#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time

[cosmogyros]

Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.

[heartbroken-ghost]

I just talked to my dad for the second time in months and am really regretting it. I realized after talking to him, that despite the fact that my parents are alive, I don't really have any. I have never had a family that can act as a support system, when I thought maybe I did. I am now facing the reality that I may end up homeless because I have no co-signer and no credit because my father convinced me to never get a credit card, so I never did. I asked him if he would be willing to be my co-signer but he said he's not comfortable with it after everything that happened. And wanna know what actually happened? They emotionally abused me and I cut them out of my life earlier this year for my own health and safety because how they made me feel about myself made me suicidal (which they also got mad at me for). I suggested we all go to family therapy but he said he would only be willing to go if he didn't have to pay for it (and my step-mon was unwilling to go at all, which makes family therapy pointless considering that you can't give family therapy without all of the family members present). I'm on disability for my mental health issues and fibromyalgia, so I couldn't afford to pay for it (seeing as disability gives you up to $1169/month here and you can't even find an apartment in my province for almost anything less than that). I did try to set boundaries with them but it ended in them all screaming at me and invalidating me, as usual. So I got fed up and decided to stop talking to them until reaching out to them recently because I missed them and wanted to see if we could maybe work things out. But seeing as my dad won't even be a co-signer for me, despite the fact that you need that to get an apartment here if you don't have a credit score, and that I've never missed a rent payment (or asked him to help me pay rent) even when I was a full-blown crack cocaine addict, he clearly doesn't actually care about my safety or health. So why should I bring someone back into my life that wouldn't even help me when not doing so could lead to me becoming homeless? He said he loves me and I told him to never tell me that again, because I don't believe him anymore. I jjust poured out almost everything he made me feel over the past ten years and I am worried that I hurt him, but honestly he doesn't care if he hurts me - which I know because when I told him that he did, all he had to say was that he didn't and that he was sorry but he didn't see why I felt that way. I told him if I end up homeless I'll make sure to thank him, and honestly I can't say that I blame myself. I deserved better than to feel like my own parents don't even love me and I told him that. I am very scared right now of what the future is going to hold, but at least my "family" won't be in it. Wish me luck in trying to not be homeless lol, I'm gonna need it.