#iVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO DRAW ALL DAY
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Ooohhhh to finally fall asleep next to the love of your life
#Herlock sholmes#yujin mikotoba#homumiko#the art of a lemon wedge#aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#iVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO DRAW ALL DAY#BUT IM GOING FINISH MY HOMUMIKO WEEK >:(#i GOTTA
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pro tip: you can always put the bugs in little outfits :thumbsup:
#rain world#five pebbles#lttm#looks to the moon#no im not procratsinating what im actully drawing to put the bugs in fun outfits what are you talking about#anyhow uh yeah man been a lil since i uploaded anything huh. that will not be changing. stay tuned for as scarce art as always. we stay thr#anyhow! you know i have done similar scehctehs alot and i always do the undershirt longshirt for them cause i feel like moon would like it#nd pebbles got it from her even if hed hate to adit it. sometimes your older sister figure has good taste (subjective) and you will never r#each her high#anyhow also i like desiging tshirt prints even if its always a pain when i need to do it#ough#anyhow i have suns also if anyone wanna see that i suppose?#otherwise hmmmm well if anyones reading this who has an opinion i wokring on a comic and concidering if i should wait with posting and do t#e whole thing once i anage to struggle through adding the text#or if i will be weak and post my fave parts beforehand for funnsies hmmmm many choises someone tell me what to do i hate making choises#uh for anyone not intrestied in my long tag rabling music rec for today is cop car by mitski!!!! and not at all because ive been watching a#disco elysium aniatic with that song on loop on youtube for days#thats not soemthing id do#anyhow anyhow!!!!#my art#see i can remmeber that tag sometimes :)#oh also an its nice to go back to drawing these guys after weeks of my own rw ocs. strange experince man#^-^
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Home is where I want to be, but I guess I'm already there
I come home, she lifted up her wings. I guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another—Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be
Where I'll be
#brokeback mountain#ennis del mar#jack twist#heath ledger#jake gyllenhaal#annie proulx#ang lee#cowboys#gay cowboys#cowboy#gay cowboy#gay#mlm#queer cinema#queer lit#hey...hi...hello...#i actually dont just talk about brokeback mountain all day long contrary to popular belief. sometimes i also make art#i actually started this back in december for bbm's anniversary and in that time i discovered i have a new adversary:#drawing grass#but it's finished... it's finished... i can rest easy now knowing that ive finished this art that has singlehandedly killed my creativity#the art that i have been screaming shitting crying about struggling with for 7 months now#which will only get like 9 notes max#but that's OKAY. i did this for me. i needed to be the change i wanted to see in the world(seeing ennis looking at jack like he's the sun)#my art#still brokeback posting
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i did a pretty good job i think
#i like how nicely talons nose apex and ala formed the kitty nose#usually i struggle with animals with more visible nostrils when a character has less visible ones#in the case of al but his cow form has never felt like a total misrepresentation of his human form ykwim...igts so fitting#also i cant draw talon as nicely as i did on that first day of september and ive been drawing him all month aroo#talkys#a doodley#still have to find a way to incorporate talon's lips somehow...that was easy wit cow al
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
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a delete later wip so im turning off reblogs but yay my turn for a scene redraw
#minhmy rambles#going to rly ramble in the tags now so like ignore all of this#im going to delete it anyways i needed to ramble somewhere that isnt my twitter circle#more rambly tags just to rly shove it all down#and theennnn ine more#ok. so. i think work is rly killing me lol working every day is really taking a toll on me and i cannot draw and write as much as i want to#while also keeping up my social life and Also making sure i get some alone time too#its so hard its sooooo so hard to keep my spirits up im so tired all the time#and its not like i have a choice i have to work every day because no one else can cover my shift and its been like this since may#like ive only had 4 days off since then.#im getting another day off next week for grandfest bc i need it#and im getting a weekend in october but i don't think i can get any other days off in the year#ughghhhh my job is so easy literally i draw all the time right thats why most of my art is traditional bc im drawing at work#i can just sit at my desk and be on my phone if there's nothing to do its literally the easiest $19/h of my life#so i wouldn't trade it for the world but god i keep making mistakes bc i just havent had much of a break#ughghhh my mental state would be so much worse if i wasn't taking magnesium too#its just. raghghghh#you know? just like that#i can get through it. i am just struggling the tiniest bit
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Happy yaoi day everypony take my favorite horse crackship kokuoh X fuunsaiki
#still kinda deciding how i want to draw kokuoh since he lowkey looks different in the different hokuto no ken medias#anyways yeah fluffy horse yaoi!#ive been struggling to draw like all day im glad i at least succeeded a little#my art#fuunsaiki#g gundam#kokuoh#hokuto no ken
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i lost my stride lol 💪
#birb drew a thing#ocs#inktober 2023#this is. for the 8th. so. sunday i was basically out the whole day working on moving stuff. got home. got ready to draw. passed out#and then spent all my free time monday sketching stuff and going like wow this all. is not good. art block baby 😎 or something approximate#anyway . this is nelson. one of my all time favorites. ive kept him for so long jgfienvif updating him slowly but surely but im really happy#with where he is now#absolute trainwreck of a guy. also i struggle to draw him so much that my original concept mightve actually been what stuck me in this block#anyway. gnight
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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listen so
#ALSO ALSO IM GETTING A NEW SCHOOL COMPUTER!!! FINALLY. THIS MEANS I CAN FINALLY DRAW WITH A WORKING SCREEN#for anyone who didn't know which is all of you my computer only lets me draw on like. one thirds of the screen it's literally just One Sin#Single vertical line about uhhh yea 3 inches apart#(i measured)#IF YOU TRY TO DRAW ANYWHERE ELSE THE LINES GO HAYWIRE#ITS INSANE I LITERALLY CAN'T DO ANYTHING. with stylus at least but the trackpad for finger sucks so i don't use it often#usually i just size the drawing app to like. that tiiiiny portion of the screen so the space-gauging is easier#SO IVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH convenience (cb is brought every day) versus access (THE FUCKING SCREEN)#but yaaayyy meee finally that means. i get to actually WORK ON STUFF. i have been promising. for . you guys. (shrinks into a tiny ball) oop#ashera's thoughts ⁉️
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Why do I say things like this. Like what was the need. Why do I feel the need to jinx myself. What was the reason.
#lol just looking thru my drawings and i saw that tag#and im like YOU! ITS YOUR FAULT IM BURNT OUT! I BLAME YOU(catie from that specific day)#anyways trying to draw nando and ITS NOT GOING WELL YKNOW#i still really struggle with drawing real people#seb is okay bcs ive drawn him the most and like have stared at his face for hours so...familiar...yeah...#and i do in fact look at a fuckton of nando pics BUT GOD HIS FACE IS SO DIFFICULT#he just has very like odd features i guess. AND HES VERY HANDSOME FOR IT but god they do not lend to easy drawing#i miss oc drawing where theres no accuracy really required since its all from my head#not that im never drawing ocs again. theyre still my beloved but i dont rly have any ideas atm for them :<#wanna draw rüß as an f1 driver tbh bcs ive been maladaptive daydreaming about that for the past few weeks#but as you know im somewhat allergic to drawing racesuits 😭#also im wondering if drawing chibis so much fucked up my sense of style bcs now i struggle sometimes w proportions#i just. dont want to be burnt out anymore. i know its something you cant really force yourself thru#and also that you shouldn't force yourself cause it just makes it worse but#idk. i wanna draw so badly 😭 and i do it and sometimes it works out and sometimes im just staring at the screen like. oh.#i want to also finish the pt 2 to the boy king ficlet. i always randomly add a few paragraphs to it#blah blah anyways just thinking. i feel a bit frustrated and unfufilled atm i guess#like that feeling in your chest of tightness. its the worst. i wanna throw something or break something i guess#PLEASE JUST LET ME DRAW MY PORTRAIT OF KING NANDO IM BEGGING#he'll be so pretty okay 😭😭 i just cant get his fucking face right#ignore me ignore me. catie is: going through it#i miss the sense of urgency that drawing before my flight gave me#i like having that sense of incentive and deadline. like: you genuinely need to finish this right now.#if not then its me creating meaningless deadlines in my head that actually make me have worse burn out 🙃#i love how before texas im like i am going to finsih all my wips!! anf then finished exactly: zero#catie.rambling.txt
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mhs eren in a few chapters
#ch:erenj#today was my day off so ive been drawing and trying to write all day hi#it is. a struggle#anyways. tiny hint ☺️ teaser mayhaps#while i struggle to transition into the smut scene
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my energy levels b like: i wake up. i feel refreshed and want to do things so i write a to do list. i maybe accomplish 2 things. its lunchtime so i eat. then i get very tired. so i lay in bed for 3 hours hoping to sleep but i dont. 5 pm hits and i end up doing more things for about an hour then its dinnertime. i eat and then my brain goes "oh so were done for the day" and then i do nothing and pass out in bed with all the lights on around 9 pm
#also i can only draw after 5 pm (i dont know why either) so sometimes i draw after i eat dinner#in summary im tired all the time and on my days off i either stress myself out to the point of anxiety attacks#or i push myself too hard and burn out#and then on working days i do even less at home cause i get out of work and im stressed and tired#also couple the low energy levels with being sad as fuck and being anxious for hours until i tire myself out#AND I WONDER WHY I CANT GET ANYTHING DONE#i genuinely dont know why i have such low energy levels but ive struggled with being tired for many many years#and nobody knows whats wrong with me ive been to doctors and gotten plenty of blood drawn and they say im fine#but i dont think its normal to be this tired and low energy constantly#so whatever. i try to work around it#life with seag
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kj post five hundred thousand lamenting the loss of my passion for drawing because its starting to feel like its never coming back
#it shouldnt feel like a chore! i miss when it was fun!!!!#as much as i try not to care about my art posts flopping because i know attention shouldnt be my motivator for drawing#it does still make me a little sad so now my brain struggles to want to create anything#like i WANT to create desperately desperately but i sit down to draw and just want to go to bed#the tiredness has been permeating my life ive become extremely socially isolated#which loops around to making me even more bored because im just in my own head all day and theres not even anything in here#my attention span has degraded to the point that i literally have to force myself to try and think about my own ocs most of the time#which doesnt even work because within two seconds i get distracted by being frustrated i have to force it#gruhhhhh . grouhhhh#i miss when mlad was fresh and it was so fun and exciting and fulfilling to work on it#now even though i still love it and want to work on it it just keeps slipping between my fingers#GRUHHH. i want to draw i want to write i want to talk to people but i Cant#i need to join another server or something because after my last Really bad mental period i isolated myself a lot lot lot. and ive been too#scared to go back to my old spot and now i very rarely talk to more than one person a day (excluding work)#im lonely and im too exhausted to be interesting enough to fix it!#im pretty sure 80% of my problems could be fixed with like. adhd medication#but im too tired and lazy and tired to start the road to getting it#sorry i keep coming back to append on more tags but last thought i prommy. i just miss when things could actually hold my attention#i miss having the motivation to do minicomics for lore drops i miss being so excited about aus with friends i would do multiple sketches a#day i miss being so gripped by individual scenes between characters i would take the time to write a multi page minific about it#why cant my brain HOLD ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#JUST PAY ATTENTION :(#i need a new hyperfixation or im going to do something drastic.
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my apple pencil died and my ipad is at 15% i think thats my cue to make myself to sleep (its nearly 4 am) and will probably write something up tmrrw after i look through the leaks and Process everything
#my brain has been juggling too many things tonight that i havent processed the leaks at all FDJKFDS#drawing my hsr ocs & that aha post made me thinking my fantasy-eldritch horror OCverse#my brain is too far spread FJDSKFDS#god i still want to write that dh & mental health struggles analysis ive been stewing my brain the past few days#i have So Many Thoughts as a bipolar person who struggles to face/open up abt my trauma and i relate so much to dh with his situation#minus the sexy fantasy sci-fi elements ofc#yappin
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YOU GET IT ive literally been a blaze/glacier supporter since i read the books when i was in middle school
!!!
It's sooo obvious here. Besides I think it's adorable how Blaze thought Glacier could fight instead of her in case she was challenged for the throne. I'm sure Glacier told her that she would do it for her. Also the way Blaze keeps saying how beautiful and nice she is and how it must be nice to hear her talk? Yeah I bet Glacier told her that too. That's why she repeats it she believes it. And Glacier meant it.
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