#id protect you if i could
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‘keefe has changed so much!’ what did you expect? for the majority of his life, he’s always felt what other people felt. he always had an idea about how they were feeling, about how they felt about him — and then suddenly he didn’t just had an idea, he just knew. he straight up knows — and then, he lost it. he lost the ability to feel other people’s feelings overall. that’s it, he doesn’t know shit anymore.
he knew he could trust his friends because if he holds their arm, holds their hand, even brushed their hands together, skin on skin, he’d feel how much they love him, how much they trust him, all that stuff. and sophie? he doesn’t even need all those extra steps. he just needs to be around her and he knows already how she feels — and that’s so important because sophie wasn’t like anyone else. she was covered in shit that could burn her skin off and she wasnt even screaming or crying. ‘isn’t she amazing?’ you’d think. he did think.
sophie means so much to him. i can’t put their entire story into one post because (cough cough im lazy as hell) and he ran away from her. guys. he ran away from her. and ykw happens when he comes back? he can’t feel what she feels. not really. in the entire time he knew her, her feelings were always there, he always knew how she felt. and for the first time in the entire time he knew her, he wasnt sure about how she felt. like of course it wont feel like how it did the first few books. hes broken, hes ruined, hes scared, and he cant trust his own guts. hes pushed past a point he didnt know he could past guys guys guys of course hes gonna be different. from the moment he found out his mother was a part of the neverseen hes changed you know that. but he just never showed it because hed always known one of his parents were that kind of assholes. he had kinda expected that you know. then it got worse and worst and worst and of course. guys. he was bound to break one day.
#he broke me too dont worry#id fix him if i could#i cry over him a lot could you tell?#keefe sencen#keeper of the lost cities#kotlc#sophie foster#sokeefe#stellarlune spoilers#stellarlune#hes so#im sorry#id protect you if i could
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Honestly I see Jimmy's refusal to put Curly out of his misery less about his weird feelings of envy or his delusions but the fact Curly is all but stated to be a shield to Jimmy from his actions and people seeing the worst in him.
The only characters that Jimmy really interacts with one on one before the crash are Curly and Anya, two individuals he has wildly different relationships with. It's likely that Curly really did most of the talking between them as the pilots and the rest of the crew as staff. They didn't know of Jimmy's more reprehensible behaviors cause they never really had the chance to and Jimmy is subconsciously aware. If they had disliked him more than Anya would have told Swansea earlier or even Daisuke when things got really bad.
It's why he takes the immediate opportunity to blame Curly; He's the shield. He's saved Jimmy's ass more times than he can count and more times than Jimmy would ever admit. Even when he can't really do it anymore, he mentally shields himself from his own faults by putting Curly between them. Letting Curly die puts too much on him because he doesn't know how to function without a safety net.
In the end Curly only lives because Jimmy needs the idea that Curly will inevitably make things better to stay alive, meaning Curly has to live, no matter how much it pains him to do so.
#in short Jimmy doesnt only care about Curly#he only cares about the securtiy that Curly provides him#and i headcanon that the reason he tried to kill everyone is because he knew it was only a matter of time befor Curly realized this wasnt#somethgin benign Jimmy did that he could smooth over but somethign that Curly would repremand and condem him for and take his security away#like yes Curly did not react fast enough or strongly enough to what Anya told him but you could see him showing more concern over it as I d#understand the psychology behind people and more specifically men like Curly as he is hearing something horrible his friend did to someone#he cares about but has less of a bond with. he feels the need to protect his crew as people first and sadly Jimmy is still the person he wa#closest too yet I still think everything happened too fast for Curly to process as would you not grapple with the fact your closest friend#is a monster you must personally deal with? or that he did something so vile to someone else you have become protective over? Would you not#think of the relative power that friend holds and how if you approuch this wrong it could end badly for everyone? He had all these thoughts#but not enough time to think about them. Also how Jimmy was one of the main people in his personal life he felt a need to protect seeing as#he got him this job. Like imagine the one person you are really trying to make good is still bad after everythign and now you have to be th#hand of judgment youve shielded them from for so long like I do not think Curly handeled the initial situation with Anya correctly I dont#think it was the case of him not believing but not really knowing what to do and feel about it as a friend of both parties the captain and#guy going through his own shit and it says so much that he was dealing with all that so well compared to Jimmy who got everyone killed cuz#he thought being captain would be like sitting on the thrown and not emotionally mentally and physically taxing like I cant say Curly is th#best person due to his inaction but he is a good person doing the best with the knowledge and shitty resources he has cuz like also Id just#be terrified that my suicidal and nilihst bestie who clearly has an inferiority complex around me is the copilot who has access to the most#to the most important parts of the ship and the means to kill us all if he feels like him or his security are being threatened like#Anya and Curly just deserved better because they get put through the ringer like just put him in a class to teach him to be less trusting#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing jimmy#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing spoilers
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i really dont know how to explain to you that it is canonically in character for narukami to look at two people murdered, all his friends nearly murdered, his goddamn cousin/sister figure nearly murdered, and still say "nah but adachis too important to me ill just sweep this under the rug for him" like how much more whipped could you be bro
#disclaimer: ive uh... never actually seen the accomplice ending#but ive never heard anyone give a reason for narukami to do that other than just. wanting to help adachi#ive never heard any indication he was being threatened or felt he had no choice or anything#in fact he did have a choice. the true ending is a thing lol#idk i just think its very very interesting narukami can drop everything throw it all away abandon the whole plot to protect and join adachi#hes so obsessed with him good lord#i sometimes wonder how shuake nation wouldve reacted if you could do that with akechi#i know id go insane lmfao#theres a murder boyfriends au for a reason yknow?#id love to include tatsujun in on this too but i cant think of any way jun would accept tatsuyas help or why tatsuya would ever join him#unless he somehow finds out who joker is ig#persona 4#p4#adachi#narukami#adasou#shuada#tw age gap
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feeling the need to solidify my opinions
#“Henry 1.0 is my favorite character” started as a half joke but. Im sorry i giggle and kick my feet about that snake#THAT ONE SCENE WHERE HE AND LEVI MEET AND LEVI PROMISES TO PROTECT HIM WHAT IF I SOBBED#and whenever he gets mentioned its so !!! :D !!! thats henry one point oah#the gay woe of is thirteen really that pretty and cool or is she just the only woman in this game with a consistent presence#i mean. i like her anyways#obey me#I can say that i actively *like* everyone Raphael and above#and i dont hattteeeee mammon i just. he got more annoying as the game went on for me#asmo i started off feeling eugh about but he defo had a bit of a characterization change i think around season 2 early season 3 of the og#which i think was for the better hes oomf now#and in nb hes. kindof fave#i got emotional#Raphael is just very pleasant but i dont have a lot of solid opinions on him i fear#Lucifer. Lucifer makes me uncomfortable and gives me anxiety#Playing this game. Lucifer gives me a very distinct anxiety I have not felt#since I was a kid playing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and there were sections of the game where you had to sneak past shopkeepe#s and prefects and i was bad at them and whenever i got caught i got really bad anxiety????? and i wished so bad that i could just not brea#rules BC I DIDNT WANT TO BREAK THE RULES BUT THATS THE ONLY WAY TO PROGRESS THE GAME#and when id get caught id dash behind the couch and cover my head until the cutscene of getting caught and losing was over#so um. Lucifer reignites that very specific anxiety#Also he makes me uncomfy. With everyone else you consistently get the option to tell them to fuck off (even asmo when he pushes boundaries)#but suddenly with lucifer there's 3 romantic options and unavoidable romantic scenes. yawn#i could go on about how much i hate his bitch ass but whatever
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Day 107 | id in alt
Imaginary technique: Narrative brain damage.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#zenin maki#Kugisaki would snap SPINES if she heard that Itadori thought of her with guilt which SHE DONT BLAME HIM but DAMN#Kugisaki can you stop going absolutely bat shit(she mentally and physically can't)#we love a girl who had no concept of having people to depend on before jujutsu technical college💖#i would say fumi but Kugisaki was the one protecting her#Kugisaki could lay her head on fumi's shoulder tho which i think she did a lot when she didn't wanna be near her grandma#she can sense others better than most but not like Maki because she still somtimes tweaks hard when theres somebody behind her#on another note ive been seeing a lot more people speak out with whats happening with support to the injured and gone so...id say good news
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found a scrapped platinum bones sketch and redrew it
[click for better res]
#rea's art#the owl house#platinum bones#king clawthorne#the collector#i think king getting more protective/jealous as they grow older together makes sense#hes bound to see his family pass cuz. hes not gonna die of old age any time soon thats for sure#so even tho he knows he wont lose them hed grow protective of collie#anyway#:( them#i care them#ofc i drew king packed full of scars#idk how old they are in this you decide but theyre definitely older#i have a version with their rings and bracelets colored but im not even gonna bother downloading it and posting it#i drew them with the intent of them being promise/wedding rings but they could js have matching rings together its up to how you like to#interpret their relationship#personally i think they can have a little childhood crush on each other that then turns into undying love and commitment as a treat#no id#will work on it
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not only do i not use ai because i understand, and am against, the ethical implications, because i am a decent human being who understands it sucks . But my anxiety also goes beyond humans and to literal robots & algorithms, to the point i feel physical sickness at the thought of typing anything to one , so
#thanks god for protecting me from that shit 💜#LMFSSVBIO#id be too embarrassed to say shit#‘what if I’m being mean’#-> my ass says please and thank you and ‘you don’t have to if you don’t want to’ to Siri.#i would not and COULD not survive AI of any kind#fuck ai !!!!!!!!!#crepe rambles
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I have received a snitch ticket, and the most hilarious part is it’s for something that is, in fact, traffic code legal to do
#like obviously I’m ignoring it#if the red light camera company wants to take it to court that’s their problem#but also I made a protected right which is a thing you are allowed to do on red so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also the photo of my face is so incredibly unhelpful there’s no way I could actually be ided off of it
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Christians will see a group of stressed college students and ask if anyone else is gonna make their stress worse and not wait for an answer
#Bro people are studying for finals and you're yelling about fuckin hell and repentance#like they really do target people in their most vulnerable state#one dude chased people down and asked if he could pray over them#if a fairly large man ran at me Id think 'please let this man kill me before I have to take this statistics final' not 'Pray for me'#also I find it funny they're like 'Jesus can heal you' like buddy I started using the cane while I was still a christian ya boy ain't shit#I use a cane walker and wheelchair depending on the occasion#And they either avoid me like the plague or rush to see who can trigger my religious trauma first#I had to walk directly next to the yelling dude to get to my car and the running dude ran past me this time#But he did start yelling about healing when he wasn't before so who knows#A college campus during finals is a pvp zone there is no holy protection here#also I taught my therapist about Kellogg's origins and he is horrified yet amused#ex christian#religious trauma
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The irresistible urge to do a pregnancy test whenever your period is more than 48 hours late even though the probabilities for a actual pregnancy are pretty much zero
#because you used protection every time#so it’s not zero zero but it’s really low#if I was pregnant it’d be born in march…do I want a march baby….i could call it Ides
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wholly appreciating the protagonist in this book who has inhuman grace in a fucked up family situation bcs a faultless child is caught in the middle of it and she’s resolutely putting all resentment aside to ensure the kid doesn’t have to suffer any more as a result of adults’ mistakes. “im hurt and in pain and i hate this situation but we have a duty to this child an innocent person can make us all behave better” sooo heartwarming and also heartbreaking to find this attitude expressed so clearly and having children treated with the kindness they should all and always be treated with. Give me a moment
#p#doubly so cause he’s presumably autistic and rejected by everyone in his life#and then this woman even thought he’s the product of her husband’s affair can’t feel any bit of resentment for him#acknowledging he could never be at fault and out of anyone he must not be punished#she cleared EVERYONE sorry absolutely humbled them with her grace and kindness and commanding the rest of the circus to do the same#and making it a point that whatever the hell they do moving forward it will not involve inadvertently punishing the child#i have so much love in my heart for kids and i love love love seeing this character#acting upon the thing i often get on a soapbox about#mrs harriet you are so so good much too good for your shitass husband but so right for protecting those who r also his victims#i didn’t think id get so invested in this kind of story like cheating affairs bla bla not my kind of book#BUT iris murdoch builds amazing characters and atmospheres and has a lovely philosophy#that drives her books#ok tangent i just love this point thats driving the story forward
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kind of Kevin raring to do anything if Charles asks yet not knowing how to handle what Charles wants being for him to be kind to himself...
#he could kill for Charles without hesitation yet he struggles to live for him#live (metaphorically)#he knows how to love through a violence for everything else. for fear of dropping the weapon and finding he has nothing left#sorry ive been losing my mind about ''I remember three words: to do harm''#i think Kevin is. in a way at least. the id kill for you type because hes scared if he cast away that violence to protect those he loves#he'll discover that his love too is violence. that he cannot do anything but harm#joyousposting
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he’s annoying, i don’t like him (he hasn’t given me as much attention lately)
#im fighting for my life out here#i feel so childish and annoying. like rationally ik i can’t have his undivided attention. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want it sometimes🥺#i think what actually is happening is that im worrying he’s about to ghost#i feel bad thinking that though. bc he seems like a very honest and mature person? with how he talks abt things i don’t think he would rly#ghost me after talking for this amount of time. but ya never can tell…. every time we don’t talk as much for a few days i get very nervous#and it’s weirdly quite difficult to push that worry out of my head. and then i get annoyed with myself for worrying about it to begin with#like i can’t control what he does so why worry about his hypothetical actions? i’ll deal w the consequences of them if or when they occur.#if we stop talking i’ll feel sad and i’ll miss him for a bit and then i’ll get over it. that’s all. it’s not that bad.#but anyway my point is we good#sometimes idk if id truly feel That sad. i think it depends how it ends.#or maybe i just don’t think anyone can hurt my feelings as much as the first person to hurt my feelings in a specific way#like you experience a loss or betrayal or grief - whatever - the first time and it’s all encompassing. it feels like it could genuinely kill#you it hurts so bad. and every subsequent loss or betrayal or grief you experience just isn’t the same? you barely flinch#maybe it’s because you learn to process those emotions better or maybe it’s keeping things at arm’s length as a protective measure#that means nothing hurts as much as the first thing#idk#this became a silly ramble#im just very attached to him and i miss him when he’s busy but also don’t want to ask too much for fear of being a nuisance or rejected :)#ykwim?#i miss him a lot
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two days until the update so yelan yelan yelan yelan yelan yelan please please come home in 20 pulls or less I don't want to have to reach 80-something pity again............ for once in my gacha gaming arc i'd like primos left over ...........................
#i want to go for either her bow or save for one of my main's cons since theyve been leaked for a 4.1 banner...........#even prefarmed for her... and ive literally never done that for any other 5* so pls..... gacha gods have mercy PLEASE.#do not make me go until like 84 almost hard pity. i expect u at 70 pity max <////3#there was a vid kinsen made where he read a parody of xiao's cn 'hello' vo but w gacha luck struggles instead of the various harms/dangers#and it basically translates to: 'if you are met with a hard pity guarantee; abyss time crunch **; have no more monsters to farm mats;#(idk what this part means); if your artifact rolls always go south**; if your primo supply is severely limited; then call my name#the mighty and illuminated adeptus xiao will be summoned forth to mock (you) (<- implied)#**this is a really bad translation and it completely destroys the original format in the cn but you get the idea LOL#i wrote it down for laughs and changed it back to 'summoned forth to protect' bc. i need the luck and well wishes JKLSDJFDSKLJFDKS#OTL OTL OTL etc. pray for my wish supply bc if i have extra id like to get yelan's bow too.... or just save...#anyways shoutout to dkniade for giving the best translation of his hello vo w/o sacrificing the poetic succinctness of the original lmao#i could never only literal TLs here#ramblings!#gacha logs
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One of the things I kind of like saying but it really, REALLY pisses neurotypical people off- is "it's just a piece of paper."
Stupid laws? Piece of paper. The Constitution? Piece of paper. Money? Paper. Marriage certificate? Piece of paper. Any contract, degree, ect is a piece of paper. Your value you place on the paper is just that- your value of a piece of paper.
#be chronically ill and tell me every doctor you meet is the smartest person you know#it won't happen#i just watched a docuseries where two BIOLOGISTS went for a hike and one got bit by a rattle snake#and the other tried to suck the venom out and they WRAPPED HIS LEG TIGHTLY while he BIKED MILES back to civilization#literally everything wrong they could have done any they're degree biologists#they paid money for a piece of paper#marrige is a contract which is a piece of paper at the end of the day#people get really mad about that too that marrige is a partnership contract#if you get legally married anyway#and i don't mean to undermine the history of people fighting for marrige equality or anything like that#its just seeing cis het norms doing things like making gameshows for quick marriges to have obligation families#thats a sobering reminder on its the value placed on paper#the constitution obviously is outdated and had been constructed by privileged and some problematic men hundreds of years ago#its a piece of paper regularly used to opress just as often as to protect#what are laws when theres a dictator? you know how many laws are violated by rich people in power? why if i threatened#someone id be scooped up and forced hospitalized while rich white people can threaten acts of treason and sleep in their mansion the same#night. the pieces of paper (laws) are only enforced to such extents when it is convenient (to oppress) many times over#sorry I'm manic and having intrusive thoughts#my point is people break laws and sometimes it's almost like laws are just pieces of paper used or not used when whoever sees fit
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that dystopian era of books that were popular when i was in high school literally had me praying for an apocalypse
#like i gen believed if a mass disaster/apocolypse happened me and my crush could get stuck in it and. fall in love#instead of you know just talking to them like a normal fucking person no id sit in class reading and be like#omg imagine we were thrown in something like that...would they protect me...how far would we go for each other..#ren rambles
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