#i've fallen for that one too many times in the past and it's always wrong whereas my own ideas have been right at least once or twice lol

[blaizekit]

there's this theory bubbling up in my brain that I don't want to say what it is because it's so much more out there than usual for me. 🤔 plus I want to look over some things with it in mind just to see if it lines up at all.

[prapaiwife]

Before love sea airs I do want to talk about love in the air again like I have many times before lol. But it's just about prapai and sky especially their relationship as a whole and now that it's been obviously like a whole year since the show and i watched it so many times and I still read a lot of people like negative comments about their relationship.

There's like two scenes in particular that stand out to me and so with the first one it's the scene in episode 12 when prapai reads sky's journal. And so I've seen so many people misinterpret that scene as pai being so invasive and overwhelming towards sky. When it is so far from that because from what we have seen from sky up till this point is he dissociates a lot. Which is understandable because of his traumatic past. But prapai didn't read the journal to torture sky he didn't do it out of any malicious intent. He read the journal to see where Sky's mind was really at because the things that sky was saying didn't add up to all of the good times they had genuinely shared together. And he knows sky up to this point that he won't tell him his honest feelings he will only shut down. Him reading out loud having sky listen to what he wrote was a way for him to make sky see that if this is how you really feel that's okay you can love me. And I understand that you can't tell me this because you're scared and so he made the first move towards sky for him to see like he has already fallen for him, he loves Sky for all that he is even though he thinks so little of himself. Sky couldn't even fathom pai liking him but at the same time in that journal he wanted pai to have eyes just for him he liked the attention the love and how attentive and caring pai was to him. He constantly worries on how to reciprocate that in some way so pai can see that he is just as interested in this as much as he is.

Sky wasn't going to tell him all this of what was read in that journal because that would make it all too real for sky. Pai just wanted sky to face his feelings and not in a torturous way. Sky hearing all that be spoken out made him really as we saw go into a like a very emotional state because he's in that moment now thinking he could possibly lose pai for good. But that's not what he's there for he wasn't there to break it off with him the way that sky did with him earlier in the episode. He just wanted an answer because he knows that this isn't sky like I said he sees sky and so he's not going to leave things to be when he can sense that no something is up. That hug at the end of the scene as well when Sky tells him that he loves him that's all pai wanted to hear and what he kind of already knew. But he made the first move first to tell that to sky so sky can see that it is okay because I love you just as much and I'll make the first move for us and put my feelings out there and tell you that I love you.

And if you've been watching the show it has been pretty clear as day that pai can clearly see something is wrong with sky he picked that up initially on episode 9. From that point on he always kept that to the forefront of his mind and this will also kind of explain people saying he was "stalking" sky. When literally he's been seeing this man not take care of himself at all he doesn't eat his meals he doesn't sleep he's getting sick, sky is pretty much abandoning himself. And so all pai did was step up and be that person for sky to see that he sees him he's not going to just let this go he's going to take care of him he's going to be there for him all the signs that sky was showing that others may have turned a blind eye too or couldn't tell. Pai knew something though which is why he followed sky so much around and try to be like a presence in his life. And in the whole process that was a big thing for sky because he doesn't trust anyone after what he went through understandably so. But him seeing the strides and the commitment that pai was making just for him touched his heart so much that he didn't want to admit it because he liked it. He was scared but he liked it this feeling he thought he would never feel ever again nor did he even want to imagine that this person could genuinely like him for him especially as to how he was treating pai prior to this by declining him so many times and by saying he doesn't care who he is and he doesn't want anything to do with him. But once pai set the record straight to him after he took care of sky when he was sick about his intentions of like I just want to take care of you that's it. Yes my intentions in the beginning were not as they were now but right now I wa wanna be that person for you.

And like when he was taking care of sky he saw him having these completely horrible nightmares which answers his question as to why he wasn't getting any sleep. And when he brings it up to sky he derives from that and doesn't go into detail which is fine but pai from that point on always comes over to his apartment.

He also sees how important school is to sky but how sky uses school, his school work as a distraction and lets it consume him more than it should he doesn't give himself any breaks he works from the time he comes back all the way to next morning most likely. To the point where he's up before all of his own friends. And so pai comes over regularly and helps him with his homework. He wants sky to rely on him he wants sky to see that you can call me text me whatever I'm always going to be accessible for you. And we see sky that starts leaning into that and gets comfortable with him coming over and helping him so much to the point where he kind of scared him unintentionally because of how urgent he needed his help lol.

And in ep 11 pai made it pretty clear of like I will always help you whenever but you have to be a little bit aware of how you sound to me this is the same man who he has saw have nightmares so for all pai knows sky might be in trouble or something more. And so he was upset out of worry because he didn't think sky is taking advantage of him he wants sky to call him he wants sky to to know that he's there for him.

But he also wants sky to know in that moment to just be more aware of his tone. I like that pai doesn't even stop him from helping him because he always wants to help sky if he asks for his help even if he doesn't pai is a helper and a giver he's a big brother after all. To two of his siblings so it falls in line with his character if you ask me it's not out of line him sticking around sky it's not stalker behavior. It's really him seeing this person who's clearly going through something in their life and they don't have anyone looking after them nor are they looking out for themselves and so they need someone who's going to be around them to just kind of keep an eye on them and make sure they're okay. Especially with pai knowing sky's father lives away and his mom as well. And so he gives him his meals everyday and so calls him to ask what he wants!

And then on episode 13 the last scene I wanted to mention. In the last episode after sky was almost about to be assaulted. Pai yells at sky but it wasn't meant to be taken I think in a horrible way. He's once again seeing sky dissociating from everything around him, including him. What he needed in the moment was for sky to see that's he's here. Cause as we know and see when sky gets like this he is completely cooped up and it makes it hard for pai to understand and or help him the best that he could.

And so when he did that it made sky realize who he's with. Sky really fully realized that pai was in front of him you can see like that relief in front of his face. And pai telling sky just asking him to just cry just to feel what he's feeling this moment because he knows it's not good and it's making him hurt just as much as sky, he's seeing the man that he loves in pain. They are both hurting in that scene but the same time sky was once again able to see that through pai reassuring words once again he's not alone as he thinks he is in his head about all of this.

He has this man in front of him that loves him so much he would do anything for him. And right now comforting him and taking care of him is what he's going to do. And no I'm not saying that pai can fix him but what he can do is be this amazing life partner for him and walk through every stage of his life with this with him. Because although this has happened hes gonna make sky see this doesn't define him it's not going to make sky as a person and I think he wants sky to see that.

I would say even in the special episode we saw a character growth and turns out sky was actually communicating his feelings to pai. In the bathtub scene when he tells him he doesn't like having his exes coming up to him and telling him how they dated him and how he's going to leave you just pretty much dishing out of pai used to be before he met sky. Pai heard him out and said I'm so sorry that my past is still becoming a hindrance it seems sometimes in our relationship because of the people that I've been with and them being so disgusting towards you. I will make sure that that doesn't ever happen again and in that way I love it because sky says I know you love me you love me so much and it just shows that like he doesn't even how to think twice about pai love for him because he can see it clear as day. And so he has no problem now voicing out his uncomfortableness with that and telling him because he's like I know you love me and you will try to do something to help this not be such an issue. At the same time this guy was like I'm still going to get my little payback just because lol but it just shows their communication is so much better and sky is able to have a lot more confidence in himself as to when he told that ex off in the restaurant. Because he's so much more confident I think in his relationship with pai and himself.

Okay that's it just thinking about it and needed to write it out 😭😭

[adventuringblind]

The Edge of the Knife

Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Genre: Smut

Summary: Sometimes, pain is the only sense of control she has. So, she gives that to Daniel too.

Warnings: SH is mentioned but not described, fingering, bandage, knife play, branding, dom/sub dynamics, gentle Daniel, PinV, everything is consensual and very safe

Notes: Listen, y'all, this is probably the best thing I've ever written. I fell in love with this so fast. Also, I promise I'm working on requests! I just also have to find time to write things for me as well 😁

Masterlist

She wouldn't say Daniel is possessive. He doesn't care if she talks to other guys. Hardly gets jealous. Only intervenes if he can see she's uncomfortable.

He does, however, like to show her off. Show people she's his in the more unconventional ways. Hickeys and bite marks are the way he normally claims her. It wards off the unwanted attention and he gets to be smug about showing people she's his.

She loves it. Bathes in his adoration and want of people knowing she's his. He's always telling people how amazing she is to the point where Max even gets fed up with him because he's so smitten.

She is really his everything. Would give her the moon and stars ig she asked. He wants to show everyone she's his in every way.

The problem is, hickeys and bite marks aren't permanent and a tattoo is nice (he has many) but it's not as personal. It doesn't feel the same.

Now, on her end, she feels the same way. But she'd never say this to him. The fear of rejection outweighs the desire for him to make her his in a permanent way.

Her past isn't an easy one. It's not something she talks about often. It's heavy and she doesn't like thinking to much on it if she can help it.

The edge of the knife has been her attempt at regaining control. A pain she chooses in a life that hasn't ever given her a choice. It's not a good habit and she's aware of it. Daniel has done a good job of keeping her mind occupied enough. Even helping her find other healthy habits.

Yet her mind still wanders back to that place. That desire to choose where and when she feels pain. That desire to retain control over at least that one thing.

It's on a particularly hard day when she finally goes to Daniel. She'd been stressed beyond what she could handle. The weight of the world sitting uninvited on her chest.

He'd noticed this; Daniel is an observant person.

Her mind had wandered to distant and dark places. The depths she shouldn't wander to. She walks gently over to Daniel where he sits absentmindedly flipping the switchblade in his hands. Most likely double checking he still had it and it hasn't fallen into her bored hands.

When Daniel takes notice of her just standing in wait, he puts the knife away safely in his pocket and opens his arms to her.

The tears flow freely then, soaking into his shirt like it's a towel. His fingers run along her spine, shoulder, arm, and her legs. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Life's just hard right now." She admits through choked sobs.

Daniel hums into her neck. "Do you want something specific to help?"

She hesitates. This could be to her detriment. But she wants the knife on her skin so badly she's willing to beg for it. So, she takes a deep breath and prepares herself for whatever happens.

"I want you to mark me. Permanently." She cringes away from him. Though it's pointless, Daniel simply drags her gaze back to him with a hand layed gently on her cheek.

"I want you to be very specific. Do you want me to brand you with the knife?" He sounds serious, but there is a look of excitement in his eyes that betray his calm demeanor.

She shakes her head yes, assuming that will suffice.

"Words baby." She assumed wrong.

"I want you to carve me with your knife. I want you to mark me permanently. Want you to make me yours, Danny."

They eye contact he holds with her is gentle and considerate. She can see him mulling through his thoughts. His hand moves to her left hip, his fingers tracing things against it.

"How you you feel about the number three? Make you the only lucky charm I'd ever need."

She almost falls out of his lap. "Yes please." It's something like a whine mixed with a beg. It's desperate but she could care less.

"Now, I know this might be scary, so do you want me to have complete control over you? Or shall we skip that for tonight?"

"No please, I need you to take the control away. If you do it then I can't anymore. It'll be like ruining something intimate after."

"Then give me a few minutes. I want you waiting on the bed when I come back."

It doesn't take long to strip of her clothes as asked. Her mind wanders to what he could need that not in there bedroom already. She runs through a mental list in her head, but her thoughts are cut short by Daniel sneaking back into the room softly.

"Fuck love, you're sitting so pretty for me. My beautiful girl."

He's beaming at her. She can feel the blush on her face rise to her ears. Mostly because of the compliments, but also because of what he returned to her with. Daniel places some darker colored towels, water, and first aid supplies on the nightstand. It makes her swoon. Seeing him care so much and so willing to do this for her.

"I'm gonna tie you up now, okay baby?"

"Okay."

"Color?"

"Green."

Always attentive. Always checking in with her.

He takes his time securing her wrists to the headboard. There is no escape now. Daniel reassures her many times that she can back out. There is no shame in that. Then he kisses every inch of her body. Praises her for being so brave. "My beautiful girl, being so brave for me, letting me show the world your mine."

She's no longer in the darkest portions of her mind. She's given up to the voice of Daniel. Submitted her mind and body to him, letting him take car of her how he deems fit.

Her legs are not secured. She assumes that it's something to do either future plans. For now, he spreads her legs and places wet kisses and small bites around the space she needs him most.

She cries in relief when his tongue flicks her clit woth kitten licks. Her moans grow as he laps at her like a man who's starving. She repeats his name like she's praying to give her the release she desperately craves.

Its messy, but it's amazing. Daniel's hands place pressure on both her knees to keep them down. The tremors shaking through her body make her legs want to cage him there.

The rapidly building release stops suddenly. She bucks her hips I'm utter disappointment. She wants more of him. She needs more of him.

"You're doing so good for me baby. You'll get to cum, Just not yet." He winks. It makes her fall into that fuzzy, floaty headspace even more.

Daniel maneuvers their bodies into an odd position. Her left side is facing the ceiling but he has her looking at him. Her left leg is bent so he can still have access to her aching a needy heat.

His fingers are slow to fill her. Two, but with his rings on it feels like more to her.

"Are you sure you want this love? You're sure you want to show off that you're my girl?"

"Please Danny. I want this. I need this. Let the world know I'm only yours." She moans out. It's mildly slurred but she knows he understands. There is a glint in his eyes that it excited. His pupils are wide with arousal. His lips twitch up in that award winning smile she loves so much. It doesn't help she can feel how hard he is through his shorts.

Daniel loses his shirt, but his shorts stay on for the moment. Then he curls his fingers back into her, capturing her lips as he does. It's a sloppy and wet kiss that he spends dominating her lips. It's filled with love and passion, which is normal for them, but this one feels different. There is something primal about it.

His fingers do a number on her. He knows her body so well that his fingers work on autopilot. Daniel pulls away from the kiss and pulls out the switchblade in his pocket. He holds eye contact while gently tracing the outline of the three he plans on carving into her skin.

The cold of the metal against her skin pulls another breathy moan out of her. "You like how the feels baby? You like knowing I'm gonna make you mine?" If she could moan any louder it would alert the whole of Monaco.

"Danny I'm-"

"Shhhh, it's okay baby, let me take care of you."

It's startling, being three seconds away from the plunging her body and soul into endless pleasure and having the knife press deep into her flesh.

Three seconds becomes zero and the cliff falls out from beneath her. She scream his name as his fingers work her endlessly into overstimulation and the knife continues its path.

She can't hear. She can't see. Her mind is overrun with emotion. Her muscles contract as her nerves catch fire.

She can vaguely hear the man she loves talking her through it. The contrast between the filthy but loving words he uses only sends her further into submission.

Finally, his fingers slow and the knife is no longer touching her. She can hear in click closed an set on the nightstand.

She's just crying at this point in a writhing mess of pain and pleasure.

Then Daniel does something she's not expecting. His tongue hits the area of her hip that's now leaking crimson. It's animalistic the way he licks the wound clean. It's aggressive the way his fingers leave her just for his hand to find the wound and make her cry out ad he applies pressure. It's primal how his red coated lips find hers. His free hand wipes away her tears as he sings her praises. Her mind can only find him in the fog as he claims her as his over, and over again.

She watches with intrigue as the rest of his clothes fall to the ground. As his hands are wiped off on one of the towels that he then places under her. The goal to catch the excess blood running down her side.

Is a mix of gentle and possessive as he fucks her into the sheets. Her body and the mattress becoming one.

It's loving and beautiful. It sparks every positive emotion in her. The sting in her hip numbed from the feeling of Daniel flush against her skin. His hips rocking rhythmically and hitting every place she needs him.

She's lost by the time he finishes. His voice the only thing making sense in her head. She almost cries when she can no longer feel his skin of hers. The feeling of him gone more painful then the ache on her side.

"I'm here baby. We have to clean you up now, okay? Gotta keep my mark from getting infected."

He's gentle with her body as he cleans it. Though, she still hisses in pain as he works through disinfecting everything and plastering medical tape over it.

"You're so beautiful baby. Can't believe you're all mine. My everything. The love of my life. And now the only lucky charm I'll ever need."

The next morning is filled with sweet kisses and gentle looks. Daniel has to stop her from just ripping the bandage off and staring at the mark for hours. He simply keeps her hands busy in other ways.

When Daniel deems it safe to pull the bandage off, he's the one to do it. Nothing but lobe and adoration fills both of them as they see the, currently stabbed, mark on her hip. He places small kisses down the length of it.

In reality, the mark is only visible to them. But Max had invited them to swim and Daniel wasn't going to let the opportunity go to waste.

Did he get her a bikini that revealed more then neccecary? Yes. Is she wearing it and basking in his attention? Also yes. Something about the way he hypes her up just drives her confidence levels up.

Is everyone a little concerned when they see a very obvious scar of the number three on her hip? Again, yes. That concern quickly dies down when they see how happy she is when Daniel traces his fingers over it.

Max comes and asks teases them about it eventually. "I didn't know you were into that kind of thing!" He laughs.

Daniel looks between him and a certain Monegasque. "Mhmm, like you would do the same with your whole name to a certain someone." Her and Daniel laugh as Max turns a bright shade of red.

[hbyrde36]

No Vacancy

Chapter 11: Private Party

WC: 6366 | R: Explicit | CH: 11/12 | AO3 | Now Complete!

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10

*EDDIE*

“Huh,” Eddie huffed, flopping down onto Chrissy’s neatly made bed. It jostled the carefully arranged mountain of pillows that were stacked up against the headboard, sending several of them tumbling to the floor. Why did girls always have so many goddamn pillows?

“So that’s why you never let me come in here before. You do live in a two bedroom!”

Chrissy bent to retrieve her fallen children and put them back in their proper place, except for the last, a bright pink fuzzy number with a cross-stitched peace sign on its front that she wacked him in the back of the head with. “I thought we’d moved past this. Haven't I apologized enough for the whole setup thing?”

He stuck out his bottom lip, arms crossed over his chest. “Will the lies never cease, Christine? I feel robbed! You and Robin were never sharing a bed?!”

“We are now and that’s what matters, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie waved a hand through the air. “But where’s the pining for the person lying right next to you night after night?! Where’s the lovesick staring at the other person’s face while they sleep and wishing you could just tell them how you feel?! Where’s the drama?!”

“I think we've had more than enough of that around here—for life. Maybe now it’s time for us all to just be happy.”

“Happy…” Eddie repeated with a sigh. 

He hadn’t meant for it to come off so melancholy. He was happy—really and truly.

It’d been a month of pure bliss since he and Steve returned from Hawkins together hand-in-hand. Since all four of them had come back together with apologies, and made up. 

The weeks had been full of passionate nights, and sometimes mornings when he and Steve were both too tired to do much more than cuddle once he came home from the bar—punctuated by lazy afternoons by the motel pool, and double dinner dates with the girls whenever Eddie’s work schedule would allow for it.

But just there, in the background, in the dark corner of Eddie’s mind was this great big looming thing.

“Uh oh. Is the honeymoon phase over already? Did Steve finally realize all your flaws are actually annoying, and not cute quirks?”

“No! Of course not. And I resent the implication that my many eccentricities are anything less than adorable.”

Chrissy rolled her eyes. “Something’s bothering you. What’s wrong?”

Eddie hesitated. He was pretty sure it wasn’t a secret or anything, but it didn’t escape his notice that Steve hadn’t brought up the subject of his impending new job placement even once since their little talk.

“Nothing is wrong, exactly. It’s just… did you know Steve is staying here—or like, moving here—permanently, when the summer is over?”

“Robin mentioned he was thinking about taking a job at the elementary school, but I didn't know he’d decided.”

“Well, he has, and he wants me to think about staying too.”

Chrissy, who had turned away to rifle through the cosmetics bag sitting open on her dresser, froze, the tip of her mascara wand hovering just above her lashes. 

“And are you?” She asked after a beat, resuming her makeup routine. “Uh… thinking about it, I mean?” 

“Am I—” Eddie grunted, slapping his hand down on the bed. “It's literally the only thing I've been able to think about for weeks!”

“Weeks!” She screeched. “Wait, when did this happen?”

“The day we drove back.”

She gaped at him through the small mirror of her blush compact. “And you’re just telling me this now?!”

He shrugged. “I’ve been a little busy.”

“Eddie,” She sighed, snapping the compact shut and spinning on her heel to face him. 

“So, what are your thoughts?”

While he knew she asked out of curiosity and concern for him and Steve and the implications for their future together, she was asking for herself too. 

She’d often made comments over the years, during their all too brief phone calls and in letters, about them living near each other again one day, either in the same town like they did as kids growing up in Hawkins, or better yet, in side-by-side homes or at the end of the same cul-de-sac. 

But those kinds of picket fence dreams were never Eddie’s style, or so he’d always told himself.

“I think…” Eddie stared down at his own hands now resting in his lap, nervously spinning his chunky rings around and around. 

“Me and Steve, I think we’ve done this whole thing out of order. We’ve been living together essentially, since before we were a couple—before we were even friends really. Then we both said I love you within the first few weeks, and now considering permanent for-real moving? Moving towns, moving in together—on purpose this time? That’s huge! I mean, all that’s left after that is to get married, and grow old together, and die, and—” 

Suddenly Eddie felt like he couldn’t get a full breath, what little air he did manage to take into his lungs doing nothing to ease the burning in his chest. His heart raced wildly, and he swallowed hard, tilting wide terrified eyes up to look at Chrissy. 

“Oh god, do you think he wants to get married someday? I don’t know if I’m built for—“

“Ooookay, babe. Let’s just calm down for a second here.” Chrissy sank down onto the bed beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into her side—resting her cheek on the top of his head. 

“For one—honey, gay marriage isn’t even legal.”

Oh right. 

Her words should have filled him with relief, and they did, but to his surprise, just as equal was the feeling of disappointment brought on by the reminder. 

“And for two—” Chrissy went on. “It doesn’t have to be all that. You can always have your own rooms, if say, you decide you want to stay here but you need to slow things down with Steve, or just want some space.”

“No—” He was shaking his head before she’d even finished. “No, I don't want to go backwards. I–I love having him right there. I love his face being the last thing I see before I go to sleep, and the first I see in the morning even though that means waking up at an ungodly hour. It’s totally worth it for his goodbye kiss. I love his sweetness, his gentleness, and the sound of his voice. The soft little smile he gives me when he’s half asleep and I crawl into bed at the end of the night, like I'm his favorite thing in the whole fucking world.”

Eddie took a big breath, he could wax poetic on everything he loved about Steve for hours if she’d let him, but what it really boiled down to was one simple fact. 

“I just love him, Chris.”

Chrissy sniffled, leaning away from him to wipe carefully at her eyes with the edge of her sleeve. “Sorry. I just never thought I'd hear you talk about someone that way.”

Eddie sat up too, shaking his head at himself. “Yeah, me either.”

“So, what's holding you back?”

“Honestly? I wanted to say yes right then and there, the second he told me. The second I recovered from the shock, anyway. But he looked so nervous about it, and scared, and we’d just put things back together again, and—and so I’ve been doing what he asked.”

Eddie leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. 

“I really don’t want to mess this up, and I know I don’t have a lot of experience with this stuff, but I can't help feeling like it’s too soon, like we’re going too fast. What if it fizzles out, and a year from now we can’t stand the sight of each other?” 

She snorted. “Highly unlikely.”

“How do you figure?”

“I think at this point you can admit that you’ve had a crush on Steve since high school, maybe even middle school. That’s a long time to carry a torch for someone. If it’s lasted this long, I’d say those feelings are here to stay.” 

Eddie pushed himself to his feet, resisting the urge to stomp like a petulant child. “Jesus H. Christ. First Uncle Wayne, and now you?! I’m never gonna live that down.”

“Who’s had a crush on who since high school?” Robin's voice filtered in from the other room, just before she appeared in Chrissy's doorway.

“You didn’t tell me she was here.” Eddie scowled at Chrissy before swinging his gaze back around to settle on Robin. 

They may have made nice since he fixed things with Steve, and Eddie did love the shit out of her, but he and Robin’s relationship was akin to that of a slightly antagonistic brother and sister, and he lived for the bit. “Don’t you have a job you should be doing, Buckley?”

Robin cocked her hip, leaning it against the door frame as she crossed her arms, giving him very pointed eye contact. “Don’t you, Munson?” 

Frowning, Eddie glanced at his watch. He had a decent amount of time left before he had to be at the bar to start setting up for Chrissy’s surprise party later, but he still needed to go back upstairs to change, and to get a different little surprise ready for the other love of his life.

“So, you’ve had it bad for Steve since high school too?” Robin said when he didn't hit her with a comeback. “Jeez you two really are perfect for each other.”

Eddie began to roll his eyes but stopped mid-motion as he processed all of what she’d just said. “Wait… too?”

“Oh,” Robin’s eyebrows flew up. “He didn’t tell you?”

“No.” Eddie took a slow step towards her with narrowed eyes.

“Right!” Robin straightened abruptly, hooking a thumb over her shoulder as she started slowly backing away. “So, I’d better get back to the desk. I was just stopping in to say hi and, uh, grab my lunch… I left it on the counter.”

“Robin,” Eddie growled after her, “get back here and explain yourself!” 

“I'll see you tonight!” She shouted back, followed immediately by the slamming of a door.

Coward.

Eddie sighed, looking back to see Chrissy with both hands covering her mouth, practically in tears with silent laughter. 

“I guess I'd better go too, don’t want to be late for work.” Eddie grumbled.

“Sure, Eds,” Chrissy said, eyes still sparkling. “I’ll see you later.”

As far as she knew it was going to be a night like any other. Steve was off the next day, so once the motel office closed for the night, he, Robin, and Chrissy would come to Tide’s to hang out where Eddie could join in from behind the bar whenever he wasn’t busy with customers. 

It being a week out from her actual birthday, she didn't suspect a thing.

Eddie had talked to his boss, and Dan agreed to close the bar to the public from ten p.m. on for a private event so they could celebrate his best friend with the fanfare she deserved. The older man also offered to handle the guest list, aware that Eddie and his friends didn’t know many of the locals yet, and promised to keep it to those he knew to be allies or members of the queer community themselves, so everyone could feel comfortable being themselves for the night without fear of judgment.

As the clock ticked down to party time, Eddie couldn’t stop watching the door, his eyes searching for Chrissy’s blonde ponytail, or Steve’s familiar swoop of chestnut hair, any sign that his three best friends had arrived. They’d put up the private party sign an hour ago, and slowly began to clear the bar of any straggling tourists while the weekend bouncer, Manny, sat out front on a stool, ensuring no one uninvited got inside.

At ten o’clock on the dot they finally arrived, and for a moment all Eddie could do was stare.

Weather due to the heat, which had hit another level as July turned to August, or as a personal assault on Eddie’s sanity, Steve had forgone his usual polo shirts and button ups in favor of an old Madonna tour t-shirt that he’d cut into a crop top, showing off even more tanned skin to its best advantage against the crisp white of the fabric. 

It was an effort, but Eddie forced himself to look away and jump into action, ducking under the bar to rush over and greet his people.

He pressed a quick kiss hello to Steve’s cheek but didn’t let himself linger, going right for his best girl straight after, scooping her up into a tight hug and spinning her around. 

Chrissy threw her head back, squealing with delight as her feet lifted off the ground. 

“Happy Birthday, Chris,” Eddie said as he finally set her down, pressing lips to the top of her head. 

Her eyes darted all around the bar, taking in the small crowd, the rotating lights, the decorations, balloons, and finally the big hand painted banner strung up above the bar. 

“This is all for me?” She asked.

Eddie grinned, throwing an arm over her shoulder as he turned to address their fellow revelers.

“Excuse me everyone!” He shouted, waiting for the music to be turned down before continuing. “I want to thank you all for being here, and Dan especially for helping put this all together. I’d like to introduce you all to the birthday girl!” 

Hearty applause broke out across the room, as well as shouts of, “Happy Birthday!” And even a few good natured wolf whistles when Chrissy leaned away from Eddie to steal a kiss from her girlfriend.

“Were you in on this too?” Chrissy shouted to Robin over the cacophony.

Robin nodded, “I take no credit though. I might have known about it, but Eddie did all the work.”

Before Eddie could correct the record and explain again that he really owed it all to Dan, the man himself was striding up to them.

“Evening, girls, Steve.” Dan greeted them warmly. 

Steve, and the girls to a lesser extent, had been spending more and more time at the bar lately, and had all quickly become friendly with Eddie’s boss.

“And a very happy birthday to you,” the older man continued, inclining his head at Chrissy. “If you’d like, I thought I could take you and Robin around and introduce you to some of your guests?” 

The girls agreed, promising to meet back up with Steve and Eddie a little later, before rushing off to mingle.

With a palm pressed to his lower back, Eddie led Steve over to the bar. Not that he actually needed the guiding hand, but Eddie was gonna go nuts if he didn’t get to touch Steve soon, and it was one of the few ways he could do that while still maintaining some semblance of decorum.

Steve slid into his usual barstool down the end by the corner, furthest from the speakers so they could actually carry on a conversation, pouting when Eddie let him go to sneak back behind the bar.

“I thought you’d be on this side of the bar tonight.”

“Trust me, sweetheart, with you dressed like that?” Eddie drummed his fingers along the bartop. “Keeping this wood between us is the only way I'll be able to keep my hands to myself.”

“Who said you had to keep your hands to yourself?”

“Steven,” Eddie warned.

“I thought this was a safe space tonight.”

“Yes love, but I don’t think Dan would appreciate it if I dropped to my knees for you in the middle of the dance floor.”

Steve sagged in his seat, letting out an over dramatic sigh. “Okay, fine.”

Eddie chuckled. Sometimes he wasn’t sure who was rubbing off on who more.

They chatted a little about Steve’s day on the beach while Eddie put together their drinks. The usual for Steve, Jack and Coke with lime, no ice, and a tequila on the rocks for himself. Apparently, the jellyfish were out in full force and it sounded like Steve had spent half his day treating burns with vinegar.

“So, Robin said something interesting earlier today,” Eddie said after a while, when Steve was finished with his stories, and he was pouring out their second round of drinks for the night.

“Oh yeah?” 

Eddie opened his mouth to elaborate but quickly snapped it shut as his boss appeared at Steve’s side—alone.

“Abandoning our girls already, Dan?” Steve asked.

The older man huffed a laugh. “I was just getting in the way anyhow. Introduced them to Tracey and her partner Pat, and the four of them seem to be hitting it off. Figured I’d leave them to make friends. Tracey’s the manager over at Ocean First bank y’know.”

Eddie smiled widely as he met Steve’s eyes, and he knew they had to be thinking the same thing. Not to get ahead of themselves, but if Chrissy and Robin got in good with someone from the bank, it could make all the difference in the motel’s future. 

“That’s, uh, a good friend to have,” Steve commented.

“You aint kiddin’!” Dan clapped Steve on the shoulder, his eyes scanning the room. 

Suddenly he perked up, saying to himself “Oh, there he is,” and began to wave someone over.

Eddie followed his line of sight to the door and nearly choked on his own spit.

Motherfucker.

He felt all the blood drain from his face as another man approached, a younger man who looked to be about their age—a very attractive man who looked eerily similar to the one Eddie had seen from his hiding spot, kissing Steve goodbye on the fateful night that had changed the course of his life forever. 

Eddie reached over, curling a possessive hand over Steve's where it rested on the bar. He held his breath, waiting for Steve’s reaction, but he was oblivious, looking down and taking a sip of his drink.

“Boys, this is my son, Danny.”

Steve's head snapped up at the name, looking horrified as his eyes landed directly on the newcomer.

“This is Eddie,” Dan continued his introductions, completely unaware of the sudden tension in the air. “My best bartender—though if you let slip to Brenda I said that I’ll deny everything. And this is—

Danny smiled, flashing a set of perfectly straight white teeth. “Lifeguard Steve.” 

Eddie hated him.

“Oh! I see you two already know each other.” Dan chuckled, giving a little shake of his head. “Well, that’s a small town for ya! Anyway, I gotta go check on a few things so I'll leave you three to chat.” 

Eddie watched the man walk away, wondering if it would be weird to ask him to stay, and when he turned back found that Steve wasn’t looking at Danny anymore, his wide worried eyes were now trained squarely on Eddie's face, hand tensing under his hold.

And whatever feelings of jealousy Eddie might have felt were gone in an instant, replaced with the need to prove to Steve, as well as himself, that he could handle this without doing any number of stupid things to ruin what they had.

He squeezed Steve's hand once firmly before letting go, leaning out to offer it to Danny, who took it with a raised eyebrow. 

“Good to meet you, your dad tells me nothing but good things,” Eddie said, keeping his voice calm and even as they shook.

Danny tilted his head. “Ditto.” 

Eddie cleared his throat, resisting the urge to wipe his hand on his pants when they separated. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Sure. Just a coke though, I’m driving tonight.” 

As he poured the soda Eddie could feel the man’s heavy gaze lingering on his face, scrutinizing him. He set the full cup down but Danny didn’t take it, instead resting his chin in his hand as he looked thoughtfully between the two of them.

Eddie topped off his tequila, and braced himself.

“So, Steve,” Danny said, addressing Steve directly for the first time. “Is this the guy?”

Steve's face, which had already been flushed and radiating discomfort, burned a bright cherry red at the question, but he didn’t shy away. He shot off a soft shy smile at Eddie as he answered. “Yeah.”

Eddie’s mouth fell open, and he nearly dropped the glass he was holding. “You told him about me?!”

“Good,” Danny said, ignoring Eddie’s outburst, holding back a laugh as he finally took a sip of his coke. “I’m really happy for you, Steve.” 

It sounded sincere enough that Eddie might have relaxed, but then the man’s gaze was swinging his way. 

“And you—I hope you know how lucky you are.”

Eddie swallowed hard, nodding absently, too stunned and confused to form any kind of verbal response.

“Well,” Danny stood abruptly, leaving his barely touched soda to sweat on the lacquered wood top. “It was nice to finally meet you, Eddie, but I think I'll get out of your hair. I should probably go see if my dad needs help with anything anyway. And it was good to see you again, Steve. I’m glad things worked out.” 

There was a beat of tense silence between them as Danny left, but as soon as he was out of earshot, Steve was falling all over himself to apologize.

“Oh my god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had no idea he was–” 

Eddie couldn’t help cutting him off, saying again, “You told him about me? On your date?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you! I… Eddie, you have to know. You have to know the only reason I even agreed to the date with him was to get over you, and he could tell I was distracted.”

“Oh.”

“I know we never really talked about that night, um–”

Eddie reached out, once again covering Steve’s hand with his own. “Listen, baby, I'm not upset at you, okay? I’m not gonna freak out, or run away again, or any of that, I promise you. But I don’t think I need to hear the details.”

“No, Eddie. It’s not—” Steve shook his head. “That's what I'm trying to tell you. Nothing happened. Well, um, very little happened.” 

“It’s fine, Steve. I was being an idiot then, and we weren’t—us. Whatever you did before we were together is none of my business.”

“But I couldn’t do it!” Steve blurted out.

“What?”

“We were—” Steve dropped his voice down so low that Eddie had to lean in close. “We were about to, and—”

“No, stop. I don't need to hear–” Eddie pulled back suddenly, waving his hands, only to immediately lean right back in, his chin practically resting on the bar, eyes level with Steve’s. “Okay, no. I mean, yes—no. Fine! Just tell me. It can’t be worse than whatever I'm imagining.”

“Oh my god, '' Steve groaned, burying his head in his hands for a second before looking up again, peeking at Eddie between the gaps of his fingers. “Not to put too fine a point on it, but he was two fingers deep in my ass and all I could think about was how much I wanted it to be you. So I told him I needed to stop.”

“Baby,” Eddie breathed. So many emotions coloring the single word.

It was so—sweet. And yes, admittedly, relieving in a way, though he’d had no claim to Steve at the time. 

Okay, so Eddie was a fucking caveman, a jealous animal—so sue him! 

But somehow, above all the rest, it was so incredibly fucking hot to learn that his baby, his needy boy had wanted him—and only him—so badly that he’d stopped practically mid-fuck with someone else.

Eddie’s breath picked up, and he knew his eyes had gone dark and heavy lidded, his hands balled into fists so tight his knuckles were turning white.

“Fuck,” Steve cursed, drawn out and breathy, his tongue darting out to lick across his bottom lip, leaving it wet and shining in the party lights. “Eddie, you can’t look at me like that, not when there’s hours till we’ll be home where we can do something about it.” 

Eddie’s eyes remained fixed on Steve as he shouted from the corner of his mouth to his coworker. “Hey Dawn, I’m gonna step out for a smoke, you good?”

He wasn’t even technically on the clock right now, they could manage without him for a while. 

“Yep!” The girl replied without even turning around.

Eddie untied his apron, only breaking eye contact to duck under the bar. He took Steve’s hand, lacing their fingers together as he pulled him along towards the kitchen.  

“Where are we going?” Steve whisper-shouted from behind, barely audible over the music.

Eddie stopped just short of the swinging double doors, pulling Steve in by a belt loop to speak in his ear. “Somewhere we can do something about it.”

This late into the evening the kitchen was closed and empty of staff. The big overhead fluorescents had been shut off and every surface scrubbed to within an inch of its life, clean and gleaming in the soft glow of the emergency lights and the red exit sign on the back door.

Eddie continued to lead the way, past the prep tables and behind the line, all the way to the very back and through a heavy insulated door. 

He tried to feel bad about how unhygienic it was to do what he hoped they were about to do in here, but in his defense the food was all wrapped up or in air-tight secure containers. Also bleach existed, and Eddie was more than happy to clean up after himself.

Besides, It wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen in a restaurant walk-in.

It was a frenzy from the moment the door banged shut behind them. Eddie twisted his hand into the front of Steve’s shirt, pulling him in for a kiss. Their mouths connected, all tongues and teeth and hot steamy breath mingling in the frigid air. Steve’s fingers pushed into Eddie's curls, scratching at his scalp, tugging at the root, while Eddie's hands found their way to that slutty little bare strip of tummy that his boyfriend had insisted on teasing him with tonight, gripping hard on either side of Steve’s waist as he moved them further in towards the rear of the walk-in.

Steve hissed as his back hit the chilled metal of the wall, his skin breaking out in goosebumps under palms hands.

“Sorry, baby,” Eddie cooed in sympathy, grinding his own hardness against Steve’s as he nipped at his lower lip. “It was this or the bathroom, and I didn’t particularly want an audience.”

Steve pushed off the wall, grinning as he grabbed Eddie hard by the shoulders to spin them around, switching their positions and pressing him into the wall instead. 

Eddie went willingly, delighted as Steve unknowingly played right into the dynamic he was hoping for tonight, and waited for Steve’s lips to find his again, even reached out to pull the other man in again, but Steve slipped from his grip to drop straight to the floor, a desperate and hungry look in his eyes.

With well practiced fingers Steve quickly undid Eddie's jeans, yanking them down to his thighs so roughly he might have stumbled without the wall to lean against. He had a second to feel the cold air hit his most sensitive bits of bare skin before Steve swallowed him down, taking him right to the back of his throat. 

Eddie could do nothing but moan, letting his head fall back against the wall for a breath, waiting for his brain to catch up with the rest of him, so lost in the sensation of Steve's mouth, scorching where it engulfed him, that he almost forgot his surprise. 

Winding one hand through Steve's hair in encouragement, Eddie used the other to take Steve’s hand from where it rested on his thigh to guide it around to his ass. Steve only hesitated for a moment before kneading at the soft plump flesh, still bobbing his head up and down the length of Eddie’s cock, but faltered and froze as his fingers bumped up against the base of the silicone plug that had been nestled in Eddie’s hole for the last several hours.

Steve pulled off with a soft gasp, letting the tip of Eddie's cock rest on his tongue as he looked up, watching Eddie’s face with something like awe as he pushed on the plug. 

From the tips of his toes to the top of his head Eddie felt his entire body flush with a new heat, it prickled along his neck and chest, and he had to fight to keep his eyes on Steve and not let them fall shut at the sudden intensity of his need.

“Where did you get this?” Steve asked, sounding wrecked in a way that Eddie suspected had less to do with the brief blowjob, and more to do with his little stunt.

Eddie whined as Steve tugged on the toy, pulling it out about an inch before pushing it back in again, punching the air from his lungs. 

“Would you believe there’s a little mom and pop sex shop not far from here?” Eddie forced out between panted breaths.

Steve hummed, grazing his lips over the skin of Eddie’s inner thigh as he released the plug, leaving it in place for now. “I guess this town really does have it all.”

Eddie chuckled softly and reached down to pull Steve to his feet, cupping his cheek as he pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. 

“Fuck me?” He asked, fluttering his eyelashes.

Steve made a pained noise, tucking his face into Eddie’s neck, peppering kisses along the underside of his jaw. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes, fuck—want it.” Eddie tilted his head back to give Steve better access to his throat. “Been thinking about you bending me over—dreaming about it.”

The words were barely out of Eddie’s mouth before Steve was growling, gripping him up again and moving him—manhandling him in a way he never had before as he gave Eddie exactly what he wanted—bending him over a low, blessedly empty shelving unit.

Steve pushed at Eddie’s shirt, dragging it roughly up and over his head before tossing it to the floor somewhere behind them. He leaned over Eddie’s back, pressing kiss after kiss down the entire length of his spine, pausing at the base of it, resting those big hands on Eddie’s ass again, spreading him wide and taking hold of the plug to gently pull it out, placing it on another nearby shelf.

Eddie swallowed back a whimper, his body clenching around nothing, suddenly empty after so many hours of being filled, but he knew what was coming would be even better, and the sound of Steve’s zipper coming undone only made him clench harder. 

Eddie flushed again, another rush of warmth as beads of sweat beginning to form on his brow in anticipation. There was a brush of rough denim against the back of his thigh, and then velvet heat as Steve pressed in close, rubbing his hard length between Eddie’s cheeks, teasing over his hole.

“Condom?” Steve asked, sounding like it was a struggle just to get the word out.

They hadn’t been using them at all since both their test results had come back clear. And Eddie could appreciate Steve wanting to make the cleanup easier on him since they were out in public for the night, but it couldn’t have been further from what he wanted.

“No,” Eddie pressed himself back, his body shuddering as the tip of Steve's cock caught on his rim. “No, wanna feel it when you come inside me for the first time.”

“Fuck, okay.” Steve sucked air in harshly through his teeth. “Lube?” 

“In my back right pocket.” 

Eddie glanced back over his shoulder just in time to see Steve raise the packet to his mouth, tearing it with his teeth before pouring it over himself. Some of the cool wetness dripped down onto Eddie as well, and Steve spread it around with two fingers, pushing just the tip of one inside at first. When he was met with no resistance Steve plunged them both in at once, reaching and curling until he found that sweet spot inside Eddie that sent his eyes rolling back, and had him writhing and bucking his hips against the hard metal of the shelf. 

“Please, Steve, I’m ready,” Eddie begged. 

Mercifully, Steve didn’t make him ask twice, easing his fingers free before lining himself up, and inch by gentle inch began to push his way inside.

It felt like an eternity before Steve finally bottomed out, and Eddie wanted to cry with how good it felt to be full, really full, for the first time in he didn’t even know how long. It wasn’t something he let himself have very often. He really did prefer to top as a rule, but sometimes—sometimes he just needed it, wanted it, and tonight he also wanted to give Steve the last part of himself that he’d been holding back. 

With shallow careful thrusts Steve began to move, draping himself over Eddie’s back, pressing lips to whatever swaths of skin he could reach. 

Tears streamed from the corners of Eddie’s eyes, overcome with the feeling of being had in this new way by someone he loved, who loved him back. It felt incredible but he soon needed more. Eddie tried to rock back on instinct, but found Steve hands already on his hips, stilling him before he could move an inch.

“Steve,” Eddie whined.

Steve shushed him, rubbing small soothing circles into Eddie’s lower back with his thumbs. “You always make me feel so good, just let me return the favor.”

“I thought you were cold?” Eddie grunted, trying again to fuck himself back on Steve’s length, but the other man’s grip was like a vice.

“Not anymore,” Steve said, and Eddie could practically hear the smirk in his voice, though he did sink a little deeper, still keeping his pace frustratingly slow and even, like he was trying to drive Eddie insane. “Seeing you fall apart like this? We could be standing in the middle of a snowstorm right now and I'd still be sweating.”

And oh he’d definitely be paying Steve back for this later.  

“Baby, please,” Eddie whined again, a high-pitched, desperate sound he could hardly believe had come from his own mouth.

“How soundproof do you think this thing is?” Steve asked.

“How should I fucking know?!” Eddie growled in frustration. “Why?!”

Without warning Steve snapped his hips, slamming into him so hard that for a second Eddie couldn’t even make a sound. He threw his head back, mouth wide open in a silent scream of pleasure—followed by an actual scream. Steve surged forward, slapping a hand over Eddie’s mouth, pulling his head back to hiss into his ear, hot breath ghosting over Eddie’s skin as he rammed into him again and again, hard enough to shake the shelving unit that was bolted to the floor. 

“No reason.” 

There was nothing slow or gentle about Steve after that.

For a while Eddie lost himself to the pounding rhythm and the loud slapping of flesh as Steve fucked into him impossibly harder and faster. 

He’d never last at this rate, it was just too fucking good, and he wasn’t alone. Before long Steve was reaching for him, stroking Eddie’s cock as his own breaths became ragged and he began to lose his rhythm.

With one last powerful thrust Steve came, cock pulsing violently as he buried himself deep inside, and Eddie’s last coherent thought as he followed him over that edge, losing control as he felt himself being filled up with Steve’s release, was that they really ought to switch things up more often.

Steve laid across Eddie’s back for a long minute as they both came down and caught their breath, neither really wanting to move at all, but inevitably Steve grew soft and slipped out, leaving a trickle of cum slowly leaking from Eddie’s hole in his wake.

“Eds, honey, do you have your bandana or anything on you?” Steve asked softly.

Eddie looked back, biting his lip, suddenly shy about what he wanted as the afterglow began to fade. “No, uh, but I was hoping you would plug me back up instead?”

“Jesus, Eddie. Yeah—yeah, okay,” Steve stuttered, his dick giving a valiant twitch against Eddie’s leg. 

Eddie was loose enough, and slick enough with the combined mess of cooling fluids that the plug sank home easily, and he was grateful he’d worn black jeans tonight to help mask any residual mess. 

When their pants were back in place and he’d retrieved Eddie’s shirt from the floor, Steve took him in his arms and lowered them both to the floor, cradling Eddie in his lap as he kissed his forehead.

Eddie knew the rest of the summer would go by in a flash. 

Before long the season would be over, tourism would slow as vacationers traveled home for the year, and the beaches would start to empty. 

The new school year would begin.

Though they hadn’t talked about it, Eddie had seen the note on their dresser. He knew Steve’s final interview was in two short days, and he’d be expecting an answer soon. 

And for once, the idea of it didn’t fill Eddie with panic.

He'd done his thinking. 

He’d weighed the risks and pondered the worries, done the calculations in his head and realized there had only ever been one answer to this equation. 

For now he let himself bask in the moment, so safe and comfortable in the circle of Steve’s arms, the brush of soft lips pressed to his brow.

He knew what he wanted—had known it all along.

Now he just had to find the perfect way to tell Steve.

Chapter 12

All my thanks and love to @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend, and cheerleader.

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[thefrogdalorian]

Dincember Day 13: Family

Word Count: 2710 Rating: Teen Summary: Din Djarin is a complex man, with many walls you have not yet successfully broken down. You have been slowly building a life with the man who has a traumatic past he has alluded to, but never discussed in detail. One night, Din wakes up from a nightmare and finally lets you in. You comfort him, reminding him of your love for him and how much he deserves his unlikely family. Content Warnings: This one is pretty heavy. Deals with grief, PTSD, nightmares, survivor's guilt. Please be aware before proceeding! Author's Note: This came about because of how much I NEED to hug Din Djarin and make sure he's always loved and protected against The Horrors. Yes I know he's fictional but the sign won't stop me because I can't read. Also, I've written about Din comforting reader before but never reader comforting Din and I loved this for a change. Sometimes men just need a blub and a hug. Back to some festive fluff I hope tomorrow, but I hope you enjoyed!

Link to read on AO3 | My Dincember Masterlist

The slight movement next to you caused your eyes to flutter open. The cabin was completely dark and silent, save for the strange noise coming from somewhere next to you. At first, you thought that perhaps Grogu had wandered into your room as he sometimes did when he would Force leap to snuggle up with you and Din after a nightmare, and the peculiar noise was the sound of him snoring. You soon realised, though, that it was too loud to be Grogu. That left only one other person. You turned on the light resting on a small table next to your side of the cot to better assess the situation. 

When you turned over to face Din, the sight that greeted you caused your stomach to drop. You realised that something was seriously wrong. Din was sitting bolt upright, his broad shoulders rising and falling as the sounds of him quietly sniffling filled the room. 

“Din, are you alright?” You asked, voice full of concern as you sat up and rested your hand on the small of his back, moving it up and down, attempting to comfort him.

There was no response with words, just a choked sob. Din was too upset to vocalise his emotions. He shook his head slowly, looking around at you, his brown eyes shimmering with tears that had not yet fallen down his cheeks.

“Take your time, I’m here, I’ve got you,” You soothed, continuing to rub the warm expanse of Din’s back slowly. You hoped your motions brought him comfort, even if he could not vocalise a response. 

The sounds that were coming from the man you loved so much were like a punch in the gut, your insides twisted as you listened to the blood curdling sound. You wrapped your arm around Din’s shoulders and brought him closer to you, so his head rested on your chest. You ran your fingers through his curls softly, hoping that the motions would ease whatever pain he was currently experiencing. Your chest ached to know that he was in so much distress. You felt paralysed. Despite doing your best to help him, the awful sniffling sounds did not cease.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Din sniffed into your chest, “I wo-woke you up.”

“Din, it’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to go through this alone,” You said, kissing his head softly, “I’m here for you. You’re going to be okay.”

Din just nodded against your chest. You felt relieved that at least he was able to respond to your words, giving a small indication that he believed them. Despite his anguish, knowing that your comforting touches and words were reaching him on some level reassured you. 

“Was it a bad dream?” You asked, once the sniffles had died down.

“I had a nightmare about…” Din gasped, “My parents.”

“Oh, Din,” You soothed, pulling his head against your chest and wrapping your arms around him even more tightly. You did not fully know what had happened to Din’s parents, only that he had lost them under traumatic circumstances at a young age, which was why he had been adopted by the Mandalorians. “I’m so sorry, that must have been awful. I wish I could do something more to make it right for you."

“It was,” Din squeaked. His usually calm, steady voice sounded so shaky and small. It was as if he were a frightened boy, rather than the hulking man that he was.

“I’m so sorry you had to relive that, honey,” You soothed, “It was just a dream though. You’re safe now. You're here in this cabin with me and Grogu and nothing bad will happen to you. Alright?”

Din nodded again. You felt some of the tension he had been holding in leaving his body as he relaxed slightly in your arms. It would take some time before he was fully calm again, but you knew he was on the right track at least, as the sniffles grew gradually more infrequent.

“Thank you,” Din finally said gratefully. He slowly lifted his head from where he had nestled it in your chest and turned to face you.

Your breath hitched at the sight of him, Din looked utterly broken. His eyes were bloodshot; there were deep, dark bags under them too. The lines on his handsome face seemed even more drawn than usual, the warm orange glow of the lamp that you had switched on revealed the devastating toll that his nightmare had wrought on him emotionally. 

“Oh, Din,” You whispered, reaching up to hold his face in your hands, stroking his stubbly cheeks gently with your thumbs. “I hate to see you like this. If you want to talk about it, share your burden with me, you know I’m here for you.”

“Thank you,” Din sighed, breaking eye contact and looking down at the cot below you. “I’ve never told you what happened to them, I mean, my parents… have I?” Din asked, his brown eyes remaining firmly fixed towards the blankets. 

“No, you haven’t,” You shook your head, “But you don’t have to tell me if it will upset you more.”

“I think… it would be good for me to share things with you. I mean, I thought for so long that they were the only family I would ever have,” Din admitted, brown eyes now looking at you once more. “Until I found you,” Din added, a small smile pulling at the corners of his plush lips.

You were floored by the beautiful sentiment. Sometimes, glimpses of the closed-off, emotionally unavailable bounty hunter that Din had once been came through. Despite how much Din had grown as a person since you had gotten to know him, you knew there was somewhat of a dark past there that he was still doing his best to overcome. The loss of his parents at an early age undoubtedly was a part of that past, and you were honoured that he trusted you enough to confide in you about what had happened to them. You both shifted so that you were sitting facing each other and you reached out to hold Din’s large, warm hands in your hands as they rested in his lap, you wanted him to know that you were with him.

“I was born on a planet called Aq Vetina. I had a happy childhood, my parents absolutely adored me. I never doubted for one single second their love for me. And they adored each other,” Din shut his eyes and inhaled deeply. You could see how much pain it was causing him to cast his mind back there. You looked at him encouragingly, squeezed his hand and with your reassuring touch, Din continued: “It was like any other day. I think I was running around the town centre with my friends, playing happily like a child when we heard it. This terrible noise was unlike anything I had ever heard before. It was the sound of them approaching... the Separatists. My friends... we panicked and scattered. I sprinted back in the direction of my home, but my parents had already heard the commotion. Somehow, I found them in the chaos, and my father picked me up. When I found them, I thought I was safe, but we weren't out of the woods yet. My father was carrying me, my mother was running alongside and we were heading for shelter away from the destruction but…”

Din was too upset to continue. You wanted to reassure him that he did not have to relive it if it was too painful for him: “Din, you don’t have to–”

“No, please,” Din said, exhaling shakily. “I want to tell you. I think… Talking helps, it’s important for me that I talk about them. So that I never forget them.”

“Okay, Din,” You nodded, trusting he could handle it.

“We tried to make it somewhere to hide, but it was too late. The droids were right there, obliterating everything in their path. Up ahead, there was a building that we probably could have taken shelter in, but it was risky, there were more droids up ahead. So my parents… they found somewhere small enough where I could hide and be safe. They hugged me, then opened the doors and put me down below, in a cellar. The doors closed and that was the last time I ever saw them. The next time the doors opened there was a Battle Droid there and I thought…” Din stopped, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, “I thought I was dead.”

“But you’re not Din, you lived, you survived,” You reminded him.

“I know. All thanks to them. My parents... they paid dearly to keep me safe. In my dreams, the door opens and the droid is there to shoot me, except the reality where the Mandalorians arrived at that moment, shot the droid and saved me does not happen.” Din said shakily, his voice cracking. “In my dream, no one comes. The droid is there and it… it…” Din whimpered.

“I know, Din,” You held his cheek in your hand, wiping the tears that fell as he cried softly, “I know, you don’t have to finish that off.”

“I just feel so guilty sometimes, why did I survive?” Din said, between sobs. “Out of everyone on that planet, why me? My parents, they should have had long and happy lives together, grown old and watched me grow up. But instead, they were wiped out along with everyone on Aq Vetina. Yet, I survived.”

“Oh, Din,” You breathed, “I cannot even imagine how traumatic that burden must have been for you to carry. You were so young, too. It's no wonder that it still haunts you all these years later. But you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your parents, they wanted you to live. They made the ultimate sacrifice so you could live, they would want you to do so without guilt. To be happy. And if they could see you now, they would be so proud of the man that you are. Do you know that?”

“I just… I go between gratitude to them for the life I’ve lived since and thinking that I should have… gone with them,” Din whispered.

Hearing Din say those words floored you, the air was sucked out of your lungs. To think that he would contemplate such a thing devastated you. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just when I have these dreams, these dark thoughts surface. When the droid comes, I think it might’ve been fairer if there was no Mandalorian to save me, so we all went together,” Din whispered darkly. Your hand was still cupping his jaw but he was no longer looking at you. “I just feel unworthy sometimes.”

You took a deep breath and reached out to hold his face with both hands. Din lifted his chin to look into your eyes. You exhaled and began to reassure him. “Din Djarin, you are more than worthy of every single good thing that has happened to you in your life,” You said, firmly. “You were just a little boy when it happened, Din. There was nothing you could have done. There is nothing you can do to change the past. I think it’s… it’s probably a pretty normal thing to think after such a traumatic experience, but you mustn’t believe it, Din,” You pleaded, “Okay? You lived for a reason. Look at everything you have achieved, the way you love Grogu, the enormous role you had in retaking Mandalore. And the way you love me. You deserved to live, Din, you deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you,” Din said, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. “I know you’re right.” Din opened his eyes again and looked at you. “I just wish I could see my parents one more time and thank them. I wish they could see me now. I know it’s been so many years and I probably should have gotten over it by now," Din shrugged.

“There is no timeline for getting over something like this, Din. It will be a part of you forever. But I also think what happened to you shaped the man you are. The man who I love so much," You said, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs tenderly. “You are giving Grogu all the love that you wish your parents had been able to give to you. That little boy lost his parents too, you know what that feels like. But then you came along, you gave him a life, Din. After so many years of pain, now he has a father to love and protect him. Where would he be without you?”

“I know, I love him so much,” Din admitted, his voice cracking at the mention of his son.

“And he loves you. And I love you,” You wiped the tears that trailed down Din’s cheeks with your thumbs. “We are a family, Din. You lost your parents when you were so young, but you have a family now.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Din whispered.

“Well, it's a good thing I’m not going anywhere,” You smiled through the tears that had begun to fall down your own cheeks. “I’m with you forever, Din. Until our songs are written.”

“I love you,” Din whispered, bringing you close to his chest and wrapping his arms around you. “Thank you for loving me, for being my family.”

You just allowed Din to hold you, knowing from the way he nuzzled into your hair that he was getting comfort from having you in his arms. You stayed like that for a while, drawing strength and comfort from each other.

“Do you want to try to get some more rest?” You asked eventually, aware that Din had not slept very long. The Nevarrian sunrise was still hours away.

“Okay,” Din whispered, manoeuvring the two of you so that you were lying down. Your cheek ended up against his broad chest, so you could hear his beating heart and his arms wrapped around you. “Thank you, for everything, cyare.”

“You’re welcome, Din,” You replied, “I’m here for you, always. Thank you for being so open. I’m proud of you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Din sighed. 

You closed your eyes, suddenly aware of how exhausted you were after such an emotional conversation. Sleep would not be far away, it seemed. But judging by the small, even breaths coming from your favourite Mandalorian, it seemed that Din had beat you to it. The soft sounds indicated that he had finally slipped into the much needed slumber that his mind and body were crying out for. 

You hoped that confiding in you about the terrible nightmare he had endured and subsequent thoughts that haunted him had eased some of the burden that Din carried with him. As you turned to look at him, pride swelled in your chest. You were so proud that the frightened, traumatised boy from Aq Vetina who had lost everything he ever knew and everyone he ever loved that one fateful day had grown into such a kind, honourable man. You knew Din loved you and Grogu with everything he had. Despite the horrors he had endured, he had worked hard to overcome them and not let his traumatic past define him. 

And along the way, he had found his own unlikely little family. A family that would receive all of the love he had stored up inside him, love that had been dormant, just waiting to be unleashed; to be given to others. Learning to love others was a process that had begun with Grogu, the special little boy softened the cold, detached Mandalorian's heart and revealed his softer side. But in meeting you, Din had discovered that his capacity for love went beyond what he ever thought possible.

You felt honoured to receive that love every single day, just as you knew that Din felt grateful for your love in return. You knew that regardless of what trials and tribulations lay ahead, Din Djarin would always have the one thing that had eluded him for so many years, but had nonetheless always deserved: his own family. 

[amwife]

King Kenny

----------

ion rlly watch kennys vids out of them all so bare w me 😭

---------

Kenny had been juggling way too many things for him alone to handle. He had boxing practise almost everyday, regularly going to the gym, trying to keep up with the Beta Squad and his own channel, and giving attention to his girlfriend, you. Obviously this wasn't going very well for him to be doing it by himself, considering others can't do even one at a time.

You were always his first priority though. Beta Squad and boxing tying for second.

Kenny always liked to be the strongest one. In boxing and in your relationship, meaning even though you were in the relationship together, he kept his walls pretty high.

Kept, being a past tense.

His walls started to crack after a particularly hard boxing session.

"Love?" You called out as you heard the door to your apartment be unlocked and opened.

"Ken? You out there?" You had just finished applying a new tree based mask on your face, to finish off your night.

Kenny came walking into the bathroom, face a little bit battered, over to you to just wrap his arms around you and bury his head in your neck from behind.

You stay silent as you watched the both of yous in the mirror, Kenny just staying still and breathing a little heavily, sometimes squeezing your waist.

"Love, do you wanna do a mask with me?"

Considering it was your first time seeing Kenny act like this you didn't really know what to do or how to comfort him.

"Yeah, sure. Let me get changed." He said in a timid voice, unwrapping himself from around you and walking out to get changed.

You grabbed the applicator and mask container, walking to the living room and sitting on the couch.

He came walking out of your shared bedroom in sweats and a t-shirt, sitting down on the couch.

You came on to sit on his lap and wrap your legs around him, starting to softly apply the mask. He had his head hanging a bit backwards, eyes closed with his arms resting on your lower back.

After a couple seconds of silence, you spoke up.

"What's up Ken?"

"Huh? Whatcha mean?" He said, slightly opening his eyes.

"What's wrong? You're silent."

"Nothing love," he took a silent breathe, "everything is just, a lot, lately."

You hummed as he closed his eyes again, leaning his head back further and resting it on the couch.

"I love everything I do, it's just a lot of work to keep up with everything. You know?" His voice got lower.

"Of course love. You're doing your best and that's all you need to do. Everyone needs breaks." You said as you finnished applying the mask, kissing the top of his head.

"Mm." He mumbled as he pulled you to sit beside him, grabbing the remote and turning on your tv.

It's been about fifteen minutes since, and he's fallen asleep on your shoulder, a little bit of his mask had dried onto your arm.

You pulled him off your shoulder and leaned him back against the couch as you started peeling his mask off. He was grumbling in his sleep, slowly stirring awake.

"Hi love." You smiled at him as he woke up properly, both of your masks already been discarded on the coffee table in front of you both.

Kenny grabbed your hips and pulled you down onto him, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Ken, I've got stuff to do love" You said as you tried to pry his hands off your waist.

"Tomorrow," He mumbled as he rolled you to be slightly under him, trapping you from leaving, "Alexa turn off the lights."

He pulled you closer while falling asleep again.

[blackjackkent]

Poking through Minsc's camp dialogue tree for Reasons. Lots of fun commentary on Jaheira and the other BG1/2 characters, some of which I didn't encounter in my initial run:

Player: You and Karlach must have a lot in common. Minsc: Indeed! A berserker after my own heart. Though hers is made of hellish heat, and metal, and... some manner of coin-operated device? Player: Don't mock, Minsc. It's killing her. Minsc: I would never think to mock! She is as fine a warrior as any I've met - Mazzy Fentan stretched two spans tall!

--

Player: Have you and Jaheira always had such a quarrelsome relationship? Minsc: We have! Is it not wonderful? Player: Do you even know what 'quarrelsome' means...? Minsc: To irk your friend so that she wishes to fill you with some crossbow quarrels - but knowing she never will, for fear of hitting your hamster. There is no need for sweet words between companions such as we. Too often those are the weapons of flatterers, and frauds. But she who will beat you about the head with the cold and pointy truth? That is a true wychlaran.

--

Player: You clearly care for one another - so enough of the arguing. Minsc: ...I know you mean well, my friend. But Boo, being your friend, wishes to share some of this cold and pointy truth I mention. 'Mind your own godsdamned business.' My hamster's words, not mine Jaheira: And I am in total agreement. See? No arguing.

--

Player: For such a sacred title, you hand it out pretty freely. First Dynaheir, now Jaheira. Minsc: You suggest that Minsc uses the term lightly? Simply leaps from Dynaheir to Jaheira, with no caring for the custom itself? An unworthy thought - and WRONG! In between there was also Aerie, my second witch. She needed a protector, and Boo suggested that it might as well be Minsc. And when she went her own way, Minsc and Boo set to thinking: There is power in the wychlaran bond. Far too much to be wasted on weeping. To use that power to serve the living does not sully the dead - it honours them.

--

Minsc: You do not know this custom? Great Rashemen is ruled by the Masked Ones - wise women you might call 'witches'. To each wychlaran is bonded a berserker bodyguard. To dog her heels and watch her back, until death claims one or both. So it was with Minsc and his witch, Dynaheir. Until she died, and Minsc had to carry on without her. But Jaheira was there - to help Minsc take vengeance, and to kick his backside when he fell to brooding. As any true wychlaran would.

--

Player: What is your fondest memory of adventuring with Bhaalspawn? Minsc: The bards sing of fallen gods and mighty battles, but that is a small part of any saga. They do not sing of the times in between. When Sarevok's butt had been kicked so hard that we thought he would never return, we settled in Baldur's Gate for a while. Gorion's Ward, Imoen, Jaheira, Minsc, Boo... and Dynaheir. My witch. She hated the city at first. Too busy, she said, too noisy. Too many people. She complained of the smell, although she complained of Boo's smell too and he smells of fresh honeycakes, so Minsc believes her nose was confused.

Then, one day, we walked past a shop full of wonders. Tiny magics fizzed in the air, and wizards from every corner of the world bickered and bartered. Sorcerous Sundries. Dynaheir fell in love. Dragged poor Minsc there every day, and made him stand watch while she browsed the shelves. Minsc frowned and complained. He felt more like a babysitter than a berserker. But how Dynaheir smiled.

Not long after, Minsc and Boo were captured, and Dynaheir was dead. I would gladly be a babysitter again, to see her smile. That is what I remember, more than any battles against Bhaal and his spawn. Yes, Boo. I know you miss her too.

--

Minsc: Minsc may have been mistaken. Boo presents compelling evidence that Astarion may in fact be a vampire. Player: That he is. But one of the good ones. Minsc: Minsc has met many vampires, and never one whose smile did not hide treacherous teeth. But... as you say. This world is a strange and wondrous place. Minsc has seen the soul of an angel in a child of Bhaal. Once, even a kind banker.

--

Minsc: Ah, the great Blade of Frontiers! A fine name - Minsc has no idea what it means, but it suits young Wyll's air of mystery well. It is good to know the city did not go unprotected while I wore pigeon droppings on the Wide. Jaheira did her part, of course, but she prefers to scowl from the shadows. The city needs a name - a face! Preferably, a furry companion too.

--

Player: What are your thoughts on Shadowheart? Minsc: She hangs split between her two sides - like a flipped coin that Boo once ate while it was still in the air. But, like Boo, after a great struggle within, I think Shadowheart has finally brought that coin to earth. She is a Sharran no more - and free of her wretched and evil fellows! Player: Hard to believe Shadowheart grew up in that place. Minsc: My old friend Keldorn told me that the righteous must end their rage when the battle is done. But when Minsc thinks of those villains tormenting our gentle moon-witch, he wants to kick them in the cloisters!

--

Player: Shadowheart walks a dark path - but we can trust her. Minsc: You are asking Minsc to be pragmatic. That is a word that Jaheira uses to win arguments. It does not work on Minsc because Minsc does not know what the word means.

[feferipeixes]

One of Us

Happy nine years of TAU.

(AO3 link)

===

"Do you ever think about what it would be like to be forgotten?"

There's a demon in the middle of the room, just like always. He's sitting cross legged a few feet off the floor, and there's something grotesque and nightmarish curled up in his lap. He called it a sheep when he first showed up, and he's been petting ever since, but at that question his hand stays.

"What?"

The man gulps. It took a lot of courage for him to go through with summoning a demon once he'd decided to do it, and it had clearly taken a toll on him. Sweat pours down his face as he paces in the abandoned used car showroom.

"I don't know why I'm asking you this," he says, half laughing at himself. He runs a hand through his hair -- what little of it is left.

Alcor stares. It begins to feel like the demon is looking through him.

"My wife is dead." The man closes his eyes, frowning. "It happened two years ago. She was everything to me. At her funeral I told a crowd of people that my memories of her life were my greatest treasure. I… I was wrong."

Later, Alcor walks through the empty halls of the Mystery Shack. Many of the wall photos have fallen down in past years, and for a while he was too tired or too upset to pick them up.

His summoner's words echo in his ears, and he snaps his fingers to make a photo frame shoot up into his hands.

"I can't remember her face anymore. I saw it every day for thirty years. When I woke up in the morning I was so happy to see her, no matter how bad my dreams were, no matter what awful things I knew I had to do that day. Just seeing her helped me. But now she's gone. And there's nothing left. Not even a memory."

It's a photo of a brown haired woman, her arms wrapped around the neck of a young man he recognizes as himself. Mabel's face was twisted in delight, no doubt ribbing him about something dumb he'd done. If he focuses, he can still hear that laughter in the Shack.

"I have a disorder that makes me forget things. I… don't know what it's called. Forgot that too." The man's fist clenches, so tightly that the veins bulge out on his arm. "Can you believe that? My soulmate, gone from my mind after just two years? She might as well have never existed at all."

Alcor makes his way to the roof of the Shack and sits facing the totem pole -- or at least, where it used to be. It had fallen down a couple of decades back when a car hit it. That sort of thing happened every few years, but eventually he got tired of moving it upright again.

He thinks of the time he sat right where he was and threw pinecones at a target taped to the pole. He'd thought he was in love with that red haired girl Wendy, back before he knew that romance wasn't for him. It still killed him when he found her blue and floating in that subway station.

His stomach growls at the thought.

"I think…" The man swallows -- hard. He sits down on the hood of a car and it groans beneath his weight. "If that's the fate of the most important person in my life, then that's what I deserve too."

Alcor remembers pulling his name out of newspapers, out of books detailing the Transcendence, out of the minds of people who got too snoopy when it came to the strange lights and noises that came out of the Mystery Shack at night. Gradually, Dipper Pines began to die, and more and more people chanted his new name in buildings and forests worldwide.

It wasn't a fate he wished on anyone.

The man's forehead creases. "I don't know why I expected you to understand. For Pete's sake you’re a demon. You want to be worshiped and stuff. Well, not me. I want the world to forget my name."

“You don't.”

The summoner jolts, as if he'd forgotten he was actually talking to someone and not just monologuing. A swell of derision crosses his face. “Y-Yes I do. I've thought about it a lot. I can accept the consequences.”

“No,” Alcor can remember saying, and he feels like an idiot for doing so; he wants to go back and just let the deal happen as planned, so that he could put the whole thing out of his mind just a tiny bit sooner. “You've accepted the consequences, but you don't want this. I know what you really want. You're just too afraid of the price to ask.”

“I…” The man gulps, and stumbles back. “That's not true. It hurts to think about being remembered when she isn't. I would feel so much better to live out the rest of my life alone except for her.”

The apple tree in the backyard is beginning to droop. It stopped producing fresh fruit regularly hundreds of years ago. He doesn't expect to see one today, either, but to his surprise there's a glistening red orb right at the tip of a spindly branch. When Alcor picks it up, he notices that the other side is charred. It breaks apart in his hand, scattering in the wind like dust. He'd accepted the consequences long ago.

It’s time to go.

“This request doesn't accomplish that at all.” The demon stands up, and the sheep-like thing just floats there as if nothing had happened. “You want the memory back. You want her back in your mind. I'm not in the mood to be lied to.”

“I’m not lying…”

“What, then, do you want to give up? Really?” Alcor spits. Something is bubbling up in his stomach. It feels as though someone else is speaking in his voice. “Something bad happened to you and you’re just going to stay in it forever? Because it’s too late? Because doing something to feel better would be too hard and too likely to fail? Bullshit! You wouldn’t be summoning a demon, then!”

“I’m not lying!” It’s the first time the man’s raised his voice -- a frequent eventuality when it comes to summoners, and yet it manages to take Alcor by surprise. “Of course I’ve entertained that thought! You- I thought you were supposed to be all knowing! Did you just come here to insult me?”

Alcor stares, dumbfounded, as the man paces, waving his arms with a newfound vigor. He wants to yell back that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, that the pain he’s seen eclipses anything a human mind could ever even conceptualize. But there’s a hand covering his mouth. It’s not the year 2012, and this isn’t Gravity Falls. He’s standing in a dark room, and around him, words echo like pinpricks of light.

“Her memories for mine. I thought that would be a fair bargain, at first. But then I thought it would be worse, to sit and age with the picture of what I could still have just out of reach. You wouldn’t get it. You would never understand what it’s like to grieve.”

There’s a hole in the floor -- a new one with every step the man takes. The tile cracks and shudders, then plunges into the deep. The room quakes with anger, with drawn out years of wasted potential. Soon both man and demon are tumbling through open air, in wait of the ground that meets them.

“To know the love in my heart, to feel its shadow… I can’t stand it. I don’t want to subject anyone else to that either. That’s why I want to be forgotten. So we can all once again live in the present.”

Alcor breathes out, and takes his hand.

---

There’s a woman in the kitchen when they arrive. She looks up at the sound of shoes on carpet, and momentary surprise is replaced by a warm smile.

“Welcome back, sweetheart,” she says. The man does not answer.

There’s a protracted silence, in which stares battle for prominence over ignorance. Alcor looks around. He sees eggs in a frying pan and bread in the toaster. He sees shoes by the entry, one pair two pair three. He sees photos hung on the wall with care, later tilted by the settling of time.

“You’re not dead,” he says, although it is already obvious.

The man, his summoner, leaves the room without a word.

“I’m not,” the woman says. “I’m sorry, Alcor. I’ve been expecting you. He told me you’d be coming.”

“He did?” Alcor scans the home between blinks. It’s well lived in. A living room room with bowling trophies on the mantle and pillows on the sofa with cross stitched designs on them. A library full of books, some of which he’d never seen before, almost all of which have traces of human skin on the pages, and words digested by thought. A bedroom with a queen sized bed, two fully stocked closets, a drawer full of love letters, a bathroom full of stains.

One more bedroom, one with a twin sized bed never slept in, an empty closet, and brightly coloured paint peeling from the walls. Alcor begins to piece together what happened here.

“He isn’t really aware of me,” the woman explains, when they’re both seated, cups of tea in hand. “We talk all the time, but he doesn’t hear me. We live side by side but to him he’s alone. I hear how he misses me. I miss him too.”

“He told me he’d rather be forgotten,” Alcor says. “That’s what he said. I wasn’t expecting it. It’s ironic.”

She leans back in her chair, and closes her eyes for a moment. “I’d heard him… talking about it. I can’t pretend it didn’t sting. But then I realized that he wasn’t trying to cut me out of his life. He was telling me he loves me, in the only way he can, now.”

“How… so?” He knows the answer, but he needs to hear her say it.

“After it happened, I struggled to stay in one piece. It was so overwhelming. Every day, the littlest things made me feel like someone was prying me open. I wanted to forget. If he’d never been in my life, then there’d be nothing to have lost. And when I thought about it, I realized that it hurt just as much to think about the loss he was experiencing, of me.”

Alcor understands, and he puts his teacup down. “I felt that way too. When you grieve, everyone grieves with you. It feels kinder to snuff it out.”

His hand is trembling. The woman takes it, and holds it steady against the table. Long blackened claws spill over wrinkled and liver-spotted flesh. They fumble, then ease into the melody.

“Tis better to have loved,” she says, softly. “That’s what they say.”

They sit there like that, and the Sun begins to set. It's not fair, how right she is. It's not fair because that this had to happen or that she had to say that stuff, because he'd been trying for a long time not to think about it. A part of him wonders if he could've gone two, three, maybe even four hundred more years without having to accept it. Even as he thinks that, he's frustratingly aware that it's something that gets harder the longer you pretend it isn't real.

Alcor drinks the rest of his tea -- it’s cold, but it’s better than nothing.

“Thank you for not taking his soul,” she says, when they get up from the table. “I did my research on you. I figured I at least had a chance. It’s selfish, but I want to keep it, here with me.”

He knows. It’s been a long time, but he knows. He could’ve taken that man’s truth straight from his chest -- chomped down and let it shatter. The rush he could’ve had, that blinding, temporary rush when reducing person to object and pulling it apart stitch-by-stich. It’s harder, what he’s done. He feels like he’s going to be sick.

“I don’t want you to have to leave empty handed,” she continues, perhaps noticing the rolling twister about to erupt from the monster’s maw. “Please, take this.”

He looks at her, trying to hold back tears that can’t be explained, fighting with himself to keep that box closed because once that grief is acknowledged, there’s no way back. There’s no escaping it. It becomes real, it becomes heavy, and only then can you heal.

He looks at her, and in her hand there is an apple.

---

Alcor appears, unbidden, in someone’s home. This one is much smaller, much quieter. Very little love has graced its walls. It’s the kind of house you walk past and feel a slight chill from. It’s the kind of place you avoid on instinct.

There’s a young man, sitting at his desk. He’s fiddling with something -- a glue stick. Open in front of him is a large scrapbook, covered in construction paper and glitter and drawings. To his side is a stack of newspapers, a clipping from which the young man is trying to wrangle.

Alcor’s name appears three times in the print, not that anyone would know it. It’s so worn out -- the name, that is, not the paper to which it’s bound -- that you’d really have to be looking for it to be able to find it. And maybe that’s no way to live. Maybe it hurts to miss what you could’ve had, but maybe it hurts more to forget.

“Hi Mizar,” Alcor says, and the young man jumps, not having realized he had company.

“Wh- what’s going on?” he stammers, backing against the wall, and even though he’s scared, his voice and his gait are so familiar, so comforting. Alcor takes that comfort. It’s better than nothing. “Who are you?”

Alcor smiles, and every lightbulb in the house explodes together. “I’m your brother.”

(AO3 link)

[arvandus]

Hey, I wanted to ask what do you think of how hori concluded the todo fam arc and dabi’s vague ending? Do you think he’s alive or dead? Hori could’ve showed us at least a grave or a shrine. I just wanted closure :(

So, I'm going to preface this by saying that I have not actually READ the ending to BNHA, and gathered info just from the tumblr community. I checked out of the manga a while ago because it felt like Hori's heart wasn't really in it.

To be honest, compared to the ending the others got, I'm glad that his was left vague enough to be open to interpretation. After all, how many times has he been assumed dead/would die soon, only for him to give the middle finger and keep going?

I feel like Hori's feelings around the Todoroki family and Touya in particular run a little bit deeper than the others, just with looking at how much attention he put into the backstory. I really feel like it's been a combination of mixed messages, swinging back and forth between empathizing with Touya and being an Enji fanboy.

Hori's portrayal of Touya's childhood was VERY sympathetic, and Enji was shown as very monstrous in some of those panels (and in fact, the parallel was done with Shigaraki and Toga's pasts as well). Even his titling of the chapters (e.g., Wrong Way to Put Out A Fire) showed that the responsibility for Touya's downfall fell onto the parents rather than him as a child. I also liked how pathetic he showed Enji was after Touya's reveal, and when his family came to visit him in the hospital. Rei's commentary towards his sniffling was so refreshing, I was cackling and fist-bumping the air. Finally, I really loved that Natsuo never forgives Enji and straight up tells him he doesn't want him in his life.

But at the same time, Enji gets to continue on with life more or less without any repercussions, or at least that's the impression I've gotten from the snippets I've gathered on other peoples' posts and the manga screenshots I've come across. Yes he's handicapped and will never be a hero again, but at the same time, it felt like there's a lack of social/societal consquences. Hawks never stops being his fanboy, and Rei stays with him (God knows why)... I dunno. It just left a bad taste in my mouth. I think it's because he never really figured out how to step away from his hero persona long enough to really prioritize his family until it was too late. Enji should have immediately been out there looking for Touya after his big reveal. As a parent, I can tell you for a FACT that if I found out my child wasn't actually dead but was in fact alive and running around out there hurting others, you bet your ASS I'm dropping everything and going after them. Also, Enji should have been the one to face off with Touya in the final conflict, not Shouto. He should have faced him, lost, and then Shouto could have stepped him to have his emotional brotherly conflict with Touya just as it happened in the manga. Enji's behavior was cowardice until the very end, and his apology to Touya at the very end fell very very flat for me.

Maybe Hori is just going for the more realistic portrayal of how complex family dynamics can be, and how forgiveness really depends on the person. I also think that Hori's idea of what counts as a good redemption arc for Enji differs from what I think a good redemption arc for him would be. So in that sense, I just have to accept that Hori has his own take on the entire Todoroki family story and that it differs from my own.

But, I digress... back to Touya. I've always had the feeling that Horikoshi has had a soft spot for Touya especially, and I think this implied ending of Touya not surviving rather than showing it explicitly like he did with the others demonstrates that. So I'd like to think that Touya somehow survives and heals.

Overall, I think the ending of BNHA has fallen a bit flat because there has been so much emphasis on the grey areas between villains and heroes, and I always felt that the students were intended to save them. And that was especially Shouto's goal with his brother. The thought of him failing in that goal and not being able to ever have soba with him feels like such a waste of his character arc as well as Touya's.

So, I'm going to take it as-is. Touya's ending is intentionally ambiguous to allow the fans on both sides of the fence to pick the ending that they want (Hori, you coward). My ending for him is that he heals (although never completely of course) and eventually gets to have soba with his brother. It's not only what Touya deserves, but it's what Shouto deserves too.

[iamcalmdammit]

Trust issues || [David "Section" Mason x reader x Phillip Graves]

Summary: As Russell Adler's daughter, you were used to your father's scheming. But when he interferes with your relationship with your boss to help your ex get you back, you begin to lose track of what you want.

Length: 7.7k words

Characters: David "Section" Mason, Phillip Graves, Russell Adler, Frank Woods

Note: I've been working on this for a while, but something always came up. Now here you go. What do you think? I love all of these guys. All of them. // Me? Proof-reading? Never. I'll die on that hill (one day.)

The private conference where Phillip was giving a keynote speech was about to begin shortly, but he was still standing outside in the hallway, going through some stats with his most trusted employee. You watched him out of the corner of your eye as you tried to finish the conversation you were having with your sales contact from the organizers.

Once he finally apologized and left you there, you quickly made your way to your boss who was now on his own, his blue eyes fixed on you in a way that made your skin burn. You nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and tried to think of anything but that look he had in his eyes.

"How's my tie?" he asked when you got there.

"Perfect."

"Hair?"

You couldn't help but laugh at this. When did he become so vain? "Everything's good, don't worry," you assured him.

"I'm not worried."

You pursed your lips and raised your eyebrows upon hearing his statement. It came a little too fast and he sounded suspiciously sure of himself.

"What was that look?" he asked the moment he saw your expression.

At first you wanted to ignore his question. He was giving good speeches, he never had a problem with that, but today he seemed a little fallen apart, as if his mind was somewhere else. You were sure there would be no problem, but it still made you worried about him. Something was wrong, you just didn't know what.

"Sweetheart."

Someone placed a hand on your shoulder and you almost jumped out of your skin. When you turned to look at who it was, your lips curled into a smile. "Dad, hi," you told him as you quickly hugged him. "I didn't know you would be here."

"It was a last minute change of my plans," he replied then looked over at your boss.

"Oh, right. Dad, this is Phillip Graves, the CEO of Shadow Company. Phil, meet my dad, Russell Adler."

Phillip shook your father's hand and said, "It's nice to meet you, sir."

"Likewise." Something was off, you could feel it. He was about to say something you wouldn't like and soon you were proven right by him. "This must mean you're the one who makes my girl work so much," he pointed out.

But Phillip didn't seem to pick up on that because he sounded pretty chill when he replied. "Quite the opposite, I'm usually the one telling her to go home," he pointed out.

"Is that so?"

"Dad, can you not?" you tried, putting a hand on his arm to make sure he wouldn't ask any more questions.

"I see you're working for the government," Phillip spoke up, pointing at the text on the badge in your father's neck.

He nodded. "As an advisor, yes."

"That's great."

But he didn't seem interested in keeping up a conversation with Phillip because he quickly turned to you and asked, "Can we talk?"

"Sure. Will you be okay?" you asked, turning to your boss.

"Don't worry about me."

"I'm not worried," you told him, maybe a little too quickly.

"Okay, I get that look now," he said with a laugh. "I'll go find my PA to check my schedule for the day."

"Good luck." Once he disappeared with his phone in hand, you turned back to your father. "What did you want to talk about?"

"My birthday's coming up."

"I know."

"You'll come over this year, right?" This again. Great. You'd been missing out on his birthdays in the past few years, but it's not like it was intentional. You usually went there, only a few weeks later. "Y/N, I'm getting older, who knows how many more birthdays I'm gonna have. You've been working on my birthdays in the past years, let's celebrate together this time."

He was right and you knew it. "Fine, I'll see what I can do. I promise," you added.

"Thank you. Now, tell me how you are. You look tired."

"I work a lot, it's been crazy in the office."

"Do you want me to talk to your boss?" he asked with a laugh.

"Thanks, but I can handle it."

"Sure?"

"Sure."

Your father fell silent and it made you uneasy. Whenever he gave you the look he had in his eyes now, you knew he was about to tell you something you wouldn't like to hear. "There's something about this boy that I don't like," he finally said.

The last time you had heard him say this was back when you were dating a guy from college and decided to introduce them to each other. It was a bad idea. "What would that be?" you asked anyway, by now curious to hear what he had against Phillip.

"I can't really tell," he said with a shrug. "It's just a hunch."

"He's not that bad," you tried.

"If you say so."

Oh, no, you knew this tone. "Wait, it's not just a hunch, you know something."

"Just be careful, that's all I'm saying," he said, holding up his hands. "And I still like David more than any other candidate."

"Dad, David and I broke up last year. Get over it."

"But you still talk quite a lot." Before you could respond, a chiming sound could be heard. "Oh, I believe it's time for the section your boss is in. Let's sit down."

As you were walking towards the chairs in front of the podium, you tried to get some answers out of him. "Do you and David talk about me behind my back often?" you demanded.

He looked at you then sat down, patting the chair next to him so you would do the same. "Your name comes up sometimes," he replied in the end.

"You're scheming and I don't like it," you told him in a whisper.

"Let's pay attention, okay?"

You hated this so much. He had worked for the CIA for a long time--hell, you were quite sure he was still working for them and this government advisor position was bullshit--and he often acted like raising you was one of his missions. He wanted to know every detail, every person you kept in touch with, where you went and what you were doing.

He always did a background check on your boyfriends and so far the only one who managed to pass his test was David. But you knew it wasn't only because of him as a person, but his background as well. He was the son of Alex Mason, someone your dad had worked with back during the Cold War, and he was raised by Frank Woods, another man your father closely worked with in the past.

Soon you were snapped out of your thoughts by a delicate applause from the crowd as Phillip stepped on the podium. He looked around, but then his eyes landed on you and he watched you as he began his speech. You couldn't hide your smile and you lost track of his words after a while. But every time he looked at you for a brief second, your breath caught in your throat.

Later you said goodbye to your father, promising him you would have dinner with him, then went to look for Phillip's PA so the two of you could talk to some people together, hopefully booking interview appointments.

'I'm at the bar. Come down and join me.'

That was all your boss' message said late at night. You weren't sleeping yet so you thought you could just as well go down for a drink and see what he wanted. While you looked into the mirror in the elevator, you suddenly realized that you were like a dog answering its owner's whistle.

Pathetic.

But at the same time you didn't really mind. You liked his sense of humor, the excited way he could talk about work, and how he always made time for conversations with you. He was nice to all of his employees, but you weren't sure if there were more than a handful he talked to outside of work as well.

He was sitting by the bar with a glass of bourbon in front of him. "I was beginning to think that I lost you," he said with a smile.

"I had dinner with Dad," you explained as you sat on the barstool next to him.

"I hoped we could eat together."

You let out a quiet laugh. "Maybe some other time."

"It's hard to make it happen if you always say no." There was something about his tone of voice that immediately made you look at him. You hoped he would tell you what he meant by that, but he didn't elaborate and changed the topic instead. "Anyway. I was wondering, how old is your dad?"

"Almost eighty-two," you told him.

"And he's still working as an advisor?"

Nodding, you took the cocktail you had ordered from the bartender then turned back to him. "Retirement isn't for him, especially since my mom died."

Phillip looked down at his glass. "What did he do when he was younger?"

"He worked for the CIA."

"For real?" Once again, you nodded and waited for him to explain why he looked like he had just had an epiphany. "That explains the way he looked at me."

Oh, fuck, he picked up on that. But you decided to play dumb for now. "What way?"

"He was suspicious."

"I'm sure he wasn't."

"He was, trust me. But I'm an open book, I have nothing to hide," he stated before finishing his drink and looking at you.

There it was again, the look that burned your skin. "If you say so," you said after clearing your throat and tearing your gaze away.

Phillip ordered another round of bourbon then took a sip with his eyes still on you. "Did you get any feedback about my speech?"

"It was good," you began, happy to talk about work instead of your private life. "Jeff and I already scheduled a few of the interviews we had talked about."

"Why aren't you talking to me about that?"

"Because that's why you have a PA?"

He suddenly reached out to put a hand on top of yours. "Oh, no, I want us to talk directly to each other about these things, okay?"

"You mean you want to schedule them yourself?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, yes."

"As you wish," you told him as you pulled away your hand and stood up. "Well, I only came down because of your message, but I'm tired so I'm off to sleep. See you tomorrow, I guess."

"Come on, stay a little longer. You can't leave me here alone," he asked, almost begging you.

"Pick up some woman. I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard," you let the first thought slip out of your mouth.

Shaking his head, Phillip stood up as well and took both your hands. "Please, don't do this. I can't be any more obvious."

"You're my boss."

"And? I'll talk to HR if that's what you want."

"I can't do this. Just think about how it would affect our work relationship."

A smile suddenly appeared on his lips. "I think things have been better since that kiss in Zürich," he noted.

"That was a mistake," you told him, although in reality you often thought about that kiss and wished you could repeat it.

"Are you sure? Because I'm not." He let go of your hand and cupped your face with his hands instead. "One chance, that's all I'm asking for."

Your eyes were locked with his blue ones, and you were slowly getting lost in their depths. "Why is it so hard to say no to you?" you whispered more to yourself than him.

"It must be my boyish charm," he replied with a laugh. "You wouldn't be the first one to complain about it."

"Is this how you sweep women off their feet?"

Letting out a sigh, he shook his head. "No, actually it was my mom who always said that."

Giggling like some stupid schoolgirl, you said, "I imagine you always got what you wanted."

"I worked hard for everything." His lips were suddenly close to yours, getting slowly closer as he carefully examined your reaction. But you couldn't resist, you wanted him to kiss you so you closed the gap and took the lead. "Why don't we go up to my room? I'll prove you made the right choice," he said with a wide grin.

•••••••

Two months after you officially started dating, you were sitting between his legs on the floor, leaning your back against his chest as you sipped your wine. You were watching some overrated indie movie neither of you had been paying much attention to lately.

Phillip had one hand around your waist, and another under your unbuttoned jeans, teasing you despite your constant begging for more than that. At one point he admitted that he wasn't planning to do anything serious just yet, at first he wanted to see how you reacted to him teasing you while the movie lasted.

It was a stupid experiment, but you knew that once it was over, he would satisfy you over and over again for sure. He was an overachiever in bed, you knew that, and when you had pointed that out, he didn't even try to deny it.

Then your doorbell rang, bringing you back to reality. "Don't open it," he whispered in your ear when you tried to stand up.

"Our cars are outside and the lights are on. It would be rude to ignore whoever it is," you pointed out with a laugh.

"You're ruining our fun." You turned your head to look at him and once your eyes locked, he let out a defeated sigh. "Fine, I'll let you go for a short while, baby, but make it quick," he told you before he licked his fingers clean.

You turned around to be on all fours in front of him and gave him a soft kiss before you stood up and said, "I'll be right back."

You looked out of the window on the way to the door and noticed the silhouette of a familiar car in the dark. When you opened the door and saw your guest, you immediately knew why it was familiar.

"David, hi," you greeted him with a surprised look. "What are you doing here?"

He took a deep breath and thought about where to begin, but until he spoke up, his hazel eyes gave away that whatever it was, it really bothered him. "I need to vent and I don't know who else to go to," he finally admitted.

Before you could ask him what the problem was, he simply walked inside, leaving you standing there. "Sure, come in," you said quietly.

You followed him to the kitchen where Phillip was busy pouring another glass of wine for himself. "That was quick," he noted without looking up. But once he turned to you with a seductive smile, it all disappeared and he watched David cautiously. "Oh. Hello?"

David turned to you. "I'm interrupting something, aren't I?" he asked.

"Yes," Phillip replied impatiently.

"No," you said at the exact same time.

Your ex shook his head. "I should go."

"Wait, why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Frank," was all he said in response.

You began to laugh at this. "Ooooh."

"Don't laugh, he's getting on the nurses' nerves and I'm the one getting the calls. I have to talk to him about it, but I need reinforcement. He adores you, Y/N. Come with me."

There was something about the way he said it that made you think. Could it be that Frank didn't know the truth? "You did tell him we broke up, didn't you?" you asked with a questioning look.

David groaned and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "Look, he's old, I didn't want to shock him."

"David!"

"Okay, what if we tell him together? I'm sure he will have questions and it would be better if I didn't have to answer on your behalf," he tried.

"My dad isn't young either and I managed to tell him alone. When it happened, not a year later," you added.

"Come on, Frank would be happy to see you again. Please."

"Ugh, fine."

"Thank you," he said as he reached out to quickly squeeze your hand.

That was the moment Phillip cleared his throat and looked at David expectantly. "We don't know each other, do we?"

"No, I don't think so. I'm David Mason," he introduced himself as he extended a hand.

"Phillip Graves." He shook your ex's hand then pointed at the bottle on the kitchen island. "Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"Thank you, but it's time for me to go. Sorry for disturbing you."

Phillip laughed. "No worries. Have a good night."

You walked David to the front door and watched as he sat in his car and drove off. So Frank was causing trouble again. You laughed while you closed the door and returned to your boyfriend in the kitchen. When you got there, you saw him looking at you with an upset look on his face. Was he jealous?

"What?" he suddenly asked.

"You're jealous."

He let out a laugh. "Me? Of this guy? Don't be ridiculous."

"Then what was this all about?" you asked him.

"I just offered him a drink since he was your guest." Tilting your head to the side, you gave him a disapproving look. He had been playing some stupid power game with David, it was obvious. "You don't believe me?"

"No."

Phillip walked over to you and put his hands on your hips as he examined your face. Then his hands began to move up your side, gently stroking your skin under the shirt you were wearing. "Too bad. But I have nothing to worry about, right? I mean, you're mine after all. I own every inch of this gorgeous body of yours," he said once he took off your shirt and began to place kisses all over your chest. "I love you," he murmured against the hollow of your throat.

The way he ruled your mind and body was nothing new, but even now you were surprised by the power he had over you. You already forgot that you had a visitor that night, all you could think about was him. And how despite all this you could never get yourself to say that you loved him.

•••••••

The Vault was a strange place. You didn't really know why, but you never really felt safe there, this is why you had always visited it with David by your side. You never had to tell him about this weird fear of yours, he instinctively knew and paid more attention to you while you were there.

Now that you had to go back there to see Frank, this probably irrational fear returned. But even though you weren't together anymore, David still stayed close to you, and took your hand to guide you away from an unruly patient outside in the garden. And after that, he didn't let go, he just wrapped his fingers tightly around yours and walked towards Frank's room as if you were in last year.

Then you finally reached your destination and you couldn't hold back a smile when you saw the old sergeant. "Frank," you greeted the man.

He turned the wheelchair around and let out a heartfelt laugh. "Y/N, it's been so long. Where the hell have you been?" he asked as he reached out to take your hand in his.

"I'm sorry, something always came up."

"David's right, you work too much," he stated once he rolled back to take a better look at the two of you.

With an annoyed groan leaving your lips, you folded your arms over your chest and gave him a sharp look. "Not you too."

"Your old man?" Frank asked with a laugh.

"He always tells me that too, yeah."

Next to you David huffed loudly enough for you to hear it. "And we're right," he noted.

Before you could say anything in your defense, Frank cleared his throat to stop the upcoming fight. "How are you, kids? I'm sure there's a reason why you both came here after such a long time. Here to announce your engagement finally?"

"No, we're not. Quite the opposite."

"We broke up last year, we--well, I just didn't know how to tell you the truth," David admitted. He sounded sad and you couldn't decide if he was trying to guilt trip you or really felt like that.

Frank closed his eyes and nodded. "Too bad, you were sickeningly cute together. What happened?"

"It just didn't work out," you replied.

"Because you work way too much." You turned to David, ready to defend yourself, but he changed the topic before you could say anything. "Anyway, we're also here to talk to you about your behavior," he said, turning to the very man who had helped raise him after his father's death.

He remained silent for a short while, as if he was having trouble remembering things. "What are you talking about?" he asked innocently.

David dropped on one knee to get on eye level with him. "The staff called me. Poker parties? For real?"

"Do you have any idea how boring it is here?"

"And you call one of the nurses Nurse Batshit?" David asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, because she goes batshit crazy whenever I want to smoke," Frank explained.

"You shouldn't do that."

"Don't tell me what to do, I'm old enough to decide on my own."

You couldn't do it anymore, you couldn't keep a straight face. So you finally let all of your emotions out and started laughing, even getting a tissue out of your bag to dry a few stray teardrops.

David let out a sigh and turned to look at you. "Why are you laughing?" he asked seriously.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I know this is serious, but," you began before losing it again. "Nurse Batshit? I can imagine you wheeling around in your chair screaming that nickname."

"She never listens," Frank noted.

"Because it's rude."

This time David gave you a confused look. "Then why are you laughing?"

"Because it's also hilarious."

"Thanks for the help, Y/N."

"I'm so sorry." After breathing in and breathing out a few times, you could finally calm yourself enough to speak seriously. "Okay, but for real, you should be nice to the staff. And don't organize poker parties, if you need money--"

"I don't need money, I want to have some fun," the old man interrupted you angrily.

"Frank, there are rules here, okay? Please, try to adapt to them," David tried.

"I'm too old for that, I won't change, son."

You put up your hands. "We tried."

"You give up that easily?"

"Look, he did a lot for our country, he deserves to have a peaceful and… fun retirement," you tried to reason with him.

Frank's lips curled into a satisfied smirk as he looked at David and pointed at you. "Listen to her," was all he said in the end.

The three of you chatted some more but things became weird when Frank began to ask both you and David if you were seeing anyone now. David explained that he was focusing on work and his girls, while you… Well, you lied and said you were also alone at the moment. You didn't know why you said that, it just came out like that.

Once you left the building, David stopped you by a bench in the garden and motioned you to sit down with him. "You weren't too much help, but thank you for coming," he said after watching you for a few minutes in silence.

"I'm sorry, but Nurse Batshit," you said, although your voice faded as you started laughing again.

"Okay, you're right, that's funny." David was now laughing too, finally appreciating Frank's sense of humor. Just as suddenly as he started laughing, though, he fell silent again then said, "I miss you."

"David…"

"I'm serious. But tell me this--why him?"

"You mean Phil?" you asked the obvious.

He nodded and you could tell he was furious by now. "Yes, your goddamn boss of all people," he pointed out. "Can't you see that he's using his position to get what he wants from you?"

But you only shook your head and ignored his anger. "It didn't happen from one day to another," you said, keeping your voice down to calm him down a bit.

"Oh, trust me, I know. It all began when we were still together."

"It's not true."

"I remember what it was like. I remember his fucking voice from my nightmares because you always put him on speaker when he called," he finally snapped. "It didn't matter if it was late night or the weekend, or if we were out on a date. You always answered his call. Always."

It was true, you couldn't argue with him, but there was something that you knew he didn't want to say out loud. "I never cheated on you," you informed him, hoping you answered whatever theory or question he had in his mind.

"I'm sure you didn't, at least not physically. But emotionally? That I'm not so sure about." Could he be right about this? So much had happened since then that you didn't even remember the details. "Tell me, is he treating you right? Or does he talk to you in private as if you were any other of his employees?"

"Don't do this," you said weakly.

"Answer me." He watched you intently, probably trying to read your face in case you didn't answer. And you didn't answer. You didn't know what to say because a part of you knew he was right. "You can't even answer this simple question. Leave him. Do yourself a favor and throw him out."

"And go back to you?"

"I wouldn't mind. I tried to be friends with you but that's not enough."

Letting out a sigh, you looked into his hazel eyes and wondered why he suddenly said these things. For months you only had casual conversations, you never suspected that he still had feelings for you. If you had known, you would've kept your distance for his sake.

Before you realized what was happening, he reached out and pulled you into a kiss. A hungry and passionate kiss you knew all too well, one he usually reserved for post-mission meetings. You were so surprised that you instinctively returned the kiss, something you definitely wouldn't have done if you could think straight.

But as terrible as it was to admit, you enjoyed it, and memories you had forcefully pushed into the back of your mind in the past months now returned--date nights, lazy mornings in bed together, trips to the zoo with his daughters. It had been so good to be with him, it was definitely more domestic than the relationship you were currently in.

Then your phone began to ring and when you looked at your watch, you freaked out. "Shit, it's Phil," you said in panic.

"Leave it," David told you before he kissed you again.

It didn't last long this time because the call brought you to your senses and you pushed him away. "No, wait, what the fuck am I even doing?"

He watched you jump up and take a few steps away from him then flashed a cheeky smile at you. "Following your heart."

"How poetic."

"You wanted this."

"You're confusing me."

"I couldn't confuse you if you really loved him."

You did love Phil, you knew that deep down, but you couldn't deny that you wanted this. A part of you still missed David, still regretted having those fights back in the day. But there was something else you needed to remind him of. "You threw me out to begin with!" you snapped at him.

David stood up and walked over to you. "Because of him! Because of whatever the fuck was happening between you."

"I need to answer this," you suddenly remembered your ringing phone.

"Go ahead, I won't stop you."

"Stay quiet."

"Why?" he asked with a laugh. "He knows we're visiting Frank together, doesn't he?"

You gave him an angry look. Not because he was wrong, Phil knew you didn't come alone, but he made it sound like it would be fun for him to piss your boyfriend off by talking in the background. It wouldn't be beyond him to do something like this.

"Hey, Phil," you said into the phone after you answered the call.

"Babe, it took you so long to answer. Is everything okay?" he asked almost worriedly.

"Yeah, I was just looking for a quiet place to talk to you," you lied, earning a disapproving look from David.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah, we just finished."

"How did it go?"

"Not well, but we kinda knew he wouldn't change."

"And your ex?"

Shit. "What about him?" you asked as if you didn't know what he was talking about.

"Did he behave?"

"Jealous?" You laughed, although it wasn't a happy, but more like a nervous laugh.

"Like I already told you, I have no reason to be," Phil replied confidently and you could imagine the smirk on his lips now. "See you tonight?"

"Yeah. I'll be waiting."

Once you put the phone away, you took a deep breath then turned around to face David. He was watching you with his arms folded over his chest, burning a hole inside you with that glare. "He knows that you shouldn't be with him, that's why he's so worried about you coming here with me," he suddenly said.

You gulped loudly while you thought about what he said. "He's not worried."

"I heard you asking him if he was jealous. So what would be the better word then? Insecure?" he asked with a laugh.

"I won't stay here and listen to you talking shit about my boyfriend," you told him angrily before turning around and walking away.

•••••••

Russell had been through a lot throughout his career, but despite not acting like the best father in the world most of the time, you were one of the things about his life that he was truly proud of. Not saving the world or getting rid of bad guys. No. You.

So when your boyfriend called him to say he had plans for your birthday, that he would throw a party to celebrate you, he knew he had no choice but to play nice. He didn't like Phillip, but you loved him and that was enough for now.

At the party you looked truly happy and chatted with every single guest eventually. You were talking to one of your neighbors when he found you again, although he only watched you from afar, appreciating the sight of you having David by your side again. Russell remembered that old lady, David had sometimes helped her around the house while you were together.

"They are adorable together," he noted happily when he noticed Phillip standing next to him out of the corner of his eye.

"I beg to differ, sir," was all he said with a surprising level of confidence, although Russell was able to tell it was just an act and he was probably nervous under this calm surface.

"Of course you do."

Phillip let out a sigh and licked his lips as he turned to him. "I have a question for you. Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you, son, I just don't trust you. I want my daughter to be safe in a relationship," he explained.

"So you think I can't protect her?"

It was clear from his reaction that he wasn't a parent yet, especially not the father of a girl. "I'm sure you could protect her from physical harm, but I'm talking about emotional safety. I doubt you could give her that."

"But you think he could," Phillip said, pointing at David.

Russell nodded. "I know he can. She has known him for many years, she was by his side after the divorce, she went through hell to get his eldest daughter to at least like her, and they spent four years together," he listed.

"And despite all this they still broke up."

"All because of you."

Upon hearing this answer, Phillip raised an eyebrow and turned to him. "What does it have to do with me?"

"The two of you have been close for a while now, haven't you? Maybe a little too close for David's liking. Late night calls, weekend calls, business lunches and dinners, business trips--you knew exactly what you were doing."

The younger man laughed. "You think I'm that calculating?"

"You might as well be."

"Well, I think your daughter knows best who's the better choice for her, so I suggest you step back and let her decide on her own," Phillip told him coldly.

Who would have thought. This kid could still surprise him. "Is that a threat?" he asked calmly.

"No, sir, just an advice," your boyfriend replied with a smile before walking away, going straight to you.

You greeted him with a smile when Phillip put an arm around your waist and handed you another cocktail. He gave David a cold look, who in return excused himself and left the group. A smile crept on his lips. Good, he knew his place.

He kissed your temple, hoping this gentle gesture could get your attention. When you gave him a questioning look, he asked, "Baby, do you have a minute? I have another surprise for you."

"Another?" you asked in a surprised tone.

"It's not a big deal." Once you reached an area that was less crowded, Phillip reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box that he then handed to you. When you saw what was inside, you looked up at him, expecting answers. "Keys to my house. Move in," he explained.

While he thought you would be happy to see it, in reality you were unsure of the whole thing. "Isn't it soon?"

"Why would we waste our time?" asked Phillip as he took your hand. "Come on, things are great, this is the next step."

"Can I think about it?"

He was confused, he didn't understand why you weren't glad to hear he was ready to move forward with your relationship. But he didn't want to push you so he had to be patient this time. "Sure. I'm not trying to force you here, it's just an option," he replied with a smile.

You finally smiled at him and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Thank you," you whispered against his skin.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N. You know that, right?"

"I love you too." Then you let go of him and stepped back a little to look at him. "So how was working with Dad on this little party?

It was a nightmare, he wanted to say. "We had our differences about the guest list," he began, intentionally not mentioning David's invite, "but other than that it went well."

"I'm glad to hear that. I know how difficult he can be."

"No, it was okay. If things go that well we might be friends one day," he lied.

With a warm smile you fiddled with the collar of his shirt. "Look how confident you are."

"I would say optimistic."

•••••••

You didn't know what you were doing in front of that door, but something led you there. It was a thought in the back of your mind, telling you to come and see him again. You knocked and waited, hoping he would open the door soon.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" asked David in surprise.

Looking down at your hands, you thought about how to answer this. Really, what the hell were you doing? "I don't really know."

He flashed a small smile at you as he stepped aside and fully opened the door. "Do you wanna come in?"

"Only if it's okay."

"You're always welcome here, you know that."

The two of you walked inside to the kitchen, briefly passing by the living room. "Oh, yeah, Savannah and Jessica are with me this weekend," he explained when you noticed the tops of the girls' heads.

Without thinking, you said, "Hello, girls."

They didn't respond, just kept on watching some animated movie. Once you reached the kitchen, you leaned against the kitchen island and watched David with a sad look on your face.

"Is everything okay with you?" He put a finger under your chin and made you look at him "Come on, you can tell me."

"Phil asked me to move in with him," you admitted after some thinking.

"Will you?"

"I don't know yet."

"Do you want this?"

"I'm not sure."

"Why?"

It was a tough question. Sure, you loved Phillip and things were great, but something was missing. And there was another thing too. "I can't get you out of my head since that kiss," you admitted with a guilty expression.

David's lips turned up into a smile. "Is that so?"

"Don't look that smug," you said with a laugh.

"I told you he's not good enough for you," he pointed out quietly.

But just saying this wasn't enough for him. David swept a strand of hair out of your face and slowly leaned closer and closer to kiss you. You should have resisted the temptation, you should have pushed him away, but you couldn't.

"I wish I didn't want you this much," you admitted after he kissed you.

David put his hand under your shirt that began to move up your spine. "Let's do something about that," he whispered into your ear.

You looked back into the living room and saw the two girls still sitting on the couch without paying attention to them. "Your daughters are here in the living room."

"They just started that movie, they won't leave the room until it's over. We'll be quiet. Come with me," he said as he took your hand and began to lead you to his bedroom.

You didn't resist, you let him do whatever he wanted to do. It was a mistake and you were aware of it, but you had trouble thinking straight in his presence. Everything came back from the time you'd spent together and you began to wonder if being with Phillip was a good idea.

In the end you stayed until the morning and performed the walk of shame on the way to your car. You were an idiot. How could you do something like this? And things got worse when you got a message from your boyfriend, asking to meet you in his home.

"What the fuck does this supposed to mean?!" he snapped at you the moment you entered his study where he was waiting for you.

You glanced at the laptop screen he was pointing at and noticed a video of you and David from the night before. "Where did you get this?" you asked worriedly.

"What does it matter?"

"You sent someone to follow me around?"

Phillip took a deep breath as he turned the laptop back to himself and stopped the video. "You've been acting weird, what else was I supposed to do?" he asked.

Laughing, you raised up your hands. "So that's how much you trust me."

"That's rich coming from you. You cheated on me!"

"Look, it only happened once--"

"I don't give a fuck about your excuses or how many times this happened," he told you angrily. "This is a video from yesterday night, when you canceled our date because you weren't feeling well. And he's been bombing you with messages for months now--to what you always answer. I read them, I know exactly what you're talking about."

He crossed a line with this. "You what? Those are private conversations," you pointed out. This is what you got for being with someone who was good at this stuff.

"I don't give a fuck! What matters is that you lied to me. You told me you loved me while you were screwing your ex."

"Phil, let's calm down and have a normal conversation."

"Sure. Then let me tell you about your dad's little scheming. I checked his call records and messages from the past year and he has been communicating with your ex a lot more since we got together. He didn't even try to hide it whenever we talked that he prefers him over me, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to convince him to try to get close to you again."

"You're seeing too much into this."

"Oh, I don't think so. Here, let me show you something," he said as he pushed a few buttons on the laptop then turned it to you.

Based on the logs, these were chats between your father and David. The snippets Phillip collected for you were all about your father trying to convince David that your current boyfriend didn't deserve you, that he was a bad guy for ruining your relationship, and that maybe you should be together again.

Fuck. Why couldn't he stay out of your life?

"Believe me now?" Phillip asked as he put a hand on your cheek to make you focus on him. "Listen, baby, I love you despite all this shit. If you are willing to go no contact with Mason, I might even forgive you. But you need to make up your mind for good," he said, leaning so close that he almost kissed you.

Prying his hands off of you, you took several steps back and buried your hand into your hair as you thought about what to do or say now. You cheated, it was obvious why Phillip was mad at you and you couldn't blame him. But what he had showed you, the truth about your father and David…

"It's too much, isn't it?" he asked, as if he could read your mind.

You were almost crying by the time you got to answering his question with a nod. "I know why you're so angry and I'm so sorry."

"Hey, they manipulated you," Phillip cautiously said as he took your hand. "This asshole got close to you again so he could break us up. But I have faith in us, okay? We can get through this."

"I'll talk to him."

"Setting clear boundaries, I believe." When he saw you look down at your shoes instead of answering, he got worried. "To set clear boundaries, right?"

"I just want to know what he was planning all along first. But," you began upon seeing the look on his face, "maybe I'll visit Dad instead. Yeah, that's what I'll do."

"Good girl," he said before placing a soft kiss on your temple.

•••••••

A few days later you were sitting in your father's living room with a warm cup of tea in front of you. He was sitting in the armchair next to you and watched you with an expectant look on his face, after all the two of you had been sitting there in silence for over five minutes now.

"You've been scheming again, Dad," you finally said. He raised an eyebrow, as if he had no idea what you were talking about. "Come on, I saw the messages you sent David in the past months."

"Look at my little girl, snooping around in other people's business," he told you with a proud smile.

You shook your head at this. "No, I got the messages from Phillip, he's the one who got his hands on them. What were you thinking? That I would go back to David after everything that happened recently?"

Rolling his eyes, Russell took a sip of his coffee. "Your relationship with your boss can't last long. He's using you, I know that."

"You hate him since the moment you met."

"That's not true. I already hated him before that," he admitted with a shrug. "You and David broke up because of that guy. You threw away a relationship that worked so well and what you worked so hard for."

Breathing in then breathing out, you tried to calm yourself. "David was the one who sent me away, don't forget this," you warned your father.

"Because of him. All of this happened because of him. If you and David gave your relationship another shot, you could be happy again. You could quit your job and look for something that comes with less stress, something far from Graves and his manipulation," he tried.

"Why can't you just accept that I'm happy with him?" you tried with your face buried in your hands. "Phil loves me, he even asked me to move in with him."

"Yet you kissed David when you visited Woods," your father pointed out.

You looked up with a shocked expression on your face. "How do you know about that?"

"Woods. Someone saw the two of you and told him about it," he explained.

Damn it, not him as well. Pushing the thought of your father not only scheming with David, but with Frank as well aside, you tried to figure out how to convince him to stay out of your love life without getting into a fight. It was a tough one.

Then he cleared his throat and said, "Okay, I can see you don't like me pushing this… David propaganda. Fine, I'll stop. But answer me this. When you think of getting married and spending the rest of your life with someone, who would you really like to see there with you? David or Graves?"

*******************

Note 2: What? It's over like this? The answer is yes, it's over like this. I couldn't pick one, I love them both. The readers need to make the final decision.

[ax-y10]

From the daylight (running from the daylight)

In which- Wilbur misses you now that you're gone, especially the light you gave him

Chapter info: angst, hurt/comfort, honestly sad, first angst I've written so it's kinda shit, use of Y/n, italics are the past, mentions of suicide (doesn't actually happen. You'll see what I mean), happier ending because I can't write entire angst, mention of car accident.

A/n: Daylight started playing on my Spotify when I was laying down and I bolted for my laptop because I immediately had this idea. Listen to daylight by David Kushner when reading this. If you are ever feeling down or in need of help, please visit this website to help with ways to cope and prevent suicide. Love you all.

Pronouns: gn reader (Mainly you/yours, though)

Masterlist:

"Wil! It's snowing!" You exclaimed, and his face lit up at seeing you happy.

"Hold on, hold on. I'm getting up."

You bolted for the door when he stood, holding out your hand for him to take.

"Where do you get your energy from, Y/n?" He asked, a genuine question, no judging tone behind his words.

"I don't know. My mum used to say I got it from the daylight?"

And he cherished those words, his nickname for you being 'Daylight' for a very long time.

What did he do wrong? What did he not do for you? What did he say wrong that made you do that?

A million questions ran through his head as he lay in the bed you both used to share.

He had no answers, no closure, no warning. It just happened all so quickly, and he couldn't help.

He watched as your light slowly drained each and every day, your energy losing its power, your glow slowly dimming. Until right now.

Your dad had called him, telling him about what had happened.

How could he have been so stupid.

Why did he think your words of "I'm fine." were not misleading?

Why had he gone to band rehearsal?

Your dad explained that you were no longer here, and that pained him to hear. His sweetheart, his love, his dearest, his beloved, his Daylight, was gone? Was gone for good? Wasn't coming back?

It wasn't like the weekly grocery shop where you left for an hour to get food.

It wasn't like his rehearsals where he left for a few hours, but eventually returned?

You were actually gone?

You'd actually jumped?

He'd fallen for the jokes?

He thought you were okay?

How come you hadn't told him?

How come you hadn't told him how you were feeling?

Had he broken your trust somehow?

What had he done?

---

He currently found himself laying on your shared bed, as he had the last few weeks. He didn't know how to cope with this event. He would leave the bed to use the bathroom to shower or use the toilet. He hadn't brushed his hair or taken care of himself properly in weeks since you'd passed. Tommy would occasionally come over with food or drinks for him. He'd come over as someone who Wilbur could talk to. He'd bring some of Wilbur's friends sometimes to help him. Tommy had even brought a hairbrush for him to brush his hair. He'd even cleaned Wilbur's apartment for him, knowing what he is going through.

Wilbur had always made jokes about your stuffed animals, and you had always told him he was jealous. But right now, they were the things he sought the most comfort in. They smelled of you faintly, the fragrance of you fading each and every day. When one teddy lost your scent, he'd scavenge for another one. And when he ran out of stuffed animals, he moved over to your clothing, finding many of his sweaters, and them still smelling like you.

He hadn't streamed in ages, and his fans were getting worried. He hadn't checked Twitter, Twitch, YouTube, Instagram, anything. He only ever called Tommy or the boys from Lovejoy. he would feel too guilty if he left Tommy in the dark about it.

He hadn't gone to a Lovejoy rehearsal in ages, hadn't touched Simone or Baby Blue in weeks, them reminding him too much of you.

WHAT HAD HE DONE WRONG??

What had possibly made you do that.

And what had made him so oblivious to it.

The takeout containers and alcohol bottles scattered around showed his mental state. He didn't want to help himself.

He didn't want to live without you.

He couldn't move on.

You were the one for him.

The bed felt too empty without you squished up against his chest.

He was sick of it and decided to try and find closure.

He got up and refused to look at polaroids of you or you and him together. Anything that reminded him of you, was pushed to the side for a bit.

He immediately started connecting the dots.

You haven't talked or seen your dads for years.

So why had he reached out to you?

He texted your mum asking if what your dad had said was true, and she simply replied with, "Come over now. I'll explain"

He had the quickest shower of his life, made sure he looked presentable, got dressed out of his sweats and dressed in jeans, and his casual sweater.

And that was the quickest walk ever.

Showing up at your mum's house, he quickly walked through, finding your mum at the kitchen counter, and he took a seat.

"So, what he said was not true. They're perfectly safe. Do you want to come on a drive with me? It won't be too long."

And he obliged instantly, walking behind your mother and finding a seat in the passenger seat of her car.

And soon enough, he was at the... hospital?

Your mum told him to tell the person at the counter "I'm Y/n's boyfriend. Am I able to see them?" and that is exactly what he said as he ran to the counter.

"Hi. I'm Y/n's boyfriend. Am I able to see them? Their mum told me they were here?"

And soon enough, he was guided down a corridor to your room.

And his heart broke seeing you on that hospital bed.

Your mum had left after Wilbur had walked in, leaving you both there so he could spend time with you.

His health anxiety was already bad, but this made it so much worse.

After two days of being in there, he finally felt your hand squeeze his in the same gesture you had always done. 2 squeezes adn a soft drag of your thumb over the back of his hand.

And it's safe to say the first thing he did was cry. And cry he did.

He was so happy that you were alive, and you had only been in a car accident including some random drunk guy on his phone.

As you explained what happened, he was so glad that you were still here. So glad that you hadn't left him, yet.

He was so glad that his Daylight was back. So very glad.

But one thing was still unanswered.

Why hadn't you texted him? Why hadn't anyone given him an explanation? Why hadn't he been told?

"Daylight? Why hadn't you texted me or let me know that you were okay?"

"Wil. I couldn't have. I physically couldn't."

And you both chuckled a little bit.

And soon enough, you were dismissed after a final check up, and you were both your happy selves again.

----------

end note: I know this was all over the place. Let me give you some explanation. In the part before the mum scene, Wilbur had convinced himself that you had lost your happiness, and your dad hadn't helped. Tommy had been a real help to him, him knowing what had happened, but didn't want to alarm him in anyway. Do you get it? I'm so very sorry this was all over the place. I wrote this really quickly with no planning, sorry. Feel free to use the website above.

[pearlypairings]

annual writing self-evaluation

Thank you @justhere4thevibez for tagging! I woke up so early bc I'm still not adjusted well to the time difference on my vacation so I figure I could work on this to kill some time💕

1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):

Meet Me At Our Spot

Coffee and Contemplation *

Dear Donna,

painting (a masterpiece)

not a sound, but the wind

In the Shade of Aurelias *

all good dates begin at the cemetery

so much (for) stardust

there is a light that never goes out *

* = WIP

(I have a few more anon works too which were fun to try some new things with😄)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

OH this is tough… I think I have to choose two. I'm so proud of not a sound, but the wind for many reasons. I tried a lot of new writing techniques within that story, which honestly the first images came to me at 2am fever dream of Chrissy with short hair and distraught pushing her way through the woods in a blizzard. I didn't know where the story was going but once I got started I had so much fun. And right now I'm also very proud of there is a light! It's my rarepair fic that I've fallen in love with for chrissy x jonathan and it's been a true delight to meet other people in the fandom from that fic alone!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Hmm I think painting (a masterpiece) is one that I would probably revisit to edit and change if given the option. I don't think it's terrible by any means, but it was really a self indulgent fic for me inspired by the song of the same name. I think I published it very quickly without letting it simmer for edits, so I would change some of the beats for pacing.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From not a sound, but the wind

“Do you comfort all your crying customers?” She let her fingers graze his palm as she accepted his makeshift tissue with a sad smile.

“Only the ones I like.”

Chrissy dabbed her eyes, praying that none of the mascara smeared beyond recognition. “You’re not gonna sell me anything, are you?”

“Who said that? If there’s any time you need pot, it’s now!”

A small laugh shook her fragile frame, warmth spreading across her chest from within. She folded the bandana into a small square and tucked it into her pocket with a sheepish grin. The last of her tears iced over the corners of her eyes.

“Coming from my dealer, that sounds a little like a sales pitch.”

Eddie fell back, miming an arrow through his heart and rigorously pulling the invisible weapon out from his chest. “You wound me. How about half off and twice as much?”

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

ALL of my comments on there is a light are my favorites. People really enjoying my take on jonathan (a character that even I slept on and didn't really connect with until I saw things from his pov) and being really supportive of my WIP that's ending soon! It's really been such a joy to read all the lines each reader loved and the plot twists they had guessed right or wrong. It's been the best!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

2023 was a……year. Yeah, I think the fall was very hard because of some family hospitalizations that were very scary and exhausting. So I didn't have the energy nor the will for quite a bit after that to write much. I'm hoping 2024 is all for good health and better headspace.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

At the risk of sounding really cheesy, I really loved the scene in not a sound when Chrissy and Eddie are about to kiss. The two chapters with back to back pov were so much fun to write bc we get little glimpses into both perspectives of the situation and how wrong they interpret the other person's reactions. It's so cute and I didn't intend to write an eddie pov chapter when I started that fic, it just happened (and we got more Wayne which is always a plus).

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I have a long way to go with this, but I think I'm finally shedding parts of my past where for work I had to write scientifically and directly. It's so hard for me to break that frame of mind, so I'm constantly going back in edits to add in more details and worldbuilding and mood setting beyond action and dialogue. In 2024, one of my goals is to do enough exercises where that flows more naturally in the drafting process.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

LOL oops! I sort of just answered that question, but another goal of mine is to continue to finish my beloved WIP Aurelias AND write a ton more for rarepairs to stretch my imagination.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Losty, @1lostsoul0fishbowl you are all of the above. So glad we found each other on this site and via Dear Donna,. It's been lovely getting to know you and I appreciate all the times you've read through drafts and ideas and insanity on my part. You da bomb diggitty 💣

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

Definitely…. The break up in there is a light is loosely based on a real break up between me and my first high school boyfriend. The AUDACITY. But definitely many, many other little bits of dialogue or scene set ups are from moments in my life :) the life of a writer.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write it down. WHEREVER you are (unless driving lol). Whatever the idea is, the dialogue you thought of, the plot puzzle piece. Just write it down somewhere on your phone, in a notebook etc. Because you will forget it and it will frustrate you lol.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

2024 is when I'll be finishing Aurelias! Slow and steady because it's my baby and very setting/period heavy. And there's a few tricks up my sleeves for future fun projects that I'll be writing mostly for me (and maybe losty lol). AND I CAN'T WAIT! Rarepairs galore ✨

What a fabulous evaluation and deep look at the past year! Can't wait to see what 2024 brings 💞 happy new year!

[four-leafed-queer-gal]

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

03: Do you regret anything?

06: How do you want to die?

07: What did you last eat? (I’m adding: and when?)

09: Do you bite your nails?

10: When was your last physical fight?

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

14: Do you miss someone?

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

18: Are you scared of spiders?

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

26: What are you craving right now?

30: What’s irritating you right now?

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

51: Favourite food?

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

58: Favourite weather?

59: Do you like the snow?

62: What makes you happy?

As always, if you’d prefer to not answer any of them, you don’t have to.

Weird Anon

1: Mediocre.

3: Quite a few.

6: Either peacefully after a long life, or in such a fucktangular masterpiece that people still question what the Hel happened to the laws of physics during my death.

7: 16 chicken nuggets, a milkshake, a root beer/Dr. Pepper mixture, and a bag of fries. (I'm also adding: I take the 5th.)

9: Only if I can't tear them off normally.

10: I've, very unfortunately, never been in one.

12: Yes.

13: Five.

14: MAGPIE

16: Broken. Beaten. Damned.

18: Used to be, not anymore.

19: Depends, when?

21: Not sure. Perhaps work on my debate speech about congressional term limits?

24: Any kind of science.

25: Fuck, man- Uhhhhhh- Yeah, actually. My dog, Hartley. Her and I grew up together, she died when I was 11.

26: DEATH Kidding. Uhhhh- Cuddles. Specifically from @theacemagpie, because despite never having cuddled her before, I really, really want to, and somehow just know that the cuddles would be amazing.

30: My leg has fallen asleep, and is doing that irritating BZZZZZATTTTTTTKRRRRRRZZZZZZ thing whenever I move it.

34: Stargazing with Magpie, hehe-

36: Not anymore. I've been hurt by too many second chances

37: Neither, honestly. Forgive is easier to make me do, though. Just show me evidence I'm wrong.

51: Fettucine alfredo, or tikka masala.

52: Yes. Sometimes the reason is external, sometimes it's internal.

53: Uhhhh- Not telling.

56: Yet again UNFORTUNATELY, nobody.

58: Overcast but no precipitation, crisp cool air.

59: Yes.

62: My friends.

[angiefsutton]

Quantum Leap (1989) Re-watch - S1, E8

As previously mentioned, I'm doing a re-watch of Quantum Leap (1989) now that I've fallen back into writing slash for it. And as I watched, decided to write up my off-the-cuff/stream of consciousness thoughts as I watch them. (I'm also doing this on my Dreamwidth.)

Season 1, Episode 8: "Kamikaze Kid" Date of Leap: June 6, 1961 Written by: Paul L. Brown

If I recall correctly, this is where we learn that Katie was an abuse victim. {After watching: Yep, I was right.}

"Oh, my God: I'm a dork!" My dude: you have an IQ of 267, speak 7 languages, learned to read at the age of 2, do advanced calculus in his head at the age of 5, and beat a computer at chess at the age of 10. You also graduated from high school and went to MIT at the age of 16. You are ALREADY a dork/geek/nerd. ;-)

Yay - an 'Oh, boy!' leap-in.

Oh God: I forgot Jason Priestly was in this!

Sam is already the fighter of the bully. Yay!

"He's not wearing any underwear!" The first of many, I think. Also, blocked beautifully so you don't actually SEE anything.

Woo-hoo: shirtless Scott. Starting to wonder if him being shirtless and/or in jeans was part of his contract. :-)

That silver jacket and those shades for Al - so laughably futuristic!

(And is it just me, or is Al looking in at the 'naked' Sam when he gives him the 'rating' of the dive?)

We get that Al has Russian blood on his mother's side.

"You remind me of a stripper I know in Vegas: she starts out with empty TV shipping carton and then she ends up with a little teeny weenie Kleenex box right over her …." I love it. Something tells me Al would've loved the burlesque routine I saw at the Kansas City Fringe a number of years ago where the performer did a 'reverse' strip (started out mostly naked and put her clothes ON. One of the audience members jokingly yelled out at one point, "Put it on!").

Ah, TV in the 80s - when they had to reiterate basic ideas (like Al being a hologram) every episode for the newbies.

Sam's hilarious fall back into the garbage dump: it's so well done! Such a great 'pratfall'.

"Ah, young love: there's nothing like it." / "How would YOU know?" God these two are great together.

The waitress offers dessert. Al says, "Just put a cherry on top of your head!" and just bounces in anticipation.

"Did you ever notice that girls never cuddle up to guys unless they're driving a fancy car?" And thus the canon of Al having a 'fancy car' is born. ;-)

The way Dean watches and follows Scott when Sam 'remembers' about Katie's past - dear lord, he was a talented actor.

But Al's response of "I'm sorry, Sam" implies that this is the first time he's heard this. Huh.

Also - still no mention of Tom. Very obvious he doesn't 'exist' yet in canon, as there'd be some sort of comment about why Tom didn't help either.

Sam getting punched in the arm by 'his' dad - Sam's reaction is PRICELESS.

And then, "I hurt this arm" only for the dad to haul off and hit the other arm. I lol'd.

The pause Scott/Sam does when mom calls out "Cameron!" Total 'oh, fuck - what did I do wrong?' of a teenager.

Oh god - I forgot that the mom pulls out a Playboy!

"You gonna bring her to the wedding?" / "I don't know - she's awfully young." My dude. My man. You're a TEENAGER here. Remember? (Glad Al wasn't there, otherwise who KNOWS what he would've said.)

"Strange: now that I'll finally be doing what I always dreamed of …" / "It's a little scary." / "How did you know?" / "Oh, I've had the feeling." Daw - Scott's look! Bashful!Beckett once again!

"For one: he drinks too much." <-- obviously before Al was a recovering alcoholic.

The fixing of the car: Sam is apparently GREAT at improv by now!

"Tina'd look great without that on." Al Calavicci, I love you. (Also - if I ever DO get around to that 'Sam dresses in lingerie for Al', I may have to use a variation of that for his reaction.)

Also - GOD BLESS SUSPENDERS.

"Check out this black number in the Fredericks of Hollywood box." The EYE WIGGLE! Be still my heart!

"What are you going to publish: a lingerie catalog?" / "That's a good idea, Sam. I could do some 'inside research', if you get my drift." Don't ever change, Al.

"I thought lingerie was enough." Oh, yeah. DEFINITELY referring to this episode if I write that story. (And Sam's … fondness for Al in reaction: so sweet!)

And we get the bruises on her neck. Handled well, especially for the Afternoon Special feel of the plot.

Sam's stopping of Bob as he walks up is SO. GOOD. Kudos to Scott Bakula.

Sam being protectively violent. Oh dear LORD that's hot.

The rehearsal is at the TAIL O' THE COCK??? (Sounds like Al's kind of place .)

OH MY GOD! JASON PRIESTLY IS SO YOUNG.

I forgot about the running joke of Sam getting punched in the arm.

I ALSO forgot he has to sit at the kid's table. (And gets smacked - in the arm - by one of the kids.)

And outfit #3 for Al. (Dear lord: how much did they spend on COSTUMES?)

Oh, god - the Michael Jackson 'kiss with history. Totally unneeded. Although watching Scott/Sam dance IS fun.

"You know: normally, I'm against spreading men's room gossip. But in THIS case…" Seeing Al … not angry, but almost OFFENDED, is great here.

"Ka-za-zoom!" God I love Al's … slang? Is it slang?

Sam: "Al!" {beat} "I love ya!" CANON. (And the two of them in that car is SUCH GOOD CHEMISTRY)

"Wasn't that a kick in the butt?" Is this the first time we get that phrase? I didn't note it in my other write ups. If so, huzzah! And that SMILE of Al's. They ARE in love!

Scott/Sam's 'jump' out of the way of Bob's car is SO. BADLY. FILMED.

And a right hook from Sam. YAY!

Really? Bob's gang just … decides it wasn't cool? REALLY? (I guess for an hour-long drama in 1989, it works.)

And the very slashy scene of Sam and Al singing "Let it Be Me" together.

And outfit #4 for Al - LOVE that blue shirt!

Yay! A canon 'Sammy' as well as an 'Al-y boy'!

"Look what I picked up this morning." / "The girl or the car?" / "Both. Met her at the car auction. She offered to 'wax my hood'." SO MUCH TO SAY about this. First: being right on the heels of that very slashy moment, it almost comes across as a 'Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?' moment. Second: this was one of the ones that made me use "Susan: she's a gardener, and she lets me trim her bush at the front of the house." in my "OSHA Safety Guidelines Regarding the Quantum Accelerator … and YOU!" story. Headcanon that Al specifically comes up with these double entendres just for the fun of it.

Oh, the damn 'glow up' of Jill. I hate it almost as much as I hate the one on Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.

Of COURSE Al is encouraging Sam to kiss the pre-teen. Because of course he is.

… did Sam just look at Al for PERMISSION/APPROVAL????

That is such a sweet kiss, too. Very obviously filmed keeping in mind the REAL age difference between the actors.

And another 'oh, boy' leap in. Glad to see that that became standard in the leap in this early in the series!

Final thoughts: This one aged pretty damn well (aside from that damned glow up). Scott and Dean seem to be having the time of their lives in this episode. We also get more backstory on Sam. (And technically Al.) I mean, it's basically an homage to Grease/Happy Days/American Graffiti, but when has THAT stopped this show? It's engaging, with great act cliffhangers. And the director does a good job showing everyone's reactions (especially the women) to Bob (and Bob's dad) when they are 'misbehaving'.

I want to say I read somewhere that this is one of the slashiest episodes of the series, and it definitely holds up there. Scott and Dean have SO. MUCH. CHEMISTRY. Thinking back over the series, I'd have to say this is one of my favorite episodes.

[lukaherehelp]

恋の羊羹 « The feeling you get when you meet a person with whom you are going to fall hopelessly in love. »

a "the fox & the prince" playlist.

Please, listen in order. Under the cut is links to the lyrics of each song and a highlight of the lyrics that fits the narrative!

( I wrote them as if they were text extracts and changed the pronouns on some of them to fit the narrative.)

Lu Decker & Gonzalo Hermida - Pasajeros a su tren || 👑&🌹

" We both stopped living at the same moment and now each one of us will have its own story, because ours could not be. I am sorry I have not returned I'm sorry, I won't come back And I'll always remember how nice it was, that now because of selfishness, it's not so nice any more. Look at us "

Taylor Swift - Midnight Rain ||🌹

" My boy was a montage: a slow-motion, love potion. I broke his heart 'cause he was nice. I guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted. And he never thinks of me. And I never think of him "

Alec Benjamin - Paper Crown || 👑

" He'll make it out, but he's never the same. He's looking down at the scars that remain. But you hold your ground when your kingdom's in flames. 'Cause it's the story of a king whose castle has fallen to the sea, knowing there's no one who will come and save this king. And there's no one, who is strong enough to save your love. There's no fairytale. When all he needs, when all he wants, when all he finds. When all he is and ever was is compromised 'cause there's no one to love him when you build your walls too high. And there's no one to love you when you trap yourself inside. "

CHUU - Hitchhiker ||👑

" I crash-landed somewhere. In the blink of an eye, everything became a new trip. A straight road extending on the horizon. As I walked, I wondered if I would meet a friend. Taking a deep breath and looking around my own earth even without a map, somehow I like it. My small, secluded island where beautiful flowers bloom. I open my eyes wide and engrave it in my heart, I have a lot of questions in this different world. I've never seen this unfamiliar view before, so it becomes special. In my secluded island with many mysteries, something unpredictable might happen. "

The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - Something Just Like This ||👑 to 🦊

" I've been reading books of old, the legends and the myths, And clearly I don't see myself upon that list. But he said, "Where d'you wanna go? How much you wanna risk?" I'm not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts. Some superhero, some fairytale bliss. Just something I can turn to, somebody I can kiss. I want something just like this. "

Demi Lovato & Bert McCraken - Give Your Heart A Break ||🦊 to 👑

" I know you're scared it's wrong, like you might make a mistake. There's just one life to live and there's no time to wait, so let me give your heart a break, when your lips are on my lips, then, our hearts beat as one. "

Lola Índigo - cómo te va? ||👑 & 🌹

"I watered the flower and you made it rot. I was metal and you rusted me, you blamed me and then you left. Your memory won't go away, it's not time for you to come back now. 🌹 How do I explain to you that it wasn't for you? How do I explain it to you if you're not here? I promised you Heaven and it didn't make sense because in reality we were already there. 👑 Now that I'm gone, you want to change. I have realized that. You were my weakness, it hurts and squeezes. That's why we're not coming back, I don't trust you anymore. When you're around I only feel cold. I'll cry my sorrows, I'll jump into the void. I'll get out of this, but not with you. "

Demi Lovato - Don't Forget || 🌹 to 👑

" Did you forget about me? Now I'm left to forget about us. And at last, all the pictures have been burned and all the past is just a lesson that we've learned. I won't forget, please don't forget us. Somewhere, we went wrong. Our love is like a song, but you won't sing along. "

IU - Love wins all || 👑 & 🦊

" Dearest, darling, my universe. Would you take me along? To a place I can't dream with my poor imagination. Far away in the universe, from Earth to Mars, will you please go with me? Go to the end with me, my lover. The two of us, side by side, gone astray on purpose. Crush me in your arms, give me a lovelier kiss, lover. Our love wins all, love wins all "

[ak4rin]

@waraningyo gets a letter from akari!

( 007. a letter written in the case of my muse’s death. )

dear nobara,

of you're reading this then i guess someone went through my things already and decided to hand it over to you. i apologise in advance for letting such a grim thought take over to the point of me writing this, but times are dark and you know me - always worrying about something.

let me preface this by saying something i fear girls like us don't get told often: i'm proud of you and all the things you accomplished this year. i never really understood the whole point of former students finding their younger selves in new classes, at least not until you showed up! i could recognise myself in you since day one - the drive, the pushing further to prove you're on the same level, the kindness in spite of all the unspoken hurt. i wish i could have learned more about you, and though i'm absolutely the least person in the room able to provide that, i wish i could have provided more advices than scoldings for never answering your phone on time ( i hope you still learned something from that too )

most of all i hope our similarities end with our scholastic careers - don't get me wrong, i will be the first to say thay there's more to it than this life ... but i also will endlessly cheer you on until you make it to be the best first grade sorcerer of your generation ( which again, i'm absolutely sure you will be. you've got great mentors that will make sure of that ) though i won't lie to you, if i really am gone and you're reading this then know i'm sad i won't get to see it.

i've always wanted a sister growing up ( don't tell arata that, he will roll his eyes into another dimension ) but i guess the universe really does work in mysterious ways - it brought you on my path after all. so my wish for you is to keep your fire, but also never forget to nurture your friendships and loves you might find along the way as you can never know what kind of beautiful things can hide in the most mundane situations. bend when you can, snap when you have to. keep your principles and believe in your competence.

lastly honor the fallen but don't let the past consume you - you'd be surprised to know how many of us have failed at this despite our best efforts. please at least attempt to not come see me until you're in your nineties, i have an ongoing bet about that and i would really like to win.

i wish you every good thing in the world and more.

with love, always.

nitta.