#i've never known peace
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All her life, she had sought something she couldn't name. Love? Wealth? Beauty? But none of those things were exactly right. What she sought was peace. The peace of having something no one could take away from you. Had she ever been at peace for a single minute in her life?
Susie Yang, from White Ivy
#tormented#seeking#peace#i've never known peace#striver#striving#the struggle is real#torment#anguish#characterization#personal#exhausting#quotes#lit#words#excerpts#quote#literature#susie yang#white ivy
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quil are you. are you okay.
hey why would you immortalize my spelling mishap like that. why would you do that to silly ol me. don't you know of the long history of bloodshed and violence and suffering and war autocorrect and I have with one another? (all jokes)
SECONDLY! I fully admitted in those very tags that I know I'm wrong I know the canon pronunciation provided to us directly from shannon is OR-uh-lee I know it's wrong just like I know cyrah is pronounced see-rah and refuse to stop pronouncing it kai-rah. every day I wake up knowing I'm so so wrong and just live like that because it's been eight years of mispronunciation at this point I've just accepted it
so yes, yes I am okay. I'm wrong and will continue to be wrong but i'm okay :)
#kotlc#quil's queries#malewifegradyruewen#autocorrect and I go way back and in the violent way#i've never known peace#you look back through the years of messages with my partner and you'll find so many instances of autocorrect hating me personally#i simply type to fast to realize :(#but in terms of pronunciation I've dug my grave and I'm sitting in it#having a picnic#or whatever the expression is#thank you for checking but I'll be in this grave for the rest of time it's not a hill I'll die on it's a hole in the ground#it's a shallow hole I could climb out of but I won't
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#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#satosugu#never recovered and will probably never#haven't known a day of peace since I've known them#now to get ready to see the sad edits tomorrow#bitches should've just gone to therapy or something
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Me: I love angst!
Also me: IF THIS DOESNT GET RESOLVED I WILL COMMIT HEINOUS ATROCITIES
#this is abt good omens 2#but i can apply it to. like. every show that i watch lol#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens 2#good omens season 2#good omens s2#ineffeble husbands#aziraphale#crowley#anthony j crowley#aziracrow#go2#go2 spoilers#this is also very much abt#destiel#and how 15x18 was never resolved#and i've not known peace since nov 2020#ineffable divorcee#is also apparently a thing now lol
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tagged recently by @simplegenius042 and @g0dspeeed to share some wip stuff (thank youuuuu~🧡🧡🧡)
this is a combo of old (first snippet) and new (parts of the second) from katc ch 7, that i spent some time editing today and liked well enough to share. enjoy some snippets of syb's internal philosophy (and it totally not being compatible with jacob's. nope. nosiree. couldn't be her)
[Sybille] lowers her binoculars with a grimace. The men she could handle, but her experience with wolves begins and ends with the ones she’s seen at the zoo and in nature documentaries. She knows enough to have zero desire to gain firsthand experience in what those teeth and jaws can do.
That wolf will sniff her and Boomer out immediately if she isn’t careful, and while there are fewer soldiers and alarms stationed here compared to Falls End or John’s Ranch, the men posted here are obviously more disciplined. The Peggies in the Valley are all young. Disorganized. They’re content to chatter idly while half-assing their patrols. They saunter around with lazy fingers held over triggers, half-paying attention to their surroundings and shoot without regard for collateral damage. They remind her of new recruits back in the army: wide-eyed, baby faced privates fresh out of boot camp who all think they’re going to be the next George Patton.
Greener than a golf course, John’s troops are all too eager to chase glory and be named heroes by the Father.
But here, in the Whitetails, the Peggies maintain their posts with the stoic professionalism that she’s only seen from career soldiers. They move with a sense of purpose that comes from spending years serving in the line of duty. There’s a rhythm to their motions. Order. Soldiers who are aware of their place, acting as cogs in a much larger machine -- aware that the job they’re doing is important while also recognizing their own fragile mortalities.
An army is like a clock. Every single piece of its internal mechanisms plays a critical role in keeping it ticking. Even the smallest of cogs, if broken, must be removed and either fixed or replaced. So too is the soldier.
It took her years to learn that lesson. In a culture that emphasizes individuality, it’s difficult to accept one’s place as a singular part of a larger whole. But, she’s better for it, she thinks. Stronger. At peace with the fact that when she dies, someone will come and fill her place, and the world will keep on turning.
For the sake of her conscience, she pretends that the men here have learned the same lesson and made their peace as she has.
and a section from a little later on from the same scene (after she's cleared the outpost):
“My brothers. You know why we train.”
Her jaw clenches and she hauls herself to her feet using the desk to keep herself steady. A small CRT TV rests on its corner and on the screen is none other than the Herald of the Whitetails staring back at her as he goes on to answer his own question. “So that it becomes second nature. Instinctual. We train so that we can act without thinking. Everything we do has a purpose.”
Where the sermon blasting from the speakers outside had Sybille rolling her eyes, this one forces her lips to curl into a snarl. She’s struck with the impulse to refute, to argue, to fight back, but every half-cooked defense breaks before it makes its way to her tongue. After all, how can she rebuke his words when she’s living proof of their veracity. Even before joining the Army, she learned the importance of listening to her gut; of acting fast and trusting her body would do what it needed to do to survive when rational thought failed her.
She almost prefers operating in that state. It isn’t just the rush of adrenaline that makes her blood sing. It’s also the state of zen she finds once she’s stripped away all of the higher functions that make her human and becomes something primordial.
Humans are animals, after all. Too many people tend to forget that.
But she hasn’t.
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@voidbuggg, @cloudofbutterflies92, @josephseedismyfather, @la-grosse-patate, @tommyarashikage,
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and anyone else with a wip they want to share today!
#a wild katc appears#also. pls pay no mind to how i've been working on ch 7 for...uh...9 months....#anyway. can u tell? syb was a soldier? can u tell? she's a warrior who has never known peace? can u tell-#wip wednesday#wip: kneeling at the crossroads#syb: yeah i am/was part of the military industrial complex. a cog in the machine. it is what it is (and actually i kinda liked it)
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Two Redraws, Two Children of Destruction
#gore#blood#the binding of isaac#binding of isaac#tboi#azazel tboi#tboi azazel#tboi isaac#isaac tboi#my art#fanart#You *never* guess which one I got carried away with#on a more serious note I really love how these guys turned out!!#I'm getting back to the swing of just have pure fun with my fanart and these redraws were the perfect vessel for me#Also I JUST brought Isaac for myself like last week#I've known no peace sense then its great hehe#That also means I don't have the DLCs yet so if you have to bully me do it lightly
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The way nothing happened at all today but we're still stressed. Canal+ reporting L4wson's promotion, H4djar soft launching himself, news outlets deleting posts hours later, God when will we catch a break. To think this will go on until Christmas 🚬
#i've never known peace ever since i got into this nonsense. idgaf ab current f1 only yuki which is harder than caring ab multiple teams tbh#yuki tsunoda#yt22#f1txt
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my mom is friend's with a guy who's paralyzed and can only control some movement in his hands/fingers and very minimally his arms. he has specialized equipment from his wheelchair, to reconstructing his bathroom, specialized bed and machines to get in and out of it, all this expensive medical gear to accommodate his paralysis. his wife is his carer, though he's grown enough and has lived long enough with it that he's able to do many things on his own. but even then he cannot easily travel with his wife and kids, cannot just on a whim do things he wants to do without struggle, and has to be aided by others to do things that many of us take for granted like washing ourselves. being paralyzed and with minimal mobility, especially when you've lived much of your adult life with full mobility and control of your body, is a terrifying and a hugely expensive experience that changes the trajectory of your life. anyone playing down how that man injured that woman deserves a world of karma, they don't realize how serious it is or just do not care about Bird in the slightest.
#like those people saying that shit have never actually known people who are paralyzed#i've met that man many times and been in his house and seen my mom help him when his wife is out of town#that equipment is NOT cheap to buy to make his life easier it's expensive and clunky and large and takes up space#like it's necessary and changes that woman's and her families lives when you see all the things she cannot do for herself now#i hope she finds peace with it like he did and happiness at the end of the day bc that is not a world most of us expect to wake up to#if anything i hope she recovers well and doesn't have as many mobility issues as he did
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march 7th birthday gal
#honkai star rail#doodle#I couldn't finish this because I was too busy with my own bday :')#she's my bday twin and I've never known peace from my friends since
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Hey why are they the best actually
#Baldur's Gate 3#Dark Urge!Astarion AU#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#god the moment my brain had the click moment to make them the ship of this AU I've never known peace (affectionate)#like so far I only ship them in this AU since it's all I've thought about but they are. so good.#anyways behold me screaming into the void again because this AU is the most self-indulgent bullshit but I have no care about it
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...if i asked you guys to make assumptions abt me/roast me based on my type in anime characters, would anyone do it???
#reverie rambles#ask games#i crave the chaos bc i'm bored#and i've never known a day of peace#i'd make a list for you all to judge me on#if this flops i will be sad :')
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did you guys know that it takes a lot of time to write at least 50 pages
#in case you didn't know#and your thesis was also due on friday#i don't know if i'm slowly going insane or achieving a level of peace i've never known before#at the same time#i'm so tempted to just turn it in and to never talk to my advisors again because i'm sure i will at least pass like my code works#and i have barely 50 pages#but i also promised one advisor that i will present my work in a transregional research group why did i do that#i swear if i survive the next two days i will make an adhd testing appointment there is something wrong with me i have no concept of time#which i always knew but it was managable before the pandemic took any daily structure i had 😭😭#<- sorry for typing this all up but i can text a version of this only so often to my friends
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the hotch angst is killing me 🥺 i love it so much but it hurts me so bad 😫
i'm sorry :") i've tried to write fluff but i can't muster up anything. i've been so low these past couple weeks, hotch better go through my suffering with me too 😩
#asks#and i have uni tomorrow LOL#well technically today#at 5am#and it's 12am#and i've already been up for 24 hours#i'm gonna be in shambles tomorrow#i have literally never known peace in my life truly#i'm living on spite rn#feeling like emily actually
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i get distracted so easily but i promise i'll get more done ! eventually aaaa 🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#i find it so amusing how wnvr i have a new interest i always get into it so deeply#a week ago i listened to sm architects songs n searched up sm lyrics n read articles too n now this week it's#switched to the 1975 n i'm listening to sm of their songs too n reading even more articles n watching stuff n YEAH N#oh dear. i shld be doing my assignments due like 24 hours from now n they're easy n i'm nearly done#that's the thing i'm srs nearly done but i keep on getting distracted 😭 n then other stuff too i wna do but forget hflkasdjfd#can't blame me though bcs isn't there just so much to life? n other than all these responsibilities n. survival i suppose. in this society#i just want to live n. learn everything. understand as much as i can and be understood.#be at peace w all the contradictions in life.. 'always' is never possible but i do know i'll endlessly keep on going on until my end#sorry. that doesn't really make sense i just contradicted myself 💀 theres rlly just sm n. it's weird bcs.. i've rlly known extremes so well#like w apollo i have a twin i know how it is to have. such a deep and close relationship with another person. we're like#familial soulmates fr so ik how to direct my energy so.. yk yeah so IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN BUT#maybe a better comparison is. yk when i love something i'm super passionate about it. obvious i have phases here n then but#i have. a wide range of interests but. arghhh no not quite that as well. so.. the range n that intensity? coexisting?#n it's overwhelming often bcs it's too much. n in the past trying to do more than i could rlly drained me like. sm at the same time#but then yk that time for me where i mostly just played ffxiv. uh. help i don't know how to say it n then i forgot what i was gna write#ah. it's just a lot. i really can't write it enough. such is one of the limits of being human#but.. the strong thought i have of how these stuff make more important things more meaningful is just#at the same time there's. another thought that battles it w a similar intensity. n i feel too deeply i think too much of it#but if you were to ask me how i was doing right now i'd say. perhaps stressed yes but i'm doing alright right now. actually maybe not#HELP NO I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE I'M CONFUSING MYSELF W MY OWN WORDS 😭 dw tho i am fine just rather frustrated with time#i want to do so much but yk i have these priorities that i need to do.. i mean. not really 'need'. but.#ah i just love thinking of how life is in relation to society n its people n then w. i forgot how to say it.. but yk. just the universe#it's so heavy thinking about these heavy things so often. the intense desire to understand n be understood..#to learn and to be learned. or maybe these songs r making me think of how. there's just so much. in life n death n everything#there's so much i don't know n again n again i keep on saying that while there's so much i don't know in every single aspect#there's.. people that r specifically one of my greatest weaknesses w just how unpredictable we are. i love it though but at the same time#it's uh. yeah. thinking of time n the past n present n future n how it's filled with so much is something that i want to#i want to take all of it in but it's also so overwhelming n i'm just at odds with my own self rn but i'm fine#words aren't enough honestly. but i want to convey it somehow. so i'll do what is right for me. in time.
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i did this for an entire year when i was 14 and everyone kept calling me crazy but i was really paranoid and that was the only way i could sleep
U guys should try putting your pillow at the other end of your bed and sleeping down there for a night. For the novelty. It's fun. Sound of the summer
#it was for my peace of mind#when i finally went back to the normal spot it felt soo good#y'all should seriously do it#just switch up ur bed and stuff#paranoid of what u ask? oh idk i've just never known peace in my life
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#not me spending my last night in ohx having an absolute meltdown over the tbought of going back to mg apartment#the last 3 days here have been so peaceful that knowing i hsve to go back to thr fucking fucker cats fhay i absolutely hate is overwhelming#literally the last 2 weeks of being constantly home w them has meant me having almost daily meltdowns bc they overwhelm me so bad#doesn't help that i get like maybe 5 hrs of sleep a night tops when there bc of yoi guesd it thr fuckig demon cats#& then i think about how i have to live with thek for 10 more yrs & it makes everytbing more overwhelming#i thought I'd get used to them but it's veen a monthish of living witj cats & i can literally never do fhis again cats are.my enemy#especially these cays they're literallh the worsy cats I've ever known#wish i could just stay in phx until it was time to go back to work bc going to work was my escape it made living w the cats semi tolerable
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