#i've given him half of my fixations

[seepy-sucker]

Michael Wheeler Headcanons Because He Is Best Boi

His favorite animals are moths, ferrets, elephants and cats. He can’t decide

Spicy food is a yes. Always.

He finds it really hard to accept hugs or really any type of physical affection, because, why? Why do you want to do this to me?

He quite likes Eddie’s style, but it’s too rough around the edges for him

Bracelets are a necessity, he likes the feeling of something encircling his wrist unless it’s a hand

He idolizes people easily, specifically those who are kind to him (ie. Eddie and Steve)

He had an epiphany over the fact that pastels aren't only for girls

Hear me out- Will arts right? Mike writes. And he's insanely good at it too! not good like Nancy and her journalism, but good in dialogue, fantasy, fun. He's only truly wonderful when he's able to write assignments as stories! (he likes to write backstories for will's characters)

whispers he may or may not be colourblind! depends on the fic/hc (it would kinda make sense considering his clothing choices in general)

he actually had a really good sense of style when allowed to choose his own clothes

he cares a lil too much about what others think of him, yet tries desperately to brush it off

david bowie>>>>

he only started wearing sweaters because steve dropped one on his front porch

he speaks sarcasms fluently (not really a headcanon)

Marvel is a HUGE fixation of his

STIMULATION IS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS NEEDED!!! he pops his knuckles repeatedly. and his wrists. and his ankles. and his neck. he wiggles his fingers like a lil wormy creature and he rolls them over things like he's playing a piano

he finds it rather difficult to stare someone straight in the eyes so he looks at their noses

^ relating to staring at noses he find them beyond fascinating! he likes the way they curve and are soft or have little acne stars or freckles, he just loves noses. they're neat to him

he wants to learn french. like. really bad but never had the focus to do it so it's hard for him to do so. but he's trying his best

he actually loves sherlock holmes- like. loves the mystery and the thrill of readin the adventures

will i add more at some point? yes.

[luc1fersducky]

Luci x Fem!Reader (smut)

WARNINGS FOR BELOW CUT !!! : praise kink, cunnilingus (oral f recieving basically), daddy kink, DIRTY TALK OH ABSOLUTELY, some downright filthy smitty smut, luci being gentle but getting a bit pussydrunk, overstim!!!!, whiny luci if u squint im a sucker for a whiny man

A/N : this is my first attempt at writing smut so pls be gentle about it :,) im just writing out my thoughts in a little oneshot cos duh

he is so 🥹🥹🥹 oh to have him look at me that way 🫶

for my amazing mootie @heart-of-the-morningstar <3

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI!!!

Lucifer Morningstar who has a literal oral fixation on you, walking in after helping Charlie at the hotel to you in your cute little nightgown, leaving so little to the imagination; how the black silk hugs each and every little curve of your body, cupping and defining each detail of your upper half, but most importantly:

your hips. or most specifially, the way the fabric fell in between your plump thighs, to where Lucifer had all but dreamed to have such a delectable dessert. What really had to tie in the deal was the way that your usually innocent smile was replaced with that of lustful intentions, a treat for him to devour and deduce to a babbling mess that he could have all to himself :<

Lucifer Morningstar who's prideful ego soaked in your helpless, high-pitched whines as he had coerced you onto the bed, whispering all of his thoughts into your ear as he took off the nightgown, "what I'd give to bury my face in between your legs for hours, feel them shake around my head," letting out an almost silent whine himself at the sheer thought of it, "I'd take such good care, so gentle with such a delicate little angel...."

He'd carry on describing each and every detail, confidently as he fondled wirh each body part until he paused at the area you'd been whimpering for him to touch, to eat as if it was his last meal on death row. He'd lay you down ever so gently, slowly moving down to admire the way your slick shimmered in the dim moonlight, before sliding a finger down your slit. The moan you let out was downright sinful as he made eye contact with you, licking his finger dry,

"Delicious, as always, pretty little angel. I want you tocome undone beneath me, what'd ya say? gonna let daddy take care of you?"

Lucifer Morningstar who had became addicted to the taste of your juices, lapping away with skill as his forked tongue darted inside you again. After so many releases, Lucifer just couldn't get enough of your heavenly songs of pleasure, and you couldn't get enough of how emotionally bound you felt as he did such filthy acts. His finger toyed with your clit, laughing slightly as your legs shook and walls clenched,

"Oh sweet girl, that feels good don't it? That's it.. felt that reaction there!! Pretty baby's come all undone on daddy's tongue, hasn't she? I've got ya, almost there angel, that's my good girl.." As you let out a helpless babble, followed by a vocal moan as your legs spasmed and wrapped around his head. When your legs relaxed snd gave way, you weren't given enough time to relish in the feeling of fluffy, airy pleasure when his fingers took the place of his tongue, pressing against that spot that made you see stars.

Lucifer Morningstar who ignored your pleas as his fingers continued to pull out sinful songs form your lungs, kissing lovebites onto your inner thigh "Luci.. 'ts- 'ts too much.. please.." You whimpered shakily, tears spilling as he looks up.

When your blurred eyes meet his, there's a glimmer visible; a caring and meek glimmer, but also a lustful one. One that you just had to make a mental note of. How could he look so gorgeous when bringing you to these lengths of emotions?

After a meer 15 seconds of eye contact, he firmly hit that sensitive spot, eyes squeezing shut. He slowly whines, voice coated in arousal as he admires his work,

"One more baby.. please, make Daddy proud, show me I've done a good job."

[chaithetics]

A Purrfect Addition

Pairing: Matt Murdock x autistic plus size f reader Prompt: Autistic joy and fluff with Matt Murdock (several prompts given in DMs) Word count: 2.8K gif by @cellophaine Warnings/themes: Fluff, no physical descriptions of reader other than being plus size, established relationship, cats, autistic joy, not proof read A/N: This is another Fics for Palestine piece! Please keep doing what you can everyone! Thank you to @gpenguin666 for donating to UNRWA and PCRF! I appreciate you sharing everything you did and giving such a lovely and personal prompt, I hope you enjoy this! I hope everyone else enjoys this, I'd love feedback and comments and reblogs are appreciated 🫶

I am so sorry for how long this took, this is the hardest fic I've ever written I swear, after getting the prompts I caught covid, had a lupus flare and then my laptop broke and I wrote half of this on my phone (which I never do) I stayed up to finish this and now it's 6am. What a cursed time but we got there!

You’d woken up early this morning, already starting your day with your current favourite breakfast. It was one that you’d been fixated on for the last few weeks, it was a safe meal but also a joyful one. Each bite leads to you scrunching up your face in joy, doing a little happy dance and humming while in your seat. 

You were comfortably sitting at the desk in the loft apartment that you now shared with the love of your life, your sweet, sweet, sweet Matt. Your laptop was in front of you, you hadn’t spent the morning doom scrolling, as you would proudly tell yourself and anyone who asked, but instead spent it looking at pictures of the cutest cats on the websites of the closest local rescues. 

Cats had always been a special interest of yours, you adored them. You loved watching videos of cats online, reading different facts about them that would then find their way into every conversation that called for a mention or when you were given the opportunity to passionately infodump. Matt would proudly smile whenever your ability to retain such specific information showed up and also whenever you were able to give him a new fact about cats and other fixations and special interests, that he’d never heard of before or even considered googling. His charming smile would also come out and you could see his eyes crinkle whenever you repeated one that he knew was your favourite as well. 

It now felt like the right time to have a new ‘housemate’, a feline addition to the Hells Kitchen apartment. You hadn’t had a cat in a few years you loved them and it was a much more practical pet to have considering your home environment and the lifestyle of Matt’s heroic double life. 

Matt had woken up and dressed for the day now, he walked out of the bedroom and followed the noises he could hear. Your heartbeat was beating excitedly as you looked at the profile of an adorable ginger cat. Matt smiled as he heard your heartbeat, placing it as a sign that you were happy and his heightened hearing could also pick up the sounds of a fidget toy twirling in your hand. 

“Morning sweetheart.” Matt spoke with traces of sleep still in his voice, you swirled around to face him in your chair smiling.

“Morning Matty.” Your cheeks heated up as you couldn’t help but melt at the sweet term of endearment, even though you’d already heard it a million times. It just always sounded so good coming from him, the way his voice said it just turned your heart to mush and flustered you each time. 

Matt’s lips quirked up into a smile, he could tell from your heartbeat and tone that you were feeling flustered and happy by his greeting, just as you always were. He came closer, ducking his head down to kiss your forehead while you sat in front of him and his hand caressed your soft arm as he did. 

“How do I look?” Matt asked as he waited for your verdict. 

That simple question had become part of your routines at the start of each day. He appreciated your honesty and Matt knew that if he hypothetically, ever had something on his face that he was yet to pick up on, you’d quickly tell him so that it could be wiped away and you wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. You had never been one to sugarcoat and that was never something you needed to feel insecure about when with Matt, he understood you. You didn’t need to worry about overexplaining yourself to try and avoid being called rude or be anxious over extra social cues about how your words were being interpreted and if you were nice enough, or ever be scolded or a butt of a joke over how your brain worked and what you said. This small question had now become part of your daily routines. 

Matt stood in front of you, dressed for the day, wearing his white button-up shirt that was buttoned all the way up but untucked from his tidy slacks. It caught your eye as it was normally something he’d tuck in, he’d forgotten to do so today which was unusual. Normally he’d be reminded to tuck it in if he forgot because of how the layering of different fabrics felt against his skin. 

Tilting your head, you slowly looked Matt up and down, scanning his fit physique and his outfit. Taking in every inch and detail of his appearance before giving your opinion. His short hair was brushed to the side, looking just as soft as always, Matt always looked handsome you felt lucky to wake up next to him every day. A feeling he shared and that he made sure you were aware of every day. 

“Mm, yeah it’s nice but I think it would look nicer if you tucked your shirt in, tidier. But other than that, it looks great.” You reply after taking your time to look at his outfit and give your opinion.

“Right, gotcha.” Matt says with a nod and he starts to tuck his button up into his trousers. “Can’t believe I forgot that.” He finishes and runs his hand along the waist of his trousers to make sure it’s properly tucked in and he doesn’t have a duck tail. 

“How’s that now?” Matt asks putting his hands out for your feedback again. 

You immediately nod as your eyes look him up and down again. You nod after a moment and your cheeks heat up with how handsome and perfect he looks like this. 

“Yep, that's perfect. You look very handsome Matty.” You answer as you keep looking at his outfit, you're sure he's oblivious to how good he looks. 

“Thanks sweetheart.” Matt says and he leans over to press an appreciative kiss to your cheek. 

His lips feel warm against your cheek and it tickles. The kiss, term of endearment and how good he looks fills you up with joy that's bubbling up in your body at the verge of bursting out.

Matt smiles and blushes as he hears your heart excitedly race and you stim. You start to bounce in your seat, your fingers twirling and then you flap your hands back and forth. You gasp and squeal as you flap your hands, the physical feeling of joy trickling out and feeling good as you stim. 

“Do I look particularly handsome today, sweetheart?” Matt asks as he smiles and his eyes crinkle slightly which just makes your heart beat more loudly and you squeal. 

“You're always handsome.” You say matter of factly. 

“And you'd testify that in Court?” He asks playfully. 

“But why would that come up in court? Well yes because it's the truth… But I don't see how that would come up.” You answer looking at Matt, feeling a bit confused at what context could make that relevant in the very flawed criminal justice system. 

“Sorry darling, it was a silly joke just to get you to say you think I'm pretty again.” His face changes into a soft smile as he explains himself and a blush tints his pale cheeks. 

“You can just ask me to call you pretty.” You reply as you start to feel the soft material of your pants. 

“Mm sweetheart? Can you call me pretty, please?” He asks with a charming smile and a sweet tone and she nod. 

“You're very pretty Matty darling. The prettiest man I've ever met and you're pretty every day.” You reply and he blushes more. 

“Thank you.” He smiles and kisses you softly on the lips. 

********************************

Over the rest of the week, whenever you had your laptop out or your phone was in your hand you found yourself continuing to look at the local rescues adoption pages. It was becoming a new routine, especially on days where procrastination was more than welcoming. 

Matt had started to notice at home, he heard your gasps, how your feet would excitedly tap against the floor, how your heart would race as you looked at whatever it was on your laptop. It didn't take long for him to be fully curious. 

Matt tilted his head towards you, running his fingers over your full cheek with a sweet smile painted on. 

“What have you been looking at lately?” He whispered softly.

“What?” You asked, not sure what he was referring to. 

“When you're on your devices, I can hear your heart beating like a little hummingbird and you start to happy stim.” Matt elaborates. 

You nod, looking ahead, it makes sense that Matt would've noticed. He's a walking lie detector but also a walking happy detector too when it comes to you. 

“It's this cat.” 

“Oh?”

“That rescue a few blocks over, I've been looking at their website. They have this really cute cat and he just looks so cuddly and silly and funny.” 

“For adoption?” Matt asks as he hears the excitement enter your voice. 

“Yeah!” You unlock your phone and search the cat rescue to get to Gary's page. “His name is Gary but I think he’s definitely a Purrdock.” You say with a smile, looking at Matt and then the cute cat on the screen.

“Purrdock, that’s original.” Matt chuckles as he adjusts slightly to cuddle into you.

“I thought it was clever.” You reply feeling proud of yourself for coming up with Purrdock as a name. “Maybe he can be named after you, Catt Purdock Jr?” You continue and can’t help it but immediately start laughing. 

Matt finds the joke more than amusing as well and laughs, shaking his head slightly as he chuckles with a wide grin. He's impressed with your humour too.

“Read the profile, please?” Matt asks, he's curious to know what's caught your interest with this cat in particular. You happily oblige and start to read Gary's profile to Matt as he happily and patiently listens to your voice, it's his favorite sound in the world. 

“What kind of cat is he?” Matt follows up with. 

“He's a ginger Persian cat with the silliest face and they're really soft and fluffy Matty.” You reply as joy fills you while looking at the face of the two year old cat on your screen.

“You want him?” Matt asks softly. 

You immediately nod and start to rattle off the practical reasons of why a cat would work in this apartment, how it would work well with your lifestyles, how adopting is better than shopping, that they're so cute and you told Matt a few cat facts as well. 

Matt smiled and listened to you speak, he had no intention of saying no, how could he? You were right, it would make you happy and he loved you, he only wanted to make you happy. As soon as you'd finished your pitch, Matt smiled and agreed. He was more than happy to try starting the adoption process for Gary/Purrdock Jr with you. 

When Matt had agreed you couldn't help but excitedly stim, flapping your hands, squealing and blinking quickly. 

After a few minutes you kissed Matt softly on the lips, which he happily returned. Matt’s sturdy arms wrapped around you, you can’t help but tilt your head and smile as you bite on his bicep. Matt lets out a small chuckle as you do it, a sensation he’s come used to during your relationship. He sees it for the affectionate sign it is and he enjoys it. 

How lucky he is to share his life with you. 

******************************

“Purrdock junior wants a cuddle.” You inform Matt and he chuckles as the ginger cat walks up Matt’s body, draping himself across Matt’s chest and shoulder. Purrdock quickly makes himself comfortable. Just as any human or cat would in Matt’s presence. 

Matt smiles and lets out a small chuckle as the cat’s tail and small paws tickle him. You smile widely, your hand petting the cat for a moment. 

It had been a couple of months now since you'd officially adopted Gary “Purrdock Jr”. His nickname was often used and had been a hit at Matt's office, Foggy had almost fallen over laughing when he heard it. Your furry friend was more settled in now and was perfectly cuddly, thoroughly spoiled with toys, and every friend of yours had also been thoroughly spoiled with the cutest cat pics. He was 90% of your camera roll now. His favourite sleeping position was on Matt, which you understood, his body was very comfy. 

“They’re called Persian cats so you’d think they’re from Iran, most people do, but they don't actually much about their history. With how science has developed they’ve been able to do more analysis of their DNA, and their genetic makeup is actually similar to cats from Western Europe.” You start to speak as the three of you are curled up on the couch for a cozy Saturday afternoon. 

“There was this Italian nobleman though, Pietro della Valle, he was a composer and traveled in Asia, the Middle East and North Africa during the Renaissance, old Renaissance not Beyonce Renaissance. But he traveled to Persia with his wife and there's the theory that he brought them back home to Western Europe after seeing their adorable, silly faces.” 

Matt listens intently, taking in each word and fact that leaves your lips, wearing a peaceful and content smile on his. He nods along, his hand caressing your soft body as he pays attention, enjoying the way your full, beautiful body feels against his, the passion he can just feel vibrating off of you as you speak and how mesmerizing your voice is as you quickly share this information. 

“But there are some people who believe that they came to Europe because of the sailors, or the merchants or just other rich travelers,” you continue. “And with the sailors, it makes sense because it was considered good luck to have cute little kittens on board. Especially if it was a black cat, which is interesting because they were generally considered a bad omen and satanic since the medieval times, because of old Catholicism.” Matt listened, a small devilish smirk gracing his face at the subtle jab to Catholicism and the fact that he was already aware of the origins of the black cat paranoia. Not because he himself was a Catholic but instead because it was a unique nugget of information he'd learnt from you during a previous cat-themed infodump. 

“The Italians are superstitious about black cats but a sneezing black cat is the ultimate sign of good luck. But that's better than Greeks tricking and killing daughters for good sailing winds.” 

“Wait what?” He blinked, feeling startled and concerned by whatever that was referencing. 

“Agamemnon's daughter for good winds to sail for the Trojan War. Catholics and any version of the Bible aren't the only pieces with murderous family soap opera.” Matt chuckles at that and nods. He remembers you telling him about your Greek mythology special interest from when you were a kid. 

“And then, they arrived here in America in the early 1900s, they were one of the first breeds that were registered with the Cat Fanciers Association when they formed in 1906. So they might never know the full picture of their origins, and stay a fluffy mystery but now we have this silly little guy.” You say looking at the cat and petting him. 

Matt listens to your infodump about Persian cats and the related facts with a large smile on his face. He listens intently while slowly petting Gary, or Purrdock as he knows you'll expect him to call the cat. He loves the sound of your voice and he’d happily listen to you talk for the rest of his life. It's what he plans to do any way, after all. 

He moves slowly and only slightly so he doesn't disturb the ginger shnookums resting comfortably on him. Having a partner that's Daredevil comes with useful agility skills. Matt kisses your cheek softly and it makes you smile.

You bite Matt's bicep with a big smile on your face and he chuckles, his hand caressing your back as you affectionately continue. It feels good and it's a silent way of saying I love you. 

Warm bubbles of joy wrap you up as you're so close to your special person and you get to bask in all of this. You feel loved, seen, and happy, just as you deserve to be, in this moment and with the life you have with Matt and your new furry best friend. It's a warm feeling, like how sun bathes you in a peaceful Sunday afternoon, which is exactly what it is. 

[wordy-little-witch]

The Ghost!Roger AU is honestly the best thing I ever read on this site ! It's absolutely perfect 😭

Give me more if it pleeeeease 🥺

I'm really glad people enjoy it!!!!!

I already have a HELLA fixation on the paranormal, and so when I can apply it self indulgently to OTHER fixations, I Am Thriving.

Truly this is my magnus opus.

On that note however, I'm gonna drop some Lore Ideas.

I've said before that Buggy's already aware that Roger is still hanging around. He's not there 24/7, but he does hang out pretty often. Ghosts are Drawn to the things they left Unfinished in this aspect, either by choice or necessity - they hang around on this plane instead of crossing over. Roger made his choices and hated it. He chose the lesser evil, in his mind, because NONE of the options were good.

Then, on that scaffold, about to die, he feels and sees his oldest kids and is frankly more than a little livid.

For one, they're unaccompanied. This is an execution, Loguetown is crawling with Marines - high ranking ones at that - and here stand two barely-teens.

Speaking of them, though, the second thing is how his boys' energies and haki feel. Now Roger has been in a cell for a hot minute - not horribly long, and it's been two agonizing years since he saw his boys, but he knows damn well one should not feel like a ship splintering against the waves while the other has the same warning flags as a landmine in some underbrush. It could be stress, and Roger hates himself for knowing he is a primary contributor to a situation which makes his kids hurt, but there's more to it.

Especially given lucky number three - they're thin. Like. Painfully thin. Buggy had always been rather scrawny, and Shanks had only just begun filling out before Roger disbanded the crew. Right now, his boys looked partially starved, and he was almost certain that if he could get to them, he'd be able to close his fingers around their wrists or ankles with far too much overlap.

Where the fuck was his crew and why the fuck were his sons alone???

The stage was set, though, and he had his role to play. So he just winds his haki tighter, presses as much love-care-guiot-pride-love-love-love into his energy as he can before wrapping it around his kids as subtly as he can.

Then he's spoken, there's cheering, there's movement and pain and-

Nothing.

Roger comes to a few months later.

It takes time to collect himself and his pieces enough to be aware.

Step one - find his kids!!

Shanks and Buggy are not little twin-flame-beacons - Roger assumes they must be back with the crew. He'll have words for them later. For now, Rouge should be due any day! Off to her he goes~

And to carnage he arrives.

It's all he can do to help cause a ruckus where he can when prying eyes get so close to his wife. She is pushing hard with her Haki and he's raging and crying and grieving all at once. Every day that the crusade continues is the day he hopes Garp arrives, that he does something, that he can do anything, that he won't lose her.

He stays longer than expected. A year and a half, and Baterilla is a ghost town. Rouge is barely alive, but their child's energy is bright and bold and u apologetic. Some nights, while she sleeps, he lays his head against her tummy and whispers to Ace or Anne about the world - about the good things, because those are the things the baby should know, those are the things this baby deserves.

Ace is born just as Garp arrives. Rouge dies and Roger grieves.

She comes back far quicker than he did and proceeds to smack him with her shoe, curse him up one side and down another, then wrap him into her arms and cry.

They follow Garp, follow Ace, and they watch over their baby. Dadan is not one who they would choose as a foster mother at a glance, but they warm up to get quickly. Rouge spends her time with Roger watching over their baby boy before she shoos her husband off to check on their other kids. She's never had the chance to meet her stepsons but she loves them all the same.

It takes him longer than expected to find them.

For one, they separated - and how in all the Seas did that happen- and for another, they're making crews. Mostly. Shanks has a crew budding, and Buggy now has a new look in his eyes and a fixation on wearing gloves, but whatever.

So he just. Bounces between the three, occasionally hunting down former crew members to make his displeasure Very Clear.

Only Buggy has ever seen him.

Sometimes Shanks will respond, will seem to Feel something off, but Buggy has always been the one to see the things nobody else could.

So Roger pokes at his littlest apprentice as much as he feasibly can.

It's only by pure happenstance that his kid grows up - and puts on weight, Roger and Rouge both are so proud - and manages to bag a goth Real Housewife Of The Grandline Drama Addict who accidentally-on-purpose adopted a girl with a penchant for divination and spirit boards.

Buggy isn't in the habit of mentioning the things all around people after the first few times landed with broken bones and bogo free trauma.

Now that Roger has ATTENTION however, and a way of talking to more people, AND a chance to gush about his kids to a listening party, well-

He is thriving. Rouge is giggling at him. Buggy is trying desperately to ignore his dead dad and equally dead step mother debating which embarrassing story to tell Pero-chan next.

He's just hoping and praying that they don't tell her about the Secret Spy Incident. He's not sure his blood pressure could take it.

[hanayori89]

To Be The First

*Kakariko Village*

Link flinched as you dabbed a warm rag on the slash mark that adorned his back.

"I thought you said these wounds were nothing?" You couldn't help but seize the opportunity to tease him.

"They are nothing! Cleaning the wound is always more unpleasant than receiving it. Ow." The way Link emphasized "ow" made you suppress a giggle. Two pales sat at your feet. You softly rubbed at the crusted blood that was adhered to his flesh. You wrung the rag above one of the empty pales, mesmerized by the crimson waterfall that escaped the cloth. You soaked it in the warm water, repeating the process on his battered arm.

"You know," you began, trying to distract him with conversation. "You worry so much about catching me. But ever since I've met you, I've done nothing but run. That day at the spring. Castle Town. Today. Maybe I'm afraid of being caught."

You could feel Link studying you as you spoke. He was completely engrossed by your words. "Also, I know you hate hearing this, but it is hard coming from my realm, where you're so deeply worshipped. I suppose there is a sense of idolization. Although, if they saw how unsteady you are on your feet, that might diminish your worship." You looked up at him, a cheeky smile lifting on your lips.

This made him laugh in a familiar way that was as soothing as the lapping of waves in Lake Hylia. It made your insides flutter.

And he kissed me. You tried your best to keep the kiss on the perimeter of your mind. There was so much to unload. From the way it made you feel to the things that were said.

"But I'd be lying if I said I regretted my action. That I didn't want to do it again. And again." You peeked at his lips while you replayed his words in your head. It certainly wasn't along the lines of what you had dreamt.

It was better.

"Y/N?"

You saw Link giving you a perplexed look. "If you clean that cut any longer, I'm afraid I may begin to look like a redead."

"Oh, goddesses, forgive me. What was I saying?"

Link cocked his head to the side. His eyes shimmered with mischief. "You were just about to tell me which version of me you kissed. The hero of Twilight or the boring rancher?"

"There was nothing boring about how you kissed me, Link." You found yourself looking at his lips again. You were disgusted by the fact that you were so paralyzed with fear during the act. You sat idly there, not moving your lips. Not kissing back. Then you realized you actually didn't quite know how to kiss back. It was your first kiss, after all. A comely man like Link has surely kissed many ladies in this realm. You'd be surprised if he didn't. Curiosity began to occupy the better half of you. "Remember, it was my first kiss. I wouldn't know any better."

You hoped your rehearsed innocence would provoke him into offering up tales of his many lip locks. As you awaited his response, you recognized a flicker of something in his gaze. Had you said something wrong? Had the nonchalance of your response devalued it somehow?

When, in fact, it had been the single most valuable memory in your life thus far.

"That is true. I would never be inappropriate in my questioning. But I suppose the Twili are not a kissing breed." His eyes seemed to fixate on the sliver of moon visible from outside of the window. "So, I was your first kiss." He wasn't really speaking to you, but more to himself. His voice was twisted in awe. As if he had just been given a gift and didn't know how to express his sincerest gratitude.

"Yes. Because it was my first, it will always be special. Even more so because it came from you." He continued passively looking out the window. His expression was soft in the bathed moonglow that flooded the room.

"I must tell the truth. I'm sure you know that you aren't my first."

You felt a twinge of jealousy in the pit of your stomach. It was silly to feel this way when you had just prodded him for this information. Of course, Link kissed many girls. He lived his life freely in the light before you came crashing into his world. Still, the idea that anyone else had this privilege, made you sizzle with jealousy. This greed to be the first and only continued to fuel your deep-seated blame towards the interlopers. If they hadn't done what they did so long ago, maybe you could have been Link's first kiss. Maybe you could have been Ilia.

But to live on maybes was no way to live. At least you were gifted a kiss from him here and now. You would use this gratitude to fight the incinerating embers of envy within you. 

Link seemed to pick up on the uneasy tension simmering between you both. You reached beneath his bangs, attempting to wipe away the smudge of blood you had noticed earlier on his forehead. As you raised your hand towards him, he blocked it, grabbing it within his own.

"You were the first to make me feel anything. I shouldn't say this, but I pray that you are my last." His eyes embraced you in their all-encompassing cerulean. They bore into you in a way that gripped the strings of your very soul. You both felt yourselves being swallowed by the intoxicating energy of lust, only for Link to release your hand. "We should get to bed."

"Are you sure you don't want me to clean your leg a bit more?"

Link shook his head, displaying an expression of sincere appreciation. "No, you've done enough for me. I feel fantastic. You need to rest. Tomorrow will be a busy day, I'm sure." Link began to fan the linen out in the air, delicately placing it on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Moments ago, he was frantically investigating your mouth with his tongue. Now he was going to try and sleep on the floor?

"I told you I'd take the floor. Your body has to be sore from the quicksand pressure on top of the fact that you fell. Please sleep in the bed, Y/N."

Your response was nothing short of shameless. "I intend to. I was thinking... there's no reason we couldn't share the bed."

If what you said shook Link, he didn't show it. His back remained angled toward you, his head facing downward, studying the linen he had set up. Without turning around, he declared, "Y/N, I meant what I said earlier. I want to do everything right. It isn't my intention to hurt anyone. I'm just afraid if I lie next to you, I'll-" 

"We'll lie facing away from each other. Besides, I don't necessarily want you to have to wake up to me in my Twili form."

This coaxed Link to turn and face you. "As if your Twili form would be enough to not tempt me. If anything, it'd tempt me more."

You were astounded. Tempt him more?  What about my ashen flesh and irises forged in the flames of hell could cause him temptation?

You stood ignorantly silent, not sure what an appropriate response would be. Fortunately, you didn't have to come up with one.

"If it were up to me and it isn't, you wouldn't have to-" Link pulled the reins on whatever it was he was about to divulge. He casually began picking up the linen he had laid on the floor, making no attempt to finish whatever he wished to say. He folded the linen back up, offering you a lackluster good night. "Good night, Y/N."

What was that about? Link was such an enigma. You didn't know many Hylians, but you wondered if they all acted in this manner. Something told you they didn't. How exhausting to be brimming with latent passion one moment, then safeguarding your emotions like rupees the next. You were too tired to inquire anymore.

You both silently crawled into bed, making sure you each turned away to your respective sides. Even though you weren't facing each other, the heat of Link's back pressing against yours was enough to make your heart stir. After much floundering, you felt your eyelids droop along with the unwelcome singes of your markings returning to life. You had transformed back. 

It was as you began to greet sleep that you heard Link whisper over his shoulder.

"Y/N... Thank you. For caring about me so much. For caring about me at all."

If he said anything else, it would remain a mystery, much like Link himself. You were now fast asleep.

*

"Y/N!" Your eyes fought to open at the sound of your name. You weren't entirely sure you weren't dreaming. Only when you heard your name once more did you realize you weren't in your dream world, but Link's.

"No! No! Y/N!"

The distraught voice of Link grumbled within close proximity to your ear. "Don't do this! Please!" His pleading was what lured you back into consciousness. Fully awake, you found yourself wrapped in what wasn't a blanket, but Link's arms. You held your breath when you rolled over and came face-to-face with him.

"Y/N!"

He was fast asleep. You felt a thump shake the bed from behind you. You startled at the disturbance until you realized it was Link, pounding a fist weakly on the bed.

Goddesses, if he's this strong in his sleep, I can't imagine being his foe in a duel when he's awake.

Even in his relentless slumber, his eyebrows were etched in grief. Whatever was happening between him and his 'dream' you clearly had him agitated.

"Y/N! NO! NOOO"

You couldn't lie idly any longer. You cupped his face in between your hands, hoping he could feel your words through the comfort of your touch. Link. It's ok. I'm right here. You raked your fingers down his face. He shuddered for a moment before calming down. I'll always be right here if you want me to be. You stroked his sweat drenched bangs away from his forehead. After the release of a few remaining whimpers, he settled back into a tranquil sleep.

I wonder what he saw?

You knew you shouldn't, but he did have his arms around you. You continued to stroke his hair as you admired his handsome face up close. His cheek was mashed into the pillow, causing his lips to pucker and wrinkle. He had thick, glossy lashes that you never noticed due to his enchanting eyes. His eyebrows seemed to twitch, prompting you to continue running your fingers through his hair.

He's having a bad dream. I'm just comforting him. 

You wondered who was going to comfort you from your own approaching nightmare.

Link and Ilia's wedding.

Edited: 4/2/2024

The night was short, but the information you've gained is plenty. Link has shared with you some of his deepest insecurities, giving you a front row seat to who the Hero of Twilight truly is. 

There's much more lying in wait to be brought into the light. But to do that, you'll soon realize you must retrieve it from the darkest depths you each possess. 

The sand in the hourglass is slowly trickling away...

Check out my other completed OOT Zelda work- No Woman Beyond.

[summertimemusician]

Linktober, Day 1

Merchant

*walks on in, drops this, mock salutes, refuses to elaborate* Shorter one this time because Ravio is a delight but also incredibly difficult to write for me and because sadly I've been too busy latelro fully figure him out. I apologize to all my fellow Ravio lovers out there, ALBW's was my third game and I really have a soft spot for him and Legend as a result. Maybe next year I'll write something longer or him or a stand alone.

Can be read as both pre romantic or platonic on either end, as well as non LU whatever floats y'all's boat I'm just here due to self indulgence and the LoZ/LU fixation hitting full force lol.

Meeting Ravio was always a bewildering delight.

Coming to Legend's Hyrule and watching his house being converted into a shop each and every time was always a great source of amusement to you and the Chain, the Lorulean always made sure to almost knock the Veteran to the ground with a rabbit worthy tackle with a delighted call of 'Mr.Hero! I'd recognize that annoyed lilt coming up the path anywhere!', hopping along the road as soon as you crossed the orchard boundaries to witness whatever glorious change he made to the house's exterior advertisement campaing (much to Legend's horrified ire), then turn to the Chain with a gleam in his verdant eyes that seemed to scream 'BUSINESS!' with the sound of clinking Rupees for added comical effect, shrewd and always looking for an opportunity to sell, rent or buy for expand his own business reach.

The clear soft spot Legend had for him was equally in half parts comical and sweet, it was in the way how he seemed to soften the feral fox sharp bite of his acerbic bladed tongue. How he let Ravio handle the cooking as soon as you had been welcomed into the house (although given the lack of cooking skills among many members of the Chain, maybe that was for the best), how he relaxed just a bit around the merchant being at his back or leaning against him in all sorts of ways even as he snapped against allowing Ravio to sell anything to you all in the Chain (for good reason, you saw Ravio's prices and had no desire to sell an arm or a leg for any of his goods) and how Ravio knew just how he liked his apple and cinnamon tea and how he knew Ravio was delighted by the existence of latte's once you reached Legend how to make them with Wild.

It was interesting to watch to say the least, specially given how Ravio behaved around anyone else, light footed, always watching and a bit skittish, always ready to run and take his goods with him if needed be. A survivor through and through and given your similar situations, you could respect that though you sadly weren't close, you heard bits and pieces from Legend when he felt generous or reminiscing or complaining about how Lorule was like, so to be able to make a living as a merchant there and stand up to it's queen was quite admirable, specially for a self proclaimed coward though you sadly couldn't interact much in account to the world hopping (no you're not bitter Dark Link or Hylia or whoever is up to controlling the portals you just want to talk, preferably with your fists or trusty dagger).

Which was why when the merchant approached you one fine afternoon in the orchard where you were picking apples for breakfast (determined to help this time before either Ravio or Wild could get to the kitchen), chatty as always and with the patented business smile on his face you couldn't help but be half baffled half unsurprised as you can hear Legend's previous warnings your head, as this really was inevitable.

"Look, Rav can be a bit much and a bit weird, and sure you may want to smack him over the ears for always sniffing for the opportunity to make rupees like a Like Like on the prowl. But he means well and is a really nice lad, just- tell him a firm no if he tries to sell or rent you anything alright?"

"Oh hello there!~ Fancy meeting you here, isn't it?" His voice skittered up on you as he slipped to your side, steps quick and light, Sherrow thrilled at you from between the ears of his hood, coy as a rabbit trying to pass unnoticed in the woods, assessing and prodding.

You couldn't help a small quirk of an eyebrow, reaching up for one of the bright red apples closest to you, "We've been here for at least a week now Ravio, if anything it's a miracle we're only talking now given we see each other every day."

He nodded, long sleeved hands waving around as he spoke, you think you can catch a hint of a smile on his voice, less business like, "Indeed! Didn't expect Mr.Hero to pick up anymore strays, although I did believe he was complaining less coming up the path so that should have been my first warning." He extends his hands towards the basket, head tilted, making Sherrow move to his shoulder with a little chirp, "Need some help with that?"

"That depends, will you charge me for it if I say yes?", you rib back, lips quirking a bit at the affronted gasp and mock swoon from the Lorulean.

"Why! I would never, you're a guest of Mr.Hero's, it would be bad manners to charge you on your first week here." Sherrow nodded along with a little thrill, and you almost fully believed him, almost. He sounded too innocent.

"I'll keep it in mind for next time then." You chirped back, cheerfully as you dropped an apple by him, the merchant laughed, picking up the basket anyway and letting the apple fall inside.

"Oh I like you, it's no wonder Mr.Hero sounds less grumpy when talking about you." He nodded to himself, not fully relaxed, but more loose now at whatever discovery he'd made, you tilted your head with a blink, "I feel like this will be the start of a wonderful friendship!"

You smile back, amused despite yourself, "I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the honor."

He laughed, shoulders shaking as he accepts more of your dropped apples, "Honestly that's clever, I should have thought of that when meeting Mr.Hero the first time! 'Ravio's Friendship Services for Rent, Advice Free of charge!' Think that would attract a good clientele?" You can swear he winked beneath the hood. Cheeky.

You couldn't help but laugh with him, you know, Legend was right, Ravio was really nice.

He eventually sobered up, tone soft, "I mean it though, Mr.Hero talks well about you." He shrugs a bit, distinctly sheepish and serious, a paradoxical mix but in a way, it fit, "Well, don't tell him I told you that, I think we both know he'd agree to nothing, but I'm glad he has someone looking out for him you know? I know I couldn't do half of the stuff he does, just help from the sidelines, so thank you, for looking out for him."

You blink, softening a bit, you can't see his face beneath the blue eyes of the hood, but you don't need to. In the end, you both care about Legend, so it makes sense he'd want to get a feel for you himself, "Of course, and that's not true, you know? Legend is... definitely a hard nut to crack, but to say he doesn't care about you and what you did for him would be a lie. So if anything, thank you." You smile, a bit helplessly, "I just do what I can, but I wouldn't be able to do if not for you looking out for him first."

He pauses, stilling, too still and a contrast from the way he was so jittery before, but then nods firmly, something like relief coloring his voice as well as pleasant surprise, the chirper tone making it's reappearance aftef a second, "Of course, I'm his most reliable salesman of course! I need to look out for my best and favorite customer!", he clears his throat, is that a hint of crimson on his cheeks? You can't tell beneath the scarf, though you can recognize the immediate conniving tone to his voice, "So... Mr.Hero talks well about me, huh?"

Ah yes, the need for blackmail material. Somehow you're not surprised.

... To be fair, you're curious yourself too. "Help me with making fruit tarts for breakfast and I might consider a mutually beneficial exchange of information."

His grin widened, almost knife sharp, "Only if you help me organize the merchandise at the shop after! We have much to talk about I believe."

You are so glad you passed whatever unseen test he was putting you through. You offer him a hand, "Deal."

You shake on it, understanding being conveyed without words.

Legend was dear to you both, so you'd both work together to look after him.

(Much, much later, after waking up from the first goodnight of sleep he had in a while, Legend will find you both in his kitchen, Ravio chattering enthusiastically as you both enjoy your hard work on the tarts over hibiscus tea, discussing the history of his many, many items and Ravio's goods and be simultaneously filled with warmth he'd take to his grave and feel a chill go up his spine. As if he's made a mistake somehow.

Ah well, it will probably be the best among his many other mistakes.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pushing back when my classmate was interrupted by another classmate?

Why don't I call them Josh (M21) and Izzy (F18)? Josh, Izzy, and I (F21) were doing a group activity in class that involved writing things down on a whiteboard about a character in a novel. Our group discussed and I recorded. I think the issue between me and Josh started when he contributed something and I didn't write it down. I listened to his thoughts attentively but since it was extremely similar to what was already there (think "committed to her husband" vs "loyal to her husband"), and since we'd already used half the board on the one question I was trying to budget space for the next three.

After this he seemed fixated on his ideas being written down exactly the way he said them, correcting me when I paraphrased him. Feeling a bit micromanaged, sometimes I changed it, sometimes I didn't. One member would point out something subtextual and based on the parallel stuff we learned in class, while he'd give us a few words like "wise, intelligent, complex". That's fine, but a little more surface-level; we were analyzing connections between the character and their role in society (or smth else I don't remember perfectly) so, not quite as much to go on there, not addressing the topic very deeply. For things like that, I'd write it down in brief, or ideas that came up based on his contribution. If I put myself in his shoes, I don't think this would get to me. I genuinely thought nothing of it - my job, I thought, was to condense the information I was given so we could remember it when presenting, and I still captured his ideas. He became increasingly curt and asked if I wanted him to take over the job of writing. I said no, thanks, at this point getting a little curt in return, complying less with his editorial requests.

A few minutes later Izzy was speaking, and 10 seconds in, he cut her off with an unrelated idea. I was already annoyed, but feel pretty sure that I was correct in reading this as super rude: there was no pause in her speech, he just raised his voice over hers until she stopped talking. She had been speaking up periodically, but this really pushed my buttons because Izzy is a shy, soft-spoken freshman — it felt like disrespect or even some kind of gender dynamic. He probably felt undervalued because of me, but we had listened to him speam. Why didn't Izzy get to finish her thoughts?

I let him finish and then said, careful of my tone, "I'd actually like to hear what Izzy was trying to say."

Izzy sort of rushed through her idea and then apologized (?) to Josh, who got to explain his idea too, clearly annoyed. We moved on and class ended, but Izzy no longer sits next to me. I'm a little sad about this, because we got along. I think I might have a) embarrassed her, b) come off more rude to Josh than intended, or c) provoked Josh by not validating his ideas as much as I did for the others.

I've tried to represent the situation accurately here, and I hope I succeeded. I'm finding it a little bit hard to regret what I did, at least that last part. It didn't feel disproportionate to me, and even if most people would have let it slide, it matters to me that the people I study with are treated with respect. On the other hand, if my way of writing really did undervalue Josh's ideas, I regret that. Where did I go wrong here?

What are these acronyms?

[marsupialmuseum]

When HollowClan was suddenly left with no leader and no deputy, the anxious clan turned to their healer, Bittermurmur, for guidance. That night, as the forest was blanketed by darkness, the cats gathered in the center of camp, their eyes fixated on the blood moon that now loomed over them. At first, Bittermurmur wasn't sure how to interpret this— divining such an important sign had to be taken very seriously, after all. There was no room for uncertainty. Then, the sky gave him the hint that he needed as it began to lightly drizzle. The drizzle quickly turned into downpour, and as Bittermurmur's yellow eyes scanned the camp, they landed on the grey tom with striking red-orange markings who was sitting alone in a corner: Bloodrain. Bittermurmur decided that there was an obvious connection between the blood moon, the rain, and the young warrior, who was looking not up at the sky, but down at the ground. The healer weaved his way through the throng of cats, causing them to fall silent and turn their attention onto their healer.

"Our ancestors have given us a sign. Bloodrain is to be our leader."

At Bittermurmur's announcement, many in the crowd gasped, and others flattened their ears as they launched into quiet grumbles of disagreement. Bloodrain hesitantly slinked over to stand a few feet from the healer, not really knowing what else he was supposed to do. His unsettlingly wide blue-and-orange eyes darted around frantically. The tom's lashing tail and flattened ears made his discomfort very clear, suggesting that he wasn't particularly pleased at being thrust into the center of everyone's attention. He didn't acknowledge the complaints whispered throughout the group— they thought he was too young, too inexperienced. There was even talk about the rain being a bad omen, with some cats implying that Bloodrain was cursed, and would doom HollowClan.

Regardless of their protests (or Bloodrain's lack of qualifications and obvious displeasure at being selected as leader), Bittermurmur was the highest authority they had and the only cat who could interpret the signs from their ancestors, so his word was law. Bloodrain was going to be HollowClan's new leader.

-----

Hey, long time no post!! I was busy with some hectic irl situation-type-deals (/reference lol) and didn't really post on anything for a while, but I'm back and I've got LOTS of Bloodrain stuff coming up!! This guy is part of a Minecraft warrior cats roleplay server (which also has a Discord!!) called Pawstep Pathway. The new map is looking great (credits to PPWC's owner, Sam), and rp should start soon. This post is just some basic exposition stuff explaining how Bloodrain came to be HollowClan's new leader >:) Bittermurmur (not pictured, but mentioned above) belongs to my friend inyourgravy/inyourlemon, AKA Osh!! Y'all should definitely check out Pawstep Pathway, I've been a Pawstepper for like half my life and it's a really awesome rp server with a gorgeous map and a great community!

[callsignbaphomet]

Okay, so I finished all three WIPs so I'll upload them one by one. I'm uploading them in "order" so it makes better sense. These don't have titles because like I've said before I am absolute trash at coming up with titles. As usual TWs are at the top and if I forget any I'm sorry, it's not my intention so kindly let me know if something needs to be tagged.

☆★☆★→Link to google Doc←☆★☆★

In case someone prefers to read it there than here.

Trigger warnings: firearms, weapons, death, drugs/chems, alcohol, sexual themes, sexual content, panic attack.

◃───────────▹◃───────────▹◃───────────▹

“Dagny, vent på meg.” Jelani called out to Dagny as the little night stalker sped up and climbed up on top of a ruined and blown up car and stared off into the distance, her ears were perked up, her body was stiff and her tail was still and alert.

“La oss gå, Dag.” Jelani said as he walked past the vehicle and continued to walk. He was in no mood for games, not when he was operating on less than two hours of sleep and heavily craving another shot of Calmex. The night before was bad, bad enough that he used up the last two Calmex he had left and he wouldn’t be able to get his hands on another batch for another five days. The nightmares were getting worse.

Dagny looked back at Jelani and let out a quiet bark to get his attention. As soon as he turned around to look at her Dagny kept her eyes fixated on him, her body was still and stiff though he noticed her left ear twitched and bent to the side. He sighed and looked to where she’d been staring and as soon as he did Dagny gave a subtle wiggle as if celebrating the fact that Jelani looked in the direction she wanted him to look. Jelani saw nothing, just tall dry grass as far as the eye could see and several miles away were some ruins and half destroyed buildings.

“A’ight.” Jelani walked over to the car and climbed it to see if he was able to see what had gotten such a strong hold of Dagny’s attention. As soon as he was on the roof he knelt beside her and looked in the same direction. “Hva er det, jente?”

With a better vantage point Jelani could see a little further away. About fifty feet away he could make out what looked like three people struggling or fighting, it was hard to tell from that distance. He retrieved a pair of binoculars from his backpack to get a better view of the situation. There were actually four men. Three of them, who appeared to be farmers, were fighting a fourth man. It was hard to tell what the fourth man was, he could’ve been a scavver, a random settler or anyone else really. Jelani looked up to see the position of the sun, it was still early and he was close to Jamaica Plain, a little detour wouldn’t hurt given how early he decided to take off.

“Kom igjen, Dag.”

Jelani and Dagny made their way to the quartet as fast as they could and once they were about twenty feet from the group both of them slowed down and hid amongst the tall grass. Now that he was closer Jelani could see each of their faces clearly, three of them he’d never seen before but the fourth one, the one the farmers were attacking, surprised him. It was that raider that saved Dagny from drowning when he’d been jumped by the Bunker Hill raiders. Jelani knelt as he grabbed his sniper rifle and once he positioned himself he pointed to Dagny with his left index finger and as soon as the little night stalker saw his hand he then brought up the same hand and pointed to one of the farmers, specifically the one holding a wooden bat, with his index and middle finger. Once he was sure Dagny understood her instructions he then held up his middle, index and thumb. While crouching Dagny took a few steps forward and patiently waited for Jelani.

“Get your bitch hands off me!” Angelus yelled as he struggled to break free but the farmer holding him pulled out a switchblade and pressed the tip to his neck.

“En.” Jelani whispered as he took aim. His crosshairs sitting right on the farmer’s left ear. Dagny slowly brought forth her right foot and set it down on the dry ground.

“From now on we ain’t waiting for no goddamn Minutemen. We’ll take care of you scumbags our own damn selves.” The man holding the bat said as he brought it up behind his shoulder and gripped it so hard his knuckles were turning white.

“To.” Jelani inhaled as he carefully wrapped his index finger around the trigger. He made enough contact with it to apply some pressure though not enough to pull it yet.

The other farmers yelled in agreement. Their frustrations were justified and their anger had made a lot of them bolder than even most of the Commonwealth raiders. Something happened in the last year that offset the balance within raider ranks. New groups and gangs were slowly filtering in little by little into the Commonwealth, these gangs were far more aggressive, destructive and far more dangerous than the raiders that had called Boston their home for years now. At first it was nothing the newly reformed Minutemen couldn’t handle, in fact, some of them seemed to enjoy the challenge, especially their new general. However, the Minutemen’s push back only managed to come off as a challenge to these new raiders and before long the Commonwealth was yet again thrust into war. Many people from both sides had been killed and the Minutemen’s numbers were suffering because of it. With the fight against the Brotherhood of Steel and the Railroad once again focusing on fighting the Institute, a new group that had swallowed the Triggermen and were making a play in the metro area of Boston meant the Minutemen were stretched thin and everyday citizens had had enough. Most were arming themselves and taking to killing anyone they suspected of being a raider. Some thought it was about time but others had grown accustomed to the new general’s proposition. She wanted to do things the way the old world did: leave the raiders, thieves, murderers and other less than pleasant people of the Commonwealth in the hands of a force that was dedicated to taking care of those problems and serving up their own brand of justice dependent on the severity of the crime.

“How ‘bout we kill this bitch and put his head on pike, boys? That way his buddies know not to fuck with us.”

“Tre.” Jelani exhaled slowly as the word left his mouth. Once he felt his lungs empty and right before he inhaled again he pulled the trigger. At the same time he pulled the trigger and the .50 bullet flew out of the silenced barrel of Gungnir Dagny took off with such speed and power her hind legs kicked up the dirt from beneath her paws. The bullet pierced the farmer’s head, the entry point being his left ear and before his body could hit the ground Dagny had pounced on the man holding the bat, the man Jelani had pointed to. She snapped her jaws around his throat. With the momentum she’d gathered as she ran she managed to bring him down to the ground where she proceeded to bite down as hard as she could and pulled so hard her claws dug into the man’s flesh. An almost gross orchestra of her vicious snarls and the man’s gurgled screaming filled the air.

The third man had turned to run but Angelus quickly moved to pick up the switchblade the other farmer had pressed against his neck and tossed it as hard as he could. The blade sunk into the back of his head, he was dead by the time he hit the ground. Angelus then turned around and saw a familiar face emerge from the tall grass, he was still tense from the ordeal but as soon as he recognized him the raider relaxed a bit.

Jelani reached into his coat and took out a silenced .22 pistol. He aimed it at the man Dagny was currently mauling and in a serious tone said, “Gi slipp.” As soon as he said it Dagny released the man and walked over to Jelani, she sat right by his feet while he took aim and shot the farmer in the head.

Once the last of the farmers was dealt with both Jelani and Angelus stood still and stared at each other in silence, it wasn’t awkward by any means, it was more like both of them were carefully analyzing the situation they found themselves in.

“Well, this is a surprise.” Angelus broke the silence once he gathered Jelani wasn’t a threat to him, he figured if he was there to kill him he would’ve been the first one he would’ve shot just to make sure he wouldn’t get away. “Didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“You okay?” Jelani asked as he put the .22 away.

“Yeah, yeah. Just…assholes caught me off guard, you know?” He waved off the mercenary’s concerns, mostly out of embarrassment that he’d been jumped by a pack of farmers. Pissed off farmers but farmers nonetheless.

“Where you headed?”

“I was uh…hmm…” Angelus was actually on his way back to Nuka World from Egret Tours, a settlement he’d befriended some time ago, but he wasn’t about to give that information out to just anyone. It was a tumultuous time to be a raider in Boston, even worse if you were a raider from outside of Boston. Angelus was in no hurry to get back to Nuka World so he smiled and said, “Wasn’t actually going anywhere in particular. What about you? You look like you’re getting ready to cause some serious damage.”

“Contract.”

“Not much of a talker are you?” Angelus chuckled as he relaxed a little more.

“Nope.” Jelani looked down at Dagny who happily looked back at him and snapped his fingers while saying, “Kom igjen.” Dagny stood back up and walked beside him as both headed south.

Angelus watched as both of them kept walking to wherever it was that they were heading and stood still. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t wanna stay in the Commonwealth a little longer. Life in Nuka World was beginning to feel stressful with the gangs getting worked up over Colter ignoring everyone’s pleas to expand their territory into the other parks. Plenty of people guessed it was only a matter of time before war broke out between the gangs and while some welcomed it others like Angelus were worried. He had friends in other gangs that he’d rather not kill over some bullshit started by unrest because of Colter’s lazy ass. The less time he spent in Nuka World the lesser the chances of him being involved in an all out war. Now, he could go back to Egret, he was free to come and go as he pleased, but as he looked at the mercenary another idea crawled its way into his head.

“Hey!” Angelus called out and the mercenary and the little night stalker both turned around to look at him as he ran up to them. “Mind if I tag along?”

Jelani jerked his head back as he stared at the raider in confusion, “Why?”

“Well, I’m in no hurry to be anywhere specific and maybe I can help since you helped me with those guys.”

Jelani slightly tilted his head sideways and furrowed his brow as he looked at the raider. He then looked at Dagny who looked up at him and as if she was somehow trying to voice her opinion she let out a yap and wagged her tail while rhythmically stomping her front paws on the ground and panting excitedly. Jelani shrugged as he turned back to the raider and Dagny made her way to greet him.

“Angelus, right?”

“Yeah.” Angelus answered with a pleasantly surprised tone. He doesn’t remember ever introducing himself to him, not now and much less the first time they met. However, the girls that stitched up the mercenary’s injuries did call him by his name so he guessed he picked up on it and remembered. He was honestly impressed. But then again Angelus was really bad at remembering names so someone remembering his name after hearing it once a few weeks back made him smile.

“That’s Dagny.”

Angelus crouched down to pet the little night stalker who happily wagged her tail as Angelus scratched her behind her ears with one hand and rubbed her chest with the other while cooing at her.

“Pretty name for such a pretty girl. Yes, you are.” He gleefully squealed as he continued to pet her, he then looked up at the mercenary and while still petting Dagny said, “What kinda dog is she anyway?”

“Technically she’s not a dog, she’s a night stalker. Most people just refer to her as a dog anyway.”

“Makes sense, I mean she looks a little like a dog and acts like one too. Where’d you get her?”

“New Vegas.”

“Goddamn, you’re a long way from New Vegas. The hell brought you to this dump anyway?” Angelus looked up and saw Jelani’s expression shift ever so slightly. He was still serious but there was something else behind his expression, mostly in his eyes, that Angelus couldn’t quite put his finger on and soon realized he may have asked the wrong question. He quickly stood up and in an attempt to move the conversation to another direction, and still get a little bit of information out of the mercenary, he quickly said, “Okay, so this is Dagny. What about you?”

“Jelani.” He whispered as he lowered his gaze and turned around to continue walking south. Angelus thought it best to stop asking questions for now even though he was tempted to but he knew better.

The three of them made their way south and after almost forty minutes they were nearing a large settlement called Jamaica Plain which peaked Angelus’s curiosity. With how well armed Jelani was he was sure the contract he was fulfilling was a hit so he prepared himself for a fight. However, instead of walking directly into Jamaica Plain Jelani veered off to the west several yards from the settlement and kept walking. Angelus curiously followed behind him. He was about to ask why he was heading in that direction but his question was answered when Jelani began to climb up part of the broken down highway. It was a bit of a steep climb but both of them made it to the highest point of the highway that comfortably overlooked the large settlement. Once in place Jelani put his backpack and sniper rifle down beside him and sat down as he looked over the settlement. He seemed at ease so Angelus figured he’d sit down too. He walked over to Jelani and Dagny and sat close to Jelani and silently looked over the settlement though his eyes would occasionally dart over to the mercenary. He was as easy on the eyes as he remembered him. At one point Angelus looked him up and down and felt the corners of his mouth hike up to form a smile. It wasn’t so much that he was easy on the eyes, he found him exceptionally pretty. From the very moment he first laid eyes on him he couldn’t help but be taken aback, the only reason Angelus helped him was because he was almost instantly smitten or at least that’s what he tells himself just to convince himself he’s at the very least somewhat decent. Had Jelani stayed in Egret that night Angelus had planned to make a move on the mercenary if his head injury permitted. Even now he wanted to make a move but he was sure he’d be turned down while he was yet to finish the contract so Angelus was left with fantasizing and imagining what was hiding under that coat.

“So…” Angelus began as he averted his eyes, “What uh…what are we doing here?”

“Waiting.” Jelani answered as he looked back at Angelus who gave him a look as if waiting for him to elaborate on why they were sitting on a broken highway. He sighed as he came to terms with the fact that his current companion was a lot more talkative than Jelani was comfortable with. He wasn’t angry about that, in fact, he saw it as an opportunity to relearn social skills he’d lost in the few months he’d been in Boston. Since he got there he hardly spoke or socialized with anyone. He had so many fears and so much anxiety and paranoia that it made it hard to even talk to people, even now he was fighting back against the intrusive thoughts he’d been haunted by since the day after his father found him in that basement. He looked down to see Dagny curled up and asleep next to him, he took the little night stalker’s relaxation as a sign that the raider next to him was safe for now so he gathered up his courage, inhaled and indulged the raider’s curiosity. “Ex-Gunner turned Minuteman. Was contacted through a friend who introduced us. Guy abandoned his post and joined the Minutemen so now this Gunner’s looking for some payback.”

“And why are we waiting? Why not just go down there, lure him out and kill ‘im or are we waiting for nighttime to sneak in there and kill ‘im in his sleep?”

“Nah, too much trouble. His shift usually starts at 1400, he patrols the north road where the diner is. That entire road is his until his shift ends at 1900. Take him out once he’s out there.”

“1400? What’s that?”

“Another way of saying 2:00 pm. Twenty-four hour format or as some people say military time. There’s NCR and Enclave with a little bit of Brotherhood of Steel in my family history.” Jelani was hesitant sharing that information and he immediately regretted it though there was nothing he could do about that now. He made a mental note to be more careful going further.

“Wait,” Angelus began to chuckle, “You’re an army brat? Oh, my god, that is hilarious and makes so much sense.”

“How so?”

“The way you took out those two farmers! I never even heard you approach us and that was a clean shot. I’ve never seen shit like that before. Not to mention how well trained your dog is. Also you’re, like, serious all the time.”

“Um, I guess.”

Jelani lowered his gaze and turned to look at the settlement below. He was starting to feel uncomfortable with the way Angelus was staring and smiling, he was well aware that he wasn’t going to hurt him but his mind was wandering to a place he didn’t want to go to, not now that he was feeling relaxed and surprised that he was actually interacting with another person. He focused on a brahmin and watched its movements carefully as he took deep breaths and exhaled as a way to calm himself in order to avoid another panic attack. With every breath he could feel his heart rate slowing down. Surprisingly the preparation he did whenever he was getting ready to make a long range shot on his sniper was exactly what helped him to calm down. Despite the rumors snipers don’t have the ability to stop their heartbeats, however, they can do specific breathing exercises to relax their bodies, slow down their breathing and maintain a type of control over their heartbeats that allows them to pull the trigger at the exact right moment to avoid movement even microscopic ones.

“So where you from?” Angelus asked almost absentmindedly and as soon as he realized what he asked and remembering Jelani’s earlier reaction he sort of flinched.

“Capital Wasteland. Was there till I was around eleven or twelve.”

“Really? Wow, I heard that place was messed the fuck up.” Angelus was surprised his question hadn’t caused any discomfort and was relieved to see Jelani was starting to relax around him.

“It is but then again what place isn’t nowadays. What about you? From your accent I figured maybe from somewhere in the south.”

“Yeah,” Angelus’s face brightened as a huge smile formed on his face. Not many people could make that connection, “from some bum fuck middle of nowhere town in Mississippi. Not a very nice place, full of just mean people, mean critters and a big ass radioactive stinky river full of some foul ass shit that will kill you if you get too close to it. Kind of miss it.”

“Sounds charming.” Jelani chuckled and smiled.

Angelus couldn’t help but stare at him, he was gorgeous and his pale blue eyes seemed to light up when he smiled. Angelus caught himself staring and as he felt his cheeks flare up he looked away and said, “Noticed you have one too, an accent I mean, it sounds weird. Not a bad weird, I mean just weird weird. That wasn’t English that you spoke to your dog earlier was it?”

“No, it wasn’t. Turns out that before the war some family came here and were trapped once the war started. Two hundred years later and I’m the last in that line.”

“Do you know where they were from?”

“Norway.”

“So is that language from where your family’s from?”

“Yeah, they kept passing it down and my dad taught me how to speak, write and read it, Norwegian by the way, before he taught me English so I learned English the same way he was taught.”

“We might have something sort of in common. According to my mom my dad was some caravan trader whose family was actually from Russia, they’d actually made it here some thirty something years before my dad was born. I don’t know what Russians spoke though. Only Russian word I know is my last name: Malakhov. So is it just you and your dad and your dog?”

“It’s just me and Dagny…my dad’s dead.” What Jelani really wanted to say was that his dad was dead because of him but given that he wasn’t ready to come to terms with that he simply left it at that and lowered his gaze as his smile faded and his expression turned somber.

Angelus picked up on the sudden change and he moved closer to Jelani till both of their shoulders were touching. Jelani jumped at the feeling of coming into contact with someone else. His immediate instinct was to pull away but he didn’t, he turned to look at Angelus who had a sympathetic look on his face and in a soft tone said, “My mom’s dead too. She got really sick and just kept getting worse and worse until she died. I later went to live with an old raider turned merc until one day he just didn’t come back home, figured he died out there somewhere. It’s just been me ever since. Hell, I don’t even have a dog.” He pointed at Dagny and then looked back at Jelani.

“Technically…” Jelani started, he waved off the need to safeguard himself by not revealing anything about himself to anyone, “my dad was actually my brother.”

Angelus coughed as he tried his hardest not to laugh so he bit his lips and said in a strained voice, “Oh, sweet pea, you sure you ain’t from the south?”

It took him a few seconds but Jelani started to laugh once he realized that the sentence had come off as a little strange and he needed to elaborate otherwise it would look like his family tree was going in circles. “Ja, pretty sure. What I mean is that my parents died when I was almost two-years-old and my brother who was seventeen at the time took care of me. I honestly don’t remember my parents, sometimes I can sort of remember little details but not enough to form an actual memory of either of them. I think it’s better that way, how are you gonna grieve someone you had no attachment to? So my brother raised me, he’s been the only parent I’ve actually known so I started calling him dad and it just stuck. I used to forget he was my brother and not my actual dad but neither of us cared. Now he’s gone. Irony of it all is we both lost our parents at the same age.”

Jelani was surprised at himself, he revealed a lot more than he had anticipated and it was the first time he thought about Loke without breaking down into hysterics and the first time he spoke about him since he died. He couldn’t explain it but talking to Angelus about it felt like a weight had been lifted off him, ever since Loke died he felt like he was pinned to the ground by a massive boulder that got heavier and heavier as the days passed but talking to him about it alleviated it, or at least some of it. He took a deep breath and let out a nervous sigh, or maybe it was a sigh of relief, he wasn’t sure. Perhaps that sensation was what Loke and the caravan doctor had talked about when they told him he needed to talk to someone about what had happened that night but he hadn’t been ready, he still wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready to relive that horrible experience that ripped away something from deep inside him.

Angelus stayed quiet for a few minutes and just watched Jelani. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he thought there was something else that he wasn’t telling him. His tone and words felt genuine yet he could tell there was something he was holding back but he didn’t dare to push the subject matter, not now that he was getting him to open up to him. He went from one word answers to full blown sentences and didn’t wanna scare him into shutting down again so he did what he knew best and decided to distract him.

“So, Jay, have you heard about the Jamaica Plain treasure controversy yet?”

“I’m sorry, the what?” Jelani turned and gave Angelus the most confused expression he could muster. That sentence was one of the most ridiculous ones he’d heard since he reached Boston.

“Oh, sugar, you’re gonna love this. For a very long time there was a rumor that there were riches hidden in Jamaica Plain. What was it? No one knew, some people said it was a building full of caps, some people said there was a secret hidden vault around the place. Other people said that before the war people hid powerful weapons somewhere down there and some said that there was gold. I don’t know what the blue hell gold is but it got some people’s underwear in a tussle.”

“Wait, who started that rumor?”

“Hush your pretty lips. Now, there were some people that thought it was all bullshit and said it was probably a trap to lure morons to their deaths. About three years ago when the Minutemen picked back up there was a group of settlers who came to JP and well, settled! That got everyone up in arms, you had raiders trying to find the treasure, had Gunners, Triggermen, farmers, mercs, ghouls, humans, Diamond City folks left their little safety nest for goodness’s sake! And those bitches are too scared to go anywhere! Everyone came down here to fight the settlers and claim the treasure. Sure as the sun sets there was a mini type of war with hundreds of people searching every fuckin’ building for the treasure or at the very least clues. Now, you see that building down there? The one with the blown up statue in front of it?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Okay, so everyone was looking everywhere except for that one. This farmer goes in and looks all over the place, another one sneaks in and people start to notice and soon everyone is running for that building and they’re trashing the place looking for the treasure. Someone finds a door to a basement and they manage to break it down and now you got hundreds of people trying to make their way in. Supposedly there were hundreds of traps everywhere and people start dyin’ or getting injured but they push on anyway ‘cause they figured that the traps mean they’re getting close. So after fighting through traps, hacking security systems, fighting off crazed robots and each other they finally make it the treasure.”

“It was real?” Jelani asked with a dubious tone and expression.

“I shit you not the treasure was a room full of some old world junk put up on display as if it was the greatest fuckin’ thing since unguarded caps. There were hair brushes, some clothing items, junk, a pretty much useless terminal and the most “useful” item there was a wooden bat. Someone even left a holotape that had an inventory of all the “treasure” and someone actually wrote a goddamn speech talkin’ ‘bout how these were special items that people back then used and shit. Well, shitfire, we still use them! Sort of!”

“I legitimately hate it here…” Jelani replied with a monotone voice and an incredulous look on his face as he blinked at Angelus as if somehow trying to make sense of the entire thing. “I’m almost afraid to ask what the fuck happened after they found that shit.”

“Nothing. Nothing happened. Everyone just quietly left the building and went wherever the fuck they came from. The wounded were tended to in the settlement and the dead were buried and everyone went home. Soon as word got out about what happened everyone denied being there, hundreds of jackasses and all of ‘em deny ever being anywhere near Jamaica Plain. Everyone that participated outright denies they were ever even here looking for that shit. Honestly? I think it’s pretty fuckin’ funny. Motherfuckers back then had a nasty sense of humor for sure.”

“What the hell is wrong with everyone here?”

“Oh!” Angelus excitedly said as he playfully hit Jelani’s arm as he remembered yet another story he picked up while in Egret. “Have you heard of the haunted quarry yet?”

“That’s it, I’m getting the fuck out of this fucking place.”

“It’s true! Or…at least they say it’s true. Pack of Minutemen had gone in to clear out the raiders that were in that quarry but supposedly the raider leading that group lost her mind and killed all the other raiders. The terminals were full of really weird entries about voices, visions, quakes and something about the light. Only one of those Minutemen came back and he ain’t been right since. He’s up in Sanctuary ‘cause he didn’t wanna live anywhere near that quarry. To this day he says there’s something ancient and super evil living down there. I forgot the name of the quarry…something sun or maybe dumb itch?”

Jelani’s eyes widened in horror as the two words sounded eerily similar to the name of a building with a less than spectacular reputation back in the Capital. He’d only heard stories and every time he asked Loke about it Loke would quickly change the subject. For a few seconds he couldn’t remember the name but repeating the two words Angelus said in his head instantly made him remember so he turned to Angelus and in an almost deadpan tone said, “You mean Dunwich?”

“That’s the fucker’s name!” Angelus said in an excited tone but then quickly turned serious. “How did you know?”

“Uh…back in the Capital there was this old building people talked about with that exact name. It was weird, every time us kids would bring it up all the grown ups would just change the subject and if we kept pushing they’d just tell us to drop it. There was this old man that lived in the area and he used to talk about it if we brought him beer. According to him, that building was sitting on some gateway or something. Apparently a lot of people that went in either died or came back wrong and there was something about some vault dweller and a book.”

“Ew, that’s…a pretty creepy coincidence.”

“I kinda wanna see this quarry.”

“Well, you’re shit out of luck, sugar. Minutemen have that thing locked down.”

“Hva i helvete? Why?”

“That was kind of a recent development and it’s up for debate as to whether it was to keep the curious out to avoid people getting hurt or lost in the quarry but a lot of us think it has something to do with the Children of Atom. Something kind of weird is happening within their ranks. A lot of ‘em have been turning up dead by their own members. A lot of them are relocating to the Glowing Sea and the few that are left have stopped being really hostile and have turned reclusive. I think they’re up to something.”

“Those quacks are always up to something. There was a lady in Bunker Hill that was keeping track of ‘em and said they’re all avoiding the coastline. Apparently there’s something in the water that they don’t like.”

“Don’t blame ‘em. Probably Ol’ Peg.”

“Oh, that is not real.”

“Lemme know when you have some free time and I’ll take you to Salem. Something…interesting…happened there four years ago.”

“A’ight, but it better be as interesting as you’re making it out to be.” Jelani teased playfully as he pointed at Angelus and smiled. He then reached over to his backpack and retrieved some binoculars as it was close to his target’s shift and he wanted to be ready.

“Promise. And if it turns out to be a dud I have a pretty good idea of how we could salvage the day.”

Confused and a little weirded out by the way he said it Jelani turned to look at Angelus who had a particularly mischievous smile on his face. It didn’t feel malicious but the implication, which Jelani picked up on, sent a cold shiver up and down his spine. He honestly didn’t know what to say so he gave him a forced smile that quickly left his lips and turned to focus on the job at hand.

On the other hand Angelus didn’t pick up on Jelani’s uneasiness and chucked his lack of a response to getting ready for the target. He moved closer to Jelani and watched him eagerly as Jelani scoped the area below them for the target. He wanted to say something but he didn’t want to distract him and cost him whatever caps were promised for the ex-Gunner. His eyes slowly darted from his face, down to his shoulders, his back, hips and down his legs.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Startled by Jelani’s question he looked up to see Jelani looking at him and somewhat frowning at him as if he’d caught him red handed in what he was doing. He thanked whatever was out there that he couldn’t hear all the shit he was thinking as he traced his body with his eyes. “See him yet?” Angelus misdirected the conversation to avoid the awkwardness from building further.

“Not yet.”

“And how do you know what he looks like? I mean, I never really thought about how mercs know what their targets look like.”

“Descriptions for the most part. Very few people have access to working cameras and they give the target’s picture if they’re able to get a shot of them. Even dealt with one very pissed off caravan guard who had a recorder and showed me video of the target. Some old world stuff still works if you manage to fix it. Sure, the quality isn’t what it used to be but it gets the job done.”

“Yeah, old merc I used to live with had a wrist watch that, according to him, his great grandfather found after he traveled east. Managed to fix it and passed it down. Of course, knowing him he stole it and fabricated the story to go along with the watch. Guy was a bit of a compulsive liar, it was hard to get the truth out of him if you didn’t know him. I still have the darn thing but it doesn’t work anymore, somebody told me the gears got stuck or something like that.”

“I actually know of someone that can help with that. Some old caravan merchant I worked for for a few weeks has a contact that can fix literally anything. Pretty sure he can tackle a simple watch.” Jelani said as he lowered the binoculars and looked at Angelus who was smiling at him.

“Really? That’d be great! Can’t tell time for shit but it’d be nice to have the thing working again.”

“It ain’t hard, I can show you.” Jelani stopped mid sentence as he slightly jerked his head back. He seemed pretty upfront about making plans with this raider he barely knew, he couldn’t take back what was already said so he decided to reel it back a bit. “If you want.”

“Sure.” Angelus replied as his eyes softened as he looked back at him.

Both of them stared at each other for a few seconds. Angelus was slowly inching closer and closer and as soon as Jelani noticed he loudly cleared his throat and said, “Guy should be out on patrol soon.” He looked into the binoculars once more and began to search the area for his target.

Angelus kept staring at him and smiling as he said, “Is it 2:00 already?”

“Yeap,” While still looking through the binoculars Jelani pointed forward as the target left one of the buildings close to the old church, “and there he is.”

Jelani handed the binoculars to Angelus and directed him to where the target was. As Angelus watched him make his way to his designated area Jelani looked at Angelus. At first he was listening to what he was saying but the more he looked at him the more his voice faded away as he looked at him. His eyes traced over his sharp jawline, then his neck and throat, his arms, his chest and stomach until his eyes settled on his thighs. A thought crossed his mind, one he didn’t think he would have ever again but as his eyes trailed up his thighs towards his crotch Jelani shook his head and turned to look at the target. Panic was starting to rise within him so he focused on the task at hand as to avoid yet another panic attack.

“You okay?” Angelus asked as soon as he looked at Jelani.

“Ja, I’m fine.”

“So what now?”

Jelani didn’t answer. He grabbed his sniper rifle and while still keeping an eye on the target he laid down on his stomach while aiming the silenced rifle towards the target. Once he was comfortable he inhaled, held the air in his lungs for a few seconds and then exhaled. This was something he always did right before taking a shot but now he was doing it to calm himself as well. There were a lot of caps riding on this job and he didn’t want to screw it up over a panic attack from staring at the man sitting next to him. He continued to breathe in the same manner as he looked through the scope, one of his fingers was carefully coiled around the trigger while he adjusted the scope with his other hand.

Angelus watched in awe at the intricate and almost ritualistic manner in which Jelani prepared himself. He wasn’t exactly good with guns, all he knew was to aim and pull the trigger in the hopes that the bullet would hit whatever he wanted dead or injured. For most of his life he was the type to rush down his victims and beat them to death with a crowbar, any blunt object he could get his hands on or a gun that was out of ammo. His strengths mostly lied in hand to hand combat which he was pretty good at. He knew his strengths and weaknesses and used that knowledge to his advantage. However, he had a huge admiration for people who could handle rifles and bigger weapons especially sniper rifles. He watched carefully as Jelani made very subtle adjustments in his position as the target moved. He kept looking at him and couldn’t help but smile as he looked at Jelani lying on the ground flat on his stomach with his legs spread open. The temptation to reach out was getting to him so he turned to look at the target through the binoculars Jelani had handed him while occasionally looking at Jelani with the corner of his eye.

Jelani had managed to calm himself down and was tracing the target’s movement. He lazily walked from what he assumed was his home towards the diner from the backroad of the huge settlement. Once Jelani adjusted to his speed he managed to keep his crosshairs on the target’s temple. The backroad was empty now that the guard patrolling the area had turned to patrol the adjacent road. Now was the right time to take his shot as it would take a few minutes for people to notice the body giving him and Angelus plenty of time to get a head start to leave the area. The target was now about thirty feet from reaching the diner road where plenty of people were. He’d been able to keep up with the target’s speed and height, as he did he calculated the speed of the wind and the humidity in the air to come up with the best time and angle to fire so the bullet could hit the target.

Jelani inhaled as he moved the crosshairs a few inches in front of his target’s head, at the same time he tightened his grip on the trigger. He exhaled as he blinked once and as soon as the last bit of oxygen left his lungs he pulled the trigger, the recoil from the anti-material sniper rifle made his entire body shake. But as soon as Jelani regained control he looked through the scope to confirm the kill. The ex-Gunner’s lifeless body hit the ground as half of his face was gone and turned to a bloody sludge on the asphalt.

“Goddamn, Haakonson!” Angelus cried out in awe as he kept staring at the body and the blown out head on the ex-Gunner.

“Keep quiet and move!” Jelani said as he folded the bipod on the rifle and flung the carry sling over himself so that the sniper could be carried easily and his hands were free. He grabbed his backpack and took out the silenced .22 and as soon as he had it he put the backpack on his back and nodded to Dagny who quickly got on her feet and stuck close to him.

Angelus quickly put the binoculars in Jelani’s backpack and ran next to him. He wasn’t sure why they had to run but he obeyed. Both of them made their way down the broken highway and as soon as they reached the ground they ran as fast as they could.

The day before Jelani had scouted the area for the best exit route. He’d come up with three different escape routes that depended on different outcomes. He didn't have time to think of the others, since they hadn't been caught and it seemed like the body hadn't been found yet he focused on the one route he had for his current situation. Jamaica Plain was a massive settlement and escaping the reach of the settlers would prove a challenge if anything went wrong. Worst part was that University Point was a few yards away, it was a sort of sister settlement founded after Jamaica Plain faced an overpopulation problem before it expanded.

Jelani ran north, as he had planned, making sure to steer clear of University Point and sticking to staying under the highway that was between both settlements. The three of them ran as fast and as quietly as possible but as they neared University Point they were startled when the unmistakable sound of an alarm siren went off. Jelani stopped in the middle of some shrubs and got low to the ground. Out of instinct he grabbed Angelus' hand and pulled him down as he watched the guards at University Point scramble to look in the direction of Jamaica Plain. They still hadn't been spotted but Jelani was watchful in case the guards noticed them.

“They found a body with his head blown off in Jamaica!” One of the guards yelled at another guard.

From the front gate of University Point a group of armed and armored guards ran as fast as they could towards the settlement. The boys saw they were running in their direction and out of panic Angelus motioned to move but Jelani squeezed his hand. Angelus looked at him with panic in his eyes but the young mercenary quietly shook his head. Angelus looked up and saw the guards running past them, they never even noticed them hiding in the shrubs. When he could no longer hear the guards' footsteps Jelani stood back up, still holding Angelus’ hand, and ran west occasionally looking back in case they were spotted but they managed to make a clean getaway.

They stuck to the south of the nearby Boston Military Checkpoint and avoided Big John’s Salvage as it had been overrun by raiders after the pack of Super Mutants that had taken it over were killed off. Jelani wanted to move as fast as he could, the checkpoint was usually full of Minutemen and while they were constantly at war with the Minutemen he wanted to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. The area south of Boston was always dangerous but it was even more dangerous now than it was four years ago thanks to raiders and Gunners expanding their reach. Jelani, Angelus and Dagny carefully made their way towards Shaw High School though Angelus was nervous. Everyone knew the Gunners had expanded their territory beyond the Gunner Plaza. It took them well over half a year but the Gunners took over Fallon’s Department Store, West Roxbury Station, and the Milton General Hospital for themselves as their numbers increased over the last two years with raiders and ex-Brotherhood of Steel soldiers joining their ranks once the Brotherhood was defeated. The old high school had been turned into a warehouse of sorts after it was taken back from the Super Mutants who’d set up a trap to lure in unsuspecting victims with a recorded message. Angelus was nervous about the direction they were headed to but he didn’t question it, he just followed Jelani and Dagny.

Once the high school was in sight Jelani deviated to the broken down building across from the school. It barely had any real cover and felt exposed but Jelani walked to the back of the building and sat down on a chair looking across the way towards the entrance to the high school and lit a cigarette.

“C’mon. We might be here for a while.” Jelani said as he nodded to the chair next to him.

Angelus walked over to the chair next to him and sat down. Jelani offered a cigarette which Angelus was more than happy to take and stared at the scenery before them. He was still nervous about the area they were in but seeing Jelani so relaxed and calm was indication enough that nothing would happen. Even if something did happen he just witnessed him make one of the cleanest kills and smoothest escapes he had ever seen in his life. He was already impressed with him but the way he calmly handled the situation made a huge impression on Angelus and given the life he’s lived so far he’s not that easy to impress.

“What are we waiting for this time?” Angelus asked.

“Gunner that hired me said that as soon as the job was done to wait for him here. Said I didn’t need to bring back evidence; he’d know when the target would be taken care of. Not really sure how but hey, easier for me. Guy’s supposed to be in the school today and as soon as he finds out he’ll come over with the caps.”

“Thought Gunners didn’t hire outsiders to handle their own shit.”

“Well, usually they don’t from what I’ve seen. Guy wasted no time in threatening me if I said anything. He didn’t want his superiors to catch wind of a recruit he recommended turning into a Minuteman so he got in contact with a contact of mine.”

“I gotta admit, that shit was impressive. I mean, the way you handled yourself? I woulda been shot dead had you not squeezed my hand. The way you handle your sniper is crazy. I can barely hold a gun right and you’re out here blowing skulls in half. How long have you been at that?”

“Oh…like…eleven years now. My dad let me handle the damn thing since I was seven-years-old. I used to joke that I wasn’t raised, I was trained.”

“Hey, better than most of us. Your dad tried to prepare you for everything out here. You’re out here earning caps on your own, killing people from a mile away and making some of the smoothest and cleanest escapes I’ve ever seen. You know what my dumb ass was doing at eighteen? I was in the back of bars blowing guys’ backs out and getting drunk as shit and probably high as shit too.”

“I guess.” Jelani chuckled, however his smile faded as soon as he saw the front door to the school open and from the building emerged a rather rogued and miserable looking man dressed in Gunner attire. He looked around before making his way to the broken down building where Jelani and Angelus were waiting.

As soon as the man approached them his expression turned even more sour than it already was as he stared at Angelus and then at Jelani. Dagny quickly stood up, she quickly made her way towards Jelani and stood in front of him and as soon as the man saw her he took a step back though his expression remained the same.

“I thought you worked alone, Haakonson.”

“I do. He’s one of my contacts; told him to meet me here.”

“Fine. Here’s the caps.” The man reached into his jacket and pulled out a cigarette cartoon, the unmistakable sound of caps crashing together jingled within it. “There’s a little gratitude bump in there too for being discreet about it.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, and an acquaintance of mine might reach out to your contact in two to three weeks depending on some circumstances. We’ve kind of got some Minutemen problems at the moment, I suggest you steer clear of the area around Corvega. Might get a little intense.”

“Will do.” Jelani replied and made a mental note of the information to pass along to Varg as soon as he was able to contact him.

The Gunner turned around and walked back to the high school where he was stationed for the day and as soon as the doors closed behind him Jelani turned to Angelus and the three of them carefully made their way out of the area.

As they walked on Jelani noticed it was getting late and Angelus was still with him. Normally he wouldn’t care what time it was, he never brought anyone back home with him, the only person to know where he was currently living was Varg because the bunker was originally found by him and since he had no need of it he handed the keys to Jelani. However, Jelani admitted he had a pleasant time with the raider and part of him felt bad about leaving him out to dry at sun down. If the wasteland was dangerous during the day, it was worse at night and he didn’t want Angelus to find himself in the middle of a dangerous situation by himself. As nervous as it made him, Jelani offered for Angelus to stay the night as he wasn’t sure how far off he was from the area they were in. He could’ve offered to go with him but he learned years ago that traveling lonely roads at night by yourself was a bad idea and more often than not a fatal one.

As they approached the bunker, which was at the base of a relay tower Dagny barked excitedly and ran ahead of them. Angelus watched as the little night stalker sniffed around the area and after circling the outside and the main door she sat down by the door and looked in their direction as she wagged her tail.

“Checking for intruders.”

“What?” Angelus replied in a confused tone as he then looked at Jelani who was smiling at him. He’d noticed he was staring at Dagny as she checked the perimeter and answered his question before he asked it.

“She’s checking the area in case there’s any intruders around.” Jelani realized how it made him sound paranoid so he turned to look ahead of him. Before there was a chance for Angelus to ask a follow up question he shrugged and said, “Eh, just in case.”

Angelus didn’t think anything of it, in fact, he thought it was down right brilliant. Big John’s Salvage was teeming with rowdy raiders from the southern parts outside of Boston, to the south were the Gunners that had expanded their territories, Fairline Hill Estates was taken over by some rather disturbed Children of Atom, Jelani was surrounded by all sorts of nasty groups and the least he could do to keep himself safe was use his dog to scope the area and not get a surprise ambush. However, the truth was a little less ideal. Ever since the assault Jelani was paranoid that any of his attackers would’ve found him and snuck into the bunker or someone else with the same type of intention was waiting around the corner to jump him so to keep him from becoming too paranoid he taught Dagny to check the bunker for unfamiliar scents that lingered. So far, the bunker has never been broken into. Angelus was gonna ask a question but when he turned to look at Jelani he saw he had a bit of a solemn look on his face so he dropped it, he was still curious but he figured he could ask it later when Jelani seemed a little more at ease.

They made it to the bunker and once inside Angelus looked around to see a security gate with a heavy security door in the corner of the ten by fifteen bunker. Inside the security gate was a lone console. On the other corner was an elevator though he noticed the panel was ripped out and he wondered how it was supposed to work without it. His question was answered when Jelani reached into his jacket and took out an old rusty key and opened the door. He quickly got on the console and after a few seconds Angelus was startled by the sound of the elevator door creaking open.

“Go on, I’ll be there in a second. Just gotta lock up.” Jelani said as he fiddled with the console.

Angelus walked over to the elevator and waited inside, behind him was Dagny who sat at his feet and looked up at him as her tail wagged. Angelus smiled wide as the strange little dog looked at him. He always loved dogs and to see one, or one that looked like one, acting so friendly towards was pleasant. When he heard Jelani locking up the gate he looked up and saw a large panel on the inside wall of the elevator, there were over a dozen buttons and he wondered how many floors the bunker had beneath it. After Jelani locked up the security gate and the main door he made his way into the elevator where Angelus watched him press four different buttons, the last one he pressed twice in quick succession. After that the elevator began to descend.

After a few minutes the doors opened to reveal a short stretch of concrete and pipes lit up by red light bulbs along the roof of the hallway. At the end was a heavy metallic door. Jelani and Dagny left the elevator and walked down the intimidating looking hallway and Angelus followed close by. Less than a minute later they got to the door and next to it was a keycard reader which Jelani used to slide a keycard he had in his jacket and as soon as a small light lit up in a brilliant green color the heavy metallic door opened. 

Angelus watched Jelani turn right as soon as he walked past the door. He set his backpack down in front of a shelf that was full to capacity in old but readable books, the top of the shelf had five small pots with plants growing out of them. Once he set down his backpack Jelani kept walking towards a door past the shelf, it was small enough for Angelus to assume it was some sort of closet or storage area and seeing as how he walked in there with his sniper rifle and handgun but came back out without them he figured he was right. In front of the shelf was a black sofa, on the floor in front of it was a square black rug and pushed up against the wall next to the sofa was a small black couch. Next to the shelf was a small mattress, it was small enough to have once belonged to a baby or a toddler. On the mattress was a familiar toy, it was the blue teddy bear that one of his friends had given Dagny the day Angelus ran into Jelani for the first time. He couldn’t help but smile as he remembered that day. The way Jelani hugged Dagny when Angelus gave her back to him safe and sound was the most endearing thing he’d ever seen. Jelani was bleeding from the back of his head and all he did was worry about his dog who was soaking wet but otherwise unscathed. Angelus continued to look around. Next to the small couch was a door and further down was a very short hall and at the end of it was a drawer. He then turned to his left and saw a small but fully furnished and functioning kitchen. On one wall were several cabinets and at the base of those cabinets were two very clean bowls, one full of water and the other was currently empty. Dagny was currently drinking some water out of her bowl. In front of the bowls was a small table with two chairs facing each other and next to the table was a wall with a door. Given its position he guessed it could’ve been a pantry.

He then looked forward and saw a longer hallway, though not as long as the one they crossed to get to the actual bunker itself, on the walls in front of each other were two doors and at the end of the hall was a shelf full of trinkets and items. curiosity to get a closer look at the items was overwhelming but he’d do so later. Overall the bunker was small but cozy. The thing that stuck out to him the most was how clean and sterile everything looked. The kitchen was spotless and nothing was out of place, the cabinets, sink, fridge, counter and stove were clean. The kitchen table was clean and the chairs were actually perpendicular to each other and he’d dare even say they were perfectly aligned. The sofa and the small couch, the rug and even the small mattress, which he figured was Dagny’s bed, were so clean they looked brand new. He couldn’t see a single spot on them and whatever wear and tear they had were meticulously taken care of. Just like the kitchen table and the chairs these items were also perfectly aligned and he took notice of all the doors being closed. Not only was the bunker squeaky clean but everything was neatly put away and in its place. The place looked cleaner and better organized than that one working vault near Diamond City.

“How did you find this place?” Angelus asked as he continued to look around.

“Varg. Said he bumped into this place some twenty odd years after the bombs fell. Cleared it and has maintained it ever since. Let me stay here for as long as I want.”

“I take it Varg’s a ghoul?”

“Yeah, he is. He’s one of the pack of ghouls that lives in that massive ship to the south of Boston near Poseidon Energy.”

“I’ve heard of it but I haven’t seen it.” Angelus said as he moved over to the shelf full of books. He couldn’t read but books still fascinated him nonetheless. He looked at the letters along the spines of the books and wondered what they said, wondered what the books were about, and wondered if they were fun. Judging by the full shelf Jelani seemed to enjoy them. An idea crept into his head as he reached out and touched them along the spine and hoped he was correct in his assumption, otherwise his idea would be in vain and admittedly a little embarrassing.

“You read?” Jelani asked as he made his way into the kitchen.

“No. I actually can’t read.” Angelus responded truthfully and for the first time in his life he felt shame over the fact that he couldn’t read. It was funny, he never gave it a second thought but standing in front of that shelf and looking at the books and then looking back at Jelani a few things about him made sense. He wasn’t just smart he was what he and other raiders called “smart smart”, usually book smart people were easily taken advantage of or barely lasted out in the wastes by themselves but Jelani was proof that it wasn’t always the case. He was smart, highly trained, capable of surviving even on his own, obviously more than prepared for most anything that could come his way and as Angelus turned to look at him he admitted he was easy to look at too, certainly soft on the eyes, especially his face. He could easily sit around all day tracing his facial features with his eyes and not get bored.

“From the look of this shelf I’m guessing you do?”

“Oh, ja, that's pretty much all I do in my spare time. Every time I find a new one I haven’t read I take it or buy it or trade for it. Merchant I worked for some time ago stops every so often when she gets books in her inventory and I add ‘em to the list. If I know I’ll be gone for a while I leave a few caps hidden at the entrance and she leaves the books.” Jelani smiled at the end as he remembered his last interaction with the old merchant. She was a very sweet old thing that he grew fond of. She had a habit of finding and hoarding books just for him and thanks to her his collection grew more and more over time and he was thankful for it. On really bad days he often looked for any excuse not to lock himself in his room and put the barrel of a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger and as trivial as it may seem to others he sometimes told himself that if he went through with it he would be abandoning Dagny, wouldn’t see the old merchant again, and would not feel the thrill and joy of sitting on the sofa late at night as Dagny sat on his lap and he enjoyed a book he hadn’t read before.

“Speaking of which, that’s your half.” He said as he walked towards the table, he reached out and grabbed a small bag and tossed it to Angelus who caught it and looked at it in confusion. He then looked at the table and saw the cigarette carton that the Gunner had hidden the caps in.

“Half? But…why? I didn’t do anything.”

“Kept me company.” Jelani shrugged.

“That is nothing compared to what you did. You did all the work.”

“Hey, if those guards would’ve found us I wouldn’t have made it out by myself.”

“I highly doubt that, sweet pea. You look more than capable of handling some lowly Minutemen knockoffs.”

“Kan være…but either way, you were there with me and you didn’t have to.”

“Didn’t have to but, thanks, sweet pea.” Angelus said as he put the small bag of caps in his back pocket. He then walked up to the table as Jelani opened the door in the kitchen and turned on a light. Angelus could see several boxes, bottles and cans. His initial guess was correct, it was the pantry. He saw him come back out with several items, among them was a can of dog food and as soon as Dagny saw it she rushed over to sit by her bowls and patiently waited for her food.

Jelani laughed as he saw her and after setting down the items he grabbed a knife and opened the can of dog food and carefully poured the contents into the bowl. Once he stood back up he nodded towards the food and Dagny began to eat her meal. He chuckled once again and under his breath he muttered, “Flink pike.”

He then turned to Angelus and asked, “You hungry?”

“Enough to steal Dagny’s food.”

“A’ight, give me a few minutes. You okay with brahmin?”

“Absolutely! As bloody as you can, sweet pea.”

“Hyggelig!” Jelani exclaimed as he laughed.

Preparing dinner took about thirty minutes and as soon as it was done both boys sat down to eat. Angelus mostly poked at the vegetables while Jelani insisted it was a good idea to eat them and not feed them to Dagny. Aside from frowning at the vegetables and biting into them while making faces, Angelus kept regaling him with more stories about the Commonwealth. Some were as ridiculous as the Jamaica Plain one, others were more serious and others seemed more like exaggerated rumors that were made up. Every time Jelani laughed and smiled Angelus could feel little flutters in his chest and his cheeks lit up as he looked at him. There was something in the way he laughed that made Angelus feel like he did when he was a kid holding hands with a boy he liked, there was no denying it any more, he was falling for him and hard. The more he heard him talk the more he wanted to reach across the table and kiss him as deeply as he could though he restrained himself somehow. After they finished their meal Angelus volunteered to clean up while Jelani took a shower. The temptation to follow him into the bathroom almost felt like some type of test but once again he restrained himself. When Jelani was done he sat on the sofa and played a little with Dagny while Angelus took a shower. He really appreciated the fact that the bunker had a comfortable setup along with working pipes and plumbing, it was hard to find something like it in Nuka World. He may be a raider but he was very partial to being as clean as possible especially that night.

Once Angelus was done he sat on the sofa next to Dagny who was asleep next to Jelani with her head on his lap as Jelani absentmindedly caressed the back of her neck with his thumb. As much as he enjoyed playing with the small night stalker she was currently in his way. Regardless he sat down on the sofa and gently scratched her back. He looked down at Dagny and couldn’t help but smile. She was sweet, highly intelligent, loving and best of all there was nothing else like her in all of Boston.

“You really like dogs, don’t you?” Jelani broke the silence as he looked at Angelus and smiled.

“Yeah.” Angelus replied and as he did he looked up at Jelani and followed that up with, “Among other things.”

Angelus kept staring at Jelani. It hadn’t been till now that Jelani noticed his eyes were a shade of light gray, he hadn’t noticed before or at least looked at his face long enough to register his eye color. He was starting to feel some pressure build up the more Angelus kept looking at him and lightly smiling so in order to break it he said, “Huh, hadn’t noticed you have gray eyes.”

“Yeah, yours are pretty though.” Angelus said as he placed his right arm on the backrest of the sofa and leaned his head on his shoulder as he continued to look at him.

“Oh, please. It’s the second most common color.”

“Really?”

“Ja, blue’s the second most common eye color. Not sure why people make such a fuss about it, it’s just a lack of melanin in the iris. Yours though, that’s really rare.”

“What does melanin mean? And how do you know all this?”

“It’s what determines hair, eye, and skin color on people and animals. When my dad and I left DC we spent a week waiting out a storm in a university and I practically lived in the library for that whole week. Went through a lot of books which were mostly from the science department. After the storm let up I took as many as I could and over time traded them for ones I hadn’t read yet.”

“Fair but yours has my favorite color so I’m a little attached. That and they’re just really pale, they look a little weird.” Angelus moved closer to Jelani to get a better look at his eyes. He was being genuine, blue was his favorite color and the first thing that stuck out to him as soon as he saw him were his eyes.

“Weird?” Jelani questioned. He noticed Angelus was getting closer and part of him was nervous about someone else being that close to him. He figured he wanted to get a closer look at his eyes and even if that was all that he intended he still felt a little uncomfortable, he moved a little back and as soon as he moved Dagny got up from the sofa and made her way to her bed. Jelani didn’t fault her, she had a long day and was probably exhausted but she’d been acting as a sort of wall between him and Angelus and now that she moved he felt exposed.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way. You know…I never thanked you for helping me out with those farmers.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.” Jelani said as he smiled as he looked at Dagny who was asleep on her bed.

Without warning or hesitation from the raider’s part Angelus jumped at the opportunity and grabbed Jelani by the chin, turned him towards him and kissed him. Jelani froze in place as what was happening was slowly registering in his head and as soon as he felt Angelus’ hand move up to his cheek he began to tremble. He shut his eyes out of nervousness as he felt Angelus’ thumb gently caressing his cheek and felt as he pulled him closer to him, as he did Jelani stiffened his body which only made Angelus move closer to him while he continued to kiss him. He could feel himself tremble a lot more to the point where his hands, that were pressed against the sides of his body, were starting to shake. He felt his heart beating faster and more intensely and his joints locking up making his body very stiff, he could hear his breathing intensify and it all accumulated in a single loud gasp as soon as he felt Angelus’ tongue slowly rub against his.

“You okay?” Angelus asked as he backed up a little and looked at Jelani who partially opened his eyes to see what he was doing.

No, he wasn’t okay. He was everything but okay, he really did not want to be doing what he was currently doing or better said what he thought he was being forced to do but he was afraid to tell him to stop. Jelani lowered his gaze out of fear and nodded as he said in a low whisper, “You just caught me off guard.”

“You sure?”

Instead of asking him to stop or arguing against it Jelani leaned forward and returned the kiss. He told himself that if he was the one to continue he’d be the one choosing to go through with it and it wouldn’t be the same as the night of the assault because in his head it made more sense to willingly go through with it even if he didn’t want to. It was irrational and illogical but somehow it made sense to him.

They kissed for a while and even though Jelani was starting to relax a little he was still stiff, nervous and forcing himself not to cry. Angelus completely misread Jelani’s reactions to being nervous due to lack of experience and he wasn’t wrong about that but his reaction was also due to something else he couldn’t possibly imagine. As they continued to kiss Angelus carefully pulled Jelani closer to him and then slowly and gently pushed him down so that he was laying on his back on the sofa and he was hovering over him. He placed one hand on his neck gently caressing him and used the other to slightly lift up Jelani’s shirt. He fumbled a little but eventually he found his belt and undid it, he then moved his other hand to undo his pants all the while still kissing him though much more intensely than before.

Jelani was starting to notice what was happening and he let out a barely audible whimper as he kissed him back using more tongue than he was before. He was starting to get nervous again but he was still too afraid to speak up so he countered it by trying to convince himself that this time he wanted this to happen. As soon as he felt Angelus pull his pants down his entire body went stiff and his eyes went wide, feelings and memories, sounds and sensations from that night flooded his mind all the while he was trying his hardest to contain his emotions though they were teetering on the border. As Angelus pulled on his pants he kissed him along the jaw, his neck and went further down, Jelani remained frozen in place until he felt his breath between his legs and his fear intensified. Angelus gently grabbed him with one hand and dragged his tongue along the shaft which caused Jelani to sit up.

“No, wait! Wait! Angelus, wait!” Jelani cried out as he looked at Angelus who propelled himself up to look back at him.

“You okay?” He asked as he looked at him. He seemed breathless and wired like he was afraid instead of aroused.

“Wait…uh…just do whatever you want but not that. Please?” Jelani pleaded as he looked intently at him, hoping and practically praying to no one that Angelus would at least avoid that particular activity. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself intact if he did what he was about to do and the last thing he wanted was to have a meltdown in front of him since he didn’t know if he would stop if he asked him to. Being assaulted again was one thing but being forced to beg and be ignored would’ve sent him somewhere he wasn’t sure he’d ever come back from.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard a guy say no to that…are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah, I just–I’ve never…” Jelani lowered his gaze. Part of him felt like he was lying, that he could no longer make that claim, not after what was done to him.

“Never?” Angelus picked up on what Jelani was trying to say, his behavior aligned with what he had just said and he felt a bit awkward for moving as fast as he did. Angelus lifted Jelani’s face with his hand and as their eyes met he gave him a warm smile and said, “It’s okay if you’re not ready, sweet pea.”

He wasn't sure if he was or if he wasn't but the fact that Angelus backed off without Jelani really asking him to stop made him feel strange, it was hard to describe, he felt alleviated, nervous, confident and somewhat aroused all at once. He’d be lying if he said he wasn't interested in him but all the noise in his head took even the most innocent of thoughts and twisted them making them all about that night. Quite frankly he was tired of it. Despite the fact that he hadn’t planned on having any other company aside from Dagny that day he actually enjoyed having Angelus with him. He enjoyed the conversations they had before he took out that ex-Gunner turned Minuteman. He enjoyed the walk from the high school to the bunker and he certainly enjoyed having him around the bunker. Before he kissed him Jelani hadn't felt like he was in any danger and even after he kissed him he didn't really feel like he was in danger, it felt like his traumas were bleeding all over him yet again and ruined what would have otherwise been a pleasant experience, one that made him nervous, but pleasant nonetheless.

Jelani made up his mind and acted on his impulse before his head could catch up and ruin the moment again. With both hands he reached out, grabbed Angelus by the shirt and pulled him into a kiss, a bit clumsily at first as he was internally trembling yet again. He was still nervous so he was a bit stiff but he was far more enthusiastic now than he was before. Once he felt more comfortable he himself laid down on his back all the while still grabbing onto Angelus’ shirt which prompted the raider to lie on top of him. They continued to kiss as both pressed their bodies together; Jelani then wrapped both arms around Angelus’ neck.

“Are you sure you're okay with this? You really don't have to if you're not ready, sweet pea.” Angelus asked between kisses.

As a response Jelani finished pulling off his pants and pushed them off the sofa all while still keeping his arms wrapped around Angelus' neck and kissing him. Angelus placed a hand on Jelani’s thigh and used the other to remove his shirt but as soon as Jelani noticed he pulled down on the shirt.

“Don't.” He said between kisses.

“Okay.” Angelus replied as he let go of Jelani’s shirt. He lifted that same hand up to his mouth and inserted both his index and middle finger in his mouth. After a few seconds he began to kiss him again, deeper and a little more intensely this time. He moved his hand down and with the other spread Jelani's legs open a bit more. As he continued to kiss him he couldn't help but smile a little when he heard Jelani moan as he teased him with his fingers. He slowly circled his hole while occasionally pushing in the tip of one of his fingers but pulling the tip back out. The teasing only caused Jelani to moan louder in his mouth and when Angelus figured he had enough he carefully shoved his middle finger inside him. Angelus was slow and steady at first but he sped up when Jelani began to kiss him in an almost desperate manner. After a while Angelus pulled out and as he positioned himself better he kept both his middle finger, ring finger and index finger together and pushed all three inside Jelani who gasped which caused Angelus to go a little faster. He kept increasing speed and going deeper the more he became aroused due to Jelani's reactions.

Angelus kept going and eventually moved his head down and licked along Jelani's neck and given how much more and louder Jelani was moaning when he kissed along his neck he zeroed in on his neck while he went harder and deeper inside him. At some point Angelus moved his free hand and grabbed Jelani by the hip to pin him down to go faster and as deep as he could.

Jelani opened his eyes wide as he felt a hand on his hip and suddenly he was flooded by memories of that night. He began to hyperventilate as he felt like his entire right side was on fire, he began to tremble as he remembered details both small and big of that night. He swore he could hear their voices, their grunting, the noises they made when each had their turn with him. He could swear he could suddenly smell whiskey and he couldn't help but start crying. He wanted to scream but found he was breathless and all he could do was gasp as he kept being bombarded by those awful memories that seemed to still haunt him.

“Please…” He managed to whisper and when he noticed Angelus didn't stop he couldn't help but cry a little more.

“What, hon? Harder?” Angelus confused his pleading for him to go harder, so he did, not knowing that wasn't why Jelani said what he said.

“Stop! Please stop! Please!” Jelani managed to cry out almost hysterically.

Angelus immediately stopped and looked up to see Jelani crying with a look of sheer terror on his face. Confused but above all concerned he very carefully pulled out and said, “I didn't hurt you, did I? Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Jelani didn't answer. He remained frozen underneath Angelus while hyperventilating and looking directly at him. As soon as Angelus realized that something was wrong he backed away while keeping his eye on him and staying as still as possible, mostly as a reaction to his own confusion. He didn’t know if he had hurt him or did something that he wasn’t ready for though he was taken aback by his reaction. He looked him over and saw Jelani was frozen on the spot. He’d shuffled away from Angelus and was staring at him with his eyes wide open and was hyperventilating while staying as still as possible, he then noticed he was grasping the sofa hard.

“Sweet pea? Are you okay?”

After a few minutes of watching Jelani remain frozen in place Angelus got up and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of clean water. He washed his hands in the sink and rushed back with the water and sat down as he reached his hand out and gently placed it on Jelani’s cheek. As soon as Jelani felt his hand he let out a loud yelp and backed away from his hand, Angelus frowned but he quickly realized that it was most likely a bad idea to touch him at the moment. His concern for him grew due to his reaction.

“It’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt you.” Angelus whispered as he looked at him and brought the bottle of water closer to him. He wasn’t entirely sure if water would help him, it was a knee jerk reaction. He’d seen so many people get water to people that were hurt or scared so many times he unconsciously incorporated it into his response to injury or fear. “Relax, sweet pea, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re okay. Nothing bad’s gonna happen. Have some water, it’ll help.”

Angelus grew worried when Jelani didn’t react to anything he was doing or saying and he wondered what he’d said or done to cause this. He felt he may have pushed him too far, maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought he was even though he insisted and the thought of being responsible for Jelani's current state made him sick to his stomach with guilt but he wanted to focus on making him feel better.

“Please, baby, talk to me. What’s going on?” Angelus insisted, his tone was growing desperate enough for him to have noticed himself. “I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.”

Jelani made a sound as if he was trying to form a word though it got caught in his throat, he began to gasp as if somehow struggling to calm himself, breathe and talk at the same time all while scared out of his mind. Angelus stopped for a moment to look over Jelani and realized that he was panicking, he’d seen that before, it was a long time ago but he remembered seeing it. The water could help but he looked around for a blanket or a big jacket or a coat, anything that he could wrap him with. The bunker was spacious but it wasn’t large either, he could see the kitchen, the closet that he saw was full of weapons, ammo and other items that weren’t related to what he was looking for. He knew where the bathroom was so he walked over to it after he told Jelani that he was going to find a blanket. He wanted to communicate with him as clearly as possible to prevent further panicking and to establish some form of understanding so that he could focus on something instead of panicking. He went to the bathroom but didn’t find what he was looking for. Once he was back in the hall he noticed a door on the opposite wall and figured he could check it out. He opened the door and walked in, the room was dark so he felt around the wall for the switch and as soon as he found it he flipped it.

It was the bedroom and just like the rest of the bunker everything was clean, perfectly aligned and perfectly set up. The bed was made up so well that he couldn’t find a single wrinkle. At the sight of it Angelus scoffed and laughed.

“Army brat…” He chuckled as he went over to the bed and grabbed the blanket. It was almost a shame to ruin the bed but there were more pressing matters at hand than to lament a perfectly made up bed. He rolled up the blanket and tucked it under his arm to free up his hands. He figured he’d bring over some pillows as well so he could get him as comfortable as possible. There were several pillows so he grabbed as many as he could carry. When he lifted one of them he dropped everything he was carrying when he was startled by the sight of blood underneath one of the pillows and a switchblade neatly tucked underneath it. The blood on the knife and the pillow as well as on the bed was dry though it didn’t look like it had been there for too long as it still had that bright red hue to it. He looked at the pillow and was worried as it was a lot of blood, he couldn’t possibly imagine what could’ve happened nor did he want to sit there and ponder about it as he needed to get the blanket and pillows back to Jelani though he made a mental note about it to ask him later. He put the bloody pillow back exactly how he found it and put two of them back alongside it almost as if trying to feign that he hadn’t looked through the bed long enough to have found the blood and the knife to spare Jelani knowing he found it.

Angelus rushed back to the sofa and found Jelani hadn’t moved at all, he was upset but he focused on the task at hand.

“Okay, sweetheart. Let’s just try to get you warm and comfy.” Angelus wrapped the blanket around Jelani, after that he placed a pillow between his head and the backrest of the sofa and tucked another behind his back.

“Can you hear me?”

Jelani didn’t answer but he looked directly at Angelus and even though it wasn’t an answer Angelus smiled as at least he wasn’t looking through him which meant he was responsive.

“Do you wanna stay here?”

This time Jelani nodded and it seemed like he stopped crying though he was still breathing heavily and Angelus wanted to focus on that. “Okay, sweet pea. Do you want some water?” Jelani nodded again and Angelus opened the bottle and handed it to him and watched as he took little sips from it and smiled as he watched him.

After a few minutes Jelani set the bottle down and sighed as he looked down to look at it, his breathing was almost back to normal. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“Nei, you didn’t. I wanted to but…” Jelani began to cry again.

Angelus got up and carefully pushed him forward so that he could sit behind him and hug him from behind. To his surprise Jelani grabbed on to him and just cried. Angelus rested his head on his and kept reassuring him that he was safe and that it was all right all while still wondering what happened to him to have made him have a panic attack but more importantly what could have triggered it so that he could avoid it in the future. He replayed what they did in his head and nothing stuck out to him. After some time passed Angelus heard a very faint and subtle hum coming from Jelani and as he looked down he noticed he’d fallen asleep in his arms and a very big and admittedly goofy smile formed on his face as he whispered to himself, “Oh, no…he’s adorable.”

It was around noon that Jelani was woken up by Dagny when she climbed up on the sofa and yipped at him to get his attention and when that didn’t work she began to lick his face until she woke him up. Seeing her snout so close to his face startled him a little but as soon as he sat up and got his bearings he got up and looked through his backpack for a watch he always carried and saw the time. He slept for almost twelve hours. He stood back up and realized that he’d actually slept through the entire night and as far back as he can try to remember he didn’t wake up from a nightmare or a night terror, he hadn’t drunk any alcohol or taken any chems. He was almost worried, ever since the assault he’d have a nightmare every time he fell asleep for more than three hours but last night he slept fine, he even felt rested. For the first time in months he felt like he had a good night’s sleep.

“Malakhov?” Jelani called out to Angelus but he got no response.

Jelani looked around and didn’t see him so he figured he must have been in the bathroom so he walked over and knocked on the door but there was no answer. He knocked again and again was met with silence. He opened the door only to find the bathroom was empty, after he closed the door he went into his bedroom and saw it was empty as well. He walked back to the sofa and stood in the middle of the bunker and realized he was all alone and for the first time in months it left a sinking feeling within him. When he came to terms that he was alone he turned to the kitchen to get Dagny something to eat as he figured she must have been starving he noticed some items on the kitchen table and frowned. He was one hundred percent sure he’d cleaned up everything in the kitchen after he and Angelus ate dinner the night before so he went over to it to take care of it but as he got close he noticed what it was.

On the table was a plate of food, cold by now, a fork next to it, a bottle of clean water and a holotape recorder with a holotape labeled in faded black ink “Launch Codes” sitting on it. Jelani recognized both items as both were in the bunker when he first moved in. He sighed deeply and put the holotape into the recorder and hit play and after a few seconds of static Angelus’ voice came on.

“Hi! I’m sorry I left without saying anything but I didn’t wanna wake you up. Hope you don’t mind but I took another shower and made us some breakfast. Now, I ain’t the best cook but I hope it’s okay. Oh! And I fed Dagny this morning so you don’t have to worry about feedin’ her whenever you wake up. Let’s see…um…I’m gonna be out of Boston for about a week and when I get back we can take that li’l trip to Salem and see some weird shit. I promise, it’s worth it. And…listen…I don’t know what happened to you at some point in your life but I am so sorry that I triggered that panic attack. I don’t know how it happened but I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that to you. You know, I may talk a lot but I’m pretty good at listening too so if you need to talk to someone I’m all ears. Anyway, I had a good time with ya and yeah, I’ll see you in a week, sweet pea.”

Jelani shuddered as he tried his hardest to keep himself from crying but by the end of the recording he was sobbing as he wrapped his arms around himself. There were so many thoughts racing across his mind at the moment and he felt emotionally overwhelmed and ashamed of his panic attack the night before. Angelus actually felt good and so did he and for once he managed to keep his fears in check but it seemed like being grabbed a certain way and in certain areas was too much for him. For reasons unknown even to him he wanted to tell him that his panic was sparked by him grabbing his hip but the more he thought about it the stupider it sounded and he felt embarrassed by it. He couldn’t understand why but he missed him already and part of him felt like if he knew where Angelus was headed he would’ve run after him just to be near him and it both confused and scared him. He was never one to be dependent on another person but he wanted to be with him at that very moment and the fact that he wasn’t there and would have to wait a week to see him again felt rancid. He rewinded the holotape as he laid his upper body on the table and played it again just to hear his voice.

[tacky-optic]

I've been cooking, folks. Grilling. Simmering. Boiling. Various other synonyms. About *JigZeni* of all things. My fixation ship just HAD to be a rarepair, didn't it?? I tried to condense pretty much all of my thoughts into one post and I might have gotten a *bit* carried away, oops. It's probably not THAT long, but still. I regret nothing.

- I imagine (in a general sense, headcanons aside, characters as base as can be) that if Lupin were to never make a move and continue with the coy "will we won't we" shit with Jigen and Zenigata, that they would get fed up to a point where they might attempt to seek solace with each other on a somewhat frequent basis.

It'd probably happen on accident at first; a chance meetup at a bar, the gang gets split up, Zeni has Jig cuffed in the back of a squad car just-another-day-of-the-week style, and one gets to talking while the other decides to humor for once. And I doubt either would be against chatting again after, and lord knows these two like their seedy bar trips, so why not let fate decide when?

- This can be to varying degrees of intimacy!! I love how all of the ships let you do that in some capacity, but JigZeni feels like one of the more flexible ones.

Whether it be as simple as complaining over drinks for a few hours or taking things a step further and heading back to some motel to "get it out of their systems" in "other" ways, ahem ahem.

Either way, they find that they enjoy the other's company and, to their abject horror, whatever weird friendship thing they've developed ends up turning into something genuine and (even worse) autonomous from Lupin.

Because what are they without him? What would they become?? They sure as hell don't know!! But hey, at least there's one other human being on this planet who GETS it.

- And I say that with relative confidence because I see Jigen and Zenigata being on the more (since a better word escapes me) *monogamous* side?? Like they put a lot of weight into a few singular relationships.

They have acquaintances, yes, but how many can they truly call a friend? How many can they trust, *beyond question*, to have their backs, to keep their secrets, to protect their lives, even?? Because trust is a big thing for these two!! Losing someone close hits them way harder than most, to a point where it's actively harmful and discourages them from pursuing anything concrete (also doesn't help that their luck with partners is absolute *shite* and things rarely ever end on a decent/ non-tragic note).

Jigen got SO lucky with Lupin. They ooze trust for each other, and the same goes for Goemon, too. And for a guy like Jigen, having not one but TWO whole-ass people he can depend on is absolutely WILD to him. They're all he needs, really. Zenigata still hasn't found something that concrete yet (on HIS side of the law, at least), and given the nature of the series and his role within it, there's an incredibly low likelihood he ever will.

But at least Jigen knows that pain. He's been there! He can relate! He can console! And Zenigata KNOWS it's legit because he's read, like, *so* many files about this guy. He's Lupin's not-that-much-better half ffs. Zenigata knows Jigen's Been Through It and the fact that Jigen even TRIES to relate despite his rough-ass persona really gets through to him in a way that no one else can.

- All of that baggage would bleed into why they're hesitant to blatantly pursue Lupin. Even though they know that Lupin CAN and WILL reciprocate (enthusiastically, even), Jigen and Zenigata, deep down, also know that he'd never be able to give "all of himself" to them like they are willing to for him.

Jigen is dissatisfied (probably even jealous) of Lupin and Fujiko's goings-on even though he knows it's a *consensual* sort of give-and-take, and you CANNOT tell me that Zenigata isn't the slightest bit jealous of Lupin's tight-knit camaraderie with his crew. "I could treat you so much better", "I wish I could have that attention all to myself" sorta vibes. Don't even get me STARTED on how the excluded party would feel about JigLup/ LuZeni, yeesh.

- Lupin loves them profoundly, no doubts there, but Lupin also loves *everyone*. Which basically turns into if they can't have all of *him*, then at least they can have all of *each other*, y'know??

Even if their friendship (or something more) lasting is impossible, at least they can pretend for a little while.

At least SOMEONE gets it, and that someone also happens to look pretty damn handsome in a fedora, too.

Plus Zenigata is Jigen's type. End of discussion.

now that you're down here in the trenches with me we can hold hands and enjoy overanalyzing hat trick together <3 <3

I DO wanna hear other people's thoughts, though! I can't help but think I'm missing SOMETHING despite writing them for so long (and there's only a handful of people out there who know I have been *writing them*, hooh boy). Hopefully I'll be able to get some of that stuff out there one of these days, but MAN am I a slow writer. Fingers crossed.

[bellaswan-kinnie]

jack antonoff being messy pt. 3,546

forever icon jack antonoff has given us some earth-shaking information to commemorate the release of you're losing me on streaming and once again my understanding of the midnights album has been upended. she's truly the album that keeps on giving!!

(everything i'm about to say is speculative i realize i don't actually know this woman i just treat her music like a scholarly text)

when midnights first came out i went along with her sneaky deception that the songs were just reflections on sleepless nights from her past for the sake of a cool concept album, not really considering why she'd be fixating on past relationships and events. then when the news broke in april that it was joever, the album made so much more sense to me. i believed that taylor was reminiscing on these nights to understand why her current relationship with joe was unraveling, examining her psyche both independently of and in the context of dating. the album is her asking herself "who am i and how did i get here?"

after the revelation that you're losing me was written and recorded on december 5th, 2021, almost a year before midnights was released and a year and a half before the breakup was reported, i still think my second assessment is likely accurate, but it muddies the waters when it comes to when exactly they broke up.

i kind of always suspected that april was not the real end date of their relationship, since the announcement was largely spurred on by joe's noticeable absence from the vip tent at all of the eras tour shows. originally i assumed they had broken up just before the tour started, but now i think it was mid-late 2022, around the time midnights was finalized and then released.

(remember it took 5 months for the public to find out about their relationship in the first place. my girl can hide things when she wants to!!)

the fact that taylor didn't release you're losing me until after her breakup with joe was public tells me that she wasn't ready to admit that her and joe weren't going to make it at the time of the album's completion. she also probably didn't want to share the details publicly, since the breakup was much fresher in relation to the album's release than it typically has been in the past (also more drawn out and difficult).

labyrinth now sounds to me like it was written during a breather from the turmoil, "i thought the plane was going down, how'd you turn it right around." the lyric "oh no, i'm falling in love again" could imply a rekindling of the honeymoon phase in their relationship, a new "lavender haze" she wanted to cling onto against her better judgement. she knew there were major problems, but she had put so much time and effort into their life together that she kept trying to make it work anyway. "do i throw out everything we built or keep it?" also the consistent use of "you" in the song instead of a "him" vs. "you" situation tells me that it's about one man, not her falling in love with a new guy after a breakup.

i used to think maroon was a reflection on the relationship with jake gyllenhaal since maroon is a darker shade of red, but now i'm fully on board with it being about joe. first of all she calls the man poor again, and i can't imagine jake gyllenhaal having a roommate at that age and point in his career. the lyrics also imply a bit of infidelity on her part, "the mark they saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones," which i've theorized was a major factor in the beginning of their relationship (hiddleswift u will always be iconic).

anti-hero and dear reader show that (at least at some point) she really blamed herself for the failure of this relationship, both songs being filled with self-loathing and self-doubt. mastermind and you're losing me also reference her tendencies for scheming and people-pleasing.

you're losing me is the most explicit illustration of why they eventually broke up, but it's point of view kind of goes back and forth. she switches between past and present tense, still unsure if it's really over yet. i've seen people talk about how it was written a week after taylor visited joe in panama where he was filming a movie along with a bunch of other songs, so that time of separation must have been very eye-opening to her.

there's a lot more re-re-fathoming i'm gonna have to do but i'm understanding more and more why this album is kinda confusing in its storytelling. that woman was going through it!!!

[aihoshiino]

People generally regard the first half of the manga as the better part. Isn't it the part when Aqua was playing an active role? I am not sure if I should be taking the blinky, shiny panels in the manga as a positive thing or not because some of the lines felt very strange.

When Aqua was helping people in the first part of the manga, his way of helping was to give them the opportunity to shine. Not just Aqua, the whole cast in Love Now worked hard to show the audience Akane's good sides. The actors in Tokyo Blade cooperated to force Kana into the spotlight. It gives a very warm feeling that everyone gets to be happy when given opportunities and is supported to be able to shine on their own.

But the later half feels like it is trying to tell me otherwise.

Ruby said to save people, she will shine the brightest on her own

Akane seems to want to chain down Aqua with a relationship

Kana seems to fixate on the notion that Aqua's problem can be solved by finding someone he can have fun with

I'm not sure what this manga is about anymore.  

I think a big part of why the first half of the manga is generally stronger is that it isn't beholden to answering any of the questions it's set up. My usual disclaimer that I'm not super familiar with Akasaka's other works (tho I do plan to sit down with Instant Bullet sometime before OnK ends since it's the shortest and therefore the quickest to chew thru) but from what I've heard from other people who are more into the Akaverse, Aka is not always great at satisfying payoff to long term buildup and in OnK that's made doubly hard by the fact that he's writing a mystery story - and just based on how OnK is structured I don't get the feeling that a satisfying fair-play mystery conclusion is something Aka is capable of writing. Not that I'm hating on the guy about it! Satisfying fair play mysteries are like an entire career's skillset in of themselves and Akasaka is a guy much more suited to like, down to earth character drama and rapports. So in a sense, OnK is kind of… out of his comfort zone in that regard? Which is where I think a lot of the jank comes from.

RE: what you said about the latter half of the story though, I don't think it's a call I can make until the manga ends. The message the story has always been about, to me, is that people cannot heal from past trauma alone and that trying to get through life without a support network fucks you up in myriad ways. But Aqua's gradually getting back on his feet now not because of One Singular Person but because of the combined efforts of all the people who love him - so I'm gonna reserve my judgement on that aspect of the story until the manga as a whole wraps.

[theoldaeroplane]

I inbox you the following: I must know what compels you about Link. I trust that he is Good and Excellent, but I simply yearn for an essay on what little niche trait makes you wanna fandom the fuck out of this little guy. 5-10 paragraphs of hyper fixated ramblings preferred, but not required.

ohhh starkid you've given me A GIFT. a GIFT.

So some background first, I think. I've always liked the Zelda games, in the way you play a mainstream game and are like "yeah that was good!" I played Ocarina of Time and Windwaker as a kid. I played Breath of the Wild when it first came out and had a fun time with it. Yeah. Good games! Fun mechanics. Characters seem a little flat, but they aren't why I'm here. What was the story again? Oh, right---yeah, they gave Zelda an actual personality that doesn't start and end with "princess" in the new one! She's a scientist! How neat.

Then Tears of the Kingdom comes out. I've just gotten a Steam Deck for my birthday and wow, turns out you can emulate TOTK already?? I try it out immediately. It's janky, but I love messing with emulators, so I keep going. I certainly don't have the cash to buy TOTK properly.

And in TOTK, for me, it starts with Zelda. It starts with this young woman barely out of her teens being flung into a horrible, frightening situation, and being forced to make an absolutely terrifying choice. And it turns out if you start looking at her more closely, that choice only becomes more and more viscerally upsetting as you incorporate things about her from the previous game.

It got me invested, and I still adore Zelda. I could probably write just as long a deliberation about her. But we're talking about Link.

I read a little bit of BOTW fanfic back when it first came out. It was almost all Sidon/Link stuff, because I liked the ship for a number of reasons, and one evening after another night of mainlining TOTK I decide to go look and see if I can find some that I remembered being good. I did, and they were still mostly good! But there was one in particular, with one line in particular. "You're Always Almost There," by Polyhexian. (On mobile so no link, sorry!)

'One hundred years ago,’ Link signed, 'A Guardian shot me through the chest,’ he grimaced as if in pain from even mentioning it, 'I died with everyone else, and then someone else decided to bring me, and only me, back to life to fix everything, to save everyone. I have to stop the Calamity. I have to save Hyrule. I have to fix the world. I am not a real person. I am everyone’s unfinished business.’

I had read it before. When I read it this time I closed my browser, opened Typora, and started writing. It wasn't more than a random narrative sifting through half collected ideas, and I neither finished nor posted it, but it got me started. A few weeks later I started writing To Be Well, which among other things directly addresses the idea that Link does not think of himself as a "real person"---and that he isn't sure if he wants to.

As I've written him, I've found more and more about him and his setting that fascinates me. Part of this is certainly that Link is intentionally designed as a "placeholder" character (word of God is he was deliberately designed to be androgynous to make it easier for more people to project on him). At first I was really fascinated by his relationship with Zelda, and wanted to look at that through a queerplatonic lens. In doing that I found myself trying to work through some problems of my own, which it turns out is just how I write fanfiction I guess: projecting! Huzzah! I decided to lean into it, and wrote "You do not have to be good," which is a story that takes some liberties with the canon to explore the subject of toxic purity and the toll it takes. Also, the logistics of kissing someone with a beak.

What makes Link compelling to me is ... what do you do, when you aren't allowed to be a person? What do you do when you've been told all your life things are like this and this and this, and that you must behave thusly?  What if you learn it was never true? How do you go from "perfect" to "real"? What does it even mean, being a person? How do you start? Is it even worth it?

I feel like I'm only scratching the surface, haha. I also love Link for whatever the hell he's doing with gender, and I've been having an absolute blast writing him as predominantly communicating via sign language. I'm playing fast and loose with a lot of things that only get half-mentioned in canon, and having a good old time playing in the sandbox of Hyrule. They're huge games and there's a lot of space for me to set up shop!

[zhiroaesthetics]

Mid-Summer Writing Updates

Was told that giving updates about non-major works is also valid to prove that this page is alive so...teehee!

Mental Check

To say that I've been slacking this year is a grave understatement. It frustrates me because posting in December 2023 (Kaveh) then January 2024 (Haruaki) truly made me believe that I had found my groove, then I saw my stats and gave up, yay! It's just hard writing when I already don't have the healthiest approach towards writing (it's really bad, like I cried so much writing both of those drafts), and that level of effort goes unnoticed by both the audience and myself. But I've slowly been accepting the fact that I can't gain the audience I want if I don't prove that I exist. After all, posting since 2021(?) but not even having ten entries is silly. With that being said, I have been writing consistently over the summer, but have been slowed down because I've been active, like this is the first week that I've been in my room this entire month.

Goals for Pre-Fall 2024

I'm definitely going to have at least three posts before the end of the year. I always try to have more than the year prior, and considering how little I have to my name, it's been pretty doable.

I've been going back and forth between Bowman (Granblue Fantasy) and Kyo (King of Fighters) for the past two months, and I know for the latter that his second draft is going to be posted before fall, though I'm not sure about the former. My writer's block on his draft isn't the worst despite the fact that I have to rewrite the first half of what I currently have, but I struggle trying to prioritize that draft over Kyo's given that I don't know how well a NSFW Bowman entry would be perceived. Regardless, if I post twice before Late August, expect for it to be these two bums.

Goals for Fall 2024

This is tricky, as it HIGHLY DEPENDS on what I end up fixating on, but definitely expect Tai Gong Wang (Fate/Grand Order). I've been wanting to write him since the beginning of time, but lack of knowledge on his character thanks to me exclusively playing FGO on the global server and things implied under mental check made it hard for me to prioritize writing the idea that was practically given to me. But what was initially supposed to be a collector's item ended up being NP3 and LVL 100, so I'm taking it as a sign to - at some point - lock in, and I think doing so right after clearing out my current drafts would be perfect timing.

Do, however, look out for these people:

Blade (Honkai: Star Rail)

Diluc (Genshin Impact)

Charlemagne (Fate)

Goals for Winter 2024/5

Yae Miko. Despite her being a December 2024 goal, she's one of my more ambitious projects due to research and it not being a one chapter entry. Even as I'm currently working on Kyo and Bowman, I'm immersing myself within The Pillow Book, as Sei's story is what most of Yae Miko's story will be in reference to. Also Haruaki, again, hopefully January 1st.

Do, however, look out for these people:

Kaveh (Genshin Impact)

Saichi Sugimoto (Golden Kamuy)

Miscellaneous

Girl if you saw how far I made it into my Senji draft, when I started, and when I stopped, you'd be wondering why my #1 isn't in any of my defined goals. And I'd say shit happens! Senji's draft had a very extensive outline, and I lost that very extensive outline, so I lost my motivation yay! Nevertheless, I still want to get it out there because I think it's a really funny one chapter entry.

Also Toji. Very much an outlier, but I've been putting him on the backburner because his draft is also one of my more ambitious projects, but one that challenges my writing skills in a duller way because of the amount of mundane scenes present. Also not a one chapter entry.

Anyways uh, thanks for peeping the yap session, meow!

[wordsandrobots]

Falling for a Fool: Afterword

A confession: I cannot get through episode 45 of Iron-Blooded Orphans, properly, without coming to the verge of tears. I have discovered that if I turn the sound off, I can make it about as far as the back half of episode 46 without that happening. Which made it a lot easier to take screenshots, but it still got me, in the end.

And that's exactly why I fell in love with this show.

It's trite, but I think everyone should have the chance to be moved by something, whatever it is and wherever it comes from. Stories, all artworks in fact, are there to make us feel something. To convey emotion and meaning, to play on the keyboard of our minds and allow us to hallucinate meaningful things in safety. A couple of years back, the thing that moved me was an anime about child soldiers in space, produced to sell model kits. It worked. I did buy a lot of model kits. I also got to have my emotions twisted to bits by a superbly crafted tragedy.

I can wax lyrical about the technicalities of that process. I can do the writerly bit, as I've said before, of pulling apart the mechanics of how this show works and why it hits me so hard. That doesn't change the fact it *does* hit me, hard, and that's why I've spent my time since first watching it writing so much about it. It was exactly what I needed to see, when I saw it, and the inspiration it has given me has been absolutely wonderful.

I guess the reason I decided to run back through the imagery of the series, and specifically that concerning Yamagi and Shino's relationship, is that I wanted to check my working. I'm nearly at the end of the huge story I developed off the back of my first fanfic for IBO, the culmination of two and a half years of work. When I post it, likely at the start of August 2024, I will have approaching 650,000 words worth of 'here's how I would do a follow-up' on Ao3. That's a lot. For me, it's a hitherto unheard-of amount of consistent work.

Yet it started, very simply, with this: how do you save Shino?

Because the end to his arc in the show is a moment of deliberate pointlessness. It's got to be, for the narrative to work. But I have a soft heart and more than that, I'd fixated on what precedes the failure of Shino's daring gambit. Those scenes between him and Yamagi throughout episode 45 and the fundamental, unintentional cruelty of asking someone who adores you to enable what is, however much it wasn't supposed to be, your suicide run.

There are any number of ways to save Shino, in the sense of imagining he wasn't actually dead when Flauros was blown off into space in the next episode. It's easy! But which option allows one to best drill into what he and Yamagi are to each other, in that moment where he finally demonstrates he isn't the totally oblivious himbo after all? What is the method that allows them to come together again, not as comet and tail, but something more equal? Something that, rather than just clicking one's fingers and declaring, 'all is well', admits to everything dire and disturbing about Tekkadan.

Because those things are the point. And to me, they are vital to my love of the original work.

So. My apologies for a couple of days of scab-picking on main. I needed it, I think, to look back and see that, yes. What I have done follows (in my own mind at least) from what's on-screen. As much as my fic is essentially a work of reconstruction -- of redeeming love from hopelessness -- the heart of it remains full of rust and sharp fragments, of blood and pain, and a bitter understanding that the world does not care about you in the slightest.

And that the point is to care anyway.

[kuzann]

Headcanons(mostly for my AU) and stray thoughts ahead as I read way too much into Vlad trying to clone Danny instead of himself, you have been warned! ✨

Been thinking about. Like why didn't Vlad just clone himself as like a trial run at least. The dude presents as incredibly self-centered and thinks so highly of himself and yet he's fixated on cloning someone else's kid instead. I'm mostly looking at this as a yes, and situation. Sure, he's obsessed with the Fentons and getting Danny--basically any Danny at this point--to join him. But what if there's more on top of that? Was the thought of having another him running around so horrifying that he didn't even consider it, or did he just go "wow nope" if he did consider it?

I also wonder if this is an unknowing admission that Vlad's half-ghost status is less stable than Danny's, given the differences in how they became what they are. Danny's was an abrupt but complete transition while Vlad's is generally thought to have been(at least from what I've seen of fanon?) more piecemeal. And that could result in Vlad having a power ceiling that Danny is able to surpass, as well as Vlad's DNA being more difficult to work with when it comes to cloning. Like sure, he's more powerful than Danny right now because he has more experience, but given the rate Danny's getting stronger and picking up new powers just by watching other ghosts do things, that won't last forever.

"And I would watch a hundred more failures devolve into ectoplasm to get the perfect half-ghost son." Oh but you're not perfect enough to make one of those huh? Hmm? Bad starting point? Don't want a mirror running around that reflects all your worst qualities back at you? Worried that Danny's gonna surpass any clone you make of yourself with ease so might as well copy the better model before you become obsolete?

"All I wanted was love." But you can't get that from yourself, now can you? Because deep down you don't love yourself at all, so you need to rely on other people to do it for you. If you did love yourself then cloning yourself would be an obvious first choice, because no one would know you better than you, would they?

And tbh, it could be interesting if Vlad's clone of Danny just, never would've worked even with the mid-morph sample. What if you can't actually have two exact copies of a person running around, which is why Dani stuck around cause sure she's a clone but she isn't an exact copy of Danny. Which would mean that even if Vlad did try to clone himself at one point, that wouldn't work either unless he tweaked things like what happened with Dani.

TL;DR - I don't think Vlad actually likes himself very much, and the self-aggrandizing is him compensating for that and trying to mask those insecurities. Which might be harder to do when there's a copy of him running around being flawed in the exact same ways he is where he can easily see it. Also Danny may have far more power potential than Vlad, he knows this, so he wanted to clone the more powerful half-ghost instead of himself.