#i. i guess?? i'm feeling mushy tonight idk

[canine-teethed-sheets]

i need someone to hug me while i hide my face in my arms on the table

[cottondo]

BLACK LACE | chapter seven

censored

Fizzarolli x reader

I've got big things planned

for this book but idk if

y'all are ready for it 🌚

________________

"Ugh, would you get the fuck over it? It's a clown!"

Your bottom lip quivered up at your mother.

She took her hand and dragged it over her face with a huff of annoyance. There was maybe a tinge of guilt in there, but it went fairly unnoticed. "Y/N, honey. It takes lots and lots of practice to be a clown- - a good clown. And, you're just not there yet."

Your insides felt mushy and there's a warm substance running down your cheek for some reason.

Yeahhh, you should've known better than to talk about clown stuff with your parents.

  You brush off the comment, and shake your head. "But, I-I could be really good, and if I keep trying, I'll get to be as good as Fizzarolli, or even Mamm—"

"Would you stop talking about him! God, it's like listening to a broken record!" She hisses, rolling her eyes at you. Her body turns, and she turns off the heat on the stovetop. "You're just not good enough."

You pause, flinching at the sound of her harsh words. They cut through your skin and settled into your blood; something you'd have to carry around for the rest of your life.

"S . . Sorry," As you pull back, body deflating, you nod simply in acknowledgment to her words.

Maybe . . she was right? You just weren't good enough.

  

 

  Tears brim your eyes as you stand on stage with your arms open, listening to the chanting and applause. Lights were flashing, confetti falling from the ceiling, you realized your performance came to an end.

You didn't know you could smile so big. It just, didn't feel natural to you - -

This had to be a dream, right?

The applause meter made it passed ten- - it only needed to be slightly higher than eight for the deal to work.

You actually did it. That means you're going to be staying here for the weekend, working!

"Thank you all so much!" You beam into the microphone. With a final wave, you take your leave off the stage to go find Fizz.

He stands there with wide eyes, watching as you can't running towards him. "I did it! I fucking did it!"

"You did great out there tonight! I can't even believe it," Fizzarolli laughs, looking you over once.

"Sooo?" Your heads tilts at him, a hopeful look in your face. He had to know what you're hinting at.

Fizz got the look, letting out a little huff. "Well, a deals a deal." His eyes roll playfully, a lopsided smirk on his lips. "Guess I've got a new partner."

You couldn't contain yourself. It was actually like almost physically impossible - - your body lunges towards him, and without even giving a second thought, you envelope him in a hug. "Thank you! I won't let you down, I promise!"

His body flinches backward, arms not returning the favor, but instead, giving a sudden look of confusion, and nervousness.

As you let go, your smile faintly starts to drop, watching and seeing his visibly known uncomfortableness. Did . . you maybe go too far?

Fizzarolli's eyes blink a few times at you, and he forces up a smile. "Yeah! N-No problem." His hand waves you off to dismiss the conversation quickly. "So, uh, I heard there were a few parties booking for a private room tonight," he says, looking at you. He pulls out the reservation paper from his pocket, looking down at it.

"Apparently, I'm written down on the schedule to host it. Did you want to join?"

It wasn't like you were gonna turn the offer down. A party room? With you and Fizzarolli? Hell to the yes.

"What time's it start?" You ask, peeking over his shoulder to catch a glance.

  He smelled so good.

  

"Ten. We'll probably be here for a few hours." He glances over his shoulder at you, eyes giving your expression a quick look over.

You nod, taking a small step back. "Yeah, I'm down. What do we have to do?"

He shrugs, rolling his head on his shoulders. "Welllll, Y'know. Strip tease, tons of drugs and drinks. The backroom parties are usually a bit less classy than what we put on up front,"

It seemed like it was a general routine for him and the other workers, but a part of you almost couldn't see Fizzarolli being the touchy-feely type. Despite allot of his products.

"Oooh~ okay, yeah." You smirk, "All I gotta do is be sexy? Psh, easy." Your ego might have come off strong, but deep down it wasn't really all that easy.

  

Fizz put a hand on his hip, head tilted down at you with a knowing smirk of his own. "Oh yeah? We'll see how easy it is once you get in there." His chuckle was hidden under his breath, but audible enough for you to hear.

You roll your eyes, taking the lead to walk down the hall with him at your side.

  "We've got ten minuets," he says, glancing to you, "Basically, they can't touch you. If they lay a hand on you, which, they will, you have the right to call security, or hit them." Fizz mentions as a precaution.

You've dealt with grabby hands before. It wouldn't be much of a problem. For the most part, all your life you've been able to hold your own. What were a couple creeps at Ozzie's gonna do?

"Okay. I've dealt with creeps at the last place I worked at, too." You said it like it was casual conversation, but deep down it still stung a little.

"Alright. Just keep an eye out." Fizz nudges your shoulder, head cocking in the direction where he was now going to lead you to.

Down the hall, a few turns, and boom, a glowing blue door with an equally bright pink handle. The party rooms.

As you step inside, your eyes widen a bit. Icy blue looking tile flooring, LED's shading the room in a deep pink from the ceiling, and a few seated tables with poles attached to them.

"Wow," your lips curl upward into a smile. If it were possible, you were sure your eyes could sparkle at the sights. It was so sleek and pretty. Almost hard to look at for too long, though. Everything had a reflection to it.

"Alright, you ready?" Fizz asks, glancing you over. If he kept eyeing you like that, the more you'd start to get delusional about him liking you.

You nod slowly, looking back to him. "Yeah. Totally,"

  Fizzarolli turns the music on, and the lights start to strobe colors from the ceiling. It was dim in the room, despite the pink LED's, and it gave just the right amount of light to leave imagination to the eyes.

The door opens, and in comes the group of demons you and Fizzarolli were supposed to be taking care of. 

With drinks in their hands, one by one slipped into the room and sat down. Half of them were drunk already, but you didn't mind. This scene was something you've grown more accustomed to over the years.

"Good evening!" Fizzarolli calls out over the music, earning their attentions. "You ready to fucking party!?"

Cheering and roaring echo in the room, leaving a grin on your face.

"Let's fuckin do this!" Fizz turns to you, and grabs your hand. You easily allow it, and let him drag you up to the poles.

His smirk was all show, but you wanted to just pretend for a second like it was all real. That was okay, right?

Fizzarolli showed off a few of his moves on one of the poles, and you soon followed his lead, dancing on the other. Demons threw money at you, and even snapped some in the waistline of your bottoms with slippery hands.

After a couple drinks started splashing in the air, you took the opportunity to grab one for yourself. Tipping your head back, the group start to cheer you on, drowning you with more alcohol. Fizz laughs, watching the scene go down, as he turned his focus from the lap dance he was giving, over to you.

"Yess! Bitch! Go, go go!" One demon yelled out, throwing more money at you.

Your grin was huge, snatching another drink and throwing it back. It went down smooth.

•

It didn't take long for the liquor to kick in.

You were right back up on that stage, dancing your little heart out. Fizz didn't hold off to join back in with you either. Only this time, his hand was grabbing yours.

"I'm gonna do something crazy!" He yelled over the music to you, getting closer to your ear. "We'll get more tips,"

  "Okay!" you call back to him.

And suddenly, you feel two hands slip down your waist. You freeze, in the hold of Fizzarolli's hands, and try to blink out of it. Everything came to a halt, though.

His hands felt so natural sitting on your waist, but when he pulled you into him and started to dance for the couple on the chairs below you, you thought you were going to die.

You slip an arm around his neck, pulling him closer. The liquor you've taken in had already started taking their effects, so whatever was going to happen, you couldn't even focus on it.

You just knew you liked the feeling of him being this close to you.

Fizz dips you, one hand on the pole to keep his balance, other under the small of your back. You smirk up at him, bringing his neck down just a little bit closer. It looked like he was going to kiss you, but it was all part of the act.

He extends a ribbed leg, and literally flips himself over you. Your free hand grabs the pole, and you bring yourself back up from the arching position he had you dipped in.

Your cheeks were warm, but you brushed it off, and danced with the pole until you could find the opportunity to take the lead with him again.

The room was starting to get blurry, and your eyesight turned double. Shit. Too much to drink.

You were starting to think Fizzarolli was feeling the same way. His moves were growing sloppier, but he still looked cute doing them.

The crowd barely noticed, since they were way too drunk and stoned to realize, but it was still entertaining nonetheless.

"Oooh, girl, get your partner over here!" One male demon snapped his fingers at you, motioning to Fizz. Fizzarolli looked over curiously, eyes a bit dazed. Oh yeah, he was gone.

"Fizzy~ you've got a dance to do," you smirk, looking over to him.

The gator demon grins, motioning a hand for him to come over.

Fizz looked a little cautious about it at first, which you actually picked up on pretty quick. The demon sat down, and Fizzarolli did what he needed to do. Dancing, stretching, comedy, all of the above.

You keep an eye out, but it wasn't long until someone else grabbed for you. Your figure was quickly pulled off the stage, wobbling, your eyes widen and focus on the large demon who stole you from your spot.

"I wanna dance," his voice echoed over the music, and you manage up a nervous smile in turn. "Of course," you steal a glance over to Fizz, who genuinely started to look more uncomfortable by the whole situation.

"Don't worry about clown boy." A meaty hand grabs your jaw, turning your face to look up at him. "Just worry about me, baby."

"The fuck," You look at him with distaste, and yank back your wrist from his tight grip around it. "Let go!" You glare. He only laughed, earning more anger from you.

"I paid good money for you and your little slut over there! Now give me a damn dance!" The demon was well taller than you, but that wasn't something you cared about. Your foot picked up, and stomped on his. It caught him off his guard, which was what you wanted. You still struggled in his hands grasp, but it didn't last long. He smirked, laughing under his breath, and letting go when you yanked back.

The force of your pulling made you fling backwards to the ground. You land flat on your ass, eyes wide as you look up over the towering people above you.

A few demons laughed, others around the room gasped at what happened. Fizz turns to look at you, eyes wide. "Oh shit,"

Ouch. Your pride. That shit kinda hurt.

That was totally right in front of Fizzarolli, too.

  

Fizz was struggling with his own problems now, though. The demon he was trying to dance for kept his arms around Fizzarolli's waist, tugging him closer. From the look on Fizz's face, he wasn't happy.

With ribbed arms struggling to break free, there's an anxious heaving in his chest. It looked like he just . . shut down.

You started making the conclusion in your head that . .

Oh shit- - he didn't like to be touched.

You force yourself up to wobbling feet. The room spins, and there's a sense of nausea rushing over you, but it would just have to wait.

Fizz struggled, now back against the wall being cornered by the demon. It was clear as fuck that Fizz was having an anxiety attack from this guy.

Your feet trudge over to them. You had to do this, for fizz. "Yo, back off," with a hand raising, you grabbed onto the demon's shoulder, and force shove him to the side.

The demon scoffed, only rolling his eyes at you. "The fuck are you gonna do?"

"Leave- - leave him alone," your words slur out. It was hard to make out anything, but you saw the look on Fizzarolli's face, and that was enough.

Without a second thought, you reach over and grab a ribbed arm, pulling him into you, away from the douchebag in front of you.

"You guys are fuckin' lame! Ozzie's changed," he huffs smoke through his snout.

Uh oh. You're gonna snap.

You grab fizz's hand, and hold it tightly. For some reason, he let you. It looked like he was still trying to calm down his breathing from behind you.

"Then fuck off, asshole! Nobody wants you here!" Your voice hisses out.

To both of your surprise, he actually did as told. He stormed off, slamming the party room door behind him. It was too loud from the music to hear it, but you could still feel the vibration at your feet from it.

Fizz turned to you and let go of your hand. "Y/N- - you, you helped me?"

You look over at him and wobble in your stance. "Of course," there's that gross feeling in your chest again. Any time you looked at him. Dammit! Why did he just have to make your heart melt into a million pieces?

He frowned, eyes looking down to his hand you once held. "Are you okay?" His voice calls over the music, vision flicking back up to you.

You nod, but it was obvious the bruise you got from falling over earlier was going to be there in the morning. "Hell yeah!" The buzz lingers on your tone. It wasn't really what you wanted to say, but liquor had a toll on you.

"C'mon, we're booked until two," there's a smile that pulls on your lips, and you hold out for his hand again. "Can't let them down just because a little mishap happened."

Fizzarolli shakes it off, whatever feeling he was dealing with, and nods anyway. "Yeah. You're right," he was totally drunk, but it just made him twice as cute. His hand slipped into yours, and you swore there were butterflies inside you fluttering their wings. His hand was cold, but it felt so right being intertwined with yours.

You tug him onto the stage with you. "Thought you could keep up with them," your voice is teasing as you start to dance. Fizzarolli wobbles, grabbing onto the pole.

"I can!" He protests, twisting himself up and around the pole. You let out a laugh, watching as he caught the attention of the demons in the chairs below him again.

"Uhuh," your lip curls, "Show us what you've got then."

His hand grabs yours, and suddenly, you're pulled up to the pole with him. His body wraps around yours like a snake. With a hitch in your breath, you stare doe eyed, watching as his face slowly crept closer to yours.

He smirks,  "You watchin?"

[stabbylambchop]

It's like 5:30am and I can't fall back asleep, soooooo...

The other night I had a dream where, I was Otto's assistant/student/something, idk what specifically. I'm obsessed with nuclear science/history/radiobiology irl, so it all just felt really natural?

Anyway, "off-the-clock" I was struggling with my irl health issues hardcore (severe fatigue, migraines, neck/upper back pain, chiari malformation, leg drop/difficult walking, etc.) I was pretending that I was totally fine and dandy whenever I was working with him, bc I was scared that otherwise he might see me as a risk or unfit for the job and have me leave.

After having another disaster of an appointment with yet another doctor telling me to "come back if it gets worse" or "but you're so young" or "just try physical therapy", I was feeling absolutely lost and defeated when I bump into him, and I'm just a crying mess.

When he finds out everything I've been going through and how the system has been failing me, he's comforting and sympathetic, but inside he is pissed. Later, he goes out to fucking wreck shop at this asshole's office to take back all my wasted money and steal medicine for me.

As things go on he's apparently spending all his spare time working on something for me and then finally surprises me with it; my own pair of tentacles.

He could only design a two-tentacle setup for me, bc my size would make a setup like his own much too large and heavy for me, but I didn't care either way like I am beaming. He explains that it's to help me move around as much as I desire, and to defend myself if something happens when he's not around.

I put the setup on, let it conform to me, and the moment I can use them I'm just so damn happy. Like he's seeing me smile the most he's ever seen me smile, hugging him as tight as I can bc I'm so grateful and touched that he would do this for me, and I guess that's when he has his "oh no" moment?

He starts calling me his "little squid" (not meant in a flirty way or anything, at least he tells himself, but fucking cute nonetheless), bc squids are known to have two tentacles that are much longer then the rest.

I don't remember the rest of the dream, but it was so very comforting and I woke up with so many fuckin feels, like all the feels, and now I don't know what to do with myself 🙃

[crowempress]

It also feels like i only make personal posts when things are bad which is Whoops for trying to be more positive and healing

[beelsnack]

May I request something for the birthday boy? How about something for an MC that's just head over heels cuz if I'm being honest if was MC I'd fall hard for that tan cutie pie. He's just so... supportive and funny and charismatic and he never takes his anger out on ppl or tries to hurt them and UGH, I love him. Though considering he's so oblivious I bet MC could carry around a big neon sign that says "I LOVE MAMMON" and he'd still be like "idk what they're getting at are they calling me dumb?"

I meant to post something on his actual birthday, but my one brain cell quit on me and I totally forgot! So thanks for reminding me, Nonnie.

Happy (late) Birthday to our First Demon!

Featuring reluctant wingman!Satan.

(This got so mushy I’m sorry I just love this stupid bastard so much let me cuddle him and tell him how important he is)

-----

“Here, give me it, my arms are longer!”

“They are not! And don’t just take my phone, you animal!”

“You’re takin’ too long!”

The whole party had been a blast, but nothing could beat Mammon and Asmo drunkenly attempting to take a selfie together.

“We probably should have cut them off a while ago,” Satan shook his head. “He gets even more annoying when he’s drunk.”

“Oh, leave him alone,” the human laughed, watching as the two brothers squabbled over the phone. “It’s his birthday.”

“Not anymore, it’s 12:03.”

“Satan...”

“Speaking of which,” the demon continued, ignoring their disparaging look. “Don’t you still have something to give him?”

They raised an eyebrow, raising their half-full glass to their lips. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, so that letter in your pocket isn’t a confession?”

Like something out of a sitcom, the human did a spit take. Satan cackled next to them as they hastily tried to clean themselves up before Lucifer spotted them. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I-I...” the human stammered, face growing hot. “There just, um, wasn’t a good time to give it to him.”

“So, in other words, you chickened out.”

“I didn’t - “ they paused before sighing, slumping over in defeat. “Yeah, I chickened out.”

For a beat, neither of them spoke. Then, with an aggravated sigh. “I guess it can’t be helped.”

“Huh? What are y - hey!”

Satan deftly plucked the letter from their pocket before they even realized what was happening. Without even bothering to look back at them, he marched over to his older brother and held out the slightly-crinkled envelope.

He was saying something, but they were too far away and the music was too loud for them to hear. And that was probably for the best, because if their face got any warmer something would burst into flames.

They watched as Mammon regarded the letter with that stupidly adorable confused puppy pout. Satan was standing their with his arms crossed, and Asmo had draped himself over his brother’s shoulder to read it.

Their heart was beating somewhere in their throat as they watched Mammon run through several emotions at once before he finally looked up and their eyes met from across the room.

In the blink of an eye, Mammon had crossed the room, grabbed their wrist and was pulling them away from the party. Somewhere in the background they heard Asmo start to sing a drunken rendition of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” and their desire to cease existing increased tenfold.

Finally, the door to Mammon’s room slammed shut behind them. Mammon was staring at them like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to glare, start crying, or both.

“Are you fucking with me?” he growled out, holding up the letter. “Or is Satan fucking with me?”

Oh. Oh right. They forgot about his trust issues.

They took in a deep breath, but their voice still came out shaky. “No, neither of us are fucking with you, Mammon. I was going to give it to you earlier, but I just...couldn’t work up the nerve,” they let out an embarrassed laugh. “Satan called me out on it.”

Suddenly, they were crowded against the door with Mammon’s arms beside their head. Behind his tinted glasses, his eyes were misting over with a mix of reluctant hope and adoration.

“Did you mean it?” his voice was low, barely above a gravelly whisper. “The stuff ya wrote in the letter.”

“Of course,” no hesistation. They reached up to cup Mammon’s jaw. “You’re sweet, caring, supportive, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my First.”

They pretended not to notice the little tears forming in the corners of his eyes when he leaned down to press their foreheads together.

“Can...can ya say it? I want to hear it.”

The human laughed softly, pecking him sweetly on the lips.

“I love you, Mammon.”

He sighed dreamily. “That’s the best birthday gift I’ve ever gotten.”

[stimulateyoursenses]

I think of mikey and my heart clenches in my chest bc I just love this boy so much. Even if we never get back together...he will always have a place in my heart. Idk, I'm feeling mushy tonight i guess ahhhhh

[oysters-aint-for-me]

tonight I was hanging out with my friend and we've been best friends for...16? years now so she knows me p well. I've been having a lot of trouble talking to ppl and telling them how I'm feeling so I was trying not to talk about myself, but somehow she got it out of me that I've been thinking that I might be afraid (or incapable?) of intimacy, and she was surprised by that bc I'm generally a compassionate person and asked me to go deeper and I was like "uuuuuh literally I cannot do that w/o getting panicky and nauseous so I guess that's what I mean by 'afraid of intimacy'" but I didn't want her to think that I was like. Keeping secrets from her. Because then she might press for more info, and well I hate lying to ppl almost as much as I hate intimacy. I'm good at lying, but I hate doing it. So I just stammered for a while. Finally I explained that with all of my romantic partners, whenever they'd say something romantic or mushy or sweet or whatever, I'd get all...weird feeling. Like. Embarrassed or mortified or uncomfortable or something. And as I was saying that, I realized that there was an exception. I never felt that way with the one girl that I have been in a relationship with. Every other time I felt that way was with men. I told my friend all this, but I was like "I don't know if that's bc she was a girl, or if that's because of the specific person she was." But in my mind, I was like "...it's because she was a woman." Like that's what my gut was saying, ya know? Like if I imagine men saying that romantic shit to me, I feel queasy. When I imagine women saying that romantic shit to me, I feel...idk exactly, but it's definitely not a negative feeling. And...idk...I'm high and also I took NyQuil and it's kicking in, but right now I feel more sure that I am a lesbian than I ever have felt before.

And i almost said that to my friend but....I didn't. Instead I was just like "idk how to figure this out" and she was like "well it sounds like its just not a good time for you to figure it out right now" and I was like "yeah" but also it bothers me to not know! Straight ppl are always like "oh yr label doesn't matter, give it time, you'll figure out yr sexuality eventually!!!" but they don't really think about how much EFFORT it takes to figure it out. It's not like throwing a bunch of stuff in a crock pot and letting it simmer all day and then boom! Your sexuality soup is done cooking and ready! No, you have to tend to the soup, experiment, try things out, deal with the whole thing being thrown away or ridiculed, start over, hide it every so often...And no, it ultimately doesn't REALLY matter what kind of soup you come up with... You're still a person. You still deserve love. But it can feel alienating and uncomfortable to not know what kind of soup you wanna make. And to people that were just born with their soup, and it looks like most other people's... They'll just never understand how hard it is to make the soup from scratch.

This is an extended metaphor that has gotten away from me somewhat. weed + NyQuil = soup analogies, I guess.