#id have different problems and id at least feel good for awhile like...

[bunnyb34r]

Really feeling "you people make me want to take up smoking, and I'm an asthmatic" lately 🚬😩

Which is actually progress bc the last time I felt like this (to take up a substance other than smoking) I was in 9th grade seriously giving weight to trying to find out where/how to do heroin bc I was in such a dark place AND bc I saw on Dr. Phil that it's like $10 a gram and that suburban housewives were doing it. So 14 year old me was like well if they can do it, so can I! Degrassi be damned! And like a few weeks after having this first thought, we had an anti drug assembly and they showed before and after pics of people on heroin and I remember thinking smugly "won't be me. And if it is, so what I'm already ugly."

Idk where I'm going with this but I think "i should do drugs" is my brain's version of "I should get bangs"

[seasidepickup]

it’s october 24, 2020, i’m scheduling this to post in 2023, when i turn 20, see i don’t know if i’ll even be alive til then but if i am i think it’ll be nice to know i was thinking of me/you even now, how have the first few hours treated you so far? i hope it’s better than stupid i think you have a lot ahead of you and i really hope i’ll see this again someday, it’ll be a sign i think, anyway happy birthday

- (17 year old) Amal *****

checking in on july 31st, 2021

this year has been a little rough quite a few scandals but topped off by a girl i think i love so much that i can barely rmbr what the problems were abt not too long ago. it’s still hard ofc but we’re learning how to cope and deal w that ! you have a job now!!! i’m so proud that you did it, i think i’m gna leave it soon tho but that’s ok bc i’m trying to welcome change, maybe a little too much, things are looking up tho in the places i can control and ik it’s gonna get better from here so i’m excited for you. have u moved out future future amal? how are you and ***? it’s really good right now even tho we’re both struggling individually. havent said we love each other yet tho even tho i think we both do…. i hope all is well or that you’re taking it all well at least, hope to see you soon- (18 and 5 months old) Amal *****

March 15, 2022

I turned 19 not too long ago, and the birthday was good but so so lonely. i think that’s a problem within me, not based on who’s around me. Anyway, my first day of work at starbucks is tomorrow and i’m really excited, it’s gonna be pushing me, given that most of my shifts are hella early but ik it’s gonna be good for me and i have a feeling i’m gonna be there for a long time. I’m still in a relationship but i’ve been struggling mentally for awhile (nothing new) I hope i can figure something out soon, it’s different being depressed when you’re with someone, cuz it’s not just you who’s effected and u can really see how you’re feeling reflected back in how you treat people and how hard the simplest things turn out to be. I just want to be better and ik there’s layers to all this but i don’t want to be like this with her. I grew a lot last year, i’ll miss being 18 it was a really good time and i changed in ways i never thought i needed. But i also have a really good feeling about this year. I’m trying to be more practical, i’m also realizing how much i care abt my family and the traditional things that i can’t have with my untraditional identity, and that’s a doozy (ew lmao). I’m just trying to keep up, it’s hardest to keep up with myself tho. See you soon xx

May 28, 2023

I’ve been procrastinating this post, i haven’t really known what to say because so much has happened, and there’s so much that i don’t want to think about from the last few months. it’s a bit overwhelming, all the change. i’m an actual adult now, i have an internship, i’m in college, i’ve moved on from my last relationship and i’ve learned who i am outside of it. it’s bittersweet. letting that person go, and who i was with them, but it’s good. i needed all of that and i would never change it. i’m handing things better, but it’s scary of course. i’m in a place i never thought i would be when i started this thread. i have so much drive and passion again, self-respect and love too. i have plans but i’m learning that my mom was right, you can plan and plan but the universe (or god lol) might have something else in store for you, i’m welcoming all of that, albeit begrudgingly. but yea. i liked being a kid, i’m reverting to the things that brought me simple joy, like accessories and silly pens, my family and best friend, crushes, etc. i’m letting myself enjoy all the things i denied for so long. i’m learning no matter how much you have to say, sometimes you’re the only person who needs to hear it, take that as you will. but anyway, being 20… i didn’t think i’d live this long a few years ago, but i’m here now, i know i would be proud had i known where id end up. and deep down that 17/18/19 year old me is coming out to let me know that. in the little things that i do, in the ways i’ve surpassed myself and grown, they know what im doing, and what’s ahead of me, and how much better it’s gotten. i hope it’s only up from here. but i do know that the highs and lows are ok too, you can’t have highs without having lows and whatnot. i have a lot of healing and growing ahead of me, and i welcome that, because it’s got me this far, i have hope, faith, and trust in myself and the future, something that i didn’t allow myself to indulge in for so long, i hope more surprises are in my future, i know that the plans and beliefs d set in stone a few years ago are ever changing, and that’s ok, it’s not a betrayal to my old self. it’s just me looking out for me. and being mature enough to learn and understand my growth includes something different than what i wanted or believed when i was 17

- Amal :)

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

do you have any theories about the india trip ?? personally, im not sure what to think about it, but i’d love to hear your thoughts !!

(Sorry its taken me so long to answer this - it just got lost in my drafts cause im an idiot lmao 🤦‍♀️)

Im not entirely certain on what I believe happened in India, if in fact anything did happen at all - but more on that later! I guess though that these are the main theories (though if you have any differing opinions/theories, feel free to discuss them!):

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

2. John wanted to further their relationship, and Paul wanted to maintain the ‘friends with benefits’ situation they already had

3. Nothing significant happened between the two (yet something still changed in John)

I’ll try to discuss which theories I find the most convincing, compelling and substantiated - as well as offering my own opinions and hypothesis’s ^^ (discussion bellow the cut)

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

The theory I would say im most drawn to - not the theory that im necessarily most convinced by though - is that John made a move on Paul, after a few years of pining for him, and was subsequently rejected. Its a theory that I tend to be compelled by, but I have to admit that its one I struggle to justify entirely. The problem with this theory, for me, is that this is a conclusion ive drawn based mostly off of what their relationship appeared to look like after India. It seems as though something must have happened between them to have ruptured their relationship as profoundly as it did - and because they were on relatively good terms before India*, combined with certain inferences we could draw from comments John made regarding his feelings towards Paul and their relationship, it feels as though it’s possible that he made an advance on Paul, which was rejected and thus caused the ultimate disintegration of the Lennon/McCartney relationship.

(*I mean, their relationship was always complicated and difficult - but it seems that it was okay-ish prior to India, and then just inexplicably plummeted after the trip)

But nobody (as far as im aware) has confirmed, or even really alluded to, this advancement or rejection ever having happened. And the lack of evidence substantiating the claim is a major draw back for me!

However, I do also feel as though nobody’s really come out about anything that happened in India - all ive heard is that they meditated, wrote songs, John and Cyn fought, and Ringo ate baked beans. But like, more must have happened on the trip, surely? Im not saying the absence of information regarding the trip is proof that there was a big “lovers quarrel” between John and Paul, and that everyone involved in that trip is now just sworn to secrecy or something - but like, id just like to see a biographer really investigate the holiday, and try to conclude what events might have occurred during the trip, because as of right now, with the information we have, it seems to have been, bizarrely, both a lacklustre and uneventful, yet still hugely impactful event. If the narrative of the “India trip” were to be shifted in the future in light of new information, the same way the narrative of “Let It Be/Get Back” is being changed, I wouldn’t be surprised!

2. John wanted more, but Paul didn’t

Another popular theory is that John and Paul were engaged in something of a physical affair, but in India John proposed (or perhaps demanded even) that they take their relationship further, and Paul just wasn’t compelled to do so.

Beliefs vary regarding this, based on how far you personally think their relationship went: some might say they only ever did a little drunken experimenting with one another, and that it was just a fun fling until John suggested they take it further. Others might argue that they were in fact in a committed relationship, and John wanted to go public with it - or at the very least, demanded exclusivity between him and Paul.

In entertaining this theory, im most compelled to believe that John and Paul were engaged in occasional “flings”, and perhaps by ‘68 were even acknowledging that there was some deeper and more sincere between them - but ultimately, I don’t think Paul would have ever been inclined to fully commit to John, because I think he always wanted children and a family. In addition to this, though its clear John and Paul were passionate about one another, it isn’t clear how compatible they were in the long term - and with Paul being the more grounded of the too, I suspect he would have recognised this incompatibility, which John (the idealist) might not have.

Though I admit that John could certainly be unrealistic and irrational, im not convinced that he suggested to Paul they go public with their relationship, because I think John still had a fairly strong sense of his place in popular culture, and would have still been able to recognise that if they were to “come out”, it would probably deeply and irreparably damage both their careers - as well as George and Ringo’s too - at least amongst the general public. They’d still have some ardent fans, but their following overall would have become far more niche, and the “beatlemania” would’ve worn off swiftly. Im not sure if either of them would’ve been willing to take that heat in ‘68, especially not Paul, who as I mentioned earlier, I think might have recognised the futility and incompatibility inherent in their relationship.

Then again though, John was always a little “cocky”* when it came to his sexuality - I think if an interviewer were to genuinely have enquired into his sexuality, straight up asking him “Are you bi? Gay?” I get the sense that he would have told us! Sure he’d probably have dressed the response up with a dozen quick quips and jokes, but ultimately, I think he would have given a sincere response. And so, perhaps he did feel he had the confidence, at least in India, to actually “come out”, but if Paul wasn’t willing to make this official with him, perhaps this confidence dissipated.

(*No pun intended you pervs🤦‍♂️)

Another thing to note about India is that they’d have been relatively secluded, as well as off the drugs/drinks for the most part - and this would have forced them to really reflect upon their relationship. Perhaps John saw that he wasn’t contented with Cynthia, and recognised his desire for more from Paul - and so in such a raw state of mind, I can see how he’d become so shattered if Paul were to have rejected him (that statement could relate both to the first and second theory, I feel). Perhaps John made an advance upon Paul whilst they were both sober for the first time, and that changed their relationship somehow? Just thinking out loud here!

But again, this theory overall has the same problem as the first in that, though it appears to make sense, it still lacks proof; it ultimately isn’t a substantiated claim.

3. Nothing happened between J&P, but something changed

This is probably the theory that everybody is least interested in hearing, but I still think its a pretty valid one, albeit the least dramatic (In my opinion though its still a really interesting perspective to explore though!).

Its possible that nothing of particular significance happened in India, but something still shifted in John, causing him to vilify and reject Paul. The issue with this though, is that it begs the question: why did John undergo such a significant change in India then?

Id argue that perhaps John was making very subtle and slight moves towards Paul, that Paul either ignored or didn't pick up on. Id assume that perhaps John had been hinting at this desire for awhile now, and maybe he got it into his head that in India, where him and Paul would have a lot of time to be alone and intimate, his feelings would finally be reciprocated. But then, Paul never picked up on these hints, and never made any advancements - and this broke something within John. It would fit neatly within the Yoko narrative, because it offers reasoning to the abrupt but intense attachment John formed towards her almost immediately after India - as well as explaining the sudden vilification of Paul. But I suppose that the first two theories also fit pretty neatly within the Yoko narrative, because they all relate to the same basic concept that John wanted more from Paul, and Paul didn’t - and so he tried to replace him with Yoko.

I suppose though, that the this theory overall could also be countered by making the argument that Paul also began to spiral after India, and so some occurrence presumably must have happened to Paul too. I wonder though if its possible that maybe Pauls spiralling was kind of a result of Johns? I get the sense though that Paul would need a change in his life to cause his mental health to seriously deteriorate, but I don’t feel like the same is necessarily true for John - I think John is sort of the type to spiral, irregardless of whether his life undergoes a significant change or not, because I think John was the force driving a lot of the drama and troubles throughout his lifetime. So if Johns mental well-being started seriously deteriorating, I can see this being a cause of panic and anxiety for Paul.

But something that further inclines me to believe that an actual event occurred between John and Paul is this extract from Geoff Emmericks memoir (x)(id recommend reading the entire extract, its interesting!):

‘I glanced in Paul’s direction. He was staring straight ahead, expressionless and weary. He didn’t have much to say about India that day, or any other. I sensed at that moment that something fundamental in them had changed.”’

It just really feels as though there was some confrontation between John and Paul that had to have happened to perpetuate the miscommunication later seen between them. Like if there hadn’t been some kind of confrontation, then I can’t really understand why Paul would be reluctant to speak about India, or harbour any regrets or dismay regarding the journey. Perhaps you could drill it down to the betrayal they appeared to have felt by Maharishi allegedly hitting on girls - but I feel like this was a “betrayal” mostly felt by John, I never really got the sense that Paul was deeply effected by it.

But yeah - those are the main theories I think.

Overall, I think that the third theory is probably the most substantiated claim, but I think it leaves a lot to desired. It just doesn’t feel like it totally fits together, as though theres more to the story - but I guess relationships and peoples psyches aren’t puzzles, and so not everything is always going to piece together perfectly; but I dunno.

Like I said though, the theory im most compelled by is the first. I acknowledge that it lacks evidence, but it just seems to make a lot of sense to me! But really, who knows what the hell happened in India?

If anyone else has an opinion on all this, or wants to expand upon or even suggest a new theory, feel free to! I always like hearing from you guys!

[flightfoot]

Forgetting Enemies, Rediscovering Friends - Ch. 1

AO3

Thanks to @khanofallorcs for betaing! Set in @buggachat Bakery Enemies AU, before the wine arc.

The morning had started off fine. Marinette had been working on a new design to showcase her talents. A black dress with green trim—great for any occasion.

(Only the most keen-eyed observers would find the small paw print embroidered on the inside of one of the sleeves)

Adrien was hard at work in the kitchen, as usual. Probably plotting how best to steal the Miracle Box, or make her meet the same fate as his mother or—or some other nefarious end. Yes. He must be. No one could be THAT nice, not after everything he went through. It had to be fake. 

*beep beep*

Marinette blinked. Her stomach twisted. “The Akuma Alert app? But it can’t be- unless-”

A video popped up, showing the new threat. 

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just the news! Past Pirate has made the trip from the U.S. all the way to our fair city of Paris. With Ladybug and Chat Noir still missing, we can only hope that other superheroes arrive soon, before everyone in the city forgets who they are.”

Ah.

Not an akuma or sentimonster, then. Just a random supervillain that thought the absence of Miraculous wielders made Paris an easy target. 

Somehow that didn’t make her feel better. At least if it was a sentimonster, she might’ve been able to catch Adrien in the act, prove that he was evil, and recover the lost Miraculous. This- this she could do nothing about.

She was useless.

*beep beep*

A text warning popped up, issuing an evacuation order. A giant orb had been spotted near Collège Françoise Dupont, one that looked very, very similar to the one Oblivio had threatened the city with, all those years ago.

Marinette suspected it served the same function.

She needed to get out of there, NOW.

Her parents were out at dinner on the other side of the city, so hopefully they’d be safe?

The only ones here were her and-

Oooooh crap.

Her and ADRIEN.

...He’d be fine on his own. Right? He got to work every morning after all. He could evacuate on his own. 

But his apartment had to be close by, close enough that it’d be in the evacuation order, too. He’d have to go to some public place for cover.

During a supervillain attack.

With a lot of people scared and worried and having flashbacks to what his father did.

...and with him having one of the most recognizable faces in Paris. 

Crap.

She was gonna have to take him with her, wasn’t she?

She hurried downstairs. Adrien was already putting on his coat, getting ready to run out the door. 

“Wait!”

He froze. An instant later, he turned around. “Marinette? You’ve gotta get out of here, the supervillain-”

She nodded. “I know, come with me.”

He blinked. “Are— are you sure? You don’t need to put up with me just because we’re both heading out, I can go a different direction if it’s more comfortable for you.” His voice dropped. “I know you probably have some trauma associated with what my father did and this situation isn’t helping.”

Why did Adrien have to be so unfailingly nice?! 

Marinette shook her head. “My parents would be devastated if something happened to you and I- I don’t want you hurt, either,” she got out in a rush. “I don’t want you out there alone.”

Adrien stared at her, startled. His eyes softened. “Thank you, Marinette.”

Her face heated up. “Po Noblem!” She shook her head. “I—I mean, no problem! Anyone would do it.”

He shook his head. She didn’t have time to think about that before she grabbed his hand, running out the door.

And into a purple beam blast.

-------

Blinking rapidly, he looked around.

He appeared to be on a street… somewhere and—

A purple blast hit a few feet away from his head.

Right. Get out of here first, figure out what was going on second. Maybe he’d find someone else someplace AWAY from the scary light blasts.

He attempted to run down the street and away from whatever the purple blast thing was. 

“WAAAAH!” 

Attempt at running: failed. Attempt at finding someone else: success!

He winced. “Sorry I dragged you down. Didn’t realize I was holding your hand.”

The girl nodded, eyes wide, still on top of him where she landed. “What’s going on? Who are you?” Her breath caught. “Who am I?”

“I… have no idea.” He admitted. “I don’t remember anything before a minute ago.”

Another purple blast fired. He flinched. “I don’t think sticking around here is a good idea. Let’s get somewhere a little safer first, THEN try to figure out who we are.”

She nodded, getting up and pulling him to his feet. She didn’t let go of his hand. “This way?” she asked, pointing away from where the blast had fired from, down the street the direction he’d tried to run. 

He nodded.

They booked it, running in unison, automatically adjusting their gait to exactly match their companion’s.

After they’d gotten some distance away, they slowed down, huffing and puffing from the exertion.

“You think that’s far enough?” the girl asked. 

He shrugged. 

She started digging through her purse. He blinked, tilting his head. “What’re you looking for?”

She didn’t look up, sticking her tongue out the side of her teeth, appearing to concentrate even harder.

It was adorable.

Huh?

Well, he HAD been holding her hand when he woke up…

“This!” she said triumphantly, holding up her ID card.

He shelved his previous line of thought. For now, at least.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng? Nice to run into you, Marinette!”

She giggled. “I enjoyed falling for you too, uh…”

His face heated up. “Let me check.”

After looking through a few of his coat pockets (one of which held some cheese. Did he normally like the gooey food that much? It didn’t look that appetizing to him right now) he at last located his own ID. “Adrien Agreste.”

“You have anything else that’s useful?” Marinette asked.

“Let’s see…”

After emptying out his pockets, he concluded he had his phone, ID, that piece of Camembert, a debit and credit card, and 70 Euros.

“Well, at least we’re not memoryless AND broke,” Marinette commented.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Well…” 

She proceeded to pull out several cookies, a sewing kit, a first aid kit, duct tape, an umbrella, a few items that he felt he should recognize that Marinette hastily stuck back in her purse, saying they weren’t relevant to this situation, and a small black box with an intricate red design on the top, as well as her phone and wallet.

Adrien looked critically at the mass of items. “I don’t think all that should be able to fit in that tiny purse.”

Marinette looked at the objects she had pulled out. Then looked at her purse. Her brow furrowed. “Yeah, I think you’re right. Especially that umbrella. Doesn’t matter how I put that in, it shouldn’t fit. Plus that box- that wasn’t there when I first started rooting through my purse, I’m sure of it!”

He tilted his head. “It wasn’t?”

“I’d shoved everything around a few times,” she explained, “trying to see to the bottom of it. The first few times I didn’t see it, though there WAS some black fabric in the way - that was the umbrella - and once I pulled the umbrella up, well, there it was, lying beneath it.”

“Anything inside it?” 

Marinette opened it.

“Nothing,” she said, disappointed. “Just two indentations where something used to be.”

Adrien peered at Marinette. “Maybe it’s the casing for your earrings?”

She startled. “My earrings?”

Reaching up a hand, she felt her ears. “Maybe? Let me see.”

Taking them off, she set them in the box. They fit perfectly.

They also looked different. 

“Spotted earrings?” he wondered. “They didn’t look like that before.”

Marinette blinked. “They didn’t?”

He shook his head. “They were black before, not red with black spots.”

“Maybe the lighting just made them look weird?” 

“Maybe…”

He looked more critically at Marinette’s ears. “Wait. Something’s weird here, too.”

“Here?”

“With your ears.”

“What’s wrong with my ears?!” she said, sounding on the edge of panic.

“Feel where the earrings were, where you took them out of.”

She shot him a puzzled look, but complied, feeling her lobe, then her entire ear. “Where were they?” she wondered. “I can’t find the holes.”

“Exactly. I can’t see them either.”

“Hold on, let me try something,” she said.

Picking up the earrings, she put them back. “Oh that is WEIRD.”

“How’d you do that?” Adrien asked. He still hadn’t seen the holes she was using, not until the earrings were in again.

“I just let my muscle memory do the talking. I wasn’t threading them through a hole or anything, I just stuck them where I felt like they should go and then— then they were there.”

“They’re back to looking black, too,” Adrien said, squinting.

“Wonder whether your earrings are the same?” Marinette said, looking at him - or rather, at his ears.

Adrien felt his ears, his fingers hitting metal. “Huh. Didn’t know I was wearing them, too. Let’s give it a try.”

He wasn’t quite as fast at removing them as she was, needing a moment to unhook and align them so they’d slide out smoothly. He held them out to her. “Did their look change?”

She shook her head. “No, they still look the same.” Looking closer at his ears, she noted, “I can see the holes left behind, too. I don’t think your earrings have the same weird properties as mine.”

“A purse that can hold more than it should, earrings that change color and leave no mark— maybe it’s magic?” Adrien wondered.

Marinette opened her mouth, looking somewhat indignant - then closed it. “I… can’t come up with a better explanation. Don’t know why I’d have some magical objects, though.”

“Maybe you’re a witch?”

“Do those even exist?”

“No idea.”

“It doesn’t feel like the right term. These are just magical objects, right?” she said. “I might not have any magical powers myself.”

“You think anything else has magical properties?” he asked.

“Let’s see…”

After messing about with the duct tape, wallet, and umbrella for awhile, they concluded that, if they had magic, they were keeping it well-concealed. Unless “closing unexpectedly” was the umbrella’s magical power. 

“Any of your things secretly magic?” she asked him. “We checked your earrings, but what about everything else?”

He tried stuffing things into his coat pockets, but they only held as much as one would expect them to. The wallets didn’t have anything special, and the only thing ‘magical’ about the cheese was how much it stank outside of its plastic baggie.

As he was putting it back in the bag (trying not to gag), he glanced at his hand, noticing a silver ring.

Figuring he might as well, he slid it off. 

Light ran over it, turning it from silver to black, with a green pawprint on its face.

“You have one, too!” Marinette cried happily.

He nodded, feeling a warmth in his core. Whatever was going on, he was the same as her. “Guess I’ve got magic, too.”

“Think they do anything except change color?” Marinette asked. 

Adrien shook the ring for a minute. “If it does, I have no idea how to activate it,” he concluded. 

“Let’s move onto our phones, then,” Marinette said, turning hers on. A lockscreen popped up.

She hesitated for a moment as Adrien winced. “That suc-”

Marinette smiled deviously. “Not so fast.” She breathed on it, showing the most common pathways her finger traveled. Swiftly she followed the path, unlocking her phone.

Adrien’s heart went pitter-patter. “Brilliant!” he told her, copying her idea and unlocking his own phone.

“I don’t have a lot of contacts,” he told her, turning it to face her. “Only four people.”

G, Chloé Bourgeois, Sabine Cheng, and Tom Dupain. That was it. “You’re not even in here,” he told Marinette. “Though I’m guessing Sabine and Tom are your parents, at least?”

She scrolled through her own contact list. It was far more extensive than his, easily over a hundred contacts. “Yeah, they are,” she said, comparing the picture for ‘Maman’ with the one Adrien used for Sabine, and the one she used for ‘Papa’ to the one he used for Tom.

“Maybe we should call them?” he suggested. “Especially since they know both of us. Maybe they can help!”

She nodded, clicking on the Call button for Maman. 

“Hello?” she asked, sounding nervous.

“Marinette? Are you okay? Is Adrien with you? I hadn’t checked my phone until just now, I had it on silent. You’ve evacuated from the bakery, right? Without Ladybug around to fix everything, who knows when everyone hit by Past Pirate will recover their memories!”

“I’m— well I’m mostly fine, Maman, I got away from the purple blasts. I’m guessing those were from Past Pirate? Adrien and I lost our memories, though. What should we do?”

“Oh. Oh NO.” Sabine sounded horrified. “That’s very, very dangerous, especially for Adrien.”

“Why is it dangerous for me?” he asked. 

“Oh, Adrien! Glad to hear from you,” Sabine said, relieved. She hesitated, appearing to choose her words carefully. “Your father—he did some very bad things. Things that people blame you for, despite having no part in them. You’re very recognizable, too. If people see you, they could react badly.”

“People blame Adrien for what his father did? That’s terrible! Why would they do that?” Marinette said, flabbergasted.

Sabine suddenly sounded very awkward. “Well, dear, sometimes people have trauma and it just latches onto innocent people, even when it’s undeserved. They’re wrong, but I wouldn’t judge them too harshly.”

Marinette still looked indignant. “That doesn’t excuse treating him badly!”

Sabine coughed. “Yes. Well. Just be careful. Maybe try to find a disguise for Adrien if you can, before wandering into public areas? Until you’re back home and this crisis is abated.”

Marinette muttered quietly, “He shouldn’t HAVE to.” More loudly, she told Sabine. “Yes, Maman. I have everything I need for that.”

Adrien could practically feel Sabine beaming through the phone. “You’re always prepared, aren’t you?”

Marinette smiled. “Hopefully I’ll see you soon, with my memory intact.”

Stowing her phone, she reached for her sewing kit. “One disguise, coming right up!”

[plus-size-reader]

Freudian Slip

Aaron Hotchner x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1749 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Babysitting Jack when Aaron has a long case, and one night when you’re checking in, he lets something slip that neither of you expected. 

——————————————————————————————————

You had been babysitting Jack for quite some time now.

After he lost his mother, and the cases at the BAU started picking up to the point where Aaron wasn’t home very often, he knew that he needed to get someone to watch him.

That was where you came in. It took a lot of screening, and several  interviews over dinner but eventually he decided that you were the one. You have never worked a job where someone was so thorough but you couldn't blame him, especially now.

With someone who had been through what he had and was as familiar with the creeps and monsters of the world, you understood why he wanted to make sure that you wanted nothing but the best for Jack.

By this point though, you knew that Aaron trusted you. You had been babysitting Jack for almost a year and that was showing no sign of slowing down by now. You loved the kid and that wasn’t going to change.

Today was no exception.

You and Jack had a long day today, doing everything from getting ice cream after dinner and puzzles all day long to studying flashcards and having a bath. Now though, little man was all tucked in and it was his favorite time of the night.

Every night without fail, the two of you would sit on Jack’s bed, right after he took his bath and call Aaron. He didn’t have much time to talk but if you made it quick, he could talk to Jack before bed and then get back to work.

No matter how brief the conversation, Aaron always made a point to make it count. Some days, it was all the communication with his boy that he got and no one was going to take that from him.

You were going to make sure of it.

“You ready to call daddy?” you grinned, picking up Jack in one heavy sweep to plop him down on his bed, tucking him in before grabbing your phone. You didn’t even have to wait for his answer before hitting the button.

...You knew the answer.

It rang a few times, three or four just like usual, before he picked up. “Hotchner” he answered, earning a giggle from both you and his young boy knowing that he didn’t even check the caller id before answering.

He never did.

“Daddy!”

The conversation that ensued was just as wholesome and sweet as it always was but because of the work he was doing and the weight of Jack’s eyelids as the minutes ticked by, you picked up the conversation alone.

“Long day?” you started, holding your phone between your shoulder and your jaw, pouring yourself a small glass of wine as you spoke. You had no idea what he was doing right now but as best you could tell, he was taking a break.

They had been working a huge case lately but on occasion, he would take a little time for himself just to rest and as best you could tell, he was doing that now.

“Always is” he hummed, he sounded tired. You couldn’t blame him after everything, but you just wished that he could get more of a break than a few minutes in his office.

He worked himself to the bone, and even then, he didn’t stop.

It was admirable and he was saving lives, but you just wished that he didn’t have to sacrifice so much in the pursuit of that. Everyone deserves a day off once and awhile, and Aaron just didn’t get that. 

“Well, I’m just glad they have you working the case. After all, Jack isn’t the only one who thinks you’re a superhero” you teased, knowing for a fact that your little jokes always managed to cheer him up a little.

After all this time, you two had gotten pretty comfortable with one another and you knew for a fact that he was amused by you, even if he was too tired to really make that clear.

“Yeah? A superhero?” he repeated, knowing exactly what you were doing. You had this theory that you could make whatever he had going on better with just a few well placed jokes, and it hadn’t let up yet.

Still, he had to admire your determination.

“Of course. You save lives Aaron, I’ve never heard of anything more superhero-like than that” you shrugged, taking a sip of your drink without a second thought about what you were saying.

Whatever it was that he was doing right now, he was going to do amazing, just like he always did.

There was silence on the other line for a moment or two, as someone else entered his office, mumbling something to him that you couldn’t quite make out. Whatever it was, their exit was followed with a heavy sigh from Hotch.

“Hey, um I have to go. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can” he started, not at all shocking you. This happened frequently, and you didn’t have a problem with having to let him go early.

After all, you were just hanging out before you decided to turn in for the night and if he had to go, you weren’t going to argue with him.

“I’ll keep an eye on Jack and let you know if anything comes up” you informed casually, ending the conversation in the same way that you always did. It was what you were hired for after all.

Aaron smiled, glad as he always was that he had hired you to take care of Jack of all the applicants. No one was capable of loving him like you were and you took such good care of him.

It wasn’t ideal that he couldn’t be home for his son personally but while he couldn’t be, you were the only person he would have there.

“Thanks, I love you‘’

The words fell from his lips without a second thought, and as soon as they did, he panicked a little. That wasn’t supposed to happen, though before he could think about that, he hung up.

He had to get to work,and as much as he’d like to explain this whole thing to you, he couldn’t...at least, not now. This was going to take a lot of time, but you couldn’t think about that.

More than anything, as Aaron hung up the phone, you were trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. You were sure that it was a mistake, and that he hadn’t done it on purpose.

Maybe it was some kind of slip or he didn’t mean to say it to you. After all, sometimes people did things like that out of muscle memory and you frequently ended phone calls with ‘I love you’

It was possible that he was doing the same thing. At least, for now, you had to believe that.

There was no way that Aaron actually loved you, right? You two had a very respectful business relationship and you had to believe that came before anything else.

It was possible that you could have pushed it too far with all the little jokes and late night conversations but you never meant to give him the wrong idea. You cared a lot for Aaron and you weren’t going to pretend that he wasn’t incredibly good looking.

...But you didn’t think you’d ever outwardly given him that impression so it wasn’t coming from you.

If there was something going on between the two of you, it was coming from his end and that was completely different. If Aaron had feelings for you, there was a chance that he meant what he said.

Aaron might have really been in love with you?

~

You didn’t get a chance to talk to Aaron again until the next night, having already gone through your entire routine and tucked Jack in for the night.

During his story time, you were uncharacteristically quiet, not adding any of your own commentary or jokes like you normally did and that was the first thing to tip Aaron off to what could have been going on.

You kept your end of the conversation short and to the point, until Jack went to sleep and it was just you and Aaron talking on the closed line.

“How was your day today?” Aaron spoke first, confusing you at the innocent in his question. Was he really not going to even address what he had done yesterday?

You had been racking your brain all night in an attempt to figure it out and he was just ignoring it now. That was going to drive you even crazier than the first event did.

After all, you could live with the fact that it could have been an innocent mistake but if he was going to make you consider the fact that it hadn’t happened in the first place, that would be a different story.

“It was okay, a little long. Yours?” You asked, shocked that you two could even end up doing a thing like this. It seemed so strange to make small talk right now, all things considered.

You just felt like you should have been talking about it and Aaron didn’t seem to even be paying that any mind.

“It’s been just fine so far. I wanted to talk to you, do you have a minute?” he asked, this time with a new tone in his voice that you had never heard before.

It shocked you but you did your best to hide it, only mumbling an okay before he started talking again, doing that thing where he over explained himself when he was nervous.

He usually only got that way when Jack asked about his mom, and other than that, you’d never seen him act like this. Still, you were careful not to mention it.

“I didn’t mean to tell you that I loved you last night. I mean, I do so that's not to say that I don’t mean it but I didn’t mean to let it slip the way it did” he muttered, shocking you even further with each word.

You had no idea what it was that he was talking about, not really but there was one thing that you got out of everything else. He did love you, that was what he said.

It came out of nowhere, and you had no explanation for it but in any case, Aaron Hotchner loved you and that was a start.

[chainofclovers]

It’s been awhile since my brain insisted on a Life In a Bulleted List post! (Please forgive any odd emotional leaps bullet to bullet.)

During the middle part of this week, my wife is going to travel for a work thing for the first time since February 2020. We’re both fully vaccinated, in a spot with low COVID numbers, and she’s going to a spot with low COVID numbers, and honestly, it feels weird to be the amount of worried I am, which is not very worried! Obviously COVID is still a massive problem worldwide, and of course we live in a country whose greed and foreign policies actively make things worse for other places, and of course it’s still very important to take every precaution here (we’re still wearing masks in stores/public places, for instance). But I’ve spent the last fifteen months with pretty painful anxiety, worry, and anger as my near-constant companions, and it is wild to think about my wife going off to a different area and to feel...pretty much OK with that. 

This will, however, be my first (and second and third) night spent without her since, yes, February 2020. And honestly, while it might be kind of a novelty this week to, like, eat something I like that my wife doesn’t, or to stay up writing until a not-very-sensible hour...all this time together has been great. Didn’t get tired of her once. (At least not anything a solo walk around the neighborhood or a solo trip to pick up groceries couldn’t fix.) We are very lucky. Understatement.

I am becoming a person who doesn’t kill every plant. And our yard is closer to “done” which is very exciting. And I’m finally getting to the point with container gardening where our food is semi-regularly seasoned with things I’ve grown. I’ve got a lot to learn but for awhile I was worried I would never be even partially successful.

Last week we found two young opossums dead in the backyard, quite far apart from each other. We couldn’t figure out what happened, but it’s possible they got into some poison elsewhere and ventured into our yard? I said some words over them (it’s not like we knew them but I suppose everything deserves to hear “you are loved and will be remembered” even if the people promising to remember you are just two random women) and we buried them and it was really sad. I love opossums, and I wish I knew what happened so I could try to prevent it in the future.

My writing brain continues to be entirely focused on fiction (well, fiction and my professional genre). I’m almost certain I’m currently setting a record for Longest Time Without Poetry since my childhood, maybe. It’s weird. But fiction! I’m having so much fun and feel so connected to everything I’m writing and thinking about, both in terms of orignal stuff and fic. I love the feeling of being out in the world doing mundane little things but in a good mood because of fiction. :) :) :) 

I haven’t watched all of this past Friday’s Fire Drill Friday yet, but I think Jane Fonda’s hair is getting more Grace Hanson-shaped as the G&F season 7 filming gets closer to resuming. I feel very convinced this is true, whether intentional or subconscious, and I hope it means they’re gonna let Grace’s hair go grey this season. I know there’s at least one interview in which she said that’s what she wanted to happen, plus the Grace wig visible in S7 BTS pics (since they started filming after she’d already changed her real hair) seems to have grey roots?!

Speaking of FDF, the guest was Demi Lovato and it is pretty wild how many people on the Instagram event announcement, people who claim to be a Jane Fonda fan or a fan of the environment or social justice or whatever could absolutely Not Handle It to see someone respectfully yet nonchalantly use the correct pronouns for a non-binary person? The sanctity of grammar argument is EMBARRASSING. The phrase “attention addict” is EMBARRASSING. Especially since judging someone for seeming like an attention addict seems like a slippery slope on Judgment Mountain to judging someone for their actual addictions, past or present. And since we as a society love to punish people for their addictions and weaknesses instead of celebrating the way that self-discovery and honesty and self-actualization give people the tools to be stronger and cope with their “weaknesses” more effectively. And I’m sorry, Gail, but if you aren’t thinking maybe it’s a little weird that an 83-year-old can use they/them pronouns in a sentence while you’re on her page performatively misgendering someone, then you aren’t embarrassed enough but I will feel embarrassed on your behalf. 

On a much, much, much happier note, baking with weed for older relatives is a love language. <3

And finally, on a very related note, I leave you with One Weird Trick your doctor won’t tell you for how to make sure you don’t forget which brownies are the special ones:

(Image ID: a white saucer containing two brownies. One is plain on top and the other is covered with a variety of rainbow sprinkles and colorful sugar.)

[vinatintasupernovita]

2 for the warm weather/summer prompts 👀

2. “I’ll explain later, but for now, can I throw this frozen margarita in your face and call you a jerk?” with some Michael/Beelzebub

———

There was exactly two times every century or so that Heaven and Hell’s forces looked forward to. One was the long-awaited ‘Casual Friday’- that was more Heaven’s deal, as Hell had long since abandoned their dress codes- and the other was the weekend-long co-office summer beach party.

The beach party was, on the record, a strategic meeting. Heaven and Hell would get together on a secluded beach on Earth and.. ‘scope out’ the opposing side- try and find weak points. This was a crack of shit clearly as most of everyone used this weekend to let their hair down for a couple days and get out any pent up energy they had from the thousands of years of sitting in shitty cubicles that were only different in color scheme. And after a long time considering, they both decided giving up on that after the failed apocalypse would just be another kick to the nuts.

Beelzebub sat at the cabana bar- the warring forces had co-rented a hotel and their private beach this time around and everyone agreed it was a much better experience now that endless drinks were included.

They sipped on a frozen lime martini as they played with the string of their cover-up. A few of the other lords and dukes were mingling on the beach with a couple angels- none that Beelzebub really knew the names of. They preferred to sit and drink in silence since it was going to be some of the only quiet they were going to get for awhile.

“Beelzebub!” And there the silence was broken. They turned on the swivel stool and looked to see Gabriel approaching in his usual purple hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts. They rolled their eyes but motioned him over all the same.

“Featherbrain, you’re looking beachy.” They said as he took the seat next to them. He shook his head when the bartender questioned if he’d like a drink, and Beelzebub continued drinking. “Still won���t taste humanity’s finest creation?”

“You know how I feel about gross matter.”

“Yes, won’t eat food or drink alcohol unless it’s with humanity’s least favorite dietician at some overpriced gastronomy joint.”

Beelzebub was one of three people that knew about Gabriel’s currently covert relationship with Famine. The other two people were Frannie- Gabriel and Famine’s girlfriend- and Aziraphale, who Gabriel had originally turned to for romantic advice as he was the only other angel Gabriel had knowledge of dating non-angels. Demons and Monsters of the human subconscious were only a couple steps away from one another on the supernatural hierarchy anyway.

Beelzebub got to know about that little circle as they were, for lack of better terms, Gabriel’s closest friend. They had a mutual distaste and disrespect-turned-respect for another for the last couple thousand years that evolved into a genuine friendship. Gabriel would spill about his new escapades in love and Beelzebub would offer advice as if they had ever had a romantic encounter in their entire existence.

That would change however as Gabriel caught them staring at Michael off in the distance. Michael was, admittedly, the hottest angel in Beelzebub’s opinion. They’d never say it out loud, but it was apparent from the way they were missing their straw as they tried to continue drinking. Gabriel only chuckled.

“Distracted, Beelzebub?” He asked, only to snap their attention back to him and get a glare in return.

“Im never distracted. Especially not by angels.” They argued.

“I never said anything about it being an angel specifically. Could’ve been Asmodeus.” He said.

“Ugh, don’t make me gag.” They said as they pulled the drink closer. “What, are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t need to tell Michael anything- he’s probably watching us right now.” Gabriel said as he leaned on the bar. “He likes to think he’s discreet but really most of Heaven knows how he likes to play spy.”

“He can’t hear us from that far-“

“No, but he can watch.” He said. “He’s good at that.

Sure enough, Michael was watching- watching with a kind of jealous glint in his eyes. He looked up from the sun-tan mirror in his hands for a moment as he tried to read Gabriel and Beelzebub’s motions. They were friends, that was clear, but Gabriel had been acting much brighter in the last few weeks and Michael had a sneaking suspicion that he knew why- he had to have some new lover.

But Gabriel wasn’t dating an angel. If it had been an angel everyone in Heaven would’ve known about it by now. But nothing- no info from anyone. And from the looks of it, it was a demon. At least, that was the working theory Michael had.

Now as previously stated, that was not the case at all as that would’ve been cheating on Gabriel’s actual partners and gross to Beelzebub, who would sooner eat glass, but Michael didn’t know that. And, for the record, he had been meaning to ask Beelzebub to a drink for the last three beach weekends, he just never got around to it. Uriel said it was because he was too chicken, but Michael would prefer to keep his pride in tact in case of a rejection.) But now, timing was critical. For both him and Beelzebub.

They had to figure out a way to get Michael to come over and assess exactly why he was staring- maybe put the moves on him, as the kids say. But they needed a reason, any rea-

They looked at their half-consumed margarita and got a brilliant idea.

“Gabriel, I’ll explain later, but for now, can I throw this frozen margarita in your face and call you a jerk?” They asked, only for Gabriel to blink at them.

“Um, sure?”

Splash!

“You holy fucking jerk!” Without a second given for Gabriel to question their thought process, Gabriel was drenched in lime margarita and all eyes seemed to be on them. Most of everyone just turned and looked and wondered or snickered, expecting some kind of further blow up in the coming minutes.

Thankfully, Michael took the bait. As he walked up, Beelzebub gave Gabriel a look that just about screamed ‘play along.’

“Is there a problem, Lord Beelzebub?” Michael asked as he looked between his now-drippy brother and the Prince of Hell. Beelzebub turned to Michael and cleared their throat.

“Just Gabriel being his usual dumbass self. I’d say he should think before he speaks but clearly he can’t ever think.”

“I resent that-“ Gabriel started, only for Michael to raise his hand slowly to quiet him.

“Now, now, we don’t need any of that. Not now, at least. We have a truce.” He said. “Gabriel, why don’t you clean up while I try to smooth things over here?” That’s when Gabriel saw Beelzebub nod, and finally it clicked.

“Oh, fine.” He said, getting up from the cabana. “We’re not done here, Beelzebub!” He was such a bad actor, but thankfully he was walking away.

“So sorry about him.” Michael said as he took Gabriel’s spot. “Let me get you another drink, on me.” He waved over the bartender. “What was it?”

“Lime margarita with a salted rim.” Beelzebub said.

“One of those and a cherry daiquiri for me.” Michael ordered, and the bartender nodded before heading to make the drinks. “Now, why don’t you tell me all about what happened?”

“You were watching us, i’m sure you could guess.” Their words had an air of mischief in them that Michael caught right away. He nodded.

“I watch everyone. But I have to say I’m surprised, I thought you and Gabriel were close.”

“He’s not the worst angel i’ve ever met.”

“But you’re not denying that you’re close?”

“He’s my friend, nothing more. Sometimes he’s much less.”

“And I’m assuming right now he’s the ladder?” Michael said as he took a sip of his drink. “You still haven’t explained what happened.”

“He was being nosey, that’s all. But damn does it weigh on you after the hundredth question.” Beelzebub lied, watching for another look of interest in Michael’s eye. “Asking too many personal questions.”

“Like?”

“You too?” They said sarcastically. “Well, if you must know, he was asking if I fancied anyone. Wanted to plan a double date with me and my person of choice and his new partners. So annoying.”

There was the info Michael was looking for- he’d have to ask Gabriel about it later but partners plural stuck to his head. That, and the fact it wasn’t Beelzebub. That was step one. Now they were both onto step two.

“And who would be your person of choice- if you have one?” Michael asked. “Any demonic entity catch your eye?”

“Id sooner discorporate myself than date anyone in the same office.” Beelzebub said. “Too close for comfort, don’t know how some of them make it work.”

“I see. I suppose I could say the same. Angels are close-knit but sometimes it could be a bit much.”

“I didn’t know you were the type to date outside the heavenly realms.”

“Well, things change with time, don’t they? I mean we should’ve destroyed one another by now but we’re drinking together instead.”Beelzebub nodded, leaning on their elbow.

“Suppose you’re right.” They said. “If you’re free, we could also get dinner together. Up to you.”

That’s when it hit Michael exactly what they were implying. He chuckled. The sly bastard.

“I think that sounds delightful.”

[h0neyjaehyun]

☁︎ 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 ☁︎

Summary // Tali has a heart to heart with Chan, and the Dreamies experience Tali's child like personality when she is really happy.

Characters // Talia Flores + Bang Chan (ft. Dreamies expect Mark, Doyoung)

Era / Year // October 2017

Word Count //

Bold // English

⚠️Warning⚠️ // Breakdown

"Chan its gonna be okay, its not your fault it was never your fault and never will be."

It was the middle of a survival show of the creation of Straykids, Minho not to long ago got eliminated. She went over to his house and brung him food to cheer him up and she promised him that when she had free time she would help him with singing plus rapping. Then just last night Felix got eliminated just because he couldn't speak Korean properly, deep down she felt guilty not teaching him Korean, but she was busy with schedules she couldn't. After Chan walked him to his home, she just finished practice and went to Felix's house to comfort him. He felt so guilty and her heart broke at her friend feeling guilty he couldn't speak a language.

Korean was hard to learn from an english speaker perspective. It was like the opposite of English. She striked a deal with him at least once a week she would help him with Korean, inperson or through a screen since she did have to go on tour.

After she left Felix's place after putting him to sleep. She went to the person who felt most guilty.

She went into JYP building heading towards the studio where Chan usually is. He always in there, either producing, or avoiding his problems and feelings. She heard music, it was Hellevator, she heard it replay over and over again. She knocked on the door, the music stopped and it revealed a tried Chan.

"Hey sweetie" Tali smiled at him sadly she came in and sat on one of the chairs. Chan sat down on his chair and just looked at her. Then he just started to breakdown.

"I- I- I failed the- them Tali." Chan choked up crouched down in Tali's stomach.

"No, no you didn't Chan you tried your be-"

"NO I DIDN'T, I LET THEM GET ELIMINATED TALI....its my fault, I failed them, I promised we would debut together Tali....I promised them." Chan sobbed. Promises to them meant a lot to them. So when Chan couldn't keep that promise it broke him.

"Chan its gonna be okay, its not your fault it was never your fault and never will be." Tali comforted Chan petting his hair trying to calm him down.

"They don't blame you, they don't hate you, as long as you keep trying and helping each other you guys will make it. Jyp was just nit picky. This is not your fault." Tali said cupping his face whipping the tears off his face.

"But-" "No buts Channie, come on, lets go out for a bit, and get your mind off things" Tali suggested

Chan agreed.

They packed up at went to a open store and got some food and snacks. They went to a near by play ground and stayed there for a bit talking.

"Tali?"

"Hm?"

"How do you handle it?"

"Handle what?"

"The hate?"

Tali stopped at the question. She looked up at him in confusion. "What do you mean how do I handle the hate Channie?"

"Well, Ive been seeing some comments that, Im not a good leader or person and that im a f-"

"Shh hey hey, one that not true and two... I don't. Im not able to, but I don't show it. I usually distracted myself and not think about it. But they do get to me I am human."

"What about the staff?"

"Oh the staff are still asswholes to me and the Chinese line. I record whats she said about boys and me. Also that she left a member behind and got in the car instead. Honestly one more thing from her, she out." Chan laughed at her statement, but knowing she was serious. She hated when people get discriminated, she doesn't care if she does, only the people around her. So a staff member came she started acting like the boss and mistreating the chinese members which got Tali pissed.

Whether the boys or the staff know it she has a lot of power. Sm made her co-leader for a reason and that is to point out any staff mistreating members and setting them straight or firing them. They know she honest and knows how the entertainment system works. So they trust her who ever can't handle the idols or treat the idols properly and are reported by her. They will get fired so quick. So most staff that worked with her before know this and they know not to tell new staff because the staff themselves don't want a problems in the future because of another staff member.

"So one more strike huh?"Tali looked up at him.

"Yeah" she said quietly.

"How are you and Han?" Tali frozed at the boy's name.

"Fine" Chan raised an eyebrow at her.

"Fine? Really that all you gonna give me?"Tali sighed at the statement.

"Well, I don't know, its just. Its hard. He didn't believe me Chan. When he promised he would be there. He left me." Tali said quietly.

Chan was saddened that she still was unsure of her friendship with the boy. He made a promise he shouldn't have and didn't believe her words and left her, then expected when she forgive him everything would go back to normal. Which did, from the outside. People who did know Tali, would know it wasnt gonna go back to normal anytime soon.

When Tali talkes to people she cares about, her eyes have this light about them. But when she is unsure of the person a doubts them she has this sheild which would take a pretty long time to get down. It took Han since 2015 to atleast get Tali to talk to him again, 2 years. She was scared.

"You know he cares about you right? That he loves you like the rest of us?"Tali looked at Chan with doubt in her eyes.

"Does he really tho?"

"Tali.." Chan went infont of her and grabbed her hands.

"He really cares about you, do you think the guy will try to make you talk with him for around 2 years for him not to care about you?"

"I- Im just scared that he won't believe me.........that he'll leave."

"Tali if he does ever hurt you, you can always drop him, you are scarily good at that" Channie joked

Tali giggled

"Chan?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm afraid."

"You're afraid of what?"

"I'm afraid my group is gonna do that to me....not believe me, break promises, and leave me."

"Hey they won't, as long as you trust them I believe that it won't happen." Tali was stuck in thought.

"....what if they ask about my family....what do I say?"

"...do you want them to know?" "....no"

"Then tell them your not comfortable talking about your family"

"But what if they feel hurt when they find out you guys know and not them?" Tali said filled with gulit.

Chan sighed for once not knowing how to reassure the girl. Because if he was in the group and found out that a completely different group is closer to their only female member. He would feel sad and bitter. So Chan just hugged the girl to reassure her to gonna be okay.

Tali basked in this moment knowing nothing last forever, then realized something.

"...wait a minute shouldn't this be the other way around?"

"Shh no its fine" "No its not fine switch me"

"Tali its fine"

"No-"

"I swear Talia we are not fighting about this again"

They started bickering about who comforts who then she got a phone call.

She flinched at the sound and cursed in her mind realizing what time it is and how she didnt tell ANYONE she left the house. She turned the phone and sees the ID number as Doyoung. She cursed out loud, she was really hoping it was Taeyong.

"Hey language" Chan joked, Tali just glared at him. She picked up the phone scared if there was gonna be either yelling or a scary calm Doyoung

"Hell-"

"HELLO MY ASS WHERE ARE YOU ITS 1 AM IN THE MORNING AND YOUR NOT BACK HOME YOU MIGHT BE 18 (17) BUT YOUR STILL YOUNG!" Tali cringed.

"Im at the park, I was spending time with an old friend I lost track of time sorry." Tali said sheepishly.

"Its fine just come back home the dreamies were in panick when you didn't come back to the dorms so just go there and make sure your friend takes you there....wait is it a g-"

"Omg look at the time, its getting late thanks for calling me oppa im gonna go now bye!"

"Wai-" Tali cut him off and ended the call. She knew if she said it was a guy they will go all investigative mode and try to find out who the guy is.

Chan smacked the back of her head.

"Ow what was that for?!" Talia whinced while rubbing her head.

"For worrying your members and ending the call early, Talia you should know better." Chan said jokingly, shaking his head and pointing at her.

Tali smacked his finger and made are you serious face at him.

"You can't say anything, rememb-"

"Nope, this is not the time." Chan cut her off putting his hand over her mouth and dragging her off the park to the dreamies dorm.

"We are here thanks for walking me." Tali turned and hugged Chan knowing she won't see him for awhile. Chan just gave her a warm smile.

"No problem anything for our Butterfly." Tali smiled at the nickname. Remembering all times they have been together.

"Thank you for everything Channie, I really appreciate you." Tali said still hugging him looking up at him with this light in her eyes like Chan first saw when he was able to get closer to her. He always cherished that moment because it showed that she trusted him. Her eyes just poured out her emotions, it took time to able to read them but it was all worth it, and he would do it all over again.

"Always, I will keep my promise to you, and to him." He said rubbing her head. Tali's eyes changed when she thought about him, not sad ones more like grateful. Tali let him go and she went inside and waved him goodbye.

She went up the elevator, reminiscing the old times, even though it came to an end she still had part of them left with her as she held her locket in her palm looking at a picture that she cherished so much closing it back again once she was on the floor of the dreamies apartment.

She was at the door preparing herself for either a scolding or affection, probably both.

She unlocked the door and Jaemin tackled her to the ground.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I WAS WORRIED SICK SOMEONE HAD TAKEN YOU FROM US." Jaemin scolded her while he was squishing her. Then he picked her up and she went back on the ground by the 2 mankaes.

"Why didn't you at least text us" "Yeah I came in your room for cuddles and you weren't there." Chenle pouted while Jisung scolded. Tali giggled but she felt guilty for making them worried.

"Im sorry I didn't mean too. I was just visiting some friends I haven't seen in awhile." Tali said sheepishly.

"Wow so you left us for them wow." Haechan said with a betrayed face. Tali rolled her eyes at the boy running up to him and hugging him. He was surprised at the contact, Tali at the time wasn't big on skinship so she never really did it herself.

"Don't be a baby, I saw you all this morning and afternoon. I haven't seen them in a long time, how about this we can see a movie in my room for the night hm?" Tali pouted, she didn't want to get scolded.

The boys have never seen Tali act this cute and touchy before. They were loving it.

"Hm? How about we cook and then watch a movie?" Haechan inquired trying to see how long her cuteness will last. Her eyes brightened at the idea she let him go and clapped her hands.

"Yes pleaasee." Tali giggled. Tali was acting her age, which was the first time in forever, they didn't know how. But they were taking advantage of it.

"Lets start cooking, hm?" Jeno said while rubbing Tali's head. Tali looked him and gave him her famous smile that would literally make his hearts burst.

"Come on Tali, help me prepare~" Renjun said while grabbing Tali and gently leading her to the kitchen.

Everyone just stood in place for a couple seconds. Processing what they just witnessed.

"Hyung, what did we just witnessed?" Jisung asked

"I don't know, but I loved every single moment of that." Haechan said, Then Tali popped out with a cute apron on with Renjun behind her smiling at her fondly.

"You guys wanna help?" Tali said cutely, everyone gushed on how adorable was being. They didn't know but when ever she hangs out with Straykids she has this kid like persona come out of her and even afterwards, and thats what they are seeing, she just grew up with Nct and Straykids differently she acts an adult with Nct while Straykids she acts her age maybe a little younger. So when she left Chan she was in a happy mood and that continued to now.

They all looked at each other and then back at Tali.

"Of course Princess."

[thegeminisage]

Do u have any advice for a questioning ace or resource references that may have helped u? I consider myself a bi ace and I DO find ppl attractive and beautiful and I feel all gooey/butterflies w attractive ppl but I also don't want to have sex with them?? Like maybe down the line if I really RLLY fall in love with someone and they want that I can try/ease into it but I don't have any intention or want to do that right now. Does that sound ace at all?

the website i went to when i was figuring stuff out was the message boards on aven, but i haven’t been there in over a literal decade, so i can’t vouch for it anymore - i feel like i read that they had a little bit of a racism problem in recent years. reddit is for the most part deeply DEEPLY cursed but i comment over at r/asexuality sometimes (not...under this name i have a secret name lol) and they seem like generally a good bunch. just, uh, don’t wander out of there. i really wish i had a tumblr blog to give you but i find most of them these days are filled with people complaining about aphobia which is SOOO fucking valid but it gets disheartening to see on your dash like ALL the time yk? but if anyone has any they can link ‘em in the notes. imo the best resource is to talk to or read about what other ace people are saying about their feelings and experiences, especially older aces or people who are “used to” being ace, if that makes any sense. not to sound too self-important but being almost two decades out from my first “oh i might be that” moment i like to think i qualify lol. i say this a lot but ftr my door is always open for these kinds of questions!! 

anyway, first of all, the short answer, yes, that does sound totally ace. you can get the butterflies and find people beautiful without finding them HOT/sexually attractive. you can be attracted to someone w/o it being sexual. so if all or most or even much of the time you don’t feel sexual attraction, you’re under the ace umbrella.

asexuality is on a huge spectrum and there’s not really any such thing as like the ace police who are gonna come throw u in jail if you’re not “really” ace. but labels are supposed to describe our experiences, not the other way around - you don’t need to worry too much about if you’re “ace enough,” if that makes any sense. you're allowed to just try it out and think of yourself that way for awhile and see if it feels good and makes you feel more right with the world. a lot of ace people go thru TONS of different labels - i was bisexual, demisexual, a lesbian, a bunch of stuff. so don’t feel like you have to pick one and stick to it.

one of the things about asexuality is that it’s really hard to confirm the ABSENCE of something (which is why a lot of ace people wind up IDing as bi at first - in both cases it’s a situation of feeling the same about every gender, it’s just the switch being flipped “on” or “off” - also please read that post i think it would rly help u). it’s also easy to mix up sexual attraction and libido, and for a lot of people, especially afab people/people with periods, both can fluctuate with both the time of month and your age. so you don’t have to have a clear-cut “ugh NO thanks” reaction or total disinterest in sex/finding other people sexy to “count” as ace. neutrality or ambivalence totally “counts” too (the ace community even coined special terms for people who are sex neutral vs repulsed vs favorable), even having sexual attraction one every other month when the weather is right or having a list of exception “counts” because there are SO many ways to be asexual, it really is such a massive spectrum!!! and aces are the last people who are gonna be gatekeepy about it lol

i don’t personally care for microlabels, i don’t even use the split attraction model because i find the sheer amount of jargon overwhelming/exhausting and difficult to explain to the general population, but reading through the list of them (this list also explains some split attraction model terms) gives you an idea of sheer number of different ways people experience asexuality and attraction to others. it’s part of why i love being asexual, because even if we tend to overthink things, we’re a group of people who are willing to tackle the norms of sex/romance/etc and talk about the different ways those feelings have us interacting with the world. my point is at some point almost every ace person has gone “does that even COUNT as ace?” so like if you’re asking the question imo that’s one of the most asexual things you can do lol <3

anyway, that’s it!! like i said, you don’t have to memorize that whole vocabulary list up there, i personally find the sheer amount of jargon to be too much, BUT i think it’s good to know that there are a lot of ways to “fit” into that ace box. so if it’s a useful label for you and it helps you communicate how you feel to other people more easily, Thats The One, yk? i hope you got at least a little something helpful out of the rambling. ur always welcome to write back if u ever want to talk <3

[itsdangeroustorunaboutinthedark]

19, 20

18 hours~

18 hours ive just slept. dont know how much i slept yesterday. the day before that slept 3 different times, 2-3 hours each. it felt like 4 days went by in that one day, not just because of the sleep patterns. that morning i woke up, or i was woken up, with an already shit feeling that was just about to get worse. i realized, if todays events were to go as planned, id probably kill myself. there was a plethora of reasons for that, going so far back it's almost laughable. a large component to ensuring i would carry it out, was that id be alone for the next few days. it felt, feels? extremely pathetic, even though the being alone in itself had no part in the reasons building up to such major suicidalness. suicidality? whatever. the conditions surrounding that being alone were some reasons; the being alone itself was just the perfect setting to allow it. but i couldnt say that. i couldnt say, in this situation specifically, that if i was left alone id probably kill myself. it'd be manipulative, would it.. though maybe what i ended up doing was no different. "i think im going to admit myself to the psych ward" was essentially what i ended up saying. i was met with so much support, it felt worse in a way. not as in worse than if id been met with anything else, just, worse than i had felt before. i felt guilty. i felt selfish. it felt like i was saying whatever just to get my way. even though all "my way" was, was to live, and to hopefully not leave the animals unattended in the process. foremost the animals, really. after having been shown awkward support, albeit shocking in a good? way, i regretted saying anything. or maybe i didnt, maybe those feelings didnt come til later. either way, the guilt was, still is, all-consuming. making calls to inpatient services piled on the guilt even more. i shouldnt be wasting these peoples time, there are surely those worse, ill be fine now, probably. the same feelings of guilt towards the person i admitted this to, and to the admissions people at the looney bin, grew even more while at the crisis center the next day. there were cases, serious cases, serious-er cases, being discussed by the staff. severe drug addict, has uncontrollable seizures, huge gaps in memory, is in and out of the hospital, only 21. someone came in with a fucked up leg, brought in by someone else. another came in with 5 bags packed, as if this was a usual visit, prepared to stay for a long while. another person, also accompanied, came in, just as quiet as i was. i knew not to compare. i knew everyone goes through things differently, presents differently, and presentation alone hasnt a sole explanation on whats actually going on with a person. and it wasnt these exterior comparisons that lead to the guilt, but that i was no longer feeling the unbearable despair and violent willingness to go through with what i had planned the day before. i didnt feel good, i didnt feel okay, i felt numb. but numb is better than That, numb is no reason to take up the time of people who are busy trying to help people with worse problems. they were kind, and seemingly all too knowing, and they sent me home with a couple phone appointments. i didnt know how to feel about it or what to think, the only prominent feeling still being guilt, somehow residing along nothingness. perhaps emptiness would be a better word. i was so confused about what to feel and think and so overwhelmed with guilt, that for a short while after any time i tried to speak about it, my mind would go blank and i sounded like a malfunctioning printer trying to get words out. now its the day after, technically two days after, and i still feel nothing. or i feel empty. or i feel numb. the words i was told when i first spoke of my plans to admit myself, and in turn some of the feelings/reasons that led to that, still ring in my ears; "it often looks you're doing better, but i think you're just distracting yourself."  im still not sure whether thats entirely true, but it is at least partly, and its distinctly how i decided to live at the ripe-old age of 12 or 13, when i was in a different, arguably worse and far more hopeless set of circumstances. i remember it now n again, and every once in awhile i come across the note i wrote to myself at the time as a reminder, it saying only "distract yourself". its been 7 or so years since. so much has changed, i have far more ability to make further changes by myself than ever before. a week before all of this happened, i was determined and taking the first steps to make what would probably be the largest change of my life so far. and all it took to take me from that to the pits of despair was several ever-smouldering struggles and a couple of current happening-problems. and now i dont know what to do. im mostly numb, maybe a slight bit anxious, and i dont know what to do next. im going to have to face everyone about what's going on, and I don't know what to tell them. and I'll once again feel guilt, because I don't know how i feel or what to say, because i didn't go through with the attempt, because ive wasted people's time over this. because i knew as soon as i wasnt going to be alone, the main excuse to kill myself was gone, and i couldn't admit that to the person who was leaving, the same person who contributed to so many of the events that brought upon the feelings that lead up to this point. that lead up to it this time, that lead up to it several times before. i told work i had been admitted earlier than i actually had been because i didnt want to let them know very last minute, and they were so kind about it; and then i was discharged within an hour. i dont want to go anymore. i dont know if i should. i can think of 100 reasons why i shouldnt, maybe only a few convincing reasons why i should. i look at my ongoing suicidal ideation, and since now that it's met with indifference to the actions and potential outcomes rather than turbulence, i shrug it off. i think, i think thats what im supposed to do. 

and all of this sounds like self pity, self loathing, utter dejection, such things that i hold such disdain for and cant handle in other people anymore. its irritating, its pathetic, all i need to do to improve is take a step, a step in literally any direction. and eventually, i will, maybe. if i make it to that point. but right now, i dont know. im not sure any of this is true. im not sure of anything, period. and thats a lie. and its not. ah

[sincerelyreidburke]

What are Quindo like waking up together on a morning?

Soft as fuck. Thank you for asking.

//

freshman year | april

 Gradually, Quinn is coming to the conclusion that he no longer has a single.

Well. He supposes that’s not entirely true. He’s still the only one who inhabits this room as far as the RAs know, the only one who keeps all his clothes and things here, the only one whose ID works when he swipes to unlock the door. But as the semester draws closer to its end, he’s noticed a small pattern. A solid four times out of five, Sebastián spends the night in here with him.

Not that he’s complaining.

This morning— a Saturday, thank goodness— he wakes up almost completely covered by him. They always tend to fall asleep the same way; they have a comfortable pattern down, by now. When they’re ready for sleep, which sometimes doesn’t come until the more ungodly hours of the morning, but it does come eventually, Quinn will stretch out right on top of him, as he lies there facing the ceiling. In effect, he’ll use Sebastián as a human body pillow— facing him to rest his head on his chest, hooking one arm up near his neck, rubbing his warm belly with the other.

It sounds elaborate, when you put it that way, but it’s just natural now. It’s the best way to sleep. Quinn is fond of sleeping on top of him like that.

The only thing is, Sebastián tends to move in his sleep. Which Quinn doesn’t mind, and doesn’t plan to mind unless he wakes up on the floor spontaneously one day. Today, that hasn’t happened, but he is in a very different position than he was when they went to sleep last night.

In other words, Sebastián is totally on top of him, this huge, warm mass of muscle and skin. One of his arms is wrapped tight around Quinn’s narrow waist, and his face is pressed into his neck by the pillow. The deep, slow breathing in the rise and fall of his chest signals to Quinn that he’s still very much asleep. He has a faceful of dark, messy curls that smell like the good shampoo he picked out for him, and there’s stubble prickling against his neck. Quinn can breathe, but in effect, he’s being crushed in every other way.

And he, well... he loves it.

He likes feeling his weight on him, while they rest together like this, and always has, maybe just for the sensory comfort. It’s a feeling he can’t find anywhere else. He wonders if a weighted blanket might serve him well when he goes home for the summer and has to endure four months of a distinct lack of gigantic, cuddly boyfriend in his bed. But something in him knows that a weighted blanket won’t be a fantastic substitute for the real boy.

Quinn exhales. He tightens his arm around his bare back.

He’s so comfortable, he’s not sure he ever wants to move.

The problem is that they’ll both have to do so, eventually. It’s not that any of them have something concrete on their schedules, exactly; with both the show and playoffs over, the rest of April will be free for them in a way they haven’t known in several months prior. But he knows Sebastián is supposed to have team breakfast this morning, and as for himself, he has a lab report that needs working on. He should call Tess, too, at some point today.

But none of that, at least for the moment, is immediate. Right now, it’s the two of them, waking in bed, like there’s nothing else in the world.

As if, in sleep, he can read his mind, Sebastián stirs just slightly, shifting against him. His face moves where it’s resting on his neck, and he curls one huge hand around his waist beneath the sheets. Quinn’s shirt has ridden up in his sleep; Sebastián is holding him beneath it. What feels like a long time ago now, Sebastián ditched sleeping with a shirt on altogether.

Again... Quinn isn’t complaining.

Then there’s a little rumble against his chest, like Sebastián has made a noise— maybe speech, or maybe just a sleepy grunt. Quinn squeezes under his shoulder; he’s a little sweaty, which is, well, a little gross, but he’s become more acquainted with gross as a concept ever since he started dating a frat boy in the first place.

He’s willing to forgive it.

Sebastián lifts his head, and Quinn near melts at the sight of that. He’s just the same as he was when they fell asleep, soft curls all a mess and in need of a shave; his brown eyes are hazy with rest, and he blinks the sleep away as they meet eyes.

Quinn smiles at him. The springtime light catches him through the window in all the right ways.

Sebastián shifts a little, to prop himself on an elbow, and cups his cheek in his other hand. The kiss he gives him is sweet, although he tastes thoroughly like morning breath, which is another gross thing Quinn is willing to forgive.

Because his lips are soft, and it’s a loving gesture, and he’s grown so fond of these good-morning kisses. He kisses back, and for the moment, they say nothing, because nothing needs to be said.

He really, really enjoys waking up with him.

When they’ve exchanged a few of those kisses, sleepy and slow, Sebastián shifts up a little and does say something. Quinn feels the distant speech vibrate where he’s pressed against him, but his eyes are still closed for the first bit of it, so he misses what’s said. He looks up to him, stays close, and arches an eyebrow.

This time, he can see what he asks. Am I crushing you? His voice, at whatever volume it might be, is a gentle vibration against his chest, a soothing feeling.

Quinn laughs a little, shakes his head, and pulls him back down to give him another kiss. Never, he whispers, or at least thinks he whispers. It doesn’t matter, anyway. Mornings like these never really require talking. He’s spent hours in bed with him on lazy Saturdays and Sundays, not bothering with his hearing aids until past ten or even later.

Sebastián traces, just gently, along his cheekbone with his thumb. He’s smiling again, this carefree and lovely expression, and his touch is gentle despite his strength. He can be soft even while so strong, and Quinn has loved that about him from the very start.

There’s a time and place for both things.

Quinn hums a little, then tucks his face up into his neck, pulling him down and winding both arms around his back again. He’s big and squishy, wonderfully warm. Sebastián squeezes him right back, and the pressure is so, so welcome.

This is the safest place in the world, and gosh, has Quinn gotten used to it.

I love you, he thinks, with his head buried in his neck still, smelling sweat and shampoo and tasting morning breath. He doesn’t say it, not yet, but gosh, does he think it. He thinks he’s been in love with him for quite awhile.

He thinks he could do this for a long, long time.

Including this morning. Lab report be damned.

Well.

They do have at least an hour to kill.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What do you typically have for breakfast? I typically don’t have breakfast, but if I do, or if I have breakfast foods later for a late lunch or dinner, I like to have breakfast sandwiches, scrambled eggs with shredded cheese, spinach, garlic, and green onions, or scrambled eggs and biscuits smothered in country gravy with hash browns. Unless you count my first cup of coffee and whatever snack I have with it as breakfast, which is something I have everyday.

Where do you purchase most of your clothes? Boxlunch or Hot Topic.

Do you have any opinions on Anna Delvey? I don’t know who that is.

What are you currently streaming? An ASMR video <<< Same.

What do you typically order when you go for coffee? If it’s Starbucks I’ll order a venti peppermint white chocolate mocha with soy. If it’s anywhere else then just a regular coffee with cream and sugar.

Anything you’re looking out for at the thrift? I don’t go thrift shopping.

Who are your favorite YouTubers? Several ASMRists, vloggers, lifestyle YouTubers, a drama commentary channel, Disney related channels, and this channel that covers abandoned buildings and whatnot.

Describe your skincare routine. I don’t have one. :X

What’s your typical morning routine look like? May not be in the morning per se, but the first thing I do when I get up is take my medicine and then check my social medias while lounging around for awhile before finally dragging myself out of bed for coffee.

Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I was playing regularly most of last year up until about January. I’ve been wanting to play and see what’s new, but for some reason I just haven’t.

How has the pandemic specifically affected you? Not nearly as much as a lot of people. The only real difference for me is that before the pandemic I went grocery shopping with my mom, went to the movies, and a few other little errands here and there. Since the pandemic I only leave the house once a month for my doctor appointment that I have to go to in order to get my prescription refills, otherwise I wouldn’t go anywhere. So while before I still spent most of my time at home, at least I was getting out a few more times. 

Where’s your favorite place to go for brunch? I don’t go anywhere for brunch.

What’s on your nightstand? Currently, there’s my medicine, pill crusher, bottle of Coke to take my medicine with (I have to crush my pills, hence the pill crusher), a glass, 2 bottles of water, a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, a box of straws, my wallet, and nail clippers.

What do you think about before falling asleep? My mind wanders to random places.

What is your main source of anxiety? It’s how my brain works.

Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? No.

What are your goals for today? I don’t have any.

What kind of games do you play on your phone? I like murder mystery/hidden object games and word games.

Are there any packages you’re waiting to come in through the mail? No.

Describe your favorite t-shirt? All my graphic tees, which I have plenty of.

Do you have a specific aesthetic? Hmm. Like what is my aesthetic/look or what things do I find aesthetically pleasing?

Skinny jeans or mom jeans? Skinny jeans.

What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Rugrats, Doug, and Hey Arnold.

Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. Hm. Hard to pinpoint the exact moment. It just... happened.

Have you tried the feta and tomato recipe? What’s that, just tomatoes with feta cheese? 

What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I don’t drink sparkling water. Although, the brand that makes Vitamin Water used to have Fruit Water, which was carbonated flavored water, and it was actually really good. I think they discontinued it, though.

What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don’t have any anymore. I haven’t worn makeup in 3 years now; I don’t have the energy, motivation, or interest for it.

What’s your all time favorite movie? I have many.

What are some female names you would name a baby? I don’t want to have children, but I like the names Autumn and Winter. 

What about male? Alexander.

Do you have any subscription boxes? No. I think those boxes that send you treats from different places around the world look cool, though.

What did you purchase the last time you bought groceries? I don’t buy the groceries, my mom does.

What fictional creature would you like as a pet? Hm. I don’t know.

Describe your favorite piece of jewelry. I don’t really have a particular favorite.

Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? A lot of places of closed since the pandemic.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever taken? Listening to myself as well as my stubbornness has caused the most problems.

How do you feel about your neighbors? I don’t know ‘em.

What kind of dwelling do you live in? A duplex.

Have you been watching this season of The Bachelor? I’ve never had any interest in watching that.

What’s typically kept in your purse/wallet? I keep credit cards, gift cards, and my ID in my wallet. My bag holds my wallet, hand sanitizer, and my phone when I go somewhere.

How do you feel about TikTok? I enjoy it. There’s something for everyone on there.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve done/been through? Losing loved ones, my disability, health related things. These past few years alone have been really hard for me.

Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? I had one when I was a kid. I’m sure it was deleted long ago for being inactive. I don’t even think Neopets is a thing anymore.

What do you look like on a day where you don’t leave the house? So everyday? A mess.

Do you have any opinions on Amberlynn Reid? I know of the name, but I don’t know much about her.

Any current trends you dislike? I’m so out of the loop I don’t even know what the current trends are.

[kareofbears]

☾ and ൠ - akiryu , ☠ and ☆- akesumi

hey anon!!! oo i wonder if you’re the akesumi anon? either way, i hope you’re doing great, or at least on the way to feeling okay :) 

I'm gonna assume that you want me to give headcanons as a pair rather than individuals 

☾ - sleep headcanon

sleep is such a soft subject, I'm so in love with writing sleep, and i love thinking about sleeping akiryu. 

despite morgana’s insistence, i don’t think akira sleeps much. he’s got too much to worry about, too many strategies he needs to go over. he needs time to think about how to solve his confidants’ problems, he needs to send the calling card in time or people will get hurt. he thinks about the mistakes he made that led to his teammates getting injured, and how to fix that for next time. 

and ryuji...he runs hot. his body is almost always feverishly warm, which is nice for the winter but brutal in the summer. and whenever akira finds himself wide awake at three am, he finds that if he scoots a little closer to ryuji, to feel that heat, he can focus on it. sort of like a heated blanket. it doesn't solve his problems, but it calms him enough to lull him into a light sleep. 

ൠ - random headcanon

yes!!! random akiryu headcanon!!! 

i one hundred percent believe that these two would be incredibly annoying to verse against pair games. taboo, keep talking or nobody explodes, charades. these two have a mental connection that would be so damn annoying to try and go against because they just click on a mental level. ryuji could be doing the worm and akira would say, in a monotone voice: “battle of the Atlantic in world war 2″ and everyone would just groan and immediately accuse them of cheating (which they never do, they take their games very seriously)

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

damn anon you’re wildin for pairing this with akesumi ;-; but id be lying if i said i don't have one!!

when akesumi fight with each other (which is different from their normal arguing. when they’re really fighting with each other--whether its moral differences or whatnot), akechi would slowly, very slowly, either revert back to pre-third semester akechi or turns completely impassive. 

it’s a defense mechanism--akechi (real akechi) has never had something he can’t lose, so the idea that this might be the thing that breaks him and sumire apart is unthinkable. so what does he do? he either turns into someone he’s not, or he turns into...nobody. 

sumire hates it, hates it so much that he would ever think that they can be torn apart. 

☆ - happy headcanon

happy!! 

they both love to hike :) akechi and sumire are both very sporty (with his bouldering and her gymnastics), and akechi always feels more comfortable with less people around him, so really it’s perfect. 

she likes to chat while she hikes, and he’s never had someone to hike with before so it’s fun to be outside of his own thoughts for a change. he even ends up broaching some topics on her too, once they set a good pace. they talk about anything and everything, and every once in awhile he even cracks a smile. (it’s enough to make her trip over a tree branch.)

thank you for the fantastic ask anon, i had a blast <3

[violetsystems]

#personal

The holidays are quiet if not a little more restful than usual.  I facetime’d my dad and his wife and talked to my mom on the phone.  Since I left my job way back in July I haven’t had much video contact with anybody.  Everybody is too busy baking banana bread on YouTube I guess to check in.  The final days of my employment had devolved into a virtual SCRUM twice a day led by myself on camera.  It was exhausting at times to lead but kept people focused.  That is when they bothered to show up.  One of my employees was off making music with my boss half the time I was trying to lead those discussions.  I’m beginning to sense a theme.  People saying they are there but not really.  Maybe the mic is muted.  Maybe you can’t see behind the screen.  All I know is the follow through lately with people is missing entirely.  I spent a good hour the last two days trying to decouple a credit card from my old job’s contact info.  I’m locked out of both the phone number and the email attached to the account.  I got the run around trying to provide a US passport to confirm my identity.  It was good enough to enter China alone.  The first call that ID was sufficient.  They had said they sent an email to follow through with the process to two different emails I provided.  The email never came most likely because neither had been tied to the account previously.  I called back on Christmas eve and suddenly the passport wasn’t good enough.  Neither was an expired driver’s license.  The woman actually asked me why I hadn’t renewed my driver’s license.  I told the truth.  My ex girlfriend stole my car.  That didn’t really help the situation.  I sent a passport photo to unlock my facebook but they never followed through.   I had an easier time unlocking my Fortnite account with it although that took a full week.  I ended having to call the police on Christmas eve to explore filing a report for fraud and identity theft.  The police officer on the phone pretty much gaslighted me at the end of the questioning.  “Nothing criminal.” he stated plainly.  I didn’t get mad.  I didn’t even complain.  I simply said Happy Holidays and hung up.  Much like I’ve hung up on the last twenty years of my life at this point.  Nobody seems to want to answer the video call.  The opening introduction if they did would be something like “What exactly have you done with my life?”  Maybe they’re afraid to confront the truth.  The media, the government, and even the police seem to not want to believe evidence that contradicts their narrative.  I guess you could throw up your hands and revolt.  But the holidays have been peaceful and quiet enough to simply roll my eyes and move on.  I’ve had years of failures to connect.  COVID has taught me a lot of things.  I heard the mantra in all the mandatory corporate webinars.  This pandemic has brought to light structural problems we were never aware of before.  Sexual harassment in the workplace.  Check.  Organizational corruption.  Check.  The fact everybody is full of bullshit and will just mute the mic and pretend it never happened.  Check.  People feel invincible behind a screen and think they know it all.  Check.  Now that we’re aware.  What do we do?  How do we move on with our life now that we have all this space?  How do I even care about participating in a broken process when I have no debt and fiscal maturity?  How can I go back to being the old me when I’ve been completely erased and conveniently forgot about?  Why would I even bother?  

Mostly I take the time with this process to make sure my identity is completely secure.  Which is why it’s not really fun to be locked out of twenty years of your own information in the form of an email account and forgotten about for six months.  But this is just the structural reality come to light.  Much like the rest of America is waking up to the reality of what greed really does to people.  That was my Christmas present this year aside from the coffee that never came and that Cyberpunk game that I don’t really have the time or the subpar computer setup to criticize.  I’m guilty of tricking myself into thinking people care about me.  I have statistical data from the last six months that proves otherwise.  I also have financial data that points to whatever hustle I have been hustling during that time has paid off and will continue to.  But I don’t really have an answer to anything.  I’m in the worst kind of limbo.  I don’t get the sense these days that I should even remotely worry until July.  Which is kind of like saying fuck you to the world for the next six months.  I spent the last six waking up from a nightmare.  The only times I look back is to clean up the mess.  And a Christmas Eve call to the police is kind of messy.  But the result is more of the same for me.  An extravagant “I told you so.”  I’ve been telling myself for awhile now a lot of things.  Some of them were kind of unbelievable.  Now those very dreams are all I really take comfort in.  The limbo I’m in is more pointed to the light at the end of the tunnel than the void.  But I can’t say the same for everybody else.  I work for myself for the time being.  It looks really nice on paper.  I can even pay myself if it fits into my organization’s financial outlook.  But none of this matters when you or your struggles don’t even exist to people other than to mock or judge it.  All the work we do to survive.  All the work we do to create art and to be beautiful in the face of chaos.  All of that is negated by a loud mouthed jerk who can bark you back into submission.  A mob of dumb ass fraudsters that talk over and mute any opposition without any warrant or merit.  The press follows this mentality pretty clearly.  Everybody has a hot take and a theory.   But nobody wants to sit down and listen to the culmination of lies spread about people and situations.  Everyone is too emotionally interested in sharing their recipe for banana bread to an invisible audience.  I guess I could be guilty of that too.  Except that I share actual human emotion and care with a community of people who pay attention week to week.  For a person like myself who has no real need to worry about money for the foreseeable future what’s the value of care and attention?  A lot.  I don’t feed myself with vapor or fake sentiments.  I take it all at base level as real as it gets.  You can’t build a future on speculation.  You can technically if you are in the stock market.  But risk is risk.  And money is money.  No one can be me at the end of the day.  Sometimes I can’t even prove I’m myself.  My mom reminded me I had to provide ten pieces of documentation to renew my passport ten years ago.  The reasoning was simple.  The government did not believe I existed.  No bullshit.  A decade later nothing really has changed.  I’ve been to Shanghai by myself and eaten McDonald’s.  I read all these Republicans talk about how you put your identity at risk just setting foot in that country.  

And yet when does the rhetoric and brainwashing fall flat on it’s face?  When you can’t pass economic stimulus to not only save your own people but the fragile stock market all this bullshit is built upon.  I could keep telling you I told you so.  Or I could save my own ass.  And largely I did without really owing much to this country whatsoever except taxes in Q1.  Taxes billionaires don’t have to pay because they offer us so much relevant employment and benefits that fit on their bottom line.  The real truth is that America would rather not face the truth.  It hasn’t for years.  It’s built on this kind of thing.  It always has been.  And the world gets bigger and the excuses get worse.  And so what does anyone expect a person like me to do after you openly admit that there’s nothing criminal going on here.  How does that sound when you’ve been treated openly like a criminal in so many unsettling ways that you just don’t want to participate in society anymore?  Not that anyone really asks me to participate.  They’re too busy signaling or whispering secret messages.  Is it suggestion or valid communication?  I’m the one that has to shift through it all and detangle the mess from what is real and what is some sort of mass hallucination.  An alternate reality hunger game that the rich have been playing for years without any punishment or oversight.  When you get caught up in the crossfire they expect you to know the drill.  Keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.  None of this is good for me.  You could argue it made me the beast that I am.  But I am the one who had to actively make that choice to adapt and survive.  But I’m not like any normal person these days.  I refuse to admit it anymore.  They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I have a problem.  One that it seems I cannot fix.  And if you isolate and quarantine yourself from an entire twenty years of nostalgia what is left?  Where are the texts of merry xmas from yesteryear.  Probably pinging my old work number.  I can’t access my facebook.  Maybe that’s for the best.  I can’t shut down lines of credit until I renew my state ID.  I could jump on a plane and visit Shanghai Disney quicker than I could prove I’m alive to the US government.  And when does the constant gaslighting break down?  When do we realize that people gaslight to cover up an elaborate lie that has gotten out of control.  That we are not all in this together.  Not by a longshot.  That the problem of connectedness is right there in front of our faces.  We’re exhausted propping up entire infrastructures that keep a bloated empire alive.  Family fortunes built on opioids and war strewn out across the landscape in trusts and elaborate tax schemes.  Oligarchs that have generational wealth that buy our politicians and scam people into debt and forced labor.  This is America.  This is the systemic problem the pandemic brought to light.  This shit was built this way.  And like any fort constructed with shaky foundations, good luck hiding from the storm in that shit.  At least I can still access my Epic account.  What am I going to do for the next six months?  Complain about something I can’t fix because everybody wants to consider me part of the problem?  I don’t know what to do anymore except move forward and lead by example.  There’s enough quality people who follow to keep me warm with those thoughts through the holidays alone.  I won’t be drunk on a zoom call.  I’ll be in bed watching Wonder Woman or something.  When everyone you worshipped comes out of this looking fake, tired and exhausted you’ll know where to find me.  Unlocking more accounts tied to an identity that doesn’t exist anymore.  Nothing criminal.  Hopefully people will stop treating me like one eventually.  <3 Tim

[crystallized-iron]

The Inaccuracy

For Cherik Week 2020, hosted by @teamxcherik

Day 1: Space AU

AO3

***** ***** *****

Arrivals to the space colony were separated into three lines. Erik paused momentarily as his comrades presented their information at the check-in counter. He held his papers ready as he approached the man running the computer for his line. There was never a problem at previous colonies they traveled to for work, but those check-ins were all run by inferior androids running on autopilot, simply copying the information on the forms into the computers.

But this one felt different. Erik could not detect a trace of metal in the small yet pretty man that smiled at him and stated, "Identification please."

Erik handed the paperwork over. His ID card was scanned. The papers were skimmed through, all necessary information typed in.

There was something about the man that kept Erik on edge. No metal had to mean he was human. But why? Check-in counters were a dangerous place for humans to work.

As the man returned Erik's information, their fingers brushed briefly against each other. It was only a second but it was enough for the man to flinch away from Erik with a gasp.

He looked into widening bright blue eyes as the man whispered, "You are not…"

Erik glanced at the men he was traveling with. This was not good.

But then the man recovered from his shock and forced a polite smile on his face. "I do hope you enjoy your stay."

He was letting him through. Erik murmured a thank you and took his paperwork back, but before he could leave he heard the man say, “I hope no one else learns of the inaccuracy in your paperwork.”

Erik turned to him, but the man’s gaze remained on the screen in front of him. “You won’t tell anyone?”

The man glanced at him then. “No. I should, but no. Just go.”

With a nod, Erik walked away, catching up to the others.

“Everything alright, Lehnsherr?” one asked him. “You were stopped for awhile.”

“Everything is fine.”

“Did you notice the kid though?” said the second. “I swore he was one of those new androids until Lehnsherr touched him. He was too professional, too polite. He couldn’t be human.”

“You need to be professional and polite if you are going to be stationed at check-in.”

“But isn’t that why other colonies just use androids? No risk of injury then.”

“How are you certain he isn’t one?” asked the first. “Don’t the latest models have real emotions?”

“That’s just terrifying. Emotional machines. Isn’t that supposed to be a really bad idea?”

Erik shook his head. “Do not anger them and you would have nothing to worry about.”

“You think so?”

“Most living things do attack when angry, or threatened.”

“But are androids really alive?”

Erik did not reply to that, and remained quiet as the other two discussed whether androids really were living beings capable of human emotion, or simply advanced machines running on a program.

***** ***** *****

Charles logged out of the check-in computer two hours later, waiting as Emma signed in for her shift. “Is it really required for us to report all inaccurate information to the authorities?” he asked.

“Of course it is,” she told him. “That was one of the first things we were told when forced into this job.”

“Because only we would know.” Charles bit his lip, his eyes focused on his spotless shoes. Professionalism in every detail, just as ordered. “Have you ever -”

“Hush,” she stopped him. You know they have eyes and ears everywhere.

He nodded and sent back, Have you ever let someone through without reporting the inaccuracies?

Her expression softened as she looked at him. I have. It was a family.

He has no family. But that isn’t the problem.

What was?

There was a beep at the computers, signaling that another ship had docked.

Charles gave Emma a small smile. “I suppose that means I have to go now. Good luck tonight.”

“You too, Charles.” Don’t get yourself into trouble.

I know.

He left the check-in counter, and walked into the heart of the city.

The lights installed into the ceiling of the colony to produce artificial sunlight were dimmed to mimic moonlight. The city itself was illuminated by electric sweetlights along the perfectly paved roads. There was artificial turf in the one foot gap between road and sidewalk, and behind the flawless sidewalk corners stood real trees that aided in oxygen production.

Sometimes Charles wondered how much like the real Earth his home colony was. As a child, he would stare at old color photographs of the planet, amazed at the natural landscapes, the animals, streams, lakes, and rivers. Even cities on Earth were so much more natural looking than the carefully constructed environment he grew up in.

But the original Earth never felt real to him. Nor did the man from earlier, Erik Lehnsherr.

He had felt what he thought was human skin with the usual warmth and softness that flesh had, but something so vital for human life had been missing.

Erik Lehnsherr had no brain, or at least, no human brain.

As Charles walked, he began to pick up the mental voices of the men Erik Lehnsherr had arrived with and he looked into the window of a small diner. There they were, along with the mysterious Erik Lehnsherr.

What these men were doing on this colony was no longer any of his business. Why Erik’s information declared him a human when he certainly was not had nothing to do with Charles.

In fact, he should report it. Why would an android pretend to be human anyway? Erik had to be up to no good.

And then Erik’s eyes found his.

Charles swallowed and turned away from the man’s stare. He started walking. What Erik did was none of his business. It had nothing to do with him.

His walk became a jog as he rushed to his apartment building. He stopped at the door to catch his breath.

What was he doing? What if there was a sinister reason behind Erik Lehnsherr pretending to be human? He should have reported it right away! What if someone got hurt, or worse?

“Excuse me.”

Charles gasped at the voice and turned. Erik Lehnsherr had followed him home, and now stood almost near enough for Charles to touch him. “What?” Charles demanded. “I didn’t tell anyone.”

Erik stepped closer. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” There was a tremor in his own voice that Charles chose to ignore. “I was only followed all the way home.”

“I am sorry for that,” Erik told him. “I didn’t know that’s where you were going.”

“Why did you follow me?”

Closing the distance between them, Erik said, “Because you know.”

“And I already told you I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know. But I want to find out how you know. What makes you so different that you can learn the truth in an instant?”

Charles’ hand went to the door handle. “If you kill me, everyone will know.”

“I will not kill you.”

Shaking his head, Charles muttered, “I can’t tell whether you’re lying or not.”

Erik showed his hands. “Unarmed. You can check if you need.”

“You don’t need a weapon. You are built with a stronger body.”

“You are right. But killing is against the rules for all, new and old.”

Charles could feel his body shaking. He never imagined he would find himself in a position such as this. “Come on,” he said then, opening the door.

“You will allow me into your home?”

“Discussing things further out here is a terrible idea. They are always recording.”

Erik went into the building after him, the door clicking shut behind them. They went down the long corridor together, passing numbered doors. Fragments of conversations from the other side of those doors seemed to echo in the usually barren corridor.

Charles typed a code onto the keypad by his door. After hitting Enter, the door opened and they walked inside.

The light in the first room automatically came on. On the far wall were three screens measuring oxygen level, temperature, and time. An ancient model personal computer booted up at the lonely desk covered in old plates and a couple of solid color mugs. A couch sat in the middle of the room, a single book resting on one of the cushions, its place marked by a receipt.

Erik stayed by the door. Charles removed his jacket, feeling the man watching his every move. “Sit there,” he said to his guest with a point at the couch. As Erik did as was requested, Charles added, “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Do not move from that spot.”

“I do not plan to,” Erik promised, glancing at the personal computer.

Charles left for his room, quickly changing out of his uniform and into a pair of sweats and a comfortable t-shirt a size too big. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. What was he doing?

He checked his uniform pocket and found what he needed. At first glance, it appeared to be a flashlight, but it had a built-in taser; just pop off the cap where the light shined from.

He held onto it as he went back out, finding Erik still on the couch, but reading the last few pages of his book. “Was I really gone that long?”

“I am a fast reader,” Erik answered. He placed the book back on the couch cushion and looked up at him. “You are armed.”

“I am.” Charles went and sat at his desk. He grabbed the mouse and clicked through a few windows, opening a recording program and clicking the button.

If anything happened to him tonight, Emma would know.

He swiveled his chair toward Erik. “Alright.”

Erik leaned into the couch. “Most are easily fooled, but you were not. Why is that?”

Charles took in the sight of the android seeming so comfortable on the furniture, wondering if it was even possible for an android to feel comfort. “I am different from others.”

“Yes you are. But how so?”

He stared into the cold gray eyes. “I am a human with telepathy.”

“Telepathy?”

“Yes. My DNA was altered while I was growing in an artificial womb. I know of two others with the same alteration, and the three of us take turns at the check-in counter.”

“To catch androids claiming to be human?”

“To catch liars, frauds, and criminals,” Charles corrected as he checked the taser. “We are supposed to report inaccuracies in information.”

Erik’s gaze dropped to the weapon in Charles’ hands. “You are very informative.”

“I give you honesty -” he popped off the cap - “you give me honesty.” Their eyes met again. “Seems fair to me.”

“I suppose it does.”

“Now.” Charles leaned closer. “Why does your paperwork say you are human?”

Erik frowned. “Again, how do you -”

“Telepathy.”

“Yes, you said that, but -”

“You don’t have a brain.”

“I do,” Erik told him.

“Not a human one.”

“No, that is true.” He actually sighed. Was that a normal thing androids did? He seemed so real but he wasn’t. “Shaw, he is the one that… well…”

“Created you?” Charles finished.

Erik nodded to him. “Yes. He filled out my paperwork. He believed I was perfection, that no one would ever guess.”

“If I did not have my power, I would probably ever know,” Charles admitted. “I would have thought…”

“Yes?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Charles pushed the thought of Erik being a beautiful man away, and then said, “But I touched your hand. I touched it and there was nothing I could feel inside of your head. It was shocking because your information stated human but that was impossible because humans have brains.”

“Once again,” Erik said, “I do have one.”

“I am not talking about a computer for a brain.”

“Human brains are simply organic computers.”

Charles groaned and leaned back in his chair. “Shut up… I should have reported you.”

Erik watched him. “Why didn’t you? You found what you call an inaccuracy in my information, but then you did nothing about it.”

“You didn’t seem to be doing anything wrong other than that, really,” Charles told him. “You are just trying to work and survive like the rest of us.”

“Do you still feel that way?”

“You followed me home. I was already doubting my decision, and then you were there and I got scared and… I don’t know.” He eyed the taser in his hands. “Is everything else the truth?”

“Yes. It is all the truth except for being human.”

“No other crimes committed?”

“None.”

“You mean that?” Charles asked, lifting his gaze to Erik’s face. “Not lying?”

“Would you be able to tell if I was?”

“I am trying to trust you, Erik.”

The ends of Erik’s mouth began to quirk upwards. “You want to trust me?”

“I need to know I did the right thing.”

“No other crimes committed.” Erik smiled, such a warm expression for a mechanical being. “Not lying.”

Charles let out a heavy breath. “I am taking your word on that. Please do not let me down.”

“I won’t.” He gestured to the computer. “Are you going to keep recording?”

Popping the cap back on the flashlight taser, Charles asked, “Are you planning on staying longer?”

“If you will allow it.” The cold gray eyes drifted over Charles. “I must say, despite the interrogation, I do enjoy being in your company, if only to admire your beauty.”

Charles stared at him, taken aback by the statement. Could androids really… Did he actually… “You don’t really mean that.”

“I am not lying. You said you want to trust me. I want that as well.”

“I am trying, but you have been lying about yourself for your entire existence. How do I know you are being honest now?”

“Because like you said, you were honest with me.” Erik moved to the cushion nearest Charles. “That does mean a lot to me.”

“Does it?”

“It does.”

Charles hesitated then said, “I don’t know you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Would you mind telling me about yourself?”

“As your evidence against me?” Erik asked.

Charles went to the computer, setting the flashlight on the desk. He stopped the recording and closed the program before turning back to Erik. “How about now?”

“Only if you would tell me more about yourself as well. Seems fair, right?”

Leaning closer, Charles said, “It does seem fair. Go ahead and start then.”

“Alright. I will start with my creator, Sebastian Shaw…”

[autistic-victor-frankenstein]

If you are still doing the ask thing: Maybe Victor?

Favourite thing about them: I went on and on abt this before but I love talking about it.. also I'm gonna mention multiple things bc I'm a loser who loves this idiot too much to stay on just one

I think its just how gentle and timid of a guy he comes off,which i don't see people talk abt much. Maybe its just me but he seems to be this very mellow polite guy when he's not worked up. Even walton(though walton has bias) describes how gentle and polite he is,and how he passionately helps Walton out teaching him academics. (Which he also does w Ernest, and tried w eliza he likes to share his knowledge)

And also,again,how passionately invested and fascinated he gets ,even if its his doom i think that more stems from the pressure he recieved and longing to meet the expectations of his family and professors. And sort of overworking himself to prove himself. He seems to have like, a thrist for knowledge and how the world works and that contrasts with a lot of characters who live more in the moment. Hes overall just. Someone I find is oddly relatable? I sympathize with even his flaws,its fascinating to see like,someone who obviously very deeply cares for the people around him,but falls short in his connection with them in favour of his pursuits which may or may not stem from his want of their approval. And acting on emotion in the moment and not realizing til its too late.

Least favourite thing about him:

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH u already know what I'm gonna say. I mentioned it like a post before,but theres that disgusting quote thats specifically in the 1831 version and its burned in my mind "every praise placed upon her i recieved as if to a possession of my own,no words can describe my relation to her,my more then sister,til death she was to be mine only" Its very period typical given its the 1700s and sort of expected granted how much Elizabeth was presented to him by his parents as his sole companion and a "gift". But its like a personal jab in the gut when I see it. And while I don't go by the interpretation that Victor and Elizabeth were truly interested in eachother and he was motivated mainly by fate and Caroline,its still undeniably gross and shows that he does have that misogynistic view that women can be regarded as ur own.

Favourite line: that one where hes contemplating death sort of in regards to Henry ,like "and where is this man now? With all his thoughts and ideas and love? Is he gone forever? No! He consoles his unhappy friend"(not an exact quote my memory isn't that precise rip) but firstly I find it very moving just how he talks abt Henry so caring. And it brings up an interesting thought. When people die,especially those we care about. What happens to all those wonderful thoughts and ideas and personality we know them for? Is their entire being just wiped from existence once they fall into nothing? Or do they live on either in memory and/or by afterlife?

brOTP:

He and his siblings seem to have very good relationships. Other than *that* icky icky line mentioned earlier he seems to have a very good relationship w Elizabeth,(I do NOT see it romantically good) ite mentioned how when Victor had a thirst for knowledge and Elizabeth had this admiration for the simple beauty of things,and this sort of difference brings them closer. They sort of grew up together and literally at one point only really knew eachother,so I imagine they are close and victor trusts to tell her a lot of stuff and vice versa. Ernest was mentioned to be his "star pupil". He likes to share his knowledge w em and he looks up to him for awhile. I think they both share an admiration for things like nature,though i think Victor would ramble Ernests ear off abt how it works. William isn't mentioned much but I reckon victors always there to answer his nagging questions like in the musical

OTP: u already know its Waltonstein and Clervalstein. Talked abt them a lot in two other posts already but- Walton and victor are so similar and lonely and I AaA. And Clerval and Victor have such a starking contrast that works so well and they care.so deeply abt eachother.

nOTP: Elizabeth and Victor. I live in utter ignorant denial everyday of its existence. Easy to make sense of why

Random Headcanon: my favorite headcsnon I've made of him is that he's an excellent artist and doodles to calm himself down,he also taught ernest how to draw.

Song i associate w them: a lot but a new one is Daniel Johnstons Story of An Artist. Im gonna go in more detail when I post my playlist update tho.

Listen up and I'll tell a story

About an artist growing old

Some would try for fame and glory

Others aren't so bold

Everyone and friends and family

Saying, "hey, get a job

Why do you only do that only?

Why are you so odd?"

"We don't really like what you do

We don't think anyone ever will

It's a problem that you have

And this problem's made you ill"

Basically tho I feel like its Victor sort of talking abt himself and how critical his family (in particular Alphonse)seem to be critical of his commitments and interests?

Unpopular Opinion: i don't think he's the one true evil in the story,no one is,and i actually find him loveable and relatable even if he's a tragically flawed character. Which is relatively unpopular on its own but is starting to be otherwise i noticed.

Favourite picture of him:

I like how this doodle came out? Yes he's stimming. Yes I'm projecting.

[ID: A screenshot of a sketch of Victor Frankenstein fidgeting his hands together,he has curly hair ,glasses,and is smiling/End ID]