#id been waiting for a while to be alone so i can just. die

[oh-mother-i-cannot-weave]

being home all alone by myself really fucking sucks

[imaginesig]

"He laughs at all my jokes / and he says I'm so American"

Zak O'Sullivan x driver!reader

SMAU

Logans grid kid might be more patriotic than him. Reader is an American menace to the f2 grid, her bf included, who uses Oliva Rodrigo to cope (and Kimi has been demoted to f3 and Olivias release schedule for Guts is wrong). Based on this prema video

there is a criminally low amount of fics about this man

ynln

liked by zak.osullivan, kimi.antonelli, olliebearman, and 892,293 others

ynln totally sleighed it

tagged sister_username

dinobeganovic girl you slayed that house

ynln SLAY 💅

dinobeganovic slay 😵🔪

ynln oh

olliebearman mate what is that third picture? The dirt??

ynln chief I live in the southern US we dont get snow here

olliebearman what a sad winter

sister_username we ate the first pic up

ynln its a christmas miracle, my sister being the only one who's nice to me

zak.osullivan cant wait for you to see a REAL winter wonderland

ynln id take my dirt covered ground over your royal snow anyway 💪🇺🇸

zak.osullivan says the girl who flys out the 28th

user1 "were you silent or silenced" @/ynln

ynln gagged to silence ✋😔

load more

ynln posted 2 stories!

caption: (1) thoughts and prayers as I head into enemy territory (2) 🇺🇸→🇬🇧

replies

zak.osullivan

oh fuck off

haha

I can hear your gremlin cackle from here

heyyyy you're supposed to love me

I do

I love you and all your gremlin traits

im blocking you and visiting Harry Styles instead

like he would take you in

rude

anyway please call me when you land, I'll be waiting to pick you up anyway

but just in case

ofc baby

get some rest

I love you ❤️

I love you too❤️

ynln

liked by user4, prema_team, olliebearman, and 891,923 others

ynln theres snow-where better than this

tagged zak.osullivan

Logansargent beer in the snow 10/10

Ynln thank you thank you

Olliebearman “I’d take my dirt covered ground over your Royal snow any day” you sure girlie??

Zak.osullivan she’s been swayed

ynln I’m just a girl

Zak.osullivan my snow angel ❤️❤️

ynln ily 🤭🤭

Kimi.antonelli snow angels?? Are you 5

Zak.osullivan our entire yard was filled by her alone

Ynln excuse me, I’m enjoying my youth and I will grow into a happy adult with no regrets

sister_username nice to see you’re having fun without me

Ynln get a hot European bf then we’ll talk

user1 stop I love this

user2 if Y/nZak has no fans I’m dead

Load more

zak.osullivan

liked by Ynln, user43, user32, and 828,992 others

zak.osullivan "I want your midnights"

tagged: ynln

artgp_offical new year, new us!!

ynln "but ill be cleaning up bottles with you on New Years Day" ❤️

Zak.osullivan ❤️

Ynln HOT DAYUM

ynln boy do i know how to take a photo 🥵

Ynln I can cook and clean

zak.osullivan no you can’t

Ynln I can bark

Zak.osullivan please don’t I believe you

user1 Y/n is a prime example of the duality of man

user2 she said what were all thinking

user3 this is so Y/n coded

user4 oh he def had help with this post

user5 thank you Y/n for the middle pic

Load more

ynln posted 2 stories!

caption: (1) 🎶 New Years Day by Taylor Swift (2) New year, minimal headache

Replies

Zak.osullivan

Well hello

Didn’t expect to see my abs and underwear on your public story but here we are

let me show the people what they lost

How about you celebrate that win instead of dm-ing while laying next to me

sister_username

now I have to bleach my eyes

what better way to start the new year than with new vision

could've still done without your bf's stomach but ok

you'll live 😘😘

ynln

liked by user1, paularon_, user43, and 918,929 others

ynln shes back and ready to show these Europeans how its done

tagged no one

user1 QUEEN 🇺🇸🦅💪

Ynln “salute to me I’m your American queen” T.S

Kimi.antonelli nope

Olliebeaman absolutely not

Zak.osullivan keep dreaming babe

paularon_ id rather die

dinobeganovic I’ll crash myself into the barriers instead thank you

user1 ummm hello???? I didn’t mean to assemble the avengers💀

logansargent f2 grid menace is back 👏👏👏

Ynln gotta show them a good ole ‘merican time

user2 making that smoothie recipe rn

User3 omg update me on how it is!!

Load more

zak.osullivan posted a story!

caption: I was bamboozled into matching

Replies

dinobeganovic

“Bamboozled” sure

Stfu 🙄

Ynln

I can’t believe you put up with it

rest assured I’ll be checking what’s under your sweatshirt from now on

Oh😏

No

I’m blocking you

f2_updates

liked by user3, user8, user32, and 819,929 others

f2_updates: Y/n L/n has won the first grand prix of the season!! Did you enjoy her victory radio as much as we did??

Tagged: no one

User1 PLEASE SHES SO PAINFULLY AMERICAN

user2 never a doubt she’s Logan’s grid kid

user3 at this point I think dating a Brit just eggs her on

User4 not the tik tok audio 💀💀

user5 her engineer is so done with her

Load more

ynln

liked by paularon_, ollliebearman, user82, and 918,929 others

ynln first race back and WE GOT THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER PLAYING! Lets see if we can keep it going 🇺🇸🦅🎆

tagged prema_team

Prema_team perfect season start 🤩🤩

Logansargent OH SAY CAN YOU SEE

Ynln BY THE DAWN’S EARLY LIGHT

Logansargent you were great! Definitely a race to be proud of

Ynln thank you Lo!!!

Zak.Sullivan I’m proud of you love

Ynln ❤️❤️

user1 what is that last photo 💀

Ynln me dramatically blaring Dolly Parton

Load more

Time skip-- a few races

zak.osullivan

liked by ynln, artgp_offical, user3, and 918,929 others

zak.osullivan MONACOOO COME ON 🏆🏆🏆

tagged artgp_offical

Ynln YESSSS SIR

olliebeaman you’ve never sounded more American

Dinobeganovic put this girl in a frat

Logansargent I have to agree…

ynln my own grid dad betrayed me

Ynln THATS HOW WE DO IT

ynln 15 to first??? YOU MAD MAN

Williamsracing we agree 👏👏

User1 get this man in f1

User2 id love to see it

ynln I LOVE YOU❤️❤️❤️❤️

Zak.osullivan I LOVE YOU TOO ❤️❤️❤️❤️

olliebearman congrats man!

dinobeganovic impressive race

paularon_ it was nice to share a podium

Logansargent calm down before you take my seat

Load more

ynln

liked by sister_username, prema_team, user8, and 918,927 others

ynln MCDREAMY oops I mean ZAK GOT P1 IN MONACO!!!! I AM SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (oh and I got p4 yadda yadda…)

tagged: zak.osullivan, prema_team

Zak.osullivan even in my time of victory I lose to Shepard 😔😔

ynln someone had to keep me entertained while I waited for all your media to be done 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Zak.osullivan thank you for all your support!! You raced a wondeful race, congrats on p4

Ynln I love you (but your race was better no need for a pitty congrats)

sister_username congrats Zak!! The Y/n family was cheering you on

ynln this L/n was also cheering you on!!

user2 I love that Y/n and her family were pulling for Zak more than Y/n 💀

user1 ugh we love a supportive gf

User2 God its me again🙏🙏

User3 when is it my turn

Load more

ynln

liked by Oliviarodrigo, liakblock, elvirahallqvist, and 918,928 others

ynln Happy Guts release to those who celebrate! "All American Bitch" will be my personality from this moment forward

tagged: lettiemng, elvirahallqvist, hamdaalqubaisi_offical, liakblock

olivarodrigo wrote it just for you 🫶💜💜

ynln screaming crying throwing up I love you so much

olivarodrigo i literally love you!! My fav driver

user1 girlie just barley made the teenage cut

ynln 19 is still a teen ☝️🤓

paularon_ as if you needed any more reason to be more American

user2 omg this was a group I didn’t know I needed

user4 it seems so random but I love

user3 please give us content🙏🙏🙏

load more

ynln

liked by Zak.osullivan, user1, user3, and 918,829 others

ynln traveling the world with my world 🇪🇸

tagged Zak.osullivan

Olliebearman boo 🍅🍅🍅

Kimi.antonelli 🧀🧀🧀

ynln i can never win with yall

Olliebearman yall 🤠🤠

ynln get out of my comment section

Zak.osullivan I love you

ynln are you sure?? You said no to taking the cat

user1 “my world” I’m crying

user2 as much as i love American menace Y/n i LOVE soft y/n

user3 omg did you name the cat??

ynln ummmm of course, it’s Brick

user3 idk what i expected

Load more

zak.osullivan

liked ynln, dinobeganovic, user43, and 918,892 others

zak.osullivan adventure buddies for life 🤝🤝

tagged ynln

ynln deal 🤝

user1 i love that they both posted a solo pic of the other

user5 top tier photography on both ends

user2 the middle pic 😭😭😭

user4 oh to be looked at the way either of them look at the other

user3 those olives looks good as hell

Load more

ynln posted 2 stories!

Captions: (1) for the record I am NOT happy to be in Silverstone on 4th of July weekend (2) OLIVA YOU HAVE TURNED MY WEEK AROUND

replies

olliebearman

oh no

oh yes

and I thought the 4th was proper punishment for all your terrorizing

queen liv said no💜✨

call it good karma

GOOD KARMA FROM WHAT??

Elvirahallqvrst

im so excited

Me too!! I'm sad we won't get a listening party again

same 😭

hamdaalqubaisi_offical

my pre-race playlist just keeps getting better 😌

fr!!

zak.osullivan

liked by ynln, prema_teams, user4, and 923,029

zak.osullivan best way to end a home race?? his and hers 1-2

tagged: artgp_offical, ynln, prema_team

artgp_offical we agree!!

prema_team couldn't have said it better ourselves

olliebearman id rank that at bloody brilliant 👏🍾

user1 y'all live for a Ferrari 1-2, I live for a ZakY/n 1-2

user2 the "his and hers" has me crying

user3 strong race!! I hope you plenty of family and friends cheering you one

ynln what a race!! I was so nervous you'd overtake me in those last laps

zak.osullivan believe me I tried, if you weren't so damn good at defense

ynln 🤭😘

user4 I know she was just messing around for practice but Y/n looks so good in that blue suit

user5 the best part was she wore that to celebrate Zak's home gp

user4 stop thats so cute

user6 I agree she looks beautiful

user7 prema retire the red rn

load more

ynln

liked by olliebearman, user54, liakblock, and 928,924 others

ynln what better way to celebrate 4th of July than forcing the US national anthem to be played (I love you Zak and im so proud but Brits gotta know their place)

tagged: zak.osullivan, prema_team, artgp_offical

user1 I still cant believe she wore that sweatshirt around Silverstone

user2 see I want to be surprised but honestly im not

logansargent ultimate checkmake! You've made me proud kid

ynln ss this and hang it in the Louve 🥹

zak.osullivan you are incredible!! I'm proud to call you mine

ynln even when you lose

zak.osullivan fuck that im blocking you

olliebearman I despise everything you do

ynln screw me then for getting team points (and congratulating you on p3)

olliebearman the boys dont fw americans

ynln one of your boys fucks an american

olliebearman OK NOW WHERE DID THE PR TRAINING GO???

load more

ynln posted a story!

caption: My new national anthem has dropped!! 🎶 So American by Oliva Rodrigo

replies

zak.osullivan

did we finally find our song??

I think we did babe

dinobeganovic

am I gonna have to see you and Zak be all gushy to this song

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

liakblock

its been on repeat

oh my spotify wrapped is messed up

zak.osullivan

liked by ynln, zak.osullivan, user43, and 923,923 others

zak.osullivan you're just so American

tagged: ynln

ynln screaming crying throwing up

ynln I didnt even ask you to do this

ynln I love you so much

zak.osullivan I love you (and your entire range of emotions)

olliebearman mission success?

zak.osullivan mission success.

ynln wot

user1 the Olivia quote???

user2 I think she knew deep down it was never her and Louis's song

user3 omg imagine Y/n and Zak dancing with Louis at an Oliva concert

user4 Y/n would die happy

load more

ynln

liked by sister_username, user4, user1, and 928,382 others

ynln "he's like a poem I wish I wrote"

tagged: zak.osullivan

user1 omg the 1D phone booth

Ynln I had to make my pilgrimage

Olliebearman glad to see you’re embracing real culture

Ynln a drink cup full of canes sauce IS real culture

user2 stfu I wasn’t prepared to a domestic ass today but where we are

user3 might sleep in traffic fr fr

sister_username if y'all dont get married I will kms

user4 same girl

user5 we got a L/n on our side

ynln oh hello to you too

zak.osullivan no pressure ig

[frvnkcastles]

May I request something where the reader is just spiraling but doesn't shoe it until they're holed up in the bathroom at work (they work at Nelson, Murdock and Page) and Karen calls frank letting him know that the reader needs him. It turns out a really shitty ex came to her work waiting to get the cat they left with the reader back? But the ex can't care for the cat and lives with some aggressive dogs

(Sorry taking some shit from my life, I'd die for my cat Trash can man, plus I went head to head with an aggressive dog in a tiny enclosed path for my old cat (she was 18 at the time and lasted to 20))

MY TRUEST FEELING YET ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: When your ex threatens to take your cat, you’re scared in a way that only Frank can mend.

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, toxic ex, gender neutral reader, language

Word count: 1.5k

Author’s note: You don’t have to be sorry, anon!! This is a safe space for everyone and I’m always so honored to receive requests that are inspired by real life, and it’s my biggest hope that I do justice to them. Lots of hugs to you and your cat!! <3

Panic and terror had been festering inside you for the past hour, growing and expanding and just waiting to explode out of you. You tried to keep your cool, not wanting to freak out at work, but it was proving hard to stay calm and go about your duties like nothing had happened.

Your ex had shown up at the office, demanding to get back the cat you had claimed for yourself after the break-up. You had been happy to cut ties with them, ready to start a new chapter with your cat who had already gotten you through so many lows, but now, they had come back to take away your best friend. Only the thought made you sick, as you knew they couldn’t take care of the cat the way you did, and the only reason they were doing this was most likely to hurt you.

Realistically, you knew Frank would have stood between them and the cat like a brick wall if it came down to it, but you couldn’t stop yourself from overthinking the situation to a point where you couldn’t focus on work at all.

You left your desk and stormed into the bathroom, locking yourself behind the door as you broke into nervous sobs. You leaned against the door and buried your face in your hands as you cried in the pure fear that you’d never see your cat again, not even remotely able to handle the heartbreak that would come with that loss. You couldn’t stop panicking, and the flurry of emotions only gained power while you sobbed into your palms.

Karen was the first to hear you. You were alone at the office with her, and so it didn’t take much for her to figure it out it was you who was weeping in the bathroom. Her alarm bells went off and she rapidly knocked on the door, calling out to you and asking if you were okay — but you couldn’t answer, couldn’t even process what she was saying.

She stayed for a while, attempting to open the door you had locked and knocking over and over again, but when you refused to open up, she did the only thing she could think of. She called Frank.

He frowned at the sight of Karen’s caller ID on his screen, his mind always preparing for the worst, always worried about you. ”Yeah?” he picked up the phone, swallowing hard as he waited for Karen to explain why she was calling, his heart already racing in his chest.

”I—I don’t know what’s going on, they’re locked in the bathroom and won’t stop crying. I’m really worried, Frank”, she elaborated while pacing back and forth in the office. Frank didn’t need to be told anything else, just the information that you were struggling in any way was enough to get him moving.

”I’m on my way. Thanks for lettin’ me know”, he announced before hanging up the phone. You had seemed completely fine when leaving for work that morning, so it worried him deeply that something had happened within the hours you had been gone, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it and help you through whatever was weighing you down.

He drove as fast as he could, and soon enough, he arrived at the office and stomped inside. Karen met him in the hallway and guided him to the bathroom where you were still holed up. Your crying had slowed down to the occasional sniffle, but you were still shaking and scared out of your mind. You were swallowed up by the vicious cycle of your thoughts, convinced that you were going to lose your cat, and it felt like nothing could snap you out of it.

Until you heard Frank’s voice.

”Sweetheart, you in there? Can I come in?” he asked through the door, and blinking away the tears, you pushed yourself off of the wall. You were terrified, but if there was anyone who could bring you back down from that bitter high, it was Frank. He always knew what to say or do, and he always helped you see the good in everything — so, you didn’t hesitate to unlock the door.

You opened up and found Frank standing there with a solemn face, similar to Karen’s worried expression as she stood behind him. The combined concern you had caused made you feel a little embarrassed, but you were still incredibly relieved to see your boyfriend who reached for your shoulder with a comforting hold.

”What’s goin’ on, darlin’? You were really worryin’ me and Karen”, he queried carefully, his lips curved downwards as he observed your face, from the red eyes to the wobbling lips. He had a primal urge to do anything he could to help, and even if he didn’t know the reason behind your tears yet, his fists itched to punch and hit.

”My ex was here. Came demanding to have my cat. I don’t know what they’re gonna do next but I can’t—I can’t lose—”, you began explaining, getting choked up before you could get all the words out, but Frank got the gist of it. He had heard plenty about your ex from you, enough to develop hatred after the way you had been treated, and he most definitely wasn’t going to let anyone take your cat away from you. It had taken some time for him to really learn how to act around a cat and how to get one to like him, but now, he couldn’t imagine the house without your baby.

”Nah, nah, sweetheart, it’s okay”, he assured you, crouching down to your eye level, his hands on your shoulders. ”Hey, no one’s gonna touch that cat as long as I got anythin’ to say ’bout it. Little menace was at home when I left, loungin’ about like owner of the house. The cat’s fine, baby, and I ain’t lettin’ anyone change that”, he swore, meaning every word, and as much was obvious in the grave stare he directed at you.

You sniffled again and gave him a look. ”There’s dogs in the house, too. Aggressive ones. It’s no place for a cat”, you went on, and nodding, Frank hauled you into his arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around you and nuzzled his face into your hair, trying to exude as much comfort as he possibly could.

”I know, baby. But I’m tellin’ ya, that cat is goin’ nowhere. I’ll make sure of it, yeah?” he murmured against you, truly a man on a mission. He was going to protect that cat with all his might, and he had already decided he was going to pay your ex a visit and tell them to back off or face the consequences. He wasn’t playing around when it came to your happiness, and as freaked out as you were, you knew that and trusted him.

”I don’t know what I’d do without you, Frankie”, you sighed into his chest, and chuckling softly, he pulled back enough to drop his forehead onto yours.

”You ain’t ever gon’ have to find out, either. Promise”, he whispered before connecting your lips together, gentle but deep as he kissed you. You closed your eyes and leaned into it, finding so much comfort in the feeling of his mouth against yours, his arms around your waist. Even when he let go, his lips lingered and it was enough to make you smile.

”There you are”, he breathed out at the sight, ”my pretty baby. Would do anything to see that smile.” Heat crept up to your cheeks at the praise and it was hard to feel sad anymore, so reluctantly, you let go of the anxiety. You were still a little worried your ex would show up at your home, but knowing Frank would be at your defense was a massive consolation.

”Hey, I think you should head home. Not much to do around here today, anyway”, Karen chimed in, a kind smile on her lips as she watched you and Frank embrace.

”Yeah, I like the sound of that. Lemme take you home, sweetheart”, Frank agreed, and you didn’t see the point in arguing. Seeing your cat sounded perfect right now, too.

You made your way home, and before you knew it, you were cuddled up on the couch with Frank and your cat. Being in his arms with your baby on your lap was the closest thing to Heaven on earth, and you felt the panic of the day slowly fade into nothingness as you scratched your cat’s chin and enjoyed the sensation of Frank caressing your hair.

”I ain’t ever lettin’ anyone take this away from us. Love you so fuckin’ much, love what we have”, Frank rasped from behind you, his voice tingling in your ear, and your heart melted.

”I love you, too”, you responded, so full of appreciation for the man holding you in his arms. You felt at home with him, more than you ever did with your ex, and you knew that would never change.

And as promised, Frank stopped by your ex’s house with a warning mixed with a threat, and you no longer had to even imagine saying goodbye to your cat.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 26 - Harry

@wolfstarmicrofic September 26, word count 524

Previous part First Wolfstar part

Two days, they waited. They wanted Voldemort mad. They wanted him not thinking clearly. It probably wouldn’t work, but it was all they had.

They apparated to the edge of the old forest behind Fenrir’s camp in a big open field in the late afternoon and got to work. 

A few hours later, James led Peter to the grassy area. 

“Call him,” He told Peter. The cowering man raised his right hand, with James still holding on tightly, and pressed his wand to the dark mark. 

They waited with bated breath until an almighty crack rang out, and Voldemort appeared alone in the centre of the field. 

“Ah, so you figured out Wormtail’s little secret?” He said once he’d surveyed the area. His high, raspy voice was somehow easily heard, though he spoke quietly. 

It was almost dark now, the light barely illuminating the gathered group. Sirius, Remus and James stood shoulder to shoulder with Peter at their feet. “Lord Black and his little lackeys. You’ve caused me a great deal of trouble killing Fenrir, you know. My death eaters have had to pick up the slack. They would like very much to have the opportunity to share their grievances with you,” Voldemort moved his mouth in that odd way that meant he was trying to smile. Sirius rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, I’m sure they would,” Sirius barked out a laugh.  Voldemort narrowed his red eyes at them. 

“It’s such a shame that your traitorous brother couldn’t be here to watch you die, but he got in my way and, unfortunately… Well, you can guess,” Voldemort cackled. Sirius folded his arms and crooked a brow.

“Oh really?” He said, standing aside and revealing Regulus behind him. 

“Hello, Tom,” Regulus smirked. “Say your goodbyes as you won’t be leaving here tonight. 

“YOU!!!!” Voldemort hissed furiously, spit flying from his lipless mouth. He then spun on the spot. Sirius had to hold back his laughter at the ridiculous pirouette. 

While Voldemort had been waffling on, Regulus had cast an antiappartiion charm over the entire area. Voldemort straightened up and raised his wand, preparing to duel. Sirius cracked his neck; it was nearly time. “Do you truly believe the three of you could possibly be a match for the great Lord Voldemort?! You would need an army to even make a dent,” He scoffed. Sirius and Remus dropped to the ground.

“Well, it’s a good job I brought one then,” Regulus taunted as James grabbed his hand and Peters. Regulus dug in his pocket and pulled out the muggle ID that the camper had dropped, Harry Felds apparently, and held it tightly. In the blink of an eye, they were gone. Remus had turned it into a Portkey, transporting them safely back to their camp. 

Voldemort turned to the remaining wizards only to find them replaced with their enormous wolves, the moonlight reflecting in their eyes. 

“ATTACK!!!” Sirius shouted down the link to every single member of the pack, hidden just inside the tree line. The concealment spells fell, and twenty werewolves, including Sirius and Remus, charged towards Voldemort. The so-called Dark Lord didn’t stand a chance.

Next part

[orange-orchard-system]

Got a hate ask on my other blog (funnier-as-a-system) today. I'm not gonna respond to it directly, but I'm gonna go over it fully just as an example of why I don't take anti-endos or sysmeds seriously and find them to be just bullying assholes who don't know what they're talking about. Apologies for the rare discourse post, but I felt it would be useful to have a personal example I can point to if I ever get any more asks than I already have about why I block anti-endos and sysmeds and don't want them on my blogs.

[ID: A screenshot of an anonymous ask, which reads: ""Systems" aren't real. Please stop being ableist against people with DID and our struggles. Pretending to be one of us while simultaneously mocking us makes you look like a piece of shit. Also, DID isn't fucking funny, you're just cruel and ableist. Go see a psychiatrist, get your personality disorders and Munchausens taken care of, and stop pretending to have DID when you don't. We don't need you, our community is better off without teenagers faking DID as a meme. To be honest, I wish you and literally everyone like you were more likely to kill yourself as someone with a real mental illness, because you don't deserve to be alive if this is what you're doing with your life. You're just a delusional bully and neo-nazi" ./ end ID]

Starting from the top, apparently anyone with DID who's ever described themselves as a system is faking now. Nevermind that it's been a term in psychology and the community for decades now! All systems are fake!

I have DID. I've said as much many times. Not that I think this person would consider this a counterargument, but I feel it deserves restating considering a fair amount of my posts are specifically about my DID and managing the symptoms of it.

If I want to find humor in my own disorder, I'm going to. I'm not going to resign myself to misery and self-hate just to please some randos on the Internet. I crawled my way out of the pit of self-hate and am not just gonna jump in there again just to avoid a couple asks and assholes. And I'd make a point here about systems that don't come from trauma or aren't disordered, but what's the point of that when they think literally all systems are fake?

Ohoho! Disableism towards other mental disorders! Isn't the irony sweet?

Not to toot my own horn, but I just love the lack of awareness when it comes to "we don't need you." No, I guess you don't need me... but you'll be going without the work I've done both online and offline to teach people about dissociation and plurality. Not to mention the terms I've coined that make people feel seen, the experiences I've talked about that make people feel less alone, the building of spaces to let others talk about their own problems and experiences, and the general promotion I've done of plural representation in media. No, you don't need me, but I've been doing work to assist the DID and wider plural communities for years now. And what have you been doing? Sending hate asks to people with DID for being too happy?

I'm an adult. I've mentioned before that I go to university and have a job. Seems like even online, I can't escape the assumption that I'm a teenager, smh. Also, I'm much more worried about the teenagers you might be sending this to than any kind of unquantifiable harm a couple teenagers faking DID could do, considering how clearly you wish to do harm with your words. Especially considering the next few sentences...

Oh, so we're just moving onto blatant suicide baiting and admitting you want systems to die. Got it. Totally not a bigot, right.

Wait... "Real mental illnesses"? Didn't you just accuse me of having several earlier? Or do personality disorders and Munchausen Syndrome not count? (Also, do they think being suicidal is a requirement to be mentally ill? They know not all disorders or presentations of disorders involve suicidality, right?)

Well, you got the delusional part right (which, side note, do you think it's impossible for people to have both DID and psychosis? Big yikes even if no, but that's what these asks always seem to imply), but I think this post might be the closest anyone can call "bullying", considering I'm not giving you an opportunity to respond as I tear down your argument. But maybe the definition of peer abuse changed to *checks notes* running a blog talking about plurality in a positive manner since I last checked.

These people do know what a Neo-Nazi is, right? They know what a Nazi is? Because it feels like people just use it as a stand-in for "general asshole" when it means a specific sort of ideology and bigotry. Ironic that they'd be so pissed about "mockery" and treating serious topics "as a meme", but then they go and misuse a term for a very dangerous kind of ideology and person.

Alright, I think I got that out of my system. Please be careful out there, guys! It feels like the number of hate asks I've seen people get has been going up. I'm in a stable enough place to make a demonstration out of this, but don't push yourself to have a snappy comeback or write essays responding to these assholes if you don't think you're up for it. Hell, I rarely write things like this myself, I just chose this ask to respond to because it was such a clear example of how hypocritical and foolish this particular brand of assholes is that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to break it down.

[antebunny]

So there's a subgenre of fics in the Harry Potter fandom wherein a person conceived while one of their parents is under the influence of a love potion will become aroace at birth. The origin, afaik, are two insidiously awful decisions of JKR combining: 1) she reinvented date rape drugs/roofies aka love potions, without realizing it I guess, and 2) she said that Voldemort was asexual, because she's never seen a marginalized identity she didn't spit on.

Since Merope Gaunt (Voldemort's mother) used a love potion on Tom Riddle Sr. (Voldemort's dad) I guess people got the idea that what if love potions caused asexuality? And asexuality + aromanticism, of course, meant evil. Here's an excerpt from one of those fics in which Bill Weasley explains being aro/ace to Hermione:

[Image ID]

"No. I just dated because that was what you did. I never really felt anything for them. A few kisses, plenty of hand-holding. I made out in a few broom closets, and had one very uncomfortable make-out session up the top of the Astronomy Tower that I eventually ended by pretending I heard Filch coming past on a patrol. I even tried making out with a guy once in case that was it–nothing. I never told mum about that, of course. Good wizards don't shame their families like that."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know."

He shrugged. "It doesn't apply to me anyway. I'm not gay. I wasn't anything, and I was trying to accept that and be content with it. It was good enough. Until I met Fleur." His eyes lit up with joy as he spoke about her.

[Second Image ID]

"Look, the point is with her allure from being part-Veela, I love her. Like I can never love anyone else. I don't want to lose that. You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else. I've dated people I said I cared for, but I wouldn't have died for them. Well, out of logical choice I might risk my life, but not from love. But I would die for Fleur. Do you understand? She makes me a better person. I would do anything to make her happy. I'm not alone in the world anymore."

She nodded slowly. "I see." It wasn't so much him manipulating Fleur, as him permitting her to manipulate him. Into feeling. "I didn't realise it could be that bad." She still thought he should confess, but it didn't sound like he was hurting Fleur–he really did love her.

[End Image ID]

I read this fic years ago, and at the time I genuinely had not thought about my sexuality at all. I would've never called myself aro or ace. Still, reading this felt like being repeatedly punched in the face. I kept on waiting for Hermione to say something similar to what she said after Bill made a homophobic comment. After all, she went out of her way the first time, didn't she. Instead, what I got was essentially:

Bill: I don't usually feel romantic or sexual attraction. So there's something wrong with me.

Hermione: Yeah lmao. But there's nothing wrong with being gay!

I've been (reading) on Ao3 since 2016, and in all that time I've seen plenty of subtle racism, sexism, etc. But I've never seen anything as plainly stated as this. To this day I have yet to hear any aro/ace people describe the experience of being aro/ace in any of the following ways: "How could I forgive myself if we brought a child into the world to suffer the emptiness I lived with my whole existence[?]" /"You should be unable to love." / "You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else."

I could not understand why Bill described it as "emptiness" or "feeling nothing." I still cannot find a single aro/ace person who would describe themselves as empty. The most I have ever heard is: "I wish I was normal" (meaning I wish I fit in, I wish to be accepted by other people). Historically, many aro/ace people married and had kids, conforming to societal norms, and I am sure many believed there was something wrong with them or hoped to grow out of it. I was one of them. On a very personal note, I suspect that my father is too. I am certain that he's never heard the terms asexual or aromantic in his life. But if you think I'll ever discuss his sexuality with him, you're out of your damn mind.

Now, I know it's really easy to find this fic from these quotes. I chose to include them anyways because I think it's important to show how blatant it was. My Tumblr blog isn't exactly a platform, but for the five people reading this: please, please do not go after the author. I truly believe that they had no ill-intent. In the comments of this fic, a few people bring up variations of "it sounds like Bill is just aro/ace" and the author is consistently understanding. Here are some of the author's comment on that fic:

[Image ID]

I very much understand what you're saying. It's a tricky thing for me to address, however. For the core idea I'm playing with is basically the evilness of "love potions". And part of that is exploring JKR's idea that Voldemort, being unable to love due to his mother using a love potion on his father, was a *monster* because of that. Perhaps that doesn't come across very clearly (there's a little bit more of it in the prequel), that it's one of the assumptions I'm trying to undermine. ("Love potions are funny/romantic", "Voldemort is a monster because he could not love", "Harry's power was that he could love - he's not a monster like Voldemort", "There's nothing wrong with selling love potions to teens/adults because it's not 'real' love".)

I feel like I'm already poking at the inherent problem of framing "people who cannot love" as "monsters/psychopaths" by showing Bill and Harry's struggles with self acceptance, and Bill finding a way to love (though do note he'd been making peace with the idea he wasn't attracted to anyone, prior to meeting Fleur). I really don't like the canonical take on love-redeems/love-is-the-best-power/the-loveless-are-monsters, so I'm messing with it a bit. Exploring other people than Voldemort, ones we admire, who are also dealing with being unable to love. Does that make sense? Now, that doesn't mean I'm doing a perfect job at it, but I'm trying my best to explore that theme around the edges of my Dramione story.

[End Image ID]

The author's intention was to show how other characters, made aro/ace via love potion like Voldemort, were not evil or sociopaths. I don't know why all the characters were so aro/acephobic, but sometimes fics get away from you and you don't address everything you wanted to. I don't know why the aro/ace characters had so much internalized shame and hatred when the term bachelor has been in use for centuries, but we fanfic authors love writing self-esteem issues and I would be a hypocrite to say otherwise. I don't know why the author never tagged acephobia or internalized acephobia, but no one HAS to tag anything.

I don't know if the author ended up writing that fic where Harry comes to accept his aro/asexuality. It's totally understable if they didn't; I have failed to write many fics that I really did want to write. Sometimes it's just like that. I really, truly believe that the author had the best of intentions and is not aro/acephobic, just severely misled on what that experience is like.

My beef is not with this author. I used their words to highlight a reoccurring and popular sentiment that I hate. My real beef is that this fic is popular. This is an entire subgenre of Harry Potter fics. I actually decided to write this post because some random person on the internet said, a few days ago, something along the lines of: "Remember when JKR invented a date rape drug that turned people into sociopaths? Yeah…" (And also because I was up until 3 am last night writing a dumb trash angst one-shot about it).

I'd wager that the vast, vast majority of people who write or read those fics don't feel the same way. But the condescension is baked into the very premise of that trope. "Oh poor you, it must be so hard, so lonely going through life without ever loving another person. You must feel so empty inside."

It's actually people who say similar things that make me feel isolated. Most of the time I feel free, like I've cracked this secret code, like I'm able to see things clearly that people so hung up over sex and romance can't. Other times I feel so left out I wish I was "normal." Mostly, being aro/ace is lonely, annoying, exhausting, and liberating.

It wasn't until last year that a friend told me that some people actually do have trouble speaking to someone they've never met before, just because they find that someone attractive. I thought that only happened in stories. But I don't want to get nervous meeting new people based on their looks, I don't want to treat people differently based on how much I want to have sex with them. I wish my friends in high school had never pressured me to come out as bisexual. I wish all the other similarly liberal, queer communities I've found since didn't insist on associating sex and dating with emotional comfort. I wish I could magically stop my parents from expecting me to ever get married and have kids.

But I can't.

Anyways, that's it for today. I'm not sure what the point of writing this was. I really don't want anyone to get hurt or attacked because of it. This is not a callout, or a hate brigade, or any sort of call-to-action. I don't want people to get up-in-arms about this. I'm just tired. I suppose I just wanted to put my feelings out there, and well, this is my Tumblr.

[magnuscomedybracket]

Round 2 Match 11

131 Flesh vs. 075 A Long Way Down

Propaganda under the cut!

131 Flesh

so the episode starts with jonathan IDIOT sims of the FUCKERY INSTITUTE deciding you know... to get into the torture coffin i need to have a connection up here on the surface so i can find my way out... so, obviously, youre like awwwhh is this the moment he realizes he needs martin and saves him from the lonelt❤️❤️❤️ does he have a heartwarming connection w his coworkers and realize he needs his friends and cant just do everything alone❤️❤️❤️ and then that fool, that absolute bastard, that CIRCUS of a MAN goes. i nees physical pain AND THEN TRIES TO CHOP HIS FINGER OFF FOR FIVE MINUTES WHILE THE EYES GOIN hey ! hey stop ! hey ahahhaha stop what are you doing hey ahahah you need your finger hey stop doing that !! and regeneratjng his finger and then goes damn this wont work... IM GOING TO REMOVE ONE OF MY RIBS ! :D and then he goes to find JARED BONETURNER HOPWORTJ who yk has KILLED PEOPLE which helen just had IN HER DOORS, YK, FOR FUNZIEZ !! ands like heeey can u remove my rib bbggg hahahahaha ;] and even JAREDS like what the Fuck. then sure ! if u let me out of the DOORS ! then jons like hey btw :3 can i have ur statement :3 and jareds like yah sure if u give me another rib, and jon, jonathan fucking sims. AGREES ! that is like the equivalent of tradinf a rib for a burrito. so jared gives jon his statement and. SURPRISE ! its shit and unhelpful. and now jon has two less ribs, THEN jareds likd yoooo ur rib feels weird as hell and then helen promptly dumps jared into the nearest river. and rhe entire timd tou cannot make out SHIT of what jareds saying i wouldnt be surprised if you told me that guy was speaking in TONGUES. but oh wait ! it gets better ! elias fuckdd up and thd apocalypse wouldve at LEAST been delayed if jon DIDNT take his ribs out. BUT OH WAIT ! IT GETS EVEN BETTER ! later in the gardner jareds like hey ur ribs weird take it back i dont want if anymore it feels weird and then jon fucking smitss him [why the fuck does his rib feel weird btw..does hd have rib eyes? would that mean hd has eyes on all his bones? organs too??? id likd to think so.] *bows* thank you ! thank you !

075 A Long Way Down

dude happens to see the same guy in a couple of bad instances and decides he must die? it's so silly like he's only going off the feeling that mike had something to do with his brother (he did, he's right of course, but it's SO silly like "you'll die for staring at me")

[bobbinalong]

I assume Steph never temporarily "dies" in the "keeps the baby AU" but does she ever become Robin? I figure it goes way differently if it does happen cause her relationship with Tim and Bruce is way different but id be interested in knowing what you're thinking about that arc

I have actually been thinking about how I wanna deal with Steph's continued vigilante-ing in this AU, because, like. Ya can't just leave a baby alone. But I also can't see her giving it up completely. For the first few months I think it'd mostly be a lot of "Mom, I'm going out with Tim, can you watch Allie for a few hours?" and she does go out with Tim, just, well, as Spoiler.

For the Robin thing I'd have to re-read that arc properly, which I do not currently have the brainpower to do, but I did go over the wiki, and I'd think there'd just be. Less drama around everything? If Jack finds out Tim's Robin in this AU, I think Tim might suggest Steph to Bruce himself as a replacement. They're more secure in their relationship; Tim revealed his identity himself, he spends a lot of time at the Browns and their parents know each other. He's basically step-parenting her kid, not that he's fully aware of that yet.

I also kinda like the idea of a dual-Robin situation? Like, Steph still wants to be a vigilante but she's also very aware of the dangers that brings with it, much more so now than before she became a mom, and Tim's like, maybe you should go out with Batman and me more, then, not fly solo as much. And she's like, it's Batman and Robin, not Batman and Robin and Spoiler, and he goes I'll put in a good word for you, and from there things just fall into place. Batman and Robin (lucky break) and Robin (picked up from the street). Bruce is ecstatic (not).

And she definitely doesn't die in this AU. For one because War Games sucks, for another because while she is still a teenager and she does still stupid and impulsive shit, she is not risking her life for Batman's approval. As much as she'd maybe want to. Again, there's a baby waiting for her at home.

And those are all my thoughts for now, but feel always free to send me more asks.

[caleblandrybones]

Something that has been bugging me. Yes, Manuel is an honest man, but that does not mean that he is a good one. He is also very naive if he thinks going to the police would do him or Nacho any good. And no, I don’t blame him for not preventing Nacho from getting in the game, but one could… 

He waited outside the house for a bit once the man to arrived and entered before he slid out of his car and walked towards the door. Opening it was childsplay and he found Varga Senior in the kitchen, sitting at the table with some pre-cooked meal, it was pitiful. The whole situation was just sad. But Salamancas did not do sad and he was here to set the record straight so he could move one. No, so they could move one.

As expected the old man started to protest and threaten with the police, and wasn’t that just a running theme? But showing off the gun tucked away in Lalo’s waistband sufficed to make him shut up, and sit down.

Lalo sat down and watched him for a moment, the stubborn expression that was so often mirrored on Nachitos face, then he took out the fake ID he took from his beloved safe and placed it on the table. The reaction was instant “I won’t run…” “Si, si, si I know,” Lalo interrupted him, “You are an honorable and stupid man.” Manuel huffed in indignation and Lalo leaned forwards on the table to look at the man's face “You don’t think you’re stupid? Hm?” The cold glare that earned him shot a spart of fondness through his chest, yeah that was where his cariño got that from, so cute. “See,” he sprawled back again, “I think you are either stupid, or very misinformed. And I want to know which it is. So you will have” he waved his hand at the cooling plate “whatever that is, and we will talk, and then I will leave. All very civilized, entendido?” not expecting an answer he went on “See your son loves you very much, but I’m not sure you love him, since all you ever tell him is to die. Ah ah ah, “ he stopped Manuel’s protest in its tracks “Civilized, remember? Don’t be rude, I am talking now, you’ll get your turn.”

He picked up the ID off the table and looked at it for a moment before leaning back in the chair “Now where was I? Ah yes, wondering why you want Ignatio to die, or maybe you don’t, maybe you think he is such a chingon? That all he needs is to go to la tira tell them all he knows and they can take down the entiiiiire” he spreads his arms to emphasize the word “cartel. You think that, hm? You think he knows so much that the DEA and the federales can just arrest and convict every single cartel member, eh? No? Hm?” he picked up the ID again turning it between his fingers.”No, I don’t think so. Which only leaves stupid you see. What do you think would happen if he followed your advice? He goes in, they arrest him. He can give them some of the ground operations, my cousin, yes but, hell, he can’t even give them all of Albuquerque! He can’t give them enough for witness protection,” he leans forward again lowering his voice “He can give them just enough to piss the cartel off. And what then?” Hm?.” He sits back and lets the silence that fills the room speak for itself for a while. The now cold food looked even worse than before. Slowly he took a knife from his pocket and slid it open. “I can tell you what, first they would someone here. Someone mean and creative, some who took their time and then some pictures.” he starts to clean his nails with the knife, “And then they would send those to poor Nachito, all locked up and alone. You think they could not get to him inside? You think those pigs would protect him?” his spits a bitter laugh “They couldn’t and they wouldn’t. Your son would sit there with pictures of his bloodied and broken Papa, and they would leave him alive for just long enough for the pain to really sink in. And then someone would shiv him, probably in a bathroom. Spill his blood before he can even appear in court to give his statement. That, “ he points the knife at the older man ”is what it means to be an honest man in this life.”

Manuel remains stoic, a copy of his son then finds his voice “That is the life he chose.”

“But you didn’t stop him, isn’t that what a good honest man would have done?”

“He is a man grow.” the old man insists “He was only sixteen when we got him.” Lalo slimes serenely as he drops that bomb, watching the fight drain out of Varga Senior and being replaced by shock. “Wasn’t he still your responsibility back then? Yours to make a good and honest man out of him? Hm?” There was no answer and he didn’t expect one, he plucked the ID from the table and leaned forward. “An honest man would go to the policia but a good man, a good man would see the pain and despair in his son's face and he would go with him. But you didn’t, so here is what will happen. I will make Ignatio a deal, you will be safe and he will be mine.” he smiled waiting if the old man would say something. Nothing came so he cut a strip off the ID “He will be mine to take care of and protect” another cut “and you will be a thing of the past “and another cut “left behind for your own safety” and yet another cut “and most importantly for mi cariños peace of mind. He does not need your petty judgment, the postering of a man who could not keep his own son save when it counted and would not sacrifice his precious pride when his son begged.” he finished cutting and put the knife away.

“Don’t look so gloom suegro!” he pushed himself off the chair and stepped behind Manuel, placing his hands on the man's shoulder and leaning down “I’ll take of our Nachito, he will want for nothing, I promise.” he moved to leave the house but stopped and turned around at the door “You had your chance, now I’ll have mine, don’t mess this up for me papa. It would break Ignacio’s heart if anything would happen to you but there are always accidents, eh?”

He left with a pep in his step, he’ll cook something special tomorrow, offer his father's safety to Nachito and enjoy his gratitude. Something to look forward to.

ANON IM SORRY. I'm sorry I've let this one sit for so long. oh my god. meeting the parents gone terribly wrong

[born-to-riot]

My precious gremlin, what a change it would be for you to shackle me instead! Your yappage does indeed spark joy, so I’m looking forward to the reveal and you can have me any way you want me!

Your taste in pairings are very much aligned with my own. Thank you for spilling them all out for me, it does wonders in helping me flesh out a piece that you will enjoy this solstice.

1. My characters are sluts, so I enjoy a wide range of ships, but none of them will find an easy journey to their happy ending. Azriel/Cassian, Azriel/Eris/Cassian, Azriel/Lucien, Azriel/Lucien/Elain, Azriel/Helion, Eris/Tamlin, Eris/Nesta, Eris & Elain, Helion/Lady of Autumn, Helion/everyone everywhere all at once, Lucien/Elain, Lucien/Vassa/Jurian, Elain/Band of Exiles, Lucien/Rhysand, Lucien/Tamlin, Lucien/Andras, Lucien/Tamlin/Andras, Tamlin/Rhysand, Feyre/Tamlin/Rhysand, and Lucien/happiness will all scratch an itch for me.

2. I have NOT listened to EPIC the Musical, though I assume you would highly recommend it. I’ll look it up so that I can really know what you like. What do you enjoy about it?

3. I love writing enemies to lovers, forbidden romance, happily never after, sad smut, pining, hurt/comfort, secret mating bond, unwanted mating bond, jealousy, possessiveness, protectiveness, and whump.

4. I would need to have Lucien with me if I were stranded on a deserted island. We could hunt, fish, forage, and fuck. He’d be able to provide fire and light in the dark, and he can heal. He’s a survivor.

From my understanding, you would agree with me on my answers. We are definitely a match made by the Mother (thank you, mods)!

-🎅🏼

hello my delicious Santa! I have to say your message came at a perfect time, it brought light into my day, brought wind into my sails, and brought wetness to my folds (jk... unless) (jkjk don't take me seriously) (but...you did say I could have you any way I wanted you) (ok now I'll move on)

While we've not yet had much time together, I've already decided I would ride or die for you based on pure vibes alone

I'm sure I would enjoy anything you have in mind, to be honest, I can't wait to see what your evil genius lends you! (TBH I'm surprised you've made sense of anything I have said as I have no idea what I want so kudos for that)

NOW YAYYYYY you answered my questions (which thanks for doing, you didn't have to). I tried not to ask anything damning because tbh I love a good surprise. Also you're doing a great job as I literally have no idea who you are (BUT I LOVE YOU)

oh right your answers to my questions

I love how wide your range is, faes are immortal of course they are sluts. I'll have to ask you after the reveal to rec me some pics as I admit I haven't ventured too far outside of Azris (I just LOVE them so much). Also what good is a story without any pain (don't get me wrong fluff is GREAT) but when you have characters that are so damaged and complex, there's part of me that likes to watch them break and build back up stronger. true love isn't easy

also HELION EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE is the most VALID SHIP IVE EVER SEEN

2. I do recommend it. I am and have always been a mythology fan (thank the anaeid, the oddesy, rick riordan and 6th-8th grade latin class) (fun fact: I am terrible at spelling and my autocorrect hates me). EPIC is a musical detailing a version of events of Odysseus' journey back home after the Trojan war (I think) (basically it's a musical version of the Odyssey). AND THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD, I just love the continuity with obvious themes (such as ruthlessness is mercy, sometimes you have to be cruel for the greater good, etc) and the underlying musical motifs (each character is represented by their own instrument, with the gods and monsters/magical beings having a more electronic sound compared to mortals) and ITS CONSISTENT. so long story short, if you like mythology and good music ID HIGHLY RECOMMEND. I also am by no means an expert on this musical as I have discovered it only a little over a month ago but it's just GOOD. Basically, I find details and continuity sexy.

3. I see by all your writing preferences that our TASTES OUR QUITE SIMILAR. Incase you couldn't tell, I have ADHD and so specifically the secret mating bond and happily never after made me thing of this one idea for a Beron/helion fic I wrote down a while ago. I don't think I'll ever write it but I figure I might as well share the idea with you since you seem to enjoy that type of thing: Okay so what if Beron and Helion were mates once upon a time and they never accepted the bond because of duties or something (I mean we thought Beron was bad imagine Beron’s father) but the two still did stuff right but then they love each other but they don’t enough to run away from their imminent duties as heirs so they don’t outright reject it until one of them is about to become heir right (I know the magic doesn’t work like that like they wouldn’t be able to tell but maybe it’s during a war and they’re like there’s a possibility that one of their fathers would die blah blah blah so they do it then and they can let the pain of rejection fuel their fighting in the war) and do then Beron becomes high lord and eventually Helion becomes high lord (we’re ignoring the age thjn) but then beron gets engaged to the lady of Autumn (political marriage) and like Helion and Beron meet up one last time the night before the wedding, bittersweet. But the day of the wedding, Helion is surprised because he feels another mating bond snap and when be looks at the altar he sees that it’s not to Beron but to his new wife. He is so thrown off and flooded with guilt but eventually Helion’s happy that the mother has given him another chance at love but he feels so guilty because what are the chances? And Beron? Oh poor guy he’s always smarter than people give him credit for and he knows Lucien isn’t his, he knows Helion’s features intimately, he misses them dearly and he grows bitter and hateful that his wife gets to be mates with the man he had to give up for his duty. In fact he’s so upset it drives him mad and cruel and that’s how he turns into a monster. And Helion hates him too, he hates the man that Beron has become because he knew that deep down inside there was once a good man in there and Helion had to live with the fact that it was definitely his fault in part that the evil part of Beron took over. I don’t think I’ll ever write this specific Helion/beron fic, but if I did I’d end with Helion thinking about how he hopes that once Beron passes the mother will forgive him and take away the rot in his soul planted by Helion. Maybe she would allow him to be the person he could have been, the person he would have been had Helion not fucked everything up.

idk, kind of tragic but the notion of "what makes Beron into Beron" is always a query I'm willing to ponder

4. FINALLY, question 4. LUCIEN IS AN EXCELLENT CHOICE (I know you asked me before about what other characters I'd like to be featured, so just so we're clear, LUCIEN IS WELCOME AND WANTED). I have to admit though, in regards to the deserted island, the slut in me wants Tarquin by my side. Though I'd go to Lucien's island as well

ANYWAY I feel like I've yapped long enough. Thank god my yap page brings you entertainment.

Always a pleasure to hear from you my devout Santa!

Look forward to next time!!!!

(hope you had fun with the questions)

[tendermiasma]

Do you have any lore/ story character moments or anything to say about Ariel you’d be willing to share? Your art and little revealing bits about him and your elden ring journey have me so interested Id love to know more about the sad charming wizard im very chin on hands while i kick my legs 👀 about him. Also thank you for introducing the big brain morgott x tarnished ship to me and a big hell yeah to your gay demon god (mogh) x tarnished art can i get a hell yeah

Not me crouching like a goblin just behind the door waiting for someone to ask about him, I'm so insanely touched that you're that interested in him- he actually has quite a history that he's grown to try to live in spite of. Both of Ariel's parents were Haima Conspectus scholars and his father was killed in combat when Ariel was still a child. He was old enough to know it would be just the two of them from now on, but too young to understand the alchemy that turned his mother's grief to resentment and anger towards him. She tried to mold him in his father's image-- replace him, make him succeed where he failed, the most violent kind of mourning. Although obedient, Ariel was sensitive and quiet and fell apart under her hand instead of hardening into the iron will she wanted; he couldn't understand why this made him feel even more hated, mocked, even more of a bad child. Their house, while never a warm one, was as cold as death. She found Ariel hiding out, feeding dragonflies sugar water from a spoon when she told him he would attend school and enlist or she would no longer be his mother. He was nine years old.

Ariel loved his mother.

Just like the kids back in Sellia, the students at Raya Lucaria could smell blood before they'd even spilled it, only made worse with the advantage of extra years spent sharpening themselves seemingly for this purpose. Ariel was an ungainly sum of contradictions-- a soldier's cut, a clear declaration of the intent to pursue Haima and distinguish oneself on the battlefield, but instead it hung limply about his ears and eyes that refused to meet anyone else's; Quite proficient in spellcraft but would tremble to the point of being disdainfully dismissed during training; A build that would have been formidable but turned awkward by robes that were too small and a habit of hunching in the hopes that maybe could make himself disappear, or at least be left alone. To his dismay, this had the opposite effect.

He spent all the time he could in his room, away from the rest of the students. It was there, from night to morning, that he could study not Haima, but the stars. He was desperately trying to prove that he could become valuable and earn her love doing something else that wasn't killing if he became really, really good at it. Whatever it took would be worth it a thousand times over. He kept chopping his hair, out of habit or obedience, for a while longer. Guilt and dread welled in him when it brushed his jaw, then the tops of his shoulders. Ariel hadn't slept in two days, but this was normal. Sunken eyes blinked unevenly back at him in the mirror. He had to succeed, or die.

And then the sky stopped for him. It was his only salvation, and it was gone. The one thing that justified his existence, gone.

One morning his room would sit empty, articles neatly folded on the bed. Without knowing him, it looked like no one had ever been there. But for Ariel, it was a kind of goodbye. One that didn't take up too much space. One that said, "I'm sorry."

It's hard to say how long he wandered or under what roof he slept, or how many of those nights saw him sleepless and staring at the night sky that shunned him. An unyielding judge. Ariel began to understand his sentence.

When the sorcerer approached Ariel with a proposition he still refused, shaking with fear. Some days later, he would see him at his door, red eyes and a sort of resignation; not peaceful, but accepting. He would aid him in assembling the graven mass, but with the promise that he would leave a space for Ariel.

Constructing a graven mass is a lengthy and harrowing process. The bodies must be living since they're acting as the "core" of the star and are all connected together to share that same force and strengthen the core as a conductor for the primeval current to flow through. They would not be able to survive apart again.

What Ariel had been taught all his life was coalescing before him, that moral sacrifices must be made, and if his body was the only thing of value he could give when the rest of him proved to be worth nothing, then he would give it. So he allowed himself to be given the draught of sedation and slowly fused to the mass of bodies.

He knew the deep twilight the potion brought wouldn't last long. Full consciousness and full power of thought was needed for these stars to receive; he awoke a prisoner in his own body, unable to move or speak, the magic and corporeal material of twelve other sorcerers pulsing through him, and he was no longer himself. Fission was taking place and they writhed wordlessly in the exposure of the Primeval Current. He wanted to scream.

It felt like pain, but in a way pain can't be fully described. It entered his eyes and mouth and ears and expanded into the farthest reaches of the universe inside of him, and then pulled him down into its depths. He felt like he was falling in all directions at once at great velocity, cosmic radiation searing his flesh from his bones, his breath crushed from him in the whorls of a black hole. He saw the birth and death of stars. He was torn apart by the astral macrocosm while his body decayed. The entire mass was decaying and growing unstable. It was uncontained and something was wrong.

The astrologer was instantly consumed in the flare that burst from the star-seed he attempted to create. The others perished along with it. It had failed.

Then Ariel, left alone on the dead core, the material of twelve other lifeless bodies continuing to feed their viscera through him, left to rot in the Current.

The magic of the draught slowly seeped away. Moving inch by inch, night by night, Ariel's fingers at last wrapped themselves weakly around one of the tubes embedded in his neck. It was the very last of himself he had to give. The star went dark.

He found himself waking to the call of Grace. 

He rose and walked along the shore, not seeing, not really feeling. It was a deep, empty despair. He had enabled the suffering of others and that could never be forgiven. This is what it meant for him to exist-- the suffering of others. If he could give one thing back, not for hope of redemption, but doing one small goodness for the world, anonymous and forgotten, he wanted it more than anything. 

For days he sat on the beach, towards the wide sea and the fog, where the ships first bore him to the Lands Between. He sat with the waves making his shoes damp and crusted with salt, carving a small blade, a glintstone in the sand beside him. It was dull and tired-looking, but it would be okay. He was slow. His hands accumulated cuts and the blade was crooked. He didn't know how to do this very well. He'd never tried. Thankfully it didn't need to be beautiful.

When he was finished, he knelt in the sand and pressed the glintstone to his chest, and the knife he pressed into his heart beside. If he could give that one small goodness, his meager soul might serve someone better than he could, lying on the shore where the ships came, across the fog, across the wide and sparkling sea.

The tides had changed when he woke. Gentle ripples of seawater lapped at his cheek and cracked lips as he lay curled in the sand, their work slowly cleaning away the blood from his fingers and the dull little stone that rested in them. Overhead the stars hung like glass in the vast night sky. 

His past is his future as well. Just as souls on earth returned to the Erdtree, all rivers, no matter how long-wandering, return to the sea. Ariel doesn't belong to the earth anymore. He long drifted in the tide of the Current and it will reclaim him, in time. Their bond sealed within him the fate of Lusat, and of Azur. Where we find him today is after he's realized that even if he doesn't believe he's right for this, that truly anyone else would be doing the world a service to take his place, he is what they've got and he is going to try with everything he has for the people he loves-- who he loves far more than himself. That's part of why he is so desperate now to try and right the world, to do everything that he can. He knows he doesn't have forever.

[rubydubydoo122]

Batfam Band Au

Jason Todd and Tim Drake are so Conan Gray coded. Proof? here,

Maniac - Jason: 'People like you always want back what they can't have, but I'm past that and you know that so you should turn back to your rat(bat) pack tell 'em I'm trash' Jason to Bruce after Bruce victim blamed his death Tim: 'Tell all of your friends that I'm crazy, and drive you mad, that I'm such a stalker, a watcher, a psycopath' Tim's speaks for itself, but like... probably Tim to everyone

Fight or Flight - Jason: 'something's gotten into you, you don't really look at me the way you used to' Him to Bruce. no explanation needed, 'Every single rumor that I've heard of you say, you were out with someone that I don't know' Jason when he saw the pictures of Tim as Robin 'fight or flight, I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you. fight or flight, id rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you' him with bruce. Him With Bruce. HIM WITH BRUCE. Like god, he's just a scared kid that wants his dad, but he'll never admit that, 'Now there's someone at my door, someone i've not met before, they've got, eyes like mine, a pretty smile and they've been crying for a while, cus they also didn't know' Jason with Tim after Damian became Robin (or a while after that ig, whenever they started to get along)

The Cut that Always Bleeds - Tim: 'Oh I, can't, be, your lover on a leash, every other week, when you need, oh I can't be, the kiss that you don't need, the lie between your teeth, the cut that always bleeds' Tim realizing that maybe being Bruce's emotional support child is no bueno for his mental heath. 'Say you love somebody new and beat my heart to black and blue, and they leave and it's me you come back to' Because Tim became Robin to essentially be Bruce's crutch until he could get back on his feet after Jason's death, and the problem with that is Bruce will never really get back on his feet because he's still limping from his parents death, 'But even though you're killing me, I need you like the air I breathe, I need, I need you more than me, I need you more than anything, please, please.' and that's kinda the case for all the Robins. Bruce pushes them so hard, almost to the point of breaking, and when they want to break away, Bruce gives them a sliver of validation creating a never ending cycle of them craving Bruce's approval.

Astronomy - Jason: 'cus socially speaking, we were the same, with runaway fathers and mothers who drank' Jason to Steph probably 'From far away, i wish i'd stayed with you. but here face to face a stranger that I once knew. I thought if I wandered, I'd fall back in love, you said distance brings fondness, but guess not with us' Jason to Bruce during UTRH, because Jason's death changed both of them so much, to the point where they can't recognize each other anymore . And maybe Bruce missed Jason while he was dead, but now that he's alive...'Stop trying to keep us alive, you're pointing at stars in the sky, that've already died, stop trying to keep us alive, you can't force the stars to align, when they've already died' Him to himself about continuing to forgive Bruce and running back to Bruce time and time again after all the shit Bruce has pulled

Footnote - Tim: 'I say if I waited, could that maybe help, you told me that patience won't change how you felt, for me' Tim to Bruce, knowing that he'll never be Jason, yet still yearning for that father/son dynamic (sh sh, Ik Tim doesn't actually see Bruce as his dad, but lets shift slightly into fanon) 'So I'll just take a footnote, in your life, and you can take my body, every line, I would right for you, but a footnote will do' Tim's entire Red Robin run, mainly to Dick, who is a little too busy trying to balance grieving and a feral child 'You taught me a lesson, that feelings are reckless, it's just like the novels, side characters end up alone.' Tim after loosing almost everyone he cared about within a year and turning cold and distant.

Winner - Literally this whole song is for the both of them and their parental issues Tim: 'Packed my bags at 14, I hadn't planned on leaving, but you haven't been back home for days' Like... we all do agree that Tim's parents were neglectful. They were literally never around. 'You don't really wanna hear the truth, do you? it's obvious to anyone who ever knew you. that all you ever want is to be right, even if that means you gotta lie to do it,' This is probably more fannon, but like Janet and Jack Drake Jason: 'Bask inside your victory, my heart that once was beating, bleeding in the palm of your hand' Under the Red Hood. batarang to the throat, 'Yet you have the nerve to miss me, how do I somehow feel guilty? when you're the one who let it get this bad' JASON TO BRUCE LIKE, TELL ME I"M WRONG. Bruce will claim to miss Jason, but then blame him for his own death in the same breath. "You don't really wanna hear the truth, do you? it's obvious to anyone who ever knew you. that all you ever wanted was to FIGHT. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO SURVIVE YOUR CHAOS!! WELL LOOK AT HOW IT"S PAID OFF' Jason got caught up in Bruce's "war on crime" AND HE DIED. HE DIED FOR IT. HE DIDN"T SURVIVE BRUCE"S CHAOS, HE"S STIL STUCK IN IT AND HE CAN"T GET OUT.

Family Line - THIS ONE!!! THIS ONE!!! I LITERALLY CRY EVERY TIME I HEAR IT BECAUSE IT FITS THE BOTH OF THEM TOO WELL Jason: 'My father never talked a lot, He just took a walk around the block, 'Til all his anger took a hold of him, and then he'd hit. My mother never cried a lot, She took the punches, but she never fought' Willis and Catherine. 'Scattered 'cross my family lineI'm so good at telling lies, That came from my mother father's side, Told a million to survive,' Father meaning Bruce. Lies meaning Robin and secret identies and stuff 'Scattered 'cross my family line, God, I have my father's mother's eyes,' Sheila's 'But my sister's when I cry, I can run, but I can't hide, From my family line' Do I have to explain this? Tim: 'It's hard to put it into words, How the holidays will always hurt, I watch the fathers with their little girls, And wonder what I did to deserve this, How could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you, 'Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me' I can just imagine little baby Timmy following Batman and Robin, and then casting a glance at a family lighting a minorah, while he knows his family's minorah is sitting in the closet because his parents still haven't come home from their trip. Jason: 'Oh, all that I did to try to undo it,' All the crimes he did to survive, made him try so hard as Robin to undo that, 'All of my pain and all your excuses, I was a kid but I wasn't clueless' Maybe it's how he feels about Sheila now that he's grown. Jason was alone on the streets before Bruce. He even empathized with Sheila, and tried to help her. Jason was optimistic, not naive. Tim: 'Someone who loves you wouldn't do this' Jason: "All of my past, I tried to erase it,' His time on the streets, his time as Robin, Sheila's betrayal, The LOA, his villain era, 'But now I see, would I even change it?' Because all of those things shaped who he is now 'Might share a face and share a last name, but We are not the same' He would've never done what Sheila did, he would never do what Bruce did, or Talia, or Wilis or any of the other adults in his life who have let him down.

Anywho, yeah, Conan Gray writing music for Jason and Tim is on my mind a lot.

[thegreatfraud]

It was always gonna end one way

In a ditch and so close to death as Huey luck finally ran out.

Everybody lose sooner or later. No matter how good Huey is. At the end of the day he just some dude with a wooden sword and powers don't work as it was a knife wound to the shoulder and a shot to the back from a bloody CHILD that caught him off guard. The kick to the bottom of the ditch as hell don't help as luckily the kids not a professional or he wouldn't even have time to realize what happened.

Street gangs using bloody CHILDREN to get back at him. Huey sigh as the kid being green helped him survive this. He can...MAYBE get up and climb out this ditch. With effort and a lot of pain. He gonna have to push himself harder then before in this city. Them blood lost not a joke,

But why should he?

What the point in all this? The struggling and the fighting for life. Not like you have anyone you love. Your partner gone. You friends are gone. Your business idea is ruin and your alone. Why fight so hard?

You should just die. You know better then anyone you been nothing but a nuisance. The Radiale be better without you in it. Your a killer and a liar. They either celebrate your death or don't give a shit. You desire to make your name stick in this city a joke.

"I can call Eidan." He a nice guy. Sure he don't like me. But he come and at least drop me off to the nearest hospital...

You really think he want to help you? After your black mailing? Nobody want you around Huey. Why struggle in this city without meaning? Just embrace it. The cold. The emptiness...maybe you can see William again. You never dies here yet have you?

"I have people that rely on me."

NPC who lives will continue even without you in the story. Your run a bloody smuggling ring and dish out justice to the highest bidder for christ sake. Your not running a thing people will miss. So what is the point of Huey Ponzi? Why struggle when your life have no meaning to it? It be much easier to die.

What is the point of Huey?

Huey realize his strength sapped half way out of the ditch as he lay on his back just a little to catch his breath. Damn he should have got a full lunch. What is the point? Not like he got anything to live for. Why climbs up the hill when there nothing waiting for you in the end? You have no love, no friends, no family, no job.

Your a loser and nothing. Even Aury at least have Klaus. You die as intended. A nobody in some random ditch in the middle of nowhere nobody would miss.

Huey close his eyes. Maybe it is better to just let the system do it's thing. Maybe it's just.....Better to give up.

Yet the body refuse even when the mind fails. Even if his ego is almost nonexistent....the Id refuse to give up on him.

A memory of cuddling with the weapons from another world who accepted him and his ugly side.

A memory of drinking with a friend who raised as a terriost.

Even if they are not here anymore. It wasn't all bad. Even if he have nobody now. The time they had was real. He HAVE made real bonds.

The memory of two brother sharing a drink in a dingy bar after the younger brother first returned job success. A precious memory. Of party, loud music, good food and good people, Money was thrown everywhere as it was the first time in a long time Huey felt alive.

Chasing down evil, taking from evil, spending money with people he love...the never ending party. It's not about making the world a better place. It's about having fun with people while pissing off the standard. The riches? The riches come and go all the time.

Huey eyes shot wide open. Strength returning back tot he limbs as he climb painfully.

Even if there no meaning he want to carry on. It's human nature to persist. Huey might be giving up in his head but his soul refuses.

"Lifes not always about the gleaming success...remember how many of our jobs we scarp by the skin of our teeth? You don't always get to look cool. In this work of ours we're not here to be liked or understood. Remember that first brief case of cash for that old lady? We tried being thief because when we took from those who have their dreams stolen. We were happy weren't we? It was fun. This isn't like last time. I'm not Robin hood. I care more about who I'm hurting then the victims. Because we never seen what we do as heroics. I'm selfish, egotistical bastard. If it helps someone by accident that fine. I came back because one job stealing from mobster was more fun then 3 years of studying for a boring ass exam."

My justice the thing that killed you after all William. That hunger for justice killed you. My obsession with bringing good into this world with our work. I promised myself i never once again wave the flag of righteous. What a joke....thieves claiming to be chivalrous. Yet i still don't wanna robbed from those who don't have it. There no joy in robbing from those who dreams are stolen.

I am a lowly maggot. I only steal because i want to steal. It's not just because i care. It's because above all else i chase the thrill. I forgotten that.

"Yeah there nobody in the Radiale that miss me when i'm gone. But..."

Even if there is no meaning to it now. Even if it's painful and lonely i wanna continue to struggle as a boring lowly human being.

"For the greatest victory. That impossible jack pot. Let's win William. Let's finally win for once and big time in this city. It make all this worth it no? That one moment of absolute victory. Let our story be forever told here. Even if the start of the story is a confusing, self pitying frustrating mess. Let's just keep going till we win."

That one moment when you win it all. When nobody bet against you and you win it all. So what if your a loser nobody with no bonds and no meaning to you? Oh it sucks for sure now.

You persist. You keep going for that final win. When you can win it all. You put up whatever mask it is to hide the truth. Faking it till you make it. Turning one lies into reality.

Hope. Even if you don't believe in it. You keep lying to yourself and putting in more effort till one day with hope comes victory.

"Oh.....i finally made it to the top."

[rxgueone]

LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG PT. 2

Word count: 3,230.

Pairing: Austin Butler x oc

Summary: Aurilia (oc) is drunk as hell. She calls Austin to come pick her up. When he spends the night with her.

Warnings: mentions of drinking, substance use, death, angst, fluff (?). All I can think of.

Tags: none.

Note: PT. 1 PT. 3

—

“You should dress nice for the occasion.” Nik suggested as they were both walking to the address. They were about to turn into the next block before Nik stopped them.

Austin turned to face him in silence, Nik took his flannel off. Handing it to Austin with a lazy expression plastered on his face. Austin raised a brow, but took it without asking. In turn, he had given Nik the black ragged xxl hoodie he always wore. Nik grabbed the cigarette in his mouth to hand it to his friend, who held it for him as he put it on. Taking it back and popping it into his mouth, he looked over at Austin.

They both had continued walking after. Austin’s breathing became heavy, emptying his mind of all thoughts. The smell of a fresh smoked cigarette filling his lungs. Nik, who was only 19 started smoking at 16, going to an ID-less smoke shop to get a pack of spirits. At the time his addiction was awful, smoking almost three packs a day. Now just one pack.

Nik would push his limit’s back then. Chain smoking at least 2-3 cigarettes at a time. Admittedly, Austin hated it. However he admitted in his mind it’d only be a matter of time when Nik would start. In spite of him worrying, Austin and Nik signed up for this life at just 12. He was pushed by his older siblings, and for Nik? He just didn’t want his ride or die to be scared and alone while dealing.

The longer this life continued. It wasn’t if they’d get jumped for dealing and cutting out, it was a matter of when they’d get jump. When they’d lose their life. It’s already almost happened before, he could remember clear as day when the cops got called on him. Looking up at his towering friend, Nik exhaled smoke. His black messy hair covered his eyes, and like usual he seemed relaxed.

Aurilia waited for Austin to come by. A strange man had offered to walk her home. But she rejected, yeah she was drunk. But not drunk enough to think this man was Austin. They were rambling on and on about something she didn’t care for. She didn’t go to this party alone, she was the side bitch. Just the acquaintance, her dorm-mate didn’t want to go alone. But now that same dorm-mate was occupied with a guy. And frankly? Aurilia was bored. Her friend had ditched her for a guy whilst this other stranger was bothering her.

Just in the distance she could spot a duo walking side by side. Her vision was a mess, but she saw blonde wavy hair and a tall figure. That must be Tin Head… and his friend Nik. She thought. Clearing her throat, she stumbled over her heels. “Ey, ey, ey! Be careful!” She heard the man yell at her.

Quickly swishing around. “My friends are here.” She protested. “I’m fine.” Flicking him away like a pest, she swiftly turned her back on him. Stepping forward, she bumped into something. “Hey, watch—“

“Hey Ricky,” a deep voice snapped her back to reality. Looking up, she could see Austin standing in front of her, “hello to you too, Lia.”

“Hello,” she hummed, “how’re you?” She had a bright grin plastered on her face.

Austin’s eyes kept looking down at her, he didn’t bother to move his head. “I’m fine.”

“Hey Aus, you know this chic? She’s been tryna walk home alone. I’ve been keeping an eye on ‘er.” Ricky had a typical Italian New Yorker accent. But, he seemed close to Austin, which had confused Aurilia.

“Yes, she called me to pick her up. I apologize for her behavior.” He answered solemnly. Aurilia like a dog, went to Austin’s side. Leaning onto his shoulder as he conversed with Ricky.

“Nah ‘s alright pal.” Ricky shook his head, looking back at the house. Nik looked down at Aurilia then at Austin. “So, Nikkie!” Looking at Nik, Ricky seemed interested. “Could make some paper here if you get my meanin’ y’know.”

“I’ll stay here.” Nik claimed. Austin didn’t protest to it, Nik was no longer needed for the night. “If I didn’t, Al would kill me.”

“Alright, I’ll see you two later.”

“Cya man.” Ricky and Nik both pulled away from Aurilia and Austin. Austin could see Nik flick the cigarette away, only to grab another.

“You okay, Lia?” He looked at her flushed face. She was lost, but nodding to his question. He sighed, rolling his eyes. Stepping back, then swiftly turning around. He walked a few steps forward, then waited for her.

This was done repeatedly until he had enough. She kept falling behind. “Lia,” he held his hand out, but she was out of her mind. Not noticing his hand, he grabbed hers. Their fingers interlocking with each other, he pulled her to his side. Narrowing his eyes, “keep up.” He said under his breath.

They both walked side by side. Aurilia hugging his whole arm. “Hey Tin head,”

“Hm.”

“Thanks for picking me up.” She looked up at him. Austin and her stopped walking, and he turned to look back at her. His head craned down to look at her face closely. She reeked of alcohol, specifically of scotch.

Her eyes widened in awe. His left ear was pierced with a black hoop. She could feel the warm rings he wore on his left hand tightly pressed against her palm. His eyes were examining her face, while hers were staring at his face. Sniffling, “yeah.” He looked away as they resumed to walking. “I’ll drop you off at your place.”

“Don’t you have a place?” It was a question of genuine curiosity. She always saw him outside, away from the neighbors. After dropping her off, he’d always leave the dorms immediately.

Hesitantly, he answered. “No.” Bringing his hand to the nape of his neck, he had breathed in to process everything. He didn’t know how to explain this to her. “I uh…” clearing his throat, “the streets are my home.”

“What do you mean?”

“Y’know,” he let out a sigh, “I live out here. I don’t got a home.”

“You’re homeless?”

“Yeah,” he gave a nod.

“Is that why you never smile?” He cocked up a brow, confused why she would say that. “We’ve been friends for a month. You never smile.” She claimed, tilting her head to the side. “Smile.” She ordered.

As she watched him. His lips quivered a bit, as if he was struggling to smile. He brought up a sheepish smile. “You look cute.” It was a genuine compliment, his face drooped down instantly.

“C’mon.” They both went back to walking. Aurilia was swinging their hands together.

“You should stay over.” She suggested, glancing up at him to see his reaction. Which was a simple deadpan expression.

“Where would I sleep?”

“With me.”

Austin had no issue with this. He knew he’d do nothing with her and just stay up all night. Plus, it would feel nice to lay in a bed again instead of constantly hanging his head. For Aurilia? She trusted him. She knew he wouldn’t do anything. Plus, she was incredibly bored. She knew Austin would keep her entertained. Not to mention, he smelled of pure cigarettes. He needed a shower. “You sure?” He wanted to double check with her. She was drunk of course, but he wanted her to be sure.

“Yep yep.”

A heaving sigh was all she needed. She knew he was gonna say yes. And she had the brightest smile.

—

Aurilia was staring at Austin who was laying beside her. She had washed his flannel, which apparently belonged to his friend. His hair was fluffy, just washed. He smelled of strawberries, which was odd cause he usually smelled like the city. She wasn’t use to it yet. After a few moments, she fell asleep beside him.

Austin, who had been awake the whole time. Opened his eyes, his eyes gliding to the side to look at her. She was sleeping peacefully. Slowly sitting up, he wiped his face. His face turned to hers so he could take in her features. He had never gotten a good look. He was a simple walker, would meet her at 5:30PM, sleep at her table, after that he’d walk her home. What would he do after? Just live off the streets.

His life was complicated. His brothers had a place, he could always stay with them. They were paying for his college too. But, his college was just a formality. The only reason he got into it was so he could deal. After all, college kids love to party, love to rebel.

Turning away from her. He sat on the edge of the bed. His elbows rested on his thighs, hands covering his lips as he hunched over. Live fast, die young, live fast, die young. He would repeat these words in his head for the rest of the night. It was something his brothers taught him. To accept this life, he was going to die young.

Aurilia stirred awake, poking her head up from the pillow she smeared with her makeup. She could see a shirtless boy in front of her. His bare back facing her, with the smell of fresh coffee filling the room. She looked at the night stand beside her bed, a mug of coffee sat waiting. With a few packets of sugar and creamer.

Looking back at the bare back, everything from last night hit her. She had asked Austin to stay over. What day is it, what day is it. Her hands looked for her phone. Which she had found due to Austin handing it over to her. “Mornin.” He greeted.

“Good morning,” she croaked.

“It’s ten-thirty on a Sunday.” He told her everything she needed to know. “Made you coffee.” Rolling her eyes to the back of her head. She blinked repeatedly, as if she was trying to snap back to reality. “You look awful.” Austin commented. She scoffed at that, however she couldn’t deny this. She felt like vomiting.

“Shut up Tin head.” Getting off the bed, she grabbed his head to keep her balance from falling.

Pushing her hand away, he got up, standing beside her. Wrapping his arm around her waist to hold her, she put her arm over his waist as well. “I’ll take you to the bathroom then make you an ice bowl to wake up.” The pair stumbled to the bathroom. Aurilia almost tripping over herself repeatedly.

She kneeled over the toilet seemingly to hang onto it. He stepped back, leaving her alone if she were to throw her guts up.

Austin came back with a bowl of ice water. Aurilia dunked her head into the bowl, and he sat beside her to watch. Pulling her head out, she spat water at Austin. Who simply wiped it off calmly. Breathing like there was no tomorrow, she had looked at Austin. “Thanks Tin head,” he looked tired, but he nodded. Studying his face for a moment, she could see his eye bags, “did you sleep?”

“No.” His tone was firm. Grabbed the bowl, he poured all the water and ice out in the bathroom sink. Aurilia got off the floor, watching him walk out the bathroom to put the bowl away. She had followed behind him. Her eyes pondered after him. He slipped his black shirt on, as well as the flannel he wore last night.

“There’s no class today.” She said, sitting on her bed. “We could hang out and get you some new clothes.” Aurilia was admittedly tired of seeing her friend in the same boring clothes. Seeing him in a flannel was different, sure. Only issue was that it stunk of cigarettes.

Austin looked back at her. He couldn’t do that. Not after yesterday. It hit him like a truck that he had to call Al, after all it was the first night of selling something different. Not just that but it was Sunday, a day that was important for Al. “I can’t. I have family I need to see.”

“Can I come?”

This question took Austin back. Nobody except for Nik had met his family. He looked at her clearly, debating. “Sure.” It wouldn’t hurt. Aurilia would just have to stay in the bar.

—

Austin walked with Aurilia by his side. He seemed focus on something. Walking in front of her, their hands were intertwined. Austin wanted to hold hands with her because she was a slow walker compared to him. He took long strides, while Aurilia took short ones, causing him to walk faster each time.

He opened the door to the bar. Holding it open for her to walk through, he followed swiftly behind. “Hey Joe,” Austin pulled up in front of the bar tender who was an older gentleman.

“Your brothers in the corner.” Joe seemed to already know what the blonde was going to ask him. His head flicked forward to show where Al and Keith were. Austin pulled out five bucks from the pocket of his black sweatpants, pushing it to him. Joe took it quickly, slipping it in his pocket.

Austin turned to Aurilia. “Stay here alright?” He had a gentle tone. “Ol’ Joe will watch you. He’ll take care of you. I just gotta talk with my brothers over there.” He pointed to the table.

“Okay.” She nodded to him, confirming that she’d stay here with Joe. Watching Austin walk away, she sat down on a stool. Her eyes moved to where Austin’s brothers sat. They both didn’t look much like him. The one with blonde hair was growing a stubble, but he did have blonde hair and blue eyes. But unlike Austin’s eyes, they were a deep shade of blue. It popped out due to having such light colored skin. The other who sat beside him, also didn’t look like Austin.

As she watched, one of them had seemed to get mad. The blonde one was glaring at Austin, and she saw them flick their head towards her. Austin dipped his head, but he froze in place. For some reason, he looked terrified out of his mind. The blonde one brought out a bottle of water with another bottle of powder. Austin shook his head. His hands that were placed onto the table were frantically shaking. He was losing his mind.

Then a suitcase was pushed towards him, Austin took it without any hesitation. Right after he got up, so did the other one with black hair. He handed Austin a bag, who took it without any emotion displayed. Grabbing the back of Austin’s head they had brought him close, leaning down to whisper something. He gently pat Austin’s head after, stroking his hair. Nodding his head, Austin pulled away.

From acting terrified, he had a stoic expression. His eyes narrowed, strutting to her. He stood in front of Aurilia, holding both the bag and suitcase. “We should get going.”

As he held the door open for her. Austin looked back at Keith and Al. Al wasn’t even looking at him, but Keith kept his cold expression onto his kid brother.

—

They were back at her place. Austin put the suitcase and bag down, reaching into it. He pulled out a suit that was tailored just for him. “Were those your brothers at the bar?”

“Yes.” He had a solemn tone. “Their names are Keith and Alphonse. Alphonse is the blonde one, Keith is the black hair one.” Quickly taking his shirt off, he grabbed the black vest, swinging it over his shoulders. “Alphonse is the oldest while Keith is the second,” glancing at her as he pulled his sweatpants down to replace them with black slacks, “we’re all half brothers.” Zipping his fly up, he began buttoning up his vest. “Their mothers abandoned them so my mother took them in. Later on when I was twelve, eight years ago, our mother died.” Grabbing the silky blazer that was on Aurilia’s bed. He also quickly threw that on. Aurilia noticed how he said ‘our’ meaning that he did see his brothers as kin. Genuine real kin. “Luckily for us, Alphonse was eighteen. So we were able to stay under his eye. Keith was sixteen, I was twelve.”

“So eight years ago…” Aurilia muttered under her breath, amazed by this. He was twelve when his mother died. Now he was here, homeless. A street rat. She figured his mother’s inheritance was paying for his college. But if that was so- why didn’t Austin buy a home?

Quickly grabbing a bottle of gel. He started to do his hair, looking in the small mirror that was on Aurilia’s nightstand. He breathed in deeply. “Tell me something I don’t know.” Aurilia asked, sensing that Austin would be leaving soon.

He paused for a moment. “You can make over seven bars of soap with the human body.” He began, putting the bag and gel away. “You gotta use human fat though. It makes the best soap.”

Aurilia scowled, blinking a few times to actually process what she had just heard. Not only that, but at how casual he was about it. “How do you know that?”

“School.” He grabbed the suitcase and stared down at her as she sat on the bed. Austin was meeting up with someone in his brothers place, which was why he has dressed so fancy. It was shocking for Aurilia to see him so nice. He wore black on black. The silk blazer didn’t even look like a blazer, it looked like a jacket. His black vest was made of cotton, with a deep v neck. It was exposing half of his bare chest due to him not wearing anything underneath.

Two black bands on his left hand, one on his middle finger, the other on his ring. With a black hoop piercing on his left ear. Now that she was examining his look, she could see a scar on his left side. It went from the back of his jawline down past his chest. As if someone slashed him there.

“Do I look presentable enough.” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good— I’ll see you at the coffee shop.” He promised, tightly holding the black suitcase before he left.

—

Putting the suitcase down onto the glass countertop. He leaned over it, looking at his surroundings. He felt the gazes of many that seemed to be staring at him. A woman who was behind the counter approached him. “Hi, may I help you?”

She gained his attention immediately. He raised his brows, putting on an act. “Hi, yes. I’m here to drop something off for a man named Alphonse Butler— I’m his little brother. He couldn’t make it. So he made me take his place.” He explained.

“Oh yes!” She got out a sheet of paper just from underneath the glass counter, which was on full display. “Al called and said.. what was your name?”

“Austin Butler, ma’am.”

“Yes! Yes okay good! You are legit.” The woman seemed happy. “Can you open the suitcase please?” She had a playful tone.

“Of course, ma’am.” Without any hesitation, he grabbed the locks of the suitcase. Effortlessly flicking them up, he opened the suitcase. And he was greeted with bars of soap. Where he would sell these to the woman.

[rockbottomwithashovel]

hello, idk if u'll remember this. like quite a while ago but i used the r slur in a post i made about how much i hated being at my specialist school. due to a bunch of trauma and stuff that had happened in my past, i have never exepted my disability. i just wanted to let you know that. let people respond before you block people.

im a shitty person for other reasons, i know that well. i shouldve killed myself years ago. but tbh thanks for showing me how shitty your space of tumblr was for me.

to everyone that remembers me. fuck you.

(also, i get that ur space works for you, it just made me feel so anxious, hoping no one would mind my posts, and that id not trigger anyone.)

i have a new account here for my ED, im hoping to find a place that is safe for me. if anyone recognises me elsewhere please leave me alone. i dont like you guys. i thought you guys cared about me, but you didnt. and tbh the feeling was mutual.

Hi. I do remember someone using the r slur and it triggered the shit out of me. I don't remember what I said or did, but I do know I get too aggressive sometimes, so I'm sorry if I was nasty or something. I just can't tolerate people using slurs.

I think I understand where you're coming from, considering it took me 6 and a bit years to come to terms with my ASD diagnosis, I also have trauma around it. I'm sorry if I made you feel invalid or anything, that's never been my intention. But just because you haven't come to terms with your disability or have trauma around it, doesn't give you the right to make others feel bad about theirs or themselves.

And you're right. I should have at least given you the respect to wait for a response before blocking you. I'll make a note for future reference. Please do the same (not using the r word)

It's not for me to tell you whether or not you're a shitty person. But I can tell you that you don't deserve to die and, even if we don't agree on things, I'm glad you're alive. I wish you well. I'm sorry that this area of tumblr wasn't good for you, but it's keeping me alive. I know that's not the best, I'm sorry, but I'm working on it. I never meant to make you feel anxious.

I don't remember your url (to be fair, I don't remember most of my moots, let alone someone else's), but if I recognise you, I'll leave you alone. If I don't and I follow you, just block me, no hard feelings. Even if you told me "fuck you", and you did, I still hope things work better for you this time around.

[originalkingdomwombat]

Cinity

Ozone

Puff another multiple plants individual Hi let me reintroduce myself My real Name is first and Last Justin Stauffer won't tell you my middle yet but you just may already know yo yo but you can call me hip hop artist name Cinity used to also be nobi and cable Tom Anderson on the table all delete none can compete ladies and gentlemen on your feet as I write this song to a beat Armageddon coming are you ready Tripping on my skills Steadily merrily as I go to sleep and wake up from nightmares every now and then periodically Old Lyrics Like Dinosaurs Could write a private album in stores but what for leak aholic We all gone die cross check it yo what's the correct answer home magnificent one on the throne and Nobody will leave me alone full grown iqs go up these days Smoking purple haze driving oh so very around Tip of the hat to ya let gravity hold you down this Hip hop is my crown and I am relativity not messing around yo yo Location Translation hesitation PlayStation annihilation suffocation ventilation vacation persuasion Pronunciation Abrasion personification invasion Amazing Superman Sun book and I begun let's lyrically have some fun A to Z People grilling me Know catastrophic events are waiting to unfold on all the hating Credits ratings Love conquers all how am I Tortured non mating Y'all can get blasted with valuables up Hold the mic while I Vaporize crimes of Passion and hate crimes Sharks Bite I am the only one As the brightest Light eternity last Hard Nature carving that writes best lyrics forever yo on the silent mic Under sufficient oaths and wagers & Fire pagers Uh biblical pages Bars Cards check it uh yo you cant get with me Spitting lesser quality God's toll taken Fallen off lesser Society While I am a unique Freak to pee ons and fyi Freaks all come in varieties Moon shine Hip hop hippity up and beyond whole truth perfection and don't you lie to me Candle light Kindled re-Light Alpha Omega outlet Style From Lancaster Pennsylvania hometown Spider man mask off Skip to be bop dip out committee Shift the earth on an axis Skip to ma loo hip hop In me created by only Justin Anthony Stauffer Mask back on Cinity A sith is versus yours truly madness in the Dark Former Valuables that went uncashed in legend Solved mystery Number one Hits World isn't free all these years Lyrically it's been me old & New Valuables up & Poverty Angel help out of hell USA Couldn't exactly make me Ring the quitting bell Sincerely Self Best Lyrics pertaining infinity only Justin Anthony Stauffer is Cinity Infinitely Retired Nobi & Cable The world keeps whatever in me but when its more than I can handle kain killed Able Miracle End of Alleged Fable oh and that mark Zuckerberg 200 + lyrics I posted Snapped Sim card and Deleted Without Most all the copies Was me and Tik Tok lyrics now Tumblr songs for the last Frontier Feel my Lightnings and Thunders Winds North East West and South Cell phone # when I appear Double pierced Tongue Cross Justin heart Infinity Many Hits wonders chosen one Lover and Fighter Ratings up Tumblr any beef take a number Much Much greater Than I is he that is within pointing up id like to thank God And a few Others