#i've honestly been dying over 'what an expressive guy'

[ordowrites]

curses, curses, blessings?

cw: some swearing, Wanderer is referred to as 'Wanderer' in this and sometimes "Hat Guy", some pining, banter, mild flirting, Wanderer being terrible with feelings, this is just crack so there's very little logic behind it, hybrid-ish reader (-ish), gn!reader, minors dni, mdni, SFW, extremely mild but referenced yandere tendencies (possessiveness/obsessiveness, mentions of stalking), user has an Electro Vision, reader is Not the traveler, possible OOC-ness

notes: i hope i didn't make him sound too rude in this fic - i'm still trying to get a taste on how to write him. but enjoy this li'l crack fic while i die in the summer heat~!

summary: in which you encounter an issue and the Wanderer sometimes has issues with keeping is mouth shut.

You were told by your team to not go on your own - to wait until everyone was ready to go but honestly, it was a simple investigation into something strange that had recently appeared. The Traveler was due to arrive in a few days, but you chose to go on ahead to scout and make sure everything was in order.

Unfortunately for you, the Abyss Order had been involved and unfortunately for you, magic went awry and what was supposed to be an easy take down of a Pyro Abyss Magic became something else. Sure, the Abyss Mage was defeated, in the end but at what cost, really?

Your pride, that's what. You could cover the obvious triangular ears on your head but not the tail, so of course you'd hurry through the streets in hopes of nobody stopping you and talking to you. You mostly didn't want any sort of I told you so's from the rest of your team you'd have been working with for this stupid class you're sure you're going to fail anyways.

Relieved that nobody stopped to talk to you - though you're sure you saw Kaveh staring at you - you were able to make it to your destination without too much of an issue. And that's why you're now hunkered down in the library, books scattered everywhere in hopes of finding a way to undo the magic the Abyss Mage casted upon you.

"I didn't know you could read."

Great, your day just got even better. You don't want to look up but you do - the Wanderer, Hat Guy as most people call him, stands there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What do you want?" You ask with a heavy sigh. Engaging with him is difficult and you're already too busy to focus on him. You hear a soft hmph from him and roll your eyes. "I'm busy, Hat Guy."

"What are you reading?" He sounds so irritated with that nickname and you grin to yourself. "I was told to come and fetch you." He finally elaborates, when you refused to answer his question. It sounds like a lie - he often seems to appear when you're in trouble, upset, or just milling about and always has an excuse for it. But that is a thought for another time. "'cause apparently some idiot when to these strange ruins by themself."

"Well that idiot was merely a curious scholar."

He scoffs at your answer. "Now that I've answered your question, answer mine."

"Why are you so interested in what I'm reading? I thought you were allergic to social interactions." You quip back, looking up at him now with a blank expression. "But if you're actually dying to know, I'm just reading up on...abnormal curses."

"Abnormal...curses?"

"Yup." And without a thought, you look back down.

"That's stupid."

"What is?"

"Why are you reading on abnormal curses? What, did you anger some god?"

You heave a sigh. It can't hurt to tell him, right? Or well, show him. If nothing else, the Wanderer simply just lives and let live and he won't laugh at you. With great reluctance, you pull down the hood of your cloak, letting your cute, furry ears pop up. He stares at you with those pretty violet eyes of his, and watch his mouth quirk a bit. A soft snort from him, followed by a soft heh.

"I'll punch you." You threaten, uselessly.

"What happened?" So you recount your little expedition and he listens somewhat politely - clearly struggling to not make fun of you for your appearance, his eyes still on the fluffy ears. When you finish, he has yet to look away. "Hm. Fascinating."

"Any clue to undo it?"

"How would I know? Abyss power is weird and I'm not sure why an Abyss Mage would do this type of curse."

"Me neither." You let out a heavy sigh. "Guess I'll have to wait it out."

"Yeah," Hat Guy says with a nod. "Guess you will." His eyes have not left your ears for even just a moment.

"You hardly stare at Tighnari like this." You mention, after a moment and his face goes red as he looks away. "Aw, do you like them?"

When the Wanderer refuses answer you, you can only heave a sigh and close the thick book shut. It's time to put your mess away and call it quits - you're very surprised, however, when he starts helping you.

He grins when he uses his own Vision to hover in the air, to reach the higher spots and you glare up at him. Show off is what you think as he lands too gracefully on his feet.

You wonder if you should thank him - he's looking like he's expecting something.

"Thanks, I guess." You turn to leave, grabbing your bookbag as you go. "Will keep looking for ways to undo this tomorrow..."

"For what it's worth, I think you look cute like that."

"I'm sorry?" You stop dead in your tracks to turn to look at him. Did you hear him right? Did he compliment you? The Wanderer, who only ever seems to enjoy riling you up? You stare at him.

For a moment, it looks like he's about to backtrack on his words and pretend he did not say anything so kind to you.

"You heard me." Wanderer answers, gruffly as he crosses his arms over his chest. "What're you gonna do about it?" Now it's your turn to blush and you clear your throat as you fumble to find the right words, a snarky comeback, anything but you can't. Not when he's looking directly at you and with more of an earnest look than he has since you two met. "If it were up to me, you'd keep them."

As he's talking, the Wanderer is already walking away. He stops. "You coming or what?"

"Where are we going?"

"Dinner? Geez, how did you get into the Akademiya?"

You shake your head and quietly follow him, mulling over his offhand compliment. Unconsciously, you reach up towards the ears and gingerly touch them.

Maybe they won't be so bad?

[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

You Can't Swim??

SUMMARY: The Octotrio don't know that you have never learned to swim. And you went to a beach. What could go wrong? WORD COUNT: 1.9k (I need to sleep)

WARNINGS: Floyd almost let you drown, reader kind of gets panic attacks? Idk (I'm the writer I should know, someone hit me), reader thinks about whacking Floyd, Azul is genuinely in love, Azul is also very traumatized I think, Azul overthinks A/N: Gotta love how I have no warnings about Jade I- Gotta love getting a fic idea about me being unable to swim- And I've had this thought swimming (lol) in my thoughts for a couple of days?? Idk if reader is the significant other of these guys or just besties. I think it leans toward s/o though This reads like a crack fic to me but honestly make sure you know how to swim so you don't die (i don't but that's not the point here) Maybe OOC Jade because he hides himself too well for me to get an accurate read on personality lmfao When Jade is genuinely sweet but the others are unhinged so naturally the unhinged ones are longer- I'm sorry I get no decent ideas for Jade </3 Another late late night post (it's 1:50 AM)

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

You had never learned to swim. It wasn't that you were afraid, really. It was just that you had passed the age where people normally learned, and now you were too lazy to and/or didn't have enough time. Whatever excuse to stop a nagging person.

Now, this wouldn't have been a problem if you never went anywhere near bodies of water. Which you mostly didn't. However, knowing merfolk was not the best idea if you didn't know how to swim.

Now you have gone to the beach with him, and that probably wasn't the best idea for either of you.

Floyd Leech

You had been sitting on the beach near the water, absently looking over some shells as Floyd splashed around deeper in the ocean. The shells really were interesting - nothing like the ones where you had come from (although they had some similarities) and were colorful. So many shapes and varieties, although most were not intact.

You had been so engrossed in this, in fact, that you hadn't realized Floyd had been sneaking up on you. Before you could say another word, he playfully dragged you into the water. While you were fully clothed.

You weren't expecting to go into the water, but you should've known better with Floyd. He was playful and loved to do stuff like this. Usually if Azul was around, he'd have done something… But he wasn't here.

Before you knew it, you were deeper in the ocean than you ever had been before, courtesy to the teal-haired boy swimming and dragging you along. You flailed around a bit, eyes wide in panic. You were, quite honestly, terrified. And it obviously didn't help when Floyd just immediately let you go.

Was he an idiot or was he an idiot?

"Floyd-" You got out before coughing as water shot up your nose, still flailing miserably. It didn't work. You didn't know what to do. Surely, Floyd would help… If he realized what was going on. No matter what you thought, he was bright, wasn't he?

Not bright enough, it seemed, as he was still laughing and not realizing how actually panicked you were.

"Koebi-chan, you look so ridiculous like that," he laughed, almost in hysterics, and you would've smacked him if you weren't so close to actually dying.

And then you sunk.

Your desperate attempts to go to the surface were pointless as you didn't even know how to float or move around in the water.

After a few seconds, Floyd finally noticed you were gone and quickly dove under the surface. Maybe you were trying to get him back?

But his gaze immediately widened as he saw you literally sinking to the ocean floor. His eel tail moved quickly, almost without thinking as he shot to grab you and take you up, up, up so you could actually breathe.

When you came to, you were on the sandy beach again, Floyd leaning over you. His eyes, normally filled with a joking light, were unusually subdued.

"Koebi-chan, why didn't you tell me you couldn't swim?" A pout grew on Floyd's face. "If I knew, I wouldn't have-"

"Yes you would have. We would still be here, just having a different conversation."

"But-"

"No buts."

"I would've made it more fun-"

"Drowning in the ocean is the opposite of fun, Floyd-"

~Bonus because I don't know how to fit one into the story~ "I can teach you how to swim. You just go whoo and let your body move. Y'know. Like dancing." "No, I don't know, Floyd, and this is not going to help me with anything-"

Jade Leech

Jade had been spending his time on the beach with you, but you were almost certain that he wanted to be swimming in the ocean. It was his natural element, after all.

"Jade, you sure you don't want to go in the water?"

"I'm fine staying here with you, [Y/N]." He gave you a soft smile.

You shook your head. "We've come all the way here, you might as well go swim." You gave him a gentle nudge.

"Well, I'd like you to come with me, if that is possible?" He watched you quietly. "You never go swimming with me."

You paused. Although it was sweet that he wanted you to go with him… "No, I don't think so…" You trailed off. You never liked telling people that you couldn't swim. At this point, it was embarrassing.

The pair of heterochromia eyes staring at you only left you feeling more jittery. "…I, er… I can't swim. So going into the ocean with you sounds kind of like… A bad idea." You froze. "Did you use your Signature Spell on me?"

"Of course not, [Y/N]." Jade stared at you with eyes of hurt, one that looked almost identical to that of his twin's. Only, it was almost obvious that Jade didn't mean the hurt in his eyes. "You just trust me enough to say things to me."

You couldn't deny the truth there. You trusted Jade. "And you wouldn't use your Signature Spell on something so trivial, would you?"

"No, I would not." He shrugged. "On a different note, I can help you learn how to swim."

"I really don't need it-"

"What if someone tries to hurt you one day and they know your weakness?"

"Why would-"

"It's an example, [Y/N]. But if that person decides to do that, you wouldn't be able to do anything. So I should help you in case that scenario occurs."

You sighed softly. "Fine, I guess I can take lessons from you… If it's not too much of a hassle."

"Of course it would not be a hassle or anything of the sort." Jade inclined his head. "All to help you stay safe."

The day went on with Jade helping you learn the basics of swimming - he was a good teacher, which you were happy about. He was patient, and always was there if you ever started to panic.

"We wouldn't want you getting scared of the ocean now, would we?"

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul had gotten used to you after a couple months. Sure, he hadn't opened up to many people in a while (only Floyd and Jade, but they also teased him constantly about everything, so), but you were soothing and nice. Sure, you teased him sometimes, but it was different. It didn't feel mean, you stopped as soon as you noticed him looking a little uncomfortable, and… He honestly felt like he could open up about anything.

So when it was decided that you two were going to the beach - together - alone? It kind of made him very messed up.

Would you like being at the beach with him? He wasn't completely against showing his octopus form… Would you want him to swim with you? Was he even ready for that?

Those thoughts led him down a spiral, and the day you two were to go, he had bags under his eyes and looked like he was half-dead.

You gently nudged him, murmuring how he should've tried to get more sleep for this day supposedly filled with fun, but he just shrugged.

Soon, you were at the beach, and as Azul saw your smiling face, his gaze softened a little. He loved seeing your happy face.

"C'mon!" You grabbed Azul's hand as you started to run to the water, ignoring his surprised stumbling as he was dragged along. He had a light flush on his cheeks that he was glad you couldn't see.

Soon, you had reached the edge of the water, splashing around in your sandals. It was really fun, even though you knew that you were going to be getting sand in your toes later on.

Azul just kind of watched on, a relaxed expression on his face. This really was soothing… Although he was still thinking about if the Mostro Lounge would be okay with him gone. Surely Jade would do something if Floyd got into trouble… Hopefully. And hopefully, no more dishes would break.

"What are you looking so glum for?" Your voice brought him back to his senses.

"Nothing, just hoping that Jade and Floyd can take care of things at the Mostro Lounge." He sighed softly.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll be fine. Jade's there, right?"

"He can cause as much trouble as Floyd, you know. Although he won't be outright about it." Azul shook his head, a small frown on his face.

"C'mon, turn that frown upside down." You moved closer to him, gently squishing his cheeks. "Today is for having fun, Azul."

"Yes, yes, I know." Azul couldn't help himself; he let out a soft laugh. A genuine one.

You smiled brightly. "You aren't charging me for hearing your little cute laugh?"

"I will charge you if you call it cute."

"Of course you will." You rolled your eyes before abruptly changing the subject. "So are you not going to swim?"

Azul paused. Did you want him to swim? To see his true form? There was an even chance. What should his answer be? "Er… I don't know?"

"Of course you don't have to, Azul, I just thought… I mean, there's no one around." You shrugged a little.

And now more pressure on Azul. Great. He was used to dealing with pressure, yes. Just not this kind from you. "Er… Would you come swim with me?" If you were with him, then maybe…

"No." Your lips parted, maybe to offer an explanation, but it was too late.

Azul was in a downward spiral. Why had you said no? Perhaps octopi merfolk were really too much. Perhaps you would rather be with someone with a pretty tailfin than tentacles. Or maybe a human, one of your own kind. Who said that you even liked him at all? Perhaps you were only with him out of pity, because he was that useless, chubby, good-for-nothing-

"Azul? Azul, are you listening to me?"

He snapped back to attention.

"Seriously, are you okay? Did you seriously get enough sleep last night?" You sighed.

"That's none of your-"

"It is if you're literally zoning out every five seconds." You rolled your eyes. "And anyway, I was just saying that I kind of can't go deeper into the ocean where you probably feel comfortable swimming. Because I can't swim." You shrugged nonchalantly.

But for Azul, it felt like a figurative bomb had been dropped.

You? Couldn't swim? Now that he thought about it, it did make sense… How you always looked so awkward and uncomfortable with water, especially when you came to the Octavinelle dorm. But seriously? How could you not know how to swim?

"Is not knowing how to swim… Normal?"

"Definitely not." You rolled your eyes. "But I'm just too lazy to learn now. And I have no time."

"You do if you have time to scroll on Magicam." Finally, Azul felt a bit better. At least you didn't hate him.

"And this time, I'll teach you how to swim. I'll even do it free of charge." Azul shook his head. "Seeing as I'm so generous."

"You sound like headmage Crowley."

"Do be quiet."

Azul was a pretty good teacher. He ended up not turning into his octopus form until nearly the end of the day, you were practicing your swimming and then just playing around on the sand, building sand castles, anything that you might do at a normal beach outing.

His octopus form was beautiful (as expected), and although you couldn't go to deeper waters, you enjoyed seeing him swim around, always eventually coming back to you.

"Today was truly relaxing, [Y/N]. We should do this again another time."

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[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Ten: [The Potato Head Society & The Other Guy, Jarred?]

Summary: Jake helps you shave your head in hopes of keeping your power and control. Facing your own mortality makes you question your faith in a higher authority and Jensen and Jake met for the first, and what you hope, will be the last time.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil. Mentions of religion

Word Count: 4.2K

Author Note: It's no secret I've been having a little bit of a rough go on this hell-site as of late. But I'm still here, working on this series. Seeing your weblogs, comments and concepts truly mean the world to me. so please, don't be hesitant to share.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“My only real advice for this kind of thing is this.” Jensen sighed as he stood on the steps of his townhouse with you. Coffee in one hand, end of life brochure in the other. Things had taken a rather drastic turn for him in the last few days. After your birthday, his health started to drastically diminish–so much so that his doctors weren’t too sure how much time there was left to combat the cancerous cells spreading through his body. “Go right through it.” Jensen smiled, never once did you ever see his positivity falter. “Like right through it, feel it all, be in it, don't avoid it because the moment you start avoiding it is when it's truly won.” 

Little Sammy held your hand as you stood next to Jensen–he was too young to understand that the man talking to you was dying, hell, you weren't even sure if you understood the significance of the pamphlet Jensen had picked up after your first CCA meeting. He’d told you it was for a friend, little did you know that friend was standing right in front of you. 

The Cancer Counseling Association held biweekly meetings at the hospital. You hadn’t planned on attending when your oncologist, Doctor Morrison, had first mentioned it. But when Jensen said he’d been going almost religiously for three years? You thought, what's the harm? 

The harm was it was depressing as fuck. 

“You go completely in the tough times, feel everything and get out the other end of it all.” You’d asked Jensen something along the lines of how he’d managed to keep fighting all this time and still be so positive about life and all its underwhelming rewards. He was for the most part, a happy guy despite it all. But even the strongest of soldiers have an achilles heel. 

Jensens just so happened to be the fact you were forbidden fruit, he wasn't about to tread on another man's toes. Especially when he was tiptoeing towards the sweet release of death's gentle hands. None of that stopped his heart from racing whenever you smiled though. 

“Many of these things you don't have a choice in.” Jensen continued as his eyes lingered down to little two year old Sammy who stood holding your hand in his. If anything you needed the encouragement to fight this battle for your children. “You know, fuck, whats that expression?” Jensen mulled it over as you chuckled, still standing on the path right outside his street facing townhouse. “Uhh–oh yeah! It's not how well you walked through the fire, but how you walked through it regardless.” 

“I think I'm just barely crawling through the flames right now–” You answered honestly. There wasn't a nice way to say he’d looked better than he did right now, with sunken eyes and skin that looked as if all the life had been drained from his soul. 

So you never mentioned it. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

“So—“ The library wasn’t Jake Seresins favourite place to go, but there was someone who made the isles of hard covered literature easier to understand that always seemed to draw him in. Like a moth to a flame. “Did you have a good Christmas?” The silence that followed as you stared across the desk where you were processing returned textbooks had Jake's heart racing, he couldn’t read you and that fact made him all the more nervous. “Or not? If you’re Jewish maybe? Don’t celebrate Christmas that’s cool too I just thought—“ You had to giggle at the college football star standing across from the reception desk with his elbows leaning on the ledge. Your smile was pure happiness, it wasn’t hard to make Jake's heart melt inside his chest—a chest he once thought was hollow. 

“I had a wonderful Christmas, I went home to visit my mum, she always says that if the Christians can steal Christmas from the pagans then us non-religious folk can celebrate too.” You shrugged your shoulders politely as you kept checking off the returned textbooks from students who’d taken them home over the summer. 

“What do you mean when you say the Christians stole Christmas?” Jake Seresin grew up in an incredibly conservative, extremely religious household that attended church every Sunday rain hail or shine. Jake swore his mother nearly spontaneously combusted when he had to stay in hospital overnight after having his appendix removed. It was a Saturday afternoon when they’d presented to the emergency room—poor old Janeen nearly dropped dead at the mere thought of her ten year old missing church the next morning. 

“Lord have mercy upon us, for we have sinned.” Jake could still remember his mother crying vividly when he woke after surgery. Even at ten he knew his mother was somewhat of an overly sensitive soul. 

“Well technically, in order to convert the Germanic pagans who, like, celebrated the winter solstice and stuff—the Christians were like, fuck it, let’s just say that Jesus was born on this day and you can hang tinsel and stuff.” Again, you shrugged your shoulders like it was common knowledge, but as Jake stared down at you with confusion swirling in his emerald eyes, you thought for a split second that maybe this was actually news to the college athlete who’d been following you around for the better half of nine months. Respectfully. 

“You can’t just change someone’s birthday like that? Can you?” Jake, in all his years of attending Sunday services, Sunday Schools, being forced to read the bible and knowing far too much about parting seas and burning bushes, he’d never once been told that Christmas was just a day. 

“It’s kinda like how King James was rewriting the bible on one side of the castle and had witches trying to turn his pee into gold on the other.” Jake was speechless as you looked up at him from your chair, your eyes seemingly swirling with knowledge beyond your years. It made sense that you worked in the library on campus. 

“How the hell do you know all this?” Jake asked through a sheepish smile he couldn’t hide, your intelligence intimated him in the best of ways. You made him want to do better, be better, strive for more in life. It wasn’t that Jake wasn’t smart, he was. But next to you? It was an unparalleled excellence. 

“I uh—I tend to read a lot.” Jake caught the way you faded into yourself, never one to want to outshine others. “Just get lost in here sometimes, books are sometimes easier to understand than people.” Jake could sympathise with that sentiment, he knew what it was like to feel like everyone was watching, judging a book by its cover so to speak. Everyone knew him as the meathead footballer who’s weekends were spent racking up the body count. 

But with you? Jake just felt like Jake. Because that’s who he was to you. Simply and forever Jake. 

“Do you like, not believe in God or something Miss Y/l/n?” Jake asked cautiously. He didn’t want to offend you or come across as rude or anything—he was simply asking a question he thought he may need to know if he was ever going to introduce you to his mother. 

“I find it hard to believe in a world full of stories about Gods and Goddesses from a plethora of different perspectives that there can only be one, if one exists they all have to right? Harmoniously and complacent with the way the universe has fallen to shit without their divine intervention.” Jake had to take a moment to take what you had just said in. He was almost rendered speechless, but not quite. Not Jake Seresin. 

“Damn Honeybee, you’re fucking fearless aren’t you?“ Jake couldn’t help but to smirk as he tried to keep his voice down. “You’re just raw doggin’ life with no religious affiliations.” It was then your turn to laugh. 

“Guess I am. What about you? Do you believe in a God? An all mighty man, or woman, that sits in the clouds and judges your every action?” You asked with a teasing smirk as Jake bit his bottom lip, mulling over your question: 

Did he believe in God? 

“My mother would probably prefer if I said yes, but, the more I look at life without the rose coloured glasses I tend to think perhaps the big guy in the sky is all just some story.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

“Did you know hair holds memories.” The sound of buzzing clippers echoed off the walls of the bathroom as you sat before the mirror. Jake stood behind you with those big emerald eyes you loved so dearly, looking at you with a sympathetic look of understanding and support. “In some cultures people don't even cut their hair because it would upset the gods.” Jake could see the tears in your eyes as you looked at him through the mirror, understandably rambling to somewhat buy yourself some more time. “Medusa's hair was alive, there's certain styles linked to different cultures and full hair cutting ceremonies in���” If Jake didn't interrupt now you would have gone on forever. You had a habit of information dropping in situations where nervousness got the better of you. Not that Jake ever minded, he just knew if he didn't get ahead of it, you wouldn't stop. That would ultimately lead to you sitting in silence when the information swirling around inside her head had all been said. Panic would begin to rise inside your chest, the air would soon get thin, the room would suddenly get a little hotter and before you could even realise you'd be in the midst of a full blown panic attack. 

The last time Jake witnessed such a thing was when Sam had colic. 

“Honey–” Jake cooed as he turned off the clippers he held in his hand, only to place them down on the countertop to rest his hands on your shoulders. “Noone is forcing you to do this, if you don’t wanna cut your hair we don't have to.” 

“No–” You sighed. “No, I want to do this, it's just a lot.” You tried to explain. “It's probably one of the only things I still have control over.” Jake understood, it would be hard not to. After all, he wasn't heartless. If he could Jake would have taken this all away, he would have given anything, including his own life to take your pain away. “I just hope I don't have a weird shaped head.” 

“I'm sure you have a really nice scalp dear.” Jake chuckled as he massaged your shoulder tenderly. “And look, if you want my professional opinion, I think you’ll make an awesome live action Mrs. Potato Head.” 

“Jacob!” You tried to hide your smile as you felt your cheek heating with a hume so pure it made your heart skip a beat. “You’re cruel!” 

“But I made you laugh.” Jake countered through a shit eating grin, that signature Seresin smile you loved so much. The very one all three of your children had inherited from their father. “That's all that matters, now–let me work my magic alright, I've got you.” 

“You’re probably a worse hairdresser than you were a husband–” It was a low ball, but Jake took it like a champ as he reached out for the clippers. The buzzing was almost immediate as he used the pad of his thumbs to complete the electrical circuit. With the tool now in full gear, Jake chuckled as he looked at you with fake shock and horror casted across his face. 

“Oh now who's being cruel huh?” Jake watched as your eyes followed his hand that held the clippers. “Technically we’re still married Honey, you still have my last name.” He mumbled under his breath but still loud enough for you to hear, seemingly trying to keep your attention on what he was saying rather than the clippers approaching your head. 

But–you moved:

“Should we cut my hair with scissors first?” 

“Y/n–” Jake sighed as he once again turned off the clippers and placed them back down on the side of the sink. 

“No no no I'm not trying to stall, I just don't want you to accidentally scalp me when my hair gets caught up in the shaver.” Jake saw your point, for the hair you did have left it was pretty thick and full of life still. He held the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Not in frustration towards you, but in defiance of his new quest. 

“I'll go ask the nurses station for some scissors.” 

“Thankyou–” Was all you managed to say back before Jake stepped out of the bathroom attached to your hospital room. The Christmas lights still flickered in the dimly lit room, seemingly consuming the entire room in bright blues, greens, reds and yellows. Even in sickness you couldn't help but to lean into the christmas cheers. 

It hit Jake in that moment as he rounded out of your hospital room that he should get you something small to open when you wake up from surgery. The hospital has a gift shop right? Perhaps some flowers and a small gift you could keep with you during chemo. Maybe a book or a– *Thud* 

Caught up in his own train of thought as he made his way to the nurses station, Jake ran straight into someone coming out of the elevator. There were two very distinct things Jake noticed as he came back into the reality around him. Those distinct things being that the man he’d run into was carrying not only flowers, but a small gift. Huh, uncanny. 

“Sorry man, my bad.” The man apologised almost immediately after the mild impact. 

“No worries, I wasn't watching where I was going, my bad, really.” Jake responded with a polite smile his mother taught him about, the kind of smile you give to a stranger after mild inconveniences. “Jake–” Jake reached out to shake the guy's hand, in retrospect he should have kept walking. Jake really should have just let the interaction fizzle out, but he couldn't. He was too polite for his own good when it came to small interactions. 

The most paranoid fantasy Jake could think of would never have prepared him for the name that the man spoke next as he took Jake's hand in his. 

“Jensen–” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

“Okay, I'm ready.” Neither Jake nor Jensen knew if you had mentioned either one in conversation, so, respectfully, both men chose to play the fool. Neither one really wanted to ask. Neither Jake nor Jensen wanted to be the one to open that can of worms. 

When Jake returned with the borrowed scissors in his grasp–he acted as if he hadn’t just met the man he assumed was the very Jensen in your contacts. 

“Last chance Honeybee–” Jake cooed as he leaned in to kiss your cheek. “Are you positive?” He asked with a smile so pure it made your heart skip a beat. “I’m all in with you, just say the word and we do whatever you wanna do.” 

There was a momentary pause in the conversation. Jake's questions lingered in the air around you, it was hard not to get caught in the moment, get lost in the emerald eyes looking at you through the mirror. Jake stared you down as you shifted in your chair to look at him. He saw no hesitation in your eyes as Jake followed your gaze, searching for any sign or signal that could indicate that the next few moments were about to be a mistake. 

“Honey—“ Jake tried to heed the warning lights flashing before his very eyes as you closed the gap between the two of you. Jake stood leaning over your right shoulder, looking longingly at your lips. “Don’t do anything stupid now.” 

“Loving you is stupidity—“ Was all you said before you let your lips softly connect with your husband’s. Jake kissed you back with enough love in his heart to knock the wind right out of your lungs. The fleeting moment was broken, however, when Jake pulled away. The idea of another man kissing you on his mind, what was this guy's deal? Jackson? Jason? 

“Come on Mrs Potato Head, hand me those scissors—“ Jake chuckled, hiding his own insecurities about the man he’d unintentionally met in the hall. You took a second to keep up, but as you licked your lips to savour the taste of Jake's signature vanilla chapstick, you nodded and handed him the scissors. 

“I’m ready.” You sighed, once again looking back at your own reflection. “Let’s get this over with.” Change is an inevitable part of life, but that fact didn't make the current circumstances any easy to process. “Do you think that there's gonna be a place for me despite my inability to believe in a higher being?” Jake understood what you were saying, but he didn't have the answers. “I'm starting to wonder more about if there could ever be a life after death.” 

Clumps of hair in small sections fell to the tiled floor around you as Jake worked his hands through your hair. Cutting strands from your head like the local mower man cut grass. It felt like such a mundane task to complete, like this was an everyday run of the mill, average experience. But for you? This was a hard and confronting pill to have to swallow. 

“I’ve spent my whole life not believing in religion, so who am I supposed to pray to to keep me alive Jake?” Jake saw the tears in your eyes as he cut your hair with caution and steady hands, he heard the small but audible sobs that escaped your lips as he switched from the scissors to the clippers. The buzzing all but silenced your cries but Jake knew this was hard on you. The tears that stained your cheeks clearly reflected your sadness, anger and the inner turmoil that had been engulfing your entire existence since your diagnosis.

“You don’t pray to anyone Honey, you’re stronger than this cancer could ever be.” Again, no one ever sits you down and prepares you for this. No one gives you the heads up about the possibility of one day having to shave your wife's hair off in the name of dignity and control. But as Jake ran the shavers across your scalp, leaving nothing but a small layer of fuzz in their wake, he saw just how much sorrow and pain was swirling in your eyes. 

Jake thought to himself in that very moment: ‘I've been needing a haircut for a while now anyway.’ 

With one quick motion and in the blink of an eye, Jake was running the shavers right down the middle of his head. You really had to take a second to process what he’d just done, what your husband had just done right behind you. 

“Jake!” The shrill that escaped your mouth was something unmatched to any emotion you had ever expressed before. “What are you doing?” The image of Jake shaving his head in solidarity would forever be burnt into your mind. 

“You said it yourself–hair holds memories and we can make new ones together.” Jake cooed as he shaved off those golden boy locks you loved to run your fingers through. He suited the buzz cut a little more than you did if you were being perfectly honest. 

With teary eyes and puffy cheeks you stood on weak legs. The simple gesture of a haircut meant the world to you, Jake knew that. He didn't want you going through this alone. If shaving his head with you brought you a sense of solace? He was more than happy to. 

“Looks good–” You smiled as tears ran down your cheeks. Jake reached out to cup your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with the pads on his thumbs. “Mr. Potato head.”

“Consider us the founders of the Potato Head Society.” Jake chuckled as he leaned in to kiss your forehead. In order to cherish you the way you deserved, Jake had to be the bigger man here. He knew that a cloud of uncertainty loomed in the halls, one by the name of Jackson or fucking Jeremy for all Jake cared. But as he stood in the bathroom with you, surrounded in the locks of hair that had once been on your head, he knew damn well at the end of the day it was still his last name you chose to take. “Good thing you don't have an odd shaped head after all, it kinda suits you.” 

“Would you still love me if I did?” You asked quietly, giving Jake an excuse to confess his love. Jake's lips were soon pressed softly and ever so tenderly against your once again in the blink of an eye as gentle hands still worked to soothe your stained cheeks. 

It wasn’t a hard question to answer, nor an easy question to ask—but as Jake pulled away to rest his forehead on yours as he ran the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip, you knew it was an easy concept to understand: 

“I’ve never, and I will never, stop loving you Honey.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

For as much as Jensen hated all things hospital related, over his past few years of treatment, he’d come to know these halls better than he knew the back of his own hand. 

From countless radiation treatments, to endless chemotherapy sessions. Hours upon hours of remedial therapies and acupuncture sessions to stimulate nerve endings, Jensen was a man who was just about ready to pull the plug and live out the remaining few months he had, or less, from the comfort of his back deck. 

He’d been poked and prodded, sliced and diced, far too many times to count on both his hands and for what? A few extra months tacked on top of a few years spent battling pancreatic cancer. No thankyou. Jensen had always had an optimistic outlook on life, until his life started to become the same bland halls and the same bland rooms, with the same bland doctors and nurses who all shared the same look of medical sympathy. 

Jesen, for all intents and purposes, was ready to give up his signature status of being the resistant ‘pin cushion’. The student nurses could learn how to change cannula sights on the lady, Paola, who sat in the same chair for every chemotherapy session. 

The last few days hadnt been too hot for the six foot one, brown eyed, brown haired (allegedly) man. His prognosis had been diminishing ever since he got the news his treatment was no longer as effective as it once had been. 

The day Jensen was told he only had a few short months to live before his organs would begin to fail, even with treatment, was the same day he saw you crying outside the local doctors office. The Hermitage centre as they called it. 

The last thing Jensen ever wanted was for his life to be meaningless, before he knew what he was doing? His feet were padding against the concrete as the psalm of his hands began to sweat inside his jean pockets. 

“You look like you’ve just been told you’re dying?”  As the elevator counted up the floors of which Jensen had to take from the ground floor of the Rhode Island Hospital to the oncology unit, he could vividly remember asking you that question. He recognised the look on your face because not ten minutes prior he;d been told the very same thing. 

“I'd start to get your affairs in order, Mr. Hughs “ It hadn't been just a regular check up with his local general practitioner. But it had been the almost final nail in a long awaited coffin. 

As the elevator dinged, Jensen took a few steps out into the bustling hallways of the oncology ward. Within seconds, he was met with a force so muscular it damn near knocked him back a few paces. But the cancer ridden ex fireman squared his shoulders and kept easy on his feet. 

“Sorry man, my bad.” Jensen almost immediately apologies after the mild impact. He assumed that it was him that had caused the slight collision. His special awareness was pretty shot these days. The flowers he carried were almost crushed on impact, however he managed to save the bouquet of sweet peas, peonies and pansies. 

“No worries, I wasn't watching where I was going, my bad, really.” The man responded with a polite smile Jensen could only assume his mother taught him about, the kind of smile you give to a stranger after mild inconveniences. “Jake–” like a slow motion car wreck, Jake reached out to shake Jensens hand. In retrospect he should have kept walking. Jensen really should have just let the interaction fizzle out, but he couldn't. He was too polite for his own good when it came to small interactions. 

The most paranoid fantasy Jensen could think of would never have prepared him for the look of utter betrayal that smeared itself across the blonde headed aviators face as Jensen shook your husbands hand: 

“Jensen–”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog

@goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb

[dorkynerd23]

My Problem With Vanitymoth/My Thoughts.

Hello guys!! Hope you're all doing good and well and you've been having a good and wonderful day/night. Now, this will sorta be a mixture of a critical/rant post, as this is someone I've been wanting to talk about as they're someone who's been criticized and talked about (mostly negatively) In regardless to the Murder Drones Community and I wanted to give my thoughts and opinions on this dude, as I don't think he's a very good cartoon reviewer but before I start PLEASE DON'T SEND ANY HATE!! This isn't meant for me to bash and send hate towards this dude, please don't do that shit as it's not worth it and doesn't make you any better, I just wanted to give my thoughts and criticisms about Vanity and his content, your allowed to critique him but don't send any hate. Anyways, the one I'm gonna be talking about is Vanitymoth and if you're not familiar and haven't heard of him, Vanity is basically a cartoon reviewer with about 12.8K subscribers and his first video which was uploaded back in 2022 (around the same year his channel was created) and was about Panty And Stocking and his channel wasn't as popular when he first started out and I discovered him around this time and thought his videos were decent and fine enough at the time, especially as he had a small following around the time but I honestly think it wasn't until he made his first MD video is when he really started to get more popular and I subscribed to him once he started making MD reviews as I was a huge fan around the time.

In the beginning I thought Vanity was a fine and decent enough reviewer and he seemed valid and gave some interesting points in his videos, but I started to notice some changes once he started putting out some more negative videos with one of the ones being his trashfire of a review on Lackadaisy and most of the time for his review he's just complaining and nitpicking as some stuff, (even though I do think in some aspects he can be valid) being negative most of the time, the only thing he really praises in Lackadaisy is the animation but doesn't bother really giving any more positive thoughts even though there is so much to adore and love about Lackadaisy, even if you aren't 100% familiar with the source material I think you'd still be able to follow along fine and enjoy the Pilot. But with Vanitymoth, it seems just didn't seem to understand and get the Pilot or what even the concept of a Pilot Is..the whole point of a Pilot Is to introduced you to the world, the setting where the story is taking place in and introduce the characters we'll be following along, and although Lackadaisy isn't perfect at all, no piece of media is, but I think they did a good job. Another thing Vanitymoth is that in his reviews for most of the time he thinks his opinions are the definitive answers to the direction the show is going and bashes people who actually know to have fun with the show and sees his opinions as definite facts.

He also constantly whined and complains about TADC getting more attention than MD, like he's complained about it a lot, he mentions it at some points in his "The Slow Death Of Murder Drones Fandom" and it seems he had an issue of another Glitch having another show going on that was more popular, like...you don't have to enjoy and like TADC but you don't need to put one show down to praise the other, why not enjoy both shows?? Also, the thing about the MD fanbase dying after the show ends, which I don't think will happen as the fandom has gotten bigger and popular since the Pilot's release and the show will still be rewatched and beloved by fans and others even now the show's over and just because a fandom doesn't interact 24/7 doesn't mean it's dead, that's like saying the Gravity Falls fandom died after the show ended..like the show is still popular and the fandom is still huge even years after the show's finale, besides Glitch has expressed that they wanna do more with MD in the future so we'll probably be seeing more of these characters in the near future, so that doesn't make sense and it seems Vanity only wants Glitch to favor MD only and it's just frustrating.

Now, let's discuss his MD reviews..alright so first let me started off my saying that I'm fine with being critical and being criticism and there's many things you can critique about MD as it's NOT a perfect show but as I said the thing with Vanity is that he seems so damn negative in almost all his MD reviews even though some points can be valid, but most of the time to me..his criticisms just seems in bad faith, not valid and just him pulling stuff and random theories out of nowhere to fit his own narrative. Let's point out and start on how he just doesn't understand and gets the characters in the slightest, he doesn't shy away or even try to hide in the slightest that he's got hatred for both N and Uzi, Nuzi especially as a couple..but is totally fine and ships Cyn and N together and then got pissed at the fanbase and acted like a baby because nobody liked the ship, like jesus dude..

And he's also mischaracterized the characters like most in the fandom do unfortunately but he's done it the most to both N and Uzi especially, like I said he doesn't shy away that he hates them with a burning passion. He's shown his hatered for Uzi (not even surprised in the slightest as he commissioned some hate art of Uzi getting beat up by J) and mischaracterized her and saying how her whole character is only involved around N and is blaming her just like some haters of Uzi and it's just frustrating..like UZI DIDN'T do anything wrong at all and characters can be characters on their own and have a love interest, I'm really sick and tired of all the Uzi hate is annoying as hell and frustrating, even after the finale Uzi is still getting hated and it's just so unjustified, Vanity and others need to realize that Uzi has gone through something called..."CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!" ✨💜 Y'all seem to NOT understand and get it and just wanna say certain things to make characters look worse and awful and overall don't get these characters, oh and don't get me started on his video about N's character analysis..and similar to Uzi, he doesn't understand and get N and called him "obsessive" over Uzi and and killed "Tessa" without a second thought and seems to see N as some yandere or something. And he's doing this all because he hates Nuzi, like you don't have to like this ship but acting this way and getting this mad and acting the way you do over a FUCKING ship is childish as shit, and another thing is that he literally pulled something from non-canon and called it a "pattern" because of Liam Vickers or some stuff like that and reading Vanity's so-called theories and analysis just reminds me of "Analysis so bad you don't even know what it's talking about anymore" thread over on Twitter, his video and the way he analysis N's character by ignoring his feelings and trying to paint him as this savior lunatic that's so obsessed with Uzi that he'd sacrifice the universe and loved ones just to have her is just...mischaracterization is an understatement, a straight-up bastardization of his entire personality and arc, Vanity doesn't understand or get any of these characters and gives these bad takes to make them look worse.

He's currently working on his review on the finale and I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest like as I said, I'm all for giving criticisms and you're allowed to love and be a fan of show I'm the same way, and I'm sure others are the same and don't blindly praise whatever they like 24/7 and see them as perfect, you're allowed to feel how you feel and you're valid and allowed to not like the finale. But most of the time in Vanity's videos is that it's mostly negative and he complains about almost anything, even nitpicking the smallest things and he barely discusses the positives about he reviews and uses his opinions as definite facts. It sucks because I really did enjoy and liked Vanity as a reviewer in the beginning as he did bring up some valid points and was decent as a YouTuber but as he kept on putting out more videos, getting more popular he just seemed to get more and more negative and I saw a quality drop in his videos, he's barely positive in his videos and it just makes him unpleasant and boring to watch and hard to fully enjoy his stuff.

Really hope this little rant sounded fair and was okay, I don't really do these type of posts anymore and don't wanna be mean as the intension of this post was to give some opinions on this person. Once again, this isn't me trying to send any hate to Vanity and I'll say once more, please DON'T send any hate and bother him, I just wanted to give my thoughts and opinions about him and his content as I've had some issues with his content since 2023'ish and wish he could improve as an reviewer and just be more fairer when it comes to what he reviews, along with seeing that people are allowed to enjoy and love more than one show and just because one show is getting more popular doesn't make another show any lesser, both TADC and MD are great and incredible shows made by talented and amazing people, Meta Runner is also another good (very underrated, btw) show and I know Gaslight District will probably be a great too, nobody shouldn't be holding and putting these shows against each other, bashing and praising different shows, please support all shows and indie animation as a whole. ❤️

[outofmydepthatapublicbeach]

could you do fluff abc's for Naomi? tysm <3

jj chats: yes omg!!! fluff abc's are so fun!! i've been dying to do another one so tysm for this request!!! love you anon! <3

warnings: RPF, no use of y/n

feedback is encouraged and i'd love to get some just please be kind!!!

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

So Naomi basically adores everything about you, but if they had to choose something it would probably be your personality. They love it when you make cheesy jokes, or when you do something good for someone else even when you don’t have to.

B = Beauty (what do they find most beautiful about you?)

Naomi finds your face the most beautiful, the way it scrunches up when you smile. If you have freckles/birthmarks I could see you laying with your head in their lap while they trace over your face. If they woke up before you in the morning they would just watch you while you sleep (not in a weird way) and just commit each detail of your face to memory.

C = Call (how often do they call/text?)

I feel like with Naomi they would text you a million times a day with whatever thoughts pop into their head, and at the end of the day they would facetime you and it would be like a four hour call.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

I feel like dates with Naomi could be like either side of the scale. Like really chill eating out at a cool sushi restaurant and then the next day you are skydiving. And I feel like with y’alls busy schedules whenever you find time to go on a date you do, so they’re all very spontaneous.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

I feel like Naomi wouldn’t exactly hide their emotions, but wouldn’t like to express them unless warranted. Like if you noticed them upset and asked them about it they would fully unload on you but otherwise they’d kinda keep it to themself.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Honestly, I don't know. But they are pretty content with it just being you and them for a while. Maybe a dog or cat or two.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

I think they’d honestly love it,  like you get them little knick knacks to decorate their office or like stickers!!! For laptops or water bottles or wherever else you put stickers. I feel like they would be one to get you flowers a lot. 

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

I feel like it kind of depends on the day. Sometimes they are all over you like holding hands, sitting really close, hands around your waist, yk the works. But then other days it's less touch but they show their love through words or actions. 

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

If someone hurts your feelings, be prepared to restrain Naomi because they will beat them up. But if you get physically injured they will not be leaving your side until they know you are 100% fine. And even then they will still watch, just from a distance.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Naomi for sure jokes a lot, and sometimes in situations that don’t require it. But I think they’d do it as a way to cheer you up when you're down. And any pranks that they’d do would be relatively harmless, and never in public. I could see one time they pranked you and it went wrong and you wouldn’t talk to them for a day so they vowed to never prank you like that again.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Naomi would def do like little pecks on your forehead when walking in and out of a room or around friends. But when y’all are alone they’d spend their time kissing you, making sure you knew how much they loved you.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you/love languages?)

To me Naomi’s love languages are words of affirmation and gift-giving. They would def get down with love letters too. I headcanon that they’d leave you little notes around your guy's place if they have to leave early in the morning. Also they’d love it when you praise them or show you love for them through your words.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

Naomi’s favorite memory with you was when you guys first met. I’m thinking it was an blind date that Jo set up or something and she sent you and Naomi off in this older aquarium. I could see you two taking a bunch of photos of the fish and of one another and you both really hit it off and have been dating ever since. It’s Naomi’s favorite because it was your first memory together and it was also very fun.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

I think they’re worst fear would be you leaving them. 

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

Naomi loves bowling!!! Almost every time you find yourselves free they suggest you go bowling… 9 times out of 10 you say yes because you love seeing them get all happy. Omg and say when MUNA and you hang out sometimes it's bowling, Naomi gets really competitive and it is very hot.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

I think they’d call you the typical ones like babe and baby. But a favorite of theirs is honey, they say it's because you are “so sweet!” They also call you boo bear- ask a joke kinda!! Or like when they tease you about getting angry at something- “Aww if my little boo bear angry?” With like a pout on their face.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

I feel like Naomi likes spending any time with you, whether it be walking around a grocery store together or browsing through the aisles of a record store. But in all honesty, they much prefer you when it's just you and them. Like early morning when you both have just woken up, or cooking dinner together in your kitchen, subtly dancing to whatever song is playing.

R = Rhythm (have they written any songs about you?)

Naomi has written songs about you, but they are mainly ones they have kept to themself. They love you so much, so much they don’t want to share you with the world. Not even letting Katie or Jo see them, let alone sing them.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

I feel like for the most part there would be no secrets, maybe the things that would take the longest for Naomi to open up about are their fears of you leaving, or anything that is super serious.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

On the second date you made it official, you both decided on a movie to go see and then 10 minutes in decided you both hated the movie and left. You spent the next couple hours walking around and just talking. Then they asked you to be their partner…

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

I think one thing about Naomi is that they always want to know how you are. So if you come home upset and want space they will grant it. But they’ll stay close by to keep an eye on you. And if you start crying they’ll come out immediately and hug you, letting you sob in their arms. Then they’ll ask you what happened.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

They show you off every chance they get!!!! I think they’d keep a photo of you in their wallet, and one time at some award show party or something you caught them showing some random person a picture of you and saying something like, “I’m the luckiest person on Earth.” 

W = Wild Card (random!!)

Okay so… they suck at cooking… Like one time you walked into the kitchen and they were using a pot to cook like eggs or something because they “didn’t think it mattered whether i used a pan or pot” You have since taken over cooking. Or have enrolled both of you into cooking classes.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

They can read you pretty well. But they leave it to you to say what you’re feeling. They don’t want you to think they are overstepping.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

I feel like Naomi would go all out, like at the beach at sunset, a huge long speech planned. Or it would be very spontaneous, like they wouldn’t even have a ring and all the sudden they would be asking you “Marry me!” and you’d be like “What?!” and they’d be like “What?!!” because they wouldn’t even believe they said it.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Being in your presence. When they can see you and know you are safe.

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side [3]

Steven Grant x F!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals • Masterlist • ao3 • want to be tagged?

Series Masterlist

Summary: You squealed as he grabbed you around the waist, shifting the food to his other hand and holding it out so that it didn’t get in the way. He kissed you repeatedly, soft quick pecks on your mouth and cheeks and chin, until you were giggling uncontrollably.

After a date at the cinema you invite Steven back to yours.

A/N: It's been a hot minute. (This chapter was going to be longer, but I ended up splitting it in two.) Also shout out to @hon3yboy and their amazing series Adventure Awaits! (Tiny little reference to it here, sort of.)

Warnings: swearing, typos, kissing, dry humping, please let me know if I've missed a warning.

Word Count: 2002

________________________________

The movie was trash. But you’d known it would be. 

There hadn’t been much on that had appealed, or seemed appropriate. A horror film that was the third in the series (Steven hadn’t seen the first two), a romantic comedy (the trailer had been enough to make you want to rip your ears off), a historical drama (Steven had belittled the accuracy just from the poster, before quickly apologising to you and then grinning when he realised how hard you were laughing.), and an action film. 

You settled on the action film. 

Honestly, you were just happy to see him. 

He’d been a little scattershot, sometimes taking a few days to reply to a message. Not that you minded that much. You could be the same, and you understood the anxiety that came with replying. 

He always apologised profusely and tended to prefer calling you instead of texts. You quickly adapted your communication style, calling or face timing him. Steven didn’t always answer, but he was a lot more consistent with it. And it was always lovely to hear his voice. 

This was technically the fifth date you’d had. (Sixth if you counted the time you’d met him at work with donuts, and seventh if you counted the meal the first time you’d met.)

“The bit with the explosion though,” Steven giggled as you both walked out of the cinema. “I mean, come on? What was that?” 

“What was that?” You laughed. 

“And the dialogue, come on.”

“Terrible.”

“So terrible!”

“Though, the bit where the guy,” you mocked dramatically dying. 

Steven laughed loudly. “The best bit! It was meant to be a comedy right?” 

You giggled. “Oh definitely.”

Both of you paused as you came to the entrance lobby of the cinema. It was getting late, but you didn’t want to say goodbye to him yet. All of your previous dates had been in outside, public areas: restaurants, the Tate Modern, Greenwich Park… The furthest you’d gone is holding hands and snog. Not that that was a problem. You didn’t want to rush anything of course. 

But you’d also happily jump Steven’s bones if he asked. 

“Do you want to come back to my flat for a bit? I know it’s late.” You pulled the skin around your thumbnail nervously. “My flatmates are away for a long weekend at the moment, and there’s a really good place around the corner that does takeaway vegan pizza?” 

Were you talking too quickly? You were probably talking too quickly. But you couldn’t stop. 

“I know it’s Saturday tomorrow, I don’t know if you have work this weekend? You don’t have to stay long, I mean, my flat’s not too far from here, no pressure to or anything.”

It’s only when you finally look up at Steven that you see he’s smiling. It’s a small expression, something he’s trying to hide and not take joy in your nervousness. But he can’t help it. The countless hours he spends fretting over other people’s feelings… it’s just… nice seeing someone trouble over him. 

“That sounds great love,” he takes your hand in his and squeezes lightly as you both head to the door. 

A little heat rises to your face. “How long were you gonna let me flounder there?” 

His grin widens. “Maybe a little longer.”

“Oh, I see.” You squinted your eyes at him, pretending to be offended. 

Steven laughed, kissing your cheek and nuzzling against you for a moment until you broke into a smile. 

.

You picked up the pizzas on the way. Nervousness tiptoed along your skin as you got to your flat. Panickingly trying to remember if you’d left a mess anywhere. 

“So are you working tomorrow?” You asked as you fished around in your bag for your keys. Steven had politely offered to hold the food. 

He shook his head. “No, not in this weekend, bit of a relief actually.”

“Oh, how come?” 

“Might murder Donna if I had to see her straight after today.”

You looked up from your bag. “That bad?” 

“Nah,” he shrugged. “She just annoyed me today. Micromanaging. Badly.”

“Ugh.” You pulled a face and finally found your keys and unlocked the door, holding it open for him. 

He spoke as he walked in. “Knowing I was seeing you later on was the only thing that got me through the day honestly.” 

“Steven, stop,” you pushed him softly in the arm. 

He grinned. “Why?”

“If you keep being so lovely, I’m going to have to kiss you.”

“Oh,” he nodded, pretending to think seriously on the matter. “Okay.” 

You squealed as he grabbed you around the waist, shifting the food to his other hand and holding it out so that it didn’t get in the way. He kissed you repeatedly, soft quick pecks on your mouth and cheeks and chin, until you were giggling uncontrollably. 

He then pressed fully against you, pushing lightly at your lower back as he kissed you deeply and slowly. Opening your lips with his own and sliding his tongue into your mouth. He moaned hungrily as he licked into you as you wrapped your arms around him. 

He smiled at you, a little dopey as he broke the kiss and nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Been waiting to kiss you all day.” He sighed happily. 

You grin. “You could have kissed me earlier. You can kiss me whenever you want.” 

“I’ll have to remember that.” He muttered into your skin.

There was something dark at the very edge of his tone that made you shudder.

“You cold, love?” The way Steven’s eyebrows pinched in concern made you want to just melt into him. 

You shook your head and smiled. “I’m fine.” 

“Hmm.” He gave you a disbelieving look but didn’t press the matter. “As long as you’re sure.” He rubbed your arm with his free hand, trying to warm you up. 

You let him, unsure how to work ‘I’m not actually cold, just your voice makes me break out in goosebumps in a good way sometimes’ into the conversation. 

After managing to find a guest pair of slippers in Steven’s size and a very quick tour of your flat (the living room/kitchen were all one space, and the bathroom - you steered clear of your room) you both settled on the sofa to eat and watch a film. 

“Something we’ve both seen? For some background noise, yeah?” Steven looked through the listings while you shoved a slice of pizza into your mouth and nodded. “Oh! The Mummy!” He glanced at you excitedly, “You’ve seen The Mummy, right?” 

You grinned at his enthusiasm and nodded again. 

“A classic!” He beamed and started the film. 

You had both finished your food by the time the heroes had boarded The Sudan, and Steven’s attention had started to wander well before the boat sank. 

His arm snaked around your shoulders, his fingertips gently stroking your shoulder. You could see him out of the corner of your eye. Watching you more than he was watching the film. 

You pretended not to notice. 

He shuffled closer to you again, making a soft, sighing sound. 

It took you a minute to fight with the smile that threatened to break out onto your face before you leaned back a little into him. 

His fingers on your arm tightened. 

Languidly, he turned his head ever so slightly. His face so close to yours that his nose was nearly touching your cheek. He placed a soft kiss on your jawline. 

“Steven?”

“Hmm.” He didn’t look up, just kissed your skin again. 

“You’re not paying attention to the film.” It was impossible to keep your amusement out of your voice. 

“I know love.” His voice had that same low, dark tone from before. 

You shiver. “I thought you wanted to watch it?” 

“Found something else that captivates my attention.” He muttered, shifting in his seat so that he could turn his body completely towards yours. 

You giggle as he takes your cheek delicately in his warm hand and turns you to face him. 

He kisses you soft and slow. Teasing your bottom lip with smooth swipes of his tongue and breaking the kiss every time you try to deepen it. He leans back, his eyes hooded, watching you for the smallest second. His thumb strokes your cheek before he starts the process all over again. 

You let out a little huff of frustration. “Steven…” 

He kisses you again, pressing his body more firmly into you for a second, tilting your head up and barely licking into your mouth before pulling back. 

“Hmm?” He raises his eyebrow at you and you squirm. He knows exactly what he’s doing. 

“You’re teasing.” You grab hold of the back of his neck and force his mouth against yours. For a second you can feel the small upturn of his lips before he slips his tongue into your mouth and moans. 

He doesn’t pull back this time. 

Instead, he pushes you back until you're flat on the sofa and he’s wormed his way between your legs. His kisses leave you breathless. Giddy, dizzying emotion bubbles up in your chest and threatens to overwhelm your very being. 

You cling onto his shoulders and the curls at the nape of his neck as he kisses you deeper, needing to caress every single part of you and not settling for anything less. One hand slides down to your waist, to just gently rub at your skin over the material of your top. 

Despite being between your legs, and how easy it would be for him to grind down against you, he keeps an inch of space between your bodies where you would most like them to touch. Moving up ever so slightly whenever you buck closer to him. 

You fight with the urge to just hook your legs over the small of his back and pull him closer. You don’t want to rush him or make him feel uncomfortable but the desperate need to have him near, for his body to touch yours (even if it is over clothing) is almost too painful to deny. 

You moan against him as he licks into your mouth, his thumb on your waist just slipping under your top and sparking along your feverish skin. 

“Steven,” you whine between kisses, tugging on his shirt and trying to urge him closer.

There’s a small answering growl from deep within his chest. “Love it when you say my name like that.” He slips his tongue back into your mouth, swallowing down your response. He moves his thumb, circling your bare skin twice before pulling it back and repositioning his fingers over your clothing.

You could almost sob in frustration. Maybe, you could-

Steven breaks the kiss to move down, trailing his lips over your jaw and sucking on your pulse point. 

You gasp and buck up against him instinctively. This time he doesn’t move away. 

Your clit just grazes along the zip of his jeans, the heavy, hard outline of his cock and you whimper. 

Steven’s own accompanying sound is muffled into your neck, his flingers flinch against you and he grabs your hip with a bruising strength. Lightly he grinds down against you, a hardly there pressure as he drags his erection across your core, using a level of force that would be more akin to stroking a feather over skin. 

You moan again, a small sound you try to muffle, and Steven sucks harder on your neck just scraping his teeth along the newly forming bruise. 

You start to speak but Steven shushes you, whispering as he nips at your skin. “You’re getting distracted.” He murmurs, his voice low and like liquid as he echoes your words from earlier. “I thought you wanted to watch the film?” 

He gently turns your head to the side, so that you’re looking towards the television screen, and continues his onslaught on your neck as you gasp and whimper and writhe against him. 

Both of you continue like that for most of the film. 

____________________________________

Thank you for reading!

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[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Guys, I solved Ryoken

He doesn't actually hate the Ignis.

He hates that his dad cared more about them than him.

Think about it, he has valid reasons to think that, like when his dad says this shit in response to Ryoken asking him if killing all the Ignis hurts:

To his face, he's told that his death would hurt his father just as much as the Ignis's deaths would yet later, or perhaps before this scene, his father also told him that if all else fails, he should start up the Tower of Hanoi and kill himself and everyone he cares about to destroy the Ignis. So in an indrect way, what he actually says, to his own fucking son, is that Ryoken's death means even less to him than the Ignis's deaths.

Not to mention the fact that Ryoken spent years of his life up to this point being neglected by his father in favour of the Ignis. Six months of that was him torturing children, which 8 year old Ryoken witnessed. Reporting it put his father in jail for three years:

Then he immediately dies after being released from prison and reveals that during his time there, he finished creating the Ignis:

So to find out a mere two years after this that the Ignis he created were, from their point of view, definitely gonna rise up and kill all of humanity, probably pissed him off. He's been neglected for at least five years in favour of these Ignis. It's not directly stated but honestly, the fact that he was willing to go along with the Tower of Hanoi, and that even after his father is gone, he still clings to his words and beliefs, makes me very certain that Ryoken was neglected and emotionally/psychologically abused.

That I think is the true reason why he hates the Ignis. He doesn't realise it and that's why even after so many seemingly obvious loud signs throughout season 2 that his racist view of them was unjustified, he didn't change his mind. Or rather, he did:

Yeah, okay I go back and forth on this scene and I'm back to thinking it meant something when on the surface, it really does just feel like it was retconned by season 3, but HEAR ME OUT! For this one moment, when he thought he was dying, he did change his mind. He did let go of his bitterness and hate, if just for Ai since he knew Ai and Playmaker would have what it took to defeat Bohman and save humanity, since they'd done it before.

It was when he came back from being dead and the threat was gone that his stubborn pride and anger took over again. Not once did any of the constant "you're wrong" clues in season 2 ever get to the heart of the real issue. If anything, it's worse now. He's still obsessed with his father's legacy, he never got over that, and recently discovered that Lightning was the real murderer of his father. Of course he's spouting bullshit like this:

Even if he may deep down have been starting to think the Ignis may not be a threat anymore at this point (I don't know if I fully believe that, I'll have to rewatch season 3), he's not going to express that because that would mean his father was wrong, his father who put more attention into the Ignis than his own son. Besides, I wouldn't put it past Ryoken to lie through his teeth about his more vulnerable emotions at this point. After all, he said THIS while fighting for the fallen Hanoi:

Fucking liar.

Maybe all of this sounds too much like headcanon or tin foil hat territory but honestly it makes more sense to me than any other interpretation I've personally had about Ryoken. It genuinely answers so many of the frustrating questions I've had for... a year now, good lord that I'm adopting this as headcanon even if everyone disagrees.

Still doesn't justify how Duel Links wrote him in his event though.

It does make me forgive season 3 just a little bit though, I don't know, I haven't rewatched it yet. I'll update this if something I rewatch in season 3 changes anything.

[gayrobos]

there's something wrong with optimus prime <3

in skybound. like we all know this right. but I've been so interested in danj's art and how optimus is framed for the camera.

first of all, op doesn't really do facial expressions. other characters emote with their eyes! cliffjumper and the jets especially. but op is always wearing what I can only describe as a vacant expression:

(can you guess which of these are from panels where op has just killed an innocent creature or is in the process of beating someone to death with his own arm?)

by contrast, check out soundwave, who doesn't have eyes and in most continuities is one of the most stoic decepticons:

it's possible that I'm just super tuned into soundwave bc I'm in love with them, but whatever. the point is op only emotes when someone's dying.

oh hang on. I mean, we got a facial expression but--

there we go.

delightfully, we don't even get a facial expression when op crushes the deer, which is framed in gestural language pretty similarly to bumblebee's death:

honestly when he's picking up the badly injured spike he looks more careful than upset, even though from the way he wailed on skywarp it's clear he is upset:

but like. watching him trying to kill skywarp about this is SCARY. this in particular is the panel that made me go "holy shit, danj is straight up drawing optimus prime as a machine that enacts violence."

he's occasionally framed as cool--

but most of the time when he's fighting I feel like I'm supposed to be thinking "jeez, I want him to win but this is a lot."

and as lee pointed out I think, op is mostly using unarmed combat where the decepticons are mostly shooting things with guns. the fact that he's so much less expressive than the jets despite the dynamism of his wrestling moves is impressive!

the decepticons are scary and malevolent, absolutely, but there's something very special about op. here's his first cool POW panel

where he looks to me like he's been victim of some kind of nanobot possession plot point that makes your friends plead with you to remember who you are.

anyway. it's fun to look at this stuff in conjunction with what we know about his personality!

he was "so young" when he became prime, and from the way he describes the beginning of the war, very naive back then. I really enjoy the bit where he's like "the decepticons have done ENOUGH to this world!!" (been here for less than 2 days, total death count 3) he's projecting <3

I really adore this economy of storytelling. he kinda reminds me of op from tfp honestly, who it's clear has lost almost all scruples over the course of the war. but it takes like 2 seasons for that to become clear and I feel like it's framed more as "oh optimus you're so brave and sad and badass" rather than "holy shit this guy is kinda scary!"

that's my meditations on optimus prime in the first 3 issues! danj's artwork is fantastic and it makes me excited to hear more about what the war was like.

[sarasade]

hello queen how you doing? Soo... have you watched S5 yet? 👀 patiently waiting for your insight!!!

Hiya!!!

Feeling pretty flabbergasted after finishing TDP season 5. (I was way too busy to watch it until the original 27th release date so I've been dodging spoilers left and right.)

SPOILERS FOR TDP S5!

I'm sure we can all agree on that the Viravos baby jokes going canon were some of the highlights of the season. Kinda losing my mind over that. I was only joking about the canon mpreg but here we are. Like- It was all there in the subtext but I genuinely thought the show wouldn't adress it outright. Viravos going from having a canon baby to divorced to Viren...dying(?) in a span of 5 minutes was a lot but Viren has always been a huge dramaqueen so it's very fitting.

I was genuinely surprised that Aaravos actually kept his promise to Viren and even aknowledged that he knew Viren would never sacrifice Claudia or Soren. Aaravos came across... almost reasonable? I was convinced that he'd try to use Claudia or even Terry in the freeing spell. It seems to be implied that Aaravos considers Claudia to be too valuable of an asset to be used in a spell, hmm.

The voice acting and the way the expressions were animated was brilliant in the mirror scene. Aaravos face is just so darn cute! I kind of wish the show would finally tell us what he actually did and what his final goal is. At least now we know he is responsible for killing (or "devouring" whatever that means) Aditi so maybe that's a great enough reason for his imprisonment. He does cause a lot of trouble despite not being directly involved himself. Sneaky guy.

It's kind of telling where my priorities are 'cause I'm talking about the final 15 minutes of the season and nothing else. There is so much going on. This show has such a clutterbitch aesthetic and I love it.

It's hard being a Viren fan. Will he live or not??? C'mon TDP just tell me... The people I was watching with were convinced that he's ok just having a teeny-tiny mental breakdown is all. I saw someone saying that if Viren dies now it's anticlimactic but honestly if Viren must die this is the way I've always wanted him to go: no heroic sacrifice or anything. Something like that wouldn't fit his character at all. He just kind of... quits. I liked that very much. Very sullen & sad.

Anyway, now I'll go and create some more fan art of Viren and Aaravos exploring each others bodies.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

well since you asked i shall not leave u in suspense hehe

my theory is that rinko is going to go with maki to the zenins post shibuya and that is when the naoya scene will happen and if that is right (if im wrong idc bc i know youre still going to make the scene amazing) i can see rinko really get into the fight esp with the way hes treated her growing up and the emotions post shibuya

also ! ik that these two are basically idiot in love with eachother but what would you say rinko and gojo’s type is?? and do they match eachothers type ??

Hello again Anon! I appreciate you not leaving me in suspense even though I have been leaving everyone in suspense 😂😂

I'm a wordy bitch so my answer is below the cut 🙃

Side Note: this post made me wonder, should I do a full profile for Rinko to give more information?? Would you guys like that?? 🤔🤔

Read Another Level on AO3 :)

Naoya dying in the same spot where he stabbed Rinko would be nice, wouldn't it?? Such poetic justice

Guess we'll have to wait and see 👀👀👀

Do they match each other's type?

Hmmmmmm this one made me think.

Personality wise:

I think Gojo matches Rinko's type very well: Confident, attractive, strong, and doesn't back down at all when she pushes or teases him. (it's also why she and Nanami get along so well.) But also caring and attentive. Gojo is very observant and it's something she really, really likes about him.

Rinko kinda made Gojo realize he does have a type lol and it's brats. His type is brats 😂😂😂

But really, his type is someone he knows is strong enough to handle their own in most situations. He likes Rinko because she can take care of herself 9/10 times but she isn't afraid to ask for help. She doesn't rely on him, but she doesn't completely shun his offers to help and that is why he likes helping her.

Essentially, Gojo loves a confident, capable, sexy woman who isn't afraid of seeming weak by asking for help

Appearance wise:

Gojo is everyone's type if we're being honest. But Rinko does mention that she finds his eyes attractive, mainly because she can read him so well when she can see him. The Six Eyes are beautiful, but she likes them beyond that, which makes Gojo very happy

She really (even though she won't admit it) likes when his blindfold makes his hair stick up 😂😂 Rinko also likes how tall Gojo is. That he can tower over her, but a lot of times chooses to slouch so that he doesn't is something she finds both endearing and attractive

Rinko is a Zenin, and she looks like one. Honestly, if you stand her next to Maki, Mai, and Megumi, you'd wonder how the fuck the clan ever thought they could hide who Rinko is. There's a reason that one person thought Megumi was her kid, he could easily pass for it.

BUT she also looks like her mother. She got her mother's height, so she's not as tall as the average Zenin, and her eyes are brighter than theirs. Gojo wasn't joking when he said she has her mother's eyes. So they're gentle and expressive, which, Gojo has now realized, he finds very attractive. She's also more bubbly and snarky than cruel and heartless like most of the Zenins 😂😂 which might not seem like a physical trait, but it's a body language thing. If you'll notice, absolutely none of the Zenins just fucking smile, it's always a fucking sneer or smirk or sadistic grin (i've been rewatching the anime and it's fucking true, dude) but because Rinko is so like her mother, her smile is genuine and it reaches her eyes and makes the corners crinkle as they light up when she laughs or when she's teasing someone.

When I picture Rinko, I think of an older combination of Mai and Maki, maybe slightly more feminine, with her mother's eyes, and a lighter stance. She purposefully remains physically open to catch people off guard, let them think her guard is down when, in fact, she is always on guard mentally. She can remain open physically because she always has a duplicate ready to swap with if danger arises.

---

Anyway, yeah, this is my answer to this question idk if it made any sense at all though 😂😂😂😫 Did this make ANY FUCKING SENSE?? OR WAS I JUST RANTING LIKE A LUNATIC????

[noemitenshi]

if you don't have any thoughts feel free to to ignore this but I've always been obsessed with Troy's face after madison hits him with the hammer the first time and he falls to his knees and I was wondering if you also had anything to say about it?

bc I'm like, it feels like he's just accepting what's happening and that makes me feel so sad but also maybe he's not feeling much of anything bc he's just been bashed in the head and is in shock or maybe he feels kinda betrayed that madison did that too him. idk idk I'm just obsessed with his expression in that moment

Hi, nonny,

and of course im not just gonna ignore your question (and what an interesting question it is)! Especially since I am honored that you're asking my opinion <3 Also, there's two things you need to know about me - 1) i love to discuss all things Troy and 2) in case I haven't yet thought thoroughly about a specific scene (which, at this point seems almost impossible - I have been obsessed with analyzing every little twitch of Mister Otto for over 2 years now) getting asked a question will make me do that. That's just how my brain is wired. (and incidentally, I honestly haven't thought about this scene a lot because well… I was working hard to ignore that this is canon hahahaahah so yeah)

Ok so without looking at that scene again, the way i recall it, i think he was surprised/dibelieving. Maybe there was betrayal there but… somehow i don't quite remember that. What I do remember though is that through that whole bit (starting from "Now look at us. One big blended family" up until she hit him) i was very much reminded of what Emilia Clarke, the actress of Daenerys from Game of Thrones said about her dying scene, namely that she played Daenerys almost childlike there (i may be misremembering her actual words. it was showing Daenerys' innocence and sweetness though in a way) and that's what Troy also read to me in this scene. Just very earnest and almost sweet (for, like, Troy you know) - yes even with him going "I'd do it all again". Even that part was.. naive. That's what he was, the poor guy.

Anyway, let's look at the scene. First in its entirety haha.

And now that I'm watching this I can't believe I haven't been obsessing over it, the way he looks does have something very very precious about it. Like maybe the wide-eyed expression (maybe the fact he's on his knees) maybe the way he almost looks at her like she's his savior (sadly she isn't)… top-notch expression, thank you for making me spend time with it!

Ok next let's split it up.

I think in the first half of him looking at her all the things I've said above are encompassed. He does look surprised and also disbelieving, almost begging, if you ask me. But thennn the second half happens

and.. I'm not quite sure what this expression is but you know, it could very well be him accepting his fate (especially that mouth movement there). Him accepting, ok he went too far in this, ok, apparently she doesn't like hearing this, ok apparently this is how he dies (yes i'm ignoring Troy coming back, just, let me have this).

I also do believe that Troy knew it was a dangerous thing to confess ("i'd do it all again, and you would, too, you know you would...") and that he did want absolution for it. He really hoped this time the people he chose as his family would be ok with him, the entirety of him. But apparently not. So maybe that last part is… defeat. Finally defeat because there's no way for him to keep fighting. He's dying. And maybe he's also relieved that he is. Just a little bit. Maybe it's not too bad that Madison did it. he died for her - probably differently than he'd have liked but still. He did. And that's a bit of alright.

(ok I went off on a tangent there haha, I can't stop myself from rambling if I tried. and to be honest, I didn't try)

I hope this is a satisfying answer to your question ^^ It was a lot of fun to think about it, so thank you very very much for it and have a great day💖

[lovebirdgames]

Well, after all that bullshit with Wiley, I never expected to find it in myself to care about the dude

But that Final Route was more than enough to change my mind about him

Now I was and never will be a band kid, I'll never know what it could've been for myself, however if it's anything like how you all expressed your pure love for it in this game than damn, I really missed out!

But that's ok, you guys were generous and determined enough to give me a small peice of that, and that's enough for me. Honestly I could talk and talk about the characters and the writing and the music and EVERYTHING for hours, but what I wanted to express in this ask is that you guys showed just how much band means to you, how devoted your are to it, enough to make a whole ass fucking game around it

I'm just kinda in awe really, I keep repeating myself but, this game is nothing short of pure love.

So, I don't know what you guys plan on doing next but I wanted to thank you for sharing that love with us, it was a wild ride and I'll make sure to visit it again time to time, I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you guys love your future projects as much as you did this one

Brb flavoring my coffee with tears...

The fact that our love was able to reach you makes everything so worth it. And thank you for taking the time to share this with us, I've just been sitting here reading it over and over. My day is definitely made. I'm also happy to hear Mr. Wiley was able to get into your good graces!

I promise you can expect the same amount of love put into future projects!! Whether it's a sequel for this game or we move onto our next project, I'm really excited for what's waiting in the wings. In fact, I've felt the creative juices flowing as of late and I'm dying to get back to writing. It's been a while.

Thank you so much and wish you the best as well. <3

[kazumahashimoto]

one thing i've been thinking about vis a vis zack's kazu esque status is like. and i feel like i'd have to give all the crisis core cutscenes another rewatch to fully confirm this. but i think, generally speaking, a lot of people blow zack's facade out of proportion. and it's funny because it was that "zack fair is TIRED of this BULLSHIT" video that got me thinking about it but i watch that video and i'm like yknow. kazu would never do any of this. and sure, "kazu esque" is a completely arbitrary classification i made up for characters i enjoy, but the whole "zack is secretly really sad" thing is a concept i see people dig into a lot. a lot more than i think zack actually does it himself. zack is a spunky happy go lucky guy yes, but he also gets annoyed easily and he never shys away from expressing that. when sephiroth tells him the higher ups don't want him going on a mission because they're worried his personal feelings will get in the way of obeying orders, he says, "well of course!". he's not masking anything for anyone by this point. i don't think he's masking for aerith either, not with his bravado and not to hide his discontent. a HUGE difference in this to me is to look at some of their lowest points. for kazu, when he gets found out, and for zack, when angeal dies. kazu did not seek out his friends. not once. not even slightly. the only reason anything even happened was because saku noticed he was slipping up in his performance. kazu never intended any of them to find out about anything, not after he decided he needed to keep this up in order to hold himself together. but he fell apart, and they noticed, and they helped. kazu does not hug haru back in this moment, and he never asked him to come. zack on the other hand, GOES to aerith. we don't see zack explain to her what happened, he sits in the middle of the church with his back faced to her, crying. he does not hug aerith back, but he still reached out. aerith didn't find HIM, he found HER. kazu would not have done that.

zack's facade isn't something that comes into effect until after nibelheim, and it's only ever to cloud. emphasis on AFTER NIBELHEIM. zack is a friendly guy, i don't think any of their interactions before this were built on trying to. idk keep up the rose tinted idea cloud had in his head of what soldiers were like. and in nibelheim, when cloud prods, zack tells him outright how he feels. zack is angry, he's upset, he's confused, oh but he's a soldier so who cares, he's just paid to hit stuff, not ask questions. he TELLS cloud this. it's only after all they went through in the mansion's basement that zack starts putting up a front, and again, just for cloud. when he sees genesis, lazard, cissnei, he's still just as angry and upset as he was before. he just keeps the smile on for cloud, and maybe himself too in a way. to hold onto normalcy. and so because of this, perhaps because it's how his character goes out, smiling, despite it all, this is were people decide he would continue being if he lived. idk that that's true though!!! like honestly i don't think The Facade was actually that big of A Thing for zack. he smiles and pats his head and makes sure to tell cloud how things are going great whenever he's around, because jesus christ!!! cloud is dying!!!!! cloud is POISONED!!!!!!! he didn't lie to cloud about how fucked shit was when cloud was FINE, but cloud is barely conscious, you think zack is gonna be venting his frustrations to his sick friend?? no!!! he's gonna sit there and smile and tell him everything is gonna be okay!!!! and i don't think that would carry over for long, if zack lived. i mean especially not to cloud, who would absolutely call him on his bullshit. so anyway. my point. i feel like, above all the other arbitrary traits on my kazu esque list, masking all emotions and having a facade is, to me, the most defining of what makes a character kazu esque. and so while YES, i think there are other traits i would classify zack being kazu esque for, i feel like THIS trait in particular regarding zack is one blown WAYYYY out of proportion. zack doesn't actually hide how he feels all that much, he's just a nice guy who also has the capacity to get upset about things. he's multidimensional and he shows that. so. a zack/kazu parallels dissertation may or may not happen, we'll see!

[sl-walker]

⭐star⭐

Okay, so the whole chapter of Forty-Eight following this scene is one that I struggled incredibly hard to write, in part because it was the first one I'd penned since ten years earlier. Or just shy of ten. But we'll go with this specific scene because it's got so, so many layers:

"I'm twenty-five, I dinna need a babysitter."

The words were sharp, snapped off at their ends like branches frozen solid in the darkest part of winter.

Corry was a little surprised, in a dull fashion, by how unsurprised he was by them, as he regarded Scotty.

It reminded him, not of the aftermath of the dive into the North Atlantic, but of the aftermath of the fire in the shipyards.  And even then, it wasn't the way Scotty had tackled him to the ground and came a hair's breadth from punching him, but past that, when he stood there shaking, blood dripping off of his jaw from where his head had been sliced open, containment cracked right down the middle.

Then and now, he was angry and wounded.

Then and now, he was one of the toughest people Cor had ever known, and simultaneously also one of the most vulnerable.

They'd stayed in the skimmer for a good couple hours; Corry hadn’t wanted to wake Scotty up when he was finally sleeping well enough to do him some good, so instead he'd sat there and watched the snow start falling again that had chased them north from Baltimore, feeling dazed and exhausted and heartsore, so tired that he couldn’t seem to even think anymore.

And when Scotty did wake up again, he was a good bit more together mentally; enough, anyway, to start raising his metaphorical shields.

Which led to them now staring one another down across half the distance of a motel room; not the measured, graceful dance of give and take that they had learned over the past six years, but not so far from it that it didn't echo, at least.

“Twenty-six,” Corry said, after a moment, barely able to force his voice above a whisper. “As of yesterday.”

He said it mostly as a reminder that all of that missing time meant something, as a way of saying without saying just how close to dying his brother had gotten and how badly hurt he still was.  And it was also a way to offer Scotty some kind of grasp of where and when he was; Corry had told him the date before, right after they left the hospital, but he couldn't take it for granted that Scotty would have kept hold of it, especially given the circumstances.

He still didn't know what to make of the stricken look he got back, but it wrenched something in the base of his throat; it was such an expression of grief and disbelief and Corry could feel it in his own already-raw chest.

Still, Scotty didn’t answer that right away; instead, white-knuckling a crutch with one hand, left foot drawn up a little so he wasn’t putting his weight on it, he just covered his eyes with his other hand and, in the shadow of that gesture, breathed careful and measured.  Even as the muscles in his jaw knotted; even as his bottom lip twitched.

But when he did drop his hand again after a small eternity, face wet and hand shaking, he tipped his chin up anyway and looked Cor in the eyes.

“Move,” he said, quietly, voice ragged. “Please.”

Then and now, he was courage trying to find enough oxygen to survive, and so Corry moved.

--

Okay, so for those of you who only know me for Star Wars, some quick backstory: My first fandom love was Star Trek, the Original Series, and if you've known me for two minutes, you'd know that Scotty's been my favorite guy forever. Which is probably for the better, honestly, because I think I might be one of maybe-- I dunno, less than ten people since the 60s who has looked at that man and decided to imagine him as the main character of his own story. Like-- I am at least reasonably sure that there are less than five of us who not only did that, but then decided to actually write that story.

Which I've been working on now for half of my lifetime. And the tale this scene is from is him trying to piece together what happened to him half of his lifetime ago.

I've mentioned it in replies and chats and across time, but Scotty is easily the most complex character I've ever written. He's complicated. And Forty-Eight, the story that scene above is from, is the hardest story I've ever tried to tell. I posted the prologue in 2009. I'm almost to the end now only in 2023. Because it's fucking hard, it's wrenching to write, it means deconstructing a character I've loved all my life, it means getting way more real than TV ever let us get. I came back to it because I almost died myself last summer; I came back to it because Scotty got very close to it here, both back when he was thirteen and then again just shy of twenty-six.

So, that scene above kind of touches on a whole lot of his backstory before this: ONOW, where that scene of him bloody and angry came from (wearing the black from the smoke and the blood pouring down the right side of his face like warpaint), and also Corry recognizing the connection between that moment and this one--

Then and now, he was angry and wounded. Then and now, he was one of the toughest people Cor had ever known, and simultaneously also one of the most vulnerable.

--but especially the recognition that his brother is both of those things at the exact same time. Incredibly tough, but also very, very vulnerable, with vulnerable being more synonymous to fragile in this sense than open or unguarded.

So, beyond the past connection and the insight, there is the fact that Scotty -- who absolutely does love his brother, like every bit as much as Cor loves him -- still is falling back to self-defense, raising his shields, even against someone he knows would never hurt him, someone who just risked hugely to protect him, for that matter. And there is Corry kind of trying to gently tell him, hey, you were literally in surgery where they were putting you back together when your birthday passed, and Cor not knowing he's stumbled over a pretty nasty trigger or where it's from, but recognizing it once he does, and how much it hurts him to see that.

And finally:

Then and now, he was courage trying to find enough oxygen to survive, and so Corry moved.

Another callback to ONOW specifically, but also the whole storyline. But I guess what I love most about that line is echoed throughout the whole chapter. The whole story.

Corry's had a really, really good life, mostly. He has loving parents. He grew up in a beautiful place. He was never abused. He always knew he was loved, that if something happened, he had a home to retreat to and people who would protect him. Up until ONOW, nothing bad ever really happened to him or his family.

And yet, instead of just relying on that fine upbringing and that safety net, he instead not only risks everything to save Scotty, but tries incredibly hard to extend that safety net to include his brother, too, who never once had one of his own before and still doesn't quite know how to cope with it. Or accept it. Or feel worthy of it.

So, this story from Corry's side is, "I love you and I desperately want to help you and bring you safely home where we can just protect you and if I can do that, I'm fulfilling one of the major purposes in my life." And he does this despite how much he has to risk.

There is a lot more to this story than just this one scene. I can point to every story before it for a piece or more that gets called back to in this one, even if ONOW is the one most directly referenced. But this scene is a favorite because it's so telling. Because it also references Bookends, which is another of my favorites from AotW: That measured dance of give-and-take that these two have had to learn, and how fucking important it is that they did learn it before now, because now is when they need it the most.

Boiled down, it's basically just how deeply one brother loves the other, and all the deep work they had to do to reach this point, and the acknowledgment that even then they're in dark waters, and also the recognition that sometimes courage is just refusing to quit breathing.

Like I said, a lot going on.

[stayxlix]

helloooo my dearest!!🩵🩵 I am so sorry for not responding for so long! I had a really great time with my friends, but I can't lie, I've been missing you A LOT, Alex😭🩵

I have no idea where to start, so I'll just go on with responding to your reply and we will see how long it will be since I still have to talk about the amazing bomb of a chapter you dropped!!!

I honestly see the thing with having a hard time with showing emotions, but after chap 5, I can assure you that you writing emotions is a literal gift sent by god himself. Thank you. I would also like to point out that I'm getting a little suspicious of Hyunjin in otde but we'll get to that later...🤨🤨

I am honestly so glad I can somehow express how amazing I truly think your writing is! It's really worth every minute that I spend reading it, and I love the fact that I can show you my love for not only your writing, but you too like this🩵🩵 I definitely see why you were so stressed about this chapter, but I honestly have to say that it broke me in half and I want it to run me over. This chap was HEAVEN. so while I do see why you are so nervous, I can still fully assure you that the chap was great and I'm so so proud of you🩵🩵

I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T LIE TO YOU. I LOVE THAT YOU DIDN'T SPLIT THE CHAPTER UP. I ACTUALLY CAN NOT. i was so happy when I saw the word count. I literally slurped up EVERY.SINGLE.WORD. you saying that I'm a gift has also brought me to tears. I'm just so glad that I found you! 😭💗 I love writing my asks, it makes me so excited to see your response later, and I love to also go back ans read through your responses🩵

AND DID YOU JUST SAY THAT MY OPINION MATTERS THAT MUCH TO YOU?!?!?!? I AM LITERALLY DYING. i just appreciate that so much, you don't even know. I honestly had a plan to go through and thoroughly write you every single thing I liked about this chapter, but then it got really long and I realised that maybe I was getting a little too carried away☠️☠️ I wanna say it in some.. shorter way, but now, I have no idea how to put it into words. So here come my feelings about this chapter (VERy VERY shortened down for your own safety☠️😭💗)

FIRST OF ALL. THE TENSION. I TALK ABOUT THIS ALL TIME I KNOW BUT GODDAMN WAS IT SOMETHING ELSE IN THIS CHAPTER. i was getting so nervous when I realised that Chan knew it was mc who killed that guy, and I'm honestly unbelievably curious about Felix's past. Like.. it's a problem😭 but moving on, I really loved how you described their feelings of leaving the hotel behind, and basically driving themselves to an unknown place. It gives off.. really ominous vibes, if that makes sense?? I mean, they have a vague idea of what Miroh should look like, but they don't actually KNOW anything, and that just really hit the spot tbh. The whole feeling of uncertainty kept crawling over me and it felt so ENGAGING OMFG. It feels really dark AND I LOVE IT.

So, moving on to the departing.

I was honestly kinda mad at mc for not going with Lix, but I think that's my personal problem if anything☠️☠️

The growing connection between mc and Jisung is UGHHH IM THRIVING ON IT TBH. I feel squishy about Hyunjin tho bc why🤨🤨are🤨you so🤨🤨close to🤨Felix🤨 BUT I ALSO LOVE HIM SO I'LL LET IT SLIDE JUST THIS ONCE. (If something ever happened betwen them then I'm. I'm gone. Vanished.)

I like how all the boys seem to be growing warmer to mc, and I felt like I WAS GENUINELY RHE FUCKING MC THIS WHOLE CHAPTER BC IT WAS SO INTENSE. i think it might be because the feelings are finally surfacing but OMFG. it feels so real i don't even know how to describe it.

Did I mention that I love jealous Lix???? the way he kept staring at her and omfg when the mc started feeling sick bc of the pollution and jisung comforted her and FELIX WAS JUST LOOKING THEM. OH GOD. I WAS SHAKIMG AND GRIPPING MY PHONE.

Excuse my screaming I'm just not.. over this chapter yet. I'm probably never gonna be over any of those chapters bye.😭🩵

WHEN THEY GIOT TO THE VALLEY?!??! OMFJAKWKWKWNEBWJWKQK THE FIGHT THE EVERYTHING.AJKQKQKWKWK

I somehow really like.. idk felt??? The longing between mc and Lix.. it was literally palpable. (I'm honestly so excited for when they grow more accepting of their feelings and will eventually reach out for each other before others' eyes😭) but it was OH GOD.ALSO HYUNJIN SAVING MC MADE ME FEEL SOME TYPE OF IDK RELIEF????

WHEN THEY HAD TO LEAVE THEM THERE??? I WAS FUCNING UNWELL. UNWELL!!!! FELIX TELLING THEM TO GO LITERALLY BROKE MY HEART GOODBYE. I WAS SHAKING.

I honestly knew that Hira friend was trouble from the beginning😪😪 BUT HEY AT LEAST YEONJUN CAME

I was on the edge of my seat and shaking in anticipation the WHOLE FUVKING TUME BEFORE YEONJUN CAME BACK AND SAVED THEM GOODBWKQOQOOWOWJHW

But before that... Hira taking mc's hair and calling it beautiful made my heart skip a beat. Like.. the tension?? AND I DON'T MEAN LIKE MC AND LIX TYPE OF TENSION. i mean like the type of tension where everything just stops and the confusion slowly sinks into you??? Does that even make sense😭??

The little sparkling connection with Seungmin makes me warm tbh I LOVE THEM😭😭

I feel like Hira is the definition of sinister.. I don't even know why.. but the vibes.. the way you described the mc to feel (which is literally how I was feeeling?? wHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS??) is just so sinister.

NOW WHEN I SAW HYUNJIN'S NAME IN CURVISE I DIED. I FELT SO MUCH RELIEF THAT AJWKWKKEKS I AHJWJWJWJS I ALMOST SHED A TEAR.

LIKE?!??!!??! THEY CAME BACK!!!! THEY SURVIVED!!!!!!

I totally get why mc couldn't just run up to Lix and hug his soul out of him BUT DAMN DO I WISH SHE DID. The way they are only looking at each other, and they both feel like they can finally breathe after finding out that the other is safe and sound reall fucking hit me tbh. Got me in the feels and shit 😭😭 i love how they are just unconsciously drawn to each other and don't leave each other's side. Them sitting next to each other at the table MADE ME SO HAPPY!!! LIKE YES GOO LIX!!! NOW NOW NOOOOOW THE TENSION!!! I LOOOOOVED THE WHOLE SCENE AT THE DINNER TABLE!!!! YES!!! it was everything I could ask for. Thank you for this scene bc I pmfajjwkwkwjwjw

"She. Stays. With. Us." he growled through clenched teeth, putting sharp emphasis on each individual word. The roll of bread in his hand crumpled beyond repair as he used every muscle in his body to keep his restraint. 

OH MY FUCJIJG HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUVK IN THE FUVKINGQ QKKWLWLWKSKEJEHE I LOVE THIS. I STAND NY TNIS.. THIS IS MY RELIGIINAAAAQK!!!!!?!*×*×

Sorry for the little break down but wow did this particular paragraph get me to my kness.

When she started to laugh, I literally felt the chills in my bod like goddamn woman...😭😭😭 okay now.. I am actually speechless at the smut scene. I don't know what to say other than HolY FUVKING SHINQHQIQOOWP1PP2P2P20282U3G4VRBSNSKAKW929U3UH3EVBE I CANT DO THISm!??!?!?!? What IN TE ORLDKQKQOQOOWKSK?!??+(+[+[2>2<2<3_÷^#

"What, were you worried about me princess?" He mused, poking his tongue into his cheek.

RUN ME OVER!!! THE TINGUE IM CHEEEK!!!! THE NICKNAME!!!!!!))

Anyways. I loved this scene. It was OG GOD. I made sure to listen to half of my heart because OF COURSE I DID. them in this chapter scream half of my heart, thholyghst and again so BAD. LOVED THIS. i really want to elaborate on the smut scene some more but fuck im just so???speechless???wordless??sentenceless??? AND WHEN HE SAID HE'S GLAD SHES OKA Y TOK??!?!?!?!?!

I would like to say that the ending broke me. tHE LAST PARAGRAPH?!?!?!? I' EPSECIALLY??? I'N UNWELL.

So safe to say, this chapter was beyond amazing, and I honestly can't eveb put into words just how great it was.. I really loved it, and I think it deserves the world, just like all the other chapters. I never really mentioned this before, but I really love how you name the chapters and how you put the little poem (???) before the chapter starts. It just.. really speaks to me?? ThaT SOUNDS WEIRD BUT IZ JUST REALLY SETS THE VIBES TBH. i loved all of those 21.1 thousand words, and i will gladly reread it seventy more times.

Thank you for this amazing chapter, Alex🩵🩵

SO.. THAT WAS MY RANT ABOUT THE CHAPTER!! i feel like I'm so far from saying enough, but I tried😭💗

YOSIWJE I WANT TO SHOW OFF YOUR RESPONSES TO EVERYONE AND BE LIKE SEE THIS??? SEE HOW THIS AMAZING AND KIND WRITER ANSWERED ME?? SEE HOW SHE IS THE CREATOR OF OTDE???? Aaaand yes I do write😭😭 it's more of a small hobby, though, because I can never keep a story going for longer 9k words, which could be enough, but it's like once I reach that, my thoughts literally vanish☠️😭 BuT IF I EVER DECIDE TO POST SOME OF MY WORKS I WILL DEFINITELY LET YOU KNOW!!💗

YOU SAYING. YOU. THE CREATOR OF THIS FUCKING MASTERPIECE SAYING. THAT MY MOODBOARD HELPS YOU THIS MUCH LITERALLY KILLED ME. I've never been happier😭😭 I'm so glad I could make something like that I'm honestly pretty sure I will never forget about you and otde.🩵 this story and you brought so much light into my life that it's actually unreal😭🩵 i love supporting this story, and I love showing you my love💗 AAAAND!! THE RED VERSION IS SUCCESSFULLY HERE.

https://pin.it/33YhAC2

I decided to keep it shorter than the last one, since I feel like this already shows what I feel with red💗 though, I am planning to change it up a little bit.. (i was gonna add a red vans pic BUT THERE ARE LITERALLY NONE THAT ARE EVEN CLOSE TO FITTING THE AESTHETIC 😭😭) i hope you like it and I'm excited to see your opinion for it🩵💗

" like even before they SEE each other, maybe they’re just casually at the beach or walking around on the street and suddenly this intense feeling washes over them and they’re like wtf is going on??? why do i feel like this??? and THEN their eyes meet and its just like…..oh.  "

OH MY GOD!!! I literally died when I read this. This is literally what I imagined???? wHY IS THIS SCENARIO SO GOOD???

I have no idea what the fanfic was, and it's pretty devastating😭

AND YES IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL 😭😭 i literally think of mc and lix with this trope in mind.I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE AGREEING WITH MY IDEAS?!?!?!?! I love coming with all these universes where reunite again, and again. I'm so glad you think my ideas are that good😭😭 (AND YES, THAT PIC OF FELIXW WAS EXACZLY WJAT I WAS THINKINV ABOUT WHILE WRITING THAT)

I feel like 2019 worldtour Felix is literally built for the role of a reckless racer. Let's say, the mc dislikes him so much bc she feels like he doesn't appreciate life enough. She's from a not so well off family and he's THE rich guy, like he has it all. He dislikes her because she judges so quickly, but what he loves is that he can't have her. She loves that she can't have him, too. YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS?!?!

Another brain rot of today is: ginger lix (I am WHO era) gives off teenage dream by katy perry vibes. it's the type of love where you show each other what it feels like to love. To feel. To touch. To explore. To hurt. I'm literally never letting go of this. Like it's the type of love where not only are you two what you've ever known (childhood best friends who had always been more than just best friends typa beat OMFG) but it's what you'll always know. You give each other your firsts and your lasts. You go through everything together. You're so close that it's like each of you has the half of the other's heart instead of your own. You're so close that you don't even realise how you unconsciously drive everything to fit the other. You do everything to stay together. It's the type of love where you go into a clear lake and just stare at each other, because what is world if not you two? The kind of love that's consuming and neverending. You ruin each other for anyone else. YEAAAH I LOVE THIS.

NOOOW shorter dark mullet Felix with the two longer pieces in the front??🤭🤭 see, this is the one where he's just a simple stoner. Maybe a bit of a bad boy, but it's mostly just messing around with weed. You meet him through a party that your friend had invited you to. This one's kinda simple, bc I'm not too sure how to make it more poetic but you guys are just basically a complete mess together 😭😭 like doing stupid shit together (and kinda ruinimg your lives but it's fiction so where's the problem??🤩🤩)

OMG YES. I HAD TO CHOOSE YARROW!! yarrow symbolizes healing and (everlasting) love, but what it also symbolizes is heartache, war, and cure for heartache SO I'M GUESSIMG YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS😭😭

The tattoo is an amazing idea and honestly IF SOMEONE DID THAT FOR ME I'M ON MY KNEES.

" omg okay in this parallel college/uni world that we’ve created i love this idea that he’s totally obsessed with her (and she’s a bit oblivious lol). like with the hair tie she definitely notices that he never took it off which is just a bit peculiar..but then like you said she starts to notice his fridge is stocked with all of her favorite things and maybe she casually mentions a scent she likes and the next day she catches that specific scent and he’s just like oh yeah just a new shampoo….🤭🤭 (i could go on and on forever but you get the idea) and im totally with you on the fact that thinking about different past lives of theirs might just have become my new favorite obsession.🫢 "

THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH. I AGREE WITH THIS. WUTH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING. This is literally my new obsession wtf I can't. It's the type where he's lowkey like, "everything I do is for you, in a way."

I'M SO GlaD YOU LIKE THE ADDITIONS TO THE PLALIST!! with half of my heart, I feel like I really found the gem tbh. There is also an orchestra version of the song and.. I really can't lie, I'm thiking VERY VERYYY deeply about adding that to the playlist too. The vibes of it are literally perfect I'm dying.

Thank you so much for calling my song choices perfect, you have no idea how much I appreciate that🩵 I try to always find a song that fits the vibe perfectly, and I get so happy when I realise that it really DOES fit, and your face by wisp just kinda hit me. YES SEEN EMOTIONS OVEr HEARD EMOTIONS. The fact that you appreciate my song additions to the playlist this much just makes me AJWKJWSJ I wanna squeal and kick my feet around..😭😭 hearing that I can help you with motivation in a way just makes me happy beyond belief tbh.

(This is so long... I'm sorry😭😭)

I love you so, so much Alex!!🩵 I am again really sorry for answering so late, but I also feel so happy ans excited now that I answered you😭💗 I just wanted to say, that the chap really was amazing( and earth shattering, let's be honest..) and I'm so proud of you!! I'll always try my hardest to support you through your writing, and your blog overall🩵💗 and don't ever be sorry for not sending out the asks the next day, I'll wait for as long as needed🩵 thank you for being so kind and loving, I really and truly wish you the absolute best, Alex.🩵

I love you so very much too. You deserve the world🩵 as always, stay safe and take care. I'll be happily waiting for your reply💗🩵 have the best rest of your week!!🩵

HI HI HIH I🩵🩵🩵🩵YOURE BACK YOURE BACK AHHSODFHOWEKNF😭🩵 i was missing you too last week but im so so happy you had a great time with your friends, and you never ever need to apologize for that!! however long or short it takes you to respond, im always here💕

im so happy to hear that you liked the chapter, the second i released it i was waiting for this very moment so i could hear your thoughts🤭 i really do my best to convey the emotions in this story authentically (despite how difficult it may be) so to hear you say it is “a literal gift sent by god himself” has me S O B B I N G.😭😭😭😭😭 (oh and hyunjin is definitely a bit suspicious isnt he?👀👀) as always my 🩵 your words are so kind and heartfelt, and you express your love for this story SO beautifully. your support is everything to me..and i am so incredibly thankful that we’ve found each other!! its a privilege to me just to be able to know you in this way.🩵🩵 im so sorry that the chapter “broke you in half” lmao i was definitely nervous to release it but i guess this means i must have done something right?😂 not that i actually want you to break in half (or be run over💀) but you know what i mean lol. your encouragement and reassurance mean the world to me, it makes all the hard work and (occasional) stress worthwhile💕💕

AND IM SO GLAD YOU WERE HAPPY I DIDN’T SPLIT THE CHAPTER UP😭 I LITERALLY FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOUR ASKS. so i promise even if you had left your ask the original length, i would have “slurped up” every single word too😂💕 because your responses and reactions quite literally inspire me to write.….so let’s get into this shall we??🤭

i love to hear that you're enjoying the tension in the story!! i feel like it’s such a crucial element in creating a kind of immersive narrative which is definitely a big goal of mine, so this means a lot🥹 and i can’t blame you for being curious about felix’s past (i can assure you it will slowly unfold more as the story progresses🤭) im also in love with the way you talk about your feelings when reading, like especially when you mentioned the group having to leave the hotel and head into the unknown. i really did my best to create the sense of uncertainty you described, so im really happy it resonated with you and i stand by my words when i say that i can totally tell you’re a writer lol. the way you describe your thoughts is so poetic in its own way💕💕

“I was honestly kinda mad at mc for not going with Lix, but I think that's my personal problem if anything☠️☠️”

LMAO right??? I could NEVER.😭😭 mc is way stronger than me, without question.

The growing connection between mc and Jisung is UGHHH IM THRIVING ON IT TBH. I feel squishy about Hyunjin tho bc why🤨🤨are🤨you so🤨🤨close to🤨Felix🤨 BUT I ALSO LOVE HIM SO I'LL LET IT SLIDE JUST THIS ONCE. (If something ever happened betwen them then I'm. I'm gone. Vanished.)

oh god hyunjin hmmm i think i should just keep my mouth shut here😂😂😭 jisung is my bias wreckerrr (and let me tell you, he does a damn good job) so its a bit of self indulgence that he has such a strong building connection with mc🤭 but im glad you liked that too💕💕AND WHEN YOU SAY YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE ACTUALLY THE MC IM SHAKING BECAUSE IT IS LITERALLY MY GOAL WHEN I WRITE TO JUST PROVIDE SOME KIND OF ESCAPE FOR ANYONE OUT THERE WHO NEEDS IT YOU KNOW????😭😭😭😭 SO FOR YOU TO SAY THE STORY FEELS SO REAL TO YOU MAKES MY HEART THREATEN TO CRUMBLE INTO A THOUSAND TINY PIECES (in the best way)

JEALOUS. LIX. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTEddED if i could fill every chapter with lix being jealous then that is what i would do.😂 seriouslyyyyy. (also the way im envisioning you shaking and gripping your phone is EXACTLY how i reacted to seeing your asks in my notifs lmao) it’s so rewarding to know that the emotions and dynamics between the characters are resonating with you, especially mc and lix. and i completely understand your excitement for their growth and acceptance of their feelings. i know its a bit of a slow burn…as much as i wanted them to hurry up and admit/accept their feelings for each other in like part 2, i have to try and make it at least a little realistic i guess..🥹🥹

WHEN THEY HAD TO LEAVE THEM THERE??? I WAS FUCNING UNWELL. UNWELL!!!! FELIX TELLING THEM TO GO LITERALLY BROKE MY HEART GOODBYE. I WAS SHAKING.

ME WRITING THIS PART. IT WAS SO HARD TO WRITE.😭I HAD TO STOP TO KEEP TAKING BREAKS I SWEAR. im glad you liked the yeonjun cameo🤭 and you hit the nail on the head about hira, i know i can’t give too many spoilers but you’re always in my head so of course you knew she was trouble..and hyunjins appearance got you, huh?😂 it was quite a relief for me too that they survived (even if I knew they were going to😂) i really tried so hard to make it evident how much mc and lix care for each other without saying a word in this scene (which goes back to some of the different versions of them that we’ve discussed in past conversation, so this is just another example of how you’ve motivated me time and time again🩵🩵) and the dinner table scene was SO fun to write ah im so happy that you loved it too ahhhhekjwjh we stan protective rebel lix who stands up for his woman😭💕(your breakdown cracks me up too, please never change🥹)

as for that smut scene...oh lord lol writing those intimate moments is alwaysssss a challenge for me, but knowing you liked it gives me the confidence to keep including scenes like this in the future.🩵🩵 i enjoyed stepping out of my comfort zone a bit too.

RUN ME OVER!!! THE TINGUE IM CHEEEK!!!! THE NICKNAME!!!!!!))

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHEN FELIX DOES THAT TONGUE IN CHEEK THING IT PUTS ME ON MY KNEES EVERY SINGLE TIME.😭 SO THERES NO WAY I WASN’T PUTTING IT INTO THE FIC SOMEWHER.E AT LEAST ONCE😭😭😭

 I made sure to listen to half of my heart 

I LISTENED TO THIS SO MANY TIMES WHEN WRITING THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. ALSO-i have another song I think might be your style🤭it’s called Stick Around by ENVYYOU (i randomly stumbled upon it but i think it totally fits mc/lix so i added it to my playlist too, and the style made me think of you)

AND WHEN HE SAID HE'S GLAD SHES OKA Y TOK??!?!?!?!?!

ahhh although i had the last paragraph written for a while, this was a last minute addition, so im glad i left it in there🤭 and what you said about the chapter titles and the little poem-like intros makes my heart so happy, they're just kind of my way of trying to set the mood and create a specific type of atmosphere for each part of the story. sometimes the chapter name is the first thing i do, and sometimes i have such a hard time with it that i don’t even pick it until the very end (same with the quotes) but i always try to start out with a theme in mind and go from there. so it really warms my heart to know that they speak to you and add to your reading experience.🥹🥹

i can't thank you enough for your continuous support and love for the story🩵🩵 i’ve said it before and ill say it again, thank you for all of the motivation to keep me writing and exploring these characters. your enthusiasm and dedication mean EVERYTHING to me, and i am so grateful to have you with me on this little adventure. because i truly don’t know where this story would be without you.<33333 your asks and messages are such a highlight to my days. i genuinely look forward to reading them and responding to you as well, and im truly touched that you enjoy going back to read my responses, because to be honest i find myself doing the same thing quite often🤗💕 thank you for being an incredible part of this journey, and thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness to my heart. i can't wait to share more of this little story with you.🩵🩵🩵

 YOSIWJE I WANT TO SHOW OFF YOUR RESPONSES TO EVERYONE AND BE LIKE SEE THIS??? SEE HOW THIS AMAZING AND KIND WRITER ANSWERED ME?? SEE HOW SHE IS THE CREATOR OF OTDE????

YOU. ARE. SO. SWEET. MY HEART.😭😭😭 IF I WASNT EMOTIONAL BEFORE THEN I CERTAINLY AM NOW. THIS IS JUST ENOUGH TO BRING ME TO TEARS. 😭😭😭 AND THE RED MOODBOARD?!?! WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ITS BRILLIANCE. you know that ominous/dark feeling you were talking about earlier??? well you PERFECTLY embodied that with this moodboard. and it is SO my style its ridiculous. a fuckin gmasterpiece omfg. im absolutely in lOVE with it. the red aesthetic is so captivating and haunting and it perfectly captures the emotions and atmosphere of otde. the mix of images and the overall vibe you created (with both moodboards) is too good, i can literally see the effort and thought you put into making them and choosing each and every picture<3 (even without the vans, it’s still absolutely incredible🥹) your moodboards have been SUCH a tremendous help in visualizing the world of otde for me that i would recommend everyone who stumbles across my story to take a look at them too<33 and when it comes to your own writing, even if your thoughts vanish at 9k writing is all about enjoying the process and expressing your creativity!!! so whether it's short stories or longer pieces, the most important thing is that YOU find joy in it<3 (but please do let me know if you ever decide to share your works, i would be thrilled to have the opportunity to read them and support you just like you have supported me🩵)

when it comes to our little parallel universes i’m so glad you like my ideas too🥹🥹 i have so much fun bouncing ideas off of each other like this, your ideas are pure genius and can promise you that if you ever did turn them into fics (no matter how long or short) i would read them over and over and over again too. ESPECIALLY one about 2019 worldtour racer felix. the way you described the relationship between the two of them in your ask has me on my knees like i will literally BEG someone to turn this into a fic😭😭 I WANT MORE😭😭😭 PLEASE. AND I LOVE HOW YOU DESCRIBED GINGER LIX TOO. WHY DOES TEENAGE DREAM FEEL LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR HIM.😭 i’ll always have such a soft spot for first loves. the type of love thats innocent but still just as deep and all-encompassing that it's hard not to get swept away by the emotions it evokes, even if they’re young. and the idea of childhood friends who have always been there for each other, who have always looked out for each other, is so heartwarming🥹 like maybe one night childhood best friend lix confesses his feelings for mc, and she looks back on the years they’ve grown up together and realizes he’s been the one constant in her life. maybe she’s had trouble at home or with school but felix has ALWAYS been there for her. that steady safe place. and he’s been proving his love this whole time, she was just too caught up in growing up to realize it until now.🥹🥹 so they become each other's firsts and lasts, experiencing life's highs and lows together through their unbreakable connection. UGH i can see why this idea is taking residence in your mind. and same with stoner lix (i may have a bit of a type, and this is IT). they haven’t known each other forever but they meet at a party (introduced by a friend, like you said) and the next time that same mutual friend wants to hang out, mc and lix are already hanging out and they’re like wait what??? how did I become the third wheel???😂😂 it’s also the perfect setting for adventures with a bit of reckless fun. which is what young love is all about right??? all of these tropes you’ve come up with are the kind of love stories that leave a lasting impact, and i’m so glad you shared them with me. its all such a testament to your creativity and i’m so excited to see where your imagination takes us next.🤭

the yarrow symbolism you've chosen is absolutely beautiful!!! as is making it a tattoo, a permanent mark of their bond, reminding them of the moments they've shared and the love that's blossomed between them even when they’re apart🥹 I CANT GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD. and i’ll definitely have to check out the orchestral version of half of my heart because i didnt even know there was one!! its incredible how the right music has the power to evoke feelings and set the mood you know???

and there's absolutely no need to apologize for the length of your ask, your words bring me so much joy and happiness, and i truly cherish every message you send.🩵 im over the moon to know that you loved the chapter and that it had such an impact on you and i can't thank you enough for being such a wonderful and dedicated reader and friend. your kindness, understanding, and patience (with waiting for my responses and my slowwwwwww writing🥹🥹) are so very appreciated, sometimes life gets a little hectic but just know im always here💕 and im beyond grateful for your support for my little blog. you have claimed a very very special place in my heart, and im sending all my love and best wishes your way. take care of yourself, stay safe, and have the most wonderful rest of your week/weekend. i love you so so SO very much, and thank you again for EVERYTHING<333 until we talk again, sending lots of love and virtual hugs to youuu🤗🩵🩵🩵

[awesomephd]

Watching Through My Collection: Day 37/67

Medusa (1973)

Day 1 / Day 36 / Day 38

Another year, another go at watching something everyday of October to try and get through the part of my collection I've never seen before. Starting off strong with a strange wannabe-giallo thriller in Greece!

I like this poster art because the jellyfish has as much to do with the movie plot as the title itself does.

What this movie lacks in a coherent plot, it makes up for with inexplicably wild lines that I'll still be quoting to myself for a while.

CW: Incestuous undertones

Admittedly, the opening doesn't give much hope for this to be a good movie. Starting with a postmortem voice-over that sets up the lead's belief in reincarnation, and the whole movie up as a flashback, moving straight into a loud, up-beat wedding celebration. The tonal shifts are consistent in the amount of whiplash they'll give you throughout the movie.

A slow and disjointed style ensures the opening third has you well and truly zoning out when some gangsters accidentally drown a guy and only one person there has a realistic reaction, but at least they remember to pick up some intrigue with those previously mentioned quotable lines.

Unfortunately, this intrigue still takes the form of George Hamilton's "crazy" acting (which is little more than laughing loudly, doing impressions, and waxing faux philosophical about the eternal soul), Cameron Mitchell's scene chewing dumb gangster, and an unnamed Inspector that delivers some of the best lines while honestly not doing anything to actually stop more people from dying.

The kills that do happen are neither creative, nor executed with any distinct flare to make this movie special or play into the psychology of the killer, and the strange sibling dynamic feels too baked into the plot to not have been an intentional aspect that they were just really bad at using or expressing with any skill.

I've seen some other reviews say the incest tones are nebulous but, I heard him yelling down the beach about Rhea fucking her brother. That was definitely part of this character's "mental break."