#i've never hosted any event like this so you know. scary

[mar64ds]

would anyone participate in a papyrus week if i made one

[skeletoninthemelonland]

First of all, so so sorry your situation. Im in a similar one actually so I really hope you're okay. Even though it's not dire, mine isn't either, it's very draining and can be super overwhelming since you dont have the support of your parents to guide you. People have already mentioned keeping documents in order. you mentioned commissions, time how long it takes you do to things and decided how you'd like to be paid based on the hour. Do Not undersell yourself. If you're uncomfortable with people maybe seeing your real name/using real info for payments, there are companies that work as your registered agent (at least that's what it's called in the usa) that you can use the address of for a yearly fee

You can also look into passive income things with art like making stickers for redbubble and Ive heard about artists making stock images before but I don't know how that really work tbh ^^;

-

here's a good post on general adult knowledge

here's a post on things to know once your out

Always Pay Rent First. Normally there's always some sort of way to get food, losing your apartment makes it super hard to keep a job

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As for staying sane, people really help. Not necessarily even talking a whole ton.

Going and sitting at a cafe or park. wandering around a mall.

It's why I adore anime cons. You can look up board game or crafting groups in your area. If you're lgbtqia you can look for nearby queer centers, they're really helpful for advice and resources. Libraries are ridiculously useful. My nearby one hosts plenty of events and has a poster board for nearby event happening. You can just spend the afternoon there.

Journaling and deep breathing and calm music all really help me too.

Therapy has always been the most helpful but not everyone has access to that.

Also getting a good nights rest. So many of my problems have been helped a lot by getting better sleeping habits

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As for where to move, think about things like climate, laws, how the people there act. My town is super queer friendly but two towns over they're very much not, so be careful. Normally a simple google search on the name of a town can tell you a lot about it.

When picking out apartments, things like if you have animals or a car are super important. I have a car so Im looking for somewhere that has dedicated parking cause I can't afford someone hitting it when it's parked on the side walk.

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There are jobs that lead into other jobs. Knowing powered equipment, such as forklifts, can score you better paying jobs in the future.

If you're looking into something art wise, just focus on portfolio, no one cares if you went to college as long as you can do what they need.

There's also apps for things like setting up dog sitting. I've also heard of event staffing companies that'll give you jobs as they come, never done it though so look thoroughly into that.

you can look up the average rent/utilities and such of a town you want to live in to get an idea of what you'll be paying

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Credit score is super important in the usa to renting, but I don't know if you have that or an equivalent. If there's is, there should be secured credit cards that help you start building credit if you have none.

-

Just remember that this won't last forever and you got this!! it's painful and scary but it's temporary.

Also remember that you still deserve better even though you're not being abused, it still hurts and that's vaild.

I dont know if any of this is helpful but I wish you the best and feel free to ask questions if you need anything :D

.

[arkethamz]

Antonio doodle/info dump since he was around last month :3

left is the most recent doodles before i knew he'd be coming back

right is the first drawings of him (coincidentally exactly a year ago from June 1st)

more uncolored doodles n sketches. i kinda draw Antonio the most, but i rarely post about him (been gatekeepmaxxing)

last drawings that i actually still kinda like.. i have much more, i just don't like how they look anymore lmao

rambling wall of text infodump below the cut cuz i am just so autistic about this character LMAO sorry i'm a yapper-

anyway, contrary to popular belief, Antonio is actually my favorite RP character. just in general. and i've never actually seen him live until the other day. unbeknownst to me, i was waiting for a whole year to be able to actually see him live, i think i was more excited about it than cc!anthony was 💀

which might contribute to my love for him bc i had to piece him together like a puzzle from everyone else's POVs and clips n stuff. so at first i didn't want him to come back bc i was afraid he'd be different from the Antonio i made up in my head... but then. i haven't sat n watched, at mostly full attention, a whole stream for 7 hours in a while LOL

when i watched cc!buddha's rdrp vods a year ago n saw Antonio, i thought to myself "oh no... Tony isn't actually my new muse is he...?". and for a while i didn't draw him bc i didn't have any ideas + i didn't really know how to draw him. but i did know that when i did learn how to draw him, it'd be over for me (i wouldn't want to draw anyone else, and i was right oops 😭)

my idea of Antonio is he's just a dumb, impulsive, silly little theatre kid that got wrapped up in being an outlaw bc of Wu n Dot after his house burned down. they woulda been moving around in old box cars wherever the trains took them. Dot dies before the events of WildRP(headcanon), and Wu to me, is the autistic kid that follows Antonio around bc he talks a lot n has charisma lolol. also, to me, Wu is not as evil as he was intended to be, he just follows in Sonny's footsteps who's calculated n violent. While Antonio chooses Cesare's path to be more diplomatic and focuses more on his reputation. Antonio can't win a fight to save his life, and i love him for it. he thinks he's scary n dangerous, but to me, he couldn't hurt a fly hehe. i mean, one of the first things he did in the crossing was host a talent show at the local theatre. i'm a big fan of pathetic men, what can i say.

speaking of, i love how pathetically in love he is with Renni. and i love how, despite how much they like each other, they never actually get together n still respect each other as friends. they are the embodiment of the saying "if you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours" but without the last part.. they are so tragic to me.

in the last 3.5 years of watching rp, i've never had any character or character dynamic make me cry. like, as much as i love how doomed n toxic Donnie/Lang is, i've teared up a bit, but they've never made me cry just thinking about them. but Antonio, n by extension, his relationship with Renni, has made me cry multiple times just thinking about them 😭 and yeah, i cried the other day when Antonio was thinking about Renni LOL

idk why he's the character that changes my brain chemistry, but uh. he is. i've literally never rambled about a character so much online, sorry for the great wall of text bc of it.. i'm usually masking so hard a lot of the time, but i've been wanting to talk about Antonio for so long with no one to yap to so, yknow.. he gets me to unmask and i also love him for that :']

[namtanlovesfilm]

Off Jumpol

Sweetheart please write a whole essay about him 😘😜

wellllll, if it's asked this nicely 😌 usually I try to contain myself but today you've enabled me :p here's why I believe off jumpol to be literally unmatched:

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I've said it before, but being an off stan is like following a character in a series. just like khai in theory of love, off has had such an incredible character development which I've never seen for any other actor. his willingness to openly admit his changes & his past flaws is so damn refreshing, and if you're an off fan you can never be bored bc there is no status quo, off is always getting better & better <3

HONESTY

so I've said it before, but I like celebrities who seem genuine & real, and I don't think you get that more than with off. first of all, and that's a thai actor thing, I love his willingness to go out not always looking the best & just enjoying his life like real people do. but mostly I love how much off is himself 100% of the time: he's scolded nosy journalists & fans before, but is also not afraid to apologize like that one time fans kept screaming his name while he was talking to tay & he answered too harshly & took it back. but mostly I love how honest he is about his past & even his present, he's willing to admit he was a player during his uni days & regrets it, and he's willing to admit much he's changed. even though some people see him as cold & scary, if you follow off for more than one minute you'll know that off is pretty much an open book & really doesn't take himself too seriously. for example the interviewer for his iconic gq interview cover, said he was shocked to see off so down to earth & speaking about philosophical topics about his own life that he's reflected on a lot. and off's genuineness is for me his greatest quality.

KINDNESS

even though off is known for his bad mouth lol, he's genuinely the kindest person ever. there are many groups of people he's kind with, the first one being fans. having gone to events he's been a part of, I can safely say off is the only actor (unless joined by gun) who went out of his way to go close to fans & greet us. he often even stays after an event to go back out to greet fans for more than an extra hour! he doesn't need to do that, but he does it bc he truly values his fans greatly. him crying bc he was overwhelmed by his fan's love in y I love you says it all.

the second group is his fellow colleagues. many clips of off have gone viral with him helping his nong's cover up, etc. in awkward situations, and everyone at gmmtv considers off their dad, as countless pictures prove it :)

lastly, service workers. there are compilations of off thanking security guards at the many events he attends, even hugging them, and overall he always treats others with so much respect & kindness, which shows how down to earth he is.

TALENTS

now that we've discussed his personality, let's move on to off's talents. first of all, off has grown to be an excellent actor. his acting in not me was honestly so good it not only blew me away, but also made me so incredibly proud. I think one of off's best strength is his versatility as an actor, because now he can both SLAY emotional, angsty scenes, but since the beginning he's also been an incredible comedic actor thanks to the fact that man's naturally hilarious & improvises lines like no one else. in that sense, he honestly can beat a lot of actors considered better but who don't have as much versatility as him.

apart from acting, off also excells at hosting, be it variety shows like offgun fun night, friend drive or school rangers, or events & others. man can SPEAK, and be fun & entertaining like no one else, while also including guests so seamlessly.

off is also obviously a fashion icon, having both his fashion brand & being an avid fashion collector, so much so that series like theory of love & wolf used HIS OWN clothes for his character's wardrobes. off especially loves vintage & doesn't just shop big brand names but also goes to the chatuchak market to buy more hawaiian shirts. did I mention he's the ceo of wearing hawaiian shirts? bc he is <3

off is an artsy hipster type of guy, enjoying indie movies, taking pictures, going to galleries, etc. and I believe him to have a very artistic vision that is best exemplified by his brand land of something, for which the designs stand out SO MUCH from other thai actors' clothing brand. he's also a business man & has learned from his mistakes which makes him more careful & thoughtful when he invests now. ALSO he's obviously an incredible model & knows all of his angles, slay <3

LOOKS

obviously, off is hot as fuck. this is a shallow world, we have eyes, man's flabbergastingly gorgeous. but what makes off more special than the other handsome actors is of course, his iconic facial expressions. NO ONE can move their face like off does. his facial expressions are what made me fall for him bc they're one of a kind & no one can replicate them to the same extent. those expressions are also what made off's asshole characters like khai, por, etc. actually work by adding layers of cuteness to them. I also want to mention that off is not afraid to experiment with his look which is really nice & makes him stand out once again!

PROFESSIONALISM

lastly, bc I'm a busy gal & I need to cut this short, I think it's very important to mention off's professionalism. I think it's no coincidence a lot of directors envision him as first for a role, notably koo ekkasit for astrophile, fon kanittha for 10 years ticket & the snap25 team for the jungle. it's also to be noted that off creates good relationships with every co-star he has, and keeps those friendships for a long time. no one ever has anything bad to say about him, and because of his work ethics he manages to shine in the eyes of those who decide the faith of his career. and that makes me confident he'll keep soaring high :)

xxx

[yourlocalgayfrogboy]

Okay okay okay. I've been head canoning this for awhile. Really it's a crossover but who cares. Please read this if you enjoy both BNHA and DC. Enjoy and repost if you like this! But don't plajerise my work. If you want to use my work put where you found it and the author/artist. Thank you!

It was a 'regular' evening for the middle child of Bruce Wayne. If you could call it normal. Y/N was a successful businesswoman. She made her own company focusing on cars clothing and housing. She's an entrepreneur. A force to be reckoned with scaring her 4 brothers. Tiny yet very mighty. Watch out boys she'll be coming for you. In a sparkly red dress and five-inch red bottoms. Anyways Y/N is hosting her first fundraiser in Japan as that's where she is taking care of her mother and grandmother. She's invited UA, rich businessmen and women, her family, the top pros, and of course company's that support her.

I was making my rounds saying my thanks and greetings for coming to my first fundraiser. You see I was raising money for my mother's hospital she had to reside for 5 years. Now she's out and I want to do something to give back to the place that helped her get back on her feet. I had introduced myself to some people that I'd never met but I knew I needed to make a good first impression on them because they are so important in the business industry. I was walking and I saw one of the UA students Shoto Todoroki. I'd been dating him for a year. I've known him for a while as my grandmother worked at the mental institution his mother resided at. He was talking to who seemed to be the know number-one hero Endeavor and Natsuo and Fuyumi Todoroki. He was also talking to Deku who he would talk to me about. "Father you should at least consider donating this is a very important event to the host," Shoto said. Endeavor glared at the boy, "I'll use my money however I want and I won't use it for this silly little thing that is just a waste." The nerve of this guy time to work my charm. I slipped past the older siblings. "Hello, I'm the host and founder of this event. I just couldn't help but hear that you think this a 'silly little event' *chuckles* that's quite a gag. However, let me tell you, sir. This isn't silly nor little. I've already managed to raise over 5 million dollars. That's far more than anyone in this room could make in a single day. Unless your last name is Wayne then you probably do make that in a day, maybe even double that. That's not my point though. My point is that if you donate that I'll double that to any organization of your choice. My offer stands till the end of the night." I explained in full detail. It had to work. "You?" I smiled and nodded. "Who are you anyways, how could you double any amount I'd offer?" I smiled and chuckled. "Sir you just talked to the most prestigious person in this room. I'm Y/F/N Wayne. Bruce Wayne's daughter. I'm also CEO of the company Future World Designs." He looked down to my 4' 11" height and paled. "You?" I nodded again. "1,000,000 dollars to UA student alliance." I took out my hand waiting for a handshake. Shoto looked at me and smiled. A real smile. "Oh father before I go and converse with other people I want to introduce you to my girlfriend. Father this is Y/N my girlfriend. Her grandmother was the one to bring us together." I chuckled at the thought, "You gotta admit Sho, my grandmother is probably the most amazingly magical person to ever walk the earth. She's also very scary. Crossing her is like going to hell and being beat up by the devil. A dangerous game if i could have a say." He laughed his angelic laugh and smiled and nodded. "She dragged me to see my mom that one day. Never again am I ever going to underestimate her." I smiled at him and took his hand.

On the other side of the room.

"So Jason, chances of your sister not cutting my dick off if I flirt with her and apologize to her?" Jason looked at Roy and raised an eyebrow. "She won't cut your dick off-" "Okay good. I'm gonna make her mine again." Stupid Roy cut off Jason. He should've listened. Jason ran to his adopted father. "Yo B, we got a Code White." Bruce raised his eyebrow. "Is this a drill?" Jason shook his head in fear. "Okay. I've got a plan. I'll go over to her and intervene Roy. While you start singing the song." The song you ask? Simply, it's a song with a code to relay to some of the JL members that shit is about to go down. "Okay."

So you say you really miss me? (Aah)

Well, that makes me laugh

'Cause you miss the way I let you walk over me

Broke ever bone in my back

I was walking towards Y/N planning to intercept Roy. He was not going to start shit. I'm not letting the lowlife ruin my daughter's fundraiser.

So you wanna reminisce things? Huh (aah)

Well don't come around here with that

If we went through your phony excuses

I bet it won't change the past

My little girl won't get hurt by the one who pushed her off the edge.

Closed for the weekend

Don't you apologize

I know you don't mean it

I quit

Here's to the "no"s

To the "I think you should go"s

To the "leave her ass alone"s

To the "no boy can demand her body, her spirit, her love"

Oh-oh

Here's to the "no"s

To the "walk yourself on home"s

To the "keeping on her clothes"

To the "highs without the lows"

To the "no man can demand her body, her spirit, her love"

Oh-oh. I've had enough

She's not going to get hurt. I reached her and poked her shoulder making her turn around "Daddy! Your here!" I smiled and hugged her. "Of course I am. Anything for my little girl."

So you're claiming you're a martyr? What?

Like, she doesn't have a clue

Too bad she's smarter, be discreetly a started

We're staring right at the proof

"Uhh, daddy? Why's Jason singing I've had enough by Melanie KB?" Sweat dripped down. Shit, she knows. "Uhhh well Jason loves the song and he wants to sing it." "Fair enough. It's Jason we're talking about" wheew

Closes for forever (uh-huh)

I'm done with shutting up

I've learned a lot better

Listen

Here's to the "no"s

To the "I think you should go"s

(I think you should go)

To the "leave her ass alone"s

To the hanging up the phone"s

To the "no man can demand her body, her spirit, her love"

Oh-oh

Here's to the "no"s

Here's to the "walk yourself on home"s

To the "keeping on her clothes"

To the "highs without the lows"

To the "no man can demand her body, her spirt, her love, love, love"

"Wait Roys trying to get back to me? Isn't he? I'm going up there and finishing this. Shoto, can you escort me to the stage please plus it's coming to closing time as well." Shoto nodded his head and escorted me onto the stage. "Roy Harper are you listening to me? Well this aimed at you."

If you're so mature now

Then I think it's time you grow up

Admit you did it

We all know you did it

And yet you still gaslight me up

You are such a flame out

You only drive lefts in the bed

(Your only drive lefts in the bed)

I don't deserve this

And for your next girlfriend

You need to treat her with respect

Here's to my girls

Standing up for what they're worth

Yeah, you know who run the world

I am ready to be heard

No man can demand my body, my spirit, my love ( my body, my spirit, my love)

Oh-oh

And for the boys

Who don't care who they destroy

Told us "no" was not a choice

You cannot silence our voice

No man can demand our bodies, our spirit, our love

Oh-oh, we've had enough

Like and comment for part 2!

[rarepairronpa]

So to continue from that last Otoshima ask, you wrote about them being alters. I don't ship them in that way (more like I still do, I just prefer a different interpretation) but I want to ask how does your dynamic (being alters of a system) differ from shipping Ryouko and Junko as completely different people?

(This is a follow-up to this ask.)

Hmmm, I think there's a intimacy in sharing a body/mind that you get with Alters that you wouldn't get with them being wholly separate people. Alters, at least my understanding of them, are fragmented off from the host; DID is classified as a dissociation disorder for a reason, and its because these alters find their start as coping mechanisms- as the host dissocating from reality. Of course, that's just my understanding of it; I'm by no means an expert, and from what I understand there's debate within the actual system community on a lot of this stuff. Still, this is how mental health professionals have explained it to me, and what my own research into it has shown me. I believe both that you should listen to experts, but also that you should listen to the actual community that has these conditions, because while experts are more medical/scientifically based, most of them will never know what having DID is actually like. They can only study it from a distance. But on the same level, I know from my own personal experience that just because you have something doesn't mean you're automatically an expert in it, either- I have bipolar type 2, and I definitely do not feel like an expert on it. I only have my own experience to draw from, and any research I do into the more scientific aspect of the disorder. So when researching DID, I like to try and hear from both the "experts" (mental health professionals) as well as people within the actual community, who have the actual condition.

I do have personal experience with DID; some of which I will keep private (as it is personal), but the bulk of it is just... having friends who are systems. I've been somewhat enmeshed in system culture, at least a little. But again, that doesn't make me an expert on it, by any means, so take what I say with a grain of salt. (And please correct me gently if I get anything wrong.)

I think, for Otoshima specifically, a lot of the intimacy that would come from it is that whatever traumatic experiences that both Ryouko and Junko go through, they go through together. For some people, that level of knowing each other can definitely be scary, but I do think there's a comfort in having people understand those experiences, even if they experienced those same events slightly differently. Both Ryouko and Junko are born, in this interpretation, from the same trauma, in a way. Especially with Ryouko being an alter who was naturally formed. But I do think you could make this argument even with Ryouko being a side effect of the memory erasing, since the actions that lead to Junko's mind being altered are a result of what her life has been like until now. Junko believes that despair is inevitable, so you might as well embrace it, which is something she views as freeing, but in reality reads like a maladaptive coping mechanism to me. Ryouko is a byproduct of Yasuke intervening in her self destruction and trying to put a stop to it, so in a very real sense, even if she wasn't formed naturally, Ryouko is an extention of Junko's trauma- and specifically her bad coping mechanisms and self destruction. The dynamic does change a bit in this reading, though, because Ryouko wouldn't know that. If we look directly at the book, it's likely she'd feel fear and discomfort at Junko's presence, vs any real understanding.

Which is an interesting angle, too, since those type of conflicts do arise in systems (especially if there's a scapegoat or prosecutor alter). Alters in general are, in my opinion, a coping mechanism of the mind, though not one you deliberately do- they are again, quite literally classified as a dissociative disorder, one formed from repeated trauma at a young age (though that's also debated some in system circles, which, imo, gets into the semantics of what is or isn't trauma, which is always hard to define; I think systems who insist they didn't form from trauma tend to have different definitions of that trauma, or feel like the trauma they experienced wasn't "good enough", and therefore defining their systemhood - which is a lived reality for them - on the basis of tha trauma makes them feel invalid, but that's just my take—I don't really want to get into the debate of what qualifies as trauma and whats "good enough" to form a system, as it's a bit reductive; if you're a system, you're a system, regardless of what made you). But just like any coping mechanism, they can be imperfect. I think it's very natural for two personalities- two people- to come into conflict, especially when sharing a body. (Though, how separate alters are from each other is another source of debate and a sort of gray zone with things like merging being a thing.)

Both Ryouko and Junko were born from the same strife of Junko's life, but their views in the novel of it are vastly different. Ryouko seems to shut out the world, say the despair of it doesn't matter, because she has a bubble of happiness and the world outside is a threat to that happiness that scares her. Despair scares her. Meanwhile, Junko has already accepted that despair is inevitable, no matter what you do- that sandcastles always fall and you might as well tear them down yourself. She doesn't hide from the world because she knows it will always find her- and that with it, she will never be rid of despair. So she does the only thing she feels she can do: embrace both despair and the world itself. Give back to the world what it gave to her, not as revenge, but as a hopeless form of a love language. Those two reactions to the same conundrum are both very interesting, and seeing them play off of each other is a goldmine of possibilities.

Now, as for how this would differ from them being separate people... I do think there's just an intimacy to them being alters. Being produced by the same thing but having vastly different opinions on it. That's interesting, right? It's a lot more messy than I think the conflict would be if they were two separate people- there's a lot of identity and identity issues and questions of identity tied up in them being alters, and, quite honestly, just DR0 in general even outside that. What makes you you is a question DR has repeatedly asked, most noticeably with SDR2 and DR0 (emphasis on DR0). Exploration of memories and how they shape you is a core aspect of Danganronpa, which intertwines very much so with the idea of identity in general. In this way, having Ryouko and Junko be a system furthers this theme; they are both dealing with the same fundamental problem - despair - and they are both born from the trauma of Junko's life, and yet, the conclusions they reach are totally different. What got them there? What really shaped them to be who they are? What does their similarities and differences say about each other?

That's all really interesting stuff that Danganronpa thrives on. Even though, I would be hesitant to trust them with such a plot line based on how they handle Syo/Jill and Touko. While Syo and Touko aren't the worst DID representation I've seen, they are definitely for good reason controversial and criticized. Which, honestly, especially in Danganronpa 1, they should be. They are improved somewhat in DR: AE, imo, but it does feel for a lot of fans too little too late.

(I actually have a lot of conflicting feelings on Syo and Touko, but that's best for a separate post I feel, as there's a lot to talk about there.)

I do think there's interesting stories to tell with Ryouko and Junko being completely separate people, though. My mind just immediately goes to them being alters, considering, but in an AU where they were just completely separate people, it completely changes the story/narrative there. It's actually in line with a theory my mom had when we were reading the book together (as, after years of being into Danganronpa, I decided to watch/play/read the series with her around a year or two ago; rewatching/playing/reading for me, but for the first time for her)—that theory being that Ryouko and Yasuke were both remnants of despair, and Junko and them were a group of three childhood friends together. Not a bad theory, all things considered, and definitely a very interesting idea- in a situation like that, Yasuke would be stuck between two girls he loves, desperately trying to protect Ryouko from Junko's toxic influence, where Junko would be trying to get her childhood friend Ryouko back. You could definitely have some toxic poly shenanigans there.

I think my mind just automatically goes to the system/alter interpretation because, like I said, the themes of identity are in line with DR0 and DR on a whole. From the beginning, such themes have been present- and this would, to some degree, be an extension of that. There's also an argument in canon for it; some people do definitely interpret Ryouko as an alter, and come away from the book internalizing that Junko and Ryouko are a system. Which is a perfectly valid interpretation, all things considered- and probably part of why my mind, when talking about otoshima, flies to that scenario.

Honestly? Another place my head goes is time travel. I feel like it'd be interesting to have these different eras of the same person meet- especially in a situation like Ryouko and Junko. It would still be able to explore those themes of identity so present in DR, but from a different angle than a system interpretation would. I am fond of the idea of Ryouko baffling Junko, actually. "Was I ever really like this?" Type deal. (Especially sense even Ryouko doesn't fall in line with Junko's view of the world.)

[and-all-that-szasz]

No, exactly, right?! It's sort of like the argument about how everyone has the capacity for evil in them, and it's finding that threshold, that precipice, that series of events that will push you to making that choice.

In a place of safety, secure in the knowledge that tma is not real, and all of this is a fun little mental exercise and I have the audience's 3rd person-esque pov and knowledge; I like to think that there is not a single fear that I would ally myself with or submit to at the cost of others. Like specifically becoming an avatar. That requires a level of complicity.

Being a victim is one thing. Most if not all of them are downright terrifying in their own right (obviously, by nature), and I can admit to myself that in the moment, in fear for my life, I could be fairly easily pushed to quite a lot of violence. Especially against something I didn't think was human. Which is why I fear the Spiral as much as I do, and why Desecrated Host squicked me out so bad. Even in times of fear, I know from experience I don't typically abandon or sacrifice the people with me, and I would be horrified and broken to discover I had hurt or killed one of my own, or traded my life and safety for theirs.

But... if I was assured that whatever I became, I could exist in a relatively painless/humane way with the rest of humanity... maybe with a sort of catch and release system. I could probably be persuaded to be an avatar of at least half of the fears.

The Corruption will never be one of them though, lol, you're more than welcome to it. It's an Entity that fills me with BOTH revulsion and terror, and it's primary siren song of unconditional love is simply not a need in my life that needs filled.

If I had/got to choose? It'd probably be the Eye, just because I've never felt any particular fear about being watched, my discomfort and shame surrounding my deep dark secrets is unpleasant but not debilitating, I'm very curious - though unsure if to a single minded degree - , and I dunno. It just doesn't seem that scary. The abilities that Jonah and Jon display seem really interesting, and I just find myself drawn to the Eye.

Second choice would be Vast or Buried, again for similar reasons in that I fear them a little less than other entities, and even fiercely love certain parts/aspects of their domains.

Third would be Spiral or Dark. I would add Stranger, because it kind of muddles with Spiral at it's edges, but I think my particular quirks and neuroses lend to Spiral better. Also not sure I'd be willing to skin myself and be a puppet under any circumstances. We're now edging into Entities I genuinely fear, but that align with my likes or habits in such a way that I think I could adapt and resign myself to them.

The Desolation, End, Flesh, Hunt, and Slaughter are all entities that are too violent or final. I genuinely hope I'd choose death before becoming something that inflicts those fears and mangling hurts on others. Stranger may reside here also, just cause they've got such a weird thing with skinning folks.

The Web and Lonely are kinda... there. I fear both of them, sure. I desperately, to the point of choking tears, hated being left behind as a child. Even now it affects me strongly. I get lonely easily. I hate being by myself in a space made for more people/where others live and are supposed to be. But I don't feel strongly drawn to or repulsed by Lonely. Likewise I'm afraid of spiders. Maybe not so much being manipulated, but I think that's largely because my response to that worry is more like depression/despair than it is fear. Mmn. Maybe I could be a Web avatar, then, too.

sometimes I like to think about the differences between the avatars that chose their fears willingly and the ones who were forced into it. an interesting question to ask yourself is 'is there anything that could make me choose to be an avatar?'

for most people the answer is probably yes. everyone's scared of something enough to do practically anything to escape it. and sometimes fears can seem real damn alluring.

I make a lot of jokes about how I'd become an avatar of the corruption, the buried, the spiral etc., and that is partly because goddamn that worm lady (/pos) but it's also because if faced with that option I can't one hundred percent guarantee I'd say no.

I think the only ones that couldn't make me hesitate before saying no are the vast and the lonely. this is probably because I have issues with self-isolation, and the idea of a frigid, empty void calls to my nihilistic side a little too much for comfort.

anything else, even the 'grosser' ones have their unique appeal. there's a sense of belonging there that nobody can ever take away from you. you don't have to be scared of anything anymore. (unless you meet gertrude, in that case rip.)

I haven't really talked to anyone else about it irl (there are no tma fans around me, it's very sad) but I do notice in the fandom that most people have a specific fear that they're fond of. some of them are less common than others (it's not often you see someone who goes all in for the flesh), but they're all there.

I mean, you can probably guess that mine's the corruption, for the same reason the lonely isn't my favorite. (as a concept and narratively it's cool as hell, but speaking in terms of real life, no thank you.) a few of my other favorites are the spiral and the stranger but that's mostly because the vibes are immaculate and I'm a sucker for some classic creepy shit.

I'd be really curious to know what people's reasons are for preferring their respective fears.

[catullus16]

Hello, hope I'm not bothering you. I got a job in Japan (I'm Italian) and I've never been there before and my Japanese is N5 level (I am trying to study). I am moving in two months (I already got the accomodation covered by my company) and although I know things of Japan, because I've have always watched movies anime Yadda Yadda. I wanted to ask. Was it very difficult to adapt once you first moved? I know you had your husband but did you have moments of anxiety? What did you do to feel more comfortable? I am very anxious. It's not the first time I live abroad one but first time in Asia.

not bothering me at all!!

things were a little scary at first, for sure. i was always afraid of running into misunderstandings with people because of the language barrier but the more i practiced japanese the more my confidence grew. you definitely don't need to know all that much to get by day-to-day (customer service interactions all basically follow the same script). i prioritized learning speaking and listening skills over kanji, (which some may consider a huge mistake that i'm paying for now T__T) but it helped me get to a conversational level much faster. so that now if i can't read a sign or menu or something, i can just ask someone what it says.

i have a lot more i can say so imma pop in a read more

when i first moved here another thing that scared me was how much i stood out (especially cus the country was in covid lockdown at the time so there were no foreign tourists so i looked super out of place). to feel more comfortable i kind of studied how women in tokyo dressed and for a while tried to mirror it (i also have dark straight hair and brown eyes and am really short and everyone was still wearing masks at the time so it was really easy for me to blend in), though now that i'm more confident i mostly dress like a time traveling wizard that would look out of place almost anywhere haha.

also people here are generally very kind, patient, and eager to help. the more you get out and explore and interact with people the more the anxiety will fade away, so the first few weeks where you have but little experience and the mind is free to catastrophize might be tough but it will only get easier and easier. i'd say studying people's mannerisms and ways of doing things (train etiquette is very particular), and knowing how to do those things will also help with the anxiety. but no one is too bothered if you commit a faux-pas, so don't worry too much about accidentally doing something wrong, people tend to be super forgiving! but for me, accidentally doing something wrong was a huge fear.

i'd also say definitely avoid reading reddit boards or twitter pages about "being a gaijin in japan" or whatever cus a lot of those people are really bitter and reading it scared me a lot when i first moved here, but i've found very little of what they've said to be of any substance.

the hardest part is definitely socializing and making friends but it is completely possible and will help a lot! i joined a kimono class with my mother in law around a year and a half ago and everyone there is so kind and friendly and they have lots of social events. there are also inter-cultural events that municipal centers will host sometimes, and i've seen a few "english speaking" cafes where you can meet locals who want to practice english. i did try a language exchange app once (i think it was hellotalk) but since i had to upload a photo of myself for the profile, literally 99.9% of the people who messaged me were guys looking for a foreign gf (even though i put that i'm married in my bio) so use those at your own discretion haha.

i'm definitely very lucky though to have a japanese husband and very sweet in-laws who can help me, but i have lots of other foreign friends who came here all on their own and are doing great! like any country, it has its problems, but japan is a really nice place to live and i feel very lucky to be here!

i hope you too can enjoy your experience living here! if you have any other questions about living in japan please feel welcome to ask, i'm happy to share what i know!

[dearhargrove]

Heat

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: basically the sauna scene from season 3 but with you. Also, I changed the events a bit so beware

ʙɪʟʟʏ ʜᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ x ғ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

𝔱𝔴'𝔰: violence, Billy being an asshole ;(

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2,974

reader is Billy's age, reader has powers bcs I love that concept

𝔞/𝔫: you don't know how badly I've been wanting to write this but didn't have the motivation... so enjoy! Though this is more for me than anything ngl

masterlist

navigation

Planning how you were going to free Billy from the Mind Flayer was a lot different from executing it. You were as excited as you were scared, having had your lover be distant and hateful for the past weeks. All in all, you were tired of it. You take a deep breath, standing behind the kids and waiting for Billy to realize he'd been locked into the sauna.

You watch as his face contorts into anger and he clenches his jaw, stepping to the glass. The boys back up a little, Billy's presence more than scary.

"You better get me out of here right now, you shitheads." he threatened, his voice low. You gulped, looking around. Lucas was checking on Max, who's been the most hurt from this - along with you. Max gathered herself and raised her head in a brave way.

You turn back to your boyfriend, just as he starts banging his fists on the door, waiting for what he still thinks to be a prank, to be over. You bite your lip, taking pity on him.

You couldn't describe how badly you wanted to open the door and take him in your arms. It'd been so long since he even looked at you with a fond look in his eyes. You missed him. So fucking badly.

You flinch when he falls down, seeing Lucas and Mike cast nervous glances at each other. What's happening?

You can't help but slightly freak out when he starts sobbing. You dig your finger nails into your palm and try to take deep breaths.

The moment he starts whimpering about it not being his fault you break. There's a short moment of no one doing anything. You take a step forward, fully convinced you could go in there and calm him down right now.

Will holds you firmly by your wrist, shaking his head. You breathe heavily, scared.

"It's not my fault, Max." Billy whimpers and you wait for him to say more. Max starts walking towards the door and you get nervous. She couldn't get hurt. You don't think you'd ever be able to forgive yourself if any of them got hurt - but Max especially. She's been somewhat of a little sister to you since you met Billy, so obviously you cared for her a lot.

She stops in front of the window, head tilted downwards, probably to where Billy was sitting.

It was a bit hard to understand, the blood rushing in your ears making it harder to hear. "I've done things, Max. Really-" your heard him gasp through a sob, "really bad things. I didn't mean to. He made me do it." You frowned. While you were all aware of the Mind Flayer taking over Billy's mind, you had never taken into consideration just how fucked up this really was. Sure, you didn't take this lightly. You'd be stupid to.

But the realization that Billy couldn't control what he was doing, that there was something in his mind, was horrifying. And if Max and El had been right and he was the one to abduct all the people, you couldn't imagine the terror he was going through knowing he did that.

"Like a giant shadow." Billy described the Mind Flayer. Max continued asking about what it had made Billy do, but he broke down again - understandably. This was probably his first time since being the host that he had a clear mind, so this must be a fucking lot.

You feel miserable. How did this happen? How could you let this happen to him? All because you got drunk one night and he had to pick you up. Except he'd never arrived and you got a vision later of his car crashing and some big shadow taking him over.

Billy begs for Max's forgiveness and you see her start crying, too. A silent tear rolls down your cheek but you stay silent, waiting for what would happen next.

In the next second Will touches his neck and Billy breaks the glass of the small window, screaming at us to let him out along with other insults.

You gather in the middle of the room, just as Billy starts grunting and lights flicker.

Black veins spread over his torso and he starts throwing his body against the door.

The second it breaks, El steps in front of you, her hand held up.

You have half a mind to push her towards Mike, stepping closer to Billy.

"Billy..." you slowly say, catching his attention. For a second there's a flicker of recognition in his eyes, before the eerie emptiness takes them over again. He clenches his teeth, taking a step closer to you.

"I don't want to hurt you, please..." you cry, tears already running down your cheeks and your hands shaking.

While El was only able to lift things and move them telepathically for a limited period of time, you were a lot stronger and more trained as well as experienced. She had made it out of the lab before she became a teenager, but you had been captured there until you were 15.

He falters for a moment before stepping so close to you, you felt his breath on your face.

"Billy..." you pleased once more and in a moment of weakness you missed his hand shooting forwards, grabbing you by the neck.

You choked on a breath, hands gripping his. You could use your powers but you weren't ready to hurt him. Not him, not when didn't deserve it. "Please..!" you coughed and saw out of the corner of your eye as El's hand lifted and something started tugging him backwards, away from you.

"y/n! Do something!" Max screamed, wanting to help but not being able to. You tried looking at her and realized that you'd have to hurt him in order to rescue him. Taking a breath you turned to him, glaring. You loosen your hands on his wrist, his grip around your throat having lessened due to Eleven helping.

You know he noticed when he tried keeping you in place, but didn't succeed. You raised your hand, closing your eyes. You couldn't do this while looking at him.

The familiar feeling returned to your hands and you closed one to make a fist. You hear him gasp for air before you feel him letting you go. Your eyes start watering as you open them trying to steady yourself.

There was nothing more torture than having to hurt him like this. You sobbed and let your hand fall, whispers of 'I'm sorry.' and 'please forgive me' falling from your lips. You didn't register Billy getting up again and moving towards Eleven.

"No! Get away from her!" you hear Mike yell, picking up discarded pipe and hitting Billy over the head with it. You gather your strength as you see Mike getting in front of El.

"Don't hurt her, you piece of shit!" he grunted at your boyfriend.

You saw it as your opportunity, getting up and lifting both of your hands this time.

You let out a pained noise as you see Billy starting to levitate, his arms stretching and the black of the Mind Flayer flooding his body once again. You walk around him until you're in front of him. "Leave him alone!" you scream, your voice breaking. You watch as the black shadow that had caused so much pain and anger starts coming out of his mouth, that was forced open.

You hear him choking and breathe in desperately, the air coming to you less and less as it was starting to take a toll on you.

You fell to your knees, trying to win this fight that would only last a few more minutes. You didn't feel Eleven helping you out, but you hear as she falls to the floor, passing out in Mike's arms.

The help that she gave leaves abruptly and it all becomes too much as you momentarily lose consciousness.

The friends watch helplessly as Mike and Lucas try getting El out of the way while Max rushed to your side. "No! Wake up!" she sobs histerically.

Billy laughs in the most frightening way so far and lunches forward, Will barely able to pull Max into his arms and out of the way. Billy takes you by the neck just as you'd woken again. He throws you against the wall, the contact making you wheeze as the air leaves your lungs once again.

You try getting up, but before you're able to, he grabs you by your throat and pushes you against the wall. "Not so brave now, huh?" he grins, the empty look back in his eyes.

You see everything as if in slow-motion, Will trying to keep Max from getting back to you, Mike crying while El lays unresponsive in his arms and Lucas.

You see Lucas just as he loads his arm sling with a piece of Metall, fixates it and- it hits Billy right on the back of his head.

But doing nothing.

He only let's out another chuckle, choking you more. "Billy-" you cough, barely managing to raise one hand. You place it on his cheek and a small smile takes place on your bloodied lips. "I love you..." you whisper, dragging your hand to where his heart is.

He blinks a few times, seemingly fighting with the demon inside of him for control.

He misses your other hand moving to the back of his head before you grip his hair and pull his head back, hard.

You close your eyes, nervous as you hadn't done this more than once because it had drained you so bad that you'd slept for two days straight.

You conjure up a picture in your mind. A picture in which the Mind Flayer leaves Billy's body, and instead...

enters yours.

Opening your eyes, you watch Billy's body become numb as the Mind Flayer leaves his body and he falls to the floor. It rushes inside of you and you throw your head back, gasping for air.

You close your eyes once again and start fighting the mindset of the Demogorgon that's threatening to take over yours. You scream out, memories of Billy and the party filling your head. You remember the day he'd taken you on a trip to California, having wanted to show you the beach since forever. The way his hand had felt laying on your thigh the whole ride.

With horror Will and the others watch as your body starts being lifted in the air, the black of the shadow monster surrounding you in an unnerving way. Billy lays knocked out on the floor, and Will makes sure there's no black features left on him before he let's Max go.

She rushes to Billy and shakes his shoulders. "Wake up!" she yells in desperation. When he stats stirring she just hugs him closer. "Max..." he grunts. "Yes, yes, I'm here." she confirms and starts crying harder.

Billy curses under his breath before sitting up and taking in the scene around him. That's when he notices you.

You, as the horrible dark shadow that had been inhabiting his mind for weeks tries doing the same with you. "No..." he whimpers, completely shocked at the situation.

Through the rushing in your ears you hear him. Hear him pleading for you, begging for the Mind Flayer to let you go.

The last thing you feel before passing out is fresh air entering your lungs.

With horror, the group around you watches your body fall to the floor and the shadow flee through the wall, breaking it in process.

-

When you wake up, it's two days later.

As you weren't... normal, they weren't able to bring you to a hospital and Dr. Owens worked too close with the Lab and Brenner for them to trust him.

You open your eyes slowly, looking around. You see the small kitchen and table with chairs, discarded Christmas lights littering the floor.

You then your head to the side and see all of the party sleep on the floor around you. While Dustin and Steve, yes the Steve Harrington who'd become more of a babysitter than anything, were sharing a mattress (with Dustin on the floor while Steve had the blanket wrapped around him and was comfortably taking up the whole mattress), Max was sleeping on the love seat, Will, Mike and El all in sleeping bags in front of the TV and finally, Billy.

He was seated on a pillow, his head resting on the couch close to your stomach. His hand held yours tightly and you smiled. While he didn't look like it, he loved nothing more than cuddling during the night.

You silently sit up, seeing some light on the veranda. Joyce or Hopper probably. You can't keep the small wince from escaping you as sharp pain spreads through your whole body.

Billy wakes startled, looking around before seeing you. You, with a sheepish smile on your face and his hand held tight in yours.

Before he can say anything you put a finger on his lips, motioning him to stay silent. "Baby..." he whisper, emotion flooding his voice.

You nod, a smile on your face. Slowly you get up, tugging him after you towards the guest bedroom where you had slept more times already than you could count.

You two tiptoe through the house until you open the door. He picks you up with care and closes the door with his foot.

When he lays you down on the bed you reach up and tangle your arms around his neck, tugging him down. He grins happily, letting you place kiss after kiss on his lips.

"Y'know, you really scared me when you passed out back there." he mumbles, letting his lips wander over your neck, placing kisses here and there as you brush your fingers through his hair affectionately.

"No way," you acted shocked, "I spooked the Billy Hargrove?" he pouted, moving his head back up and lightly knocking his forehead into yours. "Don't tease~" he whines.

You just chuckle happily. "Really missed you, baby." he murmurs with his deep, rumbling voice.

"Couldn't think while... it was there. Felt like.. I dunno. Lost all control over my body and had to watch as he- as he slaughtered all those people." Billy's voice wavers a bit and you shush him, trailing a hand down his back.

"And none of it was your fault, my love." he just huffs, obviously blaming himself. "If you don't stop blaming yourself I'm going to start blaming myself for not protecting you from this." you raised an eyebrow, knowing very well that in his eyes you could never do anything wrong.

"No, baby, don't say that." he warns. You make a 'really?' face, watching him realize what you actually meant by what you said. He groans, dropping his head next to yours. "C'mon you missed out on me for weeks, there's no way you can resist my charm now." he says and you're quite sure that logic makes absolut sense in his head.

"Billy, I don't know if you've noticed but we're dating. You don't need to charm me anymore, yeah?" he rolls his eyes at you and you weakly punch his torso. "Don't be so rude." He acts like you shot him, dramatically falling next to you and holding his chest.

"You killed me." he deadpans, "only a kiss can make it better~" he grins lazily. Well, not like you mind. You lean on one elbow, laying a hand on his cheek and stroking the skin under his eye. "Have you been sleeping, babe?" you ask, taking note of the dark circles under his eyes.

He frowns, shrugging. "Y'know I can't sleep without you..." he replies, putting one arm over your waist and pulling you closer.

"Well then, it's time for bed, Eh?" you chuckle and he looks at you like you're crazy. "I just got you back from sleeping for days and you're tired again?"

"Hmm..." you pretend to think, "yep." popping the p you turn to the alarm on the nightstand on the side, reading 12:43 AM. You nod towards it and lay your head on his chest, off which he had yet to pull his muscle shirt. "damn, didn't even pay attention to the time."

"Realized that. Now get rid of the shirt, it's bothering me, and then we're going to sleep. No discussions." he grinned, placing a slow kiss on your lips. "God, I missed you so much, baby. You can't imagine." he slides one of his hands under your shirt and just holds you, feelings his skin against yours.

"Me too. Missed you a lot. A small town is kinda boring when there's no one to scandalize the old ladies." you joke and he chuckles.

"Alright, let's get you to sleep, princess." with that he pulls the shirt over his head, leaving his torso and abs free to you. And wow had you fucking missed this.

"You're injured and need to rest so get those thought out of your mind, idiot." he remarks, pinching your waist lightly.

"Cockblock." you pout, even though it was you who'd wanted to rest initially. "Alright, enough insulting your poor boyfriend." he grumbled and pulled the blanket over your bodies.

While you got comfortable on his chest, he already had his nose buried in your hair while enjoying the warmth he'd missed out on for so long.

And here with you and all the people he appreciated, he thought that maybe someday you could all forget about the traumatic events that had taken pace in this cursed town.

very probably going to write a part two with more fluff for this :') anyone else think billy would be the biggest softie secretly?

[dontmindthisblogpls]

4:00 a.m. Brahms headcannons:

In a long heated argument with our boi, When he gets ape shit mad, his voice changes back to Peppa pig and it's hilarious, first he is raising his voice with that sweet ass adult male voice then it's Peppa, take it or leave it.

Talking about Peppa he can't whistle

The only way stop his voyeurism is to be a worst voyeur, it doesn't turns him on, it just feels odd (to him)

He loves to receive forehead kisses b*tch

He doesn't do good with animals but if he did he would be a ferret kind of person

When he was a kid he wanted to be a firefighter... until he understood he was never getting out of there

He has everything to be a weeb so if you show him anime he will be down for it (now what gender does he likes? Hentai idk)

Too much of a snub to be good at videogames, it frustrates him

Weirdly enough really well mannered, such a delicate gentleman when you get to know that ass better

Toxic with any kind of relationships, especially the romantic ones without him knowing, take this manchild to therapy for love of god

Naive as fck and that cute ok? What if he stills believing in Santa but he assumes his gifts never arrive because he killed

He has autism, why? Obsessed with daily schedules, bad understanding people's feelings, bad at creating human bounds without the doll and other stuff

Idk why? But I imagine him as a great event host

Has plushies, both, the adorable ones and the scary aesthetic appealing ones (and dissected ones ( ° –°) )

I've read this at another blog but he will be a Melanie Martinez' crybaby

If you see him without the mask there are two ways he could go: or mad ass crazy cow or sobbing in his bed while you have to tell him that it is all right and he is covering his face under his blankets while he cries a river, maybe one after another

So people that has that good management of their voice are usually good singers as far as I know, maybe... idk wat do u think?

His mask and beard hides the cutest face expressions

All and all great wife material

(Grab his bubies and tummy hell yeah)

[searchforthescars]

amanda, do you have any advice for someone who's just moved out for college? i moved out 2 weeks ago (i was supposed to move in the fall when school started but covid) & idk i feel so?? lonely? or sad, i guess? i'm a freshman & i was super excited leading up to it, but i got here & i'm in an apartment with 5 strangers & i'm overwhelmed with how many adulting things i need to do, like groceries & laundry & cooking. i always thought i was pretty independent at home & i've also been away for 1/?

summer programs or events for a week, 2 months, etc. so it's not like i've never been away from home before & don't know how to cook or do laundry or stuff like that. idk. i don't get why i feel like this & so overwhelmed (also, i think now i get why most freshman move into the dorms instead of going straight to an apartment haha). my roommates seem nice too, i just don't know them that well yet. i feel kind of silly & pathetic & baby-ish about this since i know i'm so lucky to be able 2/?

to move out, but mostly i just miss home & wanna go back to my parents & siblings & cats, especially since i don't have any friends here yet & can't meet any cause of covid. i'm 18 but i feel so much younger & it's kind of hard to believe that i'm 18?? like ahhhh i'm an adult??? when did that happen?? anyway, i'm sure it'll get better (or at least i'm telling myself it will), but idk what to do in the meantime. any advice?

Hey, kiddo!!

First of all, congrats on moving out -- I’m really proud of you for taking the next right step toward your future. You’re doing great <3

Second, don’t you dare think this is something you’re alone in experiencing; although it can feel incredibly isolating and terrifying, I promise that everyone has felt this way the first time they moved out of their parent’s/guardian’s home. I sure as hell did, and I was 20 with a college degree!!! There’s no shame in it, and I’m proud of you for being able to verbalize your struggles and reach out for help.

These are a few things that helped me when I was living on my own for the first time -- if I had known all this going in, rather than learning as I went, I would’ve had a much better time of it, so I hope these help <3 But if you have any questions or thoughts, my DMs are seriously always open to you, on- or off-anon. You deserve help and support and I’m honored to be trusted <3

Get yourself on a routine. Tbh, half of the reason why things feel daunting (at least in my experience) is that they feel nebulous. To combat that vis a vis household tasks like cooking, cleaning and laundry, I’d recommend setting up a weekly or monthly schedule. Look at your class schedule and any other commitments and figure out which weekday is best for you to do laundry, which nights you could meal-prep for the days ahead, and which weeks you’ll be cleaning your areas of the apartment. Jotting those down or putting some notifications in your phone calendar will help you a) remember to do those things and b) rest in the knowledge that you’ve given yourself some structure. If you feel you’ll struggle with actually doing those things, ask a roommate to be your accountability partner! They live with you, so they likely have a vested interest in you doing those things, and will certainly be happy to help out!

Give yourself something to look forward to. Missing your family is so hard, so plan when your next trip home will be. Plan a movie night or another activity with your roommates (in my opinion, PowerPoint Night is an absolute winner -- y’all can take turns presenting about literally any topic you want and it’s a great way to get to know people and what they’re passionate about (or passionately against).) 

Get a tiiiiny bit social. It’s really hard with COVID, and I know it’s also anxiety-inducing to be The New Kid, but even something as simple as attending a Zoom event hosted by a campus organization can give you a little bit of social engagement -- if nothing else, you’re hearing voices outside of your own and your roommates’! There are also a lot of Discord servers out there for video game friends, students, fandom folks, pretty much anything; the platform offers a streaming function, which many people take advantage of and can be a great way to engage with other people around something you both love. Having that little bit of enrichment is really helpful and goes a long way in making you feel less isolated.

Do something with your hands. Find a tactile sort of hobby - drawing, painting, bullet journaling, digital art, collaging, etc. - and do it regularly. I bullet journal, make stickers, and collage the New York Times Sunday paper once a week. Doing something with your hands regularly is a good way to get your creative juices going and help the time go by, and it often is therapeutic as well.

Exercise regularly. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to get moving. It seriously is good for your mind and body, and you’ll feel motivated to do other things once you work out. I didn’t exercise for the first three months I lived alone and lemme tell you, when I started again, there was a marked difference in my mental health. Go for regular walks around the neighborhood, or if there’s space in your apartment to do some simple bodyweight workouts, the Nike Training app has great free guided workouts under 20 minutes. There are also workout videos free on YouTube, everything from strength training to cardio set to popular Tik Tok songs. I like to exercise about 30-45 minutes a day but YMMV

Treat yourself. I ran myself hard and ragged when I lived alone because I didn’t have anyone to encourage me to do otherwise. Even though you have roommates, it can still be easy to feel like you’re just ships passing in the night and that the accountability they provide extends to chores or other space-sharing ventures. So hold yourself accountable for doing one kind thing for yourself every day. Eat a piece of chocolate. Splurge on a coffee once a month. Buy a book you want to read. Do little things to treat yourself because you can, judgement-free! You’re your own boss now!

I hope these help a little bit!!! It can be really overwhelming and scary to be where you are but I promise, you are farther along than you think you are, simply because you can recognize and articulate these feelings and are reaching out for help. I’m proud of you and sending you all my love -- if you need anything, you got it. I’m here for you <3

[amandaandtheworld]

Disney World

The most magical place on Earth, it's true. Here's my guide to all things Disney...

Time of year:

I've been to Disney World during all times of the year and by far my favorite time to go is October! The weather is perfect and it's way less crowded. Also in October, Epcot is hosting the ~food and wine festival~, and Magic Kingdom is having the Mickey's not-so-scary Halloween Party, two of my favorite Disney events!

Summer is wayyyy tooooo hot. We were literally dumping $5 bottles of water on our heads and my kids were miserable. Honestly, we spent most of the time at the hotel so they could be in the pool. Never again will I plan a trip to Disney in the summer.

A really special time of year to go is during the holidays. I love the way they light the castle up, it's so beautiful and truly you need to see it at least once. ONCE. I repeat because I will not be returning during Christmas break. Sure, the kids are out of school making it nice and easy. But the crowds are like nothing I've ever experienced before. Main Street USA is so packed you can't even breathe.

Characters:

I know, I know... I'm too old for character meet and greets. Listen up! I've gone to Disney with the kids and grandmom, left the kids at the hotel with grandmom after dinner, and headed back to the park JUST to meet characters. It's so much fun! I love they way they interact and never break character. There are so many resources on Pinterest that give you ideas on how to interact with each different character. Here are some of my favorites.

Stitch: he took my left shoe off and ran away with it!!

Tigger and Pooh: they were so snuggly and fun to hug!

Alice: she was charming and is just one of my favorites in general.

Peter Pan: he cock-a-doddle-dooed with my Hailey girl.

Goofy: he covered Aly's face when we were taking the picture, super funny.

White Rabbit: he kissed Hailey's cheek and she held it for the rest of the day. So sweet!

Other great ways to meet characters are character meals. We did Tusker House in Animal Kingdom to meet Mickey and friends, Akershus Royal Banquet Hall to meet the princesses (my personal fave!), and Crystal Palace to meet Pooh and friends. Don't ever let anyone tell you the character meals are overrated or over priced, they were so worth it!

One more thing on character meet and greets... One of the best parts of Mickey's not-so-scary Halloween Party is that you can meet the ~villians~ this time of year. We got to meet Jack Sparrow who was hilarious and Jack and Sally. We waited 2 hours in line to meet them because my kids are really into The Nightmare Before Christmas but it was super cool!

Food:

Okay, so I mentioned the character meet and greet meals above, definitely some of my favorites. I can't speak to the dining plan because I've never found it to be worth it. We do a lot of quick service when were in Disney because let's face it, I'm not made of money and Disney is EXPENSIVE. The best dining experience I've ever had in Disney was the Epcot food and wine festival. Everything is super inexpensive and comes in small portions so you can try a lot of different things! Otherwise, when were in Magic Kingdom, we flock to Tomorrowland Terrace for chicken fingers and french fries. I wish I could rant about the deliciousness of a Dole Whip or a Turkey Leg but honestly, I've never really tried any of the Disney world signature classics. I'll have to get back to you on that!

Rides:

Okay so there's so many and honestly I'm not going into all of them... My favorite ride by far in all of Disney is Soarin' in Epcot. My least favorite ride is Big Thunder Mountain, although that's an unpopular opinion.

Other favorites: Enchanted Tales with Belle (my favorite princess), Peter Pan, Turtle Talk with Crush, Everest, The safari ride in Animal Kingdom, and Toy Story Mania. There are so many fun and cute rides in Disney! I could go on forever about it.

So there you have it, my Disney World FYI. Can't wait to go back in January with Kyle and the kids! We are all counting down the days. This is a yearly expense for us because it truly is "the happiest place on Earth."

[mysteriesofmarcy]

I've been seeing a lot of messages about the Heinous episode and I have something to add to what everyone has said. As we know, the Diaz's are very loving when it comes to their son, however that's really the only time we really see them. We have absolutely no idea what they're doing when they aren't in the picture. Another thing, we do know that they do want to be seen as likeable people. During the Halloween episode, Marco's dad is seen trying to win over the neighborhood kids. (1/3)

After being rejected and told he’s “not scary” he resorts to hiding out in the shed behind their house and not talking to anyone. There was also the episode when they go to Mewni for their anniversary. From what I remember (I haven’t seen that episode in quite some time) they paint all of their pictures as a possible way to impress their friends as they are seen using cameras and clearly being capable of showing friends pictures that way. (2/3)

There’s very little interaction between Marco and his parents where they aren’t loving, but again that’s all you really see with them. For all we know, they could be like this often. And they’re allowed to be that way. They are human after all. This may just be the way I see it though, but that’s cool too. Just thought I’d share the info. (Please correct any incorrect information as I have not started my svtfoe binging before the movie event.) (3/3)

Thanks for the comment, imaru-iuzui. Sorry about being a day late here… as you may know, I’ve been trying to get the newest episode online. Currently waiting to see if my latest attempt worked, so I figured I’d answer a few asks.

You’re right, we don’t know much about what Mr. and Mrs. Diaz do off screen. But we do know what Star says about it in SaMGtMED. She says they can usually be found cuddling together on the couch, but sometimes they take breaks from this to shower and/or eat. (Not an exact quote, but you get the drift.) What that tells me is that they’re pretty self-absorbed. They don’t exactly pay much attention to anyone except each other.

As for the painting pictures thing you mentioned, this is a result of Rafael being an artist. If you don’t remember, they apparently have Rafael paint pictures of their vacations instead of taking them with cameras! (Although, none of that stopped them from taking pictures with cameras on Mewni, so that was probably just a one-time joke.) They substitute paintings for a slideshow.

But note that in that episode, the only people watching the slideshow painting show were Star, Marco, and King River. If the Butterflies are the Diazes’ only friends, then I can see why they might be desperate to make some new ones.

I feel like other people have gotten more comfortable with the Diazes recently though, thanks mostly to Star. Janna calls Angie by her first name. She is Star’s friend, but Marco would have never given her a chance. Heck, the Diazes even hosted an end of school party with a lot of attendees. I seriously doubt the same party a year before would have been nearly as popular.

So in short, the Diaz parents, like their son, had no real friends before Star showed up. But they are both more extroverted than Marco, so they were slightly more desperate for attention. But they also have each other. Marco had… Alfonso and Ferguson.

[j-exclamationmark-l]

Takemasa's blog: I've been wondering about how many male virgins there were here (2017 March 18)

Home. Clear skies.

Otokoboushi (a men's only performance) is finished ＼(^o^)／

How do I say this? A lot more men than I expected came out to support us. I'm actually quite happy.

Honestly, the decision to have a performance just for our male fans Was not the members' decision... I don't really care how we do it Or what gets corrected. Whether male or female, fans are fans...

There are usually male fans doing their best to support us in the sea of female fans, So this project was to appreciate the men who manage to come out and support us.

However, Calling it a men's only performance... kind of scared me. When we do our country-wide tour, there are never too many men in our audience. Though I think you all knew that already? Haha. Just how many people will come to this event? I wondered nervously.

But I suppose it will be meaningful. And I think the men will probably come out to support us! I strongly believed in this.

But, when we opened the lid to see what was inside, So many people were there... Waaay more than I expected!!!!

I saw people from our country-wide tour, of course, And some new faces as well.

YOU GUYS

Our male-only performance held on Friday No one at all could have guessed it would have been three times the number we expected... Thanks...

We were cheered on, and it felt like a barrier had been overcome. I think all the time about how many things Kiryu is allowed to accomplish. I was really happy.

A lot of guys came out here by themselves, right? I wonder what the atmosphere in the venue was like before our performance, Even from the side of the stage... we could hear no voices at all. It was like we were hosting a goddamn wake! Lol

I felt like I had to check to see if the staff even opened the doors to let people in. Lol But when I peeked out, I did see people in the audience after all. Lol I guess the people there really just wanted nothing than to see the stage?

I just remembered. Once when we were waiting to perform a long time ago.

It wasn't limited just to men, But we were really nervous to perform. Lol

Ahh, our favorite artist will come out to perform soooon! I wonder what equipment they'll be using? I wonder what songs they'll play? What will the first song be? I hope they'll play that one!

I heard things like that From the fans in the audience, but it was all girls! If I think about it positively, it's like we currently have a harem... it's too much like a harem... There are so many girls it's scary! Not that I plan on doing anything to them... I don't want to be hated but someone please save me ／(^o^)＼

Honestly, I'd like to be friends with the fans... But I'm just a poor little virgin boy who doesn't have the courage to talk to strange girls I've never seen before (though that's irrelevant)! Loool

I've been thinking too much about this... lol These are all the things I've thought. lol

Men... I don't know how you all see Mr. Kujou, But were you all okay out there? Don't think too much about it! Lol

I understood that much But I'm glad everyone was so loud in supporting us ^^

Ah, but I don't want there to be any kind of misunderstanding. I prefer the female fans.

I mean, I'm a man, to begin with... And girls are just so sparkly and pretty... And I just feel like I have to save them because they're not so rough, and I li... Okay, I'll stop there. Lol

But I value our male fans as well. Of course they support us with just as much enthusiasm, And I think they're just like I used to be.

Loving music, loving the members. It's so pure, ain't it? That feeling.

Of course, I think our female fans feel the same way about it, I sincerely apologize, but I, as a man... when I think of the men compared to me from the past, I feel like I can just relate to them more. But I'll meet you all halfway and say banzai for all the girls who come out and do their best to support us ＼(^o^)／

Ahhh this blog is really hard to write! Lol It's just because of having this men's only performance that I sound like I prefer the men.

But I'm sure I'll sound different when we have our women's only performance. I know I'll only be able to think about girls that day!

It's a performance just for the girls! It's on March 19th. Look forward to it ^^

Yeah.

I mean...

Uhh.

I...

I gues...

I'll leave it there.

What?

Goodbye!

[honeyrose-tea]

hi darling. I've been good. the gift I got my friend hasnt arrived yet, but I'm planning on giving it to him after thanksgiving. I dont really have much else to update you on. one of my friends is hosting a friendsgiving tonight, so I am attempting at making some potatoes for that. it's my first time actually cooking in this apartment, so we shall see how it goes. how have you been? any life updates? -🌙

let me know how it goes when you give your gift to your friend! I hope you've had fun with your friends tonight, and that your potatoes turned out well. I'm sure they did. I'm doing ok. I'm feeling a bit strange and sad tonight, but it feels like the type of mood I can just sleep off. even with the medicine, I still get this way every so often. the difference is that it's so much rarer now. once a month instead of more days than not. and it doesn't last. sometimes I get a wave of sadness, but I can stand up after it when the water is calm again. it used to be wave after wave, all the time. but I digress. I have a sort of................. online friend with benefits? I don't know if that's what you'd call them. we haven't really discussed it yet. we're romantic but not really dating.... we know the future isn't a possibility for us, but we hope that it is anyway. I don't want to get too much into it on my blog, all out in the open for everyone to see. it's a very private affair. but as you are one of my closest friends, I don't mind telling you. I have found out recently that I'm scared of committment. that's new. I never used to be that way. and I don't trust hardly at all anymore. I think much of it is remnants from T. he is still in my dreams every so often, even though I don't think about him or talk about him. some part of the events with him left a mark on me. and now I am very happy alone and I don't want to get back out into the world of deep relationships anymore. I am happy alone but not content.... it's strange. and this isn't to say that I don't have any responsibility in this, I just think that the events with T are what spurred these new developments. I don't want it to seem like I blame him for everything. every once in a while, I think about what I would do if ever he apologized to me. I like to think I would be kind to him, let him back in. but I also like to think I'd stand my ground, hold onto my convictions, and not let him back into my life. neither seems ideal. but I try not to think about it often. it's not a situation I expect to ever encounter. and if I do, I know I'll do what's right. I trust my intuition. I've been thinking about T more because of the time of year, and because of my birthday. so that's where this is coming from. I know it probably seems a bit random.

I've been thinking about Dan a lot too. he's one of the only people whose actual name I use on here instead of initials. it just doesn't feel right to initial him. in my heart, he is always Dan. never D, never Daniel, only Danny or Dannyboy as a joke. I've been strangely nostalgic the past few weeks. I read through some old letter and papers of my parents', spanning from their high school days into the engagement and early marriage. they met in their mid-twenties, and it is so beautiful to think about their individual journies, how they tangled together to build a beautiful shared life together. I want that more than anything and I'm terrified of it at the same time. I've been thinking about my own life, what it has been and what it might be. I feel like I'm behind. like I'm running out of time. my parents had me in their mid-thirties, meaning that if I want my kids to know their grandparents, I'll have to make up for my parents' late start. I haven't ever even had a serious relationship, only one relationship at all, and now I'm beginning to realize I'm on a schedule. I have about five years minimum, ten maximum to have kids. and do I even want kids? can I be a good spouse? I always thought so, but now I'm not so sure. and death. death is so scary. not being suicidal means I have to deal with a fear of death. it's certainly better than being suicidal, but it's new. I'm scared of my death, but only if it's premature. dying when I'm old is a nice concept. so it's not death itself that's scary. it's dying alone, dying before I've done what I wanted to do. and what scares me most about death is having to see other people die. my dog will die soon. and so will my grandad. and not long after that my mammaw will go, and my dad will likely be next. I'll probably have my mom the longest, but she'll still die in my lifetime. all of this is provided none of us die tragically, of course. and that would be even worse.

I should shut up. I feel like I'm unloading on you. I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I'm just in a rare mood. I'll be better tomorrow. I'm also procrastinating writing two assignments, so I'm especially chatty. thank you for listening. it comforts me to know you're here when I need you, and that you also rely on me. I love the feeling of being needed and being cared for in return. you're so sweet. have a good evening, and come talk soon. I love hearing from you, my friend💕

[smoothshift]

I've become a BMW fan after experiencing some of their cars via the BMW Town Tour via /r/cars

I've become a BMW fan after experiencing some of their cars via the BMW Town Tour

On Tuesday, June 3rd, 2019, I went to a BMW event called "Town Tour." Someone posted about it on /r/Cars a couple months ago, and I can't remember who you are, so though I can't thank you via tagging you here, if you see this, please know I greatly appreciate you posting the link to the site.

One thing that all the participants suffered through during this event was lack of actual drive time. In Murrieta, CA, where this event was hosted, there was a major accident on the freeway, so the roads were jam-packed with commuters who had to exit the freeway. The BMW Town Tour staff limited us to basically just driving in a circle around the BMW dealership. At most, I took an M5 up to 65 mph, but goddamn did it get there quickly!

The first car I drove was this BMW M4 Competition (+ bonus M4 CS pics from the dealership's showroom floor). I immediately became a fan. It felt like this car was just urging me to continue accelerating. The interior oozed a level of luxury I had never before experienced, but I think it mostly stood out just because it was a brown/tan color instead of the all-black interiors I'm so used to in friends' Infintis and Benz cars. This car's sheer acceleration had me wondering wtf it must feel like driving an exotic. The fastest car I drove before these BMW M-cars was a tuned Nissan GT-R, but I only drove it for a mile in a straight line before bringing it back to the owner. I actually got to mildly corner with this car when coming around turns that followed the road layout the Town Tour staff set for us. Obviously, I wasn't all out cornering or anything like one would do on a track, but I could really feel the effort BMW put into the suspension. I strictly drove the car in Sport Plus mode, so I don't know what the Comfort or regular Sport modes entail. Overall, with enough funds, I thought I could see myself driving one of these in a heartbeat until I drove the next car.

The BMW M2 Competition! I think this was my favorite car. Maybe it was just my brain tricking me because I loved this car so much, but it felt like it was faster than the M4. Then again, I had gotten more comfortable driving the cars, so I suppose I was willing to go a bit deeper into the RPM range before upshifting. I swear I'd do dirty things to get this car in my garage. The power, the fact the car seemed to go in any direction I even gently turned the steering wheel toward, and just the overall appearance really cemented it as the 'Ultimate Driving Machine.' Save for the Nissan Maxima I bought my wife, every car I've ever owned has been under 3000 lbs curb weight. I see that the M2 Competition comes in a bit over 3400 lbs, but I couldn't tell. It really felt like the car was lighter.

Up next was the BMW M850i Convertible. This car seemed cool and all, but unlike the other cars in the lineup, the BMW Town Tour staff wouldn't allow anyone to drive it solo. We had to have a guide with us, and the person who went with me seemed to be selling me on the car (as if I could afford a car with a $109k MSRP 😂) by just mentioning features that went in one ear and out the other. Unfortunately, she didn't tell me we were going on an actual test drive. What happened was I signed up for the M5 first, but someone took it for a spin and went off the road layout we were supposed to follow. That jack ass got stuck in the traffic I mentioned earlier. The tour staff asked if I was interested in driving the M850i earlier than my slotted time, but they made it sound like the tour guide was coming with me just to check out the road conditions. We literally just took one low-speed spin around the streets and came back to the dealership. When I realized that was my test drive, I was very disappointed. I didn't even get to open the car up at all. And to add insult to injury, the person who drove it after me actually got to experience the car with the top down, but they had two tour guides accompany him for some reason.

Lastly, I drove this BMW M5. As you can probably tell, I got lazier with taking pictures as the morning went on. One thing I can say about this M5 that will surprise everyone here? It's insanely fast! (Shocking, right? Who woulda thunk it?) The M5's power can be felt as soon as you gently step on the gas pedal. I thought the M4 and M2 were quick, but this thing blew me away with its acceleration. I only got to take it to 65 mph, but it got there so fast that I didn't even realize I was 20 over the speed limit at first. I giggled like a schoolgirl every time I hit the gas pedal. The upshifts were ridiculously quick, too. Obviously, I can't differentiate the milliseconds of difference between one car's upshifts over the other's, but I could just sense the M5's upshifts were blindingly quick. I am a traditional manual transmission enthusiast, but I can see why people love paddle-shifters now. The quickness in the upshifts is unmatched by any manual car I've ever driven. My test drive of this car lasted fewer than 10 minutes. The guy who drove it before me ruined the event for everyone by taking the M5 out for an over 1-hour test drive with his wife. It seemed like the staff got more strict on how far we could go and how long we could drive.

Inside the dealership, they had this BMW that apparently has won a lot of races. The interior was completely stripped besides having a driver's seat.

I also saw this BMW Supra. It was the 4-cylinder with 255 hp. The dealership was asking $59k for this! I was flabbergasted. I can't imagine how much they'll charge for the 6-cylinder when they get one at the dealership.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I always thought BMWs seemed cool af, but I never drove any before this event. Now that I've officially driven a few of their cars, I have to admit I'm a fan.

Would I ever buy one? Probably never a new one. And if I did buy a used one, I'd probably go through CarMax just for their extended warranty. It feels like these cars have too much technology. With the click of a button, you can change the suspension dynamics. That seems like it's a recipe for financial disaster once the suspension needs any kind of maintenance.

I drive this beautiful Toyota 86 as my daily. Her name is Tiana. She's my "forever car," meaning I intend to keep her for the rest of my life. I initially thought I was going to feel disappointed jumping from these 400+ hp BMWs back into my 205 hp 86, but I honestly felt at home. The BMWs were nice; however, I can't help but think they just have too much power for the road. Anybody who can afford the payments on one, and even idiots who lack the funds yet are financially incompetent enough to finance one anyway, can drive these beasts down the same roads as people putting along in Corollas and Cruzes. That's scary.

Just imagine as these cars insanely depreciate and are priced under $20k in 10-15 years. High schoolers driving around in 400+ hp performance cars? Yikes!