#id have rather you fucking killed me as soon as you seriously doubted it

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Maybe my interests being p much restricted to drugs (chemistry) sex (biology) crime (anti authority) and general machiavellian hedonistic delinquency (mental illness. also fuck you) type shit or whatever the fuck was never gonna mesh with youuuuu auau auuuuuu auuuuuuuuuu

[elentiyawhitethorn]

Sneaking Around | Chapter Nine

All of the next week passed without any problems. Aelin prided herself on being responsible, especially in the workplace, causing her not to summon Rowan to her office and lock the door. Damned responsibility.

It was now officially one week from Christmas. Work was out until after the holiday. This was Aelin’s favorite time of the year. Now some of the office gang was gathering at the bar at the end of Friday to celebrate this exciting fact. Lots of other employees had had the same idea, and Ansel was very busy. Lorcan was also excluded (that’s what he gets for working at a gym). Elide, Gavriel, and Manon were working late. Lysandra and Aedion had gone to get drinks and failed to return. Shocker.

Vaughan had just gone to the bathroom, and at this moment, Fenrys and Connall, the bastards, made an announcement. “Rowan,” said Fen, “we have a surprise for you.”

Connall continued, “You haven’t been in a relationship for, like, years.” Aelin, the only other person at the table right now, snickered at this. That is, until she tried to figure out where this was going.

Fenrys spoke again. “And so, we have arranged a date for you.”

Rowan, quite understandably, looked utterly shocked and quite a bit horrified. “Um, no.”

Connall winced. “Now, hear us out. Of course you’re angry. But. She’s hot.”

“Very hot,” added Fenrys.

Rowan scowled. “I don’t need your help getting a girlfriend, thank you. Stay out of my love life.”

“But dude,” Fenrys pleaded. “She’s a family friend, and she’s totally looking forward to her date with my lovely coworker. That’s you, by the way.”

Rowan didn’t even bother looking sorry. “I am not going on an arranged date. I can’t fathom why you would tell this woman I’m just going on a date with her. Did you seriously expect me to agree to this?”

“Okay, see,” Fenrys was pleading now. “You totally owe me-”

“For what?” Rowan intervened.

Ignoring him, Fenrys continued. “And she would be really upset if I didn’t pull through. You know, she’s not going to be in town for long. You could just put up with one date, maybe screw her, and you’ll never have to see her again.” Men. Aelin needed new friends.

Rowan sighed. He was pointedly not looking in her direction. “I suppose I feel a little bad now, but I am not going on a date with her.” Aelin could tell from his tone he didn’t feel bad at all.

Connall scowled. “Dude, what, do you have a secret girl or something?”

Rowan almost imperceptibly stiffened and didn’t answer the question. Aelin had frozen as well. Connall’s glare deepened. “Yeah, right. Don’t pretend you’re getting laid just because you don’t want to go on this date. Doesn’t work on me.”

Connall’s stupidity relieved Aelin (he wasn’t the brightest), but she lost all relaxation when she glanced over at Fenrys. He was staring at her as Connall continued to pressure Rowan into agreeing to the date.

Aelin raised her eyebrows in a What? gesture.

Fenrys just stared, until a smirk began to spread across his face. Hell no.

At the sign of Aelin’s panic, his grin grew. Fuck. She gave a slight shake of the head and prayed Fenrys had more compassion than Vaughan would in this situation. Or Lorcan. Or Lysandra. Yes, she definitely needed new friends.

Just as Aelin started thanking the gods for Fenrys’ kindness when he looked away and seemed to drop that revelation, he said, “I seem to recall winning a bet last week, Rowan. Your payment was, if I recall correctly, one favor of my choice.”

Rowan froze once again. Aelin tried not to sigh. “What the hell did you bet on?” asked Aelin in her most amused, but also I-totally-don’t-really-care voice. Fenrys seemed to have figured out what was going on with them, but Connall probably wouldn’t connect the question to anything important.

Rowan did sigh. “I don’t remember. We make so many bets.” Idiot men.

Connall sneered. “It looks like you have to go on the date. And be pleasant; she doesn’t deserve to be scowled at all night just because you’re grumpy.” Aelin, despite herself, snorted at this.

Rowan casually glanced at her and she gave a small shrug. He still hesitated. “I will go on the damned date if I really must, but are you sure you don’t want to spare me? Please, dudes?” Okay, maybe Aelin should be annoyed or jealous or whatever it is normal people feel in situations like this, but she could only bring herself to find it hilarious. She couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped out of her as Rowan continued begging.

Rowan turned and glared at Aelin, then put his gaze back on the twins. “What’s her name?” he asked the boys.

“Remelle.”

And that is how Rowan got roped into a date that was not with his sort-of girlfriend. Aelin laughed again.

-

“So,” said Fenrys, who insisted on walking Aelin to her apartment hours later. Neither were in any state to drive, she and Fen lived near each other, and Rowan didn’t want to risk being spotted with her on the way out. “You’re fucking Whitethorn,” he stated.

Aelin snorted. “Yep.”

Fenrys grinned at her. “I have a few questions. Like how long? And why?”

Aelin giggled. She’d certainly had a lot to drink. “We’re dating. Well sort of. I mean, we’ve gone on dates. And we’re in like. Like in love except it’s like, not love.”

Fenrys chuckled. “You’ve both seemed happier recently. Although we all knew you had some secret lover.”

Aelin giggled again. Beer really did wonders for her. “You’re not nice, though. You didn’t have to make him go on that date when you found out.”

Fenrys seemed quite a bit more sober than her. “I couldn’t help myself. Payback for not telling me.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, almost getting disoriented enough at this to run into the nearby streetlight. Fenrys grabbed her before she could bash her nose in.

“Did you get me all drunk so I’d spill the beans?” Aelin asked.

Fenrys chuckled. “Darling, you got drunk all by yourself.”

Aelin sighed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Fenrys smiled fondly at her.

-

Fenrys had dropped Aelin off at her apartment and headed to his own. The rest of the walk hadn’t consisted of much questioning, which surprised Aelin at first, but when she thought about it, Fenrys always had his motives.

She was now sitting at the counter the next morning, battling the effects of last night’s drinks; namely, a migraine.

Her phone rang. Aelin picked it up to see Rowan’s name on the caller ID.

“Yeah?” she answered quietly. Ansel was still asleep.

“I wanted to ask you if you’re sure you’re okay with the date. I didn’t have a chance to talk about it last night.”

Just hearing Rowan’s voice made her happy. She didn’t care if the subject of their conversation was some “very hot” woman he was going to have dinner with.

“I’ll admit, it’s pretty weird. If she’s just going to be here for a little bit, though, it’s fine if you get roped into it.”

She could almost feel Rowan’s scowl through the phone. “Um, no, not fine. Not anywhere close to fine.”

Laughing quietly, Aelin said, “You have to admit it’s kind of funny.” When Rowan did not seemed inclined to admit anything of the sort, Aelin continued. “And you had that coming. Who the hell bets favors? You out of cash?” He didn’t respond to this either. “Oh, Fenrys figured it out, by the way. We are damned awful at keeping secrets.”

Rowan sighed. “I can’t argue with that. What did he say?”

“Well, I was rather drunk at the time, but I seem to recall he wasn’t totally horrified or whatever. I doubt he’ll tell. There were surprisingly few questions.”

“Fenrys will be the death of us, I can assure you of that. So, anyways, from Connall I have gleaned that Remelle is hot, sexy, and totally cool. He’s probably exaggerating, but either way, you needn’t feel jealous.”

Aelin laughed. “I wasn’t planning on it. I trust you. If you do cheat on me, though, I’ll kill you.”

Rowan snorted. “I believe it. I won’t, though. Well, technically, is the date in itself cheating?”

“Gods, who cares? Don’t kiss the lady, come back and fuck me. As simple as that.”

Rowan chuckled. “Your wish is my command, Majesty.”

“Dweeb,” Aelin muttered.

They planned to meet tomorrow after Rowan’s date. He was to be polite, leave, and come back to his apartment where Aelin would be waiting. He called her overprotective for wanting to check on him immediately afterwards, to which Aelin just replied he had better WiFi.

Soon after hanging up, Ansel came out of her bedroom. “Calling your lover boy?”

Aelin glanced at the ceiling. “Lord save me. Yes, that was Rowan. I suppose I should fill you in.”

Ansel said after a moment, “Um, I think that’s your queue to say something, not just stand there looking mopey. Oh no, he didn’t dump you, did he?”

A snort from Aelin. “People don’t dump me, A. I’m too irresistible.” She sighed. “Rowan is going on a date.”

“Um, what, with someone else? Wait, but you two were so good together! The slimy bastard. Didn’t he realize you were supposed to be exclusive?”

“We’ve never actually discussed that. No, he’s going on a date the twins set up for him.” Aelin recounted the evening. Ansel was laughing so hard she could barely breathe by the end of it.

“Aw, honey, he’s a gentleman. You don’t need to be worried about him cheating on you.”

“What happened to slimy bastard? And I’m not worried, by the way. I laughed too when this happened. It’s just kind of weird. And Fenrys is lucky I was stone-cold drunk last night or I would have pummeled him.”

Ansel giggled. “I want to high-five him. This is great.”

“Whatever.”

Aelin had been so confident at first, but even though she didn’t feel any more doubtful, she still felt... nervous? No, jealous. Aelin was actually starting to feel jealous of some lady Rowan was probably wasn’t even going to like that much. Hopefully.

At least this Remelle woman sounded nice. Nothing could go wrong there...

-

Aelin sat on Rowan’s couch. It was the next day, about time for Rowan to get back. She was partway through a bag of chips when the door opened.

She turned her head to see Rowan in the doorway. But he wasn’t alone. There was a very pretty woman standing next to him, clutching his arm and giving him a seductive smile.

[thetourguidebarbie]

For @itsnotacrimetoloveyou’s birthday/her starting med school/bribery reasons, etc! Hope you enjoy! Warnings: Smut, possessive!Klaus, mentions of bdsm but no actual bdsm, anal sex, soulmate-adjascent.

Klaus groaned softly as the girl’s blood hit his tongue, his hands easily holding her hips in place on his lap as she struggled for friction against him. Her heartbeat was slowing, her breathing ragged, and he pulled back once she began to go limp, just shy of passing out. She was rather pretty, her eyes dark brown and heavy-lidded, cheeks flushed with arousal and fear. He knew he should probably feel temptation, but whenever he thought of physical satisfaction all he could see was Caroline’s bright blue eyes and teasing grin.

She’d flitted in and out of his life for the last half-century, but never seemed to leave his fantasies. Generally she hung around a few months, less often for more than a year, but their accidental run-ins had been getting less accidental on both their parts for the better part of a decade.

She was close to staying now. He could feel it.

Currently Josh was tailing Caroline and her magically-immortal-witch friend on their third trip through the Andes (he’d been subjected to several group selfies that his hybrid and the Bennett girl were unceremoniously cropped out of before they were saved on his phone), and though he itched to meet her when she was done, his instincts were telling him to wait for some reason, and trusting his gut hardly ever failed him.

Trying to put her out of his mind for now—if only so that he could get some work done—he called for a hybrid to come give his afternoon snack some water and blood and watch her until it left her system to ensure she didn’t turn. He had business to attend to and Josephine got rather testy if he was late. It was best to stay on the powerful witch’s good side if he needed more favors.

The hybrid who came to collect the girl seemed troubled, and he spoke as soon as he entered.

“We picked up a vampire loitering at the edge of the property. She’s in the dungeon.”

Klaus hummed disinterestedly. It was a common occurrence, vampires turning up to either kill him or wriggle their way into his good graces. Neither succeeded of course, but it was occasionally amusing to watch them try. “And?”

“Judging by how weak she was when we brought her in she was probably only turned a few decades ago. She said you’d know her. That you’d want to see her.”

That made Klaus pause, frowning. Very few vampires he knew of fit that description. Though the youngest doppelganger was most likely stupid enough to think he’d be interested in anything she had to say (or anything about her at all), he had no doubt that both Salvatore brothers were invested on ensuring that they remained on separate continents.

His curiosity was piqued, and he pushed his still-swaying snack into the hybrid’s arms. “What did she look like? Do you have her name?”

“Blonde. Tall-ish? She said her name was Carrie. Carly, mayb—“

“Caroline,” Klaus interrupted, already pushing past the hybrid. “Call Josephine and tell her the meeting is cancelled.”

It didn’t take him long to reach the cell, and he winced when he saw Caroline glaring at him from her chains, which bound her wrists together and above her, her toes brushing the floor as she swayed.

“Did you seriously give them orders to cuff me on sight? You should tell your minions it’s rude to tie guests up.”

“I’ll have words with them,” Klaus said, taking a few steps towards her, his eyes dragging up and down her body, looking for injuries. “Though I must point out that you didn’t object to it last time.”

“Yeah, well, last time I wasn’t being dragged from the front gate to a dungeon by random minions. I was on a bed.”

He grinned, stopping to stand so that they were chest to chest, his hands reaching to cup her ass, squeezing lightly and grinning when her breath caught. “And you were a bit distracted by other things as I recall.”

She huffed, her cheeks pinking as she squirmed against his hand almost instinctively, perhaps not realizing she was doing it. “I mean, I’m okay with you doing the tying. Speaking of, how about you untie me. Well, uncuff me.”

“Mmm, I think I like you where you are,” he said, nosing her jaw and grinning when he heard her soft whimper as his blunt teeth dragged down her jaw before he nipped her ear. “Though if you insist I’m happy to oblige, of course.”

She swallowed, shifting slightly so that he caught the scent of the wetness gathering between her thighs, and just as he took his hands away and reached to pull the manacles out of the wall she spoke, the words breathless. “What did you have in mind?”

He smirked, his hands stilling against the chains as he held her gaze. “I've had a great deal of time to come up with an extensive list of all the things I want to do to you, Caroline. However shall I decide?”

“Klaus,” she whined, shifting as he popped the button off of her jeans and slipping his hand beneath the fabric, pressing his finger against her clit through the thin cotton covering her center.

“Best test them all, I think,” he murmured, watching her face for any sign of discomfort, needing to be sure that she wanted what he was offering. She was wet already, and he groaned as he slid his fingers under the fabric and against her folds. “Fuck, sweetheart.”

“I want,” she breathed, trailing off as she rolled her hips against his hand, and he immediately pulled his hand away, hungry for her to admit how much she craved his touch.

“What do you want, Caroline? Tell me.”

He’d spent countless hours exploring her body, mapping her skin to find the places that made her take shallow gasps of air and fall bonelessly into his arms. They’d experimented after the first few times, Caroline bright red as she asked him to talk to her, to tell her everything he fantasized about. Being tied up and teased to the edge was one of her favorites, watching him stroke himself a close second, and he never shied away from giving her what she wanted. He loved having her entirely at his mercy, the absolute trust she gave him heady and precious. He made her beg for his hands, for his mouth or cock, and the way the words passed her lips was immensely satisfying. Even when he was rough, when he broke skin with his fangs or nails or she let him tie her on her knees and fuck her hard and fast from behind, she wanted it, asked for it. There was nothing more satisfying for his wolf than seeing her in sheets covered in his scent, head bowed between her elbows with her wrists tied and her legs spread, all for him to take.

“I want you,” she said, staring at him with big blue eyes.

“And how do you want me, love?”

“I thought you wanted to be in charge.”

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“I want you to claim me,” she whispered, her breath shallow, and he stilled.

They’d only talked about it once, the process of a werewolf claiming its mate. It was permanent and intimate, a mark of him invisibly inked by magic that she’d carry for the rest of her eternal life. It meant she was his.

He wanted to so badly, just the words coming out of her mouth making his cock throb as he imagined how her back would feel against his chest as he filled her, the break of her skin against his teeth as he marked her as his. He wanted his scent to cling to her skin, for his name to be the only one to fall from her lips.

“Caroline,” he said slowly, his voice rough. “That’s not a....a claiming isn’t something to take lightly.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a decade, Klaus. I think I know that I want it.”

“You’re sure?” he asked, trying to resist the urge to yank the chain from the wall, his breathing shallow, his cock aching at the image of her on her knees with her cheek against the stone, her clothes shredded, hands behind her back to part the cheeks of her arse for him.

She nodded, moving her head slightly so that she could catch his lips in a drugging kiss, her tongue lightly stroking his lower lip as she sighed in contentment before pulling back to rest her forehead against his. “I love you.”

He felt like his throat was clogged, his breath stalled in his lungs. He hadn’t expected that, for her to admit her feelings for him so easily, and it was slightly overwhelming to hear it when he wasn’t sure how to respond. ‘Love’ had never seemed like quite the right word for how he felt about Caroline, after all. It had always been passion and obsession, protectiveness and need. It was something so much more than such a small word could describe. She was everything and she was his.

It was close enough for now, though, especially when he saw the way her eyes lit up when he repeated it back to her, the brightness of her smile almost blinding.

“But Caroline,” he continued, needing to press, to be absolutely certain. “You do know that if you do this...if you agr—“

“I just told you I’m yours,” she interrupted, slightly breathless, eyes dark. “Klaus, there is literally not a single other person in the world who I’d trust enough for this. I wanted some time to really think it through and decide, and I did. I want to be with you. I want to be yours the way that you’ve always been mine.”

“Caroline—“

“Please,” she breathed, and he swore, his forehead falling against hers.

She squirmed against his fingers as he stroked her hip before moving to cup her ass, her back arching as his other hand gently tugged at her nipple, and he pulled back, watching hungrily as her eyes grew hazy, her lips parting with a soft moan.

“Bed, then,” he murmured, reaching for the manacles and yanking them from the stone with a cunch before snapping the steel that held them closed. “I want to see your nails rip our sheets.”

She seemed pleased at his use of ‘our’, shaking out her hands when the manacles fell with a crash to the floor. “I’m okay with that.”

“Perhaps you’ll let me shackle you again later, to rub your clit until you’re lingering on the edge while I trace the mark I’ve left on your skin with my tongue.”

“Perhaps,” she drawled, making him grin. She’d picked up some of his habits and word choices over their intermittent meetings (and admittedly he a few of hers, most notably the eye-rolling, though he thankfully had never started inserting unnecessary ‘likes’ between clauses), but her penchant for making fun of his ‘old person britishness’ nonetheless remained, including his choice of ‘boring’ teas and use of words like ‘perhaps’ and ‘perchance’.

He looked forward to seeing what else they’d share, what other little habits she’d show him.

He pulled her close to speed his private wing of the compound, not bothering to be subtle when he buried his nose in her hair, savoring the feel of her pressed against him.

She pulled back, pressing her lips against his, swiping the roof of his mouth with the heat of her tongue, hands curled around his biceps. He let her take what she wanted for now, to taste him and explore his skin with her hands the way she had a hundred times before.

When she finally pulled back with dark eyes and puffy lips he was achingly hard. Her breathing was slightly laboured, the scent of her want rolling off of her only tempting him to feel her wet and tight around his cock.

Perhaps later, when they were tangled in their sheets and she was pliant and sated in his arms, he’d slot himself between her thighs and watch her quiver underneath him, flushed and hazy-eyed. For now he just craved her on her knees, his wolf itching to claim now that his mate had freely offered.

“Do you have lube?” she asked, kicking off her jeans and beginning to pull off her blouse. She stilled at the low rumble in his throat as her creamy skin was revealed and grinned, her movements slowing down as the fabric creeped up her body. “I brought some in my purse just in case, but—“

“You planned this,” he interrupted, his lips twitching, and she nodded easily, unclipping her bra and shrugging it off. “Tell me sweetheart, do you think about it often?”

“All the time,” she admitted, sliding her thong down her legs and kicking it away. “Where do you want me?”

He swallowed, taking in the sight of her standing nude in front of him without a hint of self-consciousness.

“Bed,” he ordered, his voice hoarse. It took effort for him to tear his eyes away from her getting comfortable against his pillows, to ignore the breathy sigh when he turned away to pull the toys they used when she was in town from the top shelf of the closet and looking through it for the bottle. “Don’t touch yourself. I can hear you.”

He grinned at her huff of annoyance, turning to walk back and taking the opportunity to admire the view. She was spread for him, her thighs shining from the way the light hit the slickness of her arousal, her cheek pressed to the pillow so that she could look at him, the practiced innocent expression on her face undermined by the barest hint of a smirk on her lips. “I thought you liked watching me touch myself.”

“Not today. Be patient, love. Good girls get rewards, after all.”

She bit her lip at the tone of his voice, her eyes darkening when he stripped off his shirt and began to undo his belt. She’d never been shy about her enjoyment of his more possessive instincts when they were alone, had freely admitted to preferring a rougher touch and liking the way he took control. He saw her eyes follow his fingers as he unbuttoned his jeans, how her tongue darted over her lips when she saw him hard for her.

“Keep your wrists where they are, sweetheart,” he warned, brushing her spine with his fingertips when she murmured her agreement and climbing on the bed behind her.

The way her breath caught when he spread the slick liquid over her back entrance made him grin, and he was unable to resist stroking the skin of her arse as a light tease, her low whimper of complaint making his cock twitch. He stroked himself with one hand as he got her ready with the other, whispering praise about how well she was doing and how beautiful she looked that he’d learned would make her melt.

She was panting as he stretched her with his fingers, rolling her hips in an effort to find a rhythm with his fingers. He pulled back when she was finally ready, slickening his hard cock with lube and positioning himself at her entrance.

“Good, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. “Go ahead.”

He could see her eyes go hazy when he pressed inside of her, his hands squeezing her hips. “I love the way you look on your knees like this. Bent over in my bed, offering yourself to me for the taking.”

She moaned his name when he began to move, her breathing growing harsher when his thrusts sped up. He watched her face when he reached around to rub her clit in tight circles, committed the sight of her parted lips and flushed cheeks to memory. It had been years since he’d done this, his wolf side unlocking having made him reluctant to risk an accidental bond. Waiting for Caroline to choose him for good had been torture, the rush of pure, primal need in his veins whenever he laid eyes on her difficult to control. He wanted nothing more than to let his wolf’s magic unfurl from his skin and cloak her, to scrape his teeth against her neck as he came and leave the scar visible as a warning to any who might mean her harm.

“That feels so good,” she gasped out, arching her back to give him a better angle. “Talk to me.”

He grinned, bending forward. “Talk to you?”

“Mmhm.”

“What about, sweetheart?”

She huffed, the sound making him grin. “Have you thought about me when I was gone?”

“Of course,” he said, his voice almost embarrassingly hoarse with need, his breath hitching when she clenched around him. “Every day.”

“Tell me.”

“About how much I craved you tangled with me at night? The rhythm of your breathing? Your scent clinging to my sheets?” he asked, purposefully avoiding what she’d requested between the lines of her question, wanting her to ask.

“Did you think about me when you touched yourself!” she clarified, shooting him an exasperated look that changed to a gasp when he pinched her clit.

“Every day,” he repeated, moving faster, savoring her moans, his nails digging into her hips. “I have so many fantasies of the things I want to do to you, sweetheart. Things I want to try. I do love the way you look bound to my bed with a toy in your pussy, compelled not to come but trying to find friction, begging for me to indulge you. It’s a common fantasy I go back to, the memory of your pretty lips parted and your eyelids fluttering.”

She moaned his name, her fingers curling in the sheets, her breathing growing more labored. “More,” she demanded. “Please.”

“But sometimes that’s not quite enough,” he continued, his hands moving to her hips to steady her, “and when I need the extra push I think of the last time you were here, how you begged for your master to give you release. You were so eager to please, so perfect. I’ve thought extensively about what else I might convince you to beg for, what pretty sounds you’ll make as I stain your arse red with my palm or fasten clamps around your nipples. How you’ll get wet from nothing but the sting of painful pleasure and the knowledge that I’m getting off on it. Would you like that?”

She nodded hurriedly. “I liked it when we did it last time,” she breathed, her words tangling as she tried to get them out. “It was really hot.”

“Good girl,” he murmured, grinning at the way her breath hitched at the words. “Now tell me, sweetheart. Is my cock filling you enough to make you come?”

“No,” she gasped out, admitting what they both already knew from years of exploring each other’s bodies. “I need you to touch my clit.”

“Ask. Beg.”

She obeyed immediately, the pleas falling quickly from her lips. He could feel his muscles tightening as he obliged her, the pleasure of her tight and hot around his cock as he took her in, bent and submissive and begging for more, for him to fuck her harder, bringing him closer to the edge. He could feel his fangs break through his gums, the overwhelming desire to taste, to claim,

He bent forward to bite her shoulder when he came, running his tongue along the mark and grinning at her sharp breath from the sensation. He toyed with her clit until he felt her shake against him as she tipped over the edge.

He rolled off of her and pulled her close, offering her his neck for the cure. He had only a brief moment to admire the face of her monster before she let her fangs pierce his neck, drinking a few gulps with a soft hum before pulling back, running her tongue along the wound when it closed.

“How do you feel, sweetheart?”

“Good,” she said, arching her back to stretch before curling closer to him, tangling her legs with his, her face buried in his shoulder. “I’m tired.”

“You must have flown quite a ways.”

“Yeah. It was a huge pain because I had to convince your minion to let it be a surprise and then deal with flying a gazillion hours being worried that you’d say no and I’d just embarrass myself—“

“I would never,” he said immediately, tracing her spine with his fingers. “I’ve waited for you to be ready for ages. You can’t imagine I’d ever turn you away.”

“It’s nice to know for sure,” she said, wriggling even closer so that her body was fully pressed against his, cloaking herself in his warmth and scent. “I love you.”

There were those words again, so human and small, but he couldn’t deny that hearing them fall from her lips made his heart lighten.

“And I you.”

“Well you’d better. You’re stuck with me now,” she pointed out, squeaking when he pinched her side. “Klaus!”

“I’ve long known that I would never be able to let you go, Caroline. My mate.”

“Good,” she said, humming contentedly as his arms wrapped around her. “Me neither.”

[ajanefantasy]

Book Love part 7 - Sari (Rise of Trouble Vol. 1)

Over the years I kept checking back with Sari and Jayd, seeing if they were ready. Each time I learned a bit more about them, the types of characters they were, what kind of story they wanted to tell. And each time, I realized that everything I thought I knew was actually not very much.

I started writing their story after Rayn Storm and I got about halfway through and realized: Nope. Not working, not happening. Seriously, WTF? Which is how the Brothers Trilogy came into being. Take a break, let it percolate. Hahaha!

Fine. Be that way. The plans I had for Sari and Jayd were not working. Because of who they were and when their story would happen, they would know of each other, would have met at the van Wyrn’s wedding, not be complete strangers. Sari would have gone to visit her grandmother before then. Sari was a princess, she would have a personal guard. Sari would have obligations and I bet would know about Magic at the children’s home. And Jayd was...well Jayd, he didn’t know what to do with a princess. He never did. But Jayd, aren’t you royalty, close cousin to the future king of Vyksen?

Why do you two do this to me?

So, after six books, Sari and Jayd decided they were ready. Sari had a guard. Jayd was Jayd. Wait maybe they met before all of this started happening. Sari does live in a high traffic trading port and hangs out in a pub and Jayd likes to trade, even as a pirate. And well, there is that bit of royalty, wait on both sides, of course on both sides. Stop being an ass, Jayd.

Very well, let me see if I can get this back on track, because these two characters have a way of showing me things that I hadn’t known about and then laughing at me.

Enter Sari - Rise of Trouble Vol. 1, an introduction to these two characters (because they couldn’t make it easy for me and just be one book no matter how hard I tried) and a start of their (and my) tumultuous journey. 

[Image ID: Image of a three mast ship sailing towards mountains, the sky orange and yellow as the sun sets behinds mountains, with the words Sari Rise of Trouble Volume 1 written across it]

Princess Sari (pronounced Sharree) wants to be known for one thing: causing trouble wherever she goes. Whether she is frolicking in the sea, dancing in a pub with a tankard of ale held high, or bedding a deliciously sexy pirate. She will allow no one to stand in the way of her adventures. Not the possibility of inheriting her father’s crown. Not even that deliciously sexy pirate. Jayd Lightning happily goes to his doom when he makes the acquaintance of a trouble making seamaid. If only he knew who she really was. Well, mayhap not. Especially if she is a princess. He refuses to fall for a princess. Even if she is his trouble-making seamaid.

Story contains strong language and explicit sex. 48,600 words

Amazon / Smashwords / Kobo / Apple  / BN

A preview of Sari under the cut

Jayd entered The Borough after finishing his trades to find Sari once again dancing amidst the pub’s patrons. That would explain why she had not been swimming within her little cove when The Stormfront sailed by. Had he seen her, another pair of boots would he have ruined for he held no doubt that into the sea he would have gone, swimming to her with all due haste.

But he decided to hold no mind.  

Watching Sari enjoy herself was intoxicating in its own right. Had he ever seen anyone who found such joy in dancing? It radiated from her, bathed all those within her vicinity. Pirates loved a good stomp, aye, but Sari felt the dancing. It filled her with life.

She turned her head and time seemed to slow when their eyes met. In that moment, only the two of them existed. When she smiled at him the world stopped for several heartbeats. Master Sharp bumped him from behind and everything snapped back into proper time. He wished to strike him for it.

“Ye well, Capt’n?”

Jayd pulled in a deep breath to steady himself. How did she do that? “Aye. Aye. In need my eyes were of adjusting to the dimmer light.”

“Certain?” The first mate never bothered to hide his grin. “One would think ye forgot ye promised me a tankard of ale.”

“Fuck off!” Did he actually say that?

He held no care if he did or not. Seeing Sari smile again, seeing the way her eyes were lit with trouble, once more it became just him and her. She laughed and he could hear every note. She sent him a kiss upon the air and his heart thudded. His seamaid, ‘twas a powerful spell she had him under.

“Doomed ye are, lad. Doomed.”

Jayd blinked, time rushing forward again in a giant whoosh, seeing Sari’s smile fall, her expression of joy became one of fury. He watched her snatch a tankard of ale from another’s hand, and smash it against the side of some scruffy seafarer’s head. He took several steps into the pub, ready to kill the one who dared bother his seamaid, when the man Sari damaged disappeared under a wave of The Borough’s regular patrons. When the man’s companions jumped in to protect their friend, they too disappeared.

He tried to see where Sari was, tried to see if Cal was doing his job, but soon found himself face to face with her before he could shove into the crowd. The Borough’s patrons had worked to gain her safety, passing her swiftly amongst themselves until she was out of harms way. He gathered her into his arms and moved closer to the door. Or he would have, had her arms not come around his neck and her lips not covered his own. He pulled her tight against him and returned the kiss.

She was smiling.

“’Tis a tavern brawl ye started, love.”

Sari looked over her shoulder and stared at the melee. “I suppose I did. I told him I held no desire to dance with him. Warned him I did when he became most persistent that I would be violent, but he paid no heed to my words. Methinks he mistook me for one whose favors could be bought. ”

“Then a fool he was. And even if ye were, the right ye would hold to turn away his advances.”

“Mayhap ‘twould be best if we leave, poppet.” Cal appeared at Sari’s side, his hand on her shoulder. He groaned. “Too late. The lecture your father will deliver, methinks ‘twill ring your ears. Mine as well.”

“Why?”

Cal motioned to the window and beyond it stood two Guards. The very two Guards Sari suspected of being her father’s eyes in Issin Sound, at least where she was concerned.

She emitted her own groan. “Oh yes, ‘twill make our ears ring for certain, mayhap even bleed some. Suppose do you that they can be bribed?”

“If they are the Guards we believe them to be, their jobs they take seriously. For them, their priority you are and rather would they be fed to the sea than fail.”

Sari sighed. “Naught there is to do about it, but suffer the impending lecture. Tell me, Jayd, Captain Jayd Lightning, what would one such as yourself do in a situation such as this?”

“Had I been the one to start a tavern brawl?”

“Yes,” she laughed, “had it been you who started the tavern brawl.”

“In the midst of it I would be, enjoying tossing my fists about, but ‘tis not where ye are going to be. Methinks…”

A loud noise exploded within The Borough and the shouting ceased. All within the pub became silent. Everyone turned towards the bar and there stood Tramp holding a large wooden stick with what looked like a sideways paddle carved on the end.

“My daughter be present, ye bilge rats,” Tramp bellowed. “Have her frightened by the lot of ye I will not!”

“Bothered he did our Zhari!” someone yelled from the crowd.

“Called her wench,” another shouted.

“Patted her bottom he did,” a third added.

“After she told him he need get lost!” the first patron called. “Twice!”

Tramp stared at the group, everyone still frozen in their current positions, many with fists raised, as they had been about to punch the one in front of them. “Finish it out back then.”

With that, the shouting resumed and the wave of regulars surged towards the back, dragging with them the offending parties.

“And that, right there, poppet, is why I worry not about bringing you to The Borough.” Cal nodded, pleased.

“’Tis why I like coming to The Borough.”

–

© A. Jane

Book Love: 

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9

[ashrelfury]

AFTG Super Powereds AU

(So...I started something and I’m not sure if its really worth continuing. It feels like its going to be so unbearable fucking long, kinda like the books this is an AU of. Super Powerds. Go check it out, its awesome. Anyways, heres what I’ve got so far. Let me know if you think this worth anything.) 

Neil ducked his head as he made his way through the campus. His bright orange hoodie hung off his body awkwardly, and the hood was up and covering his hair.

Truly, his hair wasn’t the oddest color he’d ever seen, but it stood out and that was something that Neil couldn’t afford just yet. This was his first day of college after all, and he already had a good grasp on the rules of the program that he wasn’t going to be taking chances.

He’d spent too long running and hiding, but that wasn’t an option anymore. He was here to make his way through the damn program and come out of it a graduate, or face his death. Neil seriously thought he’d be done with having that constant threat hanging over his head, but no. He was pretty sure he’d end up living his whole life under someone else’s thumb.

Keeping his head down and walking fast, his duffle hanging over one shoulder, Neil made his way to the building that had been assigned as his dorm for the next year. Fox Tower. It wasn’t anything to look at on the outside, five stories tall, fairly big all things considered. If one didn’t know any better, they would believe this building to be just like all of the other housing units on campus.

One would be wrong.

Neil had extensively studied the map of Palmetto State University’s campus, and he’d made some educated guesses as to where the lifts were. Fox Tower was only one such possibility.

Not everyone in the building would be in the program, he already knew that. An entire building filled with students who took the same program would get all of them figured out very very quickly, completely undermining the secrecy statute, but Neil knew that his roommates would be.

Making his way into the building wasn’t too hard. Flashing his student ID was enough and soon he was standing in front of a door on the third floor numbered 317. This door also opened with his student ID.

As soon as he stepped inside though, he froze.

Damnit, he wasn’t the first one in. He’d woken up at the ass crack of dawn in the vain attempt to slip into his dorm uninterrupted and then leave so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his assigned roommates at all. Looks like all of his hopes were dashed rather quickly though,

“Hey! You must be our fourth roomie! I’m Nicky, nice to meet you!” An enthusiastic voice broke through Neil’s stillness and he tensed as a body came at him. Instincts screamed for him to strike first (Hesitate and you’ll die, Nathaniel.) but he managed to hold it back as he looked up at the face of the taller man.

Nicky’s skin was a dark tan, brown or black hair hanging in loose curls around his head, dark eyes sparkling with interest that made Neil’s skin crawl, and lips pulled into an easy looking smile, he also looked much older than Neil himself, maybe by five or so years, not unusual for college, but unusual in regards to the program. When he held out a hand to shake, Neil only looked down at the appendage and then back up at the other man’s face.

It took a long moment, but apparently, his denial of the handshake was enough to dim the smile, but to Neil’s chagrin, it didn’t dim it for long.

“Not much of a social butterfly then. That’s alright. My cousins aren’t either. They are going to be our other roommates. Andrew and Aaron. They’re twins, but they are pretty easy to tell apart. Aaron’s a healer, he speeds up the bodies natural healing though, so its more uncomfortable than instantaneous. Andrew’s an absorber, we think. We don’t actually know. He used to be a Powered, but we managed to pay for his-”

“That’s enough, Nicky.”

The sudden voice from behind the taller man made both him and Neil jump, and Neil palmed the knife he kept strapped to the small of his back until he glanced behind Nicky and spotted another man standing in front of a hall that likely lead to the dorm’s five bedrooms.

Neil took in the man. White blond hair cut short with bangs falling into brown gold eyes, small stature but a fit body. Likely a fighter of some kind, the way he held himself was telling. It didn’t look like the blond guy knew the meaning of ‘dodge’ let alone ‘retreat’ and Neil knew his antagonistic nature was going to get him in trouble if the blond ever became his opponent.

Shit. He hadn’t even started the program and he already wasn’t liking his chances of graduating.

“Sorry, Andrew. I-” Nicky started to talk again as the blond, Andrew, sized Neil up just as Neil had done to him not seconds before. Whatever he found, he wasn’t impressed.

“Nicky.” Andrew warned, an edge to his somewhat monotoned cadence. It instantly shut the taller teen up and Neil was somewhat glad for whatever power the short blond had on the talkative brunette because Neil wasn’t sure how much more of the rambling he could handle before his temper got away from him. If there was one purpose Nicky served though, was as a well of information. He’d learned the abilities of two of his roommates so far and maybe he could use that to his advantages later on.

“Go away, Nicky.” Andrew ordered, stepping away from the mouth of the hallway. Nicky seemed to hesitate, looking back at Neil once before quickly making his way out of the common room.

Once Nicky was gone, it was just Neil and Andrew, staring at each other. Neil felt a bit awkward for it, so he decided to break first.

“Hi. I’m Neil.” He offered politely, nodding but not attempting to get anywhere near the other boy. Nicky had never told him just what Andrew absorbed, so Neil wasn’t about to risk it. There were many talents that branched from the absorber tree, Neil should know that better than most.

A pale blond eyebrow arched, but the shorter man did nod back. “Yes. We’ve heard.”

And just like that, all of Neil’s guards were up. He felt himself stiffen and couldn’t withhold the reaction, wasn’t quick enough to tell himself that Andrew was just trying to get a reaction out of him. Andrew must have gotten exactly the reaction he’d wanted, because he tipped his head to the side and eyed Neil like he was inspecting encrypted documents.

“Huh. Interesting.” Andrew murmured mostly to himself, and Neil felt himself bristle. It didn’t matter though. He couldn’t allow himself to explode. Not here and not now. He was not going to get into a fight with one of his roommates just after walking into the dorm room. What if the people running the program retracted his scholarship? What if he was kicked out of Palmetto for fighting on campus? Kengo would kill him in the blink of an eye and everything his mother had done to try to keep him alive would have been for nothing. He had to avoid Andrew. Whatever he knew, none of it could be used against him.

So Neil gathered his composure, blanked his expression, and walked forward. The closer he got to Andrew, the more he noticed about the blond. His eyes were a golden hazel, his bottom lip full and scarred on the left side corner vertically, there was also a scar bisecting his right eye brow, and last but not least, the man was shorter than him. Not by much, but Neil was 5’3 so it was very unusual to find shorter men.

As he moved past Andrew, Neil felt himself coiling, readying for a fight he wasn’t entirely sure was coming. As he moved past, their eyes met and Neil’s breath caught in his chest. He hurried past, looking away quickly.

“Your rooms either the one at the end of the hall or the second on the right. They’re the only ones who wouldn’t open for the rest of us.” Andrew’s voice called at his back.

Neil made the mistake of looking back, only to find Andrew’s careful stare still on him. As he tried the biometric scan on the second door to the right, it flashed green and the door’s lock clicked. Neil scurried in and shut it behind him, taking a deep uneven breath as he pressed his back onto the dark brown material.

Rooms have been set up for each attending member by the Program. These will be stocked for each member as deemed necessary. Communal areas are open to all but will be under the jurisdiction of your administrators. You will be expected to be in the communal area promptly at 7 to speak to your administrators about dorm rules.

The letter he’d gotten not two months ago had said. He wasn’t sure if it was normal for every student in the program, or if it was just because of what and who he was. Being sponsored by some very powerful people had its appeal, but if it were up to Neil, he wouldn’t be anywhere near the HCP.

He wasn’t Hero material. He wasn’t the kind to save people, or risk himself for someone else. He wasn’t noble or self-sacrificing. Yet he was forced here and he would either graduate a Hero or die.

Four years. He had four more years of bought freedom before his fate would be decided for him. He’d either pass as one of the 10 students graduating from the Palmetto State University’s Hero Certification Program, or he would be nothing more than another body burned on the side of the road.

--

Andrew was curious.

Not that he cared very much about his own curiosity. Since getting control of his abilities, since going from Powered to Super, Andrew hadn’t cared about much except for Aaron and maybe Nicky on a good day. Hell, the only reason he was in Palmetto in the first place was because Aaron wanted to join the HCP as a field healer. It didn’t really matter to Andrew, but if he wanted to stick with Aaron and protect him like he’d promised, Andrew had to join the god-awful Hero Certification Program.

Worse than that, he had to graduate.

For things to happen the way they are supposed to, he and Aaron had to graduate together. The only catch being Nicky.

While his cousin was going into his junior year at the HCP, Andrew honestly doubted he’d make it any farther than that. Nicky wasn’t cut out to be a Hero. If the freshman and sophomore years hadn’t focused on self-training, and group-training respectively, Andrew was positive his cousin wouldn’t have come as far as he had.

As he watched the new little anomaly walk skittishly into his room, Andrew debated on what to do. Neil Josten had been assigned as their roommate specifically because of his shady files. He’d broken into Coach Wymack’s office during the summer and the little shade’s file had been sparse at best and swiss cheese at worst.

Not even his power was recorded. It merely stated he was a Healer and left it at that, which is not something anyone being considered for the HCP should get away with recording as their Talent. Even Aaron had specified his healing abilities because the Dean wouldn’t let either of them into the program without thorough background checks.

Maybe that had been Andrew’s fault.

With his background in foster care, his arrests, his trial, the deaths of Tilda Minyard and Drake Spear spanning a year apart. Andrew hadn’t covered his tracks all that well, but it had been well enough. No one knew the real extent of his abilities, and everyone wanted the information. He was the first of his kind, after all. A twin, born Powered, and now turned Super. Any scientist worth their salt would want to know everything about him, how his powers differed from his brothers, how they were the same, how he had ended up Powered in the first place. Was it the separation at birth? The stresses of foster care?

So many stupid question and all Andrew wanted to do was punch every single board member in the jaw with every ounce of kinetic power he’d stored up during his long and gratuities life.

He’d refrained, which had been a real shame at the time.

It didn’t matter now. What mattered was making sure he got as far into this farce of a program as Aaron did. As a healer, Aaron had more potential for graduation than most, but even healers had their requirements.

A field healer needed to learn how to protect themselves. They needed enough skill to survive, if not fight back entirely. Why his brother was pursuing this, Andrew didn’t know, and he didn’t care. It was a path and he was now walking it too. It was more than he’d expected a year ago.

Moving back into his room, he debated what he would do with the little shade.

Mysteries were annoying, and secrets even more so. Andrew needed a way to break the other man, but it would be hard when he didn’t know Neil’s powers, and thanks to Nicky, Neil knew a bit about his.

And then there was the other roommate.

Kevin Day.

If his research had been correct, Kevin was the grandson of Legacy, meaning his powers were gravity aligned in some way. Then again, his father was the great Nick Campbell, and no one had forgotten about the man’s control of probability.

So many new toys to play with…

Maybe this wouldn’t be as boring as he’d believed it would be.

And maybe today, during the Ranking Fights, he’d be able to break someone’s bones. It was something to look forward to at least.

[aquarianlights]

Just popping in to tell you that you are gorgeous as fuck

Oh goodness. Hahaha. Wow, thank you so much! I wish that were true in my eyes. I have accepted the fact that other people can somehow think I am attractive, but I just can’t wrap my head around why someone would think that or how someone could think that about me. In my eyes, I am the most hideous, fat person on this planet. I have come to terms with the fact that I am ugly, like I mentioned in my post on that one picture, but I cannot accept the fact that I am ridiculously overweight and fucking obese. I hate myself so damn much because of my weight. I even avoid going out in public because of my weight and how ugly I look and feel. I can fool people with my selfies, though. With the right angle, the right lighting, the right filter, and the right camera. . .I can look pretty attractive. But it’s all an illusion. That’s why selfies are great. They can make your fantasy of being a beautiful, slim, flawless, model-worthy person a reality. But if you met me in real life? You’d run the other direction. Haha. I’m really hard on the eyes. My pictures are eye candy, I will admit, but my real life image? Very hard to look at. I have a very fat, obese, short, stubby, ugly body. . .and my face is too round and chubby and I have no neck or chin to speak of (which I want to get cosmetic surgery for when I can afford it) coz I inherited that from my fucking mother. I have a major, odd overbite on my top row of teeth because instead of sucking my thumb as a little boy, I sucked my two fingers (ring and middle), which caused my teeth to bulge out, one a little more than the other. Hoping to get that fixed with invisalign as soon as I can afford it. I have always had super clear skin, but lately my picking problem has become unbearable and I am ripping the skin off of different places and now I have all these red marks on my face and permanent scarring in some places because of that issue I have. And concealer doesn’t cover it that well no matter how much I put on. And then the pigmentation of my skin is disgusting because I am a pasty, white, lobster-person. My skin turns red at even the slightest bit of heat. And I have a pigmentation issue on my right cheek bone where there is a circle that is always red that concealer won’t cover. My eyes are way way WAY too big for my face (as everyone can probably tell). I’m certain people probably make fun of me for how big my eyes are behind my back. My hair is beautiful in colour, but ugly in style. My nose is huge and always red at the tip because, again, I am a white, pasty, lobster person. (Seriously, why did I have to be born white? UGH) My eyebrows are way way way too thick and they make me look perpetually angry. I have a bad case of resting bitch face and bored-to-tears face even when I’m excited about something. My smile is the most hideous and scary thing you will ever see; especially if it’s a teeth-showing smile. I have a baby face so I get mistaken for a teenager/high schooler quite often which is absolutely insulting. I have even had someone tell me my actual ID was a fake ID because they couldn’t fathom the fact that I was born in ‘92. I constantly have such dark circles under my eyes that it looks like I have two black eyes due to my insomnia and my sleeping pills not working anymore. My chin protrudes and it’s ugly. My lips are fucking HUGE and ugh god they’re disgusting. My teeth are somewhat yellow-ish because of all the tea and coffee I drink and because of the lack of money to go to the dentist (my insurance does not cover dental and never has...white teeth are a product of wealth, not how well you take care of them). My breath always smells horrible because I am anorexic and anorexia makes you have bad breath (still not sure why. I just know it’s the cause.). No matter how much I brush or how many times I rinse with mouth wash or how many mints I pop throughout the day, I’m pretty sure my breath still smells and I don’t know how anyone can stand to be around me. My face is pretty expressionless and I don’t make good expressions which makes me miserable and boring to other people. My laugh is fucking obnoxious because I laugh really loudly and it’s more of a maniacal cackle than anything. . .unless I’m giggling, then I sound like a fucking seal. If I don’t shave between my eyebrows for like 6 months or more, I get a small, practically invisible unibrow which is totally noticeable to me but normally not to other people. My nose is constantly wet and dripping because I have such bad allergies. My eyes are fucking bright blueish-grey, sometimes fully grey, so it’s super easy to tell when I’m on drugs because you can see my pupils turn to pinpoints or, if I’m on something trippy, you can see them dilate like crazy. Which, as someone who does drugs every day of his life, that’s an absolute curse, mate. I have TMJ so my jaw goes click click click every time I open and close it. I have a SUPER TINY mouth and a very thick tongue. Which is an awful combination. I can’t decide whether my forehead is too big or too small. And the creases of my eyes are practically right on top of my eyes because of how huge my eyes are. And glasses are always way too big for my face because I have such a tiny head. My nonexistent neck is super thick and makes me seem like I have a bazillion chins no matter how skinny I get. When I was down in the 90 lb range, the fact that I don’t have a neck/chin really fucking got to me because even at that weight, it still looks like I have a million chins. I can’t escape it without surgery to physically move my throat back where it is for normal people. Which, I’m not even sure if that can be done, but I will pay a plastic surgeon my whole goddamn life savings to fix that for me. I just don’t have the money right now and won’t anytime soon because I’m sure it will cost thousands upon thousands of dollars up-front. Uhhhh.....what else.....well, that’s just my head. From my neck up. You don’t even wanna get me started on my body. I could go on for hours because of how fat I am.

But. . .it’s really, really, REALLY nice to get messages like these. I never know if people are just mocking me and lying to me and laughing at my expense when I respond with gratitude, kinda like a “HAHA He’s so gullible!!!” sorta thing. That’s what I usually suspect is going on when people compliment me like this.

But I’ve been trying REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to just accept the compliments as truth and believe that people are being honest with me and aren’t just making fun of me and being sarcastic. So. . .if you’re serious, which I am going to force myself to assume you are, I really fucking appreciate this. Like....SO much. I have nonexistent self esteem. Like...zero. Maybe even negative numbers for my self esteem. I doubt you will ever encounter a person with lower self esteem than me. So to have people boost my ego with things like this means the world to me. It makes me feel like...maybe...maybe I can go out in public. Because I don’t go out in public because of how ugly and fat I am. I dread going out in public because of that. When I was like 105lbs or less, I was so fucking happy and I felt like I could go out in public whenever I wanted! It was incredible!!! Having thin privilege is.......wow, it’s life changing. I don’t think people with thin privilege even realize how great they have it. Honestly, being skinny would take away my depression, cure my anxiety, and all of my self destructive habits and suicidal ideations would just...fade away! They did when I was 105 and less. So anyone who says that weight does not control your happiness is a fucking liar when it comes to me, myself, and I. Because weight does, indeed, control my happiness, personally. While I’m fat and obese like I have been most of my life, it causes so much depression and anxiety and makes me want to kill myself solely because I am fat. I can deal with being ugly like I am, but I cannot deal with being fat like this. I can’t handle it.

And I can’t exercise at all because it could give me a heart attack and kill me due to my costochondritis. So I can’t even do that to help lose weight. So I’m just.....constantly starving myself and munching on dried mango slices when I’m hungry and drinking lots and lots of water and nothing else. A lot of people say that starving yourself will make you gain weight and it actually does in majority of people, but for some reason. . .starvation works on my body. Starvation is the one thing that will make me lose weight. And it’s really my only option at this point. Yeah, I could go into hypoglycemic shock or a hypoglycemic coma, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take if I could just be skinny.

Like I said. . .I have come to terms with the fact I am ugly. That is never going to change no matter what I do. But my weight? That is something I can change if I keep up the starvation and don’t break. Which, I have gotten very good at over the years since I was a little kid. The drugs help curb my appetite, too. The reason I started doing certain drugs was actually to curb my appetite. Nothing else. I didn’t want them to get high or for fun or anything like that---I just wanted them so I could lose weight. And they sure are helping. I fucking love drugs.

I would do anything to be skinny and have thin privilege. Literally anything. I will die trying if I have to. I would rather die an early death while skinny than live a long life while fat.

Ahhhh, I got so off topic there. I’m sorry. Weight and my appearance has just been prevalent in my mind since I came across those three old pictures I just reblogged from my selfie tag. So I just. . .had to vent and get that out there. I’m so sorry. But venting really helps me. A lot. So. . .saying all that really just helped me calm down and stop crying and beating myself up over all of it. So. . .even if you don’t read all this, if someone does read it, thank you. Thank you for listening.

And, nonny. . .thank you so much for your wonderful compliment. You just made me feel SO damn good about myself. And it really means a lot to me because I have this scratch on the skin above my upper lip on the right side that I have been clawing at for hours now and I have opened up a whole damn hole in my skin and now it’s turned into a massive red spot of ugliness and it’s probably not going to heal for a long time no matter how much of this prescription healing gel I put on it. The gel is like a super version of neosporin. My mom had it when she had her mastectomy for breast cancer. They took fat from her stomach to make her a new breast and she had some crazy, sick scar from that. Huge scar. So they gave her this gel that you put on the incision site to make it heal faster. And it really works. So she gave the remainder of it to me and I’m putting it on that area like every two seconds, but then I get the urge to claw at it and I do and then it just starts bleeding and gets bigger and worse and worse. And I just can’t seem to stop myself. If there is an area of my skin that isn’t perfectly smooth and flat, I will claw at it until it’s bleeding and until I feel that it’s flat or concave that will heal into flatness. Can’t even tell you how many circular shaped scars I have from ripping off little swollen bite areas from insects. Two circular dots are on my face and it makes me feel so fucking ugly. And now I have this huge red mark on my upper lip and it’s killing me to look at myself because I can’t do anything to hide it and I basically never want to go out in public again. . .my picking problem has made me 50x uglier than I already am and it REALLY gets to me. I physically can’t go out in public because of my looks and weight without a fuckton of valium or ativan in me.

So. . .hearing this from a stranger. . .some anonymous. . .it means the world to me. It means that someone, somewhere out there in this world, could walk past me and think “Wow. He’s so handsome.” or something like that. It gives me hope that maybe one day.....ONE DAY......someone might actually think that in real life when I don’t have all the right angles, filters, right lighting, right pose, etc etc etc...If someone were to say this to me in person when I was in my natural environment without all the selfie gimmicks? I think I would legitimately pass out. Haha. I’ve never been the gorgeous one. . .I hate going out with most of my friends sometimes because they are a million, bazillion times hotter than me.

I’m hoping the HRT will change how I look and how my body is. I hope it will slim me down and strengthen my facial structure. The doctor said it probably won’t have any affect on my face, but I have seen FTM and MTF people who have before and after pictures and their faces look super different. So I’m just fucking praying to all the omnipotent, noncorporeal, fate-controlling aliens in the universe that it does exactly that. I would kill to look like anyone other than me.

I have never seen an ugly fat person before. The only ugly fat person I have seen is me. Fat and skinny are both beautiful. And fat is not a derogatory term. People seem to assume that just because I think I’M fat and that makes me ugly, I somehow think that they must be ugly due to their weight, too??? And that just doesn’t make any fucking sense to me when people come to me with the “Well if you xxx pounds and I’m xxx pounds, then what does that make me in your eyes? A fucking obese monster?” LIKE NO, FAM. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. The only fucking way I think about fat being ugly is on ME. PERSONALLY. I am the only one that my logic about weight applies to. And people just don’t seem to understand that and it pisses me off. I’m anorexic and I have bad body dysmorphia. So, I mean, fucking SUE ME FOR EXPRESSING MY OPINION OF MYSELF AND MYSELF ALONE. Just because I think I’m fat at 128 lbs does not mean I think someone at twice my size or four times my size is ugly due to their weight. I am attracted to all sorts of people. And Callie in Grey’s Anatomy is the exact body type I am attracted to. She’s not conventionally skinny like most people. . .yet, that is the number one body I am attracted to. I’m not usually attracted to skinny people because they make me out-of-my-mind angry and vengeful because I want to BE them and because they usually take their thin privilege for granted or aren’t even aware that they have it and MAN that pisses me off. They usually have no idea how good they have it. Ugh, fuck. I have experienced what it was like to have thin privilege. I was practically fucking worshiped. Even though I lost all my weight for very unhealthy reasons and I was the most unhealthy I had ever been in my life and I was the sickest I’ve ever been physically, everyone would still see me for the first time in a while and be like “OH MY GOD. KILLIAN. LOOK AT HOW SKINNY YOU ARE. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS OH MY GOD!!!” and they would just continuously praise me for being skinny. I would get asked out on dates and invited to all these high end exclusive parties simply because I was skinny. And guys and some girls were absolutely all over me. I remember walking into a gas station to ask for direction and there was a line of guys waiting for the cash register and when I walked in, they all turned around and did a double take and literally scanned me up and down with their eyes and they all got this kind of devious smirk and one of them even put his hand around my waist and they were just absolutely marveling at how gorgeous I was. Purely because I was skinny. I could get into clubs and bars so easily when I was skinny. The second I gained the weight back? Everyone that had loved me when I was skinny abandoned me with the absolute weakest excuses. No one paid attention to me anymore. I started getting looks of disgust again. Started getting the stares.......you know the stares, right? The ones that say “Wow, I’m so glad I’m not as fat as him!” Stuff like that. My mistress even gave me a special session when I lost all the weight because she was so proud of me. . .despite the fact I lost in a very unhealthy way and for very bad reasons and despite the fact that I was physically sicker than I had ever been. IT DIDN’T SEEM TO MATTER TO ANYONE HOW SICK I WAS and how unhealthy I was and how I was basically dying from extreme starvation and dehydration. All anyone cared about was that I was skinny and my body looked ideal. So I know what thin privilege feels like. . .it gives you the confidence to leave the house whenever you want to. It gives you an ego boost like no other because clothes actually look GOOD on you. It makes people love you like crazy and lust for you. It helps you get in to basically anywhere you want and it helps you get past so many rules and laws and shit just because you’re skinny. You can fucking get away with anything when you’re skinny. I learned that easily when I was tiny. The second I gained it all back, though? It was like I was barred from everywhere and all of my friends and people who were lusting after me just fucking left.

I mean, yes, I’ve had tons of people tell me I’m attractive. Some irl and most online. I have had people tell me I’m gorgeous and alluring and that my eyes are mesmerizing and that they could gaze into them all day. But it’s always so hard for me to believe. . .because of my weight. Not even because I am ugly. . . but simply because of my obesity.

But I’m trying. I’m really trying. I can’t thank you enough for this message. You just gave me an opportunity to vent and get all my crazy emotions out like I really, really needed to. I was gonna keep it all inside for the night and let it eat me alive and destroy me, but. . .now I feel SO MUCH BETTER after being able to rant like that. You just did more for me than raise my self esteem and give me a little ego boost and make me smile and giggle and make me feel really, REALLY good about myself. . .you just helped me to get through a particularly tough state of mind that would have caused me to pop so many more pills and possibly accidentally overdose. You just seriously saved me by sending me this simple compliment.

I can’t thank you enough. There are no words to express my gratitude to you. You just made my whole night turn from miserable and self-loathing. . .to absolutely wonderful and self-affirming. c: You’re a wonderful human being and I’m so so so glad you took the time to type up this message. I’m sorry I had to vent like that, but I just HAD to get it out. You are the best. Ily. Thank you so so so fucking much. I would kill to hug you tight right now.

Also, I haven’t gotten a compliment on my looks on tumblr in a good while now, so this was very refreshing. I used to get compliments on my looks all the time. . .now I barely get any. So this was a nice change of pace. c: Thank you, again. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude, but no words would be able to formulate how extremely thankful I am to you.

[bwicblog]

DD: hello is anybody maybe around here right now

ID: kiiinda.

DD: kinda what does kinda mean

DD: i mean i also feel like that is kinda here but i am hoping that is not for the same reason that you feel kinda here because it is on account of feeling pretty awful and i wouldn't want you to feel pretty awful

ID: kinda as in i'm in the trap. so not really glued to my mobile.

ID: also that sucks. are you like. sick? maybe there's a virus going around.

SA: Pheres was also sick... it would be bad if there was a bug, it could have been at Cascara. But I don't remember seeing Dazzle there

SA: I hope you feel better soon.

DD: oh dear i did not mean to contact you while you were

DD: indisposed??

DD: and i have no idea if i am ill with a landdweller disease of some sort or if i am just unsuited to the desert DD: i am probably going to die or something but i am not sure i care very much anymore

DD: but i appreciate the well wishes!!

ID: it's fine, i gotta get my carcass out of the water anyway- uh. wow. mm.

ID: can you just... be. not in the desert if it sucks that much...?

OA: aW, WHAT'S A GUPPY DOING IN THE GODDAMN DESERt? :o(

DD: i dont think so i mean not really i mean DD: i am here because i am working with the station for tech development and beta testing and also i am supposed to be somewhere far away from where i was before so that the people who were trying to kill me wouldnt be able to find me so its kind of a twofer

SA: I doubt that, dazzle. Perhaps a doctor would be of use. 😃

DD: and everything hurts and i want my moirail except he is not even my moirail anymore because of the whole i am not around and the murder attempt and all that and there is no water and no fish in this desert and i couldnt even get some orange juice like you said pri because the lady selling it says she doesnt serve seadwellers except she used a much meaner word and everything is awful and

DD: sorry i should not be posting

AC: ..yes a d0ct0r s0unds l1ke a g00d 1dea als0 1f y0ure a seadweller 1n the desert d1d y0u remember t0 keep y0ur g1lls wet?? because thats,, pretty 1mp0rtant actually AC: and 1m s0rry ab0ut the rest 0f that but 1 th1nk thats g0nna get better 1f y0u take care 0f the f1rst th1ng pr0bably def1n1tely

OA: nAH, COUSIN, CHILL YOUR ROLL. AIN'T NO NEED TO GO AND FRAZZLe. OA: yOU GOT ALL THE RIGHTS TO VENT YOUR SPLEEN, FROM BLOOD AND BONE. WHAT A FUCKING wretch. OA: yOU TRIED LAYING YOURSELF FLAT IN A TUB? WE GOT PLENTY OF BRINE ON LAND, BUT THAT WON'T DO SHIT IF YOUR GILLS ROT OFf.

AC: yes l1ke 0a sa1d g0 d0 that 0r g0 1nhale there are als0 patches f0r th1s but 1 d0ubt y0u can get th0se 1f y0u c0uldnt get 0range ju1ce

DD: i have been trying but the water here is different and makes my gills sting and i ordered this little package of blocks you can dissolve in water to make it more akin to saltwater in terms of salt and other mineral content but it is not DD: here yet and i am not sure how long drone delivery takes on land i thought it would be here already

AC: ..th1s 1s g0nna s0und dumb but cant y0u just put salt 1n 1t f0r the t1me be1ng

ID: i mean. throw your hue around a little to the delivery company. that'll get it faster.

DD: (also im afraid i am not sure where to find a doctor but i suspect that is me wallowing because it seems like a difficult tast but so does getting up at all at the moment)

OA: yOU AT A STATION? WHY NOT JUST ASK SOME CHUCKLEHEAD UP TOP TO FETCH IT FOR YOu? OA: sURE AS NAUGHT, YOU AIN'T THE ONLY SOVEREIGN ON BASE, YEAH? EVERY BLUE'S KNOWN SOME CLOWN WITH FRILLs.

AC: r1ght here actually 0r maybe 1n p0rt m1na but 1 have n0 1dea where 1n the desert y0u are 0r even 1n wh1ch 0ne

DD: oh i am not at the station at this very moment unfortunately but yes there is one other seadweller there the general and i kind of wanted to ask them for help but i think they think im a little bit daft DD: and oh dear i was going to just add salt but then everyone said it wasnt the same so i didnt but

DD: i am in port mina it is the closest town to station 11 which is where i am working!

AC: O:B d0 y0u kn0w the c0ffee sh0p thats shaped l1ke a teap0t

OA: aDD SALT TO THE WATER. DROWN YOUR WOES. AND FUCKING CALL SOME SCHLUB AT THE BASE TO FETCH YOU THE PROPER SHIt. :o) OA: aIN'T NO NEED TO THROW YOUR CHROME AROUND. YOU'RE FUCKING VIOLEt. OA: yOU ARE gracing THEM WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO OFFER AID, AND THEY WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITy.

ID: can't you buy sea salt in stores. that... seems like it would work? i think?

SA: salt water is more than salt water it also has a particular mineral content, etc

DD: yes it is super cute i kind of wanted to go there but i am afraid they might not serve me like with the orange juice lady and then i am going to cry in the shop and that will be really embarrassing

SA: otherwise caring for my clown fish would be hell on alternia

SA: they have to serve you. Threaten them.

AC: n0 1ts f1ne 1m w0rk1ng r1ght n0w y0u c0uld def1n1tely c0me 0ver 1f y0u wanted s0meth1ng t0 dr1nk

SA: become mean and hatedul

DD: and oh dear i dont think everybody sees it that way oa but that is very kind of you to say so i mean DD: maybe i should call someone DD: i dont think

DD: er

DD: i

SA: and then reel it back in

AC: please d0nt threaten me actually

OA: hAHAHA, WHAT THE FUCk.

DD: i would rather not do that honestly especially since i think you were complaining about people that do that earlier prisma and i dont want people to dislike me and also im not sure if i would even be able to threaten you right now ac i mean unless you are deathly afraid of people crying i can probably threaten you wit hthat

DD: actually i am not even sure if prisma is being serious or maybe making fun of me

OA: hIS ADVICE IS RANK EITHER WAY. PAY IT NO MIND, COUSIN, HE IS LEADING YOU ASTRAy. :o)

AC: yes em0t10nal pe0ple are terr1fy1ng 1f y0u cry 0n me 1ll cry t00 thats sarcasm by the way

ID: yeah pris maybe. don't tell daz to be a jerk to lowbloods i think we. get enough of that.

SA: sometimes I have to be cruel and hateful too to convince higher blooded trolls to take me and my business seriously. But I understand hesitance

ID: from other highbloods.

SA: yes but I know they aren't that way inside so it seemed like a logical solution

SA: I apologize

DD: being hateful sounds like it takes a lot of energy i would rather just DD: i dont know

DD: i dont know im very confused in general right now i think that might be the temperature a little bit

ID: oh. uh i can see why that could. fry your pan. got any ice? put it on like. the back of your neck.

DD: and even if it is sarcasm ac that is okay i dont really know where you are so i could not do that regardless

DD: i think maybe the hotel has an ice machine that is where i am now

OA: cOUSIN, COUSIN, THEY JUST UP AND SAID THEY WERE AT THE LITTLE TEAPOt.

DD: i guess it is an inn

DD: oh

DD: i

DD: missed that completely you have my apologies

DD: oh!

AC: 1m a she but yes there was an 0ffer 0f ju1ce here 1t 1s aga1n just t0 be super expl1c1t 1m at the teap0t and 1m 0ffer1ng y0u ju1ce 0r maybe tea the c0ffee 1s g00d t00

DD: oh they said i could have something to drink too that is very kind

DD: she

DD: you have my apologies again i am sorry

OA: i AIN'T TOO FAR FROM THE STATION. HOW ABOUT I GO AND GET YOU A SALTBLOCK, YEAH? SEE IF THEY AIN'T GOT ANY FANCY MEDS FOR A FISH LIKE YOu. :o) OA: sHIT TO OPEN UP THOSE FUCKING GILLS, GET SOME COOL AIR IN YOu. OA: aND GIVE YOU A REASON TO STOP APOLOGISING, HOLY SHIt.

DD: i would very much like some orange juice and also maybe tea i have never had tea or orange juice before though i have had coffee though i have kind of been living off of coffee and lattes a little bit theyre very delicious and one of the things that dont taste weird here

DD: also i am sorry for being sorry >:P

DD: you are both very kind however that part is not a joke

AC: y0u havent AC: what?? AC: 0kay we need t0 f1x that 1 mean 1m reallyreally b1ased t0wards the c0ffee here 0r anywhere really but 1f y0uve never had tea y0u need t0 try 0ur lem0n 0ne 1ts great AC: wh1ch s0unds l1ke 1m try1ng t0 adverte f0r us here wh1ch 1m n0t even 1f 1t def1n1tely reads l1ke 1t but yes y0u get the p01nt

DD: i mean right now really the fact that you are willing to make me something without any of that threatening messiness is enough of an advertisement really but it also sounds really nice and i would like to try both the orange juice and the tea and the coffee i mean i havent had enough to drink in general probably and i cant tell how much of it is my gills drying out or actually drinking but yes

DD: once i

DD: figure out how to get up

ID: probably should start with. cold drinks there. with lots of ice.

DD: and no i havent had those things because they do not really happen underwater i guess except in pouches so thats how i am familiar with iced coffee

AC: actually thats g0nna take y0ur b0dy m0re energy t0 heat them up and pr0bably 1snt that great f0r y0u

DD: and oh right there was the ice machine

SA: less sugar will hydrate you faster

DD: oh but i would like something cold right now i dont really

AC: 0h r1ght s0rry 1 f0rg0t ab0ut the underwater th1ng the 0nly seadweller 1 kn0w d0esnt really spend a wh0le l0t 0f t1me there s0 1 tend t0 f0rget that 1ts a,, uh,, a th1ng

DD: i dont think my body heats things up

DD: maybe its the other way around since i am violet i have been using energy to cool everything down

ID: i mean if daz is overheating, cooling him down is. good.

DD: and oh that is interesting

DD: i didnt realize there were people that dont live in the water very much

OA: tHEY'RE RUNNING A FUCKING TEMPERATURE. ICE AIN'T GONNA DO SHIT, BUT FUCK THEM OVER PROPERLy. OA: jUST GET SOME TAP WATER, COUSIN. BODY'S ALREADY PROTESTING THE DRY. WHY YOU WANNA MAKE IT FIGHT THE CHILl?

DD: it seems very difficult

DD: i

DD: i dont know um i suppose everything sounds like it makes sense

DD: i want to run a bath but the fresh water makes things hurt more

DD: maybe i can just put my head in it without breathing it or getting it on my gills

DD: that seems silly but like maybe it would feel nice

OA: mAN. THIS IS WHY WE KEEP LUSUS ON BASE. COVER THIS SHIT FOR A MOTHERFUCKER, SO THERE AIN'T NO NEED FOR WORRY NOR FUSs. OA: iF YOUR SNOUT IS IN WATER, COUSIN, AND YOUR GILLS ARE IN AIR, HOW ARE YOU GONNA BREATh? :o)

DD: take my head out when i need to probably

DD: and oh my lusus is on base actually i would kind of like to crawl into the tank they use for the aquatic lusi but i cant bring an aquatic tendrilbeast to the hotel unfortunately

OA: pUT A RAG ON YOUR DOMe. OA: pUT SOME WATER IN YOUR GULLEt. OA: dUMP SOME SALT IN THE TRAP, AND THEN THROW YOURSELF IN, SO THERE AIN'T NO NEED FOR DRY-ASS DROWNINg. OA: aIN'T THERE SOME RUST WHO CAN HAUL YOU SOME TABLESALT Up?

DD: i can definitely ask the inn staff i think hopefully they have enough available and yes then i am going to do all of those things and then maybe stop dying

DD: sorry that all seems very obvious in retrospect i think maybe i am also not thinking especially clearly at the moment

DD: also um oa are you maybe still okay with bringing me something from the base maybe i think i am probably actually sick but also i dont want to do the threatening thing that prisma mentioned earlier that seems like a good way to make people stop being nice to me or really liking me at all

OA: tHREATENING IS THE HALL OF THOSE TOO WEAK TO WORK THEIR GODDAMN FLAp. OA: wHO NEEDS TO THREATEN WHEN A WELL-PLAYED WORD WORKS JUST AS WELl? :o)

OA: wHICH IS TO SAY, COUSIN, OF FUCKING COURSe. OA: i WILL FETCH YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY GIVE. IT WILL BE MY PLEASURe.

OA: wHAT'S YOUR NAME, SOVEREIGn? OA: aIN'T KEEN TO SEND IT TO THE WRONG ROOm. :o)

DD: oh dear well that is a very nice way of putting that and thank you very much i am also very appreciative of your help and also your patience on account i was admittedly wallowing quite a bit earlier and things seem a lot less awful right now DD: and oh my name is dazzle that should also be what the block is under whats your name? and also ac if she is still around she was very nice and i still want to be able to meet her at the teapot cafe later if she still wants to

AC: yes h1 1m st1ll ar0und th1ngs are sl0w t0n1ght 1m lapyen AC: 0r just the blue 0ne 1n the bun and the glasses 0r actually really just the blue 0ne y0u cant m1ss me h0nestly

OA: mY NAME IS RICCIN. RICCIN KAYATA. WHEN YOU SEE ME, COUSIN, YOU'LL KNOw. :o)

OA: oR. WELL. WHEN THE HOTEL STAFF SEES Me. OA: wHAT THE FUCK EVER, I AIN'T USED TO THIS DELIVERY SHIt.

AC: als0 1m n0t sure 1f y0u can base my actual n1ceness 0n just a c0uple c0mments 1 made t0 y0u 0nl1ne 0ver the span 0f half an h0ur and 1f 1t really w0rks l1ke that and as a sec0nd als0 thats really 0m1n0us and 1m super cur10us what y0u even mean by that 0a

DD: that sounds very dramatic!! DD: the youll know comment i mean not the blue thing the blue thing makes a lot of sense actually given my recent experiences and i feel kind of bad to be happy that there is someone kind of highblooded around because that seems a little unkind of me but yes i mean youre very nice and i have learned recently i am not good at talking to lowbloods that i am not working with DD: and it is not just the comments i mean also you are inviting me for tea and all of those things thats pretty nice

OA: i AM A STRIKING GODDAMN FIGURE, THAT'S ALl. :o)

AC: 0h n0n0 d0nt w0rry 1 def1n1tely get that 1t can be really super awkward t0 talk t0 l0wbl00ds 1f y0ure n0t used t0 1t and als0 theres _s0_ much y0u can d0 wr0ng when y0u d0 that 1ts a l1ttle terr1fy1ng 1f y0ure n0t fr1ends w1th them already AC: als0 1 c0uld be lur1ng y0u 1n t0 r0b y0u y0u d0nt kn0w my m0t1vat10ns 1 mean 1m n0t and als0 that w0uld be pretty hard 1n br0ad m00nl1ght 1n a p0pulated area but 1m g0nna st0p typ1ng n0w

AC: a f1gure?? what k1nd 0f f1gure 0h my g0d

DD: well in that case i look forward to seeing you i mean if you decide to come up i am not sure if you wanted to with the staff comments or anything but that sounds intruiging and you have created an air of mystery and intrique DD: and yes that is a good description of how i feel lapyen i mean prisma and hadean and riccin have all been very nice but even then i messed up and prisma yelled at me so i am not always the best at being social with people at all really DD: though i think probably i dont think anybody would try to rob me or i mean you could try but i dont think it would work very well especially not like in a crowded teashop where you are employed : P

OA: .. wHAT SORT OF FIGURE ARE YOU PICTURING, GIRl? OA: bECAUSE I AM STARTING TO GET ALL SHADES OF FUCKING concerned.

OA: ;o(

DD: omg ahaha

DD: ow

DD: that hurt but i am going to keep laughing anyways because i do not think i have smiled in two nights

OA: cAREFUL, SOVEREIGn. OA: dON'T GO RIPPING YOUR GILLS, TRYING TO SPREAD SOME MIRTh.

OA: :o)

DD: theyre kind of stuck im not sure if i could even rip them even by laughing 😦

DD: i tried to peel one open earlier with my claws but i almost ripped a filament instead and they are all gummy and theyre not supposed to be

OA: >:o?

OA: tHAT SEEMS NASTY AS FUCk.

AC: n0t that k1nd 0f f1gure 0h my g0d ab0rt ab0rt AC: but als0 d0uble 0h my g0d that d0esnt s0und l1ke 1ts supp0sed t0 be l1ke that maybe def11ntely d0 the salt th1ng and then let me take a l00k at them later 1f y0ure,, uh,, 1f y0ure c0mf0rtable w1th that?? because 1f theyre s0 dry theyre glued shut theres a teeny t1ny r1sk 0f 1nfect10n n0th1ng t0 w0rry ab0ut but maybe s0meth1ng t0,, t0 l00k at

DD: oh dear

DD: it is pretty nasty yes especially because it is my body and i like my gills i also like them being working and not infected and

DD: um that is to say yes i would appreciate that lapyen if you are okay with that i mean you mentioned earlier you are a docterrorist and i dont know where else to find one and

DD: oh dear

OA: sHOULD I BE FETCHING THOSE MAGIC PILLS FROM THE BASE, TOo.

OA: >:o?

DD: oh um i thought maybe you already were i think you mentioned they had medicine earlier but i am not sure what they have really or how it works or what i need which is not very helpful of me

OA: bROTHER, BROTHER, THEY GOT PLENTY OF PILLs. OA: tHEY'RE ASKING ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M GETTING, THAT'S ALl.

OA: .. i'LL JUST GET ALL OF IT, AND YOU CAN TAKE IT AT ONCe. OA: gET THAT SICKNESS OUT EN MASSe. :o)

AC: um

AC: actually maybe read the l1ttle,, uh,, the n0tes that c0me w1th them and als0 d0nt take all 0f them at 0nce under abs0lutely n0 c1rcumstances

DD: oh dear

AC: just read the 1nstruct10n leaflets 1ts all 1n there 1ts f1ne

DD: that sounds like a good idea i am going to do that i mean if you are a docterrorist you know better probably

AC: s0rry n0 0ffense but 1 d0nt th1nk 1m g01ng t0,, 1 mean attend1ng med sch00l feeds just t0 kn0w that leaflets are 1n there t0 be read and n0t t0 take up space

OA: wHY NOT TAKE ALL OF THEm?

OA: aIN'T THEY LIKE BLOCKS? OR BOOZe?

OA: tHE MORE YOU TAKE, THE BETTER IT Is.

AC: yes theyre exactly l1ke b00ze wh1ch 1s why y0u expl1c1tly d0nt d0 that please

AH: hahah oh wow poor Lapyen

AH: sorry Riccin's dumb ass came to ruin your evening

AC: 1ts n0t ru1ned my even1ng 1s f1ne but thanks and h1 gl1ese

AH: give it time. they're good at being a little bitch. but sup, how's life

AH: I went to a ren fair a little while ago, shit was wild

AH: what have you been doing? you landed that new gig, right?

AC: 0kay that s0unds k1nd 0f,, 1nterest1ng 1 guess was that c00l?? AC: and yes!! 1m d01ng an 1nternsh1p r1ght n0w we w0rk w1th r0b0ts 1ts supersuper c00l and h0nestly a really welc0me break fr0m sch00lfeeds 1m n0t say1ng that the stress 1s t00 much but the stress 1s pr0bably,, k1nd 0f a l1ttle b1t t00 much

AH: Haha damn, no, it probably is. It was interesting for _me_ , that's for sure, given I dragged a friend's sorry ass off to a mediculler, saw some absolutely fucking atrocious fashion, met up with Canela again, and met some new people.

DD: what no riccin has been lovely they are being very nice and are helping me out i dont think that counts as being that

AH: But what kind of robots are you working with. Are they cool?

AH: lmao Riccin's probably just sucking up because you're violet

AH: I can't be bothered to backread

AH: but I'd bet money

DD: i mean they didnt ask me to pay them or anything

AC: theyre very c00l but als0 we just g0t a b1g gr0up 0f cust0mers s0rry 1 reallyreally need t0 put my ph0ne away AC: y0u can t0tally talk t0 me ab0ut that later th0ugh and dazzle y0u can abs0lutely st1ll c0me 1n whenever y0u feel l1ke 1t s0rry bye

AH: well why would they, they have clowns taking care of their oversized ass

AH: they just like to feel important

DD: i hope you have a good night that sounds like a lot of work and i will definitely come by when i am feeling like i can walk!!

DD: and i mean you said money

AH: awww, damn

AH: but good luck and all

AH: ...I said I _bet_ money, not that you were paying them lol

AH: learn to read

DD: i can read i am just having a hard time doing so on account of everything being very hazy at the moment but also to clarify saying id bet money can be interpreted as you betting money on it or betting that money is the key factor hence the nature of my misunderstanding

DD: but also i dont think anybody has felt much like ingratiating themselves with me lately and instead its been more of the opposite so i think riccin is just being a nice person

AH: holy shit, who fed you caffeine, I want a word

AH: Also lmao you have terrible fucking judgment if you think Riccin is nice

AH: but then I guess they would be to you because they're like...loyal to clowns and up

AH: I think

AH: I don't know how their crazy pan works

DD: i mean they were very nice to lapyen as well and also i havent had caffeine in a while i heard it dehydrates you and i am having trouble with that lately so i did not want to make it worse

AH: mother grub, what the fuck, are you dried out or something? go jump in a lake or whatever, surely you have _that_ much survival instinct.

AH: or does fresh water hurt seadwellers? try it and let me know.

OA: gIRL, STOP DRAGGING ME. IF YOU WANTED MY ATTENTION, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FUCKING SAy. ;o)

AH: wow look what the meowbeast dragged in

OA: yOU STILL AIN'T IN THE TUB, DAZZLe?

AH: the world's worst yellowblood

AH: also, I was legit just giving Lapyen a warning because I'm a good fucking friend, but you know, if you wanna froth at the bit for some words your way, be my guest

AH: that's not pathetic at all

AH: ...Dazzle

AH: Their name is _Dazzle_ ??

AH: ahahaha fuck that's amazing, only a fish would have a name that stupid

IA: :(

OA: a GOOD FUCKING FRIEND. My. :o)

OA: wHO TOLD YOU THAT LIE, GIRL, AND WHY THEY TRYING TO MISLEAD YOU SO harshly?

AH: Yeah, I know the concept's foreign to you, but try to understand

AH: Who told what lie, you're making even less sense than usual

AH: which is a fucking accomplishment

OA: ... aRE YOU AS DOOZY AS THE GUPPy? OA: i'LL GIVE YOU A MOMENT TO REREAD, ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT IT'S A WONDER YOUR TINY-ASS EYES CAN EVEN SEE THE SCREEn.

AH: also wow, a single sad smiley face, IA. Really pulling on my pumper strings here. Let me borrow Hadean's violin and play it for you.

AH: Oh wait, my strings broke.

AH: Fucking tragic.

DD: i am not in the tub i tried to get in and it made everything hurt and i decided to wait for the salt DD: and my name isnt stupid i use that one because its fun its actually my last name and my first one is laurel DD: so you can use that if it helps you not be a total jerk

IA: Why is every-one fighting all the time in here :(

OA: cLOSE YOUR FINS TO HER NONSENSE, SOVEREIGNs. OA: gLIESE AIN'T NOTHING BUT BILE, I AM SORRY TO FUCKING SAy.

OA: iT IS A SHAME SOMEONE SO HIGH IS SO FUCKING RUDe. :o)

AH: because we'd be bored as hell otherwise, _duh_

AH: what are you, a wriggler? grow a backbone

AH: when a seadweller's a pansy it's extra sad

AH: Laurel's a little better yeah. Also fuck you I am the _finest_ of bile, the absolute queen of bitterness, it's right in my fucking handle you blind ass.

AH: Yeah well it's a shame someone so wordy has so little to say, so...what are we gonna do here.

IA: I just th-ought this was supp-osed t-o be a fun, Empire run chat, I didn't expect t-o run int-o s-o many c-onfr-ontati-onal tr-olls.

AH: Your first mistake was putting "fun" and "Empire run" in the same sentence. I mean it is fun in here but it sure as hell isn't because of the Empire.

AH: Literally all we owe them for is making the stupid thing.

AH: Not like _they_ provide entertainment.

AH: Bunch of boring nerds.

AH: wow did everyone piss themselves in fear when I walked in or what.

SA: Hello Gliese.

AH: sup

SA: how has your evening been?

AH: I had to run around extra because somebody fucked up my lusus's water, but at least it got settled.

AH: So mostly routine aside from that.

AH: You?

IA: I ap-ologize, I'm a bit distracted between things. I'll be swimming in and -out.

SA: your lusus's water? What happened...?

SA: I am fine. I had breakfast with sipara and hadean this morning.

SA: hello, IA.

AH: And we all miss you so fucking terribly, IA, bland as water as you are...pun not intended.

AH: Nothing much, but some dumb kid knocked over his trough.

IA: Hell-o Pris!

AH: I was pissed, but judging from how they were shaking I think it was an accident, so I let them off with a cuff and a warning.

SA: how are you, IA? aside from busy.

SA: hmm. I'm sorry

SA; I hope they are. Feeling better now.

AH: Eh, probably, not like I actually hurt them

AH: They were probably like six sweeps max

AH: Not worth it

SA: Oh I meant you rlusus but yes, hitting children is often not encouraged by myself.

AH: Oh, yeah, he's fine. Luckily I had more on me, I'll just have to order extra.

AH: I also gave him some carrots, he's good.

AH: You like, don't have a lusus right?

AH: That must've been weird

SA: it was not terribly weird.

AH: Really?

SA: it was stranger when I realized it wasn't the norm.

AH: Oh lmao

AH: I guess that makes sense

SA: i was raised and cared for in a fairly neticulous way.

SA: it levelled out much of my development, I suppose.

SA; rather than being raised by

SA: ...

IA: Y-ou're quite mean AH

SA: an ibis?

SA: I think it was an Ibis.

SA: I could just be filling in, though.

SA: I genuinely don't remember.

AH: Nooooo

AH: REALLY??

AH: God you sound like Kit, except even he's learned better by now

AH: Ibises are cool

AH: Don't a lot of lowbloods have bird lusii?

AH: Could swear I heard that somewhere

SA: I couldn't tell you the statisticla information on that.

IA: Als-o I'm d-oing well Pris, thank y-ou f-or asking!

AH: Dunno, bunch of them from my town did. Even Matari's lusus had wings and it was a hoofbeast.

IA: It's fairly hit -or miss isn't it? I'm n-ot sure if I've met a l-ot -of l-owbl-o-ods with bird lusii myself.

AH: have you met a lot of lowbloods _anyway_

AH: how much do you even come out of the ocean

IA: The last time I've been in the -ocean was ab-out three m-onths ag-o and bef-ore that, nearly a year. I w-ork m-ostly -on land.

IA: I meet and talk with a l-ot -of l-owbl-o-ods actually :)

AH: yeah okay probably by sticking a blade in them or something

AH: protip: gurgling doesn't count as conversation

IA: I d-on't d-o that :(

IA: Why w-ould I d-o that?

AH: Uhhhh

AH: You're a SEADWELLER??? Y'all fucks make my caste look meek with your goddamn murder fetish.

AH: It's a reasonable assumption.

IA: I m-ost certainly have a let's-n-ot-murder fetish

AH: Haha wow that was some of the most awkward phrasing ever

AH: The fuck do you do then

IA: I'm a detective! I w-ork with the Empire here -on Alternia and l-ocal g-overnments t-o help reduce and prevent crime.

IA: F-or all castes, I may add

AH: lol yeah pull the other one

AH: everyone knows the system's rigged to high hell

AH: I mean I get it, whatever, you all want to ~do justice~ for those of us who'll still be around in a hundred sweeps to hate your faces

AH: but still

IA: It's tail-ored t-o the standards -one w-ould expect f-or -our vi-olent s-ociety, yes, but I d-on't mind n-or care what -others think -of me in a hundred sweeps.

IA: And just because -our system is tail-ored s-o d-oesn't mean I can't d-o my best t-o make pe-oples' lives easier AND better.

AH: Yeah, sure, even a violet can't do a whole lot to change a system run by tyrians. Unless you're gonna argue with them, in which case, have fun with that.

IA: Well, thank y-ou! I d-o l-o-ok f-orward t-o pr-ove y-ou wr-ong :) I have already seen the differences I've made and it's m-ore than en-ough t-o make everything w-orth it!

IA: My name is Nemm-on, what's y-ours, AH?

AH: Gliese, though you have no idea how tempted I was to tell you something stupid and see if you bought it.

AH: I mean we have _Dazzle_ in here.

AH: And the only reason I'm pretty sure they're not making it up is that they seem too dumb for that and because they're a fish.

IA: Well there is n-o way f-or me t-o verify it if y-ou did lie t-o me.

IA: Why didn't y-ou?

AH: Meh, might make things confusing later.

AH: Also you'd probably not question it and be boring as usual so what's the point.

IA: That's kind -of y-ou Gliese :)

AH: Please, I couldn't care less about your feelings, this is purely for my own convenience. I care more about the dumb kid who knocked over my lusus's water trough earlier than you.

IA: I didn't say anything ab-out my feelings, i just stated it was kind -of y-ou t-o decide against lying. I h-ope y-our lusus is alright th-ough?

AH: Kind for who, if you don't care. Also stop being nice it's weird.

AH: Even Budino being depressing was better than this

AH: You just sound creepy

IA: I'm s-orry :(

AH: and now we're back to boring

AH: is ANYONE ELSE in here before I give up or die of dullness.

OA: hONk.

IA: W-ould y-ou be m-ore c-omf-ortable if I wasn't nice?

AH: not really because then you'd be fake as hell and that's even worse

AH: I'm less uncomfortable and more wondering how anyone can be so tedious without wanting to stab themselves.

AH: Hey Riccin look it's another fish. Go kiss ass like you were hatched to do.

AH: Entertain me.

IA: I'd rather we didn't kiss my rear.

AH: aw, you ruined Riccin's night

AH: how could you

OA: sISTER, LET'S NOT BE INAPPROPRIATE WITH THE SOVEREIGn. :o) OA: 'sIDES, THINK YOU'VE HAD YOUR MOUTH ON ENOUGH FISH FOR THE WHOLE LOT OF Us.

IA: :( It'd make me extremely unc-omf-rtable

AH: lmao what

AH: I know two fish and one of those is older than dirt

AH: and the other is Canela, who's probably on another date as we speak

AH: and possibly ditching said date again if they suck lmao

AH: fun fact, Nemmon, nobody gives a shit

OA: yES, GIRL, IT IS CLEAR AS THE SKY OUTSIDE THAT I'M REFERRING TO YOUR COMMANDER. TYRIAN TITs. :o) OA: nAH, TALKING ABOUT THE VIOLET WHO KEEPS FLASHING HEARTS AT YOU. OR IS THAT THE NEW WAY OF SAYING HELLo? OA: bECAUSE IA HAS BEEN AWFULLY FUCKING SPARSE, IF THAT'S THE CASe.

AH: lmao you don't know Canela do you?

AH: she does that to all her friends

AH: she's just bubbly

OA: bUBBLY. My.

OA: tHAT'S A WORD FOR It.

IA: Y-ou're c-orrext --OA, I have been! I've been w-orking hard lately and haven't had much time t-o s-cialize

AH: lmao that went right over _your_ head

OA: :o)

AH: whatever, you weren't contributing anything valuable anyway

IA: --Oh I'm s-orry, is there an-other IA? I wasn't aware and I ap-ologize!

AH: oh my god how is anyone this dense

AH: even Riccin's not this dense

AH: I'm fucking mourning now

IA: I have n-o c-ontext f-or this c-onversati-on, Gliese.

IA: I'm afraid I d-on't kn-ow the regulars.

AH: Okay WOW I'm going to spell this out for you and then go

AH: because I'm fucking exhausted by your existence

AH: Riccin MEANT that you were sparse with SPAMMING HEART EMOJIS compared to CANELA, who uses them like they're going out of style because she just fucking does that

AH: and now I'm going, because I have shit to do and a thinkpan to maintain

OA: aND DEFINITELY NOT BECAUSE SHE'S TRYING TO PLAY FOUR SQUARES WITH BABY BLUE HERe. :o)

OA: hEAVEN FORBID WE HAVE THAT THOUGHt.

IA: Bye Gliese! :)

IA: S-o h-ow are y-ou --OA?

IA: Riccen, right?

OA: rICCIN, SOVEREIGn. :o) OA: lIKE THE FRUIt.

OA: i'M JUST JOLLY FUCKING GOOD. TEXTING MY GIRL NZINGa. OA: gETTING HER UP TO DATE ON SOME news. SPREADING THE GOOD WORD. ALL OF THAT SHIt. OA: bUT AIN'T NOTHING OF NO IMPORT, REALLy. OA: hOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOINg?

IA: I see! Pleasure t-o meet y-ou Riccin!

IA: I'm d-oing very well, thank you f-or asking!! It's a sl-ow night but a g-o-od -one t-o relax -on.