I wasn’t the same person I was when we met. Back then I was confident in myself and knew that I was enough for him. I trusted him when he would be gone for months at a time and knew that he would always come back to me. A few years into our marriage, however, everything changed. 

My self esteem dropped every time I saw Sebastian with his female co-stars. The thoughts of if I was pretty enough or if I was pleasing him enough flooded my thoughts constantly. Our shared moments of bliss started to disappear and after that one night, it had dissipated to nothing. 

‘Please Seb, don’t go.” I cried while reaching for his hand. 

He yanked his arm away from me before the look of hate pierced my soul. “Why should I stay, Y/N?! You clearly don’t need me third wheeling.” 

His stare landed on the man that stood frozen on our steps of the brownstone. 

“It’s not what you think,” I pleaded with a slight slur. “Please listen.” 

“Isn’t it?!” Sebastian's anger vibrated off the walls. “I thought I would surprise you by coming home early but end up finding you with some other guy in our home!” 

“If you would just listen to me,” I begged. “We weren’t doing anything. He was only making sure I made it home from the bar okay.” 

Seb scoffed. “Really? Then why were you half naked in front of him when I found you?” 

“Just let me explain, please.” 

I stumbled over my feet as I tried to follow him outside of our home. The alcohol was incredibly strong, making it difficult to see straight. 

“I’m done, Y/N. We’re through.” 

“Y/N?” 

Snapping back from my thoughts, I noticed that Seb was looking at me with a concerned face. 

“Are you alright?” 

The words stumbled from my lips before I could stop myself. “I never cheated, Seb. That night was a huge misunderstanding.” 

His body immediately tensed, being caught off guard by my words. 

“I’m not talking about this, Y/N. It’s done. It happened and that's it.” 

“Nothing happened!” I suddenly snapped. “I swear to God, you think you know what happened but you don’t!” 

“What is there to explain, Y/N?! I find you in your underwear with another guy!” Seb’s voice was now raised to match my own. 

“I thought he was you!” I admitted. “I got so drunk that I thought this nice guy that offered to walk me home was you! I know getting drunk was no excuse but I was so lonely that I drank that night away in a bar. You told me you weren’t coming back for another two weeks and I thought that guy was you. Turns out he was gay and was actually trying to get me into bed to sleep.” 

“Oh.” 

I scoffed. “Oh? That’s all you have to say?” 

“What else do you want me to say, Y/N?” Seb retorted back. 

“How about I’m sorry for assuming that you had an affair?” 

When he stayed silent, I shook my head with a look of disbelief. “This is why I didn’t want to have this stupid dinner. We can’t be together for more than an hour before screaming at each other!” 

I stood from the table but froze when Seb did the same. “Then why haven’t you signed the damn divorce papers?! You keep trying to keep me around and it’s selfish, Y/N. How can I move on if you won’t sign those papers?!”

“Because I still love you! I’m not ready to let you go. It’s not fair that Alessandra gets to spend time with you on those vacations and gets to see you so happy. It’s not fair that she gets to share the same bed with you, our bed. It’s not fucking fair that she gets your love when I don’t! So call me selfish, I don’t care. But if you want those papers signed so damn bad then I will sign them when I get back home.” 

I went to storm away, back to the hotel room, however the great feeling of finally being able to tell Sebastian my true feelings kept surging through me. 

“I’m not done yet,” I spoke while facing him again. 

He was standing a few feet away from me with his hands deep into his pockets. His eyes held confusion, trying to let the words ‘i still love you’ process in his mind. 

“In our wedding vows, you promised me that we would work through whatever issues we had. You would listen before assuming the worst. What changed?” 

Sebastian let out a deep breath. “Honestly, I knew we were growing apart and I was looking for an easy out.” 

Those words stung but I nodded, accepting it. “I know that I haven't signed the papers but you haven't either. Why?”

“I’m afraid,” Seb admitted. 

“Of what?” 

“Starting over, I guess. What we had was all I had ever known. A part of me knows that we were so in love and we had some amazing times together. We were passionate about everything together, our dreams were in sync and hell, even in the bedroom we were in sync.” 

My cheeks flushed at the thoughts of us in bed together but let Sebastian continue. 

“I think the reason why we grew apart was that we never had time to grow on our own. Y/N, I was the only guy you had ever been with and it put a lot of pressure on me to make sure you weren’t missing anything.” 

“You’re the only one I ever wanted, Seb.” I let the tears fall this time. “I had so much pressure on myself to keep you interested and happy. You knew all these beautiful girls and were around them all the time. Drinking was the only way I could deal with the jealousy. In the end, it only pushed you away.” 

“You were the only one I was thinking about when I was gone.” Sebastian coughed, trying to cover a sob. “I loved you so much, Y/N. I never wanted to be with anyone else.”

“What about now?,” I wondered. “How do you feel about me now? Do I still make your heart skip a beat when I walk into the room or does your stomach do those flips whenever I laugh?” 

I could tell that he was in deep thought, truly wondering what he felt for me. 

“Please be honest. I need to know the truth to move on.” I sobbed. “If you tell me that you never want to see me again and want me out of your life, then I will walk away from you right now. I’ll go back home tomorrow and deliver the divorce papers to your lawyer, signed. But if there is even a slight chance you want me, then please let me know.” 

For the first time in a very long time, I saw Seb break down and cry. His soft sobs broke me and I fought the urge to run into his arms. 

“I don’t know. I should have stayed away from you the moment I sent you the divorce papers but I couldn’t. I found myself making excuses to come see you, to be with you. I tried to move on, hoping being with someone else would make it easier to forget about you but it only made it worse.”

“Then why didn’t you stay with me?” I choked. 

“I was afraid,” Sebastian admitted. 

“Afraid of what?” I pressed on with the questions. 

However I noticed that Seb’s body tensed up, the topic suddenly coming to an immediate halt. 

“We should head back, it's getting dark.” He motioned towards our hotel room behind me. 

“Not until you answer the question. What were you afraid of?” I stood tall, arms crossed. 

Sebastian shook his head, the same sour scowl appeared on his face that I had become all too familiar with. 

“I need some space,” was all he said before leaving me alone. 

Yet again. 

My body thrashed against the bed sheets, tossing and turning, trying to let sleep take me. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore did nothing to calm my tired brain. Darkness engulfed the room, the only light casting on the wall opposite of my back from the moon outside. 

The throbbing knocking of a headache kept pressing against my skull and now matter what I could do, I couldn’t stop the tears from staining the pillow case. 

I had returned to the hotel room, alone, and after crying in the shower for over an hour, I mustered all of my strength to throw a tshirt and a pair of underwear on before crawling into bed. Seb hadn’t returned yet and the only thing that let me know he was still in town was that his bags were still neatly placed on the other side of the room, next to the mini bar. 

The mini bar that had called to me so many times since returning. I fought the urge, ignoring the temptation and only thinking of one thing that mattered to me anymore. 

My sobriety. 

Letting out a deep sigh, I clutched the pillow closer to me and as I heard the door click open behind me, my body tensed. 

Thinking I was asleep, Sebastian quietly undressed himself before softly climbing into bed not wanting to wake me. Our backs were to one another and the space between us was cold and alone. 

The space between us was a representation of how far away we had felt from one another, emotionally. 

It was made clear by me that I still selfishly loved him and refused to sign the papers because I had hope that we would work through this like we worked through all of our other problems. 

Sebastian made it clear that he was afraid of letting me go, he was comfortable with me and he wasn’t sure if love was the right word to express his feelings for me. He was afraid of telling me why. 

As the tears returned, I buried my face into my pillow to silence my cries, not wanting to let Sebastian know I was awake. 

There was a sudden shift in the bed, the mattress dipping low as Seb’s body rolled over towards me. Suddenly, I felt all the bad melt away as his arm wrapped around my stomach, pulling me into his bare chest. 

“Please stop crying. I can’t take it anymore knowing I’m the reason why,” he breathed into my hair. 

The familiar feeling of his chest against my back seemed to calm my sobs for a moment. 

“I know I need to move on and let you go but I can’t. I love you, Seb.” I cried. 

“I know sweetheart, I know.” Seb hushed my cries by pulling me closer to him. 

Turning to my side, I buried my face into him. The small hairs of his chest tickling my cheeks. My hands clutched his hips, afraid this was all a dream and that he would vanish at any second. His soft lips brushed against my forehead before I felt him take a deep breath. 

“I was afraid of not living up to the husband I vowed to be. I loved you so much, Y/N and I wanted to give you everything you deserved. That’s why I took as many jobs as I could, so I could provide for you and our future.” 

“I was afraid that you’d wake up one day and realize that I wasn’t worth fighting for. I thought that being away from you and causing you all this pain would make it easier for you to leave me but in the end it only brought us closer I think.” 

Pulling away from him, I looked into his eyes. “How so?” 

His soft fingers gently brush a stand of hair from my eyes. “We both needed time to grow and realize what we truly wanted.” 

Licking my lips, my gaze bounced from his plump lips towards the soft glow of love oozing from his eyes. 

“And what is it that you want?” I gulped. 

Our eyes locked and no words were spoken as Seb leaned down, his lips meeting mine for the first time in over a year. All the time apart meant nothing, both remembering the way our lips would move together in sync. His hand cupped my cheek, afraid that I would pull away, while my arms snaked around his neck, deepening the kiss. 

Unfortunately, we both needed to come up for air and reluctantly pulled away. Seb’s thumb brushed my cheek bone and I closed my eyes at the familiar touch. 

“What about-?”

Sebastian hushed the name from my lips with a soft kiss. “It’s been over for months. I tried to move on but nobody is you.” 

“I vow to remain sober and whenever I have issues with myself or I’m feeling myself pulling away from you, that I will talk to you about it. I vow that I will be the woman you fell in love with all those years ago. Just please don’t leave me. I need you so much more than you know.” I pressed my lips to his again, loving the way they tasted. 

Sebastian brushed his lips against my hairline, breathing in my scent. “I want you, all of you, now and for the rest of my life. This I vow to you.” 

“I love you, Sebastian Stan.” I breathed. 

“I love you too, Y/N Stan. More than you will ever know,” Sebastian mused. 

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

one night stand au for the ask game! (if ur still playing lols)

Yes I most definitely am! (Sorry this took us a sec, I had to consult with my better half 💕 )

This one has been unintentionally underwraps for months, but we work on it pretty much every night. This is a HotchReid roleplay fic, set in an AU where Reid doesn't join the BAU until season 3. And ends up meeting/sleeping with Hotch literally the night before his first day. But they don't know they will be working together when they do, not until Reid is walking into Hotch's office the next morning. And as hard as they try to have that be the end of it -- Hotch is his boss after all, they just can't be doing this -- they find themselves breaking the rules they set down for themselves. Again, and again, and again.

There's so much sex in this, we've already written at least 250k words and we're still going. It's so good. But it is... a lot of sex.

The lovely @spencehotchner writes for Hotch, and I'm writing for Spencer.

With +250k in my docs I feel like I kind of have to include a snippet, so it's below the cut. It's safe for work, sorry folks, just super long. Because I ramble like a mofo so my entries are so, so long. We still need to edit/beta everything but we do plan to post it at some point. Some day. It's too good to keep to ourselves.

--

Aaron smiles up at him goofily as Spencer tugs him up. "Mm, I'm coming, I'm coming." He scrambles up and follows him.

He would make breakfast if he could. He would make it so good, and kiss Spencer over coffee, and get to know him all day. He’d ask all the questions he wants to ask-- what makes him tick. What puts that beautiful smile on his face. What makes his brain whir, and his heart spin, and his body go electric. He wants to know all of the things that turn Spencer on, even outside of sex. He wants to know what he wakes up for in the morning. What he tastes like after a good cup of coffee.

Fuck work.

"What time do you get off work?" he asks.

Spencer turns to him, eyes wide and... hopeful. Fuck. Aaron is watching him, with this content and appraising look, like he's thinking of things they don't have time for -- not just the sexy things, but other things. He'd said something about coffee the night before, and for the first time since Spencer got word he'd been offered the position at the BAU, he really wished he didn't have to start today. He'd been looking forward to it for weeks.

But all he wants right now is to drink coffee with Aaron in his kitchen.

"Um, well -- first day and all. New team, new boss. Usually I'm nine to five, normal hours, but I don't know how late I'll be there or... if I'll be off early," he glances at Aaron from beneath his lashes, fingers still tangled together, shower beating against the tile behind them and steaming up the room. He pulls the man with him beneath the spray, straight into a kiss that's wet and slick as the shower warms them and sluices down their skin. 

He tries to pretend he isn't still shaking a little, aftershock tremors of their morning sex, and nerves about what Aaron is going to ask him. If he's going to ask him. 

"Did you have something in mind?" he dares to ask, and it's quiet and barely heard over the shower, but Spencer does ask it. He's proud of himself for that. The affect Aaron is already having on him is palpable, and Spencer likes it -- likes the way Aaron makes him feel. In general, and about himself.

Aaron hums, placing a small kiss on his lips, hiding a smile. "Yeah, well. There's this thing called dinner that people often do at night. I was planning on having it. Was wondering if you'd maybe join me."

It’s not subtle, not in the slightest, but Aaron is through with subtle for the moment. He’s ready to lay it out on the line, here. I want you, I know you want me.

Spencer's heart is about to beat out of his throat, and he smiles so wide he's all teeth and upturned lips and a deluge of pecks to Aaron's own smile that he tries to hide from him. They're basically the same height, the man can't hide a thing from Spencer when they are pressed this close.

"I'd love to," he beams, kissing him again a little deeper, a little more playful, and he's going to make them both late at this rate. But God, does Spencer love kissing Aaron. "I'd love nothing more."

Aaron smiles, pinching his side playfully. "Yeah? Well, I guess that means I'll have to get your number."

Aaron can imagine it now-- being on a case, seeing Spencer’s number on the device in his hand as he texts him good night. Them talking throughout the day today, in the future, little check ins on each other, because Aaron is sure he’s not going to be able to get this boy off his mind. It’ll be a struggle to do anything but text him all day.

He runs a hand through Spencer’s wet curls, playing with the ends of the strands, trying to memorize the way the shower’s steam paints a blush on Spencer’s cheekbones. Watercolor. Aaron could see him as a work of art.

God, he had to be crazy. But going home at night with a random stranger was crazy for him. Standing in his shower the next morning was crazy for him. Asking for his number was crazy for him.

Crazy felt good.

"Play your cards right, you might even get my last name," Spencer says cheekily, giggling and dodging out of the way as Aaron tries to pinch his side again. 

But he's... so happy, so delirious with it, that nothing could ruin his day now. Because he was going to have dinner with Aaron after his first day at work for the BAU, which he'd been dreaming about since Jason Gideon used it a lure to recruit him into the FBI just after his second Ph.D. 

For the first time, in a long time, his life felt pretty perfect.

Aaron grins and steals another long, slow kiss from him, feeling light and airy and good.

Fucking hell, does he feel good.

They get out of the shower and Aaron dresses as quickly as he can, because he really does need to go. As soon as he's dressed, though, he's pulling a half dressed Spencer into his arms to kiss him again.

Spencer manages to get into briefs and slacks and is trying to color coordinate some kind of dress shirt and sweater combination with a tie (literally everything is clean, this shouldn't be this hard) when Aaron is there pulling him into a searing kiss. Still damp from the shower, dressed in his clothes from last night, smiling against his mouth and Spencer can't help how he huffs out a laugh and kisses back with just as much enthusiasm. 

He really didn't want the man to go. But it was quickly approaching 7:00a.m. and D.C. traffic had to be hell, even with a cab. Spencer had always taken the train when he was at MIT, the East coast had a well established system. So he'd decided the week prior he would just do the same here and save himself the daily morning anxiety attack of trying to make it to work on time on his own. That's what public transportation was for. Regulated, mass transit. Set arrival and departure times. A soothing balm if there ever was one.

"Give me your phone," he says with a smile, still so close he basically speaks against Aaron's mouth. He takes the offered iPhone and puts his number in under his name, just his first name. Ready to make the man earn the rest of his personal information.

Maybe, if dinner went well, they'd have... all night to get to know each other. Was it too much to hope Aaron would stay the night again? Probably, but Spencer was in a dreaming mood. Reach for the stars, might as well. With everything going so well, it was only a matter of time before something happened to interfere.

God, he hoped they didn't catch a case on his first day.

Aaron smiles down at the name on his screen. Spencer. He pulls him into one more final kiss, his head spinning pleasantly. There will be more where that came from, he reminds himself. Prays hard in that moment to whoever is listening that he’ll be able to make it to... 

"Tonight," he promises. "I'll see you then."

--

The BAU Section Chief, SES Erin Strauss, is the one to greet Spencer when he arrives at the FBI building in Quantico. She's a stern woman, but friendly enough for someone in such a position of authority, and she seems very pleased that Spencer is there to join the team. Calls him 'Dr. Reid' often enough he knows either Gideon or his former team leader had mentioned it was something he was particular about -- or she was more concerned about his appeal politically than what he can do for the team.

He didn't let it sour his mood, though, because the morning had just been... too good to be ruined by something as trivial as that. Spencer had gotten the job, he was there in the building, had just received his badge and his gun and his ID card for the key-padded doors and a whole slew of other orientation day milestones.

And now he was on the seventh floor, about to walk into the Behavior Analysis Unit, where he can see people milling about busy as worker bees and his chest swells with nervousness and excitement and too many emotions to name. 

If not for Aaron, and their amazing night and morning together, Spencer would be all nerves and worry -- but the morning sex alone was enough to knock a lot of that tension out of his spine and shoulders. He was ready for today, more ready than he'd ever thought he'd be.

Chief Strauss leads him into the 'bullpen', as she calls it, a lower level agent holding the door open for both of them, and then she's leading him to a cluster of desks that must be part of the new team he's joining.

"Good morning," she says, startling a trio that was talking animatedly over coffee -- and then all eyes are on Spencer. "This is Dr. Spencer Reid, I'm sure you were expecting him. Is Agent Hotchner in, yet?"

The three standing there very obviously fight rolling their eyes, and Spencer gets the feeling it's not about him or his title as 'Dr. Reid' -- or he hopes not anyway. His hopes are confirmed when a pretty, petite blonde smiles sweetly and sincerely at him and introduces herself as "Jennifer Jareau, but call me JJ", the communication liaison for the unit. A position Spencer wasn't aware existed, but he could definitely see the merits of it. Then, she addressed Chief Strauss.

"Hotch is always here by 8:00 a.m." she says, in a way that was somehow not condescending, but probably should have been. "He'll be up in his office waiting for you, ma'am."

"Thank you. Agent Morgan. Agent Prentiss." She nods to the others, and Spencer merely waves and grimaces a smile, wanting to actually introduce himself and hoping the others understand at least a little bit. He isn't sure he can actually say no to the woman who was his boss's boss. 

"Erin, are you going to let him meet anyone?" says a voice from above them, just a half a level above the bullpen where offices line the walls -- and it's fucking David Rossi. Standing there, in the flesh, and Spencer is actually a little starstruck. Since when had David Rossi come out of retirement? He knows he's gaping a little bit, mouth parted on a million and one questions to ask the man, but at Chief Strauss's huff of indignation, he lets his jaw snap shut. 

Later. He can ask later. 

"Is Agent Hotcher ready for Dr. Reid? I'm sure you all have a case to go over," she says in a drone, and Spencer's stomach drops at that. Fuck, he hopes they don't have a case. He... has a date. That would probably be a bad excuse.

"I don't know," David Rossi says in a teasing lilt, then merely turns to the side and speaks into an open office door. "Hotch, you ready for Dr. Reid." 

Spencer is blushing down to his roots, and Rossi merely winks at him to show he's joking. Apparently, Chief Strauss was being over the top and not just like this all the time. That kind of makes the situation worse, in his opinion.

Strauss doesn't wait for an answer, and starts up the stairs with Spencer following and trying to get used to the team dynamic. David Rossi actually pats him on the shoulder as he tries to slip by. "Don't worry, he's all bark and only a little bite. And I'm pretty sure he still hasn't read your file yet." 

Well, that's not exactly promising.

Aaron still manages to show up about 15 minutes earlier than he had planned on. He had an extra suit at the locker in the office, and just went straight there to get dressed.

Which, of course, meant he had to run into David.

"So," David says, a shit-eating grin on his face. "Someone didn't need a ride home last night."

Aaron keeps his face stoic as he adjusts his tie, sitting down at his desk. "Do you need something, Dave?"

"Who was she?" David just barrels on, raising an eyebrow. "I wasn't under the impression that you were on the prowl last night, but I was apparently wrong."

Aaron stares him down.

"That good, huh?" Dave just grins, and grins and grins, and Aaron doesn't let the fact that he's had the most amazing morning in years show through on his face. Nothing can take away the fact that, on his phone, there's a number with the name Spencer beside it.

"I'm an adult," Aaron says, simple as that. "Now, can you leave? I still have to go over the--"

"Oh, he's here!" Dave says, looking out the door. Aaron's blinds are closed, and he raises an eyebrow. "Oh, he's young. Erin are you going to let him meet anyone?" David says as he steps out of the door.

Aaron laughs to himself, straightens his tie again, prepares himself to meet the newest team member. He hopes whoever this is will be good for him-- good for the team. He's nervous. He loves his team, thinks they have a great dynamic. Change is... different. After Elle had left, things had been rocky. No one could replace her, but this new kid was supposed to be something special.

Aaron would just have to see about that.

"Come in," he says, busying himself with some files to look like he isn't anticipating the worst, when a knock rasps at his door.

Chief Strauss knocks at the Unit Chief's door, the team leader that Spencer would be directly under for the foreseeable future, and just walks on in -- in fact, the knock seems a little last second. Like she doesn't usually announce herself when she comes in, and is on her best behavior in front of Spencer.

He's not sure why, it's not like he wouldn't find out how everything works around here eventually. He isn't going anywhere.

"Aar- ahem, Agent Hotchner," again, with the hesitation, acting formal. Spencer looks around the dark wooded office lined with books on Law and sadism and serial killers alike, until he turns to the desk against the wall. "This is Dr. Spencer Reid, your newest team member."

Sitting there is a man in a dark suit, broad shouldered, black hair, bent over some files spread on his desk and seemingly very intent on his work. Finishing whatever he was making note of before looking up at them.

Dark eyes. Darker lashes. Tunnel vision stare that pierces through Spencer, and all the breath escapes his lungs.

No.

Strauss turns back to him with a tight, friendly smile; unaware of the bomb that has just gone off inside Spencer's head.

"Dr. Reid, meet your new Unit Chief: Supervisory Special Agent, Aaron Hotchner."

[ravenforce]

Begin Again Pt. 1

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x OC!Daughter x Surprise!Character

Word Count: 1827

Warning/s:  Nothing? Except this will be a multi-chapter because this part is long AF, as per usual. LOL. 

A/N: Hey loves, I’m sorry for being MIA for a long time. I bled my heart and soul in this fic, and I guess I’m not really ready to end this journey. This fic is an alternative ending to See You in A minute, meaning Stardust didn’t happen. I hope you’ll like it. If you haven’t read the whole installation, I’ll put the links below. xx

Series: See You In A Minute | I’ll Never Love Again | Stardust

Alt. Ending: Begin Again Pt. 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

It’s quiet hilarious to see a room full of super powered being clamouring to have little Asya on their arms, cooing soft words of love and affirmation to the little miracle that is your daughter but it’s also reassuring. Seeing the Avengers, literally assembled for your daughter’s birth grounds Natasha in a way that she hasn’t felt in a long time since you passed. Seeing her family around your daughter gives her the strength and confidence that she can, indeed, do this because she’s not alone, not really.

***

Raising Asya as a single mother was overwhelming for Natasha. She wasn’t ready, not really. She thinks its infinitely better if you were there waking up at the middle of the night to a wailing child after putting her down only half an hour ago.

There were so many days where she imagines you in Tony’s place, offering to take over Asya so she can catch more than a few minutes of sleep. There were so many days where she wishes it’s you that’s making your daughter laugh instead of Thor. There were so many nights after she put Asya down to sleep where she breaks down and cries because she misses you.

She misses your light, your warmth, your arms around her, your steadfast belief in her ability to be good and your constant reassurance that she’s enough. She misses your undying support that even though she can do everything she puts her mind into, she doesn’t have to because she has you. You stood by her, you fought alongside her, you loved her, you carried half of her burden and God does she wish to have you back in her arms if only the world’s a wish-granting machine.

But Natasha knew a long time ago that the world is cruel. So she allowed herself to break down at nights but come morning, Natasha resolves to be the best version of herself to be the mother Asya deserves.

***

Three

Toddlers are a handful, except Asya’s not like any other kid who yells and wails and pulls a tantrum to get what they want. No, Asya is very diplomatic. Ever since she learned her words, Asya has been a very good communicator since.

How she’s talking way too straight for a three years old was beyond all of them. Except for Tony and the pediatrician and child psychologist Bruce brought in, with Natasha’s approval of course, believe that Asya may be speaking straighter than most kids her age because of the stimulus around her. Asya lives with three adults and an eleven-year-old, no one talks to her like she’s a baby. So she doesn’t talk like one either.

At three, Asya and Natasha have developed a very close bond. Even though they live and share common spaces with the Starks, she’s closest to her mother. She loves following Nat around, and Nat doesn’t complain about it. She’s a brilliant, radiant child and Nat loves being with her because Asya, amidst not meeting you, carries on so much of you in her; not just your eyes, and it makes Nat feel like she has her best friend back.

***

Nat and Asya have established a fairly good routine by now. Every morning, Nat takes her on her morning hike around the property where they sweat and soak up some sun. Asya loves hiking with Nat, where halfway she asked her mother to give her a piggyback ride. Nat doesn’t complain, Asya practically weights anything. Asya also uses this time to ask Nat questions about anything and everything under the sun. Sometimes she makes Nat tell her stories about you and Nat talks her head off until they get back to the house.

After hiking, they would shower and then have some breakfast, mostly with the Starks. Nat's lucky that Asya’s not a picky eater. Breakfast is always a joy, the Starks loves Asya especially Morgan who treats her like a baby sister. Sometimes, Peter would swing by to catch up with Iron Dad, and his adoptive siblings.

***

After breakfast, everyone breaks off to do their stuff. Nat goes to S.H.I.E.L.D three times a week to help Deputy Director Hill on things. It has been a careful deliberation and discussion with her family before everyone agreed that not being coop up in the house is good for Nat. Tony only agreed after Nat promises that she'll do solely HQ work, no mission of any kind whatsoever.

Nat brings Asya along with her. At first, Nat was hesitant but Asya knows how to behave especially when she’s in public. She stays at her mother’s side or Auntie Maria when Nat has to step away for a minute.

After Asya’s first visit, S.H.I.E.L.D gave her an official ID that allows her to enter the premises. On her second visit, Maria gave her a tailored S.H.I.E.L.D uniform with ‘Romanova-Y/L/N' embroidered on it, which she insisted on wearing every time they go to work. Asya strutting around the HQ in her uniform gave her power over all agents on duty, Director Fury included. Nat rolls her eyes lovingly every time Asya bats her long eyelashes to get everyone to scram and procure whatever she wants.

“She is truly both yours and Y/N's daughter,” Maria commented after sitting next to Nat on the command center and watching Asya interact with the other agents.

“I’m scared that she’s this good at three,” Nat said chuckling.  

***

Maria never asks Nat to stay in the HQ all day, and in the event does she does, Maria always takes them to dinner. Nat and Maria maintained a very professional relationship between them in the past but without you and before Asya, Nat became more reclusive which worried her family. So Maria took a chance at friendship the moment she heard about Asya. Nat was surprised when Maria herself, without Nick, came down with flowers to congratulate her. They’ve become really good friends since then.

If Nat's dismissed from HQ early, Nat always brings Asya to Stardust Diner – your favorite - either before or after they go to a museums, library and/or the aquarium. Asya’s sense of wonder came from you, which only makes Nat fall in love with your little miracle more.

***

At night, a part of their nightly rituals is either Nat reading one of your books or showing her the scrapbook the team made to Asya. It’s a collection of photos with you that they’re able to unearth on their camera rolls. Most of them are hilarious, especially those photos of you goofing around with the boys. Some of them are downright sweet, like the photo of you and Wanda cuddling one movie night or the photo of you on Thor's back when you sprained your ankle after a recon mission. Looking at the photos always reminds Nat that she’s not grieving alone, the whole team, the whole family lost you too.

Sometimes it’ll be overwhelming for Nat, and Asya - bless her attentiveness and empathy - would close the scrapbook herself and cuddle her mother. On nights like this, Asya always ends up sleeping over in Nat’s room.

“It’s okay mama, I miss mom too,” Asya would murmur half asleep as she lay on Nat’s chest.

Even though it still hurts, Asya’s presence never fails to soothe her aching heart and soul. With Asya secure in her arms, Nat still sleeps with some semblance of peace.

***

Five

Life will keep moving forward whether you get on it or not but life was put on hold one morning after everyone received Thor’s request for an emergency meeting at HQ. The tension in the room is so thick, one can cut it with a plastic spoon. Tony’s pacing the room, Carol’s bouncing her leg on her seat, even Bucky’s tapping his fingers on the table.

“Relax. I’m sure it’s nothing,” Nat tried to assure the team.

“I don’t know how to relax. The last time we were all in the same room the world was ending,” Tony whispered through gritted teeth. Pepper put a hand on his shoulder and he instantly stopped moving and sighed.

“Maybe I should go check on Thor?” Carol asked as she rises from her chair, unable to sit still any longer. She’s nervous too, Tony’s right the last time they were all gathered together they lost you and Vision.

Just as Carol changed into her Captain Marvel uniform, an alarm sounded in the room; signaling Thor’s spaceship landing in the compound. Their collective hearts hammered as strong as the engines of the spacecraft.

“Finally,” Scott sighed.

***

It took a couple of more minutes before the engines died down. By the time, its entrance opened the whole team has gathered at its mouth. Director Fury and Deputy Director Hill are standing a little further, watching the whole scene.

“What’s happening Nick?” Maria asked.

Nick just shook his head. “Wait for it,” he said.

Rocket was the first to board off, he is still salty as per usual. Everyone gave him high fives. When he got to Nat and Asya, he smiled. Asya ruffled his head, everyone’s shock Rocket didn’t make a fuss.

“You’re in for a surprise, kid,” he said as he handed Asya a space rock. Asya and Morgan's growing a collection, most of them are from Carol. Asya thanked his furry little uncle before turning her attention to the rock.

Before Nat could say anything, Loki and Thor walked out of ship together. Nat tried to read the Asgardians but they’re not giving themselves away. The moment Thor set foot on dirt, there’s a cacophony of greetings and questions.

“Woah! Woah! Take a breathe people, there is no threat,” Thor said.

“If there’s no threat then why haul everyone here? Even T'Challa left Wakanda for this,” Sam said a little frustrated.

Before Thor can say anything else, everyone turned at the sound of another footstep inside the ship. When the person whose said footsteps belong to emerged, every single one of them lost their breath and their tether to earth and sanity.

***

Stepping off the spaceship was none other than you.

Taglist: @natthisback @5aftermidnight

[halstudandruz]

Told You So

Pairing: Adam x reader

Warnings: None

A/N: I don’t love how this ended but hope you enjoy it anyway!

*Gif is not mine*

You pulled out your phone to open the text after you felt it vibrate.

“ I love you, always.”

You smiled quickly typing back your reply.

“Good luck. I love you too. Be safe.”

Dating a cop was not easy. Let alone someone part of the Intelligence unit in Chicago. It came along with a lot of worries, fear, anxiety, and what seemed like more alone time than time spent with your partner. But that’s what you had to deal with when dating someone like Adam Ruzek. Someone who loved his job, and lived by it. As you made yourself dinner, making sure to make extra to put in the fridge for Adam you flashbacked to the night you made each other that promise.

Adam was working on a case which meant he wasn’t going to be home until late. You two had been dating for about 7 months. The only problem was the longer you were with him the more anxious you got. As your love grew for him so did your worries. Every time your phone rang your heart dropped before looking at the caller ID, every time he left for work you wondered if he would be coming back. It was only a matter of time right? There was no way he couldn’t get hurt with the amount of danger he was put in everyday. Of course you couldn’t share these thoughts with Adam. He’s had people leave him because of his job before, and you didn’t want to be one of those girls. Even though it was hard it was part of the reason you loved him so much. However, today you hadn’t heard from Adam in over 5 hours, and your anxiety was quickly taking over. You found yourself glancing at your phone every two minutes despite you trying to distract yourself. You understood that he was working, but a simple “Hey, I hope you’re having a good day.” Text would’ve sufficed. By the time he came walking in the door two hours later you were on the verge of driving to the unit yourself. You flew into his arms holding tight slightly knocking him backwards causing him to drop his bag. You heard him chuckle before regaining his balance and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Well, hello to you too beautiful.” He smiled kissing the top of your head. Now that you knew he was okay the anger began to take over you replacing the anxiety that was there. You crossed your arms against your chest taking a few steps back from him throwing him a glare. “Uh.. I’m getting mixed signals here.” He raised his eyebrow while taking his jacket off to hang it up.

“I haven’t heard from you in 7 hours!” You raised your voice.

“Sorry, I was working.” He shrugged walking past you to grab and drink out of the fridge before leaning up against the counter.

“And you couldn’t take 2 seconds out of your day to text me back?” You questioned turning towards him.

“No actually we were quite busy. You know trying to catch a murderer and all.” He rolled his eyes, “Why are you so worked up?” He asked taking a drink of his water.

“Maybe because I was worried sick that my boyfriend was dead?” You shouted getting angrier at his calm demeanor.

“Come on, [Y/N], you’re being ridiculous. Stop exaggerating. This isn’t anything new. I do this everyday why are you acting like this all of a sudden?” He snipped back harsher than before.

“Seriously Adam! I’ve tried to keep it to myself, but I can’t help but worry when you’re out doing that everyday. You’re in danger constantly. I’m sorry that all I wanted was a simple text so I know that you’re okay.” You yelled at first, but got quieter with each word.

“Well, I’m sorry to break to to you [Y/N], but I don’t always have time to text you back. If you can’t handle that then you should probably just leave now because you’ve got a long life ahead of you if you’re already worrying like this. I warned you what you were getting into before we started dating.” He said calmly walking past me into the living room, but you seen the hurt clear in his eyes. You walked into your room slamming the door before breaking down. You knew you shouldn’t have said anything to him, but maybe he’s right. Maybe this is too much to deal with. You fell asleep trying to distract your mind from the stupid thoughts. You were woken up by the alarm blaring next to your head, quickly turning it off you got up to get ready for work. After showering and getting dressed you walked out to make a cup of coffee. You noticed a blanket laying on the couch realizing Adam must’ve slept there last night. You seen his coat missing meaning he had already left for work. You didn’t bother texting him Goodmorning as you were still slightly angry from last night. You climbed into your car to make your way to the office and went about your normal day. Right before lunch time your office phone began to ring. Picking it up you answered as you always did.

“Hello, [Y/N] [Y/L/N]’s office.” You said cheerfully.

“[Y/N], it’s Erin, I tired to call your cell, but you weren’t picking up.” Erin said quickly.

“Sorry, I left it in my pur-“ You began to explain, but she cut you off.

“It’s Adam. He was shot. He’s on his way to Med now it was a trap..” she continued, but you slammed the phone down gathering your things and running down to your car. You sped to Chicago Med as quickly as you could. Tears starting to run down your face. This is it. This is the call you had been waiting for, you thought as you rushed into the hospital seeing the intelligence unit huddled in a corner together. You ran over. Erin seen you walking in immediately pulling you into a hug just as you reached the group before you could ask anything. You felt a hand rub the back of your shoulder. Turning to see it was Hank.

“He’s in surgery now. They’re hoping it didn’t hit anything vital. Ruzek is one of the toughest cops I’ve ever met. He’s going to be fine. Okay?” He said looking into your eyes. You nodded your head sighing deeply before pausing.

“Did you get him?” You looked around at the group.

“Of course we did.” Jay looked at you giving you a sincere smile. You gave him a small smile back before sitting down in between the group. You could feel the tension. Even though none of them wanted to admit it you had seen the looks they gave each other, and could sense the nervousness surrounding you. After what seemed like hours you looked up to see Will walking towards you as everyone stood up almost as if it was on a cue. He walked facing you, but also to talk to everyone else.

“He’s a lucky guy,” he smiled at you before continuing “an inch to the left and he would’ve been dead, but he’s going to be okay.” He reached out to put a hand on your shoulder. Everyone left out a huge sigh. “It’s going to be a little bit before he’s back to 100%, but it’s up to you to make sure he relaxes so he can heal quickly. That means no going to work for atleast a month. Then I would suggest desk duty for however long you feel fit.” He said directing it towards Hank as you seen him nod. “You’re more than welcome to go back to his room, but he probably won’t wake up for atleast a couple hours.”

“Thank you so much.” You pulled Will into a hug before he went off to save more lives.

“Well good luck keeping that one in check.” Antonio looked at you smirking.

“That’s going to be more work than my actual job.” You laughed. Everyone hugged you once more before you headed back to Adam’s room. They decided they would come back whenever he was awake. As you walked in to see Adam surrounded by machines your heart dropped to your stomach. You walked over grabbing his hand pulling a chair closer to the bed so you could sit close enough to him. You ran a finger over his face tracing his features watching him stay still calm in his sleep. Eventually you drifted off to sleep as well. You were awoken with a groan causing you to spring your head up. You watched Adam slowly blinking his eyes open and closed obviously trying to adjust to the light before groaning again. You squeezed his hand as his turned his head to face you.

“Hi.” You smiled lifting your hand to run across his cheek.

“Why the fuck do I feel like I got hit by a bus.” He choked out.

“Oh you know bus, bullet same thing.” You joked. He looked at you with a questioning look as you nodded your head. You watched as he began to realize what happened.

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed you hand.

“What if that would’ve been our last conversation Adam. Do you know how terrible I would’ve felt?” You asked a lump forming in your throat.

“I know. I don’t want to listen to the whole I told you so thing, but you were right. I’m not as invincible as I thought.” He sighed.

“I’m just glad you’re okay babe, but there’s not much you can do it about it. It is your job. I just don’t want to look back on something like last night knowing that was our last moment together. That your last words to me were basically telling me to leave.” You sniffled.

“I know baby, and I’m sorry.” He squeezed your hand again. Pulling you closer to him. “How about we make a deal?” He looked at you as you down on the bed beside him now.

“What’s that?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Every time I go to do anything for a case I text or call and tell you I love you. That way we can do everything in our power to make sure that our last words to each other are worth it if something does happen, and you don’t have to worry as much. Plus it’ll be like our own hidden language.” He smiles bring your hand to his lips.

“I’d like that.” You smiled kissing his forehead.

“So what’d the doctors have to say?” He questioned leaning his head on your shoulder.

“You’ll be okay, but to make sure you relax so you can heal quickly. It was a close call. You have to be off work for a month, and then Hank can decide how long you’ll be on desk duty.” You answered playing with his fingers. His head shot up off your shoulder looking at you.

“Like hell! I’m not staying away that long!” He began.

“Oh here we go…” You rolled your eyes preparing yourself.

[writtenbysk]

Well, hello

I’ve missed you.

I really would rather find a notebook, or a journal. I like to have pen to paper contact. 

But I guess typing will do.

But I don't know what to type about...

So I guess here it goes.

It’s 7:25am on April 14th, 2020. 

I woke up to the sounds of my love crawling into bed with me for some morning cuddles. He slept on the couch last night. He’s been working super hard getting his business up and going. Pulling 12 hour days. I just started my period, so he wanted to fuck my ass. I love that. 

Times are weird, there’s an outbreak of a virus going around. Covid-19.

I had my doctor write me a letter excusing me from work until it goes away. That's another story.. hurtful, disappointing. I’ll try to keep it short. A good work friend, basically broke up with me because she was upset that I did not show up for work when I had told my manager I was going to be out. I get it, I waited til that absolute last second to tell them I wasn't going to be coming in that day, but it was a miscommunication error on both my bosses and I’s fault. SO, she probably had to take some of the route I was assigned to that day. Its just frustrating that some people would rather lose me for life than letting me take the month or so off to follow the stay at home orders the government has put on all of us. My life is more essential than my job, sorry not sorry. Plus my boy needs me right now.

I've been much happier, staying home. Staying in a trailer. That's where we are now. And its so much better than being in my moms one bedroom apartment. 

My love is still in pain. I feel for him. He suffered two large injuries last year. Did not even have the right time to heal himself. And now he’s still busting his ass to try and get us out of where we are. Not to mention, he worked his ass off for months, broken, taking care of our babies, on a mountain, and then did not even get paid for his work. I’m hoping that things will work out, the money will come around when the time is most needed. Its amazing what he can do on his own. I am so proud of him. I cant even believe his abilities and dedication to this family, its simply, amazing. 

So I try my hardest. I try to be the best mom, partner, cleaner, cook, friend, diabetic. 

Yeah its a struggle sometimes. I’m learning though. And that's something I feel like I didn't do enough when I was working. I miss learning. I miss being challenged. I’ve missed being able to stay home with my babies and watch them grow. 

This schedule has been a bit challenging, babe waking up super early to leave for work, works all day long, literally sun up to sun down this man is doing anything and everything to help get us by and get us where we’d rather be. 

The past couple mornings, B and I have slept in waay too long. I think he woke me up at 10am yesterday.. which for him is the latest I’ve seen him wake up. I love to sleep in. But I want more in my day, and I want to have him on a set schedule so that he can be in bed when babe gets home and we can have some of our own time. This morning was nice, too. I got up for the first time in the AM with babe and made him his lunch. We were able to chat a bit and share some laughs. The quality time makes a difference. Even if its only 30 minutes in the morning before he leaves for work.

My sugar was really high this morning. Probably because of that damn bowl of cereal last night. I really want to try and get my A1C down. I know its too high right now. And if for some reason we ever decide to have another baby, I would like to have my sugars under control BEFORE we conceive. So I would like to try to work on that. 

I need to start doing more yoga as well. And working out. My legs have been pretty sore since we moved in here though. I cant even believe we’ve already been here a bit over a month now. I love it out here, its beautiful. There’s so many trails, and rivers, and things to explore. If only my legs would stop being sore haha! 

I’ve already got the dishes done, I need to sweep/vacuum, maybe clean up the TV area, try to do some yoga (sugar has came down to 151 and one arrow down still), I want to shower and get ready for the day, and have some breakfast made up before B wakes. I think I’m going to have to gradually start waking him up sooner. Today, I think maybe 8:45-9. 

I want to have our days be a bit more organized though. Get a routine down. Its going to take some time and patience, and with him being up earlier I will need to find some more things to keep him stimulated and busy learning throughout the day.

TV time is earned.

8am Wake up and breakfast

830am Get dressed, brush teeth

9am free play

10am Some type of learning activity/snack

11am Outside time 

12pm Lunch

1pm Learning activity

2pm Walk/snack

3pm free play/ or if earned TV time

5pm Dinner

7pm Shower

8pm Snack/ Bed

I don't know what id like to do for the rest of my life. thinking about that makes me nervous. But I’m gratefully sitting in a spot where, I’m going to need to make a decision. I am next in line to get a route of my own. But the reality of it is, I don't want to be a mail carrier for the rest of my life. So, I want to look into finding something to study. There are rumors that the PO could get shut down/privatized, so that's a big deter. 

well, its 8:17am now, and i’m ready to get some things done.

I know I’m a bit all over the place. There’s so many things I could tell you.

This will have to be enough for now.

#writtenbysk 

[phdandhbc]

Hello friendly sevy! Can I request fluffy head-canons for vanderbean and jumin walking and enjoying the pretty cherry blossoms with mc?

Oh I love cherry blossoms. This might have escalated, but here you go! I thought Vanderwood escalated but then Mr. trust fund kid arrived.

Vanderwood (Vanderbean lolol):

When you told Vanderwood about how pretty cherry trees were and how much you always wanted to see hanami in Japan, he immediately starts calculating the risks of going there.

Going outside is a risk with the agency still looking for him.

Going outside with you by his side would only put him in danger.

Flying to a country. Booking tickets for a flight. Security checks at the airport.

Booking a place to stay.

The list is endless.

He shakes his head, trying to tell you how impossible to fulfill this wish is.

But then again you’re his girl and this man will do everything for you. And he knows he can’t cage you both up forever.

Your sad looks motivates him even more to make it possible. He’s gonna make you smile!

After a few calls and a lot of hacking of 7, you got those tickets, fake IDs and two bags full of costumes, wigs and things Vanderwood and you would never wear, except for this emergency state. It’s not black. Not purple. No leo print. And no leather. This guy feels so weird and uncomfortable whenever he looks down on himself, but reminds himself it’s all for you. Also he won’t let go of your hand and constantly draws circles with his thumb on you.

The security guards ask if he’s a drag queen or something. No one owns this many wigs. Vanderwood is about to freak out.He already hates this trip. In Japan he calms down a little, but is still on guard, always checking his back and yours especially. Whatever happens, he will protect you. Always. It might seem really creepy to others but you know he only wants what’s best for you.

He won’t even close his eyes during kisses to make sure everything is fine

Nothing can bring him to smile.

The first night in the hotel is calm. You two get to cuddle up and embrace the moment together. Still he doesn’t smile.

The next day you decide to go see the cherry blossoms down by a beautiful river.

Vanderwood even checked the place via security cameras.

He made 7 watch them all the time and distract the agency if necessary. Everything is under his control.

Or so he thought.Sadly dozens of others made the same decision. Every corner is crowded with people, kids, and even elders. As soon as he sees all these people, he grabs your hand and changes direction, away from the crowd. Vanderwood’s really trying to make you understand this place is just too dangerous for the two of you, as you begin to cry. You were almost there and still something had to go wrong.

Vanderwood really hates to admit the fact, but all his preparations aren’t enough to shut the voice in his head that screams danger. Nothing will ever be enough to protect you from his life.

That creep in the black raincoat over there - it’s freaking hot here, pure sunshine. The old hag over there - way to fast for her age. Too many suspicious people.

So he just hisses at you to calm down and to follow him. Immediately he puts an arm around your shoulder and drags you away further as his phone starts buzzing. You make him take that call, it could be important after all.

And it’s 7, blasting something about being the defender of justice and some directions. Both of you look at each other, clearly not understanding anything.

Vanderwood really hopes this won’t become a bigger disaster.This will be your last vacation anyways. He can’t handle than inhuman amount of stress and anxiety.Since he has no other options and 7 has never REALLY let him down Vanderwood and you follow the directions. No, breaking promises about cleaning his house himself doesn’t count

After a few minutes the two of you end in a little abandoned park.

Immediately he turns around and checks the area for any escape routes, cameras and so on.This place is perfect. Three exits, no people around, security cameras for 7 to keep you safe and the best: the most beautiful cherry tree he has ever seen in full blossom.

one look at your face tells him everything he hoped for. You like it. That big smile and that sparkle in your eyes.. during all these stressful moments he almost forgot how beautiful you are. 

With another weird comment 7 cuts the call, leaving you both alone. None of you really listened to him, already captured by the moment. 

You’re crying again. Somehow the beauty of the cherry tree and the knowledge that someone is watching over you, like a guardian angel, feels so good. These are happy tears. 

You throw your arms around Vanderwood’s neck, who pulls you closer immediately and holds you tightly.

Before you can form the words to thank him, he presses his lips on yours, a slight smile on them.This time his eyes are closed ;)

You visit your special tree every day from now on, enjoying the calmness that fills you both there.

Vanderwood still hates the fact that 7 has found this place. To your surprise the next time you want to go somewhere, Vanderwood just calls 7 to plan your trip. This creep has a new female flight attendant costume now.

Jumin:

When you told Jumin about how pretty cherry trees were and how much you always wanted to see hanami in Japan, he immediately grabs his phone and tells Jaehee to make preparations and make sure the private jet is ready.

Assistant Kang has to join to calculate new potential clients and companies there.

First he demands to take Elizabeth with you, but agrees on leaving her and Jaehee back in Korea.Jaehee is happy until she becomes the new cat-sitter.Not the c-fur AGAIN

Within hours you’re in the jet, cuddled up next to your husband. Your head rests on his shoulder as he sips on his glass of red wine.

You had considered ordering one as well, but you stomach is a little uneasy already and you’re not sure if wine is a good idea.

He’s still preparing and calculating various options where to eat dinner as the you doze off a little. Jumin subconsciously fondles your head and grins as he realises his little kitten fell asleep.

As some complications make the jet shake, the crew asks you to sit on the normal seats and fasten the belts. You never experienced such bad complications so you’re naturally anxious, but Jumin leans over and kisses you until you forget everything around you. He must have seen the fear in your eyes because he refuses to let go of your hand for a second and repeatedly asks the pilot to change his course so there would be no more complications.

The movements of the jet begin to calm down again, allowing you to calm down again. You’re still pressed to your husband, almost crushing his arm. He tries to loosen your grip, which only ends in you gripping his hand instead.

He gently lifts it to his lips and presses little kisses on it, until you finally relax.

The crew offers you to leave your seats again and you take the chance. Jumin offers you to place your head on his lap while he reads some more reports. You’re a little sad to see him work again, but both of you know he has to take care of these files. There won’t be a free minute until he does.

And you really don’t want to share your husband with DOCUMENTS again at night.

Sweet dreams embrace you soon after. As you doze cuddled up on his lap, Jumin wonders what makes you so very tired today. Perhaps you couldn’t sleep well last night? He decides to make an appointment with your doctor for the evening before dinner, just to be sure.

You wake up a bit later as the jet lands on the ground again. It was a short flight, but you feel really tired and exhausted. Jumin chuckles as he looks over to you. Somehow he still looks as perfect as always. Just how does he do that?

You excuse yourself for a while, taking a shower and dressing into something nice before you leave the jet. After that, driver Kim brings you to a private cherry blossom show. Of course Jumin has rented the complete area to spent the time alone with his wife. Only bodyguards allowed.

You tried to convince him to just take a selfie with you to have a memoir for the family album back home, but he grabs his phone again, hiring the best photographer in town. And Kimonos for both of you to wear. And Geishas. Don’t forget the professional tea ceremony. In the end a complete film crew is on set, making sure both of you look absolutely flawless. These photos have to be perfect, Mc.Just the best for my beautiful wife.

As the sun goes down you shoo everyone away and take Jumin’s arm to go for a walk under the cherry trees. A light breeze is coming up and petals begin to gently rain on both of you, covering you under a layer of pink.

He chuckles and pulls you closer to pluck some of them out of your hair before he places a kiss on your lips.

You beam at him, and tell him how wonderful this moment is. Just the two of you. Actually that’s all you had in mind when you talked about the cherry trees.But as always Jumin went a little further than expected to make you happy.

Before dinner Jumin and you meet up with your doctor to have the little check up your man insists on. He’s really annoyed as you make him leave the room when the examination begins, but in the end he gives in. He just wants you to be happy. Minutes later you leave the room again, looking exhausted again. Jumin rushes to your side, asking what’s wrong. He blasts question after question at you, but you make sure he stops. A small lie helps to calm him for now and make you both leave for the restaurant. It is the first time you ever lied to him. Or not? Basically there’s nothing wrong, it’s just not what he expected.

In the fancy restaurant he picked, you laugh and enjoy the time with him, barely thinking about the news you have. This might change everything and you know it too well.

He’s a little confused as you ask him to go visit the cherry trees again, but he’s glad about the opportunity to fulfill another wish of yours. You walk under the trees once more, slowly pacing here and there. You especially liked one tree, so you two stop there to watch it for a while. Jumin stands behind you, hugging your stomach as you both look up to the blossoms that are gently lightened by lampions.

You gulp one last time. One big breath. And then you tell him about the news you got from the doctor earlier.

“Jumin- you’ll be.. a father.”

Finally it’s out.

He doesn’t react immediately. All you sense is a slight shiver at your back.

You turn around to look him in the eyes and see him stare at you.

Jumin clearly doesn’t believe what he just heard.

He can’t. Your voice cracks as you ask if he’s alright. There’s no answer. He just pulls you into a tight hug and presses his lips on yours.

A tear meets your cheek and you pull back, studying his face.

But all he does is grin.

“I’ll have assistant Kang make preparations for us to move into a house. A big one.”

You chuckle about this idea and point out the need of a garden with cherry trees.He absolutely agrees.   

[remade-graystudie]

how i got a 29 the first time i took the act

i just wanted to give you guys some tips! not all of these work for everyone though so keep that in mind. also, i am going to take the test again in april for those interestedin knowing

to preface: i took the test while pretty sick and it was the morning after the opening night for a Christmas dinner i do each year, so i got maybe 6 hours of sleep. not the best conditions

my scores

composite score of 29

english score of 31

mathematics score of 26

reading score of 31

science score of 29

science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) score of 28

understanding complex texts of "above proficient"

progress toward career readiness of "progress toward gold level NCRC"

some general tips

choose a test center close to you. you will not want to wake up for the test. you will not want to drive there. it doesnt matter if youre unfamiliar with the place, people will be there to help you. but bring your own pencils and an eraser, they probably wont help you with those.

try to get as much sleep as possible. i didnt get much so to force myself awake i took a cold shower, but no caffeine because i feared crashing.

my breakfast that day was just some poptarts while i drove to the testing center, but i started to get hungry during the break. for the next test, im going to plan better and eat some cereal or toast.

take advantage of all leftover time. for me this meant going back to the questions i was super unsure of and making sure im satisfied with my answer choice as well as making sure all bubbles on my answer sheet were filled in enough. it also meant taking 5 minute naps where i drooled on the test booklet a little. oops?

use your break wisely. the testing center i was at had vending machines so i borrow a dollar from my friend and ate some m&m's as a pick me up. i also put a bunch of cough drops in my jacket pocket. after i did this in the span of like 3 minutes i went back to my room and took a nap.

take advantage of the fact that everything is multiple choice (except the essay portion, obviously) because it reallycomes in handy.

i didnt really struggle with nerves because i went into the test with the mindset "i get what i get". i had done what i felt was necessary to prepare and i knew this wouldnt be my last time. realistically, my act or sat score could be the thing that keeps me from entering my dream college (a school with a 7% admission rate and average act score of 34) but i am happy with my other choices of colleges. i have done all that i can do (which in this case was like.. 3 days of studying).

my biggest overall tip: know what the test will be like. know the order of the tests, the number of questions, and the time limits. this will leave no surprises. i was really glad i did this because i always knew what was coming.

tips for individual portions

english portion

75 multiple choice questions with four possible answers in 45 minutes.

dont read the entirety of the passage! read the first paragraph and the last paragraph before you read the questions then for each question skim for the info you need to properly answer the question. this allows you to spend more time with each question and to focus only on whats necessary.

brush up on word groups like there/their/they're, it's/its, and two/too/to. a lot of these questions are about following grammatical rules.

math portion

60 multiple choice questions with five possible answers in 60 minutes.

do what you know first. i almost ran out of time because i couldnt remember some things and spent too long on them so when i got to questions i knew at the end i was rushing and panicking and probably got some wrong.

if youre not sure how to do a problem, guess and check to the best of your abilities. guess and check works wonders.

reading portion

40 multiple choice questions with four possible answers in 35 minutes.

tbh i thought this was really similar to the english part so similar tips. but if the passage is on the short side, just read the whole thing.

science portion

40 multiple choice questions with four possible answers in 35 minutes.

real talk, i thought i bombed this portion like i walked out thinkin it was the reason id do so badly.

do NOT treat this like the english and reading portions! read the entirety of everything! redraw, rewrite, and rename things if you need to!

this part really focuses on graph interpretation and they will try to screw you over so hard with names of things. make sure you know how to interpret graphs well.

this was the only section where i rechecked every single answer. i was so used to the sat that i didnt know how to handle a science portion. it freaked me out.

essay portion

1 essay based on a promot in 40 minutes.

i didnt actually take this part because the only college on my list that says anything about it just recommends it and that school happens is my safety college. if youre really confident it will help your composite score, then take it. i chose not to mainly because im lazy and i didnt want to take the risk of it hurting my score even though i thought it could help since i write pretty strong essays, even under time constraints like id experience on the test.

some final tips

the act company sells a book. buy the book. its genuinely super helpful and im so glad i chose to buy it. i know some people use ones from outside sources, but i dont trust those as much. the official book is actually where i got a lot of my tips from.

take the test multiple times. i took the test in december because i knew i was unfamiliar with the formatting and wanted to have a basis for comparing my april score too. if i still am not happy with my april score, i plan on retaking it during the summer.

pay the extra $20 dollars to get your answers sent to you. it is quite literally the easiest and fastest way to see what you need to focus and improve on.

if you know youre taking the test, sign up as soon as possible. at the very least, sign up before youd have to pay the late fee.

dont add your picture until its like almost the last day. im the kind of person who changes uo my appearance often, specifically my hair color. if i uploaded a picture for the april date now, id be blonde in the picture even though ill probably have brown hair when i take the test.

a reminder

dont peace your self worth on this test. could it impact what college you go to? sure. but whether or not you did student council could too. im very proud of my score, but its not my end all be all. im more proud of the way i fold clothes or how organized my closet is than my act score.

good luck on all your tests everyone ❤️💕

[thepatchworkpirate]

Following my Pre-Planning post…We’re 30-ish days from DragonCon, and this may be your first year going! Never to fret, Dragon is the most nerd-friendly place! Get ready to hang out with 77,000+ of your closest (new) friends!

Labor Day weekend in Atlanta is busy – and HOT. There are several things going on in town that weekend, and with these tricks you’ll do just fine.

1 – Pre-Plan: That’s right, pre-plan. I know I said it before. You should already be doing this. You should also start taking Vitamin C supplements (you’ll read why further down). By now you should have your room situation taken care of and your badge purchased. If not, you still can or you can get them online for $140 (until 8/17, then they’re $160 online). Tickets are $140 on site so do not buy it at the higher price!!! Also if you’re doing celeb photos, you should pre-pay them online from Epic Photo Ops. I believe they do on-site sales as well.

If you’re driving, you should already go ahead and scope out what parking lots are around the con on-line. They can range from $3/day (uncovered) to garages that are $18/day (covered), and even hotel parking which I do NOT recommend, as it’s $30-35/day and that’s just crazy. All of the hotels have a service where you can unload your gear and have it set aside in the lobby while you go find parking.

If you’re flying, check out what route on the MARTA you need to take and if you’re having someone meet you at the airport, schedule your meetups.

Atlanta also currently uses Uber and Lyft, but watch out for Uber surge pricing.

Success!

2 – Pack: Packing is essential. Veterans have become masters of suitcase and car-tetris. With as many costumes as some of us bring, it’s vital. In the past I’ve written a short packing list that you can check out. I recommend packing short sleeves and shorts, jeans, and COMFORTABLE SHOES as your mundane clothes. You don’t have to go outside normally, but there is programming in both the Westin and Sheraton that you have to walk to (as in not via skybridge). It’s only a couple of blocks for either. Same goes for the Vendor Hall and Gaming, which are now located in the AmericasMart across the street from the Hyatt.

3 – Arrival: You made it! Now you need to meet up with your room holder (unless that’s you), and get your stuff up to your room. Take a few minutes, relax, BREATHE. Shenanigans are already happening (and do 24/7 pretty much). Unpack, get a nap in (you’ll need it), get some food.

Now that you’re at DragonCon, you’ll need to be aware of some things….

Realize that you’re going to stand in some lines at some point. That’s okay! Big celebrity panels tend to form huge lines (as do the masquerade and puppet slam). Line up for those as early as DragonCon staff will let you. All panel rooms are cleared after each one, so you can’t just park in a room all day. It’s not fair to others who wait in line.

Bonus: Most big name panels and the masquerade are broadcast on DragonCon TV in the host hotels, so you can avoid it altogether if you just want to watch it in your room.

Bonus 2: You can meet new people in line. People you obviously have at least one common interest with.

Learn your way around. DragonCon is HUGE and it’s easy to get lost. The con is spread out over five hotels, which are:

Hyatt Regency Atlanta – 265 Peachtree Street NE

Marriott Marquis Atlanta – 265 Peachtree Center Avenue

Hilton Atlanta – 255 Courtland Street NE

Sheraton Atlanta Hotel – 165 Courtland Street

Westin Peachtree Plaza – 210 Peachtree Street

The Hilton, Marriott, and Hyatt all connect to each other via skybridges. You can also reach the Peachtree Center food court through the Hyatt and Marriott.

Pick up your badge. Badge pickup is located in the Sheraton. DragonCon staff have had their stuff together and for the last few years it’s been pretty speedy. If you have your barcoded postcard, bring it! If you need to purchase a badge, be ready with your ID and money. If you’ve lost your postcard, that’s okay too. Just be ready with a Photo ID. DragonCon has posted an article with the process and the hours of operation here.

Plan a schedule. You can pick up a program at the end of registration. It lists all of the events and panels that are going on. They should also be in the app (you can download in the Play Store or App Store). Just keep in mind you’ll probably change this up a bit.

Find the ConSuite! It’s open 24 hours, and they provide snacks (and SPAM) and beverages to all convention goers!

They are located in the Hyatt in rooms 223 and 226.

Check out the food court. Seriously, you have to eat. Make time for that. The food court provides a LOT of options, including:

Cafe Momo

Chick-fil-A

Metro Cafe Diner (24 hours!!!)

Moe’s Southwest Grill

And so many more! Check out this link to find out what all is available: Peachtree Center Food Court

Personally, I recommend Café Momo for breakfast and dinner as they cost by weight and you can get SO MUCH FOOD for a decent price. They also have gluten free options.

There’s also a 24 hour CVS, and you will make at least two trips there. Just saying.

What events are must-see? DragonCon is enormous and it is impossible to see everything you want to, whether it is your first con or you are an eternal member. However there are many events which should be seen at least once (and preferably your first year, because you may want to participate the next!)

The Parade (10am Saturday). With over 3,000 participants, this one is a must-see for everyone.

DragonCon Night at the Georgia Aquarium (7-11pm Saturday). You have to do this at least once! They close the aquarium early to the public, and then reopen for a night of costumed fun. You get to visit this amazing attraction with FAR LESS crowds than a normal day. It is simply breathtaking, and the photos that come from this are to die for.

The Masquerade (8pm Sunday, Hyatt). Most people will watch in overflow locations, or on DC*TV from their rooms as this event fills up very quickly.

4 – Have fun, but be responsible: It’s hotter than hell in Atlanta (Hello, Satan’s buttcrack!), so hydration is super important! There are water fountains in the hotels so I recommend bringing a refillable water bottle.

Remember the rule of 4, 2, 1…

4+ hours of sleep per night

2+ meals a day

1+ shower per day – with warm water and soap. Axe bodyspray does not count as a shower. Seriously, no one likes con funk. Don’t be nasty.

Pretty much how Con Crud feels…

Don’t accept drinks from strangers. Most people are there to have fun and it’s harmless, but there’s always the risk of someone putting something in a drink. Also, you don’t want to share drinks with people because you’ll end up with Con Crud. That’s right. There’s always someone sick there and it’ll spread like wildfire. No one wants a week long cold right after being on a week-long trip. Just be smart. Also, this is why you should start taking Vitamin C supplements a month ahead if you don’t already.

Know your limits. As adults, we’re all going to have fun and probably partake in adult beverages, but don’t get so wasted that you’re puking everywhere and what not. Be smart.

Be courteous to people in general – costumed or not. Don’t pull on someone’s Proton Pack, prop, or piece of a costume…and don’t be a creeper on someone in costume. Sexual harassment is never okay.

Follow the Law of Wheaton – Don’t be a dick!

Allow disabled people onto the elevators first. They have no other option to get upstairs, you do.

Follow the rules of the con. They’re printed on the back of your badge.

Make memories! That’s why we’re all here – to have a great time!

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    I can’t wait til DragonCon and I hope to see you there!!

Surviving DragonCon – 2018 Edition Following my Pre-Planning post...We’re 30-ish days from DragonCon, and this may be your first year going! Never to fret, Dragon is the most nerd-friendly place!

[hooliainprague-blog]

a lot of walking

This first week has been a whirlwind of events and varying levels of tiredness. I’ve been keeping a short journal of the most influential seconds of my days. I am quickly realizing that this is essential because the lack of comfortable sleep we’ve been getting is amazing. The mattress are hard, the blanket is too short, and it’s surprisingly hard to control the temperature of the room with the antiquated heating unit and a window with no screen that swings wide open at the slightest bit of wind. Even so, I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

28.1.2018

“Every day’s the first of the rest of your life.” (Thriving Ivory)

This song came on shuffle when I was 45 minutes into my first flight to Lisbon, Portugal. It was a weird moment because I was thinking about how wild it is that I’m leaving everything I’ve ever known by myself to live in a country I don’t know much about for four months. Needless to say, it’s a time of high emotion and questioning if I really want to do it. I’m feeling immensely grateful for all the friends and family at home who said they’d miss me so much but still encouraged me that everything will be fine. It’s a strange feeling to see the lights from NYC getting smaller and smaller through the window of the plane knowing I won’t see American lights for a long time. You know when you’re so excited for something but it seems so far away that it’ll never get here? I never thought I would ever have to get on that plane, but there I was.

I’ll spare you all the pictures of the airplane food. Not the worst things I’ve ever had, but most definitely not the best.

29.1.2018

My flight landed in Portugal at about 6:00. I was tired, sweaty, nervous, and ready to take off some layers of clothes, get some food, and sit down comfortably for a little while. In line to get our passports stamped, I met a woman who saw my Susquehanna water bottle and asked if I go there. She told me her granddaughter is applying there this year as a creative writing major (if you’re reading this and this was your grandmother, come to Susquehanna so we can be friends!! It’ll be a great time). Small world. I’m glad I go to a school that fosters so much pride. 

My seven hour layover in Lisbon wasn’t actually as painful as I thought it would be. I started by wandering around for a little while trying to understand my surroundings, finding the bathrooms for future reference, and finding a place to charge my tablet and phone to prepare for the next flight. I watched a couple of episodes of Rick and Morty because that’s on Netflix in Portugal, and then I made my way to an airport bar called Cockpit around 7:30 (about 2:30 AM at home). I needed coffee and hot food in the worst way. One cute little cappuccino, a ham and cheese panini and an hour and a half of sitting on a barstool later and I moved on to my next sitting destination.

I moved on to a central sitting area where an elderly couple was just leaving one of the many power stations. I sat down, started charging my tablet, iPod, and phone. and read my book. I don’t know how long I was there because time passes in a unique way when you’ve been awake for too long and when you’re in any airport. After I was done with that, I moved to an empty gate somewhere because I needed it to be a little quieter and less overwhelming for a little while. I watched Demi Lovato’s YouTube documentary (highly recommend), and by this point, I was getting hungry again. I took a couple laps around the restaurant area and decided to grab a piece of chorizo pizza, some kind of pork pastry, and some apple chips. I ate this in the quiet gate and listened to a podcast. Not too bad.

It seemed that the seven hour layover flew by because I got on the plane to Prague in no time.

I would be lying if I said this flight was enjoyable. I sat next to a a very nice couple. The plane was extra warm and had less leg room than the previous flight. I was so exhausted that I passed out before we even got to the runway, but what I would guess was about an hour or two into the four hour flight, the people in the next six rows behind us started talking and laughing so loudly for the entire flight, and there were even three people standing in the aisle talking to them for a majority of that time as well. I woke up and didn’t know where I was, the noise was exceptionally irritating, and I was too warm for comfort. I started panicking, and luckily the meal was coming around so I could order a cup full of ice to chew on and try to cool off. It worked, and I was sleeping again so soon. 

Next thing I knew, I woke up in Prague. Getting my bags and getting to the driver who took us to the dorm was kind of a blur. I am still so tired at this point and it’s only about 18:30. There were a few other students in my program on my flight, and three of us were scheduled to ride in the same van. We made plans to get a “stiff drink” after we got back and I showered. I met some more people who had been here longer, and they had planned to go on a bar crawl starting at 20:30, so we agreed to join them to fight jet lag. They took us to a bar that was in a cave.

It wasn’t bad, but it was also a Monday night and the only people in there were 12 of us American students and a couple people on holiday from England. I became better friends with the English people than the people I came with, and with them, I convinced the bar crawl people to give just us free t-shirts even though they kept saying they weren’t supposed to. After this, me and another kid decided we were too hungry to stay there, so we left for a few minutes to find some old street pizza for dinner. There was an embroidery shop across the alley from the pizza, so we wandered in. The lady at the door asked my name, said she liked it a lot, and gave me a little souvenir for free.

“Prague Julia.” We went back to the club for a little while and I somehow got another free shirt. Then around 23:30 they were finally moving to the next bar, but me and the same kid decided we were too tired and broke off from the group to walk back to the dorms. I finished unpacking, planned to go to breakfast the next morning with my suitemates, and went to bed in this lovely little single room.

30.1.2018

I got to see the view from my room in the daylight for the first time, and I love it.

We got the free breakfast from the dorm and set out on our way to orientation with a Czech guide. The walk was beautiful to say the least.

The Charles University Faculty of the Arts building where we will have a majority of our classes:

We got got our student ID cards and had 3.5 hours of free time to explore Old Town and get lunch. We walked around the mall for a little while, and when we decided we were hungry, we walked back towards the Arts building to a restaurant recommended by the Czech guide called Kolonial. I got raspberry lemonade and beef tenderloin with cream sauce, dumplings, and cranberry. 

The raspberry lemonade was nothing like I expected compared to the US. It was, if I were to guess, sparkling water, freshly squeezed lemons, and actual muddled raspberries. It was refreshing to not be inundated with sugar. The food was delicious and interestingly sweet, and I will definitely be getting that again at some point. I decided that this would be a good place to go if I ever need to eat alone between classes. After lunch, we walked over to the Charles Bridge and hung out just enjoying the view and each other’s company. Everyone else on this program came here knowing at least one other person from their home schools, and it is truthfully slightly alienating. It’s kind of like starting college all over again knowing nobody. Regardless, I think things are going well. Bonus: one of the program directors graduated from Susky (woo)!

At our orientation meeting at 14:00, we got packets and packets of information that I still have to read through. I went to the bathroom and saw this lovely message on the wall. I took a picture because I LOVE philosophy and can relate!!!

After this, we walked in small groups with the Czech guides again to get three-month transportation passes. It took a while, but it worked out. We have to carry so much documentation with us at all times (CUNI ID, a paper to verify the ID, our passports, the transportation pass, two papers that go with that, and a pass to tell the reception in the dorm that we actually live there when we enter). After we got those passes, the Czech guide took just me to the Vodafone store because I was having issues with the data on my sim card. After that, I had to find my way back to the dorm all alone using the metro, tram, and walking. It was an adventure but I’m really proud of myself for figuring it out alone. If I didn’t do it then when I had to and chose to walk back instead, I don’t think I would ever have done it. I got back, took a 20 minute nap, and then we went to a cafe that is about 10 minutes away for dinner. I was really in the mood for a burger and fries, so I got that and a cider.

This meal was a true representation of Czech culture because we sat there for 4.5 hours slowly sipping beer and talking about philosophy, history, politics, and anything else. A man from France even walked over and asked if he could join our conversation. On the way back from this meal at around midnight, I saw this super cute sign that I love with my whole heart. 

I don’t remember much after that because the exhaustion was real, but I did shower and go to bed almost immediately.

[lily-in-japan]

DAY 1

I woke up at 7:30am, feeling more alive then I possibly have ever felt. After taking a shower, facetiming Georgia in Glasgow, and brushing my teeth, I headed out from my hotel at around 9 and went to Shinjuku with absolutely no itinerary. My first inclination was to deliberately not structure my time in Tokyo in the hopes of coming across hidden / lesser known wonders that would become mine, and not every tourist who entered Tokyo’s border’s. However, after wandering around Shinjuku for about an hour trying to find a breakfast spot (which turned out fruitless) and getting pretty lost and intimidated by the stacks of shops that lined the streets, all with their own individual sign that screamed at me as I navigated my surroundings, I decided that maybe having a little structure or general idea of what I wanted to see could be helpful to me in the long run.

In the midst of this train of thought, I came across an Italian-style restaurant that looked pretty snazzy, and decided to give it a try. When I entered into the space, I was met with tablecloths and other fabrics pulsating red, white, and green -- the colors of the Italian flag. Almost everything in the restaurant was one of its three colors, even down to the napkins and table feet, which I found to be pretty impressive. I ordered pomodoro pasta, but misunderstood what the waiter had told me about a free drink that was included with my meal, which then transformed into a (broken) English speaking conversation which made me feel disheartened, as I wanted to understand but got flustered and then subsequently lost in the conversation. As I was eating my pasta alone with only one other customer (who quickly left), I was joined by two people who gave me the impression that they were on a first date. The man was smoking a cigarette that smelled like wood, and the woman was laughing and constantly shifting her position so that one hand was resting on her face longingly, lending the impression through her gesture that she was intently listening to the man’s stories and jokes. A large group of friends or coworkers followed them -- they were a pretty rowdy crowd and collectively drained about 30 beers in 45 minutes. When I paid for the meal, one of the other waiters asked if I was half Japanese because I could speak Japanese well, and after I told her that I was not and that I had just been studying for a while, we both laughed it off and had a nice and funny conversation about comparing New York, which she had been to once, and Tokyo, which I had been to once. We exchanged LINE IDs, and I went on my way, deciding to go to Harajuku next to see if I found any cute clothing or accessories to take with me to Kanazawa for school.

After deciding whether or not to walk or take the train to Harajuku, almost an hour away by foot, I crazily decided to walk. Though I had Google Maps on me, I figured asking a person on the street wouldn’t hurt, so I approached a group of older women who subsequently virtually adopted me as their own. After talking amongst themselves, they brought me to the police to further inquire about the potential walk to Harajuku, as they were on their way to the train anyway. We talked about the importance of long walks and travel they had done in the past, and after trying to convince the policeman on my behalf that I was a fan of taking long walks and failing, having the policeman tell me that it was impossible and that it was imperative to take the train, they individually shook my hand and went on their way. As did I, to Harajuku by foot, walking along a narrow winding path which transitioned into Yoyogi, where I saw the JR (Japanese Rail) headquarters and came across a book swap, where I found and bought a gorgeous manga drawn and written by Suehiro Maruo, an author I had never heard of but felt the need to read.

I eventually found myself entering the wild nature of Harajuku’s Takeshita street, bobbing through a packed crowd of hundreds of people forming two opposing masses that moved whether one was ready to or not. I explored many stores, walking up and down narrow stairs to enter into large warehouses packed tight with cool-looking punk clothing, streetwear, silky flower print dresses with white collars, and makeup galore. After waiting on line for a bathroom in one of these warehouses for 30 minutes, having been on my feet since the early AM, I was beginning to get exhausted, but still managed to snag a few awesome items, including a white lace collar that goes over any shirt or dress as a separate piece, sakura (cherry blossom) earrings, a Birth of Venus-esque bra and panty set that was too good to pass up, and a lot of fashion inspiration from people I saw around me.

On my way to the train back to my hotel, I strolled through Yoyogi Park, where the first signs of the blooming cherry blossom trees showed their face. While the park was fairly empty, as it was getting dark, there were many groups of people gathered under a large patch of land covered with 桜の木, playing catch, doing frisbee, having picnics, and holding hands on a bench on a romantic spring date. I felt so at peace, and sat on one of the benches next to a couple for almost an hour, reading my new manga and feeling the cool night wind against my face. It was a nice change of pace from the rest of the day, which was sunny and hot, in the mid 70s, and provided me with other sensory sensations that invigorated my skin and made me feel happy and alive.

I went to a soba/udon shop for dinner, where I was met with a vending machine where I chose my dinner selection after entering the appropriate amount of coins. The machine was old and run down, and did not have some of the options I saw outside on the window menu; as a result, I stared at it, trying to answer the questions swirling around my head, for longer than I thought I did, apparently, for the chef to my left began putting noodles in bowls and telling me that they were udon, soba, etc. in English with a large grin on his face. After replying in Japanese, we both began laughing, and he made me a delicious tonkatsu with a side of soba on the house.

I ended my night with a mortifying experience in a Lawson, a type of conbini (convenience store) that is very popular in Japan and is a lifeline in various ways for many people, especially as a place where you can buy a quick pre-made lunch that is delicious at a cost that is affordable. I bought a cup of jelly with mandarin oranges inside, a desert I am particularly fond of. However, when I was producing the cash needed to buy it, coming to 147 yen, requiring a number of different and specific coins that were crudely lodged in my wallet, I dropped all of the change I had in various intervals, becoming increasingly embarrassing every time I did it. The cashier stared blankly at me, while the other cashier giggled quietly and another customer picked up some of the dropped change to return to me. I finally produced the sufficient amount, quickly shuffled out of the store, and made it my mental priority to buy a change purse ASAP, realizing that unlike in America where change is not as important as dollars are, there are the equivalent of 1 and 5 dollar bills in yen, making change of higher importance.

When I got back to my hotel, I decided to cool down after the embarrassment attached to the experience I had just had, and tried out the small-scale onsen that was on the 9th floor, but did anything but cool down. I, along with 3 other Japanese women who were staying at the hotel, stayed in the pool for a total of about 10 minutes before all collectively almost passing out. After working collaboratively to get the cool water dispenser to work, to no avail, I went back to my room, popped open the jelly treat that I had temporarily stored in my fridge, watched a dramatic TV show under the covers, and drifted off to sleep. While hectic and overwhelming, I couldn’t have asked for a better first full day, and am glad I was able to approach it headfirst alone.

[telltheworld-phff]

Chapter 7: Turning the tide

What Carol didn't know is that Harry was expecting something to leak. Every morning he would wake up expecting to see a missed call from Edward or his grandmother with the new tabloid's headline. He was expecting a history about how he had dinner with a co-worker in Brazil or details about his night in a Brazilian night club. He could almost see all the made up things the press would publish, but although he wouldn't admit it he was expecting that things he had told her to make the headlines. If they ever made the headlines, it'd disappoint him in so many levels. Even though he knew they all had signed NDA's, he knew that sometimes it wasn't enough for someone not to sell him. He waited the ball to drop every single day after he left São Paulo, but since after he was back in London, not a single word about the time he spent with her hit the news.

And he was grateful for that. Grateful for having trusted her with small bits of information. Some of them were true and others were not, something that he hated doing to anyone he met, but that was necessary for him to know if he could trust the person or not. Four weeks have passed since he left São Paulo, and specially that morning, he'd have to talk to her again. He was surprisingly excited. He kind of missed their banter. And Edward needed some more explanation in one of the reports she made. Harry had wanted to talk to her since he left, but he couldn't find a good reason to. And this morning he took advantage of the British punctuality to time the best hour to speak. Harry made sure to ask for Carol's report when Edward was busy and with packed work. He played an act of "I need it now", and Edward just asked him to wait a little bit before he would look for Carolina's number and call her. If it was any other day, Harry would just come back to his office and wait for the paper, but now he wanted an excuse to talk to her. "I'm going to call her myself, Ed.", Harry said already looking through the files where she added personal information in. He got her phone number and with a mischievous smile he went back to his office. He sat a his chair with her number in his hands and wondered a little bit if it was the right thing. If he was completely honest, the report was already very good and it was ready to be signed and archived. Harry had spent the last three days looking for faults in it, and it was so damn hard to find. But he found some information that hadn't made the cut (because they weren't needed in the report) and started asking Edward to change it or have someone to do it. He grabbed his work phone and added her number. It took him a couple more minutes before he texted her. H: Hey Carol. What's up? He didn't want to check on his phone every five minutes, so he set it aside and found something to work with. He started sorting his emails and trying to not think about it. He even scolded himself for being so nervous about talking to her again. She was a colleague. She's Carol. Only Carol. And he had a girlfriend. 45 minutes later an answer made his phone buzz. C: Who's it? Her phone buzzed beside her and woke her up. Who was texting her at 6:00 am? She could sleep at least 40 more minutes before she had to get ready for school and someone was daring to text her at that time of the morning. She cursed a bit before grabbing her phone to discover who was about to hear a very pissed Carolina complaining about messages at that ungodly hour of the day. She thought she was still sleeping when she saw way too many numbers in the screen. There was a message from an unknown number, from London (which she discovered after a quick Google research). She wasn't going to answer it. She didn't know anyone that lived in London anyway. She got up and went to the bathroom to have a shower. After she finished, and she was more awake now, it hit her: It might be Harry. But she then laughed at herself. Why would Prince Harry be texting her? She was going crazy. Prince Harry wouldn't waste his time texting her. But the message did say "Carol", so it wasn't just a coincidence, was it? Her curiosity got the best of her and she answered it while she was fixing her some breakfast. The answer came faster than she thought. H: Forgotten me already, have you? ;) It was him after all. She didn't have to ask. She'd recognize that tone and that sass anywhere. She stopped eating midway when the answer arrived, she even spit a bit of the orange juice she was drinking. How did he find her number? Why was him texting her? C: Probably have. Since I don't really know who you are... Harry rolled his eyes. For someone as smart as Carol, she should've noticed right away who it was. As long as he knew, the only person she knew that lived in London was him. Or Edward. Or one of his PO's. But why would any of them text her if not him. Duh. He typed and erased the answer a few times before hitting send. H: It's your favorite prince! Carol decided to have some fun and she never typed an answer as fast as the next one she sent to him. C: Carl Philip! :O How did you get my number? Harry rolled his eyes. Again. H: Not Carl Philip... C: Haakon, then? H: No, Carolina. It's not Carl Philip and not Haakon. It's the best looking prince in the UK. With his reply she laughed out loud. Harry could be so full of himself when he wanted. She was hot, of course. But she wouldn't admit that out loud... or, worse, to him. So she decided to push even further to see what he was going to say. C: George! I didn't know you knew how to type that well being only 3 years old. But yeah... How's Lupo and Marvin? H: Fuck off, Carolina. C: Your Royal Highness, what do I owe this pleasure of waking me up at 6 am? H: Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot we were in different time zones. C: That was awfully unkind of you. My sleeping pattern is a sacred thing. But since you're a prince - not the very best looking one, btw - I won't tell you off. I'm on my way to school. In that moment Harry laughed out loud. Carolina's sleeping pattern came as close as a hibernating bear. He wouldn't mention it to her, but she was the most sleepy person he knew so far. H: I said I'm sorry. So... how are you? C: I'm fine and you? How did you get my number? H: I'm alright. And I just looked through your file. But I also could've asked James Bond to fetch it for me. C: Should I know why would you disturb Mr. Bond's fight against criminals just to get a phone number? H: We need something from you... And then he explained what was needed of her and he hoped that she'd find a good enough reason for contacting her after so many time. Somehow he thought she'd know it was just an excuse to talk to her again. As always, she said she'd get to work on it when she was back at home. They texted each other for a little longer before she turned her phone off to pay attention in the class that was about to start. When she arrived home she opened her e-mail to see the message she received a few hours before. She soon did what was asked and sent it to Edward and Harry saying she was available for any necessary changes on the file. While she worked, another e-mail came in her inbox. She had been selected to participate in a job interview. The company remained in confidentiality and she'd have to be there next afternoon. She considered not going to the interview. Just because when the company didn't show it's name, it meant that it was shitty position in a shitty place. She answered the e-mail asking for more information about the job position and what field would she be working on. She turned on her radio and started singing along while she cleaned her whole house. She was doing everything she could to not think about her last encounter with Rodrigo. She could say that the love she felt for him, was disappearing. Slowly but constantly disappearing and she was looking forward for the day where she'd not feel anything for him. She actually got a reply from the company. It wasn't a detailed job position, but she could at least see that it was a communication company and that she'd get an internship in revising and editing texts and internal communication. She confirmed her presence and started to prepare for the interview: looking for the address online, getting the information about the buses she'd have to take to get there, picking out an outfit and to print her new portfolio. To avoid disappointments, she didn't mention it to her mom. They chatted for a bit after dinner that night. "You know, Flavio asked me to go have dinner with him on Friday.", she said sitting on her daughter's bed. She was biting her lip, a clear sing she was nervous about the topic they were chatting about. "And what did you say?", Carol looked at her mother. "I said that I had to think about it. Meaning that I'd ask you first. What do you think about it?", her mom was looking for a sincere answer. "Well... you're 60 and you're asking me permission to go on a date with a guy? That's weird.", she laughed and her mom only rolled her eyes. "I mean. If you want to go out with him, then do. You're a single woman." "You won't be upset with me?", her mom asked. "No. You deserve to be happy for a change. Both of you are single and grown ups.", she smiled. Her mom got up and kissed her forehead before leaving the bedroom. "Is now the time we should have the talk?" "What talk?", her mom was confused. "The talk about where babies come from and how two people who really like each other hug..." "Shut up, Carolina!", her mom interrupted her rambling and opened the door to leave her bedroom. "But I don't want anyone pregnant, miss!", Carol yelled jokingly when her mom left. --- She arrived at the place of the interview a few minutes before the time they asked her to. She entered the building and gave her ID at the reception. She was headed to the 5th floor and waited for a while. There were ten people waiting with her. She tried to look for a sign to discover where she actually was. But probably it was just a building rented for a HR company to make the interviews for the employers. The interview was like many others she did. A Portuguese test, that she always finished first; a journalism test, an English test and a brief conversation where they asked about her work experience, her hobbies and how she saw herself in 5 years. They asked about the time she was a freelancer at WorldWide and she told them the work she helped to develop there. The woman interviewing her seemed interested but she asked her to wait on the outside for a couple minutes. This time, though, she got to talk to the supervisor. And that's when she was a bit more relaxed, she knew she had done something right. Talking to a supervisor or a manager was always a good sign. They chatted for a few minutes and he said what she was waiting for the past months: "I think this is it. You're part of our team. You had the best scores in all the tests we gave you." She wanted to scream and run and scream again. But she just smiled and thanked them for the opportunity. He explained what her tasks would be, payments and hours and every practical thing for when you're starting a new job. And that's when she got to know the name of the company: she was the new trainee at BBC Headquarters in Brazil. She couldn't believe it that an non eye-catch ad had led her to be employed at BBC. She had been accepted in one of the greatest companies of media and communication in the world. It took her a few minutes to calm down, for her hands to stop shaking and to her breathing to go back to normal. She thanked her new boss and left with all the necessary paperwork for her admission. Losing no time, she went to all the needed places she had to before going home. When she got there, her mom was making dinner and had a worried expression on her face. "Carolina! Where were you?", she said drying her hands on her apron. "I was doing an interview, mãe.", Carol answered putting her bag away. "Why didn't you tell me? How was it?", her mom seemed interested and surely more relieved now that her daughter was home. "Because I was tired of always telling you and coming home with bad news. Today, though, I got the job!" "You did? OH MY GOD! OF COURSE YOU DID! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU", she said hugging her daughter. "Yes, mãe, I did.", she was smiling. "Where are you going to work at?" "BBC." "Holy shit! You serious?", her mom had her hands over her mouth. "Yes! I didn't know it was there until this afternoon, though. But I start Monday". "Oh, thank God! I am so proud of you, Carol." "Thank you mom.", she said smiling at her mom "I'm going to finish dinner and then we can eat, ok? Now I wish I had done something more special for us to celebrate. On the weekend I'll make your favorite food and a cake. You know, your grandmother always said everything gets better with a cake." "Yeah...", Carol said laughing and going to her bedroom to change clothes. She sighed relieved while sitting on her bed. Not only she was now employed, but in her field of study and in one of the best places to have an internship in. She looked for her phone inside her bag and took a deep breath. She texted Julia and was happy with her friend's reactions. Lots of smiling pictures and thumbs up... and even an improvised "well done" sign. However there was another person to share her big secret. The one that made sure to give her an excellent recommendation letter. Carol smiled and texted the number he texted her a few days before, hoping it was really his. C: I got a job! The answer came a few minutes later while she was changing her clothes. H: You did? That's great! Where? C: At BBC. Harry sat up on his bed surprised when he saw what she had written. If anyone would get a job at BBC that person would be her. But he knew it was a very competitive place and worried a little about it. H: REALLY? She laughed then. Everyone was reacting the same way. C: Yes! I just got home from the interview. H: Congratulations, Carol. I knew you'd be working soon. C: Thank you, Harry. Your letter of recomendation helped me a lot. He got distracted with other texts on his personal phone and took a while to answer. She was getting ready to sleep when her phone buzzed beside her. H: But I didn't put my name on it, nor anything Royal related, though. So the merit is all yours. How are you? C: I'm alright. And you? He couldn't tell her the news his grandmother had given him a few hours before, that had killed his humor and made him upset. Nor could he comment on his relationship with Meghan, because it was still a secret. So he went the easiest way. He lied about how he was feeling. H: I'm great. I've got a few free days. C: Always good to have those. H: Yeah. And your mom? How is she? C: She's great. Has a date on Friday. He was trying to keep his mind of it, but all he could hear was his grandmother's voice inside his head repeating those awful news over and over again. He got up and went to the kitchen to drink water. He took only a sip before putting the bottle inside the fridge again. H: Yeah? That's good for her. How are you feeling about it? C: Normal, I guess. I don't really know him. Only a few stories my mom told me. H: Hopefully he's a good lad. C: Hopefully he'll make her happy. That's all that matters to me really. H: That's important, yes. C: So, what are you doing with your free time? He was doing fine, to be honest and was enjoying his free time up until this afternoon. H: Sleeping, mostly. Your panda habits really stuck with me. Then hitting a few pubs with some friends and resting. We're going to have a busy couple of months ahead of us. C: Make sure you're well rested, Your Royal Highness. He went back to his bedroom and rolled his eyes when he read her reply. H: Why do you always have to say that? C: It is your title after all :) H: Never a fan of both the title and that smiley face to be honest. C: No? Why not? I shall call you Your Royal Pickiness then. H: It's a long history... But not calling me Your Royal Pickiness either. C: Can't a girl have fun? She actually pouted while texting that. H: At me? No. With me? Hell yes.

[miatamerica]

recap of the first leg of the trip!

i’ve been on the road for a whole week - if this were The Ring, i’d be dead! i’m sitting in bed in an airbnb in a sketchy neighborhood in new orleans - it’s time i posted the updates i’ve been putting off. here’s a day-by-day rundown of everything that happened between NJ and NOLA.

3/5 - day 1 - bridgewater -> maryland

the road trip kicked off exactly how i thought it would - with me stressed and running late. i did an oil change in 18° weather on a cold garage floor an hour before i was supposed to leave, set up the camping equipment i was going to use for the first time ever, and played a very high-stakes game of car tetris. 

then after a three and a half hour drive directly into the sun (normally that’s not a big deal but i foolishly pulled out the sun visors on my car when i got it so i could see traffic lights at intersections better) i made it to uncle bob’s and aunt linda’s, had very tasty pulled pork sandwiches, and went to bed.

3/6 - day 2 - maryland -> virginia

i’ve been doing an oral history project where i interview the people i stay with, and uncle bob was first on the list. we had a good two hours talking about family history, politics, airplanes, and cars. then a quick run to panera bread and i fired a gun for the first time. maryland rules. i stayed for dinner then drove down to richmond to meet up with molly!

3/7 - day 3 - virginia -> eastern tennessee

i hope you’re feeling better molly! virginia was just a quick pit stop because i needed to make good time to get to new orleans, but i had lotsa fun interviewing molly about planning a wedding, her middle name, and how weird working in reslife is. 

at the recommendation of mr. and mrs. dr. shoop, i had my first bojangles on my way to tennessee and give it a B+. the chicken biscuit combo had lots of promise but needed something more - maybe mayo and lettuce/tomato? maybe i should’ve been washing it down with sweet tea like a true southerner? guess i’m too used to having won the civil war :(

the weather was awful, but i got to the campground i was staying at safely. it was totally empty and i didn’t see a single person until a park ranger did rounds as i was going to bed.

here’s where the fun started: 

mistake 1: i arrived after dark just wanting to go to bed

mistake 2: literally all of the camping gear i was using was brand new to me

mistake 3: i didn’t check for cell service before entering the park so i couldn’t call anyone to let them know i got here safely

mistake 4: i didn’t know what the weather was going to be like (it rained. hard.)

mistake 5: i assumed the sleeping bag would keep me warm and absolutely didn’t dress warmly enough

i had a completely miserable night of sleep where i was cold, scared of wolves, and got my shoes wet. 

i made it, though, and now know lots of things not to do when camping. this image is a 30-second exposure, just to get a sense for how absurdly dark it was:

3/8 - day 4 - eastern tennessee -> nashville

i left camp early, tired, and thoroughly upset with the tennessee department of environment and conservation. i was looking forward to a shower, but all the bathrooms were locked and i couldn’t get in touch with any of the park staff. so i just bailed and started a day of driving towards nashville.

i didn’t jump straight on interstate 40, though. i first headed north towards ‘The Snake:’  the best driving road i’ve ever, ever been on. i really can’t say enough about how unbelievably fun this was. after a hundreds of miles of boring point-a-to-b-to-c-to-d driving and minding my fuel economy, it was so, so great to put the hammer down and weave in and out of mountains for an hour. it was too cold to put the roof down, but i did it anyway. 

buy a miata just to drive it on this road. seriously - it’s that good.

i then continued a much less spirited and reasonable drive across the volunteer state towards music city usa. i grabbed a quick dinner at my second campground and got to bed early. this one felt like a campground that i was used to - the bathrooms were clean and there were signs of life on other campgrounds.

i set up camp in the dark again, but this time i was able to use my car’s headlights to see. still cold, still tired, but i’m getting the hang of this camping thing.

3/9 - day 5: nashville -> memphis

thanks lots to kali for showing me around nashville!! we had tasty beverages (they were called bushwhackers, i think?) and spicy chicken that is the exact opposite of what my gastroenterologist says i should be eating.

i met her roommate and her family, ate a frittata, walked around a park, got to drive in nice weather with the top down for the first time, and had a nice time catching up. i’m embarrassed to find out how much of the lyrics i still know from the heartbreak squad ep we made in high school.

good luck, jessi and to the rest of her family! i wasn’t able to stop at the bars you recommended in memphis, but i have put them on a list of things to do when i go back to any of the places. perhaps on miatamerica 2k20

i finished my day in nashville with my social bar full and ready to check out memphis. after a very antsy drive i checked into my first hotel (thanks to uncle bob and aunt linda for that friends and family coupon!) and fell asleep in a real bed (that i didn’t have to assemble myself!) ten full hours.

day 6: memphis -> new orleans

i got up early, had some dope continental breakfast, and tried to pack as much into memphis as possible before driving to louisiana. i stopped first at the national civil rights museum, which i highly recommend, and graceland, which i honestly don’t recommend. the civil rights museum was really well done and put a very real dimension to all of the stuff i had read in history books. 

on the other hand, graceland costed $50 (with a student ID!) to slowly carry an iPad around elvis’s house in silence. it was absurdly touristy and while it was a cool lil slice of americana (i really liked his stretch-limo couch and how his TV room was set up) i just didn’t get much out of it because i don’t really know that much about The King.

after skipping the tour of his airplanes for the sake of time, i started heading south to meet kat in new orleans! i stopped at cracker barrel, had a pretty ok time, and drove straight through mississippi stopping only for gas. i watched a guy get medivac’d on 55 and it didn’t look good :(

i got to new orleans that night!

[pbandjesse]

So my birthday is technically over but its still birthday month so I continued celebrating today.

I slept okay last night. I woke up around 830 and had some toast and strawberries. Got a shower. Got dressed. I packed up my hockey skates and headed to the bus. It was beautiful out today and I'm really glad I got to spend time outside, but I really should have worn a light coat. It was a bit breezey, even though it was over 50 and I was a little uncomfortable. But still, beautiful out.

I got to the skating rink and got my skates. It was our last day so we got little participation papers. Some people got “Certificates of achievements” if they leveled up. but I'm taking level 2 again which is fine. The teacher and the level 7 students said me and Niky have been improving compared to others they have seen take the course. And honestly it was a lot of fun today. We did a lot of stretching and techniques and stuff. And I am starting to get better skating backward. But I had the most fun working on some turns and stuff. I was really tired though and I got a bit exhausted by the end of practice but I still had a great time.

I had the most fun during our free skate time. I started getting the turn we learned last week really well and started doing some turns and I felt so pretty. I am really starting to get good at some stuff. I mean good for someone whos just started. I did fall though when I took a turn to fast but I'm getting better at falling as well and kept my head tucked so I didn’t hurt myself. One of the other students said I was pretty fearless, but I should stay away from the walls because I'm going to smash into it. And thankfully I haven’t done that yet but she’s right. But for real though I really love ice skating.

After our class me, Niky, and Allegra went out to lunch at a place called Blackbird that I really liked. My brunch was really good and I loved spending time with those girls. Allegra isn’t going to take the class again for a bit because of work, but Niky is. And I'm already signed up! I'm really glad I started taking it though. besides learning a new thing and feeling  strong and beautiful I love that I have become friends with these girls through it. They bought my brunch for me and gave me a card for my birthday and I was just really thankful to know them.

They left to go home and I waited for the bus. I went the furthest up nicolette I've ever been to go to the skate shop. All the way on 98th street. I found the place and they were so nice. The girl who helped me was a little younger then me and found the perfect skate for my little feet. they are new, which I was surprised about, but she said the only used ones they had were in the upper hundreds because they were professional grade. They were still pricey but they are leather and fit so well. The girl was sweet and had me walk around in them and her and the other girls were like “you really just started skating?” because apparently I walk like a pro. I felt very comfortable though and the other woman who worked there was older and started skating at 31 and now does competitions. And that gave me so much hope. Id love to try that some time. Making a real go of this.

I asked if they could buy my hockey skates but they couldn’t so I'm going to try to sell them at school or something. Maybe online. But id rather not have to deal with shipping them. I wanted to put the price towards the new skates but dad said that they are my present so I don’t have to. Because I have amazing parents who support me. I think its funny though because I didn’t do much sports or anything when I was younger so its like were making up for it now.

I got the skates sharpened and was able to catch the next bus home. It was about an hour home but I listened to a podcast and rested and it was a nice ride. I was planning on going straight to my studio but I was really tired. So I said I would wait an hour and then go in. But when I got home I put away the skates and laid down for an hour and a half. I woke up around 5 and had some toast. I got to my studio around 6.

I worked on going through all my objects and figure out where the images in my book were in the wrong order. I put everything in my little cart and tried to get ready for my photo appointment tomorrow. Fixed up my whole book. Got a little bio together for the end of the book. I was there a little over an hour. But I'm really happy and excited to have everything ready to go. So now I just have to get the big photo done tomorrow and design the wall logo. Then comes printing and install! Amazing!

I stopped at CVS on my way home. I got new dry shampoo and it smells like birthdaycake! Its called warm sugar and I like it. I got mac and cheese and green beans for dinner.

I got home and put that in the oven while I painted my nails. Now I'm fed and very tired. I think I want to read for a while. Tomorrow I can sleep in a bit before I go for my photo session. I hope to spend the rest of the day working on stuff for the show, editing the photos and such. I hope you all stay safe and warm and happy. Work towards your dreams.

[opepin]

august: week two

07: i took my time getting ready in the morning but i also woke up on time. kevin actually woke up at the same time as me :O i did a 30 minute cardio dance workout and then showered and ate breakfast. kevin got up and ate breakfast with me and then i left for work. we moved offices last week so now i am closer to south station. i checked in with security and they failed to let me know how to use these damn elevators at wework... so i got on the elevator, took me to the 2nd floor, and then i tried using the touchscreen pads to get to floor 8 to get my ID. i waited for like 10 minutes and no elevator came so i tried using the stairs and i basically got locked out because the stairs only led to an emergency exit. so then i slacked dave and he got me from the 3rd floor stairwell and sent me up the correct elevator...LOL x_x; i got my ID and then spent like 15 minutes downloading the wework app and putting in my information to get my card activated...

after all of that, i spent like 15 minutes finding the product team office @_@; lol i messaged cole and after finding out where the numbers on the doors were (tiny stickered numbered on the door latches), i found my way. then i spent a good amount of time setting up, plugging everything in, setting up my desk, and then cole stopped by and he gave me a small tour. i got to catch up a bit with the dev team, and then i hopped on my 11 am call. cole tried to get me for lunch but i was still on the call and i just ate lunch in the office. they went to south station for some reason... haha there is pretty much no good food there. :P i got on my 1 pm call and then went on stand up and got on to another call until 3:30 pm. so yeah... then i went upstairs the main floor and used the ‘honesty market’ and got some kinda overpriced unreal almond butter cups because i wanted a snack. then i worked while watching ‘love connection’ and ended my first work day at wework. i flipping hate the elevators right now. oh, i also had to go back and get office keys... the wework staff was off their game or something today. @_@;

i got home and snacked a bit before doing some ab hiit workouts lol. then i showered and bummed around until kevin got home. he came back from climbing and then he cooked a really late dinner. i ate leftovers from yesterday and ate a bit of dinner at like 9:30 pm...haha. i massaged my neck with the back massage pillow and i got really sleepy. i ended up sleeping sitting upright after eating because i didn’t want my stomach to hurt from just eating and then going to sleep xD kevin tried waking me up an hour later and then i think i slept for another hour before getting up and sleeping in bed at like 11:40 pm... i was so tired for some reason.

08: i got the best deep sleep i’ve ever gotten LOL, but my resting heart rate has increased again to 59?? idk, sometimes it skyrockets up when i change the band? but i don’t think that has anything to do with it? my heart rate for the past two weeks have been consistently in the low 50s. i even made it to a 49 resting heart rate at one point. hmm idk. i was well-rested but still physically tired so i did a low-impact workout in the morning. i took my time getting ready and eating breakfast. i found two holes in my bombas socks and decided to email them and ask how long their socks are supposed to last?? they’re all jacked up from my europe trip for some reason ;( i got to work at 9:30 am and then went straight to work while catching up with tv shows: love connection, masterchef, world of dance, and more love connection haha. it was a pretty dull day at work. i got to talk to charles for a bit though but he left after lunch since no dev was in the office today. i stayed at work until 6 pm to go to happy hour with the team at les zygomates after work.

we got an email saying that the room with the den is now available for us to look at. deco did us wrong when we told them we were interested at looking at it before and then they had someone sign the lease before notifying us? what? but, we’ll see if we move apartments to a bigger space ;D anyway, the product team walked over to the bar and we met up with everyone else. i got to talk to dave cowing and also, talked to dave about wine and etc. i got to talk with cait about traveling and jim kept making fun of me because i ended up holding the fries basket and i ate the rest of them in there haha. cait asked how old i was and i got everyone to guess. guesses ranged from 16 (LOL) to 26/27 but no one said 23. i think most of the boston team thought i was older than my age :P it was a lot of fun talking to everyone! i stayed until 7:40 pm or so and then went home. dave and joe kindly let me borrow a battery pack and mini usb cord so i could charge my dying phone on my way back home.

kevin finished eating when i got back so we ate blueberries for our dessert. then i rested a bit before doing butt exercises. my heart rate went up to 153 bpm :O i burned a lot more calories than usual today and i could tell i was going to be sore tomorrow... i showered and then ko’d on the bed with my glasses on... why is this a thing? i woke up an hour later and then brushed my teeth and went to sleep again. i’ve been so exhausted after working out these past few days? idk why. lol, like how did i sleep at 10 pm yesterday...?

09: i woke up at 8 am and then did weighted standing oblique exercises. i’m kinda bored with just my body weight right now so mind as well try to do exercises with these 2 lb weights i took from hillary a while ago hahaha. so appreciative of bae for letting me keep these. kevin also woke up pretty early and went for a run :O i showered and then ate breakfast and i just snacked so much throughout the day. is my period coming or something? lol. i just feel extra snack-y. i couldn’t bring myself to be really productive so i made goodie bags for the t7 boston office with the chocolates i got from my trip and made a nice guide to what they are with illustrator ;D kevin went to get a haircut and when he came back, we ate lunch, and then i went on stand up and right into another meeting, where i was just soooo confused. lol, phil asked me where i stood and i couldn’t lie so i told him i was just extremely confused about what they were talking about??? then phil went out for lunch and i took a break to watch some dota with kevin. oh, kevin wfh’d today too and he watched the tournament on the tv the entire day. hehe, reminds me of last summer~

then we went to view the apartment and right as they asked if we wanted it, kevin said ‘yes, probably.’ he was so excited, lololol. i was pretty full from snacking all day @_@; so i wasn’t concerned about dinner. i started reading my botm and then got myself into making the perler bead snorlax we got from the spelmuseum in stockholm. lol man, perler beads move around too much x_x; kevin tried ironing it, but he did it unevenly and i fixed it by spot heating the areas the best that i can. we did this all while watching dota. then i went to exercise and kevin irritated me by asking me questions while i was working out and also yelling at me for putting socks on his mouse pad? they were clean socks first of all .___. calm yo shizz dude. i showered and then hit the hay at like 11:45 pm. i went to sleep pretty irritated with kevin...

10: i did some hip hop cardio today so that motivated me to exercise this morning ;D then i showered and ate breakfast. i was out the door earlier than i expected and i filled my charlie card with money before hopping on the train, woot! i was very social today @_@; i stopped by the dev offices to give everyone their nordic chocolate goodie bags. i talked with the devs and michelle for a bit before getting to the office. dave wouldn’t be in until noon and joe always comes at random times. then i switched from contacts to glasses because i wanted to test my glasses out in my work environment. the switch was weird because my contacts are slightly less than my glasses (still have a good amount of contacts left). most of my team mates said they didn’t recognized me but really liked my frames :) cole said i looked intellectual and that they were super shiny. i got to work while watching masterchef and then joe came in and i talked with him a bit while working. then i had to figure out where to eat for lunch. it was tech time today so the devs got food from dumpling house -- i stopped by to see what everyone got.

i decided to check downstairs and see what restaurant was downstairs today. it was u&d kitchen (restaurant nearby the old office) and i got dumplings with pad thai. i ate lunch in the office and then tried working but my mouse was out of battery and i had to charge it. apple mice cannot be used while they are charging -_-’ so i did work very inefficiently. then i got started on my next assignment and got really confused about my deliverables and i got it cleared up during stand up. i showcased the work i just finished on stand up and then got off right at 2:30 pm. cole stopped by and we went to gracenote, a coffeeshop. i got their ginger chai latte with almond milk and cole was also interested in that and got it as well. we took our first sips without mixing it (LOL) and realized we needed to mix it in order for it not to taste like only milk. so we walked back to wework and then sat down in the kitchen and talked and drank our lattes -- they were good! i updated him on my trip and then cait and raj stopped by and we chatted with them along with joe.

i think like 40 minutes passed by and we went back to our offices. i felt all productivity leave my body and slacked cole the rest of the afternoon while trying to work on my project. at 3:30 pm, joe went to get smores from the 8th floor and cole messaged me to go up there. i didn’t want to eat one but peer pressure got to me (charles and cole tsk tsk) and i ate one. it was fun talking to cole and charles up there though. charles decided to leave afterward and cole went back to the office where steve was working very hard :( lol i walked in earlier and kind of joked that i was going to be john for the next few hours because john left already ...and he was on the phone with john... awks. he was still on the phone with john when we came back from eating smores. i went back and did some digging to figure out how to continue with my project and then it hit 5 pm. i stopped by and asked cole if he was ready to leave and then i went back and packed up and changed into my contacts.

we walked to cvs in south station because my lays flavor competition chips’ shipment got delayed >:( i wanted them now so i went to see if i could buy them at this cvs -- no luck. we walked to our sides of the tracks and then i got on a cart with no a/c...but i stood strong and got a seat and the train restarted and the a/c turned on again hehe. i got home and then continued talking to daniel about cross training / work out shoe recommendations. my fitbit needed a firmware update and missed reminding me to take 250 steps at 6 pm... at around 7:15 pm, i started working out and then kevin came back from climbing. i finished up my work out, showered, and kevin set up our spring roll dinner. lol he forgot to buy cucumber and also forgot to make the noodles so the rolls were pretty empty but i didn’t mind because i was full from the pad thai. then we cleaned up and i decided not to get any shoes... they’re too ugly or they don’t have enough support. x__x; kevin watched dota for the rest of the night and then gamed. 

then he tried to plan how we’re gonna move our stuff and where what furniture is going to be. i wasn’t 100% convinced about his placement choices but then he didn’t accept mine either and he got frustrated at me because of the way i was acting. i told him that it’s because he has a vision and i don’t want to interfere with it anymore :/ lol. he’s more excited about moving than i am ahha. then i did some surveys and we apologized to each other. i stayed on my phone doing random stuff before going to sleep at like 12 or 1 am... i had a 9 am meeting so i had my alarm set at 8:00 am to fit in my exercise session before the meeting.

11: lol i slept in and started my work out at 8:20 am. i was a bit rushed for time but the call went really well. i answered some questions and cleared things up. then i showered and realized there was nothing i could really eat for breakfast... so i decided to do my home errands first before heading to the office and also eat my spring rolls that were packed for lunch for brunch instead. i filled out the application for the new apartment and then contacted nike support about my roshes. it’s been less than a year and they have holes in it so last night, i learned that they have a 2 year warranty on them and you can file a claim and they inspect the shoe and refund you your money. so i contacted support to make sure that i could do this, and i could! they sent me a return label and everything. so after all of that, i had to go downstairs and troubleshoot the application. everything went through though so i packed up and headed over to the office.

dave was the only person i knew that was in the office today. he was on a call when i came in so i just went straight to work. i had a call with phil about my struggles and we figured it out together. i managed to complete half of the assignment and then moved on to the next only to bump into another problem, which dave helped me solve! i’m so grateful for my awesome supervisors T_T i got hungry at around 3 pm so i went downstairs to la colombe to see if they had any pastries; they didn’t so i walked to the nearby dunkin’ donuts and got their oatmeal, LOL. dave left at around 4 pm and i stayed behind to finish up my assignment. amazingly, i got it all done right before 5 pm and then i waited in the office for kevin to get to south station so that we could go to fogo de chao for restaurant week! lol, i had to rush to the station because kevin thought i was closer to south station than i really am... but no worries because i made it to the train (:

it felt like a really fancy restaurant but it is a buffet basically. kevin got food without me so i was mad at him for a bit but then food makes everything better so i forgot i was mad after getting cuts of meat. we basically tried all the meat except for lamb in 30 minutes LOL. their cheese bread balls are the best; kevin put some in his tupperware and took some home :x i only liked the prime sirloin. fogo de chao is alright... we got dessert and they were the thinnest slices of pie / cake ever. they were like a few cm thick... i went to the bathroom and when coming back, a waiter stepped on my shoes and left scuff marks on it... wtf? we left right after that. i am pretty upset about it. the experience was underwhelming and i’m probably never going to a fogo de chao ever again. anyway, we took the train to downtown crossing and walked to uniqlo to pick up my pants i ordered. i found white wide pants too and tried those on. i got the white pants for only $10 ;D then we took the train back in the humidity. we were saved by a/c though.

i picked up my thredup package and then opened it when i got into the apartment. i’m really liking the crop top i got and the madewell blouse. the eva longoria tank is made with a really interesting stretchy heavy material but i like it. the asos top is my cheapest find and will work on dressier occasions. i like that the fake necklace is removeable. i got a silk shirt for final sale and it could be worn as a night gown but it goes really well with my uniqlo black jersey pants. i love all of the pants i got at uniqlo. i’m most excited for these white pants though because i haven’t worn white pants in such a long time! i’m leaning more and more towards buying the jeffrey campbell doshi flat mules too because they would go with all these outfit ideas i’m thinking of! well, after i put away everything, i chilled for a while and then did back exercises and found an interesting ballet back video that hurt like crazy...

i did some internet errands and then did my best to clean my shoe. T_T some of the sole has been stepped off and the material is gone in that area... oh well? after that, i went straight to writing my fogo de chao review and left them a personal note to let their servers know to slow down and look at their surroundings when they’re moving around the space. i know that they have a job and have places to be, but i do too and as a customer, i don’t want to be constantly worried that someone is going to run into me with a skewer of hot meat, ya know? then i showered and kevin and i went to sleep at like 2 am or something ahaha. :P

12: i woke up with grody hair but today was a “rest” day. i was pretty inactive all day watching dota with kevin and also just online shopping like a mad woman. daniel hasn’t been helping me either because right now he’s a shopaholic and we’re just online shopping together basically LOL. well, after the end of liquid vs. lfy, kevin and i planned our meals for the week and went to kam man. we got another rice box from there as well as some yummy buns for breakfast tomorrow. then we came back just in time for the grand final, which was total crap btw. it was the first time in ti history that a team lost 3-0... newbee had 3 chances!!! lfnjksndkjgfjd. they were all pretty one-sided games, which is what made it crappy. then kevin went to play some dota, lol, and i did a 40 minute workout. my legs got real itchy after because i was a sitting blob all day... then i took a shower and washed my hair. i stayed up a bit browsing the web and stuff and then went to sleep at 1 am.

13: i got up at like 10:30 am but i woke up at like 9:30 am. then i made a list of what i needed to get done today. i ate a delicious scallion roll bun for breakfast (sweet and savory) and then started cleaning out my closet. lol, i realize that i don’t even have a lot of clothes here, but i still have items of clothing that i don’t wear often... i am going to try thredup’s clean out bag solution and i also got a donation bag for kevin’s clothes. i was thinking of selling it on ebay but it’s too much of a hassle to keep up with it; plus, buying shipping packages is a big hassle and printing out labels and etc. i’ve been there and done that. it did work well with my collectible toys though! anyway, i only took out a few items of clothing (4-6?) and i am going to put in my forever21 flats and maybe my black steve madden flats. we’ll see. after figuring out that and looking into donation organizations -- it’s so hard to figure out where your clothes are actually going and it’s so sad that some donations get thrown out, etc..., i did a 30 minute low-impact cardio workout, showered, and then kevin and i headed to bj’s to get more groceries and household stuff.

when we got back, we put everything away and then i read a bit and did my chores. i cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, and dusted everywhere. after that, kevin cooked some chinese broccoli and i ate the leftover tonkatsu and he ate two hot dogs. then i spent my evening finishing my book of the month... uhh, i didn’t like it when i first started reading it and i didn’t like it even more when i finished it. the description did not match the story at all and i one-starred it. i want to give this book away... we ate pork and noodle soup while watching agents of shield. i think kevin wants me to get into it so he can also remember what happened and catch up with it as well xD i agreed to watching more. after reading to digest dinner, i did ab workouts and my heart rate spiked and my abs hurt like crazy -- they’ve never hurt that bad in a while x__x; it felt good but it was a hard workout. then i showered and hit the hay at like 1 am... i messaged mindy for a bit and then went to sleep. i need to start sleeping earlier :(