#i've never watched so many shows simultaneously before

[waitmyturtles]

I’m looking forward to crossing off the next episodes of Individual Circumstances tonight, but I also need to get off my chest that even though I’m not done with my essential watching of Bad Buddy, that I’m already preparing to destroy myself by housing Dirty Laundry as fast as I can, because I just CANNOT get enough of Nanon and Ohm. Whew.

If anyone is out there and reading this, and is watching Ohm in 10 Years Ticket, please tell me if 10 Years Ticket is worth watching! (There are so! many! episodes! in 10 Years Ticket.) (So many hour-long episodes, my god.) 

(My drama list is just..... out of control at the moment.)

[bunnakit]

last twilight episode 6 thoughts, feelings, etc.

it's that time again and i've decided to be very extra for this episode because, well, it deserves it. what a ride that was. fair warning i was feeling fucking romantic and wistful for this.

we have August showing up, trying to integrate himself into their daily routine, and then disrupting that routine entirely. and when he suggests running with Day Mhok seems defensive, jealous and probably concerned that August has seemed unreliable before - and currently is operating with more information than Day, leaving them on unequal footing. August knows about Day's feelings for him, but Day has no idea August knows, and that's not really fair. but Mhok doesn't want to say anything because maybe, just maybe, August could make Day happy. maybe Day could finally get what he wants for the first time in a long while.

so Mhok watches. because Mhok will never put himself first, it's not who he is.

Day clings to these broken and battered shoes, a connection to a past life he thought he had to leave behind. he clings to familiarity and comfort. all things Mhok has become to him.

and so maybe Mhok sees himself in these battered, rough around the edges shoes. maybe Mhok believes he can be fixed, just like the splitting sole. maybe Day is fixing him every day, not in a stupid fucking 'he saved me' bullshit like the crying guy at the interview, but in a genuine, he's changed my outlook on life, my perspective, my everything, and made me a better person. maybe these scuffed shoes can be better if someone helps them.

and so he fixes the shoes, just as he's been fixing himself ever since he walked through Day's front door, and he gives Day the sunflower he couldn't give him before. Day asks him what it is but again Mhok doesn't have the heart to say. he doesn't elaborate, doesn't explain, only moves past the moment because this isn't for him, isn't about him, this is about Day reclaiming something he thought he lost.

How can I throw them away? I love them so much.

Maybe if he loves these broken and scuffed shoes he could love me too.

and here's where we have a story narrating for us again, my absolute favorite thing about this entire series. i love the narration from the books they read - and i love that the boys are both simultaneously the character represented. the words always have a way of applying to both of them and it's fucking gorgeous.

and with this narration we've been so seamlessly slotted into Mhok's POV. everything up until now has focused pretty strongly on Day's struggles and adjustments, we've seen everything from the lens of Day and what he's facing, but suddenly we're so perfectly slotted into Mhok's body, something we haven't focused too hard on yet. sure, we've seen his pain and his grief, but we're seeing so much more now, so many little intricacies and inner thoughts. i absolutely love how this was done.

Do you think I fell in love with him without realizing it?

and as he has this love blooming in his chest, this realization of the magnitude of his feelings - that he doesn't just want Day to be happy but wants to be the source of that happiness - Mhok begins to become invisible again. it's a place he's familiar with and it doesn't come as a surprise. just with a mournful resignation. this is how it always is, and how it was always going to be.

and just like with Porjai he decides to step back. it's worth it as long as the people he loves are happy; even if that means he's not by their side.

like the scuffed shoes, Mhok is replaced with something better. Day put in his eye drops and no longer looks to Mhok but to August instead.

and as Mee and Day's fear grows smaller Mhok's grows larger. the fear of being left behind and the fear of being forgotten. the fear that Day no longer needs him, will no longer look to him for help or seek him out. the fear that he's lost his place as Day's friend, slid back into the role of only a caretaker, and perhaps even further back still into a stranger.

Mhok's shirt reads: IF LOST, DROP IN ANY MAILBOX. Return Postage Guaranteed.

because Mhok is lost. he doesn't know where he stands anymore, where he fits into Day's life. but he knows he'll always return to Day's side for as long as he needs him.

the scuffed shoes are left on the shelf, just as Mhok has tucked away his feelings for Day. they'll always be there, familiar and reliable, and maybe someday Day will need them again. maybe someday.

and then we learn that Night smokes, and maybe Day never hated the smell of cigarettes.

I think his voice is like the scent of cigarettes.

maybe Day just hated the way the smell reminded him of Night.

and we learn Day had fully resigned himself to spending his birthday alone.

his mother would be out of town, spending it with Night is out of the question, August has practice, and it's Mhok's day off. as if Mhok would rather be anywhere else. Day is used to not being a priority.

as Day peers at Mhok's chest maybe it feels like he can see into him. Mhok has always felt invisible, but somehow Day saw him in spite of all of that. maybe he wonders if Day can see into his chest, see that his heart is made of sunflowers, tucked away and kept in secret as to not inconvenience Day. and maybe Mhok wonders: can you see them? can you see the way they bloom and turn towards your light?

and for a moment Mhok is weak. he takes Day's hand and places it back on his chest as if to say: my heart is here and it belongs to you, can't you feel it?

and here is where i will begin to cry and not stop crying until the end of the episode - so if you're crying don't worry, i'm here with you.

because Day sprays Mhok with Tiwa cologne. fucking Tiwa cologne.

Tiwa means day time. the cologne was created to mimic the atmosphere of the Thai countryside during the day.

suddenly, Mhok is bathed in the scent of Day. both the concept and the man.

it's Day's favorite scent.

It smells both like toughness and aggression.

At first, you want to flee from it.

But after you scent it for a while, it makes you feel warm.

and Mhok's face falls at first because is that how Day sees him? he thought Day saw him, he thought Day understood that he's not all the things people say he is and - oh.

oh.

you can see the palpable relief across Mhok's face because Day does see him, does understand him.

(the cologne also shows us once again Day's privilege. Tiwa costs $140 a bottle, or ฿‎4884)

again Day asks what Mhok is going to this dinner as, and then asks why Mhok is so secretive.

and maybe for a moment, for just those fleeting few minutes they spent getting ready together, Mhok was able to pretend this was real. he was able to pretend Day was going to dinner with him, would stay by his side and enjoy his birthday with him, create new memories with him.

but that's not for him. it's just another sunflower he tucks away in his chest.

they arrive at the party and there's no place for Mhok; not at Day's side, not at the table, not anywhere. he's never acknowledged again by anyone there, no one offers him a spot because he's an outsider, this place isn't for him. when the sun no longer shines on Mhok he is invisible once again.

suddenly, Mhok is back in his own fish tank - because it's not only Little Day that freed himself of the cloying miasma of his environment but Big Mhok had as well. his tank was clean, he could breathe and see clearly again.

but now he's back there, as smoke fills his lungs and regret tastes like ash on his tongue. he can't smell the jasmine blooms anymore.

Day still looks for him, still seeks him out because Mhok has always stayed, has always been around even when Day didn't know he needed him. Mhok's been there at every step of this journey and now suddenly Day is adrift on his own. what do you do when the person that has always been there is suddenly gone?

it probably feels as if Day has been robbed of yet another one of his senses.

and we see Day get overwhelmed again, the narrative has shifted away from Mhok now and we're nestled back in Day's body where things are so loud and so much, too much, and he doesn't have the one person he can find comfort in there. everyone is trying too hard, treating him like glass, and he's still a fucking human being, he's still an adult man, he's not a fucking child -

and so he escapes. he finds a moment of peace and collects himself. he hears someone approach and who else could it be but Mhok? it's always Mhok, it's always been Mhok.

but Mhok's not here.

August is.

and suddenly August is kissing him but it's not right, it doesn't feel like he thought it would, and maybe he realizes he liked the idea of August more than August himself. maybe he clung to memories made fond and soft with time.

because this? this is not the kiss of a man full of hope and love. if Bad Buddy taught me anything, this is a kiss goodbye.

the hero is coming and it's time for the villain to go.

Mhok knows better than anyone that the one thing Day doesn't want from anyone, the one thing he fears the most in all of this, is receiving pity. he's never wanted to be pitied for any of this, but August has just pitied him in the worst possible way. and of course Mhok is here to see it.

of course Mhok would come back, now of all times.

and we see Mhok speak in a way we haven't before. his rage becomes incandescent, beyond the limits of just shouting, and it's the quiet of his rage that becomes far more terrifying. it's the quiet calm before the storm. Day has never seen Mhok enraged, not really, he's never been there when Mhok has hit someone, but he must hear the control slipping from Mhok's voice.

because August held everything Mhok had ever wanted in his hands and played with it, pitied it, and tossed it away. how can he be anything but full of bitter fury?

but as Day holds Mhok's hand he stops. he reluctantly releases his hold and curls his fingers around Day's hand. he'd do anything for Day, now more than ever.

Mhok speaks softly to Day and holds him close, the hug as much for Day as it is for him. they're both broken, both trying to hold on to the withered petals of their hearts. if they hold on tight enough maybe they can hold each other together.

and now we're to my absolute favorite recurring thing Mhok does.

Mhok takes Day away, he doesn't let him retreat into that tiny fish tank. Mhok brings Day out into the world, to breathe the fresh air.

and each time he's brought Day somewhere he can enjoy without his sight - yes, even this rooftop.

on the porch, Day could smell the jasmine blossoms.

Day could smell the flowers at the market, was surrounded by their scent.

now he's bathed in the light of the rising sun, in the warmth it has to offer.

the world feels different in the early hours of the morning. the air is a little colder, a little thinner, everything is more quiet and subdued. you can feel the sun start to thaw out the Earth, can feel as it glides over your face and warms your cheeks.

this place is special to Mhok, a small sanctuary he's tucked away for himself, and now he's sharing it - and a shard of his past - with Day. in exchange, Day opens up. he explains that no one really liked him before, that each person (Gee not withstanding) at that party pitied him and were only there as some sort of act of charity.

I'm just so damn lucky to be blind.

because people are looking at him now, right? he has everyone's attention now. he got to kiss his crush. people would fall at his feet to help him.

but it's all wrong, tainted with pity and charity. he has their pity but not their affection.

Is there anyone else in this world who doesn't feel pity for me?

Do you still think I feel pity for you? Mhok asks after kissing Day in the light of the rising sun, because Mhok has never pitied Day, not for a single moment in time. it's not pity that he feels housed in his chest but love, overwhelming and all consuming.

just as the moon represented the hearts of Moonlight Chicken so does the sun represent the hearts of Last Twilight. this is the dawn of something new for both of them, fragile but hopeful.

I'M JUST FEELING SO FUCKING MUCH. do you think p'aof will be my best friend? if you've read this far i'm smooching you and also here's a dumb little surprise.

tag loves: @benkaaoi @callipigio @lookwhatihave

[martiandmichelle]

Memories. . . Those that you have and those to be made!

I'll start with the former, but I hope you'll read all of this for a teaser of those to be made, a story others will tell.

As for the photo, I'll (Marti) take you back some 9 years ago. My husband at the time, Daniel, and I were part of a supper club, one of those things where you rotate dinner at friends' houses. We were a part of one with five other couples, so 12 of us in total. This picture was taken before one of those dinners at our house. Yeah, I was showing off, at Daniel's request. Seems the dinner before this one at someone else's house my boobs became a subject of conversation. Daniel loved hearing others talk about my tits so he was going to make sure the subject came up again.

And so it did, even before we had the appetizers. This time it didn't take long for one of the wives to say something like "C'mon Marti, show them to us!" Never one to be shy about my body - and with Daniel's smiling consent and the help of one of our male visitors to unzip me from the back - my dress, very slowly at least until my breasts were fully exposed then much quicker the rest of the way! - the little black dress came off leaving me wearing only my black thong and black heels my J-cup tits bared to them all, my nipples growing and hardening as they stared at my breasts.

I was two of the ladies who asked first to feel them. I replied "Absolutely!" As they felt me up they commented on the tits' size and weight and length of the nipples (which were still growing) until one asked with a lot of hope in her eyes if she could suck the one she held. "Please!" was my response this time. I know I moaned with pleasure when the nipple first entered her mouth which encouraged the other lady to as if she could suck the one she held, too.

As I've said so many times in my 15 years of sex blogging, nothing sets me on fire like have my nipples sucked simultaneously by two people so I began to lose myself to my sexual needs, place and time becoming foggy to me as all that mattered was what was happening to my tits. I remember Daniel saying I should feed them and them exclaiming "You can lactate!?" And so I did - a lot! Everyone else soon got their turn drinking from my milk fountains and I felt hands slip under my panties with comments about how fucking wet I was. Someone pulled my panties down and I guess my body was waiting for that because I had a fabulous orgasm and let loose a squirt that surprised everybody, much to their delight.

I knew what was happening to me but I had reached such a sexual nirvana that everything became almost dreamlike. I know they guys fucked me and I know my pussy was eaten - a lot! - and I know I squirted and squirted and the milk spewed, but it seemed almost like I was watching it on a porn movie.

It wasn't until the next morning after everybody left and our dinner was never cooked that I was back to my full senses. Daniel told me how proud he was of me and that it had been decided that our "dinner club" was going to start meeting every other WEEK instead of the usual every other month. I was delighted!

The next day I got a call from one of the couples to come to "dinner" at their house which I did. After the two of them spent the entire night until the morning using my body (and sometimes letting Daniel watch and listen via cell phone) they told me of their marital problems and that I was curing them when they shared me together.

It's true, sex can get one into a lot of trouble but it can also heal a lot of wounds!

--------------

I mentioned something about a teaser of memories to be made. I'm not going to say much because it doesn't involve me but someone else you've met here. She's been mostly in the background but is on the verge of becoming a huge star for Mountain Media (our sex studio). For now I'll let you guess who it is, and she'd better tell her story soon for soon she'll be so busy as to not have the time!

Stay tuned. . .

Marti

[penny00dreadful]

Eddie would sing Fat Bottomed Girls to Steve every chance he got.

On stage in front of thousands with grabby hands.

In the kitchen when Steve was "just trying to cook, Eds, for Christ's sake" giving his ass a few taps in time to his singing just to see it jiggle.

In the car where Steve had literally no escape and had to put up with it with a little frowny frown because he was trying so hard not to smile.

And when Robin had suspiciously been trying to keep his attention away from the stage at their wedding, Steve knew something was coming.

Steve had been expecting something to happen because Eddie was nothing if not a performer and to have an event centred around the two of them with their closest here to celebrate, he'd be more surprised if nothing happened.

But when whatever had been playing in the background faded out and he heard Eddie's voice boom out through the speakers-

Are you gonna take me home tonight?

Steve's eyes and Robin's grin grew wide at the same time.

Oh, down beside that red firelight

He hid his face in his hands, there were already whoops and wolf whistles from their gathered guests in his direction.

Are you gonna let it all hang out?

"Oh, don't pretend to be going bashful." Robin shouted at him, to be heard over Eddie's singing. "I've had to listen to too many horny thoughts from you about this song, you're so fucking in love right now, aren't you?"

Fat bottomed girls

You make the rockin' world go 'round

Steve lifted his face, unable to hide his huge smile any longer. Robin gave him a shove in the direction of the dance floor where the crowd parted for him with nudges and slaps on the shoulder.

Hey, I was just a skinny lad

Never knew no good from bad

But I knew life before I left my nursery, huh

Eddie was in his fucking element, bouncing around the small stage like it was Madison Square Garden.

He finally caught sight of Steve, who was red faced but couldn't stop grinning as he watched his now husband wave one hand down like he was mapping out curves.

Left alone with big fat Fanny

She was such a naughty nanny

Hey, big woman

You made a bad boy out of me

He fought the urge to hide his face again, especially when he remembered just who was here.

Hopper, Joyce, Mrs. Henderson, Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair, fucking Wayne was here watching him getting sexually serenaded.

Eddie continued to sing while the Corroded Coffin boys played through with matching exasperated but delighted grins, obviously having a great time simultaneously playing and embarrassing the shit out of Steve.

He was drawn to Eddie like a magnet. He didn't even remember stepping closer but next thing he knew he was in front of the stage, a one man recipient to a show just for him.

Eddie reached out and for one terrifying moment, Steve thought he was going to touch his hair.

He did not spend hours on it this morning only for it to be messed up before one of them got to be bent over their honeymoon suite bed later that night.

Eddie seemed to have realised that too, at the last second redirecting his hand to stroke over Steve's cheek.

Oh, but I still get my pleasure

Still got my greatest treasure

Hey, big woman, you gonna make a big man of me

The stage was low and it wasn't huge so Steve was only really at chest height, but he could tell in that moment and with those lyrics, all Eddie wanted to do was thrust his pelvis in Steve's face but thankfully he kept himself on a leash even though everyone behind Steve was still whooping and hollaring.

When the song finally closed out, Eddie threw the mic behind him, not much caring where it landed. Luckily for everyone's eardrums Grant managed to snatch it up with a scowl before it clattered to the ground.

Eddie wasn't paying attention though. He'd planted one hand on either of Steve's shoulders and jumped down from the stage, trusting that he'd be caught.

Which he was.

Eddie wrapped his legs around Steve's waist and Steve had to try very hard to not let his hands wander, so instead he locked his wrists under Eddie's thighs, maybe, just maybe getting away with a little pinch to the ass that only the Corroded Coffin boys could see.

They were extremely unbothered. They'd seen it all before. They'd seen much worse before.

"You're a menace." Steve grumbled, still unable to keep his smile away.

Eddie hummed in agreement, looking down on him from his higher position. "Your menace."

"My menace."

[the-travelling-witch]

hello miss witch, i have a question for you if you don't mind c:

i've read about that sweet ask left by the snowflake anon and then the compliments (?) from another anon about that work with scara ending up late because of morning kisses and cuddles

this actually had me wondering how would the anemo boys react to a sudden sneak attack consisting in kisses all over their faces, no spot/inch left untouched

if you need an example, this one: aether is minding his own business, maybe sketching a new tattoo idea, or drawing for fun, or doing whatever maybe while sitting, and his sweet lil partner comes behind him, engulfing him in a warm hug before leaving numerous (very numerous, almost too many one could say) kisses and smooches all over his face, so many that no inch is left untouched: cheeks, cheekbones, eyes, forehead, temples, nose, lips as the final touch, before stopping satisfied and go back to whatever this partner was doing before this sudden love shower, their lover boy probably short circuited by this

no need to answer at all or for all the boys if you don't feel like it, it was just a curiosity that came to mind c:

have a nice day, miss witch

hi there, i never mind asks about the modern au, i just might not answer requests for drabbles immediately bc i need to be in the right mood to write more than a few paragraphs for a specific scenario :>

i won’t write for all of them bc i have a lot of requests for the modern au (and that’s considering i don’t actually take requests) but modern! aether needs more love <3

warning: a little suggestive at the end (or you could just get your mind out of the gutter hshsh)

holly's modern au masterlist || holly’s modern au tag

Aether’s sketchbook lay discarded on the coffee table, having to make room for you to scoot into the place it previously occupied. With his hands now free to hold you, you could easily rest your head on your boyfriend’s slowly rising and falling chest.

Catching up on a show you were watching together, your hands were tangled in the ends of Aether’s long hair, the blond strands soft but still showing some of the colour that had washed out over time. 

When the show hit a bit of a sag in tension and nothing really happened to move the plot further, your gaze landed on the empty mugs in front of you and you untangled your legs from Aether’s to push yourself up.

But your decision to grab new drinks was delayed as you glanced down at your boyfriend underneath you, looking ethereal with his golden hair splayed around him like a molten halo, his bright eyes focusing on you at your movement.

“Hm, what are you-“

His breath hitched as you leant down to plant a soft kiss against his temple, his skin warm and smooth against your lips. Not able to resist, you trailed more kisses over his temple, all over his cheeks dimpling with his smile, his melodic giggles floating through your living room until you reached the corner of his mouth.

You attacked his nose next, simultaneously pushing the loose strands of his hair behind his ear with the hand not used to support yourself, just so you could flutter a swarm of butterfly kisses over his pierced ears.

The skin underneath the pad of your thumb grew steadily hotter as you caressed the arch of his cheekbone, your lips busy mapping out the path from behind his ears, over his jaw and down his throat. 

By now his heart beat was thumping faster against your chest than before and you know Aether was trying to control his breathing, only to be betrayed by his own shaky exhale. He swallowed hard as you lingered over the sensitive spot where his neck met his shoulder, before continuing south as far as the collar of his shirt would let you.

As you sat up on your knees between his legs, you studied your boyfriend’s flushed face, seeing how his brain tried to catch up to what happened just now, his fingers twitching without his arms complying to bring them any closer to you.

“I’m getting up to get new drinks, of course,” you cheekily answered his previous question, moving to unfold your legs from underneath yourself and slinging them over the edge of the couch. 

Aether mumbled something under his breath as you stood up and you urged him to repeat himself, louder this time. There was more clarity in his eyes when you looked back at him, subconsciously licking his lips.

“I said, didn’t you forget somewhere?” The question was airy in the delicate atmosphere, as if any more force could shatter the bubble you found yourself in, where only him and you existed.

Pretending to contemplate for a moment, you agreed with a grin but didn’t bend down over his mouth. Instead you quickly lifted the hem of his shirt and your lips made contact with the cool metal of his belly button piercing, giving it more attention than the others before. With your hand splayed on his warm stomach, you could feel the sharp intake of air under your colder fingertips and you followed his skin relentlessly before letting up with a smirk.

Satisfied with the state you left your boyfriend in, you turned towards the kitchen to actually fetch new drinks but the action left Aether outside your field of vision. 

So, when his slender fingers wrapped around your wrist, a surprised gasp left your lips and you were quickly spun back towards your couch and flipped over to have your back meet the couch cushions.

Perhaps with your boyfriend now hovering over you and his blond hair tickling the side of your face, it was a good moment to remember how unassumingly agile he was.

There was a competitive sparkle in his eyes as a grin playfully curled around his lips and you closed your eyes when he leant down to mirror your actions. But instead of starting from your temple like you did, the featherlight touch of his soft lips against your earlobe sent a shiver down your spine as he whispered to you.

“It’s my turn now, beautiful.”

© the-travelling-witch 2023 - do not repost, translate, copy or edit

if you like my content, reblogs, comments and asks are always much appreciated ♡

➺ send in an ask to be added to or removed from my tag list

genshin impact: @mccnstruck @teyvattales @silentmoths @ainescribe @meimeimeirin @dustofthedailylife @nsojbbkkm @kazuuhhaaaa @inufinuf @ynverse @nico707 @boba-is-a-soup @hellithides @ryuryuryuyurboat

modern au: @r0ttenhearts @bananasquash @hoshiwitch

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

I Watched a Beatles Tribute Band Live on a M*crodose

So I may or may not have taken a mushr**m m*crodose before a Beatles Tribute concert. And while it was only a t*nth of a gr*m I may or may not have consumed, it made it much easier during the show to convince myself that what I was seeing was real: the actual Beatles playing as opposed to impersonator musicians.

I know this is literally what impersonator musicians are meant to do, try to convince you for an hour or two that they're the real band, but I never imagined how accurate they were going to be with everything.

Their sound (instruments AND voices), their costumes, their playing, their hair, their faces/facial expressions, and right down to their mannerisms (Ringo's head movement, Paul's "y'know"s during dialogue) these guys didn't miss. With the first note that struck out through the venue, I just knew the next two hours were going to be the best experience of my life. And I was absolutely right about that.

My mother raised me with the Beatles playing every Sunday morning as we did family chores in the house, the 2006 album "LOVE" on constant repeat from the CD player in the background. It was my favourite day of the week for years. I don't remember when we fell out of that routine. I miss it.

But tonight, these four men gave me back a sense of happiness I haven't experienced since my childhood.

They made me completely fall in love with the Beatles all over again. Not only with their music, but I've come to gain a much deeper appreciation for each individual member of the band for the roles they played to make themselves the huge phenomena they were.

I'm still under the effects of the m*cro, and being on here and seeing photos of John, Paul, George, and Ringo together, and even on their own, after experiencing the show I just had, breaks my heart, yet it's being simultaneously mended back together with reminders of the love, and the dedication I saw in the performers' souls tonight.

They made it all feel so damn real, and I feel like the child within me, the little girl in the living room singing away to Eleanor Rigby with her mother, would have been elated to know that she was one day going to experience such a remarkable spectacle of art that fuelled her joy of music, then and many, many more years to come.

This band is so tremendously important to me, and I was reminded tonight in the most beautiful, transforming way possible.💙

[the-eeveekins]

25 Days of G-Witch Reflection

This was my 4th time watching G-Witch, but really the first time I've watched it start-to-finish since the show ended in July (I watched the Japanese version twice a week when it was airing and was also watching the English dub simultaneously, which ended a few weeks later). The idea to watch an episode a day starting December 1st and ending on Christmas Day didn't come to me until very late in November, when I was thinking about wanting to make sure I watched it again before the year ended. It was challenging at times and stressful at others, but I looked forward to watching an episode every day and writing down my thoughts on each one, and those thoughts slowly grew with each episode.

My thoughts? Well I still love this show, and honestly the pacing felt better this time around, but maybe that's just me getting used to it. That's not to say it's pacing is amazing, but now that I don't have the burden of certain expectations going in, the pacing and the speed at which the ending happened feel more natural. In addition, a lot of big problems I had before really feel like it might be a case of me overthinking things once I started writing them out everyday, but there's still the issue of the show being ambiguous enough that those things aren't clear in the first place.

I think G-Witch's biggest problem is the expectations people have going into it, some due to it being a Gundam series and some being how well it executes it's background themes. There is an expectation that the show will seriously tackle the conflict between Earth and Space, the corporate corruption, the co-opting of medical technology for warfare and the transhumanist questions raised in the prologue and ending. I personally believe that those were never meant to be a focus, that the point of this story was the relationship between Suletta & Miorine and the conflict of their families (with The Tempest serving as the framework for the story) and everything else was a background detail meant to move that story forward. So maybe the reason I love it so much and many of it's "flaws" don't bother me is I never expected it to (nor really wanted it to) tackle those issues, and focus on that family drama instead.

I remember being in the minority when the 2nd season was airing that didn't want a 3rd and 4th season, especially one that would turn G-Witch into a traditional war story. I liked that G-Witch seemed to be aiming for a smaller, tighter focus around Suletta & Miorine's family, and I could tell midway through S2 that that story was barreling towards it's conclusion and anymore would've just been another Gundam war story unless they continued to take this AU further and further away from the core Gundam experience.

Unfortunately, for one reason or another, the show itself seemed to forget that in parts of S2, and tried to be more like a traditional Gundam series for a moment. Watching it day-to-day makes episode 15 really stand out for how egregiously out of place it is, and the series ties too hard to keep Guel relevant during it's finale, to the detriment of more important things. We may never know what happened behind the scenes, but I still firmly believe that this was a result of executive meddling. My biggest complaint after this 4th viewing is that S2 spent too much time on the Jeturk family and not enough time with the Rembran family (Delling and Notrette are almost an afterthought), and instead of building the SAL as the final antagonistic faction, we wasted time following the Dawn of Fold for an episode that didn't impact the story. Definitely still think they needed to introduce the Demi-Barding & Gundam Schwarzette earlier and do a little more with them.

I definitely wish Suletta & Miorine spent more time together in S2, but I don't know that I'd change anything significant enough in S2 to make them spend significantly more time together. I would just give them more time in the wake of their reunion to see them talk afterwards before Suletta boarded the Calibarn. And even if the number of scenes they physically shared was small, they constantly thought about each other and motivated each other through the entirety of the season. Everything Miorine did was for Suletta's sake. Miorine was constantly in Suletta's thoughts, even after the divorce, and she never gave up on that relationship.

It's been 6 months since the series finished airing, and I still think about it daily. I still have a lot of emotions regarding the series. I cry pretty much the entire 2nd half of the final episode still, I still can't listen to Houseki no Hibi without breaking into tears, and it even hits me sometimes when listening to The Blessing or looking at various pieces of art. Much to my surprise, and my immense relief and happiness, not a day goes by where I don't see a new piece of Sulemio artwork, and seeing them together still brings me great joy and happiness. Suletta is my favorite fictional character ever, and Miorine is right next to her, and they're both incredibly important to me for a number of reasons. I love them so much that it actually got me to write fiction about characters that aren't my OCs, and even post my writing publicly for the first time. This show and it's ending makes me incredibly happy, but I also felt an incredibly strong melancholy when it ended that took me over a week to get over, and those feelings have strongly returned in the wake of finishing it again.

I don't know how long this hyperfixation will last. I've never loved a piece of media or characters as strongly as I love G-Witch and Sulemio, and I'm definitely in uncharted territory when it comes to that. But until I stop thinking about this show and these girls on a daily basis, I'm going to keep talking about it and showing it my love.

[hikaaa-bi]

one thing that i love about infinity train is how REAL the characters are, despite being in a fantasy setting, and the narrative of how experiences shape individuals. the way they speak and act are so realistic, their choices are understandable and their arcs are so well-written. all of the characters have glaring flaws they need to work on, but it's also clear that these flaws are the results of some kind of trauma or the way they were treated.

tulip was disillusioned with the world, angry and distant. and this is a direct reaction to her parents' divorce and her inability to cope with it. which is sympathetic, of course, it's a hard thing to go through as a child. the show also reveals that tulip blames herself for her parents' divorce, which can hit close to home for many people.

lake was similarly angry and defiant, even outright hostile in certain situations. again, this comes as a response to the way she was treated in the train, the way she was never granted her freedom and individuality, and how she was trapped in a role she didn't want to play. it's no wonder that many queer people identify so much with lake, because the rules of the train mirrors real life.

jesse has people-pleasing tendencies that reach the point where it actually hurts people. we've all seen protagonists who are people pleasers or eager to appear likeable to people, but usually it only hurts themselves. jesse's case is the prime example of "a friend to all is a friend to none". you can't please everyone, there are people you should oppose or ignore. otherwise, you end up hurting people who actually matters in your life.

simon and grace are straight-up villains, or anti-villains at the very best. grace is manipulative and cunning, playing on people's feelings and insecurities to serve herself. simon is controlling and somewhat egotistic, refusing to change his mindset, regardless of what happens. again, both these characters are shown to have reasons for why they became what they are, even if it doesn't justify their actions. grace grew up in an environment where she was neglected and felt lonely, and found out that her only sure way of making any sort of connection is to manipulate people. simon is implied to have dealt with someone's death before he got on the train, since he seems to have an idea of what funerals are like. that, paired with samantha the cat accidentally leaving him behind in a crucial and dangerous situation, he develops some very intense abandonment issues. again, both these issues can be very relatable to a lot of people, even if we aren't as bad as either of these characters.

min-gi was shown to be insecure and uncertain, but at the same time, arrogant and condescending. the pressure he recieved from his parents has fueled his gifted child syndrome while simultaneously making him depressed and burned out. ryan is probably the closest we have to a "conventional main character", hyperactive and quirky. but he is also not exactly perfect in all other aspects, as he wants to push things forward and refuses to give min-gi some time to think and make a decision. as a child who grew up with lots of other siblings, ryan struggles to prove himself to his family, since they don't seem to pay him much attention. both these scenarios are especially relatable to asians, but of course, anyone who may have trouble pleasing their parents and living up to expectations.

i just gave a character analysis of each protagonist, but my point is that while other cartoon protagonists tend to lean more on the heroic side, the characters in this show doesn't. in most other animated shows i've watched, the flaws a protagonist is allowed to have are either "heroic" flaws such as being too forgiving or being self-sacrificing, or shallow flaws such as clumsiness or being kind of an idiot.

but not in infinity train. the protagonists in this show aren't heroes, they are normal people. they don't have a magical destiny, they don't have to fight for the good of the world, they aren't the "chosen ones". their ultimate goal is to get out of the train (or in simon and grace's case, to be superior to everyone else, to "win").

so it really feels good when one of the characters does choose to do something nice. when tulip chooses to empathize with and help amelia, when lake bonds with alan dracula and jesse. when grace chooses to change for the better and face the consequences of her actions. when ryan chooses to stay with min-go despite getting a door, and when min-gi does the same later on.

i watched this show about a year ago, and it's still one of the best animated shows i've watched. it's so uncomfortably real sometimes, you stop and go "am i like that?" when a character does something wrong, you know that the show addresses it and their actions have consequences. the show doesn't hand out redemption arcs to everyone or sweep things under the rug like some shows *cough* steven universe and she-ra *cough*

there's a reason why a lot of people seem to relate more to villains than heroes, because villains are allowed to be flawed while also being sympathetic. infinity train managed to create a cast of protagonists who are exactly like that. they are more than heroes, they are people.

[blitheringmcgonagall]

Oh my GOOOOOD, your additions to the Peter Pettigrew meta were so well-written, it was almost like reading a fic in and of itself. I was a bit terrified and definitely disturbed by the time you got to the end of the timeline. Really brought into full view for me exactly how fascinating and truly...evil? his whole arc is.

And I deeply appreciate your position on him truly being one of the Marauders, not this cast off that none of them really liked. I know I've been so guilty in the past of having him sort of be the throw-away Marauder, even in my Hogwarts-era fics, but I really want to write and read more fics where he's as much a member of the group as the others are...

Oh! And you brought up so many facts that spoke to how calculated his decisions were, both in the Marauder's Era and Trio Era, which directly oppose his own claim that he did it all because Voldemort would have killed him... Do you think he used people's view of him as a coward to his benefit, and actually was much more of a manipulator than he ever appeared in the books? It seems clear now that there were a lot of other factors for him beyond fear, so he was probably just using the excuse that he thought would work best for him in the moment (speaking specifically about the scene in the Shack in PoA) - and this excuse wasn't really the truth, or at least, not the whole truth... Just, wow, yeah, I don't know how I'd never seen before that he's obviously so much more than a coward, if he's even really a coward at all.

Ah, so sorry for rambling at you about this 😅 I'm just so intrigued by this whole discussion and can tell you've thought about it a lot! 💚

Thank you so much!!! This is the post you are referring to and I’m so happy you liked it! I honestly have thought about this a lot because I was forced to when I was writing my canon marauders fic we can be heroes?

The fact he was spying for Voldemort for a full year before Lily and James were murdered is incredible… as he was watching baby Harry growing older, meeting his fellow Order members, going to their funerals, simultaneously passing on details and getting them killed, one by one… chilling stuff!

The reasons are fascinating and possibilities endless. I picked fear as one reason but actually jealousy and self-preservation more importantly for him?

And even that isn’t enough of an explanation? Yes fear was a definite big motivator but out of all of Voldy’s pure blood fanatic bigoted Death Eaters, why did HE willingly (under no duress) travel to the forests of Albania on his own to find Voldemort? He could have just disappeared and lived as a rat anywhere in the UK. Or as a pretend-muggle anywhere in Europe, or even escaped to the US or Canada?

I think we all casually accepted how many people Pettigrew directly and indirectly killed? The Order members he betrayed, James and Lily, the twelve Muggles he killed by blowing up the street with an extremely powerful curse (“which created a crater large enough that the sewer pipes were showing”), he caused Bertha Jorkins to get permanent brain damage (and then Voldemort killed her), he killed Cedric…

I’m not sure how she-who-must-not-be-named wrote him. She describes him constantly as weak and fawning, “hero worshipping” James and Sirius according to Prof McGonagall who thought he was stupid (he clearly wasn’t). JK writes him as terrified of Voldy and cringing practically every time we see him after Voldy returns. She implies it’s all due to fear but that doesn’t add up imo.

Peter had a miserable life after Halloween 1981, living as a rat for 12 years, then being treated like shit by Voldy and co who all clearly despised him. Maybe he found some solace hanging out with the Golden Trio in Hogwarts’ Gryffindor Common Room again, reminding him of happier times as a teenager before the war, when he had best friends? (Although surely reminded of his misdeeds, all the time, by Harry who looks the spitting image of James but with Lily’s eyes and her sass?)

He wanted to win. To be on the side of the winning team, untouchable, protected - as he once was in school by his fellow marauders.

I thought maybe the reason he went to such great lengths, of his own accord, why he so desperately wanted to bring back Voldy and have the Death Eaters win, is that at least he’ll be then able to tell himself it was all worth it (the betrayals, the deaths on his conscience, the life as a rat). That maybe Voldy and his wix will finally respect him? Because if Voldy loses, then all his godawful life will have been for what? For nothing?

[linaselandbasil]

Eldarya boys as roommates.

Nevra: Has a lot of stuff he doesn't want you to touch but they're literally everywhere, you will inevitably have to touch it to make way. He'll keep the house clean if he has a date coming over though, which happens every few days to every few weeks. He has a lot of expensive stuff, so he's watching you with concern when you walk by his antique table lamp he decided to put on a coffee table, or his handwoven Persian rug that was passed down from his late father to him, or the irreplaceable framed picture Karenn drew of them when she was 6. Also, Karenn. Shes at his place maybe every other day? She never stops talking but that's fine, at least Nevra isn't bothering you. He thinks he's mysterious and dark, but he's simply a goth chatter machine.

Ezarel: Always annoyed by something you just did because he was planning something and you ruined it. He'd need to be at the edge of death before he disrespects your boundaries. He could be literally bleeding out and he'd avoid going to your room and waking you up because that's rude. He makes messes but they absolutely cannot be cleaned up, otherwise he can't find what he needs. He brings his work home a lot, there's documents and alchemical formulae on the kitchen table because why not? Why shouldn't he read his research notes on fungi based aphrodisiacs while eating dinner? He often comes home with his fringe burned, legend says his hair is like that because he forgot to tie it up and something exploded.

Leiftan: Very polite, he did nothing wrong in his entire life, he's a literal angel... But he's never home and his cat is a bitch and you're gonna have to feed that thing pretty regularly. When he comes home the cat is also an angel, but the bite marks and the piss stains remain. All his clothes are white or grey so he's done for the week in one or two loads, he's great at cooking (for eldarya standards anyway) and he sweeps up his cats hair every time he sees it. He's great.

Lance: You'll probably never be his roommate because he always lives with his brother. He's never home, he's always up to some bullshit, he's got no job most of the time but he has money somehow? Probably from Valkyon. You'll never have to worry about burglars, he'll eat them whole. He leaves his big ass shoes everywhere and you'll probably trip on them. He's usually a tidy person but by the end of the day he just wants a nap. Also, this creature is simultaneously a night owl and an early bird. Does he even sleep? How is he so muscular? Did you know sleep is detrimental to muscule development? Hmmm? I've never seen him sleep.

Valkyon: He has so many drugs, you'd start praying that the cops never show up. He's also that one bitch who has expensive liquor out on the top of the shelf to let people know he has a problem but he still has taste. He's not home most of the time because he's out getting laid somewhere. He's never late with rent either, but the cash is always sticky. He hates it when people come over but he also hates not minding his business so he shuts up about it. It doesn't matter what he's having, it could be antidepressants, but he'll ask you if you want sum'. That's some brother behavior right there.

Mathieu: He's a gym bro and he always has his gym friends over and they're playing video games while you're trying to live life like a normal person but there's 4-6 shredded dudes and girls in your living room every weekend. He's a Kevin, sadly, but he means well. (Search stories about Kevin, you'll understand) He ran into Lance at the gym and now he smokes weed too so he smells like skunk every once in a while. He'll cook nice meals for you, which is nice unless he Kevins it up.

[orangemocharaktajino]

For a show that was bad pretty much from the beginning, Beyond the Star really outdid themselves by making the final episode so much worse than the rest. This was probably the worst final episode I've ever seen (other than MODC) and that's kinda impressive.

My toxic trait is if the NC scenes are good enough, I can forgive plot holes big enough to drive a bus through.

I loved Tonnam and Phupha, especially in episodes 6 and 7. And unfortunately that's where the fun ends because this bus is just too big.

I have been known to obsess over objectively bad shows before because my main goal as a viewer is entertainment. Sometimes bad writing and ridiculousness can be their own type of fun, imo.

I initially started watching Beyond the Star only because of Willi (Kita) who I loved in another high heat show with very questionable writing, Till the World Ends.

From the initial trailer of Beyond the Star, it seemed like the main storyline would be about twins Tin and Tul (played by actual twins and not simply one actor!) fighting over a man. Now, when I say man, I mean it because another thing that I was excited about initially was this cast's ages. The average age of the main cast is just shy of thirty years old which is something I would frankly love to see more of. Kind of weird for this to happen with a story about a new boyband, but hey.

The main characters and the ages of the actors who play them:

Kita - 34

Nathee - 27

Kengkla - 27

Namo - 26

Tonnam - 27

Phupha - 29

Trin - 30

Tul - 30 (obviously)

Copper - 30

Dance instructor Kawi - 30

CEO Araya - 33

CEO Kiat - 35

I didn't include the babies of the group Mawin (20) and Mangkorn (20) in this because I feel like we got more scenes of other characters explaining away their absence than we got scenes of them. They weren't even in the last two episodes at all so their story had absolutely no resolution.

Unfortunately that's kind of the case for most of the plot lines in this show. We had way too many characters with simultaneously too much going on and not enough going on. Way too much of the CEOs plotting only for them to inexplicably team up at the end. And way too much dance rehearsal footage that apparently needed to be shown instead. The last episode was chock full of loose threads.

I have so many questions

Why so many scenes of Nathee talking about how hot Kita's dad was when he was younger?

Why did they do Willi like this with this wig?

What happened with Kita and Nathee's relationship? Why did they have zero scenes in the finale?

What happened with Film's blackmail plot?

Why wasn't Nathee in the group at the end yet and previously disgraced Kita was?

What happened with Kita and Kawi being pissed about Kita's song being stolen?

Narrator: He did not deal with anything

Why wait until the very last episode to do anything with Tul and Tin and Copper? Okay, so Tul told Tin early on that he liked Copper. Tin agreed not to pursue Copper only to then immediately fuck him the very first chance he got? They decided to have a quickie in the bathtub while Tul was running a simple errand that he would be back from very soon? Not only did they not hurry, they didn't even close the fucking bathroom door????? Tul and Tin almost immediately made up after this even though apparently they already fought over a guy in the past?

Why did Kengkla even like Namo? Bro straight up told him his religious beliefs were stupid and they never really addressed this?

Did they break Namo's glasses during their sex scene? They showed Kengkla taking off Namo's glasses and putting them on the bed beside them and then a few seconds later they seemingly rolled over on them?

What was with Kengkla's pained expressions during their NC scene in the finale? Between that and Namo's unhinged smiling paired with the throat grabbing I couldn't tell what was supposed to be happening there. Kinky shit? Does Namo use cosmopolitan magazine's 2004 indian burn handie technique? Too much teeth? The possibilities are endless

Tell me this man isn't Bajoran though with his religious devotion, nose bridge wrinkles, and dangly earrings

Why even include the suicide attempt plot line? The whole thing was infuriating but especially them patting themselves on the back for solving Tonnam's suicidal tendencies by comforting him in the hospital?

You don't have to be sad buddy, you've improved as a dancer!

Narrator: It was not resolved

Also, here's where I have to admit I gave the writing team too much credit. I repeatedly thought that scenes were surely included for a bigger narrative purpose but that was overwhelmingly not the case.

In earlier episodes they showed a hidden camera in one of the rehearsal rooms at the agency that was, unbeknownst to the boys, streaming online. When they showed Phupha and Tonnam about to get it on at the agency and Tonnam specifically said he was worried about being seen, I thought that they were maybe going to be unknowingly exposed online and cause a huge scandal. When I saw the promo for the finale where it showed Tonnam on the ground with pills all around him, I thought for sure that was where they were going. I thought it was a little late for a big plot point like that but oh, how little I knew.

Why have Kengkla asking repeatedly why they're focusing so much on singing and dancing when he wants to be an actor only to have him turn down the acting job so he can be in a different boyband at the end?

Bad writing, bad directing, bad editing, bad pacing, bad dancing (perplexingly shown in slow motion which only exacerbated the lack of sync), bad singing, no character development, way too much focus on the two rival CEOs who are the producers of the show which explains so much.

The workshops must have been good though because the chemistry was the rare positive. Kita and Nathee had a few good scenes and I loved Tonnam and Phupha (except in the finale which I'm going to forget I ever watched). The kissing in the NC scenes was good all around but the lack of direction was pretty apparent. Lots of up and down and back up kind of aimlessness with too much position switching. It seemed like the actors were giving it their best but weren't given any specific instructions and were just kind of stalling until they heard cut.

The intro was catchy but I can't say the actual group they apparently built this show around promoting (in the most roundabout weird way) doesn't leave a bad taste in my mouth because of this mess.

Don't watch this unless you want to try your hand at the world's least efficient way to learn the numbers 1-8 in Thai

Or you know, maybe you could just skip around to the good parts

May these guys find better writing in their next projects

Sadhu

[waitmyturtles]

Love In The Big City: Reflections on the Novel, and Episodes 1 and 2 of the Television Series

(Writing this with big ups to the LITBC Book Club, led by @lurkingshan and @bengiyo -- I only wish my mom life allowed me to have participated in real time in that project! I am taking the LITBC club's lead and watching two episodes a week of this series. SPOILERS from the novel that may make their way into the series are below -- read at your peril if you're pacing yourself on the series.)

In the midst of my reading the novel version of Love In The Big City over the last two weeks, I've been posting news updates (here, here, and here) about South Korean conservatives, many of them (maybe all of them) Christian, trying to censor and prevent the airing of the subsequent drama series, which dropped this week on TVING and Viki.

I want to note how important and ironic it is, macro-systemically, to note that Christianity has such a looming presence outside of the story itself, with "protestors" (bigots) leveraging "Christian values" as a means of trying to keep this already-brilliant show from being aired.

And if you're pacing on the series like I am, and you *haven't* read the novel, then you've only gotten a little taste for how Christian zealotry, among other issues, has and will affect Go Young throughout this story.

But I'm getting ahead of myself: when I picked up the novel, I was more familiar with the noise and drama associated with the television series than I was with the story itself. I'm going to talk a little about my reactions to the novel, and then offer thoughts on the first two episodes.

I read Proust's In Search of Lost Time (yep, all of it) in my freshman year of college, and Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises two years after. I felt the power of both of these stories strongly in Park Sang-young's novel, from the impact that memories and depression can have on a young man, to the permanence of medical conditions that can drive a young man's life towards otherwise unexplored cliffs of grief and pain.

Even reading a synopsis of In Search of Lost Time is a monumental feat, so let me just say that I felt Proust's madeleine-driven devices of memory, within the novel, from Young's frozen blueberries to the chill of the Marlboro Reds in the freezer. The impact of Young being really, really alone, as connected to the empty freezer and the dwindling blueberries after Jaehee's (Mi-ae in the series) wedding, caught me in a hole of loneliness that I felt for Young -- well before I knew enough of his backstory to be truly devastated.

I'm jumping ahead of myself vis à vis the series, but I also felt Proust even more heavily as I was reading about Philosopher Hipster Doofus Hyung, and I threw back to @lurkingshan as I was reading the book, "goddamn it, we are in yet another circle of hipster doom, huh," well before I learned about the medical turning point this story hinges on. Young's incessant attraction to that POS had me thinking about Proust's narrator's simultaneous incessant attraction and disdain for his companion, Albertine, who is a lesbian in early 20th-century France. While the story between the narrator and Albertine is ultimately a devastating one, Proust's narrator winds through the devastation with an equally devastating arm's-length distance, continually avoiding the true depth of pain that his obsessions would have otherwise rendered.

For me, it's such an apropos comparison to think about as we see Young, time and time again, rationalize the avoidance he has to commitment, all while throwing his energy into the relationships he's able to find himself in, ones that he essentially stumbled upon and never instigated.

The pain of his loneliness only grows as he grows into adulthood, and that, paired with his medical reveal, left me with a boulder in my stomach by the time I finished the novel.

Because I'm me (intergenerational trauma auntie), as soon as I finished the book, I couldn't help but think about Young's own boulders that he silently shouldered -- the thought that Young's medical Kylie would rear its head as a means of aiding Young in rationalizing his own assumptions about wanting vs. deserving long-lasting love, and his habit of taking commitment too lightly, even in the context of an already-established relationship with Gyu-ho.

But I also consider the lifelong trauma he suffered vis à vis his mother as an equally heavy boulder: the fact that Young absolutely internalized his mother's disdain for him as a gay man, his mother trying to "correct" his sexuality through conversion therapy, and then seemingly seeing past her son's reality, horrifically ignoring the emotional development of her son. Besides physical abuse, you couldn't do better than Young's mother in permanently psychologically traumatizing a young man who will already face obstacles as a queer individual in a highly conservative society.

All of this combined rendered me unsurprised -- but, of course, still equally devastated -- by Young's eventually pinball-style life, jumping from menial job to increasingly flippant flings.

What we are treated to in the novel are the thoughts that Young can put together as he steps back and assesses his life, especially at the crushing end of the novel. On the surface, someone on the street could absolutely write off Young as another aloof and aging hipster, disconnected with the world; but we know that that's not the case as Young assesses his dashed hopes for the kind of permanent love that he had once pooh-poohed.

Both Proust's narrator, and Hemingway's Jake Barnes in The Sun Also Rises, could join Young in that aloofness, and our own misreads of these men, to an extent. Not only is Barnes held back in life by a previous wartime injury (to me, this is screaming of inspiration to Park Sang Young's novel and the timing of Young's medical condition, but I'll never know if Park was directly inspired by Hemingway's book), but Barnes and Proust's narrator are also both young men growing into their adulthood, within circles of friends in impactful societies that seem to be full of intelligence and engagement, but are ultimately larded with loneliness and the pain of static ambition and conformity.

The last takeaway from the novel that I'll think about for now, one that I think is already leading beautifully into the television series, is the fallacy that we all have or had as young adults: that our youth would last forever. Young says, at the end of episode two,

"As I looked down at those blueberries, I realized that a time I had thought would last forever had come to an end."

Young has to reckon with the fact that his life, as it stands still in his early 30s, hasn't moved forward. It's only gone backwards, into deep habits of disconnection, despair, and loss. That youth itself could serve as a modality of movement for a young person to hopefully grow into a person with more potential is both heartening and brutal to consider -- especially as Young clearly could not take time in his life to take care of himself, as busy with his mother as he ends up being.

There's a lot more I'll likely say about the novel as the series unwinds, but I'm honestly still internally processing it. I'm also amazed to think that both In Search of Lost Time and The Sun Also Rises have significant connections to queer sexuality in both novels, and I just couldn't help going down this comparative literature brainrot cycle for a few minutes.

As to the first episodes of the series: what can I say? No one does it like South Korea. The acting, the cinematography, what Nam Yoon-su is bringing by way of his mere presence, let alone how he bodily channels Young's sexuality and personality. We're in prestige drama territory -- and already by episode 2, we've been taking into multiple facets of Young's internal strife, and his soon-to-be-revealed lifelong aloofness to commitment, while he still yearns for infinite love.

God, those internal contradictions, huh? In our real life, with our friends who are like that -- those friends drive us INSANE, RIGHT? Proust's narrator is SO THIS. A guy who sits in a chair and whines about what he wants, and complains even more when he HAS what he wants, because it's not perfect? He HAS Albertine at so many times, but he can't make her fully love him, because guess what, she's a lesbian, womp womp? Pick a battle, homey.

And yet. We're still devastated by Proust's narrator. Because one of his ultimate flaws is that he'll never remain still, he'll never be truly satisfied, and that conflict DOES keep him from being able to attain permanent happiness. At least we get to see him age, while we're left to wonder with Young and Jake Barnes.

I'm just too excited to see how Nam Yoon-su renders Young's own conflicts, as they simply grow, throughout his life in the series.

*****

I want to make one quick, totally unrelated note, about the airing of this series. At least to me, maybe only to me, the opening animated title cards of LITBC are really close to the imagery and symbolism of the title cards of Netflix Japan's The Boyfriend, a recent dating reality show featuring gay men in Japan trying to find permanent love. The ultimate pairing of DaiShun has been HUGE in Asia this year, with DaiShun doing fan meets across Asia, including in South Korea.

As @lurkingshan and others have emphasized: Love in the Big City is NOT a BL, it is NOT a romance. It is a deep exploration of the life of a gay man in the city of Seoul.

Inspired in part by Sex And The City? Probably. But LITBC is not nearly as flippant as SATC regarding social obstacles that its main characters face. LITBC delves painfully into the various obstacles that queer men face in Seoul, from social to medical discrimination.

The Boyfriend actually touched a lot on these obstacles as well. Some of the participants were out, but not all of them; one participant, Tae-heon, used the show itself as a means of coming out to his parents.

While some of us have seen the majority of queer content in Thailand turn very primarily towards BL romances, I still believe that Thailand can and will produce high-caliber media about queer life aside from romance, as it did in 2022's The Miracle of Teddy Bear (which I just finished this week, I'm fine, thanks for asking, devastated actually) and in other cinematic pieces. But I also want to note how incredibly refreshing it is to see Japan and South Korea also pick up this thread through The Boyfriend and LITBC, respectfully, producing content out of the usual romance loops that we've come to expect from BL media.

Anyway. If there's a connection between LITBC and The Boyfriend, with both entities talking MUCH more about holistic queer life in society, then I celebrate it, and I want more, more, more of it.

[hismercytomyjustice]

9 People You Want to Get to Know Better

I was tagged a hot minute ago by @ valentinaonthemoon and have been meaning to do this for ages!

Last Song: There Will be Sun from Groundhog Day: The Musical. The music for that show is SO FUCKING GOOD. I was trying to decide on a oneshot fic title and spent like 20 years looking through all my music before finally settling on this one. Wanna give honorable mentions to Daisies by Black Gryph0n & Baasik and Deal Maker by Tyto-Cat because I have been listening incessantly to both over the past few days. So fucking good!

Favorite Color: Teal! Though I also have a soft spot for rose gold.

Last film/show: Most recently have been rewatching Community. God, that show is such a fucking treat. Watched this compilation of best Dean moments earlier today too and almost injured myself by laughing. Also, shoutout to Jim Rash as a fellow, exceedingly rare native Charlottean! I've also been making my husband watch Gravity Falls after somebody corrupted me. I s2g that show just keeps randomly resurfacing in the back of my head like some kind of hypnotic cryptid. I didn't hyperfixate as hard as my friend did on it, but damn if I don't keep hearing its siren song when I least expect it... Rewatching it is def a delight tho. I'm seeing now why folks are so enthralled by the writing for it, now that I'm more aware of the foreshadowing along the way! Also omggg we're about to rewatch Summerween which I absolutely adored the first time!

Sweet/savory/spicy: Sweet!!!

Last thing I googled: Lmaooo. Fucking "jabba the hutt play doh set" because I watched Chris James's most recent Pawn Stars video and was trying to figure out whether or not the guy selling one had gotten fleeced.

Last Book: *immediately proceeds to forget everything they have ever read* Umm... I've mostly been reading fanfic as of late. But the most recent book I started was Beneath the Surface: Killer Whales, SeaWorld, and the Truth Behind Blackfish by John Hargrove. LPOTL did an episode on SeaWorld a few weeks ago and mentioned it, so I picked it up. As for the last book I finished... I think it was Assistant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer. Really enjoyed it and have the 2nd one near the top of my fucking mountain of a TBR pile... I lost my mind and bought way too many books over the past few months...

Relationship status: Married for almost 5 years now! We were extremely lucky to get married right before Covid hit. So many of our friends had to cancel their weddings because of it. My anniversary is coming up next month! But I've been with my husband for just a few weeks shy of 11 years now!

Current Obsession(s): Hazbin Hotel. Hit me out of nowhere like a fucking sniper bullet. All because Spotify was like "hey, you like musicals, here's a few new songs for your daylist!" I knew literally nothing going into it except that the songs were catchy af and, well, I'm in too deep now... Spotify got me... Interview with the Vampire. This multi-fandom blog is actually a Assad Zaman appreciation blog in (a terrible and super obvious) disguise... Hands down one of the best shows I have ever watched. I am straight up feral over it. It is simultaneously hysterical and absolutely fucking devastating. Everyone involved in it is so passionate about the work too and it shows! I have written fucking essays on here about season 2. I can guarantee you when Season 3 drops, I am going to be even worse. I will never fucking emotionally recover from 2.05 or 2.07 BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO. Phantom of the Opera. I have been obsessed with POTO for...fuck...almost 20 years now? (jfc i am old) I saw the 2004 Movie back in high school orchestra, and I can still remember the instant I felt the hyperfixation take root. Masquerade. I wore the DVD out, I wore the soundtrack out (my little brother, who had never fucking seen it knew the words to the soundtrack). I read the book. I read Phantom by Susan Kay. I read The Angel of the Opera. I (fucking unfortunately) read The Phantom of Manhattan (hands down a waste of a perfectly good tree, I am still mad about this book literally 20 fucking years later). I researched the Paris Opera House. I wrote POTO fanfic… Ramin Karimloo is hands down my fave Phantom though. And I absolutely adore the Royal Albert Hall production. I'm so fucking glad they filmed it. Musicals. I have seen...so many fucking musicals live. Phantom of the Opera (4x), Les Miserables (2x), Wicked (2x), Mary Poppins (2x), Annie (2x), Hadestown, Six, Legally Blonde, Moulin Rouge, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Hairspray, Beetlejuice, Hamilton, Big Fish, Mamma Mia, Anastasia, The Book of Mormon, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Dear Evan Hansen, Fiddler on the Roof, RENT, A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder, If/Then, Jekyll & Hyde, Miss Saigon, The Great Comet of 1812, The Bodyguard, The Color Purple... Those are all just the professional live shows I have seen. And I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting some! I've seen even more via high school/college productions. Not to mention movies/recordings. Or musicals I've only listened to the music of but haven't actually seen! Pacific Rim. My other forever obsession. It was the fandom I wrote my most fics for prior to Hazbin Hotel. My first fic on AO3 is one for Pacific Rim, lol. I s2g, those two bitchy, gay, neurodivergent scientists have lived rent free in my head for over a decade now... Those motherfuckers are constantly at each others' throats, but they did not even stop to question whether or not they would be Drift Compatible... They make me fucking ill. I have genuinely lost count of the number of times I've watched the movie...

Tagging: Absolutely no pressure at all, but tagging @asymmetricjest, @person-of-varying-obsessions, @theeladymystic, @gourmet-trash, @quartzthequat, @moonmaiden86, @ladyrevealedofcloak, @marionrav, and @batteredrugosa!

[siliyis]

I am ready to make an enemy out of the communities here. I don't know if this is the most controversial take in tumblr (I doubt it is) but I don't care. Y'all can hate me.

Fandoms don't like female characters. Y'all really don't.

Let me tell you a little story before we jump in. I've made a comment, about a female character, that I don't give a fuck about, and said, if she was male, she would be aggressively shipped with this one male character. I've said it because she looked so hot as a guy (fanart) that I belive the ship would be popular. Mind you, I didn't watch the show. I just know she doesn't like the guy and always banter with him and that's a dynamic shippers eat it up only when it's M/M.

Someone came and said the popular M/M of that show would still be popular if one of the character is female therefore, I'm wrong.

Mind you, I didn't watch the show so I did a quick search on WHEN does the character dies (lmao) and that's all I needed to know to fucking say NO, IT WON'T. It won't be popular if it was a girl.

The ironic part? I'm aware that, statistically, M/M dominate in ships and in so many other areas. But that's not why I said it won't be popular. Rather because female character are NOT relevant in fandoms. They are not! There is no way, a female character, will play a big importance in ONE arc and dies in that same arc.... that would make a fandom sob, cry, hyperventilate the way it did to this fandom! It never WILL! The man dies too quickly. If it was a female, she will not be relevant. Female characters will never make any big impact the way male character do even if they are written the EXACT SAME WAY.

Hell, they can't even making it to the top 10 rankings of favorite character in their OWN series. You usually see 1 female then the rest of the 9 be male. And it's usually a character who is the main female with the rest of the cast. A side male character will always beat the side female character in these shows.

One of the things I've noticed with the way people treat female character is, if she have a crush/love interest and y'all would act like it's the biggest ICK about her character and she suddenly loses all support while simultaneously, thirsting, salivating, over the same character she likes and behave like animals.

I learned, by being in fandoms, that a female character should never show interests in males. That's the only way she can remain in y'all "good favor" otherwise, it's not going to work. Males can do bare minimum and we gonna dkride them so hard.

How many female characters, if they were male, would be MORE liked than they are now? How many male characters, if they were female, would be LESS liked than they are now?

Liking a female character is a fucking BATTLEFIELD while liking male character is the smoothest ride ever (except for Sanji but he doesn't count for obvious reasons).

Having a male character favorite is just easy if dumbasses aren't power scaling. I might find someone who hates my favorites once in a blue moon and all I can think about is, "THANK GOD someone hate him. I thought he doesn't have haters." I can move on from it because he gets an overwhelming love that it doesn't matter if someone dislike him.

The female characters, on the other hand, you need to get the gun ready to start shooting because you will defending her for days. The hate would show up on your FYP out of nowhere, there is a long discussion about why she suck, they are debates, there are people who don't think she is that great, people who undermine her importance to the plot, people talking about, "I don't care about her. Her story arc is not bad, she is just not it. (aka not a male) I just don't feel her, blah blah. I won't be saying this if she was male, blah, blah, blah."

So in conclusion, y'all hate females.

Or to be accurate, they are not relevant for y'all. Fandoms don't care about them.

Let's just acknowledge that and move on with our lives because I don't want to hear shit from someone who likes over 100 male characters but will struggle to pick 10 females they really like. If the number of females don't even make 20% of the amount of males you have liked, don't fake outrage under my post talking about how it's not true. I don't care if y'all don't like them. Just don't lie.

I know you gonna say, there is more male characters than female which is true but if we consider the overall medium, you have OPTIONS. I'm literally saying to not limit it. If you can't name 50 female characters across an ENTIRE medium but can for males? Don't bother arguing with me.

Anyway, it's a real shame to see that female characters aren't written that much in archiveofourown. There are so many female characters that could have made it to the rankings of the 2023... but like I said, female characters aren't relevant so I shouldn't be surprised they struggling to make the list for that too.

Feel free to tag if you think it applies. It doesn't matter if they are from other mediums like Harry Potter, Star Wars or anything like that. If it fits, it fits. I'm going to tag a few random anime fandoms because chances are, it's not your fandom (maybe it is) but I'm still tagging because it's common here.

If I'm loud and wrong then I'm loud and wrong. People hated Jesus for telling the truth.

[lonestardust]

hey guys, hi friends, how are you? I miss you. and i miss being here. This was supposed to be a "2023 is over, here is a summary" post but this is just a life update.

TW : wound (⚠️ it's gnarly, ok)

I know I've been MIA for the past two and half months, I've been struggling to write this post. I don't sleep well and I've lost weight. I've been struggling to sit and write about how I'm personally doing. Unable to express personal thoughts. Maybe because I'm the least important thing to me now. All I know is the gut wrenching screams of bleeding Falasteen. I can only tune in that collective suffering. That's where I belong. That's every human being's duty. June Jordan is right "Palestine's liberation is a litmus test of morality" I'll always go back to that quote because so many are failing it. So many disappointed me. It's like they made their humanity crumble into irrelevance the moment they reveled that showing up for humanity is optional and conditional depending on how comfortable and relevant it is to the white western values.

But simultaneously I've been feeling the tourniquet salvaging the wound. The strife for liberation is well and alive. Liberation and Decolonization had become mainstream concepts and practice (although some are still struggling to stay fully principled away from normalization but it's happening!). Like all arabs. I grew up watching the dead kids. The slingshots and rocks combating massive occupation tanks. I grow up haunted by the assassination of 11 year old Mohammed Al-Durrah, by Naji El Ali's Handala being a signature graffiti art in random streets, knowing that Israel assassinated Naji because he was a Palestinian artist. A truth teller. I grow up witnessing how they bulldozed 23 year old Rachel Corrie. I think often of Rayan Suleiman from last year. still haunted by his big rounded brown eyes — this 7 year old, chased by the terrorist zio occupation forces that he fell to the ground and died of a cardiac arrest. A 7 year old. His body shut down. Fear transcended his fragile anatomy that it shut down and died. I'll never forget the photo of his little body surrounded at the funeral by his friends. A bunch of 7 year olds. Starring into the void. not able to process what's happening because it's such an absurd concept. Kids consoling kids. My head hurts witnessing extermination campaigns and mass graves, and maimed bodies beyond recognition — WHOLE full fledged lives turned into literal dust. For 84 days straight now.

My brain, soul, spirit, psyche will never ever be the same again. And I pray this horror dig itself in the depth of the bones of the entirety of the fascist zionist world and their systems and fuel us to take action and never go back to statue quo!

On another note, I've had a quite terrible accident. A deep second degree burn as you can see. Accidentally spilled boiling water directly from a pot on the stove all over my left thigh. The pain is terrible obviously and I caught a really bad flu on top of it in the first couple of days because i wasn't able to cover it, wear pants or properly cover myself while I'm sleeping. So I've been bed ridden, bone-tired with fever and a massive wound.

Day 4 Day 7

Mind you this happened the day before i was supposed to start a new teaching job. Obviously wasn't able to show up and that was a bummer because i needed that job. desperately so and not just financially, I couldn't and can't handle anymore the anger, grief and anxiety pressuring my nervous system. I needed to start that new job immediately to refocus my daily life on a track again just to gain a routine so i could cope. Usually between jobs when I'm unemployed I thrive in doing nothing but my fan hobbies. Art, fandom and creating make my life so rich I could never get bored but in times like these "balancing grief and joy" is NOT an option.

And here is a thing. Because I've seen many many fucked up self-centred individualistic takes coming from white liberals telling us how we should feel (they always feel entitled, don't they), like the irony in the colonial paradigm harming us then offering us their therapy as the solution, coming with "protect your energy", "choose peace", "practice daily masturbation to relieve the stress of what's happening" (yes I watched this being directly and openly suggested on a panel about Palestine) imagine fucking telling somebody to go finger themselves and masturbate the stress of a GENOCIDE away.

The strangest manifestation of the white "self care" industrial complex, where people think they can therapize their way out of colonial mental consequences of bearing witness and being complicit in genocide. Maybe we're not meant to cope with this because it's literally beyond comprehension. Insane pathological narcissistic behaviour to think it's even a goal to feel good right now- if you want to"feel good" your only goal should be mobilising and organizing for revolution through action to destroy and dismantle the imperialist systems, to never go back to status quo!

On the physical aspect. I've been lucky, my dad has been taking care of me, taking me to the hospital visits, paying for my meds, cooking for me and all. And as I sit here, healing and being taken care of, I can't stop thinking of how I have resources, I have a roof over my head, warplanes are not buzzing in my ears 24/7, I get to sleep in my bed. I'm injured and I'm healing, able to sedate the pain with medicine. Can use the bathroom because there is water. But Palestinians in Gaza do not have any of that. None. Kids have their limbs amputated without anaesthesia amid ongoing denial of medical supplies into the strip. Some of them die of pain during that deadly surgical intervention. It makes me sick to my stomach. And I don't know what else to say tbh. I just know we live in a world that has no red lines and we can't continue to exist like that. Empire shall fall.

I genuinely don't know what to say, new year spirit and holidays mean nothing to me. My only new year resolution is to never again get numbed by the Empire. If standing for the lives of people of colour and their liberation is radical in a cesspool of white supremacy and imperialism, so radical it is.

I hope you're doing fine though. i hope you're well and okay. and to be honest I don't have it in me to ask about the fandom and how is it going.. It's probably going, I'm just not there at the moment. But i want to hear from you. How's life lately? What have you been up to? Also I am sorry if you've been tagging me in wips, games or sending me asks, I am genuinely sorry if I did not reply, I promise i see it and appreciate it ❤️‍🩹 I appreciate the special friendships and bonds I've formed in this fandom here, especially this year, and I don't wanna feel like I'm losing that.

[fidius]

OK, I get that us child-having folk are kind of boring and it often seems like we have kind of checked out of friendships and the parts of society that don't overlap with parenting in Venn diagrams. That's true, those are true things I will not dispute. And I remember being distraught? disappointed? dismayed? dis-something anyway when friends did the whole marriage-and-kids thing, which usually felt like them moving away or dying-lite or something. Which, again, kind of valid? People ask me if I want to go out somewhere and (unless it's their band or art show or something) I say no I've got to read my kids' bedtime stories. I used to be available for shenanigans and now I am not, and 70% of that is having kids. Single and/or childless friends I understand your annoyance verging into existential despair. It sucks, as we all know, that we don't live in a more villagey situation where everyone is less isolated and hanging out is easier and we aren't all working far too many of our conscious hours.

But.

I love my kids so much. An indescribable love that I have so rarely seen addressed in media that I don't think you are likely to understand it without having experienced it. I often--daily, usually multiple times--just sit and think about my kids and what they do and how they are and I am satisfied by their mere existence as beings on a deep level beyond anything I've known before. This is true even when I am extremely annoyed at them, or worried about their health, or in any of the other exciting unpleasant mental states that parenthood breeds. There is something wonderful and awesome (original meaninga, full of wonder, a condition of considerable awe), I think, in ever really and truly getting to know another human (probably that's love yeah?) but when it's the child you're watching grow up and guiding in your modest way it's beyond. It's self-sufficient, nearly. The nuclear family is shit for society but it does feel like so much on its own that I do get where the positive parts of its power come from.

If you've had a pet, especially a pet you've come to know slowly--a young one you raised or a rescue you won over--and you've felt that feeling of "this is all great but I'd rather be at home with my cat" or that sublime right-place-in-the-world on an ordinary walk with your dog, then you have brushed at the feeling I am trying to get at here. I'm trying to do really honest, no-bullshit estimates here, based on the cats I used to think about at work and just tear up with how much I loved them, and I'd say that was like 1/85 or 1/90 of the feeling of having a kid? But with this not-insignificant dash of, I don't know, mortality? gibbering anxiety at the simultaneous vastness and narrowness of human experience? It's fucked up, the whole experience, and it does things to your brain that will never make sense or calm down as far as I can tell and still seem somehow correct.

(I don't want to imply that you somehow have to be genetically involved in the production of the children to experience these feelings, or even be their primary caregiver--interacting with children at all you've probably experienced some of this on a species/tribal level that may have delighted or unsettled or delighted and unsettled you--but the strength of the emotion does have a lot to do with the responsibility, I think.)