#id literally DEVOUR it

[spitinsideme]

I can see nun Pomni being a bit weird about her period, like "this is punishment from god" type of shit. While demon Ragatha "nah girl this a blessing", then proceeds to go down on her :3

GOING DOWN ON A WOAMN WHILST SHES ON HER PERIOD IS TJE BIGGEST BLESSING OF ALL !!!! DEMON RAGATHA UNDERSTANDS

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

shoutout to those nights where the brain says We Literally Cant Do Anything Even Though We Really Want To <3

[lususnatura]

i feel like it's fellow rogues would just come to accept at some point that blamore is going to be eating around them at least 40-45% of the time around them, because his metabolism is literally just THAT hyperactive that it pretty much is always carrying snacks on his person. which is,, well, really not so good on one hand. but on the other hand, if blamore likes you, then you may just get free snacks from him... so yay for that??? idk LOL

[lamellas]

Im sitting here w a slice of chocolate custard cake in front of me warming up to room temperature as i wait for my wife to finish making coffee and it keeps smelling more and more like chocolate i feel like a dog when u put a treat in front of them and go "wait... wait... wait..." PLEASE SAY "Okay!"

[ftmbruce]

is awtwb good? i can barely even rmbr what happens in wayward son but im debating reading it just to finish the triology

okay i read it in like 3 days and i can say with certainty it was longer than it needed to be but other than that i am too biased to answer and need to reread before i can assess so that i dont say "yeah i loved it it made me cry" and sound lame when u do read it

[freakshowcowboy]

speaking of recs tho if anyone has any good non-fiction book recs pls pls hmu my brain is so thirsty im dyinhjg to learn thigns rn

[cocolacola]

one thing im gonna do is im gonna write a whole essay in my tags on every post

[kteezy997]

OMG PLS PLS PLS do a third part to the “best friend’s sister” fic🔥

you are literally the only good and active Tim writer left

my best friend’s sister-part three//t.c.

in case you wanna read/need a refresher, I'll paste part one and two here:

part one part two

Warnings: explicit smut, dirty talk, secret relationship, cursing, scratching, light choking, cumshot, brief male oral sex

18 & over readers only, please!

“Oh my god Timothée!” Y/n cried out the words in a string as Timmy bucked into her. He held her down on the bed in the missionary position, ramming his hips like a mad man.

“Who do you belong to?” he demanded, “Who owns this pussy?”

“You do! I’m yours!”

He pushed his whole length inside of her wet, throbbing orfice, and laid his chest on hers and whispered, “And it’s our secret, how good I fuck you, isn’t it?”

“Ahh,” she arched her back, closing her eyes in ecstasy, “yes, I love keeping our secret.”

He put his hand on her throat, "You're so good." he cooed, then put his mouth on the side of her throat, letting his teeth sink into her skin.

Y/n didn't protest, instead she let out a soft whimpering moan, her arms clung around him.

Timmy sucked on her skin, devouring her and picking up pace with his hips.

She knew the pleasure would increase for both of them if she clenched her pussy around his cock, so she did.

He groaned in response to her action, "Ah, god." he breathed out.

Y/n dug her nails into his back, his arms, marking him up with red streaks.

He let out a deep growl that hung in his throat, put his hand around her neck, holding her down. He rammed into her with merciless thrusts, pumping his cock in and out with fierce smacking sounds.

Once he let go of her throat, she squealed, crying out his name, clutching his sheets as he fucked her roughly.

After a couple more minutes, he huffed, "I gonna come." He pulled his cock out of her, and pulled her downward, to allow her to catch his cum in her mouth.

She was more than willing, and ready. She plopped her tongue out, ready to taste each drop.

Timmy jerked his cock, and the white, creamy ropes decorated her mouth. His chest heaved, he panted as he finished, and he watched her gulp down his sperm.

“Mm.” she hummed, using her fingers to wipe his cum off of her lips. She sucked the milky substance off her fingers, and grinned up at him. She carefully put her hand around his spent cock, and sucked the deep red head of it.

“Fuck, you’re gonna kill me.” Timmy said, his breath still ragged.

Y/n could not get enough, she smiled up at him, his cock still in her mouth. The scene below him was so erotic he nearly thought he would come again.

She took him out of her mouth, saying, “You’ve ruined me, Timmy. I’m just going to want it more and more. Can you keep up with me?” she gave a falsely innocent smile, laying her head back on the mattress, relaxing.

Just as he opened his mouth to answer her, his cell phone rang on the nightstand. He looked over to see the caller ID screen and said, "It's your brother."

"Well, just ignore it." she said, sitting up.

"I can't ignore him. He's probably checking on me since I had to leave his party early." Timmy sat on the bed. The phone continued to ring.

"Wow, I forget that you two are like boyfriends." y/n teased.

Timmy shot her a mocking mad look, "I'll just make it quick."

"Fine, you were just inside me, but go ahead and talk to my brother."

He winced at her comment as he picked up his phone, "Do you have to mention him and you in the same sentence like that?"

"Yes, I do." she remarked, smirking to herself as she got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom as he answered the call from Trent.

.............

She cleaned up from their sex act within a few minutes, and she walked back into his room with only his t-shirt on.

He was sitting on the bed with an odd look on his face. He had put on a pair of sweatpants. "So, your brother is kind of on his way over here."

"What?!" her eyes widened, "Why? Did you tell him I was here?!"

"No! Of course I didn't.” he ran his hands through his I-just-had-sex hair, “So what are we gonna do?" His eyes pleaded with her for action.

"Shit, how long is he gonna stay?"

"He wants to have a few beers and play video games." Timmy got up and started slowly pacing, which was kind of comical to her but this was too serious of a moment for her to acknowledge it.

"And you said yes?" she rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, I mean, I panicked. I didn't want him to suspect anything." he was still walking aimlessly around his room.

"Why would he suspect anything?"

"I don't know. You left the party early too. I didn't want him to think we were meeting up." he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"He wouldn't have thought that. He's a guy, men don't put two and two together like that. Ugh, Timmy! You're an actor, and you couldn't come up with a way to get out of this?"

Timmy frowned at her. "That's mean."

She put her hands on either side of her head out of frustration. "And I can't leave now, Trent will see me for sure. He'll know I was here. Shit!"

"Look, it'll be fine. You can just hang out in the bedroom, and not make any noise." he suggested.

"All night?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.

Timmy shrugged, "I mean, yeah? What's wrong with that?"

"I'm not a dog you can just put up for the night, Timothée. What about when I have to go to the bathroom?" she pointed out, annoyed.

"Well, I don't know what to do!" His phone pinged in his hand, he read a message and announced, "Trent's here."

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @bitchyunknownuser @lixzey @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @mel-vaz @thatoneweirdgirl17 @iwishchalamet @jindongdongie @elloise0 @timotheechalametsgfnotclickbait @rennyd26 @briefkittenearthquake @that-one-fangirl69

[donoteatwingsoutapussy]

I hate how the Hashira Training Arc in Demon Slayer is literally just a whole ass glaze festival for Tanjiro and the Hashira

Like the whole opening bits is literally showing the other demon Slayers as the most unserious, pitiful, and weak people imaginable, it's embarrassing. Like the whole thing of "Only Tanjiro and the Hashira are capable of defeating the demons, there's no point in us even dreaming of matching them!!" Like oh my god could these background characters be anymore pathetic. Id expect them to at least be a little bit capable, like at least a few basic demons slain under their belts and able to keep a level head.

But in Hashira Training they're all just fucking freaking out and breaking down, like I get it's extreme but it's like none of them can handle anything and they all have the same reactions. Like sure id expect someone like Zenitsu to have these reactions but not them ffs. This is also really the first time we've seen the Demon Slayer Corps' full body in motion. Normally we see off hand divisions and dispatchments of slayers but nothing else.

I just wish they appeared capable of even handling the training, I know it's meant to make the Hashira and Tanjiro feel actually powerful, but in response it negates the whole point of comradery they've been trying to have as a theming element and belittles the corp itself. Its just so badly exaggerated, it also just doesn't even equal the scaling of power at all and just makes the scenes of the Hashira fighting and training look silly. (ie the training battle with Sanemi, Obanai, and Muichiro) On top of that the training doesn't really feel like training, like in Tengens endurance training it makes sense because it's like "ok we're doing these over the top, long drawn out exercises to build up your stamina" makes sense but then you get to Muichiros sword training and its just the slayers being beaten around and Muichiro dashing around and hitting them before going "you're dead" or "hey, keep moving or you'll be devoured" like he doesn't actually teach anything swordsman related.

[webby-mogai]

autocannibal

[pt: autocannibal /end pt]

autocannibalism

[pt: autocannibalism /end pt]

the practice of eating parts of one's own body.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of autocannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of self destruction, self devourment, impulse, hunger, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, mustard yellow, yellow, and a pale yellow. in the center of the flag is a pale yellow symbol outlined in a darker yellow. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

gustacannibal

[pt: gustacannibal /end pt]

gustatory cannibalism

[pt: gustatory cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of consuming human as a supplement to a regular diet. consuming human flesh as if it were any other kind of meat.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of gustatory cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of human consumption, regular consumption of human flesh, food preparation, hunger, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, bright orange, orange, and a pale orange. in the center of the flag is a pale orange symbol outlined in a darker orange. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

epicurecannibal

[pt: epicurecannibal /end pt]

epicurean cannibalism

[pt: epicurean cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of consuming human purely for taste or enjoyment.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of epicurean cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of sadism, the enjoyment of human flesh, satisfaction from consuming human meat, hunger, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, bright pink, pink, and a pale pink. in the center of the flag is a pale pink symbol outlined in a darker pink. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

medicannibal

[pt: medicannibal /end pt]

medical/medicinal cannibalism

[pt: medical/medicinal cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of consuming human to treat, cure or prevent disease.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of medical or medicinal cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of healing, medical iconography, disease, faith, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, dark blue, a desaturated medium blue, and a light blue. in the center of the flag is a light blue symbol outlined in a navy blue. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

innocannibal

[pt: innocannibal /end pt]

innocent cannibalism

[pt: innocent cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of unknowingly consuming human.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of innocent cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of innocence, a loss of innocence, hunger, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, light blue, a lighter blue, and a pale blue. in the center of the flag is a pale blue symbol outlined in a darker blue. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

survicannibal

[pt: survicannibal /end pt]

survival cannibalism

[pt: survival cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of consuming human out of necessity for survival.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of survival cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of fear, desperation, necessity, hunger, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, forest green, a more desaturated lighter green, and a pale green. in the center of the flag is a pale green symbol outlined in a darker forest green. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

aggricannibal

[pt: aggricannibal /end pt]

aggressive cannibalism

[pt: aggressive cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of consuming human as a form of terror or revenge against an enemy.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of aggressive cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of anger or rage, vengeance, violence, war, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, dark red, red, and a bright red. in the center of the flag is a bright red symbol outlined in a dark maroon. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

sacricannibal

[pt: sacricannibal /end pt]

sacrificial cannibalism

[pt: sacrificial cannibalism /end pt]

the act of consuming human as a form of sacrifice or ritual.

A gender connected to the practice or concept of sacrificial cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of sacrifice or ritual, tradition, mythology, magic, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, dark grey, a reddish grey, and black. in the center of the flag is a black symbol outlined in white. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

mortucannibal

[pt: mortucannibal /end pt]

mortuary cannibalism

[pt: mortuary cannibalism /end pt]

the practice of consuming human as a part of mourning or honoring the dead

A gender connected to the practice or concept of mortuary cannibalism. This could be in a literal or metaphorical sense, involving aspects of mourning, reverence for the dead, celebration of the dead, love, etc.

[id: a rectangular with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: maroon, a rich red, a more desaturated red, bright red, dark grey, grey, and a light grey. in the center of the flag is a whitish grey symbol outlined in black. the symbol is of a smiley face with a bite taken out of the top right of it. /end id]

[mirangel]

I'm literally finding crumbs of Dom! Venti rn. I just- ples feed me :(( if it's fine w youuu

🐰 anon (mwa mwa)

venti dark nsfw drabble 1

cw: noncon, dumbification

written by a minor, dni if uncomfortable

imagine you’re a nun working at the cathedral. you worship lord barbatos and would do anything for him! who would’ve thought that he’d appear in front of you one day! he looks nothing like you’d expected of a god, especially in attire like the white garments on him now. but when he says that he can prove to you that he’s truly lord barbatos with a sultry look in his eyes, you’re skeptical and back up with a look of concern.

but alas, the uniform you’ve been given has been carelessly bundled up into a corner, and you’re bouncing on his cock with a debauched look on your face as he grabs your ass cheeks with both hands, guiding your body up and down! the wind blows as if it wishes to devour you whole. you can’t stop yourself even though you so wish to, but lord barbatos makes you cum over and over, shooting load into your tight hole, your eyes rolling back with utter exhaustion.

you shouldn’t disrespect your god like this, but is it truly disrespect if your god demanded this of you? such a shame you’re too cock drunk to think!!

yes!! of course! id be so happy to write!! some f venti food for you and everyone!! i believe in gender neutral nun supremacy here do not get me wrong here!!

[thenixkat]

[id: A page from Dungeon Meshi featuring the Demon as an anthropomorphic sheep in the darkness of an empty dungeon.

Panel 1- The Demon presses its hands to its face in horror. The panel has it facing the viewer and the panel is large, taking up half of the page. The Demon: If I'd known things would turn out like this... If I'd known that I would never get a chance to taste them again... Then instead of constantly worrying about running out of anything to eat, I should have just gobbled them all up beforehand!

Panel 2- Seen from the side the demon presses a hand to its chest as it sweats and gapes. The Demon: I'm starving...

Panel 3- A close-up of the Demon's drooling mouth as its fingers curl around its jaw. The Demon: I hunger. I hunger. I hunger. I hunger.

Panel 4- A horizontally long textless panel of the Demon snapped out of its thoughts as it looks to a spot of light teary-eyed. /end id]

Literally insatiable appetite meets fear of starvation and generates active intent to devour everyone just in case.

[verysium]

what do you read in your spare time? you’re one of the most eloquent users i know, id love to hear how you find the media you consume and what your favorites are

omg ei 😊 welcome back to the inbox! thank you for your sweet words although i'm probably not qualified enough to be considered the full definition of eloquent. i am going to preface this post by saying that i definitely don't read as much as i should, so this list is not going to be comprehensive whatsoever. the last time i even visited an in-person library was like half a decade ago, and since then my spare time has been nonexistent lmao. anyways, here are some of my favorite/most recent reads as listed by author:

POETRY

richard siken: i think siken is already well-known both in the literary world and in whatever booktok deems is popular culture. if you don't already know him though, he is best known for his poetry collection crush, which delves into themes of obsession, gay love, and violent eroticism. i actually read this chapbook unknowingly. as in i was hounding sketchy pdf download sites at 3 AM and saw a man with bloodied lips on the cover and decided to read it. he basically became my summer fever dream after that. the way he juxtaposes images is seamless, smoother than water. only richard siken can talk about violence without making it sound violent. i also enjoyed his other poetry collection war of the foxes, especially "portrait of fryderyk in shifting light." i think light is a common motif throughout most of his poems, and he manipulates it effortlessly. the most recent piece i read from him is "piano lesson." i have nothing left to say that he didn't already say, so i would just recommend reading it for yourself. he is the og big brain when it comes to word play.

ocean vuong: he's unforgettable, and i mean that literally because nobody forgets a person named ocean. time is a mother was exactly what the name suggests: an exploration of grief, loss, and the rewind of time after his mother's death. some of the poems are almost cinematic in quality. "künstlerroman" is my favorite because it feels exactly like watching a video tape in reverse. i think his most famous work is "someday i'll love ocean vuong." it was the first piece i ever read from him, and to this day, it remains my comfort poem.

silas denver melvin: i only recently discovered him through his chapbook grit. i think he's also on tumblr @/sweatermuppet. he writes a lot on the trans experience, and his work gives me a mix of southern gothic and country vibes. would definitely read his other publications if i had the time.

chen chen: one thing about chen chen is that he always comes to devour. my favorite works from him are "self-portrait as so much potential" and "song of the anti-sisyphus." you have to put on your thinking cap for some of his poems, but once you grasp the meaning, everything makes sense all at once.

franny choi: "disaster means without a star" was the entire inspiration behind my first rin fic. i relate to her more personally in regards to the diaspora experience, but her collections are worth reading in general because of the sheer quality.

pages matam: his poem "piñata" was what got me into slam poetry. his work mostly consists of political commentary which i feel is particularly relevant in today's social climate. "on learning america's english" also resonates with people who have encountered the entire losing/learning immigrant tongues experience.

laura lamb brown-lavolie: i've only read one spoken word poem from her, and tbh i only needed to read one. "on this the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the titanic, we reconsider the buoyancy of the human heart" is my two-headed calf poem. one day i will get this tattooed.

brendan constantine: once again, this was the result of me being chronically online coupled with the boredom of an august heat wave. i found "the opposites game" through TED. honestly, i was a bit unsure about it at first, but it's a cute little poem that makes you really delve into the intricacies of craft.

TEEN POETRY & PROSE

yasmeen khan: she could mouth her words onto every square inch of my body, and i would still be coming back for more. ingraining them into flesh is not enough. "movie stars" is by far my favorite work from her. she writes about femininity and womanhood so profoundly. it's tragic, but really i wouldn't have it end any other way.

kaya dierks: her writing is basically middle-of-nowhere small town stoner teenage life but personified. "crushed" is my favorite piece from her. the soundtrack for this work was definitely by ethel cain, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

FICTION

madeline miller: i was first introduced to her when i read the song of achilles. let's just say that book had me nonverbal for the greater half of three months. it was my metaphorical hatchet. i buried it once, and i never want to dig it up again. i read circe a few years later. the first time was during the blue hour at an airport, right between one red-eye flight and another transfer. i don't even remember that experience because i was heavily sleep-deprived. i read it again recently for a literature course, this time for academic analysis. overall, i enjoy the the heroine-centric narrative. typically, i'm a bit wary of novels with heavy feminist themes because they either project their agenda too strongly or they run the risk of misrepresentation. circe doesn't exactly have that problem. it was more about empowerment and less about exercising power over others.

charlotte brontë: as a historical figure, brontë was questionable, but jane eyre most certainly was not. that book rewired my brain, and that is saying something because i have never read any classic by choice. and it is so important to me that jane was the ugliest, plainest girl you could ever imagine. also cus i unironically enjoy angst, and this book was full of dramatic misunderstandings.

yoko ogawa: i love japanese literature, so there is no reason not to include this one here. "a peddler of tears" is one of my favorite short stories. i did not expect the ending at all, but it was welcome. something about violence, body gore, and dismemberment being framed as romantic and semi-erotic just gets to me. sign me the hell up. hotel iris is a hit-or-miss with some people. either you like the fact that art makes you uncomfortable or you shut it down completely. for me, i was alright with exploring some of its darker themes, but read at your own discretion.

NONFICTION

ross gay: he lives up to his name both in optimism and in carefree joy. probably one of my favorite creative nonfiction authors simply based off the accessibility of his writing style. easy to read and understand but still hits you with the full force of a semi-truck. i would recommend his book inciting joy. it's a collection of essays that delve into grief, but since this is ross gay, he makes it seem like a quintessential part of life.

paul kalanithi: sixteen-year-old me was mind blown by him cus before that doctors were shrewish old men with bald spots and sterile coats, not poetic surgeons who dissected the anatomy of word and recited t.s. eliot in the most heart-wrenching way possible. he is everything i want to become in both life and death. when breath becomes air literally does take your breath away.

[milksteakkk]

can i ask for show details..... in general but also specifically the costuming for forever reprise did evan and connor still wear the same jacket eyes emoji

yes you can ask for show details !!!

from what i remember, evan and connor do not wear the same jacket in for forever reprise :( connor wears the same thing throughout the whole show which kind of disapponted me but it was only a small thing

sincerely me was the best visually !! pretty sure they used choreography from the movies sincerely me which was the only part of the movie that i liked so yeah :) good stuff

ive already said but sincerely me was soo gay, like they really played into the whole "secret gay high school lovers" joke and it was great lmao

connor literally blew evan a kiss and then evan caught it and put it in his pocket. i know what you are. they were also alot more touchy w each other than the broadway edition like dancing w each other, hugging hand holding etc. it was great lol big win for treebros enjoyers

THE SETS WERE AMAZING.. so much more vibrant and detailed !! during the video calls between evan and jared, jared has an rgb pc gamer setup and i think thats so in character

more on the sets, the murphys kitchen set had cupboards, a kitchen counter and fridge as well as the dinner table set which i thought was really cool

there were extras to make the school scenes feel more full which i loved (they had choreography for wtaw and ywbf and it was very bmc broadway esque /pos)

jared pretended to aggressively jerk off against a locker when he makes his iconic entrance which is smth that stuck in my mind for some reason

all of zoes outfits absolutely devoured

all of theirs did tbh. giving everyone in the costume department a big fat kiss

speaking of costumes, evan wears lots of red in act 2 which i see as a win for kleinsen nation

during sincerely me reprise connor and jared straight up slam their pelvises together. i swear to god they were a millimetre away from actual dick on dick contact but tbh i was sat super high up so they couldve actually touched idk. but i know kleinphy nation is struggling so i thought id mention this

after jared calls connor a freak and walks off, connor turns and glares at him. jared then shits himself and scampers off stage which i thought was really funny

during evans speech, zoe cynthia and larry were sat off to the side watching him. cynthia started tearing up and zoe takes her hand and comforts her and i just. oughhh murphy family bonding save me

evans version of connor was so lively and bouncy !! the first time we see him he literally springs out from behind the kitchen counter evan is sat at

evan during words fail was so devastating. hearing the way he sobbed after the murphys walk off stage was broke my heart :(

when fake connor confronts him on how he broke his arm he sounded so small. pretty sure i heard his voice break

connor drew a little smiley face in the second o of his name when he wrote on evans cast :)

overall incredible show !! probably one of my favourite versions that ive seen. this is everything i can remember right now but i will add more if i remember anything else. thanks for giving me the opportunity to talk about it !!

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

"get me a damned matcha" | Chapter 5: October I

{{ Chapter 4: September | Chapter 6: November I }} Chapter Directory

levi's stupidly observant for someone who pretends to be aloof all the time, js

if you're interested in getting tagged for updates, fill out this form here!

✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, enemies to lovers (sorta), strangers to lovers, fem!reader, descriptions of reader being superficial (ITS PART OF THE BACKSTORY ILL EXPLAIN LATER ITS FINE), jean and eren being comedically competitive, the ex-boyfriend that was supposed to be porco that i renamed to zack, floche being gross, explicit descriptions of grief, substances/alcohol, college-typical parties ✧ word count ➼ ~4.8k

"Did you have to plan this on the day of the Rumbling?" 

You shot an intentionally offensive side-eye towards Oluo. The two of you, plus the rest of the officers for your Honors Society, currently found yourselves at an arcade that was about a 10-15 minute walk from campus. It was the weekend after midterms, so you figured that it was the perfect time to host your first official social event.

However, your generally clueless vice president and social committee chair decided to conveniently book the event on the one night in which another major event that you were all planning on attending was occurring. You had initially said you would handle the booking and were pleasantly surprised when Oluo had offered to do it instead, only to be horrifically disappointed once you found out the date he chose.

This was why you never bothered asking the other officers to do anything—it always ended up like this. It was chaotic, disorganized, inconvenient, or all of the above.

The Rumbling was a rave at a nearby club on the outskirts of campus. They hosted a Halloween party every year, but had an age restriction of being 21-years old due to the open bar, which meant that this was the first year that you could attend without doing something shady to get a fake ID of some sort. 

Literally all of the other officers were planning on going together, so you were more than pissed that Oluo had planned your social on this day. Not only did it disrupt your plans, but it also might give the freshmen a bad first impression. It wasn't much of a social support community if you were cutting them short and leaving them on their own at their very first formal event. 

"I forgot!" Oluo exclaimed in defense, which earned an eye roll from you. 

You looked over towards the entrance as you heard the door open and saw a few other students walk in. They weren't at your general meeting last month, so you didn't recognize them, except for one.

You smiled and waved at Marlo. You had never talked to him, but you've seen him behind the counter at the café before.

"Oh hey!" you said with a smile as Marlo walked up to you. "You're the freshman that works at Levi's café, right?"

"Sophomore," Marlo said awkwardly as he shuffled. "Just started, but yeah!" 

After chatting a bit, it turns out that you and Marlo were both in an individualized track related to writing, although you were focused more on creative writing whereas he was focused more on grant-writing for criminal justice organizations. It was the same program, but completely different tracks. 

Everyone had formed into their own little circles. Most had gathered around the dining table to chat while devouring the pizza you had ordered.

You looked up as you noticed a particularly rowdy group on the other side of the arcade.

It seemed that Eren and Jean were bickering with each other in front of a Dance Dance Revolution game, nearly having a yelling match over who was better at the game, while Mikasa was playing, clearly outscoring the both of them combined. 

You were nervously checking the time periodically, wanting to end the event as late as possible without having to rush to get to the Rumbling later. After about an hour and a half, you began wrapping up, motioning for everyone to clean up before heading back to campus as a group.

Although the event had ended early, you were able to tell that the freshmen had a good time with how chatty they were on the way back to campus. 

While that was good news, you still found yourself being restless, walking at a slightly faster pace than everyone and forcing yourself to slow down and wait occasionally. You were more than overstimulated by the time you finally dropped everyone off at the main hub on campus for them to each head to their individual dorms.

You watched them intensely as they all went into the building. By the time the door had shut, you were long gone, leaving the other officers confused. 

They were supposed to accompany you to the party, but you found yourself much more stressed than they were, which resulted in you making a beeline for your apartment.

By the time you had arrived, you were out of breath and running purely on adrenaline. You entered through the front door and immediately ran for your room, without even taking a moment to notice if your aloof roommate was at home. 

You frantically opened the door to your closet, your eyes scanning through all of your clothes.

It was silly, but the reason you were so stressed was because you weren't sure of what to wear to the Rumbling. It was a high-key Halloween party, so you felt obligated to wear a costume. There was nothing about a dress code and a good amount of people went in casual clothes, but you still felt the need to wear something that was obviously a Halloween costume. 

Your eyes immediately fell onto a party dress that you had bought a few weeks ago that you had planned to be your default get-up whenever you went out. However, it'd be boring to wear such a plain thing to a Halloween party—and you definitely didn't want to seem boring.

After a few minutes of digging through your closet, you tensed as your eyes fell on a maid costume you had bought as a joke freshman year. You never intended to wear it as an actual costume—even now, a part of you resisted against it, wondering if you could find something else to wear. 

You tapped your finger on the closet door, desperately trying to think of anything else to wear.

After a few minutes, you realized that you couldn't afford the time needed to labor over this decision. You immediately grabbed the maid outfit, groaning in exasperation.

~~~~~

The club was more than filled by the time that you arrived. Both you and Petra stepped inside after showing the bouncer your ID's. The music was stupidly loud, there was a DJ cheering everyone on at the very back, and fake smoke littered the air. A mix of students and locals were dancing on the dance floor, with some choosing to hang out around the local bar.

This wasn't your first party. You've definitely drank and partied before, but being 21 meant that you could officially drink now. It had a different feel to it. Some of the thrill that you used to get from illegally drinking had faded, but you felt that you were now able to enjoy it properly.

A few minutes passed before you noticed Oluo and Gunther also step in, with a tall gentlemen quickly following. You had never met him, but Gunther mentioned that he was friends with Eld and that he was bringing him along to catch up. 

"You got changed fast!" Oluo said immediately, eyeing your maid costume.

You immediately punched his shoulder, feeling more than a little embarrassed that his first comment to you was related to your last-minute costume that you were already reluctant to wear.

"You think we'll see anyone we know?" Petra asked as she looked around.

"Probably," you said, walking past Oluo who was now rubbing his shoulder in pain. "It's a pretty big party."

The first half of the night was a blur for you. You remembered doing some shots while getting to know Eld, never mingling too far into the dance floor. The mosh pit-style get-up was just never your thing.

You were feeling a gentle buzz at this point and the sensation allowed you to let loose for a little while and forget all the bullshit you had to otherwise deal with.

However, that didn't last very long.

You felt your entire body freeze up with anxiety as your eyes fell onto your ex-boyfriend's figure on the dance floor.

Your relationship with Zack was not the best one. It wasn't anywhere near healthy, and the last time you saw him, you were having a yelling match and he kicked you out, which was what prompted your whole housing situation. 

You saw him begin to turn in your direction and you immediately hid behind Eld's tall figure, thankful that you had noticed in time so that he didn't see you. 

"What's up with you?" Eld asked, noticing your sudden change in behavior.

"N-Nothing!" you replied nervously, forcing a smile. "I'm going to grab a drink!" 

You kept your head low as you quickly headed towards the bar, which was on the opposite side of the venue, immediately finding the most tucked-in corner seat that you could find and plopping down onto the barstool while burying your face in your hands.

After you took a few minutes to catch your breath, you gestured over to the bartender for a shot. Suddenly seeing Zack had sobered you up more than you would have liked it to and you definitely needed the numbing effect of more alcohol to forget his presence, although your night was already somewhat ruined.

Just what I needed. On the one night I decide to let myself let loose after the shitshow that was the first half of the semester and he's here.

You frowned as you glanced back towards the dance floor.

He can come out to a rave in the middle of the night, yet he couldn't find the time to drop off my shit?

You weren't surprised, but it still pissed you off.

Your view of the dance floor was immediately obscured as someone decided to sit next to you—a bit too close for comfort.

He was a scrawny dude roughly your age, with a cocky face and a questionable haircut that somewhat looked like a bird's nest. You couldn't tell if the haircut was purposeful or not. It looked ridiculous either way. 

You've seen him around campus. He was a sophomore majoring in business, so you never had the chance—or desire—to interact with him. 

"Name's Floche," he said with a tone of confidence that didn't really match his appearance. "Can I buy you a drink?"

You scoffed at him.

"Are you even old enough to be drinking?"

"I can be," he said with a shrug.

You grimaced for a split second at his answer, although it was barely noticeable—and especially not noticeable to someone like Floche. You quickly changed your expression to one of a forced smile.

"I'm okay, thanks! Already took a bunch of shots."

"Oh c'mon, let me treat you!" he responded, scooting a bit closer. "You're too pretty to be here alone, so let me keep you company." 

Part of you had hoped when he sat down that he was just being friendly, but now you could no longer deny that he was being aggressively flirtatious. Normally, you wouldn't mind the random comments you'd get at parties. They were usually non-consequential, other than making you uncomfortable in the moment. 

However, with your elevated anxiety due to suddenly seeing Zack, you really didn't have the emotional capacity to handle something like this at the moment. Any intention of humoring Floche with his cheesy and flirtatious commentary was nowhere to be found.

"Who said I'm alone?" 

He needed to go away. 

Instead, he scooted even closer to the point that you were starting to feel cramped as you scooted back towards the wall, cursing at yourself for choosing to sit in the corner.

"Well, you're over here on your own, without looking around for anyone you know."

He was getting way too close.

"Just let me buy you a drink! I promise you won't regret it."

"Mmm, I said no thanks," you responded sternly.

Floche responded by gesturing to the bartender.

You were not in the mood for this. You were beginning to get more than pissed, to the point that your people-pleaser façade began rapidly diminishing. You couldn't get yourself to continue masking.

You scowled at him.

"Dude, are you allergic to the word 'no'?"

"Don't worry," he said with a smirk. "I like it when you play hard-to-get!"

That did it. In that exact moment, you no longer gave a single shit about what others thought of you.

"What the fuck, I'm not-"

"Oi, fuck off, you lanky parasite."

You heard a familiar voice that brought you a heavy sense of relief—in contrast to how irritated it usually made you feel.

Floche looked over and made eye contact with Levi. He was about half a foot taller than your roommate, but Levi was much more intimidating than he was.

"What, are you her boyfriend or something?"

"Fuck no," you both responded at once. 

You felt the corner of your lips tugging up subtly into a smirk in response to your simultaneous answer. At least you were on the same wavelength with Levi on something—a feat you never thought you'd achieve.

"See? I wasn't here alone?" you motioned towards Levi, hoping that this would be enough to get Floche to go away.

"So fuck off," Levi scolded, not giving Floche to make the decision himself. "Don't make me say it again."

After Floche finally left, Levi sat on the stool next to you. You glanced at him and noticed he wasn't in a costume of any sort, simply wearing a t-shirt and jeans. He couldn't possibly look any more plain.

"Fucking undergrads," he grumbled.

"What's with you and hating undergrads?"

You'd lost count of how many antagonistic comments he had made towards undergraduate students at this point. 

"It seems I can't get rid of you even when I'm not at the café or apartment," he said, dodging the question. "How annoying."

You pursed your lips, giving him an unamused expression.

"You're the one that chose to sit next to me. You could be anywhere in this giant ass theater."

"That douche was harassing you," he said in a matter-of-fact tone, as if he was astonished that you were even questioning him. "And there's too many fucking people in here."

He paused, his gaze moving from your eyes down to the rest of your body, finally noticing your outfit. 

"Kinda ironic that you're in a maid costume when you're shit at cleaning at home."

You groaned and rolled your eyes. While you were embarrassed when Oluo commented on it, you felt your head ache in response to Levi's comment. 

"I'm going to need at least three more shots if I'm going to be forced to talk to you," you grumbled as you gestured the bartender over. 

You immediately downed the shot when you received it, grimacing a bit at the feeling of the alcohol traveling down your throat. 

Your eyes went back into the crowd, scanning the crowded theater nervously. You were well hidden, but the fact that Zack was here still threw you off. This did not go unnoticed.

"What the hell are you doing here if you're truly not alone?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow at you. "Doesn't seem like you to just be drinking in the corner."

"Don't act like you know shit about me or why I'm here," you immediately responded, barely giving him a chance to finish his sentence.

You realized that you responded much more defensively and sternly than you had intended. His question had struck a nerve and your anxiety plus the alcohol made it harder to regulate around him. 

You took another shot as he looked at you in his usual unamused fashion, but didn't inquire further.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, deflecting from his question. "This is the last place I thought I'd see you at."

"'Don't act like you know shit about me'," he muttered, repeating your phrase word-for-word, earning a scowl and a groan of frustration from you.

You told yourself it was the lighting or the alcohol playing tricks on you, but swore you saw an ever-so-subtle smirk appear on his face that was gone within the second.

Levi glanced into the crowd and motioned over towards the opposite corner of the bar. You looked over and saw two people conversing. You vaguely recognized Hange, who was rapidly chatting away with a tall blonde gentleman that you had never seen before.

"Friend's in town," Levi mentioned. "He's actually the roommate you replaced."

You glanced at Miche again. Although the two of you were in contact to get the sublease set up, you had never physically seen him before.

"I'm kinda pissed at him for moving out because now I have you to deal with," Levi grumbled.

You stuck your tongue out at Levi, which earned you a grimace in response from Levi. 

His eyebrows immediately scrunched together as he saw your eyes slightly widen before your entire body tensed up again. 

Your eyes followed Zack's figure as he walked by again. Once you were able to confirm that he hadn't noticed your presence, you finally let out a breath that you weren't aware you were holding in.

Your anxiety was acting up again and you felt like you couldn't stand being in that theater any longer. It was as if you were suffocating on the spot. 

"I'm getting out of here," you mumbled as you took the third shot, immediately getting up.

"On your own?" Levi asked, turning in your direction as you began to walk off. "You're not seriously thinking of driving, are you?"

You stopped in your tracks and scoffed at him. 

"Of course not. I'm walking, dumbass."

"It's a 45-minute walk at least, dumbass."

"Well, I have plenty of time," you retorted as you began to walk away again.

"Tch. I'll just drive you, you stubborn brat," Levi said in exasperation as he dug his keys out of his pocket.

He glanced up as you gave him a skeptical look, questioning his ability to drive.

"I'm sober contact anyway. Just let me grab Hange and Miche."

He got up and walked past you to summon the two of them over, indicating that he was leaving.

"Any excuse to leave this place."

~~~~~

You felt like you could finally breathe again once you got home. Not only were you able to dull down the anxiety that had been itching at you ever since you saw Zack at the party, but you were also able to finally take off that incredibly uncomfortable maid costume, regretting ever putting it on in the first place. You immediately changed into sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, which was the complete opposite of the costume you had been wearing earlier in the night. 

By the time you came out of your room, Levi noticed that you had looked much more relaxed than usual. It was that stark contrast that he noticed every day. The person he knew at home versus the person you presented yourself as in public were two very different people. 

Despite both Hange and Miche hanging out at the apartment, you were more than fine being in your casual home clothes. It was likely due to the alcohol and heightened anxiety from the party making you exhausted enough to just not be bothered to give a shit once you actually got home.

You typed a quick text message to Petra letting her know that you got home safe before tossing your phone onto the couch and sitting down on the floor on the opposite side of the coffee table in your living room. You didn't want to think about that party for the rest of the night.

The company helped keep you distracted. Miche sat on the couch while you, Levi, and Hange surrounded the coffee table. You were sipping on a beer as you chatted with Miche about having Levi as a roommate.

"Was he as annoying when he was living with you?"

A smug grin appeared on your face as you noticed Levi scowling at you.

"He had his quirks for sure," Miche responded with a shrug. 

"So he's just a dick. Got it."

Levi's scowl grew more intense as he glared daggers into your skull.

"A dick that cares," Hange chimed in.

The scowl on Levi's face turned into an unamused frown as he looked over at Hange, wondering exactly what was going on through their head at all hours of the day to prompt them to say such things.

"Ha," you forced a dry chuckle as you sipped on your beer some more. "What an oxymoron."

The four of you spent the next 45 minutes or so just chatting. Miche and Levi were catching up. Hange was asking you about your studies. Hange and Miche bonded over what it felt like to be free from the constraints of University. 

You and Levi avoided talking directly to each other, but this wasn't new—and from the lack of surprised looks from Miche or Hange, this wasn't news to them either. He had talked to them about you.

All horrible things, I bet.

A frown appeared on your face as you began to ruminate over what it was that Levi could have been saying about you behind your back. You couldn't stand him and couldn't really care less what he thought of you, but the possibility of him spouting that nonsense to others made your stomach churn.

"So what made you need the sudden move?" Miche asked, pulling you out of your head. "I had basically given up on finding a sublease when you showed up."

You looked up towards the ceiling, trying to figure out the best way to describe your situation in a way that wouldn't upset you or require further explanation that you weren't prepared to give.

"...Shitty ex kicked me out."

The look on Levi's face went from an intense scowl to a subtle frown as you spoke. He was more than prepared to spit out a snarky response at whatever excuse you came up with to justify upending his life, but he found himself staying quiet once you started talking. He hadn't bothered to ask (or care) about your housing situation prior to living with him, so he didn't know any of this either.

"Didn't really have anywhere to go."

As long as you left it at that, you could continue this conversation without getting too upset and be able to ride out the rest of the night.

"No family?" Hange asked.

It was an innocent and normal question. Most people would first go to their parents—or whoever took care of them growing up—for refuge in those situations, and especially for undergraduate students, who could just wait until August for leases to start renewing.

You fell silent. An unreadable expression appeared on your face and in your eyes as you lowered your gaze to the ground. You were emotionally exhausted and still buzzed from the alcohol. Masking was out of the question. 

"Sorry," Hange spoke after a few seconds, knowing that they had brought up a sore topic. 

The atmosphere was thick with tension and you felt yourself grow increasingly tense. You felt like everyone's eyes were on you, even if they physically weren't.

Family—who would you consider family? There wasn't anyone real that came to mind, other than your aunt, who was likely the least supportive person on the planet.

"Shitty aunt that was out of the country. That's about it," you said shortly, clearly indicating that you didn't want to continue the topic.

It was already too late. The conversation had already brought up all the grief you had buried deep within you. You felt like saying a single word more about it would make your whole personality come crumbling down into a sobbing mess.

"I'm getting another drink," you mumbled.

You were too enclosed within your own mind to notice, but Levi's gaze had been focused on you ever since he saw your reaction to Hange's question. He saw the way that you tensed and emotionally withdrew. He could tell that it was a painful topic to talk about—and likely, fresh. Your pain was either fresh or repressed to the point of agony.

He wasn't a stranger to that pain.

He subtly watched you as you stood up and made your way into the kitchen to pour yourself another drink, your expression remaining stagnant—but Levi could tell by the way you moved or even the slight way that you scrunched your eyes that you were deeply disturbed by the conversation.

For the first time since he first set eyes on you, he saw you as someone other than just a spoiled brat.

Maybe he was wrong about you.

~~~~~

Your head was pounding. You couldn't tell if it's from the hangover or the lack of sleep—and you couldn't tell if the lack of sleep was from the alcohol, the mention of your parents, or both. You had been chugging water ever since you woke up, but it was doing little to help.

You squinted and groaned in pain as you arrived at your obnoxiously bright classroom. Holding your hand up to your forehead to shield your eyes from the assault of the bright lights, you slowly made your way over to the table that Oluo and Petra sat at, immediately burying your face into your arms once you finally got to sit down.

"Rough night?" Petra asked.

"You could say that," you responded quietly, your voice muffled as you continued to hide between your arms.

Just being upset was one thing. Just being drunk was one thing—you never could sleep well after drinking, anyway—but Hange's question brought up bad memories. Those memories frequently translated into nightmares. You couldn't sleep no matter how hard you tried.

You couldn't get your parents' death out of your head.

Ever since their passing, it was literally just you and your aunt. She became your main source of support, but you couldn't realistically count it as support. Although you were hesitant to admit it, you knew that she was a pretty shitty person, and generally drained you more than she was able to help you.

You were well aware of your people-pleasing tendency, or your inability to really stand up for yourself or voice your opinions in certain situations, and you knew where that came from. Your aunt constantly made comments along the lines of having to "save face" in front of others, and that social relations made or break whether someone could be successful in their lives and that you should prioritize getting along with others, even if it was at the expense of your own autonomy.

You knew it was bullshit deep down. You knew she was projecting her inability to hold anyone in her life onto you, but she had made those comments ever since you were young. Your parents did try to passively shield you from it, but then the comments came in full force once your parents passed, leaving you completely vulnerable to those thought processes. It was going to take a lot of time and effort to break that chain of thinking, but that involved energy that you just didn't have right now.

Your breakup with Zack plus Hange's question from the night before were rude reminders that you really didn't have anyone else. You didn't have anyone that you could really call your family.

"Magath is out today, isn't he?" Oluo mused out loud.

"Partied too hard?" you joked dryly, trying to distract yourself. 

You turned towards the classroom door when you heard footsteps approaching. The door opened and a tall blonde man with a beard and round glasses walked in. You remembered him as the neighbor that helped direct you to Levi's café on your first day at the apartment. Apparently, he was the substitute TA for the lecture today.

His voice, and therefore his lecture, was difficult to focus on, although you couldn't tell if it was because you weren't used to him or if it was due to the hangover. You felt yourself nodding off throughout the lecture, which you didn't fight, although your dozing never lasted for long.

It was either fall asleep in class and miss the content from a substitute TA or force yourself to stay awake and deal with the chaotic thoughts mixed with grief, anxiety, and anger that were running through your mind—and miss the course content anyway because you wouldn't be able to focus.

You were quickly regretting even coming to class, but staying at home wouldn't have been much better. You'd be trapped with your thoughts regardless—your thoughts of losing your parents and being left to navigate a harsh world all on your own, without a single stable source of support.

#: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004 @whoami-72 @highgoon69 @chaotic-on-main

[styxvii]

I'm sorry if this seems intrusive, but I'm really curious.🙏

Hello! It would be very interesting to know what inspired you when creating the song "Victimized". Or how you came up with it, what (what feelings, memories, experiences) did you put/create in the song?Maybe there are characters/people that are associated with this song?

Thank you🩷

omgg no ur okay!! rutbawierbt this is going to be long gomen 🙏 I think its important to share these experiences

for the sound i was listening to d3r and can of bliss a lot at the time 😭 TW for abuse ment, SA/harassment

FOR CONTEXT IM A LESBIAN I kept having dreams about one of my abusers breaking into my room and staring at me in my bed among like other dreams of him and it made me realize i was dealing with a similar situation all over again. I had a DIFFERENT person who was se/xually harassing me and getting off on crossing my boundaries and watching me panic and freeze up/not knowing what to do (which now that im writing this down i realize thats literally what was happening in my dream). I couldn't understand why i kept letting him take advantage of me and then walk away from the situation and be like?? why did i do that? why do i keep giving in to him when i feel DISGUSTING afterwards?? I feel so uncomfortable every time but i never stop him. and then i realized i WAS trying to stop him but he would persisted anyways, told me it was fine, told me it was normal, told me im freaking out over nothing, and i just didnt even know how to combat someone stomping over my boundaries so effortlessly? and id totally shut down and freeze and he'd look at me in this way, his eyes looked like they were devouring my fear. and this definitely wasn't the first time someone had done this to me, it was just the first time it clicked in my head what was happening. Through out all of it I was so frantic and I felt this intense feeling of dread all the time, but he kept telling me it wasnt a big deal, i was so confused 😭 so i suppose the song is about subconsciously knowing someones hurting u but not quite getting to the point where you KNOW it yet? and u just dont understand why u keep ending up with people like this over and over. It was bc i had no self worth and severe abandonment issues! and well people like that love people like me (at the time, im better now lol) bc we're easy to lovebomb, gaslight, and manipulate and we'll do anything to be loved (especially bc i was manic the entire time)

so also while im talking about this omg i wish people would stop being like "mentally ill girls are my type" or "im into girls with bpd" bc to me i hear it in his voice, and all my other abusers voices. like they like girls like that BC we'd do anything to be loved and these types of people feed of the desperation we have to find someone after time and time of being abused so severely we develop PERSONALITY DISORDERS, who will care for us in a genuine way. they want to take advantage of us :( (i get comments like this and they definitely were in my mind while i was writing this song)