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em1989ts · 6 months ago

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𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏

chapter one. series masterlist. main masterlist.

five hargreeves x reader

word count: 1.6k

book summary: five hargreeves gets lost in time and your father forces you to go after him, leaving you to get lost in a completely different kind of solitude. after decades, you meet at the hands of the handler, except you're not exactly happy to work with him after what he did. the two of you agree to put your differences aside until you save the world. how hard could that be?

author's note: this is the beginning of a story that i've been planning since august so now i'm finally writing about it! i'm more focused on uploading this for wattpad but i decided why not post it here as well. i plan on writing s1-s4 (hopefully i have the motivation) so please let me know your thoughts !! reblogs and comments much appreciated :)

On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.

Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.

He got eight of them.

~~~~~

“Don’t do it.”

Five Hargreeves stood in front of the mirror in his room, his back to the door. The bell for breakfast was going to ring soon, but his mind wasn’t on a healthy start to the day. Minimal morning light entered his room through the edges of his curtains, his room remaining dark and motionless. He hadn’t noticed her pass by his room and turn around after catching a glimpse of his still figure in the corner of her eye. He hadn’t noticed her retrace her few steps and lean against the doorframe. He only noticed her presence once she announced it with solemn discouragement.

He had been contemplating for days. He knew he was ready for this. He told himself so. He couldn’t back down at this point, he had already set his mind to it. Backing down would look weak. He wasn’t weak.

His expression was stoic as he stared at himself for a moment longer, then turned to face her at the door.

Without her domino mask, her face remained impassive. She rarely displayed any emotion, except for the fact that her face at rest made her seem constantly angered. But as of right now, she showed no frown, no furrowed brow, not even a blink.

They stood a few feet apart. Once he looked directly in her eyes he could see a sliver of something. He knew she didn’t want him to leave. He just thought she underestimated him, that she didn’t believe in him, that she was envious of him. But that look in her eye told him a different story. Something he’d never seen in her before, not that he ever paid too close of attention to her or anything like that. They had never gotten along. They never cared or looked out for each other, so why was she pulling this now?

She watched him intensely, almost staring through his soul, trying to reach though him to his conscious and convince him not to make the biggest mistake of his life.

But they wouldn’t know it. Not then, anyway.

The breakfast bell rang and the doors of the other children opened up swiftly as they filed through the hallway in a swift, orderly fashion to get to their assigned places in efficient time.

Neither Five nor Eight moved. They stayed staring into each other's eyes trying to communicate something through their unintelligible irises. They’d played this game before. Intense staring contests in hopes of the other backing down, awarding a feeling of eminence to the victor until the next time they decided to face head to head.

This time, her eyes weren’t challenging. They were pleading, vulnerable to his attacks in the hopes he’ll stand down and listen to her for once. His eyes were defensive. He trusted himself and that was all he needed. His stature grew colder until he walked over to her position against the doorframe.

She shuddered as he got closer. He seemed so lost yet so certain. She could feel it in the darkness that morning that something was about to go horribly wrong. She heard it through the shadows.

Five would never understand this interaction. Not until years later. He never knew how she could have known, especially since she hadn’t been trusted with his plans for time travel.

He stopped in front of her less stoic, more distraught face. He looked through his angered eyes into hers.

“Watch me.”

She never went down to breakfast that day. Knowing exactly what happened after he rushed to his place behind his chair. They sat and ate, he stood up, played his cards, failed, and ran off like the scared child he was.

She watched him though the velvet curtains that obscured her normally pitch black room from the outside world. The light was let in, casting her face in a warm haze as she watched him run off. Free. Arrogant. Until a flash of blue light took him away.

Letting go of the curtain, the sunlight vanished from her room, leaving her in her usual darkness, feeling her usual repugnance. She knew she would be reprimanded by her father for not going downstairs. She didn’t want to face him, not while knowing her own failure.

She could have tried harder. She could have done more. That’s what everyone would tell her.

She could have cared more. But she didn’t. Not at this moment in time anyway.

She could’ve made him fall into his own shadow, leaving him no possibility of escape.

But she didn’t.

There was no arguing with Five. His thirteen year old self was difficult. He was so prideful that there was no chance he would ever back down from whatever he set his mind to. He would never admit being wrong or at fault.

He would come to regret this.

He would regret the fact that he never listened to his father. How he never listened to Eight as she tried to stop him, to help him for once in her life.

Once Reginald Hargreeves realized that Number Five had lost himself in time, he did what he could to retrieve the child. He also decided to double this rescue mission as a punishment for Number Eight.

“You will not leave here until you find Number Five and return him to this time.”

They were in the basement. The cold, dark basement that gave each of the Hargreeves children nightmares for weeks after they’d been escorted here. Their powers tested in ways that messed with their minds and fears.

If Number Eight was afraid, she didn’t show it. She was however, without a doubt.

She hadn’t been down here for years. She had learned to manage her fear of the dark at a very young age. With her power, she had to, otherwise she’d be utterly useless.

She had to control the voices echoing in the void. The whispering, screaming, threatening, comforting voices that escaped the darkness to haunt the one child who could hear them.

Reginald opened the chamber door, made to withstand the powers of the children, and instructed Eight to enter.

She did as she was told, but as Reginald recited his desired outcome, concern overcame her.

As Pogo shut the door and secured it, the room was completely dark. Of course she was used to the darkness, she thrived in it, but she couldn’t handle being trapped in here forever.

During her trainings, she had been told to practice traveling through the void. The void was the term her father used to describe complete darkness, or a very large shadow. She could enter the void by disappearing into her own shadow, someone else's shadow, or shadows made by objects.

Her father had made her practice entering one shadow, traveling through the void, and exiting through another. It had worked, but navigating in pure darkness is not as easy as it may seem.

Once her father and Pogo had returned upstairs, the basement light was shut off. With no one around to witness. She screamed. She yelled and cried on the floor until she became tired and dull. While she lay on the cold cement ground, she figured to herself that Reginald Hargreeves couldn’t possibly leave her here. To starve. To freeze. But he did. Not intentionally.

Reginald Hargreeves did intend to let her out within 48 hours, however when he returned to the basement with Pogo holding out a small flashlight against the window of the chamber, they noticed it was completely empty. Number Eight had vanished. Lost in darkness. Lost in space. Lost.

Just like Number Five.

She wouldn’t be found for many years.

Her body dormant in the conditions of the void, her mind wide awake.

Light never met her eyes. Not a drop of sunlight met her skin for decades.

She knew she shouldn’t be alive. She hadn’t eaten, yet she could feel her skin wrinkle with time.

Without any idea how long she had been trapped, she just assumed she was dead.

Until she heard clicking amongst the voices.

It was often that a shadow nearby had some sort of ambience behind it. Whether it was the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, with its smells and sounds of Paris, or the shadow behind a TV, letting her hear the yells and cheers of football fans during a big game.

She would often linger around those noises, to feel a sense of familiarity for a normal life she’d been imagining in her head, the darkness as the perfect blank canvas. Never getting too close in fears of everything becoming too real.

Until these clicking noises grew closer.

The clicking of high heels against a smooth floor.

Suddenly illuminated through the flick of a zippo, a tall, well dressed woman came into view. Number Eight jumped and hid behind her hands, not expecting to be blinded by such a small flame. As she brought her hands in front of her face, she saw just how wrinkled they were, how much she had aged.

“I’ve come to offer you a job, Number Eight.”

☂︎

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒐 series masterlist.

authors note: thank you so much for reading! i appreciate it sm :) if you want to be on the taglist for upcoming chapters please let me know ! also if you have any ideas for upcoming chapters or other fics my inbox is open i'd love to hear your ideas!

read 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏 on wattpad!

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aeternallis · 29 days ago

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Kim's Motivations vs Privileges // A Meta Rant

This has been sitting in my drafts for a while, so I figured I'd post it~

I’ve talked a little bit about Kim’s place in the mafia before, but I don’t think I ever got into detail as to what his motivations are, in regards to being part of a known crime family in Bangkok. So I figured I’d talk about it, since I’ve been mulling it over for the past eight months or so!

So, one of the most common takes I’ve seen in the fandom (from where I’m sitting, anyway) that feels like it's often taken for granted is that Kim is interpreted as actively trying to get away from the mafia. Or if not that, already out of it completely.

More specifically, from his family.

And meh, honestly? Who tf knows what goes on in this guy’s head, lmao! While I admit that it can be argued there is some evidence for this, I’m more personally inclined to think that Kim’s privileges as the youngest son and his personal motivations are—more often than not—misconstrued.

Now, just to be clear, I'm not totally against the idea of Kim being out of the family business/trying to get out of the mafia. On the contrary, it's a neat headcanon to explore, both in the realm of fanfiction and as a way of understanding his character arc when watching the show. What I'm more iffy on though is the fact that there are a number of cultural aspects to this idea that I feel like are—not willfully disregarded, per se, but there is a bit of a western bias to it.

And before I go on, my usual disclaimers

I’m not calling out or policing anyone; this meta is just an opinion at the end of the day, and something that I've been thinking about for a long time, so I thought it would be good to get it down succinctly. Y'all headcanon him in the myriad of ways you want, even if that includes him distancing himself from the mafia ongoings of the Theerapanyakul family. You do you, since that’s what fandom is for! Besides that, I can happily acknowledge that it makes for some delicious fic drama~

Culture is never static, it's an ever-changing set of mindsets and values, and by no means should it ever be seen as the be all end all when it comes to this sort of discussion.

I'm Filipino (more specifically, Filipino-Chinese ancestry), not Thai, the two cultures are very distinct in their own ways. There are cultural overlaps, but otherwise, these are only my opinions as a SE Asian, and in no way meant to be seen as a full authority on the subject, as lived experiences differ greatly even amongst those who grew up within the culture in question, or adjacent to it.

Having said all that, this rant is examining Kim's privileges in the context of Asian family dynamics and cultural traditions, and taking into account as to what those said privileges he enjoys could possibly motivate him to do. I'm also gonna include some novel bits, so if you haven’t read the book, here’s your obligatory spoiler alert warning, as well as my one plea of “please don’t attack me for reading the book and using it as part of my basis in arguing my thesis.”

But I digress!

In regards to my claim, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; if anything, it goes to show how effective BOC, Daemi, and Jeff were in developing his character, that the Kim we see in the show embodies a key characteristic of his that’s very loyal to the original novel: his thoughts and motives are often hard to read, and even his own family members have trouble trying to understand what he’s really thinking.

I for one can definitely say that Jeff leaned heavily into Kim's character archetype of a cool and mysterious love interest, which we do see a little bit in the book.

As we see below, per Korn:

Like in the show as well as the book, the audience doesn’t really know what Kim is thinking.

(Just as a little side note, even within fandom, I think that's probably part of the reason he gets such a bad rap—yknow, outside the Kimchay community—and on the other side of that, there are sometimes conflicting interpretations (which is a good thing, we're engaging critically with the media!) in regards to what motivated him to make the decisions he did.)

He’s not a main POV character in the show, so his motivations are pretty murky, since it can be argued just as easily that his sleuthing behind the scenes can be seen as a way of strengthening his own position within the family, as it is his own efforts in protecting his brothers.

Perhaps it’s both or more than that—or hell, perhaps none of those things; it’s not as if he’s only allowed one or just those motivations, right?

Having said that, what the audience does know about Kim and can confirm, are the privileges he enjoys as the third son:

he was able to move out early and live on his own

he does not have as many bodyguards, which enables him to go sleuthing behind Korn’s back

he has the freedom to pursue a career in music, since that’s his main interest

In and of itself, the privileges Kim enjoys, if anything—demonstrate a lifestyle in which he is neither trying to run away from the shadows of the Theerapanyakul family’s infamy, nor is he really trying to gain a foothold within the mafia’s hierarchy in order to up one, or all of them. And I believe that's the entire point of his character, because we're not supposed to understand what he's thinking.

The way I see it, Kim enjoys the privileges as mentioned above because of the fact that he’s the third son of the top mafia family in Thailand, not the other way around. And because I see them more as privileges, they don't necessarily mean anything in terms of what motivates his actions.

There’s a few reasons for this:

Pursuing the Arts and Asian Style of Parenting

There’s a bit of a negative stigma in Asian cultures in general when it comes to pursuing the arts. Mind you, this isn’t unique to Asians, but it’s also a much more noticeable sentiment in Asia (i.e. the stereotype of Asian tiger parents wanting their kids to pursue something that contributes to society and makes a solid income, like doctors and lawyers). Asian parents in general tend to be overprotective and controlling of their children’s futures, and there’s still a relatively pervasive idea that one’s education is strictly tied to their lifelong career.

We see this in a multitude of ways in the show: for example, when Kinn first brings up his interest in music to Porsche during their ep. 6 forest adventure, he speculates on his father paying off the judges in the music competition he’d participated in. Even if at the time, Tankhun would presumably have still been the heir and Kinn was freely allowed to participate in the event, Korn exerted a tremendous level of control to ensure that Kinn came out on top, irrespective of how Kinn himself would feel about this.

Another example: Chay himself is willing to give up a college education, let alone study music, due to having seen how much Porsche struggles to financially provide for both of them. In the scene below, he makes it known that he's open to the idea of using the last of his parents' savings for his education in order to move some place else.

For Chay, the prospect of college is in and of itself a privilege they can't afford and at large, speaks very much to the wealth gap and inequality that still exists in Thailand, as it does for other Asian countries. It's not hard to understand why Chay is easily able to give up the opportunity of the oral interview in his dream school, besides just being heartbroken—he's always been more willing to face a reality of lifelong struggle, so long as it means he and his brother are together.

It's only because of Chay's own obedience to Porsche and his respect for him, that he even makes a show of going to the interview, rather than outright admitting to Porsche that he's no longer interested in going to that particular school. His short stint of teenage rebellion in the second half of the show is hidden from Porsche, in order to maintain the illusion that he's following the path Porsche specifically worked hard to set up for him.

Of course it goes without saying, this is no way meant to discredit Kim's work and effort to maintain a career in the entertainment industry, free of his family's influence or financial manipulation in that field. What I will say however, is that Kim's access to wealth, as well as the freedom afforded to him, allowed him to pursue his passion in music with significantly fewer obstacles, in comparison to Chay—enough so that the negative stigma is a bit of a moot point.

And we all have some idea of how Gun views Vegas’ culinary interests. :’D

Traditional Gender Role(s) and Internal Sexism

If we were to compare Kim's situation with any other character that would have been in somewhat similar circumstances regarding "leaving the family business," the only one that comes close to fitting the bill is Nampheung. Arguably we could also count Macau in terms of the lack of family involvement, but presumably since Macau still relies on his father and brother financially to support him, I'm leaving him out.

In the flashback scene with Nampheung, we see indicators of a contented life she's already begun to lead, away from the Theerapanyakul household: she's married with two kids, her husband runs a successful business, she manages to find time to pursue her passion in art, etc.

For all intents and purposes, she lives independently, and seemingly without having to rely on her adoptive brothers and father.

And yet, we know how Nampheung's story plays out, regardless of which brother pulled the trigger.

Mind you, although Korn and Gun's reason(s) for wanting Nampheung to return to the Theerapanyakul household has less to do with her sex and more to do with what she and her husband knows (whatever the heck that means, lol), it doesn't mean that a double standard, when compared to Kim's own living situation, isn't baked into it.

(And again, before I continue: this is in no way discrediting Thailand's efforts in furthering gender equality at large. The Thai government has made significant strides in improving women's rights, particularly in the work force. Despite this however, challenges still remain to this day, as do for most countries, when it comes to this particular issue.)

Why is it that Nampheung—a woman who was able to make a life for herself completely free of the Theerapanyakuls' influence—was still forced to return with Korn and the danger of being involved with the Theerapanyakuls, and yet Kim—who we can argue still benefits greatly from his family's (ill-gotten) wealth—is somehow able to more fully enjoy the freedom Nampheung could have only dreamed of and experienced for a short time?

In the same episode when Porsche reunites with his mother under the worst of circumstances, Gun makes a plea towards Nampheung to return to him, that he would be the one to protect her. The scene paints Nampheung as a damsel very much in distress, and though Gun claims to love her, he still treats her as a prize to be won, to take his side in their family conflict.

The framing of this theme in the show, of "trying to get away from the family," is gritty at best, heartachingly frustrating at worst.

I think this in particular is part of the reason why I'm less inclined to believe that Kim moved out strictly to not involve himself in the business. Like, for my own peace of mind, I try to temper this point (perhaps to my own detriment), yknow?

Personally, I feel like since Kim is able to live comfortably outside the family compound and pursue his music career, there would have had to be some sort of return or condition for this to be allowed (one of them being, he knows how to fight and protect himself).

After all, as Korn himself said:

Filial Piety and Birth Order

I've talked about this plenty of times before, so I won't get too deep into it (haha), but this perhaps plays the biggest role in what is disregarded in the "western bias" I spoke of earlier.

As a working definition, filial piety means showing care, gratitude, and obedience to your elders, be it one's parents, grandparents, ancestors, etc etc. This virtue is one of the most important cultural aspects in Thai culture, as well as other Asian cultures, and underpins the very bedrock of our communities.

I've written out another rant before that Porsche's initial judgement of Kim moving out of the family home hints very much at not only his own specific veneration of the family unit, but his internal biases in the way he sees how a family should function.

TL;DR: Kim moving out is something that Porsche does not see as a good thing whatsoever, despite his own misgivings about the Theerapanyakul family, when he first starts working for them. Porsche sees Kim's actions as being egotistical and self-serving, and to a certain extent, unfilial towards his family.

And part of this filial piety is the obligation that in their parents' old age, children are expected to take care of them. We see this in a couple of different ways in how Kim behaves towards Korn:

In the first and only scene they have together, Kim brings Korn one of his favorite snacks, to show consideration towards his father while stopping by for a visit, since his main objective (besides snooping around) was to ask Korn why Big was assigned to him.

Although the highlight of the scene shows the very mutual distrust between father and son, Kim still shows how dutiful he is towards Korn. He makes a point to show that he's very aware of his father's preferences in many different things: his food, his requirements when hiring bodyguards, hell—even the way Korn organizes his private space and his use of secret cuckoo clocks to open locked drawers, lolol.

The filial piety he exhibits towards Korn is, to a certain degree, very much a front. Yet its very role as a front in how Kim interacts with his father is telling of how much there exists a familial hierarchy between them, and that Kim still respects and is a product of his upbringing. He's not openly hostile against Korn, or even against whatever Korn has up his sleeve with Porsche's employment; if you think about it, at least up until Kim realizes he's fallen in love with Chay, Kim has the least to worry about with Korn's intentions in hiring Porsche.

Theoretically, anyway.

Another point, for which I've brought up before in another meta: at the end of the day, Kim is unable to actually disobey his father, as shown in this scene when Chan comes down to escort Kim to see Korn.

While there are definitely times in the show that Kim plays at straddling the line between filial piety for show and disobedient, spoiled child, at the end of the day, the deference he feels compelled to show Korn is still a leash around his neck. Even in this scene where Chay has gone missing along with Porsche, Kim cannot yet, if ever, cross that almost insurmountable boundary of actually going against Korn's word.

Especially given the context of this scene, at the eve of the Minor Family's coup.

In fact, I could even go so far as to say that perhaps another one of Korn's conditions for allowing Kim to live away from the compound, is Kim's obedience.

To be honest, Kim's place in the familial hierarchy of the Main Family is very much a double-edged sword, in that his position as the third son is simultaneously the place of least expectations from Korn, and thus, the one with the most freedom, yet also the last bastion of Korn's hopes and expectations for their family, should Kinn become unable to perform his job as the current heir.

The way I see it, though Kim doesn't have the pressure of running the mafia empire, he still carries the weight of authority that his name represents, and Korn (as well as the very environment and culture that he grew up in) holds Kim to that, as his father, as the one in position of authority in their family.

In retrospect, I think that's part of the reason BOC chose to elevate Kimchay's love story as much as possible, despite their story being almost entirely absent in the first novel the show is based off of.

Kim needed to be humbled by falling in love with Chay, because he too carries the weight of power like Vegas and Kinn. And like the other two men, he needed to understand what it meant to have a weakness.

(As a side note too, in terms of tropes in fiction, Kim's position in the hierarchy actually fits a number of them: Youngest Child Wins, Rule of Three, and Underdogs Never Lose.)

Conclusion

Kim, for me personally, is such an intriguing character because he represents both what Tankhun has long forgotten (and perhaps never even had in the first place—ambitions of his own, a passion to pursue outside of his family), as well as what Kinn had lost, when he took up the mantle.

Personally, I think the fact that he has these privileges—being able to live outside the compound, not having to involve himself in the tedious running of their family businesses, etc—gives him more reason to stay within the fold of the Theerapanyakul family (despite his emotional distance), not less, even if we don't take Chay into consideration.

We may not know what Kim is thinking, but beneath his aloof exterior, I'd like to think that, at least when it comes to his brothers and his father, he's not entirely self-serving (Chay is a different story, lmao).

Because again, at the end of the day, although Kim enjoys a lot more freedom compared to his two older brothers, there are still a lot of familial ties and obligations—forged and solidified by his upbringing and the culture he lives in—that even his genuine love for music and his burgeoning idol career can't fully replace or throw away.

#kimchay #kinnporsche the series #kpts meta #character analysis #kim theerapanyakul #meta #character meta #why don't you stay #ahahaha

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keter-kan · 6 months ago

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ALRIGHT!!! Ch. 12 :) i know it's been awhile since the last post, but this is where I've left off since the beginning of the semester! Everything post chapter twelve has yet to be written ajskakksks and may take a while longer... I'm hoping to keep the general motivation going for it though so !!! Wish me luck lmao

May and Oryn have decided it's time to end the siege, when Jonas makes an appearance.

Tags: @skidotto @idonthaveapenname

tw: mentions of death, abuse, murder, war, stabbing, blood, harsh weather

Ch. 12

“Open the doors, Demetrius,” May’s voice was sharp and clear.

“My Lady?”

“Get Alec,” she said, “and open the doors. Send him out in the camps to help gather and shift everyone indoors.” Their steps were in sync as they climb the stairs from the basement.

Demetrius nodded. “Whatever you say, My Lady,” he breathed out a light huff.

May stopped in her tracks on the next step, putting up a hand and turning to face him. “You only ever listen without complaint to my stupid plans when your vehemently against an even worse one I’ve hatched. Out with it.”

He moved past her, continuing up the stairs and gesturing for her to do the same. “It wasn’t smart to leave him down there.”

May’s jaw tightened as she followed, now in his wake. “He needs answers. There’s no one else who can provide them.”

“You don’t think he’ll kill the old sot?” Demetrius laughed, opening the hatch that led from the basement back up to the main manor.

May shook her head, rolling her eyes. “What makes you think I don’t already plan on doing that myself? Besides,” The two of them stepped out of the shadows and back into the torch-lit halls of the manor, “He need answers. I’d like some, too.” She pushed in front of him with a slightly faster pace and headed towards her office.

Demetrius nodded, letting the subject drop. “Tell Alec to start bringing in the men, and then what, my lady?”

“Meet me here,” she called down to him, “the siege needs to end. Tonight.”

“You remember me?”

The room was dank, full of moss that had started to overtake the forever damp stone floor and walls, creeping white vines pushing through the cracks to make homes amongst them. Oryn could swear they heard the scuttle of rats in the rooms beyond, but was too busy with the task at had to force themselves to look further.

“I remember,” they said, circling the man as if they were stalking prey. He sat upon a ratty wooden stool, legs bound to the legs and hands tied behind his back. May had requested that Oryn leave him here when they were done with him: she had her own questions to ask.

“Good, then,” he said, sighing as his posture sunk further in on himself. They had cleaned his wounds and dressed him in slightly cleaner robes, providing a meal of whatever bit of food they could had on hand. “I’m sure you have many questions,” he coughed for a moment before catching his breath, “and I hope to provide some semblance of an answer for you.”

Oryn stopped pacing to look Jonas up and down. With his face washed, feet bandaged, and beard properly braided, they could tell now that he must have been a man of status at one point. Alec had done well in teaching them the ways of local society and religion and they could recognize the symbols they saw floating amongst the books and scrolls; the large eight-point star representing the Siblings of Chaos was embroidered on his tattered undershirt, the same symbol with a circle enclosing it tattooed on the man’s chest. They hadn’t recognized that before, the one time they’d met that Oryn could remember.

“They branded you for making Chaos?” they said, motioning towards the tattoo.

He nodded. “But wouldn’t strip me of my status.” He shrugged his shoulder forward, once again showing off the pin. He’d carefully taken it off of the tattered robes he previously bore and attached it to the new ones provided him.

\ “You wear the High Councilor’s pin of the Sanctum,” they all but verbatim repeated from some thick tome or another.

“The Lady of Ilucia has been teaching you, I assume?” Despite the circumstances, the man laughed once again.

“The witches never told me,” Oryn muttered, eyes becoming slits as their jaw twitched. They didn’t want to defend those who had sheltered them from the world, and yet…

“They never told you much of anything, child,” Jonas said, looking up at Oryn from where he sat. “And yet, here you are. Making your way nonetheless.”

Oryn shook their head. “I’m not going with you.”

Jonas sighed. The look in his eyes suddenly became something dark and heavy, a deep pit holding all the answers anyone could ever seek and the horrors that come with them.

“You can’t change my mind,” Oryn’s voice was calm. They counted their breaths, steadying their heartbeat as it started to rage in their ears.

Jonas’s mouth hung open for a moment, his rotting teeth browning at the gums. “Your mother,” he whispered, his old and quivering skeletal body becoming still as his gaze bore into Oryn’s soul.

They felt the blood draining from their face as they contested his gaze with their own, taking another step further towards the precipice. “I want to know of her.”

He sucked in a fresh breath of air with force. “The Forgotten Princess, to be married to the Forgotten Prince. The stories they tell…”

The text they’d read said nothing about any of that.

Jonas could read the confusion clearly on Oryn’s face. “Not up to recent years in your lessons?” He choked on another short laugh, but his features remined hard and serious, his eyes lacking their jovial grandfatherly nature they’d carried before he’d mentioned…

Oryn shook their head. “Speak plainly.”

He sighed. “I find it a great shame,” he mumbled as he caught his breath once again, “that three women of such intelligence would keep such knowledge from you.” He hummed a bit to himself, scanning the small room he found himself in.

“My… Tutor,” Oryn started, “told me that knowledge is how average men hold power. How they cope with never being allowed to Mend the sewn Chaos.”

“Do you believe that?”

“Not completely,” they said, their gaze hard. “It’s powerful, yes. I am strong in knowing,” they started slowly stalking around Jonas yet again, one slow step being taken after another. “But men are strong in other ways. With swords, axes, bows… they are all so weak when they’re leaking blood.”

“The church,” Jonas mumbled, “the Sanctum. Do you think that’s power? Or the King?”

“It is so easy to die, so easy to kill,” Oryn mumbled, “that it’s hard to look at an old man in a chair far too large for him and decide that’s the image of power.” They shook their head, stopped their pacing.

“Men work in ways only the Gods may understand,” Jonas said, the legs on his stool creaking as he shifted his weight.

Oryn let out a sly laugh under their hot breath. “I am angry with the witches for never teaching me,” she laid a gentle hand on Jonas’s frail and bony shoulder, “And yet grateful to never have known. I can look upon the societies that man has built and see how uncouth it all is; how seemingly barbaric and unestablished.” She shook her head as she lifted her hand from the man’s shoulder and walked to be in front of him, crouching down to meet his gaze with her own. “And your Gods…” they scoffed.

Jonas looked upon Oryn with more than mere anger; the disgust was laid upon them with his unrelenting gaze. “You do not know of what you speak, child.”

Oryn eyes narrowed as they looked deeper into Jonas’s soul, into what he’s done and who he was and where he’s been. They swallowed hard and took a deep breath as the drone started humming at the back of their head.

He started to struggle against his restraints. “You don’t know what made you!”

“Then tell me, old man,” they spat, “for my patience is growing thin.”

His face contorted as the thrumming in his own skull started hammering harder and harder, begging to break free. “Demon!” He screamed, his hoarse voice echoing against the cold stone walls surrounding them while he strained against his restraints.

“What am I, Councilor?” Their skin crawled with the potential of another kill, more blood spilled atop old stones that would forget the death as it was washed away. And yet they continued to hesitate nonetheless. Although this man would never get the pleasure of taking them alive, he was possibly the only person left alive who knew what they were.

“Demon,” he repeated, his eyes still burning hot and wild as he coughed and caught his breath, trying to contain his fear.

Oryn shook their head yet again, standing and resuming their pacing. "I may not have a very deep understanding of your Gods, but I can tell you that if they’re real, they’ve either left your sorry lot or have died.” She scoffed. “I find it horrid how you all can believe in something so… untouchable.”

The man’s features changed, suddenly showing a deep and sudden pity for what must have been someone but a child in his own eyes.

“I hope, dearest Oryn, for your lovely mother’s sake, that the God’s choose to have mercy on your dying soul.”

He stoked the fire burning inside of them even more.

They stood behind the chair he was strapped to, gripping the back of the chair as they watched the wood crack beneath their knuckles. They leaned down, their neck creaking with the strain of their spine shifting inside of them, their skin pulling itself taught as the muscle shifted.

“Tell me of her,” they whispered against the skin of his ear, sending a shiver through his body as he mumbled a prayer, trembling in his seat.

The creak of bone on bone rang through the small room, mixing with the squeaking of dusting rodents and the soft drip of condensation running down the walls. Their breaths created a harmony, Oryn’s staunch snout spouting steam into the air as Jonas’s fear sucked it deep into his lungs.

He whimpered as the ropes dug deep into his wrists while he tried to break free and run from the beast lurking behind him, seeking answers only he could give. His eyes were shut tight as he felt the foul drool drip thick and heavy onto his shoulder.

“Leandra,” he whispered.

Silence.

The crack of a shot from a bow rang out, an arrow piercing Jonas through the heart.

Oryn’s face lifted quickly, standing on two hind legs and stretching themselves to reach against the stone ceiling, flexing against the restraint of their own skin.

May stood in the darkened doorframe, crossbow positioned at her chest, pointing towards the dead man’s body.

“Oryn,” she said, panting and wiping her brow. “We need you.”

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cressida-jayoungr · 1 year ago

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Only Dreaming of Peace

(Note: I am neither the original author nor the translator of this piece. It is a favorite post from my LiveJournal days. The original post, by LiveJournal user Lilan14, can be found here.)

I know I still have my vacation report to finish, but that will have to wait, as I saw this wonderful real-life story in one of my LJ friends' journal. It was originally posted to ru_cats, a Russian cat-lover comm, by a mystery book writer, and her style is just as excellent as the story itself. So, sit back and enjoy! Oh, and make sure you're not eating or drinking something while at it, for your own safety...

The translation is mine.

Only Dreaming of Peace...

I've been recently asked to post to LJ a story of uneven struggle of Man with Cat for the right to sleep where they want, without the risk of dying shamefully underneath a cat's butt. I am doing this and hiding it behind the cut. Let it stay here as a reminder to posterity and the desperate ones who will decide to get a Maine Coon and a bed with a wide headboard.

Part One

Dear ru_cats people, I am here asking for advice.

There's a cat. The cat weighs ten kilograms. There's a bed. The bed has a tall soft headboard 10 to 15 cm wide. There are also the cat's owners, who sleep on the bed.

At night, the cat leaps onto the headboard and walks on it. The cat has a night promenade. However, since the cat was a cow in the previous life and transferred certain peculiarities to his present incarnation, during his fourth or fifth go he loses his balance and plops down. If I'm lucky, the cat lands beside me. If I'm not, the ten kilograms of the cat land onto my head, and always butt-first, for some reason.

Question: how to make the cat drop the habit?

Have already tried:

duct tape spread on the headboard. (As a result, we spent half the night taking them off the crazed cat, nearly scalping him).

the cat's hated smell of ylang-ylang. (The cat didn't care it was hated).

tangerine peel in large amounts (The cat swept the peel onto my head in disgust, following it in the process).

What else can be done? I've already slept with spray under my pillow. The cat runs away, then comes back.

The cat's picture enclosed for realizing the scope of the problem:

Part Two

Two days ago, I posted this cry for help to the comm: http://ru-cats.livejournal.com/19218540.html Got a lot of replies. Two were used at once. Reporting as promised.

I like simple and easily implemented ideas. That's why the suggestions to attach a shelf to the bed, to the cat, to my head, so that it would be comfy for him to fall onto, were postponed.

First I took six balloons from the kid, inflated them and placed them between the wall and the bed. It all looked very pretty. Husband and I admired them and went to bed.

In the middle of the night, there was a bang. In my sleep, I thought husband had shot the cat (even though the only weapon in our house is a water pistol). When the lights were turned on, the cat was sitting on the floor amidst bits of a blue balloon, squinting disapprovingly. He got kicked, the balloons were moved, and we went to bed again. This was our strategic error, proving how little we knew about cats.

He exploded two more balloons about twenty minutes later and ran away, making derisive sounds. Husband insisted that I take everything away and be done with experiments for the night. While I was putting the balloons away, the cat sneaked up to the largest one and smacked it with his paw.

Results: minus four balloons, minus two hours of sleep, minus eight meters of nerve fiber per two adults. Plus cat entertainment.

Then we went for Plan B. The entire headboard was covered with several layers of foil, so it would rustle loudly. I assured husband he could now sleep in peace: the cat would definitely be afraid to step onto the foil.

Well, I was almost right. The cat showed up a couple of hours later, when we were asleep. He jumped onto the foil from the wardrobe. The foil rustled, the cat freaked out, leapt into the air and fell onto husband.

Results: minus ten meters of foil, minus forty drops of sedative per two adults. Plus cat entertainment.

This is how he was looking at us in the morning, while we were trying to make breakfast with shaking hands.

I will try the shelf tomorrow.

Part Three

After the foil and the balloons failed, I started to think in a different direction: how not to let the cat into the bedroom at night.

First I used cat repellent. Unfortunately, the cat did not get it was repellent. However, husband did; he winced, sniffed and finally asked me to air the room. So I now have husband repellent; if anyone needs it, I can share.

The washbowl full of water turned out to be just as stupid. We placed it counting on the cat splashing in it and forgetting the bed (he loves water).

We had counted half-correctly: the cat did splash, but he didn't forget the bed. At night, he hopped back to us, shaking wet paws. In my sleep, I thought he had twenty-two of them. He used ten to step on my face, the rest to run on the sheets. Finally, he kissed husband soundly on the nose, nuzzling him with a wet face dripping with water.

After that husband said screw the interior, he agreed to the shelf.

In the evening, he brought a polished board, spent two hours with it, cursed the innocent bed, and, finally, attached it. I wanted to say that I preferred the cat rather than that thing falling onto us (no one would get from under it alive). But I looked at husband's face and decided to keep it to myself. Okay, I thought, so we'll sleep with it one night, and then I'll take it off.

In addition, the kid ran it before bedtime and left her toys on it. I waved it aside and didn't scold her, because I was thinking which relative to pick to raise our child, should we be buried under the shelf.

(I have to say my worries were silly: as it turned out, husband did a quality job with it.)

In the middle of the night, the cat stepped onto the shelf. He strolled nonchalantly halfway along the shelf and touched one of the toys with his paw.

It turned out to be an interactive Zhu Zhu Pets hamster.

From the touch of a cat paw, the hamster turned on. It cried out cheerfully "Abuzuuuuuuuuuzyyyyyy!" and ran toward the cat, glowing with love.

I would gladly tell you about what happened next. But I won't lie: we didn't see it. And we didn't see the cat until morning. The hamster reached the edge of the shelf and committed suicide lemming-style, jumping off a rock into the full washbowl.

Result: we took off the shelf. We have a guard hamster sitting on the headboard now. The cat does not go into the room. If he happens to notice the hamster through the open door, he swells to manul size and retreats in horror.

Here is our hero and rescuer:

#cats #funny #funny cats #maine coon #zhu zhu pets #epic stories #cat stories #humor #cat humor

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becomingkatie · 1 year ago

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Theo is still not doing great. Now that we've been tracking his every litterbox attempt, it's clear that pooping is more of the trouble than peeing. He's peeing about twice a day, but only pooping every three days, and mostly outside the litterbox. Lots of going in and out of the litterbox before every pee and poop, having to try for each. It's heartbreaking, and he's on an all-wet food diet now to boost his hydration, and the vet recommended some additional supplements for his joints (he definitely has some pain) and his urinary tract in addition to pain medications in the hopes that some of the troubles are just that it hurts him to assume the position and not that something worse is wrong internally. But as more time goes on and he doesn't improve, it just gets hard. And of course putting the medicine in his food makes him not want to eat the food, and he won't take pill pockets anymore. He's tired of it. We're tired of it.

We didn't travel for Christmas like we'd planned, because we can't leave him with a sitter and feel comfortable right now. I still haven't mailed my brother and his wife their presents - since we were going to drive, there was no time pressure to prepare, and then when we cancelled our plans everything felt chaotic and I need to actually get them in the mail asap. I finally wrapped all but one, and that one is a mock-up of the pottery stamp and I had to wait for the paint to dry before I could wrap it. I wanted to make something for him to unwrap, but didn't want to buy it without talking with him first so he can decide what the stamp actually has on it, whether it's his signature or a logo or something else.

Since we can't really travel right now and she's semi-retired, my mom is coming to visit us. She's coming up today and staying three nights. It's a long drive at over eight hours. Not as long as the drive I used to make from here down to where she and my dad lived, but still not a fun solo drive. I'm very grateful she's making that drive just to see us, and I'm excited to give her her presents and hug her and have her see Theo. Part of me feels guilty for not traveling and feels like if she sees us mixing medicine into his food multiple times a day, tracking every litter usage, she'll be like "of course you couldn't travel!" Even though she and my brother were already like "do not worry! your cat is sick! stay home and do what you need to! we'll see you when we see you!" and didn't make us feel bad about it.

I'm trying to come up with some ideas for what to do while she's here. I've got food mostly figured out but not activities.

I've also been in a BAD MOOD lately, and I think a lot of it is that the year is ending and a new year is starting and I just feel like I failed this year? Like I feel disappointed in myself for not getting my next book finished and published, and instead of getting in better shape I slid into worse shape, and my head is just a really negative space right now. And when your own head is a negative space, that negativity leaks out. I keep a wall calendar specifically so I can look back at the end of the year and see all the things I did - remember that I started a writing group, that I played DND for the first time, that I grew carrots and turned them into cake, etc. So after Mom leaves when I have some alone time it's imperative that I spend some time turning this headspace around so I can stop spewing negativity. I'm not even enjoying being in my own presence, so I know Ken can't be enjoying it.

This has been... way more negative of a post than I realized! But the wrapping paper I bought this year is super cute, the gift I'm making for my best friend Molly is coming along adorably and I'm really excited to post pics here after I send it to her, and I have a consultation at the hair salon later to talk about cutting my hair and dying it pink! There's good!

#personal #life update #theo

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purposefully-lost · 1 year ago

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Jack,

School is starting again soon. Its crazy to think that the whole summer is over already. I went on that camping trip I told you about. It was only for a night, because Steph and Claire weren't really interested in making it any longer and our parents agreed we shouldn't be out by ourselves for so long anyway. I don't know, I think we'd have been fine for another night. The day we went home, there was this rain storm in the late afternoon, and I'm sure the woods would've looked real nice in the aftermath of it. You know, when the sky is kind of gray, but everything else is a little more vibrant?

I did still get some cool pictures though! I'm sending a couple to you. I flipped over this log at our campsite and found it crawling with beetles and stuff- I think the colors in the picture look so bright. I don't think I've identified everything that was under there, yet. I was hoping maybe you could.

I hope you're doing okay. The talk about you seems to have died down around here since school ended. Which is kind of a good thing, people were being really mean, but I don't know, it kind of makes me miss you, too. I don't want you to get left behind, or something. I'm a little worried about getting back into school, but I'll let you know how it goes.

Your friend,

Chris.

-----

Jack,

You'll never believe who I got as a chemistry teacher. It's Miller. He's still over the swim team, too, but it's a lot smaller than it was last year. I can see why you stuck with it if he was your coach, though, I really like him. He's been really lax about when we turn things in, which has been really nice. I know we're only a couple of months in, but I've been having trouble keeping up. They just keep piling more on top of us.

I actually spoke to him about you. I got pulled back after class because of a stupid fight- I'll tell you the details later- and you just kind of came up. He says he hasn't heard from or about you, either. Which I didn't really expect, but he did seem curious about how you were doing. He still seems sort of shocked about everything that happened.

I'm sending you a few more pictures. I haven't gotten back out to the trails, yet, but I've been taking a lot of walks past the park after school, and I've snapped a few photos of the birds there. My favorite is of the bluejay. Give it a look.

Oh! Do you remember that book I told you about, The Left Hand of Darkness? The author has this fantasy series, too. It starts with A Wizard of Earthsea. If you can, I think you should check it out. It makes me think a lot of you. I guess it's kind of more of a kid's book, but I still really like it.

I hope things haven't been too bad. I'll write again soon.

Your friend,

Chris.

-------

To whom it concerns,

Hi. My name is Christine Prescott, and I'm a junior at Greendale High School. I've addressed this to Jennifer Stanton, who I believe is a case worker for Jonathan Stone, but honestly, all that matters is that this reaches someone who knows him. It's very important. Jonathan was arrested almost eight months ago and, as I understand it, now resides in the city juvenile detention center. I've been trying to write him since then, but I don't know if he's been receiving my letters. I need you to tell me that he has. And if he hasn't, I need to know why.

I understand that his case and his trial were highly publicized and that, as a result, reaching him might be difficult. But he is my friend. I don't even really care if he writes back, I'm sure he's having a rough time, but I want to know that he at least knows that I've been trying to reach him.

Thank you for your time. Please write back. I have also provided a phone number.

Christine Prescott

#i have a drabble for chris getting to show him the letters halfway written #but i wanted to write the letters themselves dhdhNDND #also i couldnt remember if Jen had an established last name/if their high school had an established name already so you get Randomized Names #for those #drabble #alex prescott #hunted // rabbit

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theultimatenonbinarynerd · 1 year ago

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March 2024 Reading Wrap Up

The Calendar

Another incredible reading month and I'm so glad I managed to keep my streak this time despite still recovering from illness. It's been a scifi packed month and I absolutely will do my best to fix that next month. I'm one of those people who want to do their best to diversify their TBR. I'd also dub this the Aftermath month as I decided to reread Aftermath to prep for reading Life Debt. And despite the still obvious flaws im so grateful I decided to give Chuck Wending a second chance.

The biggest excitement of this month is that I'm proud to announce that after three agonising months I finally finished Black Spire. When I re-read it in the future I can absolutely assure you that the read will be shorter. I don't know what happened it just took absolutely ages to read. It was a fairly decent novel and I adored the themes of Rebellion and Resistance. I just wish the other characters were fleshed out more as Vi and Archex are the only ones that are. 10th of March was the best day ever as I was just so glad to be finally rid of this side read as I have a whole block of other side reads I wanted to get too.

The High Republic comics are an absolute delight and I definitely want to get more of them in the future but they're still not my focus. The High Republic Adventures Vol.1 was incredible, I borrowed it off my brother and was really excited to read it and it was incredible. Lula and Zeen are an absolute power couple. The story telling was super enriching and fun. I definitely want to get my hands on Vol.2 sometime as I've also weirdly already read Vol.2. After I've read Fallen Star I definitely will need to re-read Vol. 3. I'm not suprised it took five days as that's normally how long comics usually take for me.

And then to finish off my side reads I managed to miraculously finish Vol.5 of the Animal Crossing New Horizons Manga. Vol.5 was really good and I loved how it incoperated the final 2.0 update and the dlc. Especially since Dark seems to be my reading mood preference I always love to incoperate a few lighthearted reads in there to save my shattered heart cos lord I need it, need it massively. This series is awesome and i'm happy it's gone on to have nine volumes but im definitely only sticking to eight of them thank you.

Then we have of course the Doctor Who Big Finish audio dramas. I'm very close to the end of The Eighth Doctor Adventures Series 1 now and have really enjoyed the series. It's gotten me deeply into Big Finish. Phobos and No More Lies were very fun and easy listens. I think unless it's a box set I'm definitely gonna be able to listen to single Big Finish stories in one day as you can tell by the calendar.

March has been fun but I really wish I'd read more than scifi and I hope April will be the chance to improve upon that.

March Stats

I'm using all my stats and log templates from LEEBEE_READS from now on as their all beautiful especially this flowery March theme. I've also got the hang of using it better so it looks neater. So here's a breakdown of all my stats for March from left to right.

I "read" 6 books in total this month. Four physical books and two big finish audio dramas. I didn't expect to read as much as I did in February due to missing my support group and getting another FNAF book off my friend but I shouldn't have been as I still have a lot of side reads I need to get through. Pages was good too as I didn't think I'd reach 1000 pages but I did. This March I read 1047 pages only 47 more than March 2023. I don't care about beating records but I still find that quite the achievement. For listening it went as well, I managed to listen to 2.43 hours. A number that will go up as I listen to the longer audios. We'll see what April brings but I'm very proud of myself.

Genre was very scifi this month. The only none scifi book I read was the Animal Crossing Manga which just cracks me up. Scifi is an amazing genre and I've love all the scifi stories I've listened too and read but I feel like it doesn't hurt now and then to go outside of the box. After hopefully getting to Brotherhood I have 3 none Star Wars books to help break this spell which should hopefully balance out the stats. So my genre's ended up being very simple with only Scifi, Fantasy, Video Games, Manga and Graphic Novel. 5 Scifi listens and reads is just mind blowing its definitely helped me understand and figure out what my favourite genre indeed is. With what I have planned for April I'm very curious how my genres will look.

Mainly reads like I said last time is budging as I'm into very adventurous books that are dark and also have mystery. I also still adore 300-499 page books and that's never gonna change but we'll see.

March was a very interesting month for moods as last year I only logged three moods but this year I've managed to log eight moods. Through out my reads and listens I've managed to pick up the moods, Adventurous, Tense, Mysterious, Lighthearted, Hopefully, Funny, Dark and Challenging which is in my opinion the most impressive streak of moods so far. Adventurous is always gonna take the top spot but im really happy at how balanced this chart is. I read a pretty Dark Comic in terms of The High Republic Adventures Vol.1 and then balanced it out with Vol.5 of The Animal Crossing manga series. People may want to read all dark reading month but I still think it's super important to balance things out with lighthearted stuff as Dark books are dark for a reason as they can be super heavy. Really curious about how April's stats will turnout.

Finally the Star Ratings which shocked me as for the first time ever I remembered quarter star ratings existed and rated too reads/listens 4.25 stars. In the future I'm definitely gonna try remember quarter star ratings and be more critical about how I rate books. I had two 4 star rated reads one being a re-read, two 4.25 star reads/listens as both were good but had flaws which meant it didn't quite deserve 4.5 or 5 stars and one 5 star read. That resulted in and average rating of 4.33 stars. Which is the same average rating I got a year ago. Haven't got an average rating below 4 yet but we'll see what happens.

Overall a very good month for stats I'm very intrigued to see what April shall bring.

Reads/Listens

Looking at this lineup is hilarious and amusing for me because you can tell the Animal Crossing Manga is the odd one of the group. It's giving and Peggy 🤣. I'm still proud of the lineup but I'm disbelief at how much sci-fi I've consumed.

Phobos and No More Lies were really good listens I'm super impressed at how talented the Big Finish team are. The Eighth Doctor Adventures Series 1 was definitely the best place to start as from Blood Of The Daleks it's only gotten better. I enjoyed both stories due to how experimental they were. No More Lies hit me right in the feels once the explanation for the timeloop was revealed and Phobos gobsmacked me at how dark it got. Judging on my journey I think I might enjoy the stories with orginal villians more.

I deserve a medal for how long it took me to read Black Spire I'm absolutely gobsmacked that it took me 42 days to finish this book especially since some of the chapters were short. Sure I took breaks so I could read my main reads and recover from being ill and it sending me into a reading slump. I did enjoy this book for the most part it was just a drag to get through. I'd still recommend it as it's themes are really deep and relevant for today. I loved the characters of Vi and Archex and definitely want to get my hands on the Phasma Audiobook so I can understand the story better. Good birthday present.

Oh the High Republic is my comfort franchise and I love it. I never planned on picking up the comics but when an opportunity presents yourself you take it. Very much enjoyed this volume and loved the themes of found family. Considering Zeen is queer it was very purposefully metaphorical that her friend betrayed her and disowned her after she had to out herself as a force user to save people. I also think it fleshes out the Nihil recruitment process and shows how easy it is to turn to the wrong people. I hope in the future I can get to reading Vol.2 but I'll definitely be re-reading Vol.3 of the High Republic Adventures that's for sure. Vol.1 was a delightful read and hit me right in the feels its well deserving of 5 stars.

Aftermath after mistakingly picking up the book as my first Star Wars read I was absolutely done with this novel. I knew I'd have to continue the Trilogy as a completionist but I was absolutely done with Aftermath as far as I was concerned. Having completely forgotten the events of the book though I knew it would be best to Reread Aftermath before I dug my teeth into Life Debt so I did and it helped a lot. Reading alongside Marc Thompsons narration on audio gave the book so much of the life it needed. It was a much more pleasant experience on Reread. I thought I'd hate it even more but the rating did not change. Infact it got me in the mood for reading Life Debt. Glad I gave Chuck Wending a second chance and I hope Empires End is even better than this book.

Finally Animal Crossing. One of my favourite video games and I think this manga series has not only faithfully adapted what made New Horizons charming but also actually added personality and life into the npcs and villagers. Vol.5 was a welcome suprise as I didn't think they'd add the 2.0 update and dlc into the series but its a very nice and welcome suprise. This manga series is just a nice breath of fresh air and I can't wait to get my hands on Vol. 6, Vol.7 and Vol.8. I seriously haven't enjoyed an entry in the series this much since Vol.2. Rumba does a wonderful job.

Conclusion

After the end of February's reading took a down turn I'm proud I managed to pick myself back up again. March was very interesting and I'm glad even if mainly Sci-fi that I managed to read and listen to a good bunch of stuff. I'm very optimistic for April and think it'll be just as good. I do know that the Calendar is for sure gonna be interesting.

If you want to see my full reviews for the audios and books featured in this post you can find me on The Storygraph and Goodreads.

Goodreads: Melody Soundy

Storygraph: melsage1823

Well this has been March's reading wrap up until next time...

-Melody-

They/Them

#bookworm #bookish #booklover #book tumblr #star wars books #aftermath #bookblr #star wars #star wars batuu #star wars comics #high republic phase 1 #high republic adventures #animal crosing new horizons #animal crossing manga #manga

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scarletpath · 2 years ago

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I've decided because I can't draw nor do I own a drawing tablet, I'm just going to write about my Tav Zyn in short stories. It honestly would be a shame to forget what my ideas would be, plus it helps me flesh out their character.

This is just a sweet little story of Halsin being the supportive dad of the group.

Small Changes

It felt like a perfect day. It was warm, with just the perfect amount of breeze. After the past rough days, they were finally graced with a peaceful respite. Although there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, Zyn preferred to lay in the shade. He gazed up at the leaves above as they gently rustled. The movement caused both shadows and light to dance around him. His arms folded behind his head as his mind remained quiet. It had been a while since he was able to enjoy the peace.

“I half expected you to be in your tent during your rest.”

Zyn turned his head to look over at the large Wood Elf coming over. Halsin sat down next to the Drow, leaving a comfortable enough space between them.

“No, it’s nice out here. The shade is comfortable.”

Halsin hummed and nodded his head.

“You seemed to be lost in thought. Is everything alright? You’ve been rather quiet the past couple of days.”

Zyn stared back at the leaves. Searching his thoughts on the matter. Perhaps he had been a bit melancholic of late. Though, he was used to it. It was an all too familiar feeling for him in the past years. He never thought it would raise any concerns from anyone.

Seeing the other pause in thought, Halsin spoke up again.

“Perhaps there is something you need to talk about. You and Astarion are similar in a way. The both of you seem to distance yourselves when something is bothering you.”

Zyn sighed at the other’s observation. Maybe Halsin was right. With all the trouble with the Absolute and the True Souls, he was feeling rather overwhelmed. It was an uncomfortable yet familiar, hapless feeling. Zyn sat himself up, leaning back a bit with his hands.

“I... I’m just worried. We’ve been traveling and fighting so much; it just feels like an uphill battle. We can’t afford to lose.” He just stares off with a sad look in his eyes.

“Ah. I understand all too well, Zyn. It can feel overwhelming at times. But remember, we’re all in this together. We’re much stronger together. I know we can get through this.”

Zyn sharply turned his head towards the other. His eyebrows furrowed with frustration.

“It’s not just about winning. It’s about this damn parasite too! Nothing we did helped. I don’t want to turn into one of those things.” Zyn pauses. The frustration turned into worry as he lifted his knees and hugged them.

“I don’t want my mind to be lost to the Illithid. I lived most of my life not being a person. I haven’t even found myself yet.” His mind went back to his dark memories. The strict and twisted Lolth Priestess he had served. To only be loyal with no mind of his own. Completely unaware of the world around him. To never explore his own wants and desires.

“This is my only life Halsin. And I already lost just over the first hundred years of it. I’ve only known the surface for eight years and I still don’t know who I want to be.” Zyn thought back to one of the books he looked over thoroughly when he first got to the surface. About the Gods and Elves and their right to reincarnation.

“As a Drow, I don’t get another life. To have my memories and my wisdom to help my next life. This is my only one.” He pressed his cheek into his knees, and he hugged his legs tighter. He looked hollow inside, but the look of his eyes showed he was scared. Not that he would ever admit it. The Assassin turned Bard, looked vulnerable and lost.

Halsin reached over and placed his hand on Zyn’s back. It felt warm and firm.

“You’re still young, Zyn. I know the world hasn’t been kind to you.” He gave Zyn’s back a comforting rub. “Change happens all the time to us. You might not think it, but you have changed a bit already. I’m sure it’s safe to say that you’re a different person than you were ten years ago?”

Zyn was silent for a moment, and he thought about it. He then nodded his head.

Halsin gave him a warm smile and ruffled his Zyn’s hair.

“See, Zyn. You’re already on your path. And you don’t have to worry. You’re not going to face this alone. You’re among friends now.” There was a warmth and tenderness in his voice. Something Zyn lacked hearing often in his life.

“I’m proud of you, you know. You’ve been very brave.”

A strained sound came from Zyn. He felt tears well up in his eyes. An awkward laugh left him.

“Ugg.. Heh, why am I crying?” There was a smile on his lips as he rubbed his eyes.

“I believe those are called happy tears.” Halsin mused.

“Gods, that’s so stupid.” Zyn chuckled, sniffing slightly as he dried his face.

“Thank you, Halsin.”

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 tav #my tav #drow tav #halsin #bg3 halsin

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viscountessevie · 2 years ago

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Benophie anon here (the first one!) Thank you so much for responding to my ask, it was part rant, part setting the record straight on how benophies were initially feeling after the s3 announcement. Also re: trivias response to my ask: I totally understand why you may not like the book, imo it's probably the worst written book out of the series as a whole, if irc it's also the shortest book in the series, and is at least a 100 pages shorter than rmb, which might explain the pacing (the book has like 7 scenes total) It's also pretty obvious jq just wanted to get the Ben's story out of the way and move on to polin already. I checked the publishing dates for the series and there is only 7 months between tvwlm and aofag, all the other books are a year apart!! So it was definitely rushed. I think the reason I like the story so much is because it has the potential to be phenomenal. Forbidden love, the inter class pairing and yes even the no 5 shenanigans. These tropes and ideas just do it for me. Their story has the potential to be great and I will forever hate jq for not having the skill or patience to deliver on that potential. As for the workplace harassment complaints: idk man let me enjoy my fantasy book in peace✌ . That's the beauty of having eight books in this series! There's something for everyone. The show has a golden opportunity to take what is the foundation for a great story and make some excellent television out of it. I do think that the the reason they skipped over ben is the cinderella aspect of the story, you must remember how much backlash that trope was getting a year ago, the producers probably got scared and pushed the season which is... fair ig? I just hope they don't feel the need to overcorrect the book, the cinderella trope is only like the first 5 chapters anyway and then its a straight forward forbidden lovers trope. The masquerade episode could be one of the best episodes on the show if done properly. Again: the ingredients for the perfect cake are there, The producers just have to follow the instructions and not add any weird shit in there. Sorry for the long reply lol, but you did ask us to write you and essay. (Also I might add on to this essay in a couple hours, I'm definitely forgetting some stuff)

Previous Ask by Benophie Anon

[Part 2 of this ask is below when I answer it!]

Hii bestie, I know this ask has been sitting in my drafts for a while but I'm briefly back to clear out my old asks :)

Thank you for the essay - I really do love reading them and it's just very nice to know that yall are willing to read mine and give the same energy back 😍 I truly have some of the best anons/mutuals/followers ever so thank you yall!

I'm always here to let yall vent and set the record straight - as I always say this blog is a safe space for anyone who wants to make this a safe space and isn't a bigot. I've also sent along your reply to Triv. I had a good chuckle at "Idk man let me enjoy my fantasy book in peace" you're so valid. Do let me know if you do end up reading The Millionaire Marquess since it's similar to Benophie - maybe it's the book that hits the potential of what you're talking abt with AOFAG!

Also hearing about how short the book is and the publication dates,,, JQ REALLY fucked over Benophie for Book!Polin huh that really sucks and I'm sorry to Benophies out there (well the valid ones, the homophobic and racist weirdos can get out of here).

I definitely understand your frustration with books not hitting the potential you see in them. I had that with a book I reviewed recently, Unladylike Lessons In Love (yes I am indeed showering you with all the HR recs because everyone deserves to read outside JQ)

Don't let the execs and higher ups off the hook, anon cos it's NOT fair that they completely messed up the order of the books. Not to mention how they butchered TVWLM. I don't think these people even care abour elevating the books - they just slapped the series name on it for the in built fanbase which ofc the racist part of that fandom got weeded out REAL QUICK after Regé's casting. Now they're using the characters of colour as props to switch out every season to draw in their POC audience. Well they can't do that with the cracker season so good luck to them.

I'm the same - I only enjoyed AOFAG BECAUSE of Luke T! I don't think I would have been as forgiving of Ben's privileged and lowkey creepy ass in the book if I had read the book first or if Ben was played by anyone else less charming.

I think they aged him down for the ignorance and navieté show version! Also to go with the Marina storyline. He needed to be young and dumb to be tricked by her I guess. Tbh your guess is as good as mine cos this show makes so many questionable choices.

Now at the heels of QC, S3 has a LOT stacked against it. But I don't think the execs or forerunners are gonna even bother trying to redeem her 🤡 so good luck getting the audience to root for her. They're just gonna She's All That it and call it a day tbh. It's going to be bland af and I won't be tuning in. I really am over Bton the show tbh. I'm only still discussing these things cos my blog is so tied to it and my friends are still in it lol. But as you and everyone who follows can see, I have been slowly moving away and expanding my tastes.

To end off, again thanks so much for all your asks! I really do hope S4 is Benophie and they do it justice! For you and my Benophie friends ❤

#Bridgerton #Benophie Anon #Benophie #AOFAG #The Viscountess Answers

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vixletserenity · 3 months ago

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Flashback!

Send "Flashback" for a look at something in my muse's past -accepting

It's the fourth Herba Mystica that you and Arven had been going after since telling you of them. He had told you that one of the Titans lived in the desert area; the same one you had avoided completely during your Gym Challenge against Kofu.

But now, there was no avoiding it. You had to walk in there.

Seemed that Arven already knew you were here as he waved over at you, opening up the Violet Book he had in his possession and opening the map app at the point where it supposedly was.

He had started walking before noticing that you hadn't moved at all. You stood in fear of both the desert and him leaving you behind. You didn't know what to say.

It felt like your throat had tightened the moment he asked what was wrong. What felt like hours passed before a sigh came from Arven.

"Alright. You're scared; anyone can see that from a mile away." He spoke before making his way back to you. "Tell you what little buddy, would it make you feel better if I held your hand as we go to where the Quaking Earth Titan is?"

A deep red came to your face at the suggestion, "Not in that way Celeste!" Arven groaned before cupping his face in frustration, "I mean holding your hand to give you support. So you know that I'm right here."

You hesitated as Arven held his hand out towards you. Shakely, you had accepted the offer as the two of you walked slowly through the desert; stopping whenever it got too much for you.

Once you and Arven found the Quaking Earth Titan; a strange robotic Donphan that you would later know is an Iron Treads, battling it with Cilantro was a breeze! Especially with his recently learned move of Flower Trick!

When you both found where the Sour Herba Mystica was, the plant was plucked. To be used in sandwiches for Miraidon and Mabosstiff. Even after the two Pokemon responded to the healing capabilities of these herbs, there was still a look of concern on Arven's face.

"Everything alright little buddy? I know you're not exactly the hasty type, but you were even more skittish than I've ever seen you back there."

It was at that point that everything you had held in this entire time during the trek through the desert had flooded out. That...now it only felt fair that Arven knew; since he told you everything about his Mabosstiff and his mission to cure the condition of his beloved friend.

So...you told him everything. The death of your friend in Unova's Desert Resort, the horrific aftermath, and all the abuse you endured during those awful eight years. There were some points where talking became too much, so you had your Rotom Phone's text to speech feature take over for you.

The look on his face after all that; shock, horrified, and empathy. There were moments of silence between you two as he slowly gave you a hug.

"Well, guess that explains pretty much every weird thing I've seen from you since we met. Takes a lot to be that vulnerable with someone; though I guess I was with you earlier."

After releasing you from that hold, he put his hands onto yours that tightly gripped your tear drenched skirt. "If you want me to keep all this a secret from that battle maniac, I can do that for you."

To this day, he's been the only peer you've trusted in telling everything about you before moving to Paldea.

#☆Message in a bottle opened ~inbox #death mention tw #child abuse mention tw

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clarktooncrossing · 1 year ago

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HEY THERE PEOPLE OF TODAY AND ROBOTS OF TOMORROW! IT IS I, CLARK!

Girasol Bosewick had always looked up to her older sister, Sarah. And that was before she could transform into a dinosaur. Ever since then, young Gigi has discovered the many benefits of having a big blue beast in the family. For starters, reaching stuff on high shelves no longer presented a problem. Stepladders are overrated when your siblings are nearly eight foot tall! Bullies also became less bothersome. Those who tried to break Girasol's natural optimism were soon met with the prehistoric protector of their town roaring in their face. Plenty of future punks have been 'persuaded' to rethink their life choices. Whenever she wasn't fending off would-be harassers, Saura was playing pretend with her precious younger sibling. Her peers could keep their Polly dolls as far as Girasol cared. Nothing could be cooler than her hermana grande. Even if she herself couldn't turn into a dinosaur, the smaller sibling very much wanted to be like her big sister. Saura, a former trouble maker herself, always had a hard time accepting that anybody would look up to her. Powerful as she was, she was not match for Gigi's cheerful attitude. Besides, it if meant she became a better person, why should such a dream be denied? Thus every weekend the two set aside time to work out. Needless to say, their way of doing so is different from most other families.

HAPPY NATIONAL CARTOONIST DAY, WEIRDOS! Yes, of course that's a real Holiday, Google it. I first discovered it back in High School while flipping through a Peanuts book. Ever since then I've made it my goal to post something new for this Holiday every year. Admittedly some years have been better than others. Back in 2016 and 2017 I actually managed to upload a new cartoon creation every hour. Now these last few years have found only one or two new pictures debuting. Heck, I'm still working on a new Sketch BOOM I meant to show today. Well, at least I have something saved for later. Besides, if nothing else, I can say quantity has been sacrificed for quality. That's certainly the case here! Honestly this is some of my best linework and shading to date. Remember folks, experimenting pays off. Helps that I already had a fun idea going in. A long while ago I stumbled upon a picture of Ruby and Weiss from RWBY dangling off Yang's bulging biceps. Obviously a similar situation could work for Saura, but how? Fast forward to this year when @burningthrucelluloid suggested having Gigi doing pull ups via giant dino arm and the proper inspiration had come! I hope you all enjoy this pic as much as I enjoyed creating it.

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

#Clarktoon Crossing #Clarktoons #Saura #Sarah Bosewick #Girasol Bosewick #Gigi #National Cartoonist Day #cartoon #dinosaur #dinosaur cartoon #dinosaur art #art #not ai generated #screw ai art #pull ups #exercise #sisters #original characters #Black Hispanic

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languajix · 1 year ago

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This month, I'm doing Craft Bingo over at Dreamwidth! I generated myself a bingo card and I've been using the prompts as warmups.

I'm a little nervous about crossposting them here because they're not really polished or picked over for characterization, but to heck with it. I'll share the ones I end up liking a bit.

Bingo Card: Craft Bingo 2024 Prompt: Drawing

Fandom: Batman vs TMNT Wordcount: 787 Summary: Mikey and Raph sign Donnie's cast. Warnings: None

"Mikey, if you don't move your shell, I'm gonna move it for you!"

"Okay, okay, hold on," Michelangelo, leaning over the table upon which Donatello's cast-covered arm was currently splayed, had his tongue stuck out as he concentrated hard on whatever he was drawing. A variety of markers in every color imaginable were scattered haphazardly on the table; some had already rolled off onto the floor.

Donnie didn't seem to notice the mess; he was currently scrunched in a chair with his knees folded up and his toes curling over the seat's edge, typing away on his phone with a single-minded focus, lost in his own little world. Only the slight hint of a frown betrayed whatever he was feeling at the moment.

(Barbara. They'd been back from Gotham for less than a day, and Donnie had barely stopped. I need to get a photo of this project for Barbara, Barbara had some suggestions for our patrol schedule, did you know Barbara installed a real-time sample analyzer in her motorcycle? Jeez, why didn't he just marry her already?)

"Nope, time's up!" Raphael set his hand on Mikey's head and pushed down until only the very top curve of green scales was visible over the rim of his plastron.

"Heeeeeeey," Mikey whined, his voice echoing around the inside of his shell. "I need my eyes to see so I can finish my masterpiece! No one treated the original Michelangelo like this!"

Donnie raised his head and inhaled sharply, sensing an opportunity to infodump like an Irish Setter sensing a bird. "Actually-"

"Quit your whining, Mike, and go get ready for patrol. I just need to sign his cast and then we can get outta here," Raph interjected quickly, tapping Mike's shell firmly with his knuckle a couple of times for emphasis.

"Aww. Fine." Mikey popped his head up and dropped the marker in his hand. It rolled sadly across the table, just barely stopping before it would have tipped over the edge. "But I'm gonna finish as soon as we get back, okay Donnie? So don't go anywhere. This bad boy's gonna be in the MOMA once it comes off."

"Not going anywhere. I hate, hate, hate broken arms," Donnie grumbled at his phone.

As soon as Mikey slid out of the seat, Raph dropped in, grabbing a red marker with the intent to scratch his name across one of the few remaining blank spots. Before he could, though, Donnie raised his gaze from his phone and cut in, a little hesitant, trying and failing to sound casual. Quiet, like he didn't want Mikey overhearing the request and making a stink.

"Hey, I was wondering... could you... draw Mr. Turtle? Only if you want to, I mean."

Mr. Turtle. Raph hadn't thought about that in ages. When they were kids, he'd gone through a phase where he'd wanted to become a comic book artist, and he'd started his own little comic strip with a turtle protagonist. It had been clumsy, pointless and meandering, but his brothers had loved it, eating up every strip. Leo had collected them all in a little crate in his room. Were they still there?

He hadn't drawn much since. He had a lot of other hobbies to take up his time. Turns out living the life of a mutated ninja turtle teenager could keep you pretty busy.

"...Why?"

Donnie shrugged his opposite shoulder. "I don't know, I kinda liked that little guy. I thought he was cute. You used to draw all the time, but I can't think of the last time I saw you doing it."

Raph frowned. "It's been, what, eight years? Pretty sure it's gonna suck."

Donnie flashed him a small smile before his attention settled back on his phone. "Didn't you hear? This thing's going in the MOMA. They'll eat it up."

Heh. Fine. Raph twirled the red marker in his grip, thinking through the shape he was about to draw. "Don't say I didn't warn you, Don, but sure."

Four minutes later, Mike bounced back into the room, all geared up for patrol. He leaned over the table to see Raph finishing up the last strokes on his little turtle doodle.

"Hey!! That's where my rocketship was gonna go!"

Raph turned around in his seat and grabbed Mikey in a headlock, using the marker to quickly swipe a red mustache along Mike's snout, the ink bleeding brown against the green of his scales. "Too bad, I had a request!"

"He did," confirmed Donnie, who was already snapping photos of both his decorated cast and Mikey's new mustache. "I wanted him to do Mr. Turtle. And he did a great job."

Thank you, Don.

"Barbara thinks so, too."

Ughhhhh.

#jix stuff #jix prompt fills

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moonlightandromache · 2 years ago

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That's fair that does sound bad, I'm sorry

I read Gideon because it's one of my friends favourite books but I think that's the only example I have. And there's not, no. I always feel like I'm wasting my time for doing certain hobbies that I love, so it's harder to take free time for someone else's hobby, so that makes sense.

I'm just so bad at watching television, I really wanted to watch it once Babs came in but I couldn't ever get through season 2, it's not even a comment on the show it's a comment on my inability to pay attention.

I am VERY glad I did!! I just finished reading hold still on Libby with my library card which is very rewarding because it was a book I'd wanted to buy AND I'm currently listening to the Graceling Audio book so it's definitely paying off. And I don't usually guess plot points due to the whole "head empty" thing. The first book I ever annotated was the Bell Jar and there's just no highlights until the very end (in which I had to physically resist the urge to highlight every single thing to do with Dr. Nolan) so I'm really not you're gal to tell you if anything was shocking. (Granted I did tell my friend I thought a character had bad vibes and I was right and she was impressed, so)

I personally think Harrow would've fucked me over if I had to listen to it. I already go in and out of paying attention to audio books and Harrow was so confusing for the first like 90% I would've been screwed. Audio books are harder for me because I *can't* do anything else- I have three hobbies, reading, writing, and drawing. I can't do two words at once so my only option if I want to listen to an audiobook is draw and especially since I just loan them from the library there's a lot of stress to draw for like 20 hours in two weeks.

I got to 12. I just keep forgetting it's there. You just like,, click too far into the next issue (page 1) and you're like... "well fuck since I've started-"

I saw that when I looked I just didn't know but fair!!!

I might try!! (I might even do a better job since I have the physical comics)

That's fair, I get that/ Hopefully you like year zero then! (when you get to it) I've never been able to complete sudoku, I know how it works I'm just stupid lmao. And that's fair, my laptop fucking sucks, I need to buy a new one before I start school again but God I don't want to pay for it who cares if this one can barely open the internet.

I imagine it was his phone but I didn't ask. He was kind of sketchy. At one point he tried to give me candy and I said I didn't trust him and then his coworker took a piece and asked if it was weed because "it wouldn't be the first time"

I am!! I just went to my local comic-con (very little comic anything- it was very disappointing. 90% of it was anime which was frustrating because we also have a yearly anime convention, but that's not why I'm telling you) I didn't notice a lot of the cosplays (due to the "oh god why am I here this is terrifying" feelings and the need to not get separated from my big brothers) but as I was leaving I DID see (or my brother pointed out to me, more accurately) a VERY good cosplay of Black Canary. I did not ask for a picture because we were leaving and I am shy but I have been thinking about it since lmao. She alone made me want to just like draw Black Canary for the rest of my life.

ok sorry for the delay in response life’s been busy and when i’m not busy w work i’ve been consumed by a rewatch of a silly tv show from like. eight years ago.

i will say s3 of titans (the season babs was in) definitely felt like the lowest point of the show imo. it was too doom and gloom gotham. but seeing an actual disabled person cast as babs was so cool, she was a fantastic babs she just wasn’t given a whole lot and a good chunk of it just felt like she was just there as a love interest for dick which was very frustrating to me :/

yeah i definitely think there are probably some small bits i missed with listening to the locked tomb books but a good audiobook is my favorite thing for a long drive.

i did read year zero and it was fun. loved seeing harley and ivy be gay and do crime. (and ivy beating up the joker!!)

still haven’t started injustice2 however i’ve been bouncing around reading some current dc runs (hawkgirl, powergirl, wonder woman and the amazons attack comic) and some older stuff (i read an old zatanna special because i was in a zatanna mood) i keep telling myself to read injustice2 and then getting distracted 😔

ooh a comic con that’s cool!! i’ve never been to one, i kinda would like to go to one but also they sound so overwhelming so idk if i ever will. maybe if i find someone to go with. LOVE that you saw a black canary cosplay that’s so cool i love that also you SHOULD draw black canary for the rest of your life (maybe just not. only black canary. variety is good!)

sorry that my response is a little short this time my brain is made of spaghetti tonight but i really wanted to respond bc i feel bad that this ask has been sitting in my inbox for several days. hope you are doing well!! (and hopefully i will actually start on injustice2 soon so i can share my thoughts with u!!)

#comics anon #abby replies

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plothooksinc · 26 days ago

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LMAO okay to stop from rambling for 20 pages I'll just babble a bit in intro and THEN dot point the rest--

First off, the 42 years is probably misleading. I first wrote fanfic when I was eight, started writing in general when I was ... six? Mostly for school but I really liked coming up with stories? ... but there are some large gaps in there! And large periods of time where I was only writing original stuff (which I'll also talk about, but for the sake of that poll that does mean 42 years with large holes). I had one of those trademarked Unhappy Childhoods with Friends LOL What Are Those (TM) but books were always there and I loved reading everything and anything. I've been reading voraciously since ... at least the age of 4. (The earliest memory I have of reading, anyway.) At 7 years old our teacher made us all write "books" and illustrate them ourselves and then bind them and then they got little library filing numbers and the whole process was just magical to me. So English? Always where I had the most fun. I sort of fell accidentally into writing fanfic at eight by taking an Inspector Gadget episode and just, IDK, adapting it to written format for fun, and it was meant to be a story about a fictional adventure I got up to over the summer for school, so I just inserted myself into it wholesale. (Yup. Plagiarising self-insert Inspector Gadget. In my defense I was eight and had no idea what fanfic was or even what plagiarism was, so...)

At nine I had this epiphany that Writing Was Magic, Actually, and I could just keep rearranging words until they created the awesome scene/evocation that I wanted!! So at nine I started writing my first novel and anything remotely resembling fanfic was not touched again until my teens. (The novel did not get very far. At that point. We'll call this Novel A.) Skip forward multiple years and continuing to write a whole range of short stories, and sometimes writing them just for funsies and not for schoolsies, dipping my toes mostly into kickass mary sues in fantasy worlds but occasionally dipping into comedy and horror.

At 12, I discovered that tabletop roleplaying was a thing by accidentally borrowing a book from the library I thought was another fantasy but was instead was an early How To GM book called Dragon Warriors and holy shit the idea that people did this for fun was amazing. I mean I'd seen the Steve Jackson books and CYOA books but this was a whole new level. Cue my second attempt to write a novel which was very much a Dungeons and Dragons flavoured adventure complete with portal mishap (listen. listen. the 80s had an epidemic of regular people falling through portals into mystery lands, it was amazing.) This book got a lot further on actually, and I was still writing it up until I was 18, got about 150 pages done. (We'll call that Novel B.)

I also loved a whole bunch of early anime coming out (Voltron, Battle of the Planets) and would often daydream up stories in my head for them, but I never wrote anything down until ... around 12/13. So between Inspector Gadget and my next attempt, let's say 4.5 years.

I know I rambled in here a lot but I have been entertained that my drive to write also led to my drive to RP and my drive to GM (and my drive to collect comics further down the line--) Everything stems from writing around here, I just had to pause and sort of go, "Oh. Huh."

Dot pointing the rest, more or less:

At 13ish: I fell in love with a cartoon called Defenders of the Earth, had a kickass girl in it who wore a lot of black and could talk to animals and she had the most coherent storylines, too. I wrote a sequel to one of them, which marks where I started fanfic proper without the whole self-insert adaptation angle lmao. Not that that would be my first adaptation >_>;;; because... -

At 14: Oh hey, there's this show airing about a bunch of ninja turtles and their pet reporter. She's a redhead. I'm sold already. (It took time for me to shift my favourite from April to Leo, but this is actually the first time my favourite was not, in fact, a woman. Eventually.) -

...I must devour everything about this show. Baby's first hyperfixation. That post going around Tumblr about your first hyperfixation at 14 being with you for the rest of your life is dead on. Found the Mirage comics. Got over the culture shock, loved them even more than the cartoon. Found the Archie comics. (Started a comic collection addiction.) -

At 15: So much fanfic writing. ADMITTEDLY OKAY OKAY I was still going the adaptation route because some of my brain was like "babe this is someone else's fiction you can't write stories of it" so I think I told myself "yeah but I just like. write it in a different format!! it's uhhh writing practice! Yeah!" I mean that's not wrong, but... I turned the Leo Christmas special into a written story (HECK YEAH WINDOW YEET) and then just kind of adapted about twenty issues of the Archies series before...I finally broke and wrote my own 1987 TMNT story complete with fourth-wall breaking and bad puns and places like Pablo's Mexican Ninja Academy (because have you seen this show) ensemble with a Leo focus (surprise) and honestly looking back it probably wasn't a bad story. I've considered rewriting it. (I probably won't, though. Also, I lifted some aspects of it for The Legacy.) This continued for the next couple years around school and work and family drama annnnd-- -

At 17: At the end of all the drama, kindly picture KJ in her first apartment living on her own with precisely three pieces of furniture: lounge chair, mattress, book case. THE BOOKS WERE IMPORTANT. My entire lounge room was just this one grey sofa chair in which I sat and read and scribbled and the floor was littered with sheets of scrawled paper like I was some mad literary scientist. -

I wrote a lot when I was 17. At this point, though, I did in fact go back to original fiction because I thought fanfic was Not Allowed, Not Really (for the record, we are in 1992, when the internet was not a thing and it did not occur to me that anyone else would do something like this, clearly I was just weird and not imaginative enough.) I did finish the '87 TMNT story though and wrote a chunk of another one with Lotus Blossom in it-- -

Started rewriting Novel B instead, understanding that the five page double-spaced chapters I was writing on my electronic typewriter at the age of 12 were probably not, in fact, good enough for publishing. Have a lot of fond memories of this still, actually. I also started Novel C which was absolutely satire and comedy and ridiculous crack because someone told me I had a penchant for good comedy and it turns out they were correct. (I also got adopted by a theatre troupe and fell into amateur theatre hard, so if you can imagine a group of middle-aged ladies collecting a 17 year old waif and removing her from her sparse apartment gently and feeding her a lot, you get the idea.) -

At 18: Working my first office job in a seasonal tax agency and having nothing to do, I decided to revisit the concept of Novel A and sat there writing about demons and prophecies and Mary Sues while singing Disney songs on my lunch break. My boss thought I was weird but lovely. In retrospect, I should have treated him more like my boss and not my dad, but EH. I also wrote a whole-ass goddamned play for the stage based on Novel C and submitted it for interest with my local theatre troupe. They picked it up and ran it for a season. I was paid royalties. FUCK YEAH I'M PROFESSIONAL ...kinda. -

This writing of multiple novels of original fiction continued apace for a fair amount of time. -

At 20: Joined a roleplaying club. Had that moment of "at last, I have found my people, these guys are just as awk as I am." Six months later I bought into the club as a partner. Five years later I am the sole owner. My writing takes a back seat because I am constructing and running tabletop campaigns instead and running an increasingly stressful business, but I still peck away at Novel A on the regular, it shows the most promise. I throw my novel at various friends who meet it with anything from enthusiasm to indifference based on their personal tastes I guess?? -

At 22: I decide to get my courage together and apply for a writing grant. This involves shipping off a couple of chapters, a novel synopsis and character synopsis, listing your genre and target age groups, etc etc. I squint at my writing and I tell them I'm aiming for the young adult range, 15-22. -

It gets rejected. Reason: "It shows promise, but we think you're aiming at the wrong reading range. We feel you'd be better off at a younger market. Consider this and try again." -

My novel that literally has demons and a fantasy war and a traumatised troubled twenty-something heroine who is just Trying Her Best is apparently only going to appeal to kids and tweens. This makes me squint at my own writing some more, recharacterise some people's opinions from 'enthusiastic' to 'indulgent' and potentially 'actually you're just cute and I want to fuck you so I'll tell you your writing is good', and decide I am in fact terrible and just humiliating myself. -

I stop writing. -

I do keep roleplaying, though, and my online RP slowly goes from *I put an action in asterisks* (very common back in the day) to prose RP--writing a paragraph of description just like a novel would, and this is actually. Very good practice in itself, because I have to present a full picture of what my character is doing in every paragraph, and it teaches me good visual storytelling and dialogue. -

At 23: I accidentally stumble my way into writing a two page essay for the World of Darkness Werewolf Storyteller's Guide. It's about morals in werewolf society, LMFAO. I am a published and paid writer, which feels weird because I suck at this now. But I don't suck at running games, so clearly that's why the essay was accepted! -

At 24: Just for the heck of it I write the next page of Novel A and stare at it and think it is different and meatier and I offer it to a friend who reads it and raises his eyebrows and says "Wait, you wrote this?" Yes. "Well, it's good. Like, really good. You need to write the rest like this, because I gotta be honest--" I mean that is a backhanded compliment, my guy, but honestly at this point I'll take it. -

Nevertheless, I didn't write any more original stuff for years. Herein is a small drought of writing in general, because at 25 my father dies and it's very bad and I don't do anything except white knuckle my way through life for several years. -

BUT. 25 was also when I first discovered ff.net, so I read a lot of fanfic that year and was in love with the fact that clearly I was not the only weird one out there. And very briefly at one point when I was... 26-ish...? I watched and loved the first Fruits Basket anime and dabbled my hand at writing some fanfic for it for the first time in uh... 10 years at this point, I guess. (So yeah, that was a gap.) I never got further than a page before I just knew I didn't have it in me, but it was a start. -

AND THEN. -

At 27: The Rurouni Kenshin TV show didn't really do it for me--too spaghetti western, too cheaply animated, the soundtrack was ridic. The second season was good, though. It made me curious about the manga. Back then, there weren't any easy to find scanlation sites, but I did find Maigo-chan's translations which were a scripted translation of the manga in English, and go figure, reading a literal script with no visuals is what dragged me into my full second hyperfixation. Only now I was also armed with the knowledge that other writers existed, and it didn't actually matter how good or bad they were, they were just super enthusiastic about sharing, and I was like "...okay, I'm confident that I'm not terrible, maybe people would read something I wrote? And if it's terrible, I'm anonymous, so whatever." -

So I sat down and wrote Tanabata Jasmine, which was my first published fanfic. And it started off pulling only one review for a chapter. Then two. Then four. Then nine. Then suddenly a gaggle of readers and the fic getting crossposted places and translated into other languages and suddenly I was making all kinds of new friends online (including my best friend who moved to Australia with me!) and I was like oh fuck, this is the good stuff heck yeah. -

IDK, fanfic renaissance? I banged out that entire fic and it's still one of the most popular in the fandom and it was so so good for my self esteem and, as it turns out, when you have a bunch of people building you up every chapter with enthusiastic responses, you get even more confident and you start getting brave as fuck with your writing and you get better. (There is a marked difference between TJ Chapter 1 and TJ Chapter 28, you can see the improvement in real time.) -

I wrote for Rurouni Kenshin for the next few years before starting to slow down, so a bunch of short stories, and two ongoing stories that are still. Not finished. (YET please don't shoot me--) -

At 32: I am vaguely aware a new TMNT cartoon came out a few years ago, but having rewatched the OG cartoon I'm just like "nah, I don't wanna watch yet more slapstick". And then a friend tells me "oh no, they're actually adapting the Mirage comics", which makes me more interested. Nevertheless, I don't give the new series a chance until early 2007, wherein for varying personal reasons I am at the end of my rope, have a full nervous breakdown, and am having trouble even getting up in the morning. (Like literally I spent three weeks just crying non stop in here, it sucked.) Anyhoo, a couple friends go "oh she needs a break", and they treat me to dinner and a movie. -

The movie is TMNT 2007. -

Holy SHIT. -

Oh no, baby's first hyperfixation is back-- -

Anyway, I start The Legacy, but I'm still Going Through It, so I'm slow. And at some point I open a new document and decide just for a palate cleanser I'm gonna trap Leo and Mikey in a hole and it'll be like an 8 page introspective "they'll talk while one of them is in peril or some such" and then for some reason my brain goes First Person Present Tense brrr and suddenly it's 30 minutes later and I have 8 pages and I'm like. Uh. Well. This is nowhere near the end, is it? Guess I'll keep going...? -

45 pages later I hunt shyly for someone to doublecheck my work and pick up two betas from the Stealthy Stories Forum who are like guuurl holy shit at me, so that's comforting. In the end, my 8 page one shot is Underdark, and it is in fact a four shot at 89 pages. (Shoutout to Kalenthi if you still exist somewhere. And, of course, RIP Winnychan, who was lovely and very encouraging, as my other beta.) -

It's very popular. It's also written in a very tunnel-visiony time for me when I was literally checking out of reality by pouring myself into this one story, and don't get me wrong I love it to pieces and I am so so glad I wrote it (and so so glad it is very loved) but it is also lightning in a bottle for this very reason and will probably be the best thing I ever write. I do not ever want to recreate the circumstances that led to it. It is very much one of a kind. -

This does give me the confidence to get back into writing properly, though, and here you can basically see what I'm up to on AO3 as I've uploaded everything there: one shots, teasers, and The Legacy is still ongoing, etc etc. I'm still slowly updating my RK stuff, and around this time I also got my first taste of reader entitlement b/c I literally got hate mail that I had paused writing RK stuff to write about cartoon turtles instead. (Like guys pls.) -

At 33: I am finally confident enough to rewrite Novel A for NaNoWriMo. I only get something like 25k words done, but I'm really, really happy with what I wrote. I think it's publishable. I just probably won't bother with publishing because even at this point in time, publishing is hell, and I know I am scatterbrained enough that I will never be able to finish what will amount to a trilogy. -

At 34: Crisis Core hits me with a belated hyperfixation for FFVII and I start writing FFVII fic as well. And damn, honestly I reread that recently and I have a taste of"man this is so good, I hope the author comes back one day--" (the author is currently refreshing herself with a Let's Play for Crisis Core, so she's thinking about it at the very least). -

Unfortunately, also at 34: I discover journal RP and also discover that I can't in fact write in two mediums at once. Journal RP is new and shiny (did I mention I had undiagnosed ADHD at this point?) and thus writing gets basically cancelled wholesale for some time. It didn't help that even before this, I was hitting some hefty writer's block of opening a document and feeling my mood tank immediately so just eventually avoided writing entirely. -

At 37: I briefly try an Arts degree. I'm in it for 3 weeks before I make faces at the way they want me to dissect writing and put names to everything and basically destroy what, to me, has just been magic since the age of nine. I can't do it. (I should have done it. This is why my writing hits a cap and there are so many better writers than me at half the age. But the idea of being so scientific about it filled me with enough horror, I just wanted to keep waving my magic wordy wand and not put Names and Techniques to everything. Yes, I'm weird and also dumb and also just bounced off something hard re: undiagnosed ADHD I suspect. I support everyone doing a writing degree, you are much braver than I am.) -

Then I lose a whole bunch of years at this point to what will later get diagnosed as ADHD, PTSD, and depression. Mental health is a rat bastard. At 44, I also stop journal RP in some of kind of desperate wheezing attempt to resuscitate my ability to write and that fails, so now I'm not being creative at all. But every now and then the stars align and I have a good night and I add a few hundred words to one project or another. So very, very sporadically, there are updates. I also do get at least two other hyperfixations during this time, but I can never quite make the jump to writing about them properly. I have snippets for SPN fic and Untamed fic all still living on my computer. Alas. -

At 48, which was only two years ago, I was trying to make peace with the idea that my fics would probably all remain unfinished and I was washed up. But then a slew of things happened. -

I got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, had a bad fall that took out three limbs, and got evicted from my apartment in the middle of the fucking COVID pandemic, all within the space of a few weeks. -

"KJ, that has nothing to do with writing what the fuck--" I need people to understand that at this point, my brain was like... this mostly faded badly neglected goldfish wallowing in the mud at the bottom of a bowl, and then all this Sudden! Dramatic! Bad News! was like someone going "man this bowl is filthy" and emptying it, fish and all, and suddenly I went from flat sludge on the ground to springing up going FUCK NO I'LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU I'LL FIGHT MYSELF IF I HAVE TO survival instinct and clawing myself back into the bowl and basically solving all these problems with extremely powerful Fight Me energy. I went from going "what no I don't have the executive function for all these calamities holy shit" to /checks notes/ finding us a new apartment, moving us in, and losing 29kg in the process while I take a baseball bat to my depression diet (my housemate helped a bunch too, but my housemate also worked full time so I took up the slack and was pleasantly surprised I still could...? Go figure. Again, something something undiagnosed ADHD.) -

Yes, I understand my fish analogy needs work. -

ALL THAT BEING SAID: -

It meant that when my next hyperfixation came around, my brain had been shaken up and was giddy and still in FIGHT ME mode and I was actually enjoying my life again with a new and better apartment! Having a new environment and a new and healthier body and the thrill of knowing that I was not in fact completely useless, it was just that depression was a complete bitch, I was actually enjoying life and engaging with it, and that made all the difference. -

2012 TMNT did not engage me past the first two seasons and disappointed me in many ways (no judgment to those who love it, I think I was just too old and wanted something different) and I was one of those people who also turned up her nose at ROTTMNT because the stills made it look like it was going to be awful. April looked frigging 8 in the art I saw and I was just like "ohhh they aimed it real young, no I will just go back to my beloved 2003". -

But then the movie hit, and Tumblr went wild about it, and so I finally decided I would give it a shot. And enjoyed it. And enjoyed it more. And watched the movie. And-- -

Oh hey there, hyperfixation! Only this one is hitting while I'm still actively engaging with life for once, and I was like "...maybe. Maybe I'll manage more than one... chapter...?" -

And I decided to try for it. -

At 49 I write the fastest I have since the golden days of 2006 and finish a 130k fanfic in record time. And oh, how I missed writing. So much. -

So yeah. I am now heavily back into the fanfic world having finished my first fic since 2007 and writing a sequel (and a slew of one shots between) and also putting up a sequel to Underdark, which was not planned but was asked for at just the right moment, and while I've slowed down this year, I have finally managed to find the right balance so that I will continue to write (and RP! I rejoined that last year!) without burning myself out. It does mean I'll only put a chapter out every 6 weeks or so, but that's better than every 13 years by far. -

UHH this was long and probably full of completely unnecessary info and so I just kind of rambled, but this is definitely my writing journey in stereo, lmfao. There's no moral. Well. Except maybe... -

It doesn't really matter if you have a huge-ass break from writing due to writer's block/life circumstances/whatever, you can always come back and have just as much fun as you did before, you just gotta get the right time?? -

Readers are awesome, and they will still be there 13 years later when you finally surface and throw them chapters to that fic they loved in high school. And hearing from them is really what makes it all worth it and helps to improve the writing because by screaming and threatening to eat the author you are, in fact, telling them they are on the right track and you want more of what they're serving, and they'll probably get more confident and inspired to be even more evil in the next chapter. (I mean, I did. I probably shouldn't speak for anyone else, but I cannot be the only writer who lives on the screams of their audience--uh, I mean-- I love you guys?) -

Anyway, if you're still here, thanks for reading. I suppose when it gets right down to it, there's a literal chunk of 10 years in which I don't write any fanfic at all, so that would make... 32 years. I just started 42 years ago, rofl. With self-insert Inspector Gadget fanfic. -

Look, even if I was still writing at the '7-12 years' level, I still think that would be coming a long way from... that... -

:D -

These last parts were not meant to be in dot point format, but Tumblr does what it pleases. APPARENTLY. -

Also if you're new to creative writing you are VERY welcome and it doesn't matter how late you start! Heck yeah! Thank you for being such a welcoming reader, too. <3

Writing fanfic for 42 years? That's amazing. Not sure if you've ever been asked before, but what has your writing journey been like? What got you started?

LMAO Look I'm not gonna lie I absolutely started rambling this answer and then realised I'd been talking for two pages and I was only talking about me at 16. So it is now 5.45am and I should sleep instead, but uhhh do you want me to just bulletpoint you a timeline because otherwise I will have the longest post in history--

#WARNING THIS IS 7 PAGES LONG #LMFAOOO #I'm sorry I'm a 50 year old fanfic writer u_u #It's been a long and storied life ig #literally /shot for pun

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