#i've got the next interaction posts planned out i just need to make the art for them

[asktotallyhuman]

Oh my goodness! I wonder what questions we have to ask to see what happened?

//Well if there's something you wanna know about, you gotta ask about it! Whether or not the character answers, or answers in the RIGHT way...well, maybe there's a way to get one character to "loosen their lips", and maybe there's another character who's already willing to answer. Or, perhaps, the other can tell you how to get the first to talk. Who knows?

[tokkiw00]

After Hours - Kim Mingyu ⌛

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS, DO NOT INTERACT. UNEDITED.

When the rain doesn’t stop pouring and the world seems harsher than usual, you can always find shelter in someone. For you? That’s Kim Mingyu.

⌛ mingyu x gn!reader

⌛word count: 1.7k

⌛genre: short one-shot, comfort, fluff, bf!mingyu, talent recruiter! reader, mingyu is really sweet :(

⌛ warnings: cursing, mentions of the hospital, mentions of a really shitty day, slightly heavy ig, not that much warnings honestly-

⌛ notes: hello! this will be a quick read for you guys! it's more of a short story but i've had a lot in my mind lately so i kinda just- thought dumped in it. i hope you guys find comfort in this :) thank your stopping by and reading this smol story :) my asks, messages. and requests are open! so feel free to drop by anytime! <3

Inhale. Exhale.

The weight on your shoulders is heavier today.��

Inhale. Exhale.

A 9 to 5 job was not really the plan after graduation. You think, what’s the use of your music degree if you’re not practicing it by the end? You assume you’d be working for a film post-production company after college or maybe freelance doing film scoring and songwriting. Maybe be an artist yourself, release your own music— your art, your soul.

You always had big dreams.

But here you are, working an almost 12-hour-shift for an entertainment company that barely pays you. Your salary can hardly cover your rent and you don’t even get to rest properly— Ending your day at 9pm and then having to go to work at 6:30 in the morning just so you won’t encounter the rush of people in the morning train. 

You were lucky enough that your family agreed on helping you pay for your own place while you pay your bills.

Inhale. Exhale.

Today was longer than usual.

You missed your alarm this morning, making you leave your place later than usual, and by the time you arrived at the train station, it was already almost 8.

Before you got to work, you had a university student, who was in a rush, accidentally spill their coffee on you. You couldn’t even be mad when you saw the poor girl’s disheveled look, so you just let it pass as she continued apologizing to you.

You went to the company with your cream sleeves stained brown, having to ignore the judging looks you got from other employees as you clocked in by a nose.

Inhale. Exhale.

You were in charge of your companies’ artists— having to do their paperwork and PR every time they release new music or a new comeback.

You’re good with deadlines and emails, you really are.

But today, you got falsely accused of not sending an important email that had something to do with a release for the next week. You got an earful from your superior just before lunch— your colleagues watching from the glass window as you got scolded alone in the meeting room.

When your superior saw that you did email them the documents they needed, they offered no apology whatsoever for their haughty behavior— only scoffing and glaring at you as they walked out of the meeting room.

Inhale. Exhale.

You ran around the building today.

After lunch, you tended to what your artists needed.

Your artists’ managers were demanding a lot— from scheduling the practice rooms, having more studio time, to fixing comeback schedules and tour dates. In addition to that, since some of your colleagues were on leave, you were the one handling their artists while they’re gone.

You know you’re good at your job, but it feels a little more taxing today.

Every “congratulations” and pat on the shoulder from the managers felt like it added to the weight of it all.

A little reminder of what you’ve been through the whole day.

It’s not that you didn’t appreciate them, it’s just you wanted to rest.

Inhale. Exhale.

You were still in the building when your mother just called, telling you that your grandmother needs to be operated on.

You feel the twinge on your chest as you listen to her tell you her troubles. You’d rather have her tell you these things rather than keep it to herself. You’re aware that it’s not your responsibility, but as the eldest child, you feel like you had to do something. 

You hate having to think that your mom would bear it all alone.

You talk about her day, your siblings, and solutions for covering the hospital bill over the phone call. When your mom tells you that your aunts were willing to pay for the hospital bill and the additional costs, you let out a sigh of relief— that was one thorn off the stem. 

With slight resignation, you slump over your seat, looking out the office window.

Only an hour until work ends. You can finally rest, right?

Breathe in, breathe out.

It always helps.

Inhale. Exhale.

You forgot your umbrella.

The dark clouds that loom over the city cover the moon, while the heavy downpour of the rain pitter-patter across the concrete pavement.

“Shit,” you utter under your breath.

You can’t possibly go home in this weather.

You check your phone, debating whether or not to call your boyfriend to pick you up. But you remembered that he was busy and decided not to bother him anymore. 

While lost in thought, a bunch of college students pass by you, laughing under the rain and pushing each other out of their umbrellas.

Oh, how you miss that time.

You feel the migraine creeping in and your throat slowly closing up.

A shaky breath is all you can let out.

Inhale. Exhale.

Here you are, in front of the company building. The rain was falling harder and your phone was slowly blowing up with notifications from friends talking about a high school reunion.

You don’t have the heart to look at these messages anymore.

Your friends were nurses, software engineers, and university assistants who get paid full and can travel around when they can. They graduated a year or two before you could while you were stuck with this one minor subject in uni because you can barely pass it.

You’re proud of them. You’re happy for them. But you can’t help but compare yourself to them.

What do you even say to them? You didn’t reach your dreams of becoming the artist you can be? That you’re just a mere corporate slave to the entertainment industry that you were supposed to excel on?

These thoughts didn’t help at all.

Each weight from today kept stacking one after another.

You struggle to swallow down the lump forming in your throat as your eyes fog, and the sound of your surroundings slowly drowns itself out. 

Inhale. Exhale.

Breathe in, breathe out.

But it doesn’t help you. 

Inhale. Exhale.

With your head hung low, you nibble on your lower lip, picking on the bag that you were holding on to.

Pathetic, you think. 

Tears slowly fall while you stand outside the company building. The hustle and bustle of the city covers the small sob you let out.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice slowly calls. You know who it is, but you couldn’t even look up to them.

But you didn’t have to.

He cups your face, gently pulling you to look up at him.

Your eyes meet.

Kim Mingyu.

Inhale Exhale.

Seeing your dreary eyes and melancholy look, he immediately held you close to him, his arms wrapping around your shaking form as you sobbed on his chest.

Inhale. Exhale.

“My poor baby,” he coos, his palm slowly stroking your head as you sob your heart out, not caring if passersby stare at the two of you.

He pulls away slightly, wiping the tears still falling from your cheeks.

“Tired?”

You can only nod at him, pulling him back in a desperate embrace.

Inhale. Exhale.

Mingyu hums as he places his cheek on the top of your head, rubbing the small of your back. “I got worried once it started raining. I saw your umbrella on the kitchen top this morning,” he says.

You inhaled his scent, burying your face on his chest once again. 

Despite the scent of this polluted city and rain, his was the only one pervading your senses. 

“You didn’t have to come here,” you muttered.

“I wanted to,” he replies, movements not faltering even when you look up at him. “I’ve finished my projects and meetings earlier, you don’t have to worry.”

Calm and warm. 

These are what you feel when your eyes meet once again.

Mingyu is your partner, your lover, and your best friend. You didn’t have to pretend to be strong in front of him.

He knows you like the back of his hand and you can’t fool him even if you tried.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” you say.

“You will never be a bother to me.”

“But—”

“No ‘buts’,” he shuts you down before you can complain.

“Y/N, we’ve been together for five years. I know when you’re tired, I know when you’re anxious. I know I have my own weight to carry, but it will never be too heavy for me to not be able to carry some of yours as well. I love you, so please let me do this for you?”

Inhale. Exhale.

“You’re going to make me cry again,” you reply, a small smile forming on your face.

The warmth on your chest slowly spreads.

It’s always easy with him. You didn’t have to try too hard nor did you have to be someone you’re not.

You’re just you when you’re with him.

He smiles when he sees you smile, “Tell me everything in the car, okay? Let’s just get out of this fucky weather and let me make you dinner at home. How’s that sound?”

The small nod you gave him was enough for him to bring out his umbrella, covering the both of you, as the two of you walk to the car.

Sure enough, on the way back home, you tell him about what happened with your superior and your artists’ managers, you tell him about your mom and your friends, you tell him everything that has happened since this morning.

He listens quietly, replying with small hums as the radio plays soft music in the background.

True to his word, he made you dinner and while eating, he lets you complain more— sometimes making jokes about how your superior looks like that one Five Nights at Freddy's animatronic. 

Once you guys have cleaned up the kitchen and have showered, the both of you lay in bed with your arms wrapped around one another and legs entangled to each other. You feel his skin against yours and his warm breath tickling your neck. 

All the troubles that were clouding your head earlier seem to vanish.

Inhale. Exhale.

“I love you, Gyu,” you say, eyes closed.

Mingyu places a soft kiss on your shoulder, “I love you too, you can always find rest in me.”

NOTE: This story is purely fictional. Any traits or decisions of the story's characters do not reflect those of their real life counterparts. This is a work of fiction and is not real. Please separate fiction from reality.

[kyucipher]

Not trying to be mean /gen what is that au you mentioned? I can't understand what they are

Don't worry, anon!! I didn't really expect anyone to interact with the post, so I was just tisming out, but now that someone asked-

I don't have a name for this, I've just been calling it "the demon leiko au", but it's a little au based on my friend @cogentsummoner 's au/fanfic To be human (Which is really awesome and you should check it out frfr

\\CW for some kinda suggestive art below\\

(Ignore lack of wings, I'm bad at drawing them-)

At first, it was just me putting demon Leiko (Leiko's fantasy au counterpart) next to dragon Toshi and making them smooch, but every time I sent a new idea or doodle, Maxie and I would talk about "what ifs" and started making Leiko and the reader (Knight) interact, and now here we are!

Canon events go as planned, Knight and Toshi meet up, get close to each other (just friends tho haha) until one day, while Knight was out doing god knows what, Leiko accidentally made a tunnel that led to Toshi's lair and decided to stay around bc he was charming (that and they were lowkey planning on eating him at first)

Once Knight comes home and sees that happening, she kinda has no choice but to allow them around bc like... At least Toshi is making friends? However, Leiko decides that they need to make Knight's life hell and constantly try to provoke and annoy him to get a reaction (which they rarely get and greatly pisses them off)

Their dynamic was just really funny and endearing, and I got attached to it lol

ALSO TO CLARIFY!! None of this is canon to the actual fanfic, and it's just me playing with dolls in my mind! If you want canon stuff just check out Maxie's blog bc he's really talented :]

[ambrosiagourmet]

thistle for ask meme!

Thistle :0

First impression

No joke I was convinced early on that Laios & the party were making like a huuuuge leap in assuming that Thistle was the Lunatic Magician TM like guys you can't just go accusing every random person you find in a living painting of being the manager. Alas... he was, in fact, the manager.

Impression now

He's so jester coded👍

I think Thistle is very interesting and a great foil to Marcille, which I looove. They are both magic elf(-ish) advisors, they both get caught up in wanting to help the people around them live longer, they both become dungeon lords in pursuit of that... I think Thistle's story as it is works well for the narrative and I don't necessarily think he was underutilized exactly, but it is a little hard not to want A Bit More sometimes. Even if I do think it would be hard to add that more in without sacrificing some of the pacing overall :')

Favorite moment

I was initially going to say the ending for them, because I do love it, but you know what? I've got a more interesting answer. My favorite Thistle scene is.... this:

This fundamentally changes the trajectory of the story. In trying to find someone to stop the Winged Lion, Thistle launches Marcille into becoming the next lord of the dungeon. The next victim of the Lion. If Thistle hadn't resurrected Marcille, then the plot would have played out totally differently. She wouldn't have been able to finish unsealing the book. Laios would have been on his own when the canaries came. Would they have just cleaned everything up more easily? Would it instead have become something worse? Would Laios somehow have unsealed the book and become the lore of the dungeon right away?

I dunno. But this action reshaped Marcille's life, and Laios', and so many other people's. And it was done out of a desire to keep fighting. To not give in.

Augh idk. It's good. Their connection is good.

Idea for a story

Thistle & Chimera Laios.

But not just a "Laios gets eaten by the dragon instead," I think it would be cool to explore an AU where for some handwavy magic reason, Laios gets his soul bound up w/ the dragon during Falin's resurrection, and he gets poofed into a dragon form.

There's a note somewhere that says that chimeras start popping up the more the lord of the dungeon starts to lose their hold on things, but having met Laios before might help Thistle eventually realize that something is Off about the dragon. From there... well maybe he starts to ask questions and gives Laios more freedom to actually answer, and things could continue from there as Laios gets enough humanity back to start to understand what's happening, and also Thistle takes more time to question the Lion's plans rather than just continue to act. They'd be stuck together, probably with Laios still under Thistle's control, but maybe as they figure out more of the truth, they'd actually work together? Need to rely on each other? I'd like to see how each of them would deal with that situation...

PLUS then on the flip side I think switching Falin into the group part way through the story (rather than at the start) could be really interesting. So the adventures on that side would be fun too.

Unpopular opinion

umm idk. Is Thistle widely regarded as a Marcille foil? Because if not then why. They are so inchresting. funky little mages.

Favorite relationship

Hmmm okay so like obviously Thistle & Marcille, but also as seen in my story idea I want to explore more of Thistle & Laios bc their interactions were fun, soo... I'll just say the Dungeon Lord quartet as a whole. I like when people draw art of them all together. Let them bond through shared trauma. And also all of them have tried to kill at least one other person there at some point. It's great. They should go on brunch dates.

Favorite headcanon

This post about Thistle's goal to eat a meal with Delgal fundamentally rewired my brain

[spindledreams]

✨✨✨

I have to preface this post with a note. The following blog post may contain things that you find uncomfortable, inflammatory, or even problematic. Because I know this may be a controversial franchise to publicly share an interest in, I will begin by saying that I ***absolutely disagree with the author's views on trans women***. I already owned the books and had an interest in the story before she opened her mouth on the subject.

I am not willing to entertain any debates or discussions on separating the art from its creator. Furthermore, ***any*** comments about how enjoying this franchise means that the reader is a transphobe, agrees with the creator's views, or should be shamed and rejected for enjoying it will be deleted and the commenter will be blocked.

I am not going to tell you how to feel. But I AM going to tell you that if you decide to come be ugly at me due to your own assumptions, you will find yourself blocked without reply. You don't have to interact with this fictional world if you don't want to but you also don't get to throw rocks at people who do when you don't know them. Enjoying this particular work doesn't have any bearing on my real-world support for real-world trans rights issues.

✨✨✨

Without further ado, the post!

The other day I was at Walmart after glasses to modify for Liesl (because they're $5) and as it happens my store has most of the 18" doll stuff on clearance right now. So I got my glasses set for $2.50, also picked up a Ravenclaw uniform for $10, and I stared very hard at the HP dolls, which I have been looking at for a while. I've had plans to get a Walmart doll for clothing display at future craft fairs, so the uniform was just a bonus. I like different parts of the uniform from the doll and the outfit so I wanted both.

Ravenclaw and Slytherin dolls were marked down to $25 and there were only two Ravenclaw dolls on the shelf (no Slytherin left!), but I didn't have the available funds for all of that till next week. So I walked away from the shelf with the glasses and the uniform and went home. Online the price is still $50, which is more than I want to spend on this doll.

My mother is house sitting for my sister this week. I told her about the markdown, just as a casual mention about my concern about the doll's availability, and she went and picked her up for me! Said I can pay her back next week.

I'm gonna call this girl Lark.

I finally had some time to unbox her and the uniform today. I love her sweet little face so much, and she has the softest rooted curls! I'm a little scared to take them out of her pigtails because the ends are a little tangle-prone. She can hold her wand in one hand and her suitcase in the other.

The separate uniform is a little different. The robe is a little more detailed. The tie is separate from the shirt, which is a button-up type. The skirt is the same style but different fabric. The wand is slimmer and longer. The shoes are Mary Janes instead of loafers. The scarf is thinner, but it's also doubled.

I plan to trade some pieces and alter some others I don't care much for the skirt on the doll set. I prefer the width of the doll scarf but I like the pattern better on the separate one; think I can unpick the seams on the narrow one and maybe stitch the edges, and then both scarves will be similar width. The emblem just won't be centered on one but I can live with that.

I also like the sweater from the doll set, but the striped tie from the separate set. Unfortunately, the shirt and sweater on the doll set are not separate - it's a sewn in collar on the sweater! The tie is also sewn on. I will need to take a closer look at the parts I want to swap. I may decide to leave them as they are and make a new grey sweater for Liesl.

I am a little torn on the shoes. I like both about equally. I will try both on Liesl with the striped socks and see which fit her better, since I already know both will fit Lark.

Now, the glasses will need some adjusting a little. I will try them on Liesl tomorrow and see what needs altering, and will trim as needed to get the glasses to sit right on her face.

I also have decided to further lose my sanity and make two more custom dolls, details for which I will share later after I have slept.

[sanddusted-wisteria]

An update on my fics

hey wow it's been 4 months

Nearly six months on both longfics lmao. I've been busy and will continue to be busy, unfortunately. Grad school is a different beast entirely to undergrad (be careful taking 3 grad classes in a semester. 2 heavy ones can really make you regret it), I need to prepare for job interviews and PhD program applications, and this summer I've been wrangling an internship and research work.

Even so tho, my MTAS brainrot is far from dead. It takes a lot of time and effort, but I still have a lot I want to do with the My Time verse and my OCs, both art and fic. So here's a quick update on where I am and what the plan is with my fics and fic series going forward, and some previews of what I have so far (on a separate post bc this one's already too long lmao)!

TL;DR: busy, but still writing! WIP snippets on the next post.

[Long post and rambling belowwwwww]

Earth and Sky

Currently my primary focus. E&S has evolved a TON since I decided to rewrite it. How much? Well...

[Drafting = first draft is in progress; Revising = draft is plot-complete, set aside for future editing passes]

In fact, I haven't even outlined the ending chapters since I recently had a change of heart in the kind of resolution I wanted. I got stuck on it enough that I decided to forego outlining anything for now and playing that one more by ear. I think any more time I spend tweaking these outlines might put me off this fic altogether :P

As someone that started writing with nameless/generic builders, writing for an OC is a different kind of challenge. I'm working to try and strike a good balance of focus on Wis vs Qi vs them together, and making Wis a very human, if not enjoyable character. Still, I think that this is one of those projects that if I can get right, it will be VERY right. It'll just take a bit to get there first :>

At minimum, I'll wait until most if not all of the chapters in the first third/quarter are done (chapters 1-16) to start posting, though hopefully I'll also have a solid idea for how some of the later chapters will go as well. Those are the really (internal) conflict-heavy chapters and I want to make sure it won't come out as shallow :P But I am excited to show you what I've got cooking!

A Cosmic Garden

This is the broader series for Wis and Qi. E&S will be the biggest fic, but it only goes up to a little beyond MTAS's Act 2. Beyond that, my plan is to write some side stories that go into Wis's Lore(tm), namely her origins as an Old World clone and her interactions with other Wis clones around the Alliance.

Why side stories? Well, a) any plot involving Wis as a clone is relatively spread out across the timeline of MTAS's story, since it's actually not that closely tied to her "main" storyline (being the first clone I made when the clone story was just kind of just a bullet point on their lore descriptions, it's less involved), b) it therefore doesn't really affect the story of how she and Qi get together, and c) I know that people might be far more interested in just the romance story with Qi (which is totally okay! I understand, I'm pretty much in the same camp with OC-centric stories a lot :P)

As for the equivalent of MTAS's Act 3, this won't be one cohesive fic, but a small series of smaller stories, since I don't really have too many ideas for a fully fleshed out telling of Act 3 that doesn't just walk through the main missions without much deviating from that. Some of those stories include:

A series of conversations between Qi and Miguel post Act 2

A Nia/Mi-an story

A silly little oneshot of Qi and Rosie interacting (tentative)

The original idea that Strangeness and Charm sprouted from; Wis and Qi conducting a methodical study on non-sexual intimacy (tentative)

The finale of the MTAS main story

A Builder, a Researcher, and a Rooftop

Currently on pause. For now, there's just too much OC brainrot for fics and on OTAS that I just need to get out. Don't worry! I'm absolutely not abandoning this one. I just can only really focus on one big project at a time lol. We're close to the end of this story's act 2, though not much of the remainder is written. In fact, chapter 34 is already done, but not chapter 33, so I can't quite post it yet. I think after I get the first part of E&S done (or I suppose whenever I feel like picking it up), I'll switch gears to at least get to the end of Act 2. Act 3 will need some reevaluation...I've hemmed and hawed over it forever, but I do want to finalize the plot for that one, and also potentially get started on that as well.

Others

To the...5 people that read my Grace/Wis miniseries, I really do still want to get that done a;sdlasdralsdrkj It's been hard since my thoughts on how Grace and Wis interact after Act 2 have changed a lot. But even so, I hate to leave it hanging there, so I've started working on it again. It's already outlined, I just need to get it filled in.

Someday I should come back to Quiet Moments in Sandrock... My art's gotten a ton better since then and there's a few ideas I still have leftover that I never got to. Unfortunately I need to make room for it somewhere in the 13438525 other art ideas I have that I can only do like 1 per week at MOST asdlrkasdasdrjksdrj

Sitting on the back burner forever in my writing folder is a fusion of Junji Ito's Uzumaki and MTAS... An MTAS version of Uzumaki's story works SURPRISINGLY well, and Wis and Qi I think make for stronger protagonists in this setting than Kirie and Shuichi in theirs if I do say so myself lol. It's fully outlined and everything, but that's gonna forever be on the back burner until either my longfics get done or I figure out how to write horror, whichever comes first 😂

So all in all...still cooking! Thank you if you read all this, and thank you for your patience, especially if you've been closely following any of my in progress fics. Hopefully once the interview and application cycle is out of the way this fall, I'll have more brain capacity to really plug away at all these and share with you all! :>

[wordpress-blaze-242934854]

💐 Kick Your Feet UP Today, Widows

Today, I’m choosing to walk—not run, not hide, but walk—into my grief.

These feet were made for walking, and today, they walk with purpose. Not away from the pain. Not around the ache. But straight into it—with open arms and a heart that dares to stay soft.

Yes, I am walking into my grief with a positive attitude. Not because it’s easy, and not because the tears have dried up. But because I’ve learned that running from it only delays the inevitable. Grief doesn’t disappear. It waits. And when I face it, I get to experience the quiet gift it holds: proof that I have loved deeply.

It has been nearly eight months since I lost Scott. And let me tell you, I do not miss him any less than I did on day one. His name still echoes in my thoughts, still stirs something deep within me. There are days when just breathing feels like remembering him.

But today, I let grief walk beside me. I let the memories wash over me. I let the tears fall. I let my heart swell with the blessing of what once was.

Because this pain—this ache—is sacred. It reminds me that I had a great love. And not everyone gets to say that.

So I won’t curse the grief. I won’t silence the memories. I will walk through it. I will embrace it. I will honor it. And with every step, I will be reminded: these feet still move.

And that is a victory in itself.

— In loving memory of Scott. For all who walk this path: you are not alone. 💛

Source: 💐 Kick Your Feet UP Today, Widows

[haarlen]

This may be one of the most painful announcements I've ever made, one I didn't think I would make this soon, but here we are.

I will go on an *Indefinite Hiatus*, officially starting next year.

This means that, while I might appear every once in a while to randomly interact, I will no longer post art for the foreseeable time. The plan is to rest for a year, or maybe even less than that, but only time will tell.

I've been thinking about this for a few days, seriously contemplating if this was the best outcome and, while I cried my eyes out until I stopped feeling anything, there's no other option.

The physical and mental strain art has given me lately is unbearable, and I can't keep going like this... I, at some point, had decided to give up the last remaining dream I had. Which is why I want to go on hiatus now, before I do.

I will take the rest of the year to post everything that I have already drawn, and will take the time to work on my final piece, and after that, the hiatus will begin. I will put my everything on that last piece, I plan to go out with a bang.

My Redbubble and Ko-Fi will still be up, but none of them will be updated either. If I were to receive a commission I will complete it, but that's about it. I still kinda need the money after all hahaha...

I'm incredibly thankful to all the people that have always supported me, those that liked and shared everything I posted, those that got just as excited as I did when I drew something, I will never forget your names, and I hope that, if I ever come back, we get to see each other again.

As a final though, I would like to say that I don't regret coming back and doing art, no matter the amount of struggling and desperation I surely went through. Every piece I drew, I loved it with my heart. If I was given the chance to go back in time and stop myself from drawing like this, I wouldn't accept it. I loved doing this, for the years I managed to handle it. If I were to be reborn again and had a chance to do this again, I'd take it without question.

Thank you.

I'm really sorry.

[likegemstone]

I have been in a really good groove with creating lately, and just with like "working" in general. In the past, creating has often involved a massive and constant mental wrestling match against myself—second guessing every decision, fighting through constant discouragement, rarely if ever feeling confident in what I'm working on, etc. Just all this emotional/mental exertion on top of the regular emotional/mental exertion that goes into making art.

But lately I have felt really in sync with myself—we're dancing instead of wrestling. I've been brave enough to try out new things that I've never done before (which is REALLY hard for me, like REALLY hard), and been able to notice and accept the areas of my work that I can see need improvement without beating myself up bc they aren't "good enough" yet. It has been really nice, and has shown me that, when I can care for and take responsibility for myself properly (which I now have the skills and tools to do thanks to a lot of inner work and also therapy), I can learn, grow, and improve pretty steadily, and without all the agony of that fucking exhausting wrestling match.

However.

I made a post recently about how I want to draw Daivad getting his ass kicked (and also kicking ass), right? That is in great part due to the fact that I was, at the time, rereading Kengan Asura/Kengan Omega (which is an MMA manga) and I was Very Inspired. And I still am. I've been gathering reference and inspo ever since then. And today I ran out of Haikyuu!! to watch so I was like okay now is the time—I want to draw some sick action scenes with Daivad.

But then. Here comes the anxiety. The overwhelm. The "there's no way you can pull off some sick action scenes—you can barely place characters in a scene and make it look legit, you want to try to do multiple characters interacting in a scene in extreme and dynamic poses?? no shot. and once you try and inevitably fail then you're going to be discouraged and start beating yourself up again and you'll ruin this momentum we've got going on."

So, this post is going to be me using those tools and skills I have now to work through this. Because I know I can. I've done it before.

First skill I'm going to be using: recognizing what exactly is triggering this anxiety, and figuring out a plan to care for the Part of me that's triggered. I want to ensure I'm making my decisions from Core, not from a triggered Part, and I also want to ensure I'm caring for those vulnerable Parts!

I think the thing that is making me feel so anxious and overwhelmed is because dynamic action scenes are so far out of my comfort zone and I haven't come up with a plan for connecting the dots of my current skill to Dynamic Action Scene Skill. It's a whole big leap, and that Part of me sees aaaaalllll of those, like dozens of really tricky dots that I have not mastered yet (perspective, composition, conveying movement, dynamic poses IN perspective, and so on) and is like "!!!!! HOLD UP THAT'S TOO MUCH I CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT ALL AT ONCE. Trying to master all that stuff will take literal years and probably good money to pay for lessons from people who know wtf they're doing!!"

So, I'll care for that Part by saying: That's true! And it's okay! I'm not going to try to get the perfect action scene down right away, because you're right. Trying to force that would absolutely wreck our confidence and be really frustrating as well. And I appreciate the reminder that biting off more than I can chew can knock me back a few steps. Small bites are best sometimes.

Next skill, now that that Part has calmed down a lot and also feels steadied: coming up with a plan. I want to draw Daivad getting his ass kicked, but don't currently have the skills to pull off a whole Dynamic Action Scene yet. So how am I going to meet that desire/feed my inspiration (Daivad getting his ass kicked) while still protecting my Parts, challenging my skills, and caring for my mental health?

One dot at a time.

I could start with just breaking down some of my favorite panels from KA. Examining how Daromeon frames his scenes, how he works with perspective, how he conveys movement, etc. But specifically I want to see Daivad getting his ass kicked—so maybe I'll start with just one pose that feels doable for my skill level, use KA as reference for the pose and put Daivad in it, and since I have gotten decent at capturing his likeness, I can challenge myself to put an extreme expression on his face and still have him be recognizable. That's totally doable—it'll take time and work and lots of effort, but it's doable! And it will bring me one step closer to Dynamic Action Scene skill level!

Alright, now I'm feeling excited and fired up and also I have an exact pose in mind and I think I already have it saved somewhere, so I am off to draw Daivad, Bloody and In Pain. Wish me luck y'all!

[solarsavoy]

Sorry if this is a lot but 🏅👮😈👨‍👧‍👧✨

It's never too much! I'm happy to answer all the asks!!

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

I haven't been too happy with my fics lately tbh, however, I was really proud of finishing Karmagisa week back in July. I was really worried I wouldn't, considering my recent streak of updating irregularly. (Guess I'm just like every other fic write now. 😅 I just miss being able to keep up with posting regularly, because then I got regular comments which are like my lifeblood.) But yeah, so, Karmagisa week.

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

I still don't think any of my other fics will have anything on Students of Despair. However, if I do it right, Pandora's might be worse in that respect. The reason is the same for both: I'm going to be googling a lot of dead body stuff and possibly adding in methods of killing. Yeah, that's probably gonna get me arrested. 😅 So if I do, somebody please point out this post to the police so they can see that this was in fact the intended purpose and I wasn't googling that stuff because I wanted to do anything.

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

Strangely no? I did initially wonder if my readers would hate that I don't feel the need to make every ending happy, but I actually think that makes readers more interested, not less. (Looking at you, tuuli. XD)

There is one thing though. I love writing whatever ship the story may call for for the sake of the story. I won't change it just because some people don't like a certain ship. This makes me sad because I'm not intentionally trying to ever hurt someone for writing about a ship that I love and/or appreciate (because strangely not all ships I include are ships I personally ship, like NagiKae, but I do appreciate them) but as a writer, I feel it's my obligation to follow the story. I don't always know where my ideas come from, but it sometimes feels like if I'm not following the story, I'm disrespecting the thing that gave me the idea in the first place. Maybe that's weird, but I also attribute my inspiration to write at all to the same thing that gives me ideas. If I try to write a specific idea just because I want it, it's very hard to write without the backing of my muse. (It's hard to write at all lately, but that's a separate issue.) Anyway, that's less of speculation and more of a fact, but I do wonder if it hits more readers than I'm aware of. I know not every person is going to like every ship, but I still feel bad.

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

Oh, all the time.

In fact, there's a round of questions I ask literally every new person at one of my jobs. 1. How old do I look? (because they often guess I'm around 20-25 when they're actually a decade off and it makes me feel young XD) 2. You like books and reading or anime and manga? And then their answer to 2 will direct how the next part goes, which is either "I wrote a book and it's an isekai!" where I then blabber about my book for 30 minutes, or "oh, which anime? Have you seen Assassination Classroom? Great, cause I write fanfiction for that!" and then I proceed to blabber about that for 30 minutes. I do this because otherwise I never bring it up and there've been a couple people that were disappointed they didn't know I wrote/drew sooner, so I've just decided on this introduction of "yes, I draw, I write, I'm awesome, please check out my stuff" and then I proceed to never bring it up again because I haven't practiced my social interactions beyond that first one. (Did I mention I'm socially awkward despite being very chatty? Well, at least I got it out. I'm very bad at marketing otherwise.)

It always touches me when they ask how my art/stories are going later and it makes me not regret my word vomiting introduction as much, so I keep doing it. It helps because otherwise I feel way too into myself, introducing myself like that, like I'm a salesperson selling my stuff, which I am essentially doing. I know this, but no one will know about my stuff if I don't talk about it so, this is how I do.

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

Deep, intuitive (as in with the characters), and smooth (usually because of flow and/or how smoothly I tend to do AUs or mix ideas in crossovers).

Thank you for the ask! Love you Hailey!!

[randomnameless]

I'm gonna answer your questions and elaborate on previously stated hcs. Will probably make a part 2 sometime in the future. Lots of things to share but I keep losing steam writing it all down.

He was a scholar in Zanado! He's the naturally curious type, decently knowledgeable at flora & fauna, weaponry & warfare, and art & literature. He tries to learn about anything he finds interesting, including humans doing human things, even post-WoH. That's one of the reasons he knew what Faerghus' situation was and decided to help them.

No, he doesn't dual-wield (often). He uses the less fancy, non-healing sword for skirmishes and stuff, and uses the cool nabatean one for bigger conflicts.

Hair colour thing is from the crest stone damage. Supreme Leader has more than enough reasons to hate him lol. 1) he keeps killing TWS agents. 2) Stalks the ones he couldn't kill and thwarts their plans. 3) Somehow Knows secrets she's trying to hide. She doesn't find out he's a lizard until much later. (There are many benefits to premature greying)

I have this post-canon scene in mind where Rhea comes clean to her fam about the stuff she was up to. Seteth and Flayn are utterly shocked but Pan's just sipping his tea, his entire being screaming 'disappointed but not surprised'. Rhea is surprised at this reaction and Pan just says "I've known you your entire life, I know the kinda unhinged stuff you're capable of. Doesn't mean I approve tho."

I also have another thingy that's part of a different set of hcs on how Pan could interact with canon. So Pan first meets billy post-timeskip (or just before timeskip) and immediately starts trying to figure out wtf is going on with them. He comes to the conclusions that 1) billy is a hybrid, hence must be protected 2) they are not Nemesis-spawn but have Sothis' creststone in them because that's the other (original) way to get a crest AND is needed to use a heroes' relic 3) this better not be Rhea's doing, he swears to Sothis he's gonna bury himself under a mountain for the next millennia.

His opinion on Sothis resurrection is that it's impossible. Like, She's their progenitor, capable of creating countless nabateans without breaking a sweat. It is impossible for them to even comprehend the kind of power she holds, much less awaken/bring back that power with the means they have. It's much more productive on focusing on the betterment of Fodlan and protect the ones who are still alive. But he understands her feelings of wanting her mother back and doesn't comment too much on this.

I've also got a whole another au where Pan is a sulking little dragon on top of Conand tower, getting pestered by multiple generations of teenaged nobles.

- Lizard pan anon

Hi Lizard pan anon!

He was a scholar in Zanado! He's the naturally curious type, decently knowledgeable at flora & fauna, weaponry & warfare, and art & literature. He tries to learn about anything he finds interesting, including humans doing human things, even post-WoH. That's one of the reasons he knew what Faerghus' situation was and decided to help them.

What do you mean humans doing human things lol

Maybe he was part of the "older ones" who taught about the world "outside" and "humans" to younger Nabateans or people who only lived in Zanado?

No, he doesn't dual-wield (often). He uses the less fancy, non-healing sword for skirmishes and stuff, and uses the cool nabatean one for bigger conflicts.

Oh, it'd make sense in a way. Granted, idk if you took into account weapon durability in your hcs (i never do lol) but sure, it'd make sense to take out the big guns only when needed, and not, say, use a lvl 100 Palkia to defeat a lvl 2 Bidoof.

Hair colour thing is from the crest stone damage. Supreme Leader has more than enough reasons to hate him lol. 1) he keeps killing TWS agents. 2) Stalks the ones he couldn't kill and thwarts their plans. 3) Somehow Knows secrets she's trying to hide. She doesn't find out he's a lizard until much later. (There are many benefits to premature greying)

:(

Would she try to recruit him, as Flamey? Maybe pull something like the enemies of my enemies are my allies (unless they're stinky lizards, they can be my allies for 2 seconds before I backstab them)? When she finds out about him being a lizard though... I guess it'd play in her paranoia of "they're everywhere and controlling Fodlan, living among us, humans!!!"

I have this post-canon scene in mind where Rhea comes clean to her fam about the stuff she was up to. Seteth and Flayn are utterly shocked but Pan's just sipping his tea, his entire being screaming 'disappointed but not surprised'. Rhea is surprised at this reaction and Pan just says "I've known you your entire life, I know the kinda unhinged stuff you're capable of. Doesn't mean I approve tho."

Daww

I hcd Seteth being disappointed, hurt, but more angry at Rhea, not for trying to resurrect her, but because she never told him a thing, and how desperate she was (she doesn't trust him anymore? why) and feels bad for not having seen signs earlier, whereas Flayn just, hugs her - it doesn't matter if she's not the super uberwoman she thought she was, nor if she actually cannot look and guide Fodlan on her own - she's still her super cool aunt and it's her time to look after her now.

Macuil is the one who goes "idiot I knew you were useless and worthless" but leaves a Zanado fruit - on her table - just because his pockets are full! - while Indech is the one who doesn't say a thing, but looks at her with the "disapproving older brother glare" but wouldn't say a thing.

I also have another thingy that's part of a different set of hcs on how Pan could interact with canon. So Pan first meets billy post-timeskip (or just before timeskip) and immediately starts trying to figure out wtf is going on with them. He comes to the conclusions that 1) billy is a hybrid, hence must be protected 2) they are not Nemesis-spawn but have Sothis' creststone in them because that's the other (original) way to get a crest AND is needed to use a heroes' relic 3) this better not be Rhea's doing, he swears to Sothis he's gonna bury himself under a mountain for the next millennia.

Oh!

Nabateans trying to figure out what the frick is Billy is always funny lol, and Pan is right in all three hypothesis!

Poor Pan though, but I wonder how he would have reacted to Jerry if Jerry told him his kid wasn't "normal", would he become protective of Billy who's, regardless of everything, part of his fam, or would her berate Rhea on not having told that human a thing about this Billy child?

His opinion on Sothis resurrection is that it's impossible. Like, She's their progenitor, capable of creating countless nabateans without breaking a sweat. It is impossible for them to even comprehend the kind of power she holds, much less awaken/bring back that power with the means they have. It's much more productive on focusing on the betterment of Fodlan and protect the ones who are still alive. But he understands her feelings of wanting her mother back and doesn't comment too much on this.

Ooh

Did he disagree with her about the "revised" Fodlan History, painting Nemesis'n'his Elites as fallen Heroes or how she hid the secret behind relics and the existence of Nabateans?

I've also got a whole another au where Pan is a sulking little dragon on top of Conand tower, getting pestered by multiple generations of teenaged nobles.

"Hey Matthias, I bet you 2 beers I can take a scale from that weird wyvern on top of the tower."

"Lambert, don't be stupid. That's obviously not a wyvern."

"Why not ask the wyvern if it can give us a scale?."

"Rodrigue, wyverns don't understand human language."

"It has been glaring at us since Lambert mentionned taking one its scales."

[meme-archivist]

Folder number 2 is... we're gonna save that one. Folder number 3 is labeled overall design and techniques.

We have some advice from https://twitter.com/Verseshi/status/1758568438363279456 on the arrangement and shaping of 'tactical' characters. It's a multipart set.

A tutorial on edging. I haven't actually reviewed this properly. https://twitter.com/Subakeye/status/1756953963604115536

The Etherington Brothers are always helpful, and republish advice from multiple sources. Here's one for the arms in the hands on hips position. https://twitter.com/EtheringtonBros/status/1754155929245728983

Ditto, but for motion and action speed emphasis. While intended for animations, the smear can be applied to stills as well. https://twitter.com/EtheringtonBros/status/1759981371965989135

This next one seems to also be much the same. For drawing the head at high angle, specifically chin.

Shadows, again from Etherington Brothers.

There is this I have saved for both scarring and muscular definition. Useful for weathered characters. https://x.com/nr4CES/status/1750902684616712462

This is more niche, it's a reference for what someone's conception of gestalt infantry armor (signalis) might be. It is also however for me personally a good look at what a target look of a sketch might be. From https://x.com/ReiTuki

...ok this one's a little risque I'm gonna

exercise my power of discretion.

You use Krita? This might be handy for you. https://youtu.be/n3PIdyzVGAI

The same effect can be done by selecting the Contiguous Selection Tool and clicking inside the object you want to color. Note that this can be rather finicky and will usually require detailing work, but it saves a lot of time when you can 100px quickfill something.

Etherington Brothers again, this time about perspective of something.

I'll let this one speak for itself, it's interesting as an alt way of doing silhouettes.

Etherington Bros again. Foreshortening hands and perspective this time. https://twitter.com/EtheringtonBros/status/1774212481751142471/photo/1

This one is just labeled as "neat". Probably useful if you plan to do any animal heads or antho... Anthropromor... ANTHROPOMORPHIC, designs, and it also includes some interesting interaction with the outline. Note how OP creates lighting by changing the outline color.

From here. https://s-milesart.tumblr.com/post/747802690437939200/clairen-comm-i-did

Comically large Otter, apparently. Useful for looking at what a sketchier style resembles and also shading techniques , the classic darkened half-face, etc. https://www.tumblr.com/drawligator/747343275642568704

Next up... Big Rabbit. Good example of grayscale, but I'm not sure how OP got it to look like construction paper texture. https://kiserinn.tumblr.com/post/748757010545295360/kitty-girlfriends

A little retro mecha reference as a treat. Game is apparently "Advanced Power Dolls 2 // Kogado" https://x.com/PC98_bot/status/1788271106824048701/photo/1

...why isn't this in Armor and Materials? Gundam but like, power armor. This seems to be OP? https://x.com/DTZ1200WG/status/1543940133572866049

Sometimes you just find a character Neat. Ya'll like eldritch stuff? I think the new kids call this horrorcore. Out of the sake of not being Murdered by moderation, I've cropped it down a little. https://x.com/nan_just_nan/status/1721575054327034024

Wanna make something look biological? More ambiguously sorted materials!

Another art of a scarred character. Lighter weathering compared to the previous, but fullcolor.

fnuy https://www.reddit.com/r/MoeMorphism/comments/185i003/green_hill_zone

I'm gonna split this in half and not fix it with flex tape so that I don't need to flex seal CPUs and GPUs back together.

hot artists don't gatekeep

I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard

Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.

Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.

Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.

Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.

SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.

SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.

Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.

Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.

Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.

Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.

Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.

[justdaniel-eh]

AnoVerse Book Updates

Good morning tumblr :D

Figured since I mentioned the AnoVerse book in my last post ,,, little update time. I've been hard focusing (as much as I can between work and assignments anyway) the artistic side and refining the first half of the written book itself... so let me break down the work done for you all !

Writing Updates ✍

As I said, I've been refining the first half of the written book. This hasn't just been rereading and changing sentances either... I noticed come chapter 3 that I was writing a LOT more than I expected for the first half because I was so much more focused on character interactions since that was what the story was becoming for that part. It prompted me to reread what I'd done so far and realise that I did actually want to include more of that since we only get limited time with Deejay and Minister in the picture together. So whole sections have been added to reach a standard I'm more happy with.

Obviously the biggest issue that comes with that is pacing... I personally think I can make the pacing work - but the sudden increase in content by the chapter is something I'm trying to figure out how I want to work around. For the record - chapter 1 at the moment is just under 2000 words... chapter 2 is just under 4000 ! Nearly double ! It's very hard to just cut out writing and character moments I'm happy with and love !! I'll figure it out though eventually before release, I wouldn't want to release something I'm not happy with.

Art Updates 🖌

So... this post opened with something new as you may have seen.

Finally - I've made the AnoVerse 2025 logo !

A new logo is something I was wanting to get down for a while... I mean the old logo was outdated the second Deejay got an updated design - not to mention I felt it wasn't something I could utilise dynamically with each story. The original focused too much on representing each character rather than the story... and yes this new logo still has some character focused decisions here as you may be able to tell, but it's for a much greater purpose.

The red star is very much the series' logo and brand now to me. It'll make more sense after the Cosmos Cuprite arc has finished (which will be the first arc to begin if the series begins proper production), however even past that I personally see a lot in stars that resonates with AnoVerse. A star to me represents hope and new beginnings. Adventure maybe even as the unknown calls to be discovered. It's a universal consistant that I feel can apply to AnoVerse no matter the situation.

Anyway... enough about the star. Look at them !!

The front cover is coming along nicely... I removed the background for this image since it's not yet done haha and I don't want to show EVERYTHING off, but I had a lot of fun drawing these three and am excited to draw more of them for this project.

Fun little fact about this... I wanted to give them all unique party hairstyles too, but sooner realised that Minister was the only one who fit giving him a different hairstyle - I mean, he's trying extra hard to be presentable for this haha. On the contrary, Deejay is just here for a good time and Samantha always has her hair back in case she needs to go into action.

No it wasn't because I couldn't find hairstyles I liked trust me. I swear.

The Future (at the moment) ✨

Honestly... I just wanna talk a little bit more about the future of this real fast. First of all - roadmap goals. I'm still very confident in the ones I set for the most part, but I'm considering adjustments since I've began to realise how much of my time that assignments and work is taking up. I still think pre-orders will be up in the next 2-4 weeks, but I think I'll be leaving pre-orders up for 2 months so that I can have plenty of time to ensure everything is ready AND properly market the book which would push the book itself closer to a mid-June release with the online release becoming August.

This definitely affects my conceptual plans for the next year if this is a success, but it's not a massive deal since I think I knew deep down that it was a tad unreasonable... I still very much think I could get at least the first 3 books out in 2026.

Anyway, that's all. I just wanted to provide more updates. Hopefully these updates can come every 2 weeks, just depends what I have to report... we'll see though.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, hope to see you again soon :D

[lovelywingsart]

Plans for after 'Dear Mother' (kinda long plan update shite!)

So y'all have probably noticed that I'm going ham on 'Dear Mother' - Thats because I gave myself the goal of finishing it before years end. And, good news, its almost done!!! So really, im just here to say my plans afterwards since I really haven't been updating much at all;

> Immediately after Dear Mother is finished, I'll be going on a partial hiatus to finish Baldurs Gate 3 and give myself time to relax and just... give myself a fucking break. The only times I'll be on the computer are the 2 days a week my fiance uses the PS5 to play with friends, so those are the only time I'll be doing any kind of art, be it personal or commission work. So if you happen to get a commission, please do not expect it right away. The general TAT for small things is 2 weeks, and with this hiatus and minimal energy, it might be longer. But I'll be giving myself a very... VERY much needed break to finish BG3 and have more shenanigans afterwards.

> When hiatus is over, be it immediately after the game or giving some time to work on other things, I'll be starting a new comic, and will try to pace myself a little bit because its going to be... huge. There will also be one more Survival AU written story before it starts- because this comic will be the fight against Miranda, involving the Lords, Emelia and Ethan. It is going to be huge, and its going to be difficult. There will be no other primary written stories until after its done unless there's a drabble or something someone asks me to make. I'll be finishing up and perfecting a few stories for after that's done, though I will primarily be working on the Survival AU with art, as well.

> Now, when the Survival AU comic is done, I may take another break, because there's yet another comic I'm going to start, which will be Emelias arrival to the factory. The start of this comic will also kickstart primary work focusing on the first few years of Emelias arrival. I am going to say now that while yes, they may have their moments, there will be quite a bit of mildly uncomfortable subjects, as the first few years involved some heavy mutual abuse from both. You'll get to see how she got there and how they managed the first few years as well as quite a bit with her having... well, two eyes 😂 I'll give another warning when I get there but yknow. I've said before how genuinely dysfunctional they are with a few written examples, but I feel like it'll be a different story with proper visual...

And while I'm working on that fun little bit, I'll also be introducing a new written series that I've been secretly chipping away at- While I work on Emelias background and arrival, I'll also be working on Karls.

I will be working on/posting a small(?) mini(???) series of Karls own backstory. It will include his own 'arrival' to the village, interactions with Miranda and occasionally the Lords, and even smaller things such as the loss of his leg and how he got the scars across his nose and throat, all up until Emelia is dropped off. I don't plan on there being VERY many stories, though I will absolutely be more than open to writing for him if anyone has other ideas! 💙

And... thats it for now! Noting that the next two comics are going to take quite a while, ESPECIALLY the Survival AU one... I've no idea how long everything will take exactly, and all this is going off of if life decides to give me a fucking break. There's still alot going on, and I'm struggling alot... but I still have plans. Dear Mother will be finished before the new year (if not nearly exactly ON new years depending on our plans for the next two weeks and me not getting burnt out) and I'll have January to attempt to recuperate. Will I take the entire month? I'm not sure. But given shit doesn't go wrong like it did this year, we might be ok.

But... yeah! Thats about it. Right now I'm focusing on Dear Mother and trying my best. Comms ARE still open but will just take a lil bit more time than usual, so if you're fine waiting, hit me up 👍

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Look at me continuing to not talk about 13 Sentinels next. I hope this doesn't turn into another XC3 thing where I keep saying I'm going to for several months before actually doing it. Definitely at least one of the top three things I've played this year that I got the most out of/had the strongest reaction to though.

Anyway I keep trying to find something else to play next after that that my brain will cooperate for and that I like enough. Persona 5 clearly wasn't it, but it did get me to go back to Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore for a bit, and that was fun. I remembered why I like it so much (same reasons as my previous post(s?) about it) and do still plan to finish it one of these days since I'm on chapter 5 of 7 or something, but I also remembered why I keep taking breaks from it too.

As much fun as I have with it it also could really have stood to streamline some things so they waste less time. The game would be like 20% shorter if I didn't keep having to go back to talk to Tiki and suffer through the most annoying menus ever every time I want to unlock a skill or upgrade a weapon, and also if it actually had a quest journal or some non-garbage way to keep track of stuff. I'm sorry I don't remember what this random NPC told me to go do last time I played the game literally a full year ago, and it doesn't help that they'll only repeat a single line of their dialogue to me that isn't enough to go on. It still never gets old that my party members will occasionally randomly burst into song and go 🫶 with each other and obliterate something with the moe moe kyun beam though.

And then I messed around with AI: The Somnium Files for a bit because it was on sale pretty cheap and people kept saying it was good. My initial impressions were that the detective vibe wasn't super my thing and that moving around the cursor to interact with stuff was more annoying and fiddly than it needed to be (seriously just put a tiny bit of "gravity" on interactable objects so you don't zoom past them accidentally and it would feel a lot better).

And then suddenly like 15 minutes in it went full nonsense, and mostly in a bad way. Like I'm all in favor of weird dream logic, although unless they get really clever with it later it would make puzzles/progressing the story essentially just guess and check if it's anything like the first dream sequence, which is not great. I could get over that and be slightly disappointed if that was all it was, but then the AI that lives in my character's brain gave a ghost handjob to a doorknob and a whole series of lazy horny jokes (not even clever or original ones) happened, and I was reminded that a friend had warned me it gets so much worse than that and decided to just pass on the game. Oh well.

And then the Children of Morta demo went even worse for me. The game is supposed to be rather good from what I've heard, but the Switch version doesn't seem like it. I just didn't love how the character felt to control, which is entirely personal preference, but also the load times are atrocious. It's a 2D game that's just pixel art. I have no idea what the heck it's doing when it takes like 30 seconds for load screens.

I'm still glad the devs seem to have finally had some success with it though, even if it's not a game for me. I always thought they had potential after they made Garshasp like 12 years ago or whenever. It was basically just a God of War knockoff, but it was still fairly impressive that a random small indie team in Iran decided to make a game about Persian mythology with very little previous experience and no local gamedev scene for support and somehow pulled it off anyway, and I was hopeful they'd get better with time. It's nice that they seem to have stuck with it and actually managed to get a pretty positive reception for this one.

The Fuga: Melodies of Steel demo was pretty compelling though. It seems like it's basically the horrors of war from the point of view of small children as not!France is invaded by not!Germany and they find a fantastical tank that they're using to try to save their friends and family, and also everyone is cats and dogs because why not? Some day when it goes on sale again I look forward to playing more of it.

And then finally another thing that went extremely poorly: trying to go back to The World Ends With You after not touching it for 547 days, according to the in-game message I got. After like 10-15 minutes I was reminded that it's completely genuinely and unironically one of the worst games I've ever played. Like specifically as a game. Lots of the non-game aspects of it are good or even great. I'm a big fan of the art style and music, the characters and their weird relationships are interesting, and I was curious about where the story was going, but I just can't suffer through the UI and controls and especially the combat any more to find out. I know I've said it before, but I still can't understand how a major publisher said "yeah this is fine, ship it the way it is" when it's barely playable. NEO: TWEWY supposedly throws all of that stuff out and starts fresh, so maybe that would go better for me.

I guess we'll see what my actual next thing I manage to latch onto is. Not any of these, apparently, although I did at least get several more hours through TMS#FEE this week.

[elviratheepic]

Idk if I'll stick with this, but I've been in hospital for over a week now and I can feel my brain turning to mush, so I'm thinking it might be good to post like a journal thingy here. I can just throw my thoughts to the void and if anyone feels like throwing any thoughts back at me, maybe I'll reminded what human interaction is lol

And who knows, maybe some bits and pieces of my experiences rn might be handy to someone who ends up seeing it. This is a weird time for me, maybe someone else around here's having, has had or will have some similar weird times and we'll have made a little connection even if we don't speak :)

I mentioned it briefly in a post on my art blog, but to flesh it out a bit, I've been generally run down and really quite unwell like all summer and now into autumn. Been back and forth to the doctor, told I have chest infections, possible asthma, etc. I get booked in for an xray and then something looks weird so a ct scan, still thinking it's pneumonia with some odd symptoms, then a couple days later I get a call from my doctor telling me i am going to the hospital asap, there's a bunch of fluid in my chest that should not be there and also they need to check for lymphoma. I've never been to hospital for more than an orthodontist appointment and while not as surprised as I could be expected to be by the thought of cancer due to having had a weird anxiety fixation thing on the idea for a while (fun coincidence), it was still a bit of an ordeal lol. This was 10 days ago and I have not been home since. I've been coping pretty well considering the wild lack of control I feel over literally anything rn. The steroids they've got me on rn while I wait for further treatment have me feeling better than I have in a long while, and mentally the worst I've been dealing with is some fairly mild dissociation. Just kind of taking things as they come for now, rolling with things as best I can especially while so many things are kind of a bit up in the air and subject to change.

But I mean drama aside, the current diagnosis for me is pretty good. The cancer as it appears right now is treatable and has a pretty great cure rate. It's a "primary mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma" according to the leaflet I've got. It's high grade, so fast acting and aggressive but that actually makes these easier to get rid of than low grade slower working ones. It's hanging out next to my heart so that's the reason I've had all these bullshit symptoms in my chest cuz it's just been fuckin shit up in there and irritating its roommates. They've got me booked in for a pet scan day after tomorrow cuz the scanner was having issues so they couldn't get me in sooner, then the plan is to start chemotherapy the next day. Which will be an experience. The treatment plan we've basically already decided is 6 21-day cycles of chemo where I'll be in hospital for about 5 days getting monitored and adjusted treatment, then going home for the rest and coming back to start the cycle again. It's not going to be the most fun and easy experience of my life but tbh I've done hard things before and I know I'm capable of doing this. Not that this kind of thing can ever really come at a "good" time, but I think that personally I'm pretty lucky this came along at the point in my life it did. I've been able to spend the last couple years basically building myself back up from feeling entirely lost, shattered and directionless after a pretty traumatic attempt at university durring covid lockdowns. I'm maybe lacking in some life experience people my age tend to have, but ultimately I have confidence, strength and self-awareness now that I do not take for granted. Basically I got the chance to reinforce my foundations in unkowing preparation for this whole thing. Honestly, I'm kind of just curious who I'll be on the other side of this experience - wherever that may be.

My main concern has been my siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all very close, spend a lot of time together and are at the core of eachothers' support systems. One of them's got college stress and deadlines, the other's out of school with anxiety issues rn, and my instinct is to be there as a support. And of course they would be supporting me too, it's not all give, they're amazing at being there for me too especially while I've been unwell (I love them so so much and I'm proud of everything they do can you tell lol). But while they have been visiting when they can, we don't get so much time together rn with me being in hospital and I feel like it's hard to get a gauge on how things really are with eachother at the moment which is rough with there being so much change going on rn. I know we'll figure things out, but I can't help worrying about them a bit, I feel like it's kind of my job lol

Oof can you tell it's getting late and my brain's going sleepy ramble mode? Idk if I'm even making much sense but hey

The ward I've been moved to for this is good. It's a cancer ward for teens and young adults with a common room area funded by the teenage cancer trust. There's guitars, a ps4, craft supplies and free snacks. It feels so weird that like that space is for me to use, like I'm kinda tresspassing on something for people who need it more than I do. But the ward's fairly quiet and not so busy at the moment, so when my siblings and briefly my friend came to visit me today, we basically had free reign of the space without having to disturb anyone. I feel more comfortable in there than I did, and I think it's a good space for my siblings to be when they come visit. I'm really greatful they get to use it with me - even if I feel kind of like others deserve the space more (ik im being silly), seeing them get good use and some fun out of it today was good and reassuring. It's reassuring to hear people talking about there being support systems for siblings too should they need them. Especially when it feels like I can't look out for them so much in the ways I normally would.

But yeah, I think that's about all that's in my brain for right now. I'll look back on this tomorrow and realise none of this actually made any sense lol

But yeah basically got thrown a bit of a curveball lately as life tends to do, but there's answers now where there wasn't before, and the path ahead's starting to make itself visible. It sucks, but I've been worse. I'm not just saying that for the sake of offsetting the fact that it sucks, I'm just taking the the little wins where i can cuz I know that's gotten me through plenty rough and sucky times before.

Some little wins:

Woke up to magpies outside the window this morning. One came right up to the glass to say hi, but I couldn't snap a picture in time lol <3

My friend brought me a rainbow sensory slug companion, and I made a pipecleaner creature named Spigley while my siblings were here. They are friends and will be my chemo companions :)

(Idk if that's a mouth or a moustache but i think it suits him either way)

[birdkittenn]

continuing where i left off

wrath layer fic chapter 2 reaction:

once again, author's notes reaction. i found the details tag from a tumblr post once and decided id stash the info away until i could use it somewhere. and that turns out to be here

yeah. feral little guy who wants to kill and murder but stopped by the guy who isnt feral

everything is gayer from v2's pov, who has already realized his feelings and trying so hard and failing at getting rid of his crush on this stupid blue fuck

and then i have little thoughts on the little v1-sentry interaction. it's there i guess. v1 the undersocialized little guy who only knows how to kill panicking because if not kill, then what do?? the fact that there's a Lot of people didnt help

oh the v1 trauma scene. im dreading a little at rereading this, i dont think it was good >-<

first, from current v1's pov, who has forgotten what has happened. this reads fine honestly

and now with the memory. the last line in the center is part of v1 realizing that its stuck in a loop and deleting the memory. so far with how i've written it, v1 does Not fare well when realizing it failed an order/task/anything. it does better at not marking things as failure now but it still handles it poorly

current idea that im not 100% sure will make it into the series is that memory deletion does not mean deletion of like, feelings. the stress is Still There. which. you know. if v1 suddenly finds itself in a loop where it keeps deleting its memories, and thereby placing it back into the exact same situation each deletion, the stress just continues building up and. yeah

not sure how i feel about the fact that, so far, my pre-canon characterization of v1 and v2 is that v1 is the most anxious thing that loves to kill ever, and v2 is like...there. v2 going "wow, its so easy being an unfeeling machine" [proceeds to not even realize he is experiencing feelings]. v2 is very stressed when he learns that he has feelings like everyone else. deals poorly with having them. v1 is just always stressed the fuck out though. i guess it's like a cheetah or something

word of the author means nothing btw if its not in the series. everything can change at any time i just like talking about my current plans

v1's reaction to conflict like this! it doesn't want to talk about that at all and gets angry if you try. the anger comes from something like fear though

ok the drawing scene! i struggled with explaining the concept behind it a little. i looked up an image of a lighthouse and mentally broke stuff down into shapes and then tried to describe that as best as i could

if i have to be completely honest, the idea of robots being Very Good at just tracing art and doing realistic art, but struggle more with the abstract stuff comes from this fic. i havent finished reading it nor do i really remember a lot of stuff anymore these days but that was 1 of the scenes that stuck out to me. another scene that sticks out to me is the part where sun tries to describe his favourite colour, but its a very specific colour, guy probably has the hex code for it and all, and tries really hard to recreate that exact colour. its cool i need to reread if i ever get the time. 107 chapters got hands

ivan aivazovsky! i wanted one of his wave paintings specifically because the first time i saw it, i went WOAH and so i knew i had to use one of his paintings for my yaouri fic. and then the part where their conversation drifts away from the drawing topic is because i ran out of things to say and also i needed them to move onto the next thing i wanted them to do

oh, the voice thing is next! v2's voice is perfectly fine by the time of the 7-3 fic, but in the 4-4 fic, it was fucked up. i needed a reason as to why v2 would restore his voice and the answer is v1 just likes it. v1 likes to listen to him a lot. it also likes to make him shut up but like lovingly

oh, from one of the glitched text, i transcribed "play nice" as "pʰle͡j na͡js" partly from that 1 time i took a linguistics course and they made me transcribe those sounds as e͡j etc instead of whatever online dictionaries transcribe it as, and then that just stuck with me. i also had a moment while transcribing "play" as like hey wait a minute! air releases when i pronounce the p in play, so i should add the symbol for that

i have that outfit in my closet! no pictures but i know exactly what it looks like. sadly have been unable to find an image that looks like my dress online

i have also had a scene where once v2 finally dresses up v1, his pet name for it is just doll. like. yeah. i havent found an excuse to get v2 to do that though

(v1 is just laying down on a couch during this scene)

oh yeah i had v1 teasingly call v2 a sculpture but didn't know exactly how to get it to do that. i mean i figured it out but yeah. i dont know if this was a planned thing that never came to fruition or something i made the fuck up just now (memory not the best) but they wouldve played around a bit with the actual sculptures in the room and comparisons wouldve been made

aaand that's the end of the chapter. i dont have any further thoughts on this

and the below screenshot is the alternate petting scene where v2 overheats. i instead moved the overheating to the next chapter. v2 cannot handle this amount of affection (yet) (he unwillingly gets trained to tolerate more before he gets far too happy about it and ceases to like function for a bit) (thanks v1)

who wants to see me liveblog my reaction to my own fic