#id like to flesh it out eventually but who knows if i will lol

[charmac]

Sunny doesn’t have a New Years episode I can spam about today, so instead I’m sharing the cold open I wrote for my idea as to how the Gang do New Year's Resolutions:

In essence, my idea is that the Gang do Resolutions by writing down something that's either achievable by them (or something they would like to do) that's difficult to achieve (or would be seen as unpleasant to do) by every other member of the Gang. They draw the "resolutions" at random, so there's a chance they get their own and have fun with it, but obviously there is a greater chance that they get tasked with someone else's. They draw at midday and only have until midnight to complete their resolution, or they face public humiliation by every other member of the Gang.

[shuuen-no-cimory]

Also of course, it ain't me if I don't crossover my current hyperfixation with my ultimate current hyperfixation. So... Degrees of Lewdity x ProjectMoon! (This post is full of me yapping as I explain each drawing, so I guess, be ready?)

First, I'll go hard with Whitney as R Corp. 4th Rabbit Team. The initial idea was that he reminds me so much of RHeath LMAO But eventually I love the idea because I think he'd go along with Myo well. Plus... Somehow imagining Whitney in Rabbit Team Hatchery shenanigans seems... Interesting.

Next is Eden. If anyone notice, I originally designed him based of 2 Abnos: Der Freischutz and Big Bird. Der Frei was, of course, a nod to his title as a Hunter, and a marksman as well. For Big Bird... Yeah definitely there's the Big Bird in DoL, yet I think temperance-wise, Eden does felt similar to Big Bird. A creature living in a forest, thinking they protect others by doing the action that definitely doesn't seems to be out of protection. As for RRH, oh think about this: Being hunted down while getting marked. One by a hunter, and another by a wolf. Oh isn't it just reminds me of something...? Right

Funny enough, before I designed the school LIs properly, I reimagined them as The City's feathers. "If they're living in the City and has to work with one Wing, which one they'll work on?" I've talked about R. Corp Whitney earlier so I'll talk about the others! Robin, L Corp. - I can imagine him with the pressing needs to survive under the weight of Bailey's rent ends up either being sent or signed himself up as an agent for L Corp. The Wing doesn't ask that much requirement as per Hokmah's story while the agent supposed to have a great pay (being a wing and all). Hence, I think he might work for L Corp. Sydney, K Corp. - The idea was that after graduating, Sydney might follow Sirris path in science. Being the obedient child she is (as we sees on the game before they get corrupted), she probably choose to do what Sirris might do hence her as K Corp. researcher. Oh anyway, truly this is just a fyi that doesn't seems to be related to anything, I reimagined Harper as Dongrang in this scenario, with the whole Teary-Thing problem exist. Oh, lucky enough for Sydney to help producing K Ampule that definitely just as seen in the canon Limbus story. Just saying. Kylar, W Corp. - This one actually a rather fun idea. This is set with the idea that Kylar work as the Clean Up Member, with parents that's definitely unaware with how their child work but nevertheless proud with him. They'd even use WARP Train solely to be sent off by Kylar each time, much to Kylar silent dismay. If only they know what Kylar has to clean up among the 6 seconds they went into the train... Read one of the reblog tag and yeah. It has to do with Love Town. And pretty much how Kylar had to regularly assemble his parents again and again each trip they made.

LCB! SYDNEY LET'S GOOOO!!!! This idea came as I made my LCB-esque ID Card for Sydney. The idea of LCB Sydney's background was that it's pretty much what happened in the game, but make it The City-esque and seen from Sydney's eyes. It's fun imagining her as a Dieci Fixer who was caught in a complicated issue which she rather dip out from as she hasn't fully grow the backbone to face it yet. Oh right, in this AU I reimagined Ivory as Abnormality and both Sydney and Kylar got their EGO. Sydney got their Longing Phase EGO (HE, Gloom) while Kylar got the Haunting Phase EGO (WAW, Wrath). I actually had a draft of how the EGO works and its gimmick but let's talk it later on lol

When Yield My Flesh event is up on Limbus, my head doing the funny by thinking, "Damn... Jun Wren sounds cool..." then I remember Tingtang exist like jfgdjfgbjd HE FITS BETTER AS TINGTANG WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT IT ON A SIDE NOTE, I also had the thought on how Bailey MIGHT kills it as either a Kurokumo or a Middle. After all, Middle never forget... Just like how Bailey never forget your rent LOL

And last but not least: Sydney and Robin as L Corp. Agent! Robin will be a high Temperance agent which work for Safety Team, while Sydney is the high Fortitude, high Prudence Disciplinary Team Captain. Oh, if you do notice: I made Sydney's cross looks like Penitence EGO Weapon. It's actually based of this idea of how One Sin and WhiteNight's dynamic thematically fits Sydney the Faithful and Sydney the Fallen. The name of both Abnos' EGO Set-- "Penitence" and "Paradise Lost" respectively, both fits the image of each Sydneys. Hence, I draw them in both EGO Sets!

[7knives]

hii this is random but ur ocs all seem so interesting and cool and i'd love to know more about them👀 (if you want to talk about them ofc no pressure :D <3)

thank you so much, that’s really nice of you! 💜💜💜i love to talk about them! i have like almost a dozen but the most fleshed out / to me currently interesting ones are: levi, tayuhl, lance and the priest. A brief summary of them would be:

levi (he/they/it/she) is a tma oc. he is like a monster hunter similar to trevor and julia but not an avatar of the hunt. levi loves to cause trouble and annoy people. they do the hunting more so because it messes with people and the ritual plans and not because he wants to get rid of 'bad' avatars. also because levi likes violence lol. most closely it might be aligned with the spiral but he doesn’t have any spiral-like powers. he thinks of itself as unkillable (hence the hubris).

tayuhl (she/her) is a fantasy oc. she lives in a sort of post-apocalyptic medieval fantasy world where magic that went wrong destroyed her world. it draws influences from botw when the guardians went rogue and fantasy in general. she’s fighting similar machines powered by magic and tries to collect knowledge of magic of which a good portion was lost in the destruction of the temples. with that she hopes to figure out how to stop the machines for good. strictly speaking she hasn’t got any magical powers herself (visions aside) and fights with swords and bow and arrow.

venn alancer (she/her) most of the time simply referred to as lance is a star wars oc that has existed the longest out of my current ocs. i came up with her as a teen. she is but a simple bounty hunter trying to make her way through the galaxy. in earlier (flying) accidents she lost both legs and as a young child her left arm and now wears protheses. kind of like han she assisted the rebels in the fight against the empire. her ship is called 'the silver spetum'.

the priest (they/them) is my newest oc and a time-traveling assassin. they were born during the victorian era in london. i haven’t got their backstory all worked out yet but eventually they join/are recruited by time-traveling assassins who in theory can be hired by every person from every time period. but the very frequent time-travelling takes its toll and the assassins can’t die (from natural causes. not as great as it might seem at first. it’s more like bilbo said: 'like butter scraped over too much bread') and have also forgotten a lot of crucial information about themselves. for example the priest forgot their name, who they were before etc. i only picked their name because i thought it sounded cool as an assassin’s name skskks. later i made up a story how they got it (in their first few missions they disguised themselves as a priest and the name stuck) not sure if i will stick with this story though. the reason i choose the victorian era was because i love the suits the men were wearing at the time and i always imagine the priest wearing something classy like this on a day to day basis.

typing all of that out actually made me want to work on the priests back story more so thank you for asking! 💜 id also really love to hear about your ocs if you want to share!

[arvadthecursed]

new mtg OC... I said I wasn't gonna make any more Magic OCs bc I'm frustrated with the game/story direction but uh. Here's a girl who invaded my brain without asking, really rude of her.

No name yet BUT her design is basically Proto-Chiara, if you remember her original design from like 6 years ago lol. She is from outside Cloudspire City in Kylem, from a poorer city we haven't seen bc Kylem isn't all that fleshed out yet. Y'know.

Anyway, this gal has the power to subtly charm and coerce others. Her eyes glow faintly when she does this -- her only tell. Years of being a Robin Hood-style thief taught her when to use her magic and when to simply use her bodacious bosom and natural charisma to influence other people.

She ended up on New Capenna shortly after the Invasion because of [trauma pending]. Because of her magic, she fell in with the Obscura. I'm assuming Raffine is still alive. Anyway.

One day our purple gal is called up to the Cloud Spire and is shocked to find an angel there. This angel, Valencia, was once one of Capenna's most powerful. And she has a bone to pick with Raffine and Ziatora specifically. Ziatora has retreated somewhat from public life, and Valencia cannot find her herself.

Valencia has turned Raffine into glass and imprisoned her, taking over the Obscura in the process. The angel has been keeping a close eye on our heroine and wants her help in defeating the remaining bosses and reclaiming New Capenna. Well, want isn't the right word. Valencia demands it, binding our gal to the plane so she can't escape.

Our gal works tirelessly, doing Valencia's bidding. She charms, she works her way through each family, she reports back to Valencia. And eventually, Valencia tells her: I want you to find me a way to Ziatora. Do this, and you are free.

So our gal does. She meets a Riveteers boxer/underground fighter guy and falls for him, and does her best to protect him from her mission. Eventually there's some angst where she tries to charm him into forgetting her because he just finds out her mission is basically to paint a giant target on Ziatora's back for Valencia to imprison her.

Anyway that's all I have for now. Yes unfortunately I am developing an entire storyline for these OCs like a big idiot after I spent a lot of time saying I was never gonna put that much effort into any MTG OC ever again. I am booboo the fool.

Her color ID is Abzan so she shares 2 colors with the Obscura/Valencia and 2 colors with the Riveteers/her hot older boyfriend. The charming magic is basically taking green's "natural" thing and twisting it with a touch of manipulation from white/black. Because those folks totally WANT to be manipulated by a hot purple girl with big tits, right? Also just. Esper didn't feel right for her. I know it would make a bit more sense but I wanna go for the almost Narci-esque bard angle with our dear heroine. She also just had Selesnya's strong sense of loyalty and obligation to others and does want to help, hence how Valencia pulled her in, with promises to save and restore New Capenna.

Picrew

[familyabolisher]

re: annihilation im glad im not the only one who disliked it lol! ive struggled thru the second book as well bc people keep telling me the third is the best but. we'll see. id be curious abt ur thoughts & if you have similar critiques (lack of interiority for the mc for one, a lack of clarity on Whats Going On but not in a fun way imo but in a way that makes me really unsure what the Point of it all is, & (book 2) just. the most tedious mommy issues ive ever had to read thru) or if its something else entirely. no pressure tho! i just like hearing ur opinions on things.

tbh my immensely pedestrian answer is that i just couldn’t get on with the style at all—it felt very clumsy and, like, amateurish. i got the sense that vandermeer wanted to narrate The Horrors in a quotidian, somewhat clinical tone that established a discordance around an effort to record and empirically tackle something that resisted the boundaries of human language and communication, and i think a more skilled writer could have pulled that off to great effect; however, as it was, he neither leant far enough into that voice that the discordance could fully emerge & exert a significant enough narrative force to make the piece compelling, nor relaxed it enough to allow his language to play around with the lurid, macabre, paranatural setting. 

like, for example, i’ve just gone to a random page to give you some sense of what i mean.

This was really the only thing I discovered in him after his return: a deep and unending solitude, as if he had been granted a gift that he didn’t know what to do with. A gift that was poison to him and eventually killed him. But would it have killed me? That was the question that crept into my mind even as I stared into his eyes those last few times, willing myself to know his thoughts and failing. As I labored at my increasingly repetitive job, in a sterile lab, I kept thinking about Area X, and how I would never know what it was like without going there. No one could really tell me, and no account could possibly be a substitute. So several months after my husband died, I volunteered for an Area X expedition. A spouse of a former expedition member had never signed up before. I think they accepted me in part because they wanted to see if that connection might make a difference. I think they accepted me as an experiment. But then again, maybe from the start they expected me to sign up.

this is like … the first time we get a real, direct account of the biologist’s backstory. it’s like a speedrun of heterosexual our wives under the sea (also a bad book btw lol) and is supposed to pack a pretty hefty emotional punch, but it’s just … well, i mean. “a gift that was poison to him and eventually killed him.” like, the extract falls back on cliches; the prose lands in a very ‘safe’ register and feels a little afraid to push anywhere significantly outside of that. this is pretty representative of (what i read of) the whole book, tbh—and it stings especially when you have things like a mysterious tunnel-tower seemingly made of flesh that only the narrator can see that’s spawning fungi spelling out sentences as other characters in the novel start to die … like, that’s good, and that’s just really not being communicated on the page in any compelling manner. 

it felt as though vandermeer had established this fascinating world and then just failed to communicate any of it to any memorable standard. also, the pacing was all over the place, lol—like, take your time with it a little more, spend some time on setting and description! or if you want to lean into that clipped, clinical account, maybe experiment a little more with the texture that that could lend; like, journals, reports, the kind of temporal weirdness that those can generate (as is common in the gothic novel, for instance) … like, there were just a lot of ins where vandermeer could have negotiated a more interesting piece of work than what i was reading.

it just felt very, like—the word coming to mind for me is ‘timid.’ like the text found its own concepts a little too unwieldy and pared itself down into a very meek prose rather than rising to the challenge that its scaffolding presented. and as a result, i was just, like, bored and irritated trying to read it. i’m told that the film is very different so i might give that a go at some point, but i really couldn’t push through to the end of the book, lmao. maybe it’s worth reading for like the last 70 pages, but i’ll never know. sad! well there’s other genre fiction

[florenceisfalling]

"religion, mermaids or antiaverage."? hun i can do even better. come, take my hand. we're putting it all in one.

mermaid au of antiaverage, but with a priest! twist on anti. it's a cult, obviously, and he's using it to manipulate chase. anti is the sole voice of this god (god up to your discretion bc i don't know enough about ocean gods) and will pass on "gods will" to chase, often orders that chip away at his moral integrity slowly and subtly until he's - you guessed it! - a mindless puppet to anti. it starts small, but eventually chase is being commanded to drag poor sailors down as sacrifices to anti's "god". i now release this au idea into your hands i know you'll take good care of it <3

anon this is so sweet i love that u combined them. u love me. i love u. what a wonderful world

i really like to think abt mermaid religions/cultures so this is v interesting to meeee! also murder through coercion/manipulation/force is a fave trope of mine, so chase being a little hunter for anti is a wonderfully twisted image <3

id quite like the idea of anti as an anglerfish mermaid here, not only because of the parallel of luring chase in with a false idea, but also because of the imagery of the glowing fin ray looking a lot like a fake halo over anti's head.... oh honestly i might incorporate a religious anglerfish concept into an oc. thats cool. thank u for sparking my brain there

bonus points if chase actually has siren capabilities, so anti has a tactical reason for picking him alongside the gay gay homosexual gay. chase being part siren and not wanting to hurt anyone but being easily pushed by anti into using his untapped powers for unspeakable violence really is 1.) a good image and 2.) reminds me of canon and chase's interesting supernatural sensitivity or whatever tf hes got goin on lol

especially if that part-siren-ness means he doesnt Need to consume human flesh but can still go a little feral once anti gets him to try it. like a dog getting a taste for blood and never being able to go back, not out of necessity but rather an old instinct surfacing <3 its got my vibe (cannibalism) combined with the chase vibe (addiction) so its fun :3

also bonus points if chase was more wary of hurting anyone at first until anti put him in an intentionally dangerous situation encountering humans. no iris foundation this time, just some careless fishermen who got him trapped and afraid and hurt by mistake. so anti gets to nurse chase back to health after helping him escape and saying, oh, see? aren't those wretched sailors awful? aren't you glad i was there to save you? aren't you happy to return the favor and deal with them for me, too?

thanks for sharing, anon. i like your mind a lot :)

[lynxtopia]

Might as well, now I've been prompted (thank you so much graahhhh !!!).

Not very much art stuff because I need to dig it up from somewhere, but have some screenshots of little doodles I have.

Anyway, I have an OC site which is designated as 2164, a number I plucked out of the air at random about 2-3 years ago. Some of the characters are more fleshed out (whether it be through age of existence or merely my preference/plot armour lol) than others, but they have an equal amount of story between the lot.

CI are also heavily involved and their current Engineer (who I'll get to later (next post, sorry.) ) is called... Charles Charles... ?

The one in the ID back up there is Vera, a traded employee, who was brought over in exchange for a piece of 2164's security force, because the other site was struggling, immensely. She's got a pretty hostile energy about her and has a tendency to lash out at people she's either not close to or outrank (maybe an abuse of her powers) and is overall paranoid about the site's... well, interesting state. The CI live in their sewers, they're in the middle of nowhere and nearly all the employees live on site in constant danger of attack. Oh and there's the so-called emergency nuke in the underground.

Oh, she's also formerly Internal Security.

She is transferred during a time of panic and anxiety, a new SCP had been assigned to the site and it was so poorly researched they had to bring on another few researchers from universities globally to try and fix the problem, which is where we bump into our next character: (Nearly) Dr. Heartwood.

A doctor... in training. She was supposed to be helping the MDs but was transferred to the Scientist Unit after the Site Personnel realised she knew a bit too much. She's referred to as Doctor, even though she hasn't earned her doctorate yet, but, there's time for that, somehow. She's a bit all over the place, really. She typically sticks to less dangerous tests although was eventually forced by old Prof. Bianchi to do some stuff on the new arrival, just to see what would happen.

So this SCP itself is like a 10x10 metre metal box with two large blue double doors like the entrance to a gym hall or a town hall etc. a bit like fire escape doors. Catch is, each door takes you to a new place and it takes hours, possibly even days to return to the outside. It was discovered in the woods and unluckily for them, one member of the public knows about it and they haven't been able to track her down.

Anywho, Heartwood is slightly terrified of half of the D-Class on site, especially "Foxface" or D-1262, who literally cannot remove the fox mask from her face. Bianchi, Powers and Long (some other researcher guys) have talked about it and were thinking of classifying Foxface as an anomaly, but eventually decided against because they came to the conclusion it was just superglue. (But who knows.)

The mask is also one of many reasons she is not currently dead. She was sent to be tested on SCP-096 but came back unscathed due to her inability to actually view him.

It's not clear why she was sent to the foundation, although records suggest she was gained via vaguely unethical methods.

(There's also two other main CDs, Volkova and O'Ryan, but I have no art so they can wait lol.)

Moving onto the MTF, we have M. Lovell, a slightly sheltered guy who just wants to at least try. Apparently he thought it was the military and ended up getting drafted for Epsillon-11.

He's the middle guy.

Typically, as the newbie, he's sent in head first into everything the site deals with, whether it be the CI or a breached SCP or even just some random case in the Medical Sector.

He's also nearly cost himself his life numerous times before, such as by forgetting to equip his scramblers one time, or going into 049's enclosure and getting whacked with a stick.

There's also this fellow, a bit of an idiot and let's the L-3 Keycard power get to his head a bit more frequently than anyone would like. Most of his days off are spent either getting drunk or... actually I don't think he has hobbies.

There's also Chevalier, who was former Security at the site (she "left due to unforseen circumstances") and for some reason owned a piece of uniform with the word "SWAG" on the back. Nobody has any idea where that thing came from nor are they going to try and find out.

At the end of this, with a horribly doodled thing, we have our unethical, unnamed, Medical Department staff member. She's the one doing a tiktok dance whilst an innocent D-Class is dying of 409 in the background. Also, surprisingly, the best at most things in the department (self-proclaimed.).

And I think that's all for now, until I dig up some old character art, this is all I have to infodump (with images) for now.

Thank you!

Oh the urge to infodump about SCP OCs is strong.

I'll do it later though.

[soulsilvers]

I feel like you probably have this same train of thought by piecing together some of your posts but Leaf having a seemingly endless amount of female characters crushing on her is like the ultimate subversion of her role of "self-insert girl in a love triangle of Red and Blue". That said, you got any major ships for Leaf, I know you ship her with May (interesting pairing btw) and maybe Misty, just curious if you have any others.

hmm yeah id say its def somewhat like that, its fun to think abt subversions like that! like im sorry but back in the day when there were hcs of red and green fighting for her hand in marriage or smth... those were just PAINFUL. i dont want that wtf

however, a big bunch of girls having crushes on an oblivious leaf and her having crushes at times is more of a lowkey thing in my stuff. ive just been thinking more abt who she is as a character rather than who will she eventually ultimately end up dating out of em all. this leaf freely flies in the wind and doesnt stay at one place for too long.

but yeah, leaf/may is one of my fav crackships, im 100% sure leaf went to hoenn at some point. and leaf/misty is cool too, i like to think that when she and red both challenge misty theyre both p mesmerized by her lol. as for friendships theres copycat, mina, all the other female protags, and ofc her being a honorary aunt for red and greens kids in the future au... a lot to think about and flesh out!

[thefanciestflip-phone]

infiltration - EP 2

Word count:1,226 Author’s note: eeee this was so fun to write :) it is a slow burn but i’m sure you’ve figured that out already lol. anyways not everything in this series is fleshed out yet (I got ideas don't worry) but i’d love to hear your suggestions or what you’d like to see this story go. Enjoyyy

The trip to Zeffo was brief but tense. Your concentration was so high that you forgot ID10 was even with you until he let out an occasional beep. His presence reassured you to take a deep breath and lower your adrenaline.

As you phased through the lush planet’s atmosphere, you observed the landscape: mountain villages, stormy skies, rocky cliffs, and snow caps. At the edge of one mountain stood a resistance ship, clunky-looking and worn in comparison to your cruiser. You made sure to turn off your radar and fly to the opposite side of the mountain before you landed. 

The village here is especially bleak, nothing to see but emptied houses and abandoned clay vases, which you knocked over and broke as you passed. You were just about to send ID10 for an aerial view when you noticed faint boot prints in the snow.

The wind suddenly picked up and forced some hairs to escape your bun. You brushed the bothersome pieces away before pulling out your night sniper. You used the scope to look far into the distance, trailing the path Cal must’ve taken.

There. The red-haired young man with a droid half the size of yours on his shoulders walking down the treacherous slope.  

You leaned over to ID10’s transmitter. “Target spotted. No one’s with him.”

Dahven’s familiar voice broke out from the amps. “ The ID10’s surveillance has been clear so far but I’ll stay on supervision in case anything happens.”

You scoff. “This doesn’t sound like much of a solo mission anymore.” Dahven’s soft laugh reaches your end before you shut off the transmitter and take off down the mountain.

You spent some time following Cal, and now you’re both within a maze of stone ruins. You’re so close that you can hear his echoing voice and observe his movements.

“I agree, bee-dee. We’ve gone down this corridor already.” Worried boops in reply. “I think I need to just...clear my mind and rest.” He stops to stroke his fair discouragingly. “Hey, don’t you remember seeing that meditation circle earlier? Let’s go back that way.” Cal picked up the pace and ran out of sight. You couldn’t help but grin at this turn of events. He’s running straight into a trap.

Cal hunches over atop a smooth rock surface. His back was turned to you, but you could imagine his eyes closed and breathing steady as he meditated there. You and ID10 found a sloped ridge overseeing the Jedi and decided to watch from there. Your plan is solid: use ID10 to stun the other droid, before Cal knows what happened, you use the night sniper on him. Easy enough. It’s almost pitiful how many stormtroopers have died at the hands of a man so vulnerable at this moment.

You made a swivel motion with two fingers and signaled to ID10. He soundlessly floated down towards the two. Your heartbeat notably hitched more and more as he closed in behind the other droid. You draw in a quick breath, and in a matter of seconds, you lift your blaster and send a laser straight for the droid.

The hunk of metal drops to the ground, making a high-pitched noise when it finally makes contact.

You shot your droid, not his.

Cal’s eyes instantly open and he swiftly looks in BD-1’s direction. Before he even opens his mouth he’s up on his feet with his droid attached to him, lightsaber drawn and ready. “Are you okay back there?” His droid lets out alarmed beeps and points to your ID-10.

Cal gets closer and kneels while BD-1 scans it. You feel frozen to your spot. “We’re not safe here anymore. We must get back to the Mantis quickly.”

You let him leave. You let his footsteps echo on the floor until the noise faded out entirely. Your eyes were fixed on the lifeless ID-10. Dahven. He watched everything. Everyone on the star destroyer could have witnessed your mistake. You can only imagine the outrage you just provoked.

A tear rolled down your cheek. Then a scream erupted from your mouth.

Cal’s Perspective

I finally reached the outskirts of Zeffo, close to where I last saw the Mantis. I’ve been running for miles and feel like I’m almost at my limit. For my own sake, I slow down to a walk and catch my breath. As I’m doing so, I see a laser fly past my face and hit the grass in front of me.

He turns around and meets eyes with you for the first time. For a brief moment, you wonder what you look like to him, with your quivering body and wet face. Nonetheless, you stare back at the Jedi with pure hatred. When your voice finally leaves your lips, it's unsteady and raw. “You have ruined me! And...you think you can just run away.”

Cal’s lightsaber activates and he takes a defensive stance. “Tell me who you are. Have you been following me?”

You huff and start to step closer. “Yes. But there are also thousands of others following you right now.” An image of Dahven flashes in your mind. “ Waiting for you to die at the hands of me.”

You raise your sniper and begin rapidly firing at him. He reflects all the shots and leaps forward, erasing the distance between you two. He slashes his saber but you roll and get behind him. Before he can recover from his attempt you use your momentum to tackle him to the ground. He lands back-first into the grass.

You pin all of your weight on your weapon, which lays across his body shoulder-to-shoulder. Your knees dig into his thighs and hips. The pressure is so great that you can feel his pulse. Your bothersome loose hairs dangle in front of your face as your adrenaline finally possesses you. You feel on top of the world.

Cal’s nervous eyes dart around before stopping on yours. From this angle, his pupils look fuller. You feel his muscles ease underneath you and he lets out a slow breath. “How pathetic,” you say. “Have you given up already?” Neither of you breaks eye contact and your cheeks gradually flush. Cal’s eyes are so soft and his skin is so...warm. Your head felt heavy and your face lowered to meet his. You kissed him slowly. The first reaction you had was fear and confusion, but Cal reminded you of your presence when he retracted his lips and kissed you again--harder and quicker. Your adrenaline from earlier excited you again and you couldn’t stop your hands from moving off your weapon, one going on his chest and the other through his hair.

Eventually, time won over and the two of you had to separate. Cal was exhausted--from everything: running away, fighting back, defending himself and his friends. But when he saw you, something in him was restored.

You heard faint muttering in the distance. This made your blood turn cold, and your full attention went from Cal to your surroundings.

The reinforcements had arrived.

[pokefanbri]

I care, cause thats just who I am. Even care about others before myself..as in the moment my issuse mean nothing when someone i love needs me. I can cry, & alot..whether I'm angry or am passionate about someone or something I care about, its the root of my depression I think..& when something is out of my hands i cry for hours on end. My emotions mean I care so so damn much...though now I dont cry as much & when I do its always when im alone..so nobody can see me suffer because I have it in my mind now from my recent experiences..that when I cry...it hurts people, & my emotions just dont mean anything to any1 except myself.

When something happens to say a friend, if they're in trouble, or they need something...I step out of my way to help if I can. Im extremely compassionate & empathic toward other people, I can sense things that not many can. Im sort of an observer, very aware of my surroundings. But some things or some people are very hard to read, the last relationship ended as a result of what I was blind to. I got hurt, regrettably my lapse in judgment got me where I am & i was tossed away because they didn't care about me at all...after many months, it gets less & less...but I realize that the main thing ive cried about in all of 2020, was over him. And im still left wondering if I really knew him at all. I still love him, always will. But even thinking about him brings it all back & im stuck crying again.

Sometimes I think, I want my mind wiped of him. Because if i stop crying maybe it won't hurt anymore. But, I want to remember. Cause even if he chooses to spread whatever hateful things he makes up of me to tell others so he looks better 😒 I dwell on the actual good that we shared regardless what he thinks. I honestly dont care what he thinks of me, he may deny it himself but he truly meant so much to me. Ive thought how could he just get rid of me, how could he cheat on me 1 month into the relationship, how could he just use me for his own desires when he knew I loved him but refused to show affection in return, nothing I did was good enough & he got bored of me plain & simple. Being with him tore me apart, for a long time til it was over...I was unwanted. But u know what a dedicated person thats given their heart to someone in relationship does? They try to work things out, so I stayed but cause I did I got hurt alot worse. Our relationship was almost inhuman, no emotion or love from the other party...Jesus it was like dating a robot.

But anyway..I trailed off there. I just wanted to say, that I didn't deserve to be hurt by someone I care about....all my life actually, the one that tops the list of terrible loved ones would have to be my mother. Nobody with a good heart & wears it on their sleeve, deserve to be treated unfairly...though its always the good ones that suffer more unfortunately 😔. The bad ones are good too...but their issues mostly mentally, unbeknownst to them..affect their friends & family so negatively that they tear relationships apart & isolate themselves from others either by choice or their loved ones pull away from them when they're a lost cause...my mom for example unfortunately after years of trying to help her be better I got hurt just for trying to show her light...I had no other choice to let her go & trying to escape her for my own safety was the difficult part.

But listen, if I consider u a friend..ur very special to me. Means you've shined a light on me or my life in some way & im really grateful for u...cause behind my mask, behind my flesh & in the darkness I can be just as empty as I seem to be full of life at times. But my friends & family & eventually a man lets be real lol, make me happy out of everything in this world & I would jump infront of a bullet for u if it meant you'd be ok. Thinking about others b4 myself...is just the way I am, its not a bad thing its a blessing. Im used to making sacrifices or due to the shit ive dealt with this yr alone...being the sacrifice. That being said id give my life for someone, id give someone my physical beating heart right out of my chest if I could lol...well it's a good thing I'm an organ donor 😆

Nomatter what hurdles i go through, how lost or depressed i may seem or get, how much I want to give up at times, its God thats kept me going through the most difficult times in my life. Hes the 1 thing I can always count on to have my back when I think its all on my shoulders..cause it's really not. He doesn't give us what we can't handle, though apparently I can handle ALOT of bs lol...his plan for me has only made me stronger it seems. He's saved me more times than I can count, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for dad 😊

Im hurting even still i guess, but it gets easier with each passing day. On my own I get too down 😔 need to stop doing that. I just want a light at the end of the tunnel, but idk what direction im supposed to be looking

[thejourneytolovefrancisrose]

i made this today and i loved it...

but in this is some updates for this blog...

sso i got really behind on updating my life and everything the second half of last year, but i will try to sum it up briefly now, even though im not sure anyone pays any attention to this tumblr lol

1: I NOW IDENTIFY AS A NON-BINARY MAN/MXN.

Since top surgery, I still get some strange feelings, way less than before, about whether this is the kind of chest I want. I have have some friends that are transmen, nonbinary and/or agender say that its very normal to have those kinds of feelings post surgery, but especially so if you don't actually feel you identify as a binary transperson. And... I had to admit to myself that all the signs pointed that way. I don't want bottom surgery and really never did. I still include the man/mxn after nonbinary because I am still heavily leaning towards that male/man side, just not in any binary definition of what i want my male/man body to look like.

I now use "they" pronouns in addition to "he/him" pronouns and will be getting the X marker on my new ID once I get everything I need for getting the ID for the state I just moved to and thats gonna be a pain in the butt since they want all kind of identification. Its got nothing to do with the gender marker though and everything to do with them making their state ids compliant so they will be usable for domestic flights and trvael to canada and mexico once they new travel laws take effect this year.

2: TOP SURGERY UPDATE

So, I know have SO MUCH MORE feeling in my chest. A bunch woke up a couple months ago and, at first, it stung and had this staticky feeling. Also, it would hurt when i would go to brush crumbs or something off my chest and I dont know if maybe I was brushing harder before since it was numb or if it was just sensitive. Certainly was a shocker the first time it happened. Its adjusted a lot now. There are still some numb spots along the sides and where they made the incision, but a lot of it is back. My nipples also no longer look all shriveled up, but the flesh is still tight. Hoping that eventually I will be able to pierce them, but I have awhile to go still since a piercer told me i should wait 2 years.

3: HRT

I went on and off hormones a lot in that last half of the year. I spent almost two months off at one time and I wasnt sure I wanted to get back on... but eventually I did. My hairline is starting to recede, but for now, i think its that normal amount that testosterone does to give you a more masculine hairline... but im keeping my eye on it. im hoping, with the new year and all, to get back in the gym soon and hope the hormones help with the body sculpting. im also just so curious about how much more body hair im gonna grow. stomach hair that started near my pubic region is creating a tower and is climbing above my belly button now. theres some hair growing around my nipples and some on my feet. how much more will sprout up???

4: NEW YEAR

So, I finished college in December and this month I turn 29. I got some stuff to figure out, but I think I want to spend a significant amount of time in the next some years working on writing and art. I went to school for education, but I have been inspired to be brave and really push myself to go for my passions, which has been writing and art forever. Im gonna look into some masters degrees about art business and publishing. Might apply for that next year, who knows. We'll see just have to wait and see.

I'll be posting my new years resolutions/goals after this and maybe some more pics/videos and stuff. 😊😊😊

[unclejuho]

sf9 in london event + concert experience ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

this is my 5k essay on what happened 190512 // enjoy reading!!!

so i got to the venue at 11pm the night before bc i was so stressed by the other concerts (ppl at la started lining up at 6pm??) i really wanted to be near the front since im coming all way from the netherlands anyways i better go big or go home!!!! so like i waited there for an hour amongst other fans who were still waiting from a diff concert and when they left other fantasy arrived so we started queueing up. i rlly have to thank sf9 uk casue they were so nice to me and they kept letting me use their hotel next door to let me go to the bathroom and change ♥️

i ended up getting nr1 (or nr21 ig isbdhs) so!!!! we did it LMAO succesfully got a good spot even though my feet and butt were dead by the time anything even happened,, its so hard to wait for 16+ hours to go to a concert but its sf9 so who cares about health 🤡 we didnt get knifed and a lot of ppl came up to ask who the fuck we were waiting for hdbshsh it was so funny

so i started handing out my juho stuff ofc and ppl seemed to like it!!! so im glad haha eventually even i didnt have any anymore so i was happy ppl liked it!

skip to like 1pm which is when the members arrived at the venue, i was a lil late noticing cus i was waiting for those signed narcissus albums but i ran to the front anyways n saw youngbin chani tae leave the van (like what they posted in the travel preview) so that was!!!!! jdbdbsb they were so unbothered it was so cute so i went to get my albums and came back to line (i got all hwiyoung pcs oshshah) 

also there were so many other fans handing out fanmades it was so sweet the entire atmosphere was fantastic bc everyone was nice to eachother, rlly everyone i talked to was super sweet!!! also so many fansites with slogans or fans so i went broke once more but it was all worth it theyre so pretty...

at like 4.30 was the special event which lmao i rlly was so tired and i got sooo nervous i had my already signed fanfare from mwave bc if ure gonna sign any album it should be fanfare (looking at ALL the ppl that gave them narcissus) sooo us 20 were led upstairs to some sort of bar area and they had a long table w water bottles so we had to wait a lil while the staff checked our signed items if they were ok and then we had to form a line to wait (they were late) i met another dutchie so that was nice hdhshsh

finally the members walk out and im shaking bc baek ju is the first to enter the room!!! he was wearing that leopard sweater and i didnt even hate his mullet seeing it upclose...

jae was wearing that stupid unbottoned shirt skbssbsb and he came in giving ALL the fanservice like him and inseong were here for the entire thing osbdbsb the other members just sat down and sociaized with eachother like yb kept being adorable and pulling faces at the table it was everything and i couldnt see rowoon bc ppl were standing in front of him but i was!!!! shaking already bc whos idea was it to start off this event with fucking rowoon lmao is like immediate heart attack! ju was last which was oof...

so i had like ideas of what i wanted to talk abt w each members but lmao??? i didnt talk abt any of it to any member my mind was so shook...

first up was rowoon and he just hdhshsh???? the eye contact of this man and just seeing him upclose was so intense tf he rlly was.. so gorgeous n bc of his hair up his eyes looked even bigger n shimmered and the pics rlly dont do him justice... so the first thing i said was wow so handsome bc why not.. i was gagged indeed hdbdbsb he said like woooow our debut album and you already have it signed oabdbs i didnt explain the entire mwave thing bc wud he understand haha but he opened n he saw the pic of himself hes like what do u like better me now or me here??? me being myself im like fanfare bc ur hair down is so cute oahdhshs i rlly not a narcissus hag anyways but fanfare was best rowoon as always... so rowoon did his sign and i asked him to do sky castle impersonation he didnt understand so i just repeated sky castle he was like ah the voice thing im like yes cha minhyuk isbdbsh so he did the fucking thing and i was dying lmao great to have seen it in the flesh ofc...

after rowoon was taeyang and taeyang!!!! was so hyper and attentive like hdnsb whenever u see him in vids hes usually very casual but he was soooo sweet and he too was like ahhh fanfare he took a while to say but he said his heart was still in there hdhdhsh so i was 🤧🤧 i just asked tae if he was doing okay or if he wasnt feeling tired and he said he was doing great bc i was there im like dying hdhshsh so i said yah me too!!!! 

jae was after taeyang n jae was jdhshshs soooo into it i know korean fans say ppl change biases to jae after meeting him and i have to say i can see why!!! i didnt rlly know what to say to jae beforehand but he said oooo i really love london and im like haha i dont like it here im like im from the netherlands so he was shocked he said thank you for coming to travel here and he held my hand isbdbsbsb

next was inseong and... the eye contact level was sooo severe he rlly threw all into it hes like hi thank you for coming so much so i was wearing this shirt w a 🥩 on it and im like inseong do u like my shirt bc i know u love meat iahdhahsh so he was laughing n said yea wow this is my favorite shirt oshdhshs rlly had me going LOL he asked if it was my first time seeing them im like yea but im going to korea in the summer tho oshdhshs he said that was great n asked how long i was staying for,,, so im like im going a month so he asked why i was going so long im like im going for u!!! hdbshsb he gave me some hearts and i moved on ndhsbsab

so chani was next up and he looked so shy,,,, im sad bc i forgot to say everything i wanted to say to him at the beginning and i was just like chaniiiiiii and he laughed and signed my album before i went i quickly pushed in a URE MY FAVE DANCER n he highfived me hdhsbs

so youngbin was next and i... lmao... i was weak haha he just read my name hes like hiiiii gia im here being depressed saying HI YOUNGBIN I LOVE U SM thank u sm for everything u do for us and i shit u not my eyes like tearing up oshdbsbs yb asking me how im feeling im like YEA GREAT tears in my eyes oabdbs i rly couldnt speak otherwise id actually have them roll down my face so i just nodded and moved on iabsbs

hwiyoung im so sorry... i was still emo from yb and i even forgot to say happy birthday like pls hit me... hwi cheered for the fanfare album and im like yess hwi i love ur hair here i love the blonde;; hwi thanked me for coming 

next up was dawon and jdbsbs i came in saying hi fantasy president so he said yeeee fantasyyyyy and hes an unbothered legend oabbdhssbn he signed quickly and within a minute i was away again jdhdhs

so juho.. my god oshdhshwh hes so:((( pretty let me breathe liek... i came there im like juho i love u oahdhshsh hes just nodding his way going to sign my album and he drawing that heart stickman so im like i have a question can u draw— hes like this is my signature drawing LUCKILY i drew the jucasso next to my name so im like pointing at it being like lmao boy we dont want this heart flop bdhdhsh so he quickly drew it and i said i hope u feel better soon and i was off again,,, rlly dawon and juhos signing went so quick...

so we moved on to the pictures and they were grabbing the chairs and ju was standing all way back at first but then no members went to sit on the chairs oahdhs so JUHO THE MAN WENT FOR THE SEAT NEXT TO THE MIDDLE HDHSHSH and hwi on the other side and jae behind so im blessed like juho... he rlly did it... hdhshsh i quickly go to grab one of my banners bc im like bitch i gotta fucking rep for it now otherwise i wudnt know a pose anyways oahdhshs so i quickly took off my glasses as well

so its my turn im going up and sitting down and like handing this banner to ju and hes like ???? oh???? he quickly reads it n was impressed hdbsb so there was one pic and tae was sitting next to ju and wanted to read what was on the banner so he turned to us but then we had to take another pic so he had to turn back quickly again oahdhshsh and then i had to go again but as i walked away ju was explaining to the members what was on my banner so i :(((( 

after everyones picture was taken they said goodbye and waved and inseong stayed behind a lil to joke abt drinking beer (i rlly hate him but also me?) and then they left and we got our merch bags n went back downstairs

so i quickly ran over to my bestie to tell her abt it before realizing we had to line up to go inside for the concert so i was like stressed running away i rlly almost lost my first spot LOL but we were let inside the venue i had like 50 bags but i ran to the front and BLESS IT there was like tiny space left at the left side which is were i wanted to be bc juwoon!!!!!! so i rly did get barrier thank god i could put down all my bags as well and the fantasy next to me were great as well!!!!

// i’ll add the concert later as im tired rn and this is already 5k osjbhdbhjas

[sailorshadzter]

lets pretend this isnt riddled with mistakes (i REALLY forgot that the mountain was raised back from the dead??? can he still talk??? idk. he does here lmao and then never comes back because yeah, zombie guy stuff came up) 

basically this is a oneshot full of things i think will happen in season 8. i think a kidnapping plot is very plausible and i think the best time it will happen would be when the north sets out to fight against the night king.  but, as you read, you’ll see how i think cersei’s fate will play out by the end of the series. 

im not convinced daenerys would stand by and let jon live, considering his birthright, but i didnt want this story to be even longer by including a fight between them for the iron throne.  i read a theory about her dying in the fight against the night king & honestly that sounds right to me- but id already written the first half of this and was not about to go back and rewrite lmao. eventually i AM going to write that out though so be on the look out for that!

anyways hi 

here it is

im sorry if it sucks lol

You have to stay here.

He'd said those words over and over to her as he nearly dragged her down to the crypts beneath Winterfell, Ghost trotting after them, you'll be safest down here, he'd gone on, his dark eyes never leaving hers. Promise me you'll come back, she'd gripped the front of his cloak, unable to stop herself from pleading with him. Promise me, Jon. He'd taken her into his arms then, crushing her against him and Sansa could do nothing but commit to memory the way it felt to have him hold her. He'd kissed her forehead and smiled, but he made no promises. How could he, after all?

And then she watched him go, a cold sense of dread settled into the pit of her stomach.

By now, hours had passed, or so she supposed they had; she'd lost track of the time down there, surrounded by ghosts. She had passed the time praying to the Old Gods and the New, though she'd once sworn off praying, for what God had listened to her before? She had asked for guidance from her mother, her father, and even from her Aunt Lyanna. Sansa could only hope someone out there heard her. Reaching out a hand, she ran it along Ghost's back, watching with curiosity as the wolf suddenly sat upright. "What is it?" She spoke, her voice soft, her eyes following the wolf's line of sight. He'd settled his red-eyed gaze upon the door down the hall, the one which Jon had disappeared through some hours ago.

That was when she noticed it, the movement of the door as someone began to push it open. Her heart lept into her throat, her stomach churning as she rose up from where she sat on the ground. At her feet, Ghost had risen up as well, a low growl escaping his jaws as he took a few steps forward. Had they won already? Was the battle with the Night King truly over? Was this Jon returning to her? Or worse... Was it someone else come to fetch her, to take her to Jon's mangled body brought back to Winterfell? The door swung open then and Sansa felt her breath catch in her throat as a mountain of a man appeared in the doorway. "No..." She whispered as the man stepped into the corridor, his face hidden by a helmet, his white cloak a sign of who had sent him. Ghost was openly growling now, snapping his jaws in a warning to the man coming towards them. "Down, Ghost." Sansa spoke quietly, reaching down to tenderly rub the wolf's head, calming him. She'd never forgive herself if the Mountain killed Ghost and so she stepped in front of the wolf, holding her head high as the man approached her, no ounce of fear in her piercing blue eyes. "She's sent you then?"

Gregor Clegane did not recognize this young woman, this Lady of Winterfell. She was quite unlike the little girl that had once lived in King's Landing so long ago. But those eyes of hers... Those he remembered. Those he would never forget. "Aye," he replied in his gruff voice, reaching for her, her arm so small beneath his grip surely he would break her. Little bird, was that not what his brother had called her? The wolf at her feet snapped his jaws but she hushed him and the wolf sat back, though it continued to growl. Surprisingly, she did not fight against him as he drug her back towards the door, perhaps because she felt the strength of his grip on her arm and knew she was no match. Perhaps she valued her life more than she had back in King's Landing. And so he took her back up into Winterfell, down the main corridor and out the double doors into the courtyard where a huge, black stallion waited for its master.

Things were beginning to make sense now. Sansa could see no trace of servants or the guards left behind by Jon for her own protection. Either they were dead or frightened into hiding. It was snowing like mad and she had no cloak, but the Mountain didn't seem to care if she froze to death before they reached King's Landing. "Up you go," he lifted her onto the horse, the tight grip of his hands on her waist surely bruising her soft skin beneath her layers of clothes. Climbing up onto the horse himself, he snapped the horse into a trot and then they were gone, out the open gates of Winterfell and down the long road towards King's Landing. Looking back over her shoulder, Sansa felt a chill race down her spine that wasn't from the cold. It was Jon she thought of then, of his deep set, dark brown eyes, wishing with all of her might that he was there then. Please Jon, she thought as she was swiftly taken from her home, please be safe.

If nothing else, even if she got to King's Landing and Cersei took her head, she just wanted him to be alive.

[ x x x ]

All he could think of was her.

He rushed from the battlefield back towards Winterfell, back to where she was. Jon still could barely believe they'd won- he hadn't anticipated it, truthfully- but they had and now he had to see her. He had to hold her. He had to tell her just how he felt. But as he and a few of the survivors approached the gates, he felt it... A cold sense of dread that filled him whole, nearly snatching the breath from his lungs. "Jon?" It was Arya coming up beside him, her dark eyes meeting his, her features taut with worry. Could she feel it too? "Where are the guards?" Jon snapped his gaze from her face to the guard towers on either side of the open gate, realizing only then that there was no one within them. Sansa! He broke off at a run then, leaving Arya and the others behind, uncaring of the pain his battered body felt with every step that he took.

Down to the crypts he rushed, his mind whirling with hundreds of thoughts, but every one of them had to do with her. "Sansa!" He shouted as he nearly broke down the door to get into the passage, stumbling over the crumbling rock that once were a solid set of stairs. To his horror, she did not reply, but rather he heard the soft whining of Ghost. His wolf was pacing back and forth before the statue of Ned Stark, as if this was where Sansa has once been standing. "Sansa..." He came to stand before Ghost, who as soon as he'd noticed him, rushed towards Jon's side, his whining increasing. "It's okay boy," he murmured as he knelt down to put a hand to his ears, rubbing the soft head. "Where is she, Ghost? Where's Sansa?"

"Jon?"

He turned to look over his shoulder at the sound of Arya's voice, noticing only then that her face was bruised and pale. "There's a note." He stood up, his head swimming, and he reached out a hand to touch the wall, steadying himself. Arya approached, her worry evident as she extended out a rolled up parchment, already unsealed. He didn't have to ask her who it was from, for something told Jon he already knew. Unrolling it, Jon felt his heart skip a beat, felt his stomach sink as the unfamiliar handwriting began to blur. Damn her, he thought as he began to fall, damn that Cersei Lannister.

And then... Everything went black.

[ x x x ]

As the peaks of King's Landing came into view, Sansa knew she was in trouble.

Though she knew Cersei would not kill her outright, how could she after all? But coming back to this place... Here in King's Landing she had suffered so very much. Cersei would not make it easy on her. It would not be as it had once been. And worse yet, for all she knew Cersei would still yet blame her for the death of Joffrey, that alone could be her undoing. Sansa felt a chill race down her spine and she shivered from it, though the Mountain must have thought it was from the cold for he reminded her that they were almost there. Sansa could not help but to laugh-the cold had not bothered her for a long time now. She wished she could still yet feel the biting cold sting against her flesh, but that feeling had disappeared a long time ago.

Riding down the main road towards the Red Keep, Sansa noticed the city was quiet. It was early morning, so very early the sun had not yet even begun to rise. "Cover yourself girl," the Mountain suddenly spoke, draping what must have been his cloak over her hair, hiding her identity from prying eyes. No one could know Ned Stark's daughter, the now Lady of Winterfell, no, the Queen in the North, had been brought back to King's Landing. Drawing the cloak closer to herself, Sansa kept her eyes ahead, knowing everything was about to change.

Again, Jon came to her thoughts and so fiercely did she miss him that it brought tears to her eyes. Was he alright? What of Arya, of Brienne? Even Ser Davos whom she'd begun to establish a close relationship with. Those left in this world that she loved... Were they safe? Had the battle yet been won? And even Daenerys, what of her and her precious dragons? Had they made it through the battle unscathed? Or had they all fallen beneath the Night King's sword... Would there be no one to come and save her? No, she reminded herself, she would have to get herself out of this mess. Somehow.

It was then that they rode through the main gate and as the Mountain came to a stop, it was then that Sansa saw her standing there. Her blonde hair was cropped short, but her gown was as fashionable as ever, with long sleeves and a overlay of silk that draped across her front. Sansa felt her breath catch, but she made no movement even as the man behind her dismounted from his horse. "Get moving girl," the tight grip of his hands on her waist brought her back to the present, and Sansa staggered as her feet hit the ground for the first time in hours. He pushed her towards where Cersei stood in the doorway, paying no mind to how she stumbled over her own feet, clearly exhausted from the hours upon hours of riding. "My queen," he greeted as they approached, tugging the cloak he'd given her away, revealing her face to the woman. "I've brought you Sansa Stark."

Cersei's rosy lips curled with a haunted smile before she tilted her head, inspecting the young, beautiful woman before her. Even after hours of riding, of no sleep and no food, she was lovely. She had grown from a frightened young girl into a beautiful woman. Cersei could not stop the twinge of jealousy, could not help but to recall the old woman's prophecy of the younger, more beautiful queen who would take her place. She had once thought it would be this Daernerys Targaryen who had sailed across the Narrow Sea to reach Westeros, but now... Could it be the girl standing before her? "Hello, little dove." The use of her old pet name did not offer Sansa any comfort, but rather a cold dread settled into the pit of her stomach. But she held her head high and returned the smile that was offered to her.

She had survived Cersei Lannister and King's Landing once before and so she would do it again.

[ x x x ]

When he woke, his first thought was of her.

Forcing himself up from the bed, Jon grimaced, his wounds from the battle painful as they began to heal. "Jon." It was Daenerys seated beside his bed, to his shock, and he could not help but to feel disappointed. It should have been her... It should have been Sansa. "You shouldn't move yet." She went on, reaching out with her soft, gentle hands to push him back onto his pillow. "You'll only do more harm to yourself." He shrugged off her hands then, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, rising up without a single word. Daenerys sat back in the chair, looking at him with those violet eyes of hers, not a single strand of silver hair out of place on her head. "Jon..." She watched him as he pulled on the nearest shirt, one that Sansa herself had sewn for him before his departure for Dragonstone. Seeing her precise little stitches nearly broke him and he sank back onto his bed, hands covering his face as he fought to regain himself.

"I have to go to King's Landing." He finally said without preamble, lowering his hands to look across at Daenerys. For a moment her typically passive face faltered, disappointment skirting across her features. But then she regained herself, simply nodding as she watched him get back onto his feet. "How long have I been out?" He asked as he reached for the rest of his clothing, the fur trimmed cloak Sansa had made for him now draped over his arm. Daenerys had stood up as well, her violet eyes dark as they met his. Two days, her words haunted him as he shook his head, tugging his cloak on and making to push past her. "Move, your grace," he spoke with a venom he'd not felt before, his only thoughts of the girl he'd let down. Once again, Sansa was in the hands of the enemy, once again he'd failed to protect her.

Daenerys could not stop the jealousy that lept into her thoughts, darkening her heart. She had thought Jon was her's... Had thought that after all they'd been through already, he would stand beside her no matter what. It was true, his father had been her own brother, but did that truly matter in the end? "You intend to go after her? Cersei Lannister will have you murdered before you can reach her. You would give your life for her so easily?" Jon's face twisted with anger and at once she regretted her words, but there was no taking them back now.  Jon stepped close to her then, his brown eyes never once straying from hers, a look in them she had never seen before.

"I would give my life for hers without hesitation." His hands curled into fists at his sides before he shook his head, the anger fleeing, knowing this woman could never understand how he felt about Sansa. No one could. "You want the Iron Throne, it is yours. I have no mind to take it." He finally said the words he'd been meaning to say since the day of his true heritage had been revealed. "I just want her." And then, without waiting for dismissal from the dragon queen, he was gone, nearly sprinting from the room in his haste to gather all he would need to get to King's Landing.

He would save Sansa if it was the last thing he did.

[ x x x ]

It was not the dungeons for her, as she'd expected.

In truth, the rooms Cersei had housed her in were rooms far beyond her station. Sansa noted the silk sheets and chiffon canopy, the gilded furnitature, and the spacious chambers. These had once been Myrcella's chambers. It was as if Cersei had refused to make a single change to the rooms her daughter had once occupied. Sansa had heard the news of her death, brought along to the North by word of mouth and she had felt remorse for the princess. Had they not once been something like friends? In truth, Sansa felt remorse for any innocent life claimed in this game, in this war for the Iron Throne. She wondered if Cersei thought it worth it... The life of her children for this clunky, ugly chair.

A knock on the door and then it opened, a handmaiden coming in with a fresh gown, another following after with water for her to wash. It was her second morning in King's Landing and she'd still yet to see Cersei and that... That was troublesome. But by the looks of the gown brought to her, the queen intended to take an audience with her this very day. And so Sansa allowed herself to be dressed by the maidens, though she did not wash with the water given to her- she would not risk it being tainted with poison.

It was a little later that the summons came- she was seated in the window, looking out across the courtyard of the Red Keep when there came another knock upon her chamber door. It was two of the queen's guard there at her door, their white cloaks a stark contrast to the dark looks upon their faces. "The queen wishes to speak to you, my lady." One guard spoke and Sansa could not help but to smirk; this was not a request, it was a command. But she rose to her feet all the same, allowing the two guards to lead her down the still familiar corridors, not to the Great Hall but to Cersei's own chambers.

She found her seated behind her desk as always, her eyes finding her own the moment she entered the room. "Sit, little dove," Cersei spoke, gesturing for Sansa to take the seat before the desk. "It has been a long time." Sansa did not reply as she took to the seat, her blue eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she took in the sight of the woman before her. Was that... The  curve of a belly she saw? Sansa knew it was true then, the rumors she had heard, that Cersei carried yet another child by her own twin. It won't live, the thought crossed her mind without warning, like a premonition of what was to come. Blinking, she forced a smile and held Cersei's gaze, though she still did not speak. Cersei leaned forward over the desk, hands spread across its surface, those green eyes of hers unwavering in their stare. "I should have had you murdered for what you did to my son." Her voice was dangerous and Sansa felt her stomach drop, her own hands clenching into fists on her lap. "But..." She trailed off then, leaning back in her chair, hands now pressed against the swell of her stomach. Within her she carried the solution to all of her problems- within her, she carried the heir that would follow her. There would be no Targaryen to rule after her. The child would be a girl, she was certain, the woman of prophecy that would take her place on the throne. It would not be Daenerys Targaryen nor would it be this Sansa Stark before her. "Perhaps an exchange of life can be arranged. Yours for the Targaryen queen's."

Sansa did not believe her, not for an instant. There would be no exchanging her life for the dragon queen's that much Sansa was certain of. If Cersei still yet blamed her for Joffrey's death, then she would die before anyone would come for her- if they even did. She still knew not the fate of the beloved family against the army of the dead. And she knew that if Jon and the others were dead... Then what was the use in life? Without Jon, without Arya... It just would never be the same. Jon... She thought of him as she always did, of his smile, of the gentle touch of his hand against hers... Just please be alright. "Perhaps, your grace," Sansa finally spoke, her smile slight as she tilted her head, red hair a waterfall. It made no sense to argue her case over Joffrey's death, she would never believe her. "Unless of course Daenerys Targaryen comes for you first." Without waiting for a response, without being bid to rise, Sansa got to her feet and turned her back to this queen, knowing she would never again pretend to serve her. Gone was the young girl this queen had commanded with fright and manipulation and in her place was this new woman, Sansa Stark of Winterfell. The likes of Cersei Lannister could not frighten her anymore.

[ x x x ]

He had been riding for hours.

Hours and hours and yet he felt as if he were no closer to Sansa than when he'd first set out. His body ached and his wounds were bleeding, but he could not yet stop. How could he stop when Sansa was within the enemy's hands? The others tried to get him to stop, Arya and Brienne, Davos and even Tormund, but stopping was not an option. Jon thought of nothing but her... It fueled him to keep on riding, to never stop pushing forward.

"Jon... Look." It was Arya's voice, pulling him from the depth of his own mind, and he glanced beside him to where she rode, hand extended out. Following her pointed finger, he swiveled his gaze and that was when he caught sight of it... The first glimpse of King's Landing. They were still yet far, but that single sight of the tallest peak was enough to give him the energy he needed to continue. "We'll get there in time, Jon." Arya spoke again, once again claiming his attention. Jon stiffened but then nodded, a small smile twitching on his lips. She was right, they would get there in plenty of time to save Sansa.

"It can't be more than a day of riding away," Brienne spoke up, her pale features marred by cuts and a deep set bruise to her left temple. She still yet could not forgive herself for straying from Sansa's side. Yet again, her lady was trapped with the enemy, perhaps suffering in ways she did not deserve. In Cersei's clutches... No, Brienne would not think of such a thing. They would get to her and save her without any harm coming to her. That was all she had to keep her going and so she would believe it until the very end.

"Aye." Jon spoke, glancing to his left at Tormund, who gave a single nod. "Let's make it less than that." He kicked his horse into a gallop and took off, the others taking off after him. Wait for me, Sansa... Jon thought of her smile then, the sweet way it tugged at her rosy lips when she probably didn't even realize it. He would never allow anyone to take that smile away from her, not when she only so recently gained it back. Jon had fought with everything in him to protect her and take back Winterfell, he had sold himself out to the dragon queen and lost the respect of nearly every Northern lord... But he would not lose Sansa.

[ x x x ]

Something was not right.

Sansa could feel it in her bones, that cold sense of dread that only came to her when something truly awful was about to happen. She recalled the first time she had felt it... When Lady had been sentenced to die. And then the next... When her father had so unjustly lost his head. The ripple of anxiety sent chills down her spine, goosebumps rising across the backs of her arms. It had been hours since she had walked free from Cersei's chamber and she was quite surprised that the queen had not sent for her once again. In fact, no one had come to her in quite some time.

Rising up from where she sat at the table, she tiptoed across the room to open her chamber door, even more surprised to find the guards once posted there were gone. Sticking her head out into the hall, she caught sight of a maid rushing by, looking worred. "What's happening?" Sansa spoke loudly, catching the girl's attention. The maid slowed to a stop, glancing left and then right as if she knew she wasn't supposed to be speaking to her. But Sansa stepped fully out of the room then, allowing the chamber door to close behind her. "Tell me what's happening!" If the guards had left their posts outside her door, then that meant something truly awful must have been going on somewhere else in the castle. "Are we under attack?"

The maid again glanced left and then right, swallowing against whatever fears were deep within her. And then... She spoke. "The queen is in labor, my lady." She spoke quietly, the words ones Sansa had not at all anticipated on hearing. "It is much before her time and she is struggling. Many of the guards and staff... They've abandoned their posts. Those who are loyal... They are doing what they can for her grace." And then the maid was gone, racing off towards where she had been heading all along: the main set of doors that would lead her out of the Red Keep and into the streets.

For a moment she could not breathe but then she steadied herself, knowing this could be her one and only chance at escaping. And yet... It was not towards those same doors that her feet carried her, but down the halls towards the queen's chambers. They were a buzz of activity, with maids going in and out, two unfamiliar men pacing outside the chamber door. Sansa went past them without effort, she supposed they had not even noticed her slip on by. Into the antechamber first, she became aware of how dire the situation had to be within the queen's bed chamber. Maids were on their knees, praying to the Old or New Gods, some to save their queen... Others... Perhaps not. For a moment, she thought she might back out, that she would leave without taking another step inside that room. No, she told herself, you must see this for yourself. She swept by them, pushing open the door to Cersei's chamber. No one noticed her entry, the two maester's at the foot of the bed conversed in soft, somber tones, their expressions dark. Maids gathered around the bed on either side, their clothing stained with blood, their faces tracked with tears. And then, there she was, the once golden queen laying there in her grand bed, face pale as death itself.

Sansa quietly approached the side of the bed, only then drawing notice from anyone in the room. Cersei's green eyes opened as her head swiveled to face her, lips moving in a silent plea, words that Sansa could not hear. The swollen bump of her abdomen was hidden beneath the draping silk, but even those were stained with blood. It was as she'd thought only a day earlier, the child would not live. And now it was clear to her, neither would the mother. Then she spotted it, a cot on the far side of the bed, where a small bundle was neatly wrapped. Surely within a child lay, a child that never even drew a single breath, a child born far too soon.  She made to step back from the bed but she felt a touch to her hand; looking down, it was Cersei grasping for her, lips again moving with words that she could not hear. Leaning down, Sansa placed her ear as close as she dared to the dying woman, to hear what very well could be her final words. Me? She's going to speak to me? Sansa thought, but pushed the thoughts away as she listened to what it was Cersei was trying to say. "A... Girl... Was it... A girl?" Cersei's words cut her like a knife and Sansa drew back, looking up towards the maester's that had heard their queen's whisper. One of them shook his head and then Sansa turned back to look into those fading green eyes. No, Sansa heard herself say, drawing back up to her full height as Cersei smiled, a laugh dying on her dry, chapped lips. And so I was wrong... So very wrong. Cersei closed her eyes then and drew a final breath, every ounce of fight leaving her body in that very moment.

And that was when Sansa left.

She backed away from the room as the maids began to cry in earnest, more than one falling to her knees at the queen's bloody bedside. The moment she was in the corridor, Sansa began to run, faster than she had ever run in all of her life. Down the halls and towards the main double doors, uncertain where she would go, but knowing anywhere would be better than here. Pushing past the doors, she stumbled out into the afternoon sunshine, the warmth of it unable to bring her any sense of comfort at all. She slowed to a walk and to a hault as she came upon the five men, all with their stark white cloaks, all with swords strapped to their hips. It was the men that remained of the queen's guard, men that would harm her without a second thought. Breath catching in her throat, Sansa took a step back, wondering if perhaps she'd been safer inside the Red Keep... But now it was too late.

The first man was approaching her, a hungry look in his eyes that Sansa had seen hundred's of times in a man. Fear clutched at her and she turned to make a run for it, but he grabbed hold of her arm before she could go, pulling her hard towards him. A fist connected with her abdomen seconds later and the very breath was knocked from her lungs as she collapsed upon the dirt. She had been here before, hadn't she? Too many times to count. Another hit came, this one in her side, sending her sprawling across the ground. "The queen bid us not to harm you, but now there's no queen." It was a second man that spoke, this one coming closer to reach out and take hold of a fistful of her hair, yanking her back up onto her feet. "But rumor is that you're as good as the Queen in the North... I ain't never been with a queen before, have you men?" The three other men laughed as they all crept closer, agreeing that no, they had never before. Sansa felt her heart skip a beat. This couldn't happen to her.. Not again... Not again! She fought back against the man holding her, his grip now on her arm, but no matter how hard she pulled she could not get free. A second man approached and his hand gripped the shoulder of her gown, tearing it away from her body. The third man was there too, closing in on her as Sansa began to shout, kicking and flailing with all of her might, blue eyes a frenzy as the last of the men circled her. A fist caught her in the mouth, another in the side, all the while the other two tore at her borrowed gown, making every attempt to tear it from her very body.

And then, they all heard it. The sound of galloping horses, the sound of someone come to save her.

Jon could see her up ahead, there in the courtyard of the Red Keep with five men around her. She was struggling against the one holding her and Jon could see her gown was torn, a sign that one of them had put his hands upon her in such a way that enraged him more than he thought possible. With the others thundering along beside him, they swept across the courtyard, breaking apart the five men that had suddenly abandoned Sansa, leaving her there to tumble into the dirt. Leaping from his horse, Jon unsheathed his sword and at once lunged at the nearest of men, the one that had been holding fast to her when they'd rode up.  And just like that, a battle had erupted in the courtyard, for even Davos had taken up his sword against a man in honor to fight for the girl that was hunched over on the ground, doing her best to catch her breath and calm her racing heart.

It took him only  three more slices before the man was cut down, slumping onto the ground as he gagged on his own blood, clutching at his wounded throat. Jon turned then, his eyes finding Sansa's as she looked out at him from where she sat, the gown she wore in pieces. "Sansa," he whispered her name before he began to run, racing towards her and throwing himself down before her. "Sansa!" He felt her a moment later, his arms winding around her as she threw herself into them, her body quivering as she buried her face into his shoulder. He held onto her as tightly as he dared, breathing in her sweet, familiar scent, the sounds of steel against steel the only other noise in the background as one by one, the queen's guards fell beneath his comrades blades. And then... It went silent.

Only then did he pull back from her, holding her at arm's length; he could already see the bruise upon her face, the blood on her lip. "I can't believe you're here," she whispered, her blue eyes shining as they filled with tears. Jon reached out a hand, thumb catching a tear as it slipped free, his lips curving with the smallest of smiles. How was it that he was always there when she needed him most? And not just Jon, she could see all of the others too, the ones that had come to save her from King's Landing. Arya stood just a short distance away, a strange look on her face, but Davos was smiling faintly, as if he'd always known the truth.

"I made you a promise, didn't I?" Jon's voice brought her back and Sansa looked back to him, only to see he was still yet smiling. "I will always protect you, Sansa." He had meant it back then, that vow of protection he'd offered her. Not just against Ramsay, but against anyone who might do her harm. At his words, Sansa was smiling too, before she plunged back into his arms, burying herself as close to him as she possibly could. It was only a few minutes later that he bid her to rise, drawing her up with him. Ser Davos was there then, draping her in his own cloak before offering her his arm, slowly taking her towards Jon's own horse that stood several yards away. Brienne and Arya met them there, Sansa embracing first her younger sister, holding onto the smaller girl for a long moment. And then she was forcing Brienne back onto her feet, for the tall swordswoman had knelt onto the ground at her feet, clearly shamed by Sansa's kidnapping.

Jon watched as she walked away from him, as she met with the others that she loved, knowing he had done as he'd promised. But it wasn't over yet. This was his life. She was his life. He followed the path he'd been born for- no, that he'd been reborn for, and it all led right back to her. And so he walked towards her again, to where Ser Davos was helping her up onto the horse's back and he climbed up behind her. "Lean on me," he whispered against the shell of her ear and he felt her body a moment later, her back against his chest as she settled into place against him. "Let's go home." He said to the others, all of whom had climbed back onto their own horses, all ready to make the journey back home.

Back to Winterfell.

[ x x x ]

It was days later and Jon found himself to finally feel like normal again. After fighting the army of the dead, traveling to and from King's Landing, as well as fighting again, he had found himself to be beyond exhausted. The only thing that had kept him going on the return to Winterfell was Sansa, who rode without complaint even as the bruises began to darken, even when she could not sleep from the nightmares that plagued her yet again.

The moment they had rode through the gates of Winterfell, it was to cheers and joy. The Northern lords and peasants alike had gathered within the gates, cheering the arrival of their Lady of Winterfell and all the others they owed their lives to. Jon had caught sight of Daenerys even, high in the tower that overlooked it all, her pale face peering down from a single window. But even that was days ago and he'd not yet even seen the Dragon queen, he could not even say if she still yet remained in Winterfell. It was as he had told her- he cared not who sat upon the Iron Throne.

Rising from his bed for the first time, Jon dressed in the clean clothes that had been laid out for him and left his chamber, his feet taking him the familiar path to Sansa's. But, it took only a quick glance inside to see that she was not there and at once his heart was fluttering fast. He made his way down the halls but still could not find her. At least... Not at first.

He found her on the upper walkway with Ghost, looking out over all of Winterfell. She was dressed warmly, her fur cloak draped across her shoulders, the gown beneath it a deep and somber shade of blue he'd never before seen her wear, but recalled it being a color Catelyn Stark had often worn. She looked so beautiful standing there he could not help but to stand and stare a moment longer than he meant to. "Sansa," finally he spoke her name as he approached, the sound of his voice catching her attention. Her smile was radiant as she reached out a gloved hand to touch Ghost's head a moment before the direwolf came towards him, rubbing his head against Jon's knees. He ran his own hand along the wolf's neck and spine, thankful he still yet had his companion, though he'd seen little of the direwolf since his return. Ghost had committed himself to Sansa in the same sort of way Jon had it seemed. "How are you?"

Sansa regarded him for a moment longer before she turned back to face the vast expanse of space that was Winterfell, her gloved hands falling into place upon the stone before her. "I'm home," she said simply, her lips curving with a smile. "We're home." She clarified then, turning back to face him, the wind catching her long red hair. Jon could not help himself from reaching out, tucking a strand behind her ear, his fingertips trailing the length of her jaw as he drew his hand back. She caught his hand then, giving it the softest of squeezes as she stepped a little closer, the gap between them minimal at best. She heard him say her name, so softly that she thought she might have imagined it, but he was smiling as she leaned in, almost hesitantly, catching his mouth with her own.

Jon took her into his arms the moment he felt her lips find his and suddenly there was no gap between them at all. He returned her kiss with every ounce of passion he could muster, wondering just how long he'd truly been waiting to do this. As he drew back a few moments later, it was to cup her cheek with his palm, her blue eyes finding his as her hand slid into place over his. And then he said the only words that seemed to make sense.

"We're home."

And now, all would be well.

[quiet-onset]

Pâro (3)

Pairing: Cap!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4,521

Tag List:  @thisisbullshytt, @here-for-your-bullshit, @unknownuserhasjoined, @bees-are-more-important, @catvader1o1, @i-bitch-you-bitch, @slavsher, @thefridgeismybestie

A/N: woooooow, this is super late! But it’s really long so I don’t feel that bad lol. In case you don’t even remember what happened in the last chapter, here it is. Enjoy!

“What brings you here, Captain?”

“Shut up, Steve.”

It had been almost four months since Bucky became Captain America, and things weren’t getting any easier. He and the team still had no leads on what MODOK wanted or the extent of his powers. The public still seemed cold towards him. And Bucky still had no idea what he was doing.

So he did the first thing that came to his mind. He visited his best friend in a new Brooklyn home.

It was weird seeing Steve in such a domestic setting, but it suited him perfectly. There were still a few unpacked boxes and some tables in need of being assembled, but Steve figured it could wait. After all, he hadn’t seen Bucky in three months. Upon entering the living room, Bucky saw Nat struggling to pick up a screwdriver from the ground. It seemed her growing belly was getting in the way. Steve rushed to her side and picked it up for her. “Nat, what are you doing?”

“Getting the damn screwdriver. What does it look like?” She looked up, smiling when her eyes landed on Bucky. “Hey, Bucky.”

“Nat, hey.” He grinned. “You look—”

“Huge, I know.”

“I was gonna say happy.” He told her truthfully. “But you probably shouldn’t be trying to put together a table from IKEA right now.”

“That’s what I said.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Well, I need to do something. I’m tired of sitting around and doing nothing.”

“Why don’t you finish unpacking the last few boxes in the bedroom then? That’ll keep you moving.” Steve suggested, supporting her as she walked to the hallway.

“Fine. But I want those tables done today.”

“Alright, mama.”

Steve watched her as she continued down the hallway, only returning to Bucky when she was in the bedroom. Bucky looked at him with an amused smirk on his face, “Mama?”

He waved his hand in the air before gesturing to the couch. “Nat is convinced the baby can hear us already, so she wants to start with the whole ‘mama, dada’ thing early. Swears it’ll make the baby talk earlier.”

The two sat down with a sigh, looking around at the new house. Steve’s and Nat’s new home. It was simple and their personalities shone through easily. Bucky could tell the fireplace was Steve’s idea, but the pictures of Brooklyn were Nat’s doing. She always wanted to make sure Steve felt like he belonged. And Steve, he always wanted Nat to remember that she always had a warm home to return to. It was nice. It made Bucky proud.

“I’m really happy for you, Steve,” Bucky told him. “You deserve this.”

“I’d like to think so.” Steve chuckled in response. “It’s been an adjustment, for sure. Reminding myself that I don’t have to fight anymore. That it’s under control. That I can just be, ya know.”

“Yeah.”

Steve nudged Bucky’s foot with his own. “You’ll get that one day, too. I guarantee it.”

“Here’s to hoping.” Bucky scoffed.

Steve’s brow furrowed as he looked Bucky over. He recognized this look. The bags under his eyes, the borderline scruffy beard, the dark sarcasm. Something had happened, and Bucky wasn’t handling it well. “Bucky, what’s going on with you?”

“I think the easier question would be what’s not going on.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“You’ve got enough on your plate, Steve. I don’t want to add—”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t concerned, Buck.”

Bucky ran his flesh hand over his face as he heaved out a deep breath. “I have no idea what I’m doing, man. I’m just winging it every day. I’m glad I could take this on for you, but I don’t know how to be a captain. Hell, I wasn’t even a captain in the army.”

“I’d assume being a sergeant is pretty similar.”

“You’d think, right?” Bucky chuckled. “Everyone’s always looking to me. For a plan, for orders. I try to think of what you’d do, but it’s hard, y’know? After seventy years of blindly following orders, now I have to give them. Not to mention, people hate me.”

“Nobody hates you, Buck.”

“Everyone hates me. If one more reporter asks me why you chose me to be Captain America, ‘m gonna implode. They’re around the Tower all the damn time. And they’re always quick to remind me that I don’t deserve this. That I’m not good enough and that I’ll obviously never be as good as you.”

Steve sat forward, his elbows on his knees as he looked Bucky in the eye. “Look, I know it’s hard. But, Buck, I never would’ve asked you to do this if I didn’t think you could handle it.”

“How did you do it for so long?” Bucky asked quietly.

“When it got hard, I had to remember that I always had the team to fall back on. You, Nat, Tony, everybody. And you have them, too. If no one else ever decided to support you, you’d always have us, Bucky. Always.”

Bucky thought back to forties, remembering when Steve had become Captain America, the performer. He chuckled as he thought back to those old, terrible movies he used to film. “Was this what was like back then?”

“Yeah, exactly like this.” Steve laughed along with him. “Nobody liked me at first, man. I was still that stupid show boy with backup dancers to them. I had to just keep doing what I knew was right. They came around eventually.”

“That’s what Tony told me.”

“I guess he can say something useful every now and then.” Steve joked. “Look, if there’s any advice I can give you, it’s that you have to be you. Don’t think about what I would do. Just trust your gut.”

Bucky nudged Steve’s foot, just as he did only a few minutes before. “Since when did you get so good at giving advice?”

“What can I say? I’m a wise old man.” He responded with a smirk.

“Yeah, sure.”

Steve moved from the couch to the floor, opting to start on the table Nat was building earlier. He picked up the instructions and peeked over the top to look at Bucky. “So there’s nothing else going on?”

“No,” Bucky answered. His eyes narrowed as Steve shrugged innocently. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason. You just have this look.”

“What look?”

“The I’m-seeing-a-girl look.”

Bucky rolled his eyes as he threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly. “How do you even know about that?”

“Paparazzi are everywhere, and Nat is really into tabloids now for some reason. Last month, it was crocheting.” He reached across the floor and grabbed a magazine, throwing it to Bucky. He picked it up, shocked at the picture someone managed to take of you handing him his shield back after MODOK’s first attack.

“So a giant floating head attacks New York City, and this is what they take a picture of.” Bucky sighed.

“So you are seeing her?” Steve asked, screwing in a table leg.

“No, I’m not. I mean, I see her. Around. But I’m not seeing her.”

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t have time for a relationship, Steve. Besides, she’s probably not even interested. As a matter of fact, maybe I’m not interested. You ever think of that?”

“You look pretty interested in that photo.” Steve chuckled. “Flushed, sweaty, smiling.”

“I’m sorry, did I not mention the giant floating head?” Bucky asked sarcastically.

“Okay, when was the next time you saw her?”

“I went to her house—”

“Her house?” The grin on Steve’s face was growing by the second.

“To question her about the attack.”

“And what happened?”

Bucky huffed, rolling his eyes, “Nothing. We talked.”

“So that’s the last time you saw her?”

Bucky bit his tongue, knowing what would come next if he answered truthfully. Steve could tell he was holding back; they were best friends after all. A smirk grew on Steve’s face as he deduced the truth, “You saw her recently, then.”

Huffing once more, Bucky waved his hand from the wrist. “I’m fixing her window.”

“Buck, I never thought I’d have to tell you this, but that’s called a crush.” Steve laughed. “You should ask her out! You deserve to be happy, y’know.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Bucky shrugged.

“Well, I know. You’re a good person.”

The duo smiled at each other fondly. It was so strange to experience. It was as if their friendship had never changed, yet constantly changed as fluidly as the seasons. Sure, there were some new components. But at the core, Steve and Bucky were still the same best friends they were seventy years ago.

Before Bucky could get another word in, his phone rang. He checked the caller ID, seeing Tony’s name flash across the screen. Steve recognized the look on his face; he’d worn it many times himself. He smiled and waved his hand at Bucky, “Go on, answer it.”

Bucky shot him an apologetic look as he clicked the green answer button, “What’s up, Tony?”

“Sorry to interrupt the old man convention, but MODOK is back.”

“Where?”

“Beata Pharmaceuticals, just outside of Queens.”

“Any idea what he’s after?”

“Not yet, but Bruce is on it,” Tony answered. “Just get here fast. Like yesterday.”

“On my way.”

Upon hanging up, Bucky parted his lips to apologize, but Steve cut him off almost immediately. “Don’t you dare apologize, Barnes. Just go be great.”

Bucky smiled, “You getting soft on me, Rogers?”

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

—

When Bucky arrived, the area had been blocked off by police. The police held back reporters who attempted to ask Bucky questions as he hopped off his motorcycle.

Something wasn’t right, Bucky could tell. The police didn’t normally show until after the fact, preferring to leave the supervillains to people who could handle them. Bucky approached the police captain as he looked over his surroundings. It was chaos almost, some policemen rushing people away from said building, others fighting what looked like henchmen. “What’s going on?” Bucky asked the captain.

She turned, greeting him with a nod. “Clearing the area. We have reason to believe there’s a bomb inside.”

“Any civilians inside?”

“All the employees are out. It’s just MODOK and his henchmen now.” She told him. “I’ve called in the bomb squad, so when they arrive—“

“I don’t want you risking your men. We’ve got this.” He said, pulling his shield off his back.

“And if you die?”

He turned with a shrug, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, Captain.”

He ran towards the building at top speed, easily taking out any henchmen in his way. When he made it inside, he decided to check in with the team. “How’s it going out there?”

“Just dandy,” Tony grunted.

“Where’s MODOK?”

“We think he’s wherever they keep their experimental drugs,” Bruce answered.

“Okay. Peter, Wanda, comb the building for the bomb. I’m going for MODOK.”

“Alone?” Tony asked.

“If I can destroy whatever he’s looking for, he’ll have no reason to stay.”

Bruce directed him to the lab containing experimental drugs. Bucky came upon a long hallway, the bright light that flickered reflecting off the large window halfway down the hall. He cursed to himself; it seemed just like a horror movie. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed a pistol from his thigh holster and put his shield up, proceeding slowly down the hallway.

He could hear the whirring of MODOK’s chair as he approached the end of the hallway and turned left. One of MODOK’s robotic arms slithered out of the back of his chair, reaching for a vile on the counter. Quickly, Bucky pulled the trigger, and the arm recoiled back into the chair. “Mr. Barnes,” MODOK said. “What a pleasure.”

“‘M afraid I can’t say the same,” Bucky answered. “Where’s the bomb, MODOK?”

“A bomb? I can’t say I know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re willing to kill innocent people?”

“Collateral damage, Mr. Barnes. You just can’t see the big picture.”

Before Bucky could even question what he meant, two of the robotic arms shot out of MODOK’s chair and clamped onto Bucky’s shield. In the blink of an eye, Bucky was left defenseless as the other arm grabbed him by the torso and threw him across the lab. He grunted when he made contact with a rack of chemicals, liquids spilling all over the floor as Bucky thought about his next move.

Bucky’s eyes followed the arms carefully as he sneakily reached for his knives. He leveled his breathing as the arms rushed toward him, only moving at the last second. He plunged one knife into each arm, and the sharp edges tore at the wires inside. With MODOK’s arms inactive, he slid across the floor to his shield. He hid his body behind it as MODOK shot out a beam of purple energy at him.

It was a battle of endurance between the two; who could hold their line longer. MODOK and Bucky both pressed forward, gritting their teeth. He took a quick look behind him as he felt his heel hit the wall. When he looked back up, his eyes widened.

“Y/N?”

With Bucky momentarily distracted, MODOK gave one last push and sent Bucky through the large glass window, into the hallway. Bucky regained his senses when he saw you leaning against the wall with blood trickling down your arm. He went to move, groaning at the soreness in his back.

“Bucky!”

You threw your arms around his neck, not feeling the pain of the cut. Bucky let out a breath and returned the gesture quickly before pulling away, his hands on your shoulders. “What are you doing here? You gotta get out of here.”

“I tried!”

Bucky heard the distinct whirring of MODOK’s chair, causing his ears to perk up. He turned you at your waist and urged you down the hall. “Go, go!”

“I ran towards the exit,” You huffed as he directed you up the stairs. “But some of the henchmen started shooting and chasing me, so I ran—“

“We can talk about it later. Right now, we just need to focus on getting you out. Bruce?”

“There should be a door on your left.” He answered quickly.

Bucky grabbed your hand and pulled you through, running down another hall. Bruce told him to take a right, where they were finally able to stop and take a breath. As Bucky’s breath began to even out, he noticed your brow was furrowed and you were struggling to breathe. He recognized the expression; he’d seen it on many civilian faces before. Hell, he’d worn it a few times. You were panicking.

He placed his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes. “Y/N, you are going to be fine. I am going to get you out of here safely, okay. But we don’t have time for hesitation, alright?”

You did your best to slow your breathing as you nodded. “What about MODOK?”

“You and your safety are my priority.”

Had the situation not been so dire, you would’ve dwelled on those words and the sincerity behind them. He knew that those words had a double meaning. That he didn’t only mean that statement in the face of danger. No, that was something that he was slowly but surely discovering about himself. It seemed that he’d always put you before his mission, and, to be quite honest, it frightened him.

“Bucky!” Wanda snapped him back to reality. “I didn’t see a bomb.”

“I didn’t either, Cap. I checked the vents, too, but there was nothing.” Peter added.

Bucky was about to have them double-check when he came to a realization. MODOK said there was no bomb, and everything he had done so far was calculated. Nothing he did was ever by mistake, including the way he attacked the team.

He’d thought nothing of it during the fight, but MODOK had thrown him into a rack of chemicals. They didn’t pose any immediate threat to him or anyone outside, so he brushed it off and continued to fight. But, Bucky couldn’t help but wonder what if.

“Bruce, the lab I was in. It had chemicals in it.”

“That makes sense,” Bruce answered, the click-clack of the keys falling deaf on the team’s ears. “They were experimenting with all kinds of stuff.”

“Is any of it flammable?”

The question caused a lightbulb to go off in Bruce’s mind as he wondered why he hadn’t thought of that before. “Of course it’d be too risky to bring an actual bomb. That leaves room for the possibility of it being disarmed. If it’s chemicals—“

“No one can stop it.” Bucky finished. “Peter, Wanda, out of the building now.”

“Bucky, how will we get out?” You asked him. “We’re too high up.”

Bucky walked over to the window and judged the distance to the ground as he gripped his shield in his left hand. He knew that you’d both have to jump. When he looked back at you, you were shaking your head, fear coursing through your veins.

“We have to,” Bucky told you.

“I can’t. We can’t jump out of a—“

“Do you trust me?”

There was a beat of silence, but you could see the urgency in his eyes. You nodded, prompting him to wrap his arm securely around your waist.

“We’ll be fine.” He said with a nod.

With that, you both jumped out the window. The wind was whipping against your face as you picked up pace, falling quickly toward the ground. Then, the explosion sounded just above you. Small pieces of debris hit you as you fell, but couldn’t find it in yourself to notice. Bucky held you as tightly as he could as he braced himself for impact, but he never felt it.

Bucky tried to move, but whatever caught them was sticky. He pulled it off one hand just for it to get stuck to the other. He sighed in relief before letting out a small chuckle. As he tapped on the comms, he pulled you to your feet and checked you for injuries. “Thanks for the save, kid.” He mumbled into the comm.

“Sorry it’s so sticky.” Peter huffed, landing on a neighboring rooftop. “Better than nothing though, right?”

“Far better.” Bucky chuckled. After checking your arms and legs for injuries, he looked up at you. “Are you alright?”

“As alright as I can be.”

He could see that you were still shaken up. Your eyes flickered here and there as you looked for any sign of MODOK. Bucky managed to get your attention when he picked up his shield, dusting the webs off before hooking it onto his back. “We should get back to the Tower. We’ll get your statement there, and the doctors can check you out.”

“Bucky, I feel fine—“

“Y/N, please.” You could see the worry clear in his eyes, his hands on your shoulders. “Just humor me, alright?”

—

Bruce wasn’t having it this time.

He knew that no one believed him. He knew that Tony and Bucky and the rest of the team thought he was overreacting, overanalyzing. But Bruce knew he was right in his gut. There was something off about you, and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

Tony was on his heels as Bruce hightailed it to the conference room Bucky had taken you to. He tried his best to calm the scientist down, but Bruce was inconsolable. Bruce knew what it felt like to be manipulated, and he would be damned it happened to one of his friends. “Bruce, just take a minute and think about this. There’s got to be a logical explanation.” Tony said.

Bruce stopped just outside the door. “Then maybe she can enlighten us.”

Bucky was surprised when the door was thrown open. He had been sitting with you, tightening the new bandage on your arm and calming you down. You hadn’t been exposed to the things he had, so the explosion still had you a little out of it. Bucky looked up, his brow furrowing. “Everything alright?”

“It’s fine.” Bruce nodded. “I just want to ask her a couple questions.”

You looked confused as you pointed at yourself, “Me?”

“I already questioned her, Bruce,” Bucky informed him.

Bruce shrugged, “Then the questions should be easy to answer.”

“What’s all this about?” You asked.

“This is about you. I just find it strange that you were in the facility in the first place. You work at an accounting firm, right?”

“I do—”

“Because that’s what you told our Captain here.”

“I do work at an accounting firm, Mr. Banner.”

“Great.” Bruce nodded, going over to the computer. He began typing furiously as he ignored Tony’s request that he calm down. “So you were at a pharmaceutical facility that you do not work at for what exactly?”

You cleared your throat, her heart hammering in your chest when his tone became even more accusatory. “They get their accountants from us. I was there as a representative for my firm.”

“That’s convenient.”

“Bruce, I think you need to calm down,” Bucky said slowly, his voice dangerously low.

“I’m just looking for an explanation. Right, Tony? Like you said, a totally logical explanation. That’s what we want.”

Tony shook his head, “Don’t drag me into this. I think you’d better listen to Bucky, okay? You’re not in the right mindset.”

“Why am I the only that finds this sketchy? She shows up every time MODOK does, without fail.”

“Some things really are coincidental, Bruce.”

“Really?” Bruce said. He pressed a button and suddenly, light from the projector flooded your eyes. You squinted and raised a hand to shield your eyes as you spun your chair around to look at the picture. It was you, the day of the first attack when MODOK threw a pillar at you. You stood up, confused as to what this had to with anything. Bruce walked up to the front of the room, pointing at the picture. “Because the look on her face? That’s not coincidental.”

“Where the hell is this going, Banner?” Bucky nearly growled.

“Any normal person would be afraid for their life. Screaming, crying, doing something. But she’s not scared. She’s surprised.”

“This is ridiculous.” You mumbled.

He walked closer to you, pointing a finger at you with an expression close to pure rage in his eyes. “Did you know he was going to attack New York that day?”

“No, I told Bucky!” You said frantically. “I was on my lunch break! I was going to the pizzeria down the street when it happened!”

Bruce paused, the look in his eyes almost indecipherable. His lips were parted, but no words came out. You didn’t know what happened, but it was like his brain short-circuited and he was just left staring at you accusingly. For a moment, you were afraid for your life. You had never seen him become the Hulk, but maybe this was how it started.

Bucky could see the fear in your eyes, and he immediately went into protective mode. He marched over to the two of you and stood in the middle, giving Bruce the fiercest look he could muster. “That’s enough, Banner. Back off.”

You watched over Bucky’s shoulder as Bruce seemed to regain his senses. He looked Bucky in the eyes and was no longer looking for a challenge. He scoffed as Bucky turned to you and, in a small voice, said, “C’mon, let’s go.”

You felt Bucky’s large hand on the small of your back as he ushered you out of the conference room. You caught Tony’s glance, and he gave you a sympathetic look. Before you exited, you turned your head once more to look at Bruce. He still had that accusatory glint in his eyes as he glared at you.

Tony turned to Bruce slowly, his frown causing a crease in his forehead that was normally attributed to stress. “What the hell was that?”

“I know, I lost my temper.” Bruce sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Well, you better fucking find it. Okay?” He chastised softly, stepping closer. “You scared that girl half to death.”

“You gotta understand, Tony. I don’t believe her story.”

“I know you think—”

“No, I know.” Bruce stopped him. “Tony, her stories didn’t match up.”

“Her stories?”

“She told me she was going from work to the pizzeria. She told Bucky she was going from the pizzeria back to work.”

Tony paused, thinking back to when they listened to Bucky’s recordings of his questionings. Slowly, he came to the realization that Bruce was right. Tony looked him in the eye as he realized that he may be right about everything. “That’s a minor detail.”

“One that can easily be mixed up by someone that doesn’t usually lie if they’re under stress.”

Tony folded his arms across his chest as he gave Bruce a cautious look. Finally, he nodded, “Fine. I’ll help you look into this. But if we don’t find anything—”

“I won’t bring it up ever again.” Bruce agreed.

Meanwhile, Bucky looked down at you with concerned eyes as he placed his hands on your shoulders. He rubbed up and down your arms soothingly as you took a deep breath. “You alright?” He asked you.

“I’m okay.” You nodded. “I’m fine.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea—”

“It’s alright, Bucky. He’s just trying to do his job.”

“Still.” He heaved out a sigh. “I don’t know what got into him.”

You placed a hand on his chest, hoping it would calm him. Bucky’s cheeks heated up as he realized you could now tell how fast his heart beating. He couldn’t help it; being so close to you did something to him, made him nervous. Or maybe it was the way your eyes bore into his, concern laced in your Y/E/C irises. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I promise, Bucky.”

Bucky suddenly found Steve’s words running across his mind as he looked at you. You should ask her out, Steve had said. You deserve to happy, y’know.

Now, Bucky wasn’t sure how true that was. He didn’t know how worthy he was of happiness, no matter how many good deeds he did before his life ended. He’d done some gruesome, unforgivable things. But standing there, with you, he felt all the baggage melt away. Looking into your eyes, he felt normal. Or, at least, normal enough to follow Steve’s advice.

“I know that this isn’t the best time to do this.” Bucky started nervously. He tugged at the collar of his suit, the material suddenly feeling suffocating. “There’s not really a right time in this line of business, but this is definitely not it—”

“Bucky?” You called with a small smile on his lips.

“Right. Um, I was just wondering if you, uh, if you would like to go out to dinner sometime. With me.”

A quiet, adorable laugh slipped past your lips, causing Bucky to let out a sigh of relief. Your smile was bright as you nodded, “I’d love to.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

[5hineesback]

feel korea fanacc 2017 (exid biased)

this is going to be a very detailed fanacc of the full day, including the bad events which took place before the concert

first off let me say that kpop fans are honestly such lovely people. i came across a few bad eggs during the day but overall everyone was amazing. i arrived earlier than my friend and i made friends so quickly with the people who were in front of me in the queue, and i ended up spending the whole concert with them

secondly let me say that the organisation of this concert was an absolute joke, specifically the queueing. it was terrible, the worst organisation i’ve seen in a long time. they originally had one queue for everything, then created a ‘concert’ queue and made people move, then when the daytime event queue had died down we got moved back to where we originally were - except there was no guidance. everyone just ran for it. people at the front ended up at the back and people who’d just arrived got to the front. there was also a severe problem of people pushing in at the front - there was no barrier to block it and when we complained the security didn’t even try to do anything about it. 

i got to the venue at around 12:15, joined the only queue there was, was then moved to the ‘concert’ queue at around 12:45, was very near the front and managed to stay in basically the same place when we got moved back to our original line. then waited for about 6 hours, filled with events such as, as ive mentioned, people pushing in at the front and pretending they were there the whole time, the barrier being widened to such a degree at the front that there was no order at all

then came the worse part. we were lining up around the back of the building, and they wanted to move us to the front doors. so they stood back, and told us to go. everyone ran, again. i got pushed into walls and an open door, girls were falling over or hurting themselves on the barriers as everyone tried to get through. we had been asking them throughout the day how they were planning to get us in - we suggested sending us in groups of 10 or 20, or just making sure we all got to the doors one at a time. instead there was hundreds of people running to the doors, filling up the street because there was no barrier there to meet us. again, i managed to keep my place, pretty much, but a lot of people lost theirs, including girls at the front who had been there since 6am to queue. then despite the street being full of fans, they then told us to get in single file. which was fucking stupid because it wasnt possible. not unless they moved everyone forward enough, past the doors, to make enough room to move everyone against the wall, or move people backwards from the back of the queue, which literally went around the whole block. we eventually got in by them just giving up and letting us in one at a time with as little pushing as possible

but anyway, thats enough of that, although i will be complaining officially online lmao

okay the actual concert. by some miracle, i just got to the barrier, i got the last space. but myself and a couple of girls to my left were in the worst place to be at the barrier - in front of us was a camera man officially recording for the tv screen above, so during the concert idols would often be blocked by the camera which will be shown in my exid fancams lmao. but hey, i was at the barrier, i can’t complain. the distance from the barrier to the stage was about 10 feet i think, it was pretty large tbh so im rly glad i got to be there. we also got given water by very nice security thank u security

they were showing mvs for about an hour while we waited. if you were there, the first scream @ jeonghwa’s appearance in any mv was always me jsyk dklfjhdskj

when the concert started, there was a taekwondo performance which was a m a z i n g, they were breaking wood with their feet and at one point i was scared the broken wood would hit me lmao

after that, hani came on mc’ing, along with two other guys who i don’t know. the moment she appeared i Died. she was wearing such a pretty white dress, shes so angelic and cute and beautiful. she came out to mc after every performance, except it was just the guys when exid was about to perform. she spoke about going to see the disadvantaged kids yesterday and one of the guys was like “hanis not just beautiful, she has a beautiful heart” and hani said “the most beautiful is everyone here!” jdksa shes honestly a Dream

knk was first to perform, then snuper, then exid, then highlight. i’m not gonna pretend i was really there to see anyone but exid, because i wasn’t. but i did hearts to all the idols and i really enjoyed all their performances. knk sang knock first which is the only song i like by them so to hear it was so great. they’re such good dancers and they’re all very pretty

after knk, hani and the guys introduced a “special performance because london has gone through some hardships recently”. it was hyerin singing “you raise me up” and it was so beautiful i would have cried if i weren’t so focused on filming haha

then it was snuper’s turn to perform. i only know platonic love, so i enjoyed that, but i was pretty clueless about the rest of the songs. i still liked it tho. during one of their songs they brought a fan on stage to sing to her and also threw roses to the crowd. according to my friend who was a bit further back one of the members aimed one at her but a girl in front of her caught it lol. one of the members was so funny idk his name but fans threw a signed uk flag at the stage and he put it on like a cape and he came over to our section loads. hes my bias now but who is he

after that (i think??), knk came back on to perform a cover of an ed sheeran song which i don’t know the name of. everyone sang with them and it was rly Nice

then my girls!!! arrived and i screamed So Loud it was too much. they’re all so beautiful, but u kno i love my girl jeonghwa and omg... pictures and videos dont do her justice at all shes honestly Ethereal i went into shock and i almost teared up. i saw a girl so beautiful i started crying???

they started with hot pink and i could kinda feel how empty it was without solji but it was still amazing to see the four of them. then they moved onto night rather than day, then ah yeah, then finally up and down. i was trying So Hard to get interaction, i made eye contact with jeonghwa a few times and every time i was givin her hearts... she just kinda glanced over me tho.... its ok i still love u

the girl next to me got So much interaction, from l.e especially. she had a homemade exid fan sign and l.e seemed to love it haha. i probably should have made something too

exid’s performance seemed to go so quickly, i filmed most of their songs and some of their talk. i haven’t even watched the videos yet i’m gonna die

after exid, there was a performance with snuper and a group of girl dancers who i think won a competition during the day? they did dance covers of a few bts songs

then highlight came on and performed two of their new songs, before two of their old ones. i rly enjoyed the old ones, the new ones... they were okay but i liked being reminded of their old image as beast. i think this was when one of them motioned for us to clap, i was one of the first to start so he looked at me was he was walking our way and nodded at me which was cool lol. i think it was highlight anyway.... and i think it was that time... honestly the boy groups... kinda mushed together for me i could even begin to tell you which member it was. i made eye contact with a few guys of the various groups so i cant rly remember specifically

during highlights performance this annoying girl came up behind me and was literally pushing against me, trying to move my hair, touching my arms and back before eventually asking if i could move over. i did, but i later found out that the girl had literally somehow managed to get to the barrier from the back. she was rude as hell. also there was fireworks during the performance which scared the crap out of me i was like that compilation vid of chanyeol

after highlight, there was an encore where all the groups came out and threw balls and balloons. knk was in front of our section and exid were next to them more towards the middle. i feel bad for saying it but i ... rly wanted exid in front of me lmao. i did hearts towards them and here is where i might have got interaction from hani but im not sure???? she looked in my direction as i was looking at her and making a heart with my hands and she grinned and did a thumbs up but im not sure it was at me it might have been someone near me. i like to think it was at me tho. people around me got a lot of interaction with different idols but i didnt?? thats going back to diy stuff tho, ppl around me had created signs and written messages on paper and stuff so i guess thats where that came from. i rly would have done something too for exid but i didnt think id be that close, never mind at the barrier so i didn’t see much point

there was also confetti flying from a machine right in front of me and i accidentally dropped my exid fan sign i was given in the queue over the barrier so i caught confetti in my bag to take home instead lol. the annoying girl was still there and still annoying, she threw something at knk she’d made and one of the members got it and she started screaming and crying and yelling i love u which i wouldnt mind but... after the way she was so rude to me (and as i found out later, other ppl) nah why does she deserve that lmao. she also ended up getting a ball since security came over with two that had dropped and she said the yellow was hers... it wasnt she even asked me who signed it lmao

overall it was a really good concert and i cant wait to watch the videos back. it had ups and downs but despite having to miss london pride for it i dont regret going. i got to meet some great people and ofc i got to see my Special Girls in the flesh... they said they’d come back soon i hope so. ive drunk so much water tonight and im about to go and drink more also i can’t walk

[multsicorn]

KENT PARSON

LOLZ it’s like you know me

this is so long it’s under a cut

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS

ship with:  EVERYONE.  literally everyone.  … okay to break this down:

* Jack/Parse is the main thing I write about and think about and have feelings about.  however they are generally pretty sad-trending feelings.  so what does ‘ship’ mean.

* Parse/OC(s) is the thing I actually WANT TO HAPPEN for him, it’s the happy place future I go to when I go that far in my mind; not to get back with Jack, with or without Bitty, but to get the FUCK OVER those wounds, that hook, finally.

* (I have a tendency to go for Parse/Swoops, specifically, cause I’d like the ‘falling for a teammate’ story to work out *well,* and, um, cause there’s a specific set of tags that I started keying that off of that I should go find again - it was on a post about ace Kent Parson, something like #he wants to be someone’s everything #in a very specific way, and.  idk.  it makes a compelling story-seed, for me.)

* Parse/THERAPY is also an extremely necessary thing that I’m not likely to write but I dearly hope happens someday

* PB&J/Pimbits/whatever it’s called is my favorite sort of shippy story, I think; there’s lots of Parse/OC fics that are JUST AS GOOD, but… the overlaying of multiple love triangles, and then synthesizing them into a working system, that happens in the Jack/Bitty/Parse fics that work with the setup there (rather than skipping forwards into ‘when they’re all happy together’)… gets my #feelings well enough that it dragged me into this fandom!….  specifically, I started reading first check, please! fic and then eventually the comic because touchy subject and ain’t licked yet are not only so fucking good but hit my id SO PERFECTLY.  Everyone having feelings about everyone else’s relationships.  Such wonderful emotional ~density!

* Patater is the only popular Parse ship I’m like… why.  (I do buy des-zimbits’ ship manifesto about how they could be good together; but, c’mon, that’s not why, the reason why is cause Tater is the next-most-fleshed-out NHL character who isn’t Jack, and isn’t already fairly strongly paired with someone else, and can therefore be paired with Kent without disrupting any existing popular ships.)  Basically I’ve read some good ones, but most of it seems to be the exact sort of fluff that is why I mostly don’t read Zimbits fic and mostly do read Parse fic!  (And that’s before even getting into #little Russian things that throw me out of the story.)

* But really, just, anyone; I read the Parse character tag on AO3 so I won’t miss the gen fics or the random crack ships, cause sometimes they’re good!  (I think this is what it’s like to be way more OTC than OTP.)

friendship them with:  JACK jack jack jack jack.

Also Bitty that could be so interesting, I want to see them navigating a friendship around their separate feelings/history/etc. wrt Jack, I want to see that #blessyourheart and Parse’s probable answering antagonism (or simply antagonism born out of jealousy) morph slowly into something that’s somehow an actual friendship, that can be really interesting!  And fun!  And I love to see them being petty together, lol; I also love to see them commiserating over why is Jack Zimmermann such a dick, depending on circumstances.  (… I suppose those two can be one at the same.)

So yeah, that’s fun, but Jack and Kent getting back to a place where they can be friends with each other?  Where Jack’s not like ‘um Parson *abort* *ignore ignore*’ and Kent’s not tearing Jack into shreds at being rejected and they can have conversations and maybe some of those mutual apologies alluded to in Shinny and maybe ~closure,~ even?  For the way ‘it just ended’?  The idea of after years of wounds getting to put to rest the bad parts (cause I suspect their relationship was A Mess) and get back the good parts of one of your old best friendships again?  It makes me more #emotional dammit than anything else about this comic.

(the lines I’ve been thinking about here, lately:i said i’d never miss you but i guess you never knowmay the bridges i have burned light my way back homeon the fourth of july~)

there’s something i can’t seem to reduce or explain any further about ‘may the bridges i have burned light my way back home’ that just GETS TO ME.

general opinions: SO MANY.

I love him.  I mean, obviously.  If one takes a look at my blog.

But, interestingly, I’m not quite sure why I don’t read him as abusive.  (If anyone from Glee fandom remembers the way I was about Sebastian…!)  Some of the things he says to Jack in Parse III - ‘you think you’re too fucked up to care about?  That you’re not good enough?  Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care’ - and ‘you’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right?  Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack, trust me’ - are ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY red flags, and I’ll throw down with anyone who says they aren’t.  (I mean.  I hate confrontation, so I probably won’t? but in theory.)  Likewise, coming to Samwell/the Haus in the first place when he seems to know that Jack wouldn’t want to see him if he had a choice about it… is also an awful thing to do, if possibly understandable depending how you write the backstory and decision-making or lack thereof, but also a red flag!!!

I mean, basically, you can read ‘Parse III’ as literally one of the worst nights of his life, and when he’s behaving the worst, as something that’s not much of a pattern and so you shouldn’t judge him on it too harshly; or you can read it as HE IS SOMEONE WHO BEHAVES LIKE THIS, abort abort get away.  I find trying to take what we see and still make someone sympathetic to be a much more interesting story, basically, and the bones of a very compelling one; but in my experience with other characters in other media who have triggered my own pattern matching to be ‘abort abort get away,’ I have utter sympathy and understanding for everyone who has him blacklisted to hell and back, and I’m actually still not sure why I don’t myself!  (of course if I had reacted that way I wouldn’t be in this fandom at all, so I wouldn’t have much need to blacklist him… but ykwim.)

SO OKAY HM WHAT ELSE, cause if I’m listing all of my opinions on Kent Parson I could literally be here all night.

* ‘He never got over it’ may sound cruel but it just so happens to be the truest thing.  Kent’s not really still in love with Jack (though I’m sure he was when they were both 18); he doesn’t really know him, hasn’t really seen or talked to him in seven-ish years, now.  In which they’ve both changed.  But Kent’s in all that time never managed a relationship with anyone else (… probably); never managed to reorient himself sufficiently away from the horrific failure that losing Jack in the particular way he did was.  He never got over it isn’t just your stupid ass, Zimmermann, you’re not that great!, it’s the wound of finding your best friend and lover dying on the bathroom floor (or hearing about it later secondhand, that’s great too), it’s the wound of him not wanting to talk to you or hear what you have to say afterwards.  How the fuck would you get over something like that.

* (so, I mean, that’s why I love Kent.  His STORY is so much more INTERESTING than zimbits’ romcom or the smh team shenanigans; or, well, okay, it’s objectively a different flavor of emotions at least.  And the higher drama and angst quotients there are infinitely more interesting to me.)

* I think he’s a good captain for the Aces, actually.  I think he enjoys parties, getting to interact with lots of people, loves attention and flirting, etc. - and dancing/dance music too! - but I don’t think he’s ~partied~ in a problematic way since maybe his first year on the team.  (Or if he has, it’s in a few isolated incidents.)  He’s generally responsible trying to look out for his rookies and his teammates in trouble.

* AND OF COURSE HIS CAT, who is the love and light of his life, and also more popular on the internet than he is.  There are tons of people who recognize Kit Purrson from her photos but have no idea who Kent is.  He loves it, I’m sure.  =^.^=.

* He is, however, really bad at controlling his own emotions.  (Or should I say, himself.)  It’s fine when this results in impulsive spending, cause he’s a multi-millionaire, it’s fine when this results in being ridiculous or gushing at people, and he IS actually able to keep secrets, though this would probably surprise most of the people who know him but not that well.  (he’s not out yet, so.)  But he says REALLY MEAN AND UNFAIR things to people he cares about when he feels rejected/abandoned (… I’m sure that time in Parse III is not the only time), so, that’s a problem, he knows it gets him into trouble, and I don’t think he’ll learn how to not until, um, THERAPY ~*~.

* HE IS SUCH AN ATTENTION WHORE THO.  Also great at being ~charming.  (see, e.g., the accountant sketch, as well as the epikegster) - and pretty genuine with it!  He LIKES people!

* He is also a FUCKING MESS - possibly not in the #adulting sense, maybe he can feed himself, who knows, but, emotionally - I think he both longs for connection with people, and fears it going south, cause, well.  The last guy he was in love with almost died (almost killed himself? I bet you couldn’t tell from the outside!) and then stopped talking to him.  And very possibly also for reasons predating that incident, too.  Cause if Kent had the sort of relationships he wants to have with people IN LAS VEGAS, then he wouldn’t have crashed the epikegster in the first place.  So: lonely, and dealing with it poorly, no matter how well he’s doing otherwise.  But not sad all the time.  I think that’s all of the important things?

* (I’m not sure where the line between ‘opinions’ and ‘headcanons’ lies, so, yeah, I’m gonna cut myself off here.  Maybe I’ll write ‘my list of random Parse headcanons’ next!  Or maybe not, who knows.  But I would LIKE to.  Everyone wants to know how I imagine his sexuality, his family, etc., I’m sure; well okay, I want to write about it, anyway!  Not only waiting till the times I’ve finished a fic!)