#i've had this opinion for years and it remains unchanged

[gertritude]

people always make morgana a normal cat in persona 5 non-metaverse fanfics. stop doing this. morgana should not be a cat he should be joker's annoying younger brother who wears cat ears (but they are NOT cat ears, they are the ears of his epic OC Mona who is a PHANTOM THIEF and STEALS TREASURE) and who goes into Joker's room every night at 8pm to yell at him to read him a bedtime story before going to bed. It's also funnier this way because it means Ryuji has beef with an elementary schooler

[thefirstknife]

I want to be optimistic about the future, but as somebody who has been through 4-6 EoS events and witnessed several others friends have gone through, with a lot of the rumors/news breaking about future plans for the game itself, and some changes introduced in TFS I'm slowly starting to get a bad feeling about things. I'm not giving up on the game, but it's feeling hard to be hopeful when I'm starting to get similar vibes to the other EoS events I've been through.

I'll mostly focus on this article from Jason Schreier because I don't really trust any other rumours that are floating around. I know a lot of people are super depressed about everything and it's easy to spiral into doom and gloom, which I want to avoid because it just stresses people out, over things they can't really change, and primarily over things that are far from confirmed.

Obviously we don't know anything for certain yet, but from what little the devs told us when this happened:

While our team is taking time to help support each other, we want you, our community, to know that we expect no disruption to all of our previously communicated content plans. Our content roadmap remains unchanged. This also includes our future plans for next year and beyond.

Nothing is changed and plans are clearly in place. It goes without saying that this can be flipped on its head at any point, but it also has to be said that it would be quite strange for a franchise of this scale to simply go down without an honest attempt to keep it going. Obviously various media ends all the time and studios are shut down and all that, but I feel like people are jumping on that conclusion way too easily and simply over unconfirmed rumours which puts people in a mindset that "the game is over." According to devs and Jason's report, it is clearly not planned to be over. We have yet to see if that works out.

Either way, we're set for this year for sure and there's clearly a plan they've already hinted for next year. What concerned people the most, I think was this (more under):

The company also plans to continue updating Destiny 2, although it will no longer pursue regular paid expansions as it did in the past, according to the people familiar. During one recent meeting, a company leader told attendees that sales of each expansion had declined year over year, including June’s The Final Shape, so they would be moving away from an annual release model. Some staff said they’re optimistic about the vision for Destiny 2 under new director Tyson Green, a Bungie veteran who took the helm earlier this year. In the coming months, the people said, Bungie will look to retain and attract players with smaller-scale content drops modeled after Into the Light, a well-received update in April that added a new mode to the game. Rather than selling this content, they said, Bungie will aim to release it for free along with overhauls to activities that it hopes will appeal to hardcore players. Other vague plans for the future include a storyline that will feature characters and worlds that Destiny has not yet explored.

Personally, I don't necessarily see this as something bad. I've actually been in favour of stopping yearly expansion for years. A big expansion every year is a big thing to commit to and it simply cannot be up to the best standards every single year. Some years will simply be smaller or "worse" and they won't engage people as some others. To this day people are still demanding expansions the size of Forsaken, every year, and that is simply mathematically impossible to make. So we get stuff like Shadowkeep and people flip out (Destiny died back then too). In my opinion, I think expansions every 2-3 years with smaller content drops in between is much better and healthier, and would result in better expansions.

We don't know if expansions are ever happening again; this report seems to imply not, but nobody really knows what state Destiny will be in 3 years from now, if it still exists. Until then, I'm perfectly fine with smaller content drops and updates. Obviously we don't know what that will look like; maybe it will be bad, but maybe it will not be bad. We simply don't know. I think people just heard "no expansion every year" and assumed that it's all over and no other content will ever be interesting or engaging ever again, which is something I simply don't see. For example, this episode has quickly become one of my favourite content in Destiny ever and it's not an expansion. I feel the same about some seasons which I enjoyed more than some expansions.

This is a matter of preference of course. Some people only tune in for expansions so for them "no expansions" effectively means no more Destiny. A lot of people also wonder about stuff like raids, which launch with expansions; what about those? Are we ever getting a raid again? We don't know, though it's worth noting that some raids have launched with DLCs and seasons, so launching a raid without the expansion could still be possible. We'll simply have to wait and see.

A lot of people are also concerned about the confirmation that Destiny 3 was never in development. I don't find this surprising at all and firmly believe that people who believed in D3 in the first place have not been fully aware of just how much devs never wanted to make another game from scratch again. This is from when they announced vaulting back in Arrivals:

With Destiny 1, we solved the “ever expanding, exponential complexity” problem by making a sequel in Destiny 2. We left behind all of Destiny 1’s content and many of the features players grew to love. We believe now that it was a mistake to create a situation that fractured the community, reset player progress, and set the player experience back in ways that took us a full year to recover from and repair. It’s a mistake we don’t want to repeat by making a Destiny 3.

I don't think anything has changed about their opinion on this over the years. It may have become even stronger actually, given how much content exists in the game right now and how much content would permanently disappear, alongside everyone's progress and collections, if they restarted everything. Not only that, but they know that a new game would have to launch with basically no content that would have to be built up over the years and would result in the same anger from players that plagued D1 vanilla and D2 vanilla. Nobody would enjoy going from 9 raids (maybe 10 if there's a reprised this year?) to 1 raid. Like I'm not sure if people realise this, but D3 will have no content in comparison. People were exceptionally mad about Beyond Light which reduced the amount of content and items due to vaulting; D3 would have less than that.

So I'm not sure why people expect and want D3. I never vibed with that idea. Not in any foreseeable future. I don't want to restart my progress, I don't want to lose everything I collected, I don't want to wait for years to get more than 3 strikes in the game. So the confirmation that this was never in development is not only super obvious to me, it's also relieving.

I think these are mostly the things that people are panicking over, from stuff that is now known a little better from Jason's report. When it comes to other rumours and leaks, we simply don't know if they're true and how detailed they are so I will not be stressing about them and I'd advise everyone else to not stress about them either.

We all love the game very much and the idea that it will end one day is very upsetting, but it will. One day it will end. Is that in 2 years or 20, we don't know. I'd like for people to definitely move away from the doomposters on twitter, to not latch onto any rumour or leak, and to give developers space and patience, as well as do anything we can to support those that were laid off.

I personally also think that the content creators with the biggest platforms should use the current anger and despair to pressure Bungie or Sony into making meaningful changes. Instead of posting about how "it's so over, goodbye everyone, Destiny is dead," I think they should be encouraging fans to bully these corporations with the one thing they understand best: money. Hey corpos, we ARE still interested in Destiny, we WANT to keep playing, we WANT it to keep going and we WILL bring our money if you do something about this situation. Because I don't trust any of these people who are claiming they're big fans and also how their livelihoods depend on making content for this one game, but are so easy to doompost and give up and say that the game is now over. How would anyone seeing this feel other than concerned and in despair?

Is it possible to change anything? No clue. Corporations can obviously be bullied into action, but we simply don't know how much effect we have here. Still, I'd rather try.

And I'd definitely try to stay positive, or at least neutral. We currently have no confirmations about anything being over, and plans for future content exist. Things will likely be different, but that doesn't always mean worse. And if it is? Well then it is and people will stop playing.

And of course, if anyone lost interest over this and over these reports, that's understandable. Taking a break from it all is recommended. Whatever happens, happens. If the game is still there and the interest is regained, everyone can always come back. No one has to decide right now whether they'll keep playing or stop forever. We can change our minds later depending on any new information and the state of the game.

The point of this whole thing is basically; we don't know anything for sure and overthinking about what-if scenarios that are years out is not very helpful. Venting concerns and talking to others can help though, which is why I want to try and stay as reasonable as possible in a situation where we genuinely don't have any proper confirmations.

We'll see! I'll keep playing while there's something to play and while that something is interesting to me, no matter how small. I hope this helps keeping people at least a little bit less stressed about the whole thing.

[cambion-companion]

Shades of Blue

I've always wanted to explore (even with my broken keyboard) how Thrawn would address someone he cares about needing comfort.

You sat with the other members of the Chimaera crew around the intercom table, your uniform doing very little to keep out the chill seeping into your tired bones. It was too early in the morning to function properly, you were sure your own face reflected the exhaustion you saw in the people sat around you. Well, all faces save for that of your commanding officer. Thrawn's face was devoid of any signs of fatigue, though his expression looked mildly bemused as his red eyes scanned his crew's slack positions.

To your left Commander Faro poured herself a generous amount of steaming caf into a white mug. The cozy smell of it filled the room with a little more life.

After a moment where the Grand Admiral allowed you all to adjust to alertness, he spoke. "I've summoned you this morning so we may continue addressing the Mynock infestation troubling supply lines."

It took everything in you to suppress a groan, the Chimaera and her crew had been trying with no success to rid the fuel chain of the wire-chewing pests. Something in your body language must have shifted enough to draw your Admiral's attention because Thrawn shifted his gaze to you. "What is your opinion?" His voice was smooth and low as it usually was, but he clasped his hands behind his back while waiting for your answer.

You had joined the Chimaera's crew several years ago and had proven to be a competent addition to the team, so much so that Grand Admiral Thrawn had specifically requested you stay on with him even after you'd been offered a position on a different Imperial Star Destroyer.

You met Thrawn's gaze with sudden alertness and confidence, straightening your posture and explaining what you thought to be the best next steps in addressing the Mynock issue. Thrawn nodded at your words, his expression unchanging though you noticed his lips lift slightly in a slight smile as you continued.

One of many things that set your commanding officer apart from all the others in the Imperial Navy was his habit of asking his crew and others who would be considered subordinates what they thought of any given circumstance. He valued the input of others, not a sentiment shared in any other circles that you knew of. This played a large part in why Thrawn's crew felt so loyal to him.

"Perhaps if all else fails we could even try sending out individual TIE fighters against the beasts?" You glanced around at your peers as you finished speaking, looking for anyone else to give their thoughts.

Lieutenant Roz, an experienced officer aboard the Chimaera, snorted a little derisively, his eyes still a little red from sleep deprivation. "And who's going to fly those fighters? I've told you several times already we don't have pilots yet available. I do speak not just to hear my own voice you know."

All eyes flicked back to your face as you flushed, your brow furrowing as you tried to recall that conversation. Lieutenant Roz had taught you many things but you were almost positive he'd never mentioned lack of TIE fighters. You doubted yourself just enough to remain in an embarrassed silence, however. Your eyes flickered over to where Thrawn stood. He didn't look pleased.

You cleared your throat a little awkwardly. "With respect Lieutenant, I don't recall such a conversation taking place."

Roz shot you a stern look. "That speaks to your own incompetence, not my own."

"That is quite enough, Lieutenant." Thrawn's voice was unchanging in its calm cadence, but there was an edge to his words that caused Roz to glance down at his hands upon the table a little bashfully.

You had retreated into yourself at Roz's last comment, your hands folding tightly on your lap as you tried to school your expression into a mask of emotionless politeness. Perhaps it was due to the early hour but his words had stung, especially as they weren't true. He hadn't actually told you anything of the sort yet just made you look like a fool in front of everyone.

Thrawn thanked you smoothly for your input and moved on to asking Commander Faro for any additional information. You hardly heard them however, your ears seemed to be ringing as you fought with your emotions, your lips pressing together as you pretended to drink from your own mug of caf in order to hide your face as you blinked rapidly.

The rest of your crewmates woke up more as the meeting went on past the hour mark and they spoke up and shared their own ideas and calculations but you remained silent. When the meeting adjourned and Thrawn dismissed you back to your stations you hadn't said a word or really looked up from the space of table occupied by your now empty cup.

You rose to stand slower than the others and packed away your papers before departing the room. You felt the Grand Admiral's eyes on your back all the way out the door, though you didn't look around to meet them.

Your feet took you automatically to the washroom where you splashed some cold water on your face, trying to shake this mood off. When you looked into the mirror even you were shocked with how sad your expression was. Definitely something you'd have to work on, being able to mask your emotions better. Especially with an Admiral as perceptive as Thrawn.

You sighed heavily and exited the washroom, taking a moment to pause in the dark hallway, peering out the window into the vast beautiful star scape.

"I value your input, Ensign."

You jumped a little at Thrawn's unexpected voice and turned to face him. His eyes seemed to be fixed very intently upon your face as he spoke. "Do not allow the blunders of others to limit your own voice."

You straightened and gave Thrawn a little smile. "Yes, sir." You sighed a little allowing vulnerability to show. "It was early and what was said probably affected me more than it should have."

Thrawn nodded slowly. "I must admit, the sleep patterns of humans is still a little foreign to me. Your bodies must rest far longer than I am used to." He paused, studying your face a moment, his hand going up to touch his chin thoughtfully. "You did bring up a point I was going to make myself."

Your eyes widened in pleasant surprise. "You were?"

"Indeed." A small smile touched the corner of Thrawn's eyes. "This may be the perfect opportunity to test my new TIE defenders and their maneuverability."

"But Lieutenant Roz said we don't have pilots." You couldn't help yourself from adding. "Look at that. I remembered."

Thrawn's lips twitched as though he were suppressing a smile, his eyes softening on your face. "Well done, Ensign. The matter of acquiring pilots should be an easy one to resolve." He seemed to think for a moment. "I will have you dispatch a request for three to be sent to the Chimaera posthaste."

You gave him a salute. "Yes, Grand Admiral."

"If I may add a few last words." Thrawn drew a little nearer, his tall stature causing you to tilt your chin up to see his face. "So long as you are striving to learn and improve upon yourself, that is enough for me. Do not hold yourself to an impossible standard of perfection nor allow others to influence your opinion of yourself." His eyes seemed to glow a little brighter as he placed a warm hand upon your shoulder. "And come to me first if anyone continues to be unduly impatient with you."

Your mouth was very dry as his hand rested on your shoulder, it's weight both a comfort and a little intimidating. He seemed to care a great deal about this predicament and your emotional state, it almost was as if he had his own personal experience dealing with such people.

After a moment of looking into each other's eyes, you nodded again at Thrawn, a small smile of gratitude softening your features. "Thank you."

Thrawn removed his hand and moved back to an appropriate distance, his voice was still soft and held a measure of fondness. "Dismissed, Ensign."

[skazoo]

closure.

↳ lee taeyong x f!reader

right people, right time, wrong place.

length. 2.7k

genre. childhood friends!au, angsty :((

warnings/tags. language, mentions of death and a funeral

networks. @kflixnet

notes. AKJFDKSA so excited to post this for @kflixnet 's exchange event!!! got to write for @lebrookestore !!! we never interacted before and i wanted it to be a surprise but!!! i got a nice look at your profile and 🤚🏼 lemme tell you 🤚🏼 i've been dancing around nct since their debut days and i swear reading random snippets from your masterlist made me want to get serious™ with it.... we'll see how things develop.... ALSO kinda stalked your carrd and how could i not write ANGST ??? for TAEYONG??? i can't say i 100% know him but i really love that man (AND i love angst too so..... masochist besties ig) i had fun writing it and i really hope you like it <3 also was listening to cinnamon girl by lana del rey while writing, idk if that makes sense.

i'm desperate for feedback and i love comments with your opinion!

(cross-posted on ao3 only)

navigation

hating funerals is completely normal, you think.

it’s normal to hate the thick blanket of sadness that covers the streets of your small countryside town. 

it’s normal to hate the vain small talk with people you don’t particularly know or like that’s requested of those who attend the visitation of the casket. 

it’s normal to hate everyone dressed in black head to toe; the old ladies with those dramatic hats, and the little kids running around giggling in those stuffy elegant dresses their parents forced them to wear. 

and it’s all completely normal how much you hate yourself for not-so-unconsciously hoping that this grievous event could bring him back to you after so long.

when you were younger, around seven, the older kids you played with —with serious expressions and a hint of what could only have been childish jealousy— had branded the two of you as the best friends. Y/N and taeyong. inseparable from dusk till dawn, never bored of each other, and able to communicate through swift looks only. 

back then, you had accepted the title with a certain solemnity, swearing on anything a seven-year-old can hold dear, that neither of you would ever be left playing games alone. 

somehow you still remember the light of a setting summer sun filtering through the nicely draped windows of his grandma’s house, bathing the living room in a soft golden hue. the background noise of a disney movie playing on the old tv while you lay with your stomachs on the thick carpet, coloring outside the lines of a coloring book he got for his birthday.

you remember the fateful question whistling through the gaps the baby teeth currently hiding under his pillow left; an excited glint in his big eyes. 

'best friends forever?'

'forever.'

'pinky swear?’

‘pinky swear.’

left to your own devices by busy parents for the most part of most summers of your childhood, staying true to the sacred pact never came difficult. 

the absence of family didn't seem to matter; as long as you had each other, there was always a make-believe adventure right around the corner. oh, the journeys you went on in those carefree years. you were pirates, witches, and kings, fighting against sea monsters, dragons, and the boredom always looming around the crevices of your hyperactive minds.

when your bond remained unchanged even through the challenging times of middle school and when you still enjoyed each other’s company in the social minefield that was high school, you truly —naively, perhaps— started to believe that the two of you were indeed special. a bond forged in trust and unconditional love that someone from above was protecting from the harsh truths of the real world. truths that would one day bite you in the ass and truths that came to you in the form of an avalanche of bittersweet betrayal.

pinky swearing was a powerful practice, seemingly unbreakable but not strong enough for him to keep his promise once you both graduated.

you had to keep your tears from falling, a strained smile here and a shaky nod there, as you listened to his muffled voice breaking through your despair. 

he was going to study abroad! on a scholarship nonetheless! 

you had really wanted to be happy for him, but the guilt that had tried to hide behind his eyes told you that he’d known he was breaking you along with the old promise. you could not– would not be happy for him the way he wanted you to be. he’d have to leave knowing he'd left you to play alone when he’d promised he’d never do such a cruel thing.

you’d waved him goodbye as his body disappeared behind the automatic doors of the airport. you’d waved him goodbye even after that as you got into your car and drove back home. you’d waved him goodbye as you curled in a ball and cried in your bed that day. you’d waved him goodbye for years after that. 

in retrospect, you don’t really know what you had expected the day he left. for him to abandon his dreams to stay with you and eventually rot in the small limbo of a town that birthed and raised you on the concept of alienation from the outer world? for him to choose you over himself? maybe for him to realize he loved you just as you not-so-discreetly did him; in glances too slow to be stolen and in smiles too fond to belong to friendship, even a ‘forever’ one. 

hating this particular funeral is normal, not only because it’s your lovely elementary school teacher and neighbor who's lying in the casket, but also because it’s making sad, and arguably mortifying memories resurface from under the personal growth you’ve spent years working on.

you’re not that sad and wallowing in self-pity anymore, though. you’re an accomplished person. maybe not as much as him, but that’s relative. your job in the only bookstore in town makes you happy, you’ve traveled a bit, you’ve seen things, met people, lived a life. 

and still, you wonder how many what-ifs would have made you happier, made you live more. if he'd stayed, would you still be together? or would you just be strangers with a shared childhood? blurry and long gone.

the small crowd of old ladies animatedly chatting while their husbands trail behind like bored shadows, settles on the audience of white plastic chairs in front of you, and the solemn silence that engulfs the living room makes you come back from the trip down memory lane that had you staring into the void for a good twenty minutes. the cinnamon tea your teacher’s daughter offered you stopped being hot and drinkable a while ago, and you resignedly sigh, excusing yourself from someone’s grandma trying to play matchmaker for her nephew —who without a doubt is one of your old classmates— and walking to the small kitchen, away from the sadness and the memories.

dirty plates and empty cups sit in the sink staring at you, and you can’t help the urge to start cleaning them as if the help could alleviate at least a fraction of the pain the family is going through. as if it could take your mind off things.

“they told me i could find something to drink here.” a voice that you’re sure doesn’t belong to any old lady, speaks from the door of the cramped kitchen. 

hands in the soapy water, you don’t turn around, limiting yourself to adopt your practiced customer service pitch and answer over your shoulder. “yeah, help yourself. the tea bags are in the jar near the boiler.”

you hear some shuffling behind you as the voice speaks again. “are you a relative?” 

a short chuckle escapes your lips. you might as well be one. mrs. kim not only saw you grow up into the person you are now, but she also acted as your stone, the ear listening to your worries and doubts, your voice of reason in the world of adulthood. she was there for you when he left and you were a total mess, too. so yes, maybe she considered you one, but it doesn’t feel fair to her real daughter to go around telling people you shared blood.

“nope. just a… friend…?  more or less…”

“then why are you doing the dishes?”

you’re grateful you’re turned away from the voice because the blush of embarrassment that creeps over your cheeks is definitely not a sight to behold. you shrug hoping it doesn’t look as awkward as it feels. “i- i don’t know… i guess helping makes me feel less… powerless in these situations. i know it sounds weird but i swear i’m not some creep who likes to pop up at funerals to do the dead’s dishes.”

“pinky promise?”

it’s not that you don’t remember what his voice sounds like. you could never forget him that much. but as daily calls started to turn into weekly calls and then monthly and then every major festivity calls, his voice had started to dance around in your memories, perpetually morphing, presenting a different him every time he came up in your mind. a seven years old child making a promise; a twelve years old boy ordering fried chicken on the phone; a seventeen years old wannabe-man screeching into a karaoke microphone.   

the deep voice that asks you the weird question is one you’ve never really heard clearly or in person, only imagined in moments of weakness and dreams.

as you whirl around with wide eyes and mouth agape, water and soap splash everywhere.

“you?”

the boy —the man, you correct yourself bitterly— smiles at you so brightly you might cry. “me.” 

“how– when–?”

“i landed this morning in the city… jumped on a plane as soon as mom told me.” he scratches his neck, his head tilted slightly downward. “i’m sorry for your loss.”

your shock turns into confusion as you frown slightly at him. “it’s your loss too.”

“yeah, yeah i guess it is. i just- i mean you’ve always loved her so much and you’ve been around her for all these years…”

you know he doesn’t mean it as an attack on your personal choices, on your life, but the arrow inadvertently aimed at your heart strikes anyway. 

you’ll be grieving for longer than me. because you’ve barely left this town, because you still live two houses down from your elementary school teacher, and i’ve moved on from this place.

he clears his throat in a way that tells you he knows what you’re thinking. he’s always had that special power to read your mind like it’s his own. “how have you been?”

it’s been five years and this is the first time i see the man you’ve become. if you ask, the right word is miserable. that’s how i’ve been. 

you chuckle somberly. “shouldn’t i be the one to ask you this? mr. big shot? your mother was this close,” you pinch the air, your thumb and pointer finger basically touching, “from hanging flyers with your face on it around town!”

he laughs and you almost close your eyes to bask in the sound that you missed oh so much. the itch under your skin you felt when he first left —one that you were sure you had long gotten over of, one you did your best to forget and to bury deep down your mind— comes back hitting you full force. the itch wants you to forget the hurt and hug him close for he is the only one in the whole universe who’s able to do something about it. to scratch it and make it go away. forever. 

you hope he doesn’t remember what pain looks like on your face because you’re not sure you have full control over your expressions when it comes to him. when it comes to the infinite distance that separates you even now when you’re standing in the same room.

“no, but really. i heard you got an important job. as soon as you graduated, too.”

he nods bashfully. hands buried inside the long coat he wears. he truly looks like a man of the city; a male lead in a romantic drama you’re just a background character of. 

“i have yeah. they- i guess they liked my work ethic in college and decided to give me a chance to prove myself.”

you speak before you can think of the consequences. “you didn’t tell me though.”

silence falls over the kitchen and you swear you can hear the droplets of water falling from the dishes drying on the plate rack.

his smile is gone, replaced by a grave frown. one that looks practiced for this exact situation. one that, if you have to be honest, you didn’t want to know existed.

“i don’t regret leaving this place, Y/N.” 

you flinch at the inevitable turn the conversation takes. again, he always knows what you want to say even if you try to hide it behind ambiguous questions.

you turn back to your dishes with a harsh turn. would you be able to escape the kitchen from the small window over the sink if you tried? 

“save it. i don’t want to hear how easy it was for you to leave everything behind.”

you hear him sigh from behind you. “i didn’t say that. stop putting words in my mouth because you’re angry.”

your head snaps in his direction and the grip you have on the counter is so strong your knuckles turn white. “i’m not angry and you stop telling me how to feel and stop treating me like a child and–”

“will you please listen to me?” he shakes his head and steps closer to you, eyes looking back to the living room once to check that your altercation is not disturbing the mourning. 

you huff through your nose in frustration before throwing a small wave and a strained smile at the old lady that pops her head in the kitchen looking for the bathroom. “you’re doing it again! stop being so condescending!” you hiss through your teeth.

“if only you’d let me speak!” he whispers-shout back even if the woman is gone.

“what!?” you feel your eyes starting to dampen. the fear of what’s coming next is too strong to ignore.

“i don’t regret leaving this place–

you close your eyes to try to keep the tears from falling. everything you thought you left in the past is coming back to you in waves: the helplessness you felt looking into his excited eyes that told you the news of his bright future, the anger directed at yourself for being so dumb and naive to think you’d always be together, the fear of being left alone clutching at your heart and making bile rise in your throat. it’s that day all over again. a personal inferno.

“please,” your voice breaks in a pitiful sob, “please, stop saying that.”

he ignores you, focused on choosing the right words. “i was so happy when i got the scholarship, and god, i was so excited that i’d already packed my things a week before my flight…”

you turn to the sink again, an arm hugging your body and a hand pressed firmly over your mouth to prevent the whimpers from coming out.

you hear him taking another step closer to you. you feel the heat of his body reaching for your shivering heart; the hem of his coat brushes against your tights-clad calves. 

“receiving that opportunity was my dream. it always has been.” his arms come latching around you, effectively gluing your back to his front and you can’t find it within yourself to move him away. “and yet… Y/N, i hesitated. i stalled so much that the university almost withdrew the offer and i had to call them in the middle of the night to assure them that i hadn't changed my mind.” he feels you freeze against him and he knows you understand what he’s trying to say.

“for months i dreamed about you, Y/N. i spoke, acted as if you were still with me. as if i was still here…”

you feel him tremble slightly and his next words are hushed into your hair. a secret between you and him.

“you are my biggest regret and you always will be.”

you thought you had forgiven him a long time ago. you thought your pain was one of a child that didn’t understand, that still thought pinky promises were binding and unbreakable. 

“please understand that i needed to leave with or without you.”

he holds you impossibly close and you bury your face into the sleeve of his coat. in his smell, in his heat.

“please know that i never meant to ruin things.”

turns out even children need explanations when things are ripped away from them.

“to ruin us.”

turns out even you need closure.

you cry together in your dead teacher’s kitchen and you take him to the airport two days later. he hugs you tight and promises to call you more often. you don’t know if he will but now it feels different. it is different.

[yamperzzz]

A short post about the bandit trio I'm rewriting, I've mentioned before that the bandits existed for years, but I needed to give them a much-needed upgrade since I got back into MadCom several weeks ago. Though I don't have a lot of info saved about them back then and even forgot some info, I thought I'd share what I do remember for fun and to show how much things changed ^_^

General Info

Though the bandits were always intended to work with Mr. M since the early days of me modding M:PN, it was never as extensive as I intend for it to be now. The tone was less serious, and it mostly followed them getting into funny situations. Since the beginning, Mr. M would make the trio be his errand boys, though his personality was more shallow and basic.

Douglas

I said a while ago that I forgot what all the names of the bandits were when I decided to rework them, and I eventually had to replace pretty much all of them in the end. However, I believe(?) Douglas' name was the only one that stayed untouched. The statement that Douglas was once a regular bandit stayed the same, but old Douglas never really decided to change after meeting his version of Duffus. His behavior was unchanged and he remained a cannibal, he was only just more careful around old Duffus in general. He's more mad in this version, and greedier/selfish, although ultimately I think he remained the least changed overall.

He is "PSQUAD1" in these old cutscenes.

Duffus

Arguably the most changed bandit in the trio. I had completely forgotten his old name (I have a feeling it was Dugal or Dougal but I couldn't be sure nor did I care for this name anymore). His personality and story was also completely different. Old Duffus was much more infantilized in a way that bothered me looking back. He was simply a bandit brute rather than a regular G03LM, and was overwhelmingly friendly but dumb. He met Douglas by simply getting lost, and followed him like a dog afterward. He was treated more like the comic relief of the group, and though I think there's always a time and place for that, here it just didn't come out good in my opinion. I'm thinking about going as far as allowing Duffus to view Douglas as a father figure, but I don't think going as far as it used to be was good at all. I'm glad I reworked him.

He is "PSQUAD2" in these old cutscenes.

Duncan

I believe Duncan's old name was Daryl, but I can't be sure, nor do I care because it's a dumb name. Old Duncan was a lot more one-note, mostly serving as the one logical thinking person of the group who pushes back against Douglas' insane ideas. He wasn't as aggressive as new Duncan is, as old Duncan was usually used as comic relief as well for when the other two would ignore his thoughts and thus get themselves in trouble/danger. I personally this his was the least developed, especially when you consider that his old backstory involved him just visiting the duo when meeting them for the first time for no good reason, really. Overall, he was just kinda meh back then.

He is "PSQUAD3" in these old cutscenes.

Overall, I love being able to go back and give new life to old OCs when my frontal cortex develops a little more LOLLLLLLLL

[feralkwe]

my family lost someone last night.

she's not someone anyone in the family liked very much, though many of us spent portions of our lives loving her. many of us still do in our own way. she was very sick for a very long time and that sickness caused her to do many selfish things that hurt many people. she leaves a legacy of wreckage behind her, for sure. i personally did a lot of work repairing some of the damage left in the wake of her illness. she was for the most part estranged and in almost every way possible it was for the better.

but she died horribly, in a way that no one deserves to, not even if it's partially of their own making. like i said, she was very sick. i spent some time this morning talking my mother and brother through some complicated feelings about her, because i am the only person in my family who has worked to develop tools for dealing with feelings. i endeavored to remind them that while death does not make someone a saint, and that you're not required to forgive a person the wrongs they've done against you, it's okay if you still need to grieve for the love lost. for the person you loved. and also i had to talk them through the fact that she wasn't actually a terrible monster, either. that the thing everyone hates her for doing was, in fact, an act of love. it might be, in my hard won opinion, the most selfless and loving thing she'd done in her too-short life.

it's easy to look at an action someone takes and only see the ways it hurts you while losing sight of the selflessness of the act. almost my entire family hates her for what she did, but through a lot of therapy and talking it through with my besties (ilu both so much!), i've spent several years quietly thanking her for that choice. it gave me things i will always be grateful for, even if it also hurt and still hurts me in many ways. but it was a loving gasp made in a moment of clarity, and something only she could have given.

in her good times she was sweet. funny. she reminded me, both in appearance and style and manner, of avril lavigne (which may be what attracted my brother to her). she liked to team up with me in lovingly dragging my brother, a beloved pastime of mine. she gave us two beautiful boys who were my entire world for quite a while (and in many ways still are). those boys are still too young to understand her illness and the gift she gave them, but i hope that i can guide them toward doing so one day.

it's tragic that her life was cut short in such a horrifying way. no matter what anyone thinks of her, she deserved better. every human being does. we did not speak for the last many years, and i don't know if that was a good thing or not. i certainly could not have prevented what happened. i can't undo it. terrible things sometimes happen for no reason. we can do nothing but continue on.

what i can do is remember her. i can remember she lived, that she loved, that she lost, and that in the height of her illness she did the right thing, even if that thing continues to leave painful ripples through my family. and i can and will do my best to remind people that no human is all good or all bad. that sometimes things hurt so they can heal. that it's okay to mourn someone you loved even if they harmed you, and that doesn't mean you have to forgive them.

i don't need or even want any sort of sentiment extended to me for her loss. we were not close anymore, and like i said, i'm not sure if that was good or bad. i will quietly cry it out and grieve the person i believe she was, and my life will remain largely unchanged by her loss. what you can do for me, if you are moved to do anything at all, is to help me spread the reminder of the complexity of humanity.

[mistfallengw2]

I've finished answering to the Commander Love Interest Ask Game (or something idk) because Aurelia and Ellara have been in my mind a lot recently, and I wanted to use these as a jumping point to ramble about them. [link to 5, 6 and 8]

1. Who are they and what's their dynamic with the commander?

Ellara is a veteran Lightbringer of the Order of Whispers, ex-Ash Legion spy and agent, Legionnaire of the Echo warband (until their deaths in Orr/the Battle of Lion's Arch). Other than her independent assistance to Dragon's Watch and her duties in the Order, she specifically works as a double agent for them and Malice Swordshadow, having accepted to be part of a deal of cooperation between the two organizations in spite of her bitter feelings towards the Legion.

The dynamic between her and the Commander was more or less stuck for 8 years as a devoted friendship with messy feelings involved: Ellara fell tail over horns for her quite quickly yet was content with being her friends after being rejected (during Orr campaign), while Aurelia did harbor some shy feelings for her yet for years the concept of romance was too painful to even consider it a possibility (mist-fuckery stuff made it a lot harder to move on from the death of her mate). They both cherished their friendship as it was the closest thing to a warband both of them had, and for two traumatized gladium "widows" in their 30s/40s with a lot going on in their lives and a world to save, it was enough (even though they both knew it would have been better if it was something more). After S4e3 things became a bit more flirty and tentative, but never went anywhere as it was mostly poking fun at each other for the possibility. In IBS (No Quarter), Aurelia finally felt ready and stable enough to give it a chance, much to Ellara's cautiousness and genuine surprise. After that, their relationship remains pretty much unchanged, just with less angst, more comfort and extra perks.

2. How does the rest of Dragon's Watch feel about the relationship?

Overall positive and supportive (more or less everyone knows that Aurelia has some issues with romance, so they only nudge instead of push), with a huge dose of "fucking finally!" when it finally happened. Taimi, Marjory and Canach were the ones who teased the most, Braham and Gorrik were the most oblivious, and for years Caithe thought they were just being secretive about it. And of course Adamas wanted his actual mother to be happy with his "mother figure".

3. What does/what would the general population of Tyria think of the relationship?

After nearly a decade of the Commander being in the spotlight without an apparent partner, people are pretty curious about this charr that entered in her graces, with some being quite jealous or mean about it. Due to the officialization being relatively recent and Ellara being a mesmer of the Order of Whispers, the average Tyrian isn't usually aware of who she is exactly.

4. What was their initial opinion of the commander? Has that changed at all?

"Dayum, that's a hottie" never left Ellara's mind and persists to this day. The only way it changed was from it being the wish for a one-night-stand kind of thing (she had a whole set of issues with commitment after losing her mate) to evolving into genuine feelings towards her.

7. What kind of dumb rumors pop up/would pop up about the relationship?

Before the relationship, most rumors used to be about the fact that the Commander must have someone in her life, and the someone in question switched depending on who people saw Aurelia interact with at the time. Ellara happened to be around Aurelia a lot during the Orr campaign, and the initial influx of gossip between soldiers caused some hurt on the mesmer's part and general awkwardness between them for a time, especially after the Commander rejected her not for disinterest but because she was still grieving. Luckily they got over it pretty soon after the Pact's victory, and overall just stopped paying attention when the rumors got dumber and dumber. There were some nasty rumors, but the truly worst one will never be about them, as nothing could ever beat the time a group of new Pact recruits implied that Adamas was Aurelia's mate after having seen them "hug and cuddle", with it being made even worse by the fact they were having a rough conversation about Aurelia's late mate at that moment.

After it's confirmed they're together, rumors turned into lame gossip that doesn't stick and mostly makes them laugh: "that spy is actually taking advantage of the Commander's position" (El "to do what, exactly?"), "Aurelia is being mind-controlled by her evil mesmer powers" (Au "why didn't you do that? it would have made things a bit easier"), "it's all a facade to keep the Commander's real relationship a secret" (El "when would you have even found the time?"), and so on.

Also, Canach miiight have had a hand in mudding the waters and diverting the attention by spreading rumors about being "the Commander's favorite sylvari" in no clear terms, mostly to further his own agenda, a tiny bit out of pity after seeing Aurelia's reaction to the topic. While at first Ellara confronted him about it in a bout of protectiveness, there have been quite a few occasions in which he interjected awkward situations by acting and presenting himself as Aurelia's "partner" and keeping it vague, and Aurelia actually learned to play along once he came clean about the "scheme". It ended up becoming a sort of inside joke between the three of them, and after Aurelia and Canach went on that triple date together for shits and giggles (encouraged by Ellara), they all had quite a fun evening catching up on the Canthan gossip going crazy about it.

9. How did they/how would they have reacted to the commander's death at Balthazar's hands?

Their groups had split roughly after Glint's Lair: Aurelia had gone with the others to do story stuff, while Ellara had promised her she'd look after Adamas and his group (Mae, Hel, etc) while they were helping refugees, and they were all searching for clues as well when news of Aurelia's death reached her. She initially didn't believe it to be true, then went numb until Adamas's even worse reaction to it managed to rouse her out of the shock. By the time she arrived at the Spire with Adamas and Mae, Aurelia was alive again, and Ellara stared at her from a distance for a bit as canon conversations and tearful interactions happened. When Aurelia approached her after noticing her, Ellara had just a teeny tiny bit of a breakdown that involved a bunch of touching to make sure she was actually alive and some hugging.

She had kept her feelings stashed away since Orr not to put pressure on Aurelia, kinda hoping they'd pass as well, but that moment had made it clear that they were there to stay and stronger than ever. She avoided bringing the topic up until much later in Kourna (had to go report back to base after the end of PoF and was busy with the Order for a bit), when she found her up at night looking at the fortress from the camp's building, and she confessed to her what she had felt that day and that her feelings for her weren't going to change no matter what happened. Aurelia only managed a "I know, and I'm trying [to get over my grief], but…" before Ellara replied with a "I know", bumped her head against Aurelia's shoulder and left.

10. Are there any events in the story that happen differently because of/to/involving them?

Nothing major really changed due to Ellara, at most she does things in Aurelia's stead with a similar outcome (first big case was helping her throughout "Forging the Pact", where she and her warband did a lot of the work in uncovering the fake Syska's plan).

The biggest "change" is that Ellara was tasked with keeping Aurelia away from Drizzlewood Coast until recalled, which ended up being a couple months of "vacation/honeymoon" and overall inactivity (from No Quarter until Jormag Rising). The official reason was that Ellara was just given a leave to recover from injuries sustained shortly before No Quarter, but in practice it was a task specifically assigned by Malice, as she and all other Imperators wanted to avoid another situation in which Smodur would do more questionable acts in the proximity of the Commander and make himself extremely (and rightfully) punchable once again.

11. What parts of the commander do they get to see that nobody else does?

Ellara is the only one (excluding Aurene later on) who has seen just how bad what happened in the Mists affected Aurelia, because she's the one who helped her during many moments of crisis.

Back when they were getting to know each other in the midst of the Orr campaign, Ellara took advantage of all chances to hang out with her, considering them lowkey dates (Aurelia was oblivious to it). At one point, Aurelia lamented issues with her "foggy memories", and Ellara offered to try and use her chronomancer powers to help her clear her mind. Good news was that Aurelia was actually able to recover some of her memories, bad news was that she kinda fell apart afterwards. After the initial surprise (you try seeing such a big and strong charr crumble emotionally like that after you tried to help out), Ellara stuck with her through it and managed to calm her down, realizing at the same time that she actually cared about her as a friend and maybe something more already. The initial awkwardness after that first "session" soon became trust, as Ellara was nothing but genuinely supportive and Aurelia noticed improvements after having had the time to process her newly-rediscovered memories. The Commander didn't exactly share much about what happened in the Mists, and when she did it was mostly rambling since she barely understood it at times, but having someone who listened to her without being taken as crazy helped her connect the dots.

Even after getting awkwardly rejected some time later and being quite sore about it, Ellara understood her reasons and never retracted her help whenever Aurelia needed it. Once Aurene came around and things became easier for the Commander, Ellara's help became increasingly less needed, but Aurelia still sought it out from time to time, though mostly as an excuse to spend time with her and talk about anything.

12. What's a song you associate with the relationship?

Hard to pick just one, so here's a couple of the first ones that I threw in their playlists (both from Ellara's perspective) Autoheart - Hungover in the City of Dust & Mikey Wax - Bottle of Jack

13. In what ways does their personality compliment or contrast with the commander?

Their personalities are pretty different but not adverse, more like at the opposite edges of common ground, and they find comfort and balance in each other with little unnecessary contrast.

They both care, feel and hurt more than their world expected from them as soldiers, but while Ellara reacted to it by leaving and deciding to be sharp and cold like a blade in order to protect and preserve that part of herself for those who deserved it, Aurelia had everything taken from her and was stripped down to her vulnerable core by that unimaginable trauma in the Mists, forcing her to rebuild herself as she could once back in Tyria. She didn't do a terrible job at putting her pieces back together into a seemingly functional charr, though not as fierce, rough and sure of herself as before. In the beginning of their friendship, Aurelia subconsciously tried to emulate her self-assurance, seeing her as someone who had successfully taken control of her own life outside of charr society, and when Ellara noticed she was copying her well-kept facade, she was forced to admit some of her own deep vulnerabilities so that Aurelia could avoid becoming a mess like her, while also teaching her what she was looking for. Over time, Aurelia managed to seal her cracks and sharpen her dull edges by herself with her support, while Ellara softened and opened up more thanks to her, and now they're both as well-adjusted as they can be.

Constructive discussions from different points of view aside, their biggest point of "contrast" is the fact that Ellara can be a flirty mean thing when she wants to, and it used to(actually still kinda does) send Aurelia into absolute "brain.exe has stopped working from too many lesbian thoughts" panic. While she rarely did it (for obvious emotional reasons), there have been multiple times where Ellara took advantage of it in order to force the Commander to stop overthinking (read: completely scatter every single thought in her head) and breathe (read: lowkey hyperventilate after forgetting how to do it) for a damn second, and Aurelia can't deny it worked every time.

14. What is their favorite quality in the commander?

Her. Difficult choice, but probably her genuine altruism. It's clear as day that it's not performative, because she doesn't like the attention and she's awkward with thanks and compliments yet she does it anyway. The one time Ellara mentioned it, Aurelia only muttered something about it coming from the values of her late warband (in truth the Wing warband would have never been what it had been without her and the unknown promise Ardea had made to her).

It is also her most hated quality, because maybe Aurelia should think about herself for a couple minutes every once in a while. Just maybe.

15. What's the commander's favorite quality in them?

Her cool-headedness and quick mind, probably. It's not the same vibe of Ardea's, softer and sassier at the same time, but it grounds Aurelia just the same.

Aurelia used to be the muscle of the warband and was rarely involved in decision making, and as the Pact Commander she had huge issues with being the one who had to take any sort of decisions for others (especially after the whole fake Syska thing tanked her trust in herself nearly beyond repair), but that was Ellara's bread and butter as the mind of the warband and knew the weight of that role, so she slowly helped Aurelia gain confidence in leadership positions.

[shxwrunner]

Trigun Stampede - Analysis

I have no idea how to start this really, it's been a long time since I've used Tumblr frequently especially after I accidentally deleted my account a year ago. However, I've been brainrotting this a lot lately and I decided fuck it, I want to make a giant post on the differences that Trigun Stampede has to the original 98 anime. This may not be super coherent, and will not be spoiler free at all.

Of course, I'll talk about the manga here and there but I don't want to focus too heavily on it. If the people desire it, I'll make another long ass post about Trimax and all that nonsense. Also I apologize if this is formatted like shit.

Designs

A lot of the strife that older fans run into is the change in designs, but I think it's odd. Of course, if you want to bitch about how Vash looks like a TikTok E-boy then have your fun but it's not my cup of tea. One of the important things to know about the change in setting with Stampede is that not only is it a change in story- it's a change in aesthetics as well. Stampede is extremely more leaning into the idea of steampunk, and that's reflected in design changes.

Wolfwood remains the most unchanged, but really, no one can be mad about it. He is disheveled and just barely close enough to a priest that maybe he is! However the cigarette habit and giant punisher changes things, makes you question it. He's meant to be a bad boy, be mysterious, and he reminds unchanged. I like it.

Meryl... I don't have too many opinions on, I'll be honest. No strong yay or nay on her, but keeping her palette the same and the same tomboyish nature, is very good. Maybe leaned a bit too much into making her "cute"? In a way? That might not make sense to anyone but me though.

Vash, oh Vash. Everyone is so focused on your hair they don't notice the amazing details on everything else.

Vash's arm I'll start with, is one of the more interesting starts to the steampunk-ish aesthetic. As for his coat, yeah the simplistic style is a bit disappointing. The weird coat he had in trimax and 98 was very fun and unique and it's just a bit... Too normal. The one positive I will give it though is that when I first saw the Project Seeds patch I was very happy.

Such a dedication to something that means so much to him made me tear up, honestly. On the topic of character importance with the coat- it's still colored after Rem's favorite flower. I find that to be the most important factor in it all.

His eyes are pretty cool, and I like the effect that the glasses have with the animation. Not much more to say on the matter I think!

We haven't seen enough of Knives for me to make too many comments, but send an ask or smthn if you want to know about something specific. I Also can't say very much about Legato either but I do love his design rn!

Milly

I figured it'd be best to have a section on her early on, no?

I'm very upset about the fact that our beloved girl hasn't shown up yet, and frankly if she doesn't show up at all I'll be deeply hurt. Not only is she an extremely loveable character, she fills a dynamic that Roberto does not. Milly is one of the few people to love everyone unconditionally, Vash aside. She's upbeat, silly, and a bit slow when it comes to realizing things. As opposed to an extremely serious cast who has so many issues, comes a girl who just loves her friends and family.

Not to mention how important she is to Wolfwood's betrayal of Legato in 98. At least in my opinion. Of course I am the kind of person to lean more on development and chemistry in ships than anything, but he does genuinely love Milly in canon, and her reaction to his death is one of the most heartbreaking things. If they remove her from the series entirely, I would find his inevitable death to be... Unfulfilling? In a sense?

Of course, like all characters, Milly deserves a life and story uncentered around a man but we all know anime writers don't we?

Timeline of Events

I considered splitting this into separate events, but decided against it because I don't want to go on forever, as well as I am completely unsure how to word this section until it comes off my fingertips.

One of the biggest surprises to me was how quickly things are mashed together and how fast things happen. Like the fact that we meet Zazi the beast within the first 4...? Episodes?? I don't remember exact episode numbers, mind you. I can respect the narrative choice to MENTION Knives episode one, as I think it adds a lot of atmosphere and it helps the writing they seem to be shooting for.

Jeneora Rock, as a location, if I recall is when he meets one of the first Gung Ho Guns in 98. Nothing major happens, but I believe Legato does threaten him there and he fights the cyclops. So, seeing it basically be demolished and mixed with the city that was affected in the beginning of 98 by the Nebraska Family, is odd. Of course, the Nebraska Family still shows up, but is not called by the city to capture Vash. They're just ... There. And that's fine! Knives absolutely wrecking it though is what threw me off.

It wouldn't weird me out as much had it not been for the fact that one of the major reasons that Vash is wanted in 98... Hasn't happened. July is intact. Vash hasn't been forced to open his gate. He's only wanted because Knives is stealing plants. Along with that his bounty is only $$6 bil, rather than $$60 bil.

With that said I definitely think July won't remain for LONG, and the season might end right before or right after it's destruction. At least that's my prediction, and hope.

Plants

Like the last one, this is formatted as I go. It's a mess, I apologize. Hopefully the last section unless I come up with something new. ANYWAY!!

The way the plants are designed is quite honestly, gorgeous. I hope they lean into the almost seraph-style from Trimax a little more especially as we see Vash do his thing as a plant. I also like that they expand a little more on HOW plants provide things for humans, as noted by when Vash was being questioned about what he can produce. There isn't much for me to say about it, but I'm excited to learn more. I wanted a nice closer to this long post so, here's this. It's almost midnight so night trigun fans

[irisviel101]

Character Misconceptions | Raiden Ei

As someone who was exposed to Genshin Impact first through the fandom and only started playing much later, I dreaded starting the Inazuma archon quest. I had seen the myriad of opinions surrounding it, most of them negative, and I was constantly waiting for the story to fall flat on its face.

I won't lie, the Inazuma archon is probably the weakest so far but it is not as bad I had been lead to believe.

The GI fandom has a tendency to flanderize character traits and the popular character interpretation aren't always supported by canon (e.g.: Xiao being reduced to a Sasuke-like emo), but despite knowing this to some extent, I was pleasantly surprised with the amount of depth Ei's character really has.

Ei is an immortal being, the twin sister of the God of Eternity. She used to pose as her sister, leading the armies of Inazuma with her prowess while her sister ruled over the people with her knowledge and kindness. But then, her sister died and Ei was thrust into her role while the people of Inazuma didn't even realize it because they were not aware of Ei's existence or the fact that an archon died since it was outside of Inazuma.

Slowly, Ei lost several friends and, in her grief, decided to pursue a version of eternity that basically equalled to state is, an unchanging life that would remain undisturbed by the passage of time. In her mind, this would protect the people of Inazuma from the fate that she suffered. And to prevent herself from being affected by "erosion", she created a puppet bearing her face and sealed her consciousness in her Plane of Euthymia, where she would dwell for five hundred years.

Seeing Visions as a threat to the eternity she had created, a threat to the permanent paradise she believed Inazuma to be, Ei issued the Vision Hunt Decree, and, at some point, even closed Inazuma off from the rest of the world. However, Ei was also unaware of how her decisions were affecting her people and of the civil war Inazuma was going through.

Once she was defeated by the Traveler, her ideas of eternity were challenged for the first time. She finally saw how her decisions affected her people and she realized how she was manipulated into making those decisions through censored reports. Thus, while she didn't give up on creating an eternal paradise for her people, Ei decided to find a different way to pursue those ideals.

Her story quest starts with her struggling to come up with a solution, and the Traveler offers to show her around the city to get her reacquainted with society. This shows Ei exactly how much has changed despite her best efforts, and as she gets to know her people once more, she realizes that change is not something she can stop and that she needs to come up with an eternity that can coexist with the flow of time. Her first story quest is not the dating simulator it's made out to be and it's also not a prequel to the second story quest. It's a continuation of the Inazuma archon quest — whether it should have been another chapter of the archon quest or if it is fine as a story quest is a separate debate.

Ei is a pretty decent character, with more depth than usual for a female character in Genshin Impact, so it baffles me how much of her is misinterpreted in the fandom. I've seen less of this recently, but I can't tell if it's because I stopped venturing into the fandom much or if things have actually changed.

[dopemixtape]

As someone who loves Hawkami, how do you feel about some fans' criticism of their relationship and storyline?

Hello! Well, people are entitled to their opinions, and not everyone is going to view the show and a storyline the same way that I do. That's true of any show. The exchanges that I've seen have been handled respectfully, which is refreshing to see. I'm not here for any nasty discourse. This is fandom, and it ain't that deep. It should be fun. I definitely prefer to stay in my lane and let folks ship what they want to ship, and that's all I ask in return. More thoughts below the cut.

That said, my opinion of Hawkami remains unchanged. I love them. I love the pacing of the story, their chemistry, and watching them navigate these challenges they're up against now that they're progressing past the hooking up stage and move into real feelings territory. Some could argue that they haven't developed real feelings and it's just sex, but I would argue that it's never been just sex between them.

Examples: Evan sitting in the hospital with her after her surgery. Being charmed by her chemistry talk at the scene of a fire and teasing her about a chemistry set. Telling her she's a great medic and a lot of fun to be with. These are not indicators of simply wanting to get in her pants. He tried to keep his distance from her when she showed up at his office after he gave her the clinical resuscitation award. Notice that he didn't deny having feelings for her when she asked, just that he doesn't let personal feelings interfere with professional decision making (obviously that later turns out to not be true). Those looks exchanged in that scene were so soft on both sides, and an obvious (to me anyway) set up for something more long term than a hookup.

Have mistakes been made on both sides? Um, yes. They're human beings, and people make mistakes even with good intentions. Evan pushing 61 to the front of the line for repairs was not a great move. Sylvie had some excellent points and Violet needed to hear them. While we didn't get a long conversation about it between Evan and Violet, it was addressed. *shameless plug alert* I wrote a fic about it because I wanted to expand upon that conversation. You can read it here if you want: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37651678

The second time Evan covers a shift on 61 definitely pushed things a bit. However, it's a TV drama. There's the Gallo drama, and the professional boundaries drama, as well as the drama of Violet balancing it all. Evan seeing Gallo jealous and learning about Violet's past relationship with him added 10 years to my life. He was so calm about it all, because he's a MAN and not a jealous idiot. It was refreshing! I think if this relationship was temporary, we likely would have seen a different reaction from Evan. I know it was not set up to be originally, but this story, to me, is now being told in terms of a true love story.

Evan was trying to do the right thing by taking a step back after getting a verbal warning. He's worried about his career AND hers. He doesn't want her to be under a microscope because of her relationship with him. And while it hurt him to walk away, he was doing it for her. Him coming back at the end was not about missing hooking up with her. It was about missing Violet. Period. There are real feelings here. If it were truly just about sex, they could both find someone else that would be less complicated than their dynamic is. But while it's hard and there are legitimate challenges and obstacles in their path, what they have is real and worth fighting for. That is how I interpreted that last scene.

Bottom line: You can't help who you fall for sometimes. And if you'd like a real world example, I had real feelings for someone who reported to me at work. I tried to fight it for a long time because that seemed like the right thing to do. But we've been together for a long time. We are married and have two kids. We also didn't work together for long after we got together. So, there are solutions to problems.

I'm going to (hopefully) continue to enjoy this Hawkami storyline. I never expected this couple, nor did I expect the absolute chokehold they have on me. However, I'm here now. And if there is something on the show I don't like, I'll write fic to fix it.

These two are endgame for me. Your mileage may vary, and that's fine.

[voxofthevoid]

This popped up in my notifications recently, and it's kind of funny how many of my impressions have changed in the one entire year since I wrote this.

(Side note: While I know how long it's been, it's fucking wild to think I've been into JJK since November 2022.)

I figured I'd write out what's changed:

When the “You’ve got it from here” scene gets animated, I will lose my entire goddamn mind.

Unfortunately, I did not lose my entire mind. I didn't lose even a tiny bit of it. I was extremely disappointed with how that scene was animated; the unnecessary angle change and melodramatic drawn-out tension ruined the whole thing for me. Even the immediate aftermath sucked. Hell, even Nanami exploding looked more comical than gruesome. And while I'll always be sad about that (this is one of my favorite scenes, but at least I have the perfection in the manga), MAPPA did compensate with this:

What gets me about this scene is the way it shows how Yuuji remembers Nanami—not as the exhausted half-corpse who was pulverized in front of him but as he was in life, in the days they spent together. That kind, gentle smile is exactly what Yuuji saw last, but he's transposed it onto how Nanami chose to present himself. Something about that detail just kills me.

Other than vertical incest, there’s no relationship dynamic that’s safe from my gremlin hands.

Oh, this cracks me up every time I think about it. It turns out vertical incest is also not safe from me!! Kenjaku/Yuuji now lives rent free in my brain, and while the Unclekuna revelation hasn't had any effect on my opinion of canon sukuita dynamics, I've found I'm all for modern AUs with uncle/nephew sukuita. I still prefer twincest in modern contexts, but I like that Jin rather than Yuuji is Sukuna's reincarnated twin in the manga.

Now I’ve got like three different ideas that’s a mix of nanayuu and goyuu. If I don’t write at least one of them, someone should punch me.

I wrote a small novel's worth of Nanami/Yuuji and Gojou/Yuuji, in an omegaverse setting to boot, so no fists will be needed.

I have one(1) idea that’s a mix of goyuu+gofushi+itafushi+goitafushi (it’s…complicated), but it’s pretty low on the priority list.

This ended up being fully written way earlier than I thought I would because of the April anniversary project, and honestly, I enjoyed it immensely.

I’ll be frank: I want to like this ship a lot more than I actually do. And that’s mostly because Sukuna is a bit hit-and-miss for me.

I officially like sukuita to the point it's at serious risk of deposing nanaita as my second-favorite ship. Sukuna still makes me feel violent, but his OG form has done wonders to reshape the nature of said violence (read: I want to fist his belly mouth). More importantly, the developing dynamics of the fight between Yuuji and Sukuna have got me straight-up rabid. I'm down bad; I'm down horrendous. Yuuji should eat this man alive.

I do see a lot of potential in this ship for hate sex, except what I’d like to see is a very specific dynamic that I haven’t been able to find—and one that’s complicated enough that I’m not sure I could write it either. I might try some day, especially if inspiration strikes.

Inspiration did strike, violently and repeatedly. Not only has my total number of sukuita (plus goyuu) ideas gone up, but I've also written two fics with it. I'd say I've got the hate sex dynamic I prefer down, so now it's a matter of branching out as the plots demand.

My thoughts on itafushi and chosoita remain largely unchanged. I've also acquired hiita and kenita as ships I like enough to write. The spite-fuelled "get Yuuji hole" mission may increase the list further.

your thoughts on the other (popular) yuuji pairings? 👀

How many hours do you have 👀

I love too many Yuuji ships for my own good, honestly. But I'm not much of a multishipper, so everything else comes secondary to goyuu. Buuuut JJK is also the first fandom for which I've liked multiple ships enough to try and write more than just my OTP, so it's safe to say I like these Yuuji ships a hell of a lot.

Putting it under a cut because concision and I are arch-enemies. Also, I don't want to clog up the ship tags with my ramblings, so before you click through, know that this talks about nanayuu, chosoita, itafushi, and sukuita.

Caveat that I've read very, very few JJK fics, so I'll be talking mostly in relation to canon and my own writing.

Here goes, in order of adoration:

Nanami/Yuuji

Their canon dynamic is so good; I love how Yuuji's exuberance contrasts with Nanami's reticence, and more than that, I love how they're both intrinsically kind in a really similar way, even if Nanami's version has been tempered by the harsh realities of their world. Plus, it never gets old just how much Nanami lets Yuuji get away with—I mean, Nanamin, seriously. He protests once and then goes "well, guess I'm Nanamin now." Amazing. Predictably, Shibuya did unholy things to my poor heart. When the "You've got it from here" scene gets animated, I will lose my entire goddamn mind.

That said, I started out liking them platonically, but well, other than vertical incest, there's no relationship dynamic that's safe from my gremlin hands, so I wound up shipping them sooner than later. Specifically, I wrote a goyuu fic with a heavy focus on platonic Nanami&Yuuji and plummeted headfirst into shipping them, so now I've got like three different ideas that's a mix of nanayuu and goyuu. If I don't write at least one of them, someone should punch me.

Chōsō/Yuuji

Listen, brocon just comes very naturally when Chōsō is involved, and it doesn't help that sibling incest with fuckery potential has always lit up my brain (Sam/Dean from SPN, Vash/Knives from Trigun, etc.). What I like about their canon relationship is the...imbalance that's kind of there, especially at the beginning. Chōsō has family revelations after hallucinating one near-death-experience-induced (and Yuuji's NDE at that) picnic scene and is immediately ride or die, while Yuuji's just there going "???" He's treated complete strangers with more delicacy than he affords Chōsō when they're alone in Shibuya, which makes perfect sense given the circumstances and Yuuji's mental state at the time. And even once Yuuji seems to remember his "mum" and realize Chōsō is his brother, there's the distinct sense that Chōsō's attachment is a hell of a lot more intense and more explicitly connected to the blood relation, as opposed to Yuuji's usual warmth to an ally and friend. And that contrast of complete, immediate devotion and cautious, burgeoning affection makes me want to do unholy things to them both.

Which is why Chōsō is currently getting enthusiastically eaten and eaten out by Yuuji in my Word document. It's not even subtle as far as metaphors go.

Megumi/Yuuji

A friend described my thing for this as a "tiny, doting crush," and it's pretty accurate. Canon sells this pretty hard from the get-go, and something that struck me is that, a lot of the time when you have a shonen hero who's dragged into a new world, it's a female character, usually the future love interest/main heroine/first girl, that does it. In JJK, you have Megumi in that role—fun all over. Also, the narrative is highly consistent about highlighting both of their complicated feelings about their involvement in the other's current predicament. Their interactions are also interesting from the beginning, both the lighthearted moments and the heavier stuff. And the manga panel split between a freshly Sukunafied Megumi and a very horrified Yuuji remains one of my favorites.

Thing is, since canon feeds me pretty well in terms of this ship, I don't feel much of an urge to read or write it. I have one(1) idea that's a mix of goyuu+gofushi+itafushi+goitafushi (it's...complicated), but it's pretty low on the priority list.

Sukuna/Yuuji

I'll be frank: I want to like this ship a lot more than I actually do. And that's mostly because Sukuna is a bit hit-and-miss for me. There are parts in the story where I've loved him and parts where I wanted to step on his face—not in the fun way either. And ever since he took over Megumi, I've been in "step on his face" mode. Their canon relationship appeals to me mostly because Sukuna brings out a side of Yuuji that only Mahito has managed, and their scant interactions while sharing a mind and body were pretty interesting. The blend of hostility and humor was nice, and I kind of like that there's pretty much zero chance of it getting resolved like with, say, Kurama and Naruto.

Anyway, I do see a lot of potential in this ship for hate sex, except what I'd like to see is a very specific dynamic that I haven't been able to find—and one that's complicated enough that I'm not sure I could write it either. I might try some day, especially if inspiration strikes.

Thanks for asking, anon ❤

[happenstanced]

Okay after rewatching the letter scene I feel like I've been skewered with a kabob stick and put on a 400° grill so let's get into it.

First of all, my opinion as a whole about where EO is going remains unchanged. To get to where we want these characters to be, there is going to be some serious strife. I at no point was expecting a resolution during this episode, or even hoping for one, because let's face it

With that being said, of course I want Olivia and Elliot to be together and happy but it's just not going to happen right away, and that's okay. In fact, that's good. Because that means it'll be, as Mariska always says, earned.

What I'm still having trouble understanding though is the why. Why would Elliot give her that letter after Kathy had died, knowing that what was in it was untrue? The only rational explaination is that in some twisted way he felt he had an obligation to Kathy to follow through, to deliver the letter, to attempt to let Olivia go. He gave it to her only days after Kathy's murder, so my guess is he was so riddled with guilt that he thought the letter would be his absolution.

It's not like any of us live vicariously through fictional characters that we relate to and love to the point that we ourselves feel the emotions the characters feel, right?

And let it not be lost on us that we still do not know what Olivia is feeling. And we NEED to know to be able to move forward. This poor woman must have emotional whiplash. If I heard your voice I wouldn't have been able to leave, back off, you mean the world to me, I didn't ask you here, I love you, and that doesn't even include what was in the letter! She had to be reeling from the emotional teeter totter girl found herself on. Also I'm still not over how she recited the parts of the letter that Kathy wrote with such conviction but then whispered "but in a parallel universe..."

Mariska Emmy Hargitay, am I right?

Now. Kathy, Kathy, Kathy.

Girl if you had to go to the trouble to write a letter to a woman that your husband hasn't seen in ten years to feel secure in your marriage, may I offer you another option:

And here's the thing, yes writing the letter with statements that Kathy knew would make Olivia question her bond with Elliot was cruel, but obviously Kathy was self-conscious. What else would be her motivation if not lack of confidence? I don't necessarily believe she is an awful person just because she did an awful thing. But damn K you really got us fucked up.

I don't know where we will go after this, and it makes me nervous but excited. I'm probably naive to put some faith into the journey we're being taken on (not looking at you, SVU writers) but it feels like there's a build up that will deliver a great resolution.

All I can say now is that I'm so happy OC will be bringing back Richard Wheatley because at this point I think Olivia and Elliot will need extraneous circumstances to help motivate their progression.

Plus, a messy bitch always loves another messy bitch. Richard, I'm ready for you. Bring on the angst.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I read through your thoughts on Larry bait. I think your take is interesting and I can agree that the meaning fans give to things aren’t necessarily the same meaning Harry or Louis give to things and they might not care about fan meanings. In my opinion, sometimes they do things that seem like fan service. Like when Louis wore the giant H shirt. While it is possible that he paid no attention to the giant initial of the man some think he is secretly dating, it does seem rather unlikely that it didn’t cross his mind. There are many possibilities about why that particular shirt was worn and I can’t know what Louis intended.

If you don’t believe in the clues for fans, what makes you think they are together? The absence of a believable relationship with someone else and the belief they were together while in the band?

To be clear, I’m not fishing to be convinced about their relationship either way. I am most curious as to how you arrived at your conclusion based on the very limited information. I guess what I’m asking is how do you think through the situation and how do you consider possibilities? Which is not about Larry at all I guess, but rather an ask on learning how to think with more options of possibilities. Am I making any sense?

Thanks for this anon - it raises really interesting questions and I'll try and work through them.

I think the 'H' top is a really interesting example, because it is one of the few that I think is very unlikely to be a coincidence, because it was generally so bland and the occasion was so significant (it's possible that the shirt meant a lot to Louis for some other reason and he was like 'I know what people will think, but fuck it'. But its blandness makes that a long shot).

Louis wore the 'H' shirt in December 2020, at a time while Harry was away. It'd been a really strange and difficult year, and things were getting worse by the day. What bothers me about this line of arguing is that it centres fans rather than Louis in decisions Louis' life. If the 'H' is for Harry, I think Louis probably wore it because he's in love, and it was a really big thing and he wanted Harry. (Or maybe they'd had a fight it was all a way of communicating with each other - if you're starting point is about them rather than fans, then there are lots of options). When Louis and Harry do do things that are about their relationship, I think their relationship, and not fans are front and centre.

My whole objection to the 'baiting' framework is it puts the person who is claiming that they're being baited at the centre of not just their own universe - but everyone else's as well. "I am thinking or feeling something therefore that must have been someone's intention".

In terms of your other question - why do I think they're together? I've been pretty clear about this - way back in March 2016 I thought 'I'll continue to believe they're together until it becomes possible not to'. I didn't necessarily think that would be for long. I've set out when I'll change my mind several times and that's remained largely unchanged (a convincing relationship with someone else, Harry coming out in a way that is clear that he's not available as a fantasy boyfriend without Louis, it being logistically impossible for them to be in a relationship, some things they could say about each other).

There are specific things that made me think they were together over the last few years (The Umbro shirt, when Louis existed in time and space early in the pandemic etc.) And there are moments when I look at things that are ambiguous and think 'yes this means Larry is real'. Sometimes I feel things in ways that I wouldn't necessarily share, and certainly wouldn't argue with.

I think they're together, I know I might be wrong, I'm happy with that ambiguity. And when I get too worked up one way or another, I find it useful to acknowledge how little we actually know about celebrities lives, and how normal it is to be wrong about them.

[bloody-wonder]

Heyy ✨ 2, 14, 18 about the book asks ✨✨

thank you thank you✨

2. did you reread anything? what?

i re-read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy in the beginning of the year but my opinions remain unchanged and unpopular - it's a fine book but the movie is better and anyways absurdism is not my thing. then i conceived an idea to re-read some of the vampire chronicles - in preparation for the show but also to refresh my memories before continuing with the series. that,, did not end well lol. i already ranted about it in my mid-year book freak out post so i won't go into it again. more pleasant re-reads were the first two lymond chronicles, gideon the ninth and the thief. i appreciated the latter two much more on the re-read and i'm happy to inform that i know the game of kings by heart at this point lmao

14. what books do you want to finish before the year is over?

my biggest ambition is to finish with fire and sword - a polish historical epic i've been procrastinating on since january🙈 the thing is i really-really like it. i just need to make myself sit down and devote some time and attention to it every day instead of perusing images on tumblr. i'm also listening to babel, so i want to finish that too. other plans i had seem less and less realistic given that we're already 1/3 into december😬

18. how many books did you buy?

uhhh idk not a lot. i usually only buy physical books and only when i really need to make notes in them for uni or smth. the last one i bought was le cid by pierre corneille, it's for my french exam

end of year book ask

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Honestly I've noticed with the new spongebob movie that it's getting the exact same criticism as the second movie did. "It's a rip off of a classic episode" (FUN/or Have you seen this Snail?) "It feels like a very long spongebob episode" "it's too weird" "it's nothing like the first movie and will never live up to the first movie's legacy" (which it was never supposed to) "cgi = bad" "cringe" "it's a very corporate cash grab" (in reference to the super hero gimmick and camp coral stuff) you get the idea.

It usually stems from people expecting that it would be just like classic Spongebob which is impossible so they are usually let down. I mean if you're a person who hasn't seen the show for like 15 years then the movies would definitely strike you as unusual with your preconceived biases.

I've noticed over the years the second movie started to get more appreciated as people stopped comparing it to the first movie and appreciate it for what it is. It's a weird psychedelic movie and has qualities of it's own that it deserves to be appreciated for. The kids who grew up watching this movie are old enough to give their opinions on it and claim it as a classic.

I'm curious if that would happen to the third movie. Right now I've seen love and hate for the movie. I don't mind the criticisms the third movie is getting. I think they are legitimate and its fair to feel that way and I've never seen any as bad as the second movie got "this is garbage and you're not a true spongebob fan if you like this". The only thing bad I've recently seen is giving a positive opinion of the movie for some reason earns you the title of "movie defender"😒 which,, ngl that's some genwunner type beat.

Something I am interested in is the fact that each spongebob movie marks a new era of the show. The first movie had the departure of original staff. We still had some left over but it created a new dynamic and experimention with the show. Spongebob was in its height of popularity with its own movie and there was pressure on the new writers to achieve what the fans wanted but they weren't quite sure to get it. It was largely hit or miss.

The second movie era was a breath of fresh air. I feel like with how unusual the second movie and how strange it was; definitely influenced the episodes post secondary movie. I feel like the writers were able to let loose and try something new compared to the previous era where they were trying so hard to replicate ideas and formulas that made the classic era so classic. Here they were doing their own thing and we got a lot of crazy good and weird episodes. Yeah there were some that were definitely hit or miss but some that I feel deserve to be appreciated the uniqueness it brought.

The new era that is to come, I'm curious how it will go. As much as I like the third movie, how fun and and silly it was. We can be wary of some cooperate influence on the show. I think probably the original series will remain unchanged. We have thr camp coral show, Patrick show, squidward show and the knowledge that Nickelodeon wants to create a spongebob universe. It's going to be the strangest times yet and I'm curious to see how it goes.

[icharchivist]

Lavi anon: whoa thanks so much for the epic long reply. I love everything about it! Some stuff definitely caused me to think new things (so much I won't remember everything). 1st thing, The way I've always interpreted Roads Nightmare was that she accessed Lavi's dreams and let Lavi become his worst enemy letting all his fears fight back. Road meanwhile played a passive role by hiding in Allen. Afterall she didn't control bookmanJr. That was Lavi warring against his own mind. BookmanJr stuck-

2 around even after Lavi had stabbed Road. BookmanJr in my opinion was the one controlling the dream (thanks to Road, in return she controlled the body) trying to punish the part of him going astray. But BookmanJr (like you said) accepted Lavi and him were the same person when BJr heard Allen’s calls and tried to sacrifice himself to save his friend. But that’s my interpretation of Lavi’s worst fears and how even BJr couldn’t distort how Lavi sees Allen (you know it never occured to me how -

3 messed up it must have been for Lavi to stab dream Allen. Road could have been bias, but you’re right in that she could have seen how unchanged Allen was compared to the other’s and assumed Lavi would have treated dream Allen differently). 

(cutting it one mins again) first thank you for the nice word

Second, actually you’re right. I gave Road maybe a little too much credit on how much she manipulated the situation but considering the final manologue of how “Lavi” convinces “Bookman JR” you’re completely right: it was indeed more his internal self talking. 

I do think Road nudged a few things around. But it does lessen how much of her impact it was. And it says a lot about Lavi that this is how his fears manifests itself. How for everyone else in teh order it’s how much they’d judge him for him thinking of them like that, and all and so forth, but for Allen, what breaks him, is just how much of his emotional attachement to Allen was something his “duty self” had to reject and the fear of that one loss broke Lavi. 

But therefore if it’s really just Lavi’s fears coming out, Road probably only went into Allen because after seeing Lavi’s fears he knew she would be safer there. Like… if Road had all controle over the dreams and how she nudged it, she wouldn’t have just have let her Bias for Allen put her in a vulnerable situation. If we go with your interpretation (which the more i think about it, the more i think it’s accurate) it means Road saw the way Lavi wouldn’t even get to hurt Allen in those fears.  And you have also a point: considering how the nightmare evolved, i think perhaps the fears showed themselves by layers. And considering in the first layers, the first nightmares, Allen didn’t appear, Road probably put one and one together knowing that Allen would dig deeper into Lavi’s fears and consciousness. And now i’m sad.

It also says a lot about how much Lavi’s duty is challenged by Allen that it became the One “Ink” worth taking out. Worth killing by his duty self. Like in those fears it also acknowledge how this affection for Allen is the biggest risk against his duty. Guuuh it’s making me even sadder but that makes sense considering how it’s his grief about Allen that got called out by Bookman. (I think it’s a question of bad timing, but Bookman beat Lavi up with how he doesn’t need a heart over Allen’s loss, when Lenalee is crying for him - when Lenalee almost dies, there is no real time to lecture Lavi over his duty. Sure Lavi was still thinking about it,the whole thing was started in his mind, but Bookman didn’t act on it again due to the others stuff that kept happening. So even if this affection extended to Lenalee it was Allen who was the catalyst and therefore “the risk” in his nightmare. Funny enough considering Lenalee’s involvement in his nightmare were that her helplessness and how Lavi wanted to help her could be his downfall (but it wasn’t)- that echo how he was seeing the Lenalee’s situation on the boat. while Allen’s situation is fully on loss and it breaks him. Man. That hurts once put into that perspective.

Oh man Lavi’s right. No matter how much darkness ensnares Allen he’s such a creature of the light. Even kids see it better then adults. Timothy adores Allen. That girl Allen rescued in the Alma Arc thought his star was lucky. Another girl mistook Allen for-4 angel. It gets deeper when you realize a part of Lavi stopped emotionally/mentally aging when he became bookman jr and is the one who identifies Allen as dazzling Light. Even Kanda is getting in on being mesmerized by Allen’s white light image going by his expression from the last chap (Kanda’s 9 so…). I feel like Lavi’s observation was both a foreshadowing and resigned fear of losing Allen. Allen’s probably the best thing he’s ever recorded but he knows the natural state of the universe-5 is darkness with light only coming from sources. Humanity’s biggest light right now for Lavi is Allen. But even stars go out and Lavi probably wonders how long will Allen’s light shine for others until Allen himself goes out. I agree. Lavi is defintely overprotective at times. He freaked over Lenalee several times and during the Ark ark Allen was his main concern. Always staying close and getting jumpy when Noah attacked him. I’ll stop for now but I do love how Allen affected Lavi. X)

Nonny i love u and yes this is perfect. 

And tbh you have a point with especially resonating with children (although low blow for Kanda. Completely true and deserved and needed low blow but still). but it’s true that when “Lavi” gets to hear Allen’s voice and reason for a last time with his Bookman self against Road, his Bookman self turns back to a child. I think it meant a lot of having to face the values that had him start to be a Bookman to begin with. it’s apparently a decision Lavi took when he was 6 after all, before humanity made him numb to the “elder self” level. I think getting back to his Child self was a way to face back what were his original intentions by becoming a Bookman, trying to reconnect with that after years of losing yourself to cynism. But indeed it does create also an ongoing thing with younger people being carried away by Allen’s light in general and feeling hope in it.

But yes agreed, Lavi’s mention was really both foreshadowing and resigned fear of losing Allen. I think Lavi knows at this point, from almost losing Allen that it is something that will happen.

tbh even if we know Allen was “lost to his darkness” with Nea coming out, for Lavi, litterally, Allen “died” trying to save Suman after all. 

OKAY SO WAIT so as i was answering that i rewent to from chapter 55 to Allen’s death to notice what I wanted to say so: 

Timcanpy leaves VERY LATe the Tyki VS Allen showdown, and we know he recorded everything, so this is how much he saw. But here’s what happened:

Tyki killed Suman, making him explode from the butterflies. Allen was seriously injuried from the fight, right, and had to process all of that. Tyki eventually realizing who it was, started to show off his power: said Tease was only a weapon and he showed Allen how he could kill him, by tearing his heart out (so the whole scene of Tyki getting through Allen, litterally, and threatening to take his warm heart out, was reccorded by Timcanpy). THEN, Tyki destroys Allen’s innocence, STILL IN FRONT OF TIMCANPY (so that was reccorded). He also checks his hitman card to make sure and confirms that Allen is on his “to kill” list. But most importantly:The reason Tim left was that, while Tyki destroyed Allen’s innocence first, then headed to Suman’s, specifically talking about how he was looking to destroy the Heart. Allen knew at that point that he was on Tyki’s hit list. At this point, his innocence had already been destroyed, he saw Tyki’s destructive powers, and was too weak to try to fight back anyway.And what does Allen do? He asks Timcanpy to take Suman’s innocence and bring it back to the boat. Allen’s last action was to protect the innocence one last time. That’s what was recorded.

And also something I’ve never noticed until i looked for it but you know who is the first character we focus back on when Tyki is “killing” Allen? When Timcanpy leaves? Who is the first character from the boat we see again?

this is what serves as a transition from Timcanpy leaving Allen’s side to warn people on the boat, right before Allen gets killed. It’s Lavi who starts this “transition”. 

also this is right before they find Tim and I might need to scream at this reaction. Before being sure he died, he clentches his teeth remembering him and his kindness toward Suman before trying to believe that they will find them. He actually went througha  bit of denial there  g o d. I completely forgot. (also not helping the “memory effect” looks like it is fading away, a bit like light)

the point I wanted to make when i checked those out tho is that: Allen died “for the light” in a way. He died trying to protect, to save, and he spent his last minutes protecting the Innocence. In a way I can see why Lavi fears the Light swallowing allen more than the darkness: because to him, he saw Allen’s kindness taking him away. That Light that everyone sees in Allen, it had taken him away. 

Allen is a star, a light that is shining through and you’re entierely right: even those lights are doomed to fade away. And Lavi is aware of that, if only because it happened once. But he cannot hold hope for Allen even if he cares for this life. But ye at this point Allen is probably the best thing Lavi saw in his life and it hurts to think about how he might lose it at any moment like he already did.

And you’re right he does get overprotective, especially toward Lenalee and Allen. It still kills me that during the whole ark’s arc, while he remains mostly quiet, he spends most of his time stuck to Allen. It’s like,, dude,,, com’on,, you’re so scared to lose him again and you don’t even realize. He even felt for Allen when the Jasdebi were being vicious with him.

Man Lavi you care so much u fool. 

Everything about Lavi breaks my heart.

Take care!