#id probably connect things with some neurological thing?

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

As of 3 episodes into season 5, I'm thinking House and Thirteen for the two that can see ghost Kutner, I just need to figure out a good reason why. The reasons CAN be different I suppose though I'd rather they be the same. I'm also willing to add Taub if I find his and Kutner's dynamic interesting enough, though his addition would complicate things, as he is, to my knowledge, completely healthy so I'd have to completely make medical stuff up instead of just drawing on canon

[ilovedirt]

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AHOY! OR . . . Whatever.

I am just another strange looking limby primate. The goal of this blog is to make you think about life from the smallest details to the largest concepts, and then how to connect them all

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[broken-clover]

AU-gust Day 6- Hospital

I’m here early! Mostly because I had a lot of this written earlier, so if that didn’t make it obvious enough I really liked this prompt. While it’s a hospital prompt is isn’t especially intense or gory, after yesterday I tried to make this one pretty lighthearted. Honestly I feel like the only really uncomfortable part of this is how much effort I put in trying to make a Pokemon expy. Hehe.

Sorry-not-sorry for more Sin and Bedman, it’s a bit more ‘romantic’ then last time but still pretty much platonic friendship. Enjoy!

Though it felt weird to say, Sin knew his least favorite thing about his father was his charity. Helping out people in need was a good thing, obviously, but a ridiculous amount of his childhood memories involved being dragged along to food banks, hospitals, and shelters so his dad could give corny, well-wishing speeches and lend a hand to those less fortunate, forcing him to help out alongside the other volunteers. Sin had used to wonder if it was because something about having a cute little kid around raised everyone’s morale, or whatever.

Well, considering he was now a grown-ass teenager at the age of sixteen, and Ky was still dragging him along, maybe he’d been off the mark.

At least he’d been allowed to take a break after an hour of schlepping donation boxes up to the children’s wing. Of all the places his dad went to for charity work, hospitals were by far his least favorite. The colorless, sterile atmosphere was just unnerving to be around. As soon as he could, he made a dash for the nearest sign pointing him toward the courtyard.

Sin swiped his guest ID through the maglock, which released with a cheery beep. The white walls and stench of antiseptic gave way to an array of soft colors and the smell of flowers. He took a deep whiff of the aroma and sighed with relief. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his handheld, fully charged for when he got a break and could take a minute to loaf off and relax.

Which game had he left in it this time? He popped out the cartridge and smiled. That was right. Pocket Beasts: Light version. His current favorite. He just needed a comfy place to hunker down and play.

A few stone benches were placed in between bushes and flowerbeds, all unoccupied. The place looked really empty, but it made sense. Everyone who wasn’t already busy was probably at Ky’s speech. At least it meant he’d be able to get some peace and quiet and privacy.

He spotted a pretty lavender flower poking out of the bushes and approached. The ‘flower’ moved, making him realize he’d seen wrong. Sin groaned inwardly at the sight of another person, perched on the short stone wall surrounding the flowerbeds. They didn’t glance up, if they’d even noticed him at all, appearing too absorbed in their own handheld device to care about much else.

“H-hey.” He raised a hand at them, and offered a twitchy half-smile. There were so many ways he knew this could go wrong. Sometimes people screamed at him until he fled, or immediately launched into the most boring small-talk possible. Sin just wanted to play his game, he really had no interest in causing any trouble. “Can I sit down?”

Sin braced himself for a response, but he didn’t get one. “Hey?” He tried again, waving harder. Maybe they were deaf? “Is it ok if I sit out here?”

Eyes glanced up at him, but only for a half-second before they returned to the screen. Well, it wasn’t a ‘no,’ so the best he could assume was they just didn’t care.

Hesitantly, he found a place to sit. If the hospital gown and IV hadn’t already given it away, it was pretty clear that he was a patient, not a visitor. He was scrawny and spindly to the point where it was almost disturbing, his skin was pale and sickly, and the messy bedhead was only slightly offset by the awkward purple hair dye. Why was he out here in the first place, instead of at Ky’s speech?

He knew staring was rude, but he just couldn’t stop himself. Every time he tried, there was another odd little detail that caught his attention. A peculiar little hairclip in the shape of a pink arrow. A purple charm bracelet half-hidden by his standard-issue hospital band. Glittery star stickers on the sides of his handheld, and- hey, he recognized that game!

His expression brightened. “Oh, you play Pocket Beasts too? That’s my favorite! Who’s your starter?”

The only response he got was a couple of button clicks. Sin found himself sinking back into an uncomfortable silence. Well, he supposed it was better than being yelled at. He switched his game on.

Dad said he wasn’t supposed to use the internet at the hospital because it would mess with all the fancy machines, so online matches were out of the question. Well, there was always the battle tower. Maybe he could item grind to kill time. He still needed to finish his Soup Encyclopedia and some of the rare cooking items could only be found there.

Any discomfort he had was wiped away with the familiar music and intro screen of the game. How could he worry when there were battles to be won? All he had to worry about was making the most of his free time.

His avatar flickered into existence, still in the last town he’d visited. As soon as he moved towards the nearest building, though, a little indicator popped up on the bottom of the screen. Puzzled, Sin took his stylus and tapped on the icon.

Trainer BEDMAN would like to battle!

>Accept Decline

‘Bedman?’ He looked up at the little avatar that had appeared, then glanced off to the boy at his side. The messy lavender dye-job was surprisingly close, as was the magenta arrow pinning his bangs out of his eyes. Was it just some weird coincidence? If he wanted to play, he could have just asked…

Despite his confusion, Sin clicked ‘Accept.’ PvP battles were more fun than doing the same grind he had done over and over again. Even if he did lose, it was in a totally unique way.

The usual introductory animations played out as their avatars posed and tossed their first beasts into battle. Sin had to snicker at the disparity between their choices. He always liked sending his biggest and toughest beasts out in the beginning, and pretty much anything looked tiny beside it.

But smaller meant faster, so he wasn’t all that surprised to see the other one attack first. He braced himself for a tough starting move...only to be confused at the sight of a sand cloud being thrown at him.

Enemy Used SAND TOSS!

Accuracy Lowered!

Sand toss? What a waste of a turn! Sin grinned as it switched to his turn. Karate chop, a pretty powerful start, it always hit, and he had the type advantage, what a great way to start a match- !

Attack Missed!

“What!? How did that miss!?”

“Karate chop has a standard accuracy of 100%.” A low, quiet voice spoke up next to him, making Sin practically jump back in shock. “But I lowered your accuracy with sand toss, so now there’s a 15% chance it won’t hit.”

“...Huh.” He looked back at his screen. “Never see people use sand toss out of, like, NPC fights.”

“Most players treat accuracy-modifiers as a waste of time, but if you have a Pocket Beast with a high enough defense, then the turns spent not attacking are made up for when the opponent can barely hit you later.” The strange boy had such a casual tone to his voice, as though they’d been conversing for hours already.

It was a bit jarring, but Sin tried to roll with it. “I guess that does make sense. Sorta like when a beast has the ‘Decoy’ ability and the first attack never hits?”

“Kind of. But a lot of players know which beasts can have Decoy, so they know ahead of time to focus on stat-altering moves or poisoning instead of wasting a turn when they know attacking won’t do anything. Take your turn.”

It took him a moment to process the last bit, but he noticed the battle menu had popped up again. He picked another attack. “Why’d you want to battle me? Did you just pick at random?”

“You were the only opponent available.” Another sand toss. “It’s hard to find people to play with on local, and I’m not allowed to use global matchmaking in my room because it needs an internet connection.”

Sin waited for his two-turn charge move to activate, but before it could be his turn, a swift attack managed to knock his beast out cold. “Damn it! I thought I had that…”

He spotted a triumphant little smirk out of the corner of his eye. “Pocket Beasts is all about tactics. You have to take everything into account. It’s easy to just care about how much damage a move can do, but you’re doomed from the start if you don’t have the right stats, or the best moveset to compliment them.”

He couldn’t help but grin along with him. “Wow, you’re really good at strategy!

‘Bedman’ managed a small, awkward smile. “Well, um, not like I have much else to do…”

“Really?” Sin tilted his head. “I guess it’s good you’ve got something fun to do while you’re here, all this hospital stuff skeeves me out. When do they let you go back home? I dunno how long you’ve been here, but I think I’d go nuts after a couple of days.”

“I’m not sure. I’ve been here a while, already.” A lucky hit from Sin’s beast managed to knock his first one out. “Since...last January, if I remember correctly.”

Last January? Jeez, forget a few days, he was sure he’d be past insanity after a whole year!

Sin donned a look of pity. “That sucks. What’s wrong with you?” The words came out before he could think or realize that it wasn’t an especially nice thing to say. “Uh, shit, sorry-”

“Mmm. It’s okay. At least you don’t mince your words. I have a neurological disorder that affects how my brain processes information. It’s a bit hard to describe. Let’s say a human brain is like a computer, it processes the inputs that are fed into it. Powerful, modern computers can process a lot of information all at once, but if a computer is old, or wasn’t built properly, trying to process too much information can make it overheat and crash.”

“Oh. So how do you keep it from ‘overheating?’”

“Sleep, mostly. I’m only awake for a few hours every day. When I’m awake, and I don’t have tests to do, I like to play games. My sister and I play multiplayer sometimes, but usually I have to play by myself. She has the same problem I do, so a lot of the time one of us is asleep during the times the other’s awake.”

Was it weird to get all this personal information from someone he’d just met? Sin wasn’t sure. But he did like talking to this guy. “Well, want to swap Friend Codes? If we’re registered as friends then local multiplayer should work, then you don’t have to use an internet connection!”

“Where do you live?”

“Central Illyria!” Sin beamed. “Like, half an hour at most. It should still work from there.”

The other boy gave him an odd look. “I’m sure there’s plenty of hospitals closer to you, then. Why did you come out all the way here?”

That got him to roll his eyes, making an exaggerated gagging noise. “My dad. He always drags me along on his charity stuff, carrying boxes and shit. He only let me take a break because he’s making some dumb speech up in the-”

And the regret came just as fast as he saw his companion’s expression shift. He hated the visits, obviously, but he knew it was important to a lot of people. And if someone had been stuck in a hospital for that long, maybe they’d be happy to have someone new come by. He must have come off as such a dick-

Before he could stew on it more, he heard a little laugh. “Yeah. I hate those, too.” Bedman was smiling at him. “You’re Kiske’s kid? That’s got to be awful.”

“Heh. Yeah, it really is.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Never gave you my name, did I? I’m Samson, but everyone just calls me ‘Sin.’”

“I was curious about your name, that does make a bit more logical sense.” His companion nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Sin.”

“Same! What about you? Can’t imagine your name’s really ‘Bedman,’ is it?”

“More of a screen name, really. My name is-”

“Mattie! Dr. Baldy says you’ve gotta have your IV changed!”

They both jumped at the sudden noise, accompanied by the slam of a door. A girl with shaggy blonde hair and familiar features limped into the courtyard, setting her sights on them as soon as she was visible.

“There you are! I just knew you’d be out here.”

“Well, there’s not many other places I could be…” He said. “When did you wake up?”

“‘bout half an hour ago.” She replied. “Just in time for mom and dad to send me out to look for you.”

The girl’s expression changed when she noticed Sin. “Oh! Mattie, who’s this?”

“Sin, this is my twin sister, Delilah.” ‘Mattie’ pointed to her. “Delilah, this is my...new friend.”

“New friend?” Delilah reached out and shook Sin’s hard with a remarkable amount of strength. “Did my baby bro talk your ear off about his favorite game again?”

“You’re only older by nine minutes, Delilah!”

“He’s really good at Pocket Beasts.” Replied Sin. “It was fun playing with him!”

At that, he realized neither of them had selected anything in a while. He looked down at his screen

TIME UP

DRAW

“Aww, maaaaan…”

“Do we have enough time for another match?” Mattie asked.

“Dr. Baldy looked really serious. We probably can’t make him wait that long.” Delilah shook her head.

Sin tried to bring the mood back up. “Well, we were still gonna swap Friend Codes, right? Then we can play whenever! Either of you have something to write with?”

Delilah pulled a thick black sharpie from her sock. “I have a marker! But no paper…”

“Oh! Hold on a sec.” Sin rolled his jacket sleeve up and held out his arm. Just write it on the back!”

The two of them looked hesitant. “Is that safe?”

“It’s totally fine! It’s a little hard to wash off, but that means it won’t smear before I get home!”

Mattie took the marker and began scribbling on his forearm. “You’re really quite strange, Sin.”

“Thanks!” As soon as the wet feeling on his arm went away, he twisted around to see two series of digits.“What’s this other number?”

“Our phone number. If, um, you ever feel like calling.” Despite his attempts to hide it, Sin could see the faint blush to the other boy’s cheeks. “Do you think you could do one more thing very quickly?”

He couldn’t think of what it could have possibly been. “Yeah?”

“Can you draw something on me? I’ve never done it before. I want to see what it’s like.”

He grinned. “Hell yeah! I’ll try and draw something cool real quick!”

Delilah winced. “You know mom and dad are going to kill you, right?”

“Just say it was my idea!” Sin beamed. Mattie flinched the first time he pressed the marker to his skin, but he managed to still draw a straight line. He couldn’t think of anything in particular to draw, so he settled for a series of sharp, criss-crossing black lines circling his forearm. “How’s that?”

“...woah.” Simple as it was, Mattie looked utterly awestruck. “It’s…

“C’mon, Mattie, we’ve gotta go!” Tired of waiting, Delilah all but dragged him off the wall.

“See ya!” Sin waved as they departed. “You’d better bring your A-game next time we battle, I don’t lose easy!” He folded up his game and tucked it into his back pocket. That was probably his cue to leave, too.

As he hopped off the wall, he could make out a faint voice trailing away to the other side of the courtyard.

“Huh? What’s the deal with you, Mattie? You never look that happy!”

Sin smiled as he turned to leave. Ky was probably waiting for him.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been excited for the next visit.

[c-ptsdrecovery]

Next is the limbic system, also called the paleomammalian complex; the mammalian brain; or the midbrain. This part of the brain is unique to mammals. According to MacLean (1990), the limbic system of this mammalian brain is the center of emotion and learning. It developed very early in mammalian evolution to regulate the motivations and emotions that we now associate with feeding, reproduction, and attachment behaviors. In MacLean's explanation, the limbic system evaluates everything as either agreeable (pleasure) or disagreeable (pain/distress). Survival is predicated on the avoidance of pain and the repetition of pleasure.

The limbic brain contains the amygdala and hypothalamus. This part of the brain does not register concepts of time, nor does it apply logic. As Dr. Earl Grey (2010), author of the very user-friendly guide Unify Your Mind: Connecting the Feelers, Thinkers, and Doers of Your Brain explains, the amygdala is a filter. Metaphorically, it is like a security checkpoint at the airport. The amygdala scans for any threat or danger. If the amygdala identifies the data as safe and non-threatening, it authorizes admittance to the neocortex. It is then integrated into other existing data acquired over the years. In essence, the information integrates into our existing experience without fallout. As we will discuss in the next chapter on treatment, early intervention soon after a threat or danger is signaled, facilitates this process of integration. Intervention can be as simple as validation of a traumatizing experience, and the comfort of social support.

So, what happens when the amygdala signals danger? Other parts of the brain become activated; specifically the thalamus which is also in the limbic brain. This activation can incite one of three alarm responses, driven by the lower reptilian brain: 1) the fight response, 2) the flight response, or the 3) freeze response. When these alarm responses are activated, the body will protectively and automatically respond according to the instructions of the brain. Even after the danger has passed, the thalamus remains on high alert, activating the same responses if anything reminiscent of the original danger passes through again. This makes perfect sense from a survival perspective. In the wild, predators often return with reinforcements!

The limbic/mammalian brain does not have any concept of time. Past, present, and future are all one and the same. This might explain why your dog (a mammal) may greet you as though you've been gone for 30 years, instead of 30 minutes. This phenomenon also helps to explain why traumatized people can seem stuck in the past. For them, something that happened 50 years ago feels as though it is happening right now. To the mammalian brain, where these crossed wires and balls of tangle are housed, 50 years ago is today. When we talk about traumatized people being "stuck," it's as though wires got all tangled up and stuck in the limbic brain. Getting stuck in the limbic brain is problematic because material was never meant to be stored here long-term.

A student of mine, herself a trauma survivor, once shared with me: "This part of the brain was designed to keep us safe from saber-toothed tigers … but it wasn't designed to keep us safe from saber-toothed tigers every day." When the protective capacities of the brain are overburdened, the brain's natural functions described in this section must work longer and harder than were ever intended to do for survival purposes. Because we were not designed to sustain this degree of heightened response, we develop the symptoms we associate with traumatic stress.

There is a fantastic clip from a CBS news story in which world-renowned psychiatrist Daniel Amen, MD is speaking with a survivor of complex trauma shortly after he completes a brain scan. The patient is young man who grew up in an alcoholic home; a veteran of the first Gulf War; and recent survivor of a severe accident. Dr. Amen explained to the young man, "Your brain's working too hard." That statement resonated with me because the simple and elegant explanation beautifully captures how the brain (particularly the limbic brain) is affected by unresolved trauma.

Trauma and the Cerebral Cortex

The neocortex is responsible for things that make us distinctly human: logic; reasoning skills; higher-order thinking skills such as analysis and problem-solving; speech and verbal understanding; meaning-making; willpower; and, wisdom.

The goal of successful trauma processing is to move, or to connect, the emotionally charged material out of the limbic brain, into the neocortex, the part of the brain that is more efficient in its long-term storage capacities. Metaphorically speaking, trauma processing allows the lines of communication between the two brains to become more open so that these shifts in storage can occur. However, until that occurs, the neocortex is of little help for trauma resolution and healing. To illustrate this concept, try to recall a time when you attempted to reason with someone in crisis. It probably didn't go very well. Or, have you ever tried to think logically and rationally when your body is crying out from the exhaustion of chronic stress? Because unhealed trauma hasn't reached the cerebral cortex, it means it may be unresponsive to cognitive-rational approaches to healing.

Cognitive therapy (also called cognitive behavioral therapy) often encourages people to leave the past in the past, and instead focus on the present or the here-and-now. While these sorts of interventions are helpful for some things, they are not particularly helpful for trauma integration. Cognitive therapies or any reason-based interventions primarily target the prefrontal regions of the brain (logic, reason, and time awareness). However, it was the limbic region of the brain that was activated during the original trauma to help the person survive (through flight, fight, or freeze). During traumatic experiences, when the limbic brain is activated, the prefrontal lobes go offline. This makes perfect sense from a survival perspective. You can't reason your way out of tiger attack. For a person in crisis or intense emotional distress, whether in real time or in response to triggers from earlier, unprocessed experiences, no amount of reasoning will help.

So why would any of us attempt to appeal to a part of the brain that isn't really "on?" For optimal healing to occur, all three brains must be able to work together. Neurologically, unprocessed trauma creates disconnection in the brain. If this sounds alarming complex, don't panic. You will not need a team of experts to devise ways for the three brains to work together. Pause here and take a nice deep breath. Great! All three brains worked together during that slow deep breath. Deep breathing might be considered a whole brain intervention. Breath originates in that primitive reptilian region of the brain. Likewise, any movement-based or body-based intervention automatically works within the limbic and reptilian brains.

[Body-based interventions can involve deep breathing, techniques to engage the parsympathetic nervous system, yoga, EMDR, massage, and mindfulness that recognizes how you are feeling your emotions in your body.]

[krayfishthetypelessblob]

How did you realize you were an ISFJ and not INTP? And 5 instead of 6?

Geez, y’all really follow my blog description closely, I didn’t change that too long ago haha.  Anyways, it was really a combination of suggestion and my own knowledge that what I typed as wasn’t entirely fitting.

Knowing 5 over 6 was considerably easier.  I have pretty strong ties to both 5 and 6 for sure (which made differentiating it confusing), however for awhile now I’ve been pretty confident that 5 > 6.  As I’ve mentioned previously, despite traditional 6 definitions being crap, I really have extrapolated the definition of 6 so I could justify myself as it in a sensible way.  I’m really not reactive (by nature of the triad at least), am very noncommittal/struggle intensely to connect and relate to things (and find no comfort in doing so, rather irritation), and will retreat to my mind and musings long before I go into action (which was actually hard to admit to myself). 

 Much of how I related to disintigration to 3 is very generally applicable to id disintigration in general, I’ve been constantly told that I have some sort of line to 7 (and I agree), and in a brief period of integration noticed that rather than learning to “stop expecting everything to go wrong, learn go with the flow and let the world take you, and realize that you can’t control everything (ie. 9 integration),” that my progression to better health actually involves (and will involve) ending my personal apathy towards everything and allowing myself to get pissed at what is wrong, pushing forward and actually inciting the change that I’d like to see/problems I want to solve (rather than planning in excruciating detail how I could do that and avoiding action), and asserting boundaries rather than constantly denying myself and my needs like I tend to do (ie. integration to 8).  At least 3 people pointed out that they for sure saw me having some sort of connection to 8 (which I was baffled by initially and denied strongly, but eventually figured out was correct)  9 integration has always seemed very counter intuitive when looking at my personality as a whole, and this is probably why.

The biggest issue with coming to that realization is that I’m very clearly not an INTP 5w6.  Ironically, when I first got into typology, by looking at type descriptions and effectively using them to criticize myself excessively, my first mistype was INFJ 5w6 (so/sp).  One of the biggest selling points at the time was high Fe because a) In my (extreme) aversion of bias, I often do reference other people’s points of view and have often been noted to be excessively open to considering alternative perspectives b) even before typology I mapped people’s personalities like they were fucking data points and I focus a lot on this in my attempts to predict and deal with people since that’s a struggle and c) I’ve always had a talent for tact and persuasion, which at my worst has been used for my unfortunate talent for manipulation (and of course, shitty stereotypes of Fe pegged it as shallow and, being I hated myself, I thought that was a great fit).  Of course I went with Ni because of dichotomy, the fact that my way of dealing with life is very abstract and disconnected from reality, I’ve had my future planned in detail since I was like... 7 years old (which I took as shooting towards an ideal and vision of the future, which it kind of is) and, of course, intuitive bias.  Not to mention I’m shit at Se.  It sickens me how close I was from the get go and the fact that relating to Si didn’t just make me go “Oh, I guess ISFJ than,” but sent me on a journey to mistyping as... Everything else.

Of course, I pretty quickly realized I used Si and, being the unhealthy shit I am, pretty quickly fell into a Si-Ti loop (which I have maintained very well for like... most of my life).  My openness is pretty high, despite my constant need for certainty I took my consideration of different perspectives and chronic indecision as a focus on different ideas and possibilities and (since I clearly could point out my Ti usage and also conflated some of the systems orientation of Si with Ti), put Ti at top.  The fact that I’ve now come to the conclusion that there’s a 90% chance I have dyspraxia (which, for the sake of argument you can consider to be a neurological disorder that hinders the ability to process sensory input correctly) and am super disconnected from reality sold high N for me.  

Nonetheless, my Ti is highly prominent, but mediocre (not that my Si is really much better, but frankly I’m pretty textbook Pi I think) and, being that I’ve come to the conclusion 5 core works best, I can see ISFJ working a bit better.  5 is always unrealistic, disconnected from reality, and abstract regardless of type and, being that I’m primarily modeling tangible things based on my experience (which are also mostly people and emotions), Si dom doesn’t seem too far fetched.

[livingeyes]

1. What kind of system are you? (Describe this in any way you like. No need to use -genic or popular terms if you don't want to) Traumaendo and quiogenic, we can tell we probably exist due to trauma but we have spiritual expiriences and some spiritual alters (alters who can leave the body and alike) and we believe we might have OSDD-1b

2. How many of you are there? 200+ if we count those in the main areas of the mindscape, in the white void there is about 1000+ little peeps, and one of our subsystems has 200+ again, so if we count all of them, about 1400+, but we tend to say 200+

3. How long have you known about your plurality? we discovered at about the age of 16, there were signs before it but we tought it was mood swings and us being “random XD”, many texts we had in the past had us using doodles of “random” characters, with typing quirks (one of them being all caps despite us speaking calmly) and saying “i am not [deadname], i am her depression and sadness, i come out when she is sad”, which fairly well sounds like an alter unaware of being an alter

4. What kind of spaces/communities do you/did you hang out in? (Both plural-relevant and non-plural-relevant spaces are valid answers, past and present) -we used to be in very bad communties, such as transmed/truscum, anti-mogai, anti-neopronouns, exlusionists, sysmed, and alike -we later discovered it is worse to be so judgemental over everyone, it was stressing and it was tiring to always think that anyone expressing themself in a way i didn’t understand, it also helped me and many alters realize we were mogai and didn’t HAVE to ID as a DID/OSDD system

5. Had you heard of DID/OSDD/DDNOS before you became plural/discovered your plurality? we first heard of plurality and headmates, we were able to identify an alter and started getting more, but later were dragged into the sysmed community for a year or so, but we got out of it and happily use multiple terms to understand our systemhood the best way we can!

6. Do you have a wonderland/innerworld? If so, what do you call it, and what are some things that you and your system members do there? -we call it our headscape, it is a forever expanding world in this like, thing, its hard to explain without visual stuff, and i am too tired to draw atm, we also have other realms, like the white void and alike -we do there about anything you can set your mind to, good and bad, since there is so many alters, there is plenty of great, good, neutral, bad and horrible alters! also yes. even the worst things your mind comes up to probably has happened or happens here... its not always pleasant

7. What do you call your system members? alters!

8. If you're plural but don't use the word "system" to describe you&, what word do you use? skipping since we use system!

9. What are some of the best things about being plural? i think the ability to not have to take in all of the stress myself, and our system members being able to connect with people that some of us coulnt due to personalities or alike not being compatible

10. What are some of the not-so-great things about being plural? (Any answer is valid- nothing is too minor or too major to be an answer to this question.) oof... i think its too traumatic to mention in detail, but exotrauma, as well as morally-bad alters causing trouble in the meatscape and giving us a bad image

11. Do you have a spiritual or psychological view of your plurality? mainly psychological, as i view myself mainly as a neurological system, but i have some spiritual aspects to it

12. Do you ever experience "switching" or "posession" or any sort of change in who controls the body? If so, what do you call it, how easy/difficult is it, and what is it like? Were you always able to do this, or did you have to learn how over time? we switch very often, and co-fronting happens very often, but most people are able to perfectly mimick the behaviour of the host (me) without much effort, so its not too easy to tell who is different (irl), but we have welcome our alters to speak in the internet as themself, so you’ll probably be imediedly be able to tell

13. How do you and your system mates relate to each other? (Are you friends, family, romantically involved, caretakers, etc.) any and all, since there is so many

14. Have you come out to anybody in real life/in a singlet space about your plurality? How did it go? i did once when i was early to my systemhood, they were respectful i suppose, tried to once come out to my mom but she called me an attencion seeking snowflake who is trying to “spice up their world” (she is always disrespectful about disorders or anything she considers disorder- even if its fully spiritual, like paganism)

15. What kinds of forms and appearances do your system members take on? furries, introjects and non-humans, but on our early stage of systemhood we formed a lot of humans n non-introjects, now its less common but does happen at times, the body now tends to create alters based on our hyperfixiations

16. What are you and your system members interested in? often we are interested in the body’s hyperfixiations, while everyone likes their own thing, when we front, the body sort of shares the host’s feelings to make it easier for the body to pretend to be one (even tho on internet we don’t need to), otherwise everyone is interested in their own stuff- which is a lot of diverse stuff

17. What is your life like in the meatworld? hehe meatworld/meatscape funny word- but anyway, its fairly boring, we most of the time spend on the internet to get away from our unpleasant to abusive parents, as well as the stress from being unable to have a job, so nothing special

18. What are your music tastes? Movies? Favorite colors? Animals? List any other favorites as well its all over the place

19. Does your system have a host/original? If so, what do you call them? Explain what role they play in your system me, James! im the host and im basically the main image of the system and the one who gets pulled to front at irl encounters, am i the original? maybe, but i’m not inherently sure

20. Do any system members have notable relationships outside of the system? Explain them! yes, but it would be up to them to talk about it and i dont think i have the right to speak for them

21. If you haven't been plural for your entire life/haven't known about your plurality until later in life: what was life like before plurality compared to life now? before i knew, man, it was confusing as fuck, i just tought i was a quirky girl with moodswings and borderline personality disorder or bipolar or anything, being able to ID it as systemhood really helped me stop thinking i was “going insane”

22. If you chose to become plural: why? What has changed since then? didn’t choose! while when i discovered about the existence of systems i “wanted to be a system” but ended up discovering i already was

23. Is there anything you'd like to say to the plural community at large? only you can identify what you guys feel or don’t, no one else gets to say who or what you are also if someone is confused about systemhood and makes offensive questions (that arent ment in any harm) please try and keep your cool and explain them kindly!

24. Is there anything you'd like to say to any singlets reading this post? you dont have to understand systemhood, you just have to respect it and if you end up saying/doing something offensive to systems, please try not to get angry if you get pointed out, lots of stereotypes goes around to both DID/OSDD/alike systems and endogenic or alike systems, so its understandable for us to be used to certain ways of treatment as discrimination, just try to stay calm

Sysmeds should not get to write the narrative about us on this platform!

Scrolling through the tags, it seems like a great deal of what's said about us on tumblr is either sysmeds trying to make us look bad or all-encompassing plural blogs that just say everyone is valid (which is great! and these blogs should keep doing what they're doing! but it would be nice to have some more frequent endo (and other) representation on here too!)

Either my tumblr algorithm just sucks major balls, or most endos, tulpas, spiritual systems and other non-sysmed-approved systems get scared off of this platform because of how many loud hateful voices there are compared to how few people there are who we can relate to. (like most of the cool-looking accounts i can relate to that i find are dead and so is my blog for the same reason lol).

SO! Let's do a thing. If you are endogenic, parogenic, a tulpamancy system, a spiritual system, a daemien, or any other kind of system that sysmeds try to silence, reblog this post with answers to these questions to tell tumblr what our lived experiences as plurals are REALLY like!

(Feel free to pick and choose which questions you want to answer, or just come up with your own and tag them under #endovoices or substitute endo for whatever kind of system you are! Also, feel free to just reblog with one answer at a time, or to just answer the questions in a standalone post; no need to credit me, I just want more systems sharing their experiences!)

1. What kind of system are you? (Describe this in any way you like. No need to use -genic or popular terms if you don't want to)

2. How many of you are there?

3. How long have you known about your plurality?

4. What kind of spaces/communities do you/did you hang out in? (Both plural-relevant and non-plural-relevant spaces are valid answers, past and present)

5. Had you heard of DID/OSDD/DDNOS before you became plural/discovered your plurality?

6. Do you have a wonderland/innerworld? If so, what do you call it, and what are some things that you and your system members do there?

7. What do you call your system members?

8. If you're plural but don't use the word "system" to describe you&, what word do you use?

9. What are some of the best things about being plural?

10. What are some of the not-so-great things about being plural? (Any answer is valid- nothing is too minor or too major to be an answer to this question.)

11. Do you have a spiritual or psychological view of your plurality?

12. Do you ever experience "switching" or "posession" or any sort of change in who controls the body? If so, what do you call it, how easy/difficult is it, and what is it like? Were you always able to do this, or did you have to learn how over time?

13. How do you and your system mates relate to each other? (Are you friends, family, romantically involved, caretakers, etc.)

14. Have you come out to anybody in real life/in a singlet space about your plurality? How did it go?

15. What kinds of forms and appearances do your system members take on?

16. What are you and your system members interested in?

17. What is your life like in the meatworld?

18. What are your music tastes? Movies? Favorite colors? Animals? List any other favorites as well

19. Does your system have a host/original? If so, what do you call them? Explain what role they play in your system

20. Do any system members have notable relationships outside of the system? Explain them!

21. If you haven't been plural for your entire life/haven't known about your plurality until later in life: what was life like before plurality compared to life now?

22. If you chose to become plural: why? What has changed since then?

23. Is there anything you'd like to say to the plural community at large?

24. Is there anything you'd like to say to any singlets reading this post?

That is all I've got for now, but feel free to add any more you want to share! Please remember to be respectful to all system types if you post, I do not support bashing or invalidating of any system types. I will also reblog with my own answers soon.

(Note: these questions are not in order of priority or importance, I just wrote them down as I came up with them. Feel free to answer out of order and skip or add whatever you want!)

Also this should go without saying but making any rude sysmeddy responses to this will just result in being blocked and totally ignored, so don't even start, there's no point. The block button is right there.

Have fun everyone!

[postvibesofficial-blog]

4 Simple Yet Powerful Techniques To Rewire Your Brain

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The following is a guest post from Ken Marshall. To learn how you can guest post for Productivity Theory, please read our Write For Us page.Have you ever felt like your brain was lagging behind the rest of your life?As if you’re stuck in some permanent fog and mental fatigue? It’s a terrible feeling that is all too common. In today’s society, with ever rising periods of screen time, long hours in unfulfilling work environments, and lowered averages of sleep and good nutrition, it’s hard to feel alert, or even happy for that matter.Those factors also make it incredibly difficult to live the life that you’ve always wanted. That lack of mental energy hinders your ability to think critically, learn new skills, and be creative.Each of us has the potential to do amazing and completely revolutionary things, while living in a way that is truly satisfying. To begin creating that world for yourself, you just have to do one simple thing: Change the way you think.That’s right. A shift in mentality is often cited as the number one thing some of the world’s most successful have done to achieve their success and live awesome lives. And you’ll be very surprised to learn that most of the techniques they use, are quite simple.You don’t have to be a genius, or work for 10,000 hours to achieve similar results. Just read on.Here are four simple things you can do tomorrow to rewire your brain and ultimately be more successful and fulfilled.

Speak Positive Affirmations Every Day

If your brain has convinced itself that you aren’t going to accomplish something, then you won’t. Plain and simple.But there is a way for you to easily change your mentality towards these goals and actually make them more likely to come true: Affirmations.An affirmation is simply a positive statement that is repeated in some capacity and enough times, that eventually your brain believes it as truth.Here’s why: When you think about and then say what you want to happen out loud some pretty intriguing things happen. The first is that your brain gets completely rewired (link to this). It happens through the concept of neuroplasticity.BigThink describes neuroplasticity as, “the ability to change its structure and function in response to experiences real or imagined.”This principle is the exact reason why affirmation can be so effective. Simply dedicating time to thinking can alter your brain alone. Then when you add speaking into the mix, you bring in a different stimulus for the brain to use to rewire itself as well.When you make these affirmations, you are essentially tricking your brain into thinking that what you are affirming is true. Or that it is very likely to become true. This causes it to dedicate itself to changing in any way necessary to facilitate that change as quickly as possible.Doing this also helps you organize your thoughts more clearly by making them tangible and is an excellent way to sort through what’s useful, and what you need to get rid of.

Cut Out The Sugar

Although no one can argue that a good sugary treat can be delightful, and even temporarily pleasurable, it is not good for your brain.In very low amounts (less than 5% of our diet as recommended by the world health organization), sugar is completely fine and not harmful at all.But in excess, it starts to have a range of negative effects on the body and mind. After consuming high levels of sugar, especially artificial varieties like sucralose or fructose, your body will experience what most people know as a “sugar rush”.This feels great for the time being, but as you probably know, it comes with a crash. This crash is a result of your blood sugar levels returning to normal and with that can come symptoms of irritability and lowered mood.Sugar also causes your Serotonin (chemical that your brain produces to regulate mood) levels to fluctuate unnaturally high and as a result, can end up depleting them faster than normal, which can contribute to depression.When it comes to success, a key element is your mentality and attitude. Without those, it’s incredibly hard to stay motivated and work consistently enough to achievement.So cutting out sugar is a very simple yet effective way to keep your brain healthier and functioning at a higher level. This in turn, will allow you to feel better and stay on track towards reaching your goals.

Meditate Every Day

Do you regularly feel anxiety? How about stress? Isolation? Or are you experiencing a general lack of productivity?These are all very real roadblocks to a successful and prosperous future.But they don’t have to affect your life if you choose not to let them. There is a simple and powerful remedy to these afflictions in most cases: Meditation.

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That’s right, simply meditating each day has been scientifically proven to dramatically reduce stress and increase brain function.There are two main ways that it does this.1. Helps focus and clears the mind. Humans feel overwhelmed when they have too many potential situations, outcomes, and information to process in what they perceive to be a very limited amount of time.Meditation allows you to eliminate all incoming stimuli from your mind for a given period of time, and organize your thoughts. In doing so, you are able to prioritize the different aspects of your life and can rearrange your efforts in a way that is more efficient.2. Stabilize your thought process. Many times, opportunity presents itself as, or in the midst of a high pressure situation. These can be difficult to navigate if you haven’t conditioned your mind how. Regular meditation actually helps improve memory, cognition, and can reduce anxiety when in stressful situations.This happens through strengthening tissue in the Hippocampus (center responsible for cognition), and inhibiting cell growth in your amygdala (controls fear). Picture yourself completely calm and and able to process information at your highest level in any situation. That’s what meditation allows you to achieve.Once you’ve taken away the feelings of being overwhelmed, taken away the fog of questioning your own decisions, and stabilized your mood and thought process, you are able to go out and see the world with a fresh and renewed perspective.Meditating daily will not make you a million dollars by next week, become a famous actress, or get you that promotion at work.But it will make attaining those goals possible, significantly easier, and expedite the time it takes to accomplish them. Try it out.

Read Two Books A Month

Consistent learning and the assimilation of new information is one of the most important things you can do for your brain on the path to success.Even though individuals like Warren Buffet claim to owe their success to reading and do so with up to 80% of their time, a more realistic goal for your busy life is around two books a month at first.It might seem like a huge burden initially, but the benefits far outweigh the time commitment. When you read, you are:Expanding your perspective – Each book and author of that book has a unique way of presenting information. Even if the topic is familiar to you, the how and the why are likely to differ. Getting new perspectives can help you solve problems and generally be more creative.Increase processing and critical thinking – Books help critical thinking because when you read, you dedicate a good amount of time towards analyzing various situations and considering the complexities of elements like plot, story structure, character interaction, etc.Retain information better – While reading, your brain is far more engaged than when passively viewing a movie or television show. This increased attention allows your brain to more finely process and record the information, and develop lasting connections in the memory center of your brain.Develop new skills – Perhaps the most beneficial aspect of constant reading, you are able to learn and acquire a broader and more in depth range of talent. Each new book is essentially a new teacher for a new skill.Contrary to what most people believe, your brain does not stop developing later on in life. It is still a giant sponge that looks to soak up and use as much new information as possible. And it wants to use it as effectively as possible as well.Read more. Change your brain. Discover more efficient paths to success.Editor’s Note: Please know that the information provided in this post is not meant to substitute professional advice for a diagnosable mental health disorder. If you have a neurological disorder, please seek help from a qualified mental health professional. If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these: Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Facebook The following two tabs change content below.

Kenneth Marshall is currently the owner and editor in chief for a pretty cool millennial lifestyle and career blog. He enjoys a good steak and being out in the sunshine.His main passion is to create content that inspires others to be the absolute best versions of themselves, while hopefully keeping their attention long enough to make that happen. Thanks for reading!

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[luxe-pauvre]

“Whatever we call it - mind, character, soul - we like to think we possess something that is greater than the sum of our neurons and that ‘animates’ us. A lot of mind, though, is turning out be brain. A memory is a particular pattern of cellular changes on particular spots in our heads. A mood is a compound of neurotransmitters: Too much acetylcholine, not enough serotonin, and you’ve got a depression. So, what’s left of mind? It’s a long way from not having enough serotonin to thinking the world is 'stale, flat and unprofitable’, even further to writing a play about a man driven by that thought. That leaves a lot of mind room. Something is interpreting the clatter of neurological activity. But is this interpreter necessarily metaphysical and unembodied? Isn’t it probably a number - an enormous number - of brain functions working in parallel? If the entire network of simultaneous tiny actions that constitute a thought were identified and mapped, then 'mind’ might be visible. The interpreter is convinced it’s unmappable and invisible. 'I’m your mind,’ it claims. 'You can’t parse me into dendrites and synapses.’ It’s full of claims and reasons. 'You’re a little depressed because of all the stress at work,’ it says. (It never says, 'You’re a little depressed because your serotonin level has dropped.’) Sometimes its interpretations are not credible, as when you cut your finger and it starts yelling, 'You’re gonna die!’ Sometimes its claims are unlikely, as when it says, 'Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner.’ Often, then, it doesn’t know what it’s talking about. And when you decide it’s wrong, who or what is making that decision? A second, superior interpreter? Why stop at two? That’s the problem with this model. It’s endless. Each interpreter needs a boss to report to. But something about this model describes the essence of our experience of conciousness. There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don’t feel the same. They must reflect quite different aspects of brain function. The point is, the brain talks to itself, and by talking to itself changes its perceptions. To make a new version of the non-entirely-false model, imagine the first interpreter as a foreign correspondent, reporting from the world. The world in this case means everything out- or inside our bodies, including serotonin levels in the brain. The second interpreter is a news analyst, who writes op-ed pieces. They read each other’s work. One needs data, the other needs an overview, they influence each other. They get dialogues going: Interpreter One: Pain in the left foot, back of heel. Interpreter Two: I believe that’s because the shoe is too tight. Interpreter One: Checked that. Took off the shoe. Foot still hurts. Interpreter Two: Did you look at it? Interpreter One: Looking. It’s red. Interpreter Two: No blood? Interpreter One: Nope. Interpreter Two: Forget about it. Interpreter One: Okay. A minute later, though, there’s another report. Interpreter One: Pain in the left foot, back of heel. Interpreter Two: I know that already. Interpreter One: Still hurts. Now it’s puffed up. Interpreter Two: It’s just a blister. Forget about it. Interpreter One: Okay. Two minute laters. Interpreter Two: Don’t pick it! Interpreter One: It’ll feel better if I pop it. Interpreter Two: That’s what you think. Leave it alone. Interpreter One: Okay. Still hurts, though. Mental illness seems to be a communication problem between interpreters one and two. An exemplary piece of confusion: Interpreter One: There’s a tiger in the corner. Interpreter Two: No, that’s not a tiger - that’s a bureau. Interpreter One: It’s a tiger, it’s a tiger! Interpreter Two: Don’t be ridiculous. Let’s go look at it. Then all the dendrites and neurons and serotonin levels and interpreters collect themselves and trot over to the corner. If you are not crazy, the second interpreter’s assertion, that this is a bureau, will be acceptable to the first interpreter. If you are crazy, the first interpreter’s viewpoint, the tiger theory, will prevail. The trouble here is that the first interpreter actually sees a tiger. The messages sent between neurons are incorrect somehow. The chemicals triggered are the wrong chemicals, or the impulses are going to the wrong connections. Apparently, this happens often, but the second interpreter jumps in to straighten things out. Think of being in a train, next to another train, in a station. When the other train starts moving, you are convinced that your train is moving. The rattle of the other train feels like the rattle of your train, and you see your train leaving that other train behind. It can take a while - maybe even half a minute - before the second interpreter sorts though the first interpreter’s claim of movement and corrects it. That’s because it’s hard to counteract the validity of sensory impressions. We are designed to believe in them. The train situation is not the same as an optical illusion. An optical illusion does not contain two realities. It’s not that the vase is wrong and the faces are right, both are right, and the brain moves between two existing patterns that it recognizes as different. Although you can make yourself dizzy going from vase to faces and back again, you can’t undermine your sense of reality in quite such a visceral way as you can with the train. Sometimes, when you’ve realized that your train is not really moving, you can spend another half a minute suspended between two realms of consciousness: the one that knows you aren’t moving and the one that feels you are. You can flit back and forth between these perceptions and experience a sort of mental vertigo. And if you do this, you are treading on the ground of craziness -  a place where false impressions have all the hallmarks of reality. Freud said psychotics were unanalyzable because they couldn’t distinguish between fantasy and reality (tiger vs. bureau), and analysis works on precisely that distinction. The patient must lay out the often fantastic assertions of the first interpreter and scrutinize them with the second. The hope is that the second interpreter has, or will learn to have, the wit and insight to disprove some of the ridiculous claims the first interpreter has made over the years. You can see why doubting one’s own craziness is considered a good sign: It’s a sort of flailing response by the second interpreter. What’s happening? the second interpreter is saying. He tells me it’s a tiger but I’m not convinced, maybe there’s something wrong with me. Enough doubt is in there to give 'reality’ a toehold. No doubt, no analysis. Somebody who comes in chatting about tigers is going to be offered Thorazine, not the couch. At that moment, when the doctor suggests Thorazine, what’s happening to the doctor’s mental map of mental illness? Earlier in the day, the doctor had a map divided into superego, ego and id, with all kinds of squiggly, perhaps broken, lines running among those three areas. The doctor was treating something he or she calls a psyche or mind. All of a sudden the doctor is preparing to treat a brain. This brain doesn’t have a psychelike arrangement, or if it does, that’s not where its problem is. This brain has problems that are chemical and electrical. 'It’s the reality-testing function,’ says the doctor. 'This brain is bollixed up about reality and I can’t analyze it. Those other brains - minds - weren’t.’.’ Something’s wrong here. You can’t call a piece of fruit an apple when you want to eat it and a dandelion when you don’t want to eat it. It’s the same sort of fruit no matter what your intentions toward it. And how strong is the case for a categorical distinction between brains that know reality and brains that don’t? Is a non-reality-recognizing brain truly as different from a reality-recognizing brain as a foot, say, is from a brain? This seems unlikely. Recognizing the agreed upon version of reality is only one of billions of brain jobs. If the biochemists were able to demonstrate the physical workings of neuroses (phobias, or difficulties getting pleasure from life), if they could pinpoint the chemicals and impulses and inter-brain conversations and information exchanges that constitute these feelings, would the psychoanalysts pack up their ids and egos and retire from the field? They have partially retired from the field. Depression, manic-depression, schizophrenia: All that stuff they always had trouble treating they now treat chemically. Take two Lithium and don’t call me in the morning because there’s nothing to say, it’s innate. Some cooperative efforts - the sort the brain makes - would be useful here. For nearly a century the psychoanalysts have been writing op-ed pieces about the workings of a country they’ve never traveled to, a place that, like China, has been off-limits. Suddenly, the country has opened its borders and is crawling with foriegn correspondants; neurobiologists are filing ten stories a week, filled with new data. These two groups of writers, however, don’t seem to read each other’s work. That’s because the analysts are writing about a country they call Mind and the neuroscientists are reporting from a country they call Brain.”

Mind vs. Brain, Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen

[rhinointherain]

5-8-2020

Every coherent though is a chain of smaller thoughts Every (thought) is a combination of (feelings that you sense) Every (feeling that you sense) is an (amount of heat in a neuron) every (amount of heat in a neuron (degrees)) is a total sum of energy every total sum of energy is a neuron firing or not firing every neuron firing or not firing is the signal cells being released from the last neuron or not etc etc

Its all either off or on, one or zero, and the derivatives of them. It goes into the FOURTH dimension, the x axis is length (or time, the units) the y axis is x width (2d space) the z axis is x, height (3d space) and the other axis is derivative of x (4d space)

Every thing is a spectrum of itself underneath the 1

Each (x derivative) is an (x), each (x) is an (intergral/anti-derivative) of (x double intiderivative) and so on

Many peoples third eyes open within their lifetime, but only a fewer amount of people actually have the means tools etc to communicative what they understand effectively with the world and possibly harness it for productivity, which is what makes the difference between one of the greatest humans in history and a weird junkie

Kinda impressed by the fact that even despite having no language like this whatsoever to communicate with junkies can find a way to express these things in a way that other people whove gone through it can somehow recognize it

Or maybe they dont recognize what im recognizing at all, they are just communicating other more sensory aspects of “it” (act of third eye being open) and the people whose third eyes actually opened recognize these aspects

I can do anything now if only i remember what this was/is like. I can succeed in any field because I understand how all of them work in principal. Or at least if i remember what i recognize now well enough and can decipher it with enough focus to find a coherent way to use it

Being smart is the ability to recall them more quickly or the ability to understand their connections with each other better or understand them on a “lower” level ( the integral of x, x being thought). Maybe there is no “third eye opening” but its just that you get down on a level few people ever do. But there is no bottom it is an infinity of x into itself, also known as x derivative of x over x intergral of x

Hang on im starting to think of aspects of this i dont understand. Like what are coderivatives or whatever you call them. I cant understand where they fit into this because i dont remember exactly what they are. And time and space being two different dimensions (x and y) or space (y) being the derivative of time (x) oh wait that is exactly what im trying to say, i feel like it could be easier if writing by hand bc i could draw actual derivative symbols instead of counting on words u can type to express what im trying to say

(Wrote this last but put it here bc of organization) Remember this to help you understand: it isnt a chain bc its not just a line its in multiple dimensions. I.E. space. But it is because neurons fire in a chain I.E. time. We can only measure one direction in time but three in space.

Ok this is gonna make me sound even crazier as if I wasnt sounding crazy already. But time travel is not “movement” (one point to another) in the fourth x dimension aka 4th derivative of x (which would be to us like a wormhole), it’s movement in derivative of y? I think y, maybe i have this wrong. Neurons are oriented in space time. The amount of energy they have in them, their location in space (x,y,z coordinates), their location in time (along the x dimension) are all ways to describe the “point” they occupy in all dimensions. (Is the space time continuum represented by the x times xyz space section of all dimensions?)

Time travel is not just derivative of x, which is moving forward aka to the future, but integral of x which is moving “backward” in time aka the past

So not only can you move “outside” i e 4th derivative of x aka the fourth dimension of space (i didnt finish this thought. earlier and am trying to remember deeply enough what it said. It looked like it was a summary of the main idea that not only “” , but also you can move y derivates .” So you actually have an infinite number of dimensions being the derivative of one another in an infinite number of directions)

When they said everythings a fractal that was real

Things go in every direction all at once. And all those things go in every direction of their direction, which is infinitely more times greater than the first “every direction all at once” (which was infinity). Do you understand?

Good god. How did they figure this out. Like when you see media depictions of being high like tool album covers and stuff they have all that fractal stuff and when a sci fi movie wants to convey something deep the zoom in on the molecules until it looks like the universe zoomed out. They understand at least some aspect of this idea.

If i actually wanted my realization to be a groundbreaking thing i would probably need to spend a lot of years trying to convince people i wasnt crazy and only if i eventually effectively communicate my ideas across and spend a lot of time and energy to would it actually later seem like i were a tragic genius rather than a crazy person. also id need to try to hold on how i felt like when i was high for so long it would have a chance of disrupting my mental health/ability to function in society (same thing obvs) and driving me toward like hard drugs and that would not be good

Its so hard to explain the fourth dimension like i really dont think i could try to draw a representation of it like some people do (those cube things, i cant remember what theyre called), my conception of it is a lot more mathematical and verbal. But i still am pretty certain I understand it whether un-high me believes me or not

When youre trying to think about this stuff and you look away at your environment and think about memories and do other complex things that require much deeper chains of neurological communications in order to process them, it becomes a lot harder to focus in on these ideas because the complex things require a much higher/broader/vaguer level of though (higher broader vaguer being words we can use to try to understand what it means to be on a “higher level” as in OUTSIDE OF, DERIVATIVE OF X, IN THE FOURTH DIMENSION etc, just as like (above) and (below) describe location along the z axis if you think of the xy plane aka z equals zero as the “ground” and above means positive z and below means negative z.)

Its going to be harder than i thought to communicate this when sober lol but its still nice i was able to experience it lol

Other things to mention 1. Up until this point (but not after), some pieces of text are out of order than they were written, usually the paragraphs were all written together though not always 2. I wasn’t hallucinating per se but I understand how they work now bc some of the things in the corners of my vision, where my eyes are giving less attention to their light receptors, I’m seeing things off from how they actually are: I turn toward them and perceive them normally but when I turn away and theyre in the corner of my vision i see the distortion again. Its not like scary hallucinations or anything like for example I perceived a giant black slab like in space odyssey in place of the dark doorway, or a wall where there wasnt one. Its because my brain was focusing/thinking in different ways than its used to and so its less sensitive to the type of information it usually takes in from its environment and its interpretations of it are less precise and thus not entirely “correct”. Its a really interesting way of thinking about what it is that you actually notice and perceive. Like the experiment where they switch out the person asking for directions and the majority of people dont actually notice its a difference person

Yeah ok i cant really write much more bc im significantly less high rn, I could sit here the whole rest of the time and try to make sure I understand all this well enough each time I get less high but I really don’t feel like doing that its like, drifting farther and farther away and taking more effort to really grasp it with each drift towards sobriety and while thinking about how I might not understand all this stuff soon I’m tired lol and I appreciate the experience. Anyway yeah

More things I was thinking in the shower: Everything is a direction? And so everything is a dimension? Not just in space or time, thats only one section of it which can be described by a “shape” with three dimensions in the space orientation and one in the time orientation. All categories are their own dimension. In any given moment you are at an intersection of a certain (point) on [the shape representing the space time continuum] and all the other infinities

Question. Does the idea of god fit into all of this. “Who is doing the moving”—that would be god? “What is “moving””, etc. ? If “everything” is all infinities of infinities and this goes on infinitely, there is no possible way to be “outside” that infinity. Therefore you cant possibly “move” it all bc movement requires a force, and that force cant come from “outside” of it so therefore it all “moves” itself? How accurate is the term “movement” to describe what i am referring to? Which is our existence. Aka where the space time continuum is oriented within the “everything”. And by extent, where we ourselves are oriented within the space time continuum. I feel like i could represent this well with a 3d image. We are each our own space time continuum? With all this being understood i believe there is no possible way for us as humans to answer the question of whether there is a god, or what god is. I could be wrong about this but I dont think I personally would be able to. Same with the question of free will. The two are definitely interrelated. I feel like the ideas ive been saying can provide a different framework for talking about questions like this about god and free will and stuff, but the new framework would have to be engaged with/understood more fully in order to get any answers significantly more substantial than what we as humans have already.

“Third eye opening” is what i refer to this experience as but thats just an expression. The eye opening metaphor doesnt hold up super well when i actually think about what i mean by it. What i mean is the moment that you started to understand existence {in a certain way}, more “deeply”/“outside of just perceiving the space time continuum. But i dont think it actually necessarily refers to a specific threshold thats being passed, i just feel like ive reached a level today that is noteworthy because of how much i am able to understand. {In a certain way} is purposefully vague because again im not really sure if there is a threshold for what that certain way actually is, or how you might determine it. Its more that i reached a significant level of understanding existence today. But when people talk about the “third eye being open”, and they actually mean it, this is definitely in the realm of what they mean. Out of all the people in the world who make claims about having their “third eye open”, probably not very many of them mean something similar as i do when I talk about my experience of the third eye being open.

I was thinking about some other stuff as i was lying in bed i didnt write it down unfortunately as i was thinking it but i think it was pretty much repetitions of earlier ideas but elaborated in slightly different ways. overall the final thought was that in sum here are was that i not only can finally conceive of the idea of the fourth (spatial) dimension properly, but i also finally understand that the spatial dimensions are only one tiny “branch” of the many infinities of dimensions that branch into infinitely more infinities of dimensions. I understand now what is meant by “space time continuum” in relation to “everything else”. Oh one other thought i do remember having is that human “religion” (we talked in one my classes how difficult that word is to define) has very little to do with the actual god questions, i.e. what god is and what movement is and how god “works”, but not absolutely nothing to do with them. It’s our (humans’) very very very imprecise way of trying to address these questions.

And one other final thing. My first instinct was to spend hours thinking about how to best and most precisely communicate my understanding so that other people (and sober me) can understand it. I don’t understand why thats what I immediately jumped to doing and still feel the urge to do, when I could much more easily have decided that I was content with just understanding it myself and spending the rest of life knowing that I now have this special knowledge. I always thought i saw knowledge for the sake of knowledge as the ultimate pursuit but I guess I also have the drive to apply it somehow. I wonder if this is true for everyone on some level or not. Oh yes I also had been thinking about how difficult human language is to express what I’m trying to say because its not really equipped for it. like i just want to put quotations around every single word because words are just approximations for the ideas they are trying to express even when talking about ideas that our language is actually designed to describe, not even to mention trying to talk about stuff that it isnt. math concepts (even the few that I actually know anything about) are super super helpful to me in trying to think about and communicate these ideas and now I completely understand what people mean when they say that math is our best bet for being able to communicate with extraterrestrial intelligent life seeing as we have no way of knowing how other beings might perceive information. Wait a minute. Whos even to say that even if our definition of “life” didnt ever evolve anywhere else in the universe, there couldn’t be something else that wasn’t “alive” by this strict definition but not exactly “not alive” either. Like it didnt have “cells” exactly like earth organisms but it was somehow distinct from “not alive” things just like earth organisms are. Like the same way that viruses are neither alive nor not alive.

That article i had to read in cog sci about the “levels of understanding” (i.e. sociology is an abstraction of psychology is an abstraction of biology is an abstraction of chemistry is an abstraction of physics) is something that can fit into this understanding and probably led me to it too, seeing as I have thought about it a good deal since when i read it a few years ago. “...Is an abstraction of” is kinda like saying “is the derivate of”. Or is it like saying “is the integral of”, sorry I’m getting really tired.

Is “How” the integral of “what”, or the derivative?

Ok NOW i am going to actually sleep and instead of trying to think about this more i am going to be content with the fact that i now have all this knowledge.

Your neurons take a snapshot

Even if i am right about all this there isnt actually a point in conveying it and making it understood by other people. Even if it is an extraordinary feat to be able to understand all this it wont be seen as extraordinary (whatever that means) unless enough other people can understand it well enough to understand its significance, or someone who does understand it can make it relevant in some way to the rest of humanity and the functioning of society. I can wake up tomorrow and choose to say “lol i was so high and just rambling nonsense” and choose never to engage with these ideas again and go about my life like normal, or i can take on the burden of choosing to believe they are real, and then deciding whether i need to make them and their significance known (I dont even know if i know what their “significance” is, or if they have one). I dont know which one would overall be the better thing to do.

[1buycannabisoil-blog]

Facts About CBD Oil

New Post has been published on http://buycannabisoilonline.us/facts-cbd-oil/

Facts About CBD Oil

30 Fascinating Truth About CBD Oil

Facts About CBD Oil.Should you continue with what is new in medicine, you have probably heard about the excitement surrounding cannabidiol, known too as CBD. This exceptionally popular oil is created by cannabis plants. Below are  30 Fascinating facts About CBD Oil.

If you are just starting to learn about CBD oil, then you have come to the ideal location. We have piled up 30 interesting facts about CBD petroleum so as to summarize just exactly what it is, what we understand about it, what it does, and what we believe it could do.

Cannabidiol is simply one of over 85 components in cannabis plants. Many men and women understand that CBD, or cannabidiol, is among those components in cannabis, however a error that fact to imply that CBD is obviously connected with cannabis as a recreational drug. In reality, cannabidiol is just one of over 85 components of cannabis which have varying effects on your body and mind.

CBD oil is just one of those two most common ingredients in cannabis plants. CBD, together with THC, is among the two chief components in the hemp and cannabis plants. CBD is located across the seeds, stalks, and blossoms of this plant, and is consequently readily extracted.

CBD oil works naturally with your own body.

Cannabidiol, together with quite a few different compounds found in cannabis plants, operate obviously using a mammal’s cannabinoid receptor websites, which constitute the endocannabinoid system (ECS) and that are located chiefly in the brain and central nervous system.

The listing of matters CBD could possibly benefit is a very long one.

The human body’s endocannabinoid system is a huge system of mobile receptor proteins which manage virtually anything the body does or is, such as disposition, memory, motor control, immune function, reproduction, pain perception, hunger and sleep, and bone growth, to mention but a couple of Since CBD oil works obviously with the ECS, the listing of matters CBD could possibly benefit is enormous.

CBD might respond with different systems within the body too.

Though study on this subject remains underway, scientists understand that cannabinoid receptors are not the sole receptors with which CBD could participate. Thus far, scientists understand that CBD will participate either directly or indirectly using vanilloid receptors, adenosine receptors, and dopamine receptors, which might mean even larger effects on matters such as pain direction, adrenal cycles, and disposition and anxiety control, respectively.

CBD disagrees with, but doesn’t bind to, CB1 receptors.

The health benefits and other consequences of CBD can happen because CBD interacts with the CB1 receptor (discovered on neurons and glial cells from the brain) and the CB2 receptor (located from the immune system). Contrary to THC, CBD does not actually bind to those receptors, which direct us into our following reality:

CBD will not make you large.

CBD, together with THC, is a most important part of the cannabis variation bud, but it is THC that provides marijuana users their large. CBD is non-psychoactive in character, and so can’t make you high.

In actuality, CBD can negate the effects of THC.

While THC was known to cause stress, paranoia, and raised amounts of anxiety together with a large, CBD really brings about the reverse. Because of this, the CBD has been used more and more to deal with depression and anxiety.

It’s not possible to overdose on CBD.

CBD is non-toxic, therefore it isn’t possible to overdose while carrying it.

It’s possible to take CBD any variety of means.

Once extracted from the plant, CBD oil could be obtained orally through drops, either cooked to food or other edibles, or vaporized for smoking.

Plants plants and cannabis plants for medical use would be the two greatest resources for CBD. CBD, such as THC, is a cannabinoid, and its own number varies from plant to plant. Cannabis plants intended for recreational usage have a tendency to get more THC than the CBD. Alternately, industrial plants plants and cannabis crops meant for medical use are equally very low in THC but full of CBD.

The first recorded medicinal usage of hemp happened approximately 2700 B.C. Hemp, together with its oils and seeds, has been utilized for at least 10,000 years for a variety of functions. As among the earliest crops to be domesticated, hemp has been used to make clothes, rope, paper, and sneakers, while its oils and seeds were used as drugs and food.

Even Queen Victoria utilized CBD.

From the 19th century, Queen Victoria of England utilized CBD-rich cannabis to relieve menstrual cramps.

In the united kingdom, CBD oil has been classified as a medication.

CBD oil was available in the UK as a”nutritional supplement” for quite awhile, but lately it’s been reclassified as a”medication” This usually means that the British authorities has started to officially recognize CBD’s numerous health benefits, a substantial fact contemplating recreational cannabis remains illegal. Additionally, it usually means that CBD will probably be placed through the identical rigorous trials and tests as other medications.

CBD blocks the addictive effect of different medications.

At a 2013 study performed on rats, scientists discovered that CBD can successfully block the addictive effects of highly addictive painkillers like morphine. Especially, CBD decreased the joy of morphine, which makes it look like less of a reward.

Therefore, CBD might be a promising solution to the Opioid Crisis Recent research released by”Substance Abuse: Research and Therapy” reported that countries that have implemented clinical marijuana programs have seen a 25% fall in deaths from opioid overdose. What’s more, pain patients with medical cannabis (which by nature is full of CBD) utilized 64 percent fewer opioid painkillers than people for whom a medical marijuana program wasn’t offered.

A breed of medical cannabis named Charlotte’s Web is leading the charge when it has to do with medical marijuana legislation. Two brothers at Colorado started growing a specific breed of cannabis that’s full of CBD but low in THC. The strain has been called Charlotte’s Web following a 5-year-old woman, Charlotte Figi, started using it to help control her Dravet Syndrome, a disease which leads to frequent and uncontrollable seizures. The achievement of Charlotte’s Web on Charlotte along with other kids with Dravet Sydnrome has really helped to bring around and alter lots of laws concerning medical marijuana.

CBD oil might help treat epilepsy.

Since you see this, many nations are working hard to create CBD oil readily available to kids and adults suffering from epilepsy, a neurological disease which causes convulsions and/or reduction of consciousness. This is because of CBD’s anticonvulsant properties, that are being tested for use against bronchial disorders, inflammation, and even cancer.

CBD can sedate or energize.

In doses bigger than a couple hundred mg, CBD oil may be utilized as a stimulant to help insomniacs and those that have difficulty sleeping. In lower doses, CBD oil may lead to alertness.

If you are nervous about talking, attempt CBD oil.

A 2011 study printed in”Neuropsychopharmacology” discovered that one dose of CBD was sufficient to reduce stress , cognitive impairment, and general distress in patients with Social Anxiety Disorder as they ready to talk openly.

CBD could prevent cancer from metastasizing.

Lots of research identified by the National Cancer Institute have implied that cannabidiol could lessen the spread of several kinds of cancer cells, including breast, colorectal, and lung cancer. Scientists believe CBD might naturally inhibit ID-1, thus preventing cancer cells in travel to other cells.

CBD could end up being a far better antidepressant than what’s currently offered. Dozens of recent studies have proven that CBD may function to deal with a variety of ailments, such as depression. Unlike conventional treatments involving counselling and drugs, CBD behaves almost instantly and does not result in any unwanted side effects or signs of withdrawal.

CBD may be utilized as a digestive aid.

According to the National Cancer Institute, CBD may be used to stimulate appetite while at precisely the exact same time restricting nausea and nausea, which makes it a useful digestive aid for all those fighting disorders that reduce hunger.

In regards to treating disorders, cancer, anxiety, depression, and epilepsy are only the start. The possibilities seem almost endless with CBD! So far, studies have shown that CBD has a vast array of healthcare benefits against over 50 afflictions such as acne, ADD/ADHD, Parkinson’s, mad cow disease, Huntington’s, kidney disease, rheumatism, sickle cell anemia, along with Crohn’s disease, amongst others.

CBD oil works most efficiently when coupled with THC.

THC remains prohibited due to its adverse consequences, but it’s some fairly strong therapeutic benefits of its own. Theoretically, combining THC and CBD will cause both to work in stability, strengthening its clinical efficiency, but CBD diminishing THC’s unwanted outcomes.

Pets have been profiting from CBD oil.

CBD is also getting increasingly more available to be used on puppies, cats, and several other animals. Veterinarians are discovering that CBD oil may be useful in treating things such as arthritis, anxiety, digestive problems, Type 1 diabetes, broken bones, cancer, and even aggression, and among other items.

CBD oil is finding its way to beauty solutions.

Many beauty and skincare goods, including everything from shampoo to skin lotions, are being improved with CBD.

CBD oil out of industrial hemp is legal.

While CBD derived from marijuana plants remains illegal (in many countries ), CBD derived from industrial plants — that is composed of almost no THC — is lawful in all 50 states and over 40 nations.

Many nations are currently promoting hemp farming chances.

Since 2013, a heightened requirement for CBD-dominant cannabis has spurred many nations into boosting opportunities for legalized industrial hemp production. There are now 31 nations where it’s legal to grow industrial plants, such as Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee, and West Virginia, all nations where the tobacco farming sector has diminished.

Many people credit a CNN documentary for CBD’s increase in popularity. Now, Googling”CBD petroleum” brings up over 11 million outcomes. Individuals from all walks of life are speaking about CBD oil, and that’s in large part as a result of some 2013 CNN documentary entitled”Weed.” The documentary show followed Dr. Sanjay Gupta because he researched the many ways that CBD oil is assisting kids with seizures.

[dalethomas45]

Erectile Dysfunction: A Harbinger of Heart Trouble

FRIDAY, Oct. 5 (HealthDay News) -- Few men may realize I Want Big Dick it, but if they're having problems achieving or sustaining erections, it may signal underlying heart trouble. Erectile dysfunction, or impotence, affects more than 18 million American men, according to a recent study by researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

And now a growing body of research ties erectile dysfunction to vascular diseases, such as coronary artery disease. "Erectile dysfunction is often caused by vascular disease," explained Dr. Ian Thompson, professor and chairman of the department of urology at the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio. "A man could perceive decreased blood flow to the penis as being a less strong, a weaker erection, and that may actually be one of the first indicators of blood vessel disease." One recent report found men with erectile dysfunction had poorer scores on exercise tests and other measures of coronary heart disease. They also had evidence of significant coronary artery blockages. "Our study found that among men who were sent for a stress test by their doctor, the presence of erectile dysfunction was a potent predictor -- a strong risk factor -- for significant underlying heart disease," said lead researcher Dr. R. Parker Ward, an assistant professor of medicine and director of the cardiology clinic at the University of Chicago Hospitals. "It was a stronger risk factor than some of the traditional risk factors we commonly ask questions about, things like high blood pressure and high cholesterol," he added. Ward's study, published last year in the Archives of Internal Medicine, involved men who had been referred to cardiologists for nuclear stress testing, a noninvasive way to determine the severity of coronary heart disease. But even among men without heart symptoms, erectile dysfunction is a strong risk factor for future risk of heart attack, he noted.

In the same issue of the journal, Dr. Steven A. Grover and colleagues studied a group of 3,912 Canadian men, nearly half of whom reported having erectile dysfunction in the four weeks prior to visiting their family physicians. The men's cholesterol, glucose and blood pressure measurements were taken. "When you calculated a global cardiovascular risk, [it] was strongly associated with the probability that you had erectile dysfunction," said Grover, a professor of medicine and epidemiology at McGill University Health Centre in Montreal. "And subsequently there have been other studies that have shown that people who have erectile dysfunction are, in fact, more likely to develop cardiovascular disease in the future." Thompson and his colleagues provided the first substantial evidence linking erectile dysfunction and subsequent risk for heart disease in a December 2005 report in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Yet the connection is not as well recognized among doctors and patients as cardiologists and urologists think it should be. "A lot of men don't have physicians," Thompson explained. "They may not know what their blood pressure is or their lipid profiles, or they may be smokers, and they may never have been counseled to stop smoking or to reduce their weight. "We think that if men with erectile dysfunction went to see their physicians, it may enable the interaction with the physician to discuss other coronary risk factors," he said. Erectile problems aren't always vascular in nature. Sometimes the trouble is psychological or neurological and wouldn't necessarily be associated with a higher risk of heart disease, Ward cautioned. Still, research linking erectile dysfunction (ED) and heart disease suggests that a proactive approach is the best medicine. "We as physicians should be asking about, and men should be reporting to their physicians, symptoms of ED, so it can be considered as we work to modify their risk -- treat blood pressure, cholesterol more aggressively, advise healthy lifestyle changes like exercise and healthy diet," he said. More information Visit the U.S. National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute for more on coronary artery disease. SOURCES: Ian Thompson, M.D., professor and chairman, department of urology, and the Glenda and Gary Woods Distinguished Chair, genitourinary oncology, Cancer Therapy and Research Center, University of Texas Health Science Center, San Antonio; R. Parker Ward, M.D., FACC, assistant professor, medicine, and director, cardiology clinic, University of Chicago; Steven A. Grover, M.D., MPA, FRCPC, McGill University Health Centre, Montreal; Feb. 1, 2007, American Journal of Medicine; Jan. 23, 2006, Archives of Internal Medicine; Dec. 21, 2005, Journal of the American Medical Association http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Healthday/story?id=4508929&page=1

[lxkvd]

download [story points; unfinished]

Murder of an organic prompts investigation—[Vrain?] Jakobs (completely organic human, son of True Self movement supporters) is sent to sift through the underbelly and combs seedy memory dens and dealers, eventually leading a minor player in the flow of memory data in Old York's ruins, simply known as Irene.  [why Vrain?]

Organic murders are increasingly involved in memory theft, typically so that a high paying buyer will have a completely unique and authentic memory that has no duplicates floating around—or several.   Since the process, even by high level crime networks, is shoddy and inefficient, due to the lack of any schematics or coding by Serrano or her team that is not severely outdated and ineffective, completely intact and sharp memories are not often downloaded, and the process is slow so often the host does not survive very long.  [possible? Does host die from download hardware or from murder?]

Irene is not a big enough player to get away with organic murder charges, even living outside typical UN jurisdiction [or local City State?], but has enough tenuous connections to have information concerning the victim.  [coercion of information, or deflection? Possible previous meeting/history]   Jakobs buys the story, but only [partly?] somewhat.

Vrain is given a standard runaround but it's let slip (intentionally?) that Dr. Shigure Serrano is very much alive and well, and is still doing work on the digital self projects. [later? Possibly, to avoid overhinting] Serrano's existence isn't a secret but she is not currently employed or enlisted by the UN or any modern conglomerate; she has virtual presence in obscure circles on the Net but not much is known concerning her whereabouts [or not?].  Despite her prevalence nearly 40 years ago, she is non-existent in modern science and politics.

Memory dealing is not policed in ruins and unclaimed cities, where many undesirables take up residence, using rickety electronic and Net systems; however, memory dealing that gets traced to policed and claimed cities becomes a  significant problem, especially if it leads to circles operating under UN jurisdiction.

With little luck in Irene's dealings, Jakobs continues looking around Old York before being called back by marshals operating in Blackshaw City (formerly Toronto; possibly new Capitol for North American Union?) because of lack of progress on the case.  Returning he finds himself involved in another organic murder case—this time a straightforward memory theft.  Something bothers Jakobs about the nature of the crime, and he goes back to read on the details of the murder he investigated back in Old York.

Despite the victim being a vagrant living on the fringes of a UN controlled city, young and with very little 'in demand' types of memories, her autopsy reveals a chemically induced coma that eventually shuts down her lungs. [intentionally?]  No physical damage outside of needlemarks on her arms. [more?]  This is contrary to the more recent murder, a brutal execution style gunshot wound to the head, as well as damage to her cortical input—all on someone living well within UN jurisdiction, and someone who would be noticed missing, as opposed to first victim, who was shown none of the same viciousness. However, the higher profile of the current murder overshadows the one Jakobs is initially sent to investigate and he has to abandon (forcefully) the original investigation.  – conclusion?  [keep or not?]

Vrain goes to investigate Old York again, on his own, after doing his own research on the murder of the first victim.  Reception is less warm.  A visit reveals Irene is not currently around, and he is jumped by combat artifices, surviving but wounded in the process.  [keep?]  

Back in Blackshaw, a terrorist attack used against artifice humans by way of an old military neuro-vrus is used to infect several hundred people resulting in widespread chaos and, later, panic; Tension between organic and artifice populations rise.  Due to the military virus used,  UN jurisdiction is brought in, including Jakobs (still recovering?) as well as DataSec security personnel (name change/remove?) and a UN Military coder (Tsang Engku), and an investigation is launched into the culprits, who turn out to be (maybe keep—or not) children of a DataSec executive. Jakobs (?) is incredulous to the connection, but the UN makes it a quick point of securing the warrant and sending Vrain, Tsang and a military police contingent to apprehend them.   They are tracked to Denver whereupon a firefight breaks out on the landing pad for the aircraft (or inside terminal?); in the chaos one of the culprits is severely damaged and restrained by Vrain while the majority of the MPs pursue the remaining ones.  Tsang remains behind by claiming injury, and later reveals (why?) that is not the case; both Vrain and Tsang argue about whether or not they should have a virtual 'handshake' (meeting) with the captive artifice, before they both agree to let Vrain engage.  (debate, interview?) [equipment in craft] It is revealed (how, why?) in the inquiry that the artifice is indeed the body of the DatasSec executive, however, the psychological and emotional profile, as well as the Data ID, is not the one for executive's kin.  The DID matches but shows signs of tampering, and the psychology makeup does not relate.  The frightening thing (?) about the revelation is that a) the ability to alter a DID is something even UN coders would have a hard time doing in a modern UN site, and would never have the clearance to do so, and b) the neural hardware and Drive are still tied to the artifice, meaning that the Drive was completely wiped and replaced, or someone had replaced the Drive with an exact copy, down to the DID.  

[DID acts like virtual memory DNA, meaning it's not simply a code that verifies a person is A rather than B, but that it's embedded in virtually all facets of the neurological makeup of the Drive, and not only is the code unique to the person, but the degree in which it is embedded and arranged is unique, providing a dual layer of identification; the DID that Tsang uncovers in the artifice brain has the right code but the wrong arrangement]

Perplexed and unsettled by the discovery, Vrain and Tsang are caught unaware as the artifice commits suicide by overheating its Drive, fusing the circuitry and pathways (special name?) with thermite modules attached directly inside the cranium.  They are unable to stop him and are left without witness or evidence of the revelation – [continued?]

The others are also apprehended and are dealt a similar fate.  [maybe keep—possibly an escape] After dealing with local authorities in Denver, Tsang heads back to her location in Iceland (maybe—across the ocean) and Jakobs is taken up to Sol for debriefing.  He decides to keep the revelation about the DID alteration a secret and gives his report omitting those specific facts; the inquiry comes back to a genuinely distraught exec (name?) leading to his arrest.  

[possibly place contact with Irene here?  Plot about Serrano and memory trafficking here instead of earlier; hint?]

---search for Serrano begins in earnest---

[prompting?]

The high profile murder in Blackshaw has been solved; murder involving Ayyen has not.  Vrain attempts to contact Tsang but is unable (intentionally or not?) and decides to look into Serrano's history with the UN and the Download project—locating Gustav Tinpenny, her UN handler during the ordeal. He is retired and currently resides in Aeturnus, the semi-independent city in the largely unclaimed area of the upper northwest of the former United States.  Vrain goes of his own volition (against command or direction?) to seek him out without trying to contact him via digital means, avoiding Net connection whenever possible—taking his own sub-orbital vehicle.  (Is Tinpenny hiding or is he simply retired—expand)

After locating Tinpenny, he attempts to get him to divulge information about Serrano and/or her whereabouts, but he is hesitant to do so.  [other events transpire during this time—how long?  Significant duration?]  (why?) The man eventually relents and agrees to have a discussion about his knowledge of Serrano, but only the overgrown wilderness outside of Aeturnum, and alone.  Dubious to the request, even understanding the reasoning, Vrain takes the gamble (armed) and follows Tinpenny far into the wilderness many miles away from the city with Tinpenny's vehicle.

[how far?]

[location?]

After heading far and away into the wilderness, they land and leave the vehicle.  After some small talk (aggressively? Or at all?) Tinpenny draws a weapon on Jakobs; he asks if Jakobs is here to kill him (why?).  [does Tinpenny fear Serrano or the UN?  Or is he hiding something?]  Vrain has to talk him down from killing him and after doing so begins to divulge information about Serrano and the UN's involvement with her.  [revelation about Serrano's whereabouts?] [what information is divulged and how is it relevant to what is going on?] He details his history with her, what he could understand and saw of her work with the UN and the Download, and other things related to Vrain's investigation.  He advises Jakobs that divulging his (Jakobs') knowledge of the DID altering could very well get him killed, and that he should probably drop the matter entirely.   He reveals (what) something about the procedure used by Serrano that reminds Jakobs of Qin Shevv's wounds and state that allows Jakobs to link the two together, however tenuously.  

[possible that Tinpenny is not himself, and has not been for a long time, having been switched earlier on as part of the process but has no reason to have been checked—potentially is why he's hiding (?) in Aeturnum. (from who?), and confusion about why Vrain is there, and the reason.]  (if so, what stops Tinpenny from killing Vrain, and why?)

They leave [more?] and after getting back to Aeturnum, Jakobs learns of a secondary terrorist attack in Blackshaw and another city (where?)--and Jakobs tries to contact Tsang again, and unable to do so, attempts to verify her last known location, which happens to be Sol.