#ian: 'so i'm the only dude here okay'

[deathbypufferfish]

Cousins! Lots of changes happened at one sleepover. Ahmet came out as trans to Marinella and her siblings. 💗 And Pearl absolutely MASSACRED Marinella's dye job 😭

[psalmsofpsychosis]

I dont think at this point i can even start on classic literature if i tried, like, i have absolutely zero patience for stories that take their goddamn time "building up" to things. "give exposition talk and show your characters doing everyday things" girl only if the everyday things contribute to the theme of the story! I dont have an ounce of interest in traditional idle starting points, "this story takes awhile to warm up and nothing happens for 45 pages" lmao bye

[howtofightwrite]

I know DnD is not about realism but how accurate is having, say, your heavy armor wearing paladin have 10 dex or even negative dex? Where medieval knights built like The Rock or like The mountain? I’ve seen youtubers saying that you needed a lot of strength to be able to fight like a knight so women and smaller people couldn’t do it.

I think I know which YouTuber you're talking about, and you can pretty safely ignore them. Their personal misogyny takes priority over their (alleged) expertise when they're forming their arguments.

There's two logistical problems with the idea that you need someone like Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson to make up the bulk of your elite forces. The first problem is that they need to consume a frightening amount of food. This isn't as much of a problem in the modern era, when we have the capacity for truly staggering amounts of agricultural production. But, in a medieval society, with serfs responsible for most of the agriculture, the prospect of feeding each of your elite troops 10,000 calories a day would economically destroy most kingdoms. (And, yes, that is what Björnsson reports to consume on a daily basis. Other estimates place his dietary intake somewhere between 3600 and 8000.) And, to be clear, that is an absolutely absurd amount of food. But, if you want to build that kind of mass, you need a lot of energy, which means, a lot of food.

The second logistical problem is, there's only one of him. Okay, that's not literally true, The Mountain was portrayed by three separate actors, Conan Stevens, a professional wrestler, and Ian Whyte, a stunt actor who had previous appeared as a White Walker in the first season. But, Hafthor Bjornsson took over the role in the fourth season, and is probably who you're thinking of when you name drop the character.

Bjornsson is a member of the 2000 pound club, which include power lifters who can lift over 2000lbs combined between bench press, dead lift, and squats. Not many people ever get that far, and Bjornsson is one of the few individuals who can get into the 1000 pound club from a single lift.

Here's a fun name to know, Becca Swanson is also in the 2000 pound club. She credibly claims that she is the first woman to have achieved that, and I'm not sure if there are any other women in the 2000lb club, but it is achievable.

Now, here's the fun thing about all of this, because you're asking about D&D, and D&D players need to know exactly how much their character can lift. The calculation is (STR*30)lbs. (In the Player's handbook p174.) This also means if you have a real person, and you know how much they can lift in the real world, you can reverse engineer what their strength score would be in D&D.

It's 37.

If you wanted to convert Hafthor Bjornsson into D&D, his strength score would be 37.

Dude can fucking arm wrestle the Terrasque and easily win.

Putting that in perspective, it's a little ludicrous to say that if you want a viable martial character (fighters, paladins, barbarians, etc.), they need a Strength score of 37, when it's not normally possible for player characters to exceed 20 base strength. (If you're wondering, Becca would work out to have ~29 Strength. So, on par with most ancient dragons, and a few gods.)

So, there you have a man and woman who are both superhumanly strong according to D&D.

D&D and math have always had issues like this, and it pops up in a few different places here.

The basic concept that your ability to hit, and the amount of damage you deal is based on strength comes from a very, “schoolyard,” understanding of violence. It's okay to step back and abstract it out, where “strength,” is some amalgam of melee combat aptitude in addition to actual strength, but the idea that being stronger means you can hit harder with a sword or dagger doesn't make a lot of sense. It doesn't even make much sense with axes and maces (the force applied has more to do with the mass and velocity of the weapon, rather than the strength of its wielder.)

A paladin with negative DEX is dead. I don't mean that figuratively, and I do understand what you meant to say, but this rule is a little obscure in 5e. If any of a character's physical attributes (STR, DEX, CON) are reduced to zero, the character immediately dies. Ability draining effects used to be far more common, so the rule existed by itself, though, now it mostly shows up when you're looking at a monster with a physical ability draining attack.

What you probably meant was a negative DEX modifier, meaning your paladin is unusually clumsy. Outside the context of D&D, that would be an incredibly bad thing for a front line combatant. In the specific context of D&D, if they're in heavy armor, it doesn't really matter, if they're in medium, then it reverts to being “a bad thing. Specifically, the rules is that light and medium armor add your DEX modifier to your armor class. Medium armor caps this at +2, but it can go negative with either armor type. However, heavy armor in 5e ignores your DEX modifier entirely.

Now, here's the thing about D&D, its concept of armor is spectacularly weird. Unlike RPGs where armor reduces damage taken, either by subtracting a fixed amount from incoming damage or by reducing damage via a percentage, D&D's system is that your armor class grants you a chance to avoid being hit at all. (5% chance per point of AC, if you're wondering.) Narratively, this is often framed as taking a hit, but your armor turned the blade or something similar. This is because sometimes the enemy attack straight up misses, and that's (usually) determined by your dexterity. This is important, because the game is trying to balance two different power fantasies against each other.

On one side you have the players who want to roll in heavy plate armor, and soak all the hits, and on the other you have players who want to go with light armor, and dodge around enemy attacks. Realistically, that's not an option, but D&D permits it, and again, that's fine. The fantasy of lightly armored fighters makes a lot of sense. I'd even go so far as to say that the barbarian's unarmed defense bonus (where they add CON modifier to their DEX modifier while unarmored) is a really good change in 5e even if it does make no sense objectively. It contributes to the fantasy of this brutal fighter who runs around without armor slapping people silly with their weapons, and shrugging off damage because they're too stubborn to die. In (nearly all cases) the ability to deliver the player fantasy of a class is more important than a strict adherence to reality, and that's fine, that's the point, but the realism of D&D doesn't translate off the page in any meaningful way.

If you wanted a more, “realistic,” (and, yeah, that's incredibly loaded in this context), approach to armor for D&D, I'd say gate access based on your Constitution (or Constitution modifier). Sort of like how your equip load in Dark Souls is based on your Endurance attribute. Give armor and weapons a burden value, and if the combined burden on a character exceeds their CON, the character risks taking levels of Fatigue when they're fighting in heavier gear than they're conditioned to deal with. Maybe add a Conditioning feat or skill if you want to add some other attribute modifiers to the mix should you end up with your heavy armor fighters being underequipped. (Then again, I am one of those psychopaths who really liked the D20 Star Wars' vitality system.) So, ultimately, tinker with the balance until you find something you, and the people at your table, are happy with. Roleplayers who have more meaningful build choices tend to be happier, so long as they don't feel like they're being punished for having a character fantasy.

One of the more amusing descriptions I've read of medieval knights is that they were built like methheads. I can't fully vouch for that, because I'm not an expert on the physical appearance of medieval knights, but it's certainly credible. These guys were eating pretty well for the era, and engaged in a lot of physical activity. Depending on what they were doing, that could easily result in some fairly bulky guys, but it could also result in some wiry looking guys who hide their muscles. Just, knowing what I do about the human body, the answer was probably both, depending on their metabolism and diet. But the image of Sir Methhead, Knight of the Realm, and his implausibly clean teeth, still amuses me.

It's worth remembering that a lot of the times I've seen someone say, “they were built like athletes,” they'll drop an image of a bodybuilder. No. That's not what you would get. Bodybuilding is designed to create its own physique, one that doesn't occur unless you're abusing your body in some very specific (and unhealthy) ways. It's probably better to think of someone like a high-school football player. Bulky, but without the carved physiques of a Boris Vallejo painting. (If you don't know who that is, look up his art. It is a bit dated, but it's gorgeous.)

Alternately, if you do want your characters to look like those paintings, it is your fantasy, have fun.

-Starke

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[mmmichyyy]

Hi Michelle!! Let's try #43 for the new Drabble challenge

#43. "pick up lines only work when i'm drunk."

"ian. are you listening to me?"

"mhm."

"...i'm thinking of leaving tami and the kids so i can ride off into the sunset with joaquin. thoughts?"

"sounds good," ian says vaguely, eyes glued to the dark-haired man sitting at the bar. "i'm sure she'll understand."

"man, you've got it bad." lip shakes his head, amused. "just go over and talk to him."

ian doesn't even turn his head. "who?"

lip rolls his eyes. "the guy you've been staring at for the past hour, who looks like he's part of a biker gang and one second away from smashing a bottle over someone's head. "

"i haven't been staring," ian says defensively, finally peeling his eyes away from the bar. "casually looking, maybe. at his tattoos. and his leather jacket. and his ass."

"and here i thought you wanted to catch up with your dear ol' brother." lip sighs. "how naive was i to think we could have family bonding time."

ian sighs. "grow up lip, we're in a gay bar. the only reason i called you and not carl is because for some reason he manages to pull more guys than me and well, you're... you."

"what the hell is that supposed to mean?" lip asks, slightly offended. "are you saying gay men don't find me attractive?"

"are you saying you want men to hit on you?"

lip shrugs. "i'm just saying, if i really tried, i can definitely pull a dude. y'know, hypothetically speaking, of course."

"okay, mr. i'm-ninety-six-percent-straight," ian snorts. "so, you think i should go and straight up flirt with him? or should i buy him a drink first? or maybe wait for him to come to me?"

"i think you should walk out the door and douse yourself in holy water because homosexuality is a sin and you're going to hell," lip replies solemnly.

"you're no help," ian sighs, sliding out of the booth. "i should've brought carl instead."

"okay, now i'm offended."

ian waves him off and struts over to his target at the bar, tapping the man on the shoulder.

"i think," he starts to say, leaning up against the counter, "you owe me a drink."

the man raises his pierced brow. looks ian up and down and smirks. "do i now."

"because when i saw you from across the room, i dropped my drink on the floor, so."

the man takes a sip from his glass, shaking his head slightly. "pick up lines only work when i'm drunk, and i'm not even two drinks in yet."

"i'll cut to the chase then." ian holds out his hand. "i'm ian. and you are...?"

the man looks down for a moment, before pressing their hands together and shaking. "mickey."

"so, mickey." ian leans forward, still gripping mickey's hand, ghosting his mouth close to mickey's ear. "you want to get drunk, or you want to get out of here?"

lip sighs as he watches the guy immediately throw a twenty on the counter and both of them leave out the front door together without a backwards glance. just as he's about to leave as well, he sees out of the corner of his eye someone checking him out from the next table over. a man, specifically, with tan skin and dark brown hair who, if he's being honest, kind of looks like joaquin?

lip contemplates, for just a teensy moment, whether he should go over and talk to the guy. you know, strictly for scientific purposes - only to prove a point to his stupid little brother who ditched him at a bar to bang some random dude.

but then again, he doesn't think tami will appreciate him flirting with a man - or anyone really - just so he can prove ian wrong and shove it in his smug little face. so he leaves quickly without looking back and thinks it's best, perhaps, the other four percent inside of him is better left unexplored.

[kayluh1915]

psssst, disclaimer…

@swiftllama: *texts me with no context* EVERY BTS THEY GET GAYER AND GAYER

Me after watching said BTS:

It's Ianthony moment breakdown time, BBY!

I know I've been gone for a while but I've really been going through it, y'all. I want to post more from here on out, but I can't make any promises. Executive disfunction and ADHD paralysis sssuuuccckkkkssss.

Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled screamings!

Also, this is from a members only video. If you can, please support Ian and Anthony directly. I do not share content outside of small Ianthony moments like these.

The noise that came out of my mouth was not human in anyway, shape, or form! Anthony has carried Ian like this before, but it was before his departure. Back then they were really stiff and awkward with each other since their friendship was strained, as they have mentioned several times. Now they're super close and don't give a flying fuck and MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT!

Sam has been keeping me up to date with everything and I just can't believe the timeline we're in. Everything else might be shit, but at least Ian and Anthony are back together and give us moments like these on the weekly! 😭They keep me sane.

ANYWAYS, I made some gifs of the moment because AHHHH and I'm going to break down the little moments that made my fandom heart flutter

Let's get to it!

Right off the bat, Ian very minorly freaks out when Anthony picks him up and immediately grips Anthony's arm. Logically, I know that anyone would grab onto the closest thing on instinct in this situation... but my Ianthony brain is screaming: "AWWW! ANTHONY MAKES HIM FEEL SAFE!!!!!!!"

Okay, my logic brain is calming down now because this gif just confirmed that Ian not only trusts Anthony whole heartedly but also FEELS SAFE! As soon as Anthony reassures him that he won't let him fall Ian relaxes and starts to let go of the death grip he has on Anthony's arm near the end of the gif.

Another demonstration of how much Ian trusts Anthony. He doesn't even flinch when he lifts him up and even has that face he makes that screams: "yeah yeah, we know Mr. Buff." after Anthony comments on how easy it is for him to hold Ian.

DUDE! The way Ian just goes limp after Anthony once again lets him know that he's got him. IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE and, again, is proof of how much he trusts him. He knows Anthony won't drop him and just decides to relax for a second, putting his full weight on Anthony's shoulders. I CANNOT! It's so intimate!!! Ian probably also took notes from Rhett's "I'm Dead" move he pulls on Link which I find hilarious.

Okay, this is my favorite one of this whole gifset. The way Anthony looks back at Ian to make sure he's still comfortable and then smiling to someone about it!?!? BRING AMBERLAMPS! MY HEART HAS STOPPED!

Damn, I needed these two in my life so badly right now. The fact that they pulled THIS SHIT just makes it so much better. I know they've said and done things more damning within the past few months, but I enjoy more intimate moments like these. Yeah, it's for a bit, but it shows just how much Anthony cares for Ian and how much Ian trusts him.

Lord have mercy, I need a nap after all of that. 😮‍💨

[seiya234]

the haunting of ian beale, 2/?

uh this one got long lol. part one here.

---

Ian looked around him.

He looked at who was next to him, and what he was wearing and sighed deeply.

"Well, it's not the Symbolism Room at least."

Henry nodded. "It's the Symbolism Beach, which will obviously be better."

"Was that a joke?"

"Rest assured, I do not engage in any type of jokes, frivolity, japes or shenanigans."

"Well as long as that's settled."

The beach was... endless, sand in all directions on either side of him, water in front of him. Ian didn't look behind him; something inside told him that he wouldn't like it. Normally that would have had him immediately looking from sheer spite but his gut was telling him

he would see Nothing

truly, Nothing.

could he handle seeing Nothing? no, okay, let's move on then because

this chair was very comfortable.

Henry and Ian were in Adirondack chairs, and Ian knew it wasn't his mind supplying he beach because he had never heard that term in his life. Thankfully, something knew him well enough to pair his swim trunks with a shirt and sun hat.... though considering his trunks were covered in yellow triangles, and his shirt had a Radical Dude Doing Sik Sk8 Trix on it, he was still clearly being fucked with.

Henry, Ian was bemused to see, was still in his weird pre-Transcendence 'preacher' outfit, though tonight at least he had short sleeves on.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Ian looked out at crashing waves, water so dark as appear to black, a blue cloudless sky. It felt... calming. Meditative. The waves were just enough to provide sound, but not so violent as to actually disturb the sense of calm tranquility.

His brain, Ian realized, was quiet.

Quiet in that every time he felt the panic rise, it felt like a big fist came to kindly push on his chest until he settled down.

He should probably be worried about that but

oh. hey. A fruity tropical drink in his hand. Convenient, that.

"What brings you here this time?" Ian asked. "I"m not sure how many after school specials I can handle."

Henry frowned a bit. "I'm not entirely sure myself. Quite frankly I'm amazed I'm here spea-"

Henry disappeared. Ian took the opportunity to will his drink from a virgin pina colada to a margarita.

He looked out at the ocean.

He didn't look behind him.

"My apologies." Henry was still the same, though his glass had now turned into a mug that read 'World's Best Grandpa.'

"Not exactly fun being constantly in the midst of an existential crisis, I get it."

Henry looked around him. "This... this is my daughter's beach."

The mindscape of someone dead a thousand years. But

"You seem... relatively calm, about that," Ian finally ventured.

"You mean, as compared to Alcor?" Ian must have pulled a face, because Henry let out a bittersweet little laugh.

"No. I am sad my daughter is gone. But I am happy knowing since then she has had a hundred different life times to experience joy-"

"-and pain-"

"-and that too but one is not outweighed by the other. It just is. We see each other in-"

Henry kept talking but for a minute all that came out was radio static. Ian had a feeling that even if Bill or Alcor were here, they too would only hear that static as well.

"-also, with all due respect for my brother, it has been a millennium. Everyone and everything involved has moved on."

"But not him," said Ian with full disrespect.

"No." Henry took a drink and adjusted his visor. "in a way, I pity him, deeply. I think he will forever be locked in the trauma of losing everyone and everything he knows. There is a part of him that cannot change, cannot move on, and he knows it."

"Okay, but that's bullshit though?" and oh, was he mad? Okay, he was not only mad, but pretty mad, even with the chest pushing blanket on him.

"I'm sorry, but a thousand years, and nothing has changed? Seriously? Also have we forgotten that vampires also can live a very long time, or dragons, and I don't see them doing... doing-"

Ian waved a hand to indicate everything Alcor had done, ever.

"Vampires don't have infinitely expanding and growing power at their beck and call."

"And that makes a difference how?" Man the combination dreamarita, dream beta blocker, and the constant rage that bubbled under his skin was actually a really good combo, the words were flowing but the heart rate was not accelerating, 12/10 feeling.

"My life, Mira's life... they're different because Alcor is in them- and not always for the better."

"Bill might have happened anyway."

"Point. But would I be missing an eye, would-"

Ian stopped, because he didn't want to tell Henry about the pain, the sadness, the absolutely tremendous amount of stress on all of them, because the preteen with the power of a god decided to come into their lives and play with them like dolls.

He didn't deserve that truth, yet.

Everything was silent for a minute, save for the breaking of the waves and the cry of the gulls.

Finally, Henry managed to say, "I think, I am a little upset to hear you say that. But if I put my emotions aside for a second, I do not think you are entirely wrong, either."

Ian was still. He had seen Henry crush the plastic armrests under his hands, caught the hot iron tang of blood in his nose and a flash of meat in the antlers.

"Has he told you, about my children? His nieces and nephew?"

"No. He hasn't? I'm... sorry?"

For a minute, Henry disappeared. But this time it felt like it was because he chose to do so himself.

Henry blipped back in, now also holding a dreamarita. "My apologies. I did not realize how that would affect me. And I did not hold space for your extremely valid criticisms."

Looking at him, Ian felt a wash of pity come on him. What was it like- no, what had to have happened that even a thousand years later you felt the need to exert that level of control over oneself?

"Anyway," Henry went on. "We had triplets- Acacia, Hank, Willow. They were our everything. Alcor was their fourth parent." The math must clearly have not been mathing on Ian's face because Henry added "We also had my father-in-law with us. No but... I don't regret having Alcor with us, having Alcor raise the kids. He loved them, more than anyone or anything else-"

"-except Mizar."

Henry looked like he bit a lemon.

"Yes. Well. My point is, I don't regret it but thinking about it... we were all affected in some way, letting a demon into our homes, into our bed. And... it wasn't always all good." Henry paused. "But it wasn't all bad, either."

Ian thought about it, really, truly thought about it for a minute.

"It's not all bad," he finally agreed. "But he seriously needs to fix his shit."

"I'll have a talk with him-" Henry's hands and feet blipped, appeared quickly hanging from his antlers, then appeared back where they should be. "Or I'll try to anyway."

They drank their drinks. At some point, a goat wandered onto the beach.

Ian still didn't feel tempted to look back behind him. It felt like being fourteen. It wasn't a good feeling and oh, the calm down hand was pushing him down again-neat!

"I am a little embarrassed that I am just now having this realization," Henry said as he began his second dreamarita. "It feels like something I should have recognized a long time ago."

Ian was now three dreamaritas in and beginning to see 5-D colors. "I wouldn't sweat it, it's probably because your consciousness was violently ripped apart and the resulting energy used to power a demon and now the million fragments of your soul are slowly beginning to piece themselves together and wait, how do I know this?"

"You know the answer."

"Ugh. Him."

"But you are probably correct."

"Orrrrrr, and just throwing this out there- none of this could be real and it's simply my brain trying to process the absolute shitshow of the last few years."

"Perhaps. I know that I, personally, do not feel very 'real' right now, which is also very disconcerting."

They sat. They drank their drinks. The goat was eating a seagull, an image that Ian was almost going to immediately throw on a storyboard for the next episode when he woke up.

"Why are you here? Doing this?" Ian finally asked.

"I don't have anything else better to do. Dipper won't listen to me."

Ian was not going to touch that with a ten foot pole but he went on. "That's not your vibe, that's what assholes like me say."

"I am trying to be witty, but that has never been my strong suit."

Which was why Ian wasn't going to point out that that had been nowhere near wit but-

"-I thought you could use someone to talk to, about all of this."

"Okay, but we already had this conversation and I am pretty sure you are not a licensed therapist."

"Very much not; I was a librarian."

"That tracks."

"So no, I am not a therapist. I certainly can't 'fix' you, nor do I have any intent on doing so."

That flare of anger again. "Okay, but my life would be considerably easier if my brain wasn't constantly trying to crash into the ocean and explode, so I'd rather like some fixing, thank you very much."

Henry held his hands up in supplication. "My apologies, I was trying to go for more 'we are defined by our life experiences.'" He looked down. I'm not always the best with.. talking to people. Understanding them. That was all-"

"Mira." Unbidden, her name out of his mouth.

"Her."

On Henry's arms, Ian could see dozens of little round scars, up and down. His hands clasped his mug, and Ian could see that two or three of his fingers were crooked.

Ian had a feeling why Henry had a hard time with people. It wasn't a good feeling.

"But look. One good talk won't fix everything forever. I think you could use someone to talk to about this a little more regularly. I don't know all of what you've been through, our experiences aren't a one to one comparison but, I get it. Really. And I know in retrospect, I should have talked to someone myself."

"Wait. I'm sorry, you didn't have a therapist? Or anything?"

It was disconcerting to see a middle aged man who could instantly obtain and wear the mantle of Death blush beet red.

Ian could see where this was going. "Henry did you ever talk to your wife about any of this?"

"A... a tiny bit, I think. I hope. But, I think I didn't want to burden her... which in and of itself created a burden on her. I trusted her, more than anything else in the world, but I... I couldn't talk to her."

Henry looked down at the drink in his hands. "It was always so much easier to talk here, than it was in the real world."

Control.

Ian thought about the control it took to keep the anger at bay, keep the temper cool, keep everything inside, at all times.

Control, that was more akin to a prison.

Aloud though, all Ian said was "Oof," because honestly he wasn't sure how to handle this level of honesty from a guy he was only talking to for the second time ever, also who was super dead.

"My apologies, I know that was a lot of- as my kids used to say- 'oversharing.' But I just dont want you to make the same mistakes I did."

A chill trickled down Ian's spine. "Um, I'm actually emotionally available and talk to my fiance like a real person, thank you very much. To say nothing of the multiple therapists I am currently seeing."

Henry ignored Ian's barbs and went on. "I know you talk to Mira-"

"How-"

"I can see inside you," Henry said, nonchalantly.

Not even magic airborne anxiety medicine would keep Ian's heart from immediately jackhammering in his chest, stop his temper from instantly snapping like a twig."

Ian's voice was low. "I am sick and TIRED of people, especially people I don't know, RUMMAGING inside of my head."

Henry was flushing but this time there were stormclouds in his face, which tough shit.

"It all comes down to BILL, always and forever, and apparently that's a legitimate reason to invade my privacy? In the most violating way possible?"

"That was certainly not my intention, could I please explain?"

Ian was standing up now, albeit wobbly because those dreamaritas were hitting hard, and looked out to the ocean beyond. He resisted the urge to dump a devastating one liner and began to wade out into the ocean. He'd just swim until he woke up, and then put "learn how to lucid dream" on his calendar so he could peace out right away next time this happened.

"Wait, Ian you should not go out in that water-"

Ian flipped him the bird and kept going.

"No, seriously, I think that's a rip tide-"

Suddenly, it felt like two hands grabbed Ian's ankles and pulled and now he was flying through the water, further and further from shore. He tried swimming sideways, but the not-hands on his ankles held on tighter and pulled him under."

It was a dream so obviously, Ian didn't need to breathe.

But

Everything around him was wine dark and suffocating. Underneath his feet was tens of thousand of feet of water and more than that was a deep crushing M A W, a great big stingray's mouth that sought out pray and sucked it in to crush it between it's two great grinding plates and he was drawing closer and closer and

Something else wrapped around his waist. Something... wood? It wrapped and it Pulled

And the maw and the wine dark sea and the bird eating goat and the beach were gone, all gone, and it was just him, and Henry, in a blank white space.

"I'm sorry, I tried to take you to my space but-"

For a second, everything flickered around Ian and he was in a forest but flicker again and it was the blank white room.

"-but I think that part of me is gone, right now."

"So. Thank you for saving me, but counterpoint, what the fuck was that murder beach?"

"I did not realize that her beach had.. not quite gotten a mind of its own. Say was akin to a machine left on way too long, running the same processes until it burns out-"

"And those processes are?"

"Eradicate intruders by destroying them, and dispersing their energy."

"And," Ian said after a long minute, "that was your daughter's mind."

"She was going through some things." Henry paused. "In retrospect, quite a lot of things."

Ian sat down, and Henry next to him.

"I don't- it's not on purpose, I promise."

Ian sighed. "I had a feeling. Honestly, you don't give off that kind of vibe. It's just-"

"You've been violated. Several times." There was an edge to Henry's voice and for a second the air around him smelt of blood and pine and wait, was he getting mad on Ian's behalf? Oh, that was... unexpected. But cool, thanks!

Henry closed his eyes, took a breath, and the air cleared. "I want to let you know I am not reading your mind-"

"Oh my stars, is that one theory that souls just watch the living like TV true? Because I got to tell you, I am deeply not sure how I feel about that existentially."

"No. I mean, kind of but-" radio static, again.

"I didn't catch any of that but I'm guessing no one is watching grandma go to the bathroom from the afterlife."

Henry shuddered. "Absolutely not. I can just..." He paused, clearly trying to think of a way to phrase it so that mortals could understand. Finally, he just reached out and gently tapped Ian's chest.

"I see that."

"Are you telling me you can see my heart? Because that is unimaginably corny."

"I can see that you are a good man, who loves and is loved in return."

For once, Ian had nothing to say.

The room began to dim, and Henry looked around. "I think you're starting to wake up."

"Oh, uh... okay."

There was an awkward pause, but finally, Ian extended an olive branch. "It feels like you still have more to say."

"I do."

"Then, I guess I'll see you around."

----

A pillow smacked into his face.

"Dude, why are you groaning so much?"

"Love you too, starshine."

"Seriously though, you practically woke yourself up. Weird dreams?"

Ian's brow crinkled. He couldn't remember anything but-

"Did I drink last night?"

"Um, unless you managed to do it in the 2 minutes we were apart before bed, no?"

"Huh. It's weird but I feel... hungover?"

[femmmie]

More than enough

Read on AO3

words: 1.179

rated: general

excerpt:

Ian smears Anthony's face green, and Anthony squishes the last of the yellow paint into Ian's hair.

"Okay enough!" Ian commands. "Not the hair, dude. Never the hair. Respect the 'do.

"I'm sorry, I got a little carried away," Anthony confesses. "Let's get cleaned up."

They both go into the shower. Ian isn't sure. They have never showered together before. But then again they have never been THIS dirty.

Ian is over at Anthony's place. They are painting together, each making their own piece of art.

Ian keeps smiling while glancing over at Anthony. It's because his best friend is finally, after all these years, taking the time to enjoy something that doesn't immediately relate to work.

"You're getting good at this," he compliments his bestie.

"I think you might be right!" A proud expression forms on Anthony's face. He looks at his painting. "I'm developing a style, I think. I have found my favorite colors at least."

Ian continues his own painting. It's a car. A red Corvette, to be more specific.

"Did you see Amanda's holiday pictures?" Ian asks off-handedly.

"You mean the hundreds of pictures of the same ice cream shop, beach and her in a hammock? No I'm afraid she'll have to send more pictures to entice me to look."

They both laugh. It is late in the afternoon and golden rays of sunlight play in Anthony's curls. Watching that golden display, Ian's eyes widen and his brows raise just a tiny bit.

Anthony turns to look at him at him, and he quickly looks away. Back to his painting.

"So, how do you feel?" Ian asks the simple question, but a lot of meaning lies behind it.

"Yeah. Good. I feel pretty good. Struggling, but you know."

"Yeah, I know."

Anthony has been going through it mentally the last couple of months. After the sheer euphoria of reuniting as classic Smosh, reality is setting in for the both of them.

They are great friends, that much is true. But they have come to the conclusion that juggling New Smosh AND Pressalike is taking too much out of Anthony.

They have argued about it. Anthony insisted that he was fine, that he could handle it. But Ian wasn't going to lose his friend again.

"Please, Anthony. For once! Choose to put yourself first, for fuck's sake!"

And Anthony finally folded. He is taking it easy for now. Being in a few videos here and there, nothing too much. Only stuff he wants to be in.

"Oops!" Ian laughs as he spills red paint all over his hands and it droops onto the floor.

"Oh no!" Anthony giggles. It is such a familiar sound to Ian. Anthony has sounded like this ever since they giggled about poop in sixth grade.

They clean up the mess on the ground together but then Ian smirks mischievously and wipes his dirty hands on Anthony's shirt.

"Hey! Aww Ian you didn't! I'm gonna get you for this..." Anthony splatters blue paint on Ian, messing up his painting.

"My Lighning McQueen portrait!" Oh, it's on. They both squirt bottles at each other, getting increasingly covered in paint.

Ian smears Anthony's face green, and Anthony squishes the last of the yellow paint into Ian's hair.

"Okay enough!" Ian commands. "Not the hair, dude. Never the hair. Respect the 'do.

"I'm sorry, I got a little carried away," Anthony confesses. "Let's get cleaned up."

They both go into the shower. Ian isn't sure. They have never showered together before. But then again they have never been THIS dirty.

To his surprise, Anthony is already undressing. Right in front of him. "Come on, let's get this mess off!" Anthony says with a warm smile.

Ian swallows. He meekly tugs no his own ruined sweater. But Anthony helps him out of it. Anthony is topless and Ian involuntarily looks at the intricate drawings on his torso. He blushes. How can somebody look so maddeningly beautiful?

"Come on, Ian, I'll help get the paint out of your hair. I shouldn't have messed it up." Anthony looks apologetic. He also pulls off his boxers. Ian looks extremely hard into another direction, any direction but his best friend's big dick.

He undresses, there really is nothing he can do about it. The water is already running. He steps in next to Anthony. The warmth of his friend's body feels overwhelming and intoxicating.

Two hands massage his hair. He sees the yellow flush down the drain.

"There we go," Anthony says in a voice Ian has never heard before. A soft-spoken, intimate tone. That together with more massaging his scalp, and gently wiping the paint away from his neck, his shoulders, his back... Ian lets out a loud burp. "Cheers!" Anthony comments, giggling again.

Anthony gets them both towels and gives Ian some of his clothes.

"Black really suits you, did you know that?"

Ian looks down at his, or rather Anthony's socks. "Yeah, whatever dude..."

"I mean it," Anthony insists.

"Anthony are you sure there isn't something in the paint because you're acting weird. Showering with me, giving me compliments, what has gotten into you? Where is my best friend?" He says it as a joke but Anthony looks at him, concerned.

"I'm right here, Ian, I'm right here." His voice is low, urgent. "I'm never leaving you again, never."

"I know, Anthony. I know. And you don't have to keep proving yourself to me. Please, bro. It's kind of stressful."

Anthony’s lip quivers. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, every day... I just love you so much..."

"You don't have to be sorry! I'm so happy you're back, okay! I'm getting a bit tired saying it over and over."

"Please don't be mad," Anthony squeezes his eyes shut and collapses onto the ground. This startles Ian.

"Hey, Anthony, I didn't mean it like that? Hey." He squats down next to Anthony and puts his hand on Anthony's shoulder. "I'm not mad, okay? Just a bit annoyed," he jokes. They both snort a bit.

Ian sits down next to Anthony. "This whole thing is hard, isn't it?" He looks at his best friend. Anthony turns his head and looks back at him. Before Ian can look away, Anthony grabs hold of his chin.

"Yeah, it's hard. And I would do it again, and again, and again. If it meant that I got to sit here next to you."

"Goddamnit Anthony." Ian fights back tears.

Anthony spreads his knees so one of them touches Ian's thigh. He sighs. "I'm not okay, am I?"

"I'm here for you, no matter what my broski." Ian tries to lighten the mood.

"I guess "us" has always been hard. Easy and hard at the same time, you know?"

"Yeah." Ian knows exactly what Anthony means. That truth they both know but can't admit to. That truth is, they love each other. A whole lot more than just as best friends.

The dusk has settled as they both get up.

"I'm tired," Anthony mumbles. "Please stay with me tonight?"

How can Ian refuse that. He lies down on Anthony's bed as his friend falls asleep almost instantly. He looks at him. There, right beside him. His bro from Sac'. The guy who always got the girls. The guy who laughs the hardest. And the man who is his best friend. The wounds may not have healed just yet, maybe they never will. But Anthony came back and that is more than enough for Ian.

[lilac-hecox]

Okay so I'm still thinking about Shayne and Ian getting drunk together. They shoot the shit and have a good time and one thing leads to another... I'll let you handle the rest.

Ian/Shayne - Shian - Glass

--

“Hey man, thanks for coming over and hanging with me,” Ian says, tipping his bottle of beer towards Shayne in a mock cheering.

“Of course,” Shayne says in a grin, tipping his own matching bottle back, “that’s what friends are for, right?”

Ian huffs a laugh and for a second his eyes go far away, distant. Shayne regrets the choice of words, but he doesn’t say anything and just a handful of seconds later Ian’s eyes brighten again. It’s only been a few weeks since Anthony left Smosh and Ian’s been their de-facto leader outside of Defy working to make things seem normal, working too hard, their efforts making everything seem false. Ian hasn’t talked about it, at least not to Shayne, or Courtney, or any of the other cast members.

“You, okay?” Shayne asks instead of ignoring the silence that settles over them like a layer of dust.

Ian looks up and nods, but he holds Shayne’s gaze a beat too long before he looks into the amber glass of his beer bottle and shakes his head.

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”

Then, he looks far away again, somewhere too far where Shayne can’t follow. Shayne is about to change the subject when Ian starts talking again.

“You ever feel like you don’t really know who you are?”

“I think everybody feels that way at some point.”

Ian shrugs, “Just, I thought I knew who I was. All these things I’ve been known for all my life, you know? Anthony’s best friend and co-founder of Smosh, and a comedian, and ‘the funny one’ but never the hot one, and never the leader but always the sidekick. All these years I’ve been defined by him and my friendship with him, and he has with me, and now he’s just…gone? He’s gone and I’m here and Smosh is here, but it’s not the same,” Ian says, his voice sad, more emotional than Shayne has ever heard it, “So, who the fuck am I now?”

“Hey,” Shayne says softly, setting his beer down next to him. The two of them are sitting on the carpeted floor of Ian’s living room because Ian had been showing Shayne his video game collection, and they had been drinking, and laughing, but now the room is quickly shifting into something else, something bigger and darker, and heavier, “You’re Ian Hecox. You’re a great dude. You are Smosh now.”

Ian shakes his head. “Smosh was never…I mean, he started the website, you know? I was just in the right place at the right time. Anthony was the one who made Smosh. Defy thinks you guys are doing great, by the way,” Ian adds, “I do too. Fans love you guys, especially you, Shayne.”

“Thanks,” Shayne says quietly. He squeezes Ian’s shoulder, aiming to comfort him.

Ian looks at him, then his hand, then meets his eyes and smiles.

“It is strange to feel haunted by someone that is still alive.”

Shayne nods. He wasn’t very close to Anthony, but he knows the history between Ian and the other man, the friendship, the bond, and he can see the impact Anthony’s departure has had on Ian.

“I’m sorry, Ian.”

Again, Ian shrugs. “Probably for the best…I guess. That’s what he said before he left.”

Shayne may not have known Anthony as well as Ian did, but right now he feels Anthony’s presence in every corner of the room, hanging over Ian like a shadow, a cloud that Ian can’t escape from.

Shayne squeezes Ian’s shoulder and again Ian smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes.

“I know you’re not big on physical affection, but you want a hug?” Shayne offers.

Ian laughs, his face red from the alcohol and he shrugs.

“Why the fuck not.”

Then Shayne turns and pulls Ian into a hug, rubbing his hand along Ian’s spine. He feels Ian take a shuddery breath, and somehow Shayne’s other hand skates up to the back of Ian’s neck, holding on so he can pull back to see into Ian’s clear, blue eyes.

They look at each other for a moment, a long and quiet moment, and then Shayne isn’t sure who leans forward first, or who accepts it, but their mouths meet in a kiss. It’s innocent and kind of shitty, but Ian fists his hands in Shayne’s t-shirt and Shayne keeps kissing him.

Ian’s tongue is in his mouth, Shayne presses Ian down on to his back on to the carpeted floor. Ian can’t have time to overthink or be sad when Shayne’s kissing him breathlessly. It might be a mistake. They have been drinking and Ian’s in a vulnerable place, and he’s Shayne’s boss. Neither of them stops though. Neither of them is strong enough to say no.

[vannahmontannah]

It was really late in the day and Duke and Eisley decided to stop by Chick-Fil-A to get some food. They ordered what they wanted and parked in the lot and chilled for a bit. It was a warm, cozy night as the nightfall overshadowed the Earth. The wind was smooth, sky was clear, moonlight was pushing its light, and the stars worked its magic.

"By next year, imma already have the house set, so that way I already have ahead start. I move out, got my own crib, my own car, and from there I get to work. Not sure if I wanna go all the way to play professional though," Duke said.

"Why not? I think you should! You are the most popular player right now—you and Kai! Don't just take that for granted,"

"I'm not, but then that's going to be a lot. I mean the money and the attention will be good, but...that's a big step. I'm out there on my own, leaving you behind—"

"You don't gotta leave me behind!"

"Not like that. I'm saying like, imma be out there you gone be here waiting for me to come back and I could be gone for months. Long distance is a lot of discipline,"

"It is, but I will be here to support, you know that,"

"I know. I just came and did football for fun. Ian think I was going to be this big. I'll think about it soon,"

"Dude...you got offers from hella teams already. Go and take that opportunity!"

"I'll think about it Eisley,"

"You can be so fucking difficult sometimes,"

"You can too. You get so stubborn half the time,"

"Only because some shit is actually insane as hell. You over here contradicting yourself and shit! Just go!"

"My decision, my choice. Now be quiet and eat your food!"

"Duke, you can be so unsure of yourself sometimes and no matter what anyone tells you, you double down. Why?"

"I don't know...I don't know..."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Only told my parents about the offers, but not anyone else. Just you and my parents know,"

"Duke I'm gonna always be here for you, okay? You don't need to feel like I'm holding you back. We gone be locked in and imma be here when it's time. But like you said...your decision, your choice,"

Duke sipped his drink and scrolled on his phone. Eisley noticed he was going through his tags and peaked at his phone. It was just a bunch of mentions from a lot of people. He noticed he was on that fan page that she saw earlier. She frowned and tilted her head.

"Do you know who runs that page? You're always liking their posts,"

"No I don't. I just be liking it because I appreciate the support just like I like some of the other mentions I get,"

"Don't you think it's just a bit weird though? Like, they have to know us by now and this? This is kind of creepy,"

"Yeah, but I just like once in a while and keep going. If it bothers you, I can stop,"

"Yes, please? That is getting out of hand? 500k followers? That's insane,"

"You want someone to make a fan page of you?" Duke laughed.

"No!"

"You jealous?"

"Of what?!"

"I got fans,"

"Duke, please do not play with me right now,"

Duke laughed it off and continued to mess with her. Although they were playing and such, Eisley was getting bothered by this fan page. They had a new post almost everyday. She had no problems with him having fans, but this was out of hand. Who is this?

~~~~~

It's a week before the homecoming and the morning before tonight's game and all the students are running around like chickens without heads trying to get the perfect pieces for their outfits. Things like this can be stressful for a lot of reasons and it can be hard to handle! Kassy and Jacob are waiting in the day of the homecoming because they have big plans! All the fraternity and sorority members will also be at the big game which is taking place at CAU.

Patricia, Dia and Charity and were at the mall looking for jewelry to finish off their outfits for the dance. Patricia was going with her boyfriend, Kai and Dia were going as dates, and Jawan and Charity are going as dates.

"I feel like this is just not it though, like, just look at it," Dia said, staring at the material in disgust.

"Yeah, let's pass on this one. It's giving granny," Patricia added.

"They need to put this shit away," Dia said.

"Well, it's not for us. It's for a certain type of consumer. Old people..." Charity said.

"But why is it in the young adult section?" Dia asked.

"Misplaced,"

"This look like some shit you would buy," Dia laughed.

"Why would you say that?"

"You're just...different,"

"Whatever..."

"Who are you going with again? Jawan? Why Jawan?"

"I mean, he just asked. Is something wrong?"

"You should give him a chance. I don't see why not. You think he's ugly? Is his dick small?"

"Jesus! No!"

"So you've seen it?"

"No! I never seen it! I don't know what it looks like! He was nice enough to ask me and I said yes. That's it. What is wrong with you?"

"Jawan likes you IF you haven't noticed by now," Patricia said.

"Yeah, I know. He knows I don't like him back anyways, so,"

"And you two are going as dates? Wow," Dia said.

"Well, again, he asked. Enough about me. What about you and Kai?"

"We are best friends, so why not? Plus, he's the most fun person I know and I know imma have a good time at the homecoming,"

"Do you like him?"

"No. And he don't like me,"

"Ronnie just texted the chat," Patricia said.

"What'd she say?"

"She said Duke hurt his knee,"

"What?! Bro! The big game is next week!"

"They're at the hospital right now. I got what I need, so imma go,"

"Imma go too,"

"I wasn't done shopping—"

"Girl, we'll finish later!" Dia said.

~~~~~~~

"Ahh!" Duke screamed, positioning his knee.

"You thought it was okay to do a backflip off the fuckin bleachers?!" Eisley yelled.

"Eisley, please don't start!"

"Fuck the game tonight—the big game is next week! What are you gonna do!"

"See how far my knee is fucked up!"

"Ugh! Duke...you can be so goofy sometimes to the point where it hurts,"

"I do backflips off the bleachers all the time though,"

"But you never did from the seats have you?"

"I was supposed to hit the ground,"

"Well, you didn't! Your foot got caught in between the seats and your knee is messed the fuck up!"

"Okay, let's all just calm down," Ronnie said.

"I'm calm. She's just yapping,"

"I should really sit on your knee—"

"Okay! Let's all take a breather! Let's take a woohsah!" Ronnie said, breathing in and out.

"Hey, we made it!" Patricia said.

"Hey!" Dia greeted.

Charity waved at everyone in the room and put on a shy smile. She looked at Duke and waved. He waved back and smiled. Chills went down her spine as she can't believe she is in a room with him again! And the fact that he is noticing her!

"What's all the ruckus?" Dia asked.

"She's yapping on about how I shouldn't have flipped off the bleachers. I know it was dumb, but I should be fine," Duke said.

"It's just...the game is next week, baby,"

"I know. But I will be okay. Promise. Won't do another backflip til next year," he smiled.

"Okay," she cheesed.

"What they say about your leg?" Charity asked.

"They said it was a lil out of place, but I should be fine,"

"They said he tore his ligament and it's gonna take 6-12 weeks to recover,"

"Damn! I mean, that's honestly sad, man," Patricia said.

"Imma still be playing though. Don't worry bout it,"

"I don't know. Them coaches don't be letting they injured players play," Charity said.

"Not to be cocky or that guy, but my coach gone give me a pass," Duke said.

"How many more games you got left?"

"Like five,"

"You ain't gone make it. Lord, help me!"

[jademickian]

oh man, haven't done tag games in a while, sorry friends 🥹 i've been passive the last few weeks because uni is really taking most of my time and energy, but i appreciate the tags and i love love reading your answers<3

ok enough blabbering, thank u @callivich, @lingy910y, and @mickeysgaymom for the totally optional, fun gallavich questions tag!

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

Stuck at Three for Days - delicious banter, laughed my ass off

another kiss is all it takes - so fuckin sweet, dude

Like Real People Do - just finished my reread last month:)) i needed the comfort

Cooperative Gameplay - currently rereading! i miss the feels

Sometimes I reread bits and pieces from ORFNSP and since we're alone because they changed my brain chemistry. I will eventually get around to actually rereading them.

2. What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

You know the one... this legendary world heritage gifset

3. What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

not sure if this is counted but i always like to think that once, ian got struck with grief about monica's death on her death anniversary. mickey asks him what's wrong and he opens up about it. ian will say it's stupid but mickey will truly handle it with grace and say nah man it's not. because yahknow, he gets it. and ian melts at it, because no one has acknowledged his grief like this before. mickey teases him about it a bit, sure, but deep down he held ian's mourning warmly, like petals on his palm. and they went together to the cemetery that day, simply sat in front of her grave and talked. the good things, the bad. and that despite it all "hey, tleast she popped out an alien lookin mfer i ended up marryin." they get pizza after.

4. What’s a fanart you love looking at?

Van kiss by @lingy910y

Prince Mononoke by @darthvaders-wife

Prison Boyfriends by @gallavichonly

Part of Our World by @steorie

It's Okay by WhatsaMattavich

This Kiss by @deathclassic

SO MANY others actually if i could fit them all here

5. What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

i actually have a LIST lmao. one of those has something to do with art because i cannot take my mind away from human mickey and manananggal ian (manananggal is a Philippine myth creature with wings and can separate the upper half of its body from its lower half).

6. What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

oh man. believe it or not, i was never into fics. i was in fandoms before, but i just couldn't get into fics within those fandoms (i tried). this is the only time i truly liked and LOVED reading fics. it really speaks volumes about the talent and dedication, and i'm glad i got to experience it.

it's also fun reading metas on the show and getting different perspectives, especially on characters. one of my favorites (just because i was so distressed about it the first time i watched it) are analyses on the city hall scene and ian's hesitation on marriage. after reading up others' thoughts on it explaining the why's, i totally felt some relief and was able to get some sleep. lol

7. What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

apocalypse aus 👍

8. What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show?

The first five seasons are gems to me. but i truly love season 2 because it's so chill (at least compared to some of the heavier seasons after) and the gallaghers move as a unit. special mention for season 4 because it holds Emily and Lazarus.

9. What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

same qualms with @mickeysgaymom about mickey's mom. brain rotting over it.

10. What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

not gallavich related, and i'm sure people have already mentioned it, but sometimes it hits me how smart debbie is. like, i know she's smart, but people easily forget from all the chaos. at the heart of it, she's a fast learner and also would and have excelled academically.

11. What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

aaaa @lingy910y beat me to it! it's totally "I'll take care of you. / It's rotten work. / Not to me. Not if it's you." but if i could pick another, maybe "I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world."

12. What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

they'll grow old together and be just as in love, no matter what happens in between.

tagging @mybrainismelted, @scurvgirl, and @lupeloto if u wanna join!! raahh

[jaggedwolf]

my assessment of pll's male love interests so far if they were gender swapped to women

in order of uhhh appearance for lack of anything better

Ezra: grown woman version is as pathetic as the grown man version, but also she is somehow less realistic than her canon self in predicting the response to her. oh god, is her stopping nick mccullers in this version supposed to be a hashtag gay solidarity moment? the only positive thing here is that contemporary viewers and reviewers made jokes abut Ezria being lesbians with how much repetitive emotional processing they did and them actually being an f/f couple would make those jokes slightly tolerable. slightly.

Wren: again, extremely pathetic grown woman. only slightly interesting thing is if Ian is still a dude and so Melissa goes from f!Wren to Ian and happy baby times ever after except haha not. also would involve Spencer kissing a lady which is undoubtedly a positive. pll finding a way to offscreen kill a queer character in the series finale would crack me up too.

Toby: ok, now I'm actively interested. I have no idea how you handle the Toby -> Emily angle so we'll ignore all of that, I just think I would approve of area motorcycle-riding hated-by-town teen carpenter lesbian with a six pack that Spencer has truck makeouts with. I'd still dislike her for the later stuff I dislike later Toby for, but it would be a good ride till then! As would what Spoby get in the finale.

Noel: Okay he's not a liar love interest but as a fan of area edgelord Noel Kahn, I just want to note I'd approve of the female version of him as well, that's all. Running around town thinking she's the baddest girl. This would also make Emily's brief jealousy over Maya and Noel talking more fun.

Alex: Oh 100% approve, also I guess Melissa's comment that Spencer is just dating Alex to piss of Dad Hastings has an extra edge to it.

Caleb: Another 100% approval, and this might be the rare case of whatever later behavior annoyed me in the male love interest would annoy me less in a woman? I don't remember exactly how he annoyed me though, so unclear. Also because Caleb pops up in 1B, it would be very funny to have an entire half season of Emily angsting about her sexuality and then Hanna starts dating F!Caleb like it's no big deal XD. Oh, and Mona hates F!Caleb more. So much more. Hanna is kissing a girl and it's not even one that dresses well???

Jason: Again, still a pathetic grown woman, but the most interesting of our three grown women here? To me, at least, in being a stoner creepster with the guys, and there's something interesting about Alison and Spencer having F!Jason as an older sister, especially with Spencer's existing issues with her known older sister. Uh the Jaria stuff remains immensely boring.

[andrewmoocow]

Fooly Falls Incorrect Quotes

Haruko: Kicks the door down looking panicked Stan: What did you do? Haruko: Nobody died. Stan: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

-

Haruko: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Jinyu: Jinyu: Haruko, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn… Haruko: Sips coffee from bowl

-

Gwen: What do you think Tyrone will do for a distraction? Arnold: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. Building explodes and several car alarms go off Arnold: … or he could do that.

-

Juan: Jorge and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us. Imelda: Sighing What did Jorge do? Juan: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and… Jorge: Who wants a steering wheel?

-

Dipper: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Mabel: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Stan: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Haruko: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Dipper: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

-

Ford: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? Jinyu: Oh, I’m always running. Jinyu: The question is from what.

-

Ford: Jinyu, I'm sad. Jinyu: Holds out arms for a hug It’s going to be okay. Stan: Haruko, I'm sad. Haruko, nodding: mood.

-

Ezra: Is something burning? Leia: Just my love for you. Ezra: Leia, the toaster is on fire.

-

Dipper: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people? Wendy: Plane tickets? Gwen: Concert tickets? Tyrone: Prostitution? Dipper, holding his broken frames: Glasses.

-

Mabel: Your mother and I don’t use pet names. Arnold: I see. Hey, what do bees make? Mabel: Honey? Pacifica: Yes, dear? Mabel: Arnold: Don't ever lie to my face again.

-

Gwen: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Tyrone: What if it bites me and it dies!? Dipper: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Tyrone, learn to listen. Mabel: What if it bites itself and I die? Haruko: That’s voodoo. Jinyu: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Tyrone: That’s correlation, not causation. Mabel: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Haruko: That’s kinky. Gwen: Oh my God.

-

Soos: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it. Ian: Dad, no. Leia: Mistlefoe. Ian: Please stop encouraging him.

-

Dipper: Jinyu! My face is on fire! Jinyu: Dipper! Are you ok?! Dipper: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly. Jinyu: But your face is on fire. Dipper: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

(side note: Like greatuncle, like greatnephew)

[thesinglesjukebox]

ARIANA GRANDE - "YES, AND?"

So there've been a few developments since the last time around...

[5.17]

Rachel Saywitz: Improv Player 1: That new Ariana Grande single is really growing on me. 

Improv Player 2: Yes, and it’s not just because she’s referring to a staple improvisational tool, that I, as someone who was captain of their senior year improv team in high school, relate to. 

Improv Player 1: Yes, and I was sub-captain of my senior year improv team in high school, which does not upset me in any way whatsoever nor do I think about it every night before bed, staring up at the ceiling, my eyes damp and wide, as I consider all that has led me here and whether it was worth it, to be here at this community improv class with you, someone I know nothing about other than the fact that we both paid $20 to list opinions at each other.

Improv Player 2: Yes….and… I think the song is probably one of Max Martin’s most understated tracks he’s written for Ari, which plays really well for her, because I can feel the intensity of her message so clearly—

Improv Player 1: “Yes, and,” we shout past each other, too eager to let our own thoughts be the center of someone else’s world. But it’s only for a split second, because there is always another “yes, and,” from our opposing partner to shoot us in the dark cavities of our mind as we race to snuff out yet another one-uppance. 

Improv Player 2: Yes, um, and, um, I like how she’s obviously speaking about herself while turning the public chatter onto the listener too, even though it gets a bit “Vogue”-y near the end, you can tell she’s kind of pandering to you a bit—

Improv Player 1: “Yes”’s and “and”’s proliferate not just this crusty basement of a down-ridden community center, but in the cross section of mind and heart. The opposing partner, is it not our id rising up against the passive ego to offer more of our body, heart, and soul to the echoing natural plane? How much more can we more before the more is too much?

Improv Player 2: Dude. Are you okay? 

Improv Player 1: Yes. And?  [7]

Edward Okulicz: "Vogue," if written by committee, with an extra dose of pandering and a terrible chorus and the distinct stink of trying too hard. So not actually very much like "Vogue," I suppose. But "Yes, And?" is otherwise so featureless and uninteresting that considering its intent -- probably to hoover up as much discourse as it can like a black hole that lives on the Internet -- is more interesting than trying to tease out any real musical merit. [4]

Leah Isobel: Okay, yeah, "Vogue" interpolation, whatever. "Yes, And?" actually reminds me of teenpop-era Robyn: check the verse chord progression that feels both weightless and constantly inverting, like riding a conveyor belt on the ceiling of an airport terminal. But where Robyn's fur-lined voice warmed up Max Martin's antiseptic interiors, Ariana's silvery perfection only enhances the song's posthuman qualities. That's not to say she doesn't convey emotion, but that the way she does it is so glossy and CGI-smooth that the emotion she conveys seems elevated above actual humanity. (This is why you can plop her voice into a video game, and it makes perfect sense.) She's like a pop fairy godmother or possibly a good witch, entering from another plane of reality to whisper and belt and inspire. I'm sure this is an unbelievably exhausting position to be in -- the very cool and vaguely discomfiting vocal processing on the prickly bridge indicates as such. But "Yes, And?" still seems beholden to that image, its pneumatic airlessness overwhelming. I like it, but I don't know if Ariana does. [6]

Ian Mathers: "Yes, And?" is probably not an improv reference in context, but it's also not the meme I was thinking about (that'd be "And what about it?"). The energy is similar, though, with some weird offshoots. There's one lyric that always makes me think it's the "like their father or their dog just died" bit from Cohen's "Everybody Knows," and on the other hand there's the whole "my tongue is sacred"/energy stuff that kinda lands with a thud. Luckily the production is gently bumping enough and the chorus scans just on the right side of enjoyably enjambed that even if I still find Grande a little indistinct as a performer, I'm not going to be pissed if I start hearing this all the time. [7]

Maddie Lee: It seems inevitable that there was a Madonna follow-up to Beyoncé's Malcolm McLaren. The two-chord progression of "Yes, And?" can be traced back to the "Love Groove" section of MFSB's "Love is the Message," a song that embodied the plush, feminine drama of the pre-Masters at Work ballroom era (as echoed in "Deep in Vogue"). When "Yes, And?" invokes it, it's merely ready-to-wear glamour, much like the image of putting one's lipstick on. I find "Vogue" more fun to listen to than "Deep in Vogue", and I can't deny the instant pleasure of "Yes, And?" If only "And what about it?" scanned better lyrically. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: A familiar-sounding and overly labored slice of diva house that's unremarkable aside from the way that Ariana turns herself into a Vocaloid for the title phrase, which serves the song well as an aural trademark, even as it constantly threatens to float away and attach itself to a different song entirely. [5]

Isabel Cole: It’s punctuated like a question, but I can’t stop hearing it as the improv troupe’s imperative—yes, and!---as though the song is instructing the listener to proceed stumbling through life’s hurdles with little heed for coherence or curveballs. Somehow it works in the song’s favor to take it in the spirit of pretend. The first rule of songs about how you totally don’t care about the haters is, of course, that they are universally released by people who care a lot, but few singers in the genre have sounded less convincingly carefree than Ariana. The bridge in particular descends or erupts, depending on your perspective, into a masterclass in passive-aggression so blatantly delivered with a smile on her face and daggers in her eyes that I have to laugh even though I, like every other human on earth, will never hear this song without thinking about the real-world mess that precipitated it. Kind of annoying, a little bit funny—like I said: improv. [6]

Michael Hong: This is like when your friend does something awful and goes "bye, so done with the drama," then proceeds to log back into Instagram a day later. It's fun to watch! The message of self-love rings a bit hollow, but it's a decent time regardless. [6]

Andrew Karpan: An almost movingly empty pop record that has the peculiar dignity to name itself that, betraying a sense of humor that evokes both the highs and lows of HBO’s The Idol. [3]

Jackie Powell: Ariana Grande catapulted herself into the upper echelon of the pop world by putting out music that addressed and reflected upon her personal plight. This worked beautifully with “Thank U, Next,” where she altered the way artists can reflect upon their relationships without being spiteful and petty. And don’t forget about the music video, where Grande brought Mean Girls back into the cultural zeitgeist years before Reneé Rapp did. Grande attempts to get the same result with “yes, and?” over five years later, but does it work? Not in the same way. There’s a new personal life situation she’s singing about, but this time it's unethical, and there’s no debating that. She sure does try, though, in her own version of Lady Gaga’s “Do What U Want" -- remember, that song where Gaga spoke about the gossip writers and the paparazzi whose criticism felt suffocating? (And yes there was an embarrassing feature on there, but that’s not the point.) What I found insensitive about “yes, and?” was the group of people that Grande vilified in the music video. The intro features people who she deems to be “the critics”: people who are critical of what Grande’s music is like in addition to the person she is. Although Grande’s privacy and personal life are being violated by the gossip media, she conflates music criticism and those who write about music not just for clicks with those who do. Her timing to jab music criticism when it’s in freefall is indicative of how artists have forgotten or don’t care about its purpose: not simply aiming to be critical, but rather to make sense of the next step in Grande's discography. Sonically, "Yes, And?" might be an even catchier single than “Thank U, Next”: Max Martin and ILYA constructed an interpolation of Madonna’s “Vogue” that sounds and feels fresh, rather than completely ripping off the source material. (Yes, I’m looking at you “7 Rings.”) But the whole point of "Vogue" was to encourage self-expression and empowerment. Grande tries to do that with phrases like “be your own fuckin’ best friend,” but the song doesn’t get there because of the people she ices out. It’s ironic, because the first verse of “Yes, And?” is all about how everyone is “healin’ from somebody or somethin’ we don’t see.”  [6]

Mark Sinker: The English actor whining about hummus in the skit at the start of the vid gives me nasty skin-prickle (inventing opposition this gratingly fake is bad pushback against pushback); and yet when the hatas and the critics do gather (my critics which are mine), I too will always put on my mimsiest little flimsiest little voice and tell them “BE YR OWN FKN VEST!” And OK, as advice “turn on your light” isn’t that much of a counter to the advancing Lynchian dark (a Lynch-light always hums and flickers), but what is a counter (underplayed, on a repeat note) is the Madonnoid “ — and — ”… So the pushback won’t stop, no, but we are at a likeable enough dynamic impasse. [7]

Alex Clifton: I was really hoping this would be a cover of the Kelly Clarkson/Ed Sheeran song, but my dreams were dashed. This is "No Tears Left to Cry"-lite, tackling the same topic but in a deeply different context. "No Tears" was born out of the trauma of a terrorist attack; "Yes, And?" stems from a PR crisis painting Grande as a homewrecker. I too get frustrated when tabloids get bogged down in the personal details of female stars' lives, but the SpongeBob affair has been so unabashedly messy that it's really hard to ignore. Something about the IDGAF attitude in this rubs me absolutely the wrong way and somehow magnifies the circumstances rather than sweeping them under the rug. "No Tears" works, in part, because it's blissfully escapist from some of the most horrific stuff on the planet. This song feels more like an unhealthy, willful denial of reality. It's immensely catchy, and usually I'm way more forgiving for catchy, but that can't save Grande this time. [4]

Katherine St. Asaph: When listening to songs like "Yes, And?" I often try to imagine the reaction not by someone plugged into stan culture and fandoms and tabloid drama, but by casual listeners of top 40 radio -- the people once called Local Twitter. Tabloids, fandoms, and stan culture are popular enough even among casual listeners that perhaps this isn't a large group, but surely there must be at least one such person. "Yes, And?" is basically "Vogue" via the unbothered/in my lane/moisturized meme, and shorn of all other context, it could simply be a slinky midtempo confidence-booster about rising above a dark situation, like "No Tears Left to Cry" before it. Except the "dark situation" "Yes, And?" presents itself as panacea and strut-soundtrack for is not experiencing horrifying violence as on "No Tears," or having panic attacks as on "Breathin," or even offending the institutions of patriotism and donut hygiene, but a new relationship that Occam's Razor suggests involved cheating with someone who just had a kid with his ex-wife. I can't say that shit with my chest without the interior of my chest raising some objections. The biographical criticism would be unfair if Ariana didn't bring the situation into the song itself, and my stance remains unchanged: at least own your decisions! Instead, we have a "yes, and?" chorus that is snappy and thought-terminating in a "u mad?" kind of way but that does not actually say the real shit, let alone with one's chest; it's anti-introspection disguised as acceptance. That's the moral critique. The practical critique is that while "Yes, And?" is partly a song about how Ariana doesn't owe the parasocial fixation of hecklers any details of whatever internal reckoning she may or may not be having, it's also a song written as inspirational advice to its listeners. And by dragging in the whole sordid affair, Ariana turns a broad song about any number of dark situations into a narrow song about her own dark situation. Unless you can relate in that specific way, why wouldn't you just listen to Ariana's other songs instead? They sound the same. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: Me: Fam if you willingly go along with 4 guys willing to break up their relationships to be with you, you might need to start picking unattached dudes who are actually loyal. Ari: yes, and? me: ............ok fine you're right. the song is still mid tho. [4]

Jacob Satter: Grande and her team's skill at hitting the big red DISCOURSE button (apparently four notable instances over three years is a trend now?) underlies her considerable, consistent skill at making a silk purse out of half a pop song. Disappointingly, "yes, and?" is more high-quality knockoff than true designer. Rather than teasing her new album, Ariana is shopping a haughtier attitude and a fresh cut facade, leaving "yes" without the burr to merit continued rub.   [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The verses are slick, their conversational tone and criss-crossing harmonies filled with a congenial air. For the first single of a new era, it feels expertly non-descript. Grande sounds like the older sister you eagerly look to for inspiration, the kind who casually imparts wisdom while powdering her face. And then the chorus arrives to dilute the message: simplistic in its melodic phrasing, hokey in its lyricism, and not catchy either. It feels, frankly, like she’s trying too hard; even then, a more robust arrangement could’ve made this go down easier. As is, I find it hard to imagine luxuriating in these sounds on the dancefloor. By the time she mentions her current partner, I’ve lost interest. [4]

Dave Moore: I hated Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" for its wan Madonna hijacking, so I suppose, this being even an even wanner wannabe, I should be commensurately less kind. But I have mellowed in my old age -- I can't muster more than a "meh."  [5]

Alfred Soto: A crunchy pop house track with piano clang, "Yes, And?" suits Ariana Grande's insouciant, scratchy tones. I'll dance to it despite verses >>> chorus.  [7]

Kayla Beardslee: Light and floaty vocal performance plus light and floaty instrumental equals nothing to tie the groove to earth. [5]

Harlan Talib Ockey: It’s lifeless. It’s barely recognizable as Ariana Grande. It’s a washed-out house version of “You Need to Calm Down,” equating queer pride to Ariana's audacity during her cheating scandal. What if "Vogue" was beige? [3]

Jibril Yassin: It's baffling to hear an Ariana Grande song that commands so little attention, whether it be the middling verses that speak of nothing, a chorus that fails to jump beyond the uninspiring production, or a bridge that can't seem to muster up more than a send-up of the eyebrows.  [4]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: You know your attempt at some dancefloor anthem catharsis falls flat when the AI RuPaul version sounds more cunt than you. It's a soft chop for me.  [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: When she sings here, Ariana is all too vague; her (gorgeous as always) voice is used to deliver platitudes that are less than meaningless ("or something we don't see just right" sounds like a Max Martin x Predictive Text co-write.) When she speaks it's even worse; spending 15 percent of your comeback single giving a state-of-the-notion-of-celebrity address is not only uneconomical, but isn't the kind of excess that awes or excites, either. If there's anything here, it's in the beat; she's always been among our most skilful pop stars at making dance music you can actually dance to, and regardless of the obvious antecedents here I can still get down to this. Pity about everything else, though! [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[spaceorphan18]

I really want to know who your favourite LOTR characters are! I saw an ask about Silmarillion that said you've already answered this before but I tried searching your blog and couldn't find it

Oh hello! Usually my tag is LOTR for this stuff, but I may have forgotten to tag things.

Anyway... my favorite LOTR Characters!

Bilbo Baggins

This is probably more due to the Hobbit, which I did read before LOTR. But I've always thought of him as my fictional kindred spirit. He's grumpy and tired and really wants to be left alone so he can write his book. And the only way you'll get him to do anything is show up with 13 dwarves and a wizard to kick him out the door.

Btw - Martin Freeman was a perfect casting for this role. I'm sad the Hobbit films weren't better ones, because Freeman embodies him perfectly.

Gandalf

Look, I love Wizards. Love. Them. Maybe it's the aesthetic? Maybe it's the idea of some old, frail looking dude being able to kick your butt with ancient magic? Maybe it's the fact that they're the ones who always know the mythology? I don't know. But one of the reasons I love LOTR is for the wizards, and Gandalf is one of the greatest. Plus, he's grumpy and too old for this shit and really would rather just sit back and enjoy the Hobbit nonsense if he could.

Also - another perfect casting choice here with Ian McKellen.

Pippin

I really love the Hobbits in general, but Pippin is my favorite. I think in both the book and the movies he gets some really great material - he's not as comical in the book, but he does bring levity to the story in both. Plus, his story arc showcases how someone so small can be beneficial to the overall story and he gets to hang out with Gandalf a ton.

Aragorn

I mean, look at this sexy dude. ;) I think this is one of those instances where the movies gave a lot more complexity to a character who was more of an archetype in the book. But I think I just kind of love the gruff, gritty guy who is actually an heir to royalty but really isn't in it for that trope.

Legolas

I'm really fond of the Elves in general - and their mythology is one of the hearts of the book. But in the movies, let's be real, it's mostly aesthetic. ;) Also - the fact that there are so many great memes. Lol

Frodo & Sam

Okay, I originally just had Sam on here - Sam is the literal heart of the whole story, and has one of the best arcs in the whole book. It's really his story, and I absolutely adore him.

I'm including Frodo here, though because in the movies, he and Sam have one of my favorite dynamics. In the books, Frodo and Sam have a very strictly master-companion relationship, it grows into a very strong bond, but there is that level of class that always stays between them. To make it more modern (and I'd say more American - but this is a New Zealand film) they eased up on the class stuff and made it a really strong friendship. I'd even go as far to say that this is perhaps the best 'romance' of the movies. (I don't even mean that in a sexual way - but that their love and connection is very deep and isn't played up for laughs in the same way as Merry and Pippin or Legolas and Gimli.)

Faramir

Honestly, I think he's a character I enjoy a lot in the movies, and maybe less so in the books. He doesn't have much of a personality in the books - and I'm okay with the movies trying to give him a better character arc. But idk, I've always liked him - maybe because he gets to pal around with Pippin while they're both stuck in Minas Tirith.

Eowyn

It's really sad that I only have one woman on this list but at least she gets to be badass and gets to do cool things.

****

In case you're wondering about some characters not on this list...

Merry - Poor Merry gets the shaft. But he is the weakest developed of the four main hobbits. His friendship with Pippin is great though.

Gimli - Okay, people don't hate me, I've never been all that into the Dwarven cultures. :/

Gollum - Look, I realize he's, like, the favorite of everyone, the most morally complex, and Andy Serkis should have gotten a damn Oscar for that role, but I just don't like him. Sorry.

Saruman - I really don't think he gets to do all that much in either book or movie. He has some interesting backstory stuff going on, but he's a little generic in the main story.

Boromir - Tolkien doesn't have a lot of morally gray characters in his books, so it's great when we get to see him. But for me, I'm meh on him even if I recognize that he is a good character.

Elrond and Galadriel - Both of whom have better stories elsewhere in Tolkien's mythology.

Arwen - Ug, she's not a character in the books, and barely a character in the films.

Sauron - You know, he's a great character in pre-third age related things. But he's used only as a dark menace here, so I feel, despite being the main antagonist, you don't get a full sense of him and he's not much of a character in LotR.

Okay, did I miss anyone? Despite there being a million characters in these books -- there really aren't that many characters that play an active role.

[theboysfromaustin]

I wanted to write more about their budding relationship, the morning after their first night sharing a bed. Vaguely NSFW? I guess? Guys being dudes.

-----

May 27, 2004

Kazuo stirred, stretching.

He touched something, and he opened his eye, confused.  Snuggled into the blankets across from him was Ian, sleeping like an angel.  A snoring, drooling angel.  Kazuo stared at him, afraid to breathe, afraid that if he moved, he'd wake up back in Chicago in his filthy apartment with his asshole dad.

Ian had a content look on his face, one that filled Kazuo with love.  Sunlight filtered into the room, warming it.  Carefully, Kazuo scooted forward, settling into Ian's arms, head under his chin.  Ian slept on.

This feels right.  We're meant to be.  Mom, I…I found my protector….

Ian's breathing was gentle and even, and he smelled of cologne.  Kazuo loved it.  His dad had smelled like beer, cigarettes and anger.  Kazuo ran his fingers along Ian's back, working up under his shirt, sighing happily.  They belonged together.

Ian was in the realm between dreams and wakefulness.

—--

“How are you?”

“Doing better, mum…much better…” Shirley studied him closely, “He's…the one, isn't he?” “God, you're perceptive,” Ian offered up a wry smile.  “Women's intuition.” “Yeah, he is.  I'm just…”

“Afraid of intimacy?”

“Hnn…you're too good…” “It's okay to love him.  He loves you.” “I love him,” Ian offered up a small smile, “He's just like Nana.” “Let yourself love him.  You deserve love, Ian.  Don't throw this away.” Ian nodded, “I won't.  Shirley, I've only known him for a few days…is it normal to feel this way?” “Kid, I loved Maureen from day one.” “The other thing…” Shirley leaned on him, “What?”

“He's so young.  Is it okay for me to be with him?”

“He's at least 18, right?” “21.” “He consented, right?” “Yes…” “Then it's okay.  You love each other.  You need each other, he…if he goes home, he won't survive.” “I'll love him forever.” “Good boy.”

—--

Ian sighed happily, hands finding Kazuo, resting on his back.  Kazuo flushed red, loving his touch.  The silver-haired man rested his nose into Kazuo’s hair, exhaling softly.  Kazuo gave a small moan.  Ian slept, hands moving in his sleep to rest gently on Kazuo’s ass.

Kazuo turned a darker red, not moving - he’d never had another man touch him in a way that wasn't violent.  “Mm?  Hmmm….” Ian smiled, pulling him closer, gently squeezing.  Sleeping Ian is bold…but it's showing me that he does…Kazuo felt a tear streak his face, He does want me…he loves me…

Kazuo kissed his neck gently.  Ian had kissed him for the first time yesterday.  It had been sweet and gentle.  Kazuo wanted to know how he kissed when he was hard and horny.  His lips brushed soft skin, lavishing gentle kisses on him, willing away his little friend.  

“I love you…”

Kazuo froze - the phrase was muffled, but he'd heard it.  Then, Ian snored softly, still asleep.  Kazuo's heart pounded, voice small and quivering, “I love you, Ian…” Ian smiled, snoring, hands still on Kazuo’s butt, squeezing gently.  Kazuo’s mind wandered, wondering.

So…does Ian top or bottom?  I…could do either, though I've never tried, um…anything…nobody's ever wanted me…He shifted, thinking about having Ian on top of him, panting and moaning, about the wet dream he’d had the night before, “Nh…Ian…” Ian stirred, stretching, joints popping before resettling his hands on Kazuo, eyes fluttering open.  Kazuo stayed still.  “Hn?  Ah!” Ian, flustered, removed his hands from Kazuo’s ass, “S-s-sorry, I…” 

He swallowed hard, embarrassed.

“It's okay.  Being touched by you is very nice,” Kazuo kissed his cheek.  Ian looked worried, so Kazuo gently rolled him into his back, chest-to-chest with each other, each studying the other.  “Wanna get to know each other?” “O-okay…” “Alright, you silver fox, what's your worst quality?” “Outside of court, I'm very shy and nervous.  Even laying here with you scares me…even though I want this…” “Awwww.  My worst quality is that I'm terribly hard-headed - and lactose intolerant.” 

“Hang on - I've been cooking some pretty dairy-laden meals, and I, uh…haven't…noticed?” “I've been trying not to scare you off.  The paint may be peeling in your guest bathroom, though.  Sorry.” Ian’s body started shaking.  “Hey, you alright?” Ian burst out laughing, hugging Kazuo to his chest, “Oh my god, you're lucky you're cute.” “Awww, you keep saying I’m cute.  You…” Kazuo stroked his cheek, “Are the sweetest, prettiest man in the world.”  Ian flushed red, “You're too kind…”

“I'm yours.  You're mine.”

Ian’s eyes darted back and forth, nervous.  He gently stroked Kazuo’s long hair, wondering if…if he could have a bit of a make-out session with him.  “You don't need to be nervous,” Kazuo rested his forehead on Ian’s, “Sweet, sweet man.” Hands shaking, Ian reached up, one hand on the back of Kazuo's head, letting their lips meet gently.  “Mmm..” Kazuo moaned softly, loving it.  Ian was his first…everything.  

Cautiously, Ian probed Kazuo's mouth with his tongue, a jolt of energy running through the black-haired man.  Is this…?  We might not have sex yet, but… Ian's tongue entered his mouth, Kazuo surrendering to him.  This is wonderful…intimate…hot…fucking hot!  Take me…

Ian’s heart raced, the two men mouthing at one another, tasting, exploring.  Ian was terrified of what he was doing, but he wanted it.

He wanted it….

Kazuo exhaled softly against him, mouths meeting again.  He had no clue what he was doing, he'd learned everything he knew from porn, resisting the urge to thrust against Ian.  Ian, who had his tongue practically down Kazuo’s throat, holding him close.  Finally they had to come up for air, Ian gently biting Kazuo's lower lip, tonguing his piercings.  Kazuo stared at him, wide-eyed, “Wow…” “Was that…too much, too soon?”

Ian still looked nervous.

“That was amazing.  I…nobody’s ever…done anything like that…” Kazuo sighed happily, staring at Ian, “You’re amazing.  You can teach me a lot about love..life…I never had a good male role model, and now I have you.” Ian studied Kazuo’s face, tears welling up in his eyes, overwhelmed by the sheer love that he felt for the young man, “I…have you…Kazuo…” “Yeah,” Kazuo used one finger to stroke Ian’s face, “Us.”  Ian let himself sink into the mattress, smiling, feeling nothing but love for Kazuo, “Yeah, us.”

They could both get used to this.

[kayluh1915]

can we get the ianthony kisses from kiss currency YouTube video?

I think new ianthony shippers need to be remind of that video?

please and thank you.

psssst, disclaimer…

Oh, absolutely! Given the recent influx of new shippers, I think it's important to bring up a lot of other important moments, not just the kiss(es)! There are plenty more where these come from, but the following are just my favorites in no particular order!

The First and Second Kiss Password to the second kiss video is: ianthony

You heard me right, folks! There actually were three kisses, but one of them was a head kiss (later in the list). It's just as cute as the other two, but if we're talking lip kisses, there's only two of those... for now😉

only a picture for the second one because the video file sucks which in turn makes a horrid quality gif.

The Ass Smack

Dude, I remember this blew my mind when it happened the first time. This happened a few months before the first kiss so this was probably the biggest moment that had happened in the fandom at the time. I remember us not being able to shut up about it!

He did slap Ian's ass before in this video a couple months before this one, but it was no where near as influential.

The Ghost Reenactment

If you all haven't seen the 1990 classic romance movie "Ghost..." then what the heck are you doing with your life? It's a tear-jerker, but it's worth the watch especially if you love 80s and 90s media like I do!

Anyways, there's a scene in the movie where they make pottery together. I think this speaks for its self.

edit: i have to go back to work tomorrow and i'm trying to finish this as quickly as possible so i can do my prework week shopping so i'm using one of my old gifs here. hope that's okay.

The Head Kiss

Yes, the second of the three "kisses." As already mentioned, this one doesn't count since it wasn't on the lips. Despite that, it's still extremely cute and is enough to melt your heart! 🥺

edit: oh my god it's fluffier than i remember it being what the fuck i'm dead

And last but not least (in my personal opinion):

Shot in the Dark

For those of you who have been around, you already know why this is my favorite Ianthony moment to date. For you newer guys, let me summarize as quick as I can.

I love this so much because when you take away the context and just look at this clip for what it is... wow.

From just how close they're standing to each other, how Ian asks where Anthony is, how Anthony calmly replies to him, and how Anthony puts his hand extremely close to Ian's face which looks like he's putting it on Ian's face with the silhouettes...dead. Just dead.

old gifs again, sorry... 😬

This took me so long omg. If you guys want, I can do a second post! Since their reunion, I feel like there's a lot of past moments that need to be brought back up just so the newer guys can get a feel of the Ianthony history!

Until then, I hope this post was alright for you my dear!💙💙