#And my shitty as memory that constantly likes to distort itself

[krayfishthetypelessblob]

How did you realize you were an ISFJ and not INTP? And 5 instead of 6?

Geez, y’all really follow my blog description closely, I didn’t change that too long ago haha.  Anyways, it was really a combination of suggestion and my own knowledge that what I typed as wasn’t entirely fitting.

Knowing 5 over 6 was considerably easier.  I have pretty strong ties to both 5 and 6 for sure (which made differentiating it confusing), however for awhile now I’ve been pretty confident that 5 > 6.  As I’ve mentioned previously, despite traditional 6 definitions being crap, I really have extrapolated the definition of 6 so I could justify myself as it in a sensible way.  I’m really not reactive (by nature of the triad at least), am very noncommittal/struggle intensely to connect and relate to things (and find no comfort in doing so, rather irritation), and will retreat to my mind and musings long before I go into action (which was actually hard to admit to myself). 

 Much of how I related to disintigration to 3 is very generally applicable to id disintigration in general, I’ve been constantly told that I have some sort of line to 7 (and I agree), and in a brief period of integration noticed that rather than learning to “stop expecting everything to go wrong, learn go with the flow and let the world take you, and realize that you can’t control everything (ie. 9 integration),” that my progression to better health actually involves (and will involve) ending my personal apathy towards everything and allowing myself to get pissed at what is wrong, pushing forward and actually inciting the change that I’d like to see/problems I want to solve (rather than planning in excruciating detail how I could do that and avoiding action), and asserting boundaries rather than constantly denying myself and my needs like I tend to do (ie. integration to 8).  At least 3 people pointed out that they for sure saw me having some sort of connection to 8 (which I was baffled by initially and denied strongly, but eventually figured out was correct)  9 integration has always seemed very counter intuitive when looking at my personality as a whole, and this is probably why.

The biggest issue with coming to that realization is that I’m very clearly not an INTP 5w6.  Ironically, when I first got into typology, by looking at type descriptions and effectively using them to criticize myself excessively, my first mistype was INFJ 5w6 (so/sp).  One of the biggest selling points at the time was high Fe because a) In my (extreme) aversion of bias, I often do reference other people’s points of view and have often been noted to be excessively open to considering alternative perspectives b) even before typology I mapped people’s personalities like they were fucking data points and I focus a lot on this in my attempts to predict and deal with people since that’s a struggle and c) I’ve always had a talent for tact and persuasion, which at my worst has been used for my unfortunate talent for manipulation (and of course, shitty stereotypes of Fe pegged it as shallow and, being I hated myself, I thought that was a great fit).  Of course I went with Ni because of dichotomy, the fact that my way of dealing with life is very abstract and disconnected from reality, I’ve had my future planned in detail since I was like... 7 years old (which I took as shooting towards an ideal and vision of the future, which it kind of is) and, of course, intuitive bias.  Not to mention I’m shit at Se.  It sickens me how close I was from the get go and the fact that relating to Si didn’t just make me go “Oh, I guess ISFJ than,” but sent me on a journey to mistyping as... Everything else.

Of course, I pretty quickly realized I used Si and, being the unhealthy shit I am, pretty quickly fell into a Si-Ti loop (which I have maintained very well for like... most of my life).  My openness is pretty high, despite my constant need for certainty I took my consideration of different perspectives and chronic indecision as a focus on different ideas and possibilities and (since I clearly could point out my Ti usage and also conflated some of the systems orientation of Si with Ti), put Ti at top.  The fact that I’ve now come to the conclusion that there’s a 90% chance I have dyspraxia (which, for the sake of argument you can consider to be a neurological disorder that hinders the ability to process sensory input correctly) and am super disconnected from reality sold high N for me.  

Nonetheless, my Ti is highly prominent, but mediocre (not that my Si is really much better, but frankly I’m pretty textbook Pi I think) and, being that I’ve come to the conclusion 5 core works best, I can see ISFJ working a bit better.  5 is always unrealistic, disconnected from reality, and abstract regardless of type and, being that I’m primarily modeling tangible things based on my experience (which are also mostly people and emotions), Si dom doesn’t seem too far fetched.