#id rather this one drop than something like character arcs

[new-haven-psych-ward]

Some Advice (Episode 6)

Some Advice (Episode 30)

no thoughts, only brainrot and repetition and the role of (willful) (forceful) amnesia

[animaginaryartblog]

[Image ID: a digital drawing of an alternate universe version of Blaze the Cat, from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. Behind her is a strange, almost angelic creature, glowing with fiery light. Despite the digital medium, the colors and shading have a blotchy, paper-y texture to them. Everything is cast in a fiery red-orange hue.

Blaze is poised in the air as if mid-jump. She has one leg extended and the other bent beneath her. Her hands are balled into fists and surrounded by fire. She looks to the side with a scowl, fangs showing. Her long tail curls around and under her like a live thing. Six red triangles underscore her eyes. On her forehead is an oval red jewel. It is cracked, like a bite has been taken out of its top right.

For her outfit, Blaze's top resembles her canon design, purple with long sleeves, white cuffs, and a gold necklace. Rather than her usual white leggings, however, she instead wears white pants with a slit down the side, allowing them to flap loosely around her ankles. A gold crown-like band ties her feathery hair back in a ponytail, and a red sash is tied around her waist. White feathers are on her ankles, and her feet are white, bird-like talons with dustings of purple scales.

Behind Blaze is Solaris, a being with a body plan similar to Blaze's but alien, statuesque features. Cracks mark her edges, as if she is made of stone. She is primarily a pale yellow-white, like sandstone, gradating to a dark red at the ends of her limbs and tip of her tail. In the center of her chest is an empty hole, shaped like an emerald. It is pale blue. Her head is smooth and bird-like. Her "eyes" are large, angular slits of pure ruby. Three slits of blue lie under each eye, like tear drops. On her forehead is a mark like a gem split in half. The left half is pale red, the right half the same color as her eyes.

Her limbs are slender and tapering. Her hands have three claws each. Her legs end in sharp points, with no feet. Her tail is long and jagged, ending in a spade-like point. Seven red shards fan out from its tip, not connected to the tail by any physical tissue. In the same fashion, six long shards fan from her arms like feathers, and ten rays arc out from the halo-like horns on her head. Between their tips floats an oval jewel, cracked the same as Blaze's. The left side is faded red; the smaller right fragment is rich ruby.

Solaris's pose mirrors Blaze's, making it appear as if her halo and wings are Blaze's. Solaris's left claws rest on Blaze's shoulder, while her right hand cups Blaze's own. /end ID]

some fresh art for my old Rush of Flame AU, a Blaze-centric AU with lots of Rush inspiration, an almost entirely original setting, overly elaborate worldbuilding, a dash of Sonaze, for flavor. Blaze's design hasn't changed much, more the way I rendered it. Solaris's design has changed quite a bit. I wanted to make her like more inhuman, and I think it turned out really well. better look at each of them below.

[Image ID: the same two characters from above, but now separated into their own individual drawings, allowing a clearer look at their designs. /end ID]

as for why I drew this now, when I haven't touched this AU in at least a year... well, I was going to do an AU August Challenge, but I immediately fell badly off schedule. very badly. and so I decided that rather than go through the same struggle I did with my extremely ill-fated OCtober last year, I wouldn't try and scramble to finish the challenge but just. draw. at my own pace. when I felt like it.

no checklist. no self-imposed challenge or time limit. just drawing what I felt like, when I felt like it, and taking the time to make something I'm actually happy with rather than rushing to make something "finished". it's a novel concept and frankly? unnerving. what is this. don't like it. take me back to planners and to-do lists where I belong. /lh

[rai-knightshade-art]

"I got my ticket for the long 'way round, the one with the prettiest of views; it's got mountains, it's got rivers, it's got sights to give you shivers, but it sure would be prettier with you..."

This oc has been living rent free in my head for weeks now and I'm about to make that everybody's problem! More about her, the concept that spawned her, close ups, and more below the cut; image id in the alt text!

(Also, for the record: they're girlfriends your honor 🥰.)

The Concept: alright I'm not gonna actually copy-paste the entire concept i have for this story here because it's long, so y'all are getting the quick and dirty tl;dr version from the get go. You're welcome. Tl;Dr: Pitch Perfect 4 but it's a next gen movie focusing on Bella (Stacie's daughter) as a senior at Barden and her adventures co-leading the Bellas and Treblemakers because the college has had some budget cuts and decided they didn't need four acapella teams and smushed the two rival groups together. Shenanigans ensue. Also there's a co-protagonist, Molly, an incoming freshman who's excited to join the Bellas because shock! Amazement! Not at all predictably, she's a Legacy just like Bella! (And unlike the rest of the teams actually they're all new except for one of the Treblemakers who's Donald the Rapper's son.) In fact, not only is she a Bella Legacy, she's technically a Treblemaker Legacy through her dad; her arc centers on the mystery of who could possibly be her parents among the original/second gen Bellas and Treblemakers?? (Admittedly it's not so much a mystery as it is a fakeout cause the clues dropped are just ambiguous enough to cause confusion on whether she's Emily's daughter--presumably with Benji based on the love of Star Wars--but close with Beca and/or Jesse as an aunt and uncle, or if she's Beca and Jesse's daughter who spent time with Uncle Benji and/or Aunt Emily. The answer is the latter btw the girl loves juice pouches way too much to be anything else but a Swanson.) The answer is revealed at the very end after the Bellas and Treblemakers have finally learned to work together and have won Nationals. We finally get the cameos from the original stars as they come to congratulate the new kids, including Stacie (who's very very proud of her daughter going out with a win!) and, of course, an absolutely ecstatic Jesse with a pair of twin boys in tow, followed shortly (after a brief but forceful phonecall with an assistant over a run-over flashdrive of music) by Beca.

The Characters: I say characters cause while it's mostly miss Molly taking up this page, there are a couple secondary characters that can be mentioned here too.

Molly (Swanson, tho that wouldn't be revealed at first): one of our two main characters, she's a 19-year-old freshman at Barden going into Music Education (she's always wanted to follow in her parents' footsteps into music but she's not particularly keen on being a celebrity like they are; she'd rather nurture a love of music through teaching, like her parents did for her). She's a veritable ball of sunshine with a love of juice pouches and Star Wars, has a near-encyclopedic knowledge of every single John Hughes movie (though Ferris Bueller's Day Off is her personal favorite rather than the Breakfast Club, something that she and her father have weekly play-fights over), a very sarcastic and dry sense of humor, and a love of mashups and remixing (and also checkered or plaid-patterned flannels); she is truly a mix of both her parents. She's also super excited to be a Bella! She doesn't mention she's Legacy to anyone but Bella (who she meets at the club fair and immediately clicks with) because she wants to get in on her own merits (rather than by being THE Beca Effing Mitchell's daughter), though that little tidbit of information quickly becomes impossible to hide when the first group activity they perform is to harmonize When I'm Gone and Molly's fully moved to tears. 🥺 Also of note, Molly is a Mezzo, a bit higher than her mother's Alto.

Bella Conrad: our other main character (and likely the one we would see first), this is none other than the same baby Bella from PP3! She's all grown up now at 22 and finishing up her senior year at Barden, and currently the only Legacy Bella (until Molly comes along of course) as well as a co-captain of the group along with a couple other seniors. She's much more reserved compared to her outgoing mother or the energetic Molly, but she's sweet in her own way and always eager to lend a helping hand or guide a new Bella into the group. She's a math major, intending to get a job teaching high school level math (something she and Molly bond over quickly). She is a Soprano.

Julian (Donald's son): a secondary character, he's the leader of the Treblemakers and a close friend of Bella's. He makes up the third leg of the little Legacy Trio and happily welcomes Molly into the group, subtly encouraging Bella to make a move on her quickly growing crush on the other girl as well as working as a voice of reason among the turbulent Treble-Bella combined team. He's very level-headed and holds rank as the best beatboxer on the team. Besides being a beatboxer, he is also a Baritone.

The Close Ups:

[asoulofatlantis]

Great... Towa coming with us will make the Erebonian-Bitch inside me even more homesick ^^'

Of course, she is talking to Crow. Who else would she be talking too? But... I hate to be the one to say this yet again but... if he is here... why isn't he here? If you get me. Crow can't be too far away, given that he knew where things in the City happened. And how did he get his hands on Info from the CID given that he sure as hell is on their "suspicious" - list as well. (Heck, I can not even blame them this time... he is a former Terrorist after all...)

What's bothering my Baby? And why is her saying his name bringing tears to my eyes? Gee...

Okay! Stop with the names-dropping! It makes my homesickness worse.

I think I end this for today. After spending half an eternity in Märchen Garten again (and after Towa and Crow successfully made me want to play Cold Steel AGAIN) and given that I might have overdone it on the first day that I felt slightly better and yet didn't even took my usual nap... I am not strong enough or willing to do more side-missions right now.

Given how at this point I am roughly through half of the game I think can make a first impression review now.

First of all let me tell you that if you only would do the main missions and only the necessary parts of the Märchen Garten, the pacing of this game would actually be really good - at least so far. Sadly, as soon as you aim to do all the optional stuff, the pacing is ruined. Especially if you use Märchen Garten to grind and get your hands on useful items, you will realize that this absolutely destroys the pacing. However, despite that, I feel like the pacing is still a bit better than it was in the first game, if you have done all the optional stuff there and funny enough, I think that is also partly because of Märchen Garten, because it makes the game feel a lot more balanced than the first one, as the fighting relatively equals the time we run around and talk to people. So regarding Pacing I would give it 3 out of 5 points at this time.

Music is mostly the same than in the previous game, but nothing annoying there. Opening song is good and works well when it is used in-game and I say all in all the way the music is used is also better than in Kuro 1 so a 4 out of 5

Battlesystem was just slightly overworked and its a mixed blessing. I do like the idea with the magic, but its just not really efficient in my eyes. I like it tho, that you are finally able to know better whos turn it is next in the turn-based battles. And I still like the idea behind the mix of active- and turn-based battle. Although active-battle has gotten a lot harder on floor 7 of the Märchen Garten. In any case I give it a 4 out of 5, because there is still something missing and the magic aspect in active battle still needs some adjustments.

The characters should get a 5 out of 5 because they are all great and ... likeable in their own way and even the ones you dislike make you do this with passion. HOWEVER there have been multiple instances of OOCness in this game and that is why I think I have to take one point away. 4 out of 5 points.

The plot... well... the plot. When I was just watching the game the plot seemed mostly awful. Its not that bad if you play the game yourself. But its also not that much better either. The fact that they overdid it with the dead ends in the intermission and that most deaths didn't make you as the players feel anything is one of the reason why the plot just isn't good enough. I do see the need for this rather filler-arc kind of game better now tho. I give it an overall 3 out of 5 points for now.

Sidemission are mostly "good" you have some boring ones among them but a lot of them have some interesting twists and turns or end with some scenes/moments that were worth it. 4 out of 5. Sometimes its just really too many of them, which, once again, is bad for the pacing.

Anything else? Hm... nah, not at the moment.

Id say the game is overall medicore.

[ficklefandom]

with less than 12 hours to the new episode (I think), I'm gonna say this:

I hope they dont go through with Penny being hacked, but it looks like that's what's going to happen, especially given the scene with Pietro showing that Penny can essentially be overridden

I hope they don't because Penny's whole character arc and... character in general, is this "real girl" message. that she is a robot but she is also a girl, and being a robot doesnt make her inauthentic and doesnt mean she isnt a person. if she gets hacked... that goes against everything her character has been built up to be? what message does that send, that her decisions are her own and she's just as much of a person as anyone else except she can still have her will entirely overridden so ultimately not really?

taking it from the angle of her getting manipulated into turning against RWBY—like Ironwood's been trying to do—would say a lot more about her being a person and making her own decisions rather than diminishing her back down to a robot that can be altered/physically manipulated by other people for their gain (which is what happened to her during the fall, and now is happening again after her character development? this is where I'm hoping that she won't be hacked, considering how this volume is looking to have a lot of parallels to V3 w the Fall of Beacon vs the potential fall of Atlas).

with how Penny's interactions have been going thus far this volume and last, I assume she's currently going through an arc about her making her own decisions, breaking away from what other people are trying to force her into but balancing that with not trying to put everything into her own hands... which her being hacked and literally controlled by someone else where she gets no chance to decide for herself isn't conducive to.

[byooregard]

The Not-Really-Official Mighty Nein Ao3 Ship Stonks

[image id: a graph showing the popularity of various critical role campaign two ships on ao3 over the course of campaign 2 /end id]

Anyways! I decided to go through all the fics written in the Critical Role tag from the start of Campaign 2 to the end, and see how the general shipping landscape has changed throughout the campaign!

I gathered together the most popular (to my knowledge) cr2 ships on Ao3 and looked at the numbers month by month (I wish I could have done it weekly, but that would have been simply too much) to put together a spreadsheet and a bunch of graphs!

I’ll include a link to my whole google sheet on this in a reblog, because the last time I did something similar for Vox Machina, tumblr ate it and I got like 7 notes for all my hard work.

More graphs (I made individual ones for each pairing for readability) and a bit of me talking about the stuff I found out under the cut

[Image id: a similar graph to the one above, but where the top one shows fic numbers by month, this graph shows cumulative numbers /end id]

Here’s a cumulative graph of the same thing as the one on the top of this post. It’s easier to read than the first one, but it doesn’t show how different ships gained and lost popularity over time nearly as well.

Onto the Ships! (Pardon the obvious extent to which I’ve been paying more attention to some ships than others and the gaps in info that come from such. This is just a project I did for fun, so my data analysis skills are far from perfect. However, if you know more than me and would like to provide insight, please do!)

[image id: a bar graph of how many Beau/Yasha fics have been posted to Ao3, month by month from January 2018 to June 2021 /end id]

Beauyasha  is currently the ship with the most fics in the Critical Role Ao3 tag (let’s go lesbians!!), with 1849 total fics, as of yesterday, July 15th, 2021. This seems to come from having a steady fic production over all of the campaign rather than being particularly popular right at this moment.

The most noticeable things here are how the fic count climbs slowly until after July 2018, when it drops off. I suspect this is because at that point in the campaign, Yasha had been gone for a bit and was gonna be gone for a while, so people lost interest in the ship. The second big jump is in May 2021, which is when Beauyasha week is hosted. Beauyasha week has been going on since 2020, if i remember correctly, but it didn’t cause enough of a jump in fic making to be noticeable back in 2019. You can also see how fics generally rose in numbers after hiatus and towards the end of the campaign as Beau and Yasha were looking more and more like they were gonna become canon/endgame (and eventually did).

[image id: a bar graph similar to the one above, this one cataloguing the number of Fjord/Caduceus fics over Campaign 2 /end id]

This ship is definitely the least popular one I’ve got here, and looking back I could have gone without including it, but I did all this data collection, so, oh well.

Notable points on here: Cad appears in July 2018, in episode 28, there are a few Fjord/Caduceus fics. I assume this is because of fandom doing as fandom does and shipping new characters with other characters as soon as they appear. Nothing much interesting happens till June-December 2019, which iirc is when most of the Angel of Irons arc and Fjord’s leaving Uk’otoa + joining the Wildmother arc is. The highest numbers are in April 2020, when Fjorclay week was held, and things drop off almost entirely soon after Cad is confirmed to be aroace in ep 114, in late November 2020.

[image id: another bar graph, similar to the bar graphs above, this one showcasing Ao3 numbers for Essek/Caleb]

This is the most fun one to me, partly because I’m incredibly biased, and partly because you can really see a lot of plot points in the show in the fic numbers here. If you look at the top graph with all the ships together, you can see that Shadowgast was the most popular ship by the end of the campaign in terms of people creating content for it currently, despite still being under Beauyasha and Widomauk in total numbers. (This makes sense, as both others have almost a 60 episode head-start.) (It’s probably still the most popular now, but i didn’t collect anything for July.)

There’s nothing from when Essek appears in episode 57 in early April. There’s a relatively big spike in fics from April to May, when Caleb rolls a 12 on persuasion and Essek teaches him some spells, despite the low roll. Stuff is relatively steady till a big uptick in fics in March 2020 (Episode 97 aired right at the end of February). The next big spike is in April, which is when Essek joined the Mighty Nein in Aeor, and after that in May, when Shadowgast Week was held. (Like Beauyasha, Shadowgast week has been going since 2020, but there wasn’t a noticeable enough spike in fics in 2020 to point out.)

[image id: another bar graph, similar to the bar graphs above, this one showcasing Ao3 numbers for Fjord/Caleb]

This is the point at which my bias shows (again, technically); I don’t really follow any people who were big Widofjord shippers while I knew them, so I have a harder time pointing out interesting things here. This ship has remained pretty consistent throughout the whole run of the Mighty Nein, being a bit more popular at the beginning (from what Liam said in the campaign wrap-up, I guess people were picking up on vibes pretty well.)

The biggest noticeable upticks are in February 2018, when I can’t remember anything interesting happening, though I will admit that I watched early Campaign 2 very long ago, and I don’t tend to notice things being romantic unless they’re directly pointed out. The next big spike in fics is in December 2018, when Fjord and Caleb make the blood pact at Divers Grave. The month with the most fics written is June 2019, when Widofjord week was held. I’m unsure if the week happened again, as there doesn’t seem to be much going on until July 2020. I’m unsure if this is because something happened in July or if it was just the campaign starting up again after hiatus.

[image id: another bar graph, similar to the bar graphs above, this one showcasing Ao3 numbers for Fjord/Jester]

Fjorester!! Out of the three ‘endgame’ ships of Campaign 2, this one is the lowest for total fics on Ao3. In terms of growing popularity, it’s not nearly at the levels of Beauyasha or Shadowgast, but it’s still a good deal higher than any others.

The ship goes pretty steady through most of the campaign, with a bit of a drop after December 2018, which I imagine is because of Jester dropping her initial flirting with Fjord. It ticks up a lot after the hiatus, when Fjorester looks like it’s heading for canon status, and goes up a lot when Fjord and Jester kiss in Episode 118 in December. The last point at which there are a lot of fics is June 2021, which is when Fjorester week is held. (Fjorester week has been going since 2019, but the first one was in late March through early April, and there seems to be none that I can find in 2020)

[image id: another bar graph, similar to the bar graphs above, this one showcasing Ao3 numbers for Beau/Jester]

Beaujester! I can’t think of a lot of interesting things to say about this ship outside of the graph.... It was pretty popular around the middle of the campaign, dropping off till the end when it doesn’t become canon.

Moments here: the highest point is in July 2019, when Beau wears one of Jester’s dresses. If I remember correctly, there were also a few things leading up to that point which could be read as pretty romantic (though Beaujester was definetly a ship in my general circle so I’m somewhat biased on that). In November 2019, fic output jumps up again, as this is when Beau tells Nott about her crush on Jester, in episode 84. Beaujester week is also held in November. There’s a bit of decline before July and August 2020, which I imagine brings numbers up again half because of how Travelercon centered around Jester and also half because the campaign started again after hiatus. Numbers drop off after that as it looks a lot more like Beauyasha and Fjorester are going to become canon over Beaujester.

[image id: another bar graph, similar to the bar graphs above, this one showcasing Ao3 numbers for Caleb/Jester]

Note again that I don’t know anyone who ships Widojest, so I don’t see a lot of it on my dash, ergo I don’t know a lot about it. But! It’s the highest non-canon ship on ao3 under Widomauk, with 1108 fics (as of yesterday), which is quite a lot.

The first notable spike is around December 2018. I can’t seem to pinpoint a moment that caused this? When I asked people on Discord, they thought it was perhaps because Jester sorta dropped her crush on Fjord around then. It makes sense that people might take that as an opportunity to turn to other pairings. The two biggest spikes in this graph are in July 2019, and July 2020, which, as you’ve probably guessed, is when Widojest week is held. Other than that, numbers have been pretty consistent throughout the campaign.

[image id: another bar graph, similar to the bar graphs above, this one showcasing Ao3 numbers for Caleb/Molly]

And here we are at the end of our ship graphs! Widomauk is still the 2nd most popular CR ship on Ao3, with 1725 fics (as of yesterday), and it actually held the top spot for quite a while, despite Molly having been dead for most of that time.

The fics go up in numbers pretty fast from February 2018 (which is when Molly kisses Caleb’s forehead in the gnoll mines in episode 7). They get really high around July 2018, when Molly dies, but go down a bit after that. I’d assume this is most likely because people figured out that Molly probably wasn’t coming back, and the big uptick in fics was half people dealing with Molly’s death and half people writing rez ritual fics and the like, though that’s just speculation. Fics go up in June 2019 because of Widomauk week (I couldn’t find any evidence to Widomauk week happening more than once). There’s an uptick in December 2020, which is around the time that the Tomb Takers start traveling with the Mighty Nein for a bit.

Now for some other things:

[id: 5 sets of photos of the drop-down ‘relationships’ list you can find when filtering a tag in Ao3. They’re labeled ‘top relationships, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, and all time,’. Each shows a slightly different assortment and order of Critical Role pairings, romantic and platonic. /end id]

(Sorry about how tumblr absolutely butchers my image quality by the way, you’ll be able to see all these way better in the sheet I’ll link in the reblog.)

Anyways, here’s the top relationships in the CR tag on Ao3 for each year of Campaign 2′s run. Note that these take into account only things written in that year, not things written up till and through that year. It’s pretty cool to look and see how different things have become popular through the years, and I think this best illustrates how what ao3 currently shows as the most popular relationships isn’t a reflection of the current most popular pairings.

Anyways, that’s all I have to say in this tumblr post! As I said, I’m gonna link the google sheet I have all of this on in a reblog, which includes:

the actual numbers in spreadsheet form

all the graphs pictured here, but in readable definition, and actually working (hover over lines to highlight them, and click on points to see the actual numbers)

and a few more notes on when all the important shippy moments happened throughout the campaign next to the numbers

So, at the risk of sounding like I’m telling you to go over to watch the show on Twitch for a live community moderated chat, if you’re interested, you should probably look at my spreadsheet because I spent so long working on it, please!

Also if you like this please talk to me about it! Again, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working on it and I will likely do something like this again whether or not people like it (but if people give me validation I’ll do it.... more? faster? something like that.)

[bettsfic]

hi, betts! this might be the opposite order of how you approach things, but may I ask how you decide which sex acts are going to suit the emotional arc/plot/characterization of a scene? I frequently find myself reaching the place where I know I want my characters to bang, and that it's the right move for the story, but I end up struggling with the specifics—I know the why of the scene, but not the what. nothing against fades to black, but that's rarely the effect I'm going for. any advice?

this question very nearly stumped me, and i had to spend a lot of time walking backward through some recent sex scenes i had written to try to figure it out. the best i can come up with is there's like a flowchart of logic i think i follow, and deviate from that as necessary in order to make meaning from it.

maybe this is flawed thinking on my part, but to me, sex progression has always been kissing > hand stuff > oral > penetration (if applicable). in my head each of those things has like a drop-down box of options. under "kissing" there's also things like undressing each other, nipple-sucking, lovingly staring into one another's eyes, and so on. and there's also this "other" category that opens a whole new window of potential kink options.

each deviation from the aforementioned flow says something about the characters. a character who moves straight to cockwarming is different than a character who incites a sex scene with a single kiss on the neck. so assuming i'm writing a sex scene either to develop tension or release it, in my flowchart of options, i generally pick the things that will most reveal something about the characters, specifically the POV character.

for example, let's say i'm writing a scene in which the POV character really really wants the romantic interest but is hesitant to get together with them because of Consequences, the romantic interest character would have to do things that would get the POV character to want to relieve the tension more than they fear those consequences.

that's where a combination of characterization + my id come into play. a touch-starved character might crumble under a massage. a validation-seeking character would sell their soul for praise. a lonely character might not want sex at all, or might not be ready for it, so their revealing act would be spooning.

i think also the amount of tension built to get to the sex scene determines the breadth of the scene. so if i've written 60k of sidelong glances and brushing of fingers, i would want the tension release to move through the entire flowchart. if i'm writing a PWP (which admittedly i haven't written in a very long time), i would focus more on the conceit of the story rather than characterization. if the kink of the PWP is first-time bondage, then i'd want to focus on the progression of being tied up and what the feeling of restraint offers the POV character. harder kinks like piss play or humiliation have more complicated emotions to work through, depending on the level of consent and the personal history of the character.

so the flowchart looks something like this:

is the scene developing tension or releasing it? (developing tension would be a scene where the story continues after the sex; releasing tension is a scene that resolves the conflict of the story)

if developing tension:

what is at stake for the scene?

what are the consequences?

what acts would get your characters to choose each other over the potential consequences?

how can you put those acts within a natural progression of escalation?

if releasing tension:

what is the scope of the story?

what are your characters' desires?

what acts best address those desires within the scope of the story?

possibly if you have a combination of both developing and releasing, like if you're resolving one conflict and opening another, you'd want to choose things that address both categories.

and lastly, i think what's most important is that you're writing things you want from your characters. if that means tossing in a choking kink at the last minute, go for it.

i hope this helps!

[billiewena]

HEY HI I JUST SAW YOUR TAGS ON THE MUSENATURAL DEANCAS POST pls can u drop the cas muse playlist, muse are on of my favorite bands ever and cas is one of my favorite characters ever so id love to see it <3

helllll yeah. apparently I had three different playlists (+ Muse songs in just my general destiel playlist) so just merged them all into this one.

also you didn’t ask but CASTIEL’S TOP MUSE TRAXX:

Defector - he came off the line with a crack in his chassis, babyyyy. this is second only to “angel with a shotgun” as THEE Castiel rebel angel anthem for me, if I ever made an AMV of Cas being a baddie it’d be to this song

Unintended - tfw when you decide to choose your love for a human over the only life you’ve ever known and your entire world has been changed/destroyed but you have to believe it’s for the better and maybe you finally have something to live for rather than just a cause to die for. also, when your relationship is quite literally unintended and wasn’t even supposed to be a part of this story.

The Globalist - a long track that perfectly captures the godstiel arc (and especially the depressing post-godstiel fallout from heaven)

Undisclosed Desires - okay okay another deancas track but look, “I want to reconcile the violence in your heart?” “I know you’ve suffered but I don’t want you to hide?” “I want to exorcise the demons from your past?” “I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart?” literally the cas POV song of their relationship. it can be a very sexy song ofc, but at its core it’s very much about being in love with someone who wears a mask and being the one they’re comfortable enough to set it down around. it’s been like that for them ever since “you don’t think you deserve to be saved?” and I just think that’s neat!

Follow Me - the dadstiel / cas & jack theme song (basically cas’s dear theodosia) since I am very soft about them. he’ll keep him safe and protect him! he’ll be there when he’s scared and lost!

Dig Down - you know the happy feeling that cas's speech in "gimme shelter" about finding purpose gives you? yeah, that's this song personified. anyways, dabb-era cas theme song now that he’s found hope and a reason to keep fighting against chuck himself wow I love him

honestly I could go on and on about how well Muse captures Cas: badass and powerful one second and soft, quietly romantic the next. some songs are poetry and symphonies, some are battle anthems and heavy guitar shredding rockers. I love them (and him).

[impalementation]

hope ur doing well :) i wanted to drop in and say that i just realized in i only have eyes for you not only is it obviously paralleling buffy&angel, it also unintentionally sort of parallels buffy&spike’s eventual s6 relationship? except buffy is grace and spike is james. james shooting grace and the AR in seeing red are similar awful acts (not trying to defend the AR here, ofc). (1/2)

(2/2) but both james and spike are immediately horrified at what they’ve done, and seek redemption – spike by getting his soul, and james by killing himself, and are eventually forgiven by the one they love. and of course it’s in i only have eyes for you that giles says that to forgive is an act of compassion, not done because people deserve it but because they need it. just thought that was interesting, especially knowing it wasn’t planned.

putting under a cut for anyone that doesn’t want to read about seeing red.

yeah, there’s definitely a similarity there! i actually wouldn’t be surprised if the bathroom scene in seeing red was meant to be seen in light of i only have eyes for you since marti noxon was responsible for both. (based on that morning after conversation between buffy and spike in wrecked, we know she’s more than capable of making subtle callbacks to her previous episodes). it’s possibly also significant that seeing red and i only have eyes for you are both the 19th episode of their respective seasons. but whether or not the parallel was intended, i think the show in general is very preoccupied with the bad choices people make in the name of passion and/or romance. it’s just a very recurring theme. one character wants something romantic from another, cannot have it, and is tempted to behave badly as a result, and has to learn how to deal with it. it’s one of the reasons that the show is so fraught with scenes that involve breaches of consent (for better or for worse).

if i were to compare seeing red and i only have eyes for you though, i’d read seeing red as an update on it rather than a direct parallel. as a subset of the way i read season six as an update on season two in general. in i only have eyes for you, i see the point as being more about buffy forgiving herself than grace forgiving james. at that point in the season, buffy feels incredibly guilty over the fact that she accidentally unleashed angelus, and that she’s going to have to kill angel as well. she feels like she’s killed her lover in the heat of passion, even if that wasn’t her intent. there’s also the problem of the fact that because she can’t forgive herself, can’t let angel go, can’t get his forgiveness, more people are dying. just as more people keep dying because james can’t let go. i think the season presents this sort of desperate, covetous, Romantic passion as sympathetic (since the point is for buffy to forgive herself), but still ultimately a sign of immaturity (since it results in death).

with this in mind, i think the similarities between the bathroom scene and the grace/james scene (if intentional) are meant to highlight the fact that spike is still stuck in that place of covetous immaturity. note the similarity between “tell me you don’t love me” and “let yourself love me.” i think it’s trying to show that because he doesn’t have a soul, he isn’t capable of transcending that form of love. in contrast to buffy, who does have a soul, and who was able to grow out of that kind of love--or at least is aware that she should. the “great love is wild, and passionate and dangerous. it burns and consumes.” / “until there’s nothing left” exchange summarizes that divide pretty neatly. buffy throwing spike off is both her definitive rejection of that mindset, and the wake-up call for spike. i also see it as a rejection of the romance of suffering in general, considering (a) that her relationship with spike was one of her instruments of suffering, and (b) how unsexy, ie unromanticized, the scene is. in comparison to how their moments of ambiguous consent earlier in the season were shot in a more sexualized way.

the fact that the bathroom scene is not about forgiveness but about emotional immaturity changes the fallout. because the point of season six is that the characters aren’t teenagers anymore. they don’t need to have their teenage passions forgiven. they need to grow the hell up. they need to take responsibility for their own moral agency. (note that in season two, angel losing his soul was an accident, while in season six things go wrong because the characters make actively bad choices--ie use their agency badly). so instead of buffy forgiving spike and that being enough, spike needs to take responsibility first. and instead just turning to self-destruction, spike has to demonstrate his remorse by actually changing himself (“can’t say sorry. can’t use forgive me. all i can say is, buffy: i’ve changed”). the id needs to grow up and only then can it be trusted or loved. buffy does end up extending compassion towards spike in season seven (though i don’t think she uses the word “forgiveness”), so the show doesn’t walk back on that, but there’s an added emphasis on the need for ongoing responsibility on the part of the perpetrator. not that spike is a perfect bastion of responsibility or anything, but he does clearly try. basically, even though the arcs are similar, they have different points of emphasis because i only have eyes for you is more about the teenage experience and seeing red and its fallout is more about the adult experience. yeah, you need forgive yourself (or sometimes forgive others) to snap out of a toxic loop. but also sometimes you need to own up and make a change.

this is all off the cuff theorizing though. i could definitely be giving the writers too much credit, and if other people have different reads i’d be interested to hear them! i do think it’s spot on to notice a parallel though.

[ranger-report]

Thoughts On: HEXEN: BEYOND HERETIC

In 1995, less than a year after the release of Heretic (which I talked about here), Raven Software unleashed a masterpiece upon the first person shooter landscape. Titled Hexen: Beyond Heretic, the game featured radical new features for the id tech 1 engine, including scripted events (such as monster falling through the ceiling to ambush the player), hub level design, CD music, and moving walls. But what it really brought to the table was an unrelenting difficulty and obtuse puzzle system revolving around the discovery of multiple switches throughout a central hub to open the path to the next world. Combined with a pseudo-RPG character class feature, beautiful sprite work, and a rich atmosphere to explore, Hexen introduced concepts and mechanics that influence FPS games to this day, overshadowed only by the release of Quake the following year.

YouTuber GmanLives produced a video on Hexen calling it, “The Dark Souls of FPS Games,” and that's really not far off the mark. Hexen is oppressive. It's brutal. It's actively trying to prevent the player from achieving their goal of beating the game. While the previous entry in the series, Heretic, offered a fast-paced shoot-em-up blitzkrieg, this game operated with a more measured approach. Methodical pacing, resource management, and the utilization of each class's weapons are key to moving forward. Hidden doors and paths and switches, sometimes activated with the use key and sometimes by firing a weapon at them, permeate the levels to the point where half the game can be spent clicking or shooting at random walls just to see what's going to open up when – or if at all. Most games would tuck away secrets by this method, but Hexen, oh no. Hexen offers little rewards aside from survival, and it's glorious. It's harder than shit, but it's glorious.

Opening up the game, players are given three options to choose from: Baratus the fighter, Parias the cleric, or Daedolon the mage. Each class has their ups and downs; for example, the fighter is a beefy fucker who has high hit points and damage, but weak magic, leading to a mostly melee combat style if you run out of mana. The mage is the opposite, low hit points but high magic damage, with some gorgeously rendered spells that beautifully highlight the detail that id tech 1 was capable of. And the cleric is a mixed bag, balanced between the two, with a woefully weak melee weapon and decent ranged magic weapons, but he also carries the single best weapon in the entire game: the Wraithverge, a crucifix that shoots out Arc of the Covenant ghosts that scream and eviscerate anything on the screen in a glorious display of carnage. Clear out a room in seconds with two well placed shot. Arguable, the Wraithverge should be right up next to the BFG 9000 as one of the most ridiculously overpowered weapons in any game – maybe even higher. But the Wraithverge is an Ultimate Weapon, and each class has an Ultimate Weapon, which needs to be assembled over the course of the game by finding the pieces of it tucked away in hidden corners of the levels. Depending on your vigilance, you might find the pieces sooner vs later, and the rewards for this are plentiful. However, unlike the prior game, this game doesn't use unique ammo type for each weapon; that would be too easy. This time around, weapons require mana to use, coming in two different flavors, blue and green. Each class works as such: weak melee weapon that needs no mana, a slightly stronger weapon that uses blue mana, a much stronger weapon that uses green mana, and the Ultimate Weapon which uses both. With the fighter, all of his weapons can be used as melee if he runs out of mana, but if he has the stock, they take on ranged properties. The mage has a starting weapon that requires no mana, but it still ranged. Meanwhile, the cleric maintains the balance with his solo melee weapon, and the rest are ranged. What's notable about the differences in the classes is that it's not just limited to weapon usage, but also inventory usage. Different classes will garner different amounts of armor points depending on their “familiarity” with how to use armor. There's an item called a fletchette that varies in use depending on the class; for example, the fighter throws the fletchette like a bomb, where the cleric drops it in place and it explodes into a cloud of poison. New players will have the opportunity to briefly look over the classes at the beginning as the opening screen displays stats such as speed, armor, magic, and strength, all of which seem a little arbitrary since they don't explicitly state what they do or how they affect the game up front. At the same time, each class is going to lean towards a bit more difficulty, seeing as how the tanky fighter is going to make bruting through the game a lot easier than the tissue paper mage. First time players would do wise to pick the fighter or the cleric as their first timer, saving the mage for a later playthrough, unless you're a masochist when it comes to the games that you play.

One of the great distinctions about Hexen as compared to Heretic is that the former feels more like a fully realized game world vs the cool fanfic/DOOM clone of the latter. Director and designer Brian Raffel no doubt had a hardon for dark fantasy substance, having worked on Raven's previous two fantasy games, and with the release of DOOM thought, “You know, we can do something with that.” Didn't hurt that id Software was just a block down the street from their offices around that time (true story!) and John Romero, AKA Rock God of Gaming, worked directly with Raven during development so they could make the most of id tech 1. Taking what they knew after Heretic, hungry to dive in further, Hexen feels like a natural expansion of the concepts introduced in the first game: weary travelers journeying through worlds and dimensions to combat an ancient evil using magic and steel. It's great stuff, leaning even harder on the 80's horror fantasy art aesthetic. The game is oozing with deeply detailed monsters and environments, even more refined than the very good work done on Heretic. Translucent objects, fog, breakable terrain, each hub and level are intimately crafted to feel like it's a living, breathing world, not just something you've decided to boot up on your 486 PC. Ranging from traditionally gothic architecture with stained glass and parapets, to jungley swamps, arid canyons, and moldy sewers. And as mentioned before, it's brutally oppressive, absolutely unwelcoming in design. Even the environment doesn't want your presence here. Sometimes it doesn't even want the other monsters around; if you're lucky, you can get creatures to turn on each other by creeping into a new area, and if you can go unnoticed before their attack animations kick in, monster castes will infight with one another, saving you precious mana in the process. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it's a fun little sight to behold your meddling.

The sound effects are truly phenomenal, a game worth wearing headphones for. Composer Kevin Schilder returns for the soundtrack, and while his work on Heretic was suitable, here he knocks it completely out of the park. Ominous, brooding, energetic but not too up tempo, it's perfect dungeon crawling music that creeps up your spine at the same time. Meanwhile the distinct creature sounds echo and crawl around corners, letting you know what is where, and also what to be afraid of. I can still hear the sounds of the Dark Bishop in the back of my head, letting me know that I need to turn tail and put some distance between me and them. Enemy design is even better this time around: the aforementioned Dark Bishops take the role of the previous game's Disciples of D'Sparil, teleporting and blasting you with dark magic from their hooded, faceless bodies. Ettins are double-headed warrior beasts that carry a spiked mace, and are the most prevalent monster class in the game – and while they might be everywhere, they pack a helluva wallop, meaning you don't underestimate them no matter how many times you've killed one. Meanwhile, the Centaurs and Slaughtaurs are horrible little shits. Just like the tag says, they're centaurs with full-face helmets, swords, and spiked shields. They can raise their shield to deflect any incoming attacks and reflect them back at you, which is infuriating, especially since the Slaughtaur can fire deadly green magic at you while holding up their shields. And since they look the same, you have to approach any of them with intense caution, otherwise you're staring down the face of death while waiting to make your next strike.

Puzzles operate primarily on a “find the key/switch” platform, but rather than tracking down everything necessary to proceed in a single level, Hexen challenges the player to locate and operate everything they need to move forward throughout a spread of areas around the hub. For example, the Swamp Key won't be directly located in the swamp itself, but maybe over in the Forest. Multiple switches necessary to unlocking the Final Door in the central hub are located in the various hub worlds, informing the player with a quick “You have solved 1/3 of the puzzle” text across the screen when you've found one. Find another switch, the number increases from 1/3 to 2/3, etc. But each hub has more switches, all the way up to nine switches necessary to journey on, which to some is going to be a slog. While frustrating at times, I never felt like I was wading through a switch hunt just to proceed. Each switch seemed to naturally pop up on its own, and once I realized that certain areas couldn't be accessed within the levels themselves, I'd hop around the various worlds in the hub until I found a new switch or key, and then went back. Imagine if Super Mario 64's paintings were all connected to each other, and you had to hop back and forth between them in order to get to the next floor of the castle. It's innovative, and certainly makes sense; if an evil overlord tyrant person were going to hide the keys to access their lair, they probably would spread them out to make it harder to find. It's gratifying to open up section after section of these levels, defying the odds and slaying your way through the puzzles. Adding to the depth of torment is that, unlike Heretic, clearing a room of monsters doesn't mean it will stay that way. Scripted sequences again have monsters teleport in when you least expect it, repopulating areas you thought were safe for the time being. Damning though that may be, it adds to the feeling like the player is being watched at every moment, and that the game is doing its level best to fight back against your progress.

Hexen is hard. I resorted to a walkthrough once, just like in Heretic, and absolutely utilized the minimap in order to suss out where switches were located. There is nothing here to suggest a walk in the park: it is labyrinthine, it is torrid, it is nightmarish. But the mechanics all come together in the end, particularly in the moments where the game gratifyingly presents a room full of mana and health and a lot of monsters to let loose on. These apeshit moments are some of the best in the game. After spending hours managing resources and trying to hoard as much mana and health as possible, to be allowed a moment of pure rip and tear is wonderful.

If you're going to play Hexen, I highly recommend getting the expansion, Deathkings of the Dark Citadel. Not only is the title metal as fuck, but the three new hubs it offers are even more vicious, demeaning, and frustrating. They shove all the elements of the previous five hubs down into three, and it shows. You'll be assaulted on all fronts right from the start, continuing where the final battle left off in Hexen. You still get to pick your class, but sadly, you're also starting over. Curiously depowered and without any inventory items to work with, you'll feel extra squishy for the first level or three. Honestly, Deathkings was where I felt I had the most pure Hexen experience: solidly brutal and unforgiving as fuck. Interestingly, Deathkings was released in 1996 around the same time that Heretic got a retail release with two additional episodes under the name Heretic: Shadow of the Serpent Riders. Factor this in with the upcoming release of Hexen II in 1997 (which saw a hefty difficulty spike as well), it seems that Raven got in one last hurrah with id tech 1 before moving on to id tech 2 -- the Quake engine. But more on that game in another post.

As with Heretic, I recommend playing this one through GZDOOM in order to get the best experience. And you'll need the best experience to stay one step ahead of everything that's trying to kill you. In a nutshell, Hexen is a true masterclass of determination to see the day through. For fans of retro FPS games, it's a must play, but be warned that coming into this after Heretic there is a distinct shift in how the game plays, looks, feels. Gone is the run and gun, which exists now only in pockets. But what's here, crafted lovingly and passionately, is a true nightmare of agony and difficulty unlike anything made before it. As Gmanlives summed it up, perhaps Dark Souls should be called the Hexen of third person adventure games.

Next time, we'll take a look at Hexen II, a popular but vastly different title in the series, and how the changes it made not only distinguished it from the previous two games, but may have also set it slightly backwards as well.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Reviews: What Is a Man

I wanted my next review to be The Invisible Man but i keep putting that thing off. I think it’s the pacing. it’s kind of funky. I’ll get around to it eventually. Spoiler alert, it’s pretty interesting so far. In the meantime, i finally caught up on a show that dropped and didn’t see when it first released; Castlevania! I passed on actually reviewing he first two season, well, season and a half. That first season was, like, six episodes. This ain’t the BBC, son. Thirteen or bust! Anyway, since we’re about three days from being under marital law, i figure i got time to revisit and review the series so far. Plus, i mean, i need to catch up since the fourth season has already been announced. F*cking Netflix, man. In that vein, pun in tended, here is my review of the series as a whole so far.

The Good

This show is not anime. It’s not. Avatar is not anime. It’s not. This is a sanitized facsimile of what the Japanese do with their animation. Stop calling this sh*t anime! That said, on it’s own, outside of that hilariously unflattering comparison, it can be pretty dope. I don’t think this sh*t holds a candle to studios like Trigger, Madhouse, Gainax, or Shaft, but it’s the best animation coming out of the US i’ve seen in years. The fight scenes in particular are absolutely gorgeous. You can really tell that Netflix invested the necessary resources to make this show look dope, even if the framerate is a little iffy between set pieces.

Now that i’ve died on my anime cross, i just want to acknowledge how good this show looks. It’s f*cking gorgeous, man. I mean, the world, alone, is a feat for the eyes, but i am absolutely in love with the character designs. If you google the characters from the games they are mad cluttered and full of extra nonsense. I’m never a fan of, like, flair on my characters. That’s why i hate the look of Mortal Kombat. That sh*t is gross. Castlevania has that same issue, culminating in the design vomits of Judgement. That game was gross to look at. Gross. This show takes the ludicrously gaudy designs of the games and make them presentable while still paying homage to the core design of the games. Sh*t is miraculous and i can’t help but marvel at that ingenuity. I mean, f*cking Carmilla, dude. Just look up Carmilla in the games and tell me this show ain’t good at it’s job.

Castlevania’s writing is kind of miraculous. As a cat that’s been playing these games since the late 80s, I’m mildly aware of the interconnecting lore between titles. It’s a mess. It’s a goddamn mess. There’s a dope story there, in the muck, but it’s so mired in melodrama, retcon, and years upon years of independent development, it’s completely lost. I appreciate Konami giving storytelling a shot during a time when gameplay was the principal seller of games, they didn’t have to do any of that, but, at some point, clean your sh*t up with a manga or reboot or something, man. The later titles do this sh*t fine. I adore Shanoa and Soma. Their games got the best of both worlds. The Belmonts? Not so much... This show does an amazing job of cutting through the bullsh*t and sharpening that story to a fine point. This is Trevor’s story, the first Belmont we take control of in game, so watching his line grow through the years, with this quality of storytelling, is mad compelling. I mean, you get right into it and it grips you from start to finish. I can’t wait to see where this goes.

The character work in this show is pretty legit. I was thoroughly surprised since the games themselves are rather bare bones and nauseatingly campy at times. Not this show. Nope! This sh*t is grim, dark, and violent. I love it! You can feel the plight one people and the rage of the vampires. Each main character s is beset with pathos and trauma and consequence, for two seasons. Season three is kind of light on growth but does a decent job explaining certain things. Like, this is Belmont’s tale but Sypha is definitely the most interesting character in the show. Everyone does a great job but there are, of course, a few standouts.

Speaking of my girl, did i tell you that Sypha is f*cking amazing? Ma is the most adorable, most badass motherf*cker in this show! I thought she was going to be kind of a weenie, like she is in the games, but nope! Ma is out here, burning motherf*ckers alive and slicing dudes up with ice blades, all the while being her peppy, adorable, kind of bloodthirsty self. F*ck, love Sypha and her voice actress, Alejandra Reynoso, is perfectly cast! She bring a levity and vulnerability to a woman who can take on an army all y her lonesome. I love that sh*t!

I have to mention how dope Dracula is in this how. He’s f*cking badass and, surprisingly, hilarious. His wit is as sharp as his fangs. Even with such overwhelming power, dude is still amazingly human, often time reminding you that he is just a broken, lonely, man. It’s incredible to see. you actually empathize with an entity hellbent of slaughtering humanity. I couldn’t believe that sh*t. A lot of that has to do with the writing but Graham McTavsh does an excellent job delivering those subtle emotional cues.

I feel like is should say something about Richard Armitage’s Trevor Belmont. Dude is dope. he’s how i always imagined Trevor to be. And Armitage is a seasoned veteran at this voice acting game so he does a great job. I’m not blown away or anything but he’s dope. Considering dude is kind of a supporting character in his own show, i think my indifference is warranted. He’s good, though, don’t misunderstand. I’m not decrying his performance or anything. Gold star for sure.

The best thing about season three, outside of my darling Sypha, is Lenore. Holy sh*t is she a great character! I was thoroughly surprised by how brazenly manipulative she turned out to be. Lenore is a f*cking genius and her feigned naivety is brought to life by an absolutely outstanding performance from Jessica Brown Findlay. Ma is on the long con and Carmilla might have some competition to look for.

I like Issac. This last season did wonders for developing his character. His arc is probably the best after Syph’s, mostly because he’s the only other character that even had an arc. His voice actor, Adetokumboh M'Cormack, does a great job developing the enigmatic Forgemaster into a character more than his humdrum game origins.

The Bad

This show is not anime! Stop telling me it’s an anime!

Alucard’s arc in season three was a little... me. I thought he was the one character let down by the writing but it’s not a terrible slight. I just felt he deserved more of a exploration than what he received.

Season three was straight up filler. I guess it has that in common with anime, even though most modern anime ha move away from the Filler system. I mean, i liked a lot of what went on and the character work was delightful but none of this is really of consequence. Most characters either didn’t grow or are exactly who we thought they were. It feels cheap.

Hector. What the f*ck, Hector. What the f*ck.

The Verdict

Season One showed a ton of potential. I enjoyed the whole Dracula arc, even though this was more a story about his disillusionment with humanity rather than how he became Dracula. Season two is the Castlevania know from the games. It was dope seeing that narrative removed from the shenanigans of that Konami narrative jank. I thought they id the characters dope ass justice and the story itself, was rather compelling. I didn’t mind the character changes and the stuff they added felt organic. Season three is the closest thing to a slice of life anime i’ve seen in this show and it’s ridiculous. Like, nothing really happens of consequence and it feels like setup for later seasons but it’s easily the best looking of the three seasons.

Overall, as a whole, Castlevnia is really good. It’s easily one of the best video game adaptions available. This show takes it’s liberties, of course, but it does so in a very respectful manner. The core of the Castlevania lore is revered and embellished with creative additions while keeping the characters true to their game selves. For the most part. I really enjoyed thee character of Dracula when he was around and, oh my god, Lenore is the goddamn best! Sypha is the MVP of this show, though, and i need you people to know that. The art style is beautiful, the narrative is compelling, and you’ll fall in love with the character work. Castlevania is dope and you should go binge all of it since there is literally nothing else to do under quarantine.

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [1] {Ben Hardy}

Anon asked: could you do an imagine where ben is the reader’s ex and they are somehow working together on the set of bo rhap and they fall in love all over again ☺️ could you make it angst-y and then end with fluff? i love your writing so much!!

Anon asked: could you do an imagine where the reader is in bo rhap, maybe playing as one of roger’s gfs or something and she kind of falls in love with ben while filming the scenes with him as roger 💖 very fluffy pls :D

A/N: 3124 words. Super AU version of BoRhap being filmed in the fic. There’s gonna be another part, that will fill the prompts better. This might end up being a series. I hope you enjoy. Feedback would be nice.

When your manager rings you, telling you that you’d landed a part in the Queen Biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, you were elated. Freddie Mercury was a bit of a personal hero of yours, and to be a part of his story on the big screen, it was sort of a dream come true. 

In your first meeting, you sign a nondisclosure agreement, and you’re given the latest draft of the script to start learning, as well as a character brief. The script calls your character ‘Amanda’, the girlfriend of Roger Taylor who he eventually realises he wants to settle down with. You’d seen pictures of young Roger Taylor, you wouldn’t lie, you were excited for the role. Honestly, even today he was still quite a fox.

The point is, you were excited to have a fun time on set with a pretty blonde, make some new connections, and earn some good money. Some really good money.

The other shoe drops when you’re flicking through Instagram, and one of the stan accounts you follow has posted a leaked screenshot of the proposed cast list, and there’s your name, right beside the name of the last person you wanted to pretend to be in love with. Ben Hardy; pretty blonde extraordinaire, and your ex-boyfriend.

The table read is... awkward. 

The two of you are sat next to each other, and barely spoke two words to each other. You feel unprofessional the whole time, but you’d rather be anywhere else in the world, and the delivery of some of your lines falls a little flat. The director casts a concerned look between yourself and Ben as you rattle of what’s meant to be banter like you’re reading the news paper.

“They’ve got no damn chemistry; it’s like watching a celebrity divorce hearing.” When the Director vents to one of the producers in the hall outside after the reading, you manage to catch it where you’re just about to come out of the bathroom.

“They’ll be better on set, I promise, it’s just jitters.” She tries to soothe his nerves, and they’re off soon after, and you’re left with a cold, sinking sensation in your stomach.

“You’re Y/N, aren’t you? How are you finding the set?” The guy who greets you on your first day on the Eastenders set smiles with such casual ease it feels like you’ve known him for a while, instead of having just met him.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You agree with a quick nod, rocking back on your heels as you gaze around the space, trying not to look at him for too long. “It’s a bit overwhelming.” Actually, what’s overwhelming is that he’s talking to you. He’s Ben fucking Hardy, pretty-boy on the soap-opera scene, and he’s talking to you on your first day.

“Yeah, you’ll be right though; if you need any help or anything, just give us a yell, yeah?” And you realise he probably doesn’t know who you’re playing, or how you’re involved in that Season’s arc, but you certainly did.

“I didn’t know you could play drums.” You’re trying to be casual when you say it, but you see Ben tense where he’s sitting on a sofa in the rehearsal room, script and pencil in hand.

“I can now, that’s all that really matters.” He’s giving off such strong ‘please leave me alone’ vibes that it almost hurts, and you have to push through the knot in your stomach and sit down next to him.

“Ben, we need to at least be civil.” You say quietly, and he looks at you, expression a little forlorn.

“Y/N, we are civil, and we’ve done this before. Let’s just keep it professional, okay?” His tone leaves little room for argument, and you nod in agreement with a small smile, and pull out your phone, waiting for the rehearsal director.

“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” You purr, running your hand delicately over the collar of Ben’s shirt, as his eyes widened and he spluttered to form a sentence, just as the script had told him to. 

Your character was more a plot device than anything, when Ben’s character is at a low point, his main romance is on a break, and he meets you, a temptress in all black. Your job is to give his character a realisation, he starts as your cocaine dealer when his supplier can’t make the drop, and he falls for you. Depending on the audience reaction, you knew the producers were waiting to see if they kill you off or have you recover from your addiction. The point is, your fate’s uncertain at the end of the Season, and Ben’s character realises he has to get out of the drug trade.

“I’ve got something for you, from Oskar. Can we go somewhere more private?” When he speaks, it’s with surprising confidence, and he steps up from the bar stool and into your space, smiling as your face lights up. The director calls cut after a moment, and you step back, smile sliding to something genuine as an assistant comes in and straightens your loose, black silk shirt, and they reset the shot for a new take.

“Ben, could you try less flustered? You’re here to deliver drugs, you’re not a schoolboy.” The director’s voice was kind as she came up to the two of you, and Ben agreed easily before she turned to you. “Great job, Y/N, don’t be afraid to be more even more forward, if you feel it.” As soon as you nod in understanding, she absconds, and you half laugh.

“If I was any more forward I’d be in your lap.” You snickered, voice quiet as you dipped your head to hide how you were faintly flustered. Ben was quiet, just watching you for a moment, but before you noticed, the director called for everyone to standby.

“I’m after Maggie, do you know where I could find her?” Ben starts as soon as the cameras start rolling, brow furrowed as he leans across the bar to speak to the bartender, and that’s your cue to enter the scene.

“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” And when you say it this time, he smirks back at you, a little cocky, and you can feel the way it makes your heart flutter and you know it’s not as fake as it should be.

Before filming even starts, the producers have essentially forced you and Ben into bonding sessions which, if this were several years ago, would have just been dates. Now they’re awkward and tense, and you tend to bring heavily highlighted scripts.

“I saw you in that Wes Anderson movie last year. It was a really good performance, one of your best.” He offers over coffee. The idea that he’d kept up with enough of your work to label one ‘your best’ has you a little shocked, and something in your heart warms as you thank him softly.

It’s gotten easier to hang around with him, and it’s even easier to pretend to be in love with him in rehearsals. It’s like riding a bike, how easy it is to let yourself smile and lean into him, to let the banter flow easily between the two of you, fond jabs that edge on insulting coming as easily as breathing.

Joe mentions that he thought the two of you worked together before, and when you reply that you’d dated for almost a year, he goes very quiet, eyes going wide. After a beat, he admits it explains a lot.

“X-Men did you real dirty.” You’re half paying attention to an interview with Roger Taylor that the two of you had been instructed to watch together. You’re both in his trailer, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa as you watch in almost complete silence.

“What?” He asks, after a beat, your words having taken a moment to process.

“Killing you off like that; they could have gotten so much mileage out of your character.” The way you say it is far too well thought out to be an idle thought. Ben smirked.

“You just liked the leather pants.” He muttered, but you’re silence is answer enough. You know he sees your embarrassed smile, but you can’t bring yourself to deny it.

“Hey, do you wanna grab a drink after and go through notes and blocking and stuff?” You’re shooting your third episode, and you’re far more comfortable on set by now. Agreeing easily, you let Ben drive the two of you to what he claims is the best pub in town, and you sit in one of the more secluded booths to talk.

It turns out he’s just as much a fan of you as you are of him; you’re known more for your bit-parts in long-running series, it seems like the only show you hadn’t been a part of so far had been Eastenders, it was only a matter of time. It’s an innocent night, true to his word, all you do is talk, and discuss the script. There is one part of the upcoming script that has you a bit nervous. 

“Listen, honestly just go for it; it’s not meant to be sweet or anything, I’m literally taking coke from you.” You tell him, fidgeting, and he’s hums thoughtfully.

“You sure? We can talk to the director, I’m sure-” He offers, but you laugh to hide your nervousness.

“Nah, let’s knock it out of the park, the script says go for it so just go for it.” You assured him, heart rate already quickening at the mere thought of it. 

The next day, before the scene, the director comes over to talk you through it, making sure that if anything becomes uncomfortable, that you can talk to her. Both you and Ben assure her that it’s fine.

“You’re far too cute for this line of work.” You say as you hold a baggie of “cocaine” up to the light, smile playing on your lips.

“Cute? Ouch, you really know how to wound a man, you know.” He says, leaning back against the sofa in the hallway of the grubby hotel your character was staying in. He’s watching you with interest, small smile playing on his lips.

“Cute’s not a bad thing, baby, but you look like you should be making coffees or playing football in the sun, not here, not with me.” And you tap out a little of the powder onto your hand, pretending to snort it before you turn to him, his expression dark and hungry, and he kisses you, aggressive, almost desperate, and you lean into it, almost forget you’re playing a role with his hand on the back of your neck. When he lets go, when he pulls away, your eyes are still closed and you chase his lips for a moment. Eyes flickering open, you see him smirking down at you where he’s standing, and you both know it wasn’t entirely acting.

“You don’t know anything about me.” He growls, and you know you have to smile like you’re into it, like it’s a challenge, but instead, you duck your gaze, giving a small laugh and wiping at the nostril you’d just “snorted cocaine” through, before looking up at him through your eyelashes.

They call cut, and the director announces, almost a little awed, that she’s pretty sure they got the the take, actually says she’s not sure if she could getting a better take if they tried again. Ben seems far too pleased with himself. 

“They want us to tell the public we’re together.” You’re resting your head on Ben’s chest laying at the back of the tour-bus set, and his hand is resting on your waist, which is bare for the crop top and booty shorts they’ve put you in.

“Yeah, I heard.” He replies, voice equally quiet. “I think we’ve got a meeting about it tomorrow morning.” Gwil and Rami are actually playing scrabble at the front of the bus, and Joe is talking to Singer, the director.

“It’s a bad idea.” You’re so frank that you feel Ben freeze, and you heave a sigh. “It’s good for the movie, but Ben...” You trail off, and you feel it when he forces himself to relax. “It wouldn’t be real, it would just be weird.”

“Y/N, we’re actors.” He says very pointedly, and when you turn, resting your chin on his chest, he looks tired, a little exasperated. “It’s just a business deal.” He assured, and you let out a low, thoughtful grumble. 

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” You allow, and he nods once, shifting to a more comfortable position, and you go back to resting your head on his chest, eyes fluttering closed as Singer called for the shot to be reset and a bunch of people came and straightened your clothes, and touched up your makeup, all without you having to move much.

You agree to the terms set forth in the meeting easily, the story being that your relationship rekindled on set, and that you were now madly in love, mirroring the relationship you were portraying on screen.

“Wait, does that mean-?” Ben leans forward in his chair, with his heart in his throat as he followed their logic, thinking through the plot of the movie. “Like engaged?” He asked.

“Seems a bit fast.” You agreed, voice level enough that someone might mistake you for calm rather than internally freaking out, and your managers shared a look.

“There will be a public proposal during or after the world premiere, that’s up to you both, and after the movie is out on DVD, you can go your separate ways.” They assured, but your mouth fell open.

“You know he left me for X-Men, right?” You splutter, and Ben’s eyes widen as he turns to you with a scoff.

“You’re the one who said the distance was too much for us while I was in Cairo.” He snapped, and you threw your hands in the air.

“I was offering to come and stay with you instead, but you said you were too busy!” That was enough to shut him up, his mouth snapping closed as he turned away sharply, huffing out a resigned sigh.

“We have a few brands and restaurants who are interested in sponsoring, and the producers are willing to increase both your salaries if you go through with it for the full duration.” Your manager informed you both carefully, and you and Ben shared a resigned look.

“Fake intend to marry me for like three months?” He asked, voice low and bitter, and after heaving a long sigh, you look to your managers,

“Fine.”

“I think I love you.” Ben’s character shows up at your character’s door, and you open it in a silk robe. 

“Hello to you too.” You laughed, but he’s so serious, so sincere, and when he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t offer anything else, you step up to him, pressing your lips to his, and he wraps his arms around you, hands sliding against the silk over your hips, and you pull back.

“You’re too sweet for me, baby,” voice so low it’s barely a whisper, he’s the one who chases your lips this time, but your catch his chin, and his eyes open. 

“You’re high.” He says softly, voice raw and a little desperate.

“And you’re my dealer.” You push him back gently, going to close the door and his expression turns angry.

“That doesn’t mean anything; I love you, Maggie.” His words hang heavily in the air, but before you can respond, they call for cut. You’re told to play it more like it hurts to try and turn him down, and you agree, smiling and nodding all the while. Everyone sets up for another take and you close the door.

When you kiss him this time, his hands are holding your face, and you’ve got your arms around his neck, and it’s like the world falls away from around you. It’s not acting now, hasn’t been for weeks, almost months now, not since he’d asked you out officially. Every time you kiss him you’re desperate to drown in his embrace, and he kisses you like it’s just the two of you, no cameras, no scripts.

“You’re-” and he cuts you off with another quick kiss, which has you laughing a little sadly, “Peter you’re too sweet for me.” He rests his forehead against yours, heaving a sigh.

“I know you’re high.” He says gently, and you don’t push him away this time, just lean back, your finger lifting his chin.

“And you’re my dealer.” You tell him, expression falling.

“That doesn’t mean anything, that doesn’t matter; I love you.” And you know that in that moment, the words mean so much more than the script, than these characters, than the show; he loves you. Ben loves you.

You avoid him, outside of filming, until you actually get a call from your manager telling you you’re contractually obligated to be seen in public together at least once a week. Even while filming you’re short with him, and he’s quick to get away from you the moment he doesn’t need to be around you, which was getting to be pretty bad, seeing as how you had been blocking a sex scene.

After the call, you and Ben get a drink. It’s awkward at first, though that’s unsurprising. After a long sip of his beer, he pats his thighs where he’s sitting in the armchair across from you. You make a face at him, shaking your head. 

“It’ll look less suspicious than if we’re shouting at each other across the table.” He hissed, and you groaned, obliging and crossing to sit yourself in his lap. He’s warm and secure, and he wraps his arm around you like it’s second nature. “Let’s not make this weird.” He said gently, and you nod.

“As for tomorrow’s shoot,” you said softly, leaning in to make sure no-one else heard, and he nodded, humming softly, “we’re professionals, and,” after a beat you cleared your throat pointedly, “it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

“Not in front of a camera crew we haven’t.” Ben says with a smirk, and you snicker in agreement. “It’s gonna go fine; this is all gonna go fine, I promise.” And when you raise your eyebrows at him in surprised question, he just laughs softly, and brings you in for a chaste kiss. “It’s only until the DVD’s released.” He assures you, and you let your expression fall, already weary.

“Ben, that’s over a year away.”

[unnaturalsolace]

Winter 2020 Anime Season

Finally caught up with this season when it’s more than halfway over, but I figured I’d do a little write-up of what I’m watching in case people are interested!

Currently watching

Dorohedoro: I think this might be my AOTS. I read the manga a long while ago and I know it ended kinda recently (last year?) However I don’t really remember too much of the specific events, although I vaguely remember the plot. But I think the anime has done a great job conveying the world of Dorohedoro, where every little detail and event just seems super insane but still all fits together somehow. I just love the worldbuilding so much. And the characters and comedy are right down my alley. I don’t even care about the 3DCG, it really isn’t bad. And I really love Caiman’s voice. I hope the anime makes it to the introduction of the cross-eyes gang but probably not, with only 5 episodes left that would have to cover like 17 chapters. Listen to this cool OP!

Haikyuu!!: Riku vs. Kuu and To the Top: Tbh I stopped reading the manga some time around the end of season 3, so I honestly have no idea what’s happening this season and it’s all new to me. I do know that there’s apparently a timeskip in recent chapters, but I’m pretty sure there’s still a while to go before the anime gets there. Definitely still enjoying the anime, albeit perhaps less enthusiastic about it when it first started airing.

Id:Invaded: This is an original anime, so all I knew about it was just the synopsis. But honestly this would have been my AOTS if not for Dorohedoro. First episode was a great hook and I’ve really been enjoying every episode since. The premise is very interesting (although I’ll admit some of the id-well stuff is hard for me to follow). The main characters are pretty solid, I like how Hondoumachi looks like she’d fall into that weird “adult character looks and acts like a teenager” trope but no, she actually acts like an adult, which is nice. And I hope we get more Sakaido-Anaido bro shenanigans. Listen to this cool ED!

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun: I tried reading the manga before, but I dropped it because it got kinda boring, and a little too shoujo-y. I think the anime has done a pretty good job of making it less boring at least. And it’s very pretty. But the characters are still kinda meh for me. 

number24: I really only started watching this because of cute boys and sports. But honestly the MC is the only thing carrying this show, so I’ll probably drop it soon. And it hasn’t really gotten me interested in rugby, unlike...

Runway de Waratte: I read the manga before the show aired, and the manga is really great. I hope it gets a physical release because I would definitely buy it. I honestly had no interest in fashion design but this is actually really interesting. I think the anime is doing a great job of adapting the manga. Listen to this cool OP! Listen to this cool ED!

Stuff I dropped

Boku no Tonari ni Ankoku Hakaishin ga Imasu. (2 episodes): Gags weren’t that funny to me, and the MC was annoying.

Darwin’s Game (4 episodes): I remember reading some of the manga and dropping it. I tried the anime but lost interest again.

Eizouken ni wa Te wo Dasu na! (5 episodes): It’s definitely a unique anime. It was just kind of boring for me. I can tell a lot of heart was put into it, and I can see why other people like it, but I don’t think it’s my kind of thing.

Infinite Dendrogram (2 episodes): Kinda boring. Nothing really stood out.

Pet (2 episodes): Couldn’t get into this one. Also I don’t like the character designs.

Rikei ga Koi ni Ochita no de Shoumei shitemita. (8 episodes): It was kind of funny at first, but I got bored over time. I like how everyone was constantly wearing lab coats just so you were definitely sure they were scientists.

Somali to Mori no Kamisama (7 episodes): It was cute at first, but it didn’t really feel like much was happening. I think it’s hard for me to watch SOL anime, I’m pretty peculiar about it. Listen to this cool ED!

Uchi Tama?! Uchi no Tama Shirimasen ka? (7 episodes): Also cute at first, and I liked the cat designs. But I eventually got bored as well. Listen to this cool OP!

Stuff from last season since I never had time to make a post about Fall 2019

Honestly nothing from Fall 2019 really stood out to me, besides Hoshiai no Sora.

Actors: Songs Connection (dropped at 5 episodes): I think there was some kind of supernatural shit going on in the background, but I never got interested enough to want to watch more.

Ahiru no Sora (dropped at 12 episodes): I think it’s a decent basketball series. I personally dropped it because it was a little too old-school for me, with lots of old shounen cliches. It felt rather dated.

Babylon (dropped at 2 episodes): Honestly don’t remember why I dropped it, probably got bored. I heard it kinda drops the ball later though.

Beastars (completed): Pretty decent adaptation, the 3DCG looked good to me. I’m still reading the manga, although I think it was better earlier.

Hataage! Kemono Michi (completed): Kind of a hit and miss for me, some times I really enjoyed the comedy, other times it was boring. But I ended up finishing it anyway.

Hoshiai no Sora (completed): I really liked this. I thought the animation was very comfortable and I liked the MC and the gameplay. Shame that it got axed or whatever happened to it.

Mugen no Juunin: Immortal (dropped at 14 episodes): I think it’s a pretty cool anime. I think the reason why I dropped it was because it felt like things were happening really fast and I was losing track of what was going on. I might pick it back up later.

Mairimashita! Iruma-kun (dropped at 20 episodes): I read the manga although I haven’t been keeping up lately. I think the adaptation was kinda subpar. They really slowed things down during the festival arc and that kinda killed the momentum for me so I dropped it.

No Guns Life (dropped at 6 episodes): Something else I dropped because I lost interest. I don’t think I really liked any of the characters.

Ore wo Suki nano wa Omae dake ka yo (completed): I watched this since I thought it would subvert expectations, although it kind of ended up becoming a normal harem anime anyways. Great animation though, although the lips really bothered me.

Shinchou Yuusha: Kono Yuusha ga Ore Tsueee Kuse ni Shinchou Sugiru (completed): I had read the first couple of chapters and I thought it was really funny. The anime went past the scanlation, and I think it held up decently well. Little bit of a sudden twist at the end that I can’t really say was done well or bad.

And that’s all! Sorry it was pretty long. I haven’t had much free time lately so everything kinda just came out all at once.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey band Reviews: What Is a Man

I wanted my next review to be The Invisible Man but i keep putting that thing off. I think it’s the pacing. it’s kind of funky. I’ll get around to it eventually. Spoiler alert, it’s pretty interesting so far. In the meantime, i finally caught up on a show that dropped and didn’t see when it first released; Castlevania! I passed on actually reviewing he first two season, well, season and a half. That first season was, like, six episodes. This ain’t the BBC, son. Thirteen or bust! Anyway, since we’re about three days from being under marital law, i figure i got time to revisit and review the series so far. Plus, i mean, i need to catch up since the fourth season has already been announced. F*cking Netflix, man. In that vein, pun in tended, here is my review of the series as a whole so far.

The Good

This show is not anime. It’s not. Avatar is not anime. It’s not. This is a sanitized facsimile of what the Japanese do with their animation. Stop calling this sh*t anime! That said, on it’s own, outside of that hilariously unflattering comparison, it can be pretty dope. I don’t think this sh*t holds a candle to studios like Trigger, Madhouse, Gainax, or Shaft, but it’s the best animation coming out of the US i’ve seen in years. The fight scenes in particular are absolutely gorgeous. You can really tell that Netflix invested the necessary resources to make this show look dope, even if the framerate is a little iffy between set pieces.

Now that i’ve died on my anime cross, i just want to acknowledge how good this show looks. It’s f*cking gorgeous, man. I mean, the world, alone, is a feat for the eyes, but i am absolutely in love with the character designs. If you google the characters from the games they are mad cluttered and full of extra nonsense. I’m never a fan of, like, flair on my characters. That’s why i hate the look of Mortal Kombat. That sh*t is gross. Castlevania has that same issue, culminating in the design vomits of Judgement. That game was gross to look at. Gross. This show takes the ludicrously gaudy designs of the games and make them presentable while still paying homage to the core design of the games. Sh*t is miraculous and i can’t help but marvel at that ingenuity. I mean, f*cking Carmilla, dude. Just look up Carmilla in the games and tell me this show ain’t good at it’s job.

Castlevania’s writing is kind of miraculous. As a cat that’s been playing these games since the late 80s, I’m mildly aware of the interconnecting lore between titles. It’s a mess. It’s a goddamn mess. There’s a dope story there, in the muck, but it’s so mired in melodrama, retcon, and years upon years of independent development, it’s completely lost. I appreciate Konami giving storytelling a shot during a time when gameplay was the principal seller of games, they didn’t have to do any of that, but, at some point, clean your sh*t up with a manga or reboot or something, man. The later titles do this sh*t fine. I adore Shanoa and Soma. Their games got the best of both worlds. The Belmonts? Not so much... This show does an amazing job of cutting through the bullsh*t and sharpening that story to a fine point. This is Trevor’s story, the first Belmont we take control of in game, so watching his line grow through the years, with this quality of storytelling, is mad compelling. I mean, you get right into it and it grips you from start to finish. I can’t wait to see where this goes.

The character work in this show is pretty legit. I was thoroughly surprised since the games themselves are rather bare bones and nauseatingly campy at times. Not this show. Nope! This sh*t is grim, dark, and violent. I love it! You can feel the plight one people and the rage of the vampires. Each main character s is beset with pathos and trauma and consequence, for two seasons. Season three is kind of light on growth but does a decent job explaining certain things. Like, this is Belmont’s tale but Sypha is definitely the most interesting character in the show. Everyone does a great job but there are, of course, a few standouts.

Speaking of my girl, did i tell you that Sypha is f*cking amazing? Ma is the most adorable, most badass motherf*cker in this show! I thought she was going to be kind of a weenie, like she is in the games, but nope! Ma is out here, burning motherf*ckers alive and slicing dudes up with ice blades, all the while being her peppy, adorable, kind of bloodthirsty self. F*ck, love Sypha and her voice actress, Alejandra Reynoso, is perfectly cast! She bring a levity and vulnerability to a woman who can take on an army all y her lonesome. I love that sh*t!

I have to mention how dope Dracula is in this how. He’s f*cking badass and, surprisingly, hilarious. His wit is as sharp as his fangs. Even with such overwhelming power, dude is still amazingly human, often time reminding you that he is just a broken, lonely, man. It’s incredible to see. you actually empathize with an entity hellbent of slaughtering humanity. I couldn’t believe that sh*t. A lot of that has to do with the writing but Graham McTavsh does an excellent job delivering those subtle emotional cues.

I feel like is should say something about Richard Armitage’s Trevor Belmont. Dude is dope. he’s how i always imagined Trevor to be. And Armitage is a seasoned veteran at this voice acting game so he does a great job. I’m not blown away or anything but he’s dope. Considering dude is kind of a supporting character in his own show, i think my indifference is warranted. He’s good, though, don’t misunderstand. I’m not decrying his performance or anything. Gold star for sure.

The best thing about season three, outside of my darling Sypha, is Lenore. Holy sh*t is she a great character! I was thoroughly surprised by how brazenly manipulative she turned out to be. Lenore is a f*cking genius and her feigned naivety is brought to life by an absolutely outstanding performance from Jessica Brown Findlay. Ma is on the long con and Carmilla might have some competition to look for.

I like Issac. This last season did wonders for developing his character. His arc is probably the best after Syph’s, mostly because he’s the only other character that even had an arc. His voice actor, Adetokumboh M'Cormack, does a great job developing the enigmatic Forgemaster into a character more than his humdrum game origins.

The Bad

This show is not anime! Stop telling me it’s an anime!

Alucard’s arc in season three was a little... me. I thought he was the one character let down by the writing but it’s not a terrible slight. I just felt he deserved more of a exploration than what he received.

Season three was straight up filler. I guess it has that in common with anime, even though most modern anime ha move away from the Filler system. I mean, i liked a lot of what went on and the character work was delightful but none of this is really of consequence. Most characters either didn’t grow or are exactly who we thought they were. It feels cheap.

Hector. What the f*ck, Hector. What the f*ck.

The Verdict

Season One showed a ton of potential. I enjoyed the whole Dracula arc, even though this was more a story about his disillusionment with humanity rather than how he became Dracula. Season two is the Castlevania know from the games. It was dope seeing that narrative removed from the shenanigans of that Konami narrative jank. I thought they id the characters dope ass justice and the story itself, was rather compelling. I didn’t mind the character changes and the stuff they added felt organic. Season three is the closest thing to a slice of life anime i’ve seen in this show and it’s ridiculous. Like, nothing really happens of consequence and it feels like setup for later seasons but it’s easily the best looking of the three seasons.

Overall, as a whole, Castlevnia is really good. It’s easily one of the best video game adaptions available. This show takes it’s liberties, of course, but it does so in a very respectful manner. The core of the Castlevania lore is revered and embellished with creative additions while keeping the characters true to their game selves. For the most part. I really enjoyed thee character of Dracula when he was around and, oh my god, Lenore is the goddamn best! Sypha is the MVP of this show, though, and i need you people to know that. The art style is beautiful, the narrative is compelling, and you’ll fall in love with the character work. Castlevania is dope and you should go binge all of it since there is literally nothing else to do under quarantine.

[pwnyta]

Full Endgame spoilers/review:

(TL;DR: It was really fucking good. Theres some bad obviously but overall worth it. Even after reading the spoilers and feeling like I may not like it as much as I thought I would... I actually liked it more.)

- - So as I said I loved the movie I had some gripes but overall I thought it was one hell of a fun, entertaining movie. I'll go by each characters story in my review saving Cap and Tony for last.

Natasha- Honestly? Though I think the MCU dropped the ball on the 0G6 being a believable family... I think Nats role in this movie was sweet. I really like the scene where Tony Nat and Bruce were laying down talking about Strange and the stones. It was really cute but it really made me wish we got to see this earlier. Joss dropped the ball hard in AoU. Ive said it one and I'll say it again. AoU should have been the movie where the Avengers were a solid unit throughout the movie.Nats death was... heroic but honestly her and Clint beating the shit out of each other because neither could stand the thought of the other being sacrificed was kinda funny and cute which is jarring to the story. It kinda sucks that she was fridged before the final battle though.

Clint- What are the fucking odds that every one of his family was dusted? But w/e. Clint having a wild sword battle in Japan... it was ridiculous and weird and IDK what they were thinking with that scene but it was played really dramatically but I laughed? Cuz it was so over the top and silly... even though he just slit that guys throat and Nats like :c Clint~ honey no its fine... and they hold hands over the guys warm corpse. LMFAO WHAT!? Im at least happy his kids got him back if nothing else.

Bruce- ... Bruce with Hulks big green body? NICE. Thats gonna have some interesting fanart I can already tell and I lift my glass to you. I once tried to draw a little comic where Bruce and Hulk separated but also had swapped bodies.... so Bruce had Hulks body but I never did finish it I wonder if I still have it saved somewhere. Anyways. Honestly? I found Bruce in this movie to be equal parts funny and annoying? Like it was a bit jarring sometimes that he was so lighthearted despite everything.

Thor- When I read the spoilers I thought I was gonna really dislike Thor but watching it I understood where Thor was coming from and I couldnt really blame him for spiraling and its not like anyone close to him seemed to even check up on him despite clearly knowing where he was. Im really sad that it took all those years and only until he was needed for someone to try and talk Thor through what he was going through. Im not annoyed with Thor. Im annoyed with the rest of them (minus Tony and I guess Clint? Considering.). Bruce was his friend in Ragnarok, Nat keeps talking about them being family, and Steve is their leader where the hell were they? Unless im missing something... I guess Valkyrie too but shes been picking up his slack as a leader and was holding the Asgardians together so I can cut her some slack. ANYWAYS. Thor was kinda funny in the movie but it was kind of hard to enjoy his goofiness. It kind felt like Tony in IM2. Speaking of Im glad Tony seemed really tolerant of Thors drunk behavior... I was sure he would throw a lot of shots like Rocket did. I wish they had a moment to talk about Thor self medicating with booze... Tonys been there. I get why they couldnt really but.. His scene with Frigga was really nice. Frigga is a bad bitch raised by witches and shit.... she knows all~ A wise woman that Frigga.

Scott- HOLY SHIT Did I love Scott in this movie. He was soo funny and cute... and bullied a lot. You know I have a thing for easily bulliable character. And Scott just got spanked left and right. His helpless goofiness reminded me of Harry from KKBB a little. He bounced off everyone well and it makes me kinda wish he was one of the OG6 instead of Clint. He was more of the heart that kept the Avengers together than anyone. Also him and Tony talking about Caps ass? HILARIOUS. Bisexual icons honestly. 'That suit did nothing for your ass.' 'No one asked you to look!' 'I think you look great Cap as far as Im concerned thats Americas ass!' and then later Caps all 'That IS Americas ass.' Unbelievable. But his best scene is still him reuniting with Cassie. She was so big! Im so happy she got her dad back... but Bruces failed time travel machine scene.... that was a close second. 'Somebody peed my pants... idk if it was baby me or old me........ or me me.' Also the 'whats up regular sized man' scene is longer and more hilarious than the preview showed. FUCK YOUR TACO SCOTT. At least Bruce is nice to him. I ship GreenAnt a little. Rocket petting Scott and mockingly calling him a puppy. SAME.

Rhodey- JESUS RHODEY. Speaking of hilarious idiots. Im glad he got a bigger roll in this movie but he didnt hug Tony when he got back so whats the point? BUT W/E... He was hilarious and amazing. It was nice to see him step up as one of the sorta leaders after the snappening. But he was also A HUGE FUCKING DORK THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. Thinking that a secret cavern with a spooky name would be boobytrapped like in Indiana Jones and trying to convince Nebula to be careful. Naming a bunch of shitty time travel movies to prove a point about time travel (with Scotts help) and going back in time to kill baby Thanos...and Bruce was like 'yeah... no...' and him fucking TRASHING the magic of the iconic opening scene of the first GotG where Quill is dancing.... 'so hes an idiot?' RHODEY PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE have mercy. Him and Nebula are a trip. Also I made a note to mention Don Cheadles BEAUTIFUL soft voice. So here it is. I love Don Cheadles beautiful soft voice. He had too few scenes with Tony but their first scene when Tony starts freaking out and hes trying to get Tony to calm down was pretty good... and god that ending.... ;-; How come Rhodey got NO lines while Tony was dying? But also in the same position I dont think Id have any words either. I too would just cry. And did... for Tony. But yeah besides his lack of scenes with Tony I really loved Rhodeys scenes. I usually do. Hes adorable.

Nebula: Sweetie... You are just amazing. Shes legit one of the best most solid characters in the movie. The opening scenes between her and Tony? FUCKING adorable. Im sad we dont see more of them after the time skip. I also wish we got a longer scene of Neb and Rocket talking when she gets to earth... I guess just seeing them sit together sadly was enough to portray the emotions but.... I MEAN. More Nebula wouldnt hurt anyone. Having to see two tortured versions of Nebula was upsetting. Future Nebula who lost so much and past Nebula still under Thanos' thumb. 'You can change!' 'He wont let me' OOF. Im sad that past Nebula was killed... but appreciate that even in that moment past Gamora was upset to see her be killed. Im glad with Present Neb, Gamora was so easily heel-face turned. She loves her sister. Also their moment after past Gamora beats up present Quill was hilarious 'Really? This is the guy?' 'The choices were him or a tree.' WHAT ABOUT DRAX, NEBULA?! I know I said I may not watch any MCU movies after this but I might tune in for GotG3 for Nebula (and Thor).

Steve: I actually ENJOYED Steve in this movie for the most part. For the first time in any movie... even by himself I kind of enjoyed Steve. Especially the scene when hes fighting himself and his past self says 'I can do this all day' and hes like 'Tst... yeah I know... okay' Like he was sick of his own damn bullshit. And frankly? Same. Also him whispering 'Hail hydra' to get the scepter? Hilarious. I cant help but see it as a knock at that shitty Hydra Cap comic that everyone hated. But despite me enjoying Steve for most of the film... the MCUs inability to write a good romance and pretending like Steve and Peggys relationship was a peak or something completely undoes it all. It would still NOT BE GREAT regardless but the fact the RUSSOS are the ones who brought Sharon into TWS in the first place makes it SO MUCH WORSE that Steve dipped out. Steve should have moved on... even if it wasnt with Sharon. They could have at least MENTIONED HER but they knew they couldnt because then it would be too highlighted that Steve is a fucking FUCK BOY who used the niece of the woman he loved as a surrogate and that him going back to the past means hes gonna be meeting little Sharon at some point. Also? Really? Steve you have this whole new family you supposedly love and can live your life with but you rather go back in the past because the first woman who was nice to you was there? Move on. Its so fucking weird that hes so obsessed with her. You have your childhood friend and the rest of your new friends... and supposedly a girlfriend. IDK how anyone could be happy with that ending for him. But I guess its in character... remember the note he sent Tony 'I've been on my own since I was 18.' What about Bucky? He was there with you and you had family in the Avengers supposedly. Natasha seemed to think so. YOURE SUCH A FUCKIN SCUMBAG STEVE. Jesus.

Tony: First of all Id just LOVED his scenes with Nebula as I said. He sat there patiently teaching how to play paper football and held her win. It was REALLY cute. When he passed out she picked him up off the floor and sat him down on the chair and pat him. REAL CUTE. He nicknamed her 'The Blue Meanie' its cute and he tried to give her the last of their food but she insisted he eat it. Bobbos eyes never looked more gorgeous than in that scene where Carol finds them honestly. Tonys I told you so was really really sad. It had a lot of feeling like that scene in AoU when he laughs hysterically and starts ranting? Rhodey tried to calm him down but he just ripped into Cap. Also he yanked off his arc reactor and I FULLY JUMPED IN PANIC because I forgot it wasnt in him. I fully flinched. But he pulled his heart out and gave it to Steve and then passed out. Tony and Peppers daughter is ADORABLE. And her interactions with Tony are so sweet. Domestic Tony is lovely. I love that when Steve and the gang roll up on him Morgan runs out during their discussion and is like 'Mom told me to come and save you....' and hes like 'Well Ive been saved!' REAL CUTE. Also he swore and his daughter copied him and hes like NOOOOO!!!!!!! LMAO. LANGUAGE Tony. Tony is motivated to fix things seeing that pic of him and Peter. Hes such a softie. IM REALLY REALLY SAD that we finally see Pepper kinda GET Tonys need to be Iron Man and is like 'But could you rest?'. The one time she encourages him to go back to be Iron Man and he fucking DIES. Im so sad for Pepper. But that scene between them where shes like 'We'll be ok.... you can rest now.' FUCK. Im crying again. That scene between him and Steve- 'Someone shoula warned you~' 'You did...' 'Oh did I? Thank god Im here' has the same energy as 'Who taught you how to dance?' 'You did.' 'Well Ive done a marvelous job!' It was pretty great. Tonys nicknames for Scott are 'Pissant' and 'Thumbelina.' Im not OVERLY fond of his scenes with Howard. But honestly? My brother is the same way with our dad... he just chooses to forget the bad stuff and focus on the few good times. I cant do that but if it made Tony happier then VERY WELL. I wish Tony coulda talked to Jarvis too tho... just a word... anything? Best Tony scene is Peter babbling about how he musta passed out because Tony was gone and and and and Tony just hugs him so tightly and Peters hugs back and is like :D 'this is nice'! Though that STARK contrast of them after Tony uses the gauntlet... and Peter is like 'Mr Stark... we won... we did it... no Mr Stark...' Big Simba and Mufasa feels (and kind of Hughes and Elicia tbh). Not cool Disney. I was already crying. Rhodey was the first to reach Tony and Tony couldnt say ANYTHING to anyone and Rhodey just pets his cheek... Tony was just looking around as his family just has to watch helplessly as hes dying and Pepper tells him its ok. His funeral was really nice. He recorded a message for everyone kind of like his message for Pepper on the ship. Everyone was there... I think even Harley (Im really sad we didnt see them get reunited even once). The scene with Happy and Morgan was really sweet. 'I'll buy all the cheeseburgers you want....' It was cool to because... ya know.... Jon Favreau. He got a really beautiful end. I wish he could just retire and live with Pep and Morgan... but if he had to die... that was a really lovely sendoff. SO ALL IN ALL. Awesome movie. I didnt get to see past elderly Steve passing the shield off to Sam... I'll have to rewatch it again when theres a better version. Especially for that fucking STUNNING end battle. Even with the shitty cam I watched it looked AMAZING and I cant wait for it in HD.

[iohourtime]

Moeyo Ken (Burn! O Sword) - Novel Recap 2

This is the second part of the recap of Moeyo Ken, which will be adapted into a 2020 movie directed by Harada Masato. I will talk about the characters as they were described in the novel in more detail. If you want to learn more about the background of the novel and a brief description of the plot, please click here for the first post. This post will have spoilers.

The Characters

I am going to go with this order instead of the order of the cast list: Oyuki (Shibasaki Kou), Serizawa Kamo (Ito Hideaki), Hijikata Toshizo (Okada Junichi), Kondo Isami (Suzuki Ryohei), and Okita Souji (Yamada Ryosuke).

Oyuki

She was an original character created by Shiba to serve as the love of Hijikata’s life. Historically, there were no records of Hijikata forming deep attachments with any women. She followed her late samurai husband from Edo to Kyoto to learn to paint, so when he died, she continued to live there. Hijikata literally stumbled into her small apartment after a fight and fell in love immediately, but he treated her with respect (i.e. he didn’t immediately try to sleep with her). He viewed her as more than his wife1 and even took 2 days off to spend some time with her. (The man never took time off.) She was strong willed, kind and loved Hijikata, but that was pretty much her whole storyline. Based on filming reports, it seems like Harada is bringing her character into the story much earlier than the novel, and she's number two on the cast list, so maybe she has a bigger role in the movie.

Serizawa Kamo

He was the first commander of the Shinsengumi. Serizawa Kamo was not his real name and there were rumours that he was hiding from something. Kamo means duck, actually, which was an odd choice. Anyway, although his gang occupied key positions within the group, Hijikata made sure the real operational power rested with the Vice Commander and the team leaders, which were mostly filled with Kondo’s gang. Hijikata also asked Kondo to play a fool in front of Serizawa's gang so they wouldn't suspect the eventual coup.

Serizawa was crude and petty. One time, he killed a sumo wrestler because the guy took his preferred spot or something petty like that. He also fired a canon at a rich family's mansion to get protection money from them. The Bakufu was horrified and secretly told Kondo and Hijikata to get rid of him, not that they weren’t already plotting to do so. Okita once made a strange comment2 about how Serizawa might be the most “innocent” of them all, and director Harada said he wanted to explore that in the movie. I don’t know what to make of it since Serizawa was portrayed as a brute in both novels. Perhaps Okita meant he had no agenda? I don’t know. That Souji was a strange boy.

Anyway, Kondo’s faction made one of Serizawa’s right-hand man commit seppuku for failing the bushido. This move weakened Serizawa's faction and although he was angry, he did nothing to retaliate or protect himself. On the night of Serizawa's assassination, the kill squad disguised themselves as ronin and surprised Serizawa when he was being amorous with his mistress. They also killed anyone who might recognize then. After Serizawa’s death, the other 3 members were either killed in a fight or forced to commit seppuku.

The Trio

The Shinsengumi was really controlled by Kondo and Hijikata, though no one wanted to admit it. Since Okita had them wrapped around his little fingers, he was the big boss! (Kidding 😁) Taking both novels into account, I think Kondo was the face of the group, Hijikata was the guy who got things done, and Okita was the guy who knew everything including gossips, but only dropped cryptic hints when it was warranted.

Warning: major spoilers coming up.

Hijikata Toshizo

Hijikata Toshizo started off as an aimless punk (a baragaki) who dreamed of becoming a samurai. He even wore his hair pseudo samurai style, which was not what farmers did back then. He was rather handsome with cool and refreshing eyes and women loved him. He loved to sleep with women who he perceived to be above his social status. The first few pages of the novel were rather shocking to my modern sensibilities - his conquering of this priest’s daughter was straight up rapey, even though the reader was reminded that it was how things were back in those days and the girl subconsciously expected him to drop by or some $hit like that. I don't know why Shiba put in this fictional detail because it's unnecessary to the plot. Even if it presented a contrast to the man he eventually became, it's not like Toshizo didn't already do a lot of questionable things early on. Perhaps he hated Toshizo? 😅

Anyway, he started an affair with a woman with status he met during a temple (sex) festival3. Unfortunately, when he got caught sneaking out of her room one night, he accidentally killed a well known swordsman. This incident drove the story in the Hino arc as Shichiri, a member of a rival dojo, seeked justice for the dead (really an excuse to get rid of a business rival). Toshizo got into a few battles of wits & strength with Shichiri, through which we learned that despite Toshizo being a farm boy, he was a natural born strategist who specialized in guerilla warfare.

The Shinsengumi gave Toshizo a life purpose and allowed him to show off his organisational management skills. At that time in Japan, military and police organizations assigned two people doing the same job. Toshizo recognized the inefficiency in the structure, especially if they needed to mobilize quickly, so he borrowed from the French army and introduced this revolutionary idea of having only one person in each position and splitting up the group into teams with different responsibilities that report up to an executive branch. Yes, it sounded logical now but it was radical back then! The most important thing was that he transferred the real power to the vice commander level.

Toshizo was gruff, undiplomatic, and ruthless in achieving his goals. He did come up with the harsh Shinsengumi code after all. In fact, Souji once told him that the Shinsengumi members kind of hated him. Even Souji hated him for a minute because of Yamanami. But as Toshizo told Souji afterwards, he chose to be hated. He just wanted Shinsengumi to become a force to behold and for Kondo to succeed as its leader, so he took on the bad guy disciplinary role in order that the members would continue to love and admire Kondo.

Toshizo also hated the academic type, so he butted heads with Yamanami and Ito. His distaste and distrust were partly born out of his own lack of education. He felt that educated people only knew how to talk theory and kiss ass, and they impeded his ability to do real work. (And jealousy?)

In the battle of Toba-Fushimi, even though the Bakufu suffered a huge loss, Hijikata’s squad was the only one that managed to do some damage against the modern Western artillery. The Bakufu started to notice Hijikata’s military prowess and eventually made him a vice commander in the army. He really came into his own in the northern arc after Kondo was gone.

The continuous battles and deaths really took a toll on Toshizo. Earlier in the novel, while strolling with Souji, he said he liked spring. Souji commented that people who liked spring tend to place their hopes and dreams in tomorrow. Yet in Toshizo’s final days, he told one of his underlings that he only fought for today. In one memorable scene before the final battle, he saw the spirits of his friends in his room. They all looked tired to him. Knowing it was time to end so everyone could rest, he sent his page Ichimura Tetsunosuke4 and Saito Hajime away on missions, saving their lives so they could pass on the stories of the fallen brothers. For Toshizo, instead of surrendering, he chose to face his enemies head on - fighting for the Shinsengumi and going out in a blaze. He was killed by a bullet5.

As Shiba himself said, Kondo was a hero during the peaceful times, but Hijikata was a hero during chaos. As much as the Shinsengumi was born in the wrong time, Toshizo was in his element. I'll let Toshizo himself summarize his world view with what he told Souji:

_"This is a sword. A sword is made by a craftsman to kill. The sword's characteristic and purpose are both simple. It's just like the military strategy books describe, its only purpose is to defeat the event. But look, look at the pure beauty. A sword is more beautiful than a beautiful woman. When I see beautiful women in front of me, I won't feel nervous. The beauty possessed by a sword could melt the stone heart of a man, and took a strong hold of him. That's why our purpose needs to be pure, our thoughts need to be pure. The Shinsengumi can only exist for this integrity. Souji, for me, no matter how the world changers, or whether Bakufu admit defeat and surrender, if I have a single breathe left, I'll persevere. Can I waver like Kondo? Up to now, I've covered my hands with blood to protect Shinsengumi. Serizawa, Yamanami, Ito… they all did by my hands. Why did I kill them? When they died, they were all facing death without wavering. If I waver now, then how do I face them in the afterlife? The journey of a man - is to create beauty, my own beauty. This is what I firmly believe." _(A very dude thing to say. 😏)

Kondo Isami

Kondo Isami was Toshizo's best buddy, or “sworn brother”. He was the fourth master of TRR. According to other people's description, he was a true leader, easygoing and generally loved by the squad. I didn't see any incident in the novel that supported that except for his command over the Ikedaya mission and what others said about him.

He was an uneducated farmer, so he loved hanging out with the educated people, yet he got jealous of them when they became more popular than him. Unfortunately, he was also very susceptible to flattery, so he tended to keep sycophants around him. Once he got a taste of success, he started politicking with the Bakufu, keeping mistresses and dressing above his station, and was quite concerned about status. So perhaps he would have been a good leader in peaceful times, he really came apart when things turned, making bad decision after decision. In other words, I kinda hated this novel's version of him. (I think he's normally portrayed in better light. 😅) Actually, I think Shiba disliked him too, as his depiction in both novels were not flattering. He was basically a fool who thought he was clever. Again, this may not be how he was in real life.

While Kondo might seem like a forthcoming guy, remember how he conned Serizawa's gang into believing he was weak and foolish. He also fooled Ito by pretending to become Tobaku, when he was just trying to get him drunk enough to be assassinated by Hijikata's team.

As the Shinsengumi grew, Kondo and Toshizo's vision started to diverge. Kondo cared more about becoming a daimyo (a feudal lord with land) while Toshizo wanted to expand. Kondo was so blinded by the land the Bakufu promised that he didn't realize they were going on a hopeless mission to take Koshu. In the end, Kondo and Toshizo parted ways in Nagareyama due to ideological differences: Kondo wanted to surrender and Toshizo tried to get Kondo to go with him.

Toshizo: When we were on the rise, you were such a great leader; now that we were going down, you changed and no longer want your dream.

Kondo: That's right. I don't want to be remembered as a traitor. I'm not like you. I understand the meaning of greater good.

Toshizo: The power structure changes with time, but isn't surrendering shameful for a man? Win or lose, it's not important. As a man, it's most important to follow one's dreams or die trying.

Kondo: For me, it's more important to follow the right path. Even though we had been comrades in battle forever, did we ever really had a common goal? Let's go our separate ways now.

Toshizo: I don't care. You're coming with me.

Kondo: Thanks for being there for me, but Toshi, please set me free. You built Shinsengumi and made me the commander, but looking back, the Kondo Isami then didn't feel like me. Let me go.

With that, Kondo left. Toshizo didn't chase after him but vowed to keep pursuing his dream. Shortly after, Kondo was captured and executed by the new government. So for someone who was concerned about his name, it was a sad way to go.

Okita Souji

Okita Souji was one of the youngest members of Shinsengumi. He was technically Toshizo’s senpai at TRR since he started learning kenjutsu at the age of 9. He first showed up in the novel when Kondo asked him to investigate Shichiri's dojo. Here was what Shiba casually mentioned in the first 4 pages he appeared.

“Okita bit down on his cute lips and grinned” [while telling Toshizi he was dumb].

“This young man of around 20 looked quite handsome in this outfit” [thought Toshizo].

“Okita was very well spoken due to his good upbringing and he also had a face as beautiful as that of an irokoshou*”, [Toshizo thought as he watched Souji greet the enemy].

_* A koshou refers to a page for a general. They are typically younger boys (15 or so) and were sort of like their personal assistants. An irokoshou was the type of page that also serviced the general sexually… so they tend to be extremely beautiful. _

So, Shiba really wanted the readers to know how good looking Souji was above all else. The novel likely solidified Okita Souji’s short, pretty boy image6 in popular media for decades.

Souji was said to be very innocent, childlike, and polite. When he wasn't working, you could find him playing with children who lived near Mibu Dera. He was smart as well. In the Hino arc, whenever Toshizo started describing the plan of attack, e.g. if Toshi said “you three go to this bridge in the cover of darkness”, Souji would immediately know what strategy he was going for.

Souji's swordsmanship was explained with an anecdote. Toshizo and Souji were challenged by Shichiri to a 2-on-2 duel. Toshizo knew Shichiri would try to lure them into a trap, so he planned a sneak attack. Souji was naturally nervous as he had never killed before, yet he still managed to kill 3+ of the 20 or so enemies. After they escaped, Toshizo was dumbfounded when he noticed Souji didn't get a single drop off blood on his clothes after killing all those people with a sword.

Souji didn’t seem to have any ambition. He was just following his “brothers” when he joined the roshigumi. In his own words, "I'll follow Kondo and Hijikata-san even to hell, although it would be nice if we are going to heaven." What Shiba emphasized in the novel was Toshizo and Souji's bond. In my opinion, Toshizo loved and spoiled Souji unconditionally and unlike most people, Souji could say anything to Toshizo and get away with it. Some examples:

"If you have time, you should read more books, then maybe you can become a good strategist too." That came after Toshizo started laying out his battle strategy.

After Toshizo explained why he chose to be the bad guy, Souji apologized, "I'm too dumb. I didn't know you did all that so the guys won't have to hate Kondo-san." Hearing this coming out of Okita's mouth, Toshizo felt like he was being teased. [Souji added], "Of course, it is also a personality thing."

I guess Toshizo couldn't get mad when Souji said this stuff while “tilting his cute head”. It is always a bit unclear if Souji just had no filter or if he was throwing shade.

Here is one of the most famous HijiOki scene from the novel. Toshizo might be your typical macho man, but he had a secret. Once a month, he would lock himself in his room and everybody would freaked out because they didn't know what he was up to. Except Souji of course. He knocked and cheekily listened to Toshizo frantically tidying up. Souji casually walked into the room and snatched the "Hougiku collection of haikus" from its hiding place. Yes, Toshi wrote spectacularly bad haikus under the pen name of Hougiku (this actually exists)7. Even though Toshizo was embarrassed, he still waited expectantly for Souji's critique of his new work and lit up when Souji said one of them was OK. (Pretty low standards. 😅)

Hijikata opened up to Souji about everything, especially matters of love. When Toshizo got back to HQ after getting injured and meeting Oyuki, Souji went to see him right after the doctor left.

Souji: You got me all worried!

_Toshizo: Sorry… I almost didn’t make it back. But Souji, I think I have fallen for a woman. _

Souji: Eh?

Toshizo: Don’t tell anyone, especially Kondo.

Souji: Then why are you telling me?

Toshizo: You are different.

Souji: Why am I different? Please don’t make me your love counsel.

Toshizo: Ha ha. You are!

I think Shiba intentionally got us to like the cute, childlike, and slightly devilish Souji to make the next part hurt. Souji did not die in battle. Instead, he spent a couple of years wasting away due to tuberculosis. Back then, tuberculosis was basically a death sentence. Once you contracted the disease, it was just a question of how long you have. Shiba didn’t go into details in Moeyo Ken, but in Shinsengumi Keppuroku, after about 2 hours of intense fighting at Ikedaya, Souji started coughing blood. Of course, he was such a badass he managed to chop off his assailant’s head before passing out8. The first time we saw him cough blood in Moeyo Ken was when he chased after Yamanami. (His illness was foreshadowed early on.)

Yamanami Keisuke decided he was done with the Shinsengumi. As you may recall, leaving the group was punishable by death and Toshizo was not going to make an exception. Even though Souji looked at Yamanami like a brother, Toshizo sent him to bring Yamanami back. For the first time in the novel, Souji looked horrified but he still complied. He set out on horseback but because of the cold winter air, he started coughing. He saw the blood on his gloves and thought "I'm going to die soon", though not with sadness or fear. He never seemed too bothered by his own mortality. Souji found Yamanami, who simply said had Toshizo sent anyone else, he'd kill him. Souji told Yamanami he could kill him and make a run for it. Perhaps Souji knew he was going to die anyway and was willing to let Yamanami escape? It didn't matter. Yamanami accepted his fate and asked Souji to be his second for his seppuku.

Souji was basically bedridden in the second volume, rapidly losing weight because he couldn't eat properly. He stopped taking all medicine except for Toshizo's family medicine because Toshizo told him those were effective. Like all fictional characters, as he got sicker, he grew more beautiful and "translucent" (透明感). One thing that never changed was his brilliant smile. He was so blasé about his inevitable death that Kondo found it fascinating.

He still had some pride though. When Yamazaki died, the squad decided to give him a funeral at sea and Souji went with them. He insisted on walking up and down the stairs by himself because he didn't want people see the captain of the first unit be so weak that he needed to be carried. At that time, he already lost half his lung capacity, so even the simple task of walking was a struggle. That didn't stop him from teasing Toshizo when he got a chance.

Perhaps nobody saw the end of Shinsengumi better than this dying young man. The night before the Toba-Fushimi battle, Toshizo went to see him. After talking, Souji suddenly looked at the ceiling and said "Youth is over." Was he talking about himself, or about the many Shinsengumi brothers who would die in the upcoming battles? Toshizo cried.

Even when he was sick, he still worried about Toshizo's love life. 😅 He made sure Toshizo knew Oyuki had moved to Osaka so he could see her. Before he died, Souji also asked a friend to look after Oyuki and made sure she could go see Toshizo in Hakodate afterwards.

Souji spent his final days back home. His sister, Mitsu, tried to stay with him for as long as she could but her husband would be transferred to Edo at any moment. When that day came, she would have to say goodbye to her baby brother forever. That day eventually came. When Souji heard the news, his face was crestfallen for a second before regaining his trademark smile. He held out his now bony hand for Mitsu to hold, but she didn't understand. The siblings talked about some trivial things and their parents. Suddenly, Souji asked, "When dad died, I was just 5 or 6. When I die, will I see them there?" Mitsu finally understood why he wanted her to hold his hand. "Don't be silly. You still have to get better and get a wife." Souji didn't answer. He just asked, "after I'm gone, will there be anyone to light an incense for me (i.e. remember me)?"

Around a month later, they found him dead, collapsed in the hallway, clutching his favorite sword. Legend said he was trying to kill a black cat (a bad omen) but instead, he lost his life. He was buried in the family plot in Tokyo. The following obituary was written about his short life.

"Okita Souji Kaneyoshi studied under Kondo Shusuke, the 3rd heir of Tennen Rishin Ryo since a young age and shown some talent. When he was 12, he faced Oahu Shirakawa Abe clan (?) in a duel and won. He made a name for himself in that clan.

Souji, formerly Sojiro Harumasa, later changed his name to Kaneyoshi. In the 3rd year of the Bankyu era, he joined the newly established Shinsengumi. At the tender age of 20, he became the assistant to the vice commander and captain of the first unit, participating in many missions.

_Unfortunately, life wasn't fair and he was not able to live to an old age. On the 30th day of May in the 4th year of the Keio era, he regretfully passed away." _

He was 24. Even though Kondo was executed a month before, he never found out about it. He died still believing his two “brothers” were alive, still fighting for their dreams.

Okita Souji in Moeyo Ken could seem a bit one dimensional - cute, cheerful, childlike. But was he? Souji was also the captain of the first unit, who probably had one of the highest kill count in the squad. Perhaps his desire to do anything to protect his beloved “brothers” outweigh his gentle nature. As so little was known about Souji, it would remain a mystery.

Notes

Back then, many marriages were arranged so the relationships might not be that great. Guys with Hijikata's rank typically had a mistress or two. Kondo had 3 separate households in Kyoto. ↩︎

In Shinsegumi Keppuroku’s “Assasination of Serizawa Kamo” chapter, which Harada mistakenly attributed to Moeyo Ken in his director’s comment on the movie’s website. ↩︎

Supposedly people in that period were pretty open about sex. So there were these festivals held at the temple where you could look for willing partners. Then they turned off the lights and you get down to business in the dark with the partner of your chose earlier. ↩︎

He was 15 when he tried to sign up with the Shinsengumi before the Toba-Fushimi battle. Although Hijikata knew he was lying about his age, he kept Ichimura as his koshou (page) because he looked like Souji. 😏 ↩︎

There is some debate as to whether the bullet came from the enemy side or his own side. ↩︎

There is very little known about Okita Souji as there were no photos or drawings. There were some fake photos online plus a drawing of what they thought he looked like based on pictures of his grand-nephew, although his family said he didn’t look like that painting. In some records, it was said that Okita was tall, his face was like a flounder, and he slouched, although he had a friendly smile. In another account, he was small and cute. In live action shows, he is generally depicted as having the Samurai / bald hairstyle. ↩︎

Here's a sample: "Even if a single plum flower blossoms, a plum is a plum." Yeah, I’m not sure what that means either. https://mag.japaaan.com/archives/27079 ↩︎

Apparently, once you start to cough blood, you don’t have long to live. Ikedaya happened a while before Souji’s death and since then, he participated in a few other missions, so it is quite unlikely he passed out due to TB. It is generally thought that he passed out due to an unrelated illness or heat stroke. ↩︎